Year of the Dog (2007) Movie Script
(BARKING)
PEGGY: Pencil!
Pencil!
PEGGY: Bye, Pencil.
Bye.
(WHIMPERING)
(CHATTERING)
So much for
my amazing self-control.
Hi, Brenda.
Hey.
Is this a jelly?
Yes, it is.
(EXCLAIMS)
They're really good.
ROBIN: Three million in sales.
Almost three million. Around.
Let's round up.
Let's just say three million.
7%.
10% is 300.
5% is 150.
7% should be
225, little under that.
About 215, around there.
This is definitely under...
It should be 7%.
What is this?
But what a bonus.
I mean, still...
Still nothing.
I mean, I know
it's a lot of money to you,
but, I mean...
But you don't have
my degrees.
This isn't the only place
I can work.
Right.
It's not about whether
it's a lot of money or not,
it's about what's fair.
Jeff, he's always pushing
to get as much as he can.
(FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING)
Hey, Jerry. Hi, Jerry.
Hey.
(DOOR OPENING)
(DOOR CLOSING)
(WHISPERING)
Well, it's gotta be
some kind of mistake.
I mean, everyone knows
how important you are
to this company.
And you're here, like,
12 hours a day, at least.
You've been
their number one seller.
Well, maybe not this year,
but not that long ago.
The last thing
they would want is
to offend you, I am positive.
Then they need to
start prioritizing people
over money,
because otherwise
you got a guy like me,
who is the bones
of this place,
walkin' around
feeling very gypped.
Very, very gypped.
(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)
May I ask who's calling?
Oh, yes,
that's extension 3250.
I can transfer you.
(BLUES MUSIC PLAYING ON RADIO)
(BOTH MOANING)
Sit down.
Oh, babe, I can't.
We're meetin' some vendors
over at Scarantino's.
Oh, lucky!
Bye.
Bye.
Don and I had a huge fight
last night.
He started complaining
about my nails.
Said it looks like
I've been trying to crawl
my way out of a well.
Great.
Oh.
And then I wanted
to get a glass of wine,
you know,
to calm my nerves,
so I went to the fridge,
got a bottle out,
and I don't know
what I was thinking,
but I pulled the cork out
with my teeth
and chipped
my freakin' front tooth.
It looks fine.
That's because
I ran to the bathroom
and stuck it back on
with Krazy Glue.
Can you imagine
the insults if he saw me
with a chipped tooth?
I gotta go to a dentist.
(INHALING)
Every time I do that,
I can feel wind up my tooth.
And I'm scared to
touch it with my tongue,
so I'm talkin' like
I got a speech impediment.
I don't know,
I think he makes me insecure.
Layla, come on,
you're so beautiful.
And you're sweet and funny.
You're a catch.
You shouldn't feel insecure.
That's crazy talk.
I just think
if we were engaged,
I'd mellow out.
It's just,
how many times
can you keep pointin' out
rings in magazines
and crap like that?
Mmm-hmm.
Smoked cod tip
or the chicken quesadilla?
I feel the wind again.
DON: Hey, sexy lady.
What's your name?
(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)
Come here.
Let me check that out.
(GIGGLING)
(PEGGY AND ROBIN CHATTERING)
DON: Hey, sexy lady.
Come here. Get you over here.
(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)
PIER: What is this?
Oh, just a little something
that I got for Benjy.
BOTH: Oh.
You didn't have
to do that!
Auntie got you a present.
Benjy got a little present.
He loves presents.
Can I open it?
Yeah.
BRET: Well, we're hoping
that the allergies
are under control.
He loves it!
I just wanna...
It seems neurotic,
but I just...
PIER: It's fine, honey.
I just do
a little sniff test now,
because we've got to
check for artificial fibers
because some of them
will set those allergies
right off.
Here, here.
I want to
get a picture with it.
God, this thing
drives me crazy.
I want it.
Okay.
Lissie, share that
with your brother.
Share that with Benjy.
Lissie?
PIER: (CHUCKLING)
She just does not share.
As if the whole
Halloween thing wasn't
nightmare enough with
Benjy's asthma attack...
It was crazy.
Last week we found out
that Norali...
Norali has been doping Benjy
with Benadryl.
What? That's awful.
We don't have proof.
It's so obvious.
Every time I would come home,
she would say,
"He slept all afternoon,"
or what have you,
(BABBLING)
which is weird,
'cause with me
he's practically spastic.
Energetic,
very energetic boy.
I mean it in a sweet way.
But, uh,
one time we came back,
it was at night,
and he was...
He was like comatose.
Yeah. I mean,
he would not wake up.
You know, it was...
It was terrifying.
And she had all these, like,
red stains on her shirt.
So I went upstairs
and I looked
in the cabinet,
and the Benadryl was out,
and it was, like, almost gone.
Gone!
I just went, "Oh, my God.
Oh, my God!
"This woman has been
drugging my son!"
I can't believe it.
That's horrible.
I mean, jeez.
We were really gonna
do something.
But, I mean, this woman
has two young children
of her own.
So what are you gonna do?
We need to do something!
What, throw her in jail?
Well... Hello.
I mean,
maybe in some universe,
or third world country, sorry,
that's, uh, what you do
for a crying baby.
But I gotta tell you what,
not here.
(MAN CHATTERING ON TV)
(CRICKETS CHIRPING)
(PENCIL WHIMPERING)
Do you have to go
tee-tee, Pencil?
Pencil!
Pencil!
Pencil!
Pencil!
Pencil!
Come on now, I mean it!
Mommy's mad!
Pencil!
Oh, just stay out there.
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
Pencil!
(PENCIL WHIMPERING)
Pencil!
(DOORBELL RINGING)
Yeah.
Hi.
Listen, I am so sorry
to bother you,
but my dog is missing,
and I hear him crying,
and I think he might be
in your yard.
Would you mind if...
Yeah. Come in.
Thank you.
Just go through
the patio door.
Pencil!
Pencil!
(WHIMPERING)
I think I hear him
over there, yeah.
Pencil!
Pencil!
(GASPS)
Pencil.
What happened?
(CRYING)
It's okay, Pencil.
It's okay.
Just hold on.
We're almost there.
Ma'am, I'll take him.
Okay.
Oh.
Somebody come look
at this dog now!
(SIGHS)
(SOBBING)
(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)
Was he sick at all?
No.
What happened?
They said
it was toxic poisoning.
He got into something.
Ate something.
Boy...
This might be a good time
for me to...
I was gonna wait
till closer to Christmas,
but I think you deserve
a little boost.
I would've liked
to give you more,
but since it's a percentage
of what they give me...
You deserve more,
but I'm still debating
what to do about that.
PEGGY: I'm just so sad.
LAYLA: No, don't cry.
(SIGHS)
Oh, I have just
the thing for this.
It's nothing.
Just a Xanax.
You won't even notice,
but it'll help calm you down.
No, I don't...
I don't want that.
I know!
Let's go see
a crappy movie.
Let's go find
the stupidest movie
we can find.
A stupid funny movie, yeah?
I know. Let's go out tonight
and get drunk.
Let's just get plastered.
You need to get laid.
When was the last time
you got laid?
Oh, it's been
a long time, huh?
(SOBBING CONTINUES)
BRET: Ooh, I think
we may have a dirty diaper.
Could you change that, Maria,
before dinner? Thank you.
Why is Aunt Peggy
here again?
Because she needs
some cheering up.
Oh, honey,
could you get me one of those
serving dishes up top?
Yeah. Yeah.
So, two girls
from Lissie's class
were sent home today
with lice.
(EXCLAIMS)
I had to spend an hour
fastidiously
combing through
poor Lissie's hair.
Thank God, she's clean.
Yay, Lissie!
Why does Aunt Peggy
need cheering up?
You know what, sweetie?
Because she's sad,
honey. Okay?
She's sad.
Yeah.
Why is she sad?
Because Pencil died today.
(BRET SIGHING)
Wow, that's a lot
to process.
D-E-A-T-H.
It's natural, honey.
Oh, doesn't know
what that means.
I'd rather
just skip that one.
Okay, okay.
We are gonna get ready
for dinner!
Wash our hands.
We'll be back.
Okay.
Peggy...
You know what?
Maybe we should go
to San Francisco.
See my sister
and do some shopping.
That sounds like fun.
A little girls' weekend.
WOMAN ON TV:
My husband was concerned
because it was $59.95,
and that wasn't in the budget.
But when I told him
I could save $20, twice...
(DOORBELL RINGING)
Hey.
Hey.
So, what happened
with your dog?
He died.
Oh, nuts! Really?
(SIGHING)
I'm so sorry.
I had a dog
when I was younger,
and when she died,
I was devastated.
I was just destroyed by it,
so I'm really sorry.
It's so weird.
I feel like
I should do somethin' for you.
Bring you some food...
I'll be okay.
Can I take you
out to dinner?
I mean, not tonight,
but another night
when you're up for it?
Maybe Thursday?
Oh, okay. Sure.
He seemed like
a real sweet little dog.
Thank you.
Take care.
Peggy, that is great!
That is exactly
what you should be doing.
You little vixen!
Is he hot?
Um, no.
Do not let him take you
to some place gross.
Because if you guys
get married,
then you'll always remember
your first date,
and you do not want it
to be in some stank, beefy,
BO burger place.
Go Italian.
Go to Scarantino's.
Ooh, I am so excited!
It might not even
be a date, Layla.
I mean,
he might just be
being nice.
No, no! I believe in fate.
Don't you?
I believe that
there is somebody
on this planet for us all.
Even retarded cripple people
get married.
You just have to be open.
So, hey,
maybe your dog died so that
your love life can live,
and you could find, um,
what's-his-name.
Al. Al.
You could find Al.
Yes. Maybe this is all fate.
This is all for the best.
I really think so.
(DOORBELL RINGING)
So I thought
we'd go to Scarantino's.
You ever been there?
That's so...
Um, no,
I've never been there,
but it sounds great.
Here, let me
give you a hand.
Oh.
(DOG BARKING)
Let me get your door.
Buckle up.
(ITALIAN MUSIC PLAYING
ON STEREO)
His name was Pencil.
'Cause when I got him,
he was thin as a pencil
and, you know, he was brown.
Sounds really cute.
Also, he did
the sweetest little thing
with his paw.
He would wipe it
on the floor
back and forth,
like he was trying to
write something to me.
He had a really
unique personality.
Was he a water dog?
Not really.
So, you were saying
you had a dog
who died when you were young?
Tessie. I loved that dog.
I had her
since she was a puppy.
We did everything together.
She was my right hand bitch.
Sorry. I mean in a dog way
of being a bitch.
Mmm-hmm.
Yeah, she died way too young.
She was only six.
(SIGHS)
Yeah.
How did she die?
I shot her in Wyoming.
You want some more wine?
Wait. What do you mean?
It was an accident.
A hunting accident.
Oh.
I still feel terrible.
What were you hunting?
Huntin' moose. Mooses.
They got
a lot of moose up there.
Don't worry about it.
You ever been hunting?
No.
It can be a rush.
But, you know,
accidents do happen,
and, uh, you know, a gun
is a very powerful weapon.
I learned that the hard way.
That's why I never
keep guns in my house.
Well, that's good.
Yeah.
Just knives. That's it.
Thank you.
I had a nice time.
So, you ever been married?
No. No.
I mean, I was, um...
I had boyfriends,
but I never, you know.
I guess I never...
That never happened,
but...
You know, I think some people
just aren't as, you know...
Um...
I don't even know
what I'm saying.
Just, you know,
whatever, you know.
What are you gonna do?
And the whole dating thing
is just kind of, yuck,
no, thank you, so...
Yeah, so that's basically
how I feel.
Just, you know...
I don't know.
Just like that, I guess.
But...
So you wanna get the tour?
Um...
AL: It can be
a real addiction.
You know, some people
spend all kinds of money
traveling the world
just to find
somethin' to shoot
that's new
and hard to find, you know?
Like leopards,
rare birds and...
And they have tours in Africa
and Asia and India.
Even endangered species.
You know, so you can get one
before they're all gone.
(SIGHS)
This was a lucky shot.
Isn't it a beauty?
And those are my knives.
Can I see your garage?
My garage?
Sure.
Yeah, right through here.
(AL CHUCKLES)
Was this open
the other night?
What?
This garage door was open,
wasn't it,
the night
that Pencil got sick?
Yeah. Could be.
What are you looking for?
Do you keep antifreeze
in here?
Uh, yeah, I have.
I don't know
if I have any now, but...
What about rat poison?
Uh, no.
Hmm.
No?
Why? You got a rat problem?
Are you lookin' for somethin'?
Can I help you?
I like you.
What are you doing?
Don't do that.
What? I was just...
Stay away from me.
Don't do that.
No, I was just...
Come on. I gotta go.
(SNIFFING)
(CRYING)
So, how was your date?
He's not my type.
Well, what is your type?
Do you have a type?
I kind of have
a lot of work to do
right now.
(PHONE RINGING)
Hello.
MAN: Is this Miss Spade?
Yes.
Hi, Miss Spade.
I'm Newt Erdrich
at the SPCA L.A.
Uh-huh.
I'm a Client Services Manager.
I work in the adoption program
to place animals
to prevent them
from being euthanized
by the city,
and I noticed
that you were very upset
about losing your dog.
And my instinct is
that you're a very sensitive,
caring pet owner,
and that is exactly
the kind of people
that we're looking for.
And, well,
we have a dog here
who needs a home.
And this dog, um,
Valentine is his name,
um, has some
behavioral issues,
and I just thought
that maybe you might
fall in love with him.
It's a shot in the dark
here,
but I'm just desperate
because I don't want
to see him die.
But no pressure.
This is King.
He's diabetic,
unfortunately.
Aren't you?
Big goof.
And this is Myrtle.
Myrtle!
She came in
when I was first starting
at the Center.
And who's this?
That's Buttons.
Oh, my God.
And of course,
this is Valentine.
Now, I've kept him
in the pen
because he still isn't
playing well with others.
Easy.
I brought him home because,
you know, he spoke to me.
And that happens sometimes.
But I can't keep him
'cause legally
you're only allowed
three pets.
Mmm.
Animals are like us,
they live for love.
And if you have
too many of them,
then there's not enough love
to go around, right?
Valentine, say hello
to your new mommy.
Listen, he's been abused,
so you're really gonna
have to work with him.
Mmm-hmm.
But look at his eyes.
There's an old soul
in there, I think.
I just love him
so much already.
Well, if you need help
training him,
I do that part-time
on the weekends.
Oh.
And my methods
are very positive.
Okay.
It's about reward,
it's not about punishment.
Good boy.
You like that...
(GROWLING)
Down, Valentine!
Down, Valentine!
Down! Down!
(SIGHING)
Peggy.
Layla!
(SQUEALING)
Oh, Layla!
I guess all my whining
paid off.
Oh, my gosh!
I totally was not prepared.
We went to go see
the new Spider-Man...
Superman...
No, no, no! Spider-Man.
Anyway, it was cute.
So then we went
to Greenstein's Deli.
Not romantic.
And he's actin' all weird
and nervous,
and I'm like,
"What is goin' on?"
And then, bam!
He just pulls it out!
And I'm not even pregnant!
It's kind of
a mellow engagement.
That's what Don's callin' it.
But we'll see.
Guess what?
I have some good news, too.
Oh. What, what, what?
I got another dog.
It's a shelter dog,
and his name's Valentine.
Peggy, how are you ever
gonna find a boyfriend,
if you keep shackin' up
with dogs?
(TOILET FLUSHING)
Do you have any soy milk?
I'm sorry, I don't.
(VALENTINE BARKING)
That's okay. It's okay.
It's very political.
Because on the one hand
you have the city,
and they want to
terminate every animal
they get their hands on.
Yeah, they just have
a killing routine.
Wow.
And I know for a fact,
that they have paper products
stored in those cages.
I could write an expose.
It would explode like a bomb.
And on the other hand,
you have the animal activists,
who don't wanna see
even one animal die.
And we come
under criticism because
we work with the city,
but there are 5,000 kittens
that come through the system
each year.
You can't
save them all, right?
Wow. That must be
so much pressure for you.
And I have nightmares,
you know?
I had a nightmare
last night
that I was being attacked
and raped by
two bull mastiffs.
Oh.
Yeah, but what am
I supposed to do?
Stop caring?
Oh, no. I mean,
you can't stop caring.
This is your passion.
Right.
You know.
Makes sense to me.
You're right.
Good boy. Eyes to me.
Eyes to me. He knows.
And big ups. Big ups.
(VALENTINE BARKING)
No, no, no.
He needs to know
he can't play that part.
...and I was literally
at a loss...
(BARKING)
Valentine.
That's good.
That's good.
You can just sign
your name there.
You know, I've always had
better relationships
with animals than people.
Mmm-hmm. I can relate.
Animals aren't petty,
for one.
They don't backstab you.
So what about girlfriends
and that sort of thing?
Oh, I don't know.
That's very complicated.
I was raised in a very
culty...
Hmm.
Adults being
very... No boundaries.
Mmm-hmm.
I just used to go off
by myself...
And I always had
this connection with animals.
And that's why I'm a vegan.
People say,
"If you couldn't kill it,
you shouldn't eat it."
And I could never
kill an animal.
I understand.
(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)
(GROANS IN DISGUST)
I'm so excited
to be eating here.
There's a couple of things
that are really amazing.
The seitan Sloppy Joe.
The tempeh BLT is good.
Tofu chop.
One of everything.
No, not really.
(BOTH LAUGHING)
I think, um, a veggie pizza.
What?
Nothing.
(DOG PANTING)
(VALENTINE BARKING)
Do you sleep with your dogs?
Guilty.
Three dogs?
Yeah, it gets crowded.
King hogs the covers.
Don't you, King?
Hmm?
(CHUCKLING)
Wipe that grin
off your face.
(GROWLING)
You know, it's really nice
to finally meet someone
who just...
I don't know,
I think we have
a lot in common.
And you've really
opened my eyes
to so many different...
I think you're great.
Yeah?
Yeah. Definitely.
Well, thanks.
And you know what?
What?
I'm gonna be a vegan.
Really? Yeah.
Mmm-hmm.
I mean, after reading
all those books,
how can I not? Absolutely.
Well, I think that's great.
Yeah.
It's been a while since I...
I'm just...
Well, we don't have
to do anything.
Oh. Okay.
MAN: Cupcakes!
WOMAN: These are diabolical.
I just had a croissandwich.
PEGGY: They're vegan.
They're what?
There's no milk, butter,
or any animal product in them.
No animal was harmed
in the making
of those cupcakes.
Different.
No butter.
That's weird.
Hey, Susan.
You gotta try this.
It's a vegan cupcake.
Thank you, but I'm fine.
Oh, come on,
you gotta try it.
It's delicious. There.
ROBIN:
You know what happened,
don't you?
They put me on the green team
with Greg and Paul.
Two of the oldest guys
in this division.
I feel like
I've been put in
with the dinosaurs.
What are you so happy about?
You know what
I was just thinking, Robin?
And you're probably
gonna hate this.
But you should adopt a dog.
What?
You need something
to come home to.
A little life in your house.
Something to love.
And I have the perfect dog
for you.
It's a Maltese-poodle mix.
And I have
a picture right here.
Peggy, no.
Absolutely not.
I don't want a dog.
Get your head
in the game here.
I don't want a dog.
What are you doing?
Don't ever
bring that up again.
Listen, I can't
really talk right now
'cause my boss is
getting a little aggravated.
But guess what?
I got another one for you.
Yes, the receptionist
wants the dachshund.
Isn't that great?
No, it's fun.
I feel great about it.
I know,
making a difference.
Yeah. But listen,
I really should go.
Yeah. I'll call you later.
Okay. Bye.
Peggy. What's goin' on?
Well,
I'm volunteering
for this animal shelter
and I'm trying to get
all these dogs adopted.
But Robin doesn't want me
to be doing it during work,
so I'm just trying
to keep it quiet.
Hey, but now that you and Don
have moved in together,
you two should get a dog!
I have the sweetest Maltese.
No, Peggy.
You have been
runnin' around here
like Mary Pippin Poppins
Sunshine or something.
Have you met somebody?
What do you mean?
Come on,
don't bat your eyelashes
at me!
Have you met someone?
(EXCLAIMS)
Come here! Come here!
Tell me everything!
Have you slept together?
No.
Well, have you kissed?
Um...
You made out?
Well, kind of.
Peggy, you really like him,
don't you?
He's a really nice person.
This is so exciting!
Look at you!
I am liking this a lot.
(IN A SINGSONG VOICE)
Peggy's got a man.
Peggy's got a man.
Babe! We don't have this one.
(CHUCKLING)
No, we don't.
There's pretty dramatic stuff
in that one.
She's so sensitive.
But you know what?
Maybe. Why not, huh?
I think so.
Do you wanna say thank you
to Aunt Peggy?
Thank you, Aunt Peggy.
You're welcome, sweetie.
I'm gonna go watch it!
Okay.
I feel so sorry for her.
She has missed so much school
because of the lice.
She keeps getting re-exposed
because they can't coordinate
with the parents.
The kids need to get deloused
on the same one day.
We've been saying this
from the beginning.
There's no leadership.
It's kind of tearing
the first grade class apart.
The class? The community!
There's a No Nit Policy!
It's a total meltdown.
But enough about that.
You're so sweet.
You always bring presents
for the kids.
Yeah. You really do.
You know, I was thinking,
for Christmas, maybe a dog.
Yeah...
I don't think
that's such a good idea.
Benjy's still
a little too young.
Well, we had a dog
when we were little, Pier.
Little Tippy.
Yeah...
You know, even a small dog,
'cause I thought,
you know,
a hypoallergenic dog,
maybe a toy poodle,
but, ooh, one bite for Benjy
and that's his entire finger.
We just have enough
going on over here as it is.
Oh, hey, stay for dinner!
You know, Maria made pasta
with spicy sausage.
(PIER EXCLAIMS)
You know what, that's okay.
I'm a vegan now so...
Actually,
there are so many things
that I can't eat.
Is that healthy, Peggy?
Oh, yeah, it's very healthy.
Actually, most people do it
for health reasons,
but I'm doing it
for animal reasons.
The corporate farming
in America is awful.
I read a book about it.
Oh, Peggy,
you can buy free range,
did you not know that?
And organic.
Yeah, but it's still,
you know, murder.
Well, it'll be interesting
to see how long that lasts.
Yep. Vegan.
It's nice to have a word
that can describe you.
I've never had that before.
Come on, Valentine!
He knows. Up!
Good boy.
(VALENTINE BARKING)
Hey, how's it going?
Hi.
So, that dog can
sure bark, huh?
(VALENTINE BARKING)
Yeah.
It's good
to get him accustomed
to being in the park
and seeing other dogs
before we take him
off the leash.
But you have to watch,
because sometimes
they get more aggressive
when they're on the leash.
Hey, Newt.
What?
I like you.
I like you, too.
Yeah, but...
Do you know what I mean?
Like in...
Peggy, um...
I'm not able to be
in a relationship.
I mean, with a woman.
Or a man.
Either, really.
I don't understand.
You like men?
I'm celibate, basically,
anyway, so that's
beside the point.
But...
I hope
I haven't misled you.
(BARKING)
Whoa!
Cody! Come here!
NEWT: Valentine!
Get down!
Valentine!
No!
Valentine!
No! Get down!
Valentine!
(BARKING CONTINUES)
I'm sorry.
Get him away!
I'm sorry, ma'am.
I'm so sorry.
Crazy.
Valentine, no! No!
Come on!
What are you doing?
NEWT: You know,
I really do like you.
If you wanna find someone else
to train Valentine,
I totally understand.
But he really needs
someone that will build
on my approach.
I've always been disappointed
by people.
So...
I've really only been able
to count on my pets.
I know it's pathetic, but...
Hey, it's not pathetic.
But it's enough.
It was enough last month
and last week,
and it'll be enough
next week.
Because of you,
I've really been able
to acknowledge
that part of my life
in a deeper way, so...
So thank you.
And this just,
you know, confirms
what I already know, so...
Hey.
Peggy.
Valentine.
Come on.
(CAR DOOR CLOSING)
Hmm.
(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)
(BOTH LAUGHING)
LAYLA:
Christmas is gonna be nuts.
Oh, and I know
you're gonna be bummed,
but Don didn't go
for the dog idea.
He said it just didn't fit
into our lifestyle.
Sorry. So how's the guy
you're seeing?
I don't wanna talk about it.
Why? What happened?
Okay.
(KEYBOARD CLACKING)
(SIGHS)
That was a good meeting.
I mean, I know it's
the meeting that
you wanted to have,
and everything's clear now.
Greg, would you get Vince
and Bob in here?
I wanna do a post-mortem
to make sure we're on
the same page.
Okay. Vince and Bob.
Robin, hi.
First of all,
I'm on my lunch break,
so this is my time.
I am not on the clock.
I've been doing
some research,
and I've discovered
this science lab in Maryland
that's doing animal testing.
It's evil.
So I am collecting signatures
for PETA to protest.
You gotta be kidding.
Would you sign it, please?
No.
How do you think
we've made all
the medical breakthroughs
that we've made?
That's how you figure
stuff out, Peggy.
You test it on animals
so people can live.
What they're doing is torture.
People don't test stuff
on animals for fun.
They do it for a reason,
for science,
and to help save lives.
And this isn't the forum
for political
signature gathering, okay?
This is a business.
Not in the office!
Sorry.
I mean, come on.
(INAUDIBLE)
What are we talking,
like spring,
summer, fall?
Don!
What? We're not thinkin'
anything, babe.
We just got engaged. Relax.
We're young.
What's the rush?
It's not like
we're 40, right?
Anyway, I gotta go pee.
So, Layla says you don't
want to get a dog.
Doesn't fit
into your lifestyle.
I'm never home.
I think you should
get a dog.
Yeah?
Yeah.
It teaches responsibility.
Well, maybe I don't
want to be responsible.
Might keep you
out of trouble.
Yeah? How's that?
I don't know.
You're getting married.
You could, you know,
go home and walk
the dog instead of...
I don't know,
going to the mall
and meeting other women,
at Victoria's Secret, say?
That line was too long.
I'll just go later.
Peggy, get a sorbet
or something.
It's Christmas.
And Don and I are paying.
I'm okay.
(ROBIN CHATTERING)
LAYLA: Peggy.
Oh, my God, you scared me.
Guess what?
Don and I got to talking
after lunch,
and we've come around
on the whole dog thing.
So when we get back
from our trip,
we're gonna take one.
A small one.
Are you happy?
Um...
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Very much so.
See, we're nesting already.
Oh, it's great.
Okay.
(SNARLING)
Ow!
Valentine!
(GROANING)
Get out! Out!
(VALENTINE BARKING)
(WINCING)
(WOMAN CHATTERING ON TV)
(DOORBELL RINGING)
(DOOR OPENING)
Hi.
Hi. Oh.
Look, I have a friend over,
and we're trying
to watch a DVD
and your dog is...
Do you think you could
get him to quiet down?
You know what?
I don't know.
Well, do you think
you could at least
bring him inside?
He's right under my window.
Well, maybe you shouldn't
have poisoned Pencil.
Who?
My other dog.
The one that died
in your yard
after you left out
whatever it was
he got into that killed him.
Look, I did not
poison your dog!
Well, he was poisoned.
Toxic poisoning,
that's what the vet said.
Well, that's not my problem.
Well, now it is.
What is your deal?
(BARKING CONTINUES)
(SCOFFS)
Ooh.
It's a shawl.
I like it.
Thank you, Bret.
It's from me, too.
Oh, thank you, Pier.
It's so pretty.
And I got something
really neat for all of you.
Oh, thank you.
There's one for everybody.
That's for you.
Pier, you can open Benjy's.
Benjy!
PEGGY: I found this
really great place online.
It's an animal sanctuary
for discarded farm animals.
So I sponsored
different animals
for each of you.
And they actually name
the animals after you.
They named a chicken Lissie
after you, Lissie.
LISSIE: They did?
PEGGY: Yeah. Isn't that neat?
She was rescued
from a slaughterhouse.
And now she's
a very happy chicken
because
you're sponsoring her.
When do I get her?
Well, you don't.
But she's living
a very nice life
thanks to you.
But I want her here.
Well, you could go visit her.
She's only an hour away.
That would be fun,
wouldn't it?
To go visit your chicken?
That'll be fun.
You named chickens
after us?
Well, there's actually
a pig named after you.
(LAUGHING)
PIER: A pig. That's good.
That's good.
I know it seems funny,
but it's a really
amazing organization.
I'm sure it is.
But it's not a joke.
It's really sweet, Peggy.
(BOTH CHUCKLING)
Pier, stop it!
And what kind of animal
is Bret?
Oh, yeah.
A cow.
(LAUGHTER CONTINUES)
BRET: Stop it!
(PHONE RINGING)
Robin Heaton's office.
Yes, may I tell him
who's calling?
Mmm-hmm.
Mr. Heaton is in a meeting
in another city, actually.
But I know he really admires
your organization,
which is why
he made the donation,
obviously.
Right. Yes.
But he is
a very private person,
and I don't think
he wants to be
on any mailing lists.
Mmm-hmm.
Yes, anything you wanna send,
you can send to me, okay?
I'm his assistant,
Peggy. Right.
Peggy.
Peggy.
Who was that?
Um...
That was just someone,
you know,
asking about...
How was your Christmas?
Fine.
Asking about what?
What did you do?
Caught up on some stuff.
Please tell me
you took the day off.
Well...
You know,
I should've brought you
with me to my brother's.
I can't find the number
for Long, Green & Tessler.
Can you bring me
their file, too?
Mmm-hmm.
Oh, look at the puppy!
I just love you!
I just love you!
(EXCLAIMING)
So cute!
(RAP MUSIC PLAYING ON STEREO)
Christmas was great.
Don's family loves me.
At least that's what he said.
They kept talkin' about
all the girlfriends
he had in high school,
which really started
to piss me off.
It's like,
"Do you have to go there?"
And, evidently,
he's still in touch
with some
of these girlfriends.
And I am not down
with that at all.
I just don't wanna come off
like a paranoid nag too soon.
(WHIMPERS)
Oh!
Peggy! He just peed on me!
This is my favorite
sweat suit! Dang it!
Go on.
Thank you so much
for doing this.
I really appreciate it.
I hate leaving him,
but my brother
doesn't allow dogs
in his house, so...
One of those, huh?
Well...
I think I need to
alter my approach
with Valentine.
Maybe more firmer.
Okay. But you won't
keep him in the pen
the whole time though, right?
No. No, no.
It's just till he acclimates.
Good. Okay.
And, um, maybe
I can take you out for dinner
after as a thank you?
Oh, please,
it's not necessary.
No, I know,
but I would
really like to.
Okay. Good.
That'd be great.
Okay. Good.
Happy New Year.
Thank you. Happy New Year.
I'm gonna say bye
to Valentine.
Bye, Valentine.
Bye, Valentine.
Be good.
(BARKS)
Thanks again.
Where are you going?
Where are you going?
BRET: Okay.
PIER: We're gonna be late.
Come on, we gotta go.
I'm ready, I'm ready!
I heard you.
We're good. We're good.
We've got everything.
Is that mink?
Oh, no, it's rabbit.
Um, you know, Peggy,
when I first bought it,
the woman told me
that it was faux,
'cause it kind of looks faux.
Do you think I'm horrible?
It's nice.
Okay.
PIER:
If she likes it, we should go.
We have to go.
Okay, let's go. Bye, guys.
Bye, sweet boy.
I love you. I love you, honey.
I'm gonna keep my kiss
right here.
See you later. Bye.
Bye, Mommy. Bye, Daddy.
Bye, guys!
Oh, listen.
You know, I'm gonna
call you every hour.
Don't worry!
Thank you. I love you!
Bye, babies!
Okay.
(DOG BARKING)
LISSIE: Where are we going?
I thought we could go visit
your chicken.
Do you wanna go see
Chicken Lissie?
Yeah!
Did you see Babe, Lissie?
Yeah.
Well, did you like it?
Yeah.
Well, we might see Babe today.
A real Babe.
Can I pet it?
I think you can.
PEGGY:
At the place we're going,
they rescue pigs like Babe
and chickens like yours,
and they rescue goats and cows
so they don't have to
be killed and eaten.
Isn't that nice?
LISSIE: If the animals
didn't get eaten,
what would they do?
Um, well...
Come on in.
WOMAN: Lissie is over there.
Yeah, that one.
She and
a few of the others here,
fell off a truck
on the way to a chicken farm
about a mile up the road.
They fell out of a truck?
Yeah, and it's
a good thing, too,
because they would've been
somebody's lunch.
Before she came here,
Lissie had never
touched the ground
with her feet,
or felt the sun,
or even spread her wings.
Isn't that sad?
It's just...
(SIGHS)
(CLUCKING)
(CATTLE MOOING)
(MOOING)
(HORSES NEIGHING)
Goodbye! Bye!
Wow.
(EXCLAIMS)
That woman is a saint.
And this place,
this place is heaven!
This is heaven.
And there is a hell
just one mile up the road,
Lissie,
and we need to see it.
We need to see it.
Because there's a holocaust
going on there right now.
They're slaughtering chickens
up there right this second.
That's a reality, Lissie.
That's a reality,
and we can't ignore it.
Life isn't like Babe.
Mmm-mmm.
You know, they show movies
like Babe to kids,
but then they don't
tell you what happens
to Babe in real life.
But you need to know.
(BENJY CRYING)
LISSIE: I don't wanna go.
I don't wanna see them
hurt the chickens.
I know, and I don't either,
and we're not going to.
It's okay, it's okay,
it's okay.
It's okay.
It's okay. Okay.
Let's go home.
We're going home now.
REPORTER: And since
everybody's looking up
at that ball,
let's take a look
at this year's addition.
It's made of
Waterford crystal.
It weighs in
at about 1,070 pounds
and is six feet in diameter.
It contains 696 lights
and 90
rotating pyramid mirrors,
all computer controlled,
which enables the ball
to produce
a state-of-the-art light show.
It's designed
to dazzle the eyes
with all kinds
of colorful patterns.
Kind of like a spectacular
kaleidoscope effect
on the top of
One Times Square.
The theme
of this year's design is
"Forward with Harmony."
And everybody is waiting
for that ball to drop.
Think about it.
Very, very soon
it's gonna be
a brand new year.
It's so exciting.
You can hear the energy...
Unbelievable.
PEGGY: Lissie.
Lissie? Are you awake?
Hi.
Do you wanna go
see the ball drop
with Aunt Peggy?
You want to?
Just the big girls, right?
Come on, let's go.
It's almost New Year's.
Shh! Don't wake Benjy.
(SHUSHING)
(PEOPLE CHEERING)
REPORTER:
It really is exciting.
And now we're down
to 12 seconds.
BOTH: 10, 9, 8,
7, 6, 5,
4, 3, 2, 1!
BOTH: Happy New Year!
(PEOPLE CHEERING)
(WHOOPING)
Happy New Year!
There's our
big celebration party
out in Hollywood,
and there's the sidewalks
of New York,
teeming with people.
One group of people,
all of them happy,
smiling, laughing.
What do you think of these?
I think they're mean.
I think they're mean, too.
You're sweet.
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
(GROANS)
(WATER DRIPPING)
Thank you, sis.
You're the best.
I hope it wasn't
too boring.
We so appreciated
a night away.
Really appreciate it.
What a hot night.
Amazing night.
We needed it.
Ooh.
I'll, uh, call you
tomorrow, okay?
Drive safe.
Bye.
(TIRES SCREECHING)
(SOBBING)
Newt?
Newt.
Valentine killed Buttons.
What?
It happened so fast.
We were in the back,
and he...
Oh.
Newt, I'm so sorry.
It's not your fault.
It's not your fault!
Oh, my God.
It's a mess back there!
Don't go back there!
I tried to call you,
but I...
I don't know.
Poor Buttons.
(CONTINUES SOBBING)
I'm so sorry.
(MUMBLING)
Newt, where's Valentine?
The city came
and picked him up.
What?
I told them
to put him down.
You... You what?
It was the only thing to do,
and I knew
you couldn't do it,
so I took it
out of your hands,
so you wouldn't have
to carry the burden
of making that decision.
What?
You have to put
a dog like that down.
You...
I thought we could save him,
but we couldn't!
You...
It was a mistake.
He's not even supposed
to be here.
It's okay.
We'll find him.
While I'm looking him up,
you can walk back.
All the animals
that were brought in today
are in this first hall.
Down there?
Yeah.
(DOGS WHIMPERING)
Ma'am,
my records indicate
the dog was involved
in a mauling.
He was euthanized
a few hours ago.
(DOGS BARKING)
This is terrible.
He shouldn't have died.
He shouldn't have died.
(SOBBING)
MAN: Come on!
Come on, boy. Come on.
(WHINING)
Come on.
Come on, boy!
(GRUNTING) Come on!
Take it easy.
Excuse me, sir.
Where are you
taking that dog?
I want that dog.
What?
I want to adopt this dog
right now,
so just give me the dog.
You want this dog?
Right now?
Mmm-hmm.
I want this dog.
Give me the dog.
Hold on.
Stay, boy.
(WHIMPERING)
Ma'am, you're gonna have
to fill out some paperwork.
Yeah, fine.
I want this dog,
and I want every single dog
you're gonna
euthanize tonight.
That's 15 dogs.
Fifteen. That's great.
Yes.
Ma'am, you can't
adopt 15 dogs.
The limit is three.
Well, I work for
the ASPCA L.A.
I work for Newt Erdrich.
He's a client
services manager.
I happen to be
in the adoption program,
and I will be taking
all these dogs
and placing them
in adoption situations,
so I think that should
be fine, then, thank you.
Get me the dogs. Great.
(DOGS BARKING)
Come on, you two with me.
You two with me. In the house.
Quiet! I will be right back!
Big dogs out. Come on.
No, no, big dogs out.
Out, out, out, out, out.
No! Oh, no!
No, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no.
(DOGS BARKING)
(CLATTERING)
Here's some water for you.
Oh, good boys.
No fighting!
Mommy's gotta go to work.
Mommy's gotta go to work.
Okay. Be good.
(DOGS BARKING)
Oh, no.
Mommy's late.
Mommy's late.
You be good.
Be good. Be good.
Mommy's late for work.
Peggy! Robin's been
looking for you for an hour.
He seems pretty agitated.
Where is he?
He's in a meeting
now with Jeff.
(PHONE RINGING)
Hello.
PIER: Hey, Peg?
Why didn't you tell us
you took Lissie
to some animal farm
and indoctrinated her?
Well, she wanted to see
her chicken, Pier.
I thought it would be nice.
No, it's not nice.
She's traumatized.
Well, I'm sorry
that you feel that way.
Traumatized, Peggy!
No, I don't think
she's traumatized.
She will not even eat
a ham sandwich now.
Well, what's so important
about eating
a ham sandwich, anyway?
If she doesn't
want to eat it...
Peggy, you completely
betrayed our trust!
The furs.
Yeah. And Bret can't
find her furs.
What?
You think I stole her furs?
Peggy, where are they?
I have no idea!
Look, I have to go right now.
I'm at work.
She hung up.
Hey, Peggy,
Robin's looking for you.
What happened to you?
You okay?
Peggy, I know you're
gonna be disappointed,
but it's not workin' out
with Snowball.
He keeps peein'
all over the place
and chewin' up
all the furniture.
And Don, he thinks that...
Don?
Layla, do you understand that
that dog will be loyal to you
his whole life?
Don's not even
loyal to you now.
Don wants to keep it.
It's me.
What do you mean,
he's not loyal to me?
What, Peggy? Say it.
Uh, I didn't mean anything.
I gotta go.
Robin's looking for me.
(SIGHS)
So, I just got a call
this morning
from a woman named
Jocelyn Kleinhoffer.
She works for
the Animal Action something.
She wanted to thank me
for my generous contribution
of $200
to help prevent
the clubbing of baby seals
in Canada.
I trusted you
with the most valuable thing
I have,
and you stole from me.
I thought we were on
the same team, but...
I trusted you.
So what were you thinking?
Hmm?
You're fired.
Effective immediately.
(DOGS BARKING)
(MUSIC PLAYING ON TV)
I have not slept 10 minutes
in a week!
How many dogs
do you have in there?
They need a home.
Well, get 'em one,
so I don't have to
put up with this racket.
Not now!
And do you know
how much this house stinks?
You know what?
You're a jerk.
I'm telling you,
you deal with this or I will.
WOMAN ON TV:
with some guy in the sky
(PHONE RINGING)
Hello.
Peggy, it's Newt.
I haven't heard from you.
Are you still mad at me?
No, I'm not mad.
(DOGS HOWLING)
What's all that noise?
My dogs.
Oh, you got new dogs?
That's great.
Where did you get 'em?
From the pound.
You sound weird, Peggy.
Is everything all right?
I was just thinking,
you know, just now,
my house is full of love.
I have too much love
in my life.
I've never had that before.
(CHUCKLING) Come here.
Peggy? Peggy?
(PEGGY LAUGHING)
(DOGS BARKING)
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
(REGISTER BEEPING)
(INAUDIBLE)
Uh-huh.
Well, I want them back!
I don't care!
Well, what are
you gonna do with them?
Well, you know what, ma'am?
That is not good enough!
I want a record
of every one of those dogs,
and if even
one of those dogs is hurt,
I am hiring a lawyer!
Who called you?
Well, you know what?
You don't have to tell me
who called
because my neighbor called!
Can I have
your name please, ma'am?
Can I...
Don't hang up on me!
(SLAMS DOWN PHONE)
Hello!
(DOORBELL RINGING)
Hello!
(GRUNTS)
(INAUDIBLE)
(SIGHS)
(BAIT SPILLING)
AL: You ever been huntin'?
It can be a rush.
You gotta be real quiet,
so you can hear a twig snap.
After hours of waiting,
sometimes,
up comes a moose
or a Rocky Mountain elk.
And there's nothing like
the feeling like
something's gonna happen.
You know,
but it don't know.
It's just another moment
in its life,
but you know it's its last,
its last moment.
And you're gonna take it.
AL: Yeah, so then
she started to hang out
with that girl Linda
and Kimmy.
You know, the one with
that thing in her lip.
Oh, yeah, that piercing.
And they just had her
partying like crazy.
Bad news.
So she left Jamie
after that
and decided
she wanted to be with Dale.
But Dale was in the military.
That's why she divorced him.
Then she got with Darryl.
Half Japanese, by the way.
And then they had a kid.
Al.
Hmm?
I think we've been robbed.
What?
What do you mean?
I think you've been robbed!
(ALL SCREAMING)
(GRUNTING)
Are you crazy!
(SHRIEKING)
Call 911!
PEGGY: Let go of me!
(SIRENS WAILING)
BRET: ... can stay downstairs.
This bedroom needs to
be painted for her.
You know, something soothing.
(DOOR OPENING)
Oh, um...
Hey, Lissie sweetie,
it's night-night time.
(SIGHS)
PIER: The lawyer thinks
because she didn't actually
hurt anybody,
it's gonna be all right.
And I talked to her boss
for a long time.
He says, because of
their years together,
that if she gets help
and pays what she stole,
he's willing to give
her job back.
(SIGHS)
Peggy, what were you thinking?
I just
wanted him to know
what it felt like to...
What it felt like to what?
To be hunted.
Oh, Peggy.
We love you.
And we're so worried
about you.
PIER: We're gonna get you
the help you need.
We're here for you.
Lissie.
I'm so sorry.
Why?
You love animals,
don't you, Aunt Peggy?
Mmm-hmm.
So do I.
This one's mean
and this one's nice.
(LIPS SMACKING)
(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)
Oh, welcome back, Peggy.
There she is.
(ALL CHATTERING)
Here, Peggy.
Welcome back.
You look so pretty.
I had a talk with Jeff.
He moved us
to the orange team
with Brad and Denise.
I just think
that's a better fit.
Denise is great with people,
Brad's good with strategy,
and I'm the numbers guy.
(DOG BARKING)
Snowball! No!
(SNAPPING FINGERS)
You'll find this amusing.
Your friend Layla
couldn't find anyone
to take her dog,
so I took it.
I don't know
what came over me.
Momentary lapse of reason.
I hate leavin' him
home all day,
so I sneak him in sometimes.
I don't really like the name,
but he answers to it.
Okay, Snowball. Down.
There you go.
Stay over there.
Anyway.
So where were we? Oh, yeah.
The orange team.
(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)
Hey. Guess what?
We finally have a date.
June 21st.
That's great, Layla.
Yeah, it took a lot of work,
that's for sure.
And I want you to be
a bridesmaid.
You wanna go to lunch?
Don has plans.
You know what? I can't.
I have a lot to catch up on.
I understand.
I'll talk to you later, okay?
PEGGY:
If you all didn't think
I was crazy,
I'm sure you will now.
How do I explain the things
I've said and done?
How do I explain
the person I've become?
I know
I've disappointed everyone,
and I'm sorry for that.
I wish I was
a more articulate person.
I believe life is magical.
It is so precious.
And there are
so many kinds of life
in this life.
So many things to love.
The love for a husband
or a wife,
a boyfriend or girlfriend.
The love for children.
The love for yourself.
And even material things.
This is my love.
It is mine.
And it fills me
and it defines me.
And it compels me on.
(I LOVE MY DOG PLAYING)
as much as I love you
always come through
is the food
to give him strength
as much as I love you
always come through
comes shining through his eyes
as much as I love you
(HUMMING)
(LOSE YOURSELF IN NATURE
AND FIND PEACE PLAYING)
and find peace
and find peace
troubles will release
and find peace
be happy, loyal and free
be happy, loyal and free
you may stay with me
be happy, loyal and free
know it all
know it all
know it all
defend their fearful ways
and find peace
and find peace
troubles will release
PEGGY: Pencil!
Pencil!
PEGGY: Bye, Pencil.
Bye.
(WHIMPERING)
(CHATTERING)
So much for
my amazing self-control.
Hi, Brenda.
Hey.
Is this a jelly?
Yes, it is.
(EXCLAIMS)
They're really good.
ROBIN: Three million in sales.
Almost three million. Around.
Let's round up.
Let's just say three million.
7%.
10% is 300.
5% is 150.
7% should be
225, little under that.
About 215, around there.
This is definitely under...
It should be 7%.
What is this?
But what a bonus.
I mean, still...
Still nothing.
I mean, I know
it's a lot of money to you,
but, I mean...
But you don't have
my degrees.
This isn't the only place
I can work.
Right.
It's not about whether
it's a lot of money or not,
it's about what's fair.
Jeff, he's always pushing
to get as much as he can.
(FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING)
Hey, Jerry. Hi, Jerry.
Hey.
(DOOR OPENING)
(DOOR CLOSING)
(WHISPERING)
Well, it's gotta be
some kind of mistake.
I mean, everyone knows
how important you are
to this company.
And you're here, like,
12 hours a day, at least.
You've been
their number one seller.
Well, maybe not this year,
but not that long ago.
The last thing
they would want is
to offend you, I am positive.
Then they need to
start prioritizing people
over money,
because otherwise
you got a guy like me,
who is the bones
of this place,
walkin' around
feeling very gypped.
Very, very gypped.
(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)
May I ask who's calling?
Oh, yes,
that's extension 3250.
I can transfer you.
(BLUES MUSIC PLAYING ON RADIO)
(BOTH MOANING)
Sit down.
Oh, babe, I can't.
We're meetin' some vendors
over at Scarantino's.
Oh, lucky!
Bye.
Bye.
Don and I had a huge fight
last night.
He started complaining
about my nails.
Said it looks like
I've been trying to crawl
my way out of a well.
Great.
Oh.
And then I wanted
to get a glass of wine,
you know,
to calm my nerves,
so I went to the fridge,
got a bottle out,
and I don't know
what I was thinking,
but I pulled the cork out
with my teeth
and chipped
my freakin' front tooth.
It looks fine.
That's because
I ran to the bathroom
and stuck it back on
with Krazy Glue.
Can you imagine
the insults if he saw me
with a chipped tooth?
I gotta go to a dentist.
(INHALING)
Every time I do that,
I can feel wind up my tooth.
And I'm scared to
touch it with my tongue,
so I'm talkin' like
I got a speech impediment.
I don't know,
I think he makes me insecure.
Layla, come on,
you're so beautiful.
And you're sweet and funny.
You're a catch.
You shouldn't feel insecure.
That's crazy talk.
I just think
if we were engaged,
I'd mellow out.
It's just,
how many times
can you keep pointin' out
rings in magazines
and crap like that?
Mmm-hmm.
Smoked cod tip
or the chicken quesadilla?
I feel the wind again.
DON: Hey, sexy lady.
What's your name?
(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)
Come here.
Let me check that out.
(GIGGLING)
(PEGGY AND ROBIN CHATTERING)
DON: Hey, sexy lady.
Come here. Get you over here.
(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)
PIER: What is this?
Oh, just a little something
that I got for Benjy.
BOTH: Oh.
You didn't have
to do that!
Auntie got you a present.
Benjy got a little present.
He loves presents.
Can I open it?
Yeah.
BRET: Well, we're hoping
that the allergies
are under control.
He loves it!
I just wanna...
It seems neurotic,
but I just...
PIER: It's fine, honey.
I just do
a little sniff test now,
because we've got to
check for artificial fibers
because some of them
will set those allergies
right off.
Here, here.
I want to
get a picture with it.
God, this thing
drives me crazy.
I want it.
Okay.
Lissie, share that
with your brother.
Share that with Benjy.
Lissie?
PIER: (CHUCKLING)
She just does not share.
As if the whole
Halloween thing wasn't
nightmare enough with
Benjy's asthma attack...
It was crazy.
Last week we found out
that Norali...
Norali has been doping Benjy
with Benadryl.
What? That's awful.
We don't have proof.
It's so obvious.
Every time I would come home,
she would say,
"He slept all afternoon,"
or what have you,
(BABBLING)
which is weird,
'cause with me
he's practically spastic.
Energetic,
very energetic boy.
I mean it in a sweet way.
But, uh,
one time we came back,
it was at night,
and he was...
He was like comatose.
Yeah. I mean,
he would not wake up.
You know, it was...
It was terrifying.
And she had all these, like,
red stains on her shirt.
So I went upstairs
and I looked
in the cabinet,
and the Benadryl was out,
and it was, like, almost gone.
Gone!
I just went, "Oh, my God.
Oh, my God!
"This woman has been
drugging my son!"
I can't believe it.
That's horrible.
I mean, jeez.
We were really gonna
do something.
But, I mean, this woman
has two young children
of her own.
So what are you gonna do?
We need to do something!
What, throw her in jail?
Well... Hello.
I mean,
maybe in some universe,
or third world country, sorry,
that's, uh, what you do
for a crying baby.
But I gotta tell you what,
not here.
(MAN CHATTERING ON TV)
(CRICKETS CHIRPING)
(PENCIL WHIMPERING)
Do you have to go
tee-tee, Pencil?
Pencil!
Pencil!
Pencil!
Pencil!
Pencil!
Come on now, I mean it!
Mommy's mad!
Pencil!
Oh, just stay out there.
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
Pencil!
(PENCIL WHIMPERING)
Pencil!
(DOORBELL RINGING)
Yeah.
Hi.
Listen, I am so sorry
to bother you,
but my dog is missing,
and I hear him crying,
and I think he might be
in your yard.
Would you mind if...
Yeah. Come in.
Thank you.
Just go through
the patio door.
Pencil!
Pencil!
(WHIMPERING)
I think I hear him
over there, yeah.
Pencil!
Pencil!
(GASPS)
Pencil.
What happened?
(CRYING)
It's okay, Pencil.
It's okay.
Just hold on.
We're almost there.
Ma'am, I'll take him.
Okay.
Oh.
Somebody come look
at this dog now!
(SIGHS)
(SOBBING)
(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)
Was he sick at all?
No.
What happened?
They said
it was toxic poisoning.
He got into something.
Ate something.
Boy...
This might be a good time
for me to...
I was gonna wait
till closer to Christmas,
but I think you deserve
a little boost.
I would've liked
to give you more,
but since it's a percentage
of what they give me...
You deserve more,
but I'm still debating
what to do about that.
PEGGY: I'm just so sad.
LAYLA: No, don't cry.
(SIGHS)
Oh, I have just
the thing for this.
It's nothing.
Just a Xanax.
You won't even notice,
but it'll help calm you down.
No, I don't...
I don't want that.
I know!
Let's go see
a crappy movie.
Let's go find
the stupidest movie
we can find.
A stupid funny movie, yeah?
I know. Let's go out tonight
and get drunk.
Let's just get plastered.
You need to get laid.
When was the last time
you got laid?
Oh, it's been
a long time, huh?
(SOBBING CONTINUES)
BRET: Ooh, I think
we may have a dirty diaper.
Could you change that, Maria,
before dinner? Thank you.
Why is Aunt Peggy
here again?
Because she needs
some cheering up.
Oh, honey,
could you get me one of those
serving dishes up top?
Yeah. Yeah.
So, two girls
from Lissie's class
were sent home today
with lice.
(EXCLAIMS)
I had to spend an hour
fastidiously
combing through
poor Lissie's hair.
Thank God, she's clean.
Yay, Lissie!
Why does Aunt Peggy
need cheering up?
You know what, sweetie?
Because she's sad,
honey. Okay?
She's sad.
Yeah.
Why is she sad?
Because Pencil died today.
(BRET SIGHING)
Wow, that's a lot
to process.
D-E-A-T-H.
It's natural, honey.
Oh, doesn't know
what that means.
I'd rather
just skip that one.
Okay, okay.
We are gonna get ready
for dinner!
Wash our hands.
We'll be back.
Okay.
Peggy...
You know what?
Maybe we should go
to San Francisco.
See my sister
and do some shopping.
That sounds like fun.
A little girls' weekend.
WOMAN ON TV:
My husband was concerned
because it was $59.95,
and that wasn't in the budget.
But when I told him
I could save $20, twice...
(DOORBELL RINGING)
Hey.
Hey.
So, what happened
with your dog?
He died.
Oh, nuts! Really?
(SIGHING)
I'm so sorry.
I had a dog
when I was younger,
and when she died,
I was devastated.
I was just destroyed by it,
so I'm really sorry.
It's so weird.
I feel like
I should do somethin' for you.
Bring you some food...
I'll be okay.
Can I take you
out to dinner?
I mean, not tonight,
but another night
when you're up for it?
Maybe Thursday?
Oh, okay. Sure.
He seemed like
a real sweet little dog.
Thank you.
Take care.
Peggy, that is great!
That is exactly
what you should be doing.
You little vixen!
Is he hot?
Um, no.
Do not let him take you
to some place gross.
Because if you guys
get married,
then you'll always remember
your first date,
and you do not want it
to be in some stank, beefy,
BO burger place.
Go Italian.
Go to Scarantino's.
Ooh, I am so excited!
It might not even
be a date, Layla.
I mean,
he might just be
being nice.
No, no! I believe in fate.
Don't you?
I believe that
there is somebody
on this planet for us all.
Even retarded cripple people
get married.
You just have to be open.
So, hey,
maybe your dog died so that
your love life can live,
and you could find, um,
what's-his-name.
Al. Al.
You could find Al.
Yes. Maybe this is all fate.
This is all for the best.
I really think so.
(DOORBELL RINGING)
So I thought
we'd go to Scarantino's.
You ever been there?
That's so...
Um, no,
I've never been there,
but it sounds great.
Here, let me
give you a hand.
Oh.
(DOG BARKING)
Let me get your door.
Buckle up.
(ITALIAN MUSIC PLAYING
ON STEREO)
His name was Pencil.
'Cause when I got him,
he was thin as a pencil
and, you know, he was brown.
Sounds really cute.
Also, he did
the sweetest little thing
with his paw.
He would wipe it
on the floor
back and forth,
like he was trying to
write something to me.
He had a really
unique personality.
Was he a water dog?
Not really.
So, you were saying
you had a dog
who died when you were young?
Tessie. I loved that dog.
I had her
since she was a puppy.
We did everything together.
She was my right hand bitch.
Sorry. I mean in a dog way
of being a bitch.
Mmm-hmm.
Yeah, she died way too young.
She was only six.
(SIGHS)
Yeah.
How did she die?
I shot her in Wyoming.
You want some more wine?
Wait. What do you mean?
It was an accident.
A hunting accident.
Oh.
I still feel terrible.
What were you hunting?
Huntin' moose. Mooses.
They got
a lot of moose up there.
Don't worry about it.
You ever been hunting?
No.
It can be a rush.
But, you know,
accidents do happen,
and, uh, you know, a gun
is a very powerful weapon.
I learned that the hard way.
That's why I never
keep guns in my house.
Well, that's good.
Yeah.
Just knives. That's it.
Thank you.
I had a nice time.
So, you ever been married?
No. No.
I mean, I was, um...
I had boyfriends,
but I never, you know.
I guess I never...
That never happened,
but...
You know, I think some people
just aren't as, you know...
Um...
I don't even know
what I'm saying.
Just, you know,
whatever, you know.
What are you gonna do?
And the whole dating thing
is just kind of, yuck,
no, thank you, so...
Yeah, so that's basically
how I feel.
Just, you know...
I don't know.
Just like that, I guess.
But...
So you wanna get the tour?
Um...
AL: It can be
a real addiction.
You know, some people
spend all kinds of money
traveling the world
just to find
somethin' to shoot
that's new
and hard to find, you know?
Like leopards,
rare birds and...
And they have tours in Africa
and Asia and India.
Even endangered species.
You know, so you can get one
before they're all gone.
(SIGHS)
This was a lucky shot.
Isn't it a beauty?
And those are my knives.
Can I see your garage?
My garage?
Sure.
Yeah, right through here.
(AL CHUCKLES)
Was this open
the other night?
What?
This garage door was open,
wasn't it,
the night
that Pencil got sick?
Yeah. Could be.
What are you looking for?
Do you keep antifreeze
in here?
Uh, yeah, I have.
I don't know
if I have any now, but...
What about rat poison?
Uh, no.
Hmm.
No?
Why? You got a rat problem?
Are you lookin' for somethin'?
Can I help you?
I like you.
What are you doing?
Don't do that.
What? I was just...
Stay away from me.
Don't do that.
No, I was just...
Come on. I gotta go.
(SNIFFING)
(CRYING)
So, how was your date?
He's not my type.
Well, what is your type?
Do you have a type?
I kind of have
a lot of work to do
right now.
(PHONE RINGING)
Hello.
MAN: Is this Miss Spade?
Yes.
Hi, Miss Spade.
I'm Newt Erdrich
at the SPCA L.A.
Uh-huh.
I'm a Client Services Manager.
I work in the adoption program
to place animals
to prevent them
from being euthanized
by the city,
and I noticed
that you were very upset
about losing your dog.
And my instinct is
that you're a very sensitive,
caring pet owner,
and that is exactly
the kind of people
that we're looking for.
And, well,
we have a dog here
who needs a home.
And this dog, um,
Valentine is his name,
um, has some
behavioral issues,
and I just thought
that maybe you might
fall in love with him.
It's a shot in the dark
here,
but I'm just desperate
because I don't want
to see him die.
But no pressure.
This is King.
He's diabetic,
unfortunately.
Aren't you?
Big goof.
And this is Myrtle.
Myrtle!
She came in
when I was first starting
at the Center.
And who's this?
That's Buttons.
Oh, my God.
And of course,
this is Valentine.
Now, I've kept him
in the pen
because he still isn't
playing well with others.
Easy.
I brought him home because,
you know, he spoke to me.
And that happens sometimes.
But I can't keep him
'cause legally
you're only allowed
three pets.
Mmm.
Animals are like us,
they live for love.
And if you have
too many of them,
then there's not enough love
to go around, right?
Valentine, say hello
to your new mommy.
Listen, he's been abused,
so you're really gonna
have to work with him.
Mmm-hmm.
But look at his eyes.
There's an old soul
in there, I think.
I just love him
so much already.
Well, if you need help
training him,
I do that part-time
on the weekends.
Oh.
And my methods
are very positive.
Okay.
It's about reward,
it's not about punishment.
Good boy.
You like that...
(GROWLING)
Down, Valentine!
Down, Valentine!
Down! Down!
(SIGHING)
Peggy.
Layla!
(SQUEALING)
Oh, Layla!
I guess all my whining
paid off.
Oh, my gosh!
I totally was not prepared.
We went to go see
the new Spider-Man...
Superman...
No, no, no! Spider-Man.
Anyway, it was cute.
So then we went
to Greenstein's Deli.
Not romantic.
And he's actin' all weird
and nervous,
and I'm like,
"What is goin' on?"
And then, bam!
He just pulls it out!
And I'm not even pregnant!
It's kind of
a mellow engagement.
That's what Don's callin' it.
But we'll see.
Guess what?
I have some good news, too.
Oh. What, what, what?
I got another dog.
It's a shelter dog,
and his name's Valentine.
Peggy, how are you ever
gonna find a boyfriend,
if you keep shackin' up
with dogs?
(TOILET FLUSHING)
Do you have any soy milk?
I'm sorry, I don't.
(VALENTINE BARKING)
That's okay. It's okay.
It's very political.
Because on the one hand
you have the city,
and they want to
terminate every animal
they get their hands on.
Yeah, they just have
a killing routine.
Wow.
And I know for a fact,
that they have paper products
stored in those cages.
I could write an expose.
It would explode like a bomb.
And on the other hand,
you have the animal activists,
who don't wanna see
even one animal die.
And we come
under criticism because
we work with the city,
but there are 5,000 kittens
that come through the system
each year.
You can't
save them all, right?
Wow. That must be
so much pressure for you.
And I have nightmares,
you know?
I had a nightmare
last night
that I was being attacked
and raped by
two bull mastiffs.
Oh.
Yeah, but what am
I supposed to do?
Stop caring?
Oh, no. I mean,
you can't stop caring.
This is your passion.
Right.
You know.
Makes sense to me.
You're right.
Good boy. Eyes to me.
Eyes to me. He knows.
And big ups. Big ups.
(VALENTINE BARKING)
No, no, no.
He needs to know
he can't play that part.
...and I was literally
at a loss...
(BARKING)
Valentine.
That's good.
That's good.
You can just sign
your name there.
You know, I've always had
better relationships
with animals than people.
Mmm-hmm. I can relate.
Animals aren't petty,
for one.
They don't backstab you.
So what about girlfriends
and that sort of thing?
Oh, I don't know.
That's very complicated.
I was raised in a very
culty...
Hmm.
Adults being
very... No boundaries.
Mmm-hmm.
I just used to go off
by myself...
And I always had
this connection with animals.
And that's why I'm a vegan.
People say,
"If you couldn't kill it,
you shouldn't eat it."
And I could never
kill an animal.
I understand.
(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)
(GROANS IN DISGUST)
I'm so excited
to be eating here.
There's a couple of things
that are really amazing.
The seitan Sloppy Joe.
The tempeh BLT is good.
Tofu chop.
One of everything.
No, not really.
(BOTH LAUGHING)
I think, um, a veggie pizza.
What?
Nothing.
(DOG PANTING)
(VALENTINE BARKING)
Do you sleep with your dogs?
Guilty.
Three dogs?
Yeah, it gets crowded.
King hogs the covers.
Don't you, King?
Hmm?
(CHUCKLING)
Wipe that grin
off your face.
(GROWLING)
You know, it's really nice
to finally meet someone
who just...
I don't know,
I think we have
a lot in common.
And you've really
opened my eyes
to so many different...
I think you're great.
Yeah?
Yeah. Definitely.
Well, thanks.
And you know what?
What?
I'm gonna be a vegan.
Really? Yeah.
Mmm-hmm.
I mean, after reading
all those books,
how can I not? Absolutely.
Well, I think that's great.
Yeah.
It's been a while since I...
I'm just...
Well, we don't have
to do anything.
Oh. Okay.
MAN: Cupcakes!
WOMAN: These are diabolical.
I just had a croissandwich.
PEGGY: They're vegan.
They're what?
There's no milk, butter,
or any animal product in them.
No animal was harmed
in the making
of those cupcakes.
Different.
No butter.
That's weird.
Hey, Susan.
You gotta try this.
It's a vegan cupcake.
Thank you, but I'm fine.
Oh, come on,
you gotta try it.
It's delicious. There.
ROBIN:
You know what happened,
don't you?
They put me on the green team
with Greg and Paul.
Two of the oldest guys
in this division.
I feel like
I've been put in
with the dinosaurs.
What are you so happy about?
You know what
I was just thinking, Robin?
And you're probably
gonna hate this.
But you should adopt a dog.
What?
You need something
to come home to.
A little life in your house.
Something to love.
And I have the perfect dog
for you.
It's a Maltese-poodle mix.
And I have
a picture right here.
Peggy, no.
Absolutely not.
I don't want a dog.
Get your head
in the game here.
I don't want a dog.
What are you doing?
Don't ever
bring that up again.
Listen, I can't
really talk right now
'cause my boss is
getting a little aggravated.
But guess what?
I got another one for you.
Yes, the receptionist
wants the dachshund.
Isn't that great?
No, it's fun.
I feel great about it.
I know,
making a difference.
Yeah. But listen,
I really should go.
Yeah. I'll call you later.
Okay. Bye.
Peggy. What's goin' on?
Well,
I'm volunteering
for this animal shelter
and I'm trying to get
all these dogs adopted.
But Robin doesn't want me
to be doing it during work,
so I'm just trying
to keep it quiet.
Hey, but now that you and Don
have moved in together,
you two should get a dog!
I have the sweetest Maltese.
No, Peggy.
You have been
runnin' around here
like Mary Pippin Poppins
Sunshine or something.
Have you met somebody?
What do you mean?
Come on,
don't bat your eyelashes
at me!
Have you met someone?
(EXCLAIMS)
Come here! Come here!
Tell me everything!
Have you slept together?
No.
Well, have you kissed?
Um...
You made out?
Well, kind of.
Peggy, you really like him,
don't you?
He's a really nice person.
This is so exciting!
Look at you!
I am liking this a lot.
(IN A SINGSONG VOICE)
Peggy's got a man.
Peggy's got a man.
Babe! We don't have this one.
(CHUCKLING)
No, we don't.
There's pretty dramatic stuff
in that one.
She's so sensitive.
But you know what?
Maybe. Why not, huh?
I think so.
Do you wanna say thank you
to Aunt Peggy?
Thank you, Aunt Peggy.
You're welcome, sweetie.
I'm gonna go watch it!
Okay.
I feel so sorry for her.
She has missed so much school
because of the lice.
She keeps getting re-exposed
because they can't coordinate
with the parents.
The kids need to get deloused
on the same one day.
We've been saying this
from the beginning.
There's no leadership.
It's kind of tearing
the first grade class apart.
The class? The community!
There's a No Nit Policy!
It's a total meltdown.
But enough about that.
You're so sweet.
You always bring presents
for the kids.
Yeah. You really do.
You know, I was thinking,
for Christmas, maybe a dog.
Yeah...
I don't think
that's such a good idea.
Benjy's still
a little too young.
Well, we had a dog
when we were little, Pier.
Little Tippy.
Yeah...
You know, even a small dog,
'cause I thought,
you know,
a hypoallergenic dog,
maybe a toy poodle,
but, ooh, one bite for Benjy
and that's his entire finger.
We just have enough
going on over here as it is.
Oh, hey, stay for dinner!
You know, Maria made pasta
with spicy sausage.
(PIER EXCLAIMS)
You know what, that's okay.
I'm a vegan now so...
Actually,
there are so many things
that I can't eat.
Is that healthy, Peggy?
Oh, yeah, it's very healthy.
Actually, most people do it
for health reasons,
but I'm doing it
for animal reasons.
The corporate farming
in America is awful.
I read a book about it.
Oh, Peggy,
you can buy free range,
did you not know that?
And organic.
Yeah, but it's still,
you know, murder.
Well, it'll be interesting
to see how long that lasts.
Yep. Vegan.
It's nice to have a word
that can describe you.
I've never had that before.
Come on, Valentine!
He knows. Up!
Good boy.
(VALENTINE BARKING)
Hey, how's it going?
Hi.
So, that dog can
sure bark, huh?
(VALENTINE BARKING)
Yeah.
It's good
to get him accustomed
to being in the park
and seeing other dogs
before we take him
off the leash.
But you have to watch,
because sometimes
they get more aggressive
when they're on the leash.
Hey, Newt.
What?
I like you.
I like you, too.
Yeah, but...
Do you know what I mean?
Like in...
Peggy, um...
I'm not able to be
in a relationship.
I mean, with a woman.
Or a man.
Either, really.
I don't understand.
You like men?
I'm celibate, basically,
anyway, so that's
beside the point.
But...
I hope
I haven't misled you.
(BARKING)
Whoa!
Cody! Come here!
NEWT: Valentine!
Get down!
Valentine!
No!
Valentine!
No! Get down!
Valentine!
(BARKING CONTINUES)
I'm sorry.
Get him away!
I'm sorry, ma'am.
I'm so sorry.
Crazy.
Valentine, no! No!
Come on!
What are you doing?
NEWT: You know,
I really do like you.
If you wanna find someone else
to train Valentine,
I totally understand.
But he really needs
someone that will build
on my approach.
I've always been disappointed
by people.
So...
I've really only been able
to count on my pets.
I know it's pathetic, but...
Hey, it's not pathetic.
But it's enough.
It was enough last month
and last week,
and it'll be enough
next week.
Because of you,
I've really been able
to acknowledge
that part of my life
in a deeper way, so...
So thank you.
And this just,
you know, confirms
what I already know, so...
Hey.
Peggy.
Valentine.
Come on.
(CAR DOOR CLOSING)
Hmm.
(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)
(BOTH LAUGHING)
LAYLA:
Christmas is gonna be nuts.
Oh, and I know
you're gonna be bummed,
but Don didn't go
for the dog idea.
He said it just didn't fit
into our lifestyle.
Sorry. So how's the guy
you're seeing?
I don't wanna talk about it.
Why? What happened?
Okay.
(KEYBOARD CLACKING)
(SIGHS)
That was a good meeting.
I mean, I know it's
the meeting that
you wanted to have,
and everything's clear now.
Greg, would you get Vince
and Bob in here?
I wanna do a post-mortem
to make sure we're on
the same page.
Okay. Vince and Bob.
Robin, hi.
First of all,
I'm on my lunch break,
so this is my time.
I am not on the clock.
I've been doing
some research,
and I've discovered
this science lab in Maryland
that's doing animal testing.
It's evil.
So I am collecting signatures
for PETA to protest.
You gotta be kidding.
Would you sign it, please?
No.
How do you think
we've made all
the medical breakthroughs
that we've made?
That's how you figure
stuff out, Peggy.
You test it on animals
so people can live.
What they're doing is torture.
People don't test stuff
on animals for fun.
They do it for a reason,
for science,
and to help save lives.
And this isn't the forum
for political
signature gathering, okay?
This is a business.
Not in the office!
Sorry.
I mean, come on.
(INAUDIBLE)
What are we talking,
like spring,
summer, fall?
Don!
What? We're not thinkin'
anything, babe.
We just got engaged. Relax.
We're young.
What's the rush?
It's not like
we're 40, right?
Anyway, I gotta go pee.
So, Layla says you don't
want to get a dog.
Doesn't fit
into your lifestyle.
I'm never home.
I think you should
get a dog.
Yeah?
Yeah.
It teaches responsibility.
Well, maybe I don't
want to be responsible.
Might keep you
out of trouble.
Yeah? How's that?
I don't know.
You're getting married.
You could, you know,
go home and walk
the dog instead of...
I don't know,
going to the mall
and meeting other women,
at Victoria's Secret, say?
That line was too long.
I'll just go later.
Peggy, get a sorbet
or something.
It's Christmas.
And Don and I are paying.
I'm okay.
(ROBIN CHATTERING)
LAYLA: Peggy.
Oh, my God, you scared me.
Guess what?
Don and I got to talking
after lunch,
and we've come around
on the whole dog thing.
So when we get back
from our trip,
we're gonna take one.
A small one.
Are you happy?
Um...
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Very much so.
See, we're nesting already.
Oh, it's great.
Okay.
(SNARLING)
Ow!
Valentine!
(GROANING)
Get out! Out!
(VALENTINE BARKING)
(WINCING)
(WOMAN CHATTERING ON TV)
(DOORBELL RINGING)
(DOOR OPENING)
Hi.
Hi. Oh.
Look, I have a friend over,
and we're trying
to watch a DVD
and your dog is...
Do you think you could
get him to quiet down?
You know what?
I don't know.
Well, do you think
you could at least
bring him inside?
He's right under my window.
Well, maybe you shouldn't
have poisoned Pencil.
Who?
My other dog.
The one that died
in your yard
after you left out
whatever it was
he got into that killed him.
Look, I did not
poison your dog!
Well, he was poisoned.
Toxic poisoning,
that's what the vet said.
Well, that's not my problem.
Well, now it is.
What is your deal?
(BARKING CONTINUES)
(SCOFFS)
Ooh.
It's a shawl.
I like it.
Thank you, Bret.
It's from me, too.
Oh, thank you, Pier.
It's so pretty.
And I got something
really neat for all of you.
Oh, thank you.
There's one for everybody.
That's for you.
Pier, you can open Benjy's.
Benjy!
PEGGY: I found this
really great place online.
It's an animal sanctuary
for discarded farm animals.
So I sponsored
different animals
for each of you.
And they actually name
the animals after you.
They named a chicken Lissie
after you, Lissie.
LISSIE: They did?
PEGGY: Yeah. Isn't that neat?
She was rescued
from a slaughterhouse.
And now she's
a very happy chicken
because
you're sponsoring her.
When do I get her?
Well, you don't.
But she's living
a very nice life
thanks to you.
But I want her here.
Well, you could go visit her.
She's only an hour away.
That would be fun,
wouldn't it?
To go visit your chicken?
That'll be fun.
You named chickens
after us?
Well, there's actually
a pig named after you.
(LAUGHING)
PIER: A pig. That's good.
That's good.
I know it seems funny,
but it's a really
amazing organization.
I'm sure it is.
But it's not a joke.
It's really sweet, Peggy.
(BOTH CHUCKLING)
Pier, stop it!
And what kind of animal
is Bret?
Oh, yeah.
A cow.
(LAUGHTER CONTINUES)
BRET: Stop it!
(PHONE RINGING)
Robin Heaton's office.
Yes, may I tell him
who's calling?
Mmm-hmm.
Mr. Heaton is in a meeting
in another city, actually.
But I know he really admires
your organization,
which is why
he made the donation,
obviously.
Right. Yes.
But he is
a very private person,
and I don't think
he wants to be
on any mailing lists.
Mmm-hmm.
Yes, anything you wanna send,
you can send to me, okay?
I'm his assistant,
Peggy. Right.
Peggy.
Peggy.
Who was that?
Um...
That was just someone,
you know,
asking about...
How was your Christmas?
Fine.
Asking about what?
What did you do?
Caught up on some stuff.
Please tell me
you took the day off.
Well...
You know,
I should've brought you
with me to my brother's.
I can't find the number
for Long, Green & Tessler.
Can you bring me
their file, too?
Mmm-hmm.
Oh, look at the puppy!
I just love you!
I just love you!
(EXCLAIMING)
So cute!
(RAP MUSIC PLAYING ON STEREO)
Christmas was great.
Don's family loves me.
At least that's what he said.
They kept talkin' about
all the girlfriends
he had in high school,
which really started
to piss me off.
It's like,
"Do you have to go there?"
And, evidently,
he's still in touch
with some
of these girlfriends.
And I am not down
with that at all.
I just don't wanna come off
like a paranoid nag too soon.
(WHIMPERS)
Oh!
Peggy! He just peed on me!
This is my favorite
sweat suit! Dang it!
Go on.
Thank you so much
for doing this.
I really appreciate it.
I hate leaving him,
but my brother
doesn't allow dogs
in his house, so...
One of those, huh?
Well...
I think I need to
alter my approach
with Valentine.
Maybe more firmer.
Okay. But you won't
keep him in the pen
the whole time though, right?
No. No, no.
It's just till he acclimates.
Good. Okay.
And, um, maybe
I can take you out for dinner
after as a thank you?
Oh, please,
it's not necessary.
No, I know,
but I would
really like to.
Okay. Good.
That'd be great.
Okay. Good.
Happy New Year.
Thank you. Happy New Year.
I'm gonna say bye
to Valentine.
Bye, Valentine.
Bye, Valentine.
Be good.
(BARKS)
Thanks again.
Where are you going?
Where are you going?
BRET: Okay.
PIER: We're gonna be late.
Come on, we gotta go.
I'm ready, I'm ready!
I heard you.
We're good. We're good.
We've got everything.
Is that mink?
Oh, no, it's rabbit.
Um, you know, Peggy,
when I first bought it,
the woman told me
that it was faux,
'cause it kind of looks faux.
Do you think I'm horrible?
It's nice.
Okay.
PIER:
If she likes it, we should go.
We have to go.
Okay, let's go. Bye, guys.
Bye, sweet boy.
I love you. I love you, honey.
I'm gonna keep my kiss
right here.
See you later. Bye.
Bye, Mommy. Bye, Daddy.
Bye, guys!
Oh, listen.
You know, I'm gonna
call you every hour.
Don't worry!
Thank you. I love you!
Bye, babies!
Okay.
(DOG BARKING)
LISSIE: Where are we going?
I thought we could go visit
your chicken.
Do you wanna go see
Chicken Lissie?
Yeah!
Did you see Babe, Lissie?
Yeah.
Well, did you like it?
Yeah.
Well, we might see Babe today.
A real Babe.
Can I pet it?
I think you can.
PEGGY:
At the place we're going,
they rescue pigs like Babe
and chickens like yours,
and they rescue goats and cows
so they don't have to
be killed and eaten.
Isn't that nice?
LISSIE: If the animals
didn't get eaten,
what would they do?
Um, well...
Come on in.
WOMAN: Lissie is over there.
Yeah, that one.
She and
a few of the others here,
fell off a truck
on the way to a chicken farm
about a mile up the road.
They fell out of a truck?
Yeah, and it's
a good thing, too,
because they would've been
somebody's lunch.
Before she came here,
Lissie had never
touched the ground
with her feet,
or felt the sun,
or even spread her wings.
Isn't that sad?
It's just...
(SIGHS)
(CLUCKING)
(CATTLE MOOING)
(MOOING)
(HORSES NEIGHING)
Goodbye! Bye!
Wow.
(EXCLAIMS)
That woman is a saint.
And this place,
this place is heaven!
This is heaven.
And there is a hell
just one mile up the road,
Lissie,
and we need to see it.
We need to see it.
Because there's a holocaust
going on there right now.
They're slaughtering chickens
up there right this second.
That's a reality, Lissie.
That's a reality,
and we can't ignore it.
Life isn't like Babe.
Mmm-mmm.
You know, they show movies
like Babe to kids,
but then they don't
tell you what happens
to Babe in real life.
But you need to know.
(BENJY CRYING)
LISSIE: I don't wanna go.
I don't wanna see them
hurt the chickens.
I know, and I don't either,
and we're not going to.
It's okay, it's okay,
it's okay.
It's okay.
It's okay. Okay.
Let's go home.
We're going home now.
REPORTER: And since
everybody's looking up
at that ball,
let's take a look
at this year's addition.
It's made of
Waterford crystal.
It weighs in
at about 1,070 pounds
and is six feet in diameter.
It contains 696 lights
and 90
rotating pyramid mirrors,
all computer controlled,
which enables the ball
to produce
a state-of-the-art light show.
It's designed
to dazzle the eyes
with all kinds
of colorful patterns.
Kind of like a spectacular
kaleidoscope effect
on the top of
One Times Square.
The theme
of this year's design is
"Forward with Harmony."
And everybody is waiting
for that ball to drop.
Think about it.
Very, very soon
it's gonna be
a brand new year.
It's so exciting.
You can hear the energy...
Unbelievable.
PEGGY: Lissie.
Lissie? Are you awake?
Hi.
Do you wanna go
see the ball drop
with Aunt Peggy?
You want to?
Just the big girls, right?
Come on, let's go.
It's almost New Year's.
Shh! Don't wake Benjy.
(SHUSHING)
(PEOPLE CHEERING)
REPORTER:
It really is exciting.
And now we're down
to 12 seconds.
BOTH: 10, 9, 8,
7, 6, 5,
4, 3, 2, 1!
BOTH: Happy New Year!
(PEOPLE CHEERING)
(WHOOPING)
Happy New Year!
There's our
big celebration party
out in Hollywood,
and there's the sidewalks
of New York,
teeming with people.
One group of people,
all of them happy,
smiling, laughing.
What do you think of these?
I think they're mean.
I think they're mean, too.
You're sweet.
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
(GROANS)
(WATER DRIPPING)
Thank you, sis.
You're the best.
I hope it wasn't
too boring.
We so appreciated
a night away.
Really appreciate it.
What a hot night.
Amazing night.
We needed it.
Ooh.
I'll, uh, call you
tomorrow, okay?
Drive safe.
Bye.
(TIRES SCREECHING)
(SOBBING)
Newt?
Newt.
Valentine killed Buttons.
What?
It happened so fast.
We were in the back,
and he...
Oh.
Newt, I'm so sorry.
It's not your fault.
It's not your fault!
Oh, my God.
It's a mess back there!
Don't go back there!
I tried to call you,
but I...
I don't know.
Poor Buttons.
(CONTINUES SOBBING)
I'm so sorry.
(MUMBLING)
Newt, where's Valentine?
The city came
and picked him up.
What?
I told them
to put him down.
You... You what?
It was the only thing to do,
and I knew
you couldn't do it,
so I took it
out of your hands,
so you wouldn't have
to carry the burden
of making that decision.
What?
You have to put
a dog like that down.
You...
I thought we could save him,
but we couldn't!
You...
It was a mistake.
He's not even supposed
to be here.
It's okay.
We'll find him.
While I'm looking him up,
you can walk back.
All the animals
that were brought in today
are in this first hall.
Down there?
Yeah.
(DOGS WHIMPERING)
Ma'am,
my records indicate
the dog was involved
in a mauling.
He was euthanized
a few hours ago.
(DOGS BARKING)
This is terrible.
He shouldn't have died.
He shouldn't have died.
(SOBBING)
MAN: Come on!
Come on, boy. Come on.
(WHINING)
Come on.
Come on, boy!
(GRUNTING) Come on!
Take it easy.
Excuse me, sir.
Where are you
taking that dog?
I want that dog.
What?
I want to adopt this dog
right now,
so just give me the dog.
You want this dog?
Right now?
Mmm-hmm.
I want this dog.
Give me the dog.
Hold on.
Stay, boy.
(WHIMPERING)
Ma'am, you're gonna have
to fill out some paperwork.
Yeah, fine.
I want this dog,
and I want every single dog
you're gonna
euthanize tonight.
That's 15 dogs.
Fifteen. That's great.
Yes.
Ma'am, you can't
adopt 15 dogs.
The limit is three.
Well, I work for
the ASPCA L.A.
I work for Newt Erdrich.
He's a client
services manager.
I happen to be
in the adoption program,
and I will be taking
all these dogs
and placing them
in adoption situations,
so I think that should
be fine, then, thank you.
Get me the dogs. Great.
(DOGS BARKING)
Come on, you two with me.
You two with me. In the house.
Quiet! I will be right back!
Big dogs out. Come on.
No, no, big dogs out.
Out, out, out, out, out.
No! Oh, no!
No, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no.
(DOGS BARKING)
(CLATTERING)
Here's some water for you.
Oh, good boys.
No fighting!
Mommy's gotta go to work.
Mommy's gotta go to work.
Okay. Be good.
(DOGS BARKING)
Oh, no.
Mommy's late.
Mommy's late.
You be good.
Be good. Be good.
Mommy's late for work.
Peggy! Robin's been
looking for you for an hour.
He seems pretty agitated.
Where is he?
He's in a meeting
now with Jeff.
(PHONE RINGING)
Hello.
PIER: Hey, Peg?
Why didn't you tell us
you took Lissie
to some animal farm
and indoctrinated her?
Well, she wanted to see
her chicken, Pier.
I thought it would be nice.
No, it's not nice.
She's traumatized.
Well, I'm sorry
that you feel that way.
Traumatized, Peggy!
No, I don't think
she's traumatized.
She will not even eat
a ham sandwich now.
Well, what's so important
about eating
a ham sandwich, anyway?
If she doesn't
want to eat it...
Peggy, you completely
betrayed our trust!
The furs.
Yeah. And Bret can't
find her furs.
What?
You think I stole her furs?
Peggy, where are they?
I have no idea!
Look, I have to go right now.
I'm at work.
She hung up.
Hey, Peggy,
Robin's looking for you.
What happened to you?
You okay?
Peggy, I know you're
gonna be disappointed,
but it's not workin' out
with Snowball.
He keeps peein'
all over the place
and chewin' up
all the furniture.
And Don, he thinks that...
Don?
Layla, do you understand that
that dog will be loyal to you
his whole life?
Don's not even
loyal to you now.
Don wants to keep it.
It's me.
What do you mean,
he's not loyal to me?
What, Peggy? Say it.
Uh, I didn't mean anything.
I gotta go.
Robin's looking for me.
(SIGHS)
So, I just got a call
this morning
from a woman named
Jocelyn Kleinhoffer.
She works for
the Animal Action something.
She wanted to thank me
for my generous contribution
of $200
to help prevent
the clubbing of baby seals
in Canada.
I trusted you
with the most valuable thing
I have,
and you stole from me.
I thought we were on
the same team, but...
I trusted you.
So what were you thinking?
Hmm?
You're fired.
Effective immediately.
(DOGS BARKING)
(MUSIC PLAYING ON TV)
I have not slept 10 minutes
in a week!
How many dogs
do you have in there?
They need a home.
Well, get 'em one,
so I don't have to
put up with this racket.
Not now!
And do you know
how much this house stinks?
You know what?
You're a jerk.
I'm telling you,
you deal with this or I will.
WOMAN ON TV:
with some guy in the sky
(PHONE RINGING)
Hello.
Peggy, it's Newt.
I haven't heard from you.
Are you still mad at me?
No, I'm not mad.
(DOGS HOWLING)
What's all that noise?
My dogs.
Oh, you got new dogs?
That's great.
Where did you get 'em?
From the pound.
You sound weird, Peggy.
Is everything all right?
I was just thinking,
you know, just now,
my house is full of love.
I have too much love
in my life.
I've never had that before.
(CHUCKLING) Come here.
Peggy? Peggy?
(PEGGY LAUGHING)
(DOGS BARKING)
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
(REGISTER BEEPING)
(INAUDIBLE)
Uh-huh.
Well, I want them back!
I don't care!
Well, what are
you gonna do with them?
Well, you know what, ma'am?
That is not good enough!
I want a record
of every one of those dogs,
and if even
one of those dogs is hurt,
I am hiring a lawyer!
Who called you?
Well, you know what?
You don't have to tell me
who called
because my neighbor called!
Can I have
your name please, ma'am?
Can I...
Don't hang up on me!
(SLAMS DOWN PHONE)
Hello!
(DOORBELL RINGING)
Hello!
(GRUNTS)
(INAUDIBLE)
(SIGHS)
(BAIT SPILLING)
AL: You ever been huntin'?
It can be a rush.
You gotta be real quiet,
so you can hear a twig snap.
After hours of waiting,
sometimes,
up comes a moose
or a Rocky Mountain elk.
And there's nothing like
the feeling like
something's gonna happen.
You know,
but it don't know.
It's just another moment
in its life,
but you know it's its last,
its last moment.
And you're gonna take it.
AL: Yeah, so then
she started to hang out
with that girl Linda
and Kimmy.
You know, the one with
that thing in her lip.
Oh, yeah, that piercing.
And they just had her
partying like crazy.
Bad news.
So she left Jamie
after that
and decided
she wanted to be with Dale.
But Dale was in the military.
That's why she divorced him.
Then she got with Darryl.
Half Japanese, by the way.
And then they had a kid.
Al.
Hmm?
I think we've been robbed.
What?
What do you mean?
I think you've been robbed!
(ALL SCREAMING)
(GRUNTING)
Are you crazy!
(SHRIEKING)
Call 911!
PEGGY: Let go of me!
(SIRENS WAILING)
BRET: ... can stay downstairs.
This bedroom needs to
be painted for her.
You know, something soothing.
(DOOR OPENING)
Oh, um...
Hey, Lissie sweetie,
it's night-night time.
(SIGHS)
PIER: The lawyer thinks
because she didn't actually
hurt anybody,
it's gonna be all right.
And I talked to her boss
for a long time.
He says, because of
their years together,
that if she gets help
and pays what she stole,
he's willing to give
her job back.
(SIGHS)
Peggy, what were you thinking?
I just
wanted him to know
what it felt like to...
What it felt like to what?
To be hunted.
Oh, Peggy.
We love you.
And we're so worried
about you.
PIER: We're gonna get you
the help you need.
We're here for you.
Lissie.
I'm so sorry.
Why?
You love animals,
don't you, Aunt Peggy?
Mmm-hmm.
So do I.
This one's mean
and this one's nice.
(LIPS SMACKING)
(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)
Oh, welcome back, Peggy.
There she is.
(ALL CHATTERING)
Here, Peggy.
Welcome back.
You look so pretty.
I had a talk with Jeff.
He moved us
to the orange team
with Brad and Denise.
I just think
that's a better fit.
Denise is great with people,
Brad's good with strategy,
and I'm the numbers guy.
(DOG BARKING)
Snowball! No!
(SNAPPING FINGERS)
You'll find this amusing.
Your friend Layla
couldn't find anyone
to take her dog,
so I took it.
I don't know
what came over me.
Momentary lapse of reason.
I hate leavin' him
home all day,
so I sneak him in sometimes.
I don't really like the name,
but he answers to it.
Okay, Snowball. Down.
There you go.
Stay over there.
Anyway.
So where were we? Oh, yeah.
The orange team.
(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)
Hey. Guess what?
We finally have a date.
June 21st.
That's great, Layla.
Yeah, it took a lot of work,
that's for sure.
And I want you to be
a bridesmaid.
You wanna go to lunch?
Don has plans.
You know what? I can't.
I have a lot to catch up on.
I understand.
I'll talk to you later, okay?
PEGGY:
If you all didn't think
I was crazy,
I'm sure you will now.
How do I explain the things
I've said and done?
How do I explain
the person I've become?
I know
I've disappointed everyone,
and I'm sorry for that.
I wish I was
a more articulate person.
I believe life is magical.
It is so precious.
And there are
so many kinds of life
in this life.
So many things to love.
The love for a husband
or a wife,
a boyfriend or girlfriend.
The love for children.
The love for yourself.
And even material things.
This is my love.
It is mine.
And it fills me
and it defines me.
And it compels me on.
(I LOVE MY DOG PLAYING)
as much as I love you
always come through
is the food
to give him strength
as much as I love you
always come through
comes shining through his eyes
as much as I love you
(HUMMING)
(LOSE YOURSELF IN NATURE
AND FIND PEACE PLAYING)
and find peace
and find peace
troubles will release
and find peace
be happy, loyal and free
be happy, loyal and free
you may stay with me
be happy, loyal and free
know it all
know it all
know it all
defend their fearful ways
and find peace
and find peace
troubles will release