Dan Da Dan (2024) s01e01 Episode Script

Huh?
I said, if you ain't lendin' me money,
then no date today.
Oh, but I'd be okay
if you finally put out instead.
You'll pay for the love hotel, though.
You need to be punched!
Why you little
You're full of it!
I've had enough of you!
Yer broke and ya ain't puttin' out!
Get lost!
Gimme a break, moron!
Octopus! Squid! Tuna!
Totes funny!
EPISODE 1
THAT'S HOW LOVE STARTS, YA KNOW!
Seafood names aren't insults.
Come on, comfort me!
He was my first boyfriend.
That's why I told you to not go for him.
What was so good about him, anyway?
He looked like Ken Takakura.
- Oh, there you go.
- You're so annoying.
Nothing wrong with that!
I like masculine guys like Ken Takakura!
"I am an awkward fellow, after all."
Dudes like that are extinct.
What the heck.
Will I not be able to meet
another Mr. Ken in my lifetime?
Come on, someone comfort me!
Such a cruel world.
- Damn it!
- You missed?
- I did miss.
- Don't look over here. Gross.
- We have this, too.
- Nice.
Put a magnet inside.
This'll hurt, won't it?
What are you reading there?
Oh? Uh, um
BIRTH OF THE AEROSPACE SELF-DEFENSE FORCE
GUARDING OUTER SPACE!!
How lame.
Do only scum live in this world?
Man, I've had enough.
Where can I relieve all this stress?
Miss Momo Ayase!
I know you're in love!
Huh?
I know you're in love!
How many times you gonna say that?
Someone like Miss Ayase talking to me?
That's gotta be the only reason!
Maybe you got the wrong idea?
It's not like I wanna get
chummy with you or anything.
Forget all that earlier.
This is what I'm talking about!
The President has already gone to Mars!
What is the entirety of Project Pegasus!?
Huh? What?
You're a fan of the occult!
Oh, I don't believe in UFOs or aliens
or stuff like that.
I'm not talking about a UFO, but a UAP!
PO
Unidentified Aerial Phenomena!
Hey, you're being a pest.
The U.S. military has officially acknowledged
the existence of UAPs and reformed the Space Force!
Japan has also newly created
an Aerospace Defense Force!
Any way you look at it,
they're getting ready for Space Wars!
Can I go now?
What?
No, wait! This has the newest image
of Nessie, too. Here!
It also talks about Lieutenant Colonel
Jim Channon and Skinwalker Ranch!
Shut up!
I just got dumped
so I don't want any of this.
How you push stuff at me is so typical
of otaku and really annoying!
That's why you have no friends!
Don't talk to me like you know me.
Sorry, that was a bit much.
YOUR TRUE POWERS AND POTENTIAL
HAVE YET TO AWAKEN
Here.
I don't believe in aliens.
But I do believe in ghosts.
Oh no, there's no such thing as ghosts.
I matched the conversation topic to yours,
but you outright deny that!?
Don't you mock the occult!
Just so you know,
my grandma is a spirit medium.
What?
Have you ever seen exorcism?
It's really wicked!
The possessed person goes into convulsions!
You can go into convulsions from illness, too.
It's not proof that ghosts are out there.
Then have you ever had
an alien let you ride a UFO!?
Your logic is jumping too far!
Are you an idiot!?
Huh?
She gave up on Ken Takakura
and went after an otaku?
Look. It's like she doesn't care
what other people would think.
Can't say I hate it.
Then let's have a contest, dammit!
If there really are ghosts,
you'll be serving me as a gofer!
I'll show you UFOs, I mean, UAPs!
If you're able to see one, M-Miss Ayase,
you'll be my gofer instead!
NAGI GENERAL HOSPITAL
OCCULT-KUN
What is this place?
It's way too scary!
What part of this is a UFO hotspot?
Nagi Hospital there is called
the sanctuary for UFOs!
If you call for a UFO on the roof,
you will experience Abduction!
What's Abduction?
That's when an alien kidnaps you
and experiments with your body.
Wait, hold on! Have you been
experimented on before!?
There is a chance that I have!
Huh?
Many people who experience Abduction
have their memories erased.
Hey, you. You've never seen
a UFO before, have you?
Do you know about regressive hypnosis?
Don't change the subject on me.
It's not an issue
of whether or not you've seen one!
The point is whether or not
there's proper proof that it exists!
Shut up!
Anyway, how are things on your end?
I have arrived.
KEEP OU
At the spiritual hotspot.
Now, I'll go and prove it right now
that there are no such things as ghosts!
Hey, you aren't freaking out, are you?
By the way, that spot is famous on the 'net
for something definitely being there.
Too shy, shy boy, in this moment!
They say speaking loudly
is the most dangerous thing to do.
Too shy, shy boy
On the 'net.
You've been mentioning the 'net a lot.
So have you seen a ghost, Miss Ayase?
Nope.
What?
How dare you talk so authoritatively earlier!
My bad!
Take back that attitude
you've been giving me!
It's absurd that you've never
seen a ghost but believe in them!
It's not absurd.
I told you my grandma's a spirit medium.
I love my grandma a lot
since I don't have parents.
So, I see.
Why are you getting all meek and stuff?
Get a load of this.
My family is seriously weird.
I always had to perform
a good luck ritual before stepping outside.
I was always forced to do it
the entire way to school.
And of course,
I was the laughingstock of all the boys.
If I don't do it, Grandma got pissed.
It was the pits.
But the toughest part of it all
was when the boy I liked
made fun of me.
I really hated my grandma.
"Because of that weird ritual,
the boy I like hates me."
I think I said something horrible
like that to Grandma.
Since then, I didn't talk to Grandma until recently,
and I stopped doing the ritual.
But you know, I get pissed when someone else
makes fun of my family.
That's when I realized
I didn't hate the fact that
the boy I liked didn't like me.
I hated the fact that the boy I liked
made fun of my grandma.
In reality, I loved both Grandma and her job
as a spirit medium, because it felt special.
How she decided to take me in,
and lovingly raised me all by herself
I have faith in my grandma.
That's why I believe in ghosts.
So anyway, why do you believe in aliens?
That really doesn't matter, right?
What's with that?
You don't have any reasons?
Do you need a reason to like something?
Well, you have a point.
More like, Occult-kun,
you sure talk bluntly over the phone.
I-Is that so?
Miss Ayase, you're pretty easy to talk to.
I'll let you suckle my teats, so
lemme gobble that weenie.
Ghost!
Hold on! You shouldn't run there!
Hey, Occult-kun!
No way! Impossible!
That was just an ordinary granny!
Oc kun Stop right now!
That's probably it. Just an ordinary granny!
They say on the 'net she's bad news!
I'm pretty sure I misunderstood something.
I simply bumped into a lewd granny!
They say you can't let her outrun you
at any cost!
If you lose a race against
Turbo Granny, you'll be cursed!
OCCULT-KUN
OCCULT-KUN
Hey, Occult-kun! Are you listening?
Hello? Answer me!
You're kidding me, right?
I'll head over there right now!
Just hang on!
What are those things?
Seriously, cut it out.
Hello, woman person.
We are Serpoians. We are called that
because we come from the planet Serpo.
Aliens?
Don't be afraid. We are a friendly people.
Friendly guys
don't strip girls naked, you know!
Where are my clothes?
We have taken proper care
of your belongings.
They're all tattered! Pay for damages!
And I wanna go home,
so can you take this off?
Our kind only has males.
Thus, we reproduce
through clone technology.
Are you even listening?
However, identical units
do not instigate biological evolution.
Conflict, as well as basic emotions,
were annihilated.
Therefore, for us to regain
reproductive function similar to humans,
we want your "bananas."
We will now have sex.
After having sex with you, we will extract
your uterus and your banana for research.
Gimme a break!
I did date a douchebag,
but I didn't let him take my virginity!
My chastity has been saved
for a Ken Takakura I have yet to meet!
No way some creepy alien
is gonna take it from me!
In order to arouse your desire, we will use
psychokinesis to control your brain waves.
How is it? Isn't the temperature
of your body getting warmer?
What's this?
She is resisting the psychokinesis.
What incredible spiritual power.
However
Let us begin.
No
Stop!
A phone call?
Someone sure has
a really bad sense of timing.
Miss Ayase! I'm sorry!
There was a ghost!
Turbo Granny has cursed me!
Occult-kun! I'm glad!
Can you help me?
Who are you?
Infiltrating using a smartphone.
Not even we have technology like that.
Please help! I can't control myself!
Lemme gobble that weenie!
Come on, get a grip!
Man person over there.
We did not authorize your intrusion.
Leave immediately, or else
Please give us your "banana."
Gross!
Six Sense Organs!
So fast! I cannot set my psychokinesis.
Our cherished bananas!
You banana thief!
Serpoian Form Serpo-Grammetry!
Occult-kun!
We have never encountered
someone so aggressive.
We have an amiable relationship
with humans. So give us your bananas.
I'll give it to you! Anything if it's mine!
I've been wanting to see aliens
for the longest time!
Because I didn't have any friends,
I thought at least aliens would be my friends.
I've been calling to the skies
for a UFO since grade school!
But you never came!
No matter how much I called for you,
you never showed up!
Other humans bullied me to pass their time.
COURAGE
Aliens don't give me the time of day.
Nobody ever acknowledged my existence.
But Miss Ayase.
She actually stood up for me, despite that!
So don't you lay a finger on her!
I won't allow anyone to hurt her!
If it's for her sake,
I'll even become a monster!
Keep at it, Occult-kun!
Show 'em what a man you are!
Fie!
Miss Ayase
It looks impossible after all.
You gave up really fast there!
We cannot become friends
with a violent person like you.
Besides, we like woman persons
more than man persons.
Now, once again,
I shall arouse your desire.
Take your chi out.
I don't wanna.
My friends make fun of me
every single day because of that.
What are you talking about?
If you have your chi out,
you won't get hurt or sick.
Bad things can't get near you.
First, firm up your lower abs.
Imagine having your chi shoot up
from the top of your head.
She's doing it again!
Is she communicating
with aliens or something?
I hate it! I'm never doing it again!
Momo! Hold on!
I hate you, Grandma!
You fake spirit medium!
Why am I remembering the past right now?
I'm sorry, Grandma.
I just felt embarrassed back then.
Firm up your lower abs.
Chi shoot up from the top of your head.
No way!
What?
Miss Ayase, you can use psychic powers?
Well, I'm surprised by that myself!
Unbelievable!
My psychokinesis is being pushed back!
Why?
Did I stimulate her brain waves too much
and cause the woman person's chakra to open up?
She was real.
Grandma was a real spirit medium!
Thank you, Grandma!
With this I can take those scumbags
and send them flying!
What is this? That was a UFO?
Occult-kun, are you okay?
Let's get outta here!
Ow! What are you doing, idiot!
Regain your sanity already!
Damn you!
Turbo Granny?
Who the hell are you?
His curse hasn't lifted!
Granny is out of his body, though!
I have possession of that kid's weenie.
As long as I have his weenie,
that kid's curse won't be lifted.
If you want it back,
come to the tunnel.
This place is too far for me.
I'll take you on as much as you want
if it's in the tunnel, gaudy hag.
Who you calling a gaudy hag,
you old bag of crap!
Give him back his thingy!
Crap! If we don't escape,
we're gonna die!
Get a grip, you idiot!
We're gonna escape!
This is the worst.
I'll believe in aliens.
Like, I was kidnapped and all.
I'll believe in ghosts, too.
I got cursed after all.
So, what should we do from here?
What should we do?
You lose control of yourself if I don't hold
the curse back with psychic powers.
I'm sorry.
I lost my uniform, my wallet,
my smartphone. Everything.
How can I be lifted from this curse?
You have to beat the crap out of Turbo Granny.
She's the cause of the curse.
I see. Then I'll head on over there.
Huh? Right now?
Miss Ayase, please wear
my clothes back home.
Hold on! You'll lose control without me!
All of this happened
because of what I did.
I can't get you involved
in it anymore, Miss Ayase.
I'll use willpower to make it to the tunnel,
and then make it work somehow.
Why can't you ask me to come with you?
After that experience earlier,
I can't leave you alone!
You would've died earlier if I wasn't around!
Is it okay for you
to help someone like me?
Stuff like that is such a hassle.
Come on, put some clothes on.
Let's go!
I'm sorry.
I am an awkward fellow, after all.
Miss Ayase, please put some clothes on.
If you don't, I can't bring myself
to speak properly.
No way. Why is my heart racing?
This can't be.
I was just surprised because he happened
to recite one of Ken Takakura's lines.
I need to calm down for now.
By the way, what's your name?
I'm terrible at remembering names.
Oh? Um
I'm Ken Takakura.
DAN
DAN DA
DAN DA DAN
Aliens really did exist!
Ghosts exist, too!
The existence of aliens and ghosts
being proven means that
there's a possibility of supernatural
phenomena, UMA,
and all other things that were said to be absurd
can be proven as well.
Oh, fine, I get it! Ready.
EPISODE 2
THAT'S A SPACE ALIEN, AIN'T IT?
Next episode,
"That's a Space Alien, Ain't It?!"
Next episode,
"That's a Space Alien, Ain't It?!"
Hey, be in sync with me!