Your Friend the Rat (2007) Movie Script

Hello, I'm Remy,
and this is my brother, Emile.
-We're here to speak out on behalf
-of oppressed rats everywhere.
-Oh, man.
Rats who don't have the access
to media that our movie affords us.
-We're speaking out?
-Yes, we have to.
We rats need to take a stand.
You said we'd sing something.
You know, joke around.
You did not say
we were gonna take a stand.
This is important. Humans need
to know. Humans need to...
Feed us. That's what you need to do.
Leave some garbage out
and we won't bother you.
Just leave the lid
on top of the can loose...
REMY: All right, all right, moving on.
This is a man.
A dog, man's best friend,
looks up to man.
A cat looks down on man.
We rats see ourselves as equal to man,
but you humans don't seem
to see it that way.
So it's been war, a war without end!
REMY: But this has
not always been true.
EMILE: When has it not?
REMY: In India, the rat
is the chosen mode of conveyance
for the Hindu god, Ganesh,
and thus, sacred.
During the Roman Empire,
it was said to be good luck
to have a white rat cross your path.
Not so good if a black rat crossed it.
Rattus rattus, the black rat,
arrived in the West first,
hitching a ride
with the returning Crusaders.
In Europe, finding plenty of filth, grain,
filth, and...
EMILE: Don't forget filth.
REMY: And more filth to eat,
the black rat quickly prospered.
Wait, wait, this is all wrong.
This isn't how we rehearsed it.
DIRECTOR: What, what's the problem?
REMY: It doesn't go from rats
and darkness to rats and death skulls.
DIRECTOR: Well, my script says rats
and death skulls.
REMY: You forgot the flea!
Rats didn't cause the plague,
the flea caused the plague.
-The flea is the whole point!
-DIRECTOR: Just give him the flea.
-I'm in need of your assis...
-REMY: No, not that one.
REMY: There it is.
EMILE: Oh, that's disgus...
REMY: Xenopsylla cheopis, the rat flea.
See, this guy here gave the plague
to this guy here, a rat,
killing the rat.
Once the flea senses the cold,
dead rat,
it prefers to find a warm, live rat.
But, if a human happens
to come along, well...
From 1347 to 1352, the plague,
or Black Death, killed a third
of the population
of 14th century Europe,
and just as many, if not more, rats.
EMILE: So, so what
stopped the plague?
REMY: No one really knows.
Maybe soap, closed sewers,
a change in temperature.
Or some believe, this guy,
rattus norvegicus,
the brown rat,
better known as the Norway rat.
EMILE: That's us, right?
REMY: Right.
The Norway rat came from China,
and according to mythology,
brought the gift of rice to man.
EMILE: Wait, wait.
The Norway rat came from China?
REMY: Yes, the rat even
holds the place of honor
as the first year of the Chinese zodiac,
a symbol of good luck, wealth,
intelligence, charm, charisma,
ambition, adaptability, versatility...
Shall I go on?
EMILE: You're not making any sense.
We came from China,
-but we're called Norway rats?
-REMY: I'm getting to that.
British naturalist, John Berkenhour,
named us Norway rats,
believing we had come to England
on a Norwegian boat.
The silly thing is, the brown rat
didn't live in Norway at the time,
more than likely, we came from
Denmark, but the name just stuck.
EMILE: Wait,
now we're from Denmark?
REMY: Let it go.
Kicked out of Europe
by his brawnier cousin,
the black rat joined explorers
and colonists seeking opportunity,
and some elbow room,
across the globe.
It wasn't until 1775 that the first
Norway rats arrived in America,
much to the chagrin
of the established black rats.
Adaptable like humans,
Norway rats live throughout the world,
except the North Pole and South Pole.
EMILE: What about that spot?
REMY: That's Alberta, Canada.
In 1950, rats invaded
on the southeast border of Alberta,
but were repelled by an impressive
government rat control program.
Our societies are intertwined,
a symbiotic relationship
of give and take.
-You give us your trash, and we...
-EMILE: Take it, then eat it.
-I don't understand it, myself.
-Can we sing the song now?
-No, no, no, no, no, no. Stop.
-We'll follow you to Mar...
Now, "Why Rats Are Cool."
-Every day, rats eat ten...
-Hey, wait.
You said I could do this part.
It's a little something I'm calling,
"What's Cool About Rats."
Every day rats eat 10 percent
of our bodyweight.
Gotta love that.
Our favorite foods are scrambled eggs,
macaroni and cheese, white bread.
I'm getting hungry.
Our teeth can cut through solid wood,
lead pipe,
cinder blocks,
even steel,
with a biting force
of 24,000 pounds per square inch.
A rat can swim for three days,
and yes, we can enter your home
through the toilet.
Very flexible, we can squeeze through
any hole we can get our head into.
One pair of rats can have
15,000 descendants in a year.
That may not sound good to you,
but it's good for us,
since the world is out to get us.
On Eniwetok Atoll, atomic bombs
were tested for ten years,
but we rats survived,
and suffered no ill effects
from the massive radiation.
Some people have pet rats,
called fancy rats.
-Why are they called fancy rats?
-REMY: Keep going.
Okay. Jack Black, royal rat catcher
to Queen Victoria,
liked to keep
some of the rats he caught as pets.
These he would give
to the fancy people of the day.
Oh, yeah, that's right. I remember now.
Many, many rats
have dedicated their lives
investigating humanity's
most dreaded diseases.
How is this possible?
Well, we share a similar biology.
We grow old the same way.
Treatments can be tested
in a rat's lifespan of a year or two
that would take 70 years in a human.
Rats have even been to space,
teaching people about how
the body adapts to weightlessness.
So, as you can see,
we've been together
since the dawn of time,
and we'll be together far into the future.
Key of G, fellas, and swing it.
We'll follow you to Mars
Or wherever you people go
We rats are right there down below
We've traveled near and far
With swamis, geishas, thugs and czars
In planes, and boats, and submarines
We've sailed from Liverpool to Queens
We're even in Qatar
Or wherever you people go
We all adore Franois Truffaut
Abandon musophobia
And embrace a new utopia
Butterflies and puppy dogs
Summer evenings, crispy frogs
Imagine if you will a world
Where women, rats
And men, and children
Live in peace and harmony
We're even holding hands
We're dancing through the streets
and singing cabaret songs
Oh-la-la-la, join with us
We'll make a human ratty wonderland
We'll help you tie your shoes
When you don't feel like bending over
And perhaps you'll take that trap
From out behind the pantry door
We'll say "Bonjour,"
and "How's the family?"
When we pass each other on the street
And just like that
We won't be strangers anymore
So here we go to Mars
With our stories intertwined
And although once you tried to kill us
Now we know that you won't mind
We'll journey through the stars
And whatever else may be
-We all hate that lousy flea
-That lousy flea
So, what do you say?
Can we make peace, and...
MAN: The views expressed
are not necessarily the views
of Pixar Animation Studios
or the Walt Disney Company.
REMY: Oh, no. Oh, this isn't over yet.
Oh, no, no.
Emile, how many times did I say they
were gonna slap something on the end.
What, and now they're doing it.
Now, look at this.
-Uh-huh. Yeah.
-It's like it's in their DNA to...
-I, I, I'm a...
I'm surprised, I'm surprised.
Guys, you know, it's typical.
Business as usual. You know what,
our voice will not be denied.
You've had your say.
Can we please get something to eat? caused by your silly insistence
on rat interaction.