Dirty Business (2026) s01e01 Episode Script

Privatised water
is a better deal
than nationalised water.
INDISTINCT HECKLING
TODDLER BABBLES
Lewis, what did I tell you
about that seaweed?
Do not throw it.
CHILDREN SQUEAL AND GIGGLE
Are you hungry?
What do you fancy?
Ice cream.
No! No. We just got here, you wally.
Yeah, we'll get it on the way back
to the chalet. All right?
Yeah, we'll get it we'll get it
later.
There, isn't it? I did promise you.
I will, I promise.
Girls, wait, please! Heather, stop!
Bloody hell!
Heather, I told you to stop,
didn't I?
I think that's poo.
Of course it's not poo.
It stinks.
It wasn't poo.
Don't Don't go in.
All right. Don't go in like that.
How far shall I go?
Go as far as you can.
All right.
All right, love. All right, love.
It's all up her legs. Wash it off.
Scrub it. You what?
Scrub it. All right.
Here, Heather Have I got it?
Don't you think?
Did you get it off her? You what?
Did you get it off her?
Yeah, I think so.
Get a towel. Here, get her dry.
Here. There you go.
I've got a smelly little mermaid.
Still smells, that.
I like
Is that ticklish? Yeah.
Let's do the other one.
How about that one?
No. No.
Oh, look at that.
What is quite remarkable, really,
that most of the freshwater fish
in England was just
on this stretch.
Seriously. Including the chub. The
chub came later, of course.
They're gone. What? The chub?
The chub, the barbel, the eels, everything.
Well, yes, I mean the water
is brown.
You don't really think about
the colour
when you see it every day.
I mean, the brown here
just seems normal.
Yes.
Do you and Eileen still do that
water vole register thing?
No that's
No, that They're gone as well.
Mean, I remember
when I first came here
that it was crystalline, wasn't it?
You never talk about your work.
Well, I'd have to, you know.
It's part of the training.
It's not sort of, you know,
dinner conversation.
No, it's not like I'm a I'm
a Russian spy, am I?
You know, I'm not working
for Putin, am I?
That makes me wonder.
Now, why would you say that?
That's a bit You investigated
bent coppers, wasn't it?
Yeah, 25 years.
Well, come on, 25 years -
You must have you must have some
stories, mustn't you?
Not really.
Why don't you have the game pie?
I don't like game pie.
Shall we get some mixed greens?
No, I'm just having the soup
and the crusty bread.
That sounds nice.
Maybe that's extra, isn't it?
No, no, no.
That's right. Yes.
There will have been
some minor discolouration in one
or two sections of the river.
There's, um There's been
a discharge from the Burford Works.
A discharge? Discharge of what?
Er, untreated sewage. Yeah.
Legally, they're allowed to spill
after heavy rainfall.
Ahem.
So they can they can they can
just do that.
That's what he said.
They're allowed to dump untreated
sewage into the river
right after heavy rain.
But that can't be right.
Because it rains all the time.
Well, heavy rain, he said.
I don't remember any heavy rain,
do you?
I'm going to write to Thames Water
and ask how many times they've put
sewage into the Windrush.
They're not going to tell you that.
Oh, yeah, yeah, they've got to.
It's the law.
"Dear Mr Smith, no untreated sewage
has been discharged into
"the River Windrush
for the past three years.
"Untreated sewage mixed
with treated sewage
"has been discharged 240 times."
"Kind regards."
When did that come in? When did it
come in that you could
put untreated sewage into the river,
per se?
I don't see how
putting any kind of pathogens into
the river could possibly be allowed.
I mean, people are swimming
in there.
"Dear Mr Smith,
"in response to your request
for information,
"please find attached the documents
below.
"Kind regards."
Wankers.
This must be like one of your cases,
mustn't it, all this,
when you used to be a detective?
No.
But, you know, poisonous stuff
in the river,
and we're not being warned about it,
that'd be a that'd be a scandal.
It's a tummy bug, 48-hour thing.
Plenty of liquids.
I'll give you some anti-sickness
tablets just to stop the vomiting.
OK. Of course.
Heather? I'm here.
The doctor said you've got
to take your medicine now.
Let's see.
Close your eyes if you want, Mum.
Yeah. Keep them closed. There you
go.
Well, exactly.
No. They said you treated sewage
mixed with untreated sewage
240 times.
Yeah.
JAZZ MUSIC PLAYS
This is free jazz, is it?
Um, no. It's not free jazz.
It's contemporary jazz.
It's nothing like free jazz. Right.
And people pay money to listen
to that.
Did you just come around
to piss me off?
No, I'm going to show you something.
Look at this.
So, what is this? Er, this is
Is this a reply from Thames Water?
They're drowning me in numbers.
Oh, I can see that.
I mean, how are you supposed
to make anything of that crap?
Well, maybe maybe that's
what they're banking on.
There's a needle in there somewhere.
Just, you know, go through
the haystack to find it.
You're the Oxford
professor of mathematics.
No. Computational biology.
It's not, um Still maths.
It's not. It's machine learning, actually.
So what's that? Like AI?
I know you're going
to take the piss,
but it's a bit like free jazz.
Oh.
Depressing and pointless.
Er, no. No. There's rules.
So there's a kind of order
beneath the chaos.
And you've got to listen really hard
for the patterns.
Why don't you just email me these
and I'll take a look.
JAZZ PLAYS
Fuck me.
These, what you've given me, they're
flow numbers.
They track the sewage coming into
the works
and the rate at which it's treated
so it's safe to go back into
the river.
But there's something weird
about this.
Yeah.
What? Well, here, look.
Now, on the 27th of December,
the flow of treated effluent coming
out of the works just stops.
It just stops completely. Right.
What do you mean it stops?
The flow just stops.
There's no there's no treated
effluent going back into the river.
So two days after Christmas,
the people of Burford stopped going
to the toilet.
No, no, see, this is it.
Because the raw sewage
is still going into the works
but there's nothing coming out.
Now, that's just not right.
So what do we do? I don't know,
we go back to them and say, give us
a bit more detail.
Is that Ashley and Peter?
Yes. Yes, yes.
Well, thanks so much
for taking my call.
It's Commander Aylard here.
External affairs
and sustainability at Thames.
Richard, lovely to speak with you.
Listen, I thought, well, why not get
on the old dog and bone?
Well, we appreciate you calling.
Thank you.
Not at all. Having our feet held
to the fire like this is the thing
that keeps us focused.
Yeah. What we've been doing,
we've been asking about this anomaly
in the flow data.
On the 27th of December,
there's no treated effluent
going back into the river.
Yeah. Nobody seems to be able
to explain why that is.
It's taken too long to get to
the bottom of this.
I've had to put some rockets up
a few jacksies, frankly.
Turns out the flow metres
at Burford were on the blink.
Heavy rain. The sewage flow
was normal,
but the the sensors weren't
generating any data.
Safe to assume the people of Burford
did not stop discharging.
The measurements
were temporarily interrupted.
And we'd like to invite you
on a tour of the Burford works.
It's just strange, isn't it, that,
um, all of the sensors stopped
working at that one point?
We can't think
of any other explanation, frankly.
But you know, I won't
be there, regrettably.
But Leonie will be there,
and you'll be in very good hands.
You know, of course,
we'd like to do more.
But the challenge is
that Burford's sewers
are basically Victorian.
Does anyone actually work here?
It's an unmanned facility.
It should be unpeopled really,
shouldn't it?
Did they have unpeopled
works in Victorian times?
Good lord, no.
But we do have a state-of-the-art
network of sensors which track
all the treated fluid
and effluent through the works.
So nobody nobody works here.
The sensors automatically
transmit data
to our waste operation control
centre in Reading 24 hours a day.
Right.
That's what we call the telemetry.
And what happens
if something breaks down?
Oh, so our works are serviced
by a team of mobile engineers.
If a piece of kit malfunctions,
a trigger will sensor an alarm
and an engineer
is dispatched within two hours.
Oh, right. Oh.
Oh, in here is
where the engineers logbooks live.
They keep a record of anything
that happens in one of these.
But the stuff up here, this is the
really exciting part.
So this is all the live,
real time data being uploaded
from the plants.
Yes, I can see it's quite extensive,
isn't it?
You can see the information
coming through, can't you?
Mm. Yeah.
It's funny because, like, you know,
all the data's being pumped out.
You can see it,
but actually no-one's looking at
it.
You could save a bit
of electricity there, couldn't you?
What's that over there?
You've got a cafe?
No,
that is our dedicated breakout zone,
you know, for teas, coffees, relaxation.
Um, yeah. Inviting. Inviting,
isn't it?
Yeah. No. It's nice, I like it.
It's just nobody's here to enjoy
the tea.
Oh, no. No. Well, thank God.
That would mean something's
going wrong.
All right. Thank you.
Great. Yeah. Great.
Oh, sorry. There's a hole there.
Did anyone mention that we'd been
invited to the town hall in Burford?
The commander wants us all there.
It's really exciting, actually. You
know, we think it's important
that we hold our hands
up when mistakes are made.
God! Did you see her see her face?
Like, "You do like"
I can't believe it.
And we can ask
for all the telemetry.
You know,
they've got to give it to us.
That's that's hundreds of
thousands of data points,
and everything that goes on
in the works.
No, no, just try not to get too
excited.
Well, I'm just saying.
I'm just saying. Calm down.
OK. Have you been giving her plenty
of liquids?
Yes. Yeah. Been keeping her warm?
Yes. Yeah.
Did everything you said. OK.
And are there any more symptoms?
Yes.
She's been bleeding
from her backside, Doctor.
I'm calling an ambulance.
So, look, I've got
the telemetry for Burford.
And I've deciphered
the engineers' handwriting.
27th of December.
Engineer's name is Michael Lazarus.
ALARM BEEPS
It turns out here that at
5.08 on the morning of the 27th,
the alarm got triggered at
the works.
The communications had failed.
But it must have been intermittent,
because at 6.08 the centre got
a message to say
that both the main inlet pumps
had failed.
TWO ALARMS ECHO
Then at 8.16,
another alarm was triggered.
THREE ALARM BLAS
The storm tank was overflowing.
And that's when the dumping started.
So the pumps have packed up,
the storm tank's overflowing.
You've got three alarms sounding.
Obviously,
they've dispatched an engineer.
Not for 5.5 hours.
ALARMS BLAS
Fuck!
I don't need this shit.
Storm tanks filled to the top.
All the sewage is flushing into
the river.
ALARMS BLAS
Set.
Return liquor pump reset.
Might fail again.
Don't know how long this is going
to hold.
Trying my best here.
Everything's failing.
He did
what he could to patch things up,
but by then it's been
dumping sewage into
the Windrush for over five hours.
And we know, we know
that there wasn't any
heavy rainfall like Aylard said,
because it didn't even rain on
that day.
Yeah. And then the oxidation
tank failed on the 28th.
The rotation arms packed up on
the 29th.
Burford was falling apart.
Couldn't handle all the sewage
it was taking in,
so it was just flushing everything
into the river.
And I feel that Mick is the kind
of person who's in the habit
of telling the truth, don't you?
Yeah. What about Commander Aylard?
MONITOR BEEPS
The results are back from the lab.
It's quite serious.
Heather has been infected
with E coli
the most aggressive strain - O157.
We're going to keep her comfortable,
keep an eye on her,
and hope
that it passes through sleep.
It's possible that the virus
could attack Heather's
kidney functions,
which might have serious
consequences for other organs.
ALARM BEEPS
This was really about a temporary
malfunction to the alarm,
we think at least partly caused by
the heavy rainfall that day,
rather than any actual interruption
to the treatment process.
So what I'd like to do Sorry.
Can I, um, can I say a few words,
Commander?
Yes. Of course.
There was no heavy rain.
Um. In fact, um
it didn't rain at all.
If you'll bear with me.
What I have here is
the engineer's logbooks.
The engineer is called
Michael Lazarus.
And what you can see from
Mr Lazarus's logs is that
the alarms were,
in effect, functioning as normal.
They were triggered as soon
as the flooding began.
But the thing is, Mr Lazarus was not
dispatched to the works
for more than five hours.
The plant was falling apart.
It couldn't treat the sewage it was
taking in,
and so it was just pumping it
all out directly into the river.
Well, um, thanks so much, Ash.
And to you, Peter. It does look as
though I've been misinformed,
and I intend to get to the bottom
of this.
And I'll
be putting my thumb on whoever's
So what are you going to do about
what these two gentlemen have said?
What's going to happen now?
I think that we are both shocked,
absolutely shocked to hear
that information, because
You've said one thing. They've
actually backed up with evidence
something completely the opposite.
Our river
you're just dumping in
and just covering everything up.
And making money.
And what what's the long-term
problems for the wildlife,
the fish and the birds?
What's happening with those?
The ecological welfare of our rivers
and our waterways is something
that we find incredibly important.
And what are you doing? Nothing.
You're polluting our water.
I wouldn't even let my dog swim
in the river now.
It's disgusting. It is a highest,
highest priority
that we will be fixing this
as soon as possible.
I can assure you,
from all of us at Thames Water, we
are working night and day
I think we need to have a debrief.
I do, I do as well.
All right, thank you, sir.
Thank you for um Thank you.
Thank you. Thank you very much for
our meeting. Thank you.
Shall we go outside? Yes.
I think he just lied to us.
Just straight up and down
to our faces.
Well, no. He said he was
misinformed.
Princess Diana's equerry.
I mean What is that, by the way?
I don't know.
It helps when people lie.
It's how you know they've
got something to hide.
I mean, it's ammonia
we need to keep an eye out
because that's going
to read high right after
they've dumped the sewage.
Fuck me. It's it is actually like
one of your cases, isn't it?
Not really. No.
It's more real-time monitoring of
the river.
And the outflow pipes as well.
So the question is,
is Burford acting alone?
Because there's what, seven
Seven.
Seven works along the Windrush.
So we need to know
if Burford is an outlier.
You know, a single failing plant.
Like a lone assassin, just killing
everything that lives in the water.
Or are there more like Burford?
Well, I mean, I suppose I could
order order the telemetry
and get it for all of them. Yeah.
Dear EIR team, I would be grateful
if you could supply
Your sincerely,
Professor Peter Hammond.
I can't find a pulse.
Is there nothing?
That's weird.
No, I can't feel anything. No.
Somebody call for help! Get help.
Can we get a doctor in here, please?
What have you done to your finger?
Oh, I don't know.
I woke up this morning,
it was like that.
It feels a bit weird.
Well, don't you think that Charlie
should take a look at that?
I mean, she is she is a chemist,
isn't she?
I know she's a chemist.
I live with her.
OK, so you know that they sent me
all these data flows from the works
at Witney and at Church Hanborough.
Yeah.
But what I've done is I've converted
the programme that I built
for the foetal alcohol kids.
What happened there was
that the mothers,
they were being paid in wine,
so most of their children
had foetal alcohol syndrome.
What I did was that I took
I took thousands
of photographs of these FAS kids.
And so by showing the machine,
hundreds of these faces
of these unborn children,
we taught it to spot the features
of foetal alcohol syndrome
in the womb.
So when the programme sees it
in a scan,
then it can tell the doctor
straight away,
and then they can start helping
the mother and the kid.
Now, Burford does most of its
heavy-lifting during early morning,
just before everyone goes to work,
and then again
in the evening,
when they come back home.
So we can see the flows
of treated effluent hitting
the daily peaks and troughs.
Now, that's when the penny dropped.
The thing is,
that is just like the contours
on a baby's face.
By showing the machine
nine years of this flow data,
I've taught it to recognise
when the usual flows,
they don't they don't show up.
When the everyday flows are missing,
well, they're not treating
the sewage.
And if they're not treating
the sewage,
there's nowhere for it to go.
Except Into the river.
Except into the river.
We've decided to transfer Heather to
the Bristol Hospital for children.
It's one of the best in the country.
They'll be able to look
after her there.
It's getting bigger, I think.
Have you been in the river again?
Yeah. Yeah.
Did you have any cuts?
Yeah. I, er
I pricked my finger on a thorn
when I was setting up the camera.
Before or after you went into
the river?
Before. Right.
So if there's a pathogen
in the water,
you've given it direct entry
into your bloodstream.
Is that bad?
It's bad, you muppet.
You need antibiotics.
You know, a lot of sewage has drugs
in it,
and if they mix with bacteria,
then the bacteria
becomes antibiotic resistant,
which means that the antibiotics
might not work on you.
So they might have to try different
types of medication on you.
Oh, God.
Hold on.
What's that? What are you doing?
I'm just drawing on you.
Why? Because if it If it gets
bigger, then we will know.
That looks worse now.
So that's where she drew the marker.
And that's how much bigger
it's got gone in, like, two days.
Bloody hell! And that is just
from putting your hand in the river.
Yep. I'm an idiot. We know that.
But, I mean, if it's doing
that to your hand,
just think about
what it's doing to all the creatures
that live in the river.
Exactly. What was it you wanted
to show me?
Oh, yeah. Well, you know,
I've got all this data through from
Northleach. You know,
we went to the Wheatsheaf there.
Oh, yeah. That was overpriced
for what it was.
Well, you thought so, but
Anyway, look,
they must have sent this by mistake
because I'm pretty sure
they haven't read it. Why?
Why do you say that?
Because it says here
that the works at Northleach,
they haven't treated any sewage
for three and a half months.
So so either the good
people of Northridge
have been holding it in for
three and a half months, or
I know they did not do
that because I have the logbooks,
and Northleach is on
Michael Lazarus's beat.
Fucking hate my life.
ALARM BLASTS, ELECTRICITY CRACKLES
Fuck.
Storm tank high alarm sounding
for nearly 48 hours now.
All four biofilters not rotating.
No flow coming into the works.
Fuck's sake! Of course
ALARMS CONTINUE
Site's still heavily flooded.
Roadside flooding believed
to have been caused by this.
Oh! Fuck off!
Oh, for fuck's sake!
ALARMS CONTINUE
Ughhh.
Yeah. Liam. Yeah.
Listen, mate, I'm at Northleach.
Powers gone, mate.
Power's packed up.
Generator's gone.
Mate, it's gone.
We can't treat sewage
without any power.
We're either backing up or we're
dumping it straight into the river.
Oh, and Liam, mate
there's sewage coming
up from the ground.
Thames's own data shows Northleach
hasn't treated any sewage
for three and a half months. Yeah.
So look
that's two works
within a few miles of each other,
both rotting into the sludge,
both dumping illegally.
We've got to get this
to the Environment Agency.
They've got prosecuting powers.
What do you mean?
Well, they don't have to show their
evidence to the police.
These are crimes. They can
prosecute privately.
What, so they can just just take
Thames to court?
Yes.
They're the sewage police.
Wow. Uh, can anyone else do that?
Post office. The post office?
That's unusual.
I see that your swelling's gone
down.
Yeah, yeah, the antibiotics are
kicking in, thank God.
And it's about keeping us a little
bit more local.
So I'm just going to
fold this up, actually.
We want to strip out
as much unnecessary regulation
as possible.
So under operator self-monitoring,
we're going to be asking the water
companies to monitor
their own environmental
performance, flagging any breaches
to us as a priority.
I Um, sorry, I don't understand.
So, you want water companies
to monitor their own pollution?
Yeah, it's about shifting the burden
of regulation
onto the companies
and asking the water companies
if there's been a pollution
to give us the details.
Uh Hang on, hang on.
Just just to be clear, you want us
to ask the water companies to tell
us when they've dumped sewage?
It's about pivoting away from
away from on site inspections
to a more desk-based approach.
Yeah, it's sort of
streamlining our process.
So you want us
to stop visiting sewage works?
No, no. We'll still be doing
on site inspections.
Yeah. Of course. Um,
provided that we give the company
two weeks' notice of our visit.
Yeah, but that's a that is a
problem
because Well Sorry, again.
Yeah. Um, but if we give the water
companies two weeks' notice Yeah.
They'll just clean
up before we get there. Yeah.
I mean, it is an honour system.
So if the companies say
that there hasn't been an incident,
I don't think we should go looking
for reasons to challenge that.
So what you're saying
is regulate yourselves,
and then just let us know
if you've committed any crimes.
Yeah.
Thanks so much.
OK. See you.
Ohh!
To Julia Simpson, area director,
Environment Agency.
Dear Julia, I live in Oxfordshire,
near the River Windrush.
My neighbour,
Professor Peter Hammond,
and I have been gathering evidence
of sewage discharges
into our river by Thames Water.
We'd like to bring what we've
learned
to the attention of
the Environment Agency.
Dear Julia, we'd like to invite you
to meet some members
of our group to discuss issues
of sewage pollution.
Dear Julia,
we are going to take a trip
down the river on foot and by boat,
looking at possible sources
of sewage pollution.
Would the Environment Agency
be interested?
Dear Julia, we are still waiting
for a suitable point of contact.
Dear Ashley, the Department
For The Environment
will provide you with a full
response by the 8th of June 2018.
She's got an MBE,
and a bloody big salmon.
Why is she taking
so long to get back to us?
Doesn't she realise we're
doing her job for her? I don't know.
I might put in a complaint.
MOBILE BUZZES
Hello? Mr Smith.
It's Julia Simpson from
the Environment Agency.
I'm so sorry it's taken me
so long to get back to you.
Honestly, waiting for Defra.
It is maddening.
Well, we found each other now.
We wanted to ask about how
the agency monitors
sewage dumps into the river.
Spills? Yes.
Well, as you probably know, we
manage operator self-monitoring.
What? Operator self-monitoring.
What's that?
Yes, it's for Thames Water
to report any potential breaches.
You mean it's Thames's job
to tell you
when they've dumped sewage?
To report potential
pollution incidents. Yes.
And what if they don't report them?
We would expect Thames to report
100% of pollution incidents.
So it's not even your responsibility
to inspect the works.
For? Well, to see if they're
working.
No. Absolutely.
We inspect the treatment works.
Yes, of course we do. How often?
Well, we would
inspect perhaps once every few days,
up to perhaps once every six months,
depending on the inspection
team's judgment.
Listen, we're aware that there's
been some discussion locally around
water quality on the Windrush,
and in fact we've just completed
a new survey.
So I was thinking it would be a good
idea
for me to take up your invitation,
come down to the village hall
and to go over some of the results.
So the good news is
that our testing shows
that there's no evidence
that the Windrush
is seriously polluted,
or that the quality of the water
has declined.
We do know that the river
is more brown these days,
but our evidence has shown
that this brown colour
has got nothing to do with sewage.
Uh, sorry, we've spoken earlier on
the telephone.
I wonder if you could confirm
something you told me then,
that, um, the agency inspects all
the works
along the Windrush between every two
to three days and every six months.
Yes. That's right.
Professor Peter Hammond,
and I'm also part of this
Windrush group.
A colleague of yours told me
that actually
you only inspect once
every eight years.
And also, I've just been Listen.
I've been I've been running
your figures. And, um, so you've
only done about half of
the inspections that you needed
to have been doing.
In fact, you've only been visiting
the works once every 16 years.
We also took a look
at your water quality tests.
And the thing is, they were
all carried out upstream from
all the major sewage works.
It's almost as if you've chosen
the cleanest
part of the river to
conduct your test.
PEOPLE REMONSTRATE
The river is actually devoid
of anything in there.
The fish and all the wildfowl
and everything
that leads on from that,
from your kingfishers to everything,
you've absolutely ruined this place
and you should be bloody
well ashamed of yourself.
And the watercress banks.
You destroyed the watercress beds
as well.
That used to be a source
of industry years ago.
Totally gone. We will be taking all
your feedback into consideration.
I will have to go away
And we will listen to your feedback.
I promise you.
When? When?
Thank you.
Uh, is it Mr Lazarus?
My name's Ash Smith.
This is my colleague,
Professor Peter Hammond.
We're doing some research on
Thames Water,
and, er, well, listen,
it's all off the record.
We're not disclosing the names
of anyone we talk to.
We wondered
if you could spare ten minutes.
People call me Mickey, first of all.
Thank you very much for coming here.
I know it's not easy. We appreciate
you so much, I can't tell you.
I'm not a grass. OK.
So I did grass on my mate
like in year eight back in the day.
But this is different from grass, right?
This is like blowing the whistle.
I told you, I'm an ex-copper. Yeah.
You've told me that as well.
That's made me nervous.
This is not Grassing
is like when you grass your mates,
and blowing the whistle -
whistle-blowing - is when
you like grass on your boss.
Right?
We're going to start.
All right, check this out.
Most water companies
get sold every ten years or so.
JP Morgan, Morgan Stanley,
Kuwait sovereign fund,
Chinese banks,
we've had them all, mate.
So, Macquarie bought us in 2006.
That's the
That's the Australian hedge fund.
It's known
as the millionaires' factory,
such are the reputed riches of many
of Macquarie's key executives.
It's a vampire kangaroo.
That's it.
And they've earned that name
because they are bloodsuckers.
Leading companies rely on Macquarie
for advice, access to capital
The first thing they did
was sell our offices
and then rent them back to us.
What? Wrong 'uns.
They make Del Boy
look like a fucking amateur.
Then they said that we had to get
management clearance
to buy pens.
Right to the top to buy a Biro,
not even a Parker.
Not a fancy pen,
just a normal pen.
Piss-take. All right?
Now, let's say this. Right.
A pipe's broken, what do you do?
Normally you take it out,
you put a new one in.
They would tell us to stick
a collar around it.
It's not gonna hold.
What's a collar?
It's just like sticking plaster.
It's not gonna hold.
It's a temporary fix.
The pipe's still rotten.
OK? It's gonna go again.
It's a botched job.
It's like Frankenstein.
So, why don't they want
to do it properly?
Why don't they want to spend money
and seal it properly?
They don't give a monkey's about
the works.
You know why?
Because they're gonna flip you.
If they don't want
to spend any money on it,
how are they going
to maintain your works?
They don't give a shit.
You know why?
They're like dodgy house flippers.
They're gonna go in there,
it's still rotten inside,
and they flip it. They're out.
That's why I bank with Macquarie.
Macquarie, when they flogged us,
they walked away
with around 2.8 billion quid.
It's scandalous.
So, how do you know all this, then,
Mickey?
I started working for Thames
when I was 16, right?
On my second day,
I joined the union.
I get people ringing me up
every day.
"Mickey, it's all falling apart.
We can't keep it going."
Pete, if you were there,
working there,
you were an engineer, you know,
and the pumps ain't working,
you're at capacity,
what's your best option?
Well, the best option, obviously,
is just to get rid of the sewage,
I suppose.
The only option is to press
the button that flushes it all out.
I'm not proud to admit that
and I feel guilty, you know?
I see people swimming
in the in these rivers
and their kids swim in the rivers.
What am I supposed to do?
I know what goes in there.
I put it in there.
We're at tipping point here, fellas.
So, we have run the brain tests.
Heather's brain has lost the ability
to control her vital organs and,
unfortunately, they are failing.
I'm really very sorry
but I think it's time
we consider turning off
her ventilators.
Dear Professor Hammond,
I'm a member of
Citizens Against South West Water.
We formed a year ago to fight
the company's sewage dumping
in our bit of Devon.
One of our group
was recently given these,
which we thought you should see.
"A girl of eight may have been
the first person in Britain
"to have contracted fatal
E.coli poisoning from raw sewage.
"Ten other people,
"including four children,
"who all visited the beach on
July the 28th,
"were also struck down
by the same bacterial strain.
"Heather Preen died of E.coli."
If you like,
we could bring her over to you.
There we go.
All right. There we go. All right.
MUM SOBS
We'll just leave you together
for a little while now, OK?
You're all right.
SHE SOBS
You're all right.
You're all right.
Sorry. OK, there we go.
All right.
There we go.
Be careful with her head.
It's OK, I've got her.
We're fine, come on.
Thank you.
Yeah, s Yeah, sorry. Yeah.
Thank you. Thank you.
Right, yeah.
SHE SNIFFLES
So, you know how I taught
the machine
to look for the anomalies
in Witney and Church Hanborough?
Yeah, all right. What, have you been
free jazzing your numbers again?
Well, it's actually a lot
of hard work, you know?
No, I know. Sorry, sorry.
I'm just looking for the patterns
and spotting the deviations.
Yeah, right.
And you know that
You do know that
when the machine sees
an abnormality,
it can only mean one thing -
that it's dumping sewage.
Yes. OK. So, in the nine years
that I've dated for
at these two works alone,
Witney and Church Hanborough,
they've dumped sewage
a thousand times.
These aren't accidents, Ash.
It's a policy.
This is starting to look like
organised crime.
COUGHING Fuck!
Nah, this isn't right.
That's BLEEP.
No, this ain't right.
That's pure sewage.
You say you've got insufficient
evidence,
but we keep giving you the evidence.
All we ever do is give you
the evidence.
If you don't know
what caused the infection,
then you need to shut
down the beach.
That's not going to happen.
I wonder if we should be calling it
an outbreak.
It feels like the kind of term
that could alarm people.
We are conducting an investigation
under section 108
of the Environmental Act.
Whoa, whoa, whoa
Close the beach before this happens
to somebody else.
With their kids,
with fishing nets
sitting amongst turds.
Reuben!
Come on. Reuben!
We need another whistleblower.