Xi you xiang mo pian (2013) Movie Script
One turtle, crawl, crawl, crawl.
Two fish, swim, swim, swim.
Three big lobsters, swim swim, swim.
Lobsters don't swim... they jump.
Three big lobsters, jump, jump, jump.
Four little girls...
...laugh!
I'm going in now.
Play on the shore
and don't get too near the water.
If you fall in, the Big Lobster will grab you.
If he does, I'll eat him.
If you eat the Big Lobster,
then the demon will eat you.
There are no demons here.
Really?
Look. What's that in the water?
Aha! It's me!
See, I'm fine. I was just joking. Look!
Go, Daddy!
Great! Great!
Hurray Daddy! Yay, Daddy!
You're so silly.
Sheng!
What are you doing here? Where's your Dad?
My condolences.
Thank you, your Holiness.
Here's a little money
and two ancient salted fish.
Please accept them.
As a Taoist priest,
my sole purpose is to help the world.
I can't accept such precious things.
Hey everyone!
Now that the demon's been caught...
...it's up to you to decide
what to do with it.
Kill it!
Isn't it dead already?
Kill it again!
Revenge!
Revenge!
I... want... revenge!
You're all mistaken. That's not the killer.
It's just a stingray.
He's gentle, kind-hearted and cheerful.
A fish of good character. Just a bit too big.
Who are you?
I am the unshaven Buddhist monk,
Chen Xuan Zang.
I am a demon-hunter.
We know about stingrays,
but we've never seen one so big.
The Priest says it's possessed by a demon.
Mayor, look.
That's really not the demon
you're looking for.
A good father was savagely
killed by the demon.
How his innocent family suffers.
While you ...you just talk nonsense.
You scumbag!
Scumbag! Scumbag! Scumbag!
Everyone, listen to me.
The real demon has not yet appeared.
Shut up!
Have you ever lost a husband?
Madam, I don't have a husband.
Have you ever lost a husband?
Madam, believe me.
I've never really had a...
Kill him!
This stingray is innocent!
The demon is still in the river!
Everyone's got to stay out of the water!
That's nonsense!
He's clearly working with that demon.
String him up! Burn him!
Burn him! Burn him! Burn him!
Everyone, listen up.
I've already killed the demon.
It's perfectly safe here.
You can go in the water with nothing to fear.
Go!
Go in!
It's fine. It's really safe.
Look, it's safe.
It's really safe now.
We're safe now.
Hey!
Danger! Get out, fast!
Hey! Danger! Move!
Get out! Danger!
Hey!
Danger!
Look over here! Over there!
The demon...
Help!
Your Holiness, why did that happen?
We're fine... we're fine.
Once you're on shore, everything's okay.
Yes... everyone stay calm.
Get on shore. We'll be safe here.
Sheng, Sheng!
Give us back our money!
What are you doing?!
You tricked us!
What are you talking about?
I caught a demon for you, didn't I?
Who knew there was another one?
What do we do now?
Stay calm.
We're so high up... we'll be fine.
How high are we?
Very high... look!
Don't move! Stay down, and you'll be fine!
Don't run! Stay down!
Just play dead! Don't run!
Sheng!
Sheng!
Mommy!
Sheng, stay still. Don't move.
Mommy!
Stay still! Stay where you are!
Mommy!
Little girl... don't move!
Mommy!
Sheng!
Mrs. Gen!
No... Sheng!
No!
Knife!
Knife! Where?
Give me the knife!
Here it is!
No!
Sheng!
Mommy!
Sheng!
It's gonna be okay.
Don't be afraid. Mommy's here, Sheng.
Mrs. Gen!
Come out!
Mrs. Gen!
Come out!
Give... give me back my daughter...
My baby! My baby!
Please help!
Please save my baby.
Please help!
Hey, this robe was very expensive.
Sorry... please help.
Hey, you have to compensate me.
Okay... that really, really hurts. Let go!
No.
My baby's back! My baby's come back!
Thank you!
You're very welcome.
Your Holiness.
Your skills are greater than mine,
your Holiness. Please help.
No I won't. Hands off!
I can't defeat him in the water...
...but if you and I jump down
and bounce him onto shore...
Then we can do something.
Hands off or I'll kill you!
I swear! I will beat you to death!
I'm cold-blooded!
Thank you, your Holiness.
Let me!
Let me!
Let me!
Kill it!
Make way! Make way!
Calm down!
Everyone listen up. Let me handle it.
I'm a professional demon-hunter.
300 Nursery Rhymes
My child, my child... why are you so bad?
Bullying, cheating... how can you do that?
Learn to be good... learn to be loving.
Love is in your heart...
filling your life with warmth.
Be good, be good and come home soon.
My arms are always ready to embrace you.
My child, repent with a sincere heart.
You'll always be my dearest child.
Be good, be good and come home soon.
Study hard for a better future.
Turn back and become a filial child again.
We were all born pure, like children.
You're a demon-hunter too?
Based on what?
The Demon Hunter's Handbook.
What Handbook?
300 Nursery Rhymes?
It brings out the goodness within demons.
We are all born naturally good.
And also I add my own unique style...
hope everyone likes it.
Says who?
My Master.
And you believe him?
You might not... but I certainly do.
Actually, I like childish pranks too.
Look!
She is the real demon-hunter.
Hello, everyone! You're very welcome!
Thank you!
Just let me know if you have any trouble again.
No need for this. All donations are welcome!
All donations are welcome!
Master
Xuan Zang
I failed again, Master.
I know.
The Water Demon you encountered today...
...used to be kind.
One day he was saving a child by the river.
The villagers had mistaken him
for a kidnapper.
They killed him and tossed
his body into the river...
...feeding his body to the fish and creatures.
He was filled with such hatred and resentment
that his spirit transformed
into the Water Demon.
He returned to seek revenge on the villagers.
A question, Master, if I may?
Is the 300 Nursery Rhymes
really that powerful?
Why do you ask?
I just want to destroy the demons,
like the other demon-hunters.
Killing is not the best way.
Never forget our principles and beliefs.
A good man turns into a demon
when his heart is overcome by evil.
We must remove the evil
and keep only the goodness.
The 300 Nursery Rhymes
wakes up our inner goodness,
conquering the evilness in our hearts.
Are you doubting our beliefs?
No.
Just my own powers.
But you did your best.
You saved a baby, didn't you?
I could have saved more people...
...but I wasn't able to.
Master, you didn't see that girl.
She was only 4 or 5.
And I just couldn't save her.
They're dead because of me.
So many deaths.
Master, I'm so useless.
Maybe you chose the wrong disciple?
I did not choose the wrong disciple.
Absolutely not.
You're just missing that little 'something'.
What's that little 'something'?
Just that little 'something'.
When you attain your enlightenment,
you willfully understand and by that time...
...you will know the boundless
powers of the Nursery Rhymes.
Go, go.
Master!
I know... just keep at it.
Master!
Just go!
How come there's no one here?
Great! We can be alone now.
Don't worry, Handsome.
Let's not hold back anymore.
Calm yourself.
I can't... just looking at your gorgeous face.
Then stop looking.
You're terrible.
Welcome, you two! To the Gao Family Inn.
This way, please... you came just in time.
It's empty now,
but soon it will be crowded.
Allow me
to present our signature dish.
Take a look.
This is our famous roast pig... freshly made.
Crispy skin, tender meat,
juicy... yet not greasy.
How do they make such delicious roast pig?
Even the decor here is unique.
Look at those gorgeous candelabrum.
But not as gorgeous as you, of course.
Must you keep talking about my looks?
Are you so shallow?
What girl doesn't want a handsome boy?
Come on... don't be angry.
Come on... let me look at you.
Look until you get so sick of me and die.
Did you get enough?
How come you're still alive?
What did you think of our roast pig?
It was great! Did you make it?
No, no. The owner KL Hog is our chef.
Presenting the "Master of Meat"
Um... yummy and tasty.
Sir, how did you make the pork so delicious?
Hey! She asked you a question.
So rude of you not to answer.
Come, let's go!
Sir... please join us.
I have so much to say to you.
Come on... let's go!
Or you won't get to see my gorgeous face.
Oh, really? Thank goodness!
I was just joking.
Why would I want you to be upset?
Just turn away.
I'm already upset.
You're so mean.
Sir, do you find me unattractive?
Then why won't you talk to me?
Please just say something.
I beg you... please talk to me.
Welcome to the Gao Family Inn!
You certainly have good taste.
All our guests
love our food and dcor.
Look at our stylish candelabrum.
Doesn't it feel romantic?
From the number of repeat customers...
...you can tell how good our food is.
Come...
This is our signature dish.
Our famous roast pig.
It's crispy outside, yet tender inside.
It melts in your mouth.
I guarantee you'll be back for more.
We're very busy today.
Please wait... I'll find a table for you.
Sir.
I have a table for you. This way please.
I'm a demon-hunter.
Just reveal yourself.
What do you mean?
Oh really?! Go ahead!
Okay, you're asking for it.
Miss, can I help?
Yes! How can I help?
Get lost.
Sure.
Please no more. I'm gonna explode!
Can you be more gentle? Thanks.
Enough of this!
Just come out!
Come on!
Come on!
Come out and help.
I've been waiting to help. What should I do?
I've got the demon's essence in his throat.
Now go suck it out quickly.
Okay.
How do I suck it out?
With your mouth.
You mean you want me to use my mouth...
...to suck it out?
How else?
Got it!
May I ask... is there another method?
Hurry! I can't hold on much longer!
How about I hold him down
and you suck instead?
What do you think?
You idiot! Stop fooling around!
Or we'll gonna die!
Okay, fine. I can do this.
Sorry... I can't.
Run!
He won't come chasing after us, will he?
No, he's injured, too.
Are you all right?
No big deal... it's nothing.
Give me a hand.
Demon hunters don't care about formalities.
Push this pressure point for me.
That Pig Demon was very powerful.
Of course.
We could receive the highest bounty for him.
Isn't that what you're here for?
I'm not doing this for money.
I'm doing this to help the people.
With skills like yours?
You must have a death wish.
I don't care.
That weapon of yours is amazing.
It's my demon-hunting heirloom...
the Infinite Flying Ring.
Infinite Flying Ring.
You're wounded.
What?
Your nose is bleeding.
A little too much excitement.
I'm Chen Xuan Zang. What's your name?
My name is Duan.
Miss Duan... thank you for saving my life.
You're thanking me?
Miss Duan, Miss Duan.
When a girl closes her eyes,
it means she wants you to kiss her.
Stop pretending.
Come on... you know you want to.
Xuan Zang. So... how did it go last night?
What are you talking about?
You were flirting.
What do you mean, Master? That's impossible.
How do you feel about romantic love?
That's just Lesser Love...
it's got nothing to do with me.
I'm in search of Greater Love.
Want a bite?
No.
Master, please don't.
It's against our beliefs.
Eating the goose is just a physical act.
You may want something but you say otherwise.
That's the little 'something'.
How dare you eat my goose leg! Have you paid?!
I have no money.
No money?!
Stop right there, baldy!
Stop running!
Master, so you knew
about the Pig Demon all along.
The man's name was KL Hog.
He was as ugly as a boar...
...but he was a kind man.
He loved his wife dearly,
but she cheated on him with a handsome man.
They murdered him with a nine-pronged rake.
When his love turned to hatred,
he became a demon.
He swore he would kill all women
lusting after handsome men.
How tragic for him.
Master,
I'm unable to handle such a strong demon.
Maybe you should take over.
Well, sure... but I'm quite busy these days.
To defeat such a powerful demon...
...you must go
find the strongest King among kings.
He might teach you
the secrets of conquering demons.
Who is he?
The Monkey King, who has been imprisoned...
...by Buddha under
Five Fingers Mountain for 500 years.
Monkey King?
He's just a legend... no one has ever seen him.
He's quite easy to find.
At the foot of Five Fingers Mountain...
...look for an old temple.
In front of it,
you can find a statue of Buddha.
...13,000 feet high and 2,560 feet wide.
The Monkey King is there.
Really? It's that easy?
You'd have to be blind...
...to miss something 13,000 by 2,560 feet.
There's no time like the present. Get going.
Also, that Monkey King...
...is tricky, evil and full of hatred.
Be careful.
How do I convince him to help me?
Use your knowledge... and this
300 Nursery Rhymes
We've come here from the West to hunt demons!
Any demon-hunters are our enemies.
We kill demons and demon-hunters too!
No matter how strong you are,
you're dead if you meet us.
Are you a demon-hunter?
I'm not a demon-hunter.
But you're out so late at the demon's lair.
You still deny it?
Are you a demon-hunter?
Me?
Wait!
He's my husband. We just had a fight...
...I ran out and he came to get me.
You got it wrong, really!
He's only a music teacher.
You take out...
...your song book and show her.
Hurry!
See?!
Fine. Prove you're a couple.
Do it right here.
What do you mean?
Do it! Now!
Do it?
We couldn't possibly
do it here in public.
I'd rather die than do it with her.
What?! You'd rather die.
You think I want this!
Don't hit her! I'll do it!
I'll do it!
You can do it.
Just look at me.
You can do it.
You've really gone too far!
We're gonna die...
Hurry up or you're next!
You're animals!
You slaughter the innocent! Beasts!
Such beasts!
Fine! Take off your clothes!
You're worse than animals!
Come on!
Come on! I'll help you... hurry!
Hey, just keep going.
So you're all in this together?
Alright, game's over.
Too bad. No fun.
Pay up!
Did it go well?
Go well?!
You've ruined it!
Look at how you sprayed the blood!
You're still spraying!
It's broken... mechanical failure.
You're all... useless!
Please don't be angry, Boss!
Boss? What's going on?!
I had no choice. I'm already yours.
What do you mean?
Have you forgotten?
You kissed me and felt me up that day...
What? He kissed you and felt you up?
Shut up!
Lady Warrior, I apologize
if I have offended you.
I'm just a simple, common demon-hunter.
I have... my dream.
I only live for the Greater Love.
Lesser Love
isn't for me...
...but no matter what I say,
you'll never understand.
I'm a demon-hunter too. I can understand.
That's good.
But my wish is...
...to find the man of my dreams.
To start a family with him...
...then live a simple life...
...and that man is you!
You're crazy!
What shall we do with him, Boss?
Take him away!
Let me go!
I need to pee.
Boss, this guy goes around
with a Nursery Rhyme book...
...going on about
Greater Love and "Lesser Love".
Clearly, he's an evil guy...
...who abducts women and children.
Boss, you must be possessed!
Even a sophisticated guy
like me can't seem to attract you.
Seeing you fall
for him really breaks my heart!
Which one is your heart?
These two... my nipples!
You've made it so obvious to him,
your feelings.
This guy doesn't appreciate you.
He's so rude.
Not just rude... it's downright inhumane!
What do you think, San?
I feel...
Can you first remove that get-up please?!
It's broken. I can't get it off.
Someone help me.
Stay away!
I feel... when I died just now...
...he seemed to
show some empathy.
But when so much blood spurted out...
...and he didn't suspect anything...
...that shows his low level of intelligence.
Frankly speaking, he's an idiot.
So, who's more dumb, you or him?
Him, for sure...
wright?
Little Sis, was it rude of him
to refuse my advances?
Yes,
but this also shows his positive qualities.
He knows what kind of woman he wants.
You understand me so well,
unlike those stupid men!
Although he looks weak and vulnerable...
...if you like him,
I'll support you all the way.
You're wrong... he's braver than any of us.
Although he looks like a nobody...
...he dares to fight the demons
with just his Nursery Rhymes...
...and not even for fame or fortune!
Now that's what
I'd call a true man of courage.
I get it... now I understand.
Right? I get it now.
But... he doesn't like me.
That's not true. I'm sure he likes you.
But you shouldn't act so tough.
You should try to be more feminine.
Come on, just try it!
Not like that. Why don't you try this?
I don't know how.
Don't worry...
The Obedience Charm
You'll do exactly what I do!
Go!
Sorry, I just need to pee.
But you won't let me out,
so I have to do it here.
Sis, help me.
Back off! You're spraying it on me!
Back off! You're spraying it on me!
But I haven't started peeing yet.
How could I have sprayed you?
Plug it up with a stopper!
Plug it up with a stopper!
You're so cruel.
There's no need to plug it up.
I can hold it in.
But I don't have a stopper!
If you won't plug it, I'll rip it out!
If you won't plug it, I'll rip it out!
Is there any justice in this world?!
Great, yank it out for me!
Cut the crap!
Sorry... I didn't mean to...
Get lost!
Great, it's finally stopped.
What the hell did you do?!
I swear... I'll kill you!
You friggin' S.O.B.!
Okay, go for it! Go on... if you dare!
Where's my sword?!
I'll get it!
I can't take it anymore!
Kill him!
What's wrong with you?! Stop it!
Stop playing tricks on me!
Wait!
I said, stop playing tricks on me!
Prepare the battle chariot!
Ready!
Get in!
Start up the "Ironblood System"
The "Ironblood System"?
The "Ironblood System" uses hammering...
...to push air from the air sacs
through the tubes to...
...push the propellers and move
the gears to generate power...
...then refills the air sacs
and repeats the procedure...
...that generates inexhaustible
kinetic energy.
Then the chariot can move.
Hurry! It's catching up!
Full speed ahead!
Fast, isn't it?
Can you please be a bit more careful?
What should we do?! The Pig Demon's up ahead!
Do I look scared?! Just crash into him!
Don't miss me too much.
Wake up!
Don't scare me... Don't die!
Wake up!
Caught you! See how worried you were...
...and you still won't admit you love me?
I knew it!
I almost forgot about that Pig!
Almighty Foot,
why must you always compete with me?
We all followed the demon's aura here.
Whoever captures the Pig Demon first...
...is the best demon-hunter of all!
All right, let's forget the Pig Demon.
How about a one-on-one fight?
The Pig Demon's tough,
and even tougher under a full moon.
Who else could beat him, other than me?!
Look who's bragging!
Hello there, Prince Important!
They say your Sword Play
is the best in the world!
It's time for my Almighty Foot to take you on!
I'll let you be Number One.
It's lonesome at the top.
How could you commoners understand?
Keep it low-key, okay?
Stop throwing the petals.
Boss, didn't you tell us to throw them?
What does the cough mean?
Are we throwing the petals or not?
No!
But you still have to pay us!
I know!
Actually,
I don't know what she's talking about.
Wow! Where did you pick up
these four "lovely blossoms"?
Out in the wild.
I was lucky to find these four!
Why not just walk on your own two feet?
That would make me the same as you.
I, Prince Important, have my own style.
You're not important, just impotent!
Listen,
you can't just make random accusations.
Can't you read this word?
It's "impotent"... no, wait, no!
It's "important".
I'm Prince impotent... no, no!
I'm not Prince Important!
I'm impotent.
You... I was... I tell you, when I was a child
I was impotent. Buddha would know.
No, wait, no...
I've been very important since I was born.
I'm trying to stay impotent.
Enough!
You all have amazing fighting skills.
Why not unite to fight the demon?
If you let him go now,
stronger under the full moon.
And then all our lives will be over.
With no fame or fortune left to compete for.
You don't deserve to be demon-hunters!
And who is this beggar?
I'm not a beggar. I'm also a demon-hunter.
Oh, got it... give him some food.
We don't share the same goals and beliefs.
I must go.
Well said! I admire you so much!
I support you. I'll go with you!
Go away!
You keep blocking my way to Buddhahood.
Give me back my book.
What's wrong? We were doing so well.
Give me back the 300 Nursery Rhymes!
300 Nursery Rhymes??
Are you sleeping?
Are you sleeping, Brother John?
Give me some face
in front of all these people.
300 Nursery Rhymes??
Fine!
You! Hey, what are you doing?!
Go ahead...
...hit me.
Useless garbage... Idiot!
Go to hell!
Take a good honest look at yourself.
If not for me, would you be alive today?
You think you're Prince Charming?
Demon-hunter, my foot!
This fellow here is the true hero in my heart!
Want to go for a drink...
...and get to know each other, Handsome?
Shh... I'm a humble guy.
It's such a burden to be so handsome.
You ugly people couldn't possibly understand.
Forget the drink then, let's just get a room.
I'm not available.
Boss!
Leave me alone!
Miss, do you have time for a drink?
Sir? Do you have time?
Well, I've never dated a man before...
this is my first time.
So be gentle.
I'll try.
Five Fingers Mountain Starting Point
Five Fingers Mountain Starting Point
At the foot of Five Fingers Mountain,
look for an old temple.
In front of it is a Buddha statue...
...13,000 feet high and 2,560 feet wide.
The Monkey King is there.
Water Reflection Mirror
Get off me!!
I'm here to find the Monkey King.
I... I...
Monkey King... I'm the Monkey King!
You're the Monkey King?!
Sun Wukong, the Monkey King.
Mr. Sun, I'm so honored to meet you.
I'm Chen Xuan Zang.
Mr. Chen! Mr. Sun!
Mr. Chen!
You're finally here... after 500 years!
No, Mr. Sun!
Sorry, I'm a bit overwhelmed.
Sit... sit, sit!
Mr. Chen, how handsome you are!
You, too, Mr. Sun!
According to the legend...
...you seem just a little bit... different.
Here's the story...
500 years ago,
I was an ordinary monkey.
I had a tiny disagreement with Buddha...
...and he used the Buddha Sutra...
...to blast me down here!
But I recognized that I was at fault,
so I locked myself up in this tiny little hole
and for 500 years I've never left once.
I've just...
...studied and studied the Buddha Sutra.
Look at me.
I've already dissolved
the demon spirit within me
and expelled it from my body.
I've even lost my demonic look.
So now within me, all that remains is
...truth, goodness and beauty.
So the Buddha Sutra is good,
great and amazing!
Actually, Mr. Sun, I've come here to
discuss another important matter with you.
Please go ahead.
Please teach me a way
to tame the Pig Demon.
KL Hog?
Yes, he's evil and has killed so many people.
No one has a clue what to do.
There is, in fact, a way...
Come...
This seal is the Holy Fire Spell.
I brought it down from heaven.
It can destroy all demons and monsters.
But I don't want to kill him.
I just want to awaken his inner truth,
goodness and beauty.
Right... didn't I just say that?
Its primary function is just that...
to awaken truth, goodness and beauty.
Oh no... it's too precious!
Not at all, it's only worth a few bucks!
But still... I can't.
Take it, I insist.
I said it's a gift... just take it!
Mr. Sun,
is this the seal Buddha used to suppress you?
By refusing my gift, you've offended me!
Don't you know who I am?
You know the
13 Gangsters of Flower Fruit Mountain?
I'm Number One!
In those days, I had a cleaver in each hand...
...from South Heaven Gate
to Penglai East Road...
...chopping back and forth
for three days and three nights...
...blood flowed like a river...
...just chopping up and down...
...without blinking an eye!
Didn't your eyes get dry...
...from not blinking for so long?
What?! Does it really matter
if they're dry or not?!
What does that have to do with anything?!
I was just curious.
Do you get the point?!!
Was I talking about my dry eyes?!!
I was just wondering...
...such a long time without blinking.
Don't freaking talk to me
about my eyes getting dry or not!!
Damn it!
Mr. Sun, please calm down!
I didn't mean it like that!
I meant I killed without so much as a blink.
And all you're concern about is my dry eyes?!
Fine, I'll show you!
Damn it!
Are they dry?!
Are they? Are they dry?!
Are they?
Can you see?!
Can you see?!
Yes.
What else have you got?
Bring them all out!
Let me smash them all for you!
Take them out!
That's why I can't speak sensibly
with you young people!
You ask to borrow something.
No problem... I'll lend it to you.
Mr. Sun...
I'm fine now, thanks.
Young people nowadays have no appreciation.
Where's the gratitude and respect?
Mr. Sun, you want it?
Don't interrupt!
You want to eat it? Open it yourself!
I don't want to eat it.
You told me to bring it out for you to smash!
Oh my goodness!
Let me out of here!
It's been 500 years!
How much longer do you
want to keep me trapped here?!
I've changed...
...done the enlightenment thing...
Buddha, why won't you believe me?!
You ask Buddha why he doesn't believe you?
But do you believe in him?
If you did in fact experience enlightenment,
he'll be even
He would never give up on you.
You're saying
I didn't really experience enlightenment?
Let it go. That's not the point.
If you just do goodness with all your heart,
you'll reap the rewards.
Help me tame the Pig Demon
to show you're doing good.
It's your chance to fight evil
and give back to society.
You want my help? Impossible!
Do you know how hard
these 500 years have been?
I haven't had a single bite
of my favorite food, bananas!
You want to get the Pig Demon. Lure him here.
Though he was hurt
by his wife and her lover...
...he still loves his wife deeply.
He always liked to watched
her dance in the moonlight.
He even wrote a song
for her to show his love.
So it's simple.
Get a pretty girl...
...to sing and dance
to that song under the full moon.
And the Pig Demon will naturally show up.
And then?
And then leave the rest to me.
What are you doing?
Mr. Sun, what do you think about me
dressing up as a woman?
Mr. Chen, stop embarrassing yourself.
Oh, sorry. Excuse me.
It's only just a banana.
Why are you still following me?
Because I'm worried about you.
I was up there when I heard
you say you needed my help.
So I came down.
Who said we needed your help?
Didn't you just say you needed a pretty girl?
Go away! This is serious stuff.
Sorry, Mr. Sun!
A pretty girl!
You know just what to say.
I've always been this way...
I say what I think.
You're making me blush!
You look even nicer that way!
How about you stop saying what you think?
He offended you just now!
Let me apologize for him with this gift.
Oh no, I can't accept. That's too much.
Give me a chance.
We don't even know each other well.
All good friends begin as strangers.
Mr. Sun, keep this up and I'll leave!
If you leave, what will I do?
You're naughty! We're not alone here!
Who else is here?
Fine... let's go catch the Pig Demon!
Miss, you just said you wanted
to help us lure the demon.
Can you dance?
I only know one dance.
Good!
Step.
Step.
Step.
Down.
Up.
Up.
Come on!
Try it!
Lift your butt a bit.
Quite good.
Miss, your dancing's really good!
Not at all!
Not as good as you!
You're really good!
Really!
So may I go up and lure the Pig Demon now?
Good! Really Good!
This guy looks really familiar.
My love is gone, she'll never return.
I silently mourn my lost love.
Though flowers wither, they'll bloom again.
My long-lost love is beyond the clouds.
Unrequited love fills my heart with sorrow.
In our lives we can't change our destiny.
Once we're parted, we can love no more.
Could this be the fate heaven planned for me?
KL Hog!
KL Hog!
Long time no see.
Let's
Thank you so much, Mr. Sun!
You've done great service to the people!
Not at all.
After 49 days,
the Pig Demon will be reduced to ashes.
I know you have your own demon-taming beliefs,
so I'm handing these two over to you now.
Thank you for your help!
Are you tired?
You should go home and get some rest.
Didn't I tell you?
When a girl closes her eyes,
she wants you to kiss her.
Miss Duan, I think I can help you!
Mr. Sun!
Sorry... I know I'd treated you badly before.
But I've changed.
I've decided to become a gentle,
faithful wife and mother.
Would you accept me now?
What are you doing?
I've decided to marry you!
This represents my love for you.
Why are you looking at me?
Where else can I freakin' go?!
Ignore him. Are you willing?
This Infinite Flying Ring
grows roots in your flesh.
You will never be able to take it off.
What are you doing?!
I don't love you.
I don't want to marry you.
If I can't remove the ring,
I'll remove my finger!
I get it now.
I won't bother you anymore.
I spent three days
putting your book back together.
But I can't read very well
so I made a mess of it.
I don't want it.
She's gone...
Too bad.
Miss Duan has such a great body.
How do you know?
I saw it with my eyes.
Why didn't I see it?
Must be because you're blind.
Mr. Sun, thanks again for helping me.
Goodbye.
No need to rush off... leaving so soon?
Are you okay?
Yes, I'm fine. What could possibly be wrong?
Goodbye, goodbye!
Mr. Chen...
...is the moon full tonight?
Very full.
That's wonderful!
The cave opening's blocked by that lotus.
I can't even remember
when I last saw the moon.
Finally, I tricked you!
Oh, it's you!
You really thought
you could buy me off with a banana?!
Actually, the lotus was the real seal
and this is the real me!
You've released me from the seal!
I've finally escaped Buddha's control!
All you did was get out of the cave.
Buddha's still here.
Still here?!
Go to hell!
Put down your hands!
Buddha be praised.
Put them down!
Put them down!
So now, allow me to deliver you to Buddha!
Who's there?!
The legendary King of Demons,
the Monkey King?!
Why are you so short?
He may be short,
but he's more demonic than ever!
This is a once-in-a-lifetime chance!
This is worth skipping dinner!
Is this a Peking opera costume?
It's so cute...
So you're always frowning... are you unhappy?
If you're unhappy, I'll play with you!
Didn't we agree that he's mine?!
Same rule. Whoever wins, goes first!
Okay!
Stone, paper, scissors!
Are you upset?
Stop throwing the petals!
Hey, come on!
I'm in a hurry! Let me go first!
Pretending to be an animal, in front of me?!
It's just a crazy monkey!
It deserves to be stepped on!
Today, you will die by my Almighty Foot!
Oh look! Almighty Foot has stepped on a nail!
My foot has been pierced!
My food has been pierced!
Yes, I know!
I know! I can see that! Good!
Quite Please!
Oh. My foot! My foot!
Can I please get some help?
With what?
Moving that foot!
You should have said it sooner.
Why didn't you say it sooner?
You should have said it sooner. Say it!
Why didn't you say it sooner?
Why didn't you say so? Should have said so.
Help me move the foot!
Why didn't you say it sooner?
Move him!
Wow! That wasn't bad. I really had fun today!
Yeah, me too! Of course,
it was all just for fun...
Time for me to go!
Your turn!
I'll kill whoever touches him!
No! Run!
How dare you do this to him?
What do you take me for?
Run! You're no match for him! I beg you!
I'm not going!
What then?!
What did you do to him?!
Don't think I'm so nice!
I've caught you again...
...and you still won't admit you love me?
I love you.
I've loved you...
...from the moment I saw you.
How much?
Very much.
There's never been a day that...
...I don't think about you.
How... long... will you love me?
1,000 years...
10,000 years...
10,000 years...
...that's too long.
Just love me...
...now.
Didn't I tell you?
When a girl closes her eyes,
she wants you to kiss her.
I just destroyed the woman you love.
There's nothing left of her.
How can your Buddha help you now?
You're hurting so much that you want to die!
What can your Buddha do for you now?
The Buddha Sutra
Buddha!
Buddha!
You had me imprisoned for 500 years!
But now I'm free!
And now I will destroy you!
Now how do you feel about
Greater and Lesser Love?
About love between a man and a woman?
Love between a man and a woman...
...is all part of the Greater Love.
Love is neither greater nor lesser.
Having experienced pain,
I can truly understand life's suffering.
Knowing stubbornness, one can let it go.
Knowing what one wants, one can release it.
Now you understand that little 'something'.
Do you now know your mission?
There is suffering in this world.
It's not I who can rescue
the world from hardship
and deliver mankind from misery
That power lies
only in the 22 scripture books in India
Go on your journey
to the West for the scriptures.
It will be full of challenges and demons.
These three each have skills...
...and can protect you at all times.
I hereby grant you
your holy robe and ritual items.
From today, you are a disciple of Buddha.
Your holy name is Tripitaka.
Go forth!
Two fish, swim, swim, swim.
Three big lobsters, swim swim, swim.
Lobsters don't swim... they jump.
Three big lobsters, jump, jump, jump.
Four little girls...
...laugh!
I'm going in now.
Play on the shore
and don't get too near the water.
If you fall in, the Big Lobster will grab you.
If he does, I'll eat him.
If you eat the Big Lobster,
then the demon will eat you.
There are no demons here.
Really?
Look. What's that in the water?
Aha! It's me!
See, I'm fine. I was just joking. Look!
Go, Daddy!
Great! Great!
Hurray Daddy! Yay, Daddy!
You're so silly.
Sheng!
What are you doing here? Where's your Dad?
My condolences.
Thank you, your Holiness.
Here's a little money
and two ancient salted fish.
Please accept them.
As a Taoist priest,
my sole purpose is to help the world.
I can't accept such precious things.
Hey everyone!
Now that the demon's been caught...
...it's up to you to decide
what to do with it.
Kill it!
Isn't it dead already?
Kill it again!
Revenge!
Revenge!
I... want... revenge!
You're all mistaken. That's not the killer.
It's just a stingray.
He's gentle, kind-hearted and cheerful.
A fish of good character. Just a bit too big.
Who are you?
I am the unshaven Buddhist monk,
Chen Xuan Zang.
I am a demon-hunter.
We know about stingrays,
but we've never seen one so big.
The Priest says it's possessed by a demon.
Mayor, look.
That's really not the demon
you're looking for.
A good father was savagely
killed by the demon.
How his innocent family suffers.
While you ...you just talk nonsense.
You scumbag!
Scumbag! Scumbag! Scumbag!
Everyone, listen to me.
The real demon has not yet appeared.
Shut up!
Have you ever lost a husband?
Madam, I don't have a husband.
Have you ever lost a husband?
Madam, believe me.
I've never really had a...
Kill him!
This stingray is innocent!
The demon is still in the river!
Everyone's got to stay out of the water!
That's nonsense!
He's clearly working with that demon.
String him up! Burn him!
Burn him! Burn him! Burn him!
Everyone, listen up.
I've already killed the demon.
It's perfectly safe here.
You can go in the water with nothing to fear.
Go!
Go in!
It's fine. It's really safe.
Look, it's safe.
It's really safe now.
We're safe now.
Hey!
Danger! Get out, fast!
Hey! Danger! Move!
Get out! Danger!
Hey!
Danger!
Look over here! Over there!
The demon...
Help!
Your Holiness, why did that happen?
We're fine... we're fine.
Once you're on shore, everything's okay.
Yes... everyone stay calm.
Get on shore. We'll be safe here.
Sheng, Sheng!
Give us back our money!
What are you doing?!
You tricked us!
What are you talking about?
I caught a demon for you, didn't I?
Who knew there was another one?
What do we do now?
Stay calm.
We're so high up... we'll be fine.
How high are we?
Very high... look!
Don't move! Stay down, and you'll be fine!
Don't run! Stay down!
Just play dead! Don't run!
Sheng!
Sheng!
Mommy!
Sheng, stay still. Don't move.
Mommy!
Stay still! Stay where you are!
Mommy!
Little girl... don't move!
Mommy!
Sheng!
Mrs. Gen!
No... Sheng!
No!
Knife!
Knife! Where?
Give me the knife!
Here it is!
No!
Sheng!
Mommy!
Sheng!
It's gonna be okay.
Don't be afraid. Mommy's here, Sheng.
Mrs. Gen!
Come out!
Mrs. Gen!
Come out!
Give... give me back my daughter...
My baby! My baby!
Please help!
Please save my baby.
Please help!
Hey, this robe was very expensive.
Sorry... please help.
Hey, you have to compensate me.
Okay... that really, really hurts. Let go!
No.
My baby's back! My baby's come back!
Thank you!
You're very welcome.
Your Holiness.
Your skills are greater than mine,
your Holiness. Please help.
No I won't. Hands off!
I can't defeat him in the water...
...but if you and I jump down
and bounce him onto shore...
Then we can do something.
Hands off or I'll kill you!
I swear! I will beat you to death!
I'm cold-blooded!
Thank you, your Holiness.
Let me!
Let me!
Let me!
Kill it!
Make way! Make way!
Calm down!
Everyone listen up. Let me handle it.
I'm a professional demon-hunter.
300 Nursery Rhymes
My child, my child... why are you so bad?
Bullying, cheating... how can you do that?
Learn to be good... learn to be loving.
Love is in your heart...
filling your life with warmth.
Be good, be good and come home soon.
My arms are always ready to embrace you.
My child, repent with a sincere heart.
You'll always be my dearest child.
Be good, be good and come home soon.
Study hard for a better future.
Turn back and become a filial child again.
We were all born pure, like children.
You're a demon-hunter too?
Based on what?
The Demon Hunter's Handbook.
What Handbook?
300 Nursery Rhymes?
It brings out the goodness within demons.
We are all born naturally good.
And also I add my own unique style...
hope everyone likes it.
Says who?
My Master.
And you believe him?
You might not... but I certainly do.
Actually, I like childish pranks too.
Look!
She is the real demon-hunter.
Hello, everyone! You're very welcome!
Thank you!
Just let me know if you have any trouble again.
No need for this. All donations are welcome!
All donations are welcome!
Master
Xuan Zang
I failed again, Master.
I know.
The Water Demon you encountered today...
...used to be kind.
One day he was saving a child by the river.
The villagers had mistaken him
for a kidnapper.
They killed him and tossed
his body into the river...
...feeding his body to the fish and creatures.
He was filled with such hatred and resentment
that his spirit transformed
into the Water Demon.
He returned to seek revenge on the villagers.
A question, Master, if I may?
Is the 300 Nursery Rhymes
really that powerful?
Why do you ask?
I just want to destroy the demons,
like the other demon-hunters.
Killing is not the best way.
Never forget our principles and beliefs.
A good man turns into a demon
when his heart is overcome by evil.
We must remove the evil
and keep only the goodness.
The 300 Nursery Rhymes
wakes up our inner goodness,
conquering the evilness in our hearts.
Are you doubting our beliefs?
No.
Just my own powers.
But you did your best.
You saved a baby, didn't you?
I could have saved more people...
...but I wasn't able to.
Master, you didn't see that girl.
She was only 4 or 5.
And I just couldn't save her.
They're dead because of me.
So many deaths.
Master, I'm so useless.
Maybe you chose the wrong disciple?
I did not choose the wrong disciple.
Absolutely not.
You're just missing that little 'something'.
What's that little 'something'?
Just that little 'something'.
When you attain your enlightenment,
you willfully understand and by that time...
...you will know the boundless
powers of the Nursery Rhymes.
Go, go.
Master!
I know... just keep at it.
Master!
Just go!
How come there's no one here?
Great! We can be alone now.
Don't worry, Handsome.
Let's not hold back anymore.
Calm yourself.
I can't... just looking at your gorgeous face.
Then stop looking.
You're terrible.
Welcome, you two! To the Gao Family Inn.
This way, please... you came just in time.
It's empty now,
but soon it will be crowded.
Allow me
to present our signature dish.
Take a look.
This is our famous roast pig... freshly made.
Crispy skin, tender meat,
juicy... yet not greasy.
How do they make such delicious roast pig?
Even the decor here is unique.
Look at those gorgeous candelabrum.
But not as gorgeous as you, of course.
Must you keep talking about my looks?
Are you so shallow?
What girl doesn't want a handsome boy?
Come on... don't be angry.
Come on... let me look at you.
Look until you get so sick of me and die.
Did you get enough?
How come you're still alive?
What did you think of our roast pig?
It was great! Did you make it?
No, no. The owner KL Hog is our chef.
Presenting the "Master of Meat"
Um... yummy and tasty.
Sir, how did you make the pork so delicious?
Hey! She asked you a question.
So rude of you not to answer.
Come, let's go!
Sir... please join us.
I have so much to say to you.
Come on... let's go!
Or you won't get to see my gorgeous face.
Oh, really? Thank goodness!
I was just joking.
Why would I want you to be upset?
Just turn away.
I'm already upset.
You're so mean.
Sir, do you find me unattractive?
Then why won't you talk to me?
Please just say something.
I beg you... please talk to me.
Welcome to the Gao Family Inn!
You certainly have good taste.
All our guests
love our food and dcor.
Look at our stylish candelabrum.
Doesn't it feel romantic?
From the number of repeat customers...
...you can tell how good our food is.
Come...
This is our signature dish.
Our famous roast pig.
It's crispy outside, yet tender inside.
It melts in your mouth.
I guarantee you'll be back for more.
We're very busy today.
Please wait... I'll find a table for you.
Sir.
I have a table for you. This way please.
I'm a demon-hunter.
Just reveal yourself.
What do you mean?
Oh really?! Go ahead!
Okay, you're asking for it.
Miss, can I help?
Yes! How can I help?
Get lost.
Sure.
Please no more. I'm gonna explode!
Can you be more gentle? Thanks.
Enough of this!
Just come out!
Come on!
Come on!
Come out and help.
I've been waiting to help. What should I do?
I've got the demon's essence in his throat.
Now go suck it out quickly.
Okay.
How do I suck it out?
With your mouth.
You mean you want me to use my mouth...
...to suck it out?
How else?
Got it!
May I ask... is there another method?
Hurry! I can't hold on much longer!
How about I hold him down
and you suck instead?
What do you think?
You idiot! Stop fooling around!
Or we'll gonna die!
Okay, fine. I can do this.
Sorry... I can't.
Run!
He won't come chasing after us, will he?
No, he's injured, too.
Are you all right?
No big deal... it's nothing.
Give me a hand.
Demon hunters don't care about formalities.
Push this pressure point for me.
That Pig Demon was very powerful.
Of course.
We could receive the highest bounty for him.
Isn't that what you're here for?
I'm not doing this for money.
I'm doing this to help the people.
With skills like yours?
You must have a death wish.
I don't care.
That weapon of yours is amazing.
It's my demon-hunting heirloom...
the Infinite Flying Ring.
Infinite Flying Ring.
You're wounded.
What?
Your nose is bleeding.
A little too much excitement.
I'm Chen Xuan Zang. What's your name?
My name is Duan.
Miss Duan... thank you for saving my life.
You're thanking me?
Miss Duan, Miss Duan.
When a girl closes her eyes,
it means she wants you to kiss her.
Stop pretending.
Come on... you know you want to.
Xuan Zang. So... how did it go last night?
What are you talking about?
You were flirting.
What do you mean, Master? That's impossible.
How do you feel about romantic love?
That's just Lesser Love...
it's got nothing to do with me.
I'm in search of Greater Love.
Want a bite?
No.
Master, please don't.
It's against our beliefs.
Eating the goose is just a physical act.
You may want something but you say otherwise.
That's the little 'something'.
How dare you eat my goose leg! Have you paid?!
I have no money.
No money?!
Stop right there, baldy!
Stop running!
Master, so you knew
about the Pig Demon all along.
The man's name was KL Hog.
He was as ugly as a boar...
...but he was a kind man.
He loved his wife dearly,
but she cheated on him with a handsome man.
They murdered him with a nine-pronged rake.
When his love turned to hatred,
he became a demon.
He swore he would kill all women
lusting after handsome men.
How tragic for him.
Master,
I'm unable to handle such a strong demon.
Maybe you should take over.
Well, sure... but I'm quite busy these days.
To defeat such a powerful demon...
...you must go
find the strongest King among kings.
He might teach you
the secrets of conquering demons.
Who is he?
The Monkey King, who has been imprisoned...
...by Buddha under
Five Fingers Mountain for 500 years.
Monkey King?
He's just a legend... no one has ever seen him.
He's quite easy to find.
At the foot of Five Fingers Mountain...
...look for an old temple.
In front of it,
you can find a statue of Buddha.
...13,000 feet high and 2,560 feet wide.
The Monkey King is there.
Really? It's that easy?
You'd have to be blind...
...to miss something 13,000 by 2,560 feet.
There's no time like the present. Get going.
Also, that Monkey King...
...is tricky, evil and full of hatred.
Be careful.
How do I convince him to help me?
Use your knowledge... and this
300 Nursery Rhymes
We've come here from the West to hunt demons!
Any demon-hunters are our enemies.
We kill demons and demon-hunters too!
No matter how strong you are,
you're dead if you meet us.
Are you a demon-hunter?
I'm not a demon-hunter.
But you're out so late at the demon's lair.
You still deny it?
Are you a demon-hunter?
Me?
Wait!
He's my husband. We just had a fight...
...I ran out and he came to get me.
You got it wrong, really!
He's only a music teacher.
You take out...
...your song book and show her.
Hurry!
See?!
Fine. Prove you're a couple.
Do it right here.
What do you mean?
Do it! Now!
Do it?
We couldn't possibly
do it here in public.
I'd rather die than do it with her.
What?! You'd rather die.
You think I want this!
Don't hit her! I'll do it!
I'll do it!
You can do it.
Just look at me.
You can do it.
You've really gone too far!
We're gonna die...
Hurry up or you're next!
You're animals!
You slaughter the innocent! Beasts!
Such beasts!
Fine! Take off your clothes!
You're worse than animals!
Come on!
Come on! I'll help you... hurry!
Hey, just keep going.
So you're all in this together?
Alright, game's over.
Too bad. No fun.
Pay up!
Did it go well?
Go well?!
You've ruined it!
Look at how you sprayed the blood!
You're still spraying!
It's broken... mechanical failure.
You're all... useless!
Please don't be angry, Boss!
Boss? What's going on?!
I had no choice. I'm already yours.
What do you mean?
Have you forgotten?
You kissed me and felt me up that day...
What? He kissed you and felt you up?
Shut up!
Lady Warrior, I apologize
if I have offended you.
I'm just a simple, common demon-hunter.
I have... my dream.
I only live for the Greater Love.
Lesser Love
isn't for me...
...but no matter what I say,
you'll never understand.
I'm a demon-hunter too. I can understand.
That's good.
But my wish is...
...to find the man of my dreams.
To start a family with him...
...then live a simple life...
...and that man is you!
You're crazy!
What shall we do with him, Boss?
Take him away!
Let me go!
I need to pee.
Boss, this guy goes around
with a Nursery Rhyme book...
...going on about
Greater Love and "Lesser Love".
Clearly, he's an evil guy...
...who abducts women and children.
Boss, you must be possessed!
Even a sophisticated guy
like me can't seem to attract you.
Seeing you fall
for him really breaks my heart!
Which one is your heart?
These two... my nipples!
You've made it so obvious to him,
your feelings.
This guy doesn't appreciate you.
He's so rude.
Not just rude... it's downright inhumane!
What do you think, San?
I feel...
Can you first remove that get-up please?!
It's broken. I can't get it off.
Someone help me.
Stay away!
I feel... when I died just now...
...he seemed to
show some empathy.
But when so much blood spurted out...
...and he didn't suspect anything...
...that shows his low level of intelligence.
Frankly speaking, he's an idiot.
So, who's more dumb, you or him?
Him, for sure...
wright?
Little Sis, was it rude of him
to refuse my advances?
Yes,
but this also shows his positive qualities.
He knows what kind of woman he wants.
You understand me so well,
unlike those stupid men!
Although he looks weak and vulnerable...
...if you like him,
I'll support you all the way.
You're wrong... he's braver than any of us.
Although he looks like a nobody...
...he dares to fight the demons
with just his Nursery Rhymes...
...and not even for fame or fortune!
Now that's what
I'd call a true man of courage.
I get it... now I understand.
Right? I get it now.
But... he doesn't like me.
That's not true. I'm sure he likes you.
But you shouldn't act so tough.
You should try to be more feminine.
Come on, just try it!
Not like that. Why don't you try this?
I don't know how.
Don't worry...
The Obedience Charm
You'll do exactly what I do!
Go!
Sorry, I just need to pee.
But you won't let me out,
so I have to do it here.
Sis, help me.
Back off! You're spraying it on me!
Back off! You're spraying it on me!
But I haven't started peeing yet.
How could I have sprayed you?
Plug it up with a stopper!
Plug it up with a stopper!
You're so cruel.
There's no need to plug it up.
I can hold it in.
But I don't have a stopper!
If you won't plug it, I'll rip it out!
If you won't plug it, I'll rip it out!
Is there any justice in this world?!
Great, yank it out for me!
Cut the crap!
Sorry... I didn't mean to...
Get lost!
Great, it's finally stopped.
What the hell did you do?!
I swear... I'll kill you!
You friggin' S.O.B.!
Okay, go for it! Go on... if you dare!
Where's my sword?!
I'll get it!
I can't take it anymore!
Kill him!
What's wrong with you?! Stop it!
Stop playing tricks on me!
Wait!
I said, stop playing tricks on me!
Prepare the battle chariot!
Ready!
Get in!
Start up the "Ironblood System"
The "Ironblood System"?
The "Ironblood System" uses hammering...
...to push air from the air sacs
through the tubes to...
...push the propellers and move
the gears to generate power...
...then refills the air sacs
and repeats the procedure...
...that generates inexhaustible
kinetic energy.
Then the chariot can move.
Hurry! It's catching up!
Full speed ahead!
Fast, isn't it?
Can you please be a bit more careful?
What should we do?! The Pig Demon's up ahead!
Do I look scared?! Just crash into him!
Don't miss me too much.
Wake up!
Don't scare me... Don't die!
Wake up!
Caught you! See how worried you were...
...and you still won't admit you love me?
I knew it!
I almost forgot about that Pig!
Almighty Foot,
why must you always compete with me?
We all followed the demon's aura here.
Whoever captures the Pig Demon first...
...is the best demon-hunter of all!
All right, let's forget the Pig Demon.
How about a one-on-one fight?
The Pig Demon's tough,
and even tougher under a full moon.
Who else could beat him, other than me?!
Look who's bragging!
Hello there, Prince Important!
They say your Sword Play
is the best in the world!
It's time for my Almighty Foot to take you on!
I'll let you be Number One.
It's lonesome at the top.
How could you commoners understand?
Keep it low-key, okay?
Stop throwing the petals.
Boss, didn't you tell us to throw them?
What does the cough mean?
Are we throwing the petals or not?
No!
But you still have to pay us!
I know!
Actually,
I don't know what she's talking about.
Wow! Where did you pick up
these four "lovely blossoms"?
Out in the wild.
I was lucky to find these four!
Why not just walk on your own two feet?
That would make me the same as you.
I, Prince Important, have my own style.
You're not important, just impotent!
Listen,
you can't just make random accusations.
Can't you read this word?
It's "impotent"... no, wait, no!
It's "important".
I'm Prince impotent... no, no!
I'm not Prince Important!
I'm impotent.
You... I was... I tell you, when I was a child
I was impotent. Buddha would know.
No, wait, no...
I've been very important since I was born.
I'm trying to stay impotent.
Enough!
You all have amazing fighting skills.
Why not unite to fight the demon?
If you let him go now,
stronger under the full moon.
And then all our lives will be over.
With no fame or fortune left to compete for.
You don't deserve to be demon-hunters!
And who is this beggar?
I'm not a beggar. I'm also a demon-hunter.
Oh, got it... give him some food.
We don't share the same goals and beliefs.
I must go.
Well said! I admire you so much!
I support you. I'll go with you!
Go away!
You keep blocking my way to Buddhahood.
Give me back my book.
What's wrong? We were doing so well.
Give me back the 300 Nursery Rhymes!
300 Nursery Rhymes??
Are you sleeping?
Are you sleeping, Brother John?
Give me some face
in front of all these people.
300 Nursery Rhymes??
Fine!
You! Hey, what are you doing?!
Go ahead...
...hit me.
Useless garbage... Idiot!
Go to hell!
Take a good honest look at yourself.
If not for me, would you be alive today?
You think you're Prince Charming?
Demon-hunter, my foot!
This fellow here is the true hero in my heart!
Want to go for a drink...
...and get to know each other, Handsome?
Shh... I'm a humble guy.
It's such a burden to be so handsome.
You ugly people couldn't possibly understand.
Forget the drink then, let's just get a room.
I'm not available.
Boss!
Leave me alone!
Miss, do you have time for a drink?
Sir? Do you have time?
Well, I've never dated a man before...
this is my first time.
So be gentle.
I'll try.
Five Fingers Mountain Starting Point
Five Fingers Mountain Starting Point
At the foot of Five Fingers Mountain,
look for an old temple.
In front of it is a Buddha statue...
...13,000 feet high and 2,560 feet wide.
The Monkey King is there.
Water Reflection Mirror
Get off me!!
I'm here to find the Monkey King.
I... I...
Monkey King... I'm the Monkey King!
You're the Monkey King?!
Sun Wukong, the Monkey King.
Mr. Sun, I'm so honored to meet you.
I'm Chen Xuan Zang.
Mr. Chen! Mr. Sun!
Mr. Chen!
You're finally here... after 500 years!
No, Mr. Sun!
Sorry, I'm a bit overwhelmed.
Sit... sit, sit!
Mr. Chen, how handsome you are!
You, too, Mr. Sun!
According to the legend...
...you seem just a little bit... different.
Here's the story...
500 years ago,
I was an ordinary monkey.
I had a tiny disagreement with Buddha...
...and he used the Buddha Sutra...
...to blast me down here!
But I recognized that I was at fault,
so I locked myself up in this tiny little hole
and for 500 years I've never left once.
I've just...
...studied and studied the Buddha Sutra.
Look at me.
I've already dissolved
the demon spirit within me
and expelled it from my body.
I've even lost my demonic look.
So now within me, all that remains is
...truth, goodness and beauty.
So the Buddha Sutra is good,
great and amazing!
Actually, Mr. Sun, I've come here to
discuss another important matter with you.
Please go ahead.
Please teach me a way
to tame the Pig Demon.
KL Hog?
Yes, he's evil and has killed so many people.
No one has a clue what to do.
There is, in fact, a way...
Come...
This seal is the Holy Fire Spell.
I brought it down from heaven.
It can destroy all demons and monsters.
But I don't want to kill him.
I just want to awaken his inner truth,
goodness and beauty.
Right... didn't I just say that?
Its primary function is just that...
to awaken truth, goodness and beauty.
Oh no... it's too precious!
Not at all, it's only worth a few bucks!
But still... I can't.
Take it, I insist.
I said it's a gift... just take it!
Mr. Sun,
is this the seal Buddha used to suppress you?
By refusing my gift, you've offended me!
Don't you know who I am?
You know the
13 Gangsters of Flower Fruit Mountain?
I'm Number One!
In those days, I had a cleaver in each hand...
...from South Heaven Gate
to Penglai East Road...
...chopping back and forth
for three days and three nights...
...blood flowed like a river...
...just chopping up and down...
...without blinking an eye!
Didn't your eyes get dry...
...from not blinking for so long?
What?! Does it really matter
if they're dry or not?!
What does that have to do with anything?!
I was just curious.
Do you get the point?!!
Was I talking about my dry eyes?!!
I was just wondering...
...such a long time without blinking.
Don't freaking talk to me
about my eyes getting dry or not!!
Damn it!
Mr. Sun, please calm down!
I didn't mean it like that!
I meant I killed without so much as a blink.
And all you're concern about is my dry eyes?!
Fine, I'll show you!
Damn it!
Are they dry?!
Are they? Are they dry?!
Are they?
Can you see?!
Can you see?!
Yes.
What else have you got?
Bring them all out!
Let me smash them all for you!
Take them out!
That's why I can't speak sensibly
with you young people!
You ask to borrow something.
No problem... I'll lend it to you.
Mr. Sun...
I'm fine now, thanks.
Young people nowadays have no appreciation.
Where's the gratitude and respect?
Mr. Sun, you want it?
Don't interrupt!
You want to eat it? Open it yourself!
I don't want to eat it.
You told me to bring it out for you to smash!
Oh my goodness!
Let me out of here!
It's been 500 years!
How much longer do you
want to keep me trapped here?!
I've changed...
...done the enlightenment thing...
Buddha, why won't you believe me?!
You ask Buddha why he doesn't believe you?
But do you believe in him?
If you did in fact experience enlightenment,
he'll be even
He would never give up on you.
You're saying
I didn't really experience enlightenment?
Let it go. That's not the point.
If you just do goodness with all your heart,
you'll reap the rewards.
Help me tame the Pig Demon
to show you're doing good.
It's your chance to fight evil
and give back to society.
You want my help? Impossible!
Do you know how hard
these 500 years have been?
I haven't had a single bite
of my favorite food, bananas!
You want to get the Pig Demon. Lure him here.
Though he was hurt
by his wife and her lover...
...he still loves his wife deeply.
He always liked to watched
her dance in the moonlight.
He even wrote a song
for her to show his love.
So it's simple.
Get a pretty girl...
...to sing and dance
to that song under the full moon.
And the Pig Demon will naturally show up.
And then?
And then leave the rest to me.
What are you doing?
Mr. Sun, what do you think about me
dressing up as a woman?
Mr. Chen, stop embarrassing yourself.
Oh, sorry. Excuse me.
It's only just a banana.
Why are you still following me?
Because I'm worried about you.
I was up there when I heard
you say you needed my help.
So I came down.
Who said we needed your help?
Didn't you just say you needed a pretty girl?
Go away! This is serious stuff.
Sorry, Mr. Sun!
A pretty girl!
You know just what to say.
I've always been this way...
I say what I think.
You're making me blush!
You look even nicer that way!
How about you stop saying what you think?
He offended you just now!
Let me apologize for him with this gift.
Oh no, I can't accept. That's too much.
Give me a chance.
We don't even know each other well.
All good friends begin as strangers.
Mr. Sun, keep this up and I'll leave!
If you leave, what will I do?
You're naughty! We're not alone here!
Who else is here?
Fine... let's go catch the Pig Demon!
Miss, you just said you wanted
to help us lure the demon.
Can you dance?
I only know one dance.
Good!
Step.
Step.
Step.
Down.
Up.
Up.
Come on!
Try it!
Lift your butt a bit.
Quite good.
Miss, your dancing's really good!
Not at all!
Not as good as you!
You're really good!
Really!
So may I go up and lure the Pig Demon now?
Good! Really Good!
This guy looks really familiar.
My love is gone, she'll never return.
I silently mourn my lost love.
Though flowers wither, they'll bloom again.
My long-lost love is beyond the clouds.
Unrequited love fills my heart with sorrow.
In our lives we can't change our destiny.
Once we're parted, we can love no more.
Could this be the fate heaven planned for me?
KL Hog!
KL Hog!
Long time no see.
Let's
Thank you so much, Mr. Sun!
You've done great service to the people!
Not at all.
After 49 days,
the Pig Demon will be reduced to ashes.
I know you have your own demon-taming beliefs,
so I'm handing these two over to you now.
Thank you for your help!
Are you tired?
You should go home and get some rest.
Didn't I tell you?
When a girl closes her eyes,
she wants you to kiss her.
Miss Duan, I think I can help you!
Mr. Sun!
Sorry... I know I'd treated you badly before.
But I've changed.
I've decided to become a gentle,
faithful wife and mother.
Would you accept me now?
What are you doing?
I've decided to marry you!
This represents my love for you.
Why are you looking at me?
Where else can I freakin' go?!
Ignore him. Are you willing?
This Infinite Flying Ring
grows roots in your flesh.
You will never be able to take it off.
What are you doing?!
I don't love you.
I don't want to marry you.
If I can't remove the ring,
I'll remove my finger!
I get it now.
I won't bother you anymore.
I spent three days
putting your book back together.
But I can't read very well
so I made a mess of it.
I don't want it.
She's gone...
Too bad.
Miss Duan has such a great body.
How do you know?
I saw it with my eyes.
Why didn't I see it?
Must be because you're blind.
Mr. Sun, thanks again for helping me.
Goodbye.
No need to rush off... leaving so soon?
Are you okay?
Yes, I'm fine. What could possibly be wrong?
Goodbye, goodbye!
Mr. Chen...
...is the moon full tonight?
Very full.
That's wonderful!
The cave opening's blocked by that lotus.
I can't even remember
when I last saw the moon.
Finally, I tricked you!
Oh, it's you!
You really thought
you could buy me off with a banana?!
Actually, the lotus was the real seal
and this is the real me!
You've released me from the seal!
I've finally escaped Buddha's control!
All you did was get out of the cave.
Buddha's still here.
Still here?!
Go to hell!
Put down your hands!
Buddha be praised.
Put them down!
Put them down!
So now, allow me to deliver you to Buddha!
Who's there?!
The legendary King of Demons,
the Monkey King?!
Why are you so short?
He may be short,
but he's more demonic than ever!
This is a once-in-a-lifetime chance!
This is worth skipping dinner!
Is this a Peking opera costume?
It's so cute...
So you're always frowning... are you unhappy?
If you're unhappy, I'll play with you!
Didn't we agree that he's mine?!
Same rule. Whoever wins, goes first!
Okay!
Stone, paper, scissors!
Are you upset?
Stop throwing the petals!
Hey, come on!
I'm in a hurry! Let me go first!
Pretending to be an animal, in front of me?!
It's just a crazy monkey!
It deserves to be stepped on!
Today, you will die by my Almighty Foot!
Oh look! Almighty Foot has stepped on a nail!
My foot has been pierced!
My food has been pierced!
Yes, I know!
I know! I can see that! Good!
Quite Please!
Oh. My foot! My foot!
Can I please get some help?
With what?
Moving that foot!
You should have said it sooner.
Why didn't you say it sooner?
You should have said it sooner. Say it!
Why didn't you say it sooner?
Why didn't you say so? Should have said so.
Help me move the foot!
Why didn't you say it sooner?
Move him!
Wow! That wasn't bad. I really had fun today!
Yeah, me too! Of course,
it was all just for fun...
Time for me to go!
Your turn!
I'll kill whoever touches him!
No! Run!
How dare you do this to him?
What do you take me for?
Run! You're no match for him! I beg you!
I'm not going!
What then?!
What did you do to him?!
Don't think I'm so nice!
I've caught you again...
...and you still won't admit you love me?
I love you.
I've loved you...
...from the moment I saw you.
How much?
Very much.
There's never been a day that...
...I don't think about you.
How... long... will you love me?
1,000 years...
10,000 years...
10,000 years...
...that's too long.
Just love me...
...now.
Didn't I tell you?
When a girl closes her eyes,
she wants you to kiss her.
I just destroyed the woman you love.
There's nothing left of her.
How can your Buddha help you now?
You're hurting so much that you want to die!
What can your Buddha do for you now?
The Buddha Sutra
Buddha!
Buddha!
You had me imprisoned for 500 years!
But now I'm free!
And now I will destroy you!
Now how do you feel about
Greater and Lesser Love?
About love between a man and a woman?
Love between a man and a woman...
...is all part of the Greater Love.
Love is neither greater nor lesser.
Having experienced pain,
I can truly understand life's suffering.
Knowing stubbornness, one can let it go.
Knowing what one wants, one can release it.
Now you understand that little 'something'.
Do you now know your mission?
There is suffering in this world.
It's not I who can rescue
the world from hardship
and deliver mankind from misery
That power lies
only in the 22 scripture books in India
Go on your journey
to the West for the scriptures.
It will be full of challenges and demons.
These three each have skills...
...and can protect you at all times.
I hereby grant you
your holy robe and ritual items.
From today, you are a disciple of Buddha.
Your holy name is Tripitaka.
Go forth!