Xiara's Song (2005) Movie Script
(male announcer)
Subject matters.
And now, the Cinemax ReelLife
documentary.
[girl laughs]
She's going to start singing
because I just forgot the song.
[laughs]
I forgot.
No, you were like,
Hi, Daddy.
How you doing?
Remember,
you were like this.
Hi, Daddy.
How are you doing?
You were like,
Are you fine?
Try to sing it,
please.
You started
doing that.
And then
we turned around.
Hi, Daddy.
How are you doing?
Are you fine?
It's great
to see you here.
[unsettling music]
It's great--
[whispers]
to hear about you.
To hear about you.
It feels cool--
[laughs]
Remember?
To--
She's going to cry, because
her father went to jail too.
[man's distant voice]
[men's distant voices]
[man shouting]
Can y'all hold it down?
Hold it down!
[men converse in background]
I know.
Don't fuck me.
Fuck with me.
Don't fuck me;
fuck with me.
Yeah.
Fuck you.
[men converse indistinctly]
I'm called The Lyrical
Don Arson, rap terrorist.
And my real name
is Harold Linares.
[rapping faintly]
Bare your brains;
shine your backs.
Burn your devil track.
Be the wise killy
combat snapped in two.
Hey, this one's
for Mr. Spike--
(Harold)
I'm basically incarcerated for
criminal possession of a weapon
by an ex-convict, okay,
which carries some heavy time in
D.C. because D.C.'s all federal.
Trying me and you n on
the top tier can suck my dick.
[man cheers]
(Harold)
I wasn't out there hustling.
I wasn't out there
living in the streets.
You know, I was doing music;
I was doing shows.
I was having fun, right?
But I got caught up
in too much drinking--
Yeah, that's
where we at.
(Harold)
Before I ended up one night
that I wanted to go
out drinking and partying
at the Go-Go Club.
I ended up here.
[Linares rapping]
See, I dream of hip-hop.
I dream of crushing
this world with lyricism,
of showing the world
what skills that I have,
the talents that I have.
Every set you know
the whole universe will fit,
you know what I'm saying?
It's the way the world goes
round and round,
round and round.
[indistinct conversations]
Oh, yeah,
time to go.
No puedo pagarte ya.
I love you.
[baby babbles]
I love you.
[baby babbles]
(woman)
What?
(Harold)
Hi, baby.
Hi, Daddy.
(Harold)
My daughter's six.
She's six now;
her name's Xiara.
She's anything
any parent would want, you know?
[distant child's laughter]
And I'm hoping that,
in due time,
I would be the parent
that she wants,
you know,
that she needs.
(Xiara)
This is, like,
my favorite place to come
maybe because when I'm sad,
it makes me happy.
(boy)
Look, I can throw.
(woman)
Why does this place
make you happy?
Because my dad
was here
with me.
We were all the way
on the other side.
But this is my favorite place
right here.
(Aracelli)
She has her own little stories.
Last year, she went
and told a babysitter
that her dad had killed
a few people.
Yeah, she's always
making up stories.
Uh-uh.
Maybe one day
she's gonna be a--
she's going to write books
or something.
I'm going to be
a superstar.
[laughs]
She's going to be a--
she keeps saying that.
No, that's what
my dream is.
Yeah, her teacher asked her
to write something about,
I don't know--
What do I want to be
when I grow up?
What do I want to be--
Yeah.
Yeah, and then she says--
the teacher said,
"Well, she keeps saying
she's going to be a superstar."
I keep saying it
because I want to.
What kind of superstar
you want to be?
Mommy!
God!
[laughing]
One of these days, when I
grow up and she's an old lady,
I'm going to be
making fun of her.
[laughs]
I'm going to be telling her,
"You sit in that chair
right there."
That's mean.
You can't say that
to old people.
[laughs]
Well, you--all the stuff
that you do to me,
you're going to pay it.
That's mean.
That is mean.
I know it is.
Yeah, she has
her daddy's attitude.
She wants--
he loves to dance.
She loves to dance.
She likes to make
her own songs.
[laughs]
What else she does?
Certain things that I
wouldn't like her to do.
(woman)
Like what?
Like steal.
[laughs]
No, I mean, yeah, yeah,
she likes taking stuff
that doesn't
belong to her--
[shushing]
[laughs]
Sometimes.
I want to go inside, and she
still keep talking about me now.
No, but that's--
Can I go inside?
Thank you.
No, you're going
to sit right here.
Sit;
sit down.
[laughing]
I don't got to.
See, that is
her father's attitude.
You had to talk
about me.
Get down here.
No,
you're embarrassing me.
Sit up, Xiara.
No.
My back is hurting.
Sit up.
[whining]
No, my back hurts,
I'm telling you--
unless you tickle
my heel.
Mmm,
all right.
I don't never
tickle you, so--
My dad would.
Yeah, but that's
your dad.
I'm not your dad;
I'm your mom.
Hmm.
That's why I love
my father more.
That's okay.
I don't have a problem
with that.
Yeah, but then
when he comes,
I'm going to move in
with him, okay?
Mmm, no.
Yes, I am.
You can't just
move right in--
I could;
I want to move with him.
Mm-mm.
I do, Mama--
Well, you shouldn't
be making plans now,
because he's not here,
so--
[knocking]
[rapping]
[rhythmic pounding]
(man)
1-6-28.
Come on, Harold.
[men's indistinct voices]
[keys jangling]
(Xiara)
Here he comes.
here he comes.
Here he comes.
here he comes.
So you say you love me.
[doors banging]
Hey, baby.
Hi, Papi.
What's up, baby?
So you say
you love me.
That's what I'm
talking about, man.
Aw.
How you doing, baby?
Good.
Fine.
Fine?
Mm-hmm.
I got you
out of work?
(man)
No, not really.
Not really?
smooch!
No, I was rushing.
What's up?
Xiara,
look at you now.
[Xiara buzzes]
(Harold)
You all right, baby?
I feel nervous.
Why?
I miss you.
Yep.
You'll be sad if I'm going
to cry, right?
Don't cry.
Don't cry.
Don't cry.
Be strong, baby.
[Xiara's speech
drowned by sobs]
Come here.
Come here.
[cries]
Come here.
Come here.
Aw.
[sighs]
Yeah.
Oh, my Lord.
[Harold sighs]
Hmm.
You got to be
strong, baby.
[crying]
But I don't want--
You got to be strong
for Daddy, okay?
[sniffles]
Clean your face.
Come here.
Clean your face.
[sniffles]
Clean your face.
Have you got any--
any toilet tissue?
When we leave sometimes,
you know, she just--
all of a sudden,
she just starts crying.
Ask her why...
thinking about you, man.
(Harold)
Yeah.
I'm going to start--
Don't start
crying again, okay?
I got this song
that I wrote, right?
It's for you, right?
I says you...
[patting]
[sings softly]
You meant
the world to me,
but now I'm all alone.
Searching for
a place to be.
I says, you,
[patting]
Mm, mm.
You meant
the world to me,
but now I'm
all alone.
Searching for
a place to be.
Mm.
You got me caught up
in this situation
you know I can't
get out of.
If loving you is wrong,
then why the hell
I felt so proud of
showing you the rights
from the wrongs,
how a relationship
is built
and will it remain
to be strong?
Before long,
what was wrong
now is forgone,
and what we thought
was really real
is just a verse
in a song.
Love is sweet,
but love will leave
a bitter taste in your mouth.
I'd rather live
without love
than live with love
in this house.
I used to love
your patience,
the way you pranced
around naked.
I'd envision
your physique.
So when you
fought with me,
I'll take and keep
these tortured...
[stops clapping]
Is that enough?
Okay.
Okay.
Because I kind of went wrong
on the song.
That was--that song
was for somebody else.
Your mama--
my mama.
How did you know?
Mm, I have a little mental
right here.
Okay.
[men's distant voices]
I miss you, baby.
Go shorty.
[together]
It's your birthday.
Go shorty.
It's your birthday.
You got a rhyme?
I--Dad, I heard
a 50 Cent song,
but I never can hear
the whole thing.
Baby, I want you
to kick a round for me.
I need you
to freestyle for me--
Biggie,
Biggie, Biggie,
can't you see
sometimes your words,
they hypnotize me.
And I just love
your flashy ways.
It's why you're broke
and you're so--
I keep forgetting--
Why won't you
freestyle for me?
Remember the song
that you sang for me, that,
Daddy, you need
to stop drinking.
Daddy.
Remember that song?
I forget
the song.
You need
to freestyle.
Papi, Papi,
Papi, Papi.
You're not going
to freestyle for me?
What if I do
a beat for you?
[beatboxing]
She's musical too.
She's a genius.
As young as she is
to be able do what--
you know she blew
my mind that day,
because I was so
twisted, you know?
I mean, they're flowing,
and she comes in,
Daddy.
You need to stop
drinking.
[laughs]
I'm like, "Yo, hold up.
What are you doing?"
Shorty
blowing my mind.
You see Miss Demeanor?
You like Miss Demeanor?
(Xiara)
Missy Elliot?
Yeah.
But I wish
she uses guns.
Stop it.
That's for
protection, Dad.
Let me explain
something to you, okay?
Okay, I don't
want nothing
to happen to none
of my family, you know?
You do not need a gun
to protect yourself.
Okay, I could
fight with hands.
What do you
need to fight?
You don't even need to fight
to protect yourself.
What you need to do
is be smart.
When you're in a situation
where you know
that something is about
to happen to you physically,
get out of there.
Okay,
you didn't do it.
Because I'm
a different person.
You, I don't want you
to get caught up
in a situation
that I'm in.
Understand?
Okay.
Yes,
I love to fight.
Yes, I have
a problem with that.
I have a temper problem;
I know that.
I'm trying
to work on that.
Okay.
But I'm here
because of a gun.
Okay, you didn't have
to say that out.
No, I have
to say it out loud.
I want you to understand
something, all right?
What I'm here for
is not my fault, okay?
Yes, when I was younger,
when you was a baby,
when me and you used to hang out
on the corner in the Bronx--
you might remember--
Daddy used
to do crime then.
Daddy use to do
bad things then.
Okay?
Then he went away.
Okay.
Remember when I told you
I went to college
and I don't know how you found
out that I was incarcerated,
but you--
I thought I'd--
I don't know what you
talking about right now.
My bad, okay.
But when I went away
and I came back,
I came back
with the intentions
of not getting
into trouble anymore.
Hmm.
But I kept going
to the clubs
and I kept drinking.
You know that.
I'm sorry
for that, okay?
Because I'm here now
because of that,
because I was drunk and
I didn't know who I was with
and the people
had guns on them--
Uh, uh.
And I should have
known better.
Okay.
Okay?
So I'm sorry.
Okay?
(Xiara)
You're going to cry.
No, I'm not.
Baby.
We'll both cry.
I know.
I always
cry for you.
smooch!
smack!
[sighs]
It's almost that time,
okay, baby?
Give me a hug.
Come on.
Mm.
I'm going to call you,
hopefully.
If I don't leave here, I'll call
you Saturday or Sunday.
I'm going
to miss you, baby.
I'm going
to miss you too.
Let me give
your to a hug.
Okay.
(Xiara)
I don't want
no emotions here, okay?
Nah, man.
Gracias, loco.
Serio, loco.
Take it easy, man.
Why are you
calling him crazy?
All the time.
Well, keep your head
up all the time.
All the time.
All the time,
all right?
I'm going to get up here
and I'll get--give you--
eeee.
Ah.
That hurts--
[loud smooching]
Ee-ee-yuh-uh-uh.
I love you, baby.
Be good, okay?
Give me a kiss.
Tell your mommy
I said, "What's up?"
All right?
Mm.
(Xiara)
Bye.
Bye, baby.
[men's voices]
Ah.
Okay, you go in back.
All right.
[bird tweets]
(Xiara)
Oh, I love him
because he buys me stuff
and he take me
to the movies.
(woman)
Does he--can he
still do that?
He's away;
how's he going to do it?
I mean, he can't.
Do you feel
mad at him?
I'm mad at my mom, because
she kept calling the police--
[babbles tongue]
Then that was the last time
I got to see him.
[bird tweeting]
[sighs]
So do you think it's your
mom's fault that he's in jail?
Well, it--I think it is.
How come?
She called the cops.
This is the one
that I like.
And then I like
this one too.
Ooh.
There we go.
Too, and this one
right here too.
It was, like,
all three of us.
(Harold)
I am recording now.
Now I am speaking
to the both of yous.
How are yous
today?
Good.
How are you?
Good.
I'm speaking
to Aracelli now.
[laughs]
Good.
Good?
You ain't got
to back up, Xiarita.
Let's go.
You're ready to go.
Mm-hmm.
Okay, whenever you're ready,
I'm ready to go.
Get yourself
ready to leave.
Have Xiarita
ready to go.
Harold and I
were having problems,
and he wasn't allowed
to sleep in the room anymore.
(Xiara)
I would sneak
downstairs.
She would tell him that--
she would talk to him like--
like an adult,
and she would say
that he has to--
he has to make things
work out.
He needs to stop--
he needs to stop arguing.
I don't remember
the exact words,
but she would tell him--
Drinking.
He had
the drinking problem.
She would tell him
he needs to stop drinking.
And she would tell him
not to argue or fight with me
or cause any trouble with me
so that he could be able
to stay in the house.
She's like, "It's okay if
you don't stay with Mommy
as long as you stay here
and you're with me."
[laughs]
Yeah, she would
say things like that.
And I guess--
I don't know.
[laughs]
[laughs]
Ain't got no--
Oh, my God.
Okay, you can
keep talking.
What do you want
to talk about now?
You're the one
that's talking now.
You're the one that's talking.
I'm not.
Oh, I get to pick
the subject now?
Yeah, you do.
But don't talk about me.
It doesn't have
to be about me now.
Can I talk
about your dad?
No.
Why don't you want me
to talk about him?
Because I'm protecting him.
Why?
Because he's better.
Didn't you hear me?
What do you mean
"he's better"?
Better.
He's cool.
[laughs]
He is.
(man)
There it is.
No, we out--we out--
we out in the hood.
What's the deal, sir?
[muffled audio]
(Harold)
My daughter's angry.
My daughter's angry,
because that's Daddy's
little girl, you know?
She--for real,
for real.
From when she was born,
she was in my arms,
you know, fed her,
changed her, everything.
I was Mommy and Daddy,
you know?
She had her mom there, too,
you know, but we was young,
and she was more trying
to get herself focused
and trying to keep me focused,
because I was a little wild dude
out there, you know?
So that's
Daddy's little girl,
so I know she's hurting
just the way I'm hurting.
(Harold)
Hey, girl.
Hey.
[beatboxing]
[babbling]
[television drones
in background]
[blowing noises]
[beatboxing]
[laughter]
[drumming]
I know--I know--
I know this one.
I know it.
I want to try it out.
I want to try.
[drumming]
Is that what you're
trying to do?
Mm-hmm.
[drumming]
[beatboxing]
[laughs]
Like that?
[rhythmic tapping]
Mmm.
Mm-mm.
[singing]
Ah.
(men)
So you said you loved me.
(man)
Yo.
So you say
you love me.
Told me you'd never
leave me alone.
All of a sudden,
I'm imprisoned
you got a fucking block
on the phone.
So you say
you love me.
Told me everything
would get better.
Rejected the canteen
because you lied
and told me
you send me some cheddar.
So you say
you love me.
Something you enjoy
in the sun,
you must have
fucked me
because it's been my sister
seeing you and my son.
I used to love her.
I loved her like
she was hip-hop.
She was in love with me.
I loved the way
we would rock.
I loved her vibes,
the way she made me
feel inside,
the way she smelled,
the way she used
to break down and cry.
Was it a lie?
Was it just a dream when I
used to caress her thoughts
and made love
to her mind?
We was
one of a kind.
What was hers was mine
and vice versa.
I thought that we'd
get stronger with time,
but times change,
and I see she had to change
with those times,
because what she's telling me
now has got me losing my mind,
losing my lifeline.
Start me touching
my spine,
because I'll hug her for
the love that was once divine.
And memories past, free
of curvy dreams that last,
that are now nightmares
of me losing what
I never had.
So you say--
You love me.
[rhythmic tapping continues]
So you say
you love me.
(man)
Told me you'd never
leave me alone.
All of a sudden,
I'm imprisoned,
you got a fucking block
on the phone.
He's mad at me right now because
he wants me to do things for him
and I told him I don't want
to deal with him right now.
I just want to deal with me,
with my daughter and me,
because it's--
I don't know--
I guess it's easy
to say he's her daddy,
but it's not easy to actually be
there and take care of a child.
So--
(Xiara)
She should, man.
She's all
about it now.
(woman)
Yeah, why did you want
to break up with him?
What went wrong
with you guys?
I guess that I decided
that we should stay away,
because--the main thing
is because we had Xiara around
and we're getting
into arguments,
and I didn't..
I thought
that was, like, a bad...
I don't know
what to call it.
I want to call it
"bad influence" for her
or, you know, not good for her
to be there when we would argue.
And--
(Xiara)
See you guys later.
I guess that's the reason why
Xiara is so hostile sometimes,
because she was there
every time we had a problem.
Mm-hmm.
He was choking her.
She would punch him.
They used to go crazy.
They would have to tell me
to get out of the room
or sometimes I would stay in
the room, crying and screaming.
I'll hit my mom--
I'll hit my mom--
I mean, I used to grab her
from her leg
and I used to push my daddy,
but then now I grab
my daddy's leg and hug him.
She remembers
because she slept over.
Remember?
You were
sleeping under,
because we didn't want
to hear them scream, and so--
[voice trails off]
Scary.
(woman)
What's that?
It was scary.
What was scary?
When them two--when her mom
and her dad was fighting.
I know he would--
remember when he would--
when she would--
he was choking her like that,
like in The Simpsons?
Hmm.
Oh, man.
On The Simpsons,
they fight a lot too.
I never thought that it
was going to be like this
until my dad,
one night he came home
with lipstick on his pants
and stuff like that.
And then that's how my mom knew
that he was cheating on her,
so then that's how
they started fighting.
Remember?
You know how long
your dad is away for?
Ten years or something.
He is for ten years?
Oh, I'm like--
[gasps]
Oh, I'm like,
"I'm going to be 17."
[squeaks]
He told me I was going
to be a little more bigger.
Yesterday
your mom said
that sometimes you wanted
to get in trouble
so that you could go to jail
to see your dad.
Yeah, that's true.
She too.
She said that.
What did she say?
She said she would want
to get in trouble
so she can go with her father
and be with him the whole time.
Because we have a little
clubhouse of the people
that don't have
their fathers.
And then, like,
if there's little kids,
then we help them
out a lot.
Like, we tell them not to do
the bad things that we did.
We were little
troublemakers.
Yeah.
We used to, like, whenever
we see a lady with a purse,
we used to run and we used
to get her surrounded,
and then we used to say
that we would help her,
and then sometimes we would
grab money from her.
Did you get
in trouble?
I did.
My mom used to hit me.
(Xiara)
Me and her used to go
to the same counselor.
She used to tell me that people
who could get in trouble
and go to boot camp or juvenile
hall, something like that.
Kids won't go to the place
where big people are.
Jail.
Jail.
That's where I was going
to say big people are, jail.
[distant ice cream truck music]
Is it coming
really close?
I'm going to get
my money.
Come on,
let's go.
It's going.
(Xiara)
Where are you going?
Ice cream!
Be careful
of the car.
[woman laughs]
Let's go.
Let's go.
Let's check it out.
And don't say
nothing now.
[children's voices
drowned by music]
(Xiara)
No, one's only
for me and Melissa.
(boy)
Come on.
(Melissa)
Can I have
a bubblegum snow cone?
(Xiara)
Can I have
a Neapolitan?
(boy)
Move this one.
Thank you.
Yeah, where's your move?
Uh-huh.
This is
my favorite ice--no.
Man, I'm hungry.
What kind of...
[child's distant voice]
(woman)
What?
My dad!
My dad!
My dad!
Hello?
Yeah.
[laughs]
[Harold over phone]
Huh?
No, yesterday we had
a cook out.
Mm-hmm.
Okay, sing me
your song that you got me.
Okay, 7-27-96?
My birthday!
Because my mom told me.
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
[Harold singing]
Yeah.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Mmm.
Aw, I don't even
remember half.
It's only
two people singing.
(Aracelli)
Sing it anyway, Xiara.
Two people singing.
I forgot--
shh.
Melissa has her part
and I have my part.
She's right here
next to me.
Melly.
Hmm?
You heard her
say, "Hmm"?
My Papi said would you please
sing the song with me?
Mmm.
Say okay.
Okay.
She said okay.
Ready?
And I'll put
in the middle.
Ready?
(Harold)
Yeah.
It starts with, "Hi, Daddy,
how you doing," okay?
Ready, set, and go.
[together]
Hi, Daddy.
How you doing?
Are you fine?
I haven't
seen you--
In a long time.
And I miss you.
I love you.
I just forget
about you.
You're still
with me.
[laughs]
[whispers]
What's after that?
Huh?
What's after that?
Are you good?
Are you good?
You must be--
Okay.
With me.
I love you.
Hello?
Me, too, Papa.
smooch!
Who wrote it?
Me and her.
Only me and him--
only me and her, I mean.
(Harold)
Wow.
We thought about it
ourselves.
Like, just
two people singing.
I say, "Hi, Daddy."
And then she says,
"How are you doing?"
And then I say,
"Are you fine?"
And she says
the other part.
[Harold sings]
(Xiara)
Mm-hmm.
[phone beeps]
Oh, Papi,
do you have to go?
Okay, let's just
hang up right now--
[phone beeps]
because what if
it goes off?
Okay.
I do miss you.
(Harold)
You be good, okay?
Okay.
(Xiara)
Okay.
[phone beeps]
Mama, hurry up
before it goes off.
Hello?
I don't know.
Oh, you mean my--oh.
[speaking Spanish]
Hello?
[phone beeps]
Did it go off?
[disconnection beep]
[crying]
[indistinct voices]
[baby's cooing]
[Xiara sobbing]
[speaking Spanish]
[Xiara laughs]
(man)
I was born
in the city
of killers and thugs,
raised on the corner
of murder and drugs.
I've never seen a day
where the skies wasn't gray,
but my mama
taught me how to pray.
Dear God,
don't let me die tonight.
If I make it out of this,
I'm going to change my life.
All the wrong that I did,
I'm going to make it right.
Dear God, don't let me
die tonight.
Dear God,
don't let me die tonight.
If I make it out of this,
I'm going to change my life.
All the wrong that I did,
I'm going to make it right.
Dear God, don't let me--
I couldn't sleep last night.
I had some shit on my mind,
like will I make it
out of prison
or die in my cell?
Can I make it to the heavens
without going through hell?
Is this life just a game?
Am I playing it well?
And who's going
to raise my babies
with their father in jail?
Is this country
that we live in
really out for our best?
If we're bombing
kids and women,
who's the terrorist threat?
When I hit the bricks,
I'm still toting
my gun in my vest,
because I know
too many n
are going for one
to the chest.
And when I hit the bricks,
I'm still toting
my gun in my vest,
because I know
too many n
are going for one
to the chest.
Dear God,
don't let me die tonight.
If I make it out of this,
I'm going to change my life.
All the wrong that I did,
I'm going to make it right.
Dear God,
don't let me die tonight.
Dear God,
don't let me die tonight.
If I make it out of this,
I'm going to change my life.
All the wrong that I did,
I'm going to make it right.
Dear God,
don't let me die tonight.
Subject matters.
And now, the Cinemax ReelLife
documentary.
[girl laughs]
She's going to start singing
because I just forgot the song.
[laughs]
I forgot.
No, you were like,
Hi, Daddy.
How you doing?
Remember,
you were like this.
Hi, Daddy.
How are you doing?
You were like,
Are you fine?
Try to sing it,
please.
You started
doing that.
And then
we turned around.
Hi, Daddy.
How are you doing?
Are you fine?
It's great
to see you here.
[unsettling music]
It's great--
[whispers]
to hear about you.
To hear about you.
It feels cool--
[laughs]
Remember?
To--
She's going to cry, because
her father went to jail too.
[man's distant voice]
[men's distant voices]
[man shouting]
Can y'all hold it down?
Hold it down!
[men converse in background]
I know.
Don't fuck me.
Fuck with me.
Don't fuck me;
fuck with me.
Yeah.
Fuck you.
[men converse indistinctly]
I'm called The Lyrical
Don Arson, rap terrorist.
And my real name
is Harold Linares.
[rapping faintly]
Bare your brains;
shine your backs.
Burn your devil track.
Be the wise killy
combat snapped in two.
Hey, this one's
for Mr. Spike--
(Harold)
I'm basically incarcerated for
criminal possession of a weapon
by an ex-convict, okay,
which carries some heavy time in
D.C. because D.C.'s all federal.
Trying me and you n on
the top tier can suck my dick.
[man cheers]
(Harold)
I wasn't out there hustling.
I wasn't out there
living in the streets.
You know, I was doing music;
I was doing shows.
I was having fun, right?
But I got caught up
in too much drinking--
Yeah, that's
where we at.
(Harold)
Before I ended up one night
that I wanted to go
out drinking and partying
at the Go-Go Club.
I ended up here.
[Linares rapping]
See, I dream of hip-hop.
I dream of crushing
this world with lyricism,
of showing the world
what skills that I have,
the talents that I have.
Every set you know
the whole universe will fit,
you know what I'm saying?
It's the way the world goes
round and round,
round and round.
[indistinct conversations]
Oh, yeah,
time to go.
No puedo pagarte ya.
I love you.
[baby babbles]
I love you.
[baby babbles]
(woman)
What?
(Harold)
Hi, baby.
Hi, Daddy.
(Harold)
My daughter's six.
She's six now;
her name's Xiara.
She's anything
any parent would want, you know?
[distant child's laughter]
And I'm hoping that,
in due time,
I would be the parent
that she wants,
you know,
that she needs.
(Xiara)
This is, like,
my favorite place to come
maybe because when I'm sad,
it makes me happy.
(boy)
Look, I can throw.
(woman)
Why does this place
make you happy?
Because my dad
was here
with me.
We were all the way
on the other side.
But this is my favorite place
right here.
(Aracelli)
She has her own little stories.
Last year, she went
and told a babysitter
that her dad had killed
a few people.
Yeah, she's always
making up stories.
Uh-uh.
Maybe one day
she's gonna be a--
she's going to write books
or something.
I'm going to be
a superstar.
[laughs]
She's going to be a--
she keeps saying that.
No, that's what
my dream is.
Yeah, her teacher asked her
to write something about,
I don't know--
What do I want to be
when I grow up?
What do I want to be--
Yeah.
Yeah, and then she says--
the teacher said,
"Well, she keeps saying
she's going to be a superstar."
I keep saying it
because I want to.
What kind of superstar
you want to be?
Mommy!
God!
[laughing]
One of these days, when I
grow up and she's an old lady,
I'm going to be
making fun of her.
[laughs]
I'm going to be telling her,
"You sit in that chair
right there."
That's mean.
You can't say that
to old people.
[laughs]
Well, you--all the stuff
that you do to me,
you're going to pay it.
That's mean.
That is mean.
I know it is.
Yeah, she has
her daddy's attitude.
She wants--
he loves to dance.
She loves to dance.
She likes to make
her own songs.
[laughs]
What else she does?
Certain things that I
wouldn't like her to do.
(woman)
Like what?
Like steal.
[laughs]
No, I mean, yeah, yeah,
she likes taking stuff
that doesn't
belong to her--
[shushing]
[laughs]
Sometimes.
I want to go inside, and she
still keep talking about me now.
No, but that's--
Can I go inside?
Thank you.
No, you're going
to sit right here.
Sit;
sit down.
[laughing]
I don't got to.
See, that is
her father's attitude.
You had to talk
about me.
Get down here.
No,
you're embarrassing me.
Sit up, Xiara.
No.
My back is hurting.
Sit up.
[whining]
No, my back hurts,
I'm telling you--
unless you tickle
my heel.
Mmm,
all right.
I don't never
tickle you, so--
My dad would.
Yeah, but that's
your dad.
I'm not your dad;
I'm your mom.
Hmm.
That's why I love
my father more.
That's okay.
I don't have a problem
with that.
Yeah, but then
when he comes,
I'm going to move in
with him, okay?
Mmm, no.
Yes, I am.
You can't just
move right in--
I could;
I want to move with him.
Mm-mm.
I do, Mama--
Well, you shouldn't
be making plans now,
because he's not here,
so--
[knocking]
[rapping]
[rhythmic pounding]
(man)
1-6-28.
Come on, Harold.
[men's indistinct voices]
[keys jangling]
(Xiara)
Here he comes.
here he comes.
Here he comes.
here he comes.
So you say you love me.
[doors banging]
Hey, baby.
Hi, Papi.
What's up, baby?
So you say
you love me.
That's what I'm
talking about, man.
Aw.
How you doing, baby?
Good.
Fine.
Fine?
Mm-hmm.
I got you
out of work?
(man)
No, not really.
Not really?
smooch!
No, I was rushing.
What's up?
Xiara,
look at you now.
[Xiara buzzes]
(Harold)
You all right, baby?
I feel nervous.
Why?
I miss you.
Yep.
You'll be sad if I'm going
to cry, right?
Don't cry.
Don't cry.
Don't cry.
Be strong, baby.
[Xiara's speech
drowned by sobs]
Come here.
Come here.
[cries]
Come here.
Come here.
Aw.
[sighs]
Yeah.
Oh, my Lord.
[Harold sighs]
Hmm.
You got to be
strong, baby.
[crying]
But I don't want--
You got to be strong
for Daddy, okay?
[sniffles]
Clean your face.
Come here.
Clean your face.
[sniffles]
Clean your face.
Have you got any--
any toilet tissue?
When we leave sometimes,
you know, she just--
all of a sudden,
she just starts crying.
Ask her why...
thinking about you, man.
(Harold)
Yeah.
I'm going to start--
Don't start
crying again, okay?
I got this song
that I wrote, right?
It's for you, right?
I says you...
[patting]
[sings softly]
You meant
the world to me,
but now I'm all alone.
Searching for
a place to be.
I says, you,
[patting]
Mm, mm.
You meant
the world to me,
but now I'm
all alone.
Searching for
a place to be.
Mm.
You got me caught up
in this situation
you know I can't
get out of.
If loving you is wrong,
then why the hell
I felt so proud of
showing you the rights
from the wrongs,
how a relationship
is built
and will it remain
to be strong?
Before long,
what was wrong
now is forgone,
and what we thought
was really real
is just a verse
in a song.
Love is sweet,
but love will leave
a bitter taste in your mouth.
I'd rather live
without love
than live with love
in this house.
I used to love
your patience,
the way you pranced
around naked.
I'd envision
your physique.
So when you
fought with me,
I'll take and keep
these tortured...
[stops clapping]
Is that enough?
Okay.
Okay.
Because I kind of went wrong
on the song.
That was--that song
was for somebody else.
Your mama--
my mama.
How did you know?
Mm, I have a little mental
right here.
Okay.
[men's distant voices]
I miss you, baby.
Go shorty.
[together]
It's your birthday.
Go shorty.
It's your birthday.
You got a rhyme?
I--Dad, I heard
a 50 Cent song,
but I never can hear
the whole thing.
Baby, I want you
to kick a round for me.
I need you
to freestyle for me--
Biggie,
Biggie, Biggie,
can't you see
sometimes your words,
they hypnotize me.
And I just love
your flashy ways.
It's why you're broke
and you're so--
I keep forgetting--
Why won't you
freestyle for me?
Remember the song
that you sang for me, that,
Daddy, you need
to stop drinking.
Daddy.
Remember that song?
I forget
the song.
You need
to freestyle.
Papi, Papi,
Papi, Papi.
You're not going
to freestyle for me?
What if I do
a beat for you?
[beatboxing]
She's musical too.
She's a genius.
As young as she is
to be able do what--
you know she blew
my mind that day,
because I was so
twisted, you know?
I mean, they're flowing,
and she comes in,
Daddy.
You need to stop
drinking.
[laughs]
I'm like, "Yo, hold up.
What are you doing?"
Shorty
blowing my mind.
You see Miss Demeanor?
You like Miss Demeanor?
(Xiara)
Missy Elliot?
Yeah.
But I wish
she uses guns.
Stop it.
That's for
protection, Dad.
Let me explain
something to you, okay?
Okay, I don't
want nothing
to happen to none
of my family, you know?
You do not need a gun
to protect yourself.
Okay, I could
fight with hands.
What do you
need to fight?
You don't even need to fight
to protect yourself.
What you need to do
is be smart.
When you're in a situation
where you know
that something is about
to happen to you physically,
get out of there.
Okay,
you didn't do it.
Because I'm
a different person.
You, I don't want you
to get caught up
in a situation
that I'm in.
Understand?
Okay.
Yes,
I love to fight.
Yes, I have
a problem with that.
I have a temper problem;
I know that.
I'm trying
to work on that.
Okay.
But I'm here
because of a gun.
Okay, you didn't have
to say that out.
No, I have
to say it out loud.
I want you to understand
something, all right?
What I'm here for
is not my fault, okay?
Yes, when I was younger,
when you was a baby,
when me and you used to hang out
on the corner in the Bronx--
you might remember--
Daddy used
to do crime then.
Daddy use to do
bad things then.
Okay?
Then he went away.
Okay.
Remember when I told you
I went to college
and I don't know how you found
out that I was incarcerated,
but you--
I thought I'd--
I don't know what you
talking about right now.
My bad, okay.
But when I went away
and I came back,
I came back
with the intentions
of not getting
into trouble anymore.
Hmm.
But I kept going
to the clubs
and I kept drinking.
You know that.
I'm sorry
for that, okay?
Because I'm here now
because of that,
because I was drunk and
I didn't know who I was with
and the people
had guns on them--
Uh, uh.
And I should have
known better.
Okay.
Okay?
So I'm sorry.
Okay?
(Xiara)
You're going to cry.
No, I'm not.
Baby.
We'll both cry.
I know.
I always
cry for you.
smooch!
smack!
[sighs]
It's almost that time,
okay, baby?
Give me a hug.
Come on.
Mm.
I'm going to call you,
hopefully.
If I don't leave here, I'll call
you Saturday or Sunday.
I'm going
to miss you, baby.
I'm going
to miss you too.
Let me give
your to a hug.
Okay.
(Xiara)
I don't want
no emotions here, okay?
Nah, man.
Gracias, loco.
Serio, loco.
Take it easy, man.
Why are you
calling him crazy?
All the time.
Well, keep your head
up all the time.
All the time.
All the time,
all right?
I'm going to get up here
and I'll get--give you--
eeee.
Ah.
That hurts--
[loud smooching]
Ee-ee-yuh-uh-uh.
I love you, baby.
Be good, okay?
Give me a kiss.
Tell your mommy
I said, "What's up?"
All right?
Mm.
(Xiara)
Bye.
Bye, baby.
[men's voices]
Ah.
Okay, you go in back.
All right.
[bird tweets]
(Xiara)
Oh, I love him
because he buys me stuff
and he take me
to the movies.
(woman)
Does he--can he
still do that?
He's away;
how's he going to do it?
I mean, he can't.
Do you feel
mad at him?
I'm mad at my mom, because
she kept calling the police--
[babbles tongue]
Then that was the last time
I got to see him.
[bird tweeting]
[sighs]
So do you think it's your
mom's fault that he's in jail?
Well, it--I think it is.
How come?
She called the cops.
This is the one
that I like.
And then I like
this one too.
Ooh.
There we go.
Too, and this one
right here too.
It was, like,
all three of us.
(Harold)
I am recording now.
Now I am speaking
to the both of yous.
How are yous
today?
Good.
How are you?
Good.
I'm speaking
to Aracelli now.
[laughs]
Good.
Good?
You ain't got
to back up, Xiarita.
Let's go.
You're ready to go.
Mm-hmm.
Okay, whenever you're ready,
I'm ready to go.
Get yourself
ready to leave.
Have Xiarita
ready to go.
Harold and I
were having problems,
and he wasn't allowed
to sleep in the room anymore.
(Xiara)
I would sneak
downstairs.
She would tell him that--
she would talk to him like--
like an adult,
and she would say
that he has to--
he has to make things
work out.
He needs to stop--
he needs to stop arguing.
I don't remember
the exact words,
but she would tell him--
Drinking.
He had
the drinking problem.
She would tell him
he needs to stop drinking.
And she would tell him
not to argue or fight with me
or cause any trouble with me
so that he could be able
to stay in the house.
She's like, "It's okay if
you don't stay with Mommy
as long as you stay here
and you're with me."
[laughs]
Yeah, she would
say things like that.
And I guess--
I don't know.
[laughs]
[laughs]
Ain't got no--
Oh, my God.
Okay, you can
keep talking.
What do you want
to talk about now?
You're the one
that's talking now.
You're the one that's talking.
I'm not.
Oh, I get to pick
the subject now?
Yeah, you do.
But don't talk about me.
It doesn't have
to be about me now.
Can I talk
about your dad?
No.
Why don't you want me
to talk about him?
Because I'm protecting him.
Why?
Because he's better.
Didn't you hear me?
What do you mean
"he's better"?
Better.
He's cool.
[laughs]
He is.
(man)
There it is.
No, we out--we out--
we out in the hood.
What's the deal, sir?
[muffled audio]
(Harold)
My daughter's angry.
My daughter's angry,
because that's Daddy's
little girl, you know?
She--for real,
for real.
From when she was born,
she was in my arms,
you know, fed her,
changed her, everything.
I was Mommy and Daddy,
you know?
She had her mom there, too,
you know, but we was young,
and she was more trying
to get herself focused
and trying to keep me focused,
because I was a little wild dude
out there, you know?
So that's
Daddy's little girl,
so I know she's hurting
just the way I'm hurting.
(Harold)
Hey, girl.
Hey.
[beatboxing]
[babbling]
[television drones
in background]
[blowing noises]
[beatboxing]
[laughter]
[drumming]
I know--I know--
I know this one.
I know it.
I want to try it out.
I want to try.
[drumming]
Is that what you're
trying to do?
Mm-hmm.
[drumming]
[beatboxing]
[laughs]
Like that?
[rhythmic tapping]
Mmm.
Mm-mm.
[singing]
Ah.
(men)
So you said you loved me.
(man)
Yo.
So you say
you love me.
Told me you'd never
leave me alone.
All of a sudden,
I'm imprisoned
you got a fucking block
on the phone.
So you say
you love me.
Told me everything
would get better.
Rejected the canteen
because you lied
and told me
you send me some cheddar.
So you say
you love me.
Something you enjoy
in the sun,
you must have
fucked me
because it's been my sister
seeing you and my son.
I used to love her.
I loved her like
she was hip-hop.
She was in love with me.
I loved the way
we would rock.
I loved her vibes,
the way she made me
feel inside,
the way she smelled,
the way she used
to break down and cry.
Was it a lie?
Was it just a dream when I
used to caress her thoughts
and made love
to her mind?
We was
one of a kind.
What was hers was mine
and vice versa.
I thought that we'd
get stronger with time,
but times change,
and I see she had to change
with those times,
because what she's telling me
now has got me losing my mind,
losing my lifeline.
Start me touching
my spine,
because I'll hug her for
the love that was once divine.
And memories past, free
of curvy dreams that last,
that are now nightmares
of me losing what
I never had.
So you say--
You love me.
[rhythmic tapping continues]
So you say
you love me.
(man)
Told me you'd never
leave me alone.
All of a sudden,
I'm imprisoned,
you got a fucking block
on the phone.
He's mad at me right now because
he wants me to do things for him
and I told him I don't want
to deal with him right now.
I just want to deal with me,
with my daughter and me,
because it's--
I don't know--
I guess it's easy
to say he's her daddy,
but it's not easy to actually be
there and take care of a child.
So--
(Xiara)
She should, man.
She's all
about it now.
(woman)
Yeah, why did you want
to break up with him?
What went wrong
with you guys?
I guess that I decided
that we should stay away,
because--the main thing
is because we had Xiara around
and we're getting
into arguments,
and I didn't..
I thought
that was, like, a bad...
I don't know
what to call it.
I want to call it
"bad influence" for her
or, you know, not good for her
to be there when we would argue.
And--
(Xiara)
See you guys later.
I guess that's the reason why
Xiara is so hostile sometimes,
because she was there
every time we had a problem.
Mm-hmm.
He was choking her.
She would punch him.
They used to go crazy.
They would have to tell me
to get out of the room
or sometimes I would stay in
the room, crying and screaming.
I'll hit my mom--
I'll hit my mom--
I mean, I used to grab her
from her leg
and I used to push my daddy,
but then now I grab
my daddy's leg and hug him.
She remembers
because she slept over.
Remember?
You were
sleeping under,
because we didn't want
to hear them scream, and so--
[voice trails off]
Scary.
(woman)
What's that?
It was scary.
What was scary?
When them two--when her mom
and her dad was fighting.
I know he would--
remember when he would--
when she would--
he was choking her like that,
like in The Simpsons?
Hmm.
Oh, man.
On The Simpsons,
they fight a lot too.
I never thought that it
was going to be like this
until my dad,
one night he came home
with lipstick on his pants
and stuff like that.
And then that's how my mom knew
that he was cheating on her,
so then that's how
they started fighting.
Remember?
You know how long
your dad is away for?
Ten years or something.
He is for ten years?
Oh, I'm like--
[gasps]
Oh, I'm like,
"I'm going to be 17."
[squeaks]
He told me I was going
to be a little more bigger.
Yesterday
your mom said
that sometimes you wanted
to get in trouble
so that you could go to jail
to see your dad.
Yeah, that's true.
She too.
She said that.
What did she say?
She said she would want
to get in trouble
so she can go with her father
and be with him the whole time.
Because we have a little
clubhouse of the people
that don't have
their fathers.
And then, like,
if there's little kids,
then we help them
out a lot.
Like, we tell them not to do
the bad things that we did.
We were little
troublemakers.
Yeah.
We used to, like, whenever
we see a lady with a purse,
we used to run and we used
to get her surrounded,
and then we used to say
that we would help her,
and then sometimes we would
grab money from her.
Did you get
in trouble?
I did.
My mom used to hit me.
(Xiara)
Me and her used to go
to the same counselor.
She used to tell me that people
who could get in trouble
and go to boot camp or juvenile
hall, something like that.
Kids won't go to the place
where big people are.
Jail.
Jail.
That's where I was going
to say big people are, jail.
[distant ice cream truck music]
Is it coming
really close?
I'm going to get
my money.
Come on,
let's go.
It's going.
(Xiara)
Where are you going?
Ice cream!
Be careful
of the car.
[woman laughs]
Let's go.
Let's go.
Let's check it out.
And don't say
nothing now.
[children's voices
drowned by music]
(Xiara)
No, one's only
for me and Melissa.
(boy)
Come on.
(Melissa)
Can I have
a bubblegum snow cone?
(Xiara)
Can I have
a Neapolitan?
(boy)
Move this one.
Thank you.
Yeah, where's your move?
Uh-huh.
This is
my favorite ice--no.
Man, I'm hungry.
What kind of...
[child's distant voice]
(woman)
What?
My dad!
My dad!
My dad!
Hello?
Yeah.
[laughs]
[Harold over phone]
Huh?
No, yesterday we had
a cook out.
Mm-hmm.
Okay, sing me
your song that you got me.
Okay, 7-27-96?
My birthday!
Because my mom told me.
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
[Harold singing]
Yeah.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Mmm.
Aw, I don't even
remember half.
It's only
two people singing.
(Aracelli)
Sing it anyway, Xiara.
Two people singing.
I forgot--
shh.
Melissa has her part
and I have my part.
She's right here
next to me.
Melly.
Hmm?
You heard her
say, "Hmm"?
My Papi said would you please
sing the song with me?
Mmm.
Say okay.
Okay.
She said okay.
Ready?
And I'll put
in the middle.
Ready?
(Harold)
Yeah.
It starts with, "Hi, Daddy,
how you doing," okay?
Ready, set, and go.
[together]
Hi, Daddy.
How you doing?
Are you fine?
I haven't
seen you--
In a long time.
And I miss you.
I love you.
I just forget
about you.
You're still
with me.
[laughs]
[whispers]
What's after that?
Huh?
What's after that?
Are you good?
Are you good?
You must be--
Okay.
With me.
I love you.
Hello?
Me, too, Papa.
smooch!
Who wrote it?
Me and her.
Only me and him--
only me and her, I mean.
(Harold)
Wow.
We thought about it
ourselves.
Like, just
two people singing.
I say, "Hi, Daddy."
And then she says,
"How are you doing?"
And then I say,
"Are you fine?"
And she says
the other part.
[Harold sings]
(Xiara)
Mm-hmm.
[phone beeps]
Oh, Papi,
do you have to go?
Okay, let's just
hang up right now--
[phone beeps]
because what if
it goes off?
Okay.
I do miss you.
(Harold)
You be good, okay?
Okay.
(Xiara)
Okay.
[phone beeps]
Mama, hurry up
before it goes off.
Hello?
I don't know.
Oh, you mean my--oh.
[speaking Spanish]
Hello?
[phone beeps]
Did it go off?
[disconnection beep]
[crying]
[indistinct voices]
[baby's cooing]
[Xiara sobbing]
[speaking Spanish]
[Xiara laughs]
(man)
I was born
in the city
of killers and thugs,
raised on the corner
of murder and drugs.
I've never seen a day
where the skies wasn't gray,
but my mama
taught me how to pray.
Dear God,
don't let me die tonight.
If I make it out of this,
I'm going to change my life.
All the wrong that I did,
I'm going to make it right.
Dear God, don't let me
die tonight.
Dear God,
don't let me die tonight.
If I make it out of this,
I'm going to change my life.
All the wrong that I did,
I'm going to make it right.
Dear God, don't let me--
I couldn't sleep last night.
I had some shit on my mind,
like will I make it
out of prison
or die in my cell?
Can I make it to the heavens
without going through hell?
Is this life just a game?
Am I playing it well?
And who's going
to raise my babies
with their father in jail?
Is this country
that we live in
really out for our best?
If we're bombing
kids and women,
who's the terrorist threat?
When I hit the bricks,
I'm still toting
my gun in my vest,
because I know
too many n
are going for one
to the chest.
And when I hit the bricks,
I'm still toting
my gun in my vest,
because I know
too many n
are going for one
to the chest.
Dear God,
don't let me die tonight.
If I make it out of this,
I'm going to change my life.
All the wrong that I did,
I'm going to make it right.
Dear God,
don't let me die tonight.
Dear God,
don't let me die tonight.
If I make it out of this,
I'm going to change my life.
All the wrong that I did,
I'm going to make it right.
Dear God,
don't let me die tonight.