Adventure Time: Side Quests (2026) s01e01 Episode Script

[crow caws]
[quacks]
[bats squeal]
[opening theme song playing]
Adventure Time
Come on, grab your friends ♪
We'll go to very
Distant lands ♪
With Jake the Dog
And Finn the Human ♪
The fun will never end ♪
Adventure Time ♪
[whispering] Side Quests.
[folk music playing]
- [grunts]
- [cheering]
[panting]
[all cheering]
- [chomping]
- Refill time!
[grunting]
- [grunting]
- [laughs]
This is it.
This is totally
gonna be my year.
I can feel it in my buffs.
Look at those thangs.
The Tournament of Champions
is as good as won.
You know it. [chuckles]
Now where do I start?
How about at boiling man?
Can you beat a minute?
[laughs] Nah.
[man] Hi-ya!
Woohoo!
- Mannish Man!
- Finn man!
- [both grunting]
- [laughing]
Ooh, that hurt.
You been working out?
- Big time.
- Show me those gains, bro.
[grunts] Yeah! Whatchu got, MM?
- [grunts] Yeah!
- Now, chest!
- [both grunting]
- Now, back.
[both grunting]
I'm ready to toss some house.
[laughs] Awesome!
Sign up with Choose Goose first
so we can
make this match official.
You mean, bro-fficial?
- Yeah, yeah!
- [hooting]
[both] Yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah!
You guys are sweet.
All right, Choose Goose.
Sign me up for
the house toss, big guy.
You? A house to throw?
Unlikely with those
noodle arms, dontcha know?
[laughing]
Oh, um, this salad
is hilarious.
Come on, Choose Goose.
Your embarrassment
is not mannish.
To avoid further pain, vanish.
[laughing]
Oh, uh, so many croutons.
Argh! I am totes mannish!
I'm gonna huck
this whole tower.
[groans]
Oh, did you hear that, gals?
Finn's gonna destroy
our observation tower
with his little noodle arms.
[groans]
- You want your shirt back?
- No!
I just need a better grip.
[pants, thuds]
Gals, he got
the load bearing pebble!
- [screaming]
- Old ladies!
- [grunts]
- [gasps] Finn!
[yells]
You scared us.
And you saved us!
Thank you,
shirtless Finn and Jake!
Well, that wasn't us,
elderly dames.
Oh! Well, was it this big block
of beef over here?
Uh, no ma'ams.
[sniffs] Well, this arrow
smells like it came from
Mmm
Oh, that really cool guy.
Dude, how can I be
exactly like--
Crossbow tournament?
That's it, Jake.
We're not house-throw guys.
We're crossbow bros.
- [both] Crossbros!
- That's math.
Indeed it appears
that you have found
a much better game
for ye and ye hound.
You bet your beak we did.
Come on, CG,
let him sign the docs.
[Finn] Yes!
[people cheering distantly]
[grunting]
All right! I got like
two seconds of practice.
But shooting stuff's
[groans]
[grunting] real easy, right?
- [clicks]
- Thanks, Jake.
Yup, no problem.
- I'm digging that hat.
- [Jake] Yeah, me too.
Ready!
'Kay!
- [clicks]
- Huh? Hang on.
The finger thingy's
stuck or something.
- [man yells] Ow!
- Yeah!
Dude, I just nailed that guy.
And I didn't even see him.
[man, distantly] I'm okay.
Plus, he's okay.
[both chanting]
Crossbros, crossbros,
crossbros, crossbros!
[grunts]
- Hit the air.
- One point.
- Hey, you hit this rock.
- Whoa! That's like ten points!
[Jake] Tree, two points.
Between the ears, nine points.
Right in the dirt,
twelve points!
Yes!
We're crossbow masters!
[both grunting]
- Bow time!
- It's bow time, baby! Bow time!
We're here to shoot arrows
and read tarots.
And we can't read tarot.
We're them boys.
We're them boys!
I love the little guys.
Crossbow! Crossbow!
Cross-- Oops!
So I says, "Shirley, it's fine.
I'll survive one day
without my helmet--" [grunts]
- Bullseye!
- Whew.
Man, you'd be a danger
to yourself
- and everyone here without me.
- Yeah, totally. Oh!
[trumpet blowing]
[both] We them boys!
[dramatic music plays]
Ah, righteous!
Dude, you're the reason
I got into crossbowing.
I loved your work
saving my butt earlier.
I wasn't saving your butt.
I was yoinking the hero glory
from Mannish Man.
Yeah, Mannish Man is cool.
But anyway, it's an honor to do
bow stuff with you.
I'm Finn and this is
my best pal, Jake.
Shh! You think you have
the bow skills
to cross bows with me?
This field is only for
bow heroes such as I.
Boyish Boy!
Cheat day!
No bow babies allowed.
Totally, man.
Blippin' bow babies.
- Bow heroes only. Oh!
- Oh!
I says, "Grandobar, you got
a head the size of a melon,
wear your helmet!"
Someone's in here.
[chuckles] Thanks, Jake.
[chuckles] Just working with
what you gave me, bow hero.
- Wha--
- [gasps]
Pfft! You're no bow hero.
You're a bow
zero.
[all gasp]
Shut up, man. Finn's good.
He practiced all afternoon.
[hisses] Dog squire.
Look at these noodle-y arms.
I bet you can't even
yoink it back yourself.
- Yeah, Jake does that part.
- [scoffs]
Why am I even
wasting my time with you?
- [shoos]
- All right, see you around.
[humming]
Yeah, that Boyish Boy
is kind of a jerkish jerk, huh?
Yeah, but he's super talented,
so it's cool.
That doesn't mean you should
let him dump all over you.
Aw, square roots! You're right!
[sighs] My brain is weak.
Aw, that's okay.
You're really nice.
[giggles] Thanks, Jake.
What do you wanna do now?
Eat some more of those
meat man haunches?
Yeah, I like that.
Or you could go win
the solo crossbow tournament
and teach Boyish Boy a lesson,
like how he shouldn't call
other people's best friends
"dog squires".
Yeah! Hack. Nerd. Average.
Man, you really
don't like him, huh?
Nah, man, he called you
a bow baby with noodle-y arms.
Dude, you're right!
Let's teach him to be nice
- through the power of victory!
- [whooping]
Wait, I'm kinda really terrible
at this thing
without you, remember?
Ah, no sweat. Come here, let me
psst-psst-psst in your ear.
[whispers]
Yeah!
With none left to challenge
of honest and true,
Boyish Boy
wins finest crossbower
- Oh, yeah!
- as soon as I say woohoo.
- [Finn] I challenge!
- [all gasp]
Solo.
- Ack!
- Ooh, little arms. Whoa!
[all cheering]
Woo! Yeah! All right!
Yeah, buddy!
Can I help you
with something, guy?
- [chuckles]
- Go ahead.
Embarrass yourself.
What do I care?
[tense music plays]
[grunts]
[grunts]
[all cheering]
A tie, yes, I see
with my Choose-y Goose eyes.
To the do or die round
with both of these guys.
- Yeah!
- What?
He cheated with that other guy.
Just dumb old
dog squires in here.
Ain't nothing
in the rule scroll says
you can't shoot
an arrow off your dog.
It does not say no dogs today.
[all cheering]
- [trumpet blowing]
- Let's get it on, y'all!
[Choose Goose]
For the bow hero's prize
you must hit the apple.
If you do not, you lose
and that's that all.
Good luck, you guys.
[both stuttering]
P-- P-- Princess Bubblegum?
[both grunting]
Okay, bow baby, no cheating
with your dog squire this time.
There ain't nothing
in the rule scroll says--
There is now.
This time around,
there shall be no hound.
[all cheering]
[laughing evilly]
Hey, since we are
so evenly matched,
how about we turn up
the difficulty?
Oh, father!
[whooping] Okay, son.
Just like we practiced.
- [panting]
- [laughing evilly]
Nailed it.
[all cheering]
- Oh, yeah!
- Yeah, boy!
- [both grunting]
- Okay, Finn.
- You're up, my dude. [whoops]
- [panting]
[laughs]
Now, don't splatter my brains.
JK, you got this.
Choose Goose, time out.
I have to, uh poo!
- Ew, Finn!
- [exclaims]
Would you quit
staring at me, man?
Jake, dude,
I think we need to call it.
Like, I'm pretty sure
I'm about to
accidentally bow-slay
Mannish Man
and/or Princess Bubblegum.
No way, Finn.
Jakey don't go into
no corner for second place.
Listen, man, I trust you
and I love you.
Alls you gotta do
is believe in yourself
and I know you'll take
this boyish creep down.
[kisses]
Aw, okay. I'll do it.
For Jakey!
[all cheering]
[both growl]
[huffs, pants]
[all] Oh! Oh!
Thank you.
I'm telling you, you worry
too much about me, Shir--
[chuckles, whoops]
[playing instruments
discordantly]
What the-- [yelps]
- [all cheering]
- Oh! A win for Finn!
A win for Finn! [yelps]
Oh, my Glob!
Jake, we did it!
The power of our friendship
won the day!
[Jake] Nah, man.
I just got real teeny
and flew the arrow around
with this propeller backpack.
- [propeller whirring]
- Oh, cool.
Wait, then what
Aw
No!
Sometimes I don't
really understand
your whole deal, man.
Yeah, I'm mysterious.
Finn! Awesome crossbowing,
my man!
- Wow!
- [Boyish Boy] Ugh, Dad!
Don't cheer for Finn.
Aw, jeez, man.
I think I get it now.
You only act like such a jerk
'cause your dad has a type
of relationship with your peers
that you wish he had with you.
No!
I'm just a little snot.
Eat my shorts, dude.
- [laughs]
- Hmph.
Crossbows are for jerks.
[closing theme song playing]
Come along with me ♪
And the butterflies
And bees ♪
So we can wander
Through the forest ♪
And do so as we please ♪