Fantasy Island (2021) s01e01 Episode Script

1
Lookin' for attention
You know you got
All eyes on
All eyes on you
You know you want
[CHIME]
Hey, Christine,
it's your favorite agent.
Miles has met with Martin
at the "Morning Show" in New York.
It's not gonna happen. I'm sorry.
I know how much you wanted this.
They just want younger, longer,
Meantime, Kira's going to send you
the name of my new facialist.
She does wonders.
[WHISPERS] Damn it.
[SIGHS]
- Morning.
- Is everybody ready
to get some butts out of some beds?
You're too damn happy.
Cheerful is a choice.
You should try it.
Well, I like to save it for the camera.
Oh, don't be such a Negative Nancy.
What am I smelling?
It's cloudy with a chance of sprinkles.
I got chocolate.
I got glazed. I got
There is a rule.
- Pink frosted for the lady?
- No food on set.
Unless it's part of a segment.
And we're live in five.
No bagels, no pizza,
no birthday cupcakes, no donuts.
Relax. He's just trying to be nice.
Three Two.
[EXHALES]
[NEWS THEME]
Good morning, Phoenix.
I'm Christine Collins, and
I would love to be bringing you
the breaking news right now,
but instead
I am smelling donuts.
[LAUGHS]
Our new 25-year-old weatherman
just wants to be liked.
So now I get to spend
the entire broadcast
thinking about donuts.
- [LAUGHING]
- Let's go to traffic.
Aren't we all trying not to eat donuts?
Aren't we juicing and cleansing
and cutting out dairy,
and cutting out carbs?
It's hard enough,
to get through the day
on protein powder and spinach.
I do not need to be tortured
by the aroma
of a chocolate eclair.
And yes, oh, I know,
he's trying to be nice.
Uhm, but it's not nice.
You know what would be nice?
Sleeping in
or not shooting my face
full of medical-grade poison.
And you know what?
It would be great to eat a donut.
But I'm supposed to be thin, and perky
and perpetually quaffed.
Forever young. I give everything.
But it's not enough.
It's it's it's ha.
It's never enough.
All I am asking,
is that you do not make it harder,
because it is hard enough already!
Okay. Looks like somebody
needs a vacation, huh?
[CHUCKLES]
We'll be right back with back
to school looks for less.
[EXHALES]
[UPLIFTING MUSIC]
[SPEAKING SPANISH]
- [ENGINE RUMBLING]
-
Come on, let's get ready, Mr. Jones.
["BAG OF TRICKS"
BY MS. TRINITI PLAYING]
Shook ha, na cheese,
den I ain't got time
Mekdipaper hussle like mi
Boss gal hafi live di boss life
Whoa, oh, oh, oh
Whoa, oh, oh, oh
See me walkin'
hot hear dem talkin'
I'm the one on di tip a dem tongue
Whoa, oh, oh, oh whoa, oh, oh, oh
I'm Elena Roarke,
and this is my island.
Like my great uncle before me,
I make fantasies come true.
What is your deepest desire?
Your most heartfelt need?
The Island knows, even if you don't.
My family have been
the guardians of this island
for generations.
Our mission
To transform the life of every guest.
Whoa oh oh oh oh
Smiles, everyone.
Bag of tricks, now watch me move
Captain.
Roarke
- You've been avoiding me.
- Hmm.
To avoid you, I'd have to
think of you, which I haven't.
I'd just like you to admit
that we had a moment.
- Oh, we had a moment.
- Mm-hmm.
But it passed.
Set myself up for that.
The guests are waiting.
[SMALL LAUGH]
[LIGHT MUSIC]
Welcome. Welcome.
How are you? Hi.
Ruby and Mel Akuda, this is
Ms. Elena Roarke, your host.
Good afternoon, Mr. and Mrs. Akuda.
You must be so tired
from your trip, huh?
Yeah, we're pretty well tuckered.
Especially Ruby, she
- Thrilled to be on this island.
- Yeah.
And yes, we'd love to freshen up.
Of course. Yeah, Ash will
get you settled in your suite.
I'll meet you later. Enjoy.
This is Christine Collins,
fresh from Phoenix, Arizona.
Ms. Collins,
I'm your host Elena Roarke.
Wonderful to meet you.
Sorry, I'm a bit of a mess.
It's okay. We'll fix that.
I'm I'm
[DEEP VOICE] I'm smelling donuts.
Smile!
[MALE VOICE] Donut, donut
Remixing my epic meltdown
has become a national pastime.
Well, if it's any consolation,
this blue looks fabulous on you.
So tell me,
what can the Island do for you, hmm?
My fantasy
Is to eat,
and eat and eat and eat.
And when I leave here,
I need my body
to look exactly the same.
I see.
[SIGHS]
That's not possible. I knew it.
Oh, no, no. It's absolutely possible.
But this is Fantasy Island,
and I can make your most
outrageous wish come true.
And that's what you want,
a buffet?
My first job was at this tiny
little station in Amarillo.
I loved it so much.
I was so proud of my dream job.
One night
I went on a date.
I had a slice of pizza, had two beers.
We split dessert.
Two days later
I got my first letter from a viewer.
She was worried,
because I had gained weight.
And she was sure that
meant that I was having
some kind of personal problems.
So I have been hungry ever since.
I was just wonder
is it food that you're hungry for or
Something deeper?
I have a therapist. Thanks.
I came here for cheeseburgers.
Let's get started. Ready?
[QUIET MUSIC]
A chocolate truffle.
- If I gain one ounce
- Not one ounce.
You have my word.
Mmm, mmm.
Mmm!
Welcome to Fantasy Island.
[NEW PERSPECTIVES' "HIT THE SPOT"]
[GASPING]
Can I make you mine
Can I take your time
'Cause you feel all right
And you'll get me hi-igh-igh
Oh ho ho.
So give me all you got
You know you hit the spot
So give me all you got
You know you hit the spot
Oh, I can't believe it.
Having fun, Mr. and Mrs. Akuda?
Oh, just call us Mel and Ruby.
And yes, we are.
I swear the sun feels different here.
Oh, the water is bluer.
The air is sweeter.
And yes, the grass really is greener.
- I might not need a fantasy.
- Well
The Island disagrees.
You know, if you're here, it's because
there's a reason for it.
So tell me,
how did you hear about Fantasy Island?
Well, we still get the newspaper,
the kind that's actually on paper.
[LAUGHTER]
We saw this little ad
with a phone number.
Something inside said call.
And here we are.
And it's an honor to
help people like you.
Mel, Ruby
What can the Island do for you?
Ruby has, uh, she has cancer,
pancreatic.
I'm a goner.
I'm so sorry.
Our fantasy is to make her
feel healthy again
just for a few days.
She spent so much of
her life caring for others,
for me, our kids, our grandkids.
I want her to have a weekend
that's all about her.
And what does that weekend entail?
Dancing, walking on
the beach, wonderful food.
Now, Ruby, I need to be clear.
Even I can't cure your cancer.
I wish I could.
I know that, sweetheart.
I'm looking for a fantasy,
not a miracle.
Most people don't realize
there's a difference.
This map, leads you to the place
where the fantasy will begin.
Thank you for this.
It means the world to us.
It's my pleasure.
And welcome, to Fantasy Island.
Look out now. Don't want you
to fall and break a hip.
Worry about yourself, old man.
And move your butt.
I want to get to the good stuff.
Speaking of butts,
yours still looks pretty damn
good to me.
You're half blind.
But I'll take it.
[MEL LAUGHS]
I'm comin'.
That's real pretty.
Now what?
What the hell are you doing?
I'm going in.
Wait for me.
[WATER GUSHING]
[LIGHT MUSIC]
[LAUGHTER]
- Look at you.
- Look at you!
It really is a miracle.
[LAUGHTER]
[GIGGLING]
I almost can't believe they're mine.
Yeah. Try looking in the mirror
- and seeing all this hair.
- [LAUGHS]
And not a bit of it
growing out of your ears.
[BOTH LAUGHING]
Also, no reflux.
Bring on the tomato sauce.
[LAUGHTER]
Youth really is wasted on the young.
- Mmm.
- Ha.
Man, when I look back on us,
when we were this age
- We didn't know a damn thing.
- Hmm.
- Still don't half the time.
- Mmm.
Yeah, let's uhm
Let's not think at all right now,
you know?
Let's just feel how we are in
these healthy and young bodies.
Well, if we're just feelin',
might I suggest round four?
Okay.
Later.
Right now, I want to go out for a run.
Test out my knees. [GIGGLES]
You do your thing.
I saw there's a beach party tonight.
Maybe we should go
You know,
mingle with the other young people
Get crazy.
It's a date. [GIGGLES]
Hey, sweet pea.
Hmm.
The gray hair
The wrinkles
Makes you all the more beautiful to me.
I just want you to know that.
I can do, Mel.
I do.
[MELLOW MUSIC]
[LIGHT, AIRY MUSIC]
[FOOTSTEPS]
[STIRRING MUSIC]
[INHALING]
Ahh
It's a dragon roll
From that little sushi place
around the corner from the TV station.
The girls at work told me about those.
I've never gotten to try one.
It's too many calories.
Not today!
Oh! Ooh!
Mmm, mmm. Mmm!
Christine Collins,
this is your life in food.
- Salud.
- Salud.
Mmm. [GIGGLES]
Mmm
[SIGHS]
Butter popcorn, mmm, delicious,
from that movie theater
where you were supposed to have
that blind date that
your hairdresser set you up on.
Oh, he wanted to see the late show.
But I got up at 2:45 in the morning.
- I can't do late shows.
- I know. I know.
Well, he got married, and has two kids.
Can I ask you something?
Do other people in your profession,
do they sacrifice as much as you do?
Um
What's this?
Let me see.
Oh, yeah,
I believe that is called, uhm
Fluffernutter.
Not my personal favorite.
But your mom made them for you
every single day after school.
- Why would I want that?
- I don't know.
This banquet was catered
for your taste, not mine.
Ooh
Look at this!
How
Huge.
The year was 1984,
and everybody was getting footloose.
- I don't want this cake.
- Christine,
I can't help you if you don't let me.
I don't need your help.
Get it away from me!
Oh ah
Aah!
We gonna take it through the top
There ya go
- Oh! Ha ha ha.
- [APPLAUSE]
- Mom?
- There ya go.
- Oh!
- [CHUCKLING]
[BOTH CHUCKLING, EXCLAIMING]
Mm
Come on over here, honey.
You're part of this too.
- Congratulations, Mom.
- Ohh
We're family now, Crystal Joe.
Us and Landon.
That's right. I love your mother.
I'm gonna take care of her.
You too, kiddo.
Yes, sir. [BOTH CHUCKLING]
- Amy.
- Oh, I'll be right back.
Mm-hmm. Hey
Don't eat too much of that cake,
you hear me?
No kid of mine's gonna be a heifer.
[LAUGHS]
[SOFT MUSIC]
Good morning, New York City.
I'm Crystal Joe Stevens,
coming to you live from Times Square.
Don't change that dial.
Stick with me
for all the breaking news.
My daughter
The next Diane Sawyer.
I don't know about that.
I believe in you, Crystal Joe.
You're gonna get out of here.
I never did.
But you will.
Promise me.
I promise.
What are you two whispering about?
Crystal Joe promised me she's
gonna get herself on TV someday.
That right?
Yeah, you got a good voice for it.
- You think?
- Mm-hmm.
Of course, the, uh,
crooked horse teeth are a problem.
And you got a few extra pounds.
Landon, what a thing to say.
[LAUGHS]
I'll tell you what, kiddo.
I'll pay to get your teeth fixed.
- You will?
- Mm-hmm.
You and me will make
it happen together.
Deal?
No. Say no.
- Deal.
- [CHUCKLING] All right.
Christine.
Why did you bring me here?
It's a taste of the
Madeleine soaked in tea.
Proust.
A taste from youth can
unlock a lifetime of memories,
and not always good ones.
I let go of that girl and that life
Decades ago.
As far as I'm concerned,
Crystal Joe Stevens never existed.
Crystal Joe Stevens had a
mom who loved her so much,
and believed in her.
I came to Fantasy Island
to stuff my face,
and I'm really, really hungry,
so can you please
just get me back to the damn buffet?!
Yes. Of course.
[HUFFS]
[PERCUSSIVE MUSIC]
8.5.
Can I Join you?
Sure, but gotta warn you,
I'm feeling good.
Okay.
[GIGGLING]
[BOTH PANTING AND LAUGHING]
I'm Ruby.
Yo soy Isla.
Okay.
I think maybe I'm lucky I met you.
Oh, uh, I should
I should go.
Yeah. But it was
Nice to meet you.
Mmm, mmm, mmm.
Crystal Joe.
[CHUCKLING]
Landon?
I missed you, kiddo.
How did he get here?
Good question.
Now a better question is
why is he here?
Uh, to mess with me, to ruin my life.
Do you know when you get a song
stuck in your head,
a song you can't stand
but it's just stuck
in your head for weeks?
Landon was in my head for years.
When my mom died, I was stuck with him.
But I got away.
I remade my whole life.
Did you get away, Crystal Joe?
- Don't call me that.
- Or did you just start
listening to the meanness
in other voices?
Because yes, yes, you left.
But did you escape? Hmm?
No, no. Mm-mm.
That is manchineel fruit.
It's poison fruit.
You keep poison fruit on your desk?
It's a good reminder, I think,
that things are not
always as they seem.
You certainly aren't.
You know what,
I'm gonna have the servers
bring a meal to your room.
- Do you have any special requests?
- Yes
Uh, no
Uhm, oh, God.
I've been craving something,
but I just
I cannot put my finger on what.
Okay, I'll have the kitchen
send a selection.
[PERCUSSIVE MUSIC]
Check it out.
- Let's go do some drugs.
- [CHUCKLES]
Mel Akuda, we've never
done drugs in our life.
And this isn't drugs.
It's goo.
It's Island Magic.
It opens up new ways of seeing.
It's quite safe. I assure you.
Well, Ms. Roarke,
we are having the best time.
Oh, I'm so glad to hear it.
And it's Elena, by the way.
Aw.
Enjoy the Island Magic.
- The night is young.
- [GIGGLES]
- Mmm?
- You are a terrible influence.
- Well, we won't tell the kids.
- Mmm.
- You're late, Captain.
- I know. I know.
Late for a very important date.
To talk about the departure schedule.
Sorry.
I broke out the good stuff.
I see that.
Want to talk about it?
- No.
- Okay.
[MUSIC CONTINUES IN DISTANCE]
[SIGHS] Okay.
It's one of the guests, Ruby Akuda.
You know, I
I can usually maintain
an emotional distance,
from the guests.
If I didn't,
I'd get lost in their needs,
and then I wouldn't be able
to do my job.
But with this lady, with Ruby
Mm
It's different.
'Cause she's dying.
I'm sad for her.
And I'm sad for me too, and
Doesn't usually happen.
You know what I think?
I think Mrs. Ruby
Akuda found a ladder
And climbed over
that wall around your heart.
It's not a wall.
Mm-mm It's a moat.
[BOTH CHUCKLE]
Anything I can do to help?
You can pour me another.
I can do that.
[STIRRING MUSIC]
You
I'd be lost without you
You
I'd be lost without you
I can see your breath.
You smell like perfume.
I'd be lost without you
I'd be lost without you
Ooh ooh
You
I'd be lost without you
I'd be lost without you
I'd be lost without you ooh ooh
You
I'd be lost without you
Ooh ooh
You
I'd be lost without you
Ooh ooh
Oh you
Which one do you like?
You
I'd be lost without you
Ooh ooh
Oh you
I'd be lost without you
Ooh ooh
Mmm, mmm, mmm.
Mmm, mmm, mmm.
Got enough for me?
Take it.
But if it's money you want,
I'm not giving you any.
Hey. Who paid to fix those teeth?
- [HUFFS]
- Me.
Who got you off the sweets,
taught you what a salad is, huh?
Yeah, I whipped you into shape.
And now the bill is coming due,
Christine Collins,
with your big life,
and your fancy friends.
You don't know anything about my life.
I know you're ashamed
of who you really are.
Trailer park hick,
with a trailer park hick mom.
- Don't you talk about her!
- You're gonna take care of me,
- Crystal Joe.
- No!
Or I'll make sure everybody
knows you're nothing.
- Shut up.
- Then again,
maybe your life's as empty as you are.
Just a pretty little
made-for-TV package,
but unwrap it, and nothing there.
I am a successful, powerful,
happy woman!
No! You just play one on TV.
[LANDON GROANS]
Aah!
Stop pretending.
After 50 years, I know how you
breathe when you're asleep.
[BOTH CHUCKLING]
Well, now we know why
we didn't do drugs
last time we were this age.
Mmm.
What was I thinking?
Mmm.
Hey, come here, baby.
Come here for sec.
- Come closer. Come on now.
- I'm comin'.
When we met
You had a A friend, A
[SMALL LAUGH]
A close friend.
- Meredith?
- Yeah.
Yeah, and then one day,
seemed like she just
Disappeared.
Yeah, well, we, uh, we grew apart,
- so
- [CHUCKLING]
Stop pretending.
After 50 years,
I know when you're
not telling me the truth.
You loved her.
- Mel.
- Ruby
All this time,
and I feel like I'm just understanding
who you are and
I feel like a fool.
You are not a fool.
50 years ago, I made a choice.
I chose you and the life
that we would build together.
I wouldn't trade that for the world.
Yeah, but you don't
You don't love me
the way that I love you.
But I do love you, Mel.
You
You're the finest person
I've ever known.
And you filled my life,
with so much joy.
And I will keep loving you,
until my last breath.
Do you hear me?
[PERCUSSIVE MUSIC]
[PANTING]
You made it just in time
for your parting feast.
I did something awful.
I think we finally know,
what will satisfy your hunger.
This should hit the spot.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
Landon?
[SOFT MUSIC]
It's kind of early for a swim.
I keep telling myself
to swim out and keep going.
But, you know, I
I can't make myself do it.
Truth is I
I was never planning
on coming back from this trip.
I said my goodbyes,
'cause after this, it's just pain.
And more pain and, uh
Hmm.
Do you have a family?
- I have a big family.
- Oh.
Yes
But I
I haven't seen them
in a really long time.
Well, I bet this job,
doesn't stop for birthdays or holidays,
does it?
Not exactly.
And I bet that's hard.
It can be.
The Island chose me for this role.
- You didn't want it?
- I tried to say no.
I was young. I was in love. I
[SIGHS] I'm sorry,
'cause I don't usually
talk about myself at all.
Must be the company.
No, no, actually, I don't think so.
No complaints.
I have the best job in the world.
And I live in paradise.
Oh, you sure do.
I'd love to stay
a little longer, in fact.
But I
I got some dying to do.
- Ruby
- No, no, no, no.
It's all right, really.
You know, I
I've had a good run.
You know, if I were brave, I'd
Spare Mel what's coming.
[SIGHS] You know, I just
I've never been brave.
Strong, yes.
But not brave.
Well, there are many ways to be brave
and many opportunities for bravery.
That just
Isn't the right one for you.
Come on.
I'll walk you back, all right?
All right.
Mmm.
Mmm. Mmm!
[PHONE RINGS]
- Hello?
- Good morning.
Would you like breakfast
in your room this morning?
Breakfast. No, thank you.
I'm
I'm not hungry.
Oh, great. You're here.
- Thank you so much for meeting me.
- Oh, okay.
You know, the work that I do
as a steward of this island is
Is an honor.
I help people.
I transform their lives,
always for the better.
You know, in the past,
people in my position,
they have had a
Second, a right hand.
Ruby
I would like to invite you,
to stay on Fantasy Island.
[CHUCKLES]
You-you'd like to what?
And you will remain
just as you are, healthy,
strong, young, beautiful.
Your-your tattoo.
What made you choose it?
I-I don't know, I
I was drawn to it.
You know, it's an island
symbol of rebirth.
It's reserved only to those
who hold the position
that I'm offering you.
I truly believe the Island
was speaking to you.
- And to me.
- [LAUGHS]
Well, why would the Island speak to me?
You know, this island
is endlessly mysterious.
But also, it's usually right.
Well, what do you think?
Could we?
I, uhm
I think it's a one-person offer, honey.
Well, then no.
Ruby, on Fantasy Island,
you know, honor is balanced by
- By sacrifice.
- No, no.
Absolutely not.
And how could you even ask me this?
- What is wrong with you?
- Uhm, yes.
Yes, she'll stay.
No, you do not speak for me, Mel Akuda.
Now don't be crazy.
No, I'm not gonna talk about this.
Hey, we can tell the kids that
That you didn't make it,
that the trip was too much.
- No! What?!
- Ruby, look at me.
We both know that
you're gonna leave me soon.
- Not like this I'm
- Hey, hey, hey.
You lived your whole life for me
For our family.
It's your turn now.
Now, Ms. Roarke, she's-she's
offering you the opportunity
at a whole new life
For yourself.
And you can be yourself,
your whole self.
I couldn't live with myself
if I let you pass that up.
Ruby
I'm offering you an
opportunity to be brave.
[SOFT MUSIC]
[CAR DOOR OPENS]
- Good morning.
- [LAUGHS]
I had the strangest weekend of my life.
- Thank you.
- You're so welcome.
I feel liberated and a little confused.
Last night
At the pig roast?
The pig roast.
I woke up and I thought,
um, it's hard to explain.
Christine, I want to tell you,
after you came to my office,
I looked into your stepfather.
His death certificate says
that Landon Green died in 2012.
But he was here.
His cruelty certainly was.
And you've been holding onto that
since you were a child.
I think I finally let it go.
You could even say I devoured it.
The cruelest thing he ever did,
was to make me forget
how much my mom loved me.
But I remember that now.
So what are you going to
do now, with this new freedom?
First of all,
I'm gonna invite the girls from work
to dragon rolls! [LAUGHTER]
And then
Gosh,
I've just spent so many years of my life
trying to please other people,
I think I'm gonna work on
being happy, for real.
Not just on TV.
Safe travels, Christine.
No. No, no. This
This isn't right.
You're not supposed to leave me, okay?
You're gonna have
another wonderful life.
Promise me.
I'm the luckiest man in the world.
Okay.
Wait, wait!
[MOUTHING WORDS]
[QUIET MUSIC]
[ENGINE RUMBLING]
[UPLIFTING MUSIC]
So what happens now?
The unexpected.