Your Christmas or Mine 2 (2023) Movie Script
1
Come on!
Here we go. This way.
- Hayley, come on!
- Oi!
Come on!
Thank you.
- Hi.
- Hello.
Passports please.
Thank you.
No...
Mm...
Thats not funny.
Its not.
- Enjoy your flight.
- Thank you.
Come on.
Oh, wait! Wait, wait, wait!
What are you doing? Come on.
Coming through!
- Okay. No, its just here.
- Wait...
Seventeen, eighteen...
nineteen! Nineteen!
Oh. Yes! Yes!
Oh, we made it!
- Yay!
- Wheres everyone else?
Oh, bloomin' heck.
We cant be the first ones here.
Dont worry, chill out.
I told you we had heaps of time.
Sorry, I know. Im just...
I'm just a bit nervous about,
you know...
Mm, yeah.
Yeah, its okay. I understand.
But it will be fine. Okay?
Im sure shes really nice.
Yeah.
Anyways, first things first.
Lets just make sure that
we get on the same flight.
Okay?
I am not letting you
out of my sight.
Dont you worry.
- Thank you.
- Yes! Yes!
A thousand times, yes!
Aww...
You think youd wait until
you at least got there.
Innit?
Anyway, I feel like proposing
at Christmas
is sort of just saying, like,
I didnt know what to get ya."
Well, its a good thing I knew
just what to get you then,
isnt it?
Exactly.
- A Fitbit.
- A Fitbit.
Mhm. Im gonna use it to track
how many steps it is
from my flat to yours.
It is the worlds
least romantic present.
Well, Ive only got you a card.
Okay, its the worlds
second least romantic present.
I guess that depends
what is written in the card.
- Doesnt it?
- Oh, really?
Yeah.
Well have none of that,
you two!
Grandpa!
Been bad enough with this pair.
Like a couple of randy
wood pigeons.
Hubert!
- Hi Dad.
- Mm.
- Hayley.
- Your Lordship.
Youre looking good!
Well, must be all that
Californian sunshine.
How was the trip?
Well, longer than expected,
but with good reason.
I picked up a little something
on my travels.
Charming.
He makes me sound like something
he got in duty-free.
Diane.
- James.
- Hubert.
James. And this is Hayley.
Just Hayley. Hiya.
Nice to meet
a fellow gold-digger.
- Im joking, of course.
- Oh.
Its him whos after my money.
Its absolutely true.
I am a ruthless opportunist.
- And so sexy...
- Oh.
- Right.
- Well.
Er, well anyway, er,
I guess were just now
waiting for, for my lot.
Bonjourno, senoritas!
Ah.
Ah. Aah!
- Hey!
- I am so sorry we are late.
Hello.
Blame your Dads directions!
Hey, I missed out the roadworks
on the M42.
No, you missed out
the entire M42.
We spent an hour behind
a road gritter in Redditch.
And I thought it was
the Austrians
I was gonna have
trouble understanding.
Diane, meet the Taylors.
Youve done well there, old man.
I thought she was your carer!
Yeah, its nice to see
you too, Geoff.
- Yes.
- I love your outfit!
Thank you.
My stylist will be thrilled.
Oh man.
Mum would've loved all this.
No, Geoff, she wouldnt.
She would've absolutely
hated it.
I do miss her, you know, Kath.
Shes at your sisters.
Well be back with her
on New Years Eve.
Yeah.
Final call for
Flight 324 to Innsbruck.
Right then, troops.
As Santa said to Rudolph,
lets fly!
Ya-hey! Come on!
What are we waiting for?
Lets go!
Itll be fine.
Absolutely fine.
See? I told you, itll be fine.
Yeah.
- Yeah.
- Yeah!
Come on! Come on!
Ah... you cannot leave
an airport without a Toblerone.
Ooh. Are you opening that now?
No, course not, Geoff.
Listen, Gilet,
I hope your Dads alright
about the whole booking thing.
It was good of him offering
to take care of it all,
but we, well...
Kath, felt more comfortable
if we looked after ourselves.
Honestly Geoff, its fine.
In the end we got
a bit of a bargain.
Yeah, me mates got a few
connections and sorted us out,
so... happy days!
Wait, Gilet,
wheres all the snow?
Woah!
Wait, Dad, is that our bus?
- Are you serious?
- Lets go!
No, no, wait!
Wait, boys, wait!
Its got leather seats!
And a telly!
Look at that, eh? Woo!
Hehe!
Don't break anything.
- I reckon these seats go back...
- Oh my god...
Oh, Geoff!
This is very well organised!
Im not just a pretty face.
- Hey, Gilet.
- Look at this!
Er...
I think this ones your lot's.
Well, were all going
to the same place.
You guys get in this,
we can take your luggage.
- Well see you up there.
- Ah, cheers pal.
Er, see you at Hotel Bergschaf.
Schafberg.
Schaf-berg.
Are you gonna come with us?
No, Im gonna wait
for his Lordship.
Okay. See you later.
Ooh-la-laa!
A little love fest!
Sorry that took so long.
Came out of me like a racehorse.
Thank you, Jack,
for that indelible image.
Whats happening here?
Er, I told them
to take the first one.
We can just follow
in the one booked by...
Geoff.
Youre joking, right?
Aah!
A beautiful sight
We're happy tonight
Walkin' in a
winter wonderland
Gone away
is the bluebird
Here to stay
is a new bird
He's singin'
a song
As we go along
Walkin' in a
winter wonderland
In the meadow we can
build a snowman
And pretend that he's
a Santa Claus
We'll have lots of fun
with Mr Snowman
Till the other kiddies
knock him down
When it snows,
ain't it thrillin'
Though your nose
gets a chillin'
We'll frolic and play
The eskimo way
Walkin' in a
winter wonderland
Bloody hell!
Its not often I say this Geoff,
but you have absolutely
pulled this out of the bag.
Er, heads up...
Good afternoon, Sir!
Hello.
Im just checking this
is definitely Hotel, erm...
Schafberg.
Sheep Mountain.
Wow.
Right, okay, haha!
Well, er, were er...
I will stop you there, Sir,
and tell you exactly
who you are.
Eh?
You are...
our guests!
Its a title
we consider
more important than friend,
more sacred than family
and more intimate than lover.
Ooh!
It's an honour
to welcome you
to Hotel Schafberg.
Come, come, come, come!
The time of your life awaits!
Hes friendly.
This is massive!
This is sick!
Thats what it is.
Here we have the restaurant.
Bloody hell!
The pool...
Bloody hell!
Sky bar...
Bloody hell!
And the apartment suite.
Your home away from home.
Bloody hell!
Look at the Christmas tree!
Look at them baubles.
Im more of a Travelodge
man myself.
Danke Shun, Gerhard!
I didnt know you spoke German,
Aunty Kaye.
Ive become a master
on Duolingo.
Ooh.
Everything is included.
And for anything else...
just ask for Gerhard.
Danke schn, Gerhard!
Its my deepest pleasure.
It's not every day that we
get to accommodate
British aristocracy.
You know, I did not understand
one word that man said.
Not one word.
- Geoff.
- Nice bed.
How much did you say
you paid for this place?
Fifteen hundred euros all in.
Right. And how likely is it,
on a scale of eins
to not very bloody likely,
that this is the hotel
that you booked for us?
I dunno.
'Drei?
Fifteen hundred euros?
A drei?
That bathroom is bigger than
the Tesco Express!
Okay, look...
I think I might know
whats happened here.
Hotel Bergschaf?
Berg-Schaf, Schaf-Berg.
Its almost right.
Almost right?
This is what happens
when you book a holiday
through Darren down the Tuns
instead of going to
a proper travel agent
like I told you to!
Darren was a proper travel agent
back in the day.
Yeah, before he went to prison!
Well, he sorted us a bargain!
No, no. He has sorted us
the wrong hotel.
Hotel Bergschaf is not
Hotel Schafberg, is it?
I dont know!
Im not Austrian, am I!?
You know what?
You had one job!
Yeah, and that job was to book
a holiday for the entire family
with a bunch of millionaires
in the middle of
the bloody Alps!
Im an ice cream van man, Kath!
A good one. Some say the best.
But Im not Richard
frickin Branson, am I?
If wed have just taken Humph up
on his offer, then...
Oh, no, no, no, no.
Do not start with that.
We are not a charity, Geoff.
It's... erm...
Theyre still not here.
Do you think
somethings happened?
Well, are you gonna tell her
or shall I?
What?
Hotel Bergschaf.
Home of
the Mountain Sheep.
- Unbelievable!
- This is not what I booked.
Humphrey, it would be literally
insane if that wasnt the case.
Sir...
Im sorry.
This isnt our luggage.
This isnt our hotel.
This isnt a hotel.
Not your luggage?
Not your hotel?
Not my problem.
Excuse me.
Wont you kindly point me
in the direction
of the managers office?
Thank you.
Ill handle this, boys.
Hello?
Hi. Can I help?
Oh god.
Im the manager.
You have problems
with your driver?
Yes, yes. Very good. Very droll.
- Also the chef, the gardener
- any problems, you come to me.
This is the Hotel Bergschaf
and we need the Hotel Schafberg!
- Dad...
- Humphrey, stop shouting.
Theres a blizzard on its way.
You stay here tonight.
Humphrey, call the hotel.
Tell them who you are.
Theyll send us a snow truck.
Theres no signal.
Oh, I must say, I like
the sound of a snow truck.
Do you have the internet?
- Christ, Dad!
- Darling, youre shouting again.
No internet. No signal.
No travelling tonight!
Guys, we will be fine staying
here for one night, I am sure.
Uh...
I for one would like
to go on record
as saying I'm far from sure
about that.
Oh, no, no, no, no.
You dont stay here,
mein Frulein.
This is my house. Follow me.
Toilets.
Oh wow!
Jesus! The horns on him!
Klaus.
Sorry?
His name is Klaus.
This gate remains closed
at all times. Understood?
Well, shouldnt Klaus
just be tied up?
He was here first.
Maybe its you
who should be tied up.
I hope youre not expecting us
to stay in there?
No, of course not.
This is for my snow plough.
You stay here.
Like it?
Ive got to learn how to swear
in German.
Bloody hell.
Oh good. Were staying
in the Dark Ages.
Whats for dinner?
The bubonic plague?
Ive slept in worse.
You have?
Only during the war in Dhofar,
mind you.
Well, you have to admit,
it is rather festive.
Mm...
What, no room at the inn,
so were staying in a stable?
Exactly.
If only I could locate
three wise men.
Im sorry, but who on earth
would book to stay
in a place like this?
Now that is flipping gorgeous.
Hey sexy.
Just checking youve got to
wherever the hell it is
Dad booked into.
Im so sorry this has happened.
Were not saying that
it has actually happened,
but lets just say,
hypothetically,
there had been a little bit
of a mix-up
and we needed to be
somewhere else tonight,
is there any way that
your transport could sort that?
It pains me to use this word,
gndige Frau,
but er, the answer is no.
Big snows on its way,
so the roads will be closed.
You have a problem?
In that case, no, no.
Not at all.
We just had a little bit
of a mix-up
with the bags at the airport.
And I know that its only been
a few hours,
but hey - I miss ya.
Oh and just give us a call when
you get this. Okay?
Love you.
Wow.
Beautiful, isnt it?
Yeah, Ive never seen
anything like it.
I feel like, erm,
like Im in a Bond film.
You literally are.
They filmed Spectre
just over there.
Wow!
But if you ask me,
it just wasnt a patch on
The Spy Who Loved Me.
- Ive lost you havent I?
- Mm, yeah.
Yeah, sorry.
Ive actually never watched
a Bond film all the way through.
Have I seen you before?
Your face looks very familiar.
Oh, were you at Henley this year
for the Regatta?
Oh, nah.
Im actually allergic to horses.
Gosh, youre so funny.
And its definitely
your first time here?
Mhm.
Its me first time
up a mountain.
- What about you?
- God, no.
No, my family have holidayed
here since time immemorial.
But its nice to be reminded
not to take it for granted.
Bea...
Taylor... Hayley Taylor.
Okay, I see what
you did there.
Well, maybe Ill see you around
for a drink, Hayley Taylor.
Vodka martini.
Shaken, not stirred.
And as for your clothes,
do not say another word.
I will have outfits
sent to your room.
I'm an excellent judge of size.
Oh... Danke schn, Gerhard.
Right, nobody is going
anywhere tonight.
Yes!
Uh, uh, uh, uh...
So we just need to stay put
and keep our heads down.
Capiche?
Yeah. Capiche.
Cannonball!
- Cannonball!
- Cannonball!
Is that...?
You are kidding me.
- Woo!
- Low profile!
I think that ships
sailed, love.
He wasnt wrong
about that blizzard.
Right then,
if were going to stay warm,
were going to have to dip into
the Taylors suitcases.
Oh, well theyre
a laid-back bunch.
I dont think theyll mind.
I might.
- What is she
- a magicians assistant?
Ive seen more tasteful outfits
at Cirque Du Soleil.
My darling, trust me,
you would look magic
in anything.
Oh, you and that
British charm...
Come on... Something...
Yes! Yes!
Oh...
Ooh.
- James!
- Hayley!
Oh my god.
Its happened again, hasnt it?
- Put it this way.
- I have got...
an incredible sense of dj vu.
Or whatever that is in German.
Is it... is it alright
where you are?
Erm... I mean... yeah.
If your definition of alright
includes sleeping
in a mouldy barn
and using toilets that would
make the bogs at
Glastonbury blush.
Are you serious?
Oh my god! I am gonna...
Im gonna kill my dad!
No, erm, its fine.
Im joking. Its lovely.
Its really... its really...
charming.
A brussel sprout.
Erm, but look,
dont worry.
You guys stay there and...
and well be over
in the morning.
And well sort
it all out.
Okay.
Oh, and weve got
your suitcases.
Er, yeah, we realised.
But dont worry.
- We have a Plan B.
- I forgot how you lot
had all your matching luggage.
- You bloody poshoes.
- Yeah.
Hey...
Hubert James Hughes.
Can I sleep in one of your tops?
Of course.
And can I borrow
your toothbrush?
No, I think the hotel can
provide you with one of those.
Well, you can sleep in my PJs
if you like?
I think my dad would have
a heart attack
if he saw me in your
I heart cuddles top.
Hayley?
Are you there?
Er, yeah, yeah. Yeah, Im here.
- Er... How is the...
- James, erm...
I, Ive gotta go.
Weve got a dinner...
engagement.
Okay.
Well, enjoy.
Erm...
- Thanks.
- Love you.
- I love you too. Bye.
- Bye.
Bloody hell.
Right, Im going
to freshen up before dinner.
Oh, my washbags in my suitcase.
You havent got yours,
have you Hubert?
Yes, its in my hand luggage.
One sec.
You dont think theres
any chance
this could be one
of those random,
off the beaten track places
you hear about
that turns out to have
three Michelin stars?
Not a bad fit actually.
Mm.
Snow is snowin'
The wind is blowin'
But I can weather...
Ooh.
the storm
What do I care how much
it may storm
I've got my love
to keep me warm
Ah.
I can't remember...
Not a bad fit at all.
It just dont feel right.
Us here like this while theyre
in some dump somewhere.
Its just... No, no.
I know what you mean.
Fill it up, cheers.
Relax, sis.
Theres nowt we can do
about it tonight.
We may as well sit back
and enjoy.
Anyway, James said the place
theyre in
is actually really nice.
Well, there you go, love!
Im sure theyre living it up
over there
just as much as we are here!
Im more of a one fork
man myself.
Ladies and gentlemen,
dinner is served.
- Guten Appetit.
- Fantastic.
There goes the Michelin star.
Well, on the bright side,
its not the bubonic plague.
In the morning I shall take you
to Hotel Schafberg.
No, Im sure the hotel
will send us a snow truck.
Klaus and I must
travel regardless.
In the evening we parade
for the children
in Christmas costumes.
Are you Santa Claus
and his reindeer?
Krampus.
Krampus?
Krampus.
Oh my god.
When Saint Nicholas
comes with gifts
for those who have been good,
Krampus walks behind
and punishes those who have not.
Punishes?
Every year,
children lie awake in fear.
They can feel his presence
in the shadows.
They can hear...
his footsteps...
on the ground.
And they can sense...
the switching of his whip.
Tomorrow, I become Krampus.
Why...
Why do you do that?
Because...
mein Freund,
its Christmas.
Argh!
We can lock that door
from the inside, right?
- Hey.
- Hey.
Check out them loos.
Theyve got proper little towels
to dry your hands on.
Oooh! Fancy!
Youre in a good mood.
I thought youd be as annoyed
at me as your mum is.
Well, lets just say
I have found something
very interesting
in Jamess washbag.
Okay. And it's, erm...
you know, something you can tell
your old man about
or is it a bit, erm...?
Its a ring.
I dont wanna know.
No, Dad, ew!
No, an engagement ring.
Oh!
Oh, bloody hell!
Does he not know what to get you
for Christmas or something?
I know, right? I literally
told him to get me a Fitbit.
Well, he hasnt asked
me permission yet,
but if he does,
Ill tell him the same thing
as the last fella.
Dowry is 900 quid
and a bag of chips.
- Oh, shut up.
- And...
that theyre asking
the wrong bloke.
because I dont think
there's a man out there
who truly deserves
to marry my daughter.
Hm.
Well, James does come
pretty close, mind.
Yeah. Hes pretty special.
I just, I cant explain it.
It feels like were
on the same wavelength.
Well, there you go!
When you know, you know.
Ive always said it.
First time I asked your mum,
it just felt like the most
natural thing in the world.
Wait - the first time?
Oh yeah, no, she turned me down
the first time.
We had only been going out
ten days, mind you.
But what can I say, you know,
- when you know, you know.
- When you know, you know.
Exactly.
Hey, keep this under
your hat, okay?
Hey, my lips...
are sealed.
Hey...
I love you.
I love you too.
You make me happy
I dance with glee
And from the moment we met,
well, I knew I wanted
your father
on an intellectual, spiritual,
primal physical level.
Gosh, thats a bit...
Thats a lot.
And I am very good at getting
what the F I want.
She literally wrote
the book on it.
My book! Its called How To
Get What The F You Want.
Have I said?
No, you did. Yeah.
Well, enough about me
and my boring old
New York Times Bestseller.
So tell me more about you
and Hayley?
Do we hear wedding bells?
Er, no.
Not yet, anyway.
She was very clear about that.
And career-wise,
the wannabe actor
is making a leap
to budding filmmaker.
Is that still the plan?
Er, well, you know,
Im heading in that direction.
We watched your short film.
It was...
very good.
Can I be
brutally honest?
Can I say no?
I didnt get it.
But then again, Ive never
been one for fiction.
Anyway, on that subject,
Diane and I would like
to discuss
an early Christmas present
with you.
Im assuming youve heard of
The American College of Film.
The best film school
in the world.
Of course. Yeah.
Well, Diane has a friend.
Hes on the board of trustees.
We showed him your little film.
He liked it.
Long story short,
how would you like a place
on their 12 month
directing course
once you graduate in March?
Really?
Really.
But The American College
of Film, thats in L.A.
Last time I checked.
I shall be spending more time
out there too next year,
for obvious reasons.
- Ooh...
- Mm...
We could get a pad together.
Thatd be fun.
Guys, this is amazing. Wow.
Thank you.
What about Hayley?
Well, I dont know
what shes got planned.
Might she want to come too?
Mm, yeah.
I mean, it is a really
amazing opportunity.
I just need to speak
with Hayley about it first.
What did I just say?
- Thats it.
- Where are you going?
Oh!
Oh my god, Dad!
Dont worry love. It won't go
further than the family.
I hear congratulations
are in order.
Oh, thanks.
- Hey, listen up everybody!
- Kaye!
- My niece is getting engaged!
- Stop it.
Bloody hell!
So proud of you!
Right-o.
James... Oh, what you doing?
Will you, Hayley Taylor,
marry me, James Hughes?
Yeah!
Oh, this is...
Oh, this is such a surprise! Oh!
Oh my gosh, I mean...
Yes... I mean, of course I will!
What? No...
Oh my god!
Oh my god, oh my god,
oh my god!
A seminar with James Cameron...
Hello?
Bloody Krampus.
Ah!
Shit!
Shit!
Okay, itll be here somewhere.
Okay...
Oh my god, oh my god!
Erm... a ring?
- Ring?
- Eine, eine ring?
Ive lost eine ring.
Oh, you lost a ring?
Yes! Si, si, oui... yes, yes.
Erm, like, from,
like there... to here.
Oh, Ill help you.
Danke schn, very much.
Yes, so...
Unbelievable.
Klaus?
Klaus?
Klaus!
Klaus...
Jesus!
Hey, boy.
Hey Klaus...
Okay.
Okay, Klaus.
Hey.
Friendly.
Will you please go
into your home?
Klaus, er...
Speaken zie English?
Please, goat.
Please, he'll kill us.
Come on!
Bloody hell!
Bloody hell, youre strong!
Right.
There has to be something.
Ooh...
What?
Oh...
Ha.
Oh...
Ooh.
- Frulein!
- Mm?
Is this what you want?
Yes...
- Yes!
- Yes?
- Yes, yes, yes!
- Ooh...
Ooh, mwah, mwah!
Oh, you with
this ring! Brilliant!
Congratulations!
So romantic.
We took a photo of you.
We thought youd
really like to...
Hey! Dont judge me!
Hes very sexy!
Danke schn, very much.
Ah!
Come on...
Oh, how does that smell?
Its good.
Come on...
Just a little bit further.
All Im saying is
if wed asked the hotel,
they probably would have sent
a snow truck by now.
Actually, Im rather taken
with the idea of a snow truck.
Mm.
Where are we gonna sit?
No. No way. Uh-uh.
Not gonna happen.
Oh god!
Oh, thats been happening
all morning.
Must be something he ate.
I might throw up.
Oh, thats terrible.
- Ooh.
- Oh, help me.
Not long now, eh?
Okay. Oh, hooo...
- I'm just gonna...
- Oh.
Morning.
Everything okay?
- Gerard!
- Gerhard.
That was the best breakfast
I have ever had.
Oh, its still in the morning
but my day is already a success.
I just hope you all have
left enough room
for tonights Christmas dinner.
Bit early, arent you?
Its still only Christmas Eve.
Its not early for us.
Here in Tyrol we enjoy
Christmas dinner
late on the evening of the 24th.
Oh.
There will be fireworks
and then a feast.
We cant have Christmas dinner
the night before
Christmas, Geoff!
I can.
You heard the boss.
Well have to give it a miss,
G man.
You cant mess with tradition.
Its a pity.
Its also custom
to serve and eat
13 different types of dessert.
Although Ive always said
you should be open
to other peoples traditions.
When in Rome, eh, Grandad?
Book us in Gerry, my boy!
Rome isnt in Austria,
you know, Geoff.
Christmas dinner on Christmas
Eve? Its just not right.
Hey, youll not end up on
Santas naughty list, Kath.
Definitely Italy.
It was on The Chase
the other night.
- Oh! Theyre here!
- Hey, oh...
Hiya!
Ey up, Humph!
Dad, he cant hear ya.
Oh.
They dont look very happy.
This place
is amazing, Dad!
Oh, it feels so nice
to finally be here.
Well, we can only apologise
for the mix-up caused by my
quite frankly
bellend of a husband.
- Bit harsh.
- I'm sorry,
Im still struggling
with the accent.
What is a bellend?
- Oh! It's the...
- Dont worry about the mix-up.
These things happen.
Right, well we can,
er, just get our coats
and get out of your hair then.
Oh, thank you.
Oh nonsense.
You cant leave yet.
No, we can at least get out on
the slopes together first.
That is why were here
after all.
Well, er, if were doing that,
then we have a little something
for everyone to wear aprs-ski!
Now, Diane...
I had to go to print before
information of your name
had filtered through to me,
so, er...
I had to improvise.
Well, no... I did tell him
your name.
Well, thank you.
What woman doesnt dream
of being defined solely
by their relationship
with a man?
Youre welcome.
Right, give us a hand, boys.
- Er, sorry Gilet, er...
- Here you go, Hayley.
Im afraid theres no
sweatshirt for you.
Oh, really?
Theres this instead! Ha ha!
Hey hey!
Aww. That really is a gilet.
Why do they call him Gilet?
Oh, its a long story.
When we first met him,
he were wearing a gilet.
So, not that long then.
Right! Er, well, those slaloms
wont slalom themselves!
Hey hey! Come on then...
Come on, lets go!
I think youve got the passes.
Earth to James. The pass...
have you got the passes?
Oh, sorry. Sorry. Here you go.
- Are you alright?
- Yeah, Im just...
Oh... are you worried
you wont cut it
as my ski instructor?
No, I just...
I need to ask you something
and... when were alone.
Hey, well I wouldnt worry.
I think youll get the answer
youre looking for.
- Right, in we go.
- Need help there?
Er, I think were gonna
take the next one.
You know, see the views.
Just us two.
Ooh...
Very romantic.
Shut up.
Hey, Gilet!
- Oh!
- No!
Boys! Come on.
- Get in!
- Give us a chance.
You need to get on.
You need to get on, now!
Do you wanna be a shish kebab?
Yeah, I didnt think so.
Boys, its about
to close.
Get in here now!
Mum, tell em!
- Mum, its closing!
- Ant...
I guess were just gonna
have to go with you.
Oh my god!
Hey, Gilet!
Has your face got bigger?
'Cause, like...
Its even easier to hit
than last year.
I dont have a big face!
Wait a minute,
did you hear that?
The side of the mountain
just spoke.
Come on...
Should have seen
the look on his face!
- Get in.
- So easy to wind up.
I think you boys ought to start
being a little nicer to me.
Why would we want to do that?
Yeah. Wheres the fun in that?
Well, Im going to tell you
a little story.
Boring!
About a Christmas creature
called Krampus.
And that, Geoff,
is how youll get
what the F you want
from your own business.
- Blimey!
- Mhm.
I dont think anyones floated
an ice cream van
on the stock market before.
Its an ice cream float, Geoff.
- Hey, hey!
- Its like I told Elon.
If you aint first,
you might as well be dead.
Who?
Elon. Elon Musk.
Sorry, darling.
I dont speak a word of German.
After you, James.
Yeah, after you.
Thats very nice of you, boys.
Oh...
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- On the side...
- On the side.
And dig in,
lean in to the mountain.
- Lean in...
- Like a crab.
- The mountain is my friend.
- Ah, here you are!
Wow.
Well, it has been lovely
seeing the views,
but I imagine this is where
we part ways.
The poshoes can go and do
your black runs
and the northerners can go down
to the nursery slopes
for some quality falling over.
Okay, speak for yourself, sis.
Ah, Im sorry,
but whats happened here?
Stockport Snow Dome
every Saturday and Sunday
for the past six weeks
is whats happened here.
Do you remember when Kaye used
to go out with Dry Slope Stu?
Nothing dry about my slopes,
I can tell you that.
He gave us a discount.
Yeah. Were not here
to piste about!
Oh my god, am I the only
one here that cant ski?
Oh, love, sorry.
Do you know what, youll get
the hang of it in no time.
Yeah. Stu says, Its just
falling, but with style."
- Hey, dont worry.
- Oh.
You lot crack on.
Were just gonna stay up here
and enjoy the view.
- Are you sure?
- Yeah.
Why do they keep looking
at me like that?
Erm, alright! Off you go!
Off you go!
Go and do Stockport
Ski Dome proud.
We will. Right...
Come on, posh knobs!
Well race you to the bottom!
Last one down gets the cocoa.
Ive had the same ski instructor
as Michelle and Barack.
Well, I had Dry Slope Stu.
Literally.
Here we go!
Go on, Mum!
Thanks!
See you at the bottom!
Have fun!
Come on. Lets go find
somewhere perfect.
Okay.
Come on, yeah...
Happy holiday
Happy holiday
While the merry bells
keep ringing
May your every wish
come true
Happy holiday
Happy holiday
May the calendar
keep bringing
Happy Holidays to you
Mm.
So...
Go on.
What is it that you, er,
you wanted to ask me?
Well...
it's...
about our future, I guess.
- Mm.
- About...
what were doing
after graduation.
Yeah?
I am just having the most
amazing time with you, Hayley.
- And I always imagined...
- One minute.
One minute.
- What are you doing?
- One minute.
- You alright?
- Mhm.
Mhm. Alright.
Okay, okay.
Are you alright?
Okay, I'm ready.
- Okay, erm...
- Carry on.
Um... Okay, er...
Yeah, I am...
having the best time with you.
London has been amazing, and...
and just whenever
I think about the future,
I picture us being together.
Yeah, me too.
Okay, well...
what if I were to ask you...
Huby Hughes?
Huby-Hu?
Are you kidding me?
Huby Hughes... is that you?
Ah! No!
- Beattie Edrington!
- I do not believe this!
Oh my god!
- As I live and breathe.
- Wait... whats happening?
- How long has it been?
- I don't know...
- seven, eight years?
- No.
Oh god, we are so old.
How bleak.
Oh... 007.
I was not expecting you.
Oh my god.
Of course! I knew
Id seen you before.
Youre in his profile pic.
This is Hayley. Hang on,
do you guys already...
No, we met last night.
Very briefly.
No way.
My two favourite people
in the world.
What are the chances?
Yeah. What are the chances?
Erm, sorry, er,
Bea lived like ten minutes
down the road from us.
Er, well, 20 if you
take into account
the length of your drive.
Shut up. We grew up together,
you know.
We summered together.
Ah, gosh, I cant believe
you two are together.
There goes our deal.
Yep. So, we had a deal where
if we both ended up single,
- wed get married.
- Ah!
- Youre my, er, Huby-Hubby.
- Yes.
- And I was your...
- Bride-to-Bea!
We were so funny.
So funny...
Hey, erm...
I was so sorry to hear
about your mum.
Ah, no. I mean...
- Hey.
- Oh.
Aww.
- Aww.
- Mm.
So... whats going on?
Are you here with all the fam?
Ah, gosh. Not this time, no.
- Im on a one-woman retreat.
- Ooh.
Im laying low after
a particularly spicy break-up.
- Ah. Sorry to hear that.
- Oh.
Yeah, thanks.
It was just one of those things.
There was faults on both sides.
I found out he didnt
like David Bowie,
and he found out that Id slept
with his sister, so...
Ah! Classic Bea.
Classic Bea, right.
Ah, gosh.
Anyway, I should, er,
I should leave you guys to it.
I dont want to intrude
on your day out.
Erm, well, I mean,
if youre here by yourself,
then you should just
hang with us, right?
I mean, we were just
having a chat, so...
I mean, if it was important,
I... I can go.
We can just talk
about it later. Right, H?
Yeah. Yeah, of course.
- Okay?
- Totally.
- Yay!
- Okay, great! Aha!
Erm, well I was going to go
and ski 'The Gauntlet',
if it interests you.
Oh, its a goodie.
Er, well... this ones actually
never been down there...
No, this one would be
up for that.
- Really?
- Yeah, sure.
Well, Hayley, I just think you
should probably start
on a little more...
I think I can handle
The Gauntlet.
Yeah, come on Huby.
Let the girl ski.
Yeah, come on, Huby.
I can look after myself, hm?
After all, whats skiing if not
falling with style, right?
Its quite steep.
Nah. Its a red
but it skis like a blue.
Yeah! Yeah, James, its a red
but it skis like a blue.
You dont know what
any of that means.
I think I know how to get down
a ski slope!
You just, you know, you point
your skis down, and...
you let gravity do the rest!
Well, no, its a lot more
complicated than that, Hayley.
Here we go...
You really need to lean
forwards into your skis...
- Oh my god!
- And then...
- Oh my god!
- Hayley...
Oh my god, James! James!
She knows how to turn, right?
I dont think she knows
how to turn.
But she knows how to stop?
I dont think she knows
how to stop.
Ugh!
Im sorry, but a skier
of her standard
simply does not belong
on a slope like this.
Oh, that was totally my fault.
I brought her up here.
Dont worry. We can just get
a cable car down.
No, please.
Dont let me hold you back.
- You two just carry on.
- No, no way.
Youve taken a knock.
No, James, Im fine.
And, erm...
You can get me back
to the cable car, right?
Of course.
Hey, I want to go down with you.
No. Please, please...
It was just a little tumble.
And Im embarrassed more
than anything, so...
Bea, take him away!
Only if youre sure.
Yeah.
Yeah, Ill meet you
back at base.
- Go on! Go!
- Okay.
No more skiing.
- Promise?
- Promise.
See you at the bottom.
See you at the bottom!
You lead, I'll follow.
Woo! Let's go!
Have yourself a merry
little Christmas
Let your heart be light
From now on
our troubles will be
out of sight
Woo! Haha...
Woohoo!
Woo!
Falling behind!
- Youve still got it, Bea.
- I know.
Woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo!
- Keep up!
- Woah!
We all will be together
If the fates allow
Hang a shining star
upon the highest bough
And have yourself a merry
little Christmas
Have yourself a merry
little Christmas
Have yourself a merry
little Christmas...
now
Are you alright, love?
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, erm...
- I just took a small tumble.
- Oh.
So Im feeling a bit bruised.
Im not sure skiing is my sort
of thing, to be honest.
Yeah.
What about you?
Did you have fun?
Yeah. I dont really get
what all the fuss is about
either, you know?
All that palaver to get
to the top of an hill
to turn round and come
straight back down again?
Give me ten-pin bowling or Laser
Quest any day of the week, yeah?
I know it seems mad being
somewhere like this, but...
Oh, I would give anything to be
in Macclesfield right now.
It just dont feel
like Christmas
when were not at home.
That doesnt sound mad at all.
Knock knock.
- You okay?
- Mhm.
Okay. Yeah...
Mwah. Oh...
Ill leave you to it, Gilet.
- You made it down alright?
- Mhm.
How are you feeling?
Oh, why does everyone
keep asking me that?
It was just a tumble.
Okay.
Sorry.
Sorry...
I was just, er...
I was just chatting with Mum
and I think that shes missing
her Christmas at home.
And I am too,
to be honest.
I think I know something
we can do about that.
Come on.
Now its finally
just the two of us,
- I think...
- Mhm.
- youre overdue a little TLC.
- Oh, oui!
And maybe I can even kiss some
of those bruises a bit better.
- Mm.
- Mm.
Aah!
- Ow!
- Argh!
Gramps! Why?
Terrific water pressure
in there.
Dont mind me,
Im going back in.
Ah...
Oh well...
I suppose it is a bit like
a Christmas back at home.
Wait, thats it!
What?
Well, if you guys are really
missing Christmas at home,
why dont we bring a bit of
Macclesfield Christmas here?
Huh?
Aah.
Oh Diane, did you not
fancy the jumper?
If my stylist caught me wearing
yellow out of season,
hed put a bullet in my head.
And rightly so.
Right, what we doing
between now and dinner?
I cant stop thinking about
them 13 desserts!
What do you think those desserts
are going to be, Geoff?
I mean, we can get out
of your way if youd prefer?
No, not at all.
Youve got your Christmas
pudding, Christmas cake...
Well, no 13 desserts
for us, dear.
Weve got the same
nutritionist as Tom.
She is unrelenting.
Your apple pie, your cherry pie,
your blackberry pie...
I thought you lot would be
chopping cucumbers by now.
You what?
Well, its Christmas Eve.
Just 'cause were here
doesnt mean you have to stop
with your Christmas traditions.
- What, you mean...?
- Boys to the pub.
Girls have a pamper!
Gilet, you flipping genius!
We do it every year.
Boys go to the pub,
girls have a pamper.
So I gathered.
And I dont care
what anyone says,
Im going to the pub
this year.
- Good lad!
- Ah, boo!
Ah, Gilet! It'll not be the same
without you.
Sticky toffee pudding,
lemon meringue...
Can someone try switching
him off and on again?
Er, I was thinking,
since it is Christmas,
perhaps I might indulge in just
the one gin and slim.
Well, just remember what our
nutritionist always says...
- What would Tom do?
- Tom.
Tom Jones?
Ooh...
What about the boys?
Oh, dont worry about us.
We can just, you know,
stay here and watch a film.
Yeah, maybe order a bit of room
service if we get hungry.
There you go!
Cor, its feeling more
like Christmas now!
In't it? Eh?
Youre the best.
Do you know that?
Have I said
Christmas cake?
Come on girls...
Lets order up some cucumbers
and Prosecco!
Kaye, my dear.
We are residing in
five-star accommodation
in the middle of the Alps.
I think we can do a little
better than that.
Shall we?
Come on, Diane.
- Drink up, Humph.
- Come on girls.
The pub waits for no man.
Oh, this is the place!
Eh... 'Die Hundehtte'.
Hohoho.
Thisll do, eh?
Here we go.
- Cheers lads, eh?
- Cheers!
To the 'Hundehtte'.
Merry Christmas! Good health
and all the above.
Its a bit rowdy in here, Humph.
We need another team
for the next round.
What about you?
Guys in the yellow,
come on, come on.
Have a little
drinking competition.
Oh no. We just want one
quiet pint. Thats it.
You have an English accent.
English, huh?
Come on. Dont be a coward.
Were not having...
No, we cant do that. Its...
A bad idea.
Do it for Churchill!
- Yes?
- No.
- Do it for Paddington!
- Come on!
Come on!
Cant go up on his own, can he?
The Rose and Crown
all over again.
Thats the spirit, well done!
Drei, zwei, eins...
Danke schn!
Woah! Oh!
Hey! Hey!
Come on!
Yes!
No, no, no, no... No!
One, two, three, four,
five, six, seven...
Come on! Woo!
Come on, Humph!
It means...
it means doghouse?
Yeah.
Ive been in that one before.
Plenty of times.
I needed that.
Better out than in, eh, lad?
Mm.
Wheres Dad and Gramps gone?
Theyve gone outside
for a cigar.
Bloody hell...
They must be drunk.
It was all worth
it though, eh?
Hello, excuse me.
Hi. Could we, er, have five
really small coffees, please?
- Funk.
- Thank you.
- Danke.
- Is it funk or is it...?
Listen...
Its good to spend some time
with you, mate, you know?
- Mm.
- Mano a mano. And listen...
Yeah.
I know what it is
youre waiting to ask me.
And Im gonna save you ever
having to do it,
cause I know its awkward.
What?
H knows youre going to pop
the question for Christmas.
She told me.
Shes well excited, mate.
Ill be honest, so am I.
I mean, we all are.
Were all just waiting
for it to happen now, look,
so theres no need to stress.
- Um...
- Do. Not. Stress.
Hayleys...
Hayley told you that?
So whens it gonna happen?
No, no, no, dont tell me.
No, no...
Tonight, hey?
At midnight!
I mean, it is perfect!
Were at the fireworks.
No, in fact dont tell me.
Itll be more of a surprise.
You can say that again.
Alright?
Stick to the beer.
Now that is what I call
a pamper.
Oh, you just cant beat
a Christmas tradition.
- Diane, Ive got to ask you.
- Mm?
How do you manage to retain
that lovely figure?
Well, thank you, Kaye.
Three things, all in my book.
Have I told you it's
a New York Times...
A New York Times
Bestseller? Yeah.
Yeah, Diane, you have.
A few times.
Okay, good.
So, three things.
First off: no carbs, no dairy,
no alcohol.
No flippin chance!
Secondly, I use the same
colonic guy as Angelina.
- Really?
- And most importantly, no kids.
I knew it!
I honestly know I wouldnt be
who I am today
if I had lost all of that time
and energy raising children.
Instead, I chose
to raise myself.
Do you know what Diane,
you have just sold yourself
another book.
Thank you, Kaye.
And as its for you,
- Ill sign it for free.
- Aww.
The thing is, Diane, theres
actually a counter to that,
isnt there?
Because I wouldnt be the woman
that I am today
if I hadnt have put all
that time and energy
- into H here.
- Aww.
And how the woman that
shes become
is the thing that nourishes
me now.
- Thank you.
- Yeah.
I mean, me boobs haven't
been the same since,
- but you know.
- Ha!
Right, another bottle of
prosecco and an elderflower...
Press.
Ey up sis, wait for me.
Ill help you.
Whats a colonic?
They go up your bum.
Suck it out.
No! No!
Well, that's very sweet
of your mom.
But once youre all grown up,
what happens then?
How will she feel, for instance,
next year
when you follow James to L.A.?
Sorry, where?
To L.A.
When he starts
film school there.
He told you
this afternoon, right?
Yeah, right.
Yeah, that. Erm...
Well, I dont know really,
should prob...
What is that noise?
...mental fight
Nor shall my sword
- Oh no!
Sleep in my hand
Till we have built
Oh my!
Jerusalem
- Okay.
In England's green
and pleasant land
Bloody hell!
Youre worse than usual.
Well, maybe thats because this
time were now officially,
Legends of Sheep Mountain.
What is that smell?
I did only have one
gin and slim.
- Mm.
- But there may have been
some other types of drink
after that.
You can say that again!
Yeah, basically it was
the complete opposite
of what Tom would've done.
We did Paddington proud!
Yes, we did!
Dad... Dad! Where's James?
Well, he came back with us
to the hotel
but said he needed
to get some air.
Something about gathering
his thoughts.
He could be throwing
up again.
Er, now then Anthony.
Lets not break the code
of honour.
Er, Mum, Im just
gonna go find him.
Yeah. Alright, love.
Oh yeah, yeah.
Erm, you know...
Just in time for the fireworks.
Yeah.
Ah... Jam roly-poly!
- Eh?
- The 13th dessert.
Okay, I have no idea
what any of you people
are talking about.
- Lappel du vide!
- Jesus...
The call of the void.
An inexplicable urge,
a desire to throw oneself
from a great height.
Oh, no, I wasnt...
- Im not trying to...
- Sometimes for no reason at all.
No, Im, I know, Im just...
Thats not...
What are you doing up here?
What are any of us doing here?
If not waiting to see
the fireworks.
You know they filmed Spectre
over there?
I think Im going to ask Hayley
to marry me.
- Oh, I dont blame you.
- Really, yeah?
- Yeah, shes so hot.
- Yeah.
Wait, are you hammered?
Yeah, a little bit.
Quite a bit.
Have you got a ring?
Yes.
Sort of, no. Ive, erm...
Ta da!
Didnt you get her one
for Christmas?
Erm... no.
I got her a Fitbit.
Oh, yes. Okay, no,
Im getting the vibe.
Mhm. This is a, this is a fun,
spontaneous, laissez-faire
sort of thing.
- Yeah.
- Yeah!
- Yeah?
- Yeah...
Oh god...
Okay Huby. Dont start pacing!
Yeah, well, Ive just,
my heart's racing and Ive...
Ive had loads of caffeine!
So, erm...
Okay, lets just...
Lets just take it down a gear.
Come and sit with me.
Okay.
Do you know what youre
going to say?
Not really.
Do you want to practice?
Practice?
Yeah. Go on.
Like when we were ten
and we used to...
Oh, when we practiced kissing?
Yes, erm...
Awful.
Hey! I am a great kisser!
No comment.
Come on.
As if Im Hayley.
Okay. Yep.
Erm... right.
Sorry.
Oof, dont do that
for starters!
Sorry. Erm...
As if youre Hayley.
Hayley Taylor.
I didn't think you wanted me
to do this
and so I havent...
up until right now.
But the truth is I have been
wanting to ask you to marry me
since the moment we met.
And...
I feel like...
I feel like in this life
were all just...
a box of little
jigsaw pieces
that have all been
spilt out randomly.
And sometimes,
against all the odds,
a few lucky people find
the piece that fits them.
The piece that
when youre with them,
they help you see
what part you are
in the bigger picture.
And thats you.
Youre my piece that fits.
Oh James.
I do.
Thanks.
Hayley...
Hi.
Hayley, wait!
Oh! Hayley!
Hayley!
Hayley...
- Hayley!
- No...
- Hayley!
- Leave me alone.
Dont. That is absolutely not
what it looked like.
That was exactly what
it looked like.
No, shes like a sister to me.
People dont do that with
their sisters, James!
This is not Game of Thrones!
Do you want to know what it was?
It was, er...
It was practice.
It was practice...
for this.
For you.
Marry me.
What is that?
Its a ring.
Its all I could find.
But its fun.
Its spontaneous!
Laissez-faire.
But you havent got a ring?
Well, its not about
the ring though.
Its about you and me.
What about the washbag?
What washbag?
Oh my god.
H.J.H.
Theyre your Dads initials
as well.
- Yeah.
- Oh...
It wasnt yours.
It was never yours.
Oh my god, you were never
going to ask me!
I was. Ive always wanted
to ask you, Hayley.
And I am asking you now.
No, not really.
Right now youre just...
just a drunk man with
a souvenir keyring.
No, Im not drunk.
Ive had five tiny coffees.
I dont know what
to believe anymore.
And I have got you...
a present.
And I wanted to give it to you
at the fireworks.
Are you moving to L.A.?
What?
Are you going to film school
in L.A.
and you havent told me?
No...
Ive been really trying
to tell you
- and I wanted to talk...
- Are you going or not?
No. No, I'm...
Maybe.
I dont know.
But you could... come with me.
How? I cant just move to L.A.
Yeah, but you could.
And wed make it work.
And I would sort it.
I dont want you to sort it.
- Im not a charity case, James.
- I know.
- And I have got plans of my own,
- I know.
thank you very much.
In my world,
people dont get everything
handed to them on a plate.
You do.
She does.
So yeah, maybe that is why
you two fit together.
Okay, please stop worrying
about Bea.
Shes into you if anything.
No, no. This isnt about Bea.
This is about me and you,
and what happens outside
of the bubble
that weve created
for ourselves.
Because outside of that bubble
are two completely
separate worlds.
- I know.
- One that you live in,
and one that I do.
Ski slopes and...
and Laser Quest.
And I know, if it isnt Bea,
it will be someone else
down the line.
It will be a Celeste or a Freya
or a Veronica...
Hayley,
what are you talking about?
Someone from your world
who can just go to L.A.
Someone that you can
summer with.
Someone that can, that can
ski the flippin Gauntlet!
I am not that person!
And I never wanna be
that person!
Ive never asked you
to be that person.
Ive never asked you
to be that person!
- Oh, just don't...
- Hayley!
No... Leave me alone!
I just, I dont wanna
see you anymore.
Merry Christmas baby
Shorty, treat me nice
Merry Christmas baby
Shorty, treat me nice
Boys, boys, boys...
Dont go too far, okay?
Yeah, yeah.
Oh...
Oh, look!
Wait, where
we going again?
If we get close enough,
we might singe our eyebrows.
Wait, actually?
- Yeah!
- Ah, sick!
Yaaaargh!
Aaargh! Krampus!
Aaargh!
Aaargh! Krampus!
Gilet wasnt lying!
I love Christmas.
Boys... boys, the f...
- Aaargh! Krampus!
- Boys!
Would you look at that,
eh, Humph.
Its somet else,
all this up here.
What did he just say?
Look, I was thinking,
you lot should stay
in the apartment tonight.
We can easily double up
and make room.
It's no trouble.
- No, no...
- That's so kind of you, Humph...
- No...
- No trouble.
Thats alright,
isnt it darling?
Erm, sure!
Itll be just like being
in a dorm back at college,
or that time I joined a cult.
Well, we can go if you prefer?
No. Not at all.
I just think that maybe theres
a lesson to be learnt here.
Oh?
That you should never be
too proud
to accept the offer of a gift.
There, Ive said it!
Do you know what,
sometimes Diane,
I dont think your hot takes
are as refreshing
as you think they are.
Not what the
New York Times said.
Look, the point Diane
is trying to make
is if youd let me go ahead and
sort out the whole booking,
then a lot of this fuss could
have been avoided. Thats all.
Mum! Mum!
Woah! Woah, woah,
whats up, whats up?
Me and James...
What? Whats happened?
Please can we just go home?
Please, I just really, really,
really want to go home.
Yeah, so do I.
Yeah. Okay. Geoff,
go get the bags.
And the boys.
Eh? But its...
Geoff. Now!
Yeah. Okay.
Thirteen desserts...
If you want my advice...
Do you know what, Diane, no.
No, we dont.
Actually...
FYI,
if it had been down to me,
we would never have come here
in the first place.
- Oh...
- No, we wouldnt.
You should be at home
for Christmas,
not somewhere like this
with people like you.
Did you understand
my accent then?
Perfectly clear.
Good.
Come on...
Sorry.
Come on, Dad.
I was enjoying them
fireworks, werent you, Dad?
What was that all about?
I have no idea.
Hiya, this is Hayley.
I cant take your call
right now,
but if youd like to
leave a message,
Ill get back to you
as soon as I can.
Thank you!
Thanks.
Well, its times like this
I miss your mother the most.
She would have known exactly
what to say right now.
I would imagine it would be
something practical,
along the lines of...
Have a hot shower,
get yourself to bed.
Nothing ever gets properly fixed
on the wrong side of midnight.
That is exactly the sort
of thing shed have said.
I cant believe its been
five years.
Five years ago today.
It's like...
the sun went down
and never came back up.
I know.
Look, I dont want you
to think that Im
trying to replace her.
Dad, I dont.
I really dont.
I think youve found exactly
the sort of woman you need
to pull you back into life.
And Mum would have wanted that.
And I want that.
Thank you.
Hey, look...
Incredible to think that
theyre all suns too.
Just a bit further away.
Right...
Have a hot shower,
and get yourself to bed.
Nothing ever gets properly fixed
the wrong side of midnight.
Goodnight.
Night, son.
Does this place even have
an omelette station?
Those days are over for us, bro.
Those days are over.
Oh... Ugh...
Oh, come on now.
Try and get some sleep.
I always knew this day
would happen.
I just dont belong
in his world.
And if we had got married,
that is where I would have
ended up.
And I just dont,
I do not wanna spend
the rest of my life
being the exception in the room.
I dont.
You dont have to worry
about that now.
And we are going home tomorrow.
Alright?
Night night, love.
Night night.
Good morning.
Everything is okay?
Ja, danke.
I am sorry that you
do not appear
to be very hungry this morning.
I must admit things
are certainly
a little bit quieter
around here
without the rest of your party.
I miss the noise.
Boys!
Boys!
I dont believe it.
A snow truck!
Well, you getting in or not?
But where are we going?
Were going to get you
what the F you want.
Come on! Thisll get us
there in no time.
Mind the...
Thats it, Ive got you.
Right, uh...
Hayley!
Hayley?
Hayley!
You are already too late.
Right, close it like that.
You can open it like that...
Isnt there usually a TV?
Right, well get home,
make a brew, stick on a film.
- The Sound of Music?
- Absolutely not.
Muppets Christmas Carol.
And then tomorrow,
were doing Christmas Day
all over again, properly.
None of that five-star rubbish.
And then we never,
ever have to have a Christmas
away from home again. Ever.
- Leave means leave!
- No, its not about that, boys.
Here, do they think theyre
still serving breakfast?
Youve just eaten.
Well, Im hungry.
My whole life,
people tried to tell me
where I belong.
When we got married,
theyd tell your Grandma and me
we didnt belong together.
And even after many years,
there were still some people
in power
trying to tell me if I belong.
One thing Ive come to know
is this:
You are the only person
in this life
who gets to decide
where you belong.
Now, Im not gonna be here
much longer
and I have made my peace
with that,
so when Im gone,
you remember this for me.
Wherever you get yourself
in life,
thats where you belong.
And if you are the exception
in the room, child,
it is because you
are exceptional.
Do you understand me?
Grandad, I...
On behalf
of Captain Miller and the crew,
we would like to wish you
a pleasant flight.
Erm... excuse me?
Excuse me!
I, I need to get off this plane!
- Eh?
- Excuse me, Frulein,
the plane is about to take off.
Please take your seat.
No, no, it cant take off,
'cause I need to get off!
Hayley!
We have taxied and
were preparing for take-off.
Can we just stop the plane, now?
Its a hijacking!
This plane will not stop.
Ladies and gentlemen,
we apologise for the delay.
On the runway ahead of us
there appears to be an...
obstruction.
Here boy!
Do you want more?
Stay there, Klausie.
You flippin lunatic!
What were you doing back there?
Ever since we got here,
I have been wanting to kiss you.
And I guess I couldnt
let you go
without giving it another try.
I know you said were
from different worlds,
and youre right.
But the only world
I wanna live in
is the one where we get
to be together.
And if that means
we have to build our own,
then thats what well do.
We are meant to be,
you know that?
A very wise man once told me,
"when you know, you know."
And I think Ive known since
the first moment that I met ya.
Now...
stop talking and kiss me.
Hey, hey, hey!
Hey!
Hey, hey, hey...
we need to go now.
My brothers shift
is going to end.
Come on...
Come on!
Aww!
Put me daughter down!
Geoff, go get the bags.
What, again?
Santa Paws!
Im gonna say it...
that was one too many deserts.
Oh...
Definitely.
Look, Kath,
I dont really do apologies.
Oh, sorry. I thought there was
gonna be a but after that.
Give me a second,
Im building up to it.
But...
If I overstepped the mark,
I really am very sorry.
And I am also sorry 'cause I...
I shouldnt have snapped
at you like that.
And if it means anything to you,
if I had what you have,
I would be too proud too.
Thank you, Diane.
It does.
And I got you a present.
- Aah!
- Ooh!
Its your book, isnt it?
- A New York Times Bestseller.
- Yeah.
Thank you.
A toast.
To family.
Present and absent.
But always with us.
And... to new friends.
No matter how hard they are
to understand.
And... to snow trucks.
To snow trucks!
- Yes...
- Cheers!
Cheers.
I suppose it's a cheat day
for us, isn't it, darling?
Next year, I want us to spend
Christmas at home.
No problem, Dad.
Macclesfield it is.
No, girl. You misunderstand.
Home, home.
Son, er,
maybe now is the time
to give you
your other Christmas present.
I, I dont...
It was the ring I gave
to your mother
all those years ago.
I thought perhaps
that one day...
you might have some use for it.
Thank you.
We can put it
in tin foil
- and put it in the hand luggage.
- We're not putting...
We'll put it in the
hand luggage!
- You can't leave that...
- Are you joking?
And, er...
whoever it is that you choose...
Your Lordship.
Might I borrow him for a second?
Er, yes, you may.
Come on. Come with me.
See? I told you
itd be fine.
Ah...
Do you think well ever
have a Christmas
where its just the two of us?
Ah, what?
In our flat?
You opened it.
Yeah, of course!
And yeah, I would love to move
in with you, James.
But only if you go to
film school in L.A.
You have to go.
I think itll be amazing for ya.
And what about us?
Well, maybe Ill come with ya,
maybe I wont.
But I think we can cope
with a bit of water
between us for 12 months.
But come with me, yeah?
Hey, James Hughes,
you havent opened
my Christmas present yet.
Aah! It really was a card.
- Ooh...
- You werent joking.
Open it!
When did you write this?
About six weeks ago.
Do you like it?
Yes, Hayley.
The answers yes.
We're engaged!
What?
Oh, the weather outside
is frightful
So frightful
But the fire
is so delightful
So delightful
And since weve
no place to go
I thought youd never ask.
Dad!
Get a bit of swing going here.
Come on, Humph!
Man, it doesnt show signs
of stopping
And Ive brought
some corn...
What?
Oh, alright then. Alright.
Go on, Dad.
Let it snow, let it snow
When we finally
kiss goodnight
How I hate going out...
Whats going on?
But if you really
hold me tight
Dont lose it.
Oh the fire is slowly dying
It's too big.
But as long as you
love me so
Let it snow, let it snow,
let it snow!
Oh! Hey...
Oh, now youre gonna get it! Oh!
- Alright Humph.
- Here we go, love.
Here we go!
When we finally
kiss goodnight
Oh, theres another one.
I hate going out in a storm
But if you really grab
me tight
All the way home
Ill be warm
Yeah!
The fire is slowly dying
Youve got the moves, eh?
But as long
as you love me so
- Aaah.
- Ooh.
- Shes coming back.
- Youd better get us out.
Let it snow, let it snow,
let it snow
Woo!
Get a room!
When the snowman brings
the snow
Well he just might like
to know
He put a great big smile
on somebodys face
Come on, Diane. Youre up!
Come and join us.
- Love it!
- Oh, no, no, no. No.
Come on.
- Come on, Humph!
- Really?
- Get on your feet. Come on...
- I dont know this.
Hey, everyone knows this!
Well I wish could be
Christmas every day
We dont have this song at home.
When the kids start singing
and the band begins to play
Ooh...
Oh, I wish could be Christmas
every day
- Come on, Dad!
- Up you come!
So let the bells ring out
for Christmas
- Oh no, theres more.
- Right, dance break!
I can do a caterpillar.
- Do you like it?
- Yeah!
Its the caterpillar!
Conga...
One, two, three... Woo!
Hold on, woo!
Well he just might
like to know
He put a great big smile
on somebodys face
So if Santa brings
the sleigh
All along the Milky Way
Ill sign my name
on the rooftop in the snow
Then he may decide to stay
Well, I wish could be
Christmas every day
When the kids start singing
and the band begins to play
Oh I wish could be Christmas
every day
So let the bells ring out
for Christmas
Grandad, up you come!
Why don't you give your love
For...
For Christmas
Where the F did that come from?
To love, to marriage.
Im amazing!
Merry Christmas!
Come on!
Here we go. This way.
- Hayley, come on!
- Oi!
Come on!
Thank you.
- Hi.
- Hello.
Passports please.
Thank you.
No...
Mm...
Thats not funny.
Its not.
- Enjoy your flight.
- Thank you.
Come on.
Oh, wait! Wait, wait, wait!
What are you doing? Come on.
Coming through!
- Okay. No, its just here.
- Wait...
Seventeen, eighteen...
nineteen! Nineteen!
Oh. Yes! Yes!
Oh, we made it!
- Yay!
- Wheres everyone else?
Oh, bloomin' heck.
We cant be the first ones here.
Dont worry, chill out.
I told you we had heaps of time.
Sorry, I know. Im just...
I'm just a bit nervous about,
you know...
Mm, yeah.
Yeah, its okay. I understand.
But it will be fine. Okay?
Im sure shes really nice.
Yeah.
Anyways, first things first.
Lets just make sure that
we get on the same flight.
Okay?
I am not letting you
out of my sight.
Dont you worry.
- Thank you.
- Yes! Yes!
A thousand times, yes!
Aww...
You think youd wait until
you at least got there.
Innit?
Anyway, I feel like proposing
at Christmas
is sort of just saying, like,
I didnt know what to get ya."
Well, its a good thing I knew
just what to get you then,
isnt it?
Exactly.
- A Fitbit.
- A Fitbit.
Mhm. Im gonna use it to track
how many steps it is
from my flat to yours.
It is the worlds
least romantic present.
Well, Ive only got you a card.
Okay, its the worlds
second least romantic present.
I guess that depends
what is written in the card.
- Doesnt it?
- Oh, really?
Yeah.
Well have none of that,
you two!
Grandpa!
Been bad enough with this pair.
Like a couple of randy
wood pigeons.
Hubert!
- Hi Dad.
- Mm.
- Hayley.
- Your Lordship.
Youre looking good!
Well, must be all that
Californian sunshine.
How was the trip?
Well, longer than expected,
but with good reason.
I picked up a little something
on my travels.
Charming.
He makes me sound like something
he got in duty-free.
Diane.
- James.
- Hubert.
James. And this is Hayley.
Just Hayley. Hiya.
Nice to meet
a fellow gold-digger.
- Im joking, of course.
- Oh.
Its him whos after my money.
Its absolutely true.
I am a ruthless opportunist.
- And so sexy...
- Oh.
- Right.
- Well.
Er, well anyway, er,
I guess were just now
waiting for, for my lot.
Bonjourno, senoritas!
Ah.
Ah. Aah!
- Hey!
- I am so sorry we are late.
Hello.
Blame your Dads directions!
Hey, I missed out the roadworks
on the M42.
No, you missed out
the entire M42.
We spent an hour behind
a road gritter in Redditch.
And I thought it was
the Austrians
I was gonna have
trouble understanding.
Diane, meet the Taylors.
Youve done well there, old man.
I thought she was your carer!
Yeah, its nice to see
you too, Geoff.
- Yes.
- I love your outfit!
Thank you.
My stylist will be thrilled.
Oh man.
Mum would've loved all this.
No, Geoff, she wouldnt.
She would've absolutely
hated it.
I do miss her, you know, Kath.
Shes at your sisters.
Well be back with her
on New Years Eve.
Yeah.
Final call for
Flight 324 to Innsbruck.
Right then, troops.
As Santa said to Rudolph,
lets fly!
Ya-hey! Come on!
What are we waiting for?
Lets go!
Itll be fine.
Absolutely fine.
See? I told you, itll be fine.
Yeah.
- Yeah.
- Yeah!
Come on! Come on!
Ah... you cannot leave
an airport without a Toblerone.
Ooh. Are you opening that now?
No, course not, Geoff.
Listen, Gilet,
I hope your Dads alright
about the whole booking thing.
It was good of him offering
to take care of it all,
but we, well...
Kath, felt more comfortable
if we looked after ourselves.
Honestly Geoff, its fine.
In the end we got
a bit of a bargain.
Yeah, me mates got a few
connections and sorted us out,
so... happy days!
Wait, Gilet,
wheres all the snow?
Woah!
Wait, Dad, is that our bus?
- Are you serious?
- Lets go!
No, no, wait!
Wait, boys, wait!
Its got leather seats!
And a telly!
Look at that, eh? Woo!
Hehe!
Don't break anything.
- I reckon these seats go back...
- Oh my god...
Oh, Geoff!
This is very well organised!
Im not just a pretty face.
- Hey, Gilet.
- Look at this!
Er...
I think this ones your lot's.
Well, were all going
to the same place.
You guys get in this,
we can take your luggage.
- Well see you up there.
- Ah, cheers pal.
Er, see you at Hotel Bergschaf.
Schafberg.
Schaf-berg.
Are you gonna come with us?
No, Im gonna wait
for his Lordship.
Okay. See you later.
Ooh-la-laa!
A little love fest!
Sorry that took so long.
Came out of me like a racehorse.
Thank you, Jack,
for that indelible image.
Whats happening here?
Er, I told them
to take the first one.
We can just follow
in the one booked by...
Geoff.
Youre joking, right?
Aah!
A beautiful sight
We're happy tonight
Walkin' in a
winter wonderland
Gone away
is the bluebird
Here to stay
is a new bird
He's singin'
a song
As we go along
Walkin' in a
winter wonderland
In the meadow we can
build a snowman
And pretend that he's
a Santa Claus
We'll have lots of fun
with Mr Snowman
Till the other kiddies
knock him down
When it snows,
ain't it thrillin'
Though your nose
gets a chillin'
We'll frolic and play
The eskimo way
Walkin' in a
winter wonderland
Bloody hell!
Its not often I say this Geoff,
but you have absolutely
pulled this out of the bag.
Er, heads up...
Good afternoon, Sir!
Hello.
Im just checking this
is definitely Hotel, erm...
Schafberg.
Sheep Mountain.
Wow.
Right, okay, haha!
Well, er, were er...
I will stop you there, Sir,
and tell you exactly
who you are.
Eh?
You are...
our guests!
Its a title
we consider
more important than friend,
more sacred than family
and more intimate than lover.
Ooh!
It's an honour
to welcome you
to Hotel Schafberg.
Come, come, come, come!
The time of your life awaits!
Hes friendly.
This is massive!
This is sick!
Thats what it is.
Here we have the restaurant.
Bloody hell!
The pool...
Bloody hell!
Sky bar...
Bloody hell!
And the apartment suite.
Your home away from home.
Bloody hell!
Look at the Christmas tree!
Look at them baubles.
Im more of a Travelodge
man myself.
Danke Shun, Gerhard!
I didnt know you spoke German,
Aunty Kaye.
Ive become a master
on Duolingo.
Ooh.
Everything is included.
And for anything else...
just ask for Gerhard.
Danke schn, Gerhard!
Its my deepest pleasure.
It's not every day that we
get to accommodate
British aristocracy.
You know, I did not understand
one word that man said.
Not one word.
- Geoff.
- Nice bed.
How much did you say
you paid for this place?
Fifteen hundred euros all in.
Right. And how likely is it,
on a scale of eins
to not very bloody likely,
that this is the hotel
that you booked for us?
I dunno.
'Drei?
Fifteen hundred euros?
A drei?
That bathroom is bigger than
the Tesco Express!
Okay, look...
I think I might know
whats happened here.
Hotel Bergschaf?
Berg-Schaf, Schaf-Berg.
Its almost right.
Almost right?
This is what happens
when you book a holiday
through Darren down the Tuns
instead of going to
a proper travel agent
like I told you to!
Darren was a proper travel agent
back in the day.
Yeah, before he went to prison!
Well, he sorted us a bargain!
No, no. He has sorted us
the wrong hotel.
Hotel Bergschaf is not
Hotel Schafberg, is it?
I dont know!
Im not Austrian, am I!?
You know what?
You had one job!
Yeah, and that job was to book
a holiday for the entire family
with a bunch of millionaires
in the middle of
the bloody Alps!
Im an ice cream van man, Kath!
A good one. Some say the best.
But Im not Richard
frickin Branson, am I?
If wed have just taken Humph up
on his offer, then...
Oh, no, no, no, no.
Do not start with that.
We are not a charity, Geoff.
It's... erm...
Theyre still not here.
Do you think
somethings happened?
Well, are you gonna tell her
or shall I?
What?
Hotel Bergschaf.
Home of
the Mountain Sheep.
- Unbelievable!
- This is not what I booked.
Humphrey, it would be literally
insane if that wasnt the case.
Sir...
Im sorry.
This isnt our luggage.
This isnt our hotel.
This isnt a hotel.
Not your luggage?
Not your hotel?
Not my problem.
Excuse me.
Wont you kindly point me
in the direction
of the managers office?
Thank you.
Ill handle this, boys.
Hello?
Hi. Can I help?
Oh god.
Im the manager.
You have problems
with your driver?
Yes, yes. Very good. Very droll.
- Also the chef, the gardener
- any problems, you come to me.
This is the Hotel Bergschaf
and we need the Hotel Schafberg!
- Dad...
- Humphrey, stop shouting.
Theres a blizzard on its way.
You stay here tonight.
Humphrey, call the hotel.
Tell them who you are.
Theyll send us a snow truck.
Theres no signal.
Oh, I must say, I like
the sound of a snow truck.
Do you have the internet?
- Christ, Dad!
- Darling, youre shouting again.
No internet. No signal.
No travelling tonight!
Guys, we will be fine staying
here for one night, I am sure.
Uh...
I for one would like
to go on record
as saying I'm far from sure
about that.
Oh, no, no, no, no.
You dont stay here,
mein Frulein.
This is my house. Follow me.
Toilets.
Oh wow!
Jesus! The horns on him!
Klaus.
Sorry?
His name is Klaus.
This gate remains closed
at all times. Understood?
Well, shouldnt Klaus
just be tied up?
He was here first.
Maybe its you
who should be tied up.
I hope youre not expecting us
to stay in there?
No, of course not.
This is for my snow plough.
You stay here.
Like it?
Ive got to learn how to swear
in German.
Bloody hell.
Oh good. Were staying
in the Dark Ages.
Whats for dinner?
The bubonic plague?
Ive slept in worse.
You have?
Only during the war in Dhofar,
mind you.
Well, you have to admit,
it is rather festive.
Mm...
What, no room at the inn,
so were staying in a stable?
Exactly.
If only I could locate
three wise men.
Im sorry, but who on earth
would book to stay
in a place like this?
Now that is flipping gorgeous.
Hey sexy.
Just checking youve got to
wherever the hell it is
Dad booked into.
Im so sorry this has happened.
Were not saying that
it has actually happened,
but lets just say,
hypothetically,
there had been a little bit
of a mix-up
and we needed to be
somewhere else tonight,
is there any way that
your transport could sort that?
It pains me to use this word,
gndige Frau,
but er, the answer is no.
Big snows on its way,
so the roads will be closed.
You have a problem?
In that case, no, no.
Not at all.
We just had a little bit
of a mix-up
with the bags at the airport.
And I know that its only been
a few hours,
but hey - I miss ya.
Oh and just give us a call when
you get this. Okay?
Love you.
Wow.
Beautiful, isnt it?
Yeah, Ive never seen
anything like it.
I feel like, erm,
like Im in a Bond film.
You literally are.
They filmed Spectre
just over there.
Wow!
But if you ask me,
it just wasnt a patch on
The Spy Who Loved Me.
- Ive lost you havent I?
- Mm, yeah.
Yeah, sorry.
Ive actually never watched
a Bond film all the way through.
Have I seen you before?
Your face looks very familiar.
Oh, were you at Henley this year
for the Regatta?
Oh, nah.
Im actually allergic to horses.
Gosh, youre so funny.
And its definitely
your first time here?
Mhm.
Its me first time
up a mountain.
- What about you?
- God, no.
No, my family have holidayed
here since time immemorial.
But its nice to be reminded
not to take it for granted.
Bea...
Taylor... Hayley Taylor.
Okay, I see what
you did there.
Well, maybe Ill see you around
for a drink, Hayley Taylor.
Vodka martini.
Shaken, not stirred.
And as for your clothes,
do not say another word.
I will have outfits
sent to your room.
I'm an excellent judge of size.
Oh... Danke schn, Gerhard.
Right, nobody is going
anywhere tonight.
Yes!
Uh, uh, uh, uh...
So we just need to stay put
and keep our heads down.
Capiche?
Yeah. Capiche.
Cannonball!
- Cannonball!
- Cannonball!
Is that...?
You are kidding me.
- Woo!
- Low profile!
I think that ships
sailed, love.
He wasnt wrong
about that blizzard.
Right then,
if were going to stay warm,
were going to have to dip into
the Taylors suitcases.
Oh, well theyre
a laid-back bunch.
I dont think theyll mind.
I might.
- What is she
- a magicians assistant?
Ive seen more tasteful outfits
at Cirque Du Soleil.
My darling, trust me,
you would look magic
in anything.
Oh, you and that
British charm...
Come on... Something...
Yes! Yes!
Oh...
Ooh.
- James!
- Hayley!
Oh my god.
Its happened again, hasnt it?
- Put it this way.
- I have got...
an incredible sense of dj vu.
Or whatever that is in German.
Is it... is it alright
where you are?
Erm... I mean... yeah.
If your definition of alright
includes sleeping
in a mouldy barn
and using toilets that would
make the bogs at
Glastonbury blush.
Are you serious?
Oh my god! I am gonna...
Im gonna kill my dad!
No, erm, its fine.
Im joking. Its lovely.
Its really... its really...
charming.
A brussel sprout.
Erm, but look,
dont worry.
You guys stay there and...
and well be over
in the morning.
And well sort
it all out.
Okay.
Oh, and weve got
your suitcases.
Er, yeah, we realised.
But dont worry.
- We have a Plan B.
- I forgot how you lot
had all your matching luggage.
- You bloody poshoes.
- Yeah.
Hey...
Hubert James Hughes.
Can I sleep in one of your tops?
Of course.
And can I borrow
your toothbrush?
No, I think the hotel can
provide you with one of those.
Well, you can sleep in my PJs
if you like?
I think my dad would have
a heart attack
if he saw me in your
I heart cuddles top.
Hayley?
Are you there?
Er, yeah, yeah. Yeah, Im here.
- Er... How is the...
- James, erm...
I, Ive gotta go.
Weve got a dinner...
engagement.
Okay.
Well, enjoy.
Erm...
- Thanks.
- Love you.
- I love you too. Bye.
- Bye.
Bloody hell.
Right, Im going
to freshen up before dinner.
Oh, my washbags in my suitcase.
You havent got yours,
have you Hubert?
Yes, its in my hand luggage.
One sec.
You dont think theres
any chance
this could be one
of those random,
off the beaten track places
you hear about
that turns out to have
three Michelin stars?
Not a bad fit actually.
Mm.
Snow is snowin'
The wind is blowin'
But I can weather...
Ooh.
the storm
What do I care how much
it may storm
I've got my love
to keep me warm
Ah.
I can't remember...
Not a bad fit at all.
It just dont feel right.
Us here like this while theyre
in some dump somewhere.
Its just... No, no.
I know what you mean.
Fill it up, cheers.
Relax, sis.
Theres nowt we can do
about it tonight.
We may as well sit back
and enjoy.
Anyway, James said the place
theyre in
is actually really nice.
Well, there you go, love!
Im sure theyre living it up
over there
just as much as we are here!
Im more of a one fork
man myself.
Ladies and gentlemen,
dinner is served.
- Guten Appetit.
- Fantastic.
There goes the Michelin star.
Well, on the bright side,
its not the bubonic plague.
In the morning I shall take you
to Hotel Schafberg.
No, Im sure the hotel
will send us a snow truck.
Klaus and I must
travel regardless.
In the evening we parade
for the children
in Christmas costumes.
Are you Santa Claus
and his reindeer?
Krampus.
Krampus?
Krampus.
Oh my god.
When Saint Nicholas
comes with gifts
for those who have been good,
Krampus walks behind
and punishes those who have not.
Punishes?
Every year,
children lie awake in fear.
They can feel his presence
in the shadows.
They can hear...
his footsteps...
on the ground.
And they can sense...
the switching of his whip.
Tomorrow, I become Krampus.
Why...
Why do you do that?
Because...
mein Freund,
its Christmas.
Argh!
We can lock that door
from the inside, right?
- Hey.
- Hey.
Check out them loos.
Theyve got proper little towels
to dry your hands on.
Oooh! Fancy!
Youre in a good mood.
I thought youd be as annoyed
at me as your mum is.
Well, lets just say
I have found something
very interesting
in Jamess washbag.
Okay. And it's, erm...
you know, something you can tell
your old man about
or is it a bit, erm...?
Its a ring.
I dont wanna know.
No, Dad, ew!
No, an engagement ring.
Oh!
Oh, bloody hell!
Does he not know what to get you
for Christmas or something?
I know, right? I literally
told him to get me a Fitbit.
Well, he hasnt asked
me permission yet,
but if he does,
Ill tell him the same thing
as the last fella.
Dowry is 900 quid
and a bag of chips.
- Oh, shut up.
- And...
that theyre asking
the wrong bloke.
because I dont think
there's a man out there
who truly deserves
to marry my daughter.
Hm.
Well, James does come
pretty close, mind.
Yeah. Hes pretty special.
I just, I cant explain it.
It feels like were
on the same wavelength.
Well, there you go!
When you know, you know.
Ive always said it.
First time I asked your mum,
it just felt like the most
natural thing in the world.
Wait - the first time?
Oh yeah, no, she turned me down
the first time.
We had only been going out
ten days, mind you.
But what can I say, you know,
- when you know, you know.
- When you know, you know.
Exactly.
Hey, keep this under
your hat, okay?
Hey, my lips...
are sealed.
Hey...
I love you.
I love you too.
You make me happy
I dance with glee
And from the moment we met,
well, I knew I wanted
your father
on an intellectual, spiritual,
primal physical level.
Gosh, thats a bit...
Thats a lot.
And I am very good at getting
what the F I want.
She literally wrote
the book on it.
My book! Its called How To
Get What The F You Want.
Have I said?
No, you did. Yeah.
Well, enough about me
and my boring old
New York Times Bestseller.
So tell me more about you
and Hayley?
Do we hear wedding bells?
Er, no.
Not yet, anyway.
She was very clear about that.
And career-wise,
the wannabe actor
is making a leap
to budding filmmaker.
Is that still the plan?
Er, well, you know,
Im heading in that direction.
We watched your short film.
It was...
very good.
Can I be
brutally honest?
Can I say no?
I didnt get it.
But then again, Ive never
been one for fiction.
Anyway, on that subject,
Diane and I would like
to discuss
an early Christmas present
with you.
Im assuming youve heard of
The American College of Film.
The best film school
in the world.
Of course. Yeah.
Well, Diane has a friend.
Hes on the board of trustees.
We showed him your little film.
He liked it.
Long story short,
how would you like a place
on their 12 month
directing course
once you graduate in March?
Really?
Really.
But The American College
of Film, thats in L.A.
Last time I checked.
I shall be spending more time
out there too next year,
for obvious reasons.
- Ooh...
- Mm...
We could get a pad together.
Thatd be fun.
Guys, this is amazing. Wow.
Thank you.
What about Hayley?
Well, I dont know
what shes got planned.
Might she want to come too?
Mm, yeah.
I mean, it is a really
amazing opportunity.
I just need to speak
with Hayley about it first.
What did I just say?
- Thats it.
- Where are you going?
Oh!
Oh my god, Dad!
Dont worry love. It won't go
further than the family.
I hear congratulations
are in order.
Oh, thanks.
- Hey, listen up everybody!
- Kaye!
- My niece is getting engaged!
- Stop it.
Bloody hell!
So proud of you!
Right-o.
James... Oh, what you doing?
Will you, Hayley Taylor,
marry me, James Hughes?
Yeah!
Oh, this is...
Oh, this is such a surprise! Oh!
Oh my gosh, I mean...
Yes... I mean, of course I will!
What? No...
Oh my god!
Oh my god, oh my god,
oh my god!
A seminar with James Cameron...
Hello?
Bloody Krampus.
Ah!
Shit!
Shit!
Okay, itll be here somewhere.
Okay...
Oh my god, oh my god!
Erm... a ring?
- Ring?
- Eine, eine ring?
Ive lost eine ring.
Oh, you lost a ring?
Yes! Si, si, oui... yes, yes.
Erm, like, from,
like there... to here.
Oh, Ill help you.
Danke schn, very much.
Yes, so...
Unbelievable.
Klaus?
Klaus?
Klaus!
Klaus...
Jesus!
Hey, boy.
Hey Klaus...
Okay.
Okay, Klaus.
Hey.
Friendly.
Will you please go
into your home?
Klaus, er...
Speaken zie English?
Please, goat.
Please, he'll kill us.
Come on!
Bloody hell!
Bloody hell, youre strong!
Right.
There has to be something.
Ooh...
What?
Oh...
Ha.
Oh...
Ooh.
- Frulein!
- Mm?
Is this what you want?
Yes...
- Yes!
- Yes?
- Yes, yes, yes!
- Ooh...
Ooh, mwah, mwah!
Oh, you with
this ring! Brilliant!
Congratulations!
So romantic.
We took a photo of you.
We thought youd
really like to...
Hey! Dont judge me!
Hes very sexy!
Danke schn, very much.
Ah!
Come on...
Oh, how does that smell?
Its good.
Come on...
Just a little bit further.
All Im saying is
if wed asked the hotel,
they probably would have sent
a snow truck by now.
Actually, Im rather taken
with the idea of a snow truck.
Mm.
Where are we gonna sit?
No. No way. Uh-uh.
Not gonna happen.
Oh god!
Oh, thats been happening
all morning.
Must be something he ate.
I might throw up.
Oh, thats terrible.
- Ooh.
- Oh, help me.
Not long now, eh?
Okay. Oh, hooo...
- I'm just gonna...
- Oh.
Morning.
Everything okay?
- Gerard!
- Gerhard.
That was the best breakfast
I have ever had.
Oh, its still in the morning
but my day is already a success.
I just hope you all have
left enough room
for tonights Christmas dinner.
Bit early, arent you?
Its still only Christmas Eve.
Its not early for us.
Here in Tyrol we enjoy
Christmas dinner
late on the evening of the 24th.
Oh.
There will be fireworks
and then a feast.
We cant have Christmas dinner
the night before
Christmas, Geoff!
I can.
You heard the boss.
Well have to give it a miss,
G man.
You cant mess with tradition.
Its a pity.
Its also custom
to serve and eat
13 different types of dessert.
Although Ive always said
you should be open
to other peoples traditions.
When in Rome, eh, Grandad?
Book us in Gerry, my boy!
Rome isnt in Austria,
you know, Geoff.
Christmas dinner on Christmas
Eve? Its just not right.
Hey, youll not end up on
Santas naughty list, Kath.
Definitely Italy.
It was on The Chase
the other night.
- Oh! Theyre here!
- Hey, oh...
Hiya!
Ey up, Humph!
Dad, he cant hear ya.
Oh.
They dont look very happy.
This place
is amazing, Dad!
Oh, it feels so nice
to finally be here.
Well, we can only apologise
for the mix-up caused by my
quite frankly
bellend of a husband.
- Bit harsh.
- I'm sorry,
Im still struggling
with the accent.
What is a bellend?
- Oh! It's the...
- Dont worry about the mix-up.
These things happen.
Right, well we can,
er, just get our coats
and get out of your hair then.
Oh, thank you.
Oh nonsense.
You cant leave yet.
No, we can at least get out on
the slopes together first.
That is why were here
after all.
Well, er, if were doing that,
then we have a little something
for everyone to wear aprs-ski!
Now, Diane...
I had to go to print before
information of your name
had filtered through to me,
so, er...
I had to improvise.
Well, no... I did tell him
your name.
Well, thank you.
What woman doesnt dream
of being defined solely
by their relationship
with a man?
Youre welcome.
Right, give us a hand, boys.
- Er, sorry Gilet, er...
- Here you go, Hayley.
Im afraid theres no
sweatshirt for you.
Oh, really?
Theres this instead! Ha ha!
Hey hey!
Aww. That really is a gilet.
Why do they call him Gilet?
Oh, its a long story.
When we first met him,
he were wearing a gilet.
So, not that long then.
Right! Er, well, those slaloms
wont slalom themselves!
Hey hey! Come on then...
Come on, lets go!
I think youve got the passes.
Earth to James. The pass...
have you got the passes?
Oh, sorry. Sorry. Here you go.
- Are you alright?
- Yeah, Im just...
Oh... are you worried
you wont cut it
as my ski instructor?
No, I just...
I need to ask you something
and... when were alone.
Hey, well I wouldnt worry.
I think youll get the answer
youre looking for.
- Right, in we go.
- Need help there?
Er, I think were gonna
take the next one.
You know, see the views.
Just us two.
Ooh...
Very romantic.
Shut up.
Hey, Gilet!
- Oh!
- No!
Boys! Come on.
- Get in!
- Give us a chance.
You need to get on.
You need to get on, now!
Do you wanna be a shish kebab?
Yeah, I didnt think so.
Boys, its about
to close.
Get in here now!
Mum, tell em!
- Mum, its closing!
- Ant...
I guess were just gonna
have to go with you.
Oh my god!
Hey, Gilet!
Has your face got bigger?
'Cause, like...
Its even easier to hit
than last year.
I dont have a big face!
Wait a minute,
did you hear that?
The side of the mountain
just spoke.
Come on...
Should have seen
the look on his face!
- Get in.
- So easy to wind up.
I think you boys ought to start
being a little nicer to me.
Why would we want to do that?
Yeah. Wheres the fun in that?
Well, Im going to tell you
a little story.
Boring!
About a Christmas creature
called Krampus.
And that, Geoff,
is how youll get
what the F you want
from your own business.
- Blimey!
- Mhm.
I dont think anyones floated
an ice cream van
on the stock market before.
Its an ice cream float, Geoff.
- Hey, hey!
- Its like I told Elon.
If you aint first,
you might as well be dead.
Who?
Elon. Elon Musk.
Sorry, darling.
I dont speak a word of German.
After you, James.
Yeah, after you.
Thats very nice of you, boys.
Oh...
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- On the side...
- On the side.
And dig in,
lean in to the mountain.
- Lean in...
- Like a crab.
- The mountain is my friend.
- Ah, here you are!
Wow.
Well, it has been lovely
seeing the views,
but I imagine this is where
we part ways.
The poshoes can go and do
your black runs
and the northerners can go down
to the nursery slopes
for some quality falling over.
Okay, speak for yourself, sis.
Ah, Im sorry,
but whats happened here?
Stockport Snow Dome
every Saturday and Sunday
for the past six weeks
is whats happened here.
Do you remember when Kaye used
to go out with Dry Slope Stu?
Nothing dry about my slopes,
I can tell you that.
He gave us a discount.
Yeah. Were not here
to piste about!
Oh my god, am I the only
one here that cant ski?
Oh, love, sorry.
Do you know what, youll get
the hang of it in no time.
Yeah. Stu says, Its just
falling, but with style."
- Hey, dont worry.
- Oh.
You lot crack on.
Were just gonna stay up here
and enjoy the view.
- Are you sure?
- Yeah.
Why do they keep looking
at me like that?
Erm, alright! Off you go!
Off you go!
Go and do Stockport
Ski Dome proud.
We will. Right...
Come on, posh knobs!
Well race you to the bottom!
Last one down gets the cocoa.
Ive had the same ski instructor
as Michelle and Barack.
Well, I had Dry Slope Stu.
Literally.
Here we go!
Go on, Mum!
Thanks!
See you at the bottom!
Have fun!
Come on. Lets go find
somewhere perfect.
Okay.
Come on, yeah...
Happy holiday
Happy holiday
While the merry bells
keep ringing
May your every wish
come true
Happy holiday
Happy holiday
May the calendar
keep bringing
Happy Holidays to you
Mm.
So...
Go on.
What is it that you, er,
you wanted to ask me?
Well...
it's...
about our future, I guess.
- Mm.
- About...
what were doing
after graduation.
Yeah?
I am just having the most
amazing time with you, Hayley.
- And I always imagined...
- One minute.
One minute.
- What are you doing?
- One minute.
- You alright?
- Mhm.
Mhm. Alright.
Okay, okay.
Are you alright?
Okay, I'm ready.
- Okay, erm...
- Carry on.
Um... Okay, er...
Yeah, I am...
having the best time with you.
London has been amazing, and...
and just whenever
I think about the future,
I picture us being together.
Yeah, me too.
Okay, well...
what if I were to ask you...
Huby Hughes?
Huby-Hu?
Are you kidding me?
Huby Hughes... is that you?
Ah! No!
- Beattie Edrington!
- I do not believe this!
Oh my god!
- As I live and breathe.
- Wait... whats happening?
- How long has it been?
- I don't know...
- seven, eight years?
- No.
Oh god, we are so old.
How bleak.
Oh... 007.
I was not expecting you.
Oh my god.
Of course! I knew
Id seen you before.
Youre in his profile pic.
This is Hayley. Hang on,
do you guys already...
No, we met last night.
Very briefly.
No way.
My two favourite people
in the world.
What are the chances?
Yeah. What are the chances?
Erm, sorry, er,
Bea lived like ten minutes
down the road from us.
Er, well, 20 if you
take into account
the length of your drive.
Shut up. We grew up together,
you know.
We summered together.
Ah, gosh, I cant believe
you two are together.
There goes our deal.
Yep. So, we had a deal where
if we both ended up single,
- wed get married.
- Ah!
- Youre my, er, Huby-Hubby.
- Yes.
- And I was your...
- Bride-to-Bea!
We were so funny.
So funny...
Hey, erm...
I was so sorry to hear
about your mum.
Ah, no. I mean...
- Hey.
- Oh.
Aww.
- Aww.
- Mm.
So... whats going on?
Are you here with all the fam?
Ah, gosh. Not this time, no.
- Im on a one-woman retreat.
- Ooh.
Im laying low after
a particularly spicy break-up.
- Ah. Sorry to hear that.
- Oh.
Yeah, thanks.
It was just one of those things.
There was faults on both sides.
I found out he didnt
like David Bowie,
and he found out that Id slept
with his sister, so...
Ah! Classic Bea.
Classic Bea, right.
Ah, gosh.
Anyway, I should, er,
I should leave you guys to it.
I dont want to intrude
on your day out.
Erm, well, I mean,
if youre here by yourself,
then you should just
hang with us, right?
I mean, we were just
having a chat, so...
I mean, if it was important,
I... I can go.
We can just talk
about it later. Right, H?
Yeah. Yeah, of course.
- Okay?
- Totally.
- Yay!
- Okay, great! Aha!
Erm, well I was going to go
and ski 'The Gauntlet',
if it interests you.
Oh, its a goodie.
Er, well... this ones actually
never been down there...
No, this one would be
up for that.
- Really?
- Yeah, sure.
Well, Hayley, I just think you
should probably start
on a little more...
I think I can handle
The Gauntlet.
Yeah, come on Huby.
Let the girl ski.
Yeah, come on, Huby.
I can look after myself, hm?
After all, whats skiing if not
falling with style, right?
Its quite steep.
Nah. Its a red
but it skis like a blue.
Yeah! Yeah, James, its a red
but it skis like a blue.
You dont know what
any of that means.
I think I know how to get down
a ski slope!
You just, you know, you point
your skis down, and...
you let gravity do the rest!
Well, no, its a lot more
complicated than that, Hayley.
Here we go...
You really need to lean
forwards into your skis...
- Oh my god!
- And then...
- Oh my god!
- Hayley...
Oh my god, James! James!
She knows how to turn, right?
I dont think she knows
how to turn.
But she knows how to stop?
I dont think she knows
how to stop.
Ugh!
Im sorry, but a skier
of her standard
simply does not belong
on a slope like this.
Oh, that was totally my fault.
I brought her up here.
Dont worry. We can just get
a cable car down.
No, please.
Dont let me hold you back.
- You two just carry on.
- No, no way.
Youve taken a knock.
No, James, Im fine.
And, erm...
You can get me back
to the cable car, right?
Of course.
Hey, I want to go down with you.
No. Please, please...
It was just a little tumble.
And Im embarrassed more
than anything, so...
Bea, take him away!
Only if youre sure.
Yeah.
Yeah, Ill meet you
back at base.
- Go on! Go!
- Okay.
No more skiing.
- Promise?
- Promise.
See you at the bottom.
See you at the bottom!
You lead, I'll follow.
Woo! Let's go!
Have yourself a merry
little Christmas
Let your heart be light
From now on
our troubles will be
out of sight
Woo! Haha...
Woohoo!
Woo!
Falling behind!
- Youve still got it, Bea.
- I know.
Woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo!
- Keep up!
- Woah!
We all will be together
If the fates allow
Hang a shining star
upon the highest bough
And have yourself a merry
little Christmas
Have yourself a merry
little Christmas
Have yourself a merry
little Christmas...
now
Are you alright, love?
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, erm...
- I just took a small tumble.
- Oh.
So Im feeling a bit bruised.
Im not sure skiing is my sort
of thing, to be honest.
Yeah.
What about you?
Did you have fun?
Yeah. I dont really get
what all the fuss is about
either, you know?
All that palaver to get
to the top of an hill
to turn round and come
straight back down again?
Give me ten-pin bowling or Laser
Quest any day of the week, yeah?
I know it seems mad being
somewhere like this, but...
Oh, I would give anything to be
in Macclesfield right now.
It just dont feel
like Christmas
when were not at home.
That doesnt sound mad at all.
Knock knock.
- You okay?
- Mhm.
Okay. Yeah...
Mwah. Oh...
Ill leave you to it, Gilet.
- You made it down alright?
- Mhm.
How are you feeling?
Oh, why does everyone
keep asking me that?
It was just a tumble.
Okay.
Sorry.
Sorry...
I was just, er...
I was just chatting with Mum
and I think that shes missing
her Christmas at home.
And I am too,
to be honest.
I think I know something
we can do about that.
Come on.
Now its finally
just the two of us,
- I think...
- Mhm.
- youre overdue a little TLC.
- Oh, oui!
And maybe I can even kiss some
of those bruises a bit better.
- Mm.
- Mm.
Aah!
- Ow!
- Argh!
Gramps! Why?
Terrific water pressure
in there.
Dont mind me,
Im going back in.
Ah...
Oh well...
I suppose it is a bit like
a Christmas back at home.
Wait, thats it!
What?
Well, if you guys are really
missing Christmas at home,
why dont we bring a bit of
Macclesfield Christmas here?
Huh?
Aah.
Oh Diane, did you not
fancy the jumper?
If my stylist caught me wearing
yellow out of season,
hed put a bullet in my head.
And rightly so.
Right, what we doing
between now and dinner?
I cant stop thinking about
them 13 desserts!
What do you think those desserts
are going to be, Geoff?
I mean, we can get out
of your way if youd prefer?
No, not at all.
Youve got your Christmas
pudding, Christmas cake...
Well, no 13 desserts
for us, dear.
Weve got the same
nutritionist as Tom.
She is unrelenting.
Your apple pie, your cherry pie,
your blackberry pie...
I thought you lot would be
chopping cucumbers by now.
You what?
Well, its Christmas Eve.
Just 'cause were here
doesnt mean you have to stop
with your Christmas traditions.
- What, you mean...?
- Boys to the pub.
Girls have a pamper!
Gilet, you flipping genius!
We do it every year.
Boys go to the pub,
girls have a pamper.
So I gathered.
And I dont care
what anyone says,
Im going to the pub
this year.
- Good lad!
- Ah, boo!
Ah, Gilet! It'll not be the same
without you.
Sticky toffee pudding,
lemon meringue...
Can someone try switching
him off and on again?
Er, I was thinking,
since it is Christmas,
perhaps I might indulge in just
the one gin and slim.
Well, just remember what our
nutritionist always says...
- What would Tom do?
- Tom.
Tom Jones?
Ooh...
What about the boys?
Oh, dont worry about us.
We can just, you know,
stay here and watch a film.
Yeah, maybe order a bit of room
service if we get hungry.
There you go!
Cor, its feeling more
like Christmas now!
In't it? Eh?
Youre the best.
Do you know that?
Have I said
Christmas cake?
Come on girls...
Lets order up some cucumbers
and Prosecco!
Kaye, my dear.
We are residing in
five-star accommodation
in the middle of the Alps.
I think we can do a little
better than that.
Shall we?
Come on, Diane.
- Drink up, Humph.
- Come on girls.
The pub waits for no man.
Oh, this is the place!
Eh... 'Die Hundehtte'.
Hohoho.
Thisll do, eh?
Here we go.
- Cheers lads, eh?
- Cheers!
To the 'Hundehtte'.
Merry Christmas! Good health
and all the above.
Its a bit rowdy in here, Humph.
We need another team
for the next round.
What about you?
Guys in the yellow,
come on, come on.
Have a little
drinking competition.
Oh no. We just want one
quiet pint. Thats it.
You have an English accent.
English, huh?
Come on. Dont be a coward.
Were not having...
No, we cant do that. Its...
A bad idea.
Do it for Churchill!
- Yes?
- No.
- Do it for Paddington!
- Come on!
Come on!
Cant go up on his own, can he?
The Rose and Crown
all over again.
Thats the spirit, well done!
Drei, zwei, eins...
Danke schn!
Woah! Oh!
Hey! Hey!
Come on!
Yes!
No, no, no, no... No!
One, two, three, four,
five, six, seven...
Come on! Woo!
Come on, Humph!
It means...
it means doghouse?
Yeah.
Ive been in that one before.
Plenty of times.
I needed that.
Better out than in, eh, lad?
Mm.
Wheres Dad and Gramps gone?
Theyve gone outside
for a cigar.
Bloody hell...
They must be drunk.
It was all worth
it though, eh?
Hello, excuse me.
Hi. Could we, er, have five
really small coffees, please?
- Funk.
- Thank you.
- Danke.
- Is it funk or is it...?
Listen...
Its good to spend some time
with you, mate, you know?
- Mm.
- Mano a mano. And listen...
Yeah.
I know what it is
youre waiting to ask me.
And Im gonna save you ever
having to do it,
cause I know its awkward.
What?
H knows youre going to pop
the question for Christmas.
She told me.
Shes well excited, mate.
Ill be honest, so am I.
I mean, we all are.
Were all just waiting
for it to happen now, look,
so theres no need to stress.
- Um...
- Do. Not. Stress.
Hayleys...
Hayley told you that?
So whens it gonna happen?
No, no, no, dont tell me.
No, no...
Tonight, hey?
At midnight!
I mean, it is perfect!
Were at the fireworks.
No, in fact dont tell me.
Itll be more of a surprise.
You can say that again.
Alright?
Stick to the beer.
Now that is what I call
a pamper.
Oh, you just cant beat
a Christmas tradition.
- Diane, Ive got to ask you.
- Mm?
How do you manage to retain
that lovely figure?
Well, thank you, Kaye.
Three things, all in my book.
Have I told you it's
a New York Times...
A New York Times
Bestseller? Yeah.
Yeah, Diane, you have.
A few times.
Okay, good.
So, three things.
First off: no carbs, no dairy,
no alcohol.
No flippin chance!
Secondly, I use the same
colonic guy as Angelina.
- Really?
- And most importantly, no kids.
I knew it!
I honestly know I wouldnt be
who I am today
if I had lost all of that time
and energy raising children.
Instead, I chose
to raise myself.
Do you know what Diane,
you have just sold yourself
another book.
Thank you, Kaye.
And as its for you,
- Ill sign it for free.
- Aww.
The thing is, Diane, theres
actually a counter to that,
isnt there?
Because I wouldnt be the woman
that I am today
if I hadnt have put all
that time and energy
- into H here.
- Aww.
And how the woman that
shes become
is the thing that nourishes
me now.
- Thank you.
- Yeah.
I mean, me boobs haven't
been the same since,
- but you know.
- Ha!
Right, another bottle of
prosecco and an elderflower...
Press.
Ey up sis, wait for me.
Ill help you.
Whats a colonic?
They go up your bum.
Suck it out.
No! No!
Well, that's very sweet
of your mom.
But once youre all grown up,
what happens then?
How will she feel, for instance,
next year
when you follow James to L.A.?
Sorry, where?
To L.A.
When he starts
film school there.
He told you
this afternoon, right?
Yeah, right.
Yeah, that. Erm...
Well, I dont know really,
should prob...
What is that noise?
...mental fight
Nor shall my sword
- Oh no!
Sleep in my hand
Till we have built
Oh my!
Jerusalem
- Okay.
In England's green
and pleasant land
Bloody hell!
Youre worse than usual.
Well, maybe thats because this
time were now officially,
Legends of Sheep Mountain.
What is that smell?
I did only have one
gin and slim.
- Mm.
- But there may have been
some other types of drink
after that.
You can say that again!
Yeah, basically it was
the complete opposite
of what Tom would've done.
We did Paddington proud!
Yes, we did!
Dad... Dad! Where's James?
Well, he came back with us
to the hotel
but said he needed
to get some air.
Something about gathering
his thoughts.
He could be throwing
up again.
Er, now then Anthony.
Lets not break the code
of honour.
Er, Mum, Im just
gonna go find him.
Yeah. Alright, love.
Oh yeah, yeah.
Erm, you know...
Just in time for the fireworks.
Yeah.
Ah... Jam roly-poly!
- Eh?
- The 13th dessert.
Okay, I have no idea
what any of you people
are talking about.
- Lappel du vide!
- Jesus...
The call of the void.
An inexplicable urge,
a desire to throw oneself
from a great height.
Oh, no, I wasnt...
- Im not trying to...
- Sometimes for no reason at all.
No, Im, I know, Im just...
Thats not...
What are you doing up here?
What are any of us doing here?
If not waiting to see
the fireworks.
You know they filmed Spectre
over there?
I think Im going to ask Hayley
to marry me.
- Oh, I dont blame you.
- Really, yeah?
- Yeah, shes so hot.
- Yeah.
Wait, are you hammered?
Yeah, a little bit.
Quite a bit.
Have you got a ring?
Yes.
Sort of, no. Ive, erm...
Ta da!
Didnt you get her one
for Christmas?
Erm... no.
I got her a Fitbit.
Oh, yes. Okay, no,
Im getting the vibe.
Mhm. This is a, this is a fun,
spontaneous, laissez-faire
sort of thing.
- Yeah.
- Yeah!
- Yeah?
- Yeah...
Oh god...
Okay Huby. Dont start pacing!
Yeah, well, Ive just,
my heart's racing and Ive...
Ive had loads of caffeine!
So, erm...
Okay, lets just...
Lets just take it down a gear.
Come and sit with me.
Okay.
Do you know what youre
going to say?
Not really.
Do you want to practice?
Practice?
Yeah. Go on.
Like when we were ten
and we used to...
Oh, when we practiced kissing?
Yes, erm...
Awful.
Hey! I am a great kisser!
No comment.
Come on.
As if Im Hayley.
Okay. Yep.
Erm... right.
Sorry.
Oof, dont do that
for starters!
Sorry. Erm...
As if youre Hayley.
Hayley Taylor.
I didn't think you wanted me
to do this
and so I havent...
up until right now.
But the truth is I have been
wanting to ask you to marry me
since the moment we met.
And...
I feel like...
I feel like in this life
were all just...
a box of little
jigsaw pieces
that have all been
spilt out randomly.
And sometimes,
against all the odds,
a few lucky people find
the piece that fits them.
The piece that
when youre with them,
they help you see
what part you are
in the bigger picture.
And thats you.
Youre my piece that fits.
Oh James.
I do.
Thanks.
Hayley...
Hi.
Hayley, wait!
Oh! Hayley!
Hayley!
Hayley...
- Hayley!
- No...
- Hayley!
- Leave me alone.
Dont. That is absolutely not
what it looked like.
That was exactly what
it looked like.
No, shes like a sister to me.
People dont do that with
their sisters, James!
This is not Game of Thrones!
Do you want to know what it was?
It was, er...
It was practice.
It was practice...
for this.
For you.
Marry me.
What is that?
Its a ring.
Its all I could find.
But its fun.
Its spontaneous!
Laissez-faire.
But you havent got a ring?
Well, its not about
the ring though.
Its about you and me.
What about the washbag?
What washbag?
Oh my god.
H.J.H.
Theyre your Dads initials
as well.
- Yeah.
- Oh...
It wasnt yours.
It was never yours.
Oh my god, you were never
going to ask me!
I was. Ive always wanted
to ask you, Hayley.
And I am asking you now.
No, not really.
Right now youre just...
just a drunk man with
a souvenir keyring.
No, Im not drunk.
Ive had five tiny coffees.
I dont know what
to believe anymore.
And I have got you...
a present.
And I wanted to give it to you
at the fireworks.
Are you moving to L.A.?
What?
Are you going to film school
in L.A.
and you havent told me?
No...
Ive been really trying
to tell you
- and I wanted to talk...
- Are you going or not?
No. No, I'm...
Maybe.
I dont know.
But you could... come with me.
How? I cant just move to L.A.
Yeah, but you could.
And wed make it work.
And I would sort it.
I dont want you to sort it.
- Im not a charity case, James.
- I know.
- And I have got plans of my own,
- I know.
thank you very much.
In my world,
people dont get everything
handed to them on a plate.
You do.
She does.
So yeah, maybe that is why
you two fit together.
Okay, please stop worrying
about Bea.
Shes into you if anything.
No, no. This isnt about Bea.
This is about me and you,
and what happens outside
of the bubble
that weve created
for ourselves.
Because outside of that bubble
are two completely
separate worlds.
- I know.
- One that you live in,
and one that I do.
Ski slopes and...
and Laser Quest.
And I know, if it isnt Bea,
it will be someone else
down the line.
It will be a Celeste or a Freya
or a Veronica...
Hayley,
what are you talking about?
Someone from your world
who can just go to L.A.
Someone that you can
summer with.
Someone that can, that can
ski the flippin Gauntlet!
I am not that person!
And I never wanna be
that person!
Ive never asked you
to be that person.
Ive never asked you
to be that person!
- Oh, just don't...
- Hayley!
No... Leave me alone!
I just, I dont wanna
see you anymore.
Merry Christmas baby
Shorty, treat me nice
Merry Christmas baby
Shorty, treat me nice
Boys, boys, boys...
Dont go too far, okay?
Yeah, yeah.
Oh...
Oh, look!
Wait, where
we going again?
If we get close enough,
we might singe our eyebrows.
Wait, actually?
- Yeah!
- Ah, sick!
Yaaaargh!
Aaargh! Krampus!
Aaargh!
Aaargh! Krampus!
Gilet wasnt lying!
I love Christmas.
Boys... boys, the f...
- Aaargh! Krampus!
- Boys!
Would you look at that,
eh, Humph.
Its somet else,
all this up here.
What did he just say?
Look, I was thinking,
you lot should stay
in the apartment tonight.
We can easily double up
and make room.
It's no trouble.
- No, no...
- That's so kind of you, Humph...
- No...
- No trouble.
Thats alright,
isnt it darling?
Erm, sure!
Itll be just like being
in a dorm back at college,
or that time I joined a cult.
Well, we can go if you prefer?
No. Not at all.
I just think that maybe theres
a lesson to be learnt here.
Oh?
That you should never be
too proud
to accept the offer of a gift.
There, Ive said it!
Do you know what,
sometimes Diane,
I dont think your hot takes
are as refreshing
as you think they are.
Not what the
New York Times said.
Look, the point Diane
is trying to make
is if youd let me go ahead and
sort out the whole booking,
then a lot of this fuss could
have been avoided. Thats all.
Mum! Mum!
Woah! Woah, woah,
whats up, whats up?
Me and James...
What? Whats happened?
Please can we just go home?
Please, I just really, really,
really want to go home.
Yeah, so do I.
Yeah. Okay. Geoff,
go get the bags.
And the boys.
Eh? But its...
Geoff. Now!
Yeah. Okay.
Thirteen desserts...
If you want my advice...
Do you know what, Diane, no.
No, we dont.
Actually...
FYI,
if it had been down to me,
we would never have come here
in the first place.
- Oh...
- No, we wouldnt.
You should be at home
for Christmas,
not somewhere like this
with people like you.
Did you understand
my accent then?
Perfectly clear.
Good.
Come on...
Sorry.
Come on, Dad.
I was enjoying them
fireworks, werent you, Dad?
What was that all about?
I have no idea.
Hiya, this is Hayley.
I cant take your call
right now,
but if youd like to
leave a message,
Ill get back to you
as soon as I can.
Thank you!
Thanks.
Well, its times like this
I miss your mother the most.
She would have known exactly
what to say right now.
I would imagine it would be
something practical,
along the lines of...
Have a hot shower,
get yourself to bed.
Nothing ever gets properly fixed
on the wrong side of midnight.
That is exactly the sort
of thing shed have said.
I cant believe its been
five years.
Five years ago today.
It's like...
the sun went down
and never came back up.
I know.
Look, I dont want you
to think that Im
trying to replace her.
Dad, I dont.
I really dont.
I think youve found exactly
the sort of woman you need
to pull you back into life.
And Mum would have wanted that.
And I want that.
Thank you.
Hey, look...
Incredible to think that
theyre all suns too.
Just a bit further away.
Right...
Have a hot shower,
and get yourself to bed.
Nothing ever gets properly fixed
the wrong side of midnight.
Goodnight.
Night, son.
Does this place even have
an omelette station?
Those days are over for us, bro.
Those days are over.
Oh... Ugh...
Oh, come on now.
Try and get some sleep.
I always knew this day
would happen.
I just dont belong
in his world.
And if we had got married,
that is where I would have
ended up.
And I just dont,
I do not wanna spend
the rest of my life
being the exception in the room.
I dont.
You dont have to worry
about that now.
And we are going home tomorrow.
Alright?
Night night, love.
Night night.
Good morning.
Everything is okay?
Ja, danke.
I am sorry that you
do not appear
to be very hungry this morning.
I must admit things
are certainly
a little bit quieter
around here
without the rest of your party.
I miss the noise.
Boys!
Boys!
I dont believe it.
A snow truck!
Well, you getting in or not?
But where are we going?
Were going to get you
what the F you want.
Come on! Thisll get us
there in no time.
Mind the...
Thats it, Ive got you.
Right, uh...
Hayley!
Hayley?
Hayley!
You are already too late.
Right, close it like that.
You can open it like that...
Isnt there usually a TV?
Right, well get home,
make a brew, stick on a film.
- The Sound of Music?
- Absolutely not.
Muppets Christmas Carol.
And then tomorrow,
were doing Christmas Day
all over again, properly.
None of that five-star rubbish.
And then we never,
ever have to have a Christmas
away from home again. Ever.
- Leave means leave!
- No, its not about that, boys.
Here, do they think theyre
still serving breakfast?
Youve just eaten.
Well, Im hungry.
My whole life,
people tried to tell me
where I belong.
When we got married,
theyd tell your Grandma and me
we didnt belong together.
And even after many years,
there were still some people
in power
trying to tell me if I belong.
One thing Ive come to know
is this:
You are the only person
in this life
who gets to decide
where you belong.
Now, Im not gonna be here
much longer
and I have made my peace
with that,
so when Im gone,
you remember this for me.
Wherever you get yourself
in life,
thats where you belong.
And if you are the exception
in the room, child,
it is because you
are exceptional.
Do you understand me?
Grandad, I...
On behalf
of Captain Miller and the crew,
we would like to wish you
a pleasant flight.
Erm... excuse me?
Excuse me!
I, I need to get off this plane!
- Eh?
- Excuse me, Frulein,
the plane is about to take off.
Please take your seat.
No, no, it cant take off,
'cause I need to get off!
Hayley!
We have taxied and
were preparing for take-off.
Can we just stop the plane, now?
Its a hijacking!
This plane will not stop.
Ladies and gentlemen,
we apologise for the delay.
On the runway ahead of us
there appears to be an...
obstruction.
Here boy!
Do you want more?
Stay there, Klausie.
You flippin lunatic!
What were you doing back there?
Ever since we got here,
I have been wanting to kiss you.
And I guess I couldnt
let you go
without giving it another try.
I know you said were
from different worlds,
and youre right.
But the only world
I wanna live in
is the one where we get
to be together.
And if that means
we have to build our own,
then thats what well do.
We are meant to be,
you know that?
A very wise man once told me,
"when you know, you know."
And I think Ive known since
the first moment that I met ya.
Now...
stop talking and kiss me.
Hey, hey, hey!
Hey!
Hey, hey, hey...
we need to go now.
My brothers shift
is going to end.
Come on...
Come on!
Aww!
Put me daughter down!
Geoff, go get the bags.
What, again?
Santa Paws!
Im gonna say it...
that was one too many deserts.
Oh...
Definitely.
Look, Kath,
I dont really do apologies.
Oh, sorry. I thought there was
gonna be a but after that.
Give me a second,
Im building up to it.
But...
If I overstepped the mark,
I really am very sorry.
And I am also sorry 'cause I...
I shouldnt have snapped
at you like that.
And if it means anything to you,
if I had what you have,
I would be too proud too.
Thank you, Diane.
It does.
And I got you a present.
- Aah!
- Ooh!
Its your book, isnt it?
- A New York Times Bestseller.
- Yeah.
Thank you.
A toast.
To family.
Present and absent.
But always with us.
And... to new friends.
No matter how hard they are
to understand.
And... to snow trucks.
To snow trucks!
- Yes...
- Cheers!
Cheers.
I suppose it's a cheat day
for us, isn't it, darling?
Next year, I want us to spend
Christmas at home.
No problem, Dad.
Macclesfield it is.
No, girl. You misunderstand.
Home, home.
Son, er,
maybe now is the time
to give you
your other Christmas present.
I, I dont...
It was the ring I gave
to your mother
all those years ago.
I thought perhaps
that one day...
you might have some use for it.
Thank you.
We can put it
in tin foil
- and put it in the hand luggage.
- We're not putting...
We'll put it in the
hand luggage!
- You can't leave that...
- Are you joking?
And, er...
whoever it is that you choose...
Your Lordship.
Might I borrow him for a second?
Er, yes, you may.
Come on. Come with me.
See? I told you
itd be fine.
Ah...
Do you think well ever
have a Christmas
where its just the two of us?
Ah, what?
In our flat?
You opened it.
Yeah, of course!
And yeah, I would love to move
in with you, James.
But only if you go to
film school in L.A.
You have to go.
I think itll be amazing for ya.
And what about us?
Well, maybe Ill come with ya,
maybe I wont.
But I think we can cope
with a bit of water
between us for 12 months.
But come with me, yeah?
Hey, James Hughes,
you havent opened
my Christmas present yet.
Aah! It really was a card.
- Ooh...
- You werent joking.
Open it!
When did you write this?
About six weeks ago.
Do you like it?
Yes, Hayley.
The answers yes.
We're engaged!
What?
Oh, the weather outside
is frightful
So frightful
But the fire
is so delightful
So delightful
And since weve
no place to go
I thought youd never ask.
Dad!
Get a bit of swing going here.
Come on, Humph!
Man, it doesnt show signs
of stopping
And Ive brought
some corn...
What?
Oh, alright then. Alright.
Go on, Dad.
Let it snow, let it snow
When we finally
kiss goodnight
How I hate going out...
Whats going on?
But if you really
hold me tight
Dont lose it.
Oh the fire is slowly dying
It's too big.
But as long as you
love me so
Let it snow, let it snow,
let it snow!
Oh! Hey...
Oh, now youre gonna get it! Oh!
- Alright Humph.
- Here we go, love.
Here we go!
When we finally
kiss goodnight
Oh, theres another one.
I hate going out in a storm
But if you really grab
me tight
All the way home
Ill be warm
Yeah!
The fire is slowly dying
Youve got the moves, eh?
But as long
as you love me so
- Aaah.
- Ooh.
- Shes coming back.
- Youd better get us out.
Let it snow, let it snow,
let it snow
Woo!
Get a room!
When the snowman brings
the snow
Well he just might like
to know
He put a great big smile
on somebodys face
Come on, Diane. Youre up!
Come and join us.
- Love it!
- Oh, no, no, no. No.
Come on.
- Come on, Humph!
- Really?
- Get on your feet. Come on...
- I dont know this.
Hey, everyone knows this!
Well I wish could be
Christmas every day
We dont have this song at home.
When the kids start singing
and the band begins to play
Ooh...
Oh, I wish could be Christmas
every day
- Come on, Dad!
- Up you come!
So let the bells ring out
for Christmas
- Oh no, theres more.
- Right, dance break!
I can do a caterpillar.
- Do you like it?
- Yeah!
Its the caterpillar!
Conga...
One, two, three... Woo!
Hold on, woo!
Well he just might
like to know
He put a great big smile
on somebodys face
So if Santa brings
the sleigh
All along the Milky Way
Ill sign my name
on the rooftop in the snow
Then he may decide to stay
Well, I wish could be
Christmas every day
When the kids start singing
and the band begins to play
Oh I wish could be Christmas
every day
So let the bells ring out
for Christmas
Grandad, up you come!
Why don't you give your love
For...
For Christmas
Where the F did that come from?
To love, to marriage.
Im amazing!
Merry Christmas!