Who's Jenna...? (2018) Movie Script

I'm having this baby right now!
Oh my God... oh...
Yeah, we should have adopted.
I can't deal with this shit!
Oh my God. Oh.
I'm having this baby right now
My waters gonna break.
Yes No, no, no, no, no.
I just got the car cleaned.
That's brand new upholstery.
Brand new upholstery?
- Yeah - Fuck you!
Fuck me? Fuck you, Tom!
Got the upholstery cleaned fucking asshole.
You know what?
Piece of shit car anyway.
Maybe, I shouldn't have fucked you!
Would you get in the car please?
And this time, cross your goddamn legs!
Well, I should've crossed my
legs nine months ago!
That's what I should have done
you fucking bastard.
Yeah, yeah...
Look at this everybody, all the lights are coming on!
Everybody's gonna see us fighting!
Bastard! Get in the fucking car!
Really Jerry?
Oh Jesus. I'm sorry!
Aaah, Take my bags.
Okay, I got 'em. I got 'em...
Alright, alright Here we go!
Hey, shit for brains, come on!
Oh my God! I am so sorry baby.
You're so beautiful. Look at you
It fucking hurts, shut the fuck up!
We're having a baby! Here we go...
Okay, just be quiet!
Oh my God!
Are you guys having yours too now?
Nah, they're just out in the middle
of the night hunting for squirrels.
Would you get in the goddamn car?
Fuck you!
Hey, follow us!
If we make it.
Alright, we'll see you when we get there.
Just open the fucking door, will ya?
Open your own fucking door.
Piece of shit car.
We got this-
Stay right behind us!
Okay, come on.
Are you having yours now too?
No, I like waking up in the middle of the
fucking night with half of my tit hanging out
for all of everybody in the fucking neighborhood to see.
Your tit was not hanging out
It's Okay baby.
Are you trying to piss me off right now?
No, I just don't understand all this hostility.
I swear, if you come near me with that dick again,
I will bite it off!
Jesus, Carol!
Shut the fuck up! Jerry and drive!
Okay, alright, hold on. Hold on, babe!
Hold on. Here we go....
The way we remember our fathers
Listen to this:
Here, you want one of these?
Uh, you sure we can?
Hey, I'm the chief of police in this town.
I'm entitled to one
So was uh, was your wife screaming obscenities to you on the way over too?
Sort of, Becky?
Yeah, Becky, she wanted to film the entire
birth from the doctor's point of view
so the next time I wanna have sex,
I can see how torn up her shit is!
Wow. She said that?
Carol told me she would bite my dick off.
Ooh, that hurts!
Well, at least you'll get some action out of it.
So why ain't you in there?
C-Section. That is not something I want to see
Yeah, Becky's doing that C-Section thing too.
What, you can't stomach it either huh?
Nah, nah listen I've been through it twice already
with my exes, that's not the point.
You know, Becky said to me,
Eat shit and die on the way over so,
I take that as a non-invite,
She can do that thing on her own.
You okay?
Nervous, you know First time having a kid and all.
Doctor says it's gonna be a boy but what if he's wrong?
Well, boys are cool, except they're assholes 'til
they're about fifteen... Then they become your
best friend for the rest of your life.
What about girls?
Girls... Daddy's little girl
Sweet as a button.
They look up at you with those eyes
man, like you're the only man in their life.
Till they become a teenager. Then you got a problem.
What do you mean?
Well, hell on wheels in a tight black dress.
What are you talking about?
I'm telling you, I mean before she turns thirteen
you get your credit card you get your cash,
you get your check book and you put it in a safe,
because that girl is gonna drive you broke.
Mr. Roma, Mr. Burke?
No no I'm..
I'm Mr. Burke.
Mr. Roma, Mr. Burke,
your wives are in recovery
and your boys are in the nursery.
Wait, wait, you said boys? Ohhhh... Say it again!
Boys! Ha ha!
He has!
Congratulations, Tom.
Yeah, you too, Jerry.
He has!
You got a light on you?
You're not supposed to smoke in here.
Happy birthday, boys!
Oh, why thank you, Scott.
Health and happiness.
Look at this...
woman suffers from ninety orgasms an hour.
What a break!
She even uses the word "suffers"
How could she be suffering?
She should be thanking God!
So Scott, you ready for that
Series 7 tomorrow or what?
Think so.
Think so?
What ya mean? I think so?
Confidence, Scott.
Confidence. You gotta go in there with confidence,
give 'em hell, bud!
And thanks Jonathan, for everything with the tests.
You got it, buddy. You deserve every bit of it.
You're, you're good.
Aw, you guys wanna hug now?
Shut the fuck up.
Come on, I'm serious.
I could get you guys a room if you want.
So you singing tonight?
Of course he's singing
When on karaoke night doesn't he sing?
This guy always sings. He's a singer.
So what's it gonna be, Jonathan?
Jonathan? Jonathan?
Looks like someone got struck
More like a hard-on for the Jameson lookalike.
Holy shit!
You think that every blonde that walks
in here looks like her.
You can't tell me that she doesn't look like Jenna,
or even Amber, Come on!
Who you talking about?
Are you kidding me?
Oh, Jenna Jame...
You can't say her full name.
Us guys have not earned the right.
Double or nothing.
The lookalike falls head over heels for Jonathan.
No way.
What can I get you?
Two martinis and whatever he's having.
Coming right up.
My name's Jenna.
No fucking way.
Has anyone ever told you
Don't mind my friend he babbles a lot.
This is Andy And I'm Jonathan.
Well this is my cousin Sheila and my friend Christina
Hi ladies!
We're gonna go grab a table.
And our next singer will be I shoulda' guessed
So you some sort of a one-hit wonder?
Oh, I can do a few others, I guess.
And what are you waiting for?
Well, I'm thinking you should come up with me!
Ha! Oh, no.
Well, wait a second You put the request in
I didn't put in a request.
You kinda did.
You kinda did.
Okay fine.
But I get to pick the song.
Thank you.
Thanks, Crystal.
What would you have done if I said no?
But you didn't
Another hundred they move in together within six months.
I can't believe how much she looks like her
from "The Misogynist"
Oh wait. Maybe it's someone else.
She's got Amber's look in "The Playhouse"
No! Shit!
Jenna from "Backdoor Friends" No "Big Titties 4"
It's really sick how you know the titles of all those movies
"I Fucked Jenna" That's the 70s spoof
of the TV show "I Dream of Jeannie"
They called it "I Fucked Jenna"
That's it! That's gotta be it!
You need to see a doctor.
Some people view pornographic films as pieces of garbage.
I view them as pieces of education
that should be bestowed on every heterosexual male
when he turns the age of eighteen.
Like when you go to vote
they should be like "Here's your ballot"
and give you a copy of "Juicy Asses"
I think it's that point in our relationship
where we start talking about you.
Well I know my biological clock is ticking
and you just turned red!
You! you are beautiful!
Oh, thank you!
Perfect day just to father 2.3 kids.
What's wrong with .3?
It means we have a dog
and we're constantly working to get a third.
Golden retriever.
A black lab.
German shepherd.
That works.
Two and a half baths.
Trust me! With two teenage daughters running around
you'll be really happy we have it.
Okay well, you know now that we have that
all figured out what's next?
I don't know.
Do we get a life insurance policy in place?
Yeah, I'm covered.
And how much?
Are you planning on killing me or something?
I will kill you if we don't get that third bath.
And you call me overconfident?
Somehow the entire weekend you managed to keep focus on me
kinda like a lawyer cross-examining her witness.
Bingo! You're a smart man
and you're an investment advisor for a wealth management
company here in Red Bank.
And what was the name of that again?
Arrowhead Advisors.
Is that in the Galleria building?
Yeah, it is! Why?
That's where my brother-in-law works.
Who is your brother-in-law?
That would be your boss.
Joe Barcia is your brother-in-law
Well that certainly makes things interesting.
It could or it couldn't
I guess, guess that's up to us, right?
Yeah. Yeah, it is.
Hey, what's up?
No tie?
Aren't you supposed to be taking your Series 7 right now?
Yeah I rescheduled it.
In my office. Now.
What's going on with you?
I'm not ready.
Yes you are.
No, I'm not.
I reviewed all your practice exams.
They're not the same.
You've worked very hard around here.
You've helped me close accounts
You are ready to become a full-time account manager.
Not as good as you, though.
You'll be better.
I'm sorry, did you see your numbers last quarter?
Yes, I did, and half of those accounts I couldn't have closed
without your help. You've got to get out of my shadow.
You're right. I know
Let's make a deal. You take the exam
and I'll make sure Barcia approves your trip to Toronto.
That's right.
Burke! How are ya?
Morning, Scotty.
Morning, Joe.
Weren't you supposed to take your Series 7 today?
I, uh, I asked him to move it to next week
so he could help me close some old accounts.
Which, by the way, Joe I was wondering if you could approve
Scott to come to Toronto with me?
If you think it's necessary.
I wouldn't ask if I didn't think it was.
I'll put in a request, we'll see what we can do.
You have your racquets in the car?
Always do.
Good! Loser buys dinner.
Steakhouse, Creamed spinach
Little tomato and onion salad I can taste it right now
you better bring a pocketful of cash.
Oh yeah, well you better bring your Black Card then.
Black Card this You're gonna lose.
Oh. End of the month? Let's make some money, huh?
Yeah, sure Joe. Yeah Get the fuck outta here.
You better fucking kick his ass
and leave him in his little pink underwear.
So how was the weekend, Burke?
Pretty good.
Pretty good. Pretty good. Yeah
You got some, didn't you?
Why don't you tell Papa all about it, huh?
It' good to hear stories every now and then
Perfect place for it, a locker room.
So talk some locker room to me.
You okay?
Oh yeah. Great uncomfortable little itch
that I can't get rid of it's growing back.
I'm putting in a promotion for you, Burke.
No way.
Yeah way.
How does Senior Director of Account Management sound?
You're shitting me.
I shit you not.
Gonna call HR put in the paperwork
Usually takes about two to three weeks.
Done deal.
Thank you!
No problem, Burke.
Keep it stiff
So part of the promotion means
you're gonna be absorbing other accounts.
Most of them are ones that I opened.
Some of them are from like twenty
years ago when the company first started.
The newer ones would be like Stephen Bower
uh, Dominick Grillo, you know...
Did you say Dominick Grillo?
Yeah. Dominick Grillo.
Like the mobster?
Oh, come on Burke. Relax, it's all allegations and bullshit.
Same thing as you do with your accounts.
You know, call them up, make an introduction.
That's it business as usual.
Right? Get it, got it? Good.
There's one guy though that I want you to close.
You're gonna take a small hit on your commission
but eh, you make it up the following month.
Little tiny hit Little baby hit.
It's somebody we don't want to do business with anymore.
And why don't we want to do business with them anymore?
Because where he gets his money from
the company doesn't really want to be associated with it.
Is it illegal?
No! No! not illegal. No.
Uh, did you ever hear of Kevin "The Hammer" Steele?
I can't seem to get a load to work.
Well, let me drop a load in and see if it works.
Kevin Steel is a god, he's the greatest porno star to ever live
That's who that is?
No. No. No Okay then, let's go.
Well yes, Mr. Hastings.
I'll be your account manager from now on.
No no no, Mr. Barcia will still be available.
It's just that I'll be your point of contact moving forward.
You still logged on?
Great, great. So why don't we set up a dinner so we can talk
about diversifying your portfolio next week?
Fucking firewalls!
Great, Mr. Hastings.
You have a great day, thanks!
What the hell are you doing? Seriously!
You remember the movie "I Fucked Jenna"?
Well, I'm gonna prove to you that this girl you've been
seeing all the time is....
Not all the time!
Well let's do lunch, then.
I can't. I'm, uh
having lunch with uh
I know.
Listen, let me bring up this clip and then I can prove
to you who she really is.
Uh, First of all
don't bring anything up on my computer
And second of all
how the hell did you know I'm having lunch with Jenna?
Mhm Mhm Mhm.
I'm the Senior Manager of Technology.
And you hacked into my calendar?
So where are you going?
Then where?
Back to the office.
No you're not you're gonna take her to the shopping mall and go
shopping. Then you're gonna go see one of those lame-ass
independent movies down in Red Bank. Then you're gonna take her
for dinner and then hopefully you're gonna
be bangin' the hell out of her.
As much as I wish that was the case
I've got to get back to the office.
Ha! No you don't! Your computer has a virus.
No it doesn't.
Oh, I'm sorry Mr. Burke but I'm gonna have to
take your computer down to IT.
You can't do that.
Yes I can, I do it for Barcia all the time.
What do you think he does every third Wednesday of the month?
I don't wanna know!
Ha ha mhmm.
He goes home and bangs Mrs. Barcia Or he's banging someone
else. I'm thinking someone else You ever see his wife? Ewww!
You're sick!
She's ugly, man! Ooh, you gotta see it
Oh wait, congratulations on your promotion!
That's not public. Forget it.
You should be excited.
I am.
You don't look it.
Well Barcia's got me closing an account
because of what the guy does for a living.
Who's the client?
Kevin fucking Steele? This guy is a goddamn fucking hero
You know how many fucking loads I shot watching this guy?
You can't fucking close this account! You can't!
Well if I don't I think Barcia's gonna hold up my promotion!
He can't do that.
Or maybe he can. What are we gonna do about it?
We... are going to do nothing.
Well what if he tried to blackmail you or something?
Oh ooh! Drop it.
No! I won't drop it. No.
Drop it
Drop it... Drop it.
I know it's here It's gotta be here somewhere.
The hell are you doing?
Please tell me you didn't throw it out.
You know you owe me money on the mortgage, right?
I'm a little low on cash Could you please cover me?
Now tell me you didn't throw it out!
Throw what out?
The box of porn!
Dude! You need to get a life!
What's that supposed to mean?
Nothing Hey! Hey hey.
Yeah, you're hard to get ahold of.
I know, I'm sorry. My last client meeting was running late
and then I didn't have any power on my phone
The dog ate your homework, there was a typhoon.
Hey, be nice! Or I won't let you see this
incredibly revealing dress I bought for tomorrow night.
Oh.. You are killing me.
Oh Come on, you'll see me in less than 24 hours.
No no, it's not that I have some bad news.
Well don't tell me you're breaking up with me.
I still need to get that insurance policy in place.
Very funny, no, I can't make it tomorrow night.
Oh no, why?
Well, Joe's got me going to Baltimore.
He dropped... dropped it on me at the end of the day,
which is why I was trying to get in touch with you, but... listen
I am so sorry, I promise I'll make it up to you.
It's okay. actually I should be making it up to you.
How do you figure?
Well it's my family that's impeding on our plans
so, technically it's my fault.
Your mother!
Is Andy okay?
Um, yeah, no.
He's just looking for a needle in a haystack. I guess.
Not just a needle, my friend And when I find it,
I'll be showing it to little Miss thing there.
Ha ha ha What is he talking about?
Uh, nothing..You're sure you're not mad?
Hey, this is what it's all about, right?
So how long will you be there?
Two days
I'll miss you.
I'll miss you.
Son of a bitch!
What was that?
Uh It looks like the haystack has just imploded.
Listen, I'll call you later, okay?
Ha Okay. Bye
Wha Wha.. What is going on here? Listen want these tickets?
Me at a Broadway show?
No. Not you at a Broadway show.
I think you can sell them and pay your half of the mortgage.
I love the way you think.
Now can you help me out before I wreck this whole house?
Attic above my closet
Joe! what? What are you doing here?
I've been giving it a lot of thought.
You're going down to Baltimore
and you've never met these guys before and
You're a little rough and tumble
And I just felt that I need to be there
maybe make this transition smoother
Hope you don't mind.
No. Fine
Uh, you and Jenna, huh?
Listen, I uh hope it's okay, Joe
No, you? You're kidding?
I couldn't think of a better guy for her to be with.
She's always been like the sister I never had.
In fact you know this? She's the godmother of our daughter.
No. No I didn't know that, actually.
Yeah. It's funny.
I was the guy that pushed her into becoming an attorney.
You know she's got that way about her you know?
She's very spunky.
That, I did know.
ha ha ha
That's Jenna!
Oh what do we have here? A wallet? This yours?
Excuse me, did you drop this?
Uh Did you drop this?
Excuse me!
You drop your wallet I found it
Do I know you?
No, but I found your wallet My name's Joe Barcia
Arrowhead Investors Where we treat people nice!
Come on don't leave mad! Just leave! Bimbo!
Burke! I'd like you to meet my good friend
Steven Bower from Bower Construction in Tampa, Florida.
Pleasure to meet you.
Nice to meet you too.
And my good friend Dominick Grillo who owns some restaurants
and night clubs here on the East Coast.
How you doing?
He's up for a promotion he's gonna be handling
most of my accounts.
Oh, yeah?
How long you been with the firm?
Oh, I handpicked the boy myself Comes from good stock.
He's great. Not as great as I am but you're in good hands
Ah, shit look who's coming.
Are you kidding me?
If Buckwheat asks me again if I need a caddy
I'm gonna crack him in his fucking head.
Who the hell are you kidding? You've been hanging out with
this goomba for too long.
Blow me!
Morning, sir! You need a caddy?
Do you need a caddy? Good morning sir! Let me ask you
a question. How many carts do you see over there?
Ahh... Two
Two! And how many golf bags in each cart?
That would be two each.
Two each, that's four right? Hmm?
Why would you think I need a caddy? Do me a favor
You're here all the time. Leave!
You should be sorry. Guys, ever since you put one in office
they all got a chip on their shoulder
Alright, come on, let's go, what are we doing here?
Fifty dollars a hole?
A hundred dollars a hole!
Why don't you give the guy a break!
Why should I?
Fifty bucks for the longest drive!
Whoa, that's uh
Burke, take off the skirt. Make it a hundred.
You wanna just pay me now?
I wanted to talk to you about your request to have
Scott join you on your trip to Toronto.
Great, because he just passed the Series 7.
I don't think it's a good idea.
Could you guys shut the fuck up?
Fifty bucks you miss it.
Son of a bitch!
A little strong.
And why isn't it a good idea?
Listen, his a good kid. He's a hard worker. Granted
I just don't think Arrowhead Advisors is ready to take him on
as a full time account manager.
Why not?
What happens on the road stays on the road, right?
Okay, Joe. We've been working together for ten years, come on.
He's gay.
You got a fag working for you now?
And he's black.
Daily Double!
What, are you a liberal now all of a sudden, Barcia?
Shut up.
You can't be serious! This kind of discrimination can
get us into a lot of trouble!
Yeah. And him fucking up an account like Bower's
could also create a legal shit storm for us. Sorry. No.
You gotta fire his ass.
I can't. Affirmative action bullshit.
Wha.. you.. a
Hey, you're lucky he's not a gay black woman
Then you'd really be fucked!
You just gave me a heart attack.
It's true.
So she makes me go see a fucking urologist.
How'd your wife make you go?
I'm not happy about it but we're both trying to avoid taking care
of some broad I knocked up. I gotta do it.
That's why they make condoms.
No no no that's like that's shrink wrap. Okay,
I don't fucking do the condom.
Oh, with those whores today you gotta throw that balloon on.
Exactly. So I'm in the office right. Here I am Exam's over
or so I think. He looks at me the doctor and he puts his
finger out like this. Okay? And he says "Hey, Dominick,
You want I should check your prostrate?" So I go...
That's prostate.
Uh, never mind.
So I go No doc I'm good I don't need you to check my prostrate
He goes "No no no Dominick really,
I should check your prostrate"
putting the finger like coming at me with it. I go Doc,
you take one more fucking step towards me with that finger
I'm gonna take it and shove it up your own
fucking ass cause my ass is exit only!
He comped the whole fucking visit! Didn't cost me a dime!
Hey, guys you wanna another bottle of wine?
Yeah, sure. Why Not?
Where's this waiter? Did I ever tell you
when I was younger I was allergic to alcohol?
I used to break out in handcuffs!
Yeah, Barcia. You're a funny fucking guy.
Ah shit.
Look at this.
Ha ha ha. Joe Barcia! Hey!
Hey hey.
Get that outta here! How you doing buddy?
How are you, pal?
Good, good good.
I want to introduce you to some of my friends here
Steven Bower.
Pleasure to meet you.
Nice to meet you.
And this is a my buddy Dominick Grillo.
And this is Jonathan Burke.
Nice to meet you How you guys doing?
Eh, we're doing. What bring you to the East Coast?
Just out here shooting a film downtown.
Film Really You're an actor?
Yeah. Yeah, yeah Been doing it a long time.
Oh, really. What's the name of the movie that you're shooting?
Uh, I really can't say It's a low-budget film.
Well, what ya know? Lotta those things they become big hits
so what's the name of it?
Ah, I signed a non-disclosure agreement
so I really am not allowed to.
Aw, I'm sure you can bend the rules a little.
Come on, I wanna know What's the name of the movie?
No, you don't wanna know.
Fifty Shades of Grey's Johnson
Can I get a different dish here! Please?
Where do they come up with these titles? I know, this title
I couldn't believe it at first I didn't I turned it down.
After I read the script this guy Greg, he really has some depth.
Yeah, I bet he does.
Is there a problem?
Yeah. Just get this outta here, please.
Oh, it's the sausage it's probably too big for you.
Get it outta here Just get it outta here.
Okay. Right away okay.
I'll let you guys go. I've got two beautiful ladies waiting
for me at the table, but uh just wanted to say
anytime you wanna come by the set. Anytime anytime.
We should do that.
We're shooting at the hotel right by the pier?
Right on the corner over there You guys are more than welcome.
There all week.
Doing business you know what I mean?
Listen enjoy your dinner it was nice meeting everybody.
Take care. Joey! Love this guy! Alright, later!
The fuck is going on in your firm, Barcia?
Why, what's your problem?
Are you kidding me?
I don't know about you, I don't want my company's money
being managed by a firm that deals with that industry.
Come on.
Listen, Steve I've already given Jonathan
instructions to close the account.
Because the industry's a ticking time bomb.
It's no different than my industry.
Oh, don't even go there It's a lot different.
Burke! You're on that right? Burke?
Well, with all due respect Joe
I'm in the same boat as Mr. Grillo.
Oh, really? Well I'm the one promoting you
And you need to be five steps ahead of everybody else!
You need to look out for the best interests
of Arrowhead and that's it.
Oh, that's some speech, Barcia
Why don't you shut up? Eat what you kill, my wife
said it to me, coming up. Eat what you kill and Jenna agrees.
Why? Who's Jenna?
My sister-in-law.
Holy shit, you're tapping that? No disrespect She's hot.
God bless ya.
Hi, this is Jenna Casey leave me a message and I'll get back
to you as soon as I can. Bye.
Hey Jenna It's me. Just finished having dinner with Barcia
What a disaster that was Anyway, I just wanted to
talk to you before I go to bed. So, give me a call if
you get a chance. Okay? Okay, bye.
Jenna, what.. what are you doing here?
I can bring it to somebody else.
No, I just called you.
I know.
So? What do you think?
You look incredible.
Did you always want to work for a wealth management company?
I thought about being a veterinarian.
ha ha ha.
Get outta here.
Yeah I love animals.
How about you?
Ice skater.
Ice skater?
Well there's a pipe dream.
Excuse me?
Come on, what percentage of ice skaters become professional
let alone make a decent living at it?
Wasn't about being a professional
and not everything's about money, Jonathan.
I do not like you right now.
Yes you do. No seriously, I love it, Ice skating.
Least I wasn't searching up some
dog's butt for it's owners keys it just ate.
Yeah, my mom was a stay-at-home My dad, he was a bus driver
for the city. He worked crazy hours. Man, he hated it
I promised myself I would never do something I hated.
How are ya? I got to talk to you about something
I can't make tomorrow's meeting
Is everything okay?
Oh, yeah. No everything's fabulous I just.. I have
something else that came up and I completely forgot about it and
I can't come to the meeting tomorrow.
Has! Ha ha.
I was at the bar before and this broad was all over my shit
and her eye must've popped out Imagine that?
Anyway, what are you doing?
Uh, nothing
Oh, good. I'll come in for a drink.
Uh, no I'm uh busy..
Busy? Just one drink.
Just um trying to catch up on...
Catch up?
You're not messing around on Jenna, are you?
Cause if you are you can send her my way. Smells like sex
You look like you had sex Did you have sex? You look like you
had sex. Your hair's all sexed up What's going on?
No, I was working out!
Working out? Oh working out!
Work those muscles! Work em good work em good! Oh, work out!
Yeah, you know what? When I'm away I love to work it out! Why?
Takes the temptation away. Good thing Good man, Burke!
Love you guy I'll see you on Thursday.
Okay Wait what you're not coming back with me tomorrow night?
Tomorrow night? No I uh tomorrow is gonna eat up most of my day
I'll see you in a few days. It's all good. You behave.
What a pig.
Sorry you had to hear that.
It's alright I just feel bad for my sister.
Yeah, listen Don't tell her anything.
What happens on the road stays on the road.
I hope not. Cause you know what I'd do if
you ever messed around, right?
I'd call your mother.
Now I have her stuck in my head!
Just turn off the lights
Got it!
Hey, what's up?
You have a passport?
Um, yeah I do but I thought Joe declined your request.
Look, you want to be an account manager or what?
Yes I do.
Then stop asking questions and get ready for the trip
I need you to know these clients inside and out.
Burke! I thought I made it pretty damn
clear to close the Steele account.
You did and I suspended it until I can come up with a very
good reason as to why we're closing it completely.
Well you better come up with one pretty damn quick.
He's on line 2.
That's right he's been calling my damn line all day.
Diane is out to lunch He's on line 2.
You wanna take the call with me or?
Oh no, Mr. Senior Director Get it done!
Mr. Senior Director. Holy shit!
Come with me.
Arrowhead Investments Jonathan Burke speaking.
Hey, Jonathan! The Hammer here. Yeah, yeah, yeah
We met in Baltimore the other day. Right right right.
Hey listen, you're my new account manager now, right?
Yes, I remember Mr. Steele yes, yes I am.
Okay. Listen I'm trying to make a...
They're ready for you, you want me to..
Hold on one second no no no not right now
You can go fluff somebody else.
I, you know, uh listen, Jonathan I'm on set right now
We're shooting a new James Bondage film
"License to Fill" Yeah Anyway, Jonathan I had a problem
making a trade this morning Seems that I'm locked out.
Um I don't know, uh you have your account number handy?
I'll just pull it right up.
My account number? I don't know what my account number is.
Miss Lynn's ready for you now.
Miss Lynn? Um well what about the other one?
She's not gonna do it.
Ha Ha Ha Yeah, we lost another one
I don't know, they don't want to work with me. I don' know why
Um but anyway Jonathan don't you have my account number?
Can't you find it somewhere
in the paperwork or computer or something?
Yes, of course! I'm, listen, Mr. Steele? Do you have a moment?
I just want to put you on hold Shit!
What's wrong?
Do me a favor. Log in from your desk
and change that to "tentatively opened".
Don't we do that for new accounts
until the deposit has cleared?
Alright Close the account and open a new one
but don't put it under new sales. And put a note on the
account that says "renewal".
An account opening that size is gonna need Barcia's approval
Authorization code 4765 and that'll bypass Barcia.
Mr. Steele? Great news! Your account will be open
in just an hour. Or so
Wonderful Jonathan, you're the best, you're the best!
Listen, I'm gonna be in Baltimore next week Yeah, we're
shooting a new Christmas film, "The Twelve Lays of Christmas"
So, when I'm down there why don't you and I do lunch?
Sure, sure. Just swing by and we'll do that. Yeah
Great. Great, great Thank you. What the hell is this?
"East Meets West" with Steele building the bridge?
This is the wrong script!
Great. Have..have a great day on set, Mr. Steele
What the hell happened?
Don't worry about it Just get this done.
I found it!
You know, for a computer geek you think you woulda' found this
on the internet by now.
You'd think so. She blocks all free
access to her movies on the web.
Alright. Yeah, whatever.
Just go get rid of this shit please, alright?
Come in! It's open! I found it.
Don't you like just wanna stay in bed with me?
Actually, I would love to stay in bed with you, but...
Let's snuggle.
People are waiting for me.
Now do you see it?
You think I look like Amber Lynn?
Wait, You know who that is?
This is "The Misogynist" right? The one where she keeps having
sex with all of her clients but can't find true love?
Wait, wait you know this movie?
I don't think I look as much like her in this one.
More like that one that was a TV spoof?
"I Fucked Jenna"
"I Dream of Jenna"
Yes, that' it! "I Dream of Jenna"
Oh my God! I think I love you! Jonathan
you need to marry this girl right now.
You think you're the first guy thats told me I look like her?
Well, no. It's just that I thought...
Would you believe me if I told you I even have her tattoo?
Wait, what?
What what are you telling him?
Now you can't just say that and expect me not to ask
To see it?
Oh, no Andy. Only the good guys get to see it.
See what?
Wait wait wait. What?
Three minutes
Ooh, that's Sheila.
So, do you still live in the city?
I actually just moved to South Jersey last month.
Cause I just got out of a pretty bad relationship.
It wasn't that bad.
I practically left the guy at the altar. How is that not bad?
I understand with the whole you know breaking up before marriage
Stuff like that.
Probably wasn't fucking you right.
What is wrong with those movies? You obviously watch them.
No I don't.
Then how do you know so much about them?
After being told that you look like someone for so long
you think, What the hell?
Let me see what all these guys are talking about.
Okay. Those movies are degrading to women.
I agree, which by the way for the record
is why I came out of that phase.
Whoa whoa whoa Hold your vibrators, ladies.
How is it degrading to women? They make more money than men.
The reason that women are paid more
in the industry is because of everything
that they have to go through, Andy.
Everything they have to go through? All they do is lay
there and get banged all fucking day.
Men have to go through everything between setting up
the cameras the lighting remembering their lines
and we have to be hard as soon as the director yells Action!
Oh. Okay, so you actually think that women
enjoy having sex that lasts longer than seven minutes.
Who wouldn't?
Really? You've seen Ron Jeremy, right?
That man is an icon.
That man needs a waxing.
How about Peter North?
Didn't he do gay porn?
Randy West?
Oh, he's so beautiful with his yellow
afro and his basketball in his stomach.
I mean, I don't even know how he got into this industry.
Look, the bottom line here, Andy is that women make more in that
industry because those movies are geared towards men who
believe that women are supposed to look like goddesses.
I mean, who's on the cover of those films? Not men.
Thank you!
You're welcome.
Why haven't you made partner in your firm yet?
Oh, I did.
I found out this morning.
Holy crap, that's great! Congrats!
Maybe she can help you with your problem.
Well, I'm gonna go outside and have a smoke.
Okay I'll be right there.
Please don't.
What's he talking about, Jonathan?
It's far from nothing Where are you going?
Why are you dickin' out now?
That's where you need to slow down, buddy.
Your sister's husband is blackmailing your boy here.
Will you shut up, Andy?
I don't want to talk about it right now.
Well excuse me Did we just meet or something?
Okay Barcia's got me closing an account
cause the guy's a porn star.
The great Kevin Steele You wanna talk about a guy
who can bring down the hammer?
So how's he blackmailing you?
Barcia told him that he's gonna promote our boy
to Senior Director but he hasn't put the paperwork through.
Sometimes those things take time.
Five months?
Let's not forget that he won't promote Scott
because he's black and gay.
Is this true?
Yeah. He told me down in Baltimore.
Then why didn't you tell me about it then?
Wasn't the right time.
Do you have proof that he's blackmailing you?
Not really But that's where you come in!
Not necessarily!
Don't tell me you would honestly ask me to represent you in
a case against my own brother-in-law?
Andy! Shut up!
It crossed my mind.
Well, do me a favor and uncross it.
But what if I had the evidence?
But you don't.
But what if I did?
When you do we'll talk
We'll talk? What's that supposed to mean?
Oh come on, don't do this!
Don't do what?
Don't make this into more than it already is!
More than it is?
You're not the one being harassed every day, being told
how important you are to the firm. Be a company man!
Be five steps ahead of yourself! You're not the one who has
to listen to this shit day in and day out.
Forgive me for expecting my girlfriend to support me.
Well what do you want me to do?
Don't blow me off!
I wasn't blowing you off! I just think that if you're gonna
accuse your boss of blackmailing you,
you need to have substantial evidence
And I'm asking you if I did will you help me?
It's a simple question.
It depends on what you have.
Not even 24 hours and already she's treating me like a partner
Oh, remind me when the clock stops so I don't get charged
overtime later on tonight.
You're an asshole!
Smooth talking.
Yeah? Fuck you!
Fuck me?
Yeah! If you would've kept your mouth shut
none of this would've ever happened!
Oh, I'm sorry.
Who's the dick in the room that can't stand up to his boss
because he's banging his wife's sister?
Oh! This coming from a guy who's had more opportunities to
move up in his career and save himself from losing his parents
house but would rather jack off to pornographic movies, who
A) nobody cares about or
B) cares that you actually respect them.
What the hell are you talking about?
Andy, you're forty years old! Why don't you step up to the
real fucking world and be a man and get your own fucking place
so I can stop carrying you!
She's right You're an asshole.
Hello, Burke.
Joe J ..
You wanna tell me why Scott is getting a commission check
of $10,000 at the end of this month?
Uh... I don't know, Joe I'm not sure why.
I'll tell you why cause it seems he closed a deal with a client
that has a pretty large portfolio and for some reason
the name on the new account is Kevin Steele!
Listen, Joe when I get back to the house I'll jump on the...
Don't even bother cause I closed the account and when you two
yahoos get back from your trip to Toronto you need to fire
his ass! You understand me don't ever do this to me again, Burke!
Listen, Joe. It's not his fault. Okay? It's not his fault
Joe? Joe! Joe! Fuck!
Man, I am pumped! How do you wanna handle this first one?
You want to take the lead and then I'll jump in?
Alright. Gotta breathe Phew Okay, I'm good, You okay?
You've been acting weird ever
since we got on the plane this morning.
I'm fine.
No, you're not. Come on, we have some time. What is it?
I got some bad news.
I..I don't know how to do this...
Barcia, he wants me to fire you when we get home.
What the hell are you talking about? I just passed my Series 7
I'm out here doing everything you told me to do.
He found out what we did with the Steele account.
I'm taking the hit for it?
Believe me, Scott.
When he called I could not get a word in.
I'm sure he can't fire the new Senior Director, huh?
No, that's just it I'm not the Senior Director.
Come on, man I was there when he said it.
It's bullshit, Scott! He won't promote me until I close
the Steele account. Fucking guy is doing everything wrong
and I can't do a damn thing about it.
I-I'm so sorry, Scott I don't know what to do!
Listen. I know you wouldn't screw me on purpose It's okay.
No! No, it's not okay!
Forget about it, let's just get our game faces on and crush
these meetings and then we'll go out tonight
and you'll feel better.
What? Wha.. Wha How?
Trust me.
It's a drag show, huh? Hope you're performing
Cute Follow me.
Now what can I get you guys?
Vodka cranberry for me and two shots of Jack!
Blue Harvest Two shots of Jack, huh?
It's gonna be that kind of night. Trust me.
You know we're just friends, right?
Not my type.
Welcome to On the Street! Woo! Tonight's special guest hails
from a place in the USA called New Jersey! But she's no
stranger to Toronto. Please put your hands together for the one
the only Josefina! Woo!
Good Morning!
Welcome and welcome!
Are we ready for a good time? Whoo whoo
Shake what your momma gave you! Shake it! Shake it! Shake it!
Do you see it?
Yeah I see it alright That's quite the grand entrance.
Oh, it was But do you see it?
Good Morning! Josefina in the house!
I'm not sure I'm following.
Oh! Hahaha
It's-a so hot in here!
What the fuck? Are you kidding me?
The fuck are you doing to me?
Wave, wave, wave,
No, don't wave!
I, Josefina!
Stop Waving!
We love you!
You're here early.
Yeah, I wanted to get here before everyone else so I could
uh get through some of these files.
Yeah, You and I need to talk.
Sometimes in life you may have thought you saw something
that you probably shouldn't have saw.
Or maybe you didn't see it at all.
Uh, a little something to help you forget.
What'd I see, Joe?
Don't play games with me, Burke You think you're gonna hold this
above my head for the rest of your life?
Not my style.
What's not your style?
Hey! I did you a favor!
I forgave Scott for the mistake that he made.
Wasn't a mistake, Joe this company shouldn't give a shit
what he does with his life Or yours.
I heard enough. Guess what? The expense for the trip is still
coming out of your commission!
That's bullshit, Joe!
Okay, you wanna know the truth? I told Scott to do it.
And you know what? I would do it again
Really? You really wanna go down this road, Burke?
Ha ha What road would that be?
The one that could get your ass fired.
For doing what I think is right?
What you think is right? I told you a long time ago
you need to start thinking just a little bit bigger.
So that means I stop being me? I'm not gonna be you, you know!
Oh, Mr. Righteous one!
What are you gonna do, you gonna go to the top of the mountains
and shout how you saved some sleazebag porno actors life?
Really, Burke? Really?
Sorry to interrupt Jonathan, but Mr. Steele is in your office
Guess you better go take care of it, huh?
Mr. Steele, yeah, what brings you to the office today?
You wanna tell me why my account is closed again?
Mr. Steele, I've been with this firm for quite some time and
you know, I've never had quite this much trouble with an
account before, so I, uh, I apologize.
Ah, Christ She got to it didn't she?
I'm sorry?
My ex-wife? She got to my account. She...
I don't think I follow.
Look, You know what I do, right? Well, fifteen years ago
I was stupid I fell in love with an actress on set we got
married, had a kid after the kid was born she couldn't get work
She turned to drugs, Fell off the grid left us flat.
Twelve years later, I get a knock on my door
I'm the mother of the child I demand custody you owe me money.
Well she gets herself a high priced lawyer and I get a court
order for what they call "retroactive child support"
Yeah. Well, now?
I can't even afford a goddamn lawyer I, uh, spend all my money
sending my kid to private school.
Look, Burke It's all I know And if it gets my kid a better
education than what I had? I'll do what I have to do.
Mr. Steele your ex-wife didn't close your account. We did.
Why? What the hell is going on here, Burke?
Mr. Burke?
Fuck it! Sorry for that.
Yeah It's alright I've heard worse.
Give me one second.
Yeah, sure.
Uh Andy? Can you come in here for a second, please? Thank you
Is that your girlfriend?
How long you guys going out?
Kinda in a holding pattern right now.
ha ha ha. Love is a complicated thing
Yes it is.
Can I help you, Mr. Burke?
Andy I'd like you to meet my client, Mr. Kevin Steele.
Mr. Steele, this is Andy Roma our head of Technology.
Oh, how you doing, Andy?
Holy fucking donkey dick Fucking Kevin Steele!
Nice to..uh
You're my fucking hero, man! I love your movies!
I mean I'm you're biggest fan!
Thank you very much.
No, I mean that in a weird way Really, your movies have depth.
I mean, they have character they have layers to them.
You're a great actor.
I appreciate that man.
Not like these web movies where they're just
Fucking and fucking and fucking you know how to fuck.
You like it's like Shakespeare fucking.
Thank you Andy I appreciate that.
Just like Shakespeare.
Mr. Steele, I'd like you to sign this document, please.
Uh, what is this?
This is the company's acknowledgement that we made a
mistake and that it'll never happen again so, if you'd just
sign date and the time here please.
Time. Why do you need the time?
Um, I can't explain right now but please trust me on this.
Well, Mr. Steele you're good to go.
Thank you very much, Jonathan.
I appreciate everything you've done.
My pleasure.
Thank you Mr. Steele.
Bye, Andy.
Take care Andy.
Andy It's time for me to go now I gotta get to set in Asbury.
Oh, man.
Listen, I'm sorry.
Apology accepted Ah, you just made my fucking day, man.
I need your help.
Of course you do.
Can you take a screenshot of this
and send it to my personal account?
What are you doing?
I'm taking Barcia down.
You know maybe I was wrong about...
No, no you were not wrong.
Can you do it?
Yeah, of course I can do it Now where you going?
Cover for me.
Can I help you? Oh, gosh.
Sheila, what you work for Jenna?
I just started a week ago What do you want?
I need to see her.
Yeah, I just I don't think that's gonna be a good idea.
Oh, come on, Sheila! Come on!
Hi, Miss Casey? Yes Jonathan Burke is here to see you.
Good luck.
What do I owe the pleasure of this visit?
I was wondering if you'd represent my client.
Jonathan, you know I can't do that.
Here's the evidence.
I mean, what he's asking me to do can't be right.
Steele just told me that account is for his kid's tuition.
I mean, the guy literally just left my office
and his wife is cleaning him out of everything.
How do you know this Kevin Steele isn't full of it?
Because you can't bullshit a bullshitter.
So you're telling me you're full of it.
No, Jesus come on stop it! Come on you're a lawyer take the case
Alright, you want an apology?
I'm sorry but deep down, you know I was right, half right
Alright, I was out of line but you know what the way I see it
what better way to prove your worth as
a partner then to take on a case just like this.
This how you talk to your clients?
I can see why Joe wanted to promote you.
So what do you think?
Give me everything you got on the account.
When it was first opened when your boss...
My boss?
Yes, when your boss first asked you to close it, everything.
And I'll need Mr. Steele's phone number too.
Okay, great
Thank you, you're awesome! I love you! Thank you!
Wait! What did you just say?
What did you just say?
Thank you.
After that.
You're awesome.
After that!
Thank you?
Okay, I love you But you knew that.
No I didn't! That's something I kind of needed to know!
Alright, I love you
in spite of the fact you haven't called me for a week!
Well the phone works both ways You can't just tell me you love
me in the middle of my office You have to do it in the
moonlight or in bed .You can't do it in bed because then you
just had sex with me and you might not mean it
Are you okay?
No, I'm not okay You just told me that you loved me and right
after asking me to represent you and some famous pornographic
actor against my sister's piece of garbage husband.
You mean my boss.
Yes, Jonathan!
I love you.
Cough Cough.
Sorry, Miss Casey.
It's okay.
You make her call you Miss Casey?
Mr. Lipman needs to see you in the conference room.
I'll let you get back to work I love her!
That's nice.
Okay, I'll see you later.
Bye Bye.
Okay, where do I have to be?
That's nice the conference room Aren't you forgetting something?
Oh my God.
Jonathan! I love you too!
You had me worried!
I'm so sorry!
It's all good We're new at this.
Yeah, oh I can see that.
Bye. I love you!
Bye. Love you
Okay, bye! Bye.
Oh my God, I love him.
Get it together.
Are you sure Andy's okay with this?
I feel like I'm kicking him out.
You are.
Don't! You guys have lived together for so long
and here I come, moving in to your space.
It was his idea.
But you know it is true what they say about people who move
before they get married it does wind up in divorce more.
Who said I was gonna marry you?
I just needed a bigger place than my apartment.
Ha ha ha.
That is, if you're okay with signing the prenup, so...
A prenup?
I'll have my lawyer call your lawyer!
You bastard.
Where is it?
Where's what?
Your penis pump - the box of porn
Andy, you don't need that Come on!
You heartless son of a bitch!
I thought we were making progress, Andy.
Those are works of art! Fuck you.
Is he really?
And you're not gonna?
Uh, Mr. Steele. Hey.
It's Kevin.
Kevin What are you doing here?
And how'd you find out where I live?
I told him.
I just wanted to come and personally
thank you for what you did.
It was nothing.
No, you put your job on the line you gave me a fighting
chance with my ex Bring it in, man!
This is, um, Mr.Kevin?
This is Jenna.
Kevin. Hi. Steele
Hello. I hear Mr. Lipman is taking good care of you?
Yes, he is.
He's the best lawyer in our office.
Next to you, of course.
Yes, but when your boyfriend could possibly be subpoenaed for
a blackmail case against a family member, you tend to
step aside and let someone else handle it.
You know, now that I've met you personally has anyone ever...
I know, I look like her.
No. Not in the least bit You are far more beautiful.
Kevin, you remember Andy?
Yeah, sure.
Hey, man what're you doing rummaging through the garbage?
I'm looking for Jonathan's box of porn that he threw out
because he's not in that phase anymore. And you know what?
They were all your masterpieces.
Well, on that note I've gotta run to AC.
I'm going to the AVN awards I'm nominated for
Best Male Performance in One Take.
That's right You've heard of that award?
Only one other actor's won it I would die to see you win it.
I think I just thought of a way for you to repay me.
Oh yeah.
Yeah, sure.
Hey, why don't you come with me?
Wa, What, sorry?
Yeah, Why don't you put on some clean clothes
and get your ass in the 'vette?
Come on.
Are you shittin' me?
No! Come on!
You sure?
I'm positive.
Do it.
I love you Come here Come here!
Thank you.
Don't mention it.
Hey, listen can I change in the car? Listen, I know I stink but,
Yeah I'll keep the top down.
Come on I don't wanna miss the red carpet! We're running late!
It's gonna be great!
Let's get going.
Wow, man It smells in here Were you fucking somebody?
Hey, man As often as I can As often as I can.
Nice, man.
I think we need to take a break.
You know being around all this porn stuff and the likes of
Kevin Steele kind of makes me hot.
I want you to come inside and see something you've
never seen before in the daylight.
what is that?
My tattoo.
I don't believe it I'm so excited!
You think you can get me laid?
Ah, yeah I can get you anything you want, What are you into?
blond, brunette, redhead?
Yeah, baby! I love everything! I just wanna get laid!
Alright, Andy, hang on man! We're going to AC!
Oh yeah, baby, woo!
Mr. Steele, how does it feel to be the second adult film star
to win this award for your role in the "Get Harder" series?
Ya Good question as you know it takes a lot of concentration
to get it right and Oh ha ha ha
Mr. Steele?
Hold that thought! Yeah? I'm sorry It takes a lot of
concentration to get it right in one take I mean as you know, in
that scene there were three women, a gun in one hand a
rake in the other and it was a pivotal point in the film where
the character's going through a lot of demons.
That's great.
And the women in that scene were brilliant I have to say
That's Kevin Steele, come on.
It was a pleasure interviewing you Mr. Steele
Thank you very much, Paula
Mr. Steele
Hey, how you doing guys? Nice to see you, You are?
Jim Bosnin - Henry Acker.
Oh, uh you're lawyers?
We were lawyers.
I'm a little confused here Jenna Casey told me Bob Lipman
was going to be handling my case directly.
Given the sensitivity of your complaint against
Arrowhead Investment... holy mother of monkey shit balls...
It's Amber Lynn.
She kinda looks like Jenna.
No way Jenna looks like Jenna. Right Hammer?
Hammer... Hammer! Who's right? Me or Hank?
Come on.
Get the fuck outta here.
No Jenna looks like Jenna she does not look like Amber Lynn.
Holy shit she's coming over here right now, isn't she?
Hey, Kevin!
Hey, Amber!
Congratulations on your award!
Thank you. Thank you very much.
Did you meet the new guys Jim and Henry?
We are big fans of yours.
No, we're not I mean, yes we are.
It's just that I don't usually watch your movies
I'm sure you do a fantastic job.
Are you okay?
Well, I'm okay I'm okay. I'm just...
He seems a little nervous.
He's a little nervous
It's okay.
You know what he's got a little pent up frustration
He doesn't always sound like Rain Man.
No, actually I gotta go I.. I owe my mom a call.
Mom? Mommy?
Just say mommy.
Hank Hank Hank! Hank! Come on! No. Oh
Jesus Christ I'm sorry I'm so sorry.
So I overheard you guys saying that somebody here looks like me
There's a woman in his office who he thinks looks like Jenna.
But Henry and I think Jenna looks more like you.
Okay, first of all Jenna looks like Jenna
she does not look like...
Who's Jenna?
Just one more question.
Say Hello, to my little friend.
You're gonna need a bigger bra.
I am big.
It's the pictures that got smaller.
Delivery two large sausage pies.
Well I don't know one of my
one of my eight maids a milkin'
backed out ya we're shootin' the
12 Lays of Christmas.
I don't know what my account
Ms. Lynn is ready for you now.
Oh thank you.
God is this brilliant!
Who thought of this?
This guy is like the Scorsese
of the porn industry.
Excuse me Ms.Lynn is ready for you now
Oh thank you the rake! Brilliant!
This guy is brilliant! I'm tellin'
I am working with the DW Griffith
of the porn industry.
You're the best!
Listen when I'm down there ya, I'm gonna be
down there shootin the "I'm Harder" series
"I'm Harder with a Vengeance" yeah...
Alright great great great
Hey Amber! We got the hockey stick!