Vysehrad Dvje (2025) Movie Script
More love, man, money
Want nothing more, Amore
Show yourself, buddy
No legs on the desk
Driving a Benz, no tractor
No money, wanna be up there
Health's good, doc
More love, por favore
Oh man
Money, oh my, oh my
Oh man
Money, oh my, oh my
I have a job, I kick penalties
I deserve top-notch hotties
Not trying hard, I dance and drink
Looking for love,
not looking for oil
I have a lady mum,
and want a poster dad
I want him to see me play at last
Fuck your presents, I want your love
Oh man
Thanks, Mom.
Oh man
Money, oh my, oh my
See you later.
Hasta la vista, dickheads.
Oh man
Money, oh my oh my
The former high football official
generally known as Daddy,
has started serving his sentence.
Slavoj Vyehrad
played a crucial role in his case,
so lets have a closer look at them.
One soda.
Julius Lavick,
the declining football star,
is on his way to join
his first foreign team.
And here, at Vclav Havel Airport,
we are monitoring his departure.
As you can see,
Lavi is getting out of his car right now.
- I'll come to you, Lassie.
- Hm.
I'm your Britanny.
Looking forward to it, baby.
- Have fun, Dad.
- Thanks, kiddo.
Just don't let her drive, okay?
Oh, oh, oh!
- I love you, baby!
- Thank you.
Well, we have a train to catch,
so to speak.
I'm so looking forward to it. Totally.
I'm happy you're coming with me. Really.
Can you believe this?
We did it, Lavi! We did it!
You did it.
Because you're the devil!
The Red Devil,
if you take my meaning.
I'm telling you we're gonna enjoy this!
We're going to England!
Don't worry, it won't crash.
We're flying together, alright?
- Yeah?
- Sure.
- I'm so glad you're here with me.
- Of course.
- Yes, Helen?
- I think
it's coming out!
It's coming out!
-Come back at once, you prick!
- Sure. I'm on my way.
Sorry, Lavi, I have to go.
- Wait, Jra!
- Youll manage.
Jarou!
- Go, go, go!
- But...
Relax, it's not my fault,
its her, not me.
Whats up?
Blanka?
You wont believe this.
I don't know what the problem is.
Its just a carry-on fuck machine.
Celebrities...
What is it?
Do you like this?
Yeah, I do.
Welcome aboard.
Fucking arsehole,
you fucking dickhead!
You stupid piece of shit!
- Helen, just keep breathing.
- Shut up! Fuck you!
We're all gonna die! Its falling!
No, I won't manage.
I gotta get out of here!
- Oh no!
- Go back to your seat!
Sit down, fatso! Move away, bitch!
Let go of me! I have to go!
Sir!
You bloody fucking
cock-sucking demented rat!
Sir, come out, please.
Fucking hell, man!
Oh, this is great.
Sir? Hello? Come out!
SOMEWHERE ABOVE SOUTH ATLANTIC
SPANISH-ROMANY POCKET DICTIONARY
The cemetery... the cemetery.
Bloody hell...
- Ouch!
- I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
- Are you fucking nuts?
- Yes.
Welcome to Buenos Aires Airport.
Hey, buddy!
How do I get to the center?
- No. 24, the stops across the street.
- Thanks.
I'm coming for you.
Stop.
So I'm here at last!
That place looks like a shop.
Lets see if they have a shirt
with my name already!
Go, Argentinos!
This is my Dad!
- Really!
- Oh...
Let's go, let's go!
What is it? Come on, lets go.
What the fuck
are you saying, mate?
I just need to prove it, man.
Really, I'm not kidding.
Lavi. Lavi!
What is it?
Lavi! Lavi!
Come on, come on, come on!
Go, go, go!
- Yes!
- Please, just let me work, alright?
Its so beautiful!
- Here we go.
- Hooray!
Oh God, what a long
cord he has!
He takes after me!
Helen!
Helen, weve got a son!
What a miracle!
Hallelujah
No boozing!!!
Youre new there, mate!
Hmm.
You sayd twas a transfair
to Menchester.
You idiot, I said we would
TRANSFER at Manchester!
I have a son!
Here's to your little boy, Jarou.
POUR IT OUT!
- Hey, baby.
- Hi there, shaggy boy.
Are you ready? Can we start?
Yeah, Ive got a minute,
I'm ready. Go for it!
- Lick me like an ice-cream.
- How? You're so far away.
Over the phone, you muff!
- Yeah, okay.
- Oh!
Higher, higher, higher!
Like this!
Yeah!
Yeah! That's great! Oh!
Yeah!
- Fuck, Ive killed her!
- Honey, are you okay?
- I bloody killed her!
- Are you okay?
Hallelujah
Goin to the intrewiev,
Ill schow dem.
Focus, mate, focus!
Yes, Lavi, just say yes.
No.
Yes.
Oh my God, no!
Oh no, please, please!
Dear God, why me?!
- You see, Helen...
- Yeah?
- I'd like to know one thing.
- Well?
- Spill it out, I'm going out now.
- Where?!
- With my friends, for coffee.
- Coffee? But what about breastfeeding?
Oh God.
Stop bothering me with
your patriarchal bullshit, okay?
Its easily solved.
I carried it for nine months,
so it's your turn now.
Ah! That burns!
He has a name, Helen. You should be
taking care of him during puerperium.
And you read that where?
In Playboy?
You chauvinist pig.
- Hello.
- At least you will love me, right?
- I just want to check
if the name's correct. -Yes.
- Aristotle Ronaldo Mizina?
- It's his mother's wish.
Congratulations.
Hello, I need a DNA test.
And what's your sample?
- Saliva, hair or stool?
- I've got a hand on me!
Hey, buddy.
- Police!
- Fuck, the filth!
Are you nuts?
Julius Lavick was the main
protagonist in a disgusting case of...
He insulted his teammate
with horrid racial slurs.
In addition, he sustained an injury
of as yet unknown extent.
This is a disgrace
not only to Czech football,
but to the whole country as well.
We know how big-mouthed
Julius Lavick is,
but this is way over the line
as far as Im concerned.
Julius might possibly claim
that he was misunderstood,
so I have a language expert with me.
What do you think about it, Jakub?
Mra, I don't think
Lavi can get out of this.
That phrase in English
simply means a "bloody",
well, to be more precise,
a "fucking" monkey.
So if a person calls someone with...
Lavick's behavior was
condemned by President Pavel.
Another Czech citizen, Ji Dna, also
caused an international embarrassment.
The striker of FK Smrkov
was arrested in Argentina
for profaning the grave of the
legendary footballer Diego Maradona.
Dna said he only wanted to prove
that Maradona was his biological father.
For fucks sake!
Which one of you
put it in his head?
- Who was it?
- Well, its the local rumor.
That his old man
really was Maradona.
- Yeah.
- Sure.
Not the Argentinian one.
This one, Mra Dna
from Albrechtice.
Oh, that one, mate.
Well, he could have easily gone
on a bike to see him,
he neednt have flown
all the way there.
DAD
Hello!
Hello.
Jarda didn't come?
Come here.
In just a few weeks,
the Football Association
will have a new leader at last.
After the imprisonment
of the current president...
So let's wait and see
who will win in the end
and thus become de facto
the ruler of Czech football.
Will it be someone
to continue the trend,
or somebody to try and clear
the good name of Czech football?
It took me two hours
to make him fall asleep!
Two hours, you whiny bastard.
Where have you been?
With my friends, for coffee.
Havent you been drinking
a little too much coffee lately?
What have you been doing?
Lolling on the sofa?
- You havent got a job?
- Ive been taking care of the baby.
Its a joy, not a chore.
You've become very lazy.
Since Lavi stopped being your client,
youve been nobody.
- But, Helen...
- I mean it.
Do something about it,
my respect for you is dwindling.
And
to be honest,
it was almost gone even before.
I... I have plans.
- Big plans, Helen.
- Like changing big nappies?
I'm sorry.
Tell me about your
big plans, then.
- I'll be running.
- For what?
For the post of the FA President.
Junkie, get out.
You little fuck... BJ me, BJ me...
I love licking!
I can smell your cunt!
Pardon the interruption,
but I'm bringing you a new friend.
I see. Thank you, Luboek.
If you need anything,
I'll be outside.
- Yeah.
- Hello, Daddy.
Hi there, Stork.
Youre in the duplex.
I wonder how you managed
to survive such a huge explosion.
Don't talk to me about it,
it burned my eyebrows.
And Messis too, right?
- So theyve trapped you, too, huh?
- Subsidies.
Even bigger aces than
you have done time for that.
You held onto it like turd clings to arse,
but they got you anyway.
The election for the new
presidents at hand.
I'll call Igor to get me
the nomination.
While youre in prison?
That's impossible.
Maybe for you,
but I know the ropes.
Well, since we're here
together now,
there's one major issue
that needs to be resolved.
You might be Daddy out there,
but not in here.
- You're gonna be a mummy now.
- Okay, daddy.
So come and suck mummys dick.
Jesus Christ.
Ah, the return
of the prodigal son.
- Hello, Mr. King.
- Just sit.
I can stand up easily,
but if you say so.
What can I do for you, Lavi?
I'd like to play for Vyehrad again.
I see.
But that's a closed chapter
Im afraid.
If you've heard something about racism,
that was just a misunderstanding.
I just called him a "fucking guy".
Well, I've heard its
your ankle thats fucked.
It is, but it'll be fine again,
it's not a big deal.
I'd really love to give you a chance,
even after what you did there,
but I can't afford to pay
an injured player.
Someone keeps harming us.
- Daddy.
- Daddy?
Hes sucking pricks behind bars now,
how could he harm anyone?
His fingers are too long.
I just can't.
- Come on, our kids are dating.
- Theyre living together!
- Living together?
- It doesn't matter.
You simply can't
play football here.
Okay, fine.
Then I'll go somewhere else.
But you'll regret it,
when I score in your net.
You're gonna blame yourself.
Because they still want me everywhere!
I'm still a megastar.
I was in the Premier League!
EFL Championship!
- I played in England!
- For one day!
A whole day longer than
any of the jerks here!
Who would have thought
youd tell me to fuck off, too.
- Lavi?
- Yeah?
Try the other leg.
Screw yourself.
I can't... everything is...
- Come on, Jarda!
- Don't you ever call me again!
And stop persuading my sister
to put in a good word for you.
You don't exist for me anymore!
Is that clear?
I'm totally fucked.
You're the last person I can turn to.
You should have thought
about that when
I got you your dream job.
You fucked it up right away!
- Why did you leave me there?
- Shut up!
Shut up! I'm done with you!
For good!
You're fucked,
but through your own fault.
And why am I fucked?
Because of you!
So don't call me again! Never!
An old hag rocking
the devil on an oak tree stump said:
- There you are, you little imp...
- Just like grandpa, isnt he?
He was just tanned
from the mountains.
Come on, Moses.
Let's have a look at the meat
Daddys cooking for us.
And I'll make coffee, okay?
- Black?
- No, I want it with milk.
Okay.
So are you gonna
help me or not?
You cant be serious
about the candidacy.
You need contacts for that.
I can call Tvrdk
and his boys, true,
but Ill just look like a fool.
Well, thank you very much.
Dont you want to stay
with us for a while?
And sort out your life?
But why? I have plans now,
I have a child...
- Jarda!
- I don't care what you think.
He's my boy and I love him.
And thats it!
We have to stick together
as a family, right?
It just bothers me when
people make a fool out of him.
And even more so
when you make a fool of yourself!
If you can't back me up,
youd better shut up.
I think your dad should
try to call that Fartk after all.
- Ilona!
- Right, Milo?
- He's such a sweetheart.
- Let me see.
- Go to your daddy.
- Come here, come here.
Yes, baby?
Hi, Im gonna get some yummy food.
You want some?
Yeah, bring me something,
I'm hungry as shit. Bye.
- Lavi? Hello, honey!
- Hi there, baby.
- Oh, you really are hungry.
- Well, a little.
- Let me have some, too.
- Dont touch it, its mine!
What is it? Give it here!
Kiss me.
Good.
- Mr. King.
- Oh, Jarda!
- I think Im in deep shit.
- It might only be the little one.
What?
Oh, yes.
- But that's not what I meant.
- So what's your point?
Mr. King, Ive told my wife
Im running for the FA presidency.
- Ive told everyone, in fact.
- Oh shit. -Yeah, that's right.
But I dont know how to tunnel money,
lie, cheat, kiss peoples arses.
Well, Im actually
not so bad at that.
I might even be very good at it.
Listen, you could be
the right person after all.
- What?
- Yeah.
Because kissing peoples arses
is the cornerstone of football.
- I see.
- If we can get some big shots...
- Is it difficult?
- No.
Flying a plane is difficult.
For a newbie,
this is practically impossible.
Move your arse!
Kicking the ball
since he was a kid
This is important, you see?
A promising cub
Then he discovered
what a taproom was
Come back here! Move it!
Suddenly everything was fucked
Lavi
Coming down like an avalanche,
Lavi
Both a genius and a moron
We can't play with ten people!
We simply can't!
Top to bottom,
Sparta, Vyehrad, win or fall
Lavi
Coming down like an avalanche,
Lavi
Mr Mizina is running for
the presidency of the Czech FA.
Top to bottom,
Sparta, Vyehrad, win or fall
Junkie, get out.
- Yeah, Id like some.
- Get out.
You smelly cunt!
Hey, Daddy.
Are you doing anything at all
with that Vyehrad matter?
Pets.
Cook it.
The referees
are under control, Daddy.
But apparently, that's not enough.
They're still first.
Unless we do something,
they'll go up.
And then I'm gonna be
so fucking pissed-off.
And when I'm pissed-off,
I fucking forget myself.
- And when I forget myself...
- I get it, Daddy.
- I'll take care of it.
- I'll think of something.
This was Kings doing,
he testified against me.
But I will have my revenge.
I'll bury him in the ground
like dog shit!
Sorry, darling.
And Ill do it in a way
that will really hurt him.
I'll destroy that fucking
Vyehrad of his!
I understand.
I made you a present during
our art sessions here.
I have a new face for you.
Here.
- So beautiful!
- Well...
- Its the face of an angel!
- Stop crying.
Load it up and back off. Go!
Thank you.
- Dad?
- Richard?
- Are you here?
- In the bathroom.
- Dad? -Yeah?
- Is that really you?
Cant you see my tattoos or what?
- I'll call the fire department.
- No, don't do that!
- So how are you gonna get out?
- Easily.
Ill hold my breath and you
pull me out. Alright?
- Rubbish, it wont work.
- Come on.
You cant call the firemen,
it'd be all over the tabloids.
Okay, I'll grab your hand.
My hands are here.
Screw this.
Come on, I wont do it again.
Sorry, kiddo, for fucks sake.
- Take a deep breath!
- Yeah.
- Try harder!
- Yeah.
Are you even pulling me?
Dont mention the shower
problem to anyone.
- I'll do my best to forget about it.
- Good.
- You should do something about it, Dad.
- I know. I'll get a bigger shower.
- No! You need to lose weight.
- Why should I lose weight?
I'm alright like this.
Look at all those other football legends.
- Like Ronaldo.
- Ronaldo?
The Brazilian one, you see?
Get the door, boyo.
I think foods coming.
Hello.
- Does Julius Lavick live here?
- Yes. Come in.
Hello.
Hell miss.
Hell send it over the bar.
So here it is...
And he misses!
I'm looking for Julius Lavick.
Lavi.
- Can I wait for him here?
- What kind of stupid joke is that?
- It's me, mate.
- You?
Sir, you look like
someone whos eaten him.
- No need to be so formal.
- Okay, but you should be formal to me.
- Listen, who are you?
- Me? Im a coach.
- I'm looking for a striker.
- I see.
And whats it supposed to be?
First League, Second League?
I'm still keeping fit.
It's really him.
How did you manage
to get so fucking lardy?
What the fuck
is wrong with you all?
I just have a bit of water in my ankle
and youre all obsessed with my weight.
I can now run without crutches.
Im not ready for top-notch football yet,
but its not your case,
Id know you otherwise.
I can sign the contract right now.
Well, we're a family team,
one might say.
- Okay.
- We're in the Division.
Our striker was arrested in Argentina
and we're screwed without him.
- Professional contract, unfortunately...
- I'm done. My leg's fucked.
It could be sorted out.
And so could the excess weight.
- Are you a magician or what?
- No, but I might know one.
So have him conjure up another striker.
I'm not interested.
Too bad.
I had an appointment with Kraus.
He was about to get an extra 20 percent.
But he runs off to Viktoria
to get a bit more!
- We're screwed, Zbynk.
- Yeah.
- We can now say goodbye to...
- To promotion, right?
Yes.
Were still ahead, but it's
gonna be tough. Do you mind?
I see.
The Kraus scheme did work,
but we still stick to our plan.
Hail sports!
- We should stick to our plan.
- If he thinks its worth it...
- He needs to have some joy in life.
- He's perfectly fine in there.
It burned his eyebrows!
I was lucky, it only took
half my face and arse.
And I cant even smell sausages now!
- Fuck your sausages!
- I'd kill for a sausage!
But you did, remember?
Spring 1992, Karvin.
- Yes. Those were the days.
- Shut the fuck up!
Wow!
- I was so looking forward to seeing you.
- So were we.
Oh! Petn Hill is so beautiful.
- It's very nice in here.
- We can live the way we like at last.
Oh! Careful with that! Someone
set a child on fire like that once.
Sure.
Its a big deal, isnt it?
Living together.
If you need any advice...
- My mum lives right above us.
- Well, that's great.
Who are these sweethearts?
That's us when we were young.
I have such a soft spot
for the little ones these days.
- Your clock is ticking.
- What? Where?
- Biological clock.
- Oh, I see.
So kind of you to invite me.
Too bad Lavi couldn't make it.
But he refuses to leave the flat
since he got stuck in the lift.
That's why I wanted you to come.
We need to talk about my dad.
He won't last much longer.
- He's gonna have a heart attack.
- But he won't listen to anyone.
I know someone
who could convince him.
- Jarda's shunning him.
- I didnt mean him.
- And Lavis shunning Mr King.
- Not him either.
- So you mean yourself? Sorry.
- Jesus Christ, I mean you!
Me? Okay.
I see.
You should take notes.
The pigs testicles are swollen.
It's high time to look for a partner.
I miss the fact you're
not an athlete anymore.
Really, yeah?
Yes. And I'm a bit
worried about you.
- But why?
- Why? Because...
Lavi, when an athlete's body...
When it completely changes
the routine, it might get a shock.
Or maybe even
some kind of indisposition, too.
Or myocardial infarction.
- Stop worrying about it.
- Come on, its true.
And most importantly...
Impertinence.
- That I wouldnt get a hard-on?
- Yes!
Me? Rubbish.
I can hammer nails with it.
But for how long?
We might want a baby one day.
You know what?
Let me show you right now!
But promise me you'll get in touch
with the coach that was here earlier.
- Can you hear me?
- Yeah.
If I'd known
that it was that simple...
What do you mean?
- Nothing. I love you.
- I love you too.
I can't breathe!
Lavi, get off me!
- I can't find it!
- Find what?
There we go. Im impertinent!
I'm fine!
Kicking the ball since he was a kid
Kicking the ball
A promising cub
Then he discovered what a taproom was
- Faster now!
- Move aside!
You all look like death!
Its a sight for sore eyes!
I'm here!
Just like you asked!
Top to bottom,
Sparta, Vyehrad, win or fall
Just a minute.
Coming down like an avalanche, Lavi
Hello.
I'd rather kill myself than live
in a shithole like this.
We should first fix the leg, right?
Follow me.
On foot?!
Shit.
I normally walk it in five minutes.
Come on.
Lardarse!
You're gonna die!
Hello?
Mrs. Kozler?
Are you here?
Cool.
Really cool.
- I knew you'd come.
- Really?
I could smell you for half a mile.
Well...
Ive got a new player.
Hes got problems.
I know, with his ankle.
I read it online.
Scram!
- Sit down.
- No, I'd rather stand.
Sit down!
Alright, I will!
What are you doing?
Its unnecessary.
Please don't do this!
This needs a "sore leg" ointment.
Let me mix it up.
What?
Stand back.
Do the turds have
any actual healing effect?
- No, he just pisses me off.
- I understand.
- Whatre you whispering about?
- Its nothing.
What an awful smell!
- That's it.
- And for the obesity?
- That would need "painful dung".
- "Painful dung"? No way!
You're not putting.
This is good enough.
- No, its a drink.
- You must be crazy.
It will only help you
lose weight. Nothing else.
- It's got some side effects.
- Well, you see?!
- An hour-long, stone-hard erection.
- Give it here, you hag!
You were supposed
to drink just half of it.
What half?
No!
Fucking hell!
- What a dick.
- You moron.
Look at it, mate!
This is what I call a knob, man!
- Lavi!
- Oh man, baby!
- Look at this!
- Great!
What are you doing here?
As a proper football wife,
I have to follow you wherever you play.
So you and these two
are gonna stay here with me?
You bet, honey.
You look so nice now!
How did you manage
to lose so much weight?
Lavi?
That's my wife.
She told me to give it a try.
No way! Ctibor ebek.
The coach. Nice to meet you.
- Lucie.
- What a beautiful name.
It means luminous in Latin.
And now were all basking
in your light. Arent we?
- And what does Lavi mean in Latin?
- Nothing.
Thank you for giving him a chance.
He must be good
if he has such a wife.
Alright, calm down, old man.
- Wherere we going to live?
- Yeah, exactly.
Well, listen...
Itd be better
if he lived here alone.
So he can fully concentrate.
He'll live with me.
- No way.
- I have to stay.
I want to lead
the local cheerleaders.
- We don't have any.
- So far.
- Hello.
- Hi there. Hi.
Hello.
Alright, so hell be staying
at the rectory.
- Good, perfect.
- It's great. Let's go for lunch.
- And afterwards...
- Sure thing.
No way, stop it! The training
session has only just begun.
And until you're fit again,
no sex at all!
Its not possible, not in my case.
- Plus the ankle, you see?
- Your ankle's fine, isnt it?
It really is.
- I can play football again, baby!
- Honey...
Let me get changed. Sorry,
football means more than shagging.
Well,
I don't really agree with him.
Yeah, I probably
caught the bug there.
Hey, girls!
I'm Lucie. Lavi's wife.
I'm about to form
a cheerleading squad.
So I'm counting on you.
What're your names?
- Well?
- Kvta.
Da.
- Romana.
- Alice.
- Bra.
- Helu.
Too many names!
So I'm just gonna call you girls.
Is this how you normally
dress around here?
It's gonna be tough,
but Ill sort you out.
Let's go!
Fifteen. Sixteen.
All the way down, lads.
All the way down!
You can handle 20 minutes.
Hi there, clods!
Alright, thats it.
I think you all know who I am,
I suppose.
But I wonder what your names are.
It would be nice to...
- Honza. -Hang on!
- Martin. -Joseph.
- Marcel. -Calm down!
- Keep moving. -Good, good...
I won't remember you anyway.
All the way down.
Does the old hag have
something for fitness, too?
She doesnt, but I do.
Meet me here at 7 a.m. tomorrow.
And take off this finery.
Come on, let's go!
That will do.
Are you fucking kidding me?!
- It just went off.
- Sure, man.
The musics here!
Perfect!
Alright, girls, the basics now.
Hips, hips, hips, hips, hips, hips.
I'll go, its okay.
Move forward, okay?
Hop, hop. Alright?
Come here!
Oh yes!
Not again!
Everythings fine.
Perfect, yes.
I can't anymore. I can't!
Sure you can! Keep swimming!
- I'm here, dont worry!
- I can't take it anymore!
I'd like to thank you
for finding some time to meet me
in this beautiful
wine region of yours.
I know how hard-working you are,
and I like that very much.
You've got us mixed up
with South Moravia, you idiot.
- This is South Bohemia.
- We don't pick grapes here.
This is where the carp swim.
South Moravia, South Bohemia...
Tweedledum and Tweedledee, right?
I offer you change
and I believe you want it too.
I see.
Hello, Hradit! Welcome!
My names Jarda.
If you want to kick,
you must dig!
Hey! Wait a minute!
Hang on! I'm Jarda!
I'm Jarda and I want
to be your president!
Hi there, Brno.
I know that most people
don't like change.
I went through it myself
the other day.
It scared the hell out of me,
but in the end, I love it.
One would do anything
for ones children, right?
Im sorry.
I know it's hard to listen to,
but it's high time for
a leadership change.
Time to make room
for the next generation.
So it can show its abilities.
Even if we have to cut back,
and perhaps even give up
what is dearest to us.
If we all work together
without being afraid of hard labor,
we will succeed in the end
and everyone will be happy.
And it won't even hurt.
None of us are blameless.
So He sent a ball
to the sinners to make amends.
And so they did,
writing it all down.
Mea culpa, mea culpa.
Mea maxima culpa.
But only the one above
can be the real judge.
We must take our beloved
football back to ourselves.
We no longer want to hear
that certain things are impossible.
Nor look at the destruction
of what we love.
We need to clean up the mess!
And it takes drastic
solutions sometimes.
But we must fear nothing.
Hello!
- Not even making...
- Lavi!
...or simply repeating mistakes.
We must put out all fires!
It's not easy to reach the very top.
Baby!
Especially while clinging
onto moral values.
- Baby?
- You're such a stupid cow, mate!
Baby! Christ alive!
Im fine.
We have to do
everything we can!
What a match!
And much more still!
You need to toughen up a bit, boyo!
I just need your support, lads.
Sure, everything's gonna be fine.
I gotta to go now.
- Bye. -Bye.
- Football does need cleansing.
But lets fuck some whores now.
- But I think that...
- You can manage even with the briquette.
You can trust a Brno guy.
Be quiet, youll wake him up!
Jesus Christ, stop screaming!
Oh God, please,
shut the fuck up!
"Golden Rod", that's a classic, mate.
What kind of bird is that?
I made it myself. Put it back.
Lets have some breakfast.
The best dish before each match.
Franz himself stole this trick from me.
All the boys grew up on it.
It's a wonder you're not
in the Champions League yet.
I was happy for you
when you went to England.
Really.
I almost played abroad, too.
In Germany.
For a boy like me it would
have been a dream come true.
So what happened?
I guess it just wasn't meant to be.
It doesn't matter now.
Why did you want me anyway?
Listen, Lavi,
- none of us are perfect.
- Therere very few of us, yeah.
Well...
- I used to be pretty wild, too.
- Really?
I made my coaches suffer.
That's why I understand
players like that.
I love being a football player.
Being a football player or football?
Is there a difference?
Maybe you'll get it one day.
Hello, Dad.
Tap a few beers for me, will you?
- Hey, kiddo. What are you doing here?
- Bringing you luck, aren't I?
I didnt go to England with you
and it was a disaster.
You're right.
- Do you know anything about Jarda?
- I don't.
- Whats he up to?
- Hes running for FA presidency.
- I don't care anyway.
- Come on, let's warm up!
I'm gonna get changed.
- Good. Ill be cheering for you.
- Thats advisable.
Come on, lads,
right from the start!
Lets go!
Come on, lets go!
Make it watchable, Tonda!
Football has to look sexy.
Help him on the wing!
Good! Good.
- Forward!
- Stretch it a bit!
Therere two of you there!
In and out, back and forth.
Just like at home, right?
Pass it!
Well done, Jura! What a goalie!
- Pass it, Lavi!
- But to who?
- Stop dribbling!
- Pass it, quick!
Stop gawping at those bitches!
- Thats a fucking foul, isnt it?
- Youre up north, get used to it, mate.
Man on, man on!
Jesus Christ!
It was clean!
Kick him back,
what are you scared of?
Clean.
Clean.
- Clean.
- Clean.
There goes the whistle!
We have to go and change.
You know, we still need
a bit more training.
Dont we, girls?
- Really?
- Yeah.
Okay, then.
Thanks.
Three points, lads, but only just.
- Juro, that was really good today.
- Thanks, gaffer.
Hey!
- Hi.
- Hi.
Tell me, mate,
do you shag
the chicks mums, too?
- Theyre our mums.
- Mummys boys, man.
Should I tell them about your
relationship with your mum?
Shut up! You hear me?
Thank you.
Lads,
when we agree on tactical instructions,
we really need to follow them.
- But thats what we do, dont we?
- Were working our arses off.
According to my data,
you only ran about 20 meters.
Stop laughing.
You did 22 passes in the match.
- Thats good.
- Move it, Tonda!
- Twenty of which were not completed.
- Youre taking the piss, man.
And you should stay in the third
quadrant more often.
- Keep playing, man!
- Come on!
Ill show him a quadrant
that hell piss himself!
Listen, young man,
could you film a video like that
for every match?
If Im here, sure.
Thats my daughter,
you little perv!
Dont shout at him.
Hes not that little.
- That was just accidental!
- And how about that?
- Whats that, man?
- Calm down!
So you can handle two chicks at once?
Round and round, like your daddy?
- Youre my boy!
- No. I love only one girl.
This is just a hobby.
- Being a peeping Tom?
- So what?
We all used to climb up gutters
to look into girls shower rooms
and wank over our female
PE teachers, right?
It was the first time
Id seen a womans bush.
Everyone did that, didnt they?
What the fucks wrong with you?
It was just wanking.
- Lets go!
- Foot on the gas, right from the start!
Easy, easy.
Go past him.
Thats it, good, keep it up!
Honza! Third quadrant!
What quadrant, man?
Its just a pitch, for fucks sake.
Come on! Come on!
Now!
- Lavi!
- Fuck!
Doesnt matter.
Keep trying and well get lucky.
Yeah!
Great work by everyone, lads.
Well done. Lovely!
Great passes, mate!
Keep it up!
Five, six, eight, ten!
Girls, get up!
Its so stupid,
dancing on the grass in heels!
- I didnt realize!
- Shit, lets go home.
Im sorry!
Lads! Were two-nil up,
but we have to play till the end.
- Dont rest on your laurels.
- Or well fall into the Csaplr trap!
What?
Were not far enough ahead
so that we can clock off.
They score, we get nervous
and they steamroller us.
So itd be better to be only
one goal ahead or what?
- Dont look at me, I know its rubbish.
- Lads!
Here we go!
Fine!
Open it for him!
Good! Lets go, lads, that it.
- A through ball, Lavi! Lavi!
- On your right!
Yeah!
Yes!
Girls, forget it,
youll do fine next time.
Yeah, well bring our trainers.
Or football boots.
- Can I?
- Yeah.
Today it looked as if you started
to love football again.
And not just being a footballer,
yeah, I remember.
Thanks for trusting me, gaffer.
Ive got something for you.
- Whats that?
- A piss break!
At last!
Someone get the child there!
Shit. Just like your dad, right?
Youve got footballs
on your willies, all of you!
Theres only one
explanation for that.
You all knew what I had on my dick
and you had it done as well, right?
- No.
- So whats that supposed to mean?
So, have you realized now?
- I wanted to tell you.
- Tell me what?
Well, this...
Theyre all your brothers.
Not again.
And how do you know it?
Im their dad, arent I?
And whats that got to do with me?
If Im their dad
and theyre your brothers...
So,
one of those women
is my mums sister, mate!
- Hes a fucking moron!
- Youre such a genius.
- Im your dad, too.
- You fucked my mum?!
- There was no other way.
- Id smack you if I knew how!
Ill pay you if you beat him up.
- Why would I beat up my own dad?
- Fuck, hes your dad as well?!
What kind of fucking country
bumpkin bukkake is this, man?
- Well, our old mans a bit ...
- Hes a womanizer.
I wanted to say sexually active,
but yes, sorry.
- Why did you not tell me?
- No need to be so formal.
Why the fuck didnt you tell me?
I wanted to,
but then I thought Id wait
until youd settled here
and got to know your brothers a bit.
- I didnt want to scare you from the off.
- That I have a dad and ten brothers?
Or that you fucked your way through
a bus full of minging hags over the years?
- My mums quite fit.
- Shes not fit, mate, shes not!
Fuck you. Fuck all of you!
- Lavi.
- I wanted to find out who my dad was.
I did, but now I really wish
this thing had never happened.
- You made me look like an idiot!
- You can manage that yourself, mate.
At least come back to Smrkov.
- Never again!
- Where are you going? Lavi!
And you dont even speak to me!
Its your fault!
You forced me to play
in this shithole, mate!
Lavi.
Lavi!
- Dont worry, hell be back.
- He left me in the lurch.
- Youre heading off?
- Yeah, going to my folks.
If its about that performance,
well manage it next time.
- Youre leaving us just like that?
- Sorry, girls.
I just wanted to be close to Lavi,
I want to start a family.
I see.
- So the dancing was just a pretext?
- No way! Well, maybe a bit.
But I enjoyed being with you.
Just go. You dont fit
in here anyway.
Take it off.
- I dont have anything on underneath.
- Take it off!
- Whatre you doing here?
- Where have you been?
- Having a coffee. With my friends.
- A coffee, really?
It must have been
a proper latte, Helena.
What do you mean by that?
That your friends must have accidentally
wanked all over your face!
- So what?
- So what?!
When I dont even get a teensy espresso
at home, I have to go out for a big latte.
I travel all over the country
mustering any support I can,
and even look after the boy
every day. But you?
You know what? Fuck you!
- So whatll you do?
- With what?
With this.
The same thing.
Ill look after him.
Have you phoned Tvrdk and those mates
of yours to ask for their support?
Its not that simple, Jarda.
I thought families
should stick together.
What does that Mizina
think of himself?
Should we set him right?
Hell go up like paper.
Lets concentrate
on Vyehrad now. Fruit!
Well sort them out
once and for all. Depart!
Yes, thats right.
Move it! Pass it back!
What are you doing?
Get up! It was nothing.
No play-acting!
Substitution!
La, get changed, youre on.
- Daddy? Its done.
- Great.
Our butchers just slaughtered
that pig from Vyehrad.
Did you see his face?
Help! Help!
I got scared when you
started calling for help!
- Dad, can we go there?
- Sure, enjoy it.
No! No!
No! No!
Podzimek: triple fracture of the right
leg, crushed jaw, punctured lung.
Kakuna: broken vertebra,
broken left wrist,
dislocated right wrist.
And Poruba?
- Attacked by a velociraptor.
- Sure.
Good thing we have
the youth team.
Okay, go and coach them.
Yeah, sure. Okay, boys.
Hows it going, president?
I really dont get how that swine
can campaign from prison.
When you spend years sucking up to
bastards, you become a bastard yourself.
How can people be so stupid?
To want a cunt like that for president?
Weve already lost two matches
by default because of him.
We didnt have enough players.
One more time and were out.
- And were playing this weekend, so...
- Fucking hell.
Have you got some
good news at least?
Yeah, I think so. But I still need
someone in north Bohemia.
Lavis there now, isnt he?
And his coach is really popular.
- He could open the door for you a bit.
- I wouldnt be so sure.
Good catch.
It came by mail.
Whats that?
The player of the week
award, I guess.
What does he want?
- Hi.
- Lavi, mate.
No nonsense with a ball
like last time.
- No glue, no globe.
- Of course not.
- Hi, Richard.
- Hello.
So you just turn up here
after all that?
Im following you. To know
what you do and how you are.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
But Im not following you.
Because youre too busy, right?
- Not really.
- Apparently, you...
Youve packed it in.
Ive spoken to Lucka.
Yeah, Ive finished.
Why? You had an excellent
coach up there, didnt you?
- ebeks a bastard.
- Since when?
Hes my dad.
And the teammates my brothers.
Are you on something?
Have you got a bit for me, too?
Im not on drugs, its true.
He made himself a team of Klapzubas.
They live there like a big wacky family
and have ignored me my whole life.
Its the same for me, Lavi.
Im all alone now for everything.
All alone, really?
- What do you need?
- I need help.
After all, ebek has a lot of friends,
he has good connections up there.
It would help
my candidacy, you see?
So you only come here
when you need something.
- No.
- I thought I didnt exist anymore.
Lavi?
- See you later, Richard.
- Bye.
WELCOME TO OUR FAMILY
Didnt believe he could be back...
- Lets have a shot.
- Come on, man.
- I dont want one.
- Have some.
I dont want anything, man!
Those who played stopped playing
Everything was
too far away at once
Lavi
Thought he was the only one, Lavi
Thought he was guiltless, Lavi
From bottom to bottom,
drowning with mud all around
Lavi
Thought he was the only one, Lavi
Thought he was guiltless
Hello, bros!
- Have you come to save me?
- Thats what bros are for, right?
Youre fucked!
Lets fucking get after them!
Wait...
Was that part of the plan?
I thought they were just your classmates.
I cant go to school on Monday.
Im so glad to see you.
I really am.
It was probably some Slavia fans.
They wanted to kill me.
How are you?
Mummy...
DIPLOMA
"TOP SCORER"
Hello.
What are you doing here?
Yeah, sorry about the window.
But I had to get inside
somehow, didnt I?
People never lock
their doors here.
I understand why only women come to you
and men cant stand you, coach.
Christ, stop being so formal.
Yeah, its true.
Theyre not too happy about it.
Who would be, right?
- Im glad youve come back, Lavi.
- My bros helped me.
- Yeah, I heard.
- I promised them Id talk to you.
I understand youre angry with me
and that you think I abandoned you, but...
You didnt give a shit
about me my whole life?
You know what?
Let me play you something.
This is not the best time
for some eighties porn.
Come on, come on!
I used to go to your matches.
Keep going! Yes!
I was proud of you.
And still am.
Whistle! That was a foul!
And what about the other tapes?
I went to all of your matches.
Got a video of a good goal?
Lots of good goals.
Like this one.
I remember that.
That was against Slavia.
Fuckers...
Nice one.
Julda, put your back into it!
Man, Mum got really
drunk that day.
And then our coach had her.
Goal! You see that, coach?
Well done, lads! Great job.
According to the latest reports,
Vyehrad wont be able
to play their weekend match
due to a fatal lack of players.
This will also result in their
expulsion from the league.
What should I do for you
to forgive me?
Their last season successes
and Lavicks goals are long gone.
Only a miracle
can help them now.
Do you know
what you should do?
A miracle.
- Thank you for coming, our situation is...
- Sorry.
Sure. Hello, Lavi.
- Hi.
- Hey.
You still look fantastic.
- Of course. And you should think again.
- Have you got someone now?
- Are you taking the piss, or...
- Watch your mouth!
Youre our son, but dont stick
your fucking nose in this.
Of course I have.
Michal loutek.
Pleased to meet you.
Ctibor ebek.
Stop the squawking!
Sorry.
Why didnt you tell us?
Youre going to play here
and were to miss out on it?
But were staying the night,
so we thought the dads wouldnt like it.
Youre quite right about that.
I arranged 30-day loans,
which is the minimum.
But, old hand that you are,
you know that already, right?
Yeah.
- Hi, Gramps.
- Hello, Richard.
- You knew it from the start, didnt you?
- Im glad I have another grandfather.
And Im glad I have
a grandson like you.
Dont get your hopes up,
hes a dysfunctional grandpa.
- Do we have to rake about in the past?
- Im happy to do that.
- What actually happened between you?
- Nothing.
She just didnt like me
climbing up gutters
and spying on girls in the shower.
- I told you it was normal.
- No, it never was.
Gentlemen, get ready.
Fuck off, you prick.
- Come on lads, lets get started.
- Yes, sure.
Michal, leave it up to him,
theyre his lads.
- Bloody hell!
- Oh man, Jirka! Whatre you doing here?
- Shouldnt you be in jail in Argentina?
- I escaped.
What are you gawping at,
you scumbag? Jirka Dna.
Lavi.
Youve managed to dig your way
through from Argentina?
Are you an idiot? I just
dropped my keys down there.
Sorry about the joke
with Mra Dna.
Its fine, it served me right for using up
all the hot water the other day.
- So were quits?
- Its a draw.
Do I smell bad or what?
Is he any good?
The last piece of the jigsaw.
Were all from Smrkov.
We were all born there.
We might spend our whole lives
there and die there, too.
But unlike every other local,
you have a chance
to achieve something great.
Its what youve always wanted.
I know it, because
I taught you that myself.
So when you get a chance
to achieve something, dont waste it.
Trust me, I know
what Im talking about.
So go and play for each other!
So that everyone can see it doesnt
matter youre from the lower leagues.
And that you can play against
chaps from the third division!
Yeah, but were only
one league below them.
Alright, lets go.
No way!
Who the fuck you think you are?
Did you see
how he tumbled down?
- No.
- You should have.
OK lads, come on, come on!
Pass it, quick!
Yes, thats it!
Go, go!
Pass the ball, mate!
Now! What the fuck?
- There was no-one!
- What dyou mean?
You just fucking ran
into them, man!
Tonda, watch out!
- Fucking hell.
- Cheer up, cheer up!
Doesnt matter.
Girls!
Bitch? Girls!
I know youre angry with me,
but this is a bit...
Smrk-Off Bitches?
Oh, I see!
Thats fantastic!
- Weve been training.
- What? Today? Here?
- But well sink again.
- Theyve got an astroturf pitch here.
But I feel kind of... I think Im ill.
Its not an illness.
- I know, Im trying to...
- Lavi!
Hi.
Hello, baby.
Im really sorry, love, okay?
- You know I love you, mate.
- I love you too.
Are we okay, then?
- Hello, girls.
- Im pregnant!
- No shit!
- Yeah.
I had no idea I had been
pregnant for some time now.
Arent you happy?
Yes, I am.
Of course Im happy.
- But we last did it...
- When you were so fat.
- But I couldnt get it up.
- You could.
I guess we just couldnt see
it over your paunch.
- And why are you telling me now, baby?
- When else?
Any other time, but not at half-time.
Do you want me to end up like Beckham?
- And how did Beckbam end up?
- Badly. Youre like Victoria. Posh Spice.
I need more through balls from you.
Ill get in the gap and score.
- No, well play it differently.
- How differently?
We cant walk it into the net,
they defend well.
Well play high balls forward.
Like the national team in its heyday.
Lua, punt it like Ujfalui.
Lavi will tap it near
the box like Dino.
And you, Jirka, youll fire it in
like Nedvd used to do. Alright?
Like fuck I will!
I wont tap it for some darkie
wholl steal my thunder.
Back in Smrkov, it seemed
you finally knew what a team was.
Putting one of my bros
first again, huh?
- Firstly, hes not your brother.
- I dont believe you.
What are you gawping at?
Lets see your prick.
Okay, hes not my brother.
And secondly,
Ive never put any of you first.
Ive been following you.
I know everything.
I know when you
scored your first goal.
And that you scored
a hattrick against Teplice.
Or how you bought prostitutes
for your teammates.
And that you slept with a woman
who was born a man.
- Fucking hell, mate!
- How can you know that?
I know things you dont
even know yourself.
Im your dad, after all.
I take you the way you are.
Christ, so just believe me
and do as I say.
- She wasnt born a man.
- We know that, bro.
Five, six, Smrkov bitches!
- Yes, yes, yes!
- You were amazing!
Wow, baby!
Im so proud of you.
Lets go, come on!
Lads, I know I fucked it up back then.
I might have conceived the boys,
but you brought them up.
And you brought them up so well.
If only I had had the same chance.
They treat you
as their real fathers.
And theyd definitely be happy
if you supported them a bit.
And if it helps you let off steam,
you can punch me.
Oh shit!
- Fuck!
- Doesnt matter.
Come on, lads!
Listen, guys.
Isnt that Mra Dna?
Oh yes!
- Mra Dna!
- Mra!
Lets go! What did I tell you?
- Thats it!
- Go!
Good!
Yes!
Lets go!
One more goal, you pricks!
Thats it! One more goal!
Theyre my lads after all.
The most popular sport
in the world.
We even have the highest number
of registered players per capita.
They come and kick the ball around
at the weekend, or just watch a match,
and think they have
a right to the sport.
But is that fair? As far as we go?
We live the sport,
we wake up in the morning
thinking about football,
we fall asleep at night
thinking about football.
Its not sport for all,
its our sport.
Its our football!
Its our league!
And those arseholes have
to realize that once and for all!
Exactly.
- Daddy? -Yeah?
- Its time.
Switch it on.
Ladies and gentlemen,
our beloved sport
is at a crossroads.
We can either pretend
everythings fine,
or vote for change
and start cleaning up football
under my guidance.
Were not doing it
for ourselves, are we?
Were doing it for future generations.
Were doing it for our children.
I think the most
important thing for you
is that you know
what you can expect from me.
Because I am your Daddy.
I am the Daddy
of all of Czech football.
Vote for me.
Because these do-gooders
talk a lot of bullshit,
but they cant get
money into football.
I think its better to swim
in shit that you know
than try to wash yourself with
water you know nothing about.
Yeah!
Yeah!
Come on, do it, hurry!
Well done.
He whistled for the end,
did you see that?
Yeah.
Heres a tissue.
Thanks for your help.
The legends about you
are obviously true.
Shame it didnt work
out back then.
How about joining us?
Second division,
you might like that.
Thanks for the offer,
but I have to refuse.
- Lavi!
- Yes?
Thanks for putting the team first.
Thanks for spending time with me.
Even though I didnt know about it.
And you thought you were all alone.
Im all alone now for everything.
Shit! How do you do it,
you runt?
I need your help.
Vyehrad won. It didnt quite
work out for you, did it?
Im always a step ahead.
When Lavi finds out
what dirt I have on him,
hell be eating out of our hand.
You think?
Give me a bit to drink.
Mattonis finished, Stork.
Lassie, I think
youll be a great dad.
But I already am.
Im great, baby.
- Its sorted.
- I have to go.
Wait!
Well be a family!
Jardas also a family.
And now you and I
are a family, too.
Hello, sweetheart.
- Come on, then.
- Hi there, little one.
Come on.
Dont worry, itll be fine.
Come on. Smile!
- I dont want to!
- Why not? Just go!
ebeks phoned.
Were supposed to vote for Mizina.
Connect me,
somethings happening.
I cant, theyre playing
something there now.
Vote for Jarda Mizina.
Jarda Mizina is our only chance.
We cant manage
without Jarda Mizina.
Vote for Jarda Mizina,
the future of Czech football.
He understands it well
and Im sure he can help it.
Once and for all,
vote for Jarda Mizina!
Only Jarda Mizina
can clean it all up!
And the results will be announced by
Champions League winner Marek Jankulovski.
A round of applause, please!
- Thank you.
- Its fine. Dont worry.
Ladies and gentlemen,
with 121 votes, the new President
of the Czech Football Association is...
Stop! Stop!
Vote for Mizina, you cunts!
all of you, man!
Youre the best, Jra.
Milo.
Ilona.
The new President
of the Czech Football Association
is...
Lavi
Coming down like an avalanche
Lavi
Both a genius and a moron
Lavi
Top to bottom,
Sparta, Vyehrad, win or fall
THE END?
Lavi
- Its back! I can smell it!
- Whatre you doing, you idiot?
Give me that one, yes.
And that one as well, yeah.
That was the best part, right?
That was the best thing!
- Come on, come on, come on!
- Thats it, come and get the ball!
Want nothing more, Amore
Show yourself, buddy
No legs on the desk
Driving a Benz, no tractor
No money, wanna be up there
Health's good, doc
More love, por favore
Oh man
Money, oh my, oh my
Oh man
Money, oh my, oh my
I have a job, I kick penalties
I deserve top-notch hotties
Not trying hard, I dance and drink
Looking for love,
not looking for oil
I have a lady mum,
and want a poster dad
I want him to see me play at last
Fuck your presents, I want your love
Oh man
Thanks, Mom.
Oh man
Money, oh my, oh my
See you later.
Hasta la vista, dickheads.
Oh man
Money, oh my oh my
The former high football official
generally known as Daddy,
has started serving his sentence.
Slavoj Vyehrad
played a crucial role in his case,
so lets have a closer look at them.
One soda.
Julius Lavick,
the declining football star,
is on his way to join
his first foreign team.
And here, at Vclav Havel Airport,
we are monitoring his departure.
As you can see,
Lavi is getting out of his car right now.
- I'll come to you, Lassie.
- Hm.
I'm your Britanny.
Looking forward to it, baby.
- Have fun, Dad.
- Thanks, kiddo.
Just don't let her drive, okay?
Oh, oh, oh!
- I love you, baby!
- Thank you.
Well, we have a train to catch,
so to speak.
I'm so looking forward to it. Totally.
I'm happy you're coming with me. Really.
Can you believe this?
We did it, Lavi! We did it!
You did it.
Because you're the devil!
The Red Devil,
if you take my meaning.
I'm telling you we're gonna enjoy this!
We're going to England!
Don't worry, it won't crash.
We're flying together, alright?
- Yeah?
- Sure.
- I'm so glad you're here with me.
- Of course.
- Yes, Helen?
- I think
it's coming out!
It's coming out!
-Come back at once, you prick!
- Sure. I'm on my way.
Sorry, Lavi, I have to go.
- Wait, Jra!
- Youll manage.
Jarou!
- Go, go, go!
- But...
Relax, it's not my fault,
its her, not me.
Whats up?
Blanka?
You wont believe this.
I don't know what the problem is.
Its just a carry-on fuck machine.
Celebrities...
What is it?
Do you like this?
Yeah, I do.
Welcome aboard.
Fucking arsehole,
you fucking dickhead!
You stupid piece of shit!
- Helen, just keep breathing.
- Shut up! Fuck you!
We're all gonna die! Its falling!
No, I won't manage.
I gotta get out of here!
- Oh no!
- Go back to your seat!
Sit down, fatso! Move away, bitch!
Let go of me! I have to go!
Sir!
You bloody fucking
cock-sucking demented rat!
Sir, come out, please.
Fucking hell, man!
Oh, this is great.
Sir? Hello? Come out!
SOMEWHERE ABOVE SOUTH ATLANTIC
SPANISH-ROMANY POCKET DICTIONARY
The cemetery... the cemetery.
Bloody hell...
- Ouch!
- I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
- Are you fucking nuts?
- Yes.
Welcome to Buenos Aires Airport.
Hey, buddy!
How do I get to the center?
- No. 24, the stops across the street.
- Thanks.
I'm coming for you.
Stop.
So I'm here at last!
That place looks like a shop.
Lets see if they have a shirt
with my name already!
Go, Argentinos!
This is my Dad!
- Really!
- Oh...
Let's go, let's go!
What is it? Come on, lets go.
What the fuck
are you saying, mate?
I just need to prove it, man.
Really, I'm not kidding.
Lavi. Lavi!
What is it?
Lavi! Lavi!
Come on, come on, come on!
Go, go, go!
- Yes!
- Please, just let me work, alright?
Its so beautiful!
- Here we go.
- Hooray!
Oh God, what a long
cord he has!
He takes after me!
Helen!
Helen, weve got a son!
What a miracle!
Hallelujah
No boozing!!!
Youre new there, mate!
Hmm.
You sayd twas a transfair
to Menchester.
You idiot, I said we would
TRANSFER at Manchester!
I have a son!
Here's to your little boy, Jarou.
POUR IT OUT!
- Hey, baby.
- Hi there, shaggy boy.
Are you ready? Can we start?
Yeah, Ive got a minute,
I'm ready. Go for it!
- Lick me like an ice-cream.
- How? You're so far away.
Over the phone, you muff!
- Yeah, okay.
- Oh!
Higher, higher, higher!
Like this!
Yeah!
Yeah! That's great! Oh!
Yeah!
- Fuck, Ive killed her!
- Honey, are you okay?
- I bloody killed her!
- Are you okay?
Hallelujah
Goin to the intrewiev,
Ill schow dem.
Focus, mate, focus!
Yes, Lavi, just say yes.
No.
Yes.
Oh my God, no!
Oh no, please, please!
Dear God, why me?!
- You see, Helen...
- Yeah?
- I'd like to know one thing.
- Well?
- Spill it out, I'm going out now.
- Where?!
- With my friends, for coffee.
- Coffee? But what about breastfeeding?
Oh God.
Stop bothering me with
your patriarchal bullshit, okay?
Its easily solved.
I carried it for nine months,
so it's your turn now.
Ah! That burns!
He has a name, Helen. You should be
taking care of him during puerperium.
And you read that where?
In Playboy?
You chauvinist pig.
- Hello.
- At least you will love me, right?
- I just want to check
if the name's correct. -Yes.
- Aristotle Ronaldo Mizina?
- It's his mother's wish.
Congratulations.
Hello, I need a DNA test.
And what's your sample?
- Saliva, hair or stool?
- I've got a hand on me!
Hey, buddy.
- Police!
- Fuck, the filth!
Are you nuts?
Julius Lavick was the main
protagonist in a disgusting case of...
He insulted his teammate
with horrid racial slurs.
In addition, he sustained an injury
of as yet unknown extent.
This is a disgrace
not only to Czech football,
but to the whole country as well.
We know how big-mouthed
Julius Lavick is,
but this is way over the line
as far as Im concerned.
Julius might possibly claim
that he was misunderstood,
so I have a language expert with me.
What do you think about it, Jakub?
Mra, I don't think
Lavi can get out of this.
That phrase in English
simply means a "bloody",
well, to be more precise,
a "fucking" monkey.
So if a person calls someone with...
Lavick's behavior was
condemned by President Pavel.
Another Czech citizen, Ji Dna, also
caused an international embarrassment.
The striker of FK Smrkov
was arrested in Argentina
for profaning the grave of the
legendary footballer Diego Maradona.
Dna said he only wanted to prove
that Maradona was his biological father.
For fucks sake!
Which one of you
put it in his head?
- Who was it?
- Well, its the local rumor.
That his old man
really was Maradona.
- Yeah.
- Sure.
Not the Argentinian one.
This one, Mra Dna
from Albrechtice.
Oh, that one, mate.
Well, he could have easily gone
on a bike to see him,
he neednt have flown
all the way there.
DAD
Hello!
Hello.
Jarda didn't come?
Come here.
In just a few weeks,
the Football Association
will have a new leader at last.
After the imprisonment
of the current president...
So let's wait and see
who will win in the end
and thus become de facto
the ruler of Czech football.
Will it be someone
to continue the trend,
or somebody to try and clear
the good name of Czech football?
It took me two hours
to make him fall asleep!
Two hours, you whiny bastard.
Where have you been?
With my friends, for coffee.
Havent you been drinking
a little too much coffee lately?
What have you been doing?
Lolling on the sofa?
- You havent got a job?
- Ive been taking care of the baby.
Its a joy, not a chore.
You've become very lazy.
Since Lavi stopped being your client,
youve been nobody.
- But, Helen...
- I mean it.
Do something about it,
my respect for you is dwindling.
And
to be honest,
it was almost gone even before.
I... I have plans.
- Big plans, Helen.
- Like changing big nappies?
I'm sorry.
Tell me about your
big plans, then.
- I'll be running.
- For what?
For the post of the FA President.
Junkie, get out.
You little fuck... BJ me, BJ me...
I love licking!
I can smell your cunt!
Pardon the interruption,
but I'm bringing you a new friend.
I see. Thank you, Luboek.
If you need anything,
I'll be outside.
- Yeah.
- Hello, Daddy.
Hi there, Stork.
Youre in the duplex.
I wonder how you managed
to survive such a huge explosion.
Don't talk to me about it,
it burned my eyebrows.
And Messis too, right?
- So theyve trapped you, too, huh?
- Subsidies.
Even bigger aces than
you have done time for that.
You held onto it like turd clings to arse,
but they got you anyway.
The election for the new
presidents at hand.
I'll call Igor to get me
the nomination.
While youre in prison?
That's impossible.
Maybe for you,
but I know the ropes.
Well, since we're here
together now,
there's one major issue
that needs to be resolved.
You might be Daddy out there,
but not in here.
- You're gonna be a mummy now.
- Okay, daddy.
So come and suck mummys dick.
Jesus Christ.
Ah, the return
of the prodigal son.
- Hello, Mr. King.
- Just sit.
I can stand up easily,
but if you say so.
What can I do for you, Lavi?
I'd like to play for Vyehrad again.
I see.
But that's a closed chapter
Im afraid.
If you've heard something about racism,
that was just a misunderstanding.
I just called him a "fucking guy".
Well, I've heard its
your ankle thats fucked.
It is, but it'll be fine again,
it's not a big deal.
I'd really love to give you a chance,
even after what you did there,
but I can't afford to pay
an injured player.
Someone keeps harming us.
- Daddy.
- Daddy?
Hes sucking pricks behind bars now,
how could he harm anyone?
His fingers are too long.
I just can't.
- Come on, our kids are dating.
- Theyre living together!
- Living together?
- It doesn't matter.
You simply can't
play football here.
Okay, fine.
Then I'll go somewhere else.
But you'll regret it,
when I score in your net.
You're gonna blame yourself.
Because they still want me everywhere!
I'm still a megastar.
I was in the Premier League!
EFL Championship!
- I played in England!
- For one day!
A whole day longer than
any of the jerks here!
Who would have thought
youd tell me to fuck off, too.
- Lavi?
- Yeah?
Try the other leg.
Screw yourself.
I can't... everything is...
- Come on, Jarda!
- Don't you ever call me again!
And stop persuading my sister
to put in a good word for you.
You don't exist for me anymore!
Is that clear?
I'm totally fucked.
You're the last person I can turn to.
You should have thought
about that when
I got you your dream job.
You fucked it up right away!
- Why did you leave me there?
- Shut up!
Shut up! I'm done with you!
For good!
You're fucked,
but through your own fault.
And why am I fucked?
Because of you!
So don't call me again! Never!
An old hag rocking
the devil on an oak tree stump said:
- There you are, you little imp...
- Just like grandpa, isnt he?
He was just tanned
from the mountains.
Come on, Moses.
Let's have a look at the meat
Daddys cooking for us.
And I'll make coffee, okay?
- Black?
- No, I want it with milk.
Okay.
So are you gonna
help me or not?
You cant be serious
about the candidacy.
You need contacts for that.
I can call Tvrdk
and his boys, true,
but Ill just look like a fool.
Well, thank you very much.
Dont you want to stay
with us for a while?
And sort out your life?
But why? I have plans now,
I have a child...
- Jarda!
- I don't care what you think.
He's my boy and I love him.
And thats it!
We have to stick together
as a family, right?
It just bothers me when
people make a fool out of him.
And even more so
when you make a fool of yourself!
If you can't back me up,
youd better shut up.
I think your dad should
try to call that Fartk after all.
- Ilona!
- Right, Milo?
- He's such a sweetheart.
- Let me see.
- Go to your daddy.
- Come here, come here.
Yes, baby?
Hi, Im gonna get some yummy food.
You want some?
Yeah, bring me something,
I'm hungry as shit. Bye.
- Lavi? Hello, honey!
- Hi there, baby.
- Oh, you really are hungry.
- Well, a little.
- Let me have some, too.
- Dont touch it, its mine!
What is it? Give it here!
Kiss me.
Good.
- Mr. King.
- Oh, Jarda!
- I think Im in deep shit.
- It might only be the little one.
What?
Oh, yes.
- But that's not what I meant.
- So what's your point?
Mr. King, Ive told my wife
Im running for the FA presidency.
- Ive told everyone, in fact.
- Oh shit. -Yeah, that's right.
But I dont know how to tunnel money,
lie, cheat, kiss peoples arses.
Well, Im actually
not so bad at that.
I might even be very good at it.
Listen, you could be
the right person after all.
- What?
- Yeah.
Because kissing peoples arses
is the cornerstone of football.
- I see.
- If we can get some big shots...
- Is it difficult?
- No.
Flying a plane is difficult.
For a newbie,
this is practically impossible.
Move your arse!
Kicking the ball
since he was a kid
This is important, you see?
A promising cub
Then he discovered
what a taproom was
Come back here! Move it!
Suddenly everything was fucked
Lavi
Coming down like an avalanche,
Lavi
Both a genius and a moron
We can't play with ten people!
We simply can't!
Top to bottom,
Sparta, Vyehrad, win or fall
Lavi
Coming down like an avalanche,
Lavi
Mr Mizina is running for
the presidency of the Czech FA.
Top to bottom,
Sparta, Vyehrad, win or fall
Junkie, get out.
- Yeah, Id like some.
- Get out.
You smelly cunt!
Hey, Daddy.
Are you doing anything at all
with that Vyehrad matter?
Pets.
Cook it.
The referees
are under control, Daddy.
But apparently, that's not enough.
They're still first.
Unless we do something,
they'll go up.
And then I'm gonna be
so fucking pissed-off.
And when I'm pissed-off,
I fucking forget myself.
- And when I forget myself...
- I get it, Daddy.
- I'll take care of it.
- I'll think of something.
This was Kings doing,
he testified against me.
But I will have my revenge.
I'll bury him in the ground
like dog shit!
Sorry, darling.
And Ill do it in a way
that will really hurt him.
I'll destroy that fucking
Vyehrad of his!
I understand.
I made you a present during
our art sessions here.
I have a new face for you.
Here.
- So beautiful!
- Well...
- Its the face of an angel!
- Stop crying.
Load it up and back off. Go!
Thank you.
- Dad?
- Richard?
- Are you here?
- In the bathroom.
- Dad? -Yeah?
- Is that really you?
Cant you see my tattoos or what?
- I'll call the fire department.
- No, don't do that!
- So how are you gonna get out?
- Easily.
Ill hold my breath and you
pull me out. Alright?
- Rubbish, it wont work.
- Come on.
You cant call the firemen,
it'd be all over the tabloids.
Okay, I'll grab your hand.
My hands are here.
Screw this.
Come on, I wont do it again.
Sorry, kiddo, for fucks sake.
- Take a deep breath!
- Yeah.
- Try harder!
- Yeah.
Are you even pulling me?
Dont mention the shower
problem to anyone.
- I'll do my best to forget about it.
- Good.
- You should do something about it, Dad.
- I know. I'll get a bigger shower.
- No! You need to lose weight.
- Why should I lose weight?
I'm alright like this.
Look at all those other football legends.
- Like Ronaldo.
- Ronaldo?
The Brazilian one, you see?
Get the door, boyo.
I think foods coming.
Hello.
- Does Julius Lavick live here?
- Yes. Come in.
Hello.
Hell miss.
Hell send it over the bar.
So here it is...
And he misses!
I'm looking for Julius Lavick.
Lavi.
- Can I wait for him here?
- What kind of stupid joke is that?
- It's me, mate.
- You?
Sir, you look like
someone whos eaten him.
- No need to be so formal.
- Okay, but you should be formal to me.
- Listen, who are you?
- Me? Im a coach.
- I'm looking for a striker.
- I see.
And whats it supposed to be?
First League, Second League?
I'm still keeping fit.
It's really him.
How did you manage
to get so fucking lardy?
What the fuck
is wrong with you all?
I just have a bit of water in my ankle
and youre all obsessed with my weight.
I can now run without crutches.
Im not ready for top-notch football yet,
but its not your case,
Id know you otherwise.
I can sign the contract right now.
Well, we're a family team,
one might say.
- Okay.
- We're in the Division.
Our striker was arrested in Argentina
and we're screwed without him.
- Professional contract, unfortunately...
- I'm done. My leg's fucked.
It could be sorted out.
And so could the excess weight.
- Are you a magician or what?
- No, but I might know one.
So have him conjure up another striker.
I'm not interested.
Too bad.
I had an appointment with Kraus.
He was about to get an extra 20 percent.
But he runs off to Viktoria
to get a bit more!
- We're screwed, Zbynk.
- Yeah.
- We can now say goodbye to...
- To promotion, right?
Yes.
Were still ahead, but it's
gonna be tough. Do you mind?
I see.
The Kraus scheme did work,
but we still stick to our plan.
Hail sports!
- We should stick to our plan.
- If he thinks its worth it...
- He needs to have some joy in life.
- He's perfectly fine in there.
It burned his eyebrows!
I was lucky, it only took
half my face and arse.
And I cant even smell sausages now!
- Fuck your sausages!
- I'd kill for a sausage!
But you did, remember?
Spring 1992, Karvin.
- Yes. Those were the days.
- Shut the fuck up!
Wow!
- I was so looking forward to seeing you.
- So were we.
Oh! Petn Hill is so beautiful.
- It's very nice in here.
- We can live the way we like at last.
Oh! Careful with that! Someone
set a child on fire like that once.
Sure.
Its a big deal, isnt it?
Living together.
If you need any advice...
- My mum lives right above us.
- Well, that's great.
Who are these sweethearts?
That's us when we were young.
I have such a soft spot
for the little ones these days.
- Your clock is ticking.
- What? Where?
- Biological clock.
- Oh, I see.
So kind of you to invite me.
Too bad Lavi couldn't make it.
But he refuses to leave the flat
since he got stuck in the lift.
That's why I wanted you to come.
We need to talk about my dad.
He won't last much longer.
- He's gonna have a heart attack.
- But he won't listen to anyone.
I know someone
who could convince him.
- Jarda's shunning him.
- I didnt mean him.
- And Lavis shunning Mr King.
- Not him either.
- So you mean yourself? Sorry.
- Jesus Christ, I mean you!
Me? Okay.
I see.
You should take notes.
The pigs testicles are swollen.
It's high time to look for a partner.
I miss the fact you're
not an athlete anymore.
Really, yeah?
Yes. And I'm a bit
worried about you.
- But why?
- Why? Because...
Lavi, when an athlete's body...
When it completely changes
the routine, it might get a shock.
Or maybe even
some kind of indisposition, too.
Or myocardial infarction.
- Stop worrying about it.
- Come on, its true.
And most importantly...
Impertinence.
- That I wouldnt get a hard-on?
- Yes!
Me? Rubbish.
I can hammer nails with it.
But for how long?
We might want a baby one day.
You know what?
Let me show you right now!
But promise me you'll get in touch
with the coach that was here earlier.
- Can you hear me?
- Yeah.
If I'd known
that it was that simple...
What do you mean?
- Nothing. I love you.
- I love you too.
I can't breathe!
Lavi, get off me!
- I can't find it!
- Find what?
There we go. Im impertinent!
I'm fine!
Kicking the ball since he was a kid
Kicking the ball
A promising cub
Then he discovered what a taproom was
- Faster now!
- Move aside!
You all look like death!
Its a sight for sore eyes!
I'm here!
Just like you asked!
Top to bottom,
Sparta, Vyehrad, win or fall
Just a minute.
Coming down like an avalanche, Lavi
Hello.
I'd rather kill myself than live
in a shithole like this.
We should first fix the leg, right?
Follow me.
On foot?!
Shit.
I normally walk it in five minutes.
Come on.
Lardarse!
You're gonna die!
Hello?
Mrs. Kozler?
Are you here?
Cool.
Really cool.
- I knew you'd come.
- Really?
I could smell you for half a mile.
Well...
Ive got a new player.
Hes got problems.
I know, with his ankle.
I read it online.
Scram!
- Sit down.
- No, I'd rather stand.
Sit down!
Alright, I will!
What are you doing?
Its unnecessary.
Please don't do this!
This needs a "sore leg" ointment.
Let me mix it up.
What?
Stand back.
Do the turds have
any actual healing effect?
- No, he just pisses me off.
- I understand.
- Whatre you whispering about?
- Its nothing.
What an awful smell!
- That's it.
- And for the obesity?
- That would need "painful dung".
- "Painful dung"? No way!
You're not putting.
This is good enough.
- No, its a drink.
- You must be crazy.
It will only help you
lose weight. Nothing else.
- It's got some side effects.
- Well, you see?!
- An hour-long, stone-hard erection.
- Give it here, you hag!
You were supposed
to drink just half of it.
What half?
No!
Fucking hell!
- What a dick.
- You moron.
Look at it, mate!
This is what I call a knob, man!
- Lavi!
- Oh man, baby!
- Look at this!
- Great!
What are you doing here?
As a proper football wife,
I have to follow you wherever you play.
So you and these two
are gonna stay here with me?
You bet, honey.
You look so nice now!
How did you manage
to lose so much weight?
Lavi?
That's my wife.
She told me to give it a try.
No way! Ctibor ebek.
The coach. Nice to meet you.
- Lucie.
- What a beautiful name.
It means luminous in Latin.
And now were all basking
in your light. Arent we?
- And what does Lavi mean in Latin?
- Nothing.
Thank you for giving him a chance.
He must be good
if he has such a wife.
Alright, calm down, old man.
- Wherere we going to live?
- Yeah, exactly.
Well, listen...
Itd be better
if he lived here alone.
So he can fully concentrate.
He'll live with me.
- No way.
- I have to stay.
I want to lead
the local cheerleaders.
- We don't have any.
- So far.
- Hello.
- Hi there. Hi.
Hello.
Alright, so hell be staying
at the rectory.
- Good, perfect.
- It's great. Let's go for lunch.
- And afterwards...
- Sure thing.
No way, stop it! The training
session has only just begun.
And until you're fit again,
no sex at all!
Its not possible, not in my case.
- Plus the ankle, you see?
- Your ankle's fine, isnt it?
It really is.
- I can play football again, baby!
- Honey...
Let me get changed. Sorry,
football means more than shagging.
Well,
I don't really agree with him.
Yeah, I probably
caught the bug there.
Hey, girls!
I'm Lucie. Lavi's wife.
I'm about to form
a cheerleading squad.
So I'm counting on you.
What're your names?
- Well?
- Kvta.
Da.
- Romana.
- Alice.
- Bra.
- Helu.
Too many names!
So I'm just gonna call you girls.
Is this how you normally
dress around here?
It's gonna be tough,
but Ill sort you out.
Let's go!
Fifteen. Sixteen.
All the way down, lads.
All the way down!
You can handle 20 minutes.
Hi there, clods!
Alright, thats it.
I think you all know who I am,
I suppose.
But I wonder what your names are.
It would be nice to...
- Honza. -Hang on!
- Martin. -Joseph.
- Marcel. -Calm down!
- Keep moving. -Good, good...
I won't remember you anyway.
All the way down.
Does the old hag have
something for fitness, too?
She doesnt, but I do.
Meet me here at 7 a.m. tomorrow.
And take off this finery.
Come on, let's go!
That will do.
Are you fucking kidding me?!
- It just went off.
- Sure, man.
The musics here!
Perfect!
Alright, girls, the basics now.
Hips, hips, hips, hips, hips, hips.
I'll go, its okay.
Move forward, okay?
Hop, hop. Alright?
Come here!
Oh yes!
Not again!
Everythings fine.
Perfect, yes.
I can't anymore. I can't!
Sure you can! Keep swimming!
- I'm here, dont worry!
- I can't take it anymore!
I'd like to thank you
for finding some time to meet me
in this beautiful
wine region of yours.
I know how hard-working you are,
and I like that very much.
You've got us mixed up
with South Moravia, you idiot.
- This is South Bohemia.
- We don't pick grapes here.
This is where the carp swim.
South Moravia, South Bohemia...
Tweedledum and Tweedledee, right?
I offer you change
and I believe you want it too.
I see.
Hello, Hradit! Welcome!
My names Jarda.
If you want to kick,
you must dig!
Hey! Wait a minute!
Hang on! I'm Jarda!
I'm Jarda and I want
to be your president!
Hi there, Brno.
I know that most people
don't like change.
I went through it myself
the other day.
It scared the hell out of me,
but in the end, I love it.
One would do anything
for ones children, right?
Im sorry.
I know it's hard to listen to,
but it's high time for
a leadership change.
Time to make room
for the next generation.
So it can show its abilities.
Even if we have to cut back,
and perhaps even give up
what is dearest to us.
If we all work together
without being afraid of hard labor,
we will succeed in the end
and everyone will be happy.
And it won't even hurt.
None of us are blameless.
So He sent a ball
to the sinners to make amends.
And so they did,
writing it all down.
Mea culpa, mea culpa.
Mea maxima culpa.
But only the one above
can be the real judge.
We must take our beloved
football back to ourselves.
We no longer want to hear
that certain things are impossible.
Nor look at the destruction
of what we love.
We need to clean up the mess!
And it takes drastic
solutions sometimes.
But we must fear nothing.
Hello!
- Not even making...
- Lavi!
...or simply repeating mistakes.
We must put out all fires!
It's not easy to reach the very top.
Baby!
Especially while clinging
onto moral values.
- Baby?
- You're such a stupid cow, mate!
Baby! Christ alive!
Im fine.
We have to do
everything we can!
What a match!
And much more still!
You need to toughen up a bit, boyo!
I just need your support, lads.
Sure, everything's gonna be fine.
I gotta to go now.
- Bye. -Bye.
- Football does need cleansing.
But lets fuck some whores now.
- But I think that...
- You can manage even with the briquette.
You can trust a Brno guy.
Be quiet, youll wake him up!
Jesus Christ, stop screaming!
Oh God, please,
shut the fuck up!
"Golden Rod", that's a classic, mate.
What kind of bird is that?
I made it myself. Put it back.
Lets have some breakfast.
The best dish before each match.
Franz himself stole this trick from me.
All the boys grew up on it.
It's a wonder you're not
in the Champions League yet.
I was happy for you
when you went to England.
Really.
I almost played abroad, too.
In Germany.
For a boy like me it would
have been a dream come true.
So what happened?
I guess it just wasn't meant to be.
It doesn't matter now.
Why did you want me anyway?
Listen, Lavi,
- none of us are perfect.
- Therere very few of us, yeah.
Well...
- I used to be pretty wild, too.
- Really?
I made my coaches suffer.
That's why I understand
players like that.
I love being a football player.
Being a football player or football?
Is there a difference?
Maybe you'll get it one day.
Hello, Dad.
Tap a few beers for me, will you?
- Hey, kiddo. What are you doing here?
- Bringing you luck, aren't I?
I didnt go to England with you
and it was a disaster.
You're right.
- Do you know anything about Jarda?
- I don't.
- Whats he up to?
- Hes running for FA presidency.
- I don't care anyway.
- Come on, let's warm up!
I'm gonna get changed.
- Good. Ill be cheering for you.
- Thats advisable.
Come on, lads,
right from the start!
Lets go!
Come on, lets go!
Make it watchable, Tonda!
Football has to look sexy.
Help him on the wing!
Good! Good.
- Forward!
- Stretch it a bit!
Therere two of you there!
In and out, back and forth.
Just like at home, right?
Pass it!
Well done, Jura! What a goalie!
- Pass it, Lavi!
- But to who?
- Stop dribbling!
- Pass it, quick!
Stop gawping at those bitches!
- Thats a fucking foul, isnt it?
- Youre up north, get used to it, mate.
Man on, man on!
Jesus Christ!
It was clean!
Kick him back,
what are you scared of?
Clean.
Clean.
- Clean.
- Clean.
There goes the whistle!
We have to go and change.
You know, we still need
a bit more training.
Dont we, girls?
- Really?
- Yeah.
Okay, then.
Thanks.
Three points, lads, but only just.
- Juro, that was really good today.
- Thanks, gaffer.
Hey!
- Hi.
- Hi.
Tell me, mate,
do you shag
the chicks mums, too?
- Theyre our mums.
- Mummys boys, man.
Should I tell them about your
relationship with your mum?
Shut up! You hear me?
Thank you.
Lads,
when we agree on tactical instructions,
we really need to follow them.
- But thats what we do, dont we?
- Were working our arses off.
According to my data,
you only ran about 20 meters.
Stop laughing.
You did 22 passes in the match.
- Thats good.
- Move it, Tonda!
- Twenty of which were not completed.
- Youre taking the piss, man.
And you should stay in the third
quadrant more often.
- Keep playing, man!
- Come on!
Ill show him a quadrant
that hell piss himself!
Listen, young man,
could you film a video like that
for every match?
If Im here, sure.
Thats my daughter,
you little perv!
Dont shout at him.
Hes not that little.
- That was just accidental!
- And how about that?
- Whats that, man?
- Calm down!
So you can handle two chicks at once?
Round and round, like your daddy?
- Youre my boy!
- No. I love only one girl.
This is just a hobby.
- Being a peeping Tom?
- So what?
We all used to climb up gutters
to look into girls shower rooms
and wank over our female
PE teachers, right?
It was the first time
Id seen a womans bush.
Everyone did that, didnt they?
What the fucks wrong with you?
It was just wanking.
- Lets go!
- Foot on the gas, right from the start!
Easy, easy.
Go past him.
Thats it, good, keep it up!
Honza! Third quadrant!
What quadrant, man?
Its just a pitch, for fucks sake.
Come on! Come on!
Now!
- Lavi!
- Fuck!
Doesnt matter.
Keep trying and well get lucky.
Yeah!
Great work by everyone, lads.
Well done. Lovely!
Great passes, mate!
Keep it up!
Five, six, eight, ten!
Girls, get up!
Its so stupid,
dancing on the grass in heels!
- I didnt realize!
- Shit, lets go home.
Im sorry!
Lads! Were two-nil up,
but we have to play till the end.
- Dont rest on your laurels.
- Or well fall into the Csaplr trap!
What?
Were not far enough ahead
so that we can clock off.
They score, we get nervous
and they steamroller us.
So itd be better to be only
one goal ahead or what?
- Dont look at me, I know its rubbish.
- Lads!
Here we go!
Fine!
Open it for him!
Good! Lets go, lads, that it.
- A through ball, Lavi! Lavi!
- On your right!
Yeah!
Yes!
Girls, forget it,
youll do fine next time.
Yeah, well bring our trainers.
Or football boots.
- Can I?
- Yeah.
Today it looked as if you started
to love football again.
And not just being a footballer,
yeah, I remember.
Thanks for trusting me, gaffer.
Ive got something for you.
- Whats that?
- A piss break!
At last!
Someone get the child there!
Shit. Just like your dad, right?
Youve got footballs
on your willies, all of you!
Theres only one
explanation for that.
You all knew what I had on my dick
and you had it done as well, right?
- No.
- So whats that supposed to mean?
So, have you realized now?
- I wanted to tell you.
- Tell me what?
Well, this...
Theyre all your brothers.
Not again.
And how do you know it?
Im their dad, arent I?
And whats that got to do with me?
If Im their dad
and theyre your brothers...
So,
one of those women
is my mums sister, mate!
- Hes a fucking moron!
- Youre such a genius.
- Im your dad, too.
- You fucked my mum?!
- There was no other way.
- Id smack you if I knew how!
Ill pay you if you beat him up.
- Why would I beat up my own dad?
- Fuck, hes your dad as well?!
What kind of fucking country
bumpkin bukkake is this, man?
- Well, our old mans a bit ...
- Hes a womanizer.
I wanted to say sexually active,
but yes, sorry.
- Why did you not tell me?
- No need to be so formal.
Why the fuck didnt you tell me?
I wanted to,
but then I thought Id wait
until youd settled here
and got to know your brothers a bit.
- I didnt want to scare you from the off.
- That I have a dad and ten brothers?
Or that you fucked your way through
a bus full of minging hags over the years?
- My mums quite fit.
- Shes not fit, mate, shes not!
Fuck you. Fuck all of you!
- Lavi.
- I wanted to find out who my dad was.
I did, but now I really wish
this thing had never happened.
- You made me look like an idiot!
- You can manage that yourself, mate.
At least come back to Smrkov.
- Never again!
- Where are you going? Lavi!
And you dont even speak to me!
Its your fault!
You forced me to play
in this shithole, mate!
Lavi.
Lavi!
- Dont worry, hell be back.
- He left me in the lurch.
- Youre heading off?
- Yeah, going to my folks.
If its about that performance,
well manage it next time.
- Youre leaving us just like that?
- Sorry, girls.
I just wanted to be close to Lavi,
I want to start a family.
I see.
- So the dancing was just a pretext?
- No way! Well, maybe a bit.
But I enjoyed being with you.
Just go. You dont fit
in here anyway.
Take it off.
- I dont have anything on underneath.
- Take it off!
- Whatre you doing here?
- Where have you been?
- Having a coffee. With my friends.
- A coffee, really?
It must have been
a proper latte, Helena.
What do you mean by that?
That your friends must have accidentally
wanked all over your face!
- So what?
- So what?!
When I dont even get a teensy espresso
at home, I have to go out for a big latte.
I travel all over the country
mustering any support I can,
and even look after the boy
every day. But you?
You know what? Fuck you!
- So whatll you do?
- With what?
With this.
The same thing.
Ill look after him.
Have you phoned Tvrdk and those mates
of yours to ask for their support?
Its not that simple, Jarda.
I thought families
should stick together.
What does that Mizina
think of himself?
Should we set him right?
Hell go up like paper.
Lets concentrate
on Vyehrad now. Fruit!
Well sort them out
once and for all. Depart!
Yes, thats right.
Move it! Pass it back!
What are you doing?
Get up! It was nothing.
No play-acting!
Substitution!
La, get changed, youre on.
- Daddy? Its done.
- Great.
Our butchers just slaughtered
that pig from Vyehrad.
Did you see his face?
Help! Help!
I got scared when you
started calling for help!
- Dad, can we go there?
- Sure, enjoy it.
No! No!
No! No!
Podzimek: triple fracture of the right
leg, crushed jaw, punctured lung.
Kakuna: broken vertebra,
broken left wrist,
dislocated right wrist.
And Poruba?
- Attacked by a velociraptor.
- Sure.
Good thing we have
the youth team.
Okay, go and coach them.
Yeah, sure. Okay, boys.
Hows it going, president?
I really dont get how that swine
can campaign from prison.
When you spend years sucking up to
bastards, you become a bastard yourself.
How can people be so stupid?
To want a cunt like that for president?
Weve already lost two matches
by default because of him.
We didnt have enough players.
One more time and were out.
- And were playing this weekend, so...
- Fucking hell.
Have you got some
good news at least?
Yeah, I think so. But I still need
someone in north Bohemia.
Lavis there now, isnt he?
And his coach is really popular.
- He could open the door for you a bit.
- I wouldnt be so sure.
Good catch.
It came by mail.
Whats that?
The player of the week
award, I guess.
What does he want?
- Hi.
- Lavi, mate.
No nonsense with a ball
like last time.
- No glue, no globe.
- Of course not.
- Hi, Richard.
- Hello.
So you just turn up here
after all that?
Im following you. To know
what you do and how you are.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
But Im not following you.
Because youre too busy, right?
- Not really.
- Apparently, you...
Youve packed it in.
Ive spoken to Lucka.
Yeah, Ive finished.
Why? You had an excellent
coach up there, didnt you?
- ebeks a bastard.
- Since when?
Hes my dad.
And the teammates my brothers.
Are you on something?
Have you got a bit for me, too?
Im not on drugs, its true.
He made himself a team of Klapzubas.
They live there like a big wacky family
and have ignored me my whole life.
Its the same for me, Lavi.
Im all alone now for everything.
All alone, really?
- What do you need?
- I need help.
After all, ebek has a lot of friends,
he has good connections up there.
It would help
my candidacy, you see?
So you only come here
when you need something.
- No.
- I thought I didnt exist anymore.
Lavi?
- See you later, Richard.
- Bye.
WELCOME TO OUR FAMILY
Didnt believe he could be back...
- Lets have a shot.
- Come on, man.
- I dont want one.
- Have some.
I dont want anything, man!
Those who played stopped playing
Everything was
too far away at once
Lavi
Thought he was the only one, Lavi
Thought he was guiltless, Lavi
From bottom to bottom,
drowning with mud all around
Lavi
Thought he was the only one, Lavi
Thought he was guiltless
Hello, bros!
- Have you come to save me?
- Thats what bros are for, right?
Youre fucked!
Lets fucking get after them!
Wait...
Was that part of the plan?
I thought they were just your classmates.
I cant go to school on Monday.
Im so glad to see you.
I really am.
It was probably some Slavia fans.
They wanted to kill me.
How are you?
Mummy...
DIPLOMA
"TOP SCORER"
Hello.
What are you doing here?
Yeah, sorry about the window.
But I had to get inside
somehow, didnt I?
People never lock
their doors here.
I understand why only women come to you
and men cant stand you, coach.
Christ, stop being so formal.
Yeah, its true.
Theyre not too happy about it.
Who would be, right?
- Im glad youve come back, Lavi.
- My bros helped me.
- Yeah, I heard.
- I promised them Id talk to you.
I understand youre angry with me
and that you think I abandoned you, but...
You didnt give a shit
about me my whole life?
You know what?
Let me play you something.
This is not the best time
for some eighties porn.
Come on, come on!
I used to go to your matches.
Keep going! Yes!
I was proud of you.
And still am.
Whistle! That was a foul!
And what about the other tapes?
I went to all of your matches.
Got a video of a good goal?
Lots of good goals.
Like this one.
I remember that.
That was against Slavia.
Fuckers...
Nice one.
Julda, put your back into it!
Man, Mum got really
drunk that day.
And then our coach had her.
Goal! You see that, coach?
Well done, lads! Great job.
According to the latest reports,
Vyehrad wont be able
to play their weekend match
due to a fatal lack of players.
This will also result in their
expulsion from the league.
What should I do for you
to forgive me?
Their last season successes
and Lavicks goals are long gone.
Only a miracle
can help them now.
Do you know
what you should do?
A miracle.
- Thank you for coming, our situation is...
- Sorry.
Sure. Hello, Lavi.
- Hi.
- Hey.
You still look fantastic.
- Of course. And you should think again.
- Have you got someone now?
- Are you taking the piss, or...
- Watch your mouth!
Youre our son, but dont stick
your fucking nose in this.
Of course I have.
Michal loutek.
Pleased to meet you.
Ctibor ebek.
Stop the squawking!
Sorry.
Why didnt you tell us?
Youre going to play here
and were to miss out on it?
But were staying the night,
so we thought the dads wouldnt like it.
Youre quite right about that.
I arranged 30-day loans,
which is the minimum.
But, old hand that you are,
you know that already, right?
Yeah.
- Hi, Gramps.
- Hello, Richard.
- You knew it from the start, didnt you?
- Im glad I have another grandfather.
And Im glad I have
a grandson like you.
Dont get your hopes up,
hes a dysfunctional grandpa.
- Do we have to rake about in the past?
- Im happy to do that.
- What actually happened between you?
- Nothing.
She just didnt like me
climbing up gutters
and spying on girls in the shower.
- I told you it was normal.
- No, it never was.
Gentlemen, get ready.
Fuck off, you prick.
- Come on lads, lets get started.
- Yes, sure.
Michal, leave it up to him,
theyre his lads.
- Bloody hell!
- Oh man, Jirka! Whatre you doing here?
- Shouldnt you be in jail in Argentina?
- I escaped.
What are you gawping at,
you scumbag? Jirka Dna.
Lavi.
Youve managed to dig your way
through from Argentina?
Are you an idiot? I just
dropped my keys down there.
Sorry about the joke
with Mra Dna.
Its fine, it served me right for using up
all the hot water the other day.
- So were quits?
- Its a draw.
Do I smell bad or what?
Is he any good?
The last piece of the jigsaw.
Were all from Smrkov.
We were all born there.
We might spend our whole lives
there and die there, too.
But unlike every other local,
you have a chance
to achieve something great.
Its what youve always wanted.
I know it, because
I taught you that myself.
So when you get a chance
to achieve something, dont waste it.
Trust me, I know
what Im talking about.
So go and play for each other!
So that everyone can see it doesnt
matter youre from the lower leagues.
And that you can play against
chaps from the third division!
Yeah, but were only
one league below them.
Alright, lets go.
No way!
Who the fuck you think you are?
Did you see
how he tumbled down?
- No.
- You should have.
OK lads, come on, come on!
Pass it, quick!
Yes, thats it!
Go, go!
Pass the ball, mate!
Now! What the fuck?
- There was no-one!
- What dyou mean?
You just fucking ran
into them, man!
Tonda, watch out!
- Fucking hell.
- Cheer up, cheer up!
Doesnt matter.
Girls!
Bitch? Girls!
I know youre angry with me,
but this is a bit...
Smrk-Off Bitches?
Oh, I see!
Thats fantastic!
- Weve been training.
- What? Today? Here?
- But well sink again.
- Theyve got an astroturf pitch here.
But I feel kind of... I think Im ill.
Its not an illness.
- I know, Im trying to...
- Lavi!
Hi.
Hello, baby.
Im really sorry, love, okay?
- You know I love you, mate.
- I love you too.
Are we okay, then?
- Hello, girls.
- Im pregnant!
- No shit!
- Yeah.
I had no idea I had been
pregnant for some time now.
Arent you happy?
Yes, I am.
Of course Im happy.
- But we last did it...
- When you were so fat.
- But I couldnt get it up.
- You could.
I guess we just couldnt see
it over your paunch.
- And why are you telling me now, baby?
- When else?
Any other time, but not at half-time.
Do you want me to end up like Beckham?
- And how did Beckbam end up?
- Badly. Youre like Victoria. Posh Spice.
I need more through balls from you.
Ill get in the gap and score.
- No, well play it differently.
- How differently?
We cant walk it into the net,
they defend well.
Well play high balls forward.
Like the national team in its heyday.
Lua, punt it like Ujfalui.
Lavi will tap it near
the box like Dino.
And you, Jirka, youll fire it in
like Nedvd used to do. Alright?
Like fuck I will!
I wont tap it for some darkie
wholl steal my thunder.
Back in Smrkov, it seemed
you finally knew what a team was.
Putting one of my bros
first again, huh?
- Firstly, hes not your brother.
- I dont believe you.
What are you gawping at?
Lets see your prick.
Okay, hes not my brother.
And secondly,
Ive never put any of you first.
Ive been following you.
I know everything.
I know when you
scored your first goal.
And that you scored
a hattrick against Teplice.
Or how you bought prostitutes
for your teammates.
And that you slept with a woman
who was born a man.
- Fucking hell, mate!
- How can you know that?
I know things you dont
even know yourself.
Im your dad, after all.
I take you the way you are.
Christ, so just believe me
and do as I say.
- She wasnt born a man.
- We know that, bro.
Five, six, Smrkov bitches!
- Yes, yes, yes!
- You were amazing!
Wow, baby!
Im so proud of you.
Lets go, come on!
Lads, I know I fucked it up back then.
I might have conceived the boys,
but you brought them up.
And you brought them up so well.
If only I had had the same chance.
They treat you
as their real fathers.
And theyd definitely be happy
if you supported them a bit.
And if it helps you let off steam,
you can punch me.
Oh shit!
- Fuck!
- Doesnt matter.
Come on, lads!
Listen, guys.
Isnt that Mra Dna?
Oh yes!
- Mra Dna!
- Mra!
Lets go! What did I tell you?
- Thats it!
- Go!
Good!
Yes!
Lets go!
One more goal, you pricks!
Thats it! One more goal!
Theyre my lads after all.
The most popular sport
in the world.
We even have the highest number
of registered players per capita.
They come and kick the ball around
at the weekend, or just watch a match,
and think they have
a right to the sport.
But is that fair? As far as we go?
We live the sport,
we wake up in the morning
thinking about football,
we fall asleep at night
thinking about football.
Its not sport for all,
its our sport.
Its our football!
Its our league!
And those arseholes have
to realize that once and for all!
Exactly.
- Daddy? -Yeah?
- Its time.
Switch it on.
Ladies and gentlemen,
our beloved sport
is at a crossroads.
We can either pretend
everythings fine,
or vote for change
and start cleaning up football
under my guidance.
Were not doing it
for ourselves, are we?
Were doing it for future generations.
Were doing it for our children.
I think the most
important thing for you
is that you know
what you can expect from me.
Because I am your Daddy.
I am the Daddy
of all of Czech football.
Vote for me.
Because these do-gooders
talk a lot of bullshit,
but they cant get
money into football.
I think its better to swim
in shit that you know
than try to wash yourself with
water you know nothing about.
Yeah!
Yeah!
Come on, do it, hurry!
Well done.
He whistled for the end,
did you see that?
Yeah.
Heres a tissue.
Thanks for your help.
The legends about you
are obviously true.
Shame it didnt work
out back then.
How about joining us?
Second division,
you might like that.
Thanks for the offer,
but I have to refuse.
- Lavi!
- Yes?
Thanks for putting the team first.
Thanks for spending time with me.
Even though I didnt know about it.
And you thought you were all alone.
Im all alone now for everything.
Shit! How do you do it,
you runt?
I need your help.
Vyehrad won. It didnt quite
work out for you, did it?
Im always a step ahead.
When Lavi finds out
what dirt I have on him,
hell be eating out of our hand.
You think?
Give me a bit to drink.
Mattonis finished, Stork.
Lassie, I think
youll be a great dad.
But I already am.
Im great, baby.
- Its sorted.
- I have to go.
Wait!
Well be a family!
Jardas also a family.
And now you and I
are a family, too.
Hello, sweetheart.
- Come on, then.
- Hi there, little one.
Come on.
Dont worry, itll be fine.
Come on. Smile!
- I dont want to!
- Why not? Just go!
ebeks phoned.
Were supposed to vote for Mizina.
Connect me,
somethings happening.
I cant, theyre playing
something there now.
Vote for Jarda Mizina.
Jarda Mizina is our only chance.
We cant manage
without Jarda Mizina.
Vote for Jarda Mizina,
the future of Czech football.
He understands it well
and Im sure he can help it.
Once and for all,
vote for Jarda Mizina!
Only Jarda Mizina
can clean it all up!
And the results will be announced by
Champions League winner Marek Jankulovski.
A round of applause, please!
- Thank you.
- Its fine. Dont worry.
Ladies and gentlemen,
with 121 votes, the new President
of the Czech Football Association is...
Stop! Stop!
Vote for Mizina, you cunts!
all of you, man!
Youre the best, Jra.
Milo.
Ilona.
The new President
of the Czech Football Association
is...
Lavi
Coming down like an avalanche
Lavi
Both a genius and a moron
Lavi
Top to bottom,
Sparta, Vyehrad, win or fall
THE END?
Lavi
- Its back! I can smell it!
- Whatre you doing, you idiot?
Give me that one, yes.
And that one as well, yeah.
That was the best part, right?
That was the best thing!
- Come on, come on, come on!
- Thats it, come and get the ball!