White Men Can't Jump (1992) Movie Script

You keep asking me
what I am.
Don't you know
I'm Presbyterian?
That's the worst thing
a jazz singer can be.
Presbyterians are called
God's frozen people.
Wouldn't swing
if you hung them.
Just a closer
walk with Thee
De de de
boom boom
Grant it, Jesus
if you please
Boom de boom
boom boom
Daily walkin'
close with Thee
Let it be, dear Lord
Let it be
I am weak
but Thou art strong
Jesus, keep us
from all wrong
I'll be satisfied
as long
As I walk
Let me walk
close to Thee
Just a closer
walk with Thee
Say, grant it
Jesus, if you please
Daily walkin'
close with Thee
Let it be
dear Lord
Let it be
Say, I am weak
but Thou art strong
Jesus, keep us
from all wrong
I'll be satisfied
as long
As I walk, dear Lord
close to Thee
Boo boo doo
boo doo doo
...A closer walk
with Thee
Buh do doobie
Grant it, Jesus,
if you please
Buh doobie do
Daily walkin'
close with Thee
Let it be
Dear Lord
Doobie doobie
doobie doobie
Let it be
Ba doo la
do da da
Boo doo doo
doo dee aaah
Ha ha!
Oh, yeah!
Hey, guys, is this
the Venice Beach courts?
You haven't put anything
in the offering plate.
Oh! Sorry, man.
50 be all right?
I'm just kidding.
Here you go.
I told you
he's generous.
Is this where
Eddie "The King" Faroo
and Duck Johnson played?
King and Duck
were the best.
That's 'cause
you never saw me.
Keep singing, guys.
My old man
was a preacher.
I love this shit.
He put a dollar in.
We give him
a dollar's worth.
Oooh, ooh, ooh
Oooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh
Ooh, ooh, ooh,
ooh, ooh
Ooh, ooh
Ooh, ooh, ooh
All right!
Don't worry
about it.
Pass it to
the little man.
Let the little man
get the ball.
Take it
to the hole, man!
Let's go!
Get... get... get up!
Look at that.
It's all right.
Walter, throw that
big fat butt at me.
I'm getting tired
of making you look bad.
It's hard work.
I'm fittin'
to dog you, punk.
I'm fitting
to dog you.
Let me shut him up.
Give me the ball!
If you shoot it,
I'll knock it out
the fucking sky.
Can't take it
to the hole
because you ain't
good enough.
You think so?
Get some of this.
You can't
even dribble!
Bring it! Bring it!
Get that shit
out of here!
Ooh! Ooh!
Oh! Unh!
That shit went out
like a Scud missile!
Oh, it hurts!
It hurts so bad!
Hey, babies, I don't
mean to brag,
but I'm
the greatest!
I am the greatest!
You all right, man?
get your butt up.
Take your Colt-45
drinkin' ass off someplace.
Yes, Walter!
Yes! Yes! Yes!
Hard goddamn work,
making you look so bad.
Man, you fouled me!
Just take the ball out
and shut up.
What's the count?
9-8, us.
Get the fuck
out of here!
if you could count,
you'd be
a fucking astronaut.
George, your mother's
an astronaut.
He talked about
your mama, man.
He playing you
for a punk.
I wouldn't
take it, man.
My mother
ain't no astronaut.
Say it! Say it!
Your mother
ain't no astronaut,
your father
ain't no astronaut.
Well, my mama
ain't no astronaut.
Jump his ass, man.
Me saying that
your mother's an astronaut
is just another
way of saying
that you're
all fucked-up.
Well, let's just
get off mamas,
'cause I just
got off yours.
Keep my mama out
of this, brother.
She's out.
She's out.
She's out.
What time you want me
to bring the bitch back?
Yo! What's the score?
9-8, us.
We can't lose to you!
If we lose to you,
I'm gonna kill myself.
Fuck you,
skinny boy!
Fuck this,
you potato-sandwich-eatin' motherfucker!
Fuck this!
Shut up!
You're giving me
Excedrin number fuckin' trillion headache!
Hey, man,
what's the score?
I'm talking to you.
What, you deaf?
I'm talking to
the fucking air.
My name ain't chump.
It's Billy Hoyle.
Billy Hoyle?
Billy Hoyle.
OK, Billy,
can you count
to 10, Billy?
What's the
score, Billy?
I don't know.
Then you're a chump.
I may be a chump,
but it's not my name.
He put your ass in!
Fuck you.
Let's go!
8-8, your ball.
9-8, your ball.
I don't want
no excuses.
I called it even.
You better
call a doctor!
It's your ball!
Your woman
calling you, man.
Your woman
calling you, man.
At least
I got one.
I seen your mother
kicking a can down the street.
I said, "What you doin'?"
She said, "Movin'."
Your mama's so old,
she drove chariots
to school.
Your mama's so fat,
she broke her leg
and gravy poured out.
Hey, baby.
Hi, honey.
The check for the groceries
didn't clear,
and I didn't
have any cash.
20 will do?
Mm-hmm, but 30
would be better.
You hustling me?
You're the only one
that gets away with that.
I got things
working over here.
Yo, man,
I got to go.
Daddy's got to go
back to work, man.
I told your mama
to act her age,
and the bitch
dropped dead.
Your mother got a leather wig
with gray sideburns.
Save your breath, man.
You need all the energy
you can get.
Let's go.
I can't run, man.
My bunions hurt.
Get somebody
to step in for me.
That's all right.
You're still my hero.
That's it, baby.
Can anybody stand in
for Mr. Handicap here,
for Mr. Motherfucking
March of Dimes?
Hey, look.
Take Billy Ho here.
No, man.
I don't want him.
He might be good.
I don't want
to go with it. No.
Why not?
'Cause I'm white.
No difference.
You could bring
Bernard King in.
We hittin' two,
and we out.
Swish! Swish!
Let's go, Billy Ho!
Ha ha ha!
Let's go!
Ain't no need
for none of that
Jane Fonda
geriatric bullshit.
Just act like you
can play.
Two quick ones,
bam, bam...
it's over.
See ya!
Wouldn't want to be ya!
You got
a new teammate.
Kiss your game
Maybe I should do
that shit, too.
You loose?
Come on
out here, baby.
I got it!
Get out of here!
Billy, I'm gonna
tell you what...
Where you at, Billy?
I'm gonna tell you
which way I'm going.
Where are you
going with that?
I got you.
I'm right here.
This is my court!
Yo! Look out!
Look out!
- Whoo!
- Yay, Billy!
Yes, baby!
Pure luck.
I believe the score
is 9-8, ours.
Take it out.
Ball in.
OK, chump.
The sun even shines
on a dog's ass some days.
Anybody can win the lottery.
Know what I'm saying?
Give it up.
Give it up.
You want it back now?
Yeah, get out
of the way, sucker!
Right on, man!
It's over now, baby.
Fuck you.
Your mother's an astronaut.
My mother's too drunk
to be an astronaut.
You remind me of one of them dudes
from The Brady Bunch.
He looks like
the girl... Cindy.
That's the one!
The youngest one
in curls.
Why you
laughing, man?
Callin' me Brady Bunch
and shit!
This motherfucker's
too stupid
to even realize
he's being insulted.
Sidney, get off the court.
You lost, brother.
You might pull a couple of
passes out your ass,
but that don't mean
you know how to play this game.
Oh, hey,
you're right, Sidney.
I mean, you ain't
seen me shoot.
What's it worth
to you to find out?
What do we got?
50, 55,
I do detect
the smell of cash.
I'm gonna find out
how good you are, chump.
I just have to
figure out how
I'm going to pull the ball
out your ass
when I take
your money.
That is his money.
That's his money.
20, 40, 41...
You're short.
Big Junior.
Come here, man.
Loan me a 20.
Do I look like
Bank of America?
You think I'm
gonna lose this money
to this white boy here?
You better not
lose my money.
Give me my
motherfucking $20.
We're gonna
eat at Sizzler?
Damn right!
Surf and turf.
And that is his money.
Let's go, baby. Best out of five...
top of the key.
Since you're the foreigner,
you can go first.
Oh, no, thank you.
You go ahead, man.
No, no.
See, this is my house.
This is
Sidney Deane's house.
I extend
my hospitality to you.
That is very gracious,
Sidney Deane,
but I won't take advantage of you
in your house.
OK, but you might not
get another shot.
All right,
if you insist.
what I thought.
This is outdoor ball.
It's different than
your country club shit.
When you shoot,
you adjust for the wind.
Out at the beach,
the wind can push the ball
6 to 8 inches.
You wouldn't know
about that.
Ha ha ha!
you want me to move?
I'm sorry.
It's your shot.
Go ahead.
I got to tell you,
this isn't my spot.
I'll be lucky to hit
2 out of 5.
I'm going
to shoot it anyway.
Use 'em
and abuse 'em.
- Whoo!
- Whoo!
Oh, man!
Right off the bat.
I am feeling lucky.
Yes, indeed,
he wants to get paid.
Show him how to
put it in there.
- Whoo!
- Ooh! Ooh!
Ooh, it's pretty,
it's so pretty.
Ha ha ha!
We goin' Sizzler
we goin' Sizzler...
We goin' Sizzler
I never hit
two in a row.
I'm very lucky.
feelin' very lucky.
Ugly shot, ugly shot...
Look like
a goddamn brick.
No aesthetic beauty
Now, mine,
on the contrary...
- Whoo!
- Yeah!
Bbb bbb bbb!
It hurts being this good!
"A thing of beauty
is a joy forever..."
My man John Keats
said that.
I never hit
three in a row.
tell you that.
I can look at you.
- Oh!
- Oh!
Color me lucky.
Sometimes you wake up,
the birds are singing, and...
That's a decent shot.
You are the greatest,
Thank you.
But I'm feeling lucky.
Four in a row...
This is like
the luck of the Irish,
only I'm not Irish.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Come on, now.
I got this
under control.
you know something?
Michael Jordan
came here one time.
Took him
to the hole, baby.
Air Michael Jordan!
I saw
the whole thing.
Michael said,
"You should play summer pro league."
I said, "No..."
Hell, no!
"Shit might
mess up my game."
We can't have it,
Billy Ho.
Shoot it.
We'll go to Sizzler.
- Whoo!
- Whoo!
I'll just
leave it up there.
Give me some,
give me some.
Oh! Oh, shit.
Ho ho ho ho ho!
It's hard goddamn work
being this good.
Shut the fuck up.
Rabbit ears, am I starting
to get to you?
You're just making
my eardrums hurt.
The thing is,
you guys look at me,
you see
the backwards hat,
and you say,
"This guy's a chump."
A fucking geek.
What you don't realize is
that it ain't easy.
It is
"hard goddamn work"
making something
this pretty
look like a chump.
I must be doing it
for a reason.
You got me convinced.
I miss this shot,
I walk away,
still a chump.
Go ahead and walk away,
You miss,
and you've been beat...
well, not once
but twice,
by a slow, white,
geeky chump.
Ha ha ha ha ha.
Ain't no thing.
Ain't no thing.
No thing but a chicken wing
on a string.
From Burger King.
I noticed that wind
was kicking up a bit.
You might want to
adjust about...
6, 8 inches
to the left.
This is the big one.
Don't worry, Sidney,
I've hustled
a hell of a lot better
players than you before.
Don't put up
no brick.
Stop yapping,
and let brother shoot.
Yeah, I got it.
It's in the wrist.
Ha ha.
Oh, sweet.
Hey, man,
give me my money!
It's a money thing,
There's a man
with integrity.
Don't push your luck.
Nothing to do with luck.
You said we was going
to Sizzler!
Shut your anorexic,
overdosed Dick Gregory
Bahamian-diet-drinking ass up!
Leave me alone.
Oww! I feel good
I knew that I would, now
Oww, I feel good
I knew that I would, now
So good, so good
I got you
Oww! I feel nice
Like sugar and spice
I feel nice
Like sugar and spice
So nice, so nice
'Cause I got you
I'm home.
How much money
did you make today?
I missed you, too.
Oh, I'm sorry,
$62, minus $5. 16
for hummus, tabouli,
garden burger,
all that stuff you love...
pita bread.
I told you, I don't eat that
health food shit.
You'll eat it
and love it.
OK, since you
got me money.
Let's see,
that makes...
58.84, which gives us
$806 towards the 8,000.
We still owe the Stucci brothers
$7, 194.
We don't
give them a dime.
They're holding you up.
How often do we have
to go through this?
There are certain things
that just are
the way they are.
Nothing will get rid
of the Stucci brothers except $7,000.
What's the deal
with this?
Come on, lookit.
I've been studying
disasters all day,
and assassinations.
Come on, come on,
try me.
All right.
Ahh. Leon Czolgosz...
Who killed
President McKinley?
You're unbelievable.
I know it. I know it.
Will call today.
Don't count on it,
and you won't be disappointed.
The last words
of Lee Harvey Oswald...
"It wasn't me,
it was the C. I... uuh!"
Get it? The...
Yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah.
I got it, I got it.
Honey, honey.
How much
do you love me?
I love you infinity.
That's not enough.
Infinity's the biggest
number there is.
It's not.
What's bigger?
Infinity plus two.
I love you
infinity plus two.
you're so stupid!
You should have said
infinity plus infinity.
I love you
Infinity plus infinity.
There's a bigger number
than that.
I give up.
You haven't
kissed me yet.
No! Take a shower.
You stink.
Go ahead! You stink!
All right.
Wait right there.
Don't move.
Hold that thought.
I'll come back and put my mouth
where this money is.
Ha ha ha!
Somebody's at the door.
somebody's at the door.
Someone's at the door!
Come on!
Stay calm. Stay calm.
Hurry up! Hurry up!
Honey, I love you, but I ain't
gettin' shot over your debt.
Our debt.
Whoever's fucking debt,
I ain't gettin' shot!
Count to 30,
and jump out the window.
Meet me on Pico.
Honey, I love you.
I love you, too.
Who is it?
It's the manager.
What do you want?
I got a message.
Brady Bunch!
1,010... 1,011...
1,012... 1,013...
Did somebody
invite you in?
Yo, I just want to talk.
1,029... 30.
How'd you find me?
No one has ever worked me
like you did.
I beat your ass
fair and square.
Don't cry about it.
I'm not here
to cry about it.
I'm here on business.
30 seconds.
I almost took off.
Who's this?
Sidney Deane.
Your boyfriend
took some money...
I happened
to notice this bottle...
Take that,
I'll shoot your ass.
What's up?
Baby, you need to chill.
Excuse me?
Holy cow.
You comfortable?
A futon is actually
better for your back.
So, Billy,
where'd you play?
Some college
in Louisiana.
Things didn't
work out.
You been hustling
ever since, huh?
Nobody knows me here.
I'll work the courts.
I have a business proposal.
It could mean more cash
than this chump change.
What is it?
There's a two-on-two
tournament next week,
by businesses.
You want me
to run with you?
Yep. In the meantime,
we could make some change,
if you don't mind hustling.
What kind of hustle?
Heh heh.
Ball up.
You ain't got shit.
You ain't funny.
I'll kill you.
You got me by what,
7,000 pounds, man?
Watch the pick.
Look up, look up!
Way to go!
Mmm, mmm, mmm.
I tell you,
it's hard work
making you look bad.
Who the fuck told you to talk,
You score on me,
Shut me down,
you can talk.
Eat shit, shut up.
You took me. Why?
I let you take me
to the hole.
I take you anywhere,
have you for breakfast.
Put up some jack.
Who rattled your cage,
You talkin' a whole lot
of yang.
I'll pick
any player here,
even the worst
player here,
for $500.
Excuse me?
Scu... scu... scuse me?
I'll let you
pick my teammate.
ain't serious, man.
I don't believe
this shit, man.
Anybody you want.
$500, baby, and you can pick
anybody out here.
Anybody. Anybody.
I don't believe this.
Yo, Raymond,
look at the chump, man.
Give him the chump.
No, no, no.
Hell, no. No, no.
You give me
a brother.
You got him,
the goofy-looking guy.
Yeah, you.
I'm fucked.
Hey, chump,
you want to run?
You mean
play basketball?
No. We mean ice hockey.
Get your tired butt
up here, Gretzky.
Where's your money?
I'll get it.
I got my $500.
Where's yours?
I said I'll get it.
I'm going to the glove
Go, and bring your Sasquatch butt
on back here.
I got a hot hand.
I got your back,
What's this?
What the hell
is this world coming to?
Look at this. I ain't got nothing
to worry about,
except Cathy Rigby
over here.
Yo, man,
where is his car, man?
Is he ever going to
come on back?
Hey, give me your money!
Raymond, that you?
No. This ain't Raymond.
Take off that mask
and put down that gun.
What you trying to do?
I got me some chumps
on the line.
Loan me some money.
Get the fuck out.
All right.
Look, man,
you need a gun.
There are some crazy
walking around
this neighborhood,
a lot crazier
than me.
Give me $300 for it.
Come on, man. 275.
All right.
Now you robbing me.
Jump for it...
You got busted
right there, man.
You think you can win
with him?
Here we go.
Here we go.
I got $250, man.
Come on.
I said 500,
no-count motherfucker.
250, take it
or leave it.
He just got out of jail.
He ain't goin'
nowhere with the money.
Let's do this.
I'll dog you.
I can make you
look bad.
Your mouth
got you in trouble.
If I was you, I'd stab myself
in the heart.
Come on.
Yeah, get up.
Move right.
Come on, come on.
That man
is a chump...
- Yeah!
- Yeah! Whoo!
Oh, lovely, lovely.
What did you say
your name is?
Billy Ho.
Nice to meet you.
Do it.
Let's go.
You're slow
on your feet, man.
Weight slows me down.
Come on.
Uh-huh, uh-huh.
Tim Hardaway,
my ass.
Get over there!
Shoot! Shoot!
Stay on him!
Man, he traveled!
Point game.
That means one more point,
we win this.
I understand.
You going to teach class
or play?
I'm taking you right
to the clinic.
Class is in session
Check this.
Too stupid
to catch it.
Look out,
look out!
I'll make you
eat that.
Here we go,
You better stay off,
Where you at?
Where you at,
Give me my money!
What you doin'?
Hard goddamn work!
Aw, come here,
You played
a good game.
These motherfuckers
set us up.
Hey, man!
Hard goddamn work!
Raymond! Raymond!
You ain't gonna
cut me.
You set me up!
Look, look, look!
I seen you hustle!
I never used no goofy white
Who you calling
goofy white motherfucker?
That's cool.
That's cool.
Wait a minute!
This is ridiculous, man!
Look, Raymond,
we are brothers, man.
I've never seen this
white boy before in my life.
Sidney, you're negotiating
with a guy with a blade?
You got a wife and kid!
You know my name?
He's talking about
your family.
Wait a minute!
You talking about
my wife and kid
and don't know me?
Raymond, cut this
Yo, say what?
Cut that motherfucker
right there.
No, no. Fuck this.
Both you motherfuckers
are crazy.
I'm going to my car...
get my other gun,
shoot everybody's ass.
I'm outta here.
Raymond! Raymond!
Aw, shit, man!
Y'all better
haul ass!
Shit. Come on!
Come on!
Come on!
Come on! Come on!
Go! Go! Go!
Whoo hoo! Hoo!
Ooh! Took Raymond
to the hole, baby!
Boo yaa!
You know, nobody's done that
around here since...
the King
and Duck Johnson.
King and Duck!
King and the Duck!
what is this?
Jimi Hendrix.
I know.
Why are you playing Jimi?
Because I like
to listen to him.
That's the problem.
Y'all listen.
What am I supposed to do,
eat it?
No. You're supposed
to hear it.
I said I like to
listen to him.
There's a difference between
hearing and listening.
White people can't
hear Jimi. You listen.
What are you talking about?
His drummer was white.
Ah ho ho ho!
Get out! Jimi Hendrix'
drummer was not white.
Yes, he did.
Check it out.
This is a picture!
Whole band is white
except for Jimi!
This is a picture!
Airbrushed! Jimi didn't have
a white rhythm section.
You cannot hear Jimi!
All right. Fine.
All right.
Thank you.
Check this out.
He said I'll love you
Till I die...
Who is this?
The greatest troubadour
of all time
is who it is.
Sounds like a dog.
That's a Labrador, man.
Don't insult
this music.
Take this out.
You're listening,
not hearing it.
I don't want to listen
or hear this.
This is pollution
to my ears.
Explain to this Gladys Knight
and the Pimps...
It's Gladys Knight
and the Pips!
Put Jimi back in.
I don't like this.
You're supposed to
defend me.
Who you yelling at?
Get rid of that gum!
I'm tired of
hearing it pop!
He still loved her
through it all
Tell this bubblehead
to go right here.
Guy could get shot
playing this shit
south of the Coliseum.
Let me off
at the Trump Towers.
Penthouse is
in the back.
Kept some letters
by his bed...
Vista View.
The flyest view
in the jungle.
Home sweet home.
You know it, baby.
That was
a good run today.
Good run.
Some of that money
you made,
you could take this car
to the car wash.
This is one
classic automobile.
You got
a fine woman.
Keep your hands off her.
I said she was fine.
I didn't say I was
going to touch her.
Touch her,
I'll kick your ass.
You hear me?
Ho ho.
Ho ho ho!
Looky, looky, looky.
It's all starting
to come clear, isn't it?
You're a cool customer
on the court,
real chill
out on the street,
can't be rattled
in your game.
You don't even fall
for that nigger shit.
But when it comes to
your woman,
that's a different
matter altogether.
Look at you.
I ain't talked trash or pushed up
on the sister,
and you already
thinking about it.
Shut the fuck up.
But this is good.
This is really
good shit to know.
I know
your weakness.
You like all the white boys
I ever met.
You're like every brother
I ever saw.
You'd rather look good
and lose than look bad and win.
You don't know shit
about me.
I know plenty
about you, Sidney.
How many dinners this chain
set your family back?
Just go home,
get some rest.
OK, Brady Bunch?
I ain't tired.
Bye, Gloria.
Oh, goodbye.
It was nice
seeing you again.
Oh, same here.
I like these rings.
They kind of fly.
Thank you!
Take care.
Yo, Billy, tomorrow we goin'
to 103rd street.
We goin' to hustle out there.
That's Watts.
Tough games out there.
Big bucks.
Don't take it
personally, baby.
We teammates.
Ebony and ivory.
Ha ha ha!
Hey, I got
your partner.
Oh, right. Fuck me.
Better get your ass across La Brea
before sundown.
No problem.
The guy's full of shit.
Well, I say love
Whoa, love
Would somebody
explain to me
why this Negro is singing
cowboy music?
You know this is
my favorite song.
It makes me think about
making love to you.
It makes me want to
lock you in a room
and make love to you
over and over
and over and over.
I didn't say
I didn't like it.
This can't be safe.
You know, I believe
in safe sex, honey.
For you to hurt me...
I want to
take a shower.
Honey, no! No!
No, honey! Stop!
I want you to know
That I was blind,
but now I see
I say, I once was blind
But now I see
Well, you know,
I once
Was blind
But now I see
That that old love
has made a fool of me
My mouth is dry.
Honey, I'm thirsty.
There you go, honey.
When I said
I was thirsty,
it doesn't mean
I want a glass of water.
It doesn't?
You're missing
the whole point
of me saying
I'm thirsty.
If I have a problem,
you're not supposed to solve it.
Men always make the mistake
of thinking
they can solve
a woman's problem.
It makes them feel
Did you have
a bad dream?
It's a way
of controlling a woman.
Bringing them
a glass of water?
I read it
in a magazine.
See, if I'm thirsty,
I don't want
a glass of water.
I want you
to sympathize.
I want you to say,
"Gloria, I, too,
know what it feels like to be thirsty.
"I, too,
have had a dry mouth."
I want you to
connect with me
through sharing
and understanding
the concept
of dry mouthedness.
This is all
in the same magazine?
You're into control.
Shut up.
You make me sick.
Don't give me
the rollover.
When I say I'm thirsty,
it means if anybody
has a glass of water,
I'd love a sip.
When I say I want to
make love,
it means, let's screw.
Exactly the kind of thing
I thought you'd say!
I don't like
the word "screw," OK?
I prefer "make love"
or "fuck."
Screwing is
for carpenters.
Oh, you're
going to get it.
Oh, honey.
Where you going?
to get the hell
away from you.
chiquita nut case.
Oh, come back!
I want to make love!
Honey, come back!
I want to screw!
Ah. Forget you, then.
Piece of shit.
Look! There he is.
The Stuccis!
The Stuccis?
Honey, hurry!
How did they find us?
The money!
All right!
All right!
I got the money!
I got the money!
If you wanna try
the front door
That's a door
I've never seen
Go, honey! Come on!
I'm coming, honey!
Go! Come on!
Go! Go! Go!
Slow up!
Slow up!
Wait for me!
Wait for me!
How come you're
moving so slow?
I'm carrying everything.
You want me to
carry you, too?
Oh, shit!
Come on!
Come on, honey!
We'd shoot you, Billy,
But first
we want the money!
We've got your number
now, Billy.
Get in my limo, baby
Gonna take you
for a ride
And I tell you
I'm a rich man
Then you tell me
that I lie
Hurry up!
Go! Go! Go!
Tonga Sherry
Evie lvy over
Mama's in the kitchen
cookin' rock
Daddy's outside
shooting duck
Baby in the cradle
fast asleep
And here comes sister
with the hlt...
This is
a great house,
great house.
But the number's a little steep
right now.
we got to talk.
Excuse me.
Jack be quick
Jack jump over
the candlestick
I want this house.
Baby, I know.
I want the house, too,
but it's expensive.
They want first,
last, damages.
I'll get a job.
No, no, baby.
I got lots of jobs...
The cable thing, the roof thing,
the paint thing.
Construction is
a little slow,
but basketball is
putting food on the table.
Basketball isn't
a real job.
I got to go.
I'm working on
this new shot.
I'm sure it's
a gorgeous shot,
but I still
want this house.
Gotta give 'em
what they need
Area code
Oh, yeah
Area code
Pass the ball!
Foul! Foul!
No! All ball!
No foul!
No. Your hand is
part of the ball.
The wrist is a part
of the hand.
Knee bone's connected
to the dick bone.
You fouled Robert.
You didn't see
the play!
You couldn't carry my jockstrap
in a suitcase.
I thought this
was Watts.
Thought you had
some ballplayers here.
This ain't
jack shit!
I'm tired of
looking at you.
Your mother threw you out
at an early age.
Talking about
your mama.
Nobody talks about
my mother.
Don't ever talk
about my mama.
Me and any guy here
will take you.
How much you
want to roll?
Oh, my God!
Oh! What is this?
Oh! Look at this!
It's $1,000!
There could be more.
Hold on.
Hold on a second.
Did you rob
a 7-Eleven?
11, 12, 13.
Is there some more?
14, 15, honey.
Your rent money?
It's coming
from everywhere.
17! $1,700, baby.
We get to pick
your partner.
Pick any
of these stiffs here.
Anybody. $1,700.
Don't talk
about my mother.
How about right here?
No, no, no, no.
I want that guy.
The white boy
getting off the train?
That scraggly-looking
Ha ha ha ha!
No, no, no, no.
Fuck that.
Wait a minute.
I got 800.
Just cashed my rent check.
I got 50 bucks.
Come up with 1,700,
or take a walk.
Play us
for what we got.
Play a tune
on your bald head.
Hold on.
how you doing?
What's up?
You look so good.
What's up, baby?
I need the diamond.
I told you
he was no good.
You gave me this
for Christmas.
I'll give you two.
We'll go to Zales
after this.
- Do you listen to me?
- No.
He's a dog! D-O-G!
This ain't no diamond!
This is a zircon!
I'll tell you what.
This shit here is
worth 300 bills, right?
I'll put my 1,700
against your 1, 150.
That's a bet!
I'll hold the money.
Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!
Wait! Wait! Wait!
I'll hold it.
I ain't going nowhere.
He ain't going nowhere.
The bakery ain't open yet.
We play to 10 by 1 s.
You make it, you take it.
Hey! Hey! Hey!
Martha Graham!
Martha Graham,
can you play?
Can you come out
and play?
Do you think
you can play?
Can you come out
and play?
Do you think
you can play?
I got it!
Call out the screen!
Nice pick, man.
Damn! Switch, man!
Switch, my ass!
Right here.
Do it here!
I got it!
Can you come out
and play?
Do you think
you can play?
Whoo! Yes!
Go back to Sea World,
You let him back door you
like that?
I thought he was going to pass
the ball.
"D" up, man.
You don't know
what "D" is.
No, shit, Curly.
You fucking Globetrotter.
Come on.
Come on! Come on!
Come on, man!
Can you come out
and play?
Hey, hey
Do you think
you can play?
Can you come out
and play?
Were you
going to shoot?
He was on my ass.
You were wide-open.
$1,700 is
on the line.
I'm not forcing
the shot.
Do you think
you can play?
Can you come out
and play?
Yes, baby!
Why are you
kicking out to me?
Take the shot.
I'm sorry, man.
You OK?
9-8, us, point game!
Check the ball.
One more bucket,
me and Zeke split $1,700.
You tried to hustle.
Still wasn't good enough.
Are we going to
chitchat or play?
Get the fuck out!
Take me to
the hole, then.
Let's go!
I practice on people
like you.
playing this game.
Ball! Ball!
Ball! Ball!
I'm going to take your money,
then your girl.
Take your old girl.
You're holding me!
I ain't holding you!
That's all you're doing.
Get this jump!
Both of y'all go
back to Sea World!
- 1,700!
- 1,700!
Give me my money.
It was so nice
just to hold it.
I am dead.
I am dead.
Oh, man.
I'm sorry, man.
I thought
I had it.
I'm dog meat.
She'll dump me now.
I feel terrible.
I had a lousy game.
Shit! We're better
than those guys!
I've beat guys
10 times better than that!
I know.
It's my fault.
It's nobody's fault.
Sometimes the ball
doesn't go down.
Look, man.
You want a ride?
I'm taking the rail.
I got to figure out how I'm going
to tell Gloria
I lost everything
we had again,
then figure out where
I'm going to sleep tonight.
Hey, Billy,
I'm sorry, man.
I mean that!
I'm sorry!
39 is the answer.
What is
the question?
How many books are in
the Old Testament?
I am so fuckin' good.
Did Jeopardy!
Call yet?
Not yet, but I'll
need a nice dress.
When they call,
you got to be ready.
You want to hear
the books
of the Old Testament
It's Malachi,
Zechariah, Haggai...
Honey, please.
I did famous women
and foods that
start with "Q."
You couldn't imagine
how many foods there are
that actually start
with "Q."
Honey, will you
please shut up?
What's wrong with you?
I lost the money.
Oh, Jesus, Billy!
Not again!
How much?
A lot of it.
Most of it.
Roughly... all of it.
Billy, you lost all
our fuckin' money?
Shit, Billy!
Jesus, man!
We were on our way
to 8,000!
Were your opponents
that good?
I beat better guys
in Jersey.
You weren't hitting
your jump shots?
I was hitting mine.
What about Sidney?
He had an off day.
He wasn't
shooting much.
This guy scored
on him.
He wasn't D-ing up.
He usually plays
good "D."
You got hustled.
I did not
get hustled.
You got set up.
You got hustled by Sidney!
No. He's a good guy.
You said
he's full of shit!
And he's a good guy!
You're full of shit.
And fuck that shit!
I'm going back to
that house
and getting
my money back.
No, no, no, honey.
A man cannot ask
for his money back.
He lives in
the jungle, right?
No, honey, we can't.
They don't let white people
in the Crenshaw District.
I don't know
about Puerto Ricans,
but it's a reverse
discrimination thing.
We dropped off Sidney on the corner
of Crenshaw and Washington.
you don't understand.
Men understand
how these things work.
Wasn't there
an apartment house there?
Let me explain.
Men's rules
are very simple.
If you win, you win.
If you lose, you lose.
You don't ask
for the money back.
Why not?
It's not part
of the rules.
Yeah? I got a different
set of rules.
Want to hear them?
Sometimes when you win,
you really lose.
Sometimes when you lose,
you really win.
Sometimes when you win
or lose, you actually tie.
Sometimes when you tie,
you actually win or lose.
I hate it when you
talk like that.
It makes me crazy
when you talk like that.
Winning and losing is
one big organic globule
from which one extracts
what one needs.
I'm fucked.
Forget it.
I ain't... no, no.
I'm not getting
off this bus.
No, stop!
Can we discuss it?
Can we have
a discussion here?
Does Sidney Deane
live here?
He does.
He's my husband.
Yeah, well,
your husband stole $1,700
from my boyfriend.
Just a minute.
Yeah, baby?
Some people out here
say you stole their money.
Oh, shit.
No, baby.
I didn't steal his money.
I hustled his money.
Yo! Cindy Brady!
That girl is fine!
Cindy Brady,
what happened?
What do you want?
Who invited you
in my house?
I did.
I want to talk to...
That man hustled me
long before
I ever hustled him.
I saw
the whole thing.
What goes around
comes around.
Then you won't mind
if Gloria and I talk.
You want something
to drink?
This boy got
a lot of guts.
Billy Ho!
Good to see you, Billy!
You look swell!
You fucked me, man.
Get out in front
of the TV.
You fucked me!
We had a partnership!
We were never partners.
it goes like this.
You either smoke,
or you get smoked.
And you got smoked!
Ha ha!
Clean as my gun.
Yes, it was.
A thing of beauty
is a joy forever.
Sidney, get this guy
to shut the fuck up!
I'll go the way
you like...
I'm sorry, I'm sorry,
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
I want my money.
You not getting
the money back.
You giving me
my money back.
I'm not giving
you nothin'.
Billy and Sidney
were teammates.
Teammates can't
hustle each other.
Oh, really?
Why not?
It's not artistic!
I don't care
about art, OK?
All I care about
is getting out
of the Vista View
apartment building!
There ain't
no vista, no views,
or no vista
of views.
You want cream,
sugar, or what?
I trusted you.
There are rules to hustling.
There's an ethics
That you wouldn't know
anything about.
I never shook anyone's hand
and stabbed him in the back.
The Indians shook hands
with the Pilgrims,
and look who got fucked.
Who you calling Pilgrim?
You, motherfucking
Christopher Columbus.
Gobble this, turkey.
I got a gun
in my hand!
What the fuck's
wrong with you?
Shoot this motherfucker!
Hold it!
It's up!
Aw, man!
Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!
Pop it, James! Yeah!
Good play.
That's a black man.
That's a black man.
Throughout our
glorious life together,
I bought a car from the Stuccis
for 3 grand.
It was shit.
I didn't want to pay.
They told Billy unless he got
their money back,
they would cut me up.
He had to
get the money back.
The Stuccis decided
to fix a basketball game.
Billy agreed,
but halfway through,
he got pissed off
and didn't throw it.
The Stuccis
lost a bundle.
Wake up, girlfriend.
It's your boyfriend.
He's got some problems.
He's just bad with money.
The Stuccis are
still after us.
It's a sad story.
I'm sorry.
But I'm not giving
you the money.
I might, however,
be willing to discuss
other arrangements.
Hey, there's Cadee.
That ain't Cadee.
Oh, that's Eddie.
All right, listen up.
We have a solution.
Tell them to move.
They're black women.
You think I'm crazy?
Here's the scenario.
Rhonda's going to give me
some of the money back.
We figured out a way
to get the rest.
You guys need to
kiss, make up,
and play
in that tournament.
Hell, no.
I ain't playing with
that son of a bitch.
I don't hustle with people
who are dishonest.
That's something
I cannot do.
That's not fair.
Farrakhan disciple
son of a bitch.
No, I ain't doing it.
The stars belong
to everyone
They gleam there
for you and me
The flowers in spring
The robins that sing
The sunbeams that shine
They're yours,
they're mine...
Welcome to the first annual
Two-On-Two For Brotherhood
Basketball Tournament,
also known as the TTBBT,
sponsored by a coalition
of American corporations
in the spirit of promoting
brotherhood among us all.
That's bullshit.
And now,
let the games begin!
Hey, wait!
Oh, look at that.
Why can't you check somebody,
mushroom head?
You fat mustard
and butter sandwich.
What you
talking about?
We ain't got
to worry about them.
They spend too much time arguing
with each other about their mothers,
and both their mothers
are ugly.
All right,
all right.
Yeah, sack it.
Yeah, that's two...
One for you.
One for you.
Work-release program
or something.
was just on parole, man.
These two we definitely
have to worry about.
This is Flight. That's Willie.
They can play.
They'll be
in the finals against us.
Shit, that's
just too easy!
No, that shit
is too easy!
It's too easy!
No, that shit is too easy!
Fuck it.
I don't want
to play no more.
We won't
play no more.
Hey, chump.
Yeah, you,
tater head.
You know
who I'm talking about.
If that's
your best game,
grab that free T-shirt
and head home.
What the hell
are you doing?
Did you bring
Mighty Mouse?
You're too pretty
to play basketball.
You got that big "Z"
in your fro, man.
Are you
the black Zorro?
That's enough.
You get your haircut
at the Braille institute?
What's Opie Taylor
talking about?
Opie Taylor?
I got your Opie,
you big, bad, Gomer Pyle,
droopy-eyed son of a bitch.
Take your ass
back to Mayberry.
Tell Aunt Bee
to have my bean pies,
or I'll kick her ass.
Hey, Lurch and Morticia.
What the fuck
are you doing?
I'm doing two things.
I'm making them mad.
They won't play good.
You're embarrassing me.
That's the other thing
I'm doing.
You're not
embarrassing me.
You're pissing me off.
Good. I assume you play better
when you're mad.
Am I right?
I'm not listening.
But you are hearing me.
You're hearing me.
You still
throwing up bricks?
What did I say?
You still
throwing up bricks?
What is this,
a mason's convention?
I need a welding torch
to play in this league.
Let's stop and gather
all these bricks.
Let's build
a homeless shelter
so maybe your mother
has a place to live.
Fuck you!
Fuck that fucker!
And your sister, too.
I want your mother and your sister
out of my house.
Black ball.
What the fuck you talking about,
black ball?
What are you, racist?
I'm talking about
your jersey.
Here you go, sir.
How you feeling today?
Didn't I school you
once before?
You going to
give us a game?
Give us something, man.
Don't let him pull that move on you,
Don't let him
pull that move.
That's the move!
Oh! That's the move!
I tried to warn you.
You call that defense?
You gonna
give us a game?
Will we get
a little competition?
I got better things to do
with my Saturday.
There's this chicky babe
from the fabulous four
watching his
big old ugly ass.
Bring it on, bad boy!
But he ain't got shit!
He ain't got shit!
He ain't got shit!
Ah! You suckers!
Bunch of suckers.
What a great
no-look pass.
The mustard
is off the hot dog.
My man ain't getting nothing
Lurch, I looked up
basketball player
in the dictionary,
and it said "not you."
Be quiet!
Bring it on,
bad boy!
Excuse me.
I'm talking here.
Shut up.
Pretty boy,
I'll be D-ing up on you
if you make it
to the finals.
Hey, I got some
bean pie for you.
You ain't gonna see $5,000.
You may see 5,000 beans.
Do you ever shut up?
What the fuck
are you worried about?
I'm in the fucking zone.
It's one thing
to embarrass me.
It's another
motherfucking thing
to piss these guys off
that we have to play.
That's plain
fucking stupid.
Listen to your teammate,
bucket head.
You've gone past stupid
into a new category.
It's called suicide, chump.
Call me chump.
OK, bad boy.
What the fuck
is up with you?
What are you
worried about?
I'm in the zone.
They're pissed off.
I'm in the zone.
This isn't about
black and white.
This is about money,
you got that?
Look, man, I need
this 5 grand.
I won't let you
blow this for me.
You pissed off?
No, I ain't pissed off.
You pissed off at me?
You want to get me
in this fucking zone.
You ain't good enough.
Is that another
brother thing,
you fucking racist?
There's certain
things you can't do.
I can hear Jimi!
You can't hear Jimi.
Fuck you!
Good, fuck me.
Say it with feeling.
Fuck you!
Fuck me! Fuck me!
Check, asshole.
Go, Lurch.
Check it, Casper.
You got shit for brains,
Fuck you, faggot.
Let's go!
I got it
Watch magic
I got it, hey
I got something
that makes me OK
Stop them before
we lose our sponsors.
You start fighting,
neither of us will make money.
That bullshit
passing you doing.
Come on, man.
I hope this
doesn't get worse.
Now I got a move
that tells me what to do
Some kind of deal
Now I got a move
that tells me what to do
Sometimes I feel so nice
Why didn't you dunk it?
Give me
the fucking ball, man.
Take the goddamn
ball out.
I'm in love
I love to do my thing
And I don't need
no one else
You got the lane.
Take a shot.
Give me a better pass.
I have a better break.
It was a fucking
great pass.
Tired of
piggybacking you.
You piggybacking me?
Wham! Come on!
Stuff it down
You ever been
to flight school?
I'm going to
the seventh floor
and dropping you off
at the fifth.
Stay on him!
Go Flight!
Go Flight!
Thank you, thank you.
Big fucking deal.
Can you do it?
Yeah! Yeah!
What it's all about
He's setting
illegal picks!
Check them up.
Cut, man.
- In his ass.
- I got him.
I got the something
Come on, man.
I got that thing
We need this.
Check him up.
I got soul
Goddamn, man.
$5,000 on the line.
You let this motherfucker
take the ball.
Opie pissing on you!
Oh, he's pissing
on me now?
Why don't you
guard somebody?
Game point, $5,000.
Stop showing off.
I've been saving your ass
the whole game.
Shut the fuck up, man.
Point game.
Mr. Deane
and Mr. Hoyle.
And all around
Right on, people
Let it all hang out
Cut! Cut!
Will you cut?
Call the cops.
I got him!
Don't you boys know
what it's all about?
Oh, shit!
Gimme, gimme
Let's pay them
and get out.
Oh, yes!
Yes, baby!
You're supposed
to help out!
Why you dish
that shit off?
I thought you
were going to dunk.
You're lucky we didn't
cough up $5,000
on your hot dog shit.
Why didn't
you dunk it?
Right in his face!
Shut the fuck up.
Yes, yes,
it's wonderful when the spirit
of competition
brings out the best
in all of us.
And now I'd like
to award the checks
to the second-place
prize winners,
the fine team
of Dwight "The Flight" McGee
and Willie Lewis,
receiving checks
for $1,000.
Yo, man, you said 1,500!
That's $2,000.
Oh, brotherhood, my ass!
You said 1,500!
Thank you, gentlemen.
I'll find you,
Buy yourself
a dress!
And now,
ladies and gentlemen,
the grand prize
for the first-place winners,
the wonderful team
of Sidney Deane
and Billy Hoyle.
Hey, put it there.
I've never been able
to get that exactly right.
You ain't, either,
And here is your check,
and here is your check.
"Sidney Deane"...
that look like me?
Now give them
their trophies.
You're welcome.
What about
the big trophy?
We keep the big trophy.
We won!
Give us the real trophy.
We keep that trophy,
and we put your name on it.
Thank you,
from the Coalition
of American Corporations
and the TTBBT.
She's going to
love my ass.
You know something?
I can jam, man.
You keep telling everybody
I can't stuff it.
I say that to get
underneath your skin.
Just 'cause I don't
do it in a game
don't mean I can't.
OK, fine.
But you don't think
I can stuff it.
Billy, I don't care
if you can
or if you can't.
Stop the fucking car.
Stop the car.
Pull it over.
Turn that shit down.
What is that shit?
It's good music.
Don't call it shit.
I'll bet my half of the 5 grand
against your half
that I can stuff it.
Let me give you
some advice.
Buy your girl
a pretty dress
in case she gets on
that damn game show.
You're either stupid
or dangerous.
You can't be stupid
because stupid people know
they can't piss me off.
So you must
be dangerous.
To who?
To yourself.
I'm taking you home.
I don't jam in a game
because it's showboating
for the sake of showboating,
which you know about...
I look good playing.
Like a behind-the-back pass
that's unnecessary.
Passing? You have a hard-enough time
passing gas.
It goes back
to what I said.
A white man wants to win first,
look good second.
A black man wants to look good first,
win second.
That's the most ridiculous
philosophical bullshit
I've ever heard.
Look, right over here.
There's a goal.
Get your money,
let's go.
That's absolute garbage.
I'm tired
of your shit.
Just put your money
where your mouth is.
I just need three tries.
That's all you need?
All right.
One of us is definitely
not going home tonight.
Man, you were
almost there.
I was with you.
Damn. Come on, baby.
You can do this.
Youse a sucker, man.
Is this shit regulation?
This shit ain't regulation.
Get the fuck out of here.
Move out the way.
I'll check it
for you.
Yeah, yeah.
Just about right.
Let's go, baby.
I believe in you.
I know what the problem is.
Come on.
Get out of
the fucking way.
Yo, I'm trying to help.
It's a bet.
All right.
It's your money.
Ah! Fuck me!
Mmm mmm mmm.
When I was looking
at it before,
I thought it was
a little high myself,
but after re-evaluating,
I think it was
an optical illusion, right?
I know the problem.
I can't let you
go out like that.
Get the fuck
off me, man.
I'll pump you up.
It's a bet, man.
Stop fucking around.
Shut up, man.
Shut up.
Billy, listen.
White men can't jump.
Good luck with Gloria.
If I lose, if I win
That sucker
is stupid.
I walk away with
both of the checks.
White boys can be
stupid sometimes.
This game is getting
very, very, very long
Way to go, Billy.
Some you miss,
and some you make
Some you give,
and some you take
I guess I get it wrong
If I lose,
if I tie
I am the truth,
and I'm a lie
And I can't hear
all the lyrics
To my song
Some you fix,
and some you break
Some you stand,
some you shake
I guess
I'll get it wrong
In a world of loving
Love exists
Please tell me
how or where
I would gladly
pay the price
If I knew
which way to go
Or if I ever despair
If I do leave,
I'll drown
And I'm crying,
and I'm alone
And my heart is waiting
Waiting for another goal
Some you beg,
and some you steal
Some you fake,
some you feel
Oh, yes, I'm getting it wrong
You called hours ago.
Sidney's already home.
Fucking pizza's
all cold,
and the wine is warm.
Present for you.
Oh, honey.
Oh, God.
What a shrew I am.
I'm sorry, honey.
Tell me about
the tournament.
There was some
decent players there.
Me and Sidney
played OK.
OK? You guys
must have been great.
Oh, my,
this is beautiful.
Um... this is beautiful.
Thank you.
I... Iost the money.
I... Iost the money.
You want to run that
by me one more time?
It, uh...
It happened again.
No! No, Billy!
What the fuck
is it it it?
There is no it!
It is you!
You happened again!
Damn it, Billy!
The money was mine
to keep us going
till Jeopardy! Calls.
Honey, Jeopardy!
Ain't going to call.
When are you going
to fucking wake up?
Jeopardy! Is
gonna call, Billy.
It's my destiny to triumph
magnificently on that show.
I'll never do that
wearing this stupid,
hootchy-mama-looking dress,
which was a poor excuse
to cover up the fact
that you fucked up again!
I'm gonna win,
all right.
I'm gonna get on
that motherfucking show,
and I'm gonna win
because I'm overwhelmed
with more useless goddamn information
than any human being
on this fucking planet!
Who's James K. Polk?
How many moons
are on Pluto?
What's a quince?
It's a food, Billy,
that starts with
the letter "Q."
And I got seven more!
I can't believe
you lost the goddamn money!
Honey, where you going?
Honey. Honey.
where you going?
You can't leave me.
What is a solar eclipse?
Who's Marcel Cerdan?
Where was
the hamburger invented?
What are you doing?
you can't hitchhike.
This is L.A.
Go ahead!
Go ahead.
She's just crazy.
Go ahead!
Ow! These people
are perverts.
The carpet's on fire.
Oh, shit.
Don't move, honey.
Put your arm down.
Come on in here, honey.
Oh, shit!
Don't you get
in that truck!
Billy, you can run,
but you can't hide.
The great Joe Louis
said that.
You believe that?
Time to take
a little ride.
I'm telling you,
I lost the money.
I swear to God,
there's no money.
Goddamn it, Billy.
The shave was working.
It was beautiful.
Nobody would have known.
Why didn't you
go through with the fix?
Guy said
I couldn't score.
He called me
a honky motherfucker.
You are a honky motherfucker.
But I can score.
We were the team,
and you betrayed us.
Life is a bunch
of bad trades.
One week.
Where's your
hot tamale girlfriend?
Where is she?
I liked her.
She left me.
Oh, Billy!
Show him the fucking
Get up. I'm going
to show you something.
This is what happens
to people who don't come through.
See these?
Look at the Polaroids!
Look at this guy.
I swear to God,
one week.
One week.
That's all you get.
Maravich, my ass.
I got your pistol
right here, Billy.
You got one week.
Oh, man.
You're fakin' the funk
that gangster hoopla
And probably a punk
And I'm-a let you know
That this week
your ass can't cope
With your
offensive flow force
Mean kick, sidekick,
pack some nasty
Got to get smoked
like a joint
They need to be rocked...
$5.00 an hour!
Hey, hey.
Got to open the door, baby.
Cinco la hora.
Hey, Sidney.
Que pasa, Ruben?
Quiere trabajo?
Por cinco a la hora.
No, no, no.
Para otra semana.
All right.
Sidney! You're late!
Sorry. I'll be right there.
Como esta?
Sidney, I've been
waiting for you.
I'm very sorry.
My wife and I want
the Spanish tile
with the mansard roof.
Mmm, how unusual.
Thank you.
But I don't
want to get
a city building permit.
OK. I can go through the city
or around it.
I can eliminate
the middleman
or be the middleman.
I'm offering the full service...
Roof, paint, plaster.
My wife and I have decided
on number 88.
Thank you.
If you write a check
to Sidney Deane...
That's D-E-A-N-E.
$300 could
get me started.
Sidney! Sidney.
Hey, man,
how you doing?
I got to talk to you.
No. I'm doing business.
It's really
important, Sidney.
Thank you.
My regards to your wife.
Tell her hi.
God bless you.
Goddamn it! What?
I'm desperate, man.
A man should never
act desperate.
It's impractical.
And frankly,
I find it
rather ugly.
I'd rather look ugly
and win than...
Shut the fuck up.
Gloria left me.
I'm sorry, man.
I don't know how,
but I got to
get her back.
Oh, brother.
You know, I got this
grave human weakness,
a tiny little spot
in my soul,
that actually likes you.
It's horrible to admit,
but everybody has got
a cross to bear,
and you're
my damn cross.
What's that
supposed to mean?
It means
I'll help you.
Don't kiss me, man.
I got no guarantees.
What are you
going to do?
I got an idea,
but you're
going to owe me.
That's what
I'm talking about!
You in my house.
What's up with you?
Oh, what you want now?
Pete, I don't need no pick.
You ready?
You ready?
You call that "D"?
Where'd you go?
You call that "D"?
Where are you?
That's what
I'm talking about.
This is my house!
So where you going?
Got a job, baby.
Robert, you're smooth.
Looking almost
as good as me.
Yo, Billy,
why don't you get that money
you won,
buy some
new clothes?
Robert, are they still making
them TV game shows
at the studio
you work for?
All the game shows
are done on my lot.
She's been trying
to get on that lot.
Robert, can you
get her on?
Nobody gets on my lot
without a pass.
I'm a security
guard, man.
Can you do it for me,
as a favor?
Ball breaker
break your balls?
She broke my heart.
Heart, balls... Details.
Give me
one reason
why I should do anything
for this guy.
I'll owe you.
He'll owe you.
Tell you what,
I'll give you
one shot from there.
You make it,
I'll let
your girlfriend in.
You miss,
I get your car.
No problem.
No, no, no, no.
Billy boy,
this is Ghana.
You, my friend,
are shooting
for the Sudan.
Ha ha ha!
And a hook shot.
And a hook shot!
Don't look at me.
It's their court.
It's their rules.
You want me to punt it?
Can I use my right arm?
He can't make it.
This is Jeopardy!
Now entering the studio
are today's contestants.
An English teacher
from Spokane, Washington,
Dr. Leonard Allen.
A former disco queen
originally from Brooklyn,
New York,
Gloria Clemente.
And our returning champion,
a rocket scientist
from Pasadena, California,
Richard Andrews.
And now here is the host
of Jeopardy!
Alex Trebek!
Thank you, Johnny Gilbert.
Hi, everyone.
Welcome to our program.
I hope you've seen
our last three shows.
Our champion
performed brilliantly,
averaging over $12,000
for each win.
If our newcomers
Leonard and Gloria
hope to replace him
as champion,
they have their work
cut out for themselves.
Good luck to you all.
Let's play.
In this round,
there will be one daily double
in one
of these categories...
natural disasters,
books of the Bible, sports,
and finally, foods that
start with the letter "Q."
She knows seven foods
that start with "Q."
The champion always starts.
Sports, please, for $100.
The first clue is...
- Wilt the Stilt.
- Chamberlain.
Who is Babe Ruth?
No. That is wrong.
Babe Ruth?
She's not good
at sports.
Correct. Pick again.
I'll change subjects
to superstitions for $100.
Make a wish,
and break this,
a fowl's V-shaped clavicles.
What is a wishbone?
She's good.
Natural disasters
for $100, please.
This volcano's eruption
buried the city
of Pompeii in 79 A.D.
What is
Mount Soovius?
I need a ruling on that.
That's close enough.
Yeah. Yes!
Foods that start
with the letter "Q."
A game bird related
to a partridge.
What is a quail?
She's into her shit now.
Foods that start with "Q"
for $200.
A custard pie often made
with cheese and bacon.
What is a quiche?
Foods with "Q"
for $300, please.
A large edible clam
of the Atlantic coast.
What is a quahog?
Foods with "Q"
for $400.
The answer there is...
The Daily Double.
Well, Gloria,
you lead with $2, 100.
You're performing
How much will you risk
on your knowledge of foods
that start with "Q"?
All of it.
Oh, my God.
The forbidden fruit
in the Garden of Eden.
What is a quince?
Who knows
what a quince is?
As we begin
the Double Jeopardy! Round,
Leonard, you get to make
the first selection.
Popes for $200,
He was pope
when America's first
Catholic president was inaugurated.
Who was John XXlll?
Popes for $400.
His reign was the shortest
on record in... Gloria.
Who was John Paul I?
Ruling class
for $800.
18th-century czar who...
Who is Peter the Great?
Who is the Emperor
Who is King George?
She's in the zone.
Who was Victoriano Huerta?
You are right.
What is a toadstool?
What is chlorophyll?
What are spores?
What is Australia?
What is
the Outer Hebrides?
Billy, listen to me.
Even if Gloria
takes you back,
which would be
a fucking miracle,
don't blow it.
Listen to the woman
Women know shit.
Even if you don't know
what she's talking about,
just listen.
All right.
I'm sorry.
She doesn't want to see you.
Hey! I said she doesn't
want to see you.
It's locked.
It's OK.
It's all right.
There's another door, man.
You're on your own.
And remember,
you owe me big.
All right, man.
All right?
All right...
Don't say anything,
all right?
Just listen for a second.
I will never
bring you water
When you're thirsting
in our bed
You know I
Understand dry-mouthedness
And I sympathize instead
And if you take me
back again
I won't be
such a slob
Let's screw.
I'd even trade
my sneakers in
For the part-time job,
my Gloria
My Gloria
My, my Gloria
I know that
you're angry
And you probably
want me dead
And I know screwing
is for carpenters
So let's make love
And I know
I'll get it wrong
So forgive me
in advance
My Gloria
Tell me the truth.
You didn't think that
Jeopardy! Would call,
did you?
I must confess,
I didn't.
That's why you got to
trust me more.
You're right,
as usual.
I know.
I've been thinking
about the future.
- I really...
- Me, too.
The future is like
a whole new concept.
I mean, it's like...
I got to confess
that the summer pro league
isn't knocking down
my door.
There comes a time
in every man's life
when he has to get on
with his life.
I want you to take
2,000 of my winnings.
I think
that's a bad idea.
No, it's a good idea.
Go buy yourself
some new clothes.
Not for me. I like you
the way you are,
but you got to look good
on job interviews.
Job interviews?
I want you to aim high.
Well, I, I...
I want to aim high,
but I'm just nervous
about taking
your money again.
I'm afraid I might
do something stupid.
Take it.
I trust you.
They took everything.
I feel raped.
They took everything!
They wiped us out.
They took everything!
They took my TV,
the stereo,
my baby's crib.
What kind of human being
would steal a crib?
I've been trying
to reach you.
They took everything.
Who do you think?
Your TV, your stereo,
And they trashed
the place!
Oh, look
at this here!
I'll be goddamned!
Baby, we'll get
our stuff back.
You promised
to get me out of here.
They took our $5,000.
Wiped us out.
I know somebody knows
what happened.
You can't take that stuff
and not see something.
You didn't have to
trash the place!
Fuck me!
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry
I lost it.
Baby, you don't have to
apologize to me.
I want a job.
All right.
You get a job.
Right now,
I'll figure out
how to get us out of
this goddamn building.
All right?
If I can win 12,000
each week, right?
Times 5,
plus 20
for the annual title,
that'll give us...
80 grand.
We're rolling now.
I could take
some acting classes,
get on a soap,
do a little television.
I'll be ready for the big screen
in two years.
You're made
for the big screen.
It's Sidney.
Hey, Billy!
I've been
looking for you.
We got to talk,
What's this,
a macho dick thing?
Come on, now.
Can I watch?
Don't worry
about me, babe.
Billy, you got
some money?
A little. Why?
Eddie "The King" Faroo
and Duck Johnson are back.
They're working courts
They're cleaning up.
The King and Duck?
We can take them!
It costs 2,500
to get in.
I got 2 grand, man!
Good, good.
Let's do this.
Hold it.
Hold it. Hold it.
Hold on, man.
I just got back together
with Gloria.
I don't know
how she'll react.
This money could
save my marriage.
With this score,
I could move in a week.
I don't think
she'll go for it.
Make her!
Fuck that.
You owe me.
I know, man, but I...
All right.
Enough man talk.
What's up?
you are so beautiful.
Sometimes I don't realize
how lucky I am.
You know something,
There is a big game
For money?
No! No, no.
Well, yeah.
I mean, a little bit.
Are you serious?
You're thinking about playing
with my money?
Your money?
You gave it to me!
To get a job!
I promised Sidney,
You promised me!
I promised you and him.
I owe you and him.
I'll give you
the winnings.
I don't care
about the money.
I don't want
the money!
What do you want?
I want you, stupid!
We can take these guys.
They're over the hill.
Look, Billy,
you gamble my money,
and we're through.
I promise
this is the last time.
Do you think that
I'm a fucking moron or something?
You take me
for an idiot?
All right.
All right.
I have a solution, OK?
I will guarantee victory.
I've never
offered that before.
I will guarantee victory.
I... We...
We can guarantee
victory. Huh?
I love you, Billy.
All right, honey.
All right. Listen,
if you don't want to watch,
we'll just meet up
at the hotel later,
and we'll party.
We'll celebrate.
We're on a roll, honey.
We're on a roll!
Show him that
fly shit, Sidney.
Come on, Billy.
You got him, Sidney.
He can dunk,
You got him.
I got Billy.
All right.
shut him out!
Come on, Duck!
You got some money?
Hell, yeah.
I got $50.
You got me.
I got Billy.
Pop! Pop! Pop!
Oh, yes!
Yes! Yes!
Sweet! Sweet!
"D" up!
"D" up!
Stay up.
Stay up on him.
Watch the pick!
Watch the back door!
Back door!
Yes! Come on.
Take it in.
Take it in, Sid!
All right, man!
Play some defense, Billy!
Dig this
I love the pearl
Ow! Where's my girl?
All the way,
Way to go.
Way to go, baby.
Get your hands up.
Come on, man!
Push it, Sidney.
In, baby, in!
My man!
Ah! Ya-haa!
Yeah, yeah!
Yeah, Sidney!
All of it
on the line.
Point game.
Point game.
Got to put
the ball up, man.
You're gonna rock,
aren't you?
Come on with it.
Hit him hard, man.
Hit him hard.
Stay with him.
Stay with him.
You want to dance
or play basketball, brother?
You going to dance
or play ball, man?
Watch him down low.
I got him.
I got him.
To the right!
Bringing it up.
Watch him! Watch him!
Give it up, man.
Watch the pick.
Hoo hoo!
She's gone.
Oh, man!
Oh, man. Now,
that's not right.
That's not right.
I didn't lose
the money.
I doubled the money,
and I still
got it wrong.
How can that be?
She said
some crazy shit.
She said sometimes
when you win,
you actually lose
or tie,
but when you tie,
you actually win,
or some shit.
You got to
extract something
from an organic
Brother, I only have
four words for you...
Listen to the woman.
What the hell
does that mean?
I tried to listen.
You talked me
out of it!
I presented an option,
and you took it.
You should have listened
to her, not me.
I should listen
to you now?
Yeah. I'm giving
you advice.
Who should I listen to?
You're a grown man.
Figure that out yourself.
Oh, shit.
The game is over, William.
Still hit the old jumper,
huh, Billy boy?
Where's the cash?
OK, Frankie.
That's enough.
That's good
for you guys?
We're all set.
We can finally show our face again
at Tipitina's.
The Stucci brothers
are back.
No hard feelings,
huh, Billy boy?
it's all
about respect.
You understand?
I respect you guys.
See you later.
Yo, man,
you all right?
Gloria is not
coming back.
Yeah, I know.
You know,
she's left me before,
lots of times.
She'll get to the door,
I'll talk fast,
she'll come back.
Or she'll get
out the door,
be gone
a couple of days,
and I'll play her a song,
and, you know,
she'll come back.
This is it.
She's gone.
Maybe you two
are better off
without each other.
Tell me something,
If I listen
to the woman,
do I have to agree
with her, too?
You listen.
That's a start.
I don't want to
stress you out.
Hmm hmm
Doo doo doo doo
Mmm hmmm
I got to get a job.
Can you get me a job?
Have you got
any references?
You're going to
be all right.
You're starting
to hear the music.
I can hear Jimi now?
I didn't say that.
You can't hear Jimi.
Jimi ain't music?
It is, but you can't
hear Jimi.
Don't be dissin' Jimi.
You just
learned that word.
How did you know
you put that pass
up high enough,
I could slam it?
Even the sun shines
on a dog's ass some days.
On a dog's ass?
Want to play me?
Don't start.
Hitting one dunk
don't mean you can play.
Putting a cat in an oven
don't make it a biscuit.
Your mama is so stupid,
it takes her 60...
It takes her 2 hours
to watch 60 minutes.
Stop hurting yourself.
Hey, man.
Smooth, baby.
You dropped
a 20 on them?
Yeah. If I don't take care
of my brothers, who will?
I'll bet you 20
on our game.
I'm not playing you.
No, no. You misunderstand.
How could you look ugly
and still lose?
You calling me ugly?
Your mother did.
I got a right to.
Can you come out
and play?
Do you think you can hang
with a real man?
Can you come out
and play?
Do you think you can hang
with the real thing?
You were dressed up
that night
Uh, uh
You were
turnin' men away
Oh, baby
Girl, you were so fine
Ooh, I, I couldn't let you
get away
To the beat, y'all
Sometimes you have to do
What you gotta do
To even out the score
That's right
Don't ever fake the game
It's not a sure thing
Hold on
and jam it through
Bet your bottom dollar
That you can
make them holler
Don't you know that
white men can't jump?
Yeah, yeah
And if you say it louder
Then you might
make me prouder
Don't you know that
white men can't jump?
White men can't jump
To the beat, y'all
Don't you know that
white men can't jump?
Yeah, yeah
Area code
Berdoo hick, a new dip
of a showroom stick
Going hell-for-leather
on metal clip
Pullin' it,
I got to deal with it
Throw the body in the trunk
and get rid of it
That's how I'm livin',
givin', AK-47
Got to be out by 11
Gangster sniper,
grow hyper
Disguised himself
as a window wiper
Stood there
through the glass
Get the gat, it's dead
I gotta think fast
Movin', always thinkin',
droppin' three skin
The body bag's stinkin'
Everyone's thinkin',
goin' big, till I slip in
Tie you up
and start whippin'
Help move the bit
to a new level
of the brown devil
Area code
Come on,
we goin' down like this
Come on
I'm going up
And I won't come down
There's no regrets
In this world
I've found
I can hear music
Of a joyful sound
I'm going up
And I won't come down
I'm going up
And I won't come down
I ain't coming down.
Look for the hook
Everybody, everybody,
here comes the hook
Went to the studio
to make another hit
The tempo being funky,
this is funky as it get
If you trip,
watch your lip
With a quick pass,
then tip fast
Like I did when I cut class...
still passed
Mommy was a teacher,
and Daddy was a cop
So I was born a brain
with a very good shot
Jersey born and bred
in an old one-horse 'stead
That's where
I got my practice
Building bloods
with the hardheads
Yeah, I'm a roughneck
with a rough threat
Wanna step? Bet
No, this ain't a prank,
it's a death threat
From Latifah, the big chief,
for all of y'all to look
Here comes the hook
This is the hook
Everybody, everybody,
jump up and look
This is the hook
Everybody, everybody,
jump up and look
Left hook, uhh
Right hook, uhh
Left hook, uhh
Right hook, uhh
Left hook, uhh
Right hook, uhh
Left hook, uhh
Right hook, uhh