Hollywood Arts (2026) s01e01 Episode Script

1
[upbeat music plays]
[female narrator] Hollywood Arts.
The world's premier
Performing Arts High School
where some of the world's greatest artists
and performers got their first taste
of what it felt like to take the stage
and bring an audience to their feet.
[audience cheering]
Where future pop star Tori Vega
first discovered her place to shine.
And where one legendary teacher,
Erwin Sikowitz,
still knows every student by name.
Techie.
Who, me?
Yes, isn't your name Techie?
Her name is Emmy.
I'll use it in a sentence.
Her name is Emmy.
Techie…
play something sentimental.
Something that says…
I'm retiring.
- You're what?
- Excuse me?
You're retiring? When?
Mm…
Right now.
- Like, now now?
- No, no, no.
Now, kids, kids…
Teaching generations of children
as they practice this crazy craft we call…
[all] Acting!
…has been the biggest blessing of my life.
But I promised my wife and kids
I'd spend more time with them.
You're married?
Sure am.
Good Gandhi, Daddy!
What's taking so long?
- We're not getting any younger!
- [Sikowitz] Daddy's coming!
He's just saying goodbye
to the class he loves so much.
[all sigh]
Babe! It's a long drive to Japan!
You've all gone to the bathroom, right?
Because we are not stopping.
[all] Come on!
I'm coming!
Holy Moses!
Alright, alright.
Everybody stop your crying.
Nobody's crying, Principal Helen.
Oh good, let's keep it that way.
Techie?
Yes?
Your substitute requested entrance music
and I didn't have time to say no,
so just go on
and push your little buttons.
[suspenseful music plays]
She was a student here at Hollywood Arts
during our golden era.
Last name Vega!
First name starts with a T.
- [gasps]
- Tori Vega?!
We're getting world-famous pop star
Tori Vega as a sub?
[music stops abruptly]
Even better! You got me!
[upbeat music plays]
Tori's sister!
Trina Vega!
[comical horn flourish]
Seriously?
I'm also pretty famous too.
Nobody recognizes me
from my guest appearance on Cops In Court?
Dead girl in a ditch.
Principal Helen,
this woman is making me sad.
Yeah, me too.
Don't worry. You only have her for a week
while I lock down a permanent replacement.
You're gonna do great, Tina.
It's Trina.
If you say so.
Now teach, teacher!
But I'm not really a teacher.
If you're not really a teacher,
what are you even doing here?
Besides, you know, being a…
cautionary tale.
I'm here because I was hoping
one of you was a nepo baby.
Anybody's parents a Hollywood hotshot
who can hire your girl?
[all] No.
[groans] What a giant waste of time.
Hey, sorry I'm late.
Whew.
[sighs]
[sighs] That's better.
Why are you not Sikowitz?
- Why were you wearing athletic gear?
- Parents think I'm on sports scholarship.
Hollywood Arts doesn't have sports.
Yeah, I've been lying to 'em
for a couple years now.
The truth is I'm a musician ♪
But my parents would never approve ♪
They'd say,
"Qwest, this ain't worth the tuition" ♪
And they'd threaten to make us move ♪
So I lie and I pretend
That I can put a ball inside a… ♪
What's the word again? Oh, yeah.
…hoop ♪
Yeah, yeah, you're very talented.
Now, are your parents famous?
- No.
- I'm gonna dip.
Peace, children. I've been Trina.
But Principal Helen's gonna be really mad.
You're right, and I wouldn't get paid.
The window it is.
Wait, you can't just leave.
You gotta teach us something.
Like what shampoo does Tori use?
- Oh!
- Oh yeah!
No questions about Tori!
Fine. How'd you get so good
at playing dead?
[chuckles] Well, typically,
I like to gatekeep my acting tips,
but I'm really liking this attention, so.
[intriguing music plays]
Gather round, children.
Why isn't she gathering round, children?
Seemed like this was
a performers' thing, I'm not a performer.
Why are you here? Are you lost?
No, I go here because my parents wanted me
to go to the same school as my brother.
[both sigh] Oscar.
- Back off.
- You back off.
Oscar goes here.
He's the star, I'm not.
Emmy's a star too.
You know, she created The Dap.
Oh, I…
She doesn't need to hear all about an app
that I programmed all by myself that led
to the creation of a virtual class
taught by a rotating content creator.
But okay.
Hollywood Arts creator in residence
Lexi here.
Today, I want everyone to make a reel.
And anybody that says six-seven
gets perma banned.
Emmy also built this machine
that can record and project holograms.
Check it.
[beeps, whirs]
Testing.
- Testing, testing.
- Woo!
Woo!
- We're dead.
- No, Pepper, we're holograms, not ghosts.
That's me.
Then why can I put my hand through you?
Hey, Pep-- You can't put your…
You can't put your hand through me.
- [indistinct arguing]
- [beeps]
Okay. I'm up to speed.
Emmy has no talent and is not a ghost.
Now, back to me teaching you
how to play dead.
[both scream]
Big note right off the bat,
dead people can't scream.
They were screaming about my brother.
[ethereal music plays]
You must be Oscar.
As usual, my reputation precedes me.
- What's with the getup?
- For the show this Friday.
I'm in search of a duet partner
to be the Cleopatra to my Mark Antony.
- Me! Please!
- Oh my God, pick me!
I'll be holding auditions
this afternoon at the Black Box.
The song, "There's No Place Like Rome,"
is a very vocally challenging duet.
It's nothing you can't handle.
[both giggle]
[both] Thanks, Oscar.
He was winking at me!
Where's Techie?
I am your sister.
You'll obviously be running
my lighting and sound cues.
Oh, and Principal Helen
wants me to tell everyone
there's only one spot left for Friday,
so sign up quick.
As they said in ancient Roman times…
Hasta la vista.
So cute.
Two things. One, I'm sensing
a pathetic little competition
between you two over this boy.
Oh, I wouldn't call it a competition.
At least not a very close one.
They're frenemies. It's a love-hate thing.
[both] I love to hate her.
[both gasp] Aw!
Love it. Funny dynamic.
Your brother mentioned one spot left
for Friday. What's Friday?
Oh, the big showcase.
- [gasps]
- [Lane] What happened?
Something's wrong with my tongue!
- Oh my God, it's huge!
- Does anyone know Trina's part?
Tomorrow you'll be
everybody's fascination ♪
- In my victory ♪
- [Trina sobs]
Just remember me when I make it shine ♪
And in that moment,
my life changed forever.
Girl, we didn't see
whatever flashback you had.
BRB!
[energetic music plays]
The good bathroom's down the hall!
I'm okay. This is your shot.
Just put pen to paper
and you're in the big showcase.
Ah! [chuckles]
Thanks, little buddy.
I'm in!
That's my girl!
Wait, what are you in for?
The big showcase!
- [squeals]
- Why would you want to be in our showcase?
You're, um, what's the word?
Old!
Oopsy. That slipped right off my foot.
Look, I'm not gonna unpack
my flashback with you people,
but know I couldn't go on
at the showcase when I went here,
so my sister went for me,
and I had to sit with a big fat tongue
and watch her take
the first steps to stardom.
Thanks for not unpacking
that flashback for us.
So let me get this straight:
a middle-aged woman
going back to her former high school
to perform in a talent show.
I think I speak for everyone
when I say that sounds totally unhinged.
And we are here for it!
- Yeah, girl.
- Yeah, girl, do your thing.
- [Emmy chuckles]
- Okay!
Musician who's living his life as a lie,
you're writing me a song.
And girl with no talent?
- Oh, her name is Pepper.
- [gasps]
I was talking about Techie.
Techie, you're gonna be my assistant.
[chuckles] And I am impossible to please.
Uh-oh.
Mm-hmm.
[upbeat music plays]
And that's why
They call it nacho cheese ♪
'Cause it's not your cheese ♪
It's mine ♪
Yeah! That's my girl!
That's my best friend down there! Pepper!
I mean, she's one to watch.
That was a great audition, Pepper.
You can really belt.
I love to belt. I also love belts.
Hands down, favorite accessory.
Right behind jewelry, scarves,
bags, hats, watches.
- Am I still talking?
- Uh-huh.
[woman] Emmy!
- Did you guys hear someone scream my name?
- Emmy!
Female voice, early 30s, whoever it is…
- [woman in angry tone] Emmy!
- …she mad.
Trina!
I gotta go.
- Where is Jen?
- I didn't do nothin'!
Didn't say you did.
But since she's not here,
and everyone else who auditioned
was dog water,
my decision about who I'm singing with
is pretty easy.
Well, thanks anyway
for the opportunity, Mr. Ward.
[laughs] No, Pepper.
It's you!
Holy plot twist! For real?
[squeals]
Sorry I'm late!
So unprofessional.
When I finished ballet class, I discovered
someone had broken into my locker
and stolen my clothes.
Why would someone do that?
I don't know!
Maybe to make me late for this audition?!
Sounds like whoever it was is smarter
than her friends give credit for.
Oh-ho! Yeah, well, I'm here now.
Let's audition.
Sorry, Jen.
Already given the role to Pepper.
I'll leave you ladies to fight.
[laughs]
[screams]
-I'm not afraid of her.
- [Jen Z screams]
This is war.
And then I'll do this.
And a little bit of this.
And then I'll hit 'em with the pow!
"Tori Vega who?"
"Trina's the real star."
"Can I have her autograph?"
[Trina giggles]
You screamed?
There you are.
I looked everywhere for you.
The classroom, the auditorium…
Okay, I looked two places.
Mama needs some coffee.
Jet Brew's gonna say
it's illegal to do 11 pumps of vanilla,
but if you threaten to sue them,
they'll comply.
- Why aren't you writing this down?!
- Um… 11 pumps?
Lawsuit.
Run, girl, run!
[upbeat music plays]
[grunts]
[Trina] Hey!
- What's going on?
- [pants]
My dad's coming to drop something off.
I need to look like I've been
at basketball rehears-- practice.
Sweat, sweat, sweat.
Ugh.
[muttering] Woo!
Uh, in the two years
you've been lying to your parents,
haven't they asked to come to a game?
I told them LeBron James' kid goes here
and games are closed to the public.
My dad starts asking questions,
I just bring home some signed swag.
"LeBron James' son."
Boom.
I think it's time you stopped lying
to your parents.
Want me to write you a song or not?
Like I said, keep lying to your parents.
Right.
Trina, that is enough time focusing
on people who are not you.
Ugh.
Ugh-a!
Ugh!
Dang it, that's three "ughs."
I legally have to ask what's wrong.
Someone stole my clothes
and made me miss my audition.
Was it your well-established frenemy,
Pepper?
Why, yes, I do believe it was.
Well, it goes against my nature to care
for others, but I think I could help.
Once upon a time…
Why do old people always tell you fables
when giving you advice?
…me and this frenemy who went to
Hollywood Arts were after the same role.
She had the hottest boyfriend.
Actually, you remind me of this girl.
She loved scissors.
And I'm scrolling, scrolling.
I gave her prank candies
the day of her audition
and made her voice sound
like a dying toad.
So you're saying I should poison Pepper.
Oh! No, no, I'm not saying
you should poison anybody.
Your generation played dirty.
I respect that.
I didn't tell anybody to poison anybody!
[song playing]
Qwest! This track is great.
Or should I say a slam dunk?
Get it? Because of the basketball lie?
Yeah, no, that's enough of that.
Anyways, I was thinking for lyrics… these.
'Kay.
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm…
Look, look, I… These are great, right?
But do you mind if I change a few
or perhaps all of them?
Whatever! Just make sure it's about me,
an insanely talented girl
sick of being in her sibling's shadow.
Yeah, I got that from the first line:
"I'm an insanely talented girl who's sick
of being in her sibling's shadow."
Okay, I picked up your dry cleaning,
and I stopped by Jet Brew again.
- Twelve pumps?
- Oh, I thought it was 11.
Techie, can you not see how stressed I am?
Obviously I needed an extra pump!
Now where's my penguin?
Your what?
[groans] I need an assistant
who can read my mind.
My act has to be huge, Emmy.
I want pyrotechnics, a full gospel choir,
and most importantly, a penguin.
I can't possibly get you
a penguin by Friday.
Do you know how many other people with
no talent would die for a gig like this?
Pfft.
Did you just "pfft" me?
Pfft! Yeah, I did!
[laughs] Well, I hereby expel you!
Uh, you can't expel me,
because you're not a real teacher,
which is a relief, because you would be
a pretty terrible one.
[scoffs] Excuse me?
I'm doing great.
Are you kidding me?
A teacher doesn't chase the spotlight.
They help their students find it.
Well, you're not even
a real student, girlie.
You go to a performing arts school
and you don't perform.
That's like going to med school
and not medding.
Fireworks and penguins
aren't what's gonna impress people.
Your voice is.
Well, I only take singing advice
from people who can actually sing.
Or the internet.
Well, maybe I can sing.
Oh, really?
Okay.
I want to swing ♪
From the chandelier ♪
[exhales sharply]
Girl, that gave me goosies.
I-I don't know why I just did that.
Don't tell anybody.
"Don't tell anybody"?
Emmy! Wait!
[upbeat musical transition]
Attention, students!
And one grown woman.
The big showcase starts in ten minutes.
Principal Helen, would you consider
opening up one spot
for a very talented singer?
Trina, you're lucky I didn't question
your involvement in the showcase.
No, but I get it.
You have a chip on your shoulder.
Do not.
There is literally a potato chip
on your shoulder.
Just gonna leave that on the ground, huh?
Okay.
Anyways, the slots are the slots.
I didn't even give myself a slot,
and I can do this.
And I… ♪
…rest my case.
- Hello, Pepper.
- [tense music plays]
Brought you a little present.
[sighs] Pillow mints!
And you already opened
the box for me and everything.
Oh, stop.
I almost feel bad about…
something I didn't do.
[chuckles]
Well, I just wanted to offer you
my secret weapon.
Totally soothes the voice.
And obviously I don't need them
because you got the duet…
Fair and square ♪
Thanks.
- [tense music plays]
- What's the prob, doc?
You wouldn't, like,
be trying to sabotage me
by giving me poisoned pillow mints,
would ya?
Oh my God!
Be so for real right now! [chuckles]
Yeah.
[menacing music plays]
That's right. Gobble, gobble.
Pee-pa-pee-pa ♪
There it is.
[vocalizing, clears throat]
- [vocalizing]
- Two minutes, guys!
Two minutes to places!
Oh, there you are.
I looked everywhere for you.
The hallway…
I gotta stop saying I looked everywhere.
Make it quick.
I'm teching a whole show here.
We've gotta find a way
for you to sing tonight.
That voice of yours
needs to be heard by people.
People with ears.
Well, too bad you got the last slot.
Darn it all.
Hey, you guys are up first.
There's my Cleopatra.
[raspy voice] I've been poisoned.
Pepper, you sound like a dying toad.
Who could have done such a thing?
What's this I hear about Oscar
needing a duet partner?
Maybe it was Jen.
- Jen?
- Hm?
You'd poison someone
just for the chance to sing with me?
I would do anything for you.
- Then you can't be my duet partner.
- What?
Like the real Mark Antony, I believe
in peace and fairness above all else.
He was pretty much the exact opposite
of that, but go off, King.
What am I supposed to do?
I can't sing a duet by myself.
- I am right here.
- [Pepper croaks]
- [Oscar] Your voice is…
- Come on!
There's gotta be
someone else who can sing.
- Who?
- Yeah, who?
- Yeah, who?
- [raspy voice] Yeah, who?
[Oscar] Who? Who?!
They can go on for hours and we both know
you are the who they are who-ing about.
Jeez, okay, Dr. Seuss.
- Who?!
- I know who can sing with Oscar.
Well, spit it out, Emmy.
Just hear me out here.
It's someone that you've known forever.
Someone you love.
Someone who's in this room right now.
[all] Who?!
[upbeat music plays]
You're my kind of gal, Cleopatra ♪
Marky Mark, I gotta say
Right back at ya ♪
So why be a hater?
You could be a gladiator ♪
[Trina] A hologram Oscar as Cleopatra?
Cool trick,
but really not what I had in mind.
- Yes!
- [audience applauds]
Why do you care? You're up next.
Qwest wrote you a great song.
This is your chance for redemption.
Isn't this all you ever wanted?
Yes, it's exactly what I wanted.
Okay, so what's the problem?
The problem is
I can't stop thinking about you!
Do you know how hard it is to get me
to stop thinking about me? Very.
Last night I was trying to focus
on my song
and your voice wouldn't leave my head.
Help me understand
why you won't let it be heard.
Okay, forget singing.
I did not talk until I was five.
Oscar did all the talking for me,
but I did a lot of listening
and I heard my parents say enough times,
"Oscar's our star," to know that the role
had already been filled.
[upbeat music continues]
Well, I know a thing or two about
being stuck in your sibling's shadow.
Heck, I'm about to sing about it.
Actually…
you are.
- What?
- I'm giving you my spot.
Emmy, you are a star
and I need you to believe that
more than I need to get over my past.
- Come on.
- Okay, wait, hold on.
This performance
is all you've ever cared about.
Yeah, well, maybe I was caring
about the wrong things.
A teacher doesn't chase the spotlight,
they help their student find it.
Also, I'm not very good.
But I've never performed
in front of people like in my life.
I mean, what-what if I choke?
What if I sweat?
- What if I choke on my sweat?
- Oh my God!
This is the first unselfish thing
I've done! Don't ruin it!
Come on. Oh, we're gonna need this outfit.
'Cause there's no place like Rome ♪
Yes!
[applause]
- No, you.
- No, you, you.
[Oscar hologram] Wee!
- [Ocar chuckles]
- [upbeat exit music plays]
- [music fades]
- [audience cheers]
Never wanted the spotlight ♪
In the shadows I would hide ♪
Something's telling me it's time ♪
To step out ♪
Wow, Trina's got an amazing voice.
- [raspy voice] How's my voice sound?
- Shh.
'Cause there's a dream inside of me ♪
I'm impressed.
And Trina's old,
so I'm not at all threatened.
- She's as good as her sister.
- Don't you mean as good as her brother?
- What?
- What's meant for you now ♪
Is this the moment that I say
"Carpe diem" and take my place? ♪
- Yeah, Emmy!
- No way!
Get in the passenger side
Hands on the wheel and just drive ♪
- I had no idea she could sing like that.
- I did.
So I break down the walls that I made ♪
Do it scared
Won't play it safe anymore ♪
I'm awake, nothing's stopping me ♪
So I'll take, take ♪
Take the life that I want ♪
I won't wait, wait ♪
This was me all along ♪
So I break down the walls that I made ♪
Won't hold back, I'm here to stay ♪
So I break down the walls that I made ♪
Do it scared
Won't play it safe anymore ♪
I'm awake ♪
- My penguin.
- Nothing's stopping me ♪
So I'll take, take ♪
Take the life that I want ♪
I won't wait, wait ♪
This was me all along ♪
So I break down the walls that I made ♪
Won't hold back, I'm here to stay ♪
[audience cheering]
My sister, everybody.
Taught her everything she knows.
[laughs]
[cheering]
This is wild!
[upbeat musical transition]
- Wait! Just five minutes!
- Your voice is so amazing.
- Can we collab?
- I asked her to collab first!
Thank you so much for your interest.
I'm gonna close the door.
Watch your fingers. Bye.
[people clamoring]
Please?!
Did anybody else get mobbed
on the way to school today or just me?
There she is!
The star of the big showcase.
I saved you a seat, mama.
Thanks, Jen.
No need to thank me, silly.
We're best friends.
Woo-hoo! Okay, you're not her best friend!
- I am.
- Why did she choose to sit closer to me?
- No way! [yells indistinctly]
- She's mine!
Down, girls. Down!
[both] Sorry, Emmy.
Pepper, you know you're my best friend.
It's so thoughtful of you
to lie to her like that.
[elephant trumpets]
What the elephant?
It's time we talk
about the elephant in the room.
You bought a whole elephant costume
just for that pun.
Weirdly, slay.
Emmy is school famous now.
But I think we're forgetting
the real hero in this story.
The one who sacrificed
her spot to make Emmy shine.
And the one who's currently
making it all about herself?
Bingo.
Look, my acting career's
not going so great.
Helping Emmy, that made me feel great
about my favorite thing
to feel great about.
Myself.
- Where are we going with this?
- Oh, yeah.
I texted Principal Helen
first thing this morning
that I want to be your permanent teacher!
What'd she say?
"Absolutely not and stop texting me."
But here's my plan.
Be so undeniably good at teaching
for the rest of the week
that she has no choice
but to give me the job.
I think that's awesome, Trina.
We all could learn a lot from you,
especially me.
And she's humble.
Give her the Oscar already.
Did somebody say Oscar?
Were you roaming, waiting
for someone to say your name?
'Cause I'm sorely lacking in attention
after my sister's star turn
in the showcase? Of course not.
Pepper, Jen, you girls want to, like,
fight over me or something?
We're fighting over Emmy now.
Yeah, my well-established bestie!
- Okay, not again.
- She's mine!
[Oscar] Great!
Well, in that case, I'm going to go
have a existential crisis.
[sobs loudly]
Wow. He's a lot.
[phone vibrates]
Man, it's my dad.
Yo, showtime people, come on.
- You can't take calls during acting class.
- Oh, trust me.
You're about to see some acting.
And swish! Oh! Oh, Pops!
Hey, I'm at basketball practice.
- What's up?
- Chance for a rebound, bro.
Huh? Oh, you-you don't say.
Qwest, you look so cute in your uniform
that you wear to play real basketball.
Woo!
Huh? Oh, no. That was just one
of the cheerleaders. Uh-huh.
- Uh-huh. Oh, yeah, alright, Dad, yeah.
- [sneakers squeak]
- This is great.
- [phone beeps]
This is bad.
Lying to your dad?
No, my dad found out Bronny James
plays for the Lakers and not my team,
so now he's insisting on coming
to watch my team play in the big game.
Qwest, there is no game.
I am aware of that, Pepper.
Hey, Qwest, you'll figure something out.
You always do.
Thanks, Emmy.
Yeah, Emster, you're such a good person.
You would never steal someone's clothes
to sabotage their audition.
Or poison someone because
they booked a part and you didn't!
- Well, you know what…
- I have more talent than you!
Down, girls. Down!
Getting you two to stop fighting
is first order of Operation Treacher!
Treacher?
It's Trina and Teacher, like Brangelina.
Is that your most current reference?
I think I'm gonna be sick.
You two are singing karaoke together.
[both] I would never do karaoke with her.
Jinx! I do not care for you as a person!
Look, Miss Vega.
Ugh! Miss Vega?!
Call me either Trina or Queen T. Money.
Trina.
I seriously doubt that singing karaoke
together is gonna fix these two.
And besides, it's 9:00 a.m. on a Monday.
What karaoke joint's even open?
[upbeat music plays]
Karaoke Dokie, we back!
[in unison] 'Cause we belong
Together now, yeah ♪
Forever united here somehow, yeah ♪
You got a piece of me ♪
Piece of me ♪
[in unison] And honestly ♪
- My life ♪
- My life ♪
- Would suck ♪
- Would suck ♪
[in unison] Without you ♪
I can't believe it worked.
Yeah, there really is
an undeniable healing power in karaoke.
- Let's never fight again.
- Ride or die.
- Hey, ladies.
- [both] He's mine!
So there's this gig open
for our new Tunes-Day Night headliner--
Oh, it's pronounced Tuesday,
but don't worry.
Words are hard.
You'd sing a few karaoke songs
to get the crowd warmed up. Interested?
Interested, absolutely!
I'm more interested and more talented.
Uh, I thought we just resolved
our differences.
[exhales] You're right. As long as one
of us gets it, it's a win for both of us.
In fact, I hope you get it.
- Well, I hope you get it.
- Me too!
Wait, what?
Okay, class, if anybody asks,
I took you all to the opera and you cried
and learned Italian, capisce?
Qwest, your assignment is
to go figure out your dad stuff.
Scoot!
And you…
Get up on that stage.
Well, since I've come on home ♪
Well, my body's been a mess ♪
And I miss your ginger hair
And the way you like to dress ♪
You're welcome! That one's mine!
I discovered her.
She didn't even sing before me.
Why don't you come on over, Valerie? ♪
Hey, Mikey!
I saw these two girls
crush it earlier today.
You should hire them
to headline Tuesday night.
No need, I'm going with her.
Valerie ♪
Oh, Valerie ♪
Operation Treacher, baby.
[upbeat musical transition]
Hollywood Artists, your assignment today
is to make a reel about gum.
And it better do numbers.
- Bye!
- Hang up.
Hey! I got good news.
- Hey, so do I.
- [Jen Z] Hey.
- [yelps]
- [gasps] Jen, you scared me.
Good, that's my brand.
Pepper, check your texts.
What?!
They're giving the Karaoke Dokie gig
to another girl?
Oh, no.
Oh, yes.
- I gotta tell you guys something--
- I gotta tell you guys something.
I'm gonna make that skunk bag
regret the day she ever decided to sing.
You girls thinking what I'm thinking?
- Forget about all of this and move on?
- Uh-uh.
We're gonna go down to Karaoke Dokie
when she's performing
and throw stuff at her.
I don't know, that sounds kinda mean.
Yeah, and potentially painful for whoever
this presumably sweet skunk bag is.
[sighs] Pepper, we're frenemies, right?
Yeah, classic dynamic, why?
Right now we're the "friends" half
of that and this other girl is the enemy.
You're right. I'm in.
- Let's torch this skunk bag!
- Yeah!
[grunts]
I didn't know they wanted the gig.
I don't even know
what a skunk bag is, but I'm not one.
Am I?
They don't reserve seats
for basketball games, Dad.
That-that's more in theater.
Which we hate in this family.
[sighs] Alright, see you tonight. Bye.
[groans]
[groans]
Hi.
Whoa. You look terrible.
But somehow still handsome. Yes, I know.
I was just on Actor WebMD.
I have all the symptoms of SDS:
Spotlight Deficiency Syndrome.
If I don't get an audience and soon…
the actor in me might die.
I've got my own problems.
My dad's insisting on coming to watch me
in a basketball game.
If he finds out there's no team,
he's gonna make me drop out
of Hollywood Arts.
- Christopher.
- That's not my name.
Qwestipher, I have a plan
that will solve your little problem.
And more importantly, mine.
Suit up, meet me at five.
Where are you going?
To summon a basketball coach.
Wee!
Is this gonna get weird?
It's not gonna get weird.
It's Oscar. It's gonna get weird.
My favorite food would have
to be flavored polymer chew
stabilized in glycerol
and coated in xylitol crystals.
Or to put in plainer terms… gum.
So I was too scared of breaking
Pepper's heart or Jen breaking my legs
that I didn't tell them
that I was the one that got the gig.
[munching]
You made a big mistake.
I did?
[munching]
- Yes.
- Okay, so what should I do?
Think you could finish your salad
after this conversation?
Honey, I'm trying to sell myself
as a teacher.
This is what teachers do when you stop by.
They eat a giant salad
and after every bite, they go…
Admit it! I look like a teacher. Admit it!
Yes, girl, it's giving professor. Great.
Look, I really need your help.
Jen and Pepper are gonna be
at Karaoke Dokie tonight
to throw things at whoever got the gig.
Are you serious?
Emmy! This is a disaster!
I know! I'm terrified!
I'm not talking about you!
I'm talking about Operation Treacher.
I need you to be a hit, not get hit.
Well, lucky for you, I've got an idea.
- [munches]
- Okay, what is it?
[upbeat musical transition]
Oh my God!
[laughs]
- Skunk bag is going down.
- Mm-hmm.
I got tomatoes, marshmallows,
string cheese, and banana peels.
No idea what my ma's gonna
make lasagna out of,
but sounds like her problem.
Oh! Hey, gal pals.
Trina. What are you doing here?
Checking out whatever clown they chose
over my girlies for the big gig.
Just the kind of teacher I am.
[laughs] It's so cool you don't let
being single after 30 ruin your evenings.
Live from Karaoke Dokie,
it is Tunes-Day Night.
Be sure to sign up
if you want to get down!
But to get us started, we have
a brand new Tunes-Day night headliner…
Fifi Fromage!
[cheers and applause]
[in French accent]
Bonjour, ladies and gentlemen.
And high schoolers!
You're kidding me.
What?
- She's French!
- ["I Will Survive" plays on piano]
Ugh!
At first I was afraid, I was petrified ♪
Kept thinking I could never live
Without you by my side ♪
- Tomato!
- Yes, chef!
Oh! Is that a tomato?
Thank you, I'm starving!
- Um… You're welcome?
- And I learned how to get along ♪
And so you're back from outer space ♪
- Marshmallows!
- Mm!
You're saving my life tonight!
I should have changed that stupid lock ♪
I should have made you leave your key ♪
Oscar, I don't know where you are or why
you're not answering the phone, but I--
[in Wisconsin accent] There's my ace.
Oscar?
I don't know any Oscars.
The name's Coach Beluski,
head coach of the Hollywood Arts
basketball team. Don't ya know! [chuckles]
Oscar, is-is that you in there?
[whistle blows]
[normal voice] Stop calling me Oscar.
Only way this is going to work
is if I go full Daniel Day-Lewis
and truly believe I am Coach Beluski.
[with accent] Basketball coach
from Sheboygan, Wisconsin,
who loves his wife more than anything.
I'm cooked.
Daddy!
That's not something I call you.
Hey there, fella.
I'd know those cheekbones anywhere.
You must be Qwest's proud papa.
Yeah, good guess, Coach.
Uh, Dad, this is Coach…
Beluski. Pleased to meet ya.
Oh, that's a strong grip
you got there, sir.
Nice to meet you, Coach.
Qwest has told me a lot about you.
He failed to mention the incredibly thick
Wisconsin accent, but, uh…
knock 'em dead today.
Oh, wait a sec. While I got you here,
I'd just love
to get to know you a little better.
[nervous laugh] Are you sure you don't
want to just get straight to the point?
Uh-uh-uh! Who is the coach here?
I'd have to say you.
Have a seat.
Uh-uh-uh!
The cool way.
Go on now, go ♪
And walk out the door
Just turn around now ♪
I gotta be honest, this chick is slaying.
She's about to be slipping!
Hit me with them nanner peels!
Uh, Trina ate those too, chef.
[gasps] What is with you tonight?
It's like you don't want us
to throw stuff at this chick.
What if we just, like, throw shade?
Good idea, Grandma.
I found one of my mom's
magic breakfast balls.
- Oh!
- Wait, what's a magic breakfast ball?
Oh, you know the poem:
Whatever food is not ate,
Mother scrapes it off the plate.
Rolls it in balls, it's not a treat.
The grossest thing you'll ever…
[singing in slow-motion]
I will survive ♪
[record scratches]
[people gasping and murmuring]
Emmy?
Are you kidding me?
I am also shocked!
I can't believe you'd go behind our backs
and steal a gig out from under us!
And I can't believe you're French!
Emmy? Well, I do not know this Emmy.
But she sounds like
a very good, forgivable friend.
Girls, enough is enough.
Pepper and Jen, get on stage.
That is an order from your teacher.
- Why aren't you moving?
- You're not a real teacher!
You're right, Jen.
I'm not a real teacher.
Wanna know how I know?
Because a real teacher wouldn't resort to
eating banana peels to help their student.
I also know
because Principal Helen texted,
"Don't forget you're not a real teacher."
But tonight, while I'm still sorta
your teacher, you gotta listen to me.
Then tomorrow, I'll go back
to being a struggling actress
who once had a really cool week
with some really cool kids.
Now get on stage.
Lady, what is going on?
A spontaneous musical improv exercise.
Okay.
[upbeat music plays]
Now sing about your feelings.
I'm really hurt you did this
It's so not like you ♪
I didn't think you had it in you ♪
If it's cool, then I'll continue ♪
I'm new to this ♪
Whoa!
Competing with my friends thing ♪
That's pretty obvious
Considering this whackadoodle… ♪
- Yeah, what the heck?
- …French thing ♪
[whistle blowing]
So fight, dunk, win ♪
In the name of Hollywood Arts ♪
- On to the sixth verse!
- Sixth?!
- There's no I in team! ♪
- Enough!
Look, I appreciate you guys giving me
the Coach B welcome…
Woo-hoo!
But I came here
to watch my son play basketball.
I see. Ladies, you can
head back to the gym.
Woo-hoo!
Qwest, why don't you go heat up?
Don't you mean warm up?
Who is the coach?
Bye, Daddy. Why do I keep saying that?
Oh, sir, I'm afraid
you can't watch the game today.
You kidding me?
I'm finally gonna get to see my son play.
You see,
Qwest is terrified of disappointing you.
Me? But I'm his dad.
Exactly. You're his hero.
And he really looks up to you.
And Qwest is very talented
at what he does.
He's just too gosh darn nervous
for you to watch him shine yet.
[sobs softly]
[quietly] Bringing an audience to tears.
I'm so back!
[sobs]
I remember when my old man
watched me ball for the first time.
I was so nervous.
I wasn't ready for it.
And I totally tanked.
[sobs]
[sniffles]
Will you let me know when you think Qwest
is ready for Daddy to watch him?
No.
He will.
Come here, big guy. Come here.
[sobs]
You ever feel empty inside?
Well, you know what else is empty inside?
This little guy. People love 'em!
So love yourself, you donut.
I've been Coach B.
My slingshot was loaded
David and Goliath coded ♪
It was gonna be GOATed ♪
But she ate everything ♪
And now I'm bloated ♪
Listen, I had no idea
You wanted this gig ♪
No, I didn't try to steal it ♪
It's not about the gig, babe ♪
Pepper, tell me what you're feeling ♪
Emmy, we're best friends
Don't you get it? ♪
- And I'm your best friend too, ooh ♪
- [indistinct arguing]
Girls, girls, girls!
- Ah, they're improvising their feelings.
- You can drop the accent.
I don't know if I can.
[yelps]
Pepper, go ahead.
The reason I'm upset
Is that you lied to me ♪
Didn't trust that
I could handle the truth ♪
And it's true
That a good thing happened ♪
To somebody that I only want
Good things to happen to ♪
I promise that I won't do this again ♪
Nothing feels worse
Than hurting my best friend ♪
- And I'm your best friend too ♪
- Jen, for real, what's wrong with you? ♪
I'm mean, I'm scary, I'm competitive
There is no doubt ♪
But the truth is
Sometimes I feel left out ♪
Then let's hang out ♪
I'm sorry ♪
And I can't think of other words
That rhyme with sorry ♪
But I really am so sorry ♪
It won't happen again
It won't happen again ♪
I'm sorry ♪
[cheers and applause]
Yeah!
[laughs]
Safari, calamari, Ferrari.
You gotta work on your rhymes, girl.
Well… [sniffles]
…it looks like the undeniable
healing power of karaoke wins again!
Thanks, but this gig
is a little tainted for me now.
So I think I'm gonna quit
and just focus on school and my friends.
Oh…
I understand. Pepper, you want it?
No. I'm with Emmy.
I'll take it!
Is what the old Jen would have said.
Come here!
Man, I really didn't want to have to go
with my fourth choice.
I come home in the mornin' light
My mother says… ♪
When you gonna live
your life right, Trina?
- Right!
- Let's go!
Oh, momma dear
We're not the fortunate ones ♪
- Oh, oh, hey!
- And girls, we wanna have fun ♪
Get up here, guys!
Oh, girls just wanna have ♪
That's all they really want ♪
- Help me!
- Some fun ♪
- Okay, okay!
- Yeah!
When the workin' day is done ♪
- Oh, girls, they wanna have fun ♪
- They wanna have what? ♪
Oh, girls just wanna have ♪
- Girls, they wanna ♪
- [Trina] Wanna what?
Wanna have fun ♪
- Who?
- Girls ♪
[Trina] Read 'em and weep, kids.
Wait a minute. Hold on.
Ace high? You had nothing.
But I was bluffing like I had a good hand.
It's called…
[all] Acting.
[indistinct chatter]
Honeysuckle lavender!
The rumors are true?!
Sikowitz! What are you doing here?
They replaced me with Trina Vega?
Children, I am sorry.
I thought you'd be in good hands,
but Trina Vega is the worst student
Hollywood Arts has ever had.
Well, I mean, that's a little harsh.
Kid Rock went here.
Okay, she may have been a bad student,
but she's actually a really good teacher.
- No, seriously.
- Yeah, she's great.
Techie.
Are you lying to a G?
No, she's right. Trina's awesome.
But she's got no talent!
What could she possibly have taught you?
[gasps, faints]
Oh. Precious Pepper!
I'm not really dead.
Trina taught me how to do that.
Holy megillah!
[Sikowitz laughs]
But there's more to this job than just
teaching you all how to play dead bodies.
She taught me to stop living my life
in my brother's shadow.
Oh, that's deep.
She taught me it's okay
to poison a friend to get a part.
Oh, that's dark.
And she taught us how to work out
our differences through karaoke.
There is an undeniable healing power
to karaoke, right?
Or as they call it in Japan, karaoke.
My parents were about to pull me
out of this school
and Trina said, go figure
that stuff out on your own!
Independent study.
Oh!
Respect.
So you all really like…
Trina?
- Yeah.
- Like, a lot.
Shruggers? Nodders?
Well, tickle my elbow.
Looks like you are in good hands.
Great hands.
Thanks, Sikowitz.
Which is saying a lot
because I used to strongly dislike you.
Okay.
I'm going to text Principal Helen
and tell her you should be
my permanent replacement.
- Oh!
- Seriously?
[laughter]
- [phone dings]
- Oh!
She said, "Cool beans."
[cheering]
And, "Tell Tina she'll do a great job."
[cheering]
So it's settled.
I'm the new teacher!
[cheers and applause]
[Sikowitz] Whoa, whoa, whoa!
First, you have
to take the teacher's oath.
Oh, there's an oath.
Oh, come on, we're not doctors.
- Huh?
- [laughs]
Techie, cue up some dancy fun-time music.
[upbeat dance music plays]
[cheering]
Go, Trina! Go, Trina!
Won't hold back, I'm here to stay ♪
-Woo!
- Yeah!
[closing theme music plays]