Family Affair (1966) s01e01 Episode Script

Buffy

1
Oh, pleasant day, Miss Favisham.
Quite.
They British are coming!
They British are coming!
Yes, to be sure, and proudly.
Mr. French, they mean no harm.
They're just children.
Children?
Miss Favisham, back home in civilization, we
have infancy and manhood, nothing in between.
Welcome home, sir.
Thank you, French.
May we offer our congratulations,
sir, on the cover of World Magazine?
We would have wished that you'd been better
turned out, speaking professionally, of course.
Sure, well, that is an accident.
I fell in the mud.
I'm very sorry I let you down.
Oh, don't you worry, sir.
We'll have your bath ready in a moment,
sir.
Relaxing after the long trip.
Miss Applegate wondered if you'd be home
in time for the opening of the opera.
Am I?
Yes, sir, but we preferred a quiet dinner
at home.
Ah, we did.
Tomorrow, the horse show at the garden
with Miss Forrester.
Wednesday, the races at Aqueduct with Miss
Carstairs.
Wednesday night, optional.
The theater with Miss Davenport or the
Mets.
The Mets against the Dodgers at the
stadium.
How do we feel about that?
We suggest the Mets against the Dodgers,
sir.
Miss Laramie.
Oh, thank you, French.
If you ever leave, Mr. Davis, you might consider
working for my family at our Long Island place.
Oh, we're flattered, Miss,
but we prefer Mr. Davis and
the quiet monastic atmosphere
of the bachelor apartment.
Sorry I'm late.
I got tied up at the office.
I'll change in a minute.
That's all right.
I've been trying to steal French.
Oh, any luck?
None.
Dinner will be served on the terrace at
nine, sir.
Thank you.
Yes, madam.
Oh, I'm Fran Higer from Indiana with
Buffy.
Oh, may I ask, madam, what is a Buffy?
That's her name.
She's come to see her Uncle Bill.
May we suggest that you phone in the
morning?
For an appointment.
He's unavailable tonight.
You don't understand.
I am Fran Higer, Buffy's aunt.
Buffy's going to live here with her Uncle
Bill.
Oh.
In that case, won't you come in,
please?
Won't you be seated, madam?
Buffy, sit once more.
I love you, Uncle Bill.
It will be nice to live with you.
Oh, excuse me, sir.
There's somebody at the door I think you
should see.
Oh, hello, Fran.
Nice to see you.
Why didn't you tell me you were coming to
New York?
Sudden decision.
You look fine.
Thank you.
Buffy, this is your Uncle Bill.
Hi.
You look just like my daddy did.
Well, I guess I do.
You look just like your mommy.
Well, she was very beautiful.
Thank you, sir.
Who's this?
This is Mrs. Beasley.
Oh, well, she's pretty, too.
How do you do, Mrs. Beasley?
The pleasant surroundings.
So nice for a growing child.
Fran.
We're going to New York.
We'd better talk a minute.
French, would you take Buffy out on the terrace
and introduce her to Miss Larrabee or something?
We'll be right back, Buffy.
Certainly, sir, yes.
This way, if you please.
My name is Buffy.
Really?
Happily, it doesn't concern me what your
name is.
Don't just stand there like a little clop.
Come along.
Come along.
She wouldn't be any trouble, Bill.
She's so sweet.
And I thought it was all decided right
after the accident.
You said We had
to do something fast.
You were thousands of miles away in Egypt.
I was in Turkey, and you wrote and told me
that she needed a mother image.
Now, that is not me.
I am a bachelor, remember?
Bill, Buffy and Mr. Hager don't get along.
She makes him nervous, and he makes her
unhappy because she feels rejected.
I guess it wouldn't be so bad if she were
just a naughty little girl, and he could
punish her, but she digs in her little
heels and defies him.
And, Bill, she never cries.
In the entire year that she has been with
us, I have never seen her cry.
Fran, I'm not even home half the time.
Now, I just got back from India.
Now, I want what's right for that little
girl.
And that does not mean living with me.
It just couldn't work.
Not here, not with me.
Well, she's so bright, she'll know she was
rejected again.
Bill, at least go in and talk to her and
tell her that you love her.
Okay.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Hey, whoa, whoa.
Oh, sir.
I gave her absolutely no provocation to fasten
her little teeth in my gastrocnemius muscle.
Huh?
Did you bite him?
Put me in the closet.
I'm not afraid.
I like closets.
Well, nobody's going to put you in the
closet.
You want some milk and cookies?
French, would you bring us some milk and
cookies?
Cookies?
Something.
Very good Sir.
And where's Miss Larrabee?
Miss Larrabee fled, sir.
Thank you.
Now, Buffy, we just don't go around biting
people in the leg.
Yes, sir.
Now, I'm sorry it's been so long since
we've been together, but, see,
in my work, I have to travel all over the
world.
I'm in and out all the time, mostly out,
and that's just no kind of life for a little girl.
No, sir.
Now, uh, pretty soon I have to go to Peru.
That's down in South America.
So, uh, I'll send you a nice doll from
down there.
They make little dolls out of straw in the
mountains.
And when I come back, I, uh, will keep in
touch.
I'll write you letters, and
we can, uh, visit each other
once in a while, and we
can talk on the phone, okay?
Why don't you want me to live with you?
Oh, the milk and cookies, sir.
Oh, yes, Mrs. Higer to come in,
please.
Oh, the lady has departed, sir.
Sir.
Seems we have a foundling on our doorstep.
Mister, where's the lady's powder room?
Thanks.
The lady's powder room, sir?
Me, sir.
Well,
good morning, Buffy.
Did you sleep well?
Yes, sir.
That's nice.
Well, you have fun today.
Now, um, don't worry, will you?
I've arranged to have her picked up and
taken to the airport.
To be sure, sir.
There wasn't much choice.
I'm sending her back to the Higers
tomorrow.
So in the meantime, why don't the two of
you make a day of it, huh?
The two of us, sir?
Take her for a bus ride or a walk in the
park, something kids like.
Oh, is that absolutely necessary,
sir?
It's been nice seeing you again,
Buffy.
Now, uh, I'll send you that doll from
Peru, I promise.
And you'll have two dolls, huh?
Mrs. Beasley is not a doll.
Mrs. Beasley is my friend.
Okay, then you'll have two friends,
huh?
No, sir.
I'll have one friend and one doll.
Bye-bye.
Now,
according to my schedule, you have exactly
one hour to indulge in childish nonsense.
Play.
Yes, sir.
Good afternoon, Mr. French.
Oh, good afternoon, Miss Favisham.
Permit me to introduce my colleagues,
Miss Mannering, Miss Norton-Lee,
Miss Ponsonby, Mr. French.
How do you do?
How do you do, ladies?
Oh, may I?
Delighted.
Mr. French, what a nice surprise.
Oh, you may be surprised, madam.
I am appalled.
Is she a permanent resident?
No, transient.
It is devoutly to be hoped.
Mr. French, your little girl seems to be
getting the better of my little boy.
Buffy, Buffy.
Now, that'll be quite enough.
Get him.
He said his nanny could be my nanny.
I had to hit him.
What's a nanny?
I am a nanny.
We ladies are all nannies.
Are you my nanny?
I am no one's nanny, and I find the
suggestion revolting.
Go play or something.
Go, go, go.
Mr. French, you can deny it till you're
blue in the face, but today you are a nanny.
Good day, ladies.
They couldn't understand why she never
cried.
Well, she's tough, that's why.
She just digs in her little heels.
If you feel guilty about sending her back
to Terre Haute, why don't you ship her off
to one of those great schools in
Switzerland?
Switzerland?
A little kid like that?
Sure, they don't measure the kids,
just the fees.
Fresh air, skiing lessons, skating.
They learn manners, dancing, languages.
Switzerland.
Miss Graham, cancel that call to Terre
Haute, will you, and see if you can get me
some information on Swiss schools for
little girls.
Yeah, oh, here's Switzerland, here.
See up at the top of Italy, that thing
looks like a cowboy boot.
And that's way up in the Alps Mountains,
you see.
See all the snow?
And you'll learn how to play the piano,
and speak French, and speak Italian.
Yes, sir.
Of course, you'll stay here till you go.
It'll be just a couple of days,
though.
And you and French can have a good time
together.
Wouldn't that be fun?
Yes, sir.
Good night, sir.
Night, Buffy.
Well done, sir.
Shall I move her into the room?
To the den tonight, sir?
No, leave her in my bedroom.
It'll just be a couple of days before she
goes to Switzerland.
And Switzerland, that takes care of
everything.
Oh, sir, we don't know what you would have
done had your decision been otherwise.
We find ourselves, you know, somewhat out
of our depths in the nursery.
Oh, the ticket's in your vest pocket,
sir.
Thank you.
I do hope you enjoy the ballet tonight,
sir.
Thank you.
Good night, French.
Good night, sir.
Good night.
Don't you just
Do you love ballet?
No.
How do you feel about girls who love
ballet?
In your case, I'll make an exception.
Okay, Bill.
Next time, I'll wear my sneakers and we'll
go bowling.
If you don't like me, just say so.
You don't have to send me all the way to
that place.
Buffy!
Buffy!
Oh, Miss Favisham?
A French here?
So sorry to disturb you at this hour,
but we have an emergency here.
We seem to have misplaced a child.
Now then, if she is so tall, I would say the only
button she could reach would be the basement button.
My little blighters will run away as far
as possible during the daylight.
But they won't venture out into the
darkness.
Oh, Miss Favisham, we're wasting time.
Let's call the police.
She's made a clean getaway.
I doubt it.
Thank you.
Well, you've been a nanny as long as I
have.
A nanny?
Oh, any thought gives me the shivers.
What.
happened?
Sir, your idea of a Swiss school was
something less than a success.
Mrs. Beasley, where's Mrs. Beasley?
Here's your friend.
I guess I'll be close by if you'll lead
me, sir.
I'm awful sorry you felt so unhappy that
you wanted to run away.
Yes, sir.
You see, I just don't know very much about
children.
I guess meaning well doesn't help either.
No, sir.
I really thought that you'd like to go to
school in Switzerland.
I really did.
You see, I just didn't think
that a little girl like you would
want to live here in a place
like this with just French and me.
I mean, there's no children to play with and no
nice lady to buy you things or whatever they do.
No, sir.
See, what I'm trying to tell you is that you
don't have to go to school in Switzerland.
If you don't want to.
And you don't have to go back and live
with the Higers either.
You can stay right here and live with me.
Luke, you better go to sleep now.
And we can talk about it more in the
morning.
Okay?
Go to sleep now.
Grown-ups always tell you things like that
at night to make you go to sleep.
It's all different in the morning.
Mrs. Beasley, that is not true.
It's not going to be different in the
morning.
It's going to be the same.
So will you please, a special favor,
tell Buffy that I mean it?
What?
Oh, I forgot.
What's Mrs. Beasley telling you?
Well, she told me I forgot the magic
words.
What magic words?
Oh.
Welcome home, Buffy.
Yes, sir.
Could you possibly stop saying yes,
sir, no, sir?
Yes, sir.
Good night, Uncle Bill.
Good night, Buffy.
Good night.
Where is he?
That plane won't wait.
Oh, uh, Mr. Davis, uh, considered it necessary to
check the young lady's supply of, uh, underpaying
Uncatch that!
Sir, uncatch that!
Uncatch that!
Uncatch that!
Gotcha.
And you're gonna take good care of French
while I'm gone, huh?
Mrs. Beasley will take care of French.
Bill, I'll bring the car around.
Jody!
Buffy!
Mr. Davis, two of them.
There are two of them.
Bess, what are you doing in New York?
Well, we saw your picture on the cover of
World Magazine.
Bess, you've got any ideas?
Sir, I must have a word with you.
Now, Fran said you practically adopted
Buffy, and now the twins could be together.
Sir, it's absolutely imperative that I
speak to you.
I haven't got time now, French.
That plane's going to leave at 4.30.
Mr. Gaynor's waiting downstairs.
He didn't have to meet Mr. Davis.
And all this will all work itself out when
I get back from Peru.
I'll just leave the essentials to you.
Goodbye, kids.
Bye-bye.
Oh, there.
Oh, Mr. Davis.
No, no, not Mr. Davis.
Mr. Davis, wait, sir.
You can't leave me like this.
Mr. Davis?
Who's he?
He's the maid.
Does he like kids?
I don't think so.
Could he run fast?
No.
Okay, I'll stay.
Okay.
Is Mr. William Davis at home, please?
Whom shall I say called, madam?
Well, I'm Mrs. Grayson, and this is Mr.
Davis's niece.
Daddy!
Good heavens.
I am a nanny.
I.
am a nanny.
I am a nanny.
I am a nanny.
I am a nanny.
I am a nanny.
I am a nanny.
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