Witch's Night Out (1978) Movie Script

(Witch)
Just you wait my darling
until you meet
your gracious hostess.
(Peter Rochon and Saga)
Witch Magic
-Hoo!
[growl]
- Hey Tender,
nobody will know who we are.
- Hi Small, we are going
to scare everybody.
I love Halloween.
-Me too.
[footsteps]
-I hate Halloween.
[grunting]
-Yes, Malicious.
It's rotten, rotten,
rotten, rotten.
- You know, Halloween is
for children.
I mean, I would not
want to see grown-up
adults running around
in silly costumes.
[laugh]
-Oh, I don't know, Goodly.
I think the dressing-up is
just immature,
but Halloween surely,
it could be nice for everybody.
-Ew.
- I mean, I think
it's important that
adults need to
express themselves.
- What we need, is something
to make Halloween meaningful
to adults as people.
Yes, my friends.
With community
cooperation, a little
brainstorming, listing
our priorities,
we could achieve a really
definitive Halloween experience.
Get people involved.
For instance...
- Couldn't we have a party
or something?
- Party smutty dress up
like monkeys
and hang from the chandeliers.
- You can just go
as your own, Rotten.
-Yes?
Why don't you rent yourself out
as a spook,
you would make a fortune.
-No, no, you two.
I think we could have
a nice party.
We could decorate some place
as a haunted house.
-Right on, Nicely.
I know where there is
a haunted house.
- The old empty house
on the edge of town.
-Exactly.
What we need to do is organize,
delegate responsibility,
while I intend to make this
the most important Halloween
this town has ever seen.
Nicely, you phone everybody and
invite them to a Halloween party
they will never forget.
And you, Malicious,
you look after the food.
Good, candy, kisses, pumpkin
pie, taffy apples, etc., etc.
And I, Goodly, will investigate
the old empty house
that people seem to think is
a... a...
-Haunted.
-Haunted?
Ah, quite right.
Yes.
Rotten, you shall accompany me.
-Oh, really?
Yes, well, I mean sure.
But no... why not!
[giggle]
(together)
Well, off we go.
[laugh]
[instrumental music]
[bird cawing]
[loud breathing]
-I'm a washed-up witch.
A fainted flower.
Look at me.
Here it is Halloween
and not one call,
and I have been waiting all day.
It wasn't always
like this for me.
Back in the old days,
I was a star in demand.
I turned princes into frogs
twice a week.
I could grant every wicked wish
in the book.
See this magic wand?
Magic power going to waste.
[instrumental music]
Watch this.
[miaowing]
What a performance.
[laugh]
Now, nobody wants me.
Halloween, and I am unemployed.
Please, somebody call.
[knocks on the door]
Knock?
[creaking of the door]
-Boy, look at this dump.
It's really rotten.
-A total wreck.
An absolute disaster.
What a run-down mess.
(Rotten)
No one has been here for years.
It's perfect.
- Well, we will put
the stereo over there.
-Yes.
-The food over there.
-Yes, yes.
- We will clear
a big dancing space.
-Yes.
-And we are all set.
-Yes.
[miaowing]
- Why I have left
my black late bloomers?
A party!
Oh, I am having a party.
Tonight.
Just you wait my darlings
until you meet
your gracious hostess.
[laughs]
[instrumental music]
-Look out for the air.
- Come on, Small,
we will scare them all.
-Oh, yes.
-Boo.
[grunting]
-Trick of treat.
-Well, it's Small and Tender.
Oh, don't you look cute.
-Cute?
-Did you hear that?
-Cute?
[grunting]
-Trick or treat.
-My, my, Small and Tender.
Here is a little something
for you.
-OK Small, this is awful.
-It's the pits.
[grunting]
(together)
Trick of treat
Smell my feet
Give me something good
to eat
-Well, well.
Look who is here.
Small and Tender.
Oh, I'm so scared.
Here, have one of my famous
party hors d'oeuvre.
-What are they?
-What are they?
-Salty meringues.
-Oh, it's yucky.
-Ugh.
- Why don't you acquire taste,
you little brat.
(Rotten)
Guess who?
Small and Tender.
Looking for handouts?
- Here is some for you too,
sonny.
What kind of monster are you?
- Don't get smart with me,
Malicious.
-Don't worry.
You will be the last to know.
Now, help me carry
the rest of this food.
Look out, Rotten!
You are squashing
a pepperoni peppermint.
-Halloween is not near fun.
We didn't scare anybody.
-Everybody recognised us.
They all knew who we were.
- Guess who is
your babysitter tonight!
(together)
Bazooey! Bazooey!
- Are you going to read us
a story?
-Will you do a story, please?
-Oh, sure.
How about
a spooky Halloween story?
-Pooey.
I'm set up with Halloween.
-It's boring.
-Oh... oh OK.
Hmm, well here is one about
a fairy godmother.
(Tender)
OK, good.
-Now.
This fairy godmother lived
in a beautiful castle
with a shimmering gold roof
and diamond...
[miaowing]
(Witch)
Oh, my audience arrives.
Welcome darlings to a petrifying
performance from "Full
fear for frights".
I will turn the pumpkin pie
into spider stew.
I will turn the taffy apples
into lizards.
I will transform the hors
d'oeuvres into a beetle.
-Hey, interesting.
-Great idea, hey.
(a man) Boy, you don't see
staircases like this anymore.
They just don't put that kind
of work into things anymore.
- And the fairy godmother turn
the frog into a handsome prince.
And they lived
happily ever after.
-Gee, Bazooey.
We could have used
a fairy godmother tonight.
- We got all dressed up
and didn't scare anybody.
If we had a fairy godmother,
she could change me
into a real ghost.
-And a real wolfman.
[laugh]
- Well, there is really
no such thing
as a fairy godmother.
- I wish I could be
a real wolfman.
- I-I wish I could be
a real ghost.
(Small) I wish I could
be a real wolfman.
(Tender) I wish I could
be a real ghost.
(Small echoing)
I wish...
-A call.
A call!
My word, two engagements
on the same evening.
Don't go away, people.
I shall return.
[roar]
[glass shatter]
[creaking]
Ta-da!
(Tender)
A fairy godmother.
-Fairy godmother, my foot.
That's a wicked witch.
-So OK, I ain't the Avon lady.
I just know I heard
the Halloween wishes
of little children.
Someone wants to be
a real wolfman.
Now, who might that be, hmm?
-Me, me.
Can I be a real wolfman, please?
Please!
-No, Small, don't do it.
- Bow down pal, can't you see
the kids got a real need, here?
Very well, young man.
Prepare to have
your wish come true.
-No, no!
-Yes, yes!
(Witch)
Happy Halloween, Small.
[grunting]
[laugh]
Look at me, look at me.
(Tender)
Gee, Small.
That's terrific.
- Can I be a real ghost,
please, please, please?
-No, no!
-Yes, yes!
- Steady my dear as I utilize
the power of my magic wand.
[buzzing]
-Hoo.
(Small)
Yippee, Tender.
You're really mean.
(Bazooey)
Stop!
Stop, I'm the babysitter.
How am I going to explain this?
-Will you relax?
Watch an old pro, here.
(Bazooey)
Wow.
(Which)
You see?
[laugh]
Harmless amusement.
What could go wrong, hmm?
Tell me, my boy.
What is your name?
-Bazooey.
-Bazooey.
What would you really,
really like to be
on the scary old Halloween
night, hmm?
[unclear mumbling]
-I don't know.
I don't know.
Hmm.
Oh, I... I want to be
a Frankenstein monster.
-What an inspired choice.
This will be a personal triumph.
(Tender and Small)
Oh, do it again.
[scream]
[grunting]
[laugh]
(Witch)
Now, darlings.
Allow me to extend to you
a most cordial invitation
to this evening festivites.
Come to my party.
-A Halloween party?
-It's just about to become one.
[buzzing]
-Nice party.
-How are you doing?
-Fine, fine.
(a man)
What are you doing these days?
(a woman)
Oh, same old same.
(a man) Get the coach to call a
kick if they want
to win the game.
[mixed conversations]
-Well,
and now,
a dazzling display
of magical mischief.
-Ew!
-Ah!
-Nicely passed out.
-Already?
-The food.
-Malicious, just like Malicious.
Trust Mallicious.
-Just a ding dong minute.
I put a lot of effort
into these.
Peanut butter corned beef balls.
Chocolate gefilte fish.
Take my kind of taffy apples.
[howling]
-This place is haunted,
-What?
[grunting]
-Monsters!
[cry of fear]
(the crowd)
Monsters.
(a man)
Monsters.
- And now, for a dazzling
display of magical mischief.
[footsteps]
[cry of fear]
[footsteps]
-Ow.
I may be poor
but this is the first time
I have been downtrodden.
[laugh]
Did you see them go?
Oh, my devastated body.
We scared them
out of their minds.
What a riot.
-Everybody was scared of us.
-Gee, nobody knew who we were.
-Well, my sweethearts.
- The party is over
before anybody had any fun.
I guess if you
scare people, they
tend to avoid you, you know.
-Yes, but you don't...
- I don't think I want to scare
people anymore.
-Yes, but...
-Yes, well listen.
I've got to get these little
kids back home again.
So, if you please,
turn us back to us again.
-Yes, but...
Oh, come, come, darlings.
We just started.
The climax of the evening
has not... oh.
Hang-on a second.
I'll see if he's laid
something here.
I just don't see it,
right in here.
Oh dear, oh dear.
Some rats stole my magic wand!
(together) You mean we
have to stay like this?
- No, but my little dears,
you look wonderful.
-We won't be able to...
relate to others.
-Even mommy and daddy.
[crying]
-I want to go home.
[instrumental music]
-You have seen those monsters?
-Incredible.
- Small and Tender and Bazooey
are missing.
-I bet the monsters got them.
-Small, Tender and Bazooey?
-The monsters.
-They will get us all.
-We are not safe.
- Malicious, you've
got something
sort of stuck in your hairdo.
- Looks like some kind
of magic wand.
-OK, keep it down.
Over here.
This could be
the real thing, baby.
Try it out.
-What am I supposed to do?
Abracadabra.
Bing bang boui.
-Try something.
Make a wish.
-What do you want?
What do you want!
(Rotten)
I'm starving.
-Hocus Pocus.
Give ma a maraschino liver
burger.
-Wow.
An old gym sock.
That is pretty close.
Try again.
Come on, try again.
-Don't push me.
Hmm, "sispumpa".
Give me a roast turkey
with tuna and raisin stuffing
smothered in whipped cream
and cocoa.
-Ah, I told you.
You get the hang of it now.
It's a bag of garbage.
Great, great!
-It's all my fault.
If it had not been for me,
this catastrophe would never
have taken place.
- Oh, you must not blame
yourself, Goodly.
You can be the leader
you really are.
-Leader?
- I know in my heart
that underneath it all,
those are not bad monsters.
If we could just talk to them.
-Leader.
- They need help and love
and attending,
so they can be rehabilitated
into society.
-You are right, Nicely.
We will strike back.
-What?
No.
-Listen, my friends.
Listen!
Quiet, everybody.
Now I know, we are being a siege
by mysterious and terrifying
monsters.
They have already taken
three of our young people.
But talk will not help us now.
We need action.
We must organize.
Pull together.
Rally our courage.
Strengthen our hearts.
And pursue these frightful
creatures to an end.
We will make this world safe
for our families.
For society.
For democracy.
For the civilizations
of the world.
[cheers]
-Lets go!
- Let's go get the monsters
and rescue the children.
- Look, all we got to do is find
out who stole my magic wand.
Which, my darlings,
is not going to be as difficult
as you might at first suppose.
[babble of voices]
-Oh, oh.
I don't like the looks of this.
-What is going on?
- Come on, there is monsters
on the rampage.
We are going to track them down.
Help!
Monsters, monsters!
Here they are!
(a man)
Here they are?
(a woman)
After them!
-Head for the woods.
- Listen, I don't even know
these peoples.
[babble of voices]
[cry of fear]
[babble of voices]
-This way.
[cry of fear]
[babble of voices]
[cry of fear]
[babble of voices]
[cry of fear]
[babble of voices]
[panting]
-Forget that food, greedy.
That what I want is money.
-We will be rich.
We will be rich!
- I will turn that into
a hunk of pure gold.
Alakazam.
-You are getting there.
You are really cooking.
Try over here.
Turn it onto a pile of money.
-Abracadabra.
[shatter of glass]
-Come on.
We want to get rich.
-Rotten, this is a rotten idea.
-My magic wand it is.
Let's go.
(a man)
The monsters.
(a man)
After them.
[babble of voices]
-You don't know nothing!
Give me that.
Kazaui kazoui kadomimi.
-Ah.
-The monsters!
-Come to mama.
Messed with my magic wand, hmm?
-In here.
[laugh]
-Shh!
-Please, Miss Witch.
You have to understand.
We are just ordinary people.
Well, these kids,
I'm responsible for them.
And I just have to get
the real Tender
and the real Small back home.
Don't get me wrong.
We've had a great time, but
a person just can't go around
being something he is not.
And besides, things have
really gotten out of hand.
-Please, turn us back.
-We want to go home.
-Oh, oh.
(together)
Yay!
-Oh, thank you, Miss Witch.
-Thank you Ms. Witch.
-Thank you fairy godmother.
[babble of voices]
-They come at your heel.
-They are down that way.
[screams]
(a man)
Monsters, monsters.
(Bazooey)
OK, stop!
-Hey, it's Bazooey.
-And Small.
And Tender.
-They are OK.
-Fear not, young people.
You are safe now.
Intrepidly striving
in the face of terrible danger,
we have overcome and captured
these threatful,
disgusting monsters,
that have terrorised this town.
-Those are not monsters.
-That is Rotten.
-And that is Malicious.
-Hmm?
-What?
-What is happening?
-What is going on?
-This is an outrage.
-I demand an explanation.
(a woman)
This has gone past a joke.
-Look at the mess.
-Who is responsible?
Someone is to blame for this.
-Oh boy, let me out of here.
I don't know why
I bother in the first place.
Get's old.
Halloween, stick it in your ear,
dear.
People got no appreciation
these days.
Maybe it is me.
I don't know.
[applause]
[cheers]
- And now, for a dazzling
display of magical monstrosity.
-Bazooey, you are all right.
(Small and Tender)
Do me, do me!
-With pleasure, my sweet.
This is what Halloween is
all about, my darlings.
Everyday we go about our lives
in the same old way.
But once a year, we can be
whatever and whomever we please.
Pretend, let your secret fancies
run wild.
Now you, my dear.
What would you like to become
for one little night, hmm?
- Well, if it would not be
any trouble...
-Trouble?
-Then, I would like to be...
I would really like to be
-Go on, dear, and yes.
-A vampire.
(the crowd)
Ah!
(Witch)
And you, Sir?
-Well, mom, you know,
she always hoped I would be
a saint, perhaps...
(Witch)
An answer to a mother's prayer.
(the crowd)
Ah!
-Bless you, dear lady.
-Could I be a fairy princess?
(Witch)
A veritable Tinkerbell.
(the crowd)
Ah!
(Goodly) I want to be...
I... I... I want to be
Attila the Hun.
Ah!
(the crowd)
Oh!
(a woman)
Make me a devil.
(a woman)
I want to be a movie star.
(a man)
I want to be a cowboy.
(a woman)
Make me a queen.
(a woman)
I want to be a hair dresser.
(a man)
I want to be an astronaut.
[laugh]
-I love you, my dears.
Come to my humble mansion
and I will turn everybody on.
(Peter Rochon and Saga)
Witch Magic
[miaowing]
[wing-beat]
[miaowing]
(playful music)