We're Going to Team Building (2023) Movie Script

We broke up.
She wanted kids, and I...
We just broke up.
I want a house, so I've got to make money.
Kids would just hold my career back.
Once I make project manager,
then I'll start planning your grandkids.
Hey buddy. You got any spare change?
- What?
- If you've got any spare change.
Yeah, of course.
Do you take cards?
You don't. That's rough.
How can I help you
if you can't even help yourself?
Yes, a doctor looked at it
and said it wasn't anything serious.
So need to worry.
- Hi, Helena. How are the kids?
- They caught measles at school.
- That's great.
- What do you mean, "great"?
Mom, listen to me. It's nothing.
The doctor said it's extremely common,
so you can relax.
How's it going, Mr. Future Senior Manager?
Don't jinx it. Nothing's final yet.
Now, Mom, you know me.
I'd never forget your birthday.
I'm in the office now.
I'm in charge of eight people.
I have to go. Okay. Bye.
Hello, Diana. Where is everyone?
Half went for coffee, the others a smoke.
How about the Black Friday offer?
We're waiting for your comments.
- And for Credit Prague Banking?
- We're waiting for your comments.
Diana, what do you think
you should be doing?
Whatever you say.
- What the hell are you doing?
- I'm picking out new shoes.
Why don't you do this after 6:00 p.m.?
Because I'm off after 6:00 p.m.
You don't think it's weird
that you're doing this at work?
This isn't work. It's a job.
I'm not some manual laborer.
Jarmila's the one who comes here to work.
Welcome to FP Global, where we
make dreams come true in installments.
The lift goes up.
Today is a beautiful day.
God, if you can hear me,
destroy this elevator.
Jesus, Son of God, snap the cable.
Jesus, Son of God, snap the cable.
- Welcome to FP Global, where we make...
- Hi. Mind if I join?
The lift goes up.
Today is a beautiful day.
Today sure is a beautiful day, isn't it?
It's not going down again, is it?
Is that wild berries? Amazing.
Did you hear the elevator
in the Brno branch crashed?
Really bad luck, isn't it?
You really never know.
Have a nice day.
You must be kidding me, God!
Why are you giving priority to Brno?
Excuse me. I'll just go through here.
Jarmila, you've already gone through here.
I have not.
You want people to say I don't work?
This is the third time you've been
through here with the vacuum.
Ale, this is my job.
Crumbs, smudges, trash.
Those are my duties.
Do you want Nikol to yell at me again,
saying I'm not a good...
-"clining" manager?
-"Cleaning manager," Jarmila.
Jarmila, calm down.
Nobody can say anything,
because you're the only one
that is working right now.
Plus, you've just had
a serious injury, right?
- You're really not afraid of Nikol?
- Good morning.
- Hello.
- Kind reminder.
Team building is in three weeks, and you
still haven't added two to my team.
Kind reminder. Since the Slovaks
have won the last three years,
there's no point in sending anyone there
and wasting our time.
Kind reminder. Mr. Brvek wants us to win
this year. That's why he's sending me.
Fair Pay Cup.
That's just great.
- I'll send you an email.
- Kind reminder. You said that last week.
Kind reminder. Last week I emailed
a proposal for lowering costs.
I told you I'd respond when I had time.
Oh, and kind reminder.
Today we find out who's getting promoted.
Good luck.
And I'll be waiting for those names.
At FP Global, we make your dreams
come true in installments.
Cut. We've got it!
Nikol, come here.
- Come on. Faster.
- Yes, Boss.
- Have a look here. How do I look?
- Amazing as always, Boss.
I know.
And do you know why I look amazing?
- It's the new Cedric LeBlanc.
- I knew it.
We're making final preparations
for the Fair Pay Cup.
Jarmila, do you think
they're banging each other?
How can you say that, Mr. Ale?
Mr. Brvek only screws girls
from accounting.
- And Nikol?
- Nikol?
She's from HR.
She fucks everyone.
Mr. Ale, you're a smart man.
But there's something not right with you.
You work too much.
You're a smart young man.
But there's something not right with you.
You work too much.
And that's a problem?
I just told you that it is a problem.
Are you obtuse?
- Nikol, is he obtuse?
- Yes, Boss.
I just told him he's a smart young man.
Are you obtuse?
Yes, Boss.
He doesn't get teamwork.
He creates unneeded pressure.
He sends emails at 8:00 p.m.
on Saturdays, Sundays and holidays.
I just think that each of us
could work a bit more.
Especially now,
as the summer Black Friday is nearing.
Do you know what we do here?
We process credit-card payments.
But what do we really do?
Fair Play Global creates added value
through operational excellence--
We help people make payments.
Payments calm people. They don't complain.
When you make a payment, you feel...
You feel peace and excitement
at the same time.
Like a deer in heat.
- When you say it like that.
- Bravo, Mr. Brvek!
You see? She likes it.
You see how happy she is?
Ale, you look upset.
Have you got kids?
- Are you making payments on anything?
- No.
Not even a mortgage?
No, I'm renting.
Pull yourself together,
or it'll end badly.
What's our slogan?
We make dreams come true in installments.
We make dreams come true in installments!
- Nikol, have you got kids?
- Yes.
- Are you making payments?
- Yes. A lot.
- And are you upset, Nikol?
- No! Never.
That is, unless you want me to be upset.
You see? Life is easy.
When you have kids and make payments,
you're happy to have a job.
When you don't have kids
or make payments, you hate people.
And this company loves people.
Don't take it as a demotion
but as a horizontal promotion.
- Nikol?
- Yes, Boss?
- Give us a moment.
- Yes, Boss.
you want to lead, grow,
make things happen, right?
Well, I've got a department for you.
They lack someone like you.
Someone with a vision.
Someone motivated. A boss.
Even there, you can make things happen
and prove what you have inside yourself
and preserve your dignity.
What department?
A very special department.
You dropped something.
What is it?
"Diagnosis for erectile dysfunction."
Today is a beautiful day.
Basement. Good luck.
The lift goes up.
You're already here? That was fast.
- What?
- The clogged-up toilet.
- But I'm--
- Who clogged it this time, Marcela?
- I...
- You?
I am your new team leader.
Yes, this is really our new boss.
- How do you know?
- I'm the only one who reads emails.
- Jitka can read?
- Shut up, you idiotic idiot.
You smell, you monster.
So, welcome, new team leader.
So what did you do, Boss?
- Excuse me?
- What did you do
to get such a demotion?
I wasn't demoted, but promoted.
Sure, they did.
All right, guys. Let's go.
Let's kick it into high gear.
That's great. Good job.
Let's do...
Let's call it a little trial call, okay?
I'll be an unsatisfied client.
Any volunteers?
Excellent. How about you?
I'm calling you. It's ringing.
Ring, ring. Answer it, please.
"Yeah, hello." Unsatisfied client.
You've just called FP Global.
Yes, an idiot on the phone.
Yes, you asshole.
Yes, I've just had a lobotomy.
Of course we all deserve to die.
How can I help?
What are you doing?
Talking on the phone.
That's the process. They call, I answer.
They start cursing.
So do I, and then I transfer them.
Look, you just can't do that.
It can't be so terribly complicated
to talk to clients.
- No.
- Yeah...
A call from Most.
Give it to me. Well, give it to me.
Hi, you've reached FP Global. My name's--
Why are you calling, you motherfucker?
How did you get my number, idiot?
What do you mean,
how did I get your number?
You're calling us.
Climb back into your mother's hole
she shit you out of, you fucking prick.
Now, one minute.
My mother would never do
such a thing in her life.
Plus, the hole isn't big enough.
You-- You--
- You client!
- Fuck yourself, fuck-head.
Send me my money back,
you fucking asshole.
- I understand.
- Why is no fucking money on my card?
I'll transfer you.
Wait, you fucking shit.
Transfer him.
So, they changed out your ATM,
and now you don't know
where to stick your card?
So maybe you can stick it up your ass.
No, you lick my ass.
Lick my ass more.
I'll transfer you.
All right, then. Fucker.
Thank you for calling 911.
Hello. How can I help you?
- What are you doing?
- Working.
- You just hung up on a client.
- He hung up on me.
Because you told him he'd called 911.
Your job is to resolve
credit-card problems for clients.
No, that's the goal of the company.
My job is to dispatch
as many calls as possible.
You don't get that I'm not a person?
I'm a robot.
I am a robot.
Okay, Michal.
But you're not resolving their problems.
Yeah, it just doesn't work like that.
You sleep better when you know
it doesn't work like that.
That it doesn't work like that?
Michal, five minutes left.
You know what that means.
Time to Macarena. Oh, yeah.
Come over here, guys. Time to Macarena.
He can do five calls in 30 seconds.
Don't believe it? Just watch.
Three, two, one, and go!
This is the city, calling about
your annual property tax. Hello?
With this phone call,
you just donated 1,000 CZK for...
You're live on the air with Patrick...
You lousy motherfucker.
Call my wife one more time, and I...
Hello, Milos Zeman speaking... Hello?
Stop! Holy cow. Twenty-one seconds!
Michal, you're a lunatic!
And with that, I've met my goal for today.
Last one out turns off the light.
Mom, I'm at work.
Yes, Mom. I still have the same job.
It wasn't like that. No, no, no...
No, I wasn't demoted.
I was promoted horizontally.
I've got an elite team
and an amazing position.
I'm sorry. I forgot my wallet.
Can you let me in?
- Name?
- Michal.
Michal what?
- Michal David.
- Have you got any ID?
I just told you I forgot my wallet.
So no, I don't have my ID.
Maybe just sing for me "Decibels of Love."
I won't sing fucking "Decibels of Love."
I'm not that Michal David.
I'm this Michal David.
Put it in reverse, Grandpa.
What's in the spray. Heart medication?
Weren't you in the third season
of Love Island?
The second.
- What bothers you about the name?
- It's not the name. It's that buffoon.
Why do we have the same name,
and why does he sing those songs?
C-rings, I collect C-rings
It's all a trap
And I didn't even see it coming
estmr, lick my ass!
The lift goes up.
Today is a beautiful day.
Michal, I'm really looking forward
to working with you.
And I hope we can...
That bitch wants money again.
No, I'm not giving you anything.
You're not getting any fucking money.
Because you want to bleed me dry.
My mom told me you'd fuck up my life.
Even an armless hooker picking up truckers
in the parking lot for food coupons
has more dignity than you.
Delete my number
and forget that I ever existed!
- Wife?
- Son.
He wants me to pay for private school.
Could you help me with something?
Could you make it so they like me?
Or at least motivate them
to be more effective.
You think I'm Harry Potter?
You probably think that I enjoy
working down here with you all.
You think I don't have testicles.
Well, I do. Two.
But I behave like a man.
And I leave them outside
when I get to work.
You could've just said it normally.
Guys, did you hear that? He said
he left his balls in front of his house!
So, guys,
can anyone tell me what this is?
- A ball!
- No.
Two balls.
What is this whole thing called?
What is it?
Two hairy balls.
This is synergy.
Do any of you know what synergy is?
You don't, of course.
It's about the cooperation
of two or more subjects
with the goal of reaching
a combined effect
that is bigger than if the two subjects
were working alone.
Jitka, you're so stupid. Shit!
Just go home. But walk.
Shut up, you brainless hobbit.
One moment. That's right.
Jitka's absolutely correct.
- Good work, Jitka.
- Good work, Jitka. Thank you so much.
Let's imagine that this is our company.
- And this...
- Looks like a cock.
And this has several layers.
- This is the top...
- Of the cock.
- The management. Here is...
- The middle of the cock.
No. Employees.
And this down here...
- The base of the cock.
- Almost.
Unqualified staff. Low class.
So the question is, what is missing?
We all know what's missing, don't we?
It's clear.
An onion?
The eye of Sauron.
- No, no, no.
- Red Square.
The Kremlin! The Kremlin.
Marcela, come on.
What are you doing? It's a cunt.
And next to it is one too.
Okay, okay. One moment. What you said...
Yes, kinda, but a bit different.
It starts with C. Second letter is L.
- Clitoris!
- No, "client"!
Client. It's the client.
- Yeah, of course, the client.
- That means that we are what?
- Fuckers.
- Okay, yes.
So what's our job?
- To fuck the client.
- Yes, to fuck the client!
And what do we gain from that?
Added value.
- Yes!
- Added value!
And that, my friends,
is the definition of capitalism!
Ale, come on in.
Make yourself comfortable. Have a seat.
- How's it going?
- Wonderful.
- Things are really moving.
- Come here.
What do you think
about artificial intelligence?
I think it's a great thing.
- It's definitely the future.
- Bingo!
I'm closing the call center.
- What?
- It was Nikol's idea.
It's cheaper to replace the operators
with artificial intelligence.
Listen to this.
Hi. I'm Klra.
You look amazing.
How can I help you?
- Okay, and what about the employees?
- What do you mean?
- What are you going to do with them?
- Fire them.
But don't worry. Not until September.
If you're nice to Nikol,
we'll keep you on.
Thank you.
What happened, Jarmila?
- They fired me.
- My God. Why?
Don't even ask.
Nikol told me the company
couldn't pay me any longer.
Who's going to clean here, then?
- A robot.
- A robot?
I'm cleaning. Give me some space.
Out of the way, Granny.
What if we win the Fair Pay Cup for you?
You think you can beat the Slovak branch?
That's a fantastic coffee.
Best I ever had.
But it's not what I drink.
It's a fucking piccolo. You're fired.
It's too late for the Fair Pay Cup.
Nikol and her team are going.
You mean the team that lost last year?
- What do you suggest?
- If I win the Fair Pay Cup,
will there be enough proof
that the call center is beneficial?
No, but it would be amazing to wipe
the floor with those assholes.
Listen, Ale. If you win the cup,
I'll make you a project manager by fall,
and I'll let the call center live.
But if you don't win,
you'll be fired by the end of the month.
Good luck.
I brought a rope, tent,
mess kit and machete.
Vclav, it's not a survival course,
it's a team-building.
I know. I even brought Godzilla. Look.
Do you know what team-building is?
- Free alcohol and food.
- Yeah.
And sex!
Like, sex in a vagina?
With a real woman?
Yes, Vclav.
Sex in a vagina with a real,
non-inflatable woman.
Michal, can you stop smoking?
All right, then.
What the fuck does it mean,
"The theme is political correctness"?
The whole Fair Pay Cup
is run by the Americans.
Or Soros. Or Steve Jobs.
Most likely the Americans.
Sometimes I ask myself
who runs your brain, Marcela.
Probably you. You're so stupid,
you could run the whole world.
- I'm ignoring you. Not listening.
- The fuck you'll ignore me, sweetie.
- I don't care what you're saying.
- Please, quiet!
How long have you been
working here, Jitka?
Five years.
That's four years and 11 months
longer than I would have liked.
Take a picture.
Jesus Christ.
Can you cover up your nipple?
Nobody wants to see that.
- You're just jealous you can't do it.
- I can do it.
I'm surprised you're not a manager.
- Only men become managers.
- I don't think that's true.
How did you get it?
Do you have any experience
in a call center? You don't.
How is it with political concreteness?
What does it mean?
- It's "correctness," Vclav.
- That's what I just said.
It's an art.
The art of offending someone
without it being legally contestable.
And how can I say, "Thank you, you idiot"?
"Thank you for the feedback.
I'll take it into consideration."
- If I want to say, "I don't give a fuck"?
-"Send it to me by email."
And if I want to say,
"Go fuck yourself, you fucking cow
with cunt lips as shriveled
as Cleopatra's mummy"?
Welcome to Hotel Under the Linden Tree.
All our rooms are unfortunately booked.
We have a reservation.
FP Global.
One moment. Let me check that.
- Call center. The Prague branch.
- Oh, Prague.
Sometimes you get so many emails,
you don't know what is what.
Yes, I have it.
You're supposed to have six rooms, right?
Now you only have three.
- That must be a mistake, right?
- No.
The reservation was changed
by a Mrs. Nikol Pitrusov.
Where are you going to sleep?
They've got a sink for midgets.
Vclav, that's a bidet.
That's where you wash your ass.
You didn't drink from it, did you?
I'm not an idiot.
We're gonna fuck all night long.
Not with each other. With women!
No, Vclav, no!
We can't both fuck here.
What the hell are you doing?
What every normal man does
when he's finally away from his family.
Okay, maybe wait until I finish unpacking
and leave the room.
So go.
Can I please have a little privacy?
The porno won't watch itself!
At least close the windows,
for God's sake.
Oh, Nikol. You also came.
Yes. But thanks to you,
not as a competitor but as a supervisor.
Kind reminder.
From now on, I'm Mrs. Pitrusov to you.
- How's your room?
- Excellent, Mrs. Pitrusov.
You bitch!
- Excuse me?
- Quit begging and just take it!
The radio. A historical documentary.
On your knees, you German bitch.
Yeah, come on.
Congratulations to your team.
And now listen good and well, Ale.
Keep your smelly gang on a leash
and don't embarrass the company.
I'm curious to know how it turns out.
Hi. What are you going?
- Has anyone else arrived?
- The delegation from Teplice has.
Teplice is here.
They're probably
a bunch of douche bags anyways.
What are you doing? This is work.
Yeah, of course.
Hey, what's with him? What's with him?
Oh, nothing.
Boobs! Boobs!
Wait, Vclav. You want to tell me
that you saw breasts?
- Yeah!
- That's great! He saw breasts.
There's a pool here?
- Pool!
- Pool!
Hi. I'm Ale.
Junior Manager. Call center, Prague.
And this is...
my team.
Bianka. Manager of Logistics.
Sandra. Deputy manager of Logistics.
- Marie. Office manager. Nice to meet you.
- Hi, hey, hey.
Girls, it looks like
the Slovaks are delayed.
- No.
- Oh, no. That's sad to hear.
- Hey. Does anyone want to V-up?
- Yeah. Of course.
V-up? That's a great idea.
We really love V-up.
We love to V-up!
We're good at it! We love V-up.
They just want to play volleyball,
you fools.
We know, you monstrosity.
Go to bed, would you?
Let's V-up!
Let's do it. Let's go.
I'm sorry for hitting you.
My hand slipped. Are you all right?
It's all right.
I'll just ice it a bit, and it'll be okay.
What challenge are you most afraid of?
- None.
- Really?
You know how it is.
You're the leader.
You have lots of responsibility.
- Have you all done this before?
Every year.
The Slovaks won again last year.
The Slovaks.
Yeah, the Slovaks.
They're pretty tough, aren't they?
They're like better clones of themselves.
Kind of like us.
Well, almost.
- Hi.
- Hi.
- Cheers.
- Cheers.
- What was that?
- Where did it come from?
- Like someone was crying out.
- A horrible death.
Don't worry, girls. It's just one
of the better clones of Team Prague.
Truly quality cinematography.
I'm most afraid
of the machine guns from Brno.
That's really scary.
- What?
- The boys from the Internal Audit.
- We're coming, fuckers!
- Let's go!
We're coming.
Get out!
We're here!
Hi, I'm Ale.
Junior team manager, call center, Prague.
That's okay.
I'm Rosa.
Manager for consulting of Internal Audit.
But this weekend, I'll be your...
big boss!
Boys, this is Vclav.
I'm Kuba, and I stink,
but that's all right!
Did you miss us?
Well, I see you're the same bunch of pigs.
So you did.
Shut up and take your bags.
Hello, gentlemen.
I need to shower.
I want something non-alcoholic. Some wine.
Are they serious?
Fourteen hours a day
counting stacks of money.
These three days, they try to make up
for the other 362 days they aren't living.
- Where's my pillow?
- Quit embarrassing me and take the shirt.
Auditing isn't easy.
So, I mostly get this.
They brought hookers.
That's Michal. He's not well.
He's had strokes. Today was the third.
Where's the fucking bottle?
Hey, fellas.
- Hey!
- Hey!
Guys, let's go talk to them.
Wait! Michal!
Let's just not overdo it
with the alcohol, okay?
- Okay, Dad!
- We'll be home by 6:00.
You guys are beautiful.
- You're beautiful!
- Show me. Again.
Guys, listen to me!
I know it's your first team-building,
and you're not used to the free alcohol,
but don't drink so much all at once, okay?
Look what you'll turn into.
What are you talking about, you idiot?
In the evening, ready.
In the morning, ready.
We need to stick together.
You understand? Together.
Jitka? You too?
Just because I'm an intelligent woman
doesn't mean I can't drink.
Shit, Jitka.
That's two lies in one sentence.
You're as dumb as a brick,
and you don't even look like a woman.
You look like Cyclops.
You're just... just...
Come on, come on, come on...
There is lightning over the Tatras,
Packed so light? Welcome.
Where's your luggage?
We had it sent to the hotel in a taxi.
I'm just so happy you're here.
Welcome to beautiful Slovakia.
Happy to see you.
We're really sorry about coming late.
On the way, we took part in a charity
cycling race, "Sagan for Life,"
to support a local animal shelter.
I don't understand them.
- But you're also from Slovakia.
- But I haven't lived here for two years.
Then we went to meditate
at a mountain lake.
We asked the Tatras to give us
the strength to be better people.
And that this year,
it would help us win the Fair Pay Cup.
So come look at where you'll be staying.
Fair Pay Cup starts tomorrow.
Oh, calm down.
What do they have that we don't?
A sexy disabled person.
That's always bonus points.
I can break my arm, Boss,
if you give me a bonus.
Or I can break it... for free.
How is it they're so perfect?
They probably asked the Tatras.
Cover your lungs so you don't get sick.
They're breasts, you idiot!
Kiss my ass!
I was trying to decently apologize...
You motherfucker.
Quiet. Enough, enough.
If we want to win, we have to be united.
Let's walk past them
and show them we're not afraid.
Agreed, team?
- And no more drinking!
- That's right.
That's right. Excuse me.
Where can I find weed around here?
And the zakladan and ape dances.
Legs up. That's it, up.
- Hop. Hop.
- Hop. Hop.
Care for a beer?
No. No, thanks. I don't drink beer.
I only drink brandy
my old man makes in the highlands.
My grandpa, he was a real man.
He taught me to love the nature,
mountains, forests,
Tatras, bears.
Suddenly I saw a kitten on the path.
I jumped off to save it.
- Just then, a semi sped down the road.
- And?
It survived. But I was hospitalized.
What a hero.
I was just doing what I had to.
Tai chi is amazing.
In Slovakia, everyone does it.
Even children.
I got this bruise when I was putting up
a maypole for my girlfriend.
We like to keep our traditions.
In the wild battle,
you lose only your soul.
Instead of living in suffering,
I'd rather die than be a slave.
The cheeses: Bryndza, Parenica,
With one hand I milk the sheep,
with the other I pet it.
I wouldn't mind being the sheep.
You're all sheep.
We've been just behind you a long time,
little brother.
But the euro and Tatras,
that's a deadly combination of progress.
I really fucking hate it here.
- But they've got great mountains.
- What are we supposed to do here?
- Are you going to dance?
- Just leave me alone!
All right. So I'll probably go
make friends with the Brno team.
Then I'll go back to the room and play
a real nice, educational German film.
Vclav, wait. Wait.
What would you say
if I slept with you tonight in the tent.
- With me?
- Yes. No!
You know as the leader, I can't share
a room with a member of my team.
It wouldn't be fair to the others.
You understand?
Then everyone would want
a leader in their room.
You want to fuck in my tent?
No, I don't want to fuck in your tent.
But that's not fair. Where will I fuck?
Vclav. Vclav!
Could you make a cocktail for me?
Sex on the beach?
You wouldn't have sex on the hotel?
You know what I like about you guys?
That you don't give a shit
about the competition.
- It's genius.
- Fuck the competition.
We didn't come here to win,
but to get fucked up.
Of course.
And to get time away from our families.
Time away from the family.
I have a little coke.
- I love you, bro.
- I love you too, bro.
We'll start a software company together.
Yeah, because we're super awesome.
- I don't mind you being from Brno, bro.
- We can move to Jihlava, bro.
- We can get stitched together like twins.
- And we'll be together forever, bro.
- And then we can move in together.
- And then we'll live together, bro.
- God! That's a great idea, bro!
- You're great, bro. I admire you.
- You're an inspiration to me, bro.
- No, you're an inspiration, bro.
- I love you so much.
- I love you too, bro.
Good evening, gentlemen.
What are you doing? Prepping for tomorrow?
We're playing "Spud in the Nuts."
You ever played?
You catch the potato with your balls.
If you don't, we kick you there. Amazing!
It might look easy,
but you have to move your pelvis.
You can go right after me. Now me! Now me!
Are you nuts?
Do you know what time it is?
My room is just above you.
So go fuck yourselves.
You go fuck yourself!
Jesus Christ.
What the... Who's here?
My God, Jitka! You've mixed up the rooms.
Plus, this isn't a room, it's a tent.
- I'm drunk. And I want to fuck.
- Well, that's just great.
I guess you're looking for Vclav.
If so, then he's somewhere else.
You'll do just fine.
Jitka, wait. Stop it.
Jitka, stop it.
I'll defend myself. I swear I will!
What happens at team-building...
stays at team-building.
Sure, you're eyeing all the girls,
but not me.
No! Jitka doesn't count.
Jitka, she isn't a woman.
Jitka hasn't got breasts.
She's got lungs.
- Jitka.
- I have something for you.
That's not it.
I want someone to stare at my ass.
For once.
Stop it.
I thought I'd ferociously
rip into someone here,
so we'd regret it the next day.
Then we wouldn't talk for half a year.
I respect you as a person.
As a colleague. As a woman!
we're something like family.
It's uncanny how much
you remind me of my brother.
You're all so fucking macho!
- Let me out!
- Wait...
Guys, no farting like that
in the tent again. Shit.
That was wild!
Where the fuck am I?
My ass is as moist as Vietnamese salami.
My balls hurt.
To the pool.
Let's go.
Welcome to Fair Pay Cup!
A tradition of FP Global since 2017.
There will be four rounds.
The team who wins each round gets...
a "brvek."
At the end,
the team with the most brveks wins.
We know who the favorites are.
Let's begin.
We'll start with a team-knowledge game.
We're still missing someone.
Yeah, Jitka's taking a shit.
Where the hell is Michal?
A Slovak hero. He stole.
Ex-Prime Minister Babi!
Really old.
Dr. Sova.
and unbelievably sexy.
- She's not alive anymore.
- Britney Spears!
- Politician. Ambitious. Power.
- The Jews.
- He stole a pen.
- Soros.
Drinking, drinking, drinking!
- We are...
- Brno!
E = mc2.
Albert Einstein.
Born the 14th of March, 1879.
Click. Window. Billionaire.
Bill Gates.
Who is controlled by the Jews,
who want to wipe us all out.
Oh, God, no.
Team trust.
The team that shows the most trust
in their colleagues will win the brvek.
Watch out!
Three, two, one, now!
Guys, we got this!
...the great prosecutor of the Jews!
Dear Constance.
Did we win?
We won!
Is that you?
Did you finally crash the elevator?
Help me up. Fuck.
Vclav. Vclav!
Is there a doctor here?
Don't do this to me, brother.
What is it?
Is that everything?
Is it Monday?
That was great.
Let's do it again next year. Bye.
I think that doesn't count.
So, let's move on.
We got a point. We got a brvek!
We got a brvek! Yeah, yeah!
It's just one brvek.
Just the same. Nobody expected it.
Well, thanks.
I know my team.
You look like you know a lot of things.
Well, I do know some things. That's true.
Look at them.
They look happy, but despite that,
they'd like to get out.
You think?
Every bird wants to fly free.
Congratulations on your first point.
Too bad it'll be your last.
It's not the last.
When I look at you monkeys,
it is clear to me
that I won't have to wait many months
until your department is closed.
I believe you all will manage it
yourselves until Monday.
See you at the masquerade ball.
Don't forget your costumes.
Vclav, one more picture of me,
and I'll shove it up your ass.
It's not so embarrassing.
God, if you can hear me, take us all.
Guys, the others are going to have
stupid costumes.
We're superheroes. We're a super team.
Think about our victory. Let's go.
Oh, I forgot to tell you
we canceled the whole costume thing.
That's okay. You all look really good.
So, let's start.
Don't drink, little guy
Don't drink the water
Water only harms you
Love is here with you
So be with love
Love is here with you
So be with love
Everyone, now!
Love is here with you
So be with love
It wants to touch us
The time is right, thanks to our desire
You're joking.
I'll-- I'll kill that fucker!
He's joking. You can't be serious!
So you can live only in the discos
Oh, oh, oh
Decibels of love
Oh, oh, oh
This is music
No need even saying
You come from a fucking village
You came from a poor family
Hoping of fulfilling your dreams
You're a fucking gold-digger
That's not our performance.
Just a dry run. Come on, Marcela.
The world is controlled by lizards
that are planning a new world order
to use us unvaccinated for the production
of cheap bioactive electric energy!
People, wake up!
- Bravo!
- Bravo, Vclav!
Vclav for president!
Vclav for president!
Vclav, you motherfucker!
Shit, Vclav!
- I'm so proud of you.
- Where did that come from?
- How did you learn to sing so beautifully?
- In the shower.
How many times did you take a shower
to sound like a god?
My parents would lock me
in the bathroom when they'd go out.
They'd play music for me
so I wouldn't feel alone.
Isn't that what they do with dogs?
No, they always took the dog with them.
You're amazing, buddy!
I think it's absolutely clear
who wins this round.
- Vclav!
- Vclav!
Vclav! Our Vclav. It's clear!
The winning team is...
Team Slovakia!
I absolutely adore Michal David!
What's that? You stupid bitch!
Let's give the Slovaks a hand!
I also have wonderful news.
Mr. Brvek is here
and will be here with us this year!
A round of applause!
Am I interrupting?
Wow. It's beautiful.
Nikol is really biased towards them.
Maybe a bit.
But, hey, don't worry about that.
It's okay.
Every true leader has to learn
how to accept defeat.
There's still a chance.
For what?
To show what you've got inside.
It might seem like you're rooting for us.
But we're still competition for you all.
I can root for whoever I want.
I can do whatever I want. You know?
That's actually true.
That's true.
I also want to do what I want.
Also, also, also!
I also want to do what I want.
I'm sorry.
I let myself get a bit carried away.
That doesn't happen often.
It's okay.
Do you want to grow old in this company?
Most of all, I want peace and quiet.
I want my own apartment.
No payments. And a car.
My own bed with breakfast.
- Yeah!
- Not listening to orders.
- To know how to take care of myself.
- Of yourself.
Thank you.
You're really nice, but...
internal regulations forbid sexual
relations between employees, so...
So just spank me,
and I'll spit on your back.
Excuse me?
Technically speaking, that's not sex.
Let's do it! Quick!
At the beginning, just get her horny.
Then you do it normally.
A, B, C,
and so on.
The important thing
is to not leave anything out.
You can't forget about punctuation.
Accent marks are extremely important.
But, guys, I've never been
very good at grammar.
- So you'll have to memorize it.
- Women really like that?
Listen up. My father taught me.
His father taught him.
And my great grandpa too.
In my family,
it's inherited by every generation!
Guys, you're awesome!
Kama Sutra, Brno style!
But never do Z.
The Z will betray you.
They know it.
You're going to have an experience,
little boy.
No, it's okay.
I'm not going to keep arguing about that.
Batman isn't a superhero
because he hasn't got powers.
He just has money.
- But I haven't got money.
- But you're not-- For fuck's sake.
Aha! Look. Who's sitting over here?
Vclav, come back to the bench.
We see you. It's pointless.
- You have tobacco?
- Yeah.
What are doing out here, gentlemen?
Run! Brvek's here!
Well, I hope that isn't
what I think it is, gentlemen.
That depends what you think it is.
In that case, you think correctly.
You see, Boss?
The druggie takes drugs in front of you,
and he doesn't care.
Well, fellas, I'm deeply disappointed.
That you brought it here
and were hiding it like rats.
Instead of sharing it, like decent people.
- Nikol, sit down!
- Boss.
Sit down! Shut up! And do drugs!
And you roll quicker.
That's some strong shit.
Nikol, take a drag.
Take a drag, Mrs. Pussyova.
What? What did you call me?
Mrs. Pussyova. That's your name.
Michal told me...
Nikol, you know who I am.
A squirrel.
Sometimes I look at the stars,
and my head hurts.
That's from a 5G satellite.
What's that?
It's how the Freemasons plan to control
the world and keep us in poverty.
- You're so smart.
- I know.
- Are you cold?
- Yes, I am.
Are you vaccinated?
Three times. Why?
That's okay.
I could be your mother.
- Awesome!
- Isn't it?
It's supposed to be "Zorro the Avenger."
How did you know?
Jitka can read.
Oh? I'll write something else.
Just write.
Write! Write!
What did you all do last night?
- Nothing.
- Nothing.
I also did nothing last night.
Guys, guys. Let's focus.
We're on the last day.
We got this!
We're good.
We're tough.
Miss, six cappuccinos, please.
Boss. Little bossy.
Man, you're my friend. We're friends.
I don't understand
why Brvek tolerates them.
It's the natural circle of life.
Brvek is a lion.
But he fears the financial control
of the hyenas.
Do you like salami?
Have some salami.
Dear all.
Today we'll learn how to work together
in the most difficult situations
in a fun way, if you understand.
Fun and adventure...
All right, you heard it. In 30 minutes,
we meet at the Happy Meadow.
But I can't do anything right now.
I'm still really drunk.
Quit messing around.
This country was built on alcohol.
It's ruled by alcohol.
For survival, you need alcohol.
In the evening, ready to go.
In the morning, ready to go.
That's really funny.
I love first-class humor.
You're like Werich.
- Nikol, I want these people in Prague.
- So do I, Boss.
Come for a year,
so I can also win the cup once.
What's it gonna cost me?
Mr. Brvek, we're taking the stairs.
We want to get 30,000 steps today.
- That's good.
- Have a nice day.
What a motherfucker.
- Which one are you talking about?
- The green Werich.
He wants my job. But he's out of luck.
You were drinking last night, Ale.
No, I don't drink.
I got you!
You're leading well, Ale. Good work.
- Thanks.
- But it's not enough.
I want you to win, like you promised.
Welcome to the last task,
which will be outdoors.
Show us your tits.
This will decide
who wins the Fair Pay Cup.
It's time to show your team strength!
Come over here. Come here.
If the Slovak champions win,
it's all over. Understand?
Focus, and we can do it.
You thinking what I'm thinking?
Great. Let's do it. Three. Two. One.
- Synergy!
- Drugs!
- Boobs!
- Alphabet!
Concentration, bitch!
Boss, it's not fair.
There's only four of them against us.
Well, so it's fair.
Nikol, come on. You need real men.
Boss, you're my boy!
- I'm holding a place for you, Boss.
- Calm down, okay?
Three. Two...
What the hell was that?
Do you know what would've happened
if we'd let him lose?
I can't afford that. I'm making payments
on a house, car, dog,
my girlfriend's tits.
Minko, come on.
Guys, are you thinking
of what I'm thinking?
Of course.
Yeah. Let's bust their faces in.
Ready? Three, two,
one, now!
Guys, now is our time!
Boss, everything okay?
Good job, you bastard.
Seeing as the Prague team cheated
in tug-of-war...
we have a tie for the first time
in Fair Pay Cup history.
That's why we are forced to add
a special competition
you all will surely enjoy.
- FP Global supports equality--
- Enough, Nikol. Someone has to win.
In the middle of the playing field,
there'll be a flag.
Whoever gets it and places it
into their opponent's base is the winner.
Go! Get changed.
Guys, come over here. Come here.
This is for all the marbles.
The last task.
I thought it was real bullets.
Are you okay, buddy?
Yeah, yeah.
Don't forget what we've learned:
It's not important to win,
but it's important
that everyone else loses.
You don't need the bag!
Marcela, why the bag?
They're hiding behind the base.
We need a plan.
Boss, it's all ready.
- Tits!
- Vclav!
Sons of bitches.
- Vclav, are you alive?
- Vclav.
Let me at 'em.
Michal, no!
Michal, no!
Is it really you?
I can't get rid of this guy
even in heaven.
Don't worry. Your time hasn't come.
I brought you here
because you need to change.
You're fucking with me.
Look, Michal.
If you continue acting like this,
you'll waste your life.
Ale needs you. And you need him too.
What am I supposed to do?
Your superpower
is that even the most beautiful things
you perceive as shit.
Stop that.
You, despise your surroundings,
you hate our name,
but in reality, you hate yourself.
Hey, just because that boy shut you
in the vaulting box back in school
doesn't mean that you have to grope
around in the dark your whole life.
But then that fucker pissed on me.
Well, thanks to that, you came out
of the vaulting box stronger.
So use that.
Help your friends.
Give them hope and a vision.
Accept your inner Michal David
and spread joy.
Don't worry. It'll all end up fine.
They'll be waiting for you.
In heaven?
No. At the concert.
November 28.
I'm playing at Lucerna with Kvatro.
Tickets are a mere 650 CZK.
I never thought I'd say this,
but thank you, Michal David.
Oh, and by the way, sing.
Having a few friends is enough
That truly care
And won't stop being there
Even when you're feeling down
Just get the strength to stand up
Keep fighting and never give up
It's enough just to say
"Keep trying
You got this"
There are also days...
- What are you doing?
- I'm helping you.
Leave me alone.
Ale, come here a moment.
You've fucked it up, boy.
Your jackasses are completely worthless.
I should've never listened to you
and closed the call center as planned.
Thanks a lot. The fucking Slovaks
will win again this year.
What the fuck was that about?
You could have told us. We trusted you.
I knew you were an American agent.
Guys, if we win, everything will be okay.
If we win, he won't fire any of us.
Are you okay?
I think I just realized
I want to live my life "nonstop."
What's wrong with him?
It's okay. It's okay.
Just a small panic attack.
Tomorrow... we'll meet...
in the office I want to have...
the report on my desk.
I'm trying. I'm trying.
Ale, listen up. Listen to me.
I know very well what it's like
to suffer from anxiety.
But I've seen the light.
I've become friends with my anxiety.
And when I hugged it,
I grabbed it by the balls
and gave it a good squeeze,
since every fucking anxiety needs
to know who's in control.
- Do you understand?
- Yes!
Good, good. I'm good.
- I'm good.
- Help me with him.
Fuck. We don't want to get fired.
What now, Boss?
Nobody's ever called me "boss"
so beautifully.
Fuck, don't get emotional and lead us.
Yeah, of course.
You're always running from the police,
aren't you?
Which means you're the fastest.
So, you distract them, and the rest of us...
You fucker!
What are you trying to do, lover boy?
I love you, you monstrosity.
I know, you idiot.
On your knees.
Lick it, fucking twat-faced shithole.
That's going a bit far, Marcela.
There are days
When morning follows morning
And fatigue catches up to you
But only a few realize
That it's weighing you down
You feel alone again
With a lot on your mind
Questioning why things keep falling apart
And why love keeps deceiving you
But you're not a lost cause yet
Having a few friends is enough
That truly care
And won't stop being there
Even when you're feeling down
Just get the strength to stand up
Keep fighting and never give up...
Brothers, congratulations.
It was an honor to lose to you.
You guys are good.
- Really, you're good.
- Thank you, brothers.
I must admit
that you've proven your worth.
The call center is
an essential part of FP Global.
Did you hear that?
You're a leader. You surprised me.
Starting Monday,
you'll be a senior manager.
Congratulations, Boss!
Thank you. Thank you, but I don't want it.
That's our guy! That's our boss! Yeah!
I won't be staying with you all either.
You guys are great. Thanks.
- What?
- Why?
I'll be leaving FP Global.
Ale, don't be an idiot.
We can even negotiate your salary.
Really? So let's do that right away.
That information is confidential. GDPR.
First you need to go to HR and discuss it...
50,000. And vouchers. That's what I want.
Wait, wait, wait. 50,000?
I have 2,000 euros.
That's not even 47,000 after taxes.
You have 2,000 euros?
I don't even have 1,500,
and I travel to Koice.
You make so much? You're not even
full Slovak. Your mother's from Czechia.
Guys, stop it.
Us Slovaks have to stick together, right?
You're Slovak. You're a pepper-eater.
A Hungarian from Luenec.
- Minko, you're Hungarian?
- From Bratislava!
That's why you all from the east
are in Bratislava.
- Erika, stop it!
- Jesus, this is a bit ridiculous.
32,000 is enough for me.
What? 32,000? I make 20,000,
and I do half of your job for you.
- Stop it.
- Don't push her.
You! You make the most and do nothing!
- How dare you!
- It's true!
- Nikol?
- I know, Boss. I know.
Ladies, back to the team-building event.
We won't discuss salaries here. Okay?
Please, let's not talk about money, okay?
Let's all come back.
We're doing team-building.
Should we tell them all Brvek's number?
You mean six centimeters?
Everyone shut up and quit discussing
your fucking salaries!
And how much do you make, Mrs. Pussyova?
You made a big fucking mistake.
Stop! There's an invalid here!
I'll show you invalid!
What do you think you're doing?
Touch my best friend one more time,
and I'll bust your face in, Mr. Brvek.
Ale, you swear like an old lady.
You've just quit.
Curse him out like a real man.
Like a man.
Now, you listen to me, you...
pompous motherfucker.
If you lay so much as a fucking pinky
from your fucking hand on my friend,
I'll shove my foot so far up your ass,
my shoelaces will tickle your throat.
Then I'll throw you down and fuck you
so hard you'll scream like a monkey.
Your own mother won't recognize you.
I'll twist you,
slit you open with a knife
and shit in your intestines!
Okay, well, that was a bit much,
but thanks.
Now what. Did that give you an erection?
It was clear to me at once.
Twelve hours in the office.
Overtime on the weekends.
That wasn't fair, Boss.
Shut up, Slovak.
You're actually right.
I also experienced it before, Ale.
I'm really sorry how it all turned out.
I'm also sorry
I wasn't able to appreciate you more.
Not as an employee, but as a person.
Kind reminder, asshole!
Breakfast in bed. What a dream.
How did you like last night?
So much, my love.
Could you help me a bit?
- I love you, sweetie.
- I love you too.
Mom, we're doing absolutely great.
Listen. We were at the doctor,
and it's clear.
Are you sitting?
It's gonna be a girl.
Yeah, a girl.
What? No, Marie is doing great.
She's perfectly fine.
Shy as always. You know her.
Hey, some guests just arrived.
I'll call you later, okay?
I'll send the ultrasound. Kisses. Bye-bye.
My signal is breaking up.
Okay, we'll plan something for Monday.
I'm at a team-building right now
with my employees.
Now, stop working, my little giraffe.
Well, how's it going, big businessman?
Ask me once we pay off the mortgage.
- Hey!
- Hey!
I'm so glad you're here!
Vclav, you're confused again.
- What?
- He always is.
- This is our little girl, little Soros.
- Srosh.
- Give a five.
- She looks just like you.
You're fucking joking, aren't you?
What tattoo? No way! Go ahead and try.
I know good and well where you live.
At my house.
Okay, Mikey.
If it makes you happy, go for it.
Daddy loves you.
- Hey, buddy! You look great!
- No, you look great! Hey!
- The Slovaks are here.
- They sure are.
Brothers, we are here.
And the Teplice gang.
One, two, three! Teplice babes!
Oh, shit. The machine guns from Brno.
put all the valuables in the closet.
Because they're here!
Having a few friends is enough
That truly care
And won't stop being there
Even when you're feeling down
Subtitle translation by: Zach Barnes