Best Medicine (2026) s01e01 Episode Script

1
[instrumental music]
[engine whirring]
[car door closes]
[car lock beeps]
[indistinct chatter]
Louisa, sweetheart,
how are you doin'?
Fine. S-so fine.
Are you sure?
I mean, not fine,
of course not fine.
But, you know, uh, never mind.
Mm-hm.
[instrumental music]
[indistinct chatter]
[chuckles softly]
Okay
Weird.
Excuse me,
what is the matter with you?
I was wondering
the same thing about you.
-Me?
-Mm-hm.
There is nothing
the matter with me.
Nothing.
Nothing at all!
[indistinct chatter]
[music continues]
Thank you so much
for meeting with us today.
-All the way from Boston.
-Not a problem.
I'm looking forward
to hearing about the position.
Ooh! What a nice font.
Very professional.
Is that Helvetica Neue?
-Uh
-It's started. Sorry.
Sorry, sorry, sorry,
sorry, I'm late.
What you're
y-you're the one interviewing
to be our doctor?
Uh, I, trying to.
Well, obviously
this is just a formality.
Famous heart surgeon from Boston
awards from the AMA every year,
commendations a mile long.
We'd be lucky to have you.
-[laughs]
-W-wait. Uh, wait.
Just-just like that?
We're not gonna,
not gonna ask any questions.
Let's not scare away
our only applicant, Louisa.
Small town life,
not for most people these days.
Why don't you tell us why you
wanna leave the big city
to come be
our small town doctor?
[seagulls squawking]
Well, um
[door opens]
Morning, folks.
Ah, we're here
to break down the arch.
We'll-we'll be in and out.
You won't even know we're here.
There was gonna be a wedding.
[tapping pen]
Yes, mine.
Uh, you were saying?
Well, I summered here as
a child, as you probably know,
at my Aunt Sarah's,
fond memories and such.
Anyway, when this job came up,
I thought it was a good time
to make a change.
[machines whirring]
[quirky music]
I'm curious about
your interpersonal skills.
You know, uh,
our last doctor, Dr. Reese,
I mean, he just,
he always put us at ease.
Died on the job at 93.
He loved us so much
he just wouldn't retire.
No matter how much we beg.
[machines whirring]
[clattering]
[instrumental music]
Well, in terms
of my bedside manner,
I take people who are sick
and I make them well,
and they're usually
very happy about it.
[clacking]
You always conduct
your job interviews
-in a construction site?
-Yeah.
Uh, you about
finished there, Bert?
Yep. Just shards of wood now.
-[laughs] Completely destroyed.
-Yeah.
-Kind of like Sheriff Mark.
-Oh.
Dad, dad, dad, dad, dad.
Too soon, Dad.
-[sighs] I'm sorry.
-What?
Show of hands. Everyone in favor
of hiring the doctor.
-Oh.
-Definitely.
-Great. When can you start?
-Immediately.
Yay, now we have sandwiches.
-[laughs]
-[overlapping chatter]
-[man 1] Sure.
-[man 2] That's fine.
[indistinct chatter]
[man laughs]
[instrumental music]
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
Just know this, this town
and all the people in it
are very dear to me.
So the person who is in charge
of taking care of them,
let's just say
I'm, I'm keeping my eye on you.
Speaking of which,
your left eye,
you've been experiencing
any blurriness or pain?
Uh, uh, um, a-a bit.
You may have glaucoma.
You should see
an ophthalmologist right away.
What?
Oh, the, um, [clears throat]
the coffee line.
-That's what you were.
-Mm-hm.
You'll see
I'm very good at my job.
-[thuds]
-[Louisa gasps]
[chair scrapes]
[indistinct chatter]
[instrumental music]
[seagulls squawking]
[engine whirring]
[Martin] Hello.
I was told to come here
You must be Doc Martin.
-Welcome.
-I prefer Dr. Best.
Tomato, to-mah-to. I'm Greg,
proprietor of the Salty Breeze.
Someone left keys here
for me to pick up?
Yes. Louisa dropped them off.
That's a story.
Did you hear?
Nope. And I don't need to.
Doc Martin. [laughs]
Welcome. Uh, excuse my
[chuckles]
Lobster rolls.
George is my partner in life
and work
-and our culinary genius.
-Oh.
Hey, we know what it's like
to be from the big city.
We came from New York
18 years ago.
Finance, can you believe?
George, well [chuckles]
I-I was a chef
to a very famous celebrity.
We can't tell you who.
He signed an NDA.
If I told you,
I'd have to kill you.
[both laughing]
-Brisket. Welcome, Doc Martin.
-[Brisket grunts]
My keys? Or the number
for the health department?
Oh, yes, Louisa.
Anyway,
the whole town is squawking.
-She and Sheriff Mark
-[shushing]
[instrumental music]
-Hey.
-Hey, buddy.
-Hello. Hey.
-[Greg] Sheriff Mark.
[claps] You must be Doc Mark.
-Dr. Best, actually.
-Dr. Best actually.
Welcome to Port Wenn,
Dr. Best actually.
-Hey, Mark. How are you?
-How you doing?
-You all right?
-Anything we can do?
Uh, actually, I came to talk
to you guys about Saturday.
We'll give you back
to the deposit.
No, no, no, no.
I still want to have the party.
-[Greg] Really?
-Yes. It's the best thing
that ever happened to me.
I'm a free man.
It's time to party.
You see, Louisa and Mark?
Well, Louisa, she
Louisa dumped me
two weeks before our wedding.
Truth is, I should probably
go home right now
and write her a thank you note.
Everyone in town
thinks she's so wonderful.
Ooh, she teaches kids.
But I know the truth.
The devil lurks beneath.
The reception
was going to be here.
-Still waiting for my keys.
-Oh, yeah, yeah.
Baby, the back pocket.
I'm telling you, doc,
I think he should come.
Who wants to go
to a boring wedding anyway?
We're gonna have
an all night blowout.
-With what? A Crepe station.
-A Crepe station.
-No.
-You got plans already?
Not at all.
-I like him.
-He's nice.
Yeah.
[instrumental music]
[door lock clicking]
[keys jingling]
Where'd you come
Get outta here,
get outta here. Go, shush.
Get outta here!
-Shoo, leave!
-[women laughing]
Are you Doc Martin?
My name actually is Dr. Best.
[laughs]
Oh, my God.
Do you mean Dr. Worst?
[Amelia] He's so Boston Boujee.
[Harley] Oh, oh, tell us.
-Is there a Mrs. Doctor Best?
-What?
-Or maybe a Mr. Doctor Best?
-How is that your business?
Oh, he's definitely
giving straight.
-And so single.
-This is so lame.
If he's gonna move here,
can he at least be interesting?
[dog panting]
[door lock clicking]
Wait. No, no, no, come on!
[Elaine] Unbend the paper clips
and then bend them back up again
because it's really satisfying.
And then I might add
some more rubber bands
to the rubber band ball
'cause, you know,
I like to add a few a day,
like, to see it grow.
-Hashtags that reasonable
-Am I interrupting?
Oh, yes, sorry.
-I'm just shooting my show.
-Mm.
-Who are you?
-Elaine.
Your administrative assistant.
-I worked with Dr. Reese.
-Oh, I'm sorry.
I assumed I'd be interviewing
people for the position.
Well, I just saved you the time.
-Mm.
-See what a good assistant I am?
And this, w-what-what is this?
What is it, What is this?
I'm about to be a YouTube star.
I-I go through my day
and I do my usual things,
but I have Teddy strapped to me.
Guess what, the show is called?
-Bear With Me.
-Bear With Me.
-[phone ringing]
-Darn you.
Just curious, do you
happen to be experiencing
any ringing in your ears
by any chance?
-No. Why?
-Because the phone.
-Gilbert. Hi!
-[Martin grunts]
It's nice to see you.
You here for an appointment?
-Well, yes.
-Okay, step right in, then.
No, no, don't step right in.
I haven't even unpacked my car.
Is this an emergency?
Well, if it isn't an emergency,
I don't know what else is.
Well, if you're a new doctor,
start doctoring.
[upbeat music]
All right then.
What is your full name?
Gilbert Carlisle.
And would you like to tell me
what this emergency
is all about?
Well, Dr. Reese would offer
a cup of coffee first.
Not a Barista, continue.
Well, you see,
it's difficult to talk about.
I assure you, everything in here
is completely confidential.
It's very embarrassing.
Would you like me to guess?
Erectile dysfunction?
God no!
Uncontrollable flatulence,
Halitosis, leprosy?
No, no, no!
-[dramatic music]
-Hm.
The term is Gynecomastia.
Nice way of saying
I'm growing boobs.
Must be something in the water.
It's not uncommon.
Over 35% of men have it
at some point.
But we should do
some blood work.
Fine by me.
Y-you know what,
on second thought,
I'll have you come back
when I'm set up.
The needles and tubes
are right there.
Look, I'm a juicy one, here.
-Right here.
-Mm.
I just walked into my office
ten minutes ago
for the first time.
You're gonna have
to come back later.
[Gilbert] That's it?
No blood tests, no advice.
I can prescribe you
a training bra.
I have never!
Never!
[instrumental music]
Never!
You're a real charmer,
aren't you?
[door squeaks]
I'm sorry.
Uh, I'm not open for business.
Oh, no worries. We're just here
to welcome you to town.
-Here's a Whoopie pie.
-Hm.
Uh, I'd like to unpack,
if you don't mind.
Oh, and to give you our card
in case you need to make
any repairs around the place.
Yeah, we're a father and son
handyman company.
[Bert] Seems like you might
need a new paint job.
Patch up the roof, oh, and I bet
that sliding door upstairs
-needs a look at.
-Oh, your concern is touching
and I assume expensive.
No, thank you.
Hey, are you going to
Sheriff Mark's party
on Saturday?
Nope. I'm Team Louisa.
She wasn't feeling the magic.
And if there's one thing
that's real, it's magic.
You're really smart.
[both chuckle]
Elaine, please come in
with a pen and paper.
[instrumental music]
Here I am just comin' in
with pen and paper.
-[Martin] Please take notes.
-And here I am, taking notes.
Turn that off.
It's unbearable.
[gasps] Unbearable.
That is a good one, doc.
Okay, we're gonna need
gloves, gauze
Wait, it's weird,
I feel like there was something
that I was supposed to tell you.
Tongue depressors.
How's the water pressure?
[water spraying]
[Elaine]
Yeah, that's what that was.
The, um,
the faucet needs to be fixed.
Anything else
you've forgotten? Hm?
Exposed wires,
hidden land mines.
-Oh, I really can't be sure.
-Yeah.
-How about a towel?
-Yeah.
Cabinet on the left, top shelf.
-Yeah.
-[Elaine] Yeah.
Thanks.
[scoffs]
[instrumental music]
Okay, now I am going
to eat my sandwich.
That reminds me, I haven't
eaten anything all day.
Maybe I'll
[instrumental music]
Out!
Well, there's some
saltines in the cabinet.
Or you could go
to the Salty Breeze.
Won Best Lobster Roll
in Northeast Maine,
like, six years in a row.
Where's the grocery store again?
It's right in the middle
of the town. Can't miss it.
That's Port Wenn provisions
on Main Street
use code Elaine
for a ten percent discount.
[instrumental music]
Doc Martin?
Welcome to Port Wenn.
Well, if it isn't our
new doc getting groceries
just like the regular folk.
-[chuckles]
-Doc Martin!
Oh, my God.
It's so good to see you.
My son, he scraped his knee.
I'm worried it's infected.
Well, uh,
come make an appointment.
I'll be happy to see him there.
-Since you're here.
-Oh, please. No, no.
I mean, is this blood or pus
that I'm looking at?
-[dramatic music]
-[heart pounding]
Uh, just-just keep
it covered an-and dry.
[door shuts]
[breathing heavily]
[groans]
[instrumental music]
[gasps softly]
[breathes heavily]
-Doc Martin.
-Not actually my name.
Welcome to Port Wenn.
-I'm Susan.
-Good for you.
I was just wondering
I'm-I'm running a little low
on a medication and I was hoping
you could call in, um, a refill?
Like the world is
one giant doctor's office.
I'm sorry.
Dr. Reese never minded
and it is a bit of an emergency.
What's it for?
Estrogen cream, .O1 milligrams.
Fine. I'll make a note.
Although, I don't consider
this an emergency.
Oh, I disagree,
my husband and I
are very active and without it,
it can get a little bit
sandpapery down there.
Someone should warn them.
Moisture doesn't last forever.
Um, anyway,
thank God for the cream.
-Uh
-Works so well
Gilbert practically
needs a wet suit.
Wait, is Gilbert Carlisle
your husband?
-Yes.
-And you use it
-during intercourse.
-Gobs of it.
[instrumental music]
If you Excuse me.
I'll send your prescription
to the pharmacy.
[gentle music]
[whirring]
Get off my property, psychopath.
I wanted to tell you, I think
I understand the problem.
Too late. You think
you can just humiliate me?
I'll go to a doctor
in Bar Harbor. Who needs you?
Will you just please be quiet
and let me explain?
-Fine.
-Great.
-This will clear things up.
-Don't say anything.
-What?
-She doesn't know.
-Well, how does that work?
-T-shirts, pajama tops
the rare pizza boy outfit.
-What are you doing here?
-Minor medical issue.
-Nothing to worry about.
-How minor?
Approximately an A-cup.
[Susan] Well, when you say
nothing to worry about,
then I really do worry. What is
it?
-Fine, just tell her.
-Happily.
Wait
Does your husband know
about the cream?
No, and don't tell him.
Marriage has to have
some mysteries.
Oh. This is just great.
-Oh, just tell her already.
-Okay.
[instrumental music]
-[gasps]
-Your estrogen cream.
It's a female hormone.
You're supposed to wait
12 hours before intercourse.
Otherwise
there could be absorption.
-This is all my fault?
-I'm very confused right now.
You two have a drink?
Talk. My work is done here.
Here it goes.
Junk mail in the recycling bin.
Nailed it. Hi, doc.
How was shopping?
Actually,
it was very productive.
One medical whodunnit solved.
Did you finish
the inventory list?
Ah, I started it
but I got bored.
Also, um,
you have a patient waiting.
Elaine, I told you,
I'm not taking appointments yet.
-Tell that to your patients.
-No, actually, that's your job.
-That's your
-Oh.
-I'm sorry, do you have
-What the flip?
I have boobs.
[instrumental music]
[dramatic music]
Dude, this is getting weird.
I'm sorry.
You can close your shirt.
-This is very strange.
-You're telling me?
So, am I turning
into a chick or what?
Please, just let me think.
Has to be something.
Is that a yes?
I'm turning into a chick?
Do I gotta get
a new passport photo?
By any chance are any of
your friends or neighbors
experiencing
similar, uh, developments?
[Doug] How should I know?
You think, I walk around
talking to my friends
-about their boobs?
-No, I just, fine.
How long has this been
going on for?
And have there been
any changes to your diet?
Uh
I became a vegan.
What a surprise.
Uh, wait.
Have you been eating
a lot of soy products?
Yeah, I started eating
a ton of tofu.
Hey, that's when I started
sprouting these puppies.
Soy has natural estrogen,
but that wouldn't
Are you saying kung pao tofu
gave me boobs?!
Unlikely on its own.
-Are you a heavy marijuana user?
-Oh, sure.
Ask the guy with long hair
if he smokes weed.
I'm just trying
to figure this out.
Look, I'm through with this.
I'll just learn
how to live with it.
Stop having sex
with my shirt on.
No, please. Just come back.
I haven't even
-[goat bleats]
-[laughs]
[instrumental music]
Hey, doc.
Oh, I just got a call.
Somebody, um,
injured themselves at the dock.
They need you
to come take a look right now.
Well, is it serious?
Do they need an ambulance?
They just asked if they could
see you on their boat.
Do you know anything else?
I'm not a mind reader.
[laughs]
[dog whimpers]
[instrumental music]
-Elaine.
-Yeah.
-You're fired.
-What?
You're incompetent, distracted
and just annoying.
I've had this job
since I was 16.
-You can't do that to me.
-And yet I just did.
Now, please text me
the location of this patient.
You did get that, didn't you?
[instrumental music]
[voice breaking]
Hey everybody.
POV, tragedy has struck today
in Port Wenn.
[instrumental music]
So I have to pretend I'm
half dead just to get a visit?
-Aunt Sarah.
-Don't worry, I won't bite.
Might as well make yourself
of some use.
-Start banding.
-Me, now?
Don't get hysterical.
I'm sure you remember.
-[chuckles]
-[Martin sighs]
So, you use my name
to get the job,
and then you don't even
bother to tell me you're here?
I've been meaning to.
It's just been non-stop.
Oh, Martin, come on.
There is nothing non-stop
about Port Wenn.
But I'm very happy you're here,
even if you are a crap nephew.
But I sent you
a Christmas card every year.
-What are you talking about?
-Yeah.
"Merry Christmas, Martin."
I've banded lobsters
more affectionate.
Anyway, the truth is,
it's my fault
that we-we didn't stay,
that we weren't
your damn father.
What?
Never mind. Never mind.
You're here now
and we'll just make up
for lost time.
Look at you
like it was yesterday.
Well, I am a surgeon.
So tell me, what's it like
being back now
after all these years?
Well, I find the people here
demanding, irrational
and far too chatty
at supermarkets.
[laughs] Shop early,
avoid the crowds.
That's a good idea.
I must steal that.
So, Martin, if you don't really
like to be around people,
why did you move back here?
Hm? Tell me, what happened.
Isn't it obvious?
Someone has to look after you.
Look at you. One gust of wind,
you'll break your hip.
[laughs]
You did not just say that to me.
You've proved your point,
I'm a salty seawench.
Now, retire already.
You're way too old for this.
You haven't seen me
in all these years.
And this is how you speak to me?
I'm just trying to be
a good nephew.
Ouch! Nasty little bugger.
Ugh!
[dramatic music]
You know what it's fine.
You-you're, you're good.
You-you don't, you don't need my
help. You're fine.
[instrumental music]
Martin.
-[thuds]
-[Aunt Sarah laughs]
Did you break your hip?
[groans]
[seagulls squawking]
[gentle music]
[munches]
[indistinct chatter]
[music continues]
-[grunts]
-[door squeaks]
[insects chirping]
[gentle music]
Oh, you.
-Yes, me.
-Early riser?
Just trying to avoid
the crowds. You?
Same.
Oh.
You were right.
It was the beginning
of glaucoma.
They, they had me on drops.
So truce?
I didn't know we were at war.
Hm. Excuse me.
Today was supposed to be
my wedding day.
-Did you hear?
-Hard not to.
And I-I didn't really
wanna see anyone,
but I just, I just really
needed some turkey jerky. So
You know, we all have
our crutches, I guess.
What happened was
I came back from New York
after a, well, bad breakup
and Mark, he had been
my high school sweetheart.
We just started up again.
We've been together
for eight years now.
Yeah. We really
don't know each other. So I
I know. You couldn't care less
about me. It's fantastic.
Anyway, you know, I always knew
that it wasn't right.
But Mark, he was my best friend.
And I'm sorry that I waited
till the last minute to end it.
And I feel terrible about that.
And everyone here
has an opinion.
Yes, I can see
it's one of the pitfalls
of small town life.
But that's the thing.
I love it here.
I love knowing my neighbors.
I lived in New York.
Everyone living
in their little boxes
with their little salads.
That's nowhere to live.
We both woke up at dawn
to buy groceries.
Not a ringing endorsement.
[chuckles]
This is true.
I mean, aren't you supposed to
marry the love of your life?
The person that
when you kiss them
you get weak in your knees?
Or is that unrealistic?
Actually, I have no idea.
[instrumental music]
Have you never been in love?
Um
En-enjoy your jerky.
[indistinct chatter]
[music continues]
[sighs]
-Gilbert.
-What do you want?
I'm glad I spotted you
and saves me a phone call.
Yeah, not my usual routine
out this early,
but Susan's at her sister's.
Well, I wanted to let you know
you are gonna need
-to come in for more tests.
-What?
-There's been a development.
-I knew it was the water.
Well, either way,
call me on Monday.
[Susan chuckles] You rascal!
[Gilbert] Susan.
Oh.
Oh, no.
I, um
Oh, no.
Oh, no, no.
No, no, no, no, no. Gilbert.
Gilbert, plea
Gilbert.
[sobbing]
What, are you spying on me?
Spying? No, I'm just
buying groceries.
You're the one who's spreading
your estrogen cream
up and down
the Eastern seaboard.
You're horrible. [grunts]
[Doug] Wait, Susan, wait.
Please, come back.
Get a life, loser.
[dramatic music]
That's it.
That's it.
[dramatic music]
That is it!
[tires screech]
[sighs]
[grunts]
Martin, are you trying
to run me off the road?
Of course not.
Are you all right?
Yes.
What has gotten you
in such a tizzy?
I didn't sign up
for physical assault
or marriage counseling or dog
catcher, while we're at it.
What the hell are you
talking about?
It doesn't matter
because I'm leaving, all right?
I'm not meant to be
a town doctor.
Because I don't like people.
I don't like talking to them
and I really don't like
listening to them.
The only thing I do like
is cutting them open
and saving their lives.
Can't even do that anymore.
Why? What happened?
I just froze. All right?
-What are you talking about?
-I froze on the operating table.
Another doctor
had to finish. There.
-You happy?
-Why?
[sighs]
[somber music]
It was a-a little,
a little girl, car accident.
Ruptured heart valve.
And how old was she?
She was eight.
[sighs]
Well, that's understandable,
Martin, isn't it?
After what happened to Rosemary.
I've got no reason for you
to throw a ball
I'm so sorry,
but story time's over.
For heaven's sake.
You haven't been here
two minutes
-and now you're leaving?
-Tomorrow.
I thought Port Wenn would be
the answer but I was wrong.
This place won't let you hide.
And that's a good thing.
[car engine starts]
[instrumental music]
-That's it?
-There it is.
-All right.
-Yeah, there, you see.
All right, there. It works.
Good. Good. Come on. Let's go.
-What are you doing?
-Oh.
Had a free moment.
Thought we'd start
-on the door.
-I didn't ask for that.
Consider it
a house-warming gift.
I mean, you know, if you wanted
to give us a gratuity,
we can give you a slap
in the face for that.
[laughs]
[Al] Hey, doc,
are you really firing Elaine?
She's kind of an institution.
Dr. Reese loved having her.
Actually, it doesn't matter
anymore because I'm leaving.
-What?
-Hm. Yeah.
You can set the place on fire
for all I care.
I'm firing myself. Hm.
Firing himself? Hm?
[indistinct chatter]
[instrumental music]
[phone buzzing]
Best here.
Can he move it?
As long as I know
how to love ♪
I know I'll stay alive
I got all my life to live
And I got
all my love to give ♪
I will survive!
I will survive
Oh!
Na na na na
Na na na na
Ah-ha!
Yes. I knew
you couldn't stay away.
Hey, listen.
We will not vanish
without a fight.
We're going to survive.
Today, we celebrate
our Independence Day.
-Bill Pullman, Independence Day.
-Mm.
[song continues]
We're out of Mac and cheese.
I had to pick up some shifts
now that I'm unemployed.
I'm so sorry to hear
about you leaving.
Really, thought
you'd make it all the way
to the baked bean supper.
Magical time.
The invalid is this way.
[chuckles] Isn't it funny,
even Brisket loves bacon?
Georgie. Doc Martin,
he's here to save you.
-Hey, doc.
-Oh, what happened here, George?
I had a tussle
with the greasy floor
-and the floor won.
-I can see.
I'm getting your toes for me.
Now, good. Well, it looks like
just a sprain.
So I need you to stay off of it
for a few days,
keep it elevated and apply ice.
And I'm gonna show you
how to wrap it up.
[Elaine]
Okay, everybody, welcome back.
We're on minute three.
Just waiting
for my Mac and cheese.
That girl
is a star.
[Elaine] And then
we check on the potatoes.
I love Mac and cheese.
[Mark grunts]
[indistinct chatter]
[song over stereo]
Doc Martin.
It-it's really important.
-Yes?
-Gilbert wants a divorce.
-Did you hear?
-No.
I just like to flirt.
Always harmless, but then this
one young guy flirts back.
It was really flattering
and at my age,
shriveling up like an apricot,
feeling invisible.
[scoffs] If only I could be
invisible right now.
Oh. Gilbert,
please listen to me.
It meant nothing. I'm so sorry.
You'll be hearing
from my lawyer.
Uh, I was just telling
Doc Martin how sorry I am.
-Wasn't I?
-Oh, on and on about it.
There you are. Don't go.
-I want everyone to hear this.
-Fantastic.
-You have a nerve showing up.
-I was hoping you'd be here.
You haven't been
answering my calls.
See? I haven't been
answering his calls.
I need you to know
this isn't just a hookup for me.
I actually love you.
-And I don't have mommy issues.
-Who said you had mommy issues?
S-some of my friends,
all of my friends.
But it's not true.
I want to be with you.
I love you so much.
I-I even love my boobs
'cause you gave them to me.
You gave him boobs too.
Mine better be bigger.
They are, darling,
so much bigger.
No way.
Not the way we went at it.
Oh, my God.
Bastard!
-[grunts]
-[crowd exclaims]
[all gasp]
[Martin groans]
[breathes heavily]
Gilbert! Gilbert.
Hey.
[groaning]
[dramatic music]
[panting]
Breathe. Breathe.
[knocking on door]
Hey, doc, are you okay?
-Fine.
-[Elaine] Are you sure?
[Martin] Yes.
Okay. You're the doc.
[Martin groaning loudly]
-Um
-Ah
Sorry. I'm gonna come in,
I think.
Because
Yeah, I'm coming in.
Oh, my God. Are you okay?
What? What is happening?
Are you having a heart attack?
Okay. A nervous breakdown?
What? What? Tell me. Tell me.
I just have to
-Blood.
-What blood
All right. What-what,
what about it?
[groans]
-Does blood freak you out?
-Mm-hm.
But you're a doctor.
[breathing heavily]
Okay. All right, all right.
Do you want to hold Teddy?
[distant music]
You do. Just one second.
One second.
[groaning]
Okay.
Ah Okay.
Yeah. Huh.
Wow, doctor
who's afraid of blood?
I see how that could
narrow your options.
-[woman knocking] Excuse me.
-One second.
All right.
[breathing heavily]
You know, um,
in case you're interested,
Dr. Reese, he would let me
bandage wounds and take blood.
Just if you decide to stay
[breathing shakily]
I could be really
helpful to you.
[woman]
Can you hurry up, please?
One darn minute!
[sighs]
I know that
it might not seem like it,
but I'm very good
at keeping secrets.
[instrumental music]
Huh.
-You all right there?
-[panting]
Yeah, yeah.
Uh, I'm okay.
Are you?
-[scoffs]
-[retches]
-Take two.
-Thank you.
I guess
I was a little over-served.
[chuckles]
I'm assuming you have someone
to drive you home,
so you know
Maybe a breath mint and
have a nice life.
Truth is, I've been
covering it up pretty well,
but this breakup's
really messed me up.
I've loved Louisa
since I was 12-years-old.
-She's perfect.
-Nobody's perfect.
Focus on the bad things,
the irritating habits,
the quarrelsome,
lingering resentments.
No, no, I'm telling you, doc,
she is perfect.
She's kind, she's patient,
she's supportive.
The only main thing that she's
ever done is break up with
[sighs]
[sniffles]
I'm never gonna
get over this Doc.
[sighs]
I can't believe I danced
to "I Will Survive."
How lame is that?
It's incredibly lame.
Lame!
Love does make you do
some crazy things.
Yes. Getting that impression.
[grunts]
[soft music]
Whoa.
Thank you. Thank you.
That was somewhat horrific.
Thank you, doc.
Thank you.
You really helped me, man.
-I did?
-Yeah.
Wait, so you're
really leavin' us?
Much to everyone's
great relief, I'm sure.
Well, not everyone.
The way I see it,
we need a doctor,
and you need patients.
We don't all got
to love each other, do we?
[retches]
Let me get you some water.
[instrumental music]
[instrumental music]
[indistinct chatter]
[music continues]
[music continues]
[insects chirping]
[grunts]
[clatters]
[music continues]
-[dog barks]
-What? No, no, no, no, no.
Go! Leave!
[outro theme]