Without A Clue (1988) Movie Script
(Clock chimes)
..
a quick tunnel job and up the stairs,
as pretty as you please.
(Glass shatters)
That's worth over ?10,000.
- We're going to be rich
- Not this time, gentlemen.
Sherlock Holmes!
Watson?
Right you are, Holmes.
Run, Archie. Run or we'll swing for it!
Don't let those ruffians escape.
I am inspector Lestrade. You are under...
There's no escape, my friend.
This will be a pleasure.
- Well done, Watson.
- Are you all right, Holmes?
Quite, which is more than I can say
for John Clay,
one of London's least notorious thieves.
inspector, I have your man.
Come on, sonny.
Well, Mr. Holmes...
..I don't know how, but you've done it again.
Thank you, inspector.
That's high praise indeed,
coming from such a workmanlike detective.
And now, if you have nothing further to add,
I hereby declare this case...closed.
POLICEMAN:
Good We've got kippers for breakfast
Just a minute.
(Door closes)
- You idiot!
- What?
Confound you!
What did l...? What did l...? What did I say?
Watson, what did l say wrong?
I did everything you said, exactly as you said it.
HOLMES: All right, what did I do?
You're not going to tell me, are you?
All right. You want to know what's wrong?
- Well, I said I did, didn't I?
- I'll tell you what's wrong.
- Don't declare a case is closed...
- Just a minute, Watson.
- My public awaits.
- until I say...
..it's closed.
- Morning, gentlemen.
- Morning, Mr. Holmes.
Sir, how did you know
somebody was tunneling
into the Royal Gallery?
That was very interesting.
There was fresh dirt in the building next door.
Um, fresh dirt...
Would you like to elaborate on that, sir?
It was an elementary deduction
based on the clues at hand.
But didn't Scotland Yard
see the very same clues?
- I see AND observe.
- Isnt that rather redundant?
Describe the front of this building.
Without looking
describe the front of this house
- Well, it's brick.
- Yes.
- It's got...black railings, I think.
- That's right.
And... And windows.
How many windows?
How many?
I don't know.
Quite so. He sees, but he does not observe,
whereas I see AND observe and thus
bring many notorious blackguards to justice.
Hear, hear, sir!
Did I put that reporter in his place?
Just for the record...
..how many windows are there
in the front of this building?
I haven't the foggiest idea.
There are fifteen windows, you fool!
Fifteen!
Yes.
(Starts humming)
Not only that...
Not only that,
but the reporter you just embarrassed,
he knows how to type.
He's somewhat near-sighted
and recently returned from a holiday.
And how do you know that, Watson?
Elementary. From the creases on his wrists
- where a typist presses against the table.
- Watson, do you think
this is a good likeness of me?
Wonderful story, by the way,
but on page two you have me
- admitting a mistake.
- A writer must write of which he knows.
Oh, do you think that's really necessary?
I mean, tarnishing the image, and all that.
Hello!
What have we here?
Something's afoot.
How many times have I told you
to stay away from my experiments?
Something wrong?
I seem to spend an increasing amount
of my precious time
correcting your blunders,
both private and public.
Oh, I see. Its the Clay case.
Are you still in a snit over that?
- if you want my opinion...
- I beg your pardon? Opinion, did you say?
Oh, my God. Not that speech again.
May I remind you, for your information, sir,
- that your opinions are my opinions.
- Oh piffle!
I created the character of Sherlock Holmes,
and hired you merely to play the part,
snatching you, as it were, from the gutter.
Hardly the gutter, old boy.
- After all, I was once an actor of note.
- Whose last play, I believe,
ran a total of one half of one performance.
I'll have you know,
Shadow Of Death with Reginald Kincaid
was a towering work
decades ahead of its time.
RECORD: Lesson Number Two -
Advanced Bowing
My only regret was that it ended
before the climactic third-act duel.
Too bad you didn't have a chance to see it.
I've no use for theatrical swordplay.
All I ask is that you obey a few simple rules.
Not the least of which is a case is not closed
until I say it's closed.
I think you underestimate
my own native deductive abilities.
(Footsteps)
Listen. You hear those footsteps?
I'd say this was a woman about 5' 5,
weighed about 121/2 stone, age 54.
Voila.
Blown yourseif up again?
Watson, it's for you -
your Baker Street irregulars.
Hello, boys.
Wiggins, give it back.
Just trying to earn a living.
We heard you was looking for us, Doctor.
Yes, boys. There's been some trouble
concerning the break-in at the Royal Gallery.
What? We heard that er...Mr. Holmes
declared the case closed.
All right, all right.
That will prove, after some creative writing,
to be merely a ruse on Mr. Holmes's part.
No, something's not right.
John Clay does not deal in works of art.
I need you boys to have a look around.
Eyes sharp, ears quick.
A copper for your trouble,
and a shilling for what you learn.
WIGGINS: We'll do our best won't we lads?
- Yeah
Don't let us keep you, boys.
Come on, out!
Don't worry about a thing, Doctor.
We know how much
you could use some real assistance.
There you are. You're making
a laughing stock of me. How can I be...
How can I be expected to maintain a character,
when you belittle me
in front of those hooligans?
Character? Are we talking of the same man
who once declared with total conviction
that the late Colonel Howard had been
bludgeoned to death by a blunt excrement?
is it my fault
if you have such poor handwriting?
(Knock at door)
Anyway, it was just a little mistake.
- He's been at it again.
- I never liked that woman.
Come in, Mrs. Hudson.
- I found it under a loose board in the stairwell.
- Thank you, Mrs Hudson.
An occasional libation enables me
to stiffen my resolve.
Your resolve should be pickled by now.
I don't believe that either of you realise
what pressure I'm under.
Do you know what it's like
to commit to memory
a never-ending list of clues and deductions
to be parroted back to Lestrade and reporters?
Bloodstains on a toothpick, cigar ash,
new soil in the garden next door.
Endless twaddle!
Twaddle? Are you referring
to the systematic gathering of evidence
and the logical deductions based thereon?
I am referring to twaddle!
And you would be well served to include fewer
of these dreary details in future chronicles,
and place greater emphasis on me.
I am, after all, the one
the public really cares about.
Would you be so kind
as to excuse us for a moment?
HOLMES: Careful Watson Careful
Remember your blood pressure.
MRS HUDSON: And good riddance
to bad rubbish I must say
Am I to understand
that you are giving me notice?
Let's just say that the curtain has come down
on yet another miserable performance.
Right. Watson...
..I was once a figment of your imagination.
But now Sherlock Holmes
belongs to the whole world.
At last we're free of that ungrateful baggage,
eh, Mrs. Hudson?
From now on, things are going to be
much more pleasant around here.
An actor?!
Nothing the matter. Nothing at all.
Back to work.
Hold my...
Hold my calls.
We'll start at the beginning...
..shall we?
It was about nine years ago.
One of my patients was a Scotland Yard
inspector investigating the Paxton murder.
I gave him the name of the murderer,
but gave credit to a nonexistent detective.
At the time, I was hoping
for an appointment to the staff
of a rather conservative medical college.
I knew that they'd frown on my little er...
- Hobby?
- Exactly.
Well, I didn't get the appointment.
Instead, what I got was a quite unanticipated
public demand to meet this Sherlock Holmes.
So you hired this Reginald Kincaid?
He was an actor.
Unfortunately, he was also a gambler,
a womaniser and a drunkard.
John, you have jeopardised
the integrity of English literature.
Still, I should have known.
He was always borrowing
large sums of money off me and...
..never paying me back.
- The cad.
Oh, don't worry.
We deducted it from your royalties.
Now, tell me, who else knows of this?
No-one.
Except Mrs. Hudson and the irregulars.
But it's time now for the public
to learn the truth.
The truth?
Certainly.
No-one will want to read of that twit again.
His popularity will plummet.
- They'll be desperate for my new creation.
- What new creation?
John Watson, the Crime Doctor.
I could have it ready for your very next issue.
Sit down, John.
John, erm...people buy The Strand Magazine
expecting to read a story
in which Sherlock Holmes solves the case,
not the er...Crime Surgeon.
Crime Doctor.
Crime doctor, crime surgeon, crime dentist -
who cares, really?
Let's face it, Sherlock Holmes
is worth a fortune to the magazine.
You're stuck with him, I'm afraid.
Norman, I'll write what I want.
There's nothing you can do.
The devil, there isn't.
WIGGINS: Doctor Watson?
- Here come out of there You can't go in there!
- What in the world?
- What is this?
- Sorry, Doctor, but we found something.
- Down by the docks.
- Excellent.
- Hello, ducks. Do you work here?
- if you'll excuse us, we have work to do.
Watson, I'm warning you, it's Sherlock Holmes
or we'll sue you for everything you're worth.
And I mean everything.
Damn. Anyone seen my watch?
- There it is, Doctor.
- Camden Paper Mill.
Burned about four this morning.
- Same time as the Clay robbery.
- On the button!
Good lad! Now we're getting somewhere.
Come on. Let's take a look around.
Went up like a torch, they say.
Well, it's full of wood pulp and paper, you see.
I'm sorry, sir. No-one's allowed in this area.
Its quite all right, I assure you.
Im Dr John Watson.
Er, nobody's sick here, sir.
You...you don't understand.
- John Watson.
- The Crime Doctor.
- That's right. John Watson, the Crime Doctor.
- Crime Doctor?
Never heard of him
Though er...your name sounds a bit familiar.
All right, I'm Dr John Watson,
author of The Sherlock Holmes Mysteries.
Sherlock Holmes?
Yes.
THE Sherlock Holmes?
Yes.
Me and the wife have read
every one of his stories.
All right
- Now, if you'll excuse me.
- I'm sorry, Doctor, I still can't let you in.
Strict orders about that, I'm afraid, but...
Mr. Holmes - did he send you here?
He certainly did not!
Well, perhaps the next time,
you should check with him first, eh?
Save yourself a trip.
You try and fight crime in this city,
and all you hear about is Sherlock Holmes.
What's he like? When will you see him next?
Never, that's when.
Never!
Doctor, dear, keep your voice down.
- Why should l?
- Because you have visitors
Inspector Lestrade and a Lord Smithwick.
Of the Treasury?
Gentlemen won't you come up?
Oh yes thank you very much
- So Mr. Holmes is in is he?
- Doctor Watson will see you
although he is quite busy
at his scholarly pursuits
Gentlemen.
Good afternoon, inspector.
Doctor, this is Lord Smithwick,
Her Majesty's Chancellor of the Exchequer.
- My pleasure, sir.
- His Lordship wishes to see Mr. Holmes.
I'm sorry to say he's not here at the moment.
Oh, how disappointing!
Sir, I really don't think Mr. Holmes'
involvement in this case is at all necessary.
I quite agree.
You do?
However, the Crime Doctor is at your disposal.
Who the deuce is the Crime Doctor?
Mmm, most amusing,
but this is a matter of the gravest urgency.
When do you expect Mr. Holmes?
Not for a while. He's out of town.
Good afternoon.
Well...too bad.
I'm sure we'll be able to get along quite well
- without Mr. Holmes.
- Wait!
Today's Friday isn't it?
Yes, of course it is. Silly me.
Holmes is supposed to be back tonight.
- How fortunate.
- Very well. We shall return at seven tonight.
Come along, lnspector.
Till then, gentlemen.
- I'm afraid we've made this trip for nothing
- Your Lordship I must ask you
Where did you get that hat?
Where did you get that tile?
Isnt it a nobby one?
Its just the proper style
I would like to have one just the same as that
Where'er I go they shout,
Hello! Where did you get that hat?
Where did you get that hat?
Where did you get that tile?
Good evening. Have you seen Peter Brandy
anywhere? He's disappeared.
- Hello Connie love
- Hello.
Ow!
All right!
Who did it?
Come on! Which one of you pinched me?
- Pinched, you say?
- That's right.
May I be of...some assistance?
The name is Holmes. Sherlock Holmes.
Constance Payton, sir. Pleased to meet you.
Charmed.
Now, let's see.
By careful observation
of the patrons of these premises,
I have been able to deduce the identity
of the fiend who pinched you.
Me! Did it again!
- Thank you, my good man.
- Thank you, sir.
(Clears throat) I'll make this brief.
(Clears throat again) I'll make this brief.
I'll make this brief.
I need to see some money, Mr. Holmes.
- Its been five days now.
- See here, my good man.
- Go ahead sir It's on me
- Thank you, sir.
- Watson.
- Hello. How are things?
Couldn't be better. Good health.
I'll miek this brafe.
I'll make this brief. I want you to come back.
- Like I predicted, you need me.
- I do not need you.
Then what are you here for?
I didn't call for you.
All right, l need you, for this one blasted time.
One time, and that's all?
You're going to have to do better than that.
Don't push me
You've already run out of money
This is because you lack the necessary skills
to gain decent employment.
Ah-ha. Wrong, Watson. You see...
..I have been honing my ability
of elementary deductions to a razor's edge.
Observe. Excuse me, sir?
How are things on the Subcontinent?
- I beg your pardon?
- You are a reporter just back from India?
I'm a barrister,
and I've never been to India in my life.
- But you do read The Times?
- Of course.
There you have it.
My card.
I'll ask you just once more.
Are you coming with me or not?
I would rather waltz naked
through the fires of hell.
I can see coming here was a mistake.
Excellent deduction, Watson.
Keep up the good work.
Ah, gentlemen! And what can I do for you?
A mystery to be solved?
You might say that.
There's a little matter of a gambling debt.
And the mystery is why you ain't paid it.
Gentlemen, you are dealing
with Sherlock Holmes.
A man of honour and character
beyond reproach.
There he is.
That's the bloke who pinched my bum.
Pardon me Pardon me
Excuse me, love.
Didn't I say seven o'clock?
Forgive me for being late, gentlemen.
Is Mr. Holmes with you?
Ah, well, um...actually, Lord Smithwick,
a short time ago I received a wire from Holmes
instructing me to take down the details and
begin the investigation without him, as it were.
What?!
Believe it or not,
I am every bit Holmes's equal as a detective.
Doctor Watson!
I happen to know
that you recently recovered from an illness,
that you smoke a pipe,
probably rosewood,
and you spent time in China...
- Doctor, this is no time for parlour games.
- I'm not playing parlour games.
Doctor, this is a matter for professionals.
- You've got to help me
- Holmes, you're back.
So good to see you.
My, this is a clever disguise!
A drunken lout. lt's very realistic.
There's two men.
This woman said I pinched her...
She said I pinched her bum.
(Banging)
Gentlemen, Mr. Sherlock Holmes.
Ah, Lestrade.
Its good to see the department's
letting you out at night again.
Lord Smithwick.
Trouble at the Exchequer?
Well, to be honest, it...
Wait. How did you know?
The same way that I can tell
you've recently recovered from an illness,
smoke a pipe, probably rosewood,
and have spent some time in...China.
Amazing!
Thank you.
Lord Smithwick, before we start,
perhaps a little sherry?
I wish we could,
but the matter which brings me here
involves the fate of the entire Empire.
I see. Perhaps a whisky, then?
(Watson clears his throat)
Perhaps later.
Why don't you tell me the details
and omit nothing?
Watson, pay close attention.
- Do you know what these are?
- I do.
- So do l.
- The plates for the Bank of England's ?5 notes.
- Undoubtedly.
- Or very good imitations.
- Precisely.
- Exactly.
Indeed. Well, now, that's cleared that up.
How about that whisky?
- May l?
- Oh, I suppose so.
Er, Inspector...
Just two nights ago,
these clever forgeries were exchanged
for the genuine plates.
The real plates
are in the hands of some foreign power.
Or someone even more treacherous.
The kingdom could find itself awash
in counterfeit notes.
And I don't have to tell YOU
what that would mean.
Yes, you do.
Oh, er, it would mean, quite simply,
economic ruin for England.
Nobody would know which ?5 notes were real
and which weren't.
Gentlemen, I accept this case.
My fee will be ?500.
Payable in ?10 notes.
- Good evening.
- Yes, good night.
We can all rest a little easier now, lnspector.
- Yes.
- Drive on, my good man.
LESTRADE: I don't suppose
it would make any difference
if I said I have grave doubts about Mr. Holmes.
SMITHWICK: I must confess, I feel a bit prouder
knowing Sherlock Holmes is British.
Do you suppose he took the case, Professor?
Watson?
My dear boy, how could he resist?
This is working out so very well.
Drive on.
Gentlemen, I am here.
SMITHWICK: Mr. Holmes at last
Welcome to Her Majesty's Royal Mint
This is one of my long-time employees, Mr...
- Hadlers, sir.
- Oh, Hadlers, yes.
Inspector Lestrade was inquiring
about the vaults
Its my guess that it's an inside job
by someone with a key.
YOU have that key, don't you, Hadlers?
Me, sir? No.
lnspector, please.
Mr. Holmes will take over now.
That's quite all right, Lord Smithwick.
As a matter of fact, Lestrade,
you can be of some help.
- Of course.
- Hold my coat.
Its hot in here.
So this is where the printing plates are kept?
Er, yes, sir.
Yes. Very interesting ind...
No harm done.
Tell me, how many people
have access to this vault?
Three persons only - myself,
the Commissioner for Seals and Engravings,
and the Printing Supervisor Peter Giles.
I should like to speak to this...third person.
He didn't turn up for work this morning,
Your Lordship.
We've already done some checking on Giles,
Your Lordship.
He is a widower with one child named Lesley.
I've seen her once or twice myself, sir.
A very pretty girl...in an unusual sort of way.
- Pretty?
- Oh, yes, sir. Quite.
Watson, make a note of that.
Though Mr. Giles himself
seemed slightly uncomfortable
when I complimented him on her appearance.
SMITHWICK: No no no
Surely you can't believe
that Peter Giles was involved?
Why, the man's worked here for over 30 years.
And he was very religious, too.
Wouldn't you say so, er....?
Hadlers. Oh, yes, sir.
He was always quoting from the Psalms.
The Psalms? One of my favourite books.
The Bible, wasn't it?
I suppose you'll want to speak
to this Peter Giles, Holmes?
Actually, I've never been one
for religious talks myself.
On the other hand,
no leads must be overlooked.
And you can rest assured, Your Lordship,
we shall be investigating the daughter as well.
I must be going.
Come here!
You ninny! What are you doing over there?
Amazing fellow, really.
All right, now go. Go!
Open this door.
Giles, open the door. lt's Sherlock Holmes.
Stand back, Watson. I'll break it down.
Whoa, boy!
Half a tick, Mr. Holmes.
You can't go
walking into someone's residence,
poking about their personal possessions,
disturbing their privacy.
That's for Scotland Yard.
Hello? Anybody home?
Giles?
Nobody home.
- Inspector, you're treading on the mail.
- Sorry. Get those.
Nice tidy little place. Oh, a French postcard.
Really? I knew a chap
who collected these once.
He had this wonderful one
of two women and a... Oh!
Its just a picture of the Eiffel Tower.
- Quite a bit of correspondence there, Doctor.
- I'd say Giles hadn't been home for days.
- Anything of interest in that card, Mr. Holmes?
- It says, Having a gay time here
but need a holiday. Will see you on Monday.
L.
Now, I wonder who that can be.
L. Is that an old friend? A secret lover?
Its my guess it's his daughter Lesley.
I'll wager you're right, Inspector.
That's right. Let him deduce everything.
When Lestrade returns,
go about your sleuthing routine.
- The full treatment?
- Whatever it takes to keep him occupied.
Well, it would appear
as if Mr. Giles has taken himself a holiday.
I expected no less.
if you'll allow me.
- Very interesting up here Watson
- Excuse me.
Yes.
My word!
Don't touch that!
There may be fingerprints.
The Book of Psalms.
Ah, as I anticipated.
The Bible.
All starting to fit together rather neatly,
I'd say.
Ah-ha!
Stay with me Lestrade
Investigating crime calls for
the searching out of patterns
Now, take the patterns in this carpet.
Rosettes,
and what appears to be cherubs, isn't it?
ls that a cherub? Yes, a cherub.
Dr Watson.
What have you there?
Oh, this.
Er, I... I just found this in the fireplace.
Careful. It might be evidence.
Really?
E-R-M-E-R-E.
What do you make of it?
Are you blind, Lestrade? Tell him, Watson.
Correct me if I'm wrong, Holmes,
but this piece of paper is part of a map.
A location.
- Um...
- Ermere.
- Erm Ermere?
- Cashmere
- Cashmere
- Ermere
BOTH: Ermere. Ermere.
Windermere! Lake Windermere!
Brilliant, inspector.
The Lake District is a perfect place to hide.
Nobody goes there this time of year.
We'll just wire up to Windermere
and see if Giles has made his appearance yet.
And don't you worry, Mr. Holmes.
We'll have this case wrapped up in no time.
(Laughter)
Unique, actually. Very creative, Watson.
Something that would never have occurred
to the likes of me.
lmagine a Sherlock Holmes adventure
in which Lestrade solves the blooming case!
Calm yourself. There's a healthy chunk
of mystery yet to be solved.
It's to Windermere for us, where, I assure you,
the game is still afoot.
(Train whistle)
As was his habit, Sherlock Holmes
sat in the railway carriage lost in thought.
You can hear the girls declare,
he must be a millionaire
You can hear them sigh and wish to die...
Are you Sherlock Holmes?
I am indeed, madam.
Would you like my autograph?
You put my old man in jail, you did.
WATSON: From these moments of quiet,
intense reflection would inevitably spring
some new...insight.
HOLMES: Stop it, you silly cow!
Go on, then! Scared?
Sorry about that, Watson.
- What are you doing?
- Thinking.
Right. I'm going to think too.
What shall we think about, Watson?
(Whistle)
(Band plays Rule Britannia)
Mr. Holmes...
..allow me to introduce myself.
I am the Right Honourable
Gerald Fitzwalter Johnson, Lord Mayor.
And this is my daughter
Christabel.
Hello, Mr. Holmes.
We're enthusiastic readers
of your articles in The Strand
My daughter in particular
reads each one several times
Don't even think about it.
I believe we have something for you, sir.
A man matching this Mr. Giles's description
arrived two nights ago.
Ah, this is Andrews,
a dock worker here on the lake.
He remembers the man quite well.
Andrews, this is Mr. Holmes.
Come to our fair community
to investigate a matter of great importance.
You may begin, Mr. Holmes.
What makes you remember this man
so clearly, Mr. Andrews?
I remember this man...
- Your hat.
- Oh, aye.
I remember this man so clearly
because he was carrying
a brown leather suitcase.
The suitcase was fastened to his wrist
with a pair of silver handcuffs.
It was very heavy and he commented
on the weight several times.
He asked Donald Ayres...
- A local boatman.
- Oh, aye.
..a local boatman, to transport him
across the lake to a cottage he had rented.
- Psst.
- Watson, make a note of that.
(Band plays Rule Britannia)
I'm sure Holmes would like
to speak to this boatman Donald Ayres.
Yes, indeed.
Yes, well, the thing of it is,
no-one has seen the fellow
- or the man with the suitcase.
- You mean they've gone missing?
Yes. Well, my theory,
if you'll permit me, Mr. Holmes, is this.
- The storm may have done both of them in.
- They went out in a storm?
Watson, please.
They went out in a storm?
Yes, the lake can get very rough
at this time of the year.
Ah, here we are.
Our finest hotel - the Shakespeare Arms.
Oh, Mr. Holmes,
we're all so proud to have you here.
The Duke's absolutely beside himself.
The Duke?
Er, the D-O-G.
(Barks)
The Duke, yes.
Sherlock Holmes and Doctor...
- John Watson.
- John Watson.
Now, if you'll just follow me,
I'll have your luggage taken upstairs.
Now, then, Dukey.
You stay down here
while I take the gentlemen upstairs.
He's taken quite a fancy to you, Mr. Holmes.
He doesn't like everybody, you know.
(Growling and barking)
Fetch.
(Glass smashes)
What he likes is the summer...
..and all them ramblers.
(Holmes whispers)
The King Lear Room, Mr. Holmes.
The finest we've got.
Yours is on upstairs, Doctor.
Be careful of the carpet.
The mice have been at it.
We call this the Hamlet Room.
And it does have a lovely view of the lake.
Now, if you'll excuse me, Doctor...
Watson.
Watson. I'll just go and see
if Mr. Holmes is all right.
Watson, would you mind
swapping rooms with me?
I once played King Lear,
and, quite frankly,
that room would revive memories
of rotten fruit.
- One room's the same as another to me.
- Thank you.
What a dreary place this is.
Excuse me,
but you are Sherlock Holmes, aren't you?
Well, that depends. Do you have a relative
who was recently sent to prison?
Me? Why, no!
Well, yes, then. I am Sherlock Holmes.
Well, we would all consider it an honour
if you'd have a drink with us.
A drink?
I was just saying to my good friend
Doctor Watson what a lovely village this is.
(Metal scrapes)
I'll have a double whisky, please.
Just to ward off the chill of the evening.
A double whisky for Mr. Holmes, please.
A toast to the greatest detective in all the world.
ALL: Hear hear!
Thank you, gentlemen. I am touched.
I can vouch for that.
You, sir, remind me of someone I encountered
during the curious affair
of the Manchurian mambo.
- Holmes, could I have a word?
- Yes?
I believe that was the Manchurian mamba,
Holmes.
Mamba, mambo - what's the difference?
Very little, other than one
is a deadly poisonous snake
and the other
is a rather festive Caribbean dance.
It was a night just like any other,
when someone knocked at the door.
I opened it and there were these Manchurians
doing this rather festive Caribbean dance.
Manchurian mambo!
Steady, Watson.
Just get through it one more time,
then you're rid of the fellow.
What a pleasant thought.
I feel much better. Quite euphoric.
But as the snake struck at me,
I danced out of the way.
And if it hadn't been for my flawless footwork,
I'd be standing here a dead man today.
What about another drink, Mr. Holmes?
Gentlemen, I have to be up early tomorrow,
and I need all my wits about me.
Perhaps just one more.
Holmes, sweet Holmes.
(Growls and barks)
You're not the Hound of the Baskervilles,
you know.
Fresh air.
That's what I need.
That's better.
Aaargh!
(Ripping)
Watson! Help!
Jesus. What now, Holmes?
Help me, Watson!
Watson wake up!
Help!
For God's sake!
Watson!
Hang on. I'm coming.
- Please help me!
- Hang on
- Here I am.
- Quickly.
For heaven's sake. Give me your hand.
- Are you there?
- Yes, I'm here. Hold out your hand.
Well done.
- Pull quickly. Pull harder.
- I am pulling, old boy.
- Pull, pull, pull! That's it.
- Stop it.
- Steady on, old boy!
- Don't let go!
Jolly good.
(Crash)
Fascinating.
This railing appears
to have been cut by someone.
Get him off!
Good morning, gentlemen.
- Morning.
- Morning.
This is the cottage Giles leased
from a company in London.
Allow me to show you the way.
Mr. Mayor, don't move.
Not until Mr. Holmes has had a chance
to inspect the area for clues.
By God, I've trained you well, Watson.
Now, follow me closely.
- What am I looking for?
- Footprints.
Right.
- Have I found any yet?
- No, not yet.
Right. Let me know when I do.
Hello? Anyone at home?
Hello?
Well, if Giles was headed here,
it's obvious he never arrived.
Mr. Holmes.
They've found...Donald Ayres.
Who?
Dreadful! Dreadful!
Stand back, lads. Stand back. Leave it to me.
- All taken care of.
- Constable, please.
Not until Mr. Holmes has had a chance
to investigate the body for clues.
Yes.
lt is my opinion that he is dead.
He's a genius.
(Whistle)
CLERK: Thank you, sir.
Two first-class tickets to London.
Well, Mr. Holmes, any theories?
Indeed. Obviously Giles and Ayres were caught
in a storm too far from the shore to swim for it.
Yes, and with that heavy suitcase attached
to his wrist and the lake being so deep.
Quite. Pulled the poor wretch to the bottom,
struggling futilely, flailing desperately,
as the cold, black water sealed his fate for ever.
- Well, it's certainly been a lark. Thank you.
- Thank you very much indeed.
We must be off.
Pleasure meeting you, Mr. Mayor.
And the same, Doctor.
Now, we know for a fact
that Giles was on the boat.
No, we don't.
Oh. Well, we do know for a fact
that Giles arrived in Windermere.
No, he didn't.
He didn't?
I thought he did.
Ah. Well, we really know that Giles
was behind the theft of the printing plates.
No, he wasn't.
Fine.
Just trying to get things straight.
Tell me something, Watson.
Is there anything we do know for a fact?
Yes.
What?
That, without doubt,
there is an evil mastermind behind all of this.
Professor Moriarty?
Oh, for God's sake.
You didn't tell me that homicidal maniac
was involved in this.
Because I knew you'd behave this way.
Bravo! Another triumph
for deductive reasoning.
Don't you think you're overreacting?
Oh, pardon me.
Wasn't I the one who he tried to kill last night?
- Merely a technicality.
- Maybe for you, mate.
Think, man.
Who was supposed to sleep in that room?
That's true. You were.
Moriarty knows...
..I am the only match for his evil genius.
- Are you sure he's not trying to kill me?
- Of course not.
He knows you're an idiot.
Thank God.
Whoa, there. Steady, steady. Stand.
There we are, miss.
We're here.
Thank you.
Ta very much, miss. Walk on.
Miss Lesley Giles?
Yes?
Doctor John Watson at your service,
and this is Mr. Sherlock Holmes.
Sherlock Holmes?
But what do you want with me?
The Government suspects that your father
has stolen the printing plates for the ?5 note.
What?
They also believe that he is at the bottom
of Lake Windermere, drowned like a rat.
Oh!
Father?
Watson, get some water, please.
Of course.
Father.
Sorry for the fright, Miss Giles.
Unfortunately, you fainted
before Holmes could add
that he personally believes your father
not only innocent, but alive.
Really?
Holmes believes
your father has been abducted.
Abducted? By who?
Abductors.
You see, Miss Giles, your father
was described to us as fanatically neat.
A fact confirmed
by the immaculateness of this very place.
I took the opportunity to have a look around,
and it is extremely tidy.
One must ask, therefore,
why such a compulsively neat man...
..would leave an unmade bed,
unless he was snatched from that very bed.
Oh, dear God!
Then a man posing as your father
was sent to Windermere,
where a mock drowning was staged,
unfortunately costing the life of an innocent
boatman named Ayres, forcibly drowned.
- Murdered.
- Why?
Why, you ask.
Because...
Fill in the details, Watson.
Because someone wanted us to believe that
your father and the printing plates were lost
at the bottom of the lake.
Thus Scotland Yard
and that poor misguided fool Lestrade
would foolishly believe
that the case was closed,
leaving the true villain free to wreak havoc
with the economy of the Empire.
All quite...elementary.
(Screams)
Let me go!
Mr. Holmes!
Have courage, Miss Giles.
You're not getting away that easy.
Put me down!
Put me down!
You don't know who you're dealing with,
my friend.
My name is Sherlock Holmes.
Put me down!
That's my foot
That's my foot!
Look out!
Leave her!
Sorry about this, Miss Giles.
Sorry about this, Miss Giles?!
- Hurry.
- He's got my bleedin' shoe!
- They've gone.
- I know. I chased them away.
Oh, you brave, brave man.
Danger is my trade, but not yours.
It's unsafe for you to sleep alone tonight...
..unattended.
Yes, we insist you stay with us.
- Oh, but surely I'd be an imposition.
- Think nothing of it, my dear.
lndeed, Holmes will be working all night anyway,
so you can have his room.
Interesting. Of Italian manufacture.
What?
This shoe - brand-new.
Oh, yes. Very interesting.
Do you think...?
Do you think she's ready for bed yet?
And, if I'm not mistaken, caked with mud
mainly found in the vicinity of the Thames.
The Thames, yes, yes.
Poor girl. Poor beautiful girl.
Some sleep would do her good.
I can picture her lying there,
her eyes closed, gently breathing.
Her breasts heaving
as her supple, nubile young body...
caresses the cool, limpid sheets.
Yes, Thames it is.
Near Southwark. Interesting, isn't it?
To say the least.
WATSON: Why would common ruffians
be wearing imported shoes?
Not second-hand mind you but brand-new
Ooh!
Agh!
- What was that?
- What?
Oh, if it's not one thing...
Oh, I'm sorry.
I suppose I must be still rather nervous.
You may rest easy, miss.
No-one will disturb you tonight.
Isn't that so, Holmes?
Quite.
Good night.
Good night.
(Chimes)
(Clock chimes)
(Snoring)
(Door opens)
Mr. Holmes?
Oh, I'm sorry.
I didn't realise you were still asleep.
Asleep? Who can sleep
when there's work to be done?
Dr Watson seems to have gone out.
Really?
I wonder where.
Who knows? He has very little patience
with detective work.
Often becomes quite bored.
- Yes?
- Yes.
Your job must be very difficult.
One does get rather...tense.
Oh, I can imagine.
The hardest thing...
..is to find ways to relieve that tension.
So you play the violin?
Only if worst comes to worst.
Well, I really don't want
to add to that tension, so
- I think I'd better go and finish getting dressed.
- No, please. I assure you.
An occasional break is quite refreshing.
- My mind thrives on diversity.
- Mr. Holmes!
What? What? How many times
have I got to tell you to knock?
Have you no respect for people's privacy?
Right. You've gone quite far enough,
overstepping the bounds of propriety.
Come along, my dear. You'll be much safer
with me. We'll have tea downstairs.
- Now, there's a good idea.
- You have visitors.
MRS HUDSON: Such carryings-on
and in the middle of the day
This is a respectable Presbyterian house,
I assure you.
Take no notice, sir. The woman drinks a bit.
Come in. Welcome. Good morning, inspector.
Holmes. I've informed Lord Smithwick
of the findings in Windermere.
Though the case did not turn out as we hoped,
Her Majesty did insist on rewarding you
for your efforts.
A reward? Who am I
to go against the wishes of the Queen?
Stunning, isn't it?
I'm overwhelmed.
Pity you had to go all the way to Windermere
merely to confirm my theories.
Think nothing of it, old man.
if I hadn't gone to Windermere,
I could not have confirmed MY theories,
namely that YOUR theories
are completely wrong.
- What's that?
- This is utter nonsense, sir.
He refuses to accept
that l solved this case before he did.
- Hello.
- Giles is dead.
The plate's lost, case closed.
Neither Giles nor the plates
were ever in Windermere.
Case open.
Really?
Well, gentlemen. I see Holmes
has taken you into his confidence.
Did he also tell you that we expect
to conclude this case within three days?
BOTH: No.
I'll let you fill in the details, Holmes.
Let me assure you, Lord Smithwick,
that come...Friday, you shall have your plates.
You must succeed, Mr. Holmes...
..before news of the theft leaks out...
..and causes widespread panic
throughout the Empire.
Steady, sir.
Steady.
That is exactly why the Empire,
now more than ever,
needs all of us to remain calm and composed.
Oh, you're right, of course.
We must remain composed.
- Composed
- And calm.
- Friday? Are you out of your bloody mind?
- Steady on, old boy.
You've made some excellent discoveries
this morning.
Get your coat on. We have a cab waiting.
What discoveries?
For one thing, the Royal Mint purchased
its paper from the Camden Paper Mill.
- You make these things up, don't you?
- Mr. Holmes.
Mr. Holmes. Those men, they were here
about my father, weren't they?
- Oh, Dr Watson, good morning.
- Miss Giles.
Is there any news? Anything at all?
Sadly, no.
But take heart, miss.
Last night something occurred to Holmes and
he suddenly realised how stupid he'd been.
Really?
- Well, I didn't exactly say stupid.
- Yes, you did.
And now he's off to continue the investigation.
Oh, perhaps I could come too.
Trust me, miss,
the moment he knows anything, he'll tell you.
Thank you.
- Cabbie.
- Go on.
(Church bells peal)
(Laughs)
What's that?
A reply to a telegram I sent late last night.
- You might let me in on the joke, old boy.
- In due time.
Doctor! Doctor!
- Doctor Watson!
- Cabbie
Stop.
You was dead right, Doctor. All of 'em,
just sitting there, waiting for Customs.
Wonderful. Just as I thought. Hop in, lad.
Driver! Southwark Docks.
Here will do, cabbie.
Thanks, guvnor.
Wiggins.
Here they are, Doctor.
We found 'em here this morning.
Wonderful.
All these crates, full of imported shoes.
WATSON: And the ship?
Got in this morning from Germany.
Two days late, she was.
Excellent. You've done well, my boy.
We'll take it from here.
Picture it.
Two, three, maybe four of Moriarty's henchmen
waiting here under cover of darkness
for that ship, but it's delayed.
They wait. They become bored.
Being men of no moral fibre whatsoever,
they can't resist helping themselves
to a new pair of shoes!
Do you think they have these in brown?
(Creaking)
I hate ltalian shoes.
Moriarty.
- Moriarty?
- Without doubt.
This one.
Go on bust it open
(Cuckoo clocks chime)
What's tinte?
German for ink.
He smuggled it in
to avoid the attention of Scotland Yard.
Marvelous. He already has the paper he needs.
He got it from the Camden Paper Mill,
burning the place to the ground
to cover the theft.
And the John Clay case was staged
simply to throw me off the scent.
HOLMES: What's the German for pen?
Hold it! What's all this, then?
Blast!
You can't be moving things about.
lt has to be cleared through Customs,
and all that.
Sorry, Professor. I thought it was deserted.
Sorry indeed.
I went to all this trouble
for the sake of discretion...
..and then you allow this to happen.
Well?
Do you have your revolver with you?
Yes, somewhere.
(Splash)
Come on. Let's not be all day about it.
- Yes, here it is.
- I'm going to let you have some bullets for it.
Try not to shoot yourself.
At least, not until I give the signal.
Moriarty.
Damn.
(Thud)
- Holmes!
- What?
(Gunshot)
Come on!
Die, Moriarty.
Come on!
They can't follow us down the canal.
How demeaning to be set upon by nitwits.
Watson.
Watson?
What are you doing? Watson?
Damn!
Oh, Watson, look out!
Watson?
Watson?
Watson? Watson?
No luck, sergeant.
- Anything?
- No, sir.
The tide may have carried the body
miles down river.
Mr. Holmes...
..is it true?
Yes, I'm afraid it's true.
Mrs. Hudson, I am so sorry.
He was such a good man.
I can't believe he's gone.
I know it's difficult at such a time, but...
..if it's any consolation,
we still have Mr. Holmes.
Did I say something wrong?
(Thud)
Oh!
I seem to have overestimated
the amount of rope required.
One more thing I've botched.
Mr. Holmes! What would Dr. Watson say?
He would have volunteered
to kick the chair from under me.
He would not.
He said this was going to be
our last case together.
Mr. Holmes.
Mr. Holmes!
You mustn't blame yourself.
You can still avenge the Doctor's death
by capturing this Professor Moriarty
and rescuing my father.
Oh, what a good idea!
While I'm at it,
I'll bring in the Loch Ness Monster.
Please, Mr. Holmes. I don't understand.
I am not a detective. I never solved anything.
- Dr Watson did.
- Oh, nonsense. You're just upset.
I couldn't detect horse manure if I stepped in it.
Please, Mr. Holmes!
Sorry.
- Another one, Mr. Holmes?
- Yes, please.
Stop.
Perhaps not.
I'm afraid my grief has exceeded my resources.
- It's on the house, Mr. Holmes.
- Why, thank you, Henry.
Mr. Holmes.
Thank goodness.
Mrs. Hudson said we might find you here.
We want to offer you our condolences.
Pity about Dr Watson.
I trust, however, it will have no bearing
on the outcome of the case.
What?
You vowed to solve the case by Friday.
Ah, well, you see...
..the fact... The fact of the matter is,
you see, Lord Smithwick, is Dr Watson...
I believe what Mr. Holmes is trying to say
is that it was Dr Watson
who first made that pledge.
And er...with all due respect,
I am sure he did not fully understand
the complexities of the case.
As I have tried to point out to Your Lordship,
Her Majesty should rely on the counsel
of trained criminologists such as myself.
Though well-meaning,
the good Doctor was...no detective.
As I was about to say, Lord Smithwick,
Dr Watson was decidedly precise
in his estimate of the closure of this case.
Have no fear.
You shall have the plates in your hands
come Friday.
Mrs. Hudson?
- What?
- The game's afoot.
Oh!
Dr Watson always said,
Start by listing everything you know.
So, let us begin.
Number...one.
Moriarty.
Isn't he wonderful?
He is behind all this. That's one thing we know.
Very good. We are progressing nicely.
Now, the next thing we know.
Number two.
This might take a while.
I'll away and get some tea.
What?
All right.
Let's go back to number one.
Perhaps the clue's in Moriarty's name.
(Snoring)
Clever people often do that.
Er, amity.
Rarity.
I've got it!
His real name is Arty Morty.
What the hell am I talking about?
I found a ?5 note floating in the river.
- Lucky you!
- But it's only half-printed.
I suppose it's only worth ?2 10s, then.
Er...
Everyone knows
that the normal ?5 note carries a serial number
which contains five digits.
- Six digits.
- Six digits. This one contains only three.
MRS HUDSON: What does that mean?
Here, her father's a printer, ain't he?
Maybe he's trying to tell us where he is.
What can these numbers mean?
They could be a measurement, an address.
- An amount. 234 of something.
- A page number.
- Did your father have a favourite book?
- l...
- He did. The Bible.
- Yes.
I have a Bible. It's at my bedside.
WIGGINS: Is there something on page 234?
MRS HUDSON: Page numbers vary
from Bible to Bible,
but chapter and verse
is the same in every Bible.
Did your father have
a favourite book of the Bible?
Yes he did
The Book of Psalms.
Psalms, Psalms.
Twenty-third Psalm, verse four.
Yea, though I walk through the valley of...
..the shadow of death.
- Does that mean something?
- Yes
- That means the Orpheum Theatre.
- What?
MRS HUDSON: What are you talking about?
I'm sorry, Mr. Holmes,
but I just don't understand.
The Shadow Of Death,
a gripping drama, was the last play
presented at the Orpheum.
It closed after only one night,
but not without garnering some praise.
Harris in The Daily Telegram said,
In an otherwise dismal evening,
Reginald Kincaid provided
some welcome laughs.
Laughs? You said it was a gripping drama.
It's unimportant now, isn't it?
MRS HUDSON: Are you sure
you know what you're doing?
- Cab.
- Oh dear
The Fleet River runs under that part of town.
The Orpheum Theatre stands right on top of it.
He could be onto something.
There's tunnels and caverns all under there.
Ju...just a moment!
We haven't got a moment, Mrs. Hudson.
Wiggins,
- fetch Scotland Yard.
- Oh, let me, Mr. Holmes.
I'm sure they'll be much more inclined
to listen to me.
Good idea. Wiggins, on the back.
The Orpheum Theatre.
We haven't a moment to lose.
Right you are, guv. Come on. On you go.
You know, I kind of liked you better
when you was a coward.
Shh!
- The stage door's round the back. Go ahead.
- YOU go ahead.
Wiggins, go ahead.
Back!
There you go, gents.
(Humming)
Moriarty.
There you go, my good man.
- Keep the change.
- A fiver!
God bless you, guvnor.
- Think nothing of it. I print my own.
- Print my own?
That's a good one!
Still, we can't afford to waste them.
(Big Ben chimes)
We shall move the barge out at high tide.
I shall miss this place...
..somewhat.
Go around the front, and when the police
get here, tell them what happened.
Right you are, guv.
And er...the best of British luck to you both.
You're going to need it.
And don't move until they get here.
Mrs. Hudson.
Up we go.
Hold on to that.
Slowly. Slowly.
Slowly. Slowly.
Where are we going, Mrs. Hudson?
Where are we going?
Don't kick the...
..bucket.
Hmm.
Let go!
Are you quite serious?
- Mr. Holmes.
- Yes?
Do you do this kind of thing on purpose?
Shh. Listen.
(Clunking)
Nothing, Professor. Probably rats.
Ah, yes. Rats.
I think...
I think it's louder over here.
It might...
Oh, I am so dreadfully sorry.
On the contrary.
I think we're making very good progress.
Shh.
(Cymbal echoes)
There's a hole in the wall.
(Resounding clatter)
(Big Ben chimes)
I'm not staying round here.
Daddy wouldn't buy me
A bow-wow
Bow-wow
(Machinery turning over)
There the ink's not dry yet
More paper over here
Hand over.
You've done a splendid job, Mr. Giles.
(Printing press stops)
The Queen herself
could hardly tell the difference.
However...
..this one seems
to have been only half-printed.
It was found on the bank of the river.
I've got a pussycat
And I'm very fond of that
A reject.
It must have slipped away.
- And the tide carried it out?
- Hm, the tide, that's all.
Suppose we have a look at this reject
Shall we?
Oh, yes, clever.
How many of these rejects
accidentally slipped away?
Er well I
No matter. Shame that the only person capable
of deducing your clue is currently lying
at the bottom of the Thames.
What are you doing here?
I told you to keep an eye on that imbecile
He may yet stumble onto something
He has.
Oh, they know all about this place.
Luckily for you
they sent me to fetch Scotland Yard
All right. No Scotland Yard. Fine.
No need to panic.
Mm-hm.
I need a good plan. Attack.
Attack with what?
Ah.
MORIARTY: Clever enough to get us this far
That's no good.
Start packing.
ln spite of this latest piece of foolishness,
you've done your job well.
Your reward will be a quick
and relatively painless departure.
WATSON: Not so fast Moriarty
Watson.
I've been waiting hours for your arrival...
..Professor.
- Dr Watson, thank God you're here. These...
- Please, my dear.
Ingenious, planting a spy in our midst.
That staged attack at Giles' was quite realistic.
However, a cable to France revealed
a rather unique fact about the real Miss Giles.
Something of an embarrassment
to the Giles family, I should think.
Perhaps you would like to meet
the real Lesley Giles.
Lesley. Lesley.
All right. Back to first plan.
Attack.
Pity you won't be able to share
my greatest triumph,
the forcing of an empire to its knees.
But you will be allowed
to see these two die...before you.
Right.
Don't anybody move.
Otherwise there'll be an impromptu roasting.
Has it occurred to you, Mr. Holmes,
that if you set fire to that money,
you will burn to death yourself?
Er...
Of course it has.
Put out those flames!
MORIARTY: Damn it to hell!
Don't just stand there!
Moriarty!
Look out!
Get your backs into it. Come on!
I thought you were dead.
You may yet be right.
MORIARTY: I'm not done with you yet Watson
(Hums Rock Of Ages)
Come on
Come on Put sand on it
Get some water in here
Clear those boxes!
Leave this to me.
There, there, my dear.
We're in a tinderbox in here
LESLEY: What was that?
(Explosion)
- Come here, you cowards.
- Get clear of the mains.
Professor the gas mains
They could blow in the heat
Keep them pinned down. I'll get the plates.
It's all over now, my pretty one.
You're disappointed, aren't you?
(Explosion)
Hell!
Brilliant!
Watson, why didn't you kill him
when you had the chance?
(Clicks)
Rock of ages, cleft for me
Let me hide myself in thee
(Bang)
Rock of ages...
Go on, hurry up!
Get moving. Come on. Come on, George.
- Let's get out of here.
- The back door!
(Whinnying)
POLICEMAN: Get your hands up!
It's safe, Professor.
Come on.
This is an escape, not a cakewalk.
Oh, please. Don't wait for me, will you?
Oh!
Oh, mercy me!
Oh, my dear! That must have been so painful.
Hello?
There he is!
You hold them off.
WIGGINS: Just like I told you
- Oh, my head.
- It's all right, dear. It's still there.
Dr Watson!
- Ah. Sorry, Mrs. Hudson.
- Come on Watson There's a fire down here
It became necessary for me to stage my death,
so I might work unobserved for a few days.
And I must say,
you've caused quite a bit of grief.
You needn't bother with her.
She's an imposter.
She's not Lesley Giles? Then who is?
I am.
There you have it.
Ladies and gentlemen,
you seem to be blocking my exit.
Kindly step aside.
Watson...
..remove these people from the stage.
Locked.
(Sighs)
Ordinarily, I do not bother
with halfwits and buffoons.
Buffoon, is it?
Buffoons, is it?
- He'll be killed.
- I quite doubt it, Mrs. Hudson.
He's in his element now.
I warn you, sir...
..I've killed as many as six men in a week.
Eight, if you count matinees.
The brilliant swordsmanship
of Reginald Kincaid...
..was almost worth the price of admission,
raved the critic of The...
..Cotswold Press.
All right, put your shoulders to it, men.
Let's have it down.
The rest of you, round the back.
Right, my friend!
He really is quite good.
- Follow me.
- Follow him, lads.
MORIARTY: Trying to be funny eh?
Don't anybody move!
Stay where you are, everyone.
Right.
I have killed before, and I can assure you,
I have absolutely no compunction
about doing so again.
You are not dealing with an amateur,
you know.
Oh, well played.
Once more unto the breach, dear friends.
Holmes, no!
Dr Watson, you're alive.
Astounding observation, inspector.
We must discuss it.
Well done
Oh, hello.
WATSON: Stop!
Stand back, Watson. I'm about to bring
the world's greatest criminal to justice,
- and nothing's going to stop me.
- Have you forgotten the gas mains?
Aaargh!
More pressure. Come on, boys.
Come on, more pressure.
Pump harder. Come on.
More pressure.
Congratulations, Mr. Holmes.
Her Majesty wishes to offer you
her sincerest appreciation for a job well done.
Oh, and you too, Dr Watson.
Mr. Giles tells me
that you both deciphered the clue.
I doubted if anyone would understand it.
- Child's play.
- Twenty-third Psalm.
Shadow Of Death.
BOTH: Elementary.
No, no, no, no. No, l...
I was referring to the serial number. 2-3-4.
The address of the theatre. 234 Beacon Street.
Amazing!
- Watson...
- Don't worry, I'll fix it in the story.
The arrests were made
and the rest of the story you know
I don't mean to toot my own horn,
you understand.
Ah, Mr. Holmes. Nice bit of work, this.
But as I was telling Miss Giles,
had it not been for the timely arrival
of Scotland Yard,
I doubt it would have turned out so well.
Of course, I realise
you would never admit such a thing.
On the contrary, lnspector.
Indeed, Holmes was telling me
how indispensable you were.
As a matter of fact, Miss Giles,
it is to Lestrade, and Lestrade alone,
that you owe your deepest gratitude.
Really?
Miss Giles is on the stage, you know.
In Paris.
A revue called Les Femmes Faux.
An actress? What a surprise.
There's more surprises yet to come.
(Laughter)
- Good morning.
- Morning, sir.
Excuse me, sir. Is it true that Moriarty is dead?
Never assume, gentlemen. Never assume.
Mr. Holmes, how did you know
where Moriarty was hiding out?
It was an elementary deduction
based on the clues at hand, I can assure you.
- But how is it that Scotland Yard did not...?
- Perhaps...
Perhaps Scotland Yard
did not have the invaluable assistance,
the keen insight
and the extraordinary patience
of Dr John Watson.
My friend.
Hear, hear! Quite right, man.
Hear, hear!
Now, gentlemen and ladies, I have
an announcement of some consequence.
With the safe return of the plates
to the Royal Mint,
I must inform you that this is my last case.
Oh, no!
Sherlock Holmes is retiring.
Surely not, sir. That cannot be!
- I don't believe it.
- Dr Watson, is it possible?
Of course it's not possible.
Mr. Holmes is merely pulling your leg.
Aren't you, Holmes?
Sherlock Holmes retire when there is
murder and mayhem at every turn?
Already several adventures have begun to take
shape which can be solved by no-one else.
Right, Holmes?
Right you are, Watson.
And so, without further ado...
..I hereby declare this case...
..closed.
(Applause)
..
a quick tunnel job and up the stairs,
as pretty as you please.
(Glass shatters)
That's worth over ?10,000.
- We're going to be rich
- Not this time, gentlemen.
Sherlock Holmes!
Watson?
Right you are, Holmes.
Run, Archie. Run or we'll swing for it!
Don't let those ruffians escape.
I am inspector Lestrade. You are under...
There's no escape, my friend.
This will be a pleasure.
- Well done, Watson.
- Are you all right, Holmes?
Quite, which is more than I can say
for John Clay,
one of London's least notorious thieves.
inspector, I have your man.
Come on, sonny.
Well, Mr. Holmes...
..I don't know how, but you've done it again.
Thank you, inspector.
That's high praise indeed,
coming from such a workmanlike detective.
And now, if you have nothing further to add,
I hereby declare this case...closed.
POLICEMAN:
Good We've got kippers for breakfast
Just a minute.
(Door closes)
- You idiot!
- What?
Confound you!
What did l...? What did l...? What did I say?
Watson, what did l say wrong?
I did everything you said, exactly as you said it.
HOLMES: All right, what did I do?
You're not going to tell me, are you?
All right. You want to know what's wrong?
- Well, I said I did, didn't I?
- I'll tell you what's wrong.
- Don't declare a case is closed...
- Just a minute, Watson.
- My public awaits.
- until I say...
..it's closed.
- Morning, gentlemen.
- Morning, Mr. Holmes.
Sir, how did you know
somebody was tunneling
into the Royal Gallery?
That was very interesting.
There was fresh dirt in the building next door.
Um, fresh dirt...
Would you like to elaborate on that, sir?
It was an elementary deduction
based on the clues at hand.
But didn't Scotland Yard
see the very same clues?
- I see AND observe.
- Isnt that rather redundant?
Describe the front of this building.
Without looking
describe the front of this house
- Well, it's brick.
- Yes.
- It's got...black railings, I think.
- That's right.
And... And windows.
How many windows?
How many?
I don't know.
Quite so. He sees, but he does not observe,
whereas I see AND observe and thus
bring many notorious blackguards to justice.
Hear, hear, sir!
Did I put that reporter in his place?
Just for the record...
..how many windows are there
in the front of this building?
I haven't the foggiest idea.
There are fifteen windows, you fool!
Fifteen!
Yes.
(Starts humming)
Not only that...
Not only that,
but the reporter you just embarrassed,
he knows how to type.
He's somewhat near-sighted
and recently returned from a holiday.
And how do you know that, Watson?
Elementary. From the creases on his wrists
- where a typist presses against the table.
- Watson, do you think
this is a good likeness of me?
Wonderful story, by the way,
but on page two you have me
- admitting a mistake.
- A writer must write of which he knows.
Oh, do you think that's really necessary?
I mean, tarnishing the image, and all that.
Hello!
What have we here?
Something's afoot.
How many times have I told you
to stay away from my experiments?
Something wrong?
I seem to spend an increasing amount
of my precious time
correcting your blunders,
both private and public.
Oh, I see. Its the Clay case.
Are you still in a snit over that?
- if you want my opinion...
- I beg your pardon? Opinion, did you say?
Oh, my God. Not that speech again.
May I remind you, for your information, sir,
- that your opinions are my opinions.
- Oh piffle!
I created the character of Sherlock Holmes,
and hired you merely to play the part,
snatching you, as it were, from the gutter.
Hardly the gutter, old boy.
- After all, I was once an actor of note.
- Whose last play, I believe,
ran a total of one half of one performance.
I'll have you know,
Shadow Of Death with Reginald Kincaid
was a towering work
decades ahead of its time.
RECORD: Lesson Number Two -
Advanced Bowing
My only regret was that it ended
before the climactic third-act duel.
Too bad you didn't have a chance to see it.
I've no use for theatrical swordplay.
All I ask is that you obey a few simple rules.
Not the least of which is a case is not closed
until I say it's closed.
I think you underestimate
my own native deductive abilities.
(Footsteps)
Listen. You hear those footsteps?
I'd say this was a woman about 5' 5,
weighed about 121/2 stone, age 54.
Voila.
Blown yourseif up again?
Watson, it's for you -
your Baker Street irregulars.
Hello, boys.
Wiggins, give it back.
Just trying to earn a living.
We heard you was looking for us, Doctor.
Yes, boys. There's been some trouble
concerning the break-in at the Royal Gallery.
What? We heard that er...Mr. Holmes
declared the case closed.
All right, all right.
That will prove, after some creative writing,
to be merely a ruse on Mr. Holmes's part.
No, something's not right.
John Clay does not deal in works of art.
I need you boys to have a look around.
Eyes sharp, ears quick.
A copper for your trouble,
and a shilling for what you learn.
WIGGINS: We'll do our best won't we lads?
- Yeah
Don't let us keep you, boys.
Come on, out!
Don't worry about a thing, Doctor.
We know how much
you could use some real assistance.
There you are. You're making
a laughing stock of me. How can I be...
How can I be expected to maintain a character,
when you belittle me
in front of those hooligans?
Character? Are we talking of the same man
who once declared with total conviction
that the late Colonel Howard had been
bludgeoned to death by a blunt excrement?
is it my fault
if you have such poor handwriting?
(Knock at door)
Anyway, it was just a little mistake.
- He's been at it again.
- I never liked that woman.
Come in, Mrs. Hudson.
- I found it under a loose board in the stairwell.
- Thank you, Mrs Hudson.
An occasional libation enables me
to stiffen my resolve.
Your resolve should be pickled by now.
I don't believe that either of you realise
what pressure I'm under.
Do you know what it's like
to commit to memory
a never-ending list of clues and deductions
to be parroted back to Lestrade and reporters?
Bloodstains on a toothpick, cigar ash,
new soil in the garden next door.
Endless twaddle!
Twaddle? Are you referring
to the systematic gathering of evidence
and the logical deductions based thereon?
I am referring to twaddle!
And you would be well served to include fewer
of these dreary details in future chronicles,
and place greater emphasis on me.
I am, after all, the one
the public really cares about.
Would you be so kind
as to excuse us for a moment?
HOLMES: Careful Watson Careful
Remember your blood pressure.
MRS HUDSON: And good riddance
to bad rubbish I must say
Am I to understand
that you are giving me notice?
Let's just say that the curtain has come down
on yet another miserable performance.
Right. Watson...
..I was once a figment of your imagination.
But now Sherlock Holmes
belongs to the whole world.
At last we're free of that ungrateful baggage,
eh, Mrs. Hudson?
From now on, things are going to be
much more pleasant around here.
An actor?!
Nothing the matter. Nothing at all.
Back to work.
Hold my...
Hold my calls.
We'll start at the beginning...
..shall we?
It was about nine years ago.
One of my patients was a Scotland Yard
inspector investigating the Paxton murder.
I gave him the name of the murderer,
but gave credit to a nonexistent detective.
At the time, I was hoping
for an appointment to the staff
of a rather conservative medical college.
I knew that they'd frown on my little er...
- Hobby?
- Exactly.
Well, I didn't get the appointment.
Instead, what I got was a quite unanticipated
public demand to meet this Sherlock Holmes.
So you hired this Reginald Kincaid?
He was an actor.
Unfortunately, he was also a gambler,
a womaniser and a drunkard.
John, you have jeopardised
the integrity of English literature.
Still, I should have known.
He was always borrowing
large sums of money off me and...
..never paying me back.
- The cad.
Oh, don't worry.
We deducted it from your royalties.
Now, tell me, who else knows of this?
No-one.
Except Mrs. Hudson and the irregulars.
But it's time now for the public
to learn the truth.
The truth?
Certainly.
No-one will want to read of that twit again.
His popularity will plummet.
- They'll be desperate for my new creation.
- What new creation?
John Watson, the Crime Doctor.
I could have it ready for your very next issue.
Sit down, John.
John, erm...people buy The Strand Magazine
expecting to read a story
in which Sherlock Holmes solves the case,
not the er...Crime Surgeon.
Crime Doctor.
Crime doctor, crime surgeon, crime dentist -
who cares, really?
Let's face it, Sherlock Holmes
is worth a fortune to the magazine.
You're stuck with him, I'm afraid.
Norman, I'll write what I want.
There's nothing you can do.
The devil, there isn't.
WIGGINS: Doctor Watson?
- Here come out of there You can't go in there!
- What in the world?
- What is this?
- Sorry, Doctor, but we found something.
- Down by the docks.
- Excellent.
- Hello, ducks. Do you work here?
- if you'll excuse us, we have work to do.
Watson, I'm warning you, it's Sherlock Holmes
or we'll sue you for everything you're worth.
And I mean everything.
Damn. Anyone seen my watch?
- There it is, Doctor.
- Camden Paper Mill.
Burned about four this morning.
- Same time as the Clay robbery.
- On the button!
Good lad! Now we're getting somewhere.
Come on. Let's take a look around.
Went up like a torch, they say.
Well, it's full of wood pulp and paper, you see.
I'm sorry, sir. No-one's allowed in this area.
Its quite all right, I assure you.
Im Dr John Watson.
Er, nobody's sick here, sir.
You...you don't understand.
- John Watson.
- The Crime Doctor.
- That's right. John Watson, the Crime Doctor.
- Crime Doctor?
Never heard of him
Though er...your name sounds a bit familiar.
All right, I'm Dr John Watson,
author of The Sherlock Holmes Mysteries.
Sherlock Holmes?
Yes.
THE Sherlock Holmes?
Yes.
Me and the wife have read
every one of his stories.
All right
- Now, if you'll excuse me.
- I'm sorry, Doctor, I still can't let you in.
Strict orders about that, I'm afraid, but...
Mr. Holmes - did he send you here?
He certainly did not!
Well, perhaps the next time,
you should check with him first, eh?
Save yourself a trip.
You try and fight crime in this city,
and all you hear about is Sherlock Holmes.
What's he like? When will you see him next?
Never, that's when.
Never!
Doctor, dear, keep your voice down.
- Why should l?
- Because you have visitors
Inspector Lestrade and a Lord Smithwick.
Of the Treasury?
Gentlemen won't you come up?
Oh yes thank you very much
- So Mr. Holmes is in is he?
- Doctor Watson will see you
although he is quite busy
at his scholarly pursuits
Gentlemen.
Good afternoon, inspector.
Doctor, this is Lord Smithwick,
Her Majesty's Chancellor of the Exchequer.
- My pleasure, sir.
- His Lordship wishes to see Mr. Holmes.
I'm sorry to say he's not here at the moment.
Oh, how disappointing!
Sir, I really don't think Mr. Holmes'
involvement in this case is at all necessary.
I quite agree.
You do?
However, the Crime Doctor is at your disposal.
Who the deuce is the Crime Doctor?
Mmm, most amusing,
but this is a matter of the gravest urgency.
When do you expect Mr. Holmes?
Not for a while. He's out of town.
Good afternoon.
Well...too bad.
I'm sure we'll be able to get along quite well
- without Mr. Holmes.
- Wait!
Today's Friday isn't it?
Yes, of course it is. Silly me.
Holmes is supposed to be back tonight.
- How fortunate.
- Very well. We shall return at seven tonight.
Come along, lnspector.
Till then, gentlemen.
- I'm afraid we've made this trip for nothing
- Your Lordship I must ask you
Where did you get that hat?
Where did you get that tile?
Isnt it a nobby one?
Its just the proper style
I would like to have one just the same as that
Where'er I go they shout,
Hello! Where did you get that hat?
Where did you get that hat?
Where did you get that tile?
Good evening. Have you seen Peter Brandy
anywhere? He's disappeared.
- Hello Connie love
- Hello.
Ow!
All right!
Who did it?
Come on! Which one of you pinched me?
- Pinched, you say?
- That's right.
May I be of...some assistance?
The name is Holmes. Sherlock Holmes.
Constance Payton, sir. Pleased to meet you.
Charmed.
Now, let's see.
By careful observation
of the patrons of these premises,
I have been able to deduce the identity
of the fiend who pinched you.
Me! Did it again!
- Thank you, my good man.
- Thank you, sir.
(Clears throat) I'll make this brief.
(Clears throat again) I'll make this brief.
I'll make this brief.
I need to see some money, Mr. Holmes.
- Its been five days now.
- See here, my good man.
- Go ahead sir It's on me
- Thank you, sir.
- Watson.
- Hello. How are things?
Couldn't be better. Good health.
I'll miek this brafe.
I'll make this brief. I want you to come back.
- Like I predicted, you need me.
- I do not need you.
Then what are you here for?
I didn't call for you.
All right, l need you, for this one blasted time.
One time, and that's all?
You're going to have to do better than that.
Don't push me
You've already run out of money
This is because you lack the necessary skills
to gain decent employment.
Ah-ha. Wrong, Watson. You see...
..I have been honing my ability
of elementary deductions to a razor's edge.
Observe. Excuse me, sir?
How are things on the Subcontinent?
- I beg your pardon?
- You are a reporter just back from India?
I'm a barrister,
and I've never been to India in my life.
- But you do read The Times?
- Of course.
There you have it.
My card.
I'll ask you just once more.
Are you coming with me or not?
I would rather waltz naked
through the fires of hell.
I can see coming here was a mistake.
Excellent deduction, Watson.
Keep up the good work.
Ah, gentlemen! And what can I do for you?
A mystery to be solved?
You might say that.
There's a little matter of a gambling debt.
And the mystery is why you ain't paid it.
Gentlemen, you are dealing
with Sherlock Holmes.
A man of honour and character
beyond reproach.
There he is.
That's the bloke who pinched my bum.
Pardon me Pardon me
Excuse me, love.
Didn't I say seven o'clock?
Forgive me for being late, gentlemen.
Is Mr. Holmes with you?
Ah, well, um...actually, Lord Smithwick,
a short time ago I received a wire from Holmes
instructing me to take down the details and
begin the investigation without him, as it were.
What?!
Believe it or not,
I am every bit Holmes's equal as a detective.
Doctor Watson!
I happen to know
that you recently recovered from an illness,
that you smoke a pipe,
probably rosewood,
and you spent time in China...
- Doctor, this is no time for parlour games.
- I'm not playing parlour games.
Doctor, this is a matter for professionals.
- You've got to help me
- Holmes, you're back.
So good to see you.
My, this is a clever disguise!
A drunken lout. lt's very realistic.
There's two men.
This woman said I pinched her...
She said I pinched her bum.
(Banging)
Gentlemen, Mr. Sherlock Holmes.
Ah, Lestrade.
Its good to see the department's
letting you out at night again.
Lord Smithwick.
Trouble at the Exchequer?
Well, to be honest, it...
Wait. How did you know?
The same way that I can tell
you've recently recovered from an illness,
smoke a pipe, probably rosewood,
and have spent some time in...China.
Amazing!
Thank you.
Lord Smithwick, before we start,
perhaps a little sherry?
I wish we could,
but the matter which brings me here
involves the fate of the entire Empire.
I see. Perhaps a whisky, then?
(Watson clears his throat)
Perhaps later.
Why don't you tell me the details
and omit nothing?
Watson, pay close attention.
- Do you know what these are?
- I do.
- So do l.
- The plates for the Bank of England's ?5 notes.
- Undoubtedly.
- Or very good imitations.
- Precisely.
- Exactly.
Indeed. Well, now, that's cleared that up.
How about that whisky?
- May l?
- Oh, I suppose so.
Er, Inspector...
Just two nights ago,
these clever forgeries were exchanged
for the genuine plates.
The real plates
are in the hands of some foreign power.
Or someone even more treacherous.
The kingdom could find itself awash
in counterfeit notes.
And I don't have to tell YOU
what that would mean.
Yes, you do.
Oh, er, it would mean, quite simply,
economic ruin for England.
Nobody would know which ?5 notes were real
and which weren't.
Gentlemen, I accept this case.
My fee will be ?500.
Payable in ?10 notes.
- Good evening.
- Yes, good night.
We can all rest a little easier now, lnspector.
- Yes.
- Drive on, my good man.
LESTRADE: I don't suppose
it would make any difference
if I said I have grave doubts about Mr. Holmes.
SMITHWICK: I must confess, I feel a bit prouder
knowing Sherlock Holmes is British.
Do you suppose he took the case, Professor?
Watson?
My dear boy, how could he resist?
This is working out so very well.
Drive on.
Gentlemen, I am here.
SMITHWICK: Mr. Holmes at last
Welcome to Her Majesty's Royal Mint
This is one of my long-time employees, Mr...
- Hadlers, sir.
- Oh, Hadlers, yes.
Inspector Lestrade was inquiring
about the vaults
Its my guess that it's an inside job
by someone with a key.
YOU have that key, don't you, Hadlers?
Me, sir? No.
lnspector, please.
Mr. Holmes will take over now.
That's quite all right, Lord Smithwick.
As a matter of fact, Lestrade,
you can be of some help.
- Of course.
- Hold my coat.
Its hot in here.
So this is where the printing plates are kept?
Er, yes, sir.
Yes. Very interesting ind...
No harm done.
Tell me, how many people
have access to this vault?
Three persons only - myself,
the Commissioner for Seals and Engravings,
and the Printing Supervisor Peter Giles.
I should like to speak to this...third person.
He didn't turn up for work this morning,
Your Lordship.
We've already done some checking on Giles,
Your Lordship.
He is a widower with one child named Lesley.
I've seen her once or twice myself, sir.
A very pretty girl...in an unusual sort of way.
- Pretty?
- Oh, yes, sir. Quite.
Watson, make a note of that.
Though Mr. Giles himself
seemed slightly uncomfortable
when I complimented him on her appearance.
SMITHWICK: No no no
Surely you can't believe
that Peter Giles was involved?
Why, the man's worked here for over 30 years.
And he was very religious, too.
Wouldn't you say so, er....?
Hadlers. Oh, yes, sir.
He was always quoting from the Psalms.
The Psalms? One of my favourite books.
The Bible, wasn't it?
I suppose you'll want to speak
to this Peter Giles, Holmes?
Actually, I've never been one
for religious talks myself.
On the other hand,
no leads must be overlooked.
And you can rest assured, Your Lordship,
we shall be investigating the daughter as well.
I must be going.
Come here!
You ninny! What are you doing over there?
Amazing fellow, really.
All right, now go. Go!
Open this door.
Giles, open the door. lt's Sherlock Holmes.
Stand back, Watson. I'll break it down.
Whoa, boy!
Half a tick, Mr. Holmes.
You can't go
walking into someone's residence,
poking about their personal possessions,
disturbing their privacy.
That's for Scotland Yard.
Hello? Anybody home?
Giles?
Nobody home.
- Inspector, you're treading on the mail.
- Sorry. Get those.
Nice tidy little place. Oh, a French postcard.
Really? I knew a chap
who collected these once.
He had this wonderful one
of two women and a... Oh!
Its just a picture of the Eiffel Tower.
- Quite a bit of correspondence there, Doctor.
- I'd say Giles hadn't been home for days.
- Anything of interest in that card, Mr. Holmes?
- It says, Having a gay time here
but need a holiday. Will see you on Monday.
L.
Now, I wonder who that can be.
L. Is that an old friend? A secret lover?
Its my guess it's his daughter Lesley.
I'll wager you're right, Inspector.
That's right. Let him deduce everything.
When Lestrade returns,
go about your sleuthing routine.
- The full treatment?
- Whatever it takes to keep him occupied.
Well, it would appear
as if Mr. Giles has taken himself a holiday.
I expected no less.
if you'll allow me.
- Very interesting up here Watson
- Excuse me.
Yes.
My word!
Don't touch that!
There may be fingerprints.
The Book of Psalms.
Ah, as I anticipated.
The Bible.
All starting to fit together rather neatly,
I'd say.
Ah-ha!
Stay with me Lestrade
Investigating crime calls for
the searching out of patterns
Now, take the patterns in this carpet.
Rosettes,
and what appears to be cherubs, isn't it?
ls that a cherub? Yes, a cherub.
Dr Watson.
What have you there?
Oh, this.
Er, I... I just found this in the fireplace.
Careful. It might be evidence.
Really?
E-R-M-E-R-E.
What do you make of it?
Are you blind, Lestrade? Tell him, Watson.
Correct me if I'm wrong, Holmes,
but this piece of paper is part of a map.
A location.
- Um...
- Ermere.
- Erm Ermere?
- Cashmere
- Cashmere
- Ermere
BOTH: Ermere. Ermere.
Windermere! Lake Windermere!
Brilliant, inspector.
The Lake District is a perfect place to hide.
Nobody goes there this time of year.
We'll just wire up to Windermere
and see if Giles has made his appearance yet.
And don't you worry, Mr. Holmes.
We'll have this case wrapped up in no time.
(Laughter)
Unique, actually. Very creative, Watson.
Something that would never have occurred
to the likes of me.
lmagine a Sherlock Holmes adventure
in which Lestrade solves the blooming case!
Calm yourself. There's a healthy chunk
of mystery yet to be solved.
It's to Windermere for us, where, I assure you,
the game is still afoot.
(Train whistle)
As was his habit, Sherlock Holmes
sat in the railway carriage lost in thought.
You can hear the girls declare,
he must be a millionaire
You can hear them sigh and wish to die...
Are you Sherlock Holmes?
I am indeed, madam.
Would you like my autograph?
You put my old man in jail, you did.
WATSON: From these moments of quiet,
intense reflection would inevitably spring
some new...insight.
HOLMES: Stop it, you silly cow!
Go on, then! Scared?
Sorry about that, Watson.
- What are you doing?
- Thinking.
Right. I'm going to think too.
What shall we think about, Watson?
(Whistle)
(Band plays Rule Britannia)
Mr. Holmes...
..allow me to introduce myself.
I am the Right Honourable
Gerald Fitzwalter Johnson, Lord Mayor.
And this is my daughter
Christabel.
Hello, Mr. Holmes.
We're enthusiastic readers
of your articles in The Strand
My daughter in particular
reads each one several times
Don't even think about it.
I believe we have something for you, sir.
A man matching this Mr. Giles's description
arrived two nights ago.
Ah, this is Andrews,
a dock worker here on the lake.
He remembers the man quite well.
Andrews, this is Mr. Holmes.
Come to our fair community
to investigate a matter of great importance.
You may begin, Mr. Holmes.
What makes you remember this man
so clearly, Mr. Andrews?
I remember this man...
- Your hat.
- Oh, aye.
I remember this man so clearly
because he was carrying
a brown leather suitcase.
The suitcase was fastened to his wrist
with a pair of silver handcuffs.
It was very heavy and he commented
on the weight several times.
He asked Donald Ayres...
- A local boatman.
- Oh, aye.
..a local boatman, to transport him
across the lake to a cottage he had rented.
- Psst.
- Watson, make a note of that.
(Band plays Rule Britannia)
I'm sure Holmes would like
to speak to this boatman Donald Ayres.
Yes, indeed.
Yes, well, the thing of it is,
no-one has seen the fellow
- or the man with the suitcase.
- You mean they've gone missing?
Yes. Well, my theory,
if you'll permit me, Mr. Holmes, is this.
- The storm may have done both of them in.
- They went out in a storm?
Watson, please.
They went out in a storm?
Yes, the lake can get very rough
at this time of the year.
Ah, here we are.
Our finest hotel - the Shakespeare Arms.
Oh, Mr. Holmes,
we're all so proud to have you here.
The Duke's absolutely beside himself.
The Duke?
Er, the D-O-G.
(Barks)
The Duke, yes.
Sherlock Holmes and Doctor...
- John Watson.
- John Watson.
Now, if you'll just follow me,
I'll have your luggage taken upstairs.
Now, then, Dukey.
You stay down here
while I take the gentlemen upstairs.
He's taken quite a fancy to you, Mr. Holmes.
He doesn't like everybody, you know.
(Growling and barking)
Fetch.
(Glass smashes)
What he likes is the summer...
..and all them ramblers.
(Holmes whispers)
The King Lear Room, Mr. Holmes.
The finest we've got.
Yours is on upstairs, Doctor.
Be careful of the carpet.
The mice have been at it.
We call this the Hamlet Room.
And it does have a lovely view of the lake.
Now, if you'll excuse me, Doctor...
Watson.
Watson. I'll just go and see
if Mr. Holmes is all right.
Watson, would you mind
swapping rooms with me?
I once played King Lear,
and, quite frankly,
that room would revive memories
of rotten fruit.
- One room's the same as another to me.
- Thank you.
What a dreary place this is.
Excuse me,
but you are Sherlock Holmes, aren't you?
Well, that depends. Do you have a relative
who was recently sent to prison?
Me? Why, no!
Well, yes, then. I am Sherlock Holmes.
Well, we would all consider it an honour
if you'd have a drink with us.
A drink?
I was just saying to my good friend
Doctor Watson what a lovely village this is.
(Metal scrapes)
I'll have a double whisky, please.
Just to ward off the chill of the evening.
A double whisky for Mr. Holmes, please.
A toast to the greatest detective in all the world.
ALL: Hear hear!
Thank you, gentlemen. I am touched.
I can vouch for that.
You, sir, remind me of someone I encountered
during the curious affair
of the Manchurian mambo.
- Holmes, could I have a word?
- Yes?
I believe that was the Manchurian mamba,
Holmes.
Mamba, mambo - what's the difference?
Very little, other than one
is a deadly poisonous snake
and the other
is a rather festive Caribbean dance.
It was a night just like any other,
when someone knocked at the door.
I opened it and there were these Manchurians
doing this rather festive Caribbean dance.
Manchurian mambo!
Steady, Watson.
Just get through it one more time,
then you're rid of the fellow.
What a pleasant thought.
I feel much better. Quite euphoric.
But as the snake struck at me,
I danced out of the way.
And if it hadn't been for my flawless footwork,
I'd be standing here a dead man today.
What about another drink, Mr. Holmes?
Gentlemen, I have to be up early tomorrow,
and I need all my wits about me.
Perhaps just one more.
Holmes, sweet Holmes.
(Growls and barks)
You're not the Hound of the Baskervilles,
you know.
Fresh air.
That's what I need.
That's better.
Aaargh!
(Ripping)
Watson! Help!
Jesus. What now, Holmes?
Help me, Watson!
Watson wake up!
Help!
For God's sake!
Watson!
Hang on. I'm coming.
- Please help me!
- Hang on
- Here I am.
- Quickly.
For heaven's sake. Give me your hand.
- Are you there?
- Yes, I'm here. Hold out your hand.
Well done.
- Pull quickly. Pull harder.
- I am pulling, old boy.
- Pull, pull, pull! That's it.
- Stop it.
- Steady on, old boy!
- Don't let go!
Jolly good.
(Crash)
Fascinating.
This railing appears
to have been cut by someone.
Get him off!
Good morning, gentlemen.
- Morning.
- Morning.
This is the cottage Giles leased
from a company in London.
Allow me to show you the way.
Mr. Mayor, don't move.
Not until Mr. Holmes has had a chance
to inspect the area for clues.
By God, I've trained you well, Watson.
Now, follow me closely.
- What am I looking for?
- Footprints.
Right.
- Have I found any yet?
- No, not yet.
Right. Let me know when I do.
Hello? Anyone at home?
Hello?
Well, if Giles was headed here,
it's obvious he never arrived.
Mr. Holmes.
They've found...Donald Ayres.
Who?
Dreadful! Dreadful!
Stand back, lads. Stand back. Leave it to me.
- All taken care of.
- Constable, please.
Not until Mr. Holmes has had a chance
to investigate the body for clues.
Yes.
lt is my opinion that he is dead.
He's a genius.
(Whistle)
CLERK: Thank you, sir.
Two first-class tickets to London.
Well, Mr. Holmes, any theories?
Indeed. Obviously Giles and Ayres were caught
in a storm too far from the shore to swim for it.
Yes, and with that heavy suitcase attached
to his wrist and the lake being so deep.
Quite. Pulled the poor wretch to the bottom,
struggling futilely, flailing desperately,
as the cold, black water sealed his fate for ever.
- Well, it's certainly been a lark. Thank you.
- Thank you very much indeed.
We must be off.
Pleasure meeting you, Mr. Mayor.
And the same, Doctor.
Now, we know for a fact
that Giles was on the boat.
No, we don't.
Oh. Well, we do know for a fact
that Giles arrived in Windermere.
No, he didn't.
He didn't?
I thought he did.
Ah. Well, we really know that Giles
was behind the theft of the printing plates.
No, he wasn't.
Fine.
Just trying to get things straight.
Tell me something, Watson.
Is there anything we do know for a fact?
Yes.
What?
That, without doubt,
there is an evil mastermind behind all of this.
Professor Moriarty?
Oh, for God's sake.
You didn't tell me that homicidal maniac
was involved in this.
Because I knew you'd behave this way.
Bravo! Another triumph
for deductive reasoning.
Don't you think you're overreacting?
Oh, pardon me.
Wasn't I the one who he tried to kill last night?
- Merely a technicality.
- Maybe for you, mate.
Think, man.
Who was supposed to sleep in that room?
That's true. You were.
Moriarty knows...
..I am the only match for his evil genius.
- Are you sure he's not trying to kill me?
- Of course not.
He knows you're an idiot.
Thank God.
Whoa, there. Steady, steady. Stand.
There we are, miss.
We're here.
Thank you.
Ta very much, miss. Walk on.
Miss Lesley Giles?
Yes?
Doctor John Watson at your service,
and this is Mr. Sherlock Holmes.
Sherlock Holmes?
But what do you want with me?
The Government suspects that your father
has stolen the printing plates for the ?5 note.
What?
They also believe that he is at the bottom
of Lake Windermere, drowned like a rat.
Oh!
Father?
Watson, get some water, please.
Of course.
Father.
Sorry for the fright, Miss Giles.
Unfortunately, you fainted
before Holmes could add
that he personally believes your father
not only innocent, but alive.
Really?
Holmes believes
your father has been abducted.
Abducted? By who?
Abductors.
You see, Miss Giles, your father
was described to us as fanatically neat.
A fact confirmed
by the immaculateness of this very place.
I took the opportunity to have a look around,
and it is extremely tidy.
One must ask, therefore,
why such a compulsively neat man...
..would leave an unmade bed,
unless he was snatched from that very bed.
Oh, dear God!
Then a man posing as your father
was sent to Windermere,
where a mock drowning was staged,
unfortunately costing the life of an innocent
boatman named Ayres, forcibly drowned.
- Murdered.
- Why?
Why, you ask.
Because...
Fill in the details, Watson.
Because someone wanted us to believe that
your father and the printing plates were lost
at the bottom of the lake.
Thus Scotland Yard
and that poor misguided fool Lestrade
would foolishly believe
that the case was closed,
leaving the true villain free to wreak havoc
with the economy of the Empire.
All quite...elementary.
(Screams)
Let me go!
Mr. Holmes!
Have courage, Miss Giles.
You're not getting away that easy.
Put me down!
Put me down!
You don't know who you're dealing with,
my friend.
My name is Sherlock Holmes.
Put me down!
That's my foot
That's my foot!
Look out!
Leave her!
Sorry about this, Miss Giles.
Sorry about this, Miss Giles?!
- Hurry.
- He's got my bleedin' shoe!
- They've gone.
- I know. I chased them away.
Oh, you brave, brave man.
Danger is my trade, but not yours.
It's unsafe for you to sleep alone tonight...
..unattended.
Yes, we insist you stay with us.
- Oh, but surely I'd be an imposition.
- Think nothing of it, my dear.
lndeed, Holmes will be working all night anyway,
so you can have his room.
Interesting. Of Italian manufacture.
What?
This shoe - brand-new.
Oh, yes. Very interesting.
Do you think...?
Do you think she's ready for bed yet?
And, if I'm not mistaken, caked with mud
mainly found in the vicinity of the Thames.
The Thames, yes, yes.
Poor girl. Poor beautiful girl.
Some sleep would do her good.
I can picture her lying there,
her eyes closed, gently breathing.
Her breasts heaving
as her supple, nubile young body...
caresses the cool, limpid sheets.
Yes, Thames it is.
Near Southwark. Interesting, isn't it?
To say the least.
WATSON: Why would common ruffians
be wearing imported shoes?
Not second-hand mind you but brand-new
Ooh!
Agh!
- What was that?
- What?
Oh, if it's not one thing...
Oh, I'm sorry.
I suppose I must be still rather nervous.
You may rest easy, miss.
No-one will disturb you tonight.
Isn't that so, Holmes?
Quite.
Good night.
Good night.
(Chimes)
(Clock chimes)
(Snoring)
(Door opens)
Mr. Holmes?
Oh, I'm sorry.
I didn't realise you were still asleep.
Asleep? Who can sleep
when there's work to be done?
Dr Watson seems to have gone out.
Really?
I wonder where.
Who knows? He has very little patience
with detective work.
Often becomes quite bored.
- Yes?
- Yes.
Your job must be very difficult.
One does get rather...tense.
Oh, I can imagine.
The hardest thing...
..is to find ways to relieve that tension.
So you play the violin?
Only if worst comes to worst.
Well, I really don't want
to add to that tension, so
- I think I'd better go and finish getting dressed.
- No, please. I assure you.
An occasional break is quite refreshing.
- My mind thrives on diversity.
- Mr. Holmes!
What? What? How many times
have I got to tell you to knock?
Have you no respect for people's privacy?
Right. You've gone quite far enough,
overstepping the bounds of propriety.
Come along, my dear. You'll be much safer
with me. We'll have tea downstairs.
- Now, there's a good idea.
- You have visitors.
MRS HUDSON: Such carryings-on
and in the middle of the day
This is a respectable Presbyterian house,
I assure you.
Take no notice, sir. The woman drinks a bit.
Come in. Welcome. Good morning, inspector.
Holmes. I've informed Lord Smithwick
of the findings in Windermere.
Though the case did not turn out as we hoped,
Her Majesty did insist on rewarding you
for your efforts.
A reward? Who am I
to go against the wishes of the Queen?
Stunning, isn't it?
I'm overwhelmed.
Pity you had to go all the way to Windermere
merely to confirm my theories.
Think nothing of it, old man.
if I hadn't gone to Windermere,
I could not have confirmed MY theories,
namely that YOUR theories
are completely wrong.
- What's that?
- This is utter nonsense, sir.
He refuses to accept
that l solved this case before he did.
- Hello.
- Giles is dead.
The plate's lost, case closed.
Neither Giles nor the plates
were ever in Windermere.
Case open.
Really?
Well, gentlemen. I see Holmes
has taken you into his confidence.
Did he also tell you that we expect
to conclude this case within three days?
BOTH: No.
I'll let you fill in the details, Holmes.
Let me assure you, Lord Smithwick,
that come...Friday, you shall have your plates.
You must succeed, Mr. Holmes...
..before news of the theft leaks out...
..and causes widespread panic
throughout the Empire.
Steady, sir.
Steady.
That is exactly why the Empire,
now more than ever,
needs all of us to remain calm and composed.
Oh, you're right, of course.
We must remain composed.
- Composed
- And calm.
- Friday? Are you out of your bloody mind?
- Steady on, old boy.
You've made some excellent discoveries
this morning.
Get your coat on. We have a cab waiting.
What discoveries?
For one thing, the Royal Mint purchased
its paper from the Camden Paper Mill.
- You make these things up, don't you?
- Mr. Holmes.
Mr. Holmes. Those men, they were here
about my father, weren't they?
- Oh, Dr Watson, good morning.
- Miss Giles.
Is there any news? Anything at all?
Sadly, no.
But take heart, miss.
Last night something occurred to Holmes and
he suddenly realised how stupid he'd been.
Really?
- Well, I didn't exactly say stupid.
- Yes, you did.
And now he's off to continue the investigation.
Oh, perhaps I could come too.
Trust me, miss,
the moment he knows anything, he'll tell you.
Thank you.
- Cabbie.
- Go on.
(Church bells peal)
(Laughs)
What's that?
A reply to a telegram I sent late last night.
- You might let me in on the joke, old boy.
- In due time.
Doctor! Doctor!
- Doctor Watson!
- Cabbie
Stop.
You was dead right, Doctor. All of 'em,
just sitting there, waiting for Customs.
Wonderful. Just as I thought. Hop in, lad.
Driver! Southwark Docks.
Here will do, cabbie.
Thanks, guvnor.
Wiggins.
Here they are, Doctor.
We found 'em here this morning.
Wonderful.
All these crates, full of imported shoes.
WATSON: And the ship?
Got in this morning from Germany.
Two days late, she was.
Excellent. You've done well, my boy.
We'll take it from here.
Picture it.
Two, three, maybe four of Moriarty's henchmen
waiting here under cover of darkness
for that ship, but it's delayed.
They wait. They become bored.
Being men of no moral fibre whatsoever,
they can't resist helping themselves
to a new pair of shoes!
Do you think they have these in brown?
(Creaking)
I hate ltalian shoes.
Moriarty.
- Moriarty?
- Without doubt.
This one.
Go on bust it open
(Cuckoo clocks chime)
What's tinte?
German for ink.
He smuggled it in
to avoid the attention of Scotland Yard.
Marvelous. He already has the paper he needs.
He got it from the Camden Paper Mill,
burning the place to the ground
to cover the theft.
And the John Clay case was staged
simply to throw me off the scent.
HOLMES: What's the German for pen?
Hold it! What's all this, then?
Blast!
You can't be moving things about.
lt has to be cleared through Customs,
and all that.
Sorry, Professor. I thought it was deserted.
Sorry indeed.
I went to all this trouble
for the sake of discretion...
..and then you allow this to happen.
Well?
Do you have your revolver with you?
Yes, somewhere.
(Splash)
Come on. Let's not be all day about it.
- Yes, here it is.
- I'm going to let you have some bullets for it.
Try not to shoot yourself.
At least, not until I give the signal.
Moriarty.
Damn.
(Thud)
- Holmes!
- What?
(Gunshot)
Come on!
Die, Moriarty.
Come on!
They can't follow us down the canal.
How demeaning to be set upon by nitwits.
Watson.
Watson?
What are you doing? Watson?
Damn!
Oh, Watson, look out!
Watson?
Watson?
Watson? Watson?
No luck, sergeant.
- Anything?
- No, sir.
The tide may have carried the body
miles down river.
Mr. Holmes...
..is it true?
Yes, I'm afraid it's true.
Mrs. Hudson, I am so sorry.
He was such a good man.
I can't believe he's gone.
I know it's difficult at such a time, but...
..if it's any consolation,
we still have Mr. Holmes.
Did I say something wrong?
(Thud)
Oh!
I seem to have overestimated
the amount of rope required.
One more thing I've botched.
Mr. Holmes! What would Dr. Watson say?
He would have volunteered
to kick the chair from under me.
He would not.
He said this was going to be
our last case together.
Mr. Holmes.
Mr. Holmes!
You mustn't blame yourself.
You can still avenge the Doctor's death
by capturing this Professor Moriarty
and rescuing my father.
Oh, what a good idea!
While I'm at it,
I'll bring in the Loch Ness Monster.
Please, Mr. Holmes. I don't understand.
I am not a detective. I never solved anything.
- Dr Watson did.
- Oh, nonsense. You're just upset.
I couldn't detect horse manure if I stepped in it.
Please, Mr. Holmes!
Sorry.
- Another one, Mr. Holmes?
- Yes, please.
Stop.
Perhaps not.
I'm afraid my grief has exceeded my resources.
- It's on the house, Mr. Holmes.
- Why, thank you, Henry.
Mr. Holmes.
Thank goodness.
Mrs. Hudson said we might find you here.
We want to offer you our condolences.
Pity about Dr Watson.
I trust, however, it will have no bearing
on the outcome of the case.
What?
You vowed to solve the case by Friday.
Ah, well, you see...
..the fact... The fact of the matter is,
you see, Lord Smithwick, is Dr Watson...
I believe what Mr. Holmes is trying to say
is that it was Dr Watson
who first made that pledge.
And er...with all due respect,
I am sure he did not fully understand
the complexities of the case.
As I have tried to point out to Your Lordship,
Her Majesty should rely on the counsel
of trained criminologists such as myself.
Though well-meaning,
the good Doctor was...no detective.
As I was about to say, Lord Smithwick,
Dr Watson was decidedly precise
in his estimate of the closure of this case.
Have no fear.
You shall have the plates in your hands
come Friday.
Mrs. Hudson?
- What?
- The game's afoot.
Oh!
Dr Watson always said,
Start by listing everything you know.
So, let us begin.
Number...one.
Moriarty.
Isn't he wonderful?
He is behind all this. That's one thing we know.
Very good. We are progressing nicely.
Now, the next thing we know.
Number two.
This might take a while.
I'll away and get some tea.
What?
All right.
Let's go back to number one.
Perhaps the clue's in Moriarty's name.
(Snoring)
Clever people often do that.
Er, amity.
Rarity.
I've got it!
His real name is Arty Morty.
What the hell am I talking about?
I found a ?5 note floating in the river.
- Lucky you!
- But it's only half-printed.
I suppose it's only worth ?2 10s, then.
Er...
Everyone knows
that the normal ?5 note carries a serial number
which contains five digits.
- Six digits.
- Six digits. This one contains only three.
MRS HUDSON: What does that mean?
Here, her father's a printer, ain't he?
Maybe he's trying to tell us where he is.
What can these numbers mean?
They could be a measurement, an address.
- An amount. 234 of something.
- A page number.
- Did your father have a favourite book?
- l...
- He did. The Bible.
- Yes.
I have a Bible. It's at my bedside.
WIGGINS: Is there something on page 234?
MRS HUDSON: Page numbers vary
from Bible to Bible,
but chapter and verse
is the same in every Bible.
Did your father have
a favourite book of the Bible?
Yes he did
The Book of Psalms.
Psalms, Psalms.
Twenty-third Psalm, verse four.
Yea, though I walk through the valley of...
..the shadow of death.
- Does that mean something?
- Yes
- That means the Orpheum Theatre.
- What?
MRS HUDSON: What are you talking about?
I'm sorry, Mr. Holmes,
but I just don't understand.
The Shadow Of Death,
a gripping drama, was the last play
presented at the Orpheum.
It closed after only one night,
but not without garnering some praise.
Harris in The Daily Telegram said,
In an otherwise dismal evening,
Reginald Kincaid provided
some welcome laughs.
Laughs? You said it was a gripping drama.
It's unimportant now, isn't it?
MRS HUDSON: Are you sure
you know what you're doing?
- Cab.
- Oh dear
The Fleet River runs under that part of town.
The Orpheum Theatre stands right on top of it.
He could be onto something.
There's tunnels and caverns all under there.
Ju...just a moment!
We haven't got a moment, Mrs. Hudson.
Wiggins,
- fetch Scotland Yard.
- Oh, let me, Mr. Holmes.
I'm sure they'll be much more inclined
to listen to me.
Good idea. Wiggins, on the back.
The Orpheum Theatre.
We haven't a moment to lose.
Right you are, guv. Come on. On you go.
You know, I kind of liked you better
when you was a coward.
Shh!
- The stage door's round the back. Go ahead.
- YOU go ahead.
Wiggins, go ahead.
Back!
There you go, gents.
(Humming)
Moriarty.
There you go, my good man.
- Keep the change.
- A fiver!
God bless you, guvnor.
- Think nothing of it. I print my own.
- Print my own?
That's a good one!
Still, we can't afford to waste them.
(Big Ben chimes)
We shall move the barge out at high tide.
I shall miss this place...
..somewhat.
Go around the front, and when the police
get here, tell them what happened.
Right you are, guv.
And er...the best of British luck to you both.
You're going to need it.
And don't move until they get here.
Mrs. Hudson.
Up we go.
Hold on to that.
Slowly. Slowly.
Slowly. Slowly.
Where are we going, Mrs. Hudson?
Where are we going?
Don't kick the...
..bucket.
Hmm.
Let go!
Are you quite serious?
- Mr. Holmes.
- Yes?
Do you do this kind of thing on purpose?
Shh. Listen.
(Clunking)
Nothing, Professor. Probably rats.
Ah, yes. Rats.
I think...
I think it's louder over here.
It might...
Oh, I am so dreadfully sorry.
On the contrary.
I think we're making very good progress.
Shh.
(Cymbal echoes)
There's a hole in the wall.
(Resounding clatter)
(Big Ben chimes)
I'm not staying round here.
Daddy wouldn't buy me
A bow-wow
Bow-wow
(Machinery turning over)
There the ink's not dry yet
More paper over here
Hand over.
You've done a splendid job, Mr. Giles.
(Printing press stops)
The Queen herself
could hardly tell the difference.
However...
..this one seems
to have been only half-printed.
It was found on the bank of the river.
I've got a pussycat
And I'm very fond of that
A reject.
It must have slipped away.
- And the tide carried it out?
- Hm, the tide, that's all.
Suppose we have a look at this reject
Shall we?
Oh, yes, clever.
How many of these rejects
accidentally slipped away?
Er well I
No matter. Shame that the only person capable
of deducing your clue is currently lying
at the bottom of the Thames.
What are you doing here?
I told you to keep an eye on that imbecile
He may yet stumble onto something
He has.
Oh, they know all about this place.
Luckily for you
they sent me to fetch Scotland Yard
All right. No Scotland Yard. Fine.
No need to panic.
Mm-hm.
I need a good plan. Attack.
Attack with what?
Ah.
MORIARTY: Clever enough to get us this far
That's no good.
Start packing.
ln spite of this latest piece of foolishness,
you've done your job well.
Your reward will be a quick
and relatively painless departure.
WATSON: Not so fast Moriarty
Watson.
I've been waiting hours for your arrival...
..Professor.
- Dr Watson, thank God you're here. These...
- Please, my dear.
Ingenious, planting a spy in our midst.
That staged attack at Giles' was quite realistic.
However, a cable to France revealed
a rather unique fact about the real Miss Giles.
Something of an embarrassment
to the Giles family, I should think.
Perhaps you would like to meet
the real Lesley Giles.
Lesley. Lesley.
All right. Back to first plan.
Attack.
Pity you won't be able to share
my greatest triumph,
the forcing of an empire to its knees.
But you will be allowed
to see these two die...before you.
Right.
Don't anybody move.
Otherwise there'll be an impromptu roasting.
Has it occurred to you, Mr. Holmes,
that if you set fire to that money,
you will burn to death yourself?
Er...
Of course it has.
Put out those flames!
MORIARTY: Damn it to hell!
Don't just stand there!
Moriarty!
Look out!
Get your backs into it. Come on!
I thought you were dead.
You may yet be right.
MORIARTY: I'm not done with you yet Watson
(Hums Rock Of Ages)
Come on
Come on Put sand on it
Get some water in here
Clear those boxes!
Leave this to me.
There, there, my dear.
We're in a tinderbox in here
LESLEY: What was that?
(Explosion)
- Come here, you cowards.
- Get clear of the mains.
Professor the gas mains
They could blow in the heat
Keep them pinned down. I'll get the plates.
It's all over now, my pretty one.
You're disappointed, aren't you?
(Explosion)
Hell!
Brilliant!
Watson, why didn't you kill him
when you had the chance?
(Clicks)
Rock of ages, cleft for me
Let me hide myself in thee
(Bang)
Rock of ages...
Go on, hurry up!
Get moving. Come on. Come on, George.
- Let's get out of here.
- The back door!
(Whinnying)
POLICEMAN: Get your hands up!
It's safe, Professor.
Come on.
This is an escape, not a cakewalk.
Oh, please. Don't wait for me, will you?
Oh!
Oh, mercy me!
Oh, my dear! That must have been so painful.
Hello?
There he is!
You hold them off.
WIGGINS: Just like I told you
- Oh, my head.
- It's all right, dear. It's still there.
Dr Watson!
- Ah. Sorry, Mrs. Hudson.
- Come on Watson There's a fire down here
It became necessary for me to stage my death,
so I might work unobserved for a few days.
And I must say,
you've caused quite a bit of grief.
You needn't bother with her.
She's an imposter.
She's not Lesley Giles? Then who is?
I am.
There you have it.
Ladies and gentlemen,
you seem to be blocking my exit.
Kindly step aside.
Watson...
..remove these people from the stage.
Locked.
(Sighs)
Ordinarily, I do not bother
with halfwits and buffoons.
Buffoon, is it?
Buffoons, is it?
- He'll be killed.
- I quite doubt it, Mrs. Hudson.
He's in his element now.
I warn you, sir...
..I've killed as many as six men in a week.
Eight, if you count matinees.
The brilliant swordsmanship
of Reginald Kincaid...
..was almost worth the price of admission,
raved the critic of The...
..Cotswold Press.
All right, put your shoulders to it, men.
Let's have it down.
The rest of you, round the back.
Right, my friend!
He really is quite good.
- Follow me.
- Follow him, lads.
MORIARTY: Trying to be funny eh?
Don't anybody move!
Stay where you are, everyone.
Right.
I have killed before, and I can assure you,
I have absolutely no compunction
about doing so again.
You are not dealing with an amateur,
you know.
Oh, well played.
Once more unto the breach, dear friends.
Holmes, no!
Dr Watson, you're alive.
Astounding observation, inspector.
We must discuss it.
Well done
Oh, hello.
WATSON: Stop!
Stand back, Watson. I'm about to bring
the world's greatest criminal to justice,
- and nothing's going to stop me.
- Have you forgotten the gas mains?
Aaargh!
More pressure. Come on, boys.
Come on, more pressure.
Pump harder. Come on.
More pressure.
Congratulations, Mr. Holmes.
Her Majesty wishes to offer you
her sincerest appreciation for a job well done.
Oh, and you too, Dr Watson.
Mr. Giles tells me
that you both deciphered the clue.
I doubted if anyone would understand it.
- Child's play.
- Twenty-third Psalm.
Shadow Of Death.
BOTH: Elementary.
No, no, no, no. No, l...
I was referring to the serial number. 2-3-4.
The address of the theatre. 234 Beacon Street.
Amazing!
- Watson...
- Don't worry, I'll fix it in the story.
The arrests were made
and the rest of the story you know
I don't mean to toot my own horn,
you understand.
Ah, Mr. Holmes. Nice bit of work, this.
But as I was telling Miss Giles,
had it not been for the timely arrival
of Scotland Yard,
I doubt it would have turned out so well.
Of course, I realise
you would never admit such a thing.
On the contrary, lnspector.
Indeed, Holmes was telling me
how indispensable you were.
As a matter of fact, Miss Giles,
it is to Lestrade, and Lestrade alone,
that you owe your deepest gratitude.
Really?
Miss Giles is on the stage, you know.
In Paris.
A revue called Les Femmes Faux.
An actress? What a surprise.
There's more surprises yet to come.
(Laughter)
- Good morning.
- Morning, sir.
Excuse me, sir. Is it true that Moriarty is dead?
Never assume, gentlemen. Never assume.
Mr. Holmes, how did you know
where Moriarty was hiding out?
It was an elementary deduction
based on the clues at hand, I can assure you.
- But how is it that Scotland Yard did not...?
- Perhaps...
Perhaps Scotland Yard
did not have the invaluable assistance,
the keen insight
and the extraordinary patience
of Dr John Watson.
My friend.
Hear, hear! Quite right, man.
Hear, hear!
Now, gentlemen and ladies, I have
an announcement of some consequence.
With the safe return of the plates
to the Royal Mint,
I must inform you that this is my last case.
Oh, no!
Sherlock Holmes is retiring.
Surely not, sir. That cannot be!
- I don't believe it.
- Dr Watson, is it possible?
Of course it's not possible.
Mr. Holmes is merely pulling your leg.
Aren't you, Holmes?
Sherlock Holmes retire when there is
murder and mayhem at every turn?
Already several adventures have begun to take
shape which can be solved by no-one else.
Right, Holmes?
Right you are, Watson.
And so, without further ado...
..I hereby declare this case...
..closed.
(Applause)