Your Sister's Sister (2011) Movie Script

- You guys...
how long were you dating?
- About a year.
- And you met in college, right?
- Mm-hmm, yeah.
It was about
seven years ago.
But I'm more... I'm friends
with Jack, you know.
(people chattering)
- He used to take a frying pan
and just put cheese in it.
And he'd roll it up.
- Is this true?
- It's absolutely true.
You've said that before.
- It's absolutely true.
- He'd call it... he's like,
"Oh, I made my cheese log."
- I needed a wheelchair.
So one night, we went
to an emergency room entrance,
and we stole a wheelchair
and took it out back.
And he was pushing me
down the hill.
- Tom did that?
- Yeah, it was... he knew
that I needed a wheelchair.
- He used to have one of those,
uh, those Sunfishes,
you know, the boats
that have the one...
- The one sail?
- The one sail.
Yeah, yeah, free version.
He would go out,
and he would be gone
for, like, six or seven hours.
And we'd be, like,
really worried,
because we couldn't see him
from the shore.
- What was that band called?
- It was a band called Bigfoot.
- No, it was...
(all talking at once)
- 'Cause he was
a marine biologist.
He liked big fish.
- Well, yes, but the thing is,
there was a name
attached to the wheelchair.
So it was for someone.
- Yeah, we've been friends
for a long time.
- Yeah.
- Mark was one of these guys who
would, like, walk into a room.
You know, like we could be
at a party.
You could have the one person
in the room,
playing you, for example.
Like, no one was talking.
(all chattering)
- No, but there's something
to be said for just somebody
who just makes people
feel comfortable.
- He did.
He did.
(people chattering)
- We were just walking down
the street.
(all chattering and laughing)
(glass clinking)
- Yeah, yeah.
Thank you.
- You got it.
- Trying make this, like,
a respectable event.
Uh, I...
uh, it's been a year.
And, uh,
I thought it was
really important
that we do this for Tom.
It's so hard to eulogize someone
who you look up to, you know,
'cause Tom was amazing.
He was the best fucking guy.
I mean, he was a better friend
to all of us
than we were to him.
I mean, at least,
that's how I feel.
I just think back.
We were roommates at UW.
And, like, I remember, like,
at one point,
Sara came to visit me.
And he moved all of his stuff
into the common room
to sleep there.
No, and he really...
and I was like,
"It smells bad."
And he was like, "No"...
He was like, "No, no, no.
I'm gonna do it
so you can have sex."
And I was like,
"We're not having sex."
I would... and he was like,
"But I'm optimistic, you know."
And so I...
and he was just so generous,
you know.
He was just...
he was the best.
And I was just thinking today,
I mean,
I saw Hotel Rwanda came on TV.
And he... he and I saw it
together in the theater.
And the day after it came out,
he started donating time at
the shelter in downtown Seattle.
That's what he was like.
You'd sit there
thinking about it,
and he would do it.
And just cheers... you know,
I just want to say "cheers"
to that.
ALL: Cheers.
- To Tom.
- To Tom.
- Cheers.
- Tom and I were big
into movies,
you know, growing up.
Actually, Tom and I, like,
had a seminal
movie experience together
not dissimilar
from Hotel Rwanda,
except it was with
Revenge of the Nerds.
(all chuckle)
And it was fascinating.
It sort of...
it changed him,
um, 'cause Tom
was not like you know him
when he was younger.
Tom was...
he was the bully,
I found out, like, when I went
to pick him up from school.
And, um, he was
quite emotionally
and physically manipulative.
And when I watched him watching
Revenge of the Nerds,
just something clicked in him,
which was, he was learning
that, like,
the bullies and the assholes
end up last,
and the nerds
and the nice guys win.
And his little brain
started clocking away
and going "Oh, fuck."
"If I'm gonna gain favor
in this world,"
"I'm gonna be nice."
"I'm gonna be altruistic."
"I'm gonna watch Hotel Rwanda
and volunteer at a shelter,"
"'cause girls will like that."
"I will get laid."
"I'll get better job."
"I'll succeed forward
in the life"...
- I don't think
that's what it is.
- But the purist vers...
- I don't think that
that's accurate.
- Al?
Hey, Al?
I know you spent
some time with him
in the last couple of years,
but I... but he's my brother.
- I just think you're gonna hold
someone to something
that happened when they were
fucking 14 years old
or whatever he was
when that happened.
- If we're gonna toast the man,
let's toast the man.
Let's not eulogize somebody like
a fucking bullshit...
- Just the way you're saying
it is just like he's a dick.
And it's like, he wasn't a dick.
He was amazing.
- You're calling my brother
a dick?
I'm not calling my brother
a dick.
- Jack!
- I'm just saying,
let's not do what everybody does
at a funeral
or a commemoratory ceremony
where we just say,
"Uh, they were amazing,
and they were generous,"
'cause that's fucking bullshit.
And it's a dishonor to the man.
- So cheers.
- No, I think
I'm gonna finish, Al,
'cause I'm his brother.
If we're gonna raise our glass,
I want to raise our glass
to the man.
You know half of the man,
and I know the whole man, okay?
Who was fucking beautiful.
He knew how to make himself work
and weave in the world.
And I think
that's fucking great.
And I would never call him
a dick for that,
so fuck you
for saying that.
But let's raise a glass
to the whole man.
Thank you.
So, anyway, I was...
we should say something.
But does anyone
want another drink?
Or, uh...
Oh, boy.
(sighs loudly)
- How'd that go for you?
When you wrote it,
how did you see that
actually playing out for you?
I will say this.
Some parties are forgettable.
- You know what I mean?
But I got to say,
this party...
- Had great guacamole
and amazing public speaking.
- Great public speaking.
They'll remember it.
- You got to stop.
You know that, right?
- Oh, this is...
this is that moment...
- This is your intervention.
- Isn't it?
This is...
this is hard Iris.
- I miss you.
I miss my friend.
I know you're sad.
I'm sad too.
- Yeah.
You know what I always
think about?
I think about, like, you're...
that must have been so hard
for you to leave Tom.
That fucking guy loved you.
You are so...
but you were right,
and you were so brave,
and you were so right.
- It wasn't right with us.
- No, it wasn't right
with you guys.
But that's okay.
Can I tell you something?
I turned down the Trinity job.
- Why?
- I don't want to go to Trinity
and show them who I am
right now,
because they'll never
hire me again.
And so that almost means,
I don't want to go another party
and show them
who I am right now.
And I don't want to go to a girl
and show her who I am
right now...
- You're a mess.
- Well...
- I've been watching you
for a year now,
and whatever you're doing,
and whatever you think
is helping you,
I have a responsibility
as your friend
to tell you
that it's not.
- I knew this was coming,
by the way.
- Okay.
- Just tell me what to do.
- Okay.
- That's basically where I'm at.
Just tell me what...
- Okay, all right.
- You know better than I do.
You know I...
I don't know what the fuck
I'm doing.
- I know.
I have a plan.
- You have a plan?
- I just want you
to hear me out.
It's just a plan right now.
- I love your plans.
- You might not love this one,
but just hear me out.
- But I don't have any plans.
- Um, that's the good news.
You know, uh, you know that
nice red bicycle that you have?
- Yikes.
- Sorry.
What you're going to do...
you're gonna dust off
Old Red,
you're gonna wheel him
out of the shed,
and you're gonna get on a ferry.
I'm sending you
to my dad's place.
You know my dad's place
on the island?
It's beautiful in the winter.
It's idyllic and crisp
and peaceful and...
- Like, by "beautiful" you mean,
"rainy and cold."
- I'm sorry;
I got so distracted,
'cause all I heard was
pissing and moaning.
- Right.
Sorry, I started pissing.
I'm not pissing.
I'm not pissing and moaning.
I'm done.
I'm done.
- You just need
some head space, okay?
- Okay.
- Okay.
So then you're gonna take
a right on a road
called Dunhill Road.
And the house is right
at the end of the street.
And it's the only house
on the lane.
- Okay.
Um, I mean, seriously,
I'm just going not...
like, what am I doing out here?
- You just sit there,
and you look out at the water,
and you think
about your life.
- Really?
I'm just gonna sit?
- You're just gonna sit.
There's no TV.
There's no internet.
There's nothing.
It's just you.
- Do they have forks,
'cause I might...
- They have a couple...
we have a couple of forks,
- I might need to stab myself
in the face.
- Will you please come visit me,
- No, Jack.
I can't.
This is... I can't anyway,
'cause I'm slammed.
But I can't because this is...
this is for you, you know.
Don't make me feel bad
about sending you off.
- All right, I'm gonna go have
the greatest time ever
doing nothing.
And if I don't come back
within a week,
bring a razor
and deodorant.
(peaceful acoustic guitar music)
(bicycle wheels clicking)
(leaves rustling)
(breathing heavily)
Oh, shit.
Oh, shit.
Oh, shit.
(both scream)
Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry.
Hi, hi, I'm...
- Ahh!
- Okay.
I think I have the wrong house.
And I... I...
Hey, Hannah!
You're Hannah!
Oh, my God, I'm so...
I'm so sorry.
I'm Jack.
I'm Iris' friend Jack.
- You're Jack?
- Yes, I'm so sorry
I freaked you out.
- Holy fuck!
- Sorry.
- Are you kidding me?
What are you doing, like,
creeping around my house?
- I was looking for the key.
And I'm so sorry.
I didn't... I didn't even see
anything, so it's fine.
- Fuck me.
- Sorry, that's my fault.
Anyway, not to beat
a dead horse,
but just to be super clear,
I was looking
for the key out front,
and I thought maybe
it was on the side.
You know, and that's really...
- Ring the bell.
Just ring the bell, dude.
- Yeah, but I didn't know
anybody was here,
so why would I ring
the bell?
- You know what?
Just... let's drop it, okay?
It's just...
it's done.
- Anyway, sorry.
But look, you obviously
came here to, what,
get some alone time,
and I'm clearly barging in.
So I don't know, I'll just get
a cheap hotel, I think,
and it'll be fine.
- No, it's fine.
You can... you could stay.
Yeah, it's fine.
- I don't want to intrude.
I really don't.
- Look, Iris invited you up.
You're a guest.
You're welcome to stay.
- You sure?
- Yeah, I'm sure.
There's plenty of room.
I'm sure we won't even
run into each other.
Are you hungry?
There's bananas.
- Those are bananas?
- Well, they're dehydrated.
- Oh, okay.
I'm good.
Thank you.
But yeah, if you're okay,
I'm... I will crash.
- Okay, I'm okay.
Stop saying, "Are you okay?"
- Well, I just want to make sure
you're okay.
Um, what... is there a bedroom
I should take?
- Yeah, just go past
where we had the standoff,
and it's the first bedroom
on the right.
- Oh, past the... the creepy guy
with the bike helmet?
- Yeah, where the crazy lady
was brandishing the oar.
- She was scary.
I hope she's gone.
- Good night.
- Do you think
we'll see her again?
- Maybe.
(object clatters)
(door clicks)
Can I come in?
- There's glasses
on the windowsill,
you know,
if you want to join me.
- You sure?
- Yeah.
- Thanks.
One thing in common
with your little sister.
- What, the lush factor?
- Ah, the self-aware
lush factor.
- Oh.
- Very important.
Big difference.
So you're on an island.
It's 3:00 in the morning,
and you're drinking by yourself.
- Yeah.
- What's going on?
- Really?
- I'm not good for small talk,
so I apologize
if I'm, uh, barging through
the doors of your privacy
right now.
- Yeah, it's okay.
You kind of are, but, it's...
- I am.
I apologize.
Let's talk about your slippers.
- Okay.
Let's talk about my slippers.
- Your slippers are awesome.
- I just walked out
on a seven-year relationship.
- Whoa.
- Hence the tequila.
- Hence the tequila.
- What's your story?
Mm, nothing really.
I just kind of had
a shitty year.
You know, thought it'd be nice
to have a little sabbatical,
get some alone time.
- Okay, good place for it.
- Good place for it.
- Obviously.
- Getting the alone time.
But I got to say,
not so terrible
to have a drinking buddy.
- Yeah.
- You are not
what I expected, Hannah.
- How so?
- You are, uh...
I don't know.
Just not how Iris
described you to me, I guess.
- How did she describe me?
- She... well,
if you don't know already,
she worships you
and looks up to you
and thinks you are amazing.
And she loves you.
- Yeah?
- It's true.
- What else?
- Well, I don't...
- Give me the dirt!
Come on!
- What am I supposed to say?
She loves you.
She thinks you're amazing.
- Well, I love her.
I think she's amazing.
- Well, good.
Well, drink your drink.
- You drink your drink.
Don't tell me to drink my drink.
- Well, I'm drinking my drink.
You drink that one.
Watch this.
- Oh, yeah?
Watch this.
- Wham!
Do you have any brothers
or sisters?
- Now you're talking.
I had a brother.
- That's right.
I'm sorry.
- Don't be sorry.
- I knew that.
- Don't.
- That's... I'm sorry.
That's my bad.
- Why are you sorry?
- I don't know.
- There's nothing
to be sorry about.
I used to have a brother,
and I don't anymore.
And that's what it is, you know?
It's like,
it is what it is,
and it sucks.
And it... you know, it was,
you know,
it was terrible, obviously.
But, um...
but I'm good.
And, um, thank you for that.
But it's not necessary.
- To your brother.
- To your sister.
And her sister, being you.
- That would be me.
- Yeah.
- I guess
I better drink then.
- Come on.
- I can't.
- Look, if we're gonna
drink to someone
as awesome as your sister
and my dead brother,
we're throwing
the shit back.
- Okay.
- Come on, wham it.
There it is.
- Holy shit.
- Yet another similarity
with you and Iris.
I can talk her into drinking
I can't believe you let me
talk you into that.
That's really great.
You want another one?
(festive salsa music)
Okay, my best friend
is your sister.
- Right.
- It's like a kind of in-law,
of sort, that makes us.
You know what I'm saying?
- What are you talking about?
- I'm doing...
- Yeah, no, no, no, go, go, go.
I cut you off when you were
actually going
with something good.
- I'm drawing
a brilliant parallel.
Go again.
Going down.
Getting weird with the...
(slurring) All right,
let me tell you something.
- Yeah!
- All right,
it's not that I was...
I was in love with her.
I was totally fucking
in love with her.
But what I was in love with
was the potential that
she was holding that was me.
- Right.
- Does that make sense?
- Right.
- That's what I was
in love with.
- Right, right.
- Was that.
- And then I started
to realize, like,
it was like I gave her
all my, like, zhuzh,
all my good stuff.
Is this making any sense?
- Yeah.
You shouldn't do that.
- And, like... and she
wouldn't give it back.
So, like, as the... as the...
as, like, the years went on
and everything went on,
I was just, like...
this is gonna sound
so fucking melodramatic.
I was, like, this fucking,
like, little fucking bird,
Like, in a cage.
And finally she came over
and unlocked it,
and I just sat there.
- Wow.
- I sat there
for three more months
when she was hooking up
with a...
Ugh, this woman, girl,
who's so much younger than me.
And I just couldn't...
I just sat there
and waited for her
to be attracted
to me again
or to just look at me
like I was, uh...
- Whoa.
We're gonna stop
this conversation.
I got a sense of it, okay?
And here's the deal.
I've made a decision.
Pam is a fucking moron.
- Mm-hmm.
- Okay?
- She's not really, but...
- No, here's the deal.
Look, for her to have
given you the sense
in some way that you're not,
Like, young enough
or good enough or pretty enough
or just enough in general
is fucking bullshit.
- It is, right?
- It's bullshit.
Because what I see
across from me is...
you have to...
you're gonna have to let me
descend here for a second;
can I descend?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Okay.
I have to tell you something,
and I don't want you
to take it the wrong way.
It's to prove a point, okay?
But it's about your butt.
So when I...
- When I...
when I went to look for...
- You are a fucker.
- I am.
- You were fucking peeping
in the fucking windows.
You're a fucker.
Give me some more.
You are a fucking...
go ahead...
yeah, no, I want to hear
your confession.
- I tried to find the key.
I went around the door,
all innocent
up until that point.
Innocent, innocent, innocent.
Looking for the key,
total innocence,
total innocence.
Through the window:
your butt.
- Pervert.
- Mm-hmm.
- Mm-hmm.
- But you made me that way.
- I made you that way?
- 'Cause your butt is
fucking awesome, okay?
- Can you not?
- 'Cause it's, like, super soft.
- How do you know
it's super soft?
- 'Cause I could tell.
- You're so fucking weird...
- I know.
- And drunk right now.
- I know.
I looked at it for a while.
I got a good sense of it.
And let me tell you
another thing
that's even more inappropriate,
but it's super safe
'cause you're a lesbian.
If I were differently equipped
or you were
differently inclined,
this night might go
a very different way.
- Really?
- I'm just saying...
- Are you just saying?
- I would be super open to that
in a whole other universe...
- Okay.
- Because... and this is just
serving to prove my point of,
Like, you shouldn't feel
not awesome
because she was
not interested in you.
There will be a lot of people...
- Well, I didn't say
she wasn't interested in me.
The fucking thing
ran its course.
But anyway, go ahead.
I like it.
I like it.
- To your gorgeous,
supple, soft,
sexy motherfucking butt.
- And all the other things
that I might be thinking about
except for the fact that
I'm not thinking about them.
- I'm just saying...
- Anyway, the point is, you,
you're never going to be happy
if you're eating
this fucking bird food.
You think... you know why
you feel like a bird?
- I love that food.
- You feel like a bird?
Okay, what the fuck is this?
It's a turd.
You can't eat these things.
I am here, Dr. Jack,
to fix you, okay?
So I'm gonna make you round,
tall filet, super awesome.
Grocery store.
Cook it medium-rare.
- I can't do it.
- With the butter.
- I can't eat meat.
You can make me something else.
- Okay, I'll make you
something else.
I'll make you a super
awesome steak medium-rare
with the butter
and the blue cheese
and the truffle oil drizzled
over the French fries.
And I'm gonna put this plate
in front of you.
And it's gonna be
totally different.
It'll be a change of pace.
But you are out of the cage now,
my friend.
And if you want to fucking fly,
you're gonna start with a steak.
That's all I'm saying.
- Let's do it.
- All right, we're going
to the store...
- No, let's do it.
- I'm gonna fucking cook you
a meal.
- Hey!
All right.
I'm gonna take you up
on your offer.
- What are you doing?
- I haven't, uh,
been on that bicycle
in quite some time, but...
- What are you... what?
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait, wait.
Are you serious?
- Yeah.
I'm single.
You're single.
- I'm single.
- I mean, maybe it's a bad idea.
- It's not a bad idea.
- No, maybe it's a bad idea.
- It's not a bad idea.
- No, we shouldn't do it.
You're a straight guy.
- I'm looking at your boobs.
- It might be too much.
It might be too much for you.
Too much for you to handle.
- You're serious.
- I don't know.
I mean,
I'm game if you're game.
Okay, wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait.
- Get rid of this.
Get rid of this.
Holy shit.
Wait, wait, wait.
Shit, shit, shit, I don't have...
I don't...
I didn't bring a...
I don't have a condom.
Well, I didn't...
I thought I was gonna be alone.
- Condom!
- Oh, fuck.
Saran Wrap?
- I think I know where
there's one.
- Okay, oh, all right.
Wait, wait, wait.
Stay right there.
Don't move, don't move,
don't move.
I got to show you something.
I've always wanted to do this.
You ready?
- Yes.
- Ta-da!
- All right.
- You're very underwhelmed.
Okay, never mind.
- Wait.
All right.
I'm gonna do it.
- Whoa, you're really
going for it.
- Is that on?
- Uh, snap it.
Snap it.
Okay, good.
Give me this.
Give me this.
- Okay, sorry.
Okay, I got it.
I got it.
- Let me get these off.
- Yeah.
- Okay.
- Wow.
- Okay.
- Oh, my God.
- Oh, shit, you're amazing.
(both moaning)
- Oh, sorry.
Wait a second.
Oh, shit.
I squealed.
(sighing and moaning)
- Did you...
- Yeah, sorry.
That was...
it wasn't supposed to be
that fast.
- Oh, good.
- I can... I can help, uh...
- No, it's okay.
- Finish for you, if you want.
- Oh, no.
Thank you.
- You sure?
- Yeah.
- Okay.
- Ow, you're on my hair.
- Sorry.
- All right, um...
You want to snuggle?
- Yeah.
- Okay.
- Go for it.
- Okay.
- Maybe not that close.
- We should get some...
we should get some water too
before we go to sleep.
- Okay.
- Good night.
Thank you.
(birds chirping)
(ferry horn blows)
- She's here, she's here,
she's here, she's here.
Get up, get up, get up, get up.
Oh, ew!
Oh, shit.
Where'd it go?
Where'd it go?
Where'd it go?
Where'd it go?
Okay, you have to get up.
Iris is in the driveway.
Dude, she's in the driveway.
Give me some tissues.
Give me some tissue.
Come on.
Very important, okay?
She cannot know about this.
I am running or something.
You are sleeping.
And we're good, okay?
- What?
- Jack?
What the fuck is that?
- Hey, Bean.
- Oh, my God.
- What's up?
- Puppet?
What the fuck?
Oh, my goodness!
What are you doing here?
- Oh.
- Oh, it's so nice to see you.
I didn't know
you were going to be here.
- Yeah, it's a long story.
- Did you just wake up?
You okay?
These are cute.
These are really...
- Holy cow!
- And you've met...
oh, Jesus Christ.
- What?
- What have you come as?
- I was on a run.
- Here she is.
- Hannah showed me
a great path, and...
- Jane Fonda.
- Oh, cut it out.
- Oh, yummy.
You're sweaty.
- Oh, what are you doing here?
What is going on?
- Did you meet my sister?
I've been wanting you
to meet her.
- I did.
We met last night.
Yes, we did.
- How nice is this?
I've been wanting you guys
to meet for so long.
Haven't I been talking about it?
And it's weird.
It's weird that you haven't met,
so I love it.
- I know.
It's crazy.
How... what... why are you...
how did the...
what are you doing here?
- I got off work.
I just was, like...
they moved a shoot
and then axed another one,
so I was, like, "Peace out.
I'm gonna go
and annoy my friend."
- That's so great!
- This is amazing
that she's here as well.
- I know.
You were like, "Go up
for a solo sabbatical except"...
- I know.
I know.
You're supposed
to have alone time,
and now you're, like,
double whammy!
- Two of them here.
- That was a big run.
- Yeah, it was really good.
- Yeah.
I need to pee.
I'm literally
gonna pee my pants.
I got you provisions and stuff.
I love that you're here.
Where did you guys sleep?
- That was a bit much.
It's, like, pouring off
your head.
- So... yeah.
- Hey.
- Hey.
- Took my room.
- I hate my room.
- You do hate your room.
Don't be weird
and change the sheets.
It's fine.
- I broke up with Pam.
- What?
Holy shit.
- A couple of days ago.
I got up here yesterday.
I hitchhiked up.
- You didn't hitchhike up.
Please don't hitchhike.
It's so dangerous.
- I had no idea that...
are you all right?
Please don't change
the sheets.
- I want to change the sheets.
- Don't change the sheets.
- Let me change the sheets.
I want to change the sheets.
- I want to talk to you about...
I had no idea you guys
were having trouble.
Why didn't you call me?
- I don't know;
I knew we were in trouble
when we weren't
being physical anymore.
But, I mean,
that was totally my fault.
I was just so fucking angry
with her all the time.
- Yeah, of course you were.
She's suffocating.
- No.
Well, she was suffocating.
- She was suffocating.
- No, but it was me too.
It was because
I was buying in to this...
I was...
what did I say to you
last night?
I had a good metaphor
for it last night.
- Did you guys talk
about this last night?
- Yes, I was shitfaced,
and I was
pouring out my heart.
- You know what?
I am gonna need some herbs.
Would you mind getting something
from the garden?
- Do you need it right now,
or do you want to...
- It would be great
so that it could marinate.
- What?
- I do feel like sooner
rather than later would be good,
just so they can marinate.
- Okay.
Yeah, yeah.
Um, but I want to know...
I want to know what the...
- I'll remember where I was.
- I didn't know any of this,
what the breaking point...
- It's not the kind of stuff
you talk about.
- I know.
- Yeah.
- All right,
what do you want me to do?
- Um, real quick.
I've been thinking,
since the bottle of tequila
was pretty much empty,
I think the way we pitch it is,
you were here drinking,
and I came in, and we talked
for, like, 20 minutes.
Then you went to bed.
I stayed up
finishing the tequila.
And then that way, it's like,
we hung out a little bit
but not so much
that it's suspicious.
You know what I'm saying?
Is that cool with you?
- What are you talking about?
I mean, seriously,
what are you talking about?
- Okay,
don't you think we both agree
it's better
if Iris just doesn't know?
- Why?
- Because she's your sister,
and I'm her best friend...
- Yeah?
- And it's weird.
- Weird, what?
Well, it's weird
that we had sex.
I mean, I'm not particularly
proud of it.
But I don't think
she would give a shit.
- What do you mean
you're not proud of it?
- Come on.
Whatever, anyway, go ahead.
You want me to make up a story
to throw her off the track
so that she doesn't know
that we had sex?
- That sounds terrible
when you say it like that.
- Right.
- Okay?
- Do you have a thing
for my sister?
- I knew
you were gonna say this.
This is why I didn't want
to say anything.
I do not have a thing
for your sister.
- You have a thing
for my sister.
- I don't have a thing
for your sister.
Here's the deal.
- Okay.
- I think it would be bad
for all of us
if Iris knows about this.
I'm not just thinking...
- You are freaking me out
on so many levels right now.
- You don't think she'd be upset
if you told her we had sex?
- I don't think
she would give a shit, no.
- Wow.
- I hate to break it to you...
(door clicking)
- Hi!
- Hey!
I've got sage as well.
I don't know if that's any good.
- Uh, sage is great actually.
Thank you.
- So what was the point when...
what was it
when you decided that...
- You know what? I don't want
to talk about it anymore.
- No.
But I haven't heard any of it.
- I'm starting to get
so irritable,
because it's just
a bad topic.
- Let's listen to some music.
Why don't we do that?
- I'll put some music on.
- Yeah, let's do music.
That sounds good.
- Did she tell you about
the Pam thing last night?
- What's that?
- Did she tell you about Pam?
- We touched on it.
- How's this?
- It's okay.
- Can you not talk about me
when I'm in the same area?
- I'm just saying,
I think I'm a little upset
that this guy is, like,
all clued up on your breakup
and I don't know anything.
- Here's the deal.
New rule.
No talking behind anybody's
backs in this house, all right?
- All right.
- Um, we don't do that.
- Okay.
- Yeah, good.
- Okay, I know you don't want
to talk about it anymore.
That's fine.
- Yeah.
- That's totally fine.
- Let's just move on.
- All right.
- Sounds good to me.
This place is incredible.
- Mm-hmm.
- I know you said at some point
it was renovated, but...
- You don't understand
how beautiful this place was.
- You don't understand.
It was...
- I mean, it was insane.
- It was beautiful.
- It was just so pure
and gorgeous,
and then Marilyn came in
and just eradicated
any memory of us.
And, so the house, yes,
is very beautiful...
- Without the stink of us.
- Yeah.
- But Marilyn's only got
a couple more years left.
- It's two and a half, three.
- Two and a half,
three more years.
- Yeah, I think so.
- What, are you...
I'm sorry, what?
Three to go?
- The ten-year itch.
- Mm-hmm.
- Okay, he was with her mum
for ten years,
had an affair with my mum,
who was his secretary.
- Got your mom Lenora pregnant.
- Yes.
- Married her.
- Moved to London.
- Moved to London.
- Got bored of Lenora,
and then he moved on.
And then he kind of philandered
around for, like, seven years.
- He went through
his crazy Warren Beatty phase.
The funny thing, though,
about those years,
when he was so bad
with the ladies,
he was so good with us,
because that was...
- He wasn't.
- No, but that was, like,
six summers
that it was just
the three of us here.
- I know, but you were okay
with that.
I had no respect for that.
He just went... he dodged
from one to the other,
and it was gross.
- That's so crazy.
So he would just, like,
date all these women,
Like, for short periods
of time
with not a lot
of emotional investment?
- Yeah, it was horrible.
- And they were very similar,
and then he would just move on?
- Yeah.
- God, that's just weird.
Who does that?
And the patterns emerge!
- What are you doing?
- I'm sorry.
Skinny Jeans George,
Skinny Jeans Harry,
Skinny Jeans Vinnie.
Vinnie lasted
for at least two weeks.
He was one of the longer ones.
- I don't like dating.
You know that.
I don't like dating.
I don't like the...
I don't like it.
I get bored.
I don't like it.
- Do you know how
the Iris dating scheme
works these days?
No, you don't.
- Okay, this is basically
how it works,
I mean, in a nutshell.
So they come in
with the skinny jeans
that... yes, skinnier than these,
by the way.
Then we've got
the rocker stud belt,
the Converse, no socks,
tongue open, no shoelaces,
the swoopy haircut.
- Which you have right now,
by the way.
- Well, I have it
'cause I have hair problems.
These guys are young enough.
They should not be swooping.
It starts out
usually on a Friday,
'cause she met him
at a coffee shop.
Saturday night, we go to either
Fleet Foxes or Band of Horses...
- I like Fleet Foxes.
- Or some sort of
Light in The Attic show.
And then she takes them
to the greasy spoon breakfast
the next morning.
She's like, "I'm such
the greasy spoon girl,"
and then they get
very, very excited about her.
And the next weekend they call,
and she does coffee.
And then it's done.
- And why are you
almost defending them?
You hate all of the guys
that I've been out with.
You've hated all of them.
- Well, the problem is...
- I get very bored.
You know that.
- You have great taste in life,
and you have
terrible taste in men.
- You have terrible taste
in clothes.
- Of course I do.
I never said...
- Those denim shorts are
a horror show.
- Don't... don't talk about
the jean shorts.
Don't, don't.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
- The fact that
you've somehow managed
to get the inner seam higher
than the outer seam
is so creepy.
- God is in the details.
I'm sorry.
- I never want to see
those things again.
- Remember the guy who asked you
to cut your bush?
The guy that you
were hooking up with
that told you to trim
your bush and...
- Okay, we're good.
- No, no, no.
She came home in tears,
because she was hooking up
with this guy.
Remember that guy?
And she had a little poof
in her underwear.
- Okay, you know...
- And she's like, "I didn't know
I'm supposed to trim my bush."
(both laughing)
- I was so embarrassed.
- And I was, like,
the bad older sister
'cause I didn't tell her.
- What the fuck are you doing?
I didn't.
It was...
- Anyway, that's the only
boyfriend story I remember.
- You suck.
That is so wrong, by the way.
- What?
- That's very wrong.
- These are the guys...
- Okay, we're good,
we're good, we're good.
We're done.
We're done.
- Okay, we're done.
I'm just gonna eat another vat
of mashed potatoes.
- How are you liking
those mashed potatoes?
- They're outrageous.
- Yeah?
They taste good?
- Mm-hmm.
- How vegan do they taste
to you?
Come on.
I put a dollop of butter in.
That was it.
Don't rinse out.
Come on.
You've been plowing through
those things.
Do you know why
they tasted good?
Because they have dairy in them.
That's why.
- Why would you do that?
- Because I felt like it.
- That's five pounds of fear
right there that I just ate.
- It was meant to be a joke
just 'cause...
to see if you liked it.
- It was meant to be a joke.
- I mean,
it's just so not cool.
- Okay, okay.
You're right.
It's not cool.
Are you allergic to butter,
- No, I'm emotionally allergic
to butter.
- I'm sorry.
It was just a little bit.
It was just a tablespoon.
I like butter
in my mashed potato,
and that was all it was.
- All right.
- Don't, Hannah.
- That was delicious
and inhumane and...
I'll see you guys
in the morning.
- I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
- I love you,
but I don't like you.
- All right.
- Thank you, Jack.
- Good night, Hannah.
(birds calling)
- Hannah?
- Hmm?
- Hello.
- I'm sleeping.
- I know.
I can't sleep.
It's because I'm so excited
that you're here.
- Well, try.
- What?
- Try.
- I can't.
- Do you want to talk?
- Mm-mm.
- Go to bed.
- I can't.
- Well, sleep here, but, shh.
- Okay.
Can I just have one question?
- Hmm?
- Do you like Jack?
- Yeah, he's all right.
- Hmm?
- I said he's all right.
- What do you think of him?
- I don't know.
I just met him.
- Yeah, but, you know,
you're very good
at working people out.
- I don't know.
He seems like a nice guy.
- Mm-hmm.
- He's a good cook.
- Sorry about the potato.
I hate that bush story.
- I'm sorry about that.
- I, like, hate it so much.
It's so, so embarrassing.
- It's a good story.
- Yeah, for you.
- I don't know.
He's funny, I guess.
- He's very funny.
- And full of himself.
- Well, it's because
he's nervous, though.
He just gets a little posture-y
when he's nervous.
He's really smart.
- So do you like him?
- Yeah, he's my friend.
- No, I mean, do you like him
like him?
- Yeah.
I think I'm in love with him.
- Wow.
- Yeah.
Do you think that's weird?
- No.
- Because of Tom,
I think it might be weird.
- I don't know.
- He made this, like,
really drunken pass at me once.
And it was right after
I broke up with Tom.
And it was completely
embarrassing, but...
He was so upset
the next day,
you know, mortified.
And I was kind of happy
that it happened.
So I guess I thought then
that I shouldn't...
shouldn't tell him.
Do you think that
I should tell him?
- No, not no.
- He's so sweet.
- I think you should sleep
on it.
- Sleep on it?
I thought you were gonna say,
"I think you should
sleep with him."
- That's my usual advice.
- I just think
I might fuck everything up,
because maybe
we know each other too well,
you know?
And he'd be totally
weirded out, and...
- Sleep on it.
- Okay.
- In your own bed.
- Okay.
- I'm exhausted.
- Okay.
- I love you.
- I love you.
It's nice to see you.
- So good to see you,
(both chuckling)
- Okay.
- Hi, Stink Bomb.
- Hey.
How are you?
- What are you doing?
- Just chilling.
- Are you not sleeping?
- I can't sleep.
Can you not sleep?
- Yeah.
- What do you think of her?
- I think she's great.
You know, I really like her,
and she seems great.
Do you not like her?
- No, I just said I like her.
I do.
- Did you... what did you guys
do last night?
- We, um...
You know, it was just,
like, small talk,
getting to know
each other a little bit.
And it was nice.
- Do you think
that she's pretty?
- I think she is
empirically attractive.
- What?
- "Technically speaking she is,
uh, pretty attractive."
- Whatever.
She's a pretty girl.
- She's really pretty.
- She's a pretty girl.
- This is her room.
Do you know that?
- This is her room?
- You're in her room.
- That's weird.
Why'd she put me in here?
She hates this room.
- Maybe that's why
she put me in here.
- She does.
She really hates this room.
She hasn't even unpacked.
- Wow.
- Yeah, that's all her stuff.
- What is that?
- This is all her paintings.
I don't know if she even knows
they're here.
She hasn't picked up a brush
in years, but...
- It's beautiful.
- Yeah.
These are all
from around here.
And this is a nudist beach
on the other side
of the island.
- On this island?
- Yep.
- That's crazy.
- Anyway...
- Anyway.
I got to tell you something.
- What?
- I...
- What?
- I am too old to ride bicycles
to islands.
- Anyway,
that's my big confession
for the night.
(birds chirping)
(sighing and snoring)
You just put your foot
in my face,
you son of a bitch.
- What?
- You just put your foot
in my face.
- No, I didn't.
- You did.
- Shit head.
(birds chirping)
(waves lapping)
- Hey.
- Hey.
- You were right.
- About what?
- It's just, um,
better if she doesn't know.
- Yeah, that's...
that's good for me, yeah.
(waves lapping)
- Just like that.
- Ew, it's a gloopy.
- I prefer "eye booger."
- Oh...
- What are... what are we
in for here?
- Hmm?
- What are we in for here?
- I have no idea.
- Are you guys ready for
the best gluten-free, vegan,
soy-free pancakes
you're ever gonna eat?
- Mmm.
- Absolutely.
- Seriously,
these are delicious.
- They look really good.
- You can have a little
sad pancake.
- There's the little man.
- Look, two little
sad pancakes.
- Oh, he is a little sad.
I'll make him happy.
- Tell me if you miss
'cause I would be very surprised
if you do.
- Okay.
- Um... oh!
Maple syrup.
- Maple syrup.
- Oh, shoot.
Okay, you know what?
No maple syrup, but we do have
cashew butter.
- Mmm.
- They're good?
- Mm!
- Oh, my God.
I'm so excited.
- That's great.
- So good.
- They're actually even good
without it.
But I will try it with.
See how we do.
- I put that stuff on
It is delish.
- Yeah?
- They're good?
- Very good.
- Very good.
- I'm so happy
you guys like them.
I mean, do you miss it?
Do you even miss the butter
and the milk?
- Mm-mm.
- Mm-mm.
- They're terrible.
No, they're not.
- They're so bad.
- They're so good, right?
Aren't they good?
- I think "terrible"
is an extreme word.
I think that
they are challenged,
but they are...
- I think it's
a very good effort.
- It's not.
You know what it is?
The flax seeds
didn't do a good job.
I put flax seeds in
to replace the egg,
and usually I use coconut oil,
but we didn't have any.
And it's just...
- Well, you didn't have
the right ingredients.
- We didn't.
- This is what I think.
We'll have a second round.
- Okay.
- You get all
the right ingredients.
I'll make my pancakes,
you make yours,
and we'll have, like,
a pancake-off.
And then whoever wins will win,
like, a...
- Trip to, uh, IHOP.
- A trip to IHOP.
But make sure you bring
your passport,
'cause it's international,
you know.
- Right.
Well done.
Sorry, you guys.
- Don't be sorry.
- Do you know what
I'm so excited about?
- What?
- You.
- What do you mean?
- I'm happy you've left her.
I think that's what
I'm trying to say.
- I think I'm happy too.
- I've kind of missed seeing
your face like this.
It's the first time I've seen
you look really happy
in a long time.
That's awesome.
Despite the terrible pancakes.
- You do.
It's really lovely for me.
I've missed you, you know,
seeing you.
Fuck Pam.
- Fuck her.
- Fuck Pam.
- Fuck Pam.
- Fuck Pam.
- Fuck Pam.
Or don't fuck Pam.
Fuck someone else now.
You can do anything
you want now.
That's the thing.
It's really exciting.
You can go traveling now.
You're not stuck in...
- I can.
I was thinking about that.
- You can go to India.
You can find yourself,
like Lenora.
You can do whatever you want.
You can have a baby now.
A baby?
- She's always wanted them.
She's always wanted them.
- That's right where
my mind goes.
Let me go have a baby now.
- No, I've been thinking
about it, that she's...
she's always wanted one
as well.
She has actually always wanted
a baby.
You should try.
Now is your time.
I mean, were you trying?
Were you even trying?
- Yeah, I mean, we had...
you know, we'd been
talking about it.
- She never wanted them,
- But she said she did.
- Yeah, she said was gonna...
she said she was gonna relent
at some point.
And I don't think she ever
wanted them.
And you have such
an opportunity now, you know?
- Yeah.
- Okay.
Are you embarrassed a bit?
It's probably embarrassing,
in front of Jack.
- No. No.
It's just... yeah.
I mean...
We just...
it wasn't on the table.
At the end of the day,
it wasn't...
uh, wasn't to be,
so moving on.
- All right,
I'm just saying
that there's
tons of stuff you can do.
- Travel.
- No, but you... there's...
don't change the subject.
This is what you want.
There's sperm donors.
There's like...
- Christ.
- Yeah.
- It's expensive.
- But what I'm saying now
is that there's, like...
you can go online.
There's sperm donors.
There's sperm in the air.
You just grab a dude
and preg yourself up.
- That sounds horrible.
(both laughing)
- Pick a guy.
Any guy.
It would just be one night,
and then you're done.
- I'm gonna get some coffee.
Would you like a refill?
- Mm-hmm.
- Hannah, would you like
- Ah, yes.
Thank you.
Refresh, please.
- Coffee?
I'll be right back.
I need to talk to you.
(mouthing words)
(mouthing words)
- Let's go for a walk.
- Okay. Good.
Um, we're going to go
for a walk, Jack-Jack.
You're gonna stay here
and think about your life.
Come on, Hannah.
- I'm going for a walk.
- Hey, hey.
Hey, hey, quick.
Um, just wanted to check in
with you real quick.
So I don't know exactly
how to put this,
but it definitely was
a little weird.
I didn't know about you
and your relationship to,
like, wanting a baby and stuff,
which is great, obviously.
But, in terms of, like,
the whole, like,
"Oh, just grab a guy,
and there's sperm everywhere,"
Like, it definitely made me
think for a sec.
Our first night...
I hate to even bring it up,
but I feel like I should just...
- We used a condom.
- That's true.
Yeah, you're right.
Are we good?
Okay, thanks.
Sorry about that.
I didn't mean to...
- See you later.
- Backtrack.
I just felt like
Safety first.
- Yeah, and the thought of it
is scary,
and it's all
of those things.
And if I'm gonna do it,
I just feel like
I should just tell him.
And I thought about it
all night.
And we slept in the same
fucking bed, you know.
And it's just the comfort
and the ease that we have.
I just don't believe
that just evaporates.
I hope, anyway.
I just feel like I've got
to take this leap.
And I was lying there
last night,
and I couldn't
get to sleep.
And he's snoring next to me,
and I'm, like,
"Just tell him.
Just fucking tell him."
You know, I just...
I just have to.
I think it's time.
And I don't even know
what he's gonna think
or what he's gonna say.
I just feel like
I've got to stop
feeling so passive about things,
you know?
What's the matter?
Why are you being so quiet?
(scoffs quietly)
- You don't think
I should do it?
- No, I have
to tell you something.
And I have to tell you something
before I tell you something.
The first thing
that I'm gonna tell you,
you're going to have
a big problem with.
So I think I'm just
gonna tell you.
- Okay.
Oh, God.
Oh, God.
Oh, my God.
(door slams)
- Iris!
- Jack!
- Whoa, whoa.
What's going on?
What's going on?
- You fucked my sister.
You fucked my sister!
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!
- Look, I'm so sorry.
- You were here for one night.
She's a fucking lesbian.
- It was a total mistake.
You should never
have known about it.
I'm so sorry,
but there's something
much bigger at work here...
- Iris, I'm so sorry.
- Tell her about the condom.
Hannah, tell her
about the condom.
- What's he talking about?
- Tell her.
I found the condom!
- What'd you do?
Why were you looking
for the condom?
What's going on?
- Well, well, why?
You know why?
Because she poked holes
in the condom.
- Can you just shut up
for one second?
- No, you poked holes
in the condom.
It's a fucking rain shower!
She tried to steal my sperm.
- I didn't try to steal
your sperm.
- Well, then, what was that?
- Did you poke holes
in a condom, Hannah?
- No.
- Why?
- No, I was trying...
I was trying to get pregnant.
- With Jack?
- Yeah.
- No.
Not with Jack.
With someone.
- Oh, my God.
- Jack, you didn't even...
you weren't even gonna know.
- Oh, I wasn't going to know?
- It was going
into a little plastic sack
and get thrown
into the trash.
- Exactly!
Where sperm belongs
so it doesn't become
a fucking baby
that I don't know about!
- Okay, so this...
let me just clear this up.
You potentially could be
pregnant with his baby.
Is that what...
is that what you're telling me?
- I don't know.
- Holy shit.
Holy shit.
You had to pick him,
didn't you?
You had go pick Jack.
- I didn't pick him.
- All the guys.
All of the guys,
and you had to go and pick him.
- I wasn't trying to pick him.
I was just...
- Why?
Why did it have to be him?
- I didn't know you were
in love with him!
How could I know you were
in love with him?
I would never have done that.
I don't want to hurt you.
I didn't know.
What are you doing?
- I don't know.
I just wanted a baby.
I'm sorry.
I fucked up.
- Fuck.
(exhales sharply)
I am a really bad person.
(door slams)
(water lapping)
(owl hooting)
(knocking at door)
- Can I talk to you
for a second?
- No.
I don't want to talk to you,
- Hey, hey.
- I really think your face
is going to annoy me right now.
I don't want to talk to you.
- My face always annoys you.
- I'm so sorry.
- Why did you do that?
Did you not think that
that would be weird for me?
Did you not think that, like,
even if I hadn't found out
that that would be weird thing,
that you'd have to carry that
and still be friends with me?
- It's weird.
It's definitely weird.
But it's, like, I...
I slept with your sister,
and you slept with my brother.
And I don't know.
I don't even...
This is just
so confusing.
There's a lot happening
right now.
But I can't...
I can't come between you
and your sister, okay?
That is not something
I can ever do.
- I can't even think about her
right now.
- She...
- I don't want anything to do
with her right now, okay?
- I just know I saw her
when you left the room,
and she loves you,
and she's sorry.
You can never understand
how important
the bond is that you have
with your sister.
You will never understand
the way I do.
I could never live with myself
if I knew, in some way,
I might be coming between you
or the cause of any of that.
And what I did was a mistake,
and it's the worst fucking
mistake I have ever made.
But I didn't...
Oh, fuck.
I didn't sleep with your sister
'cause I wanted to sleep
with your sister.
I slept with your sister
because I can't be with you.
I have to go.
- Where are you going?
- I don't know.
- You gonna come back?
(door slams)
(water lapping)
(door slams)
I made some potatoes
if you want some.
- Iris?
- Yeah?
- I'm sorry.
(water lapping)
- Morning.
(both laughing and chattering)
Have you thought about what
you're gonna do,
you know, if there's a baby?
- Not really.
- 'Cause I was just thinking
that I wouldn't want you to...
feel alone,
you know?
And if you wanted any help
that that would be
something I could do.
You know that I could help you
raise the baby.
I have a spare room.
- Are you sure that's what
you'd be up for,
want to do,
could bite off?
I don't know.
- Yeah, I think it is.
I could do the 3:00 a.m. feed,
you know?
I don't know.
I've just been thinking
about it.
It's whatever you want.
- I think I'd like that.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
just, you know,
for the offer, even,
even if there is no baby.
- It's okay.
- Warm up?
- Yeah.
I'm sorry.
- It's okay.
(kids chattering)
(kids laughing and chattering)
- Here comes
the milk police car.
- Here comes
the milk race car.
(imitating sirens)
- Whoever has the Sun,
turn it on!
(chain rattling)
- Fuck.
(chain rattling)
Fuck you.
Fuck you.
Fuck you!
Fuck you!
- I think if you see
two together, it's good luck.
- The crows?
- Yeah, and one
is a spirit guide.
(both laughing)
- Hi.
- Hi.
I have something I want to say
to you guys, okay?
I'm unemployed,
and I'm financially unstable,
and I am emotionally, at best,
at worst, a cripple.
And I'm not in a place
in my life
to be any sort
of father figure, potentially.
And I'm certainly,
as your best friend,
no one I would recommend
as a boyfriend.
And that sucks,
because you...
might be carrying my baby,
and I'm in love
with your sister.
I'm tired of being dead,
and I want
to come back to life.
So if there, you know,
is a baby in there,
you absolutely
should have that.
And I would love to help
if you want me...
not pushy, just available,
be it friend or uncle
or dad-ish,
on some level.
And you.
I don't deserve you.
But I would give you
every fucking thing
that I have.
And if you guys would consider
having me,
I'm asking for a shot.
- I love you.
- And I love you.
- Come here.
Come on.
- Come on.
- Come on.
Don't be silly.
Come here, sperm stealer.
(clock ticking)
(alarm rings)
- Okay.
- Okay.
All right, all right, all right,
all right, all right.
(peaceful acoustic music)
When I was playin' dead
I'd lie down
I wouldn't move
Though everything else was
The swing set
Kids playin' catch
with their dads
No one noticed yet
that I was gone
Then she came along
And, love,
I got you, didn't I?
I got you, didn't I?
I got you
And, love,
I got you, didn't I?
I got you, didn't I?
I got you
When I was playin' dead
I'd lie down
I wouldn't move
Though everything else was
The swing set
Kids playin' catch
with their dads
No one noticed yet
When I was alive
I didn't know why I died
I guess I thought everything
was that way
Your hair is gray
In other lights,
it's black
And when you laugh
Still brings me back
And, love,
I got you, didn't I?
I got you, didn't I?
I got you
And, love,
I got you, didn't I?
I got you, didn't I?
You got me