I Love LA (2025) s01e01 Episode Script
Block Her
Happy birthday to you
Oh, my God. Oh!
Call me the birthday girl. Oh, my God.
- You're such a good birthday girl.
- Yeah, fuck.
Keep doing that. Oh, my God. Oh!
Fuck!
Oh, my God, you're fucking me so hard,
I'm like, shaking, baby. Oh, my God.
- Fuck!
- Wait, wait, wait, stop, stop, stop.
- Maia, that's not me.
- What?
That's not me.
That's an earthquake.
I think it's just a little one, baby.
- Earthquake.
- Fuck.
- Shake alert.
- Yeah, shake alert.
No, it's my seismology app.
Baby, can you just choke me,
like, really quick?
- Maia, Maia. Listen.
- I'm about to cum. What?
Shaking expected.
- Okay, it stopped. Right?
- Yeah.
Okay. Okay.
Oh, my God. Fuck!
- Oh, my God!
If we're gonna die, I just want to cum.
- Oh, fuck.
- Oh, my God!
- Fuck!
- Oh, my God!
You know, when she says that
in front of the whole room,
- it's just humiliating to me.
- Yeah.
You know, I'm supposed
Next time she does that,
you need to put her in her place.
Like, I'm sorry. She's an insecure bitch.
It's like, shut the fuck up
and do not talk to my boyfriend like that.
Well, she's 12,
and her parents are getting a divorce,
and she was just mad about
the homework I gave her, you know?
Whatever. We've all been through stuff.
Oh, my God.
I can't get another UTI.
The doctor said that if I get another,
I'm not allowed to Zoom in
for meds anymore.
He said that having this many
is, like, very troubling.
His attitude's troubling.
a normal amount.
It's totally fine.
Oh, my God.
- Ugh, wait.
- What?
Alyssa just posted the worst
photo of me to the work account.
Aw, you look like a baby.
What?
So, I look older now?
Well, no, no, no, I mean, it's just like,
I mean, you know, your hair,
it's totally different
- Yeah, but like, look at my face.
- Hm?
Like, it's smaller here.
My eyes are, like, hollow now.
The air in LA is so dry.
I feel like it's aging me faster.
No. No, no, no, it's not.
No, look, baby, are you older? Yes.
But you know what? That's a good thing,
because every year,
you become more and more yourself.
And you're skinnier now.
Which I know you love.
that that was two years ago,
and I'm still an assistant.
Like, I'm basically doing
the job of a junior manager.
Yeah, and you're helping out
with all the Grayson stuff.
Yes! He is basically my client.
His Chipotle bowl, that was all you.
I mean, it was me and Courtney together,
- but I came up with the caption.
- Yeah.
And people loved the caption.
I mean, it was so popular that afterwards,
they sold out of corn.
You should just go to Alyssa
and ask her for the promotion,
- and that's it.
I can't do that.
I need to, like, time it
and wait for the right moment.
Shoot! My bookmark fell out, damn it!
Okay.
I gotta go. Happy birthday.
Bye.
Do you mind just waiting right here?
We're just gonna do, like, one lap.
Thank you.
- Hi.
- Maia!
- Happy birthday, baby.
- Thank you.
- I love the haircut. What the fuck?
- Really?
- Yeah, I love it.
- You don't feel like it's too short?
No, I mean,
you have the face for that, so what?
- Thanks.
- Let me know if you need lists
- for Troy's party.
- Hey!
Seriously, I got you, boo-boo.
- Alright.
- Love you, love you.
- Hey.
- I have no idea who that guy is.
Literally, I've never met him in my life.
- Ooh, birthday hair!
- You like it?
- I love it!
- Thank you.
- Love.
- I know, I know, I know.
I remember now,
that guy's actually my accountant.
Charlie, you need an ugly guy
doing your taxes.
Wait, did you guys see
Tallulah's Heaven campaign?
Babe, that was months ago.
Well, why didn't you guys say anything?
You had her muted.
I did not wanna, like, disturb your peace.
- Yeah, but she posted it today.
- Yeah, I know.
She's, like, breadcrumbing the posts out
like it's her Midwestern wedding photos.
And I think she only got,
like, 10k a post.
- She got paid 10k a post?
- Yeah, like nothing.
- So, ignore it.
- Honestly, the whole Heaven project
is, like, washed anyway at this point.
Maia, have you, like,
I mean, like every three months
she'll send me
these long-ass voice memos.
God, voice memos are so narcissistic.
It's like, bitch, you're doing a podcast.
I know, and did I tell you
she still owes me $1,200?
Oh, love that.
And she didn't even wish me
a happy birthday.
- It's 8 a.m.
- Well, it's 11:00 in New York.
She should be up.
Honestly, just 'cause you're friends
with someone at 22,
does not mean you have to be friends
with them for the rest of your life.
You don't see me hanging out
with Avicii anymore, do you?
Yeah, Charlie, he died.
I'm just saying, like, just, like,
cut the negative energy out.
Hi! How are you, sweetheart?
He doesn't get it
- Don't stress. Yes.
No, but 27 is the start
of your Saturn return.
I know, it's supposed to be hell.
Yeah, so everything
that feels bad right now
is actually good.
Like my dad, he won his first Oscar at 28,
but when he was 27,
he was, like, making that movie,
and he was like, "This is really hard."
- Yeah.
- Come on.
You should block her.
- Charlie.
- Charlie, why would you even say that?
- I mean, I'll just mute again.
No, no, you can't keep dipping in and out.
- It's not fair to you.
- No, no, no, no, no.
Maia, a block invites,
like, negative karma.
Like bad-ass karma.
Block! Block! Block! Block! Block! Block!
- No, no, no, no, no.
- Block! Block!
- This is negative. Charlie!
- Block! Block!
- Fuck it, I don't care. I'm doing it.
- Oh, my God!
- Are you doing it?
- I did it.
- Yes! Whoo!
- What a ride.
- Fuck Tallulah.
- Fuck Tallulah.
- I've been saying!
- Fuck Tallulah.
- That's a strong way to go.
- Yes!
- No, fuck her.
- I'm not gonna sit around
and just do nothing
while she reaps the benefits
of my hard work.
Like, I made her successful,
- I can do it for other bitches.
- Period.
- Yes.
- Do you know what I'm gonna do today?
- What?
- I'm gonna ask Alyssa for my promotion.
- Nice, do it.
- Yes! Okay, because you're proud
of what you've done for Tallulah.
I mean, to spite her but yes.
It's more spite energy, but yes.
- Okay. I love you guys so much.
- Can we be positive?
- Love you.
- You guys are literally my family.
- Happy birthday.
- Happy birthday, bitch.
- I love you guys!
- Ooh!
- Look at that ass.
- Yeah.
- I needed this so bad.
- Oh, my gosh, hey!
Don't be scared of Alyssa.
Remember, she's intimidated
by how short you are.
- Stay positive.
- Love you, bitch.
- I love you.
- Love you guys.
Maia! They're basically impossible
to get on the phone until after Halloween.
Hey!
Good luck, Queen.
You have nothing to worry about, okay?
- Oh, I am not worried.
- Oh, good. Hey.
- Don't worry.
- I am not.
Okay. And remember,
- she wants us to succeed, okay?
- Okay, thanks.
- I'll put some Sprites on ice for us.
- Okay, sounds good.
- Sprite Zero.
- Okay, I'm doing it.
- Okay, bye.
- You got it, girl.
Come in.
Hi. Oh, I'm sorry.
- I can come back later, if you want.
- No, come in.
- Okay.
- Get in here.
- Maia.
- Yeah?
- It's your birthday!
- Yeah.
- Happy birthday!
- Thank you.
How old are you? Tell me.
I am 27.
27, oof.
That's tough.
- Really?
- Yeah. Better than 28, though.
28 through 33 is like, kill me.
And then 34.
- We hope that's good.
- Mm, mm-mm.
Oh, okay.
Do you have fun plans tonight?
I'm just keeping it low-key tonight,
but tomorrow I have dinner
with my friends in Beverly Hills.
Wanted something a little Republican.
Well, they do the best martinis.
- Yeah, totally.
- Mm.
So I was actually hoping to talk to you
about the title change that we discussed.
- Mm.
- I feel like we're all so happy
with Grayson's Chipotle bowl.
- You know.
- Ow!
They sold out of corn. It was a big hit.
- Stop saying "think."
- Stop it.
- Okay.
Say "I am."
- I am.
- I am!
I am more than ready
for the junior manager track.
Promotions.
Ugh, they're so tough.
- Yeah.
- It's, like, so tricky.
I mean, we're a scrappy
little startup, Mai,
- and I can't afford a single misstep.
- Yeah.
Right? As a woman trying
to do differently,
- there's a target on my back.
- Totally.
And I want to be by your side.
Or even behind you.
To block the target.
Yeah. I mean, you have to have experience
- as a manager to be a manager.
- Yeah.
Right? And it's such a big deal
to take someone's future
into your own hands.
And you've never done that before.
Well, actually,
I have had a client in the past, formerly.
Do you know Tallulah Stiel?
She's like a New York "it" girl.
She's very big on TikTok.
- Tallulah Stiel. Tallulah Stiel!
- Yeah.
She rode the subway
- in a bikini during COVID?
- Yes!
I filmed that. I filmed that.
Yeah, that was like, her first big video.
- Sneaky little girl!
- Yeah. Yeah.
We worked together a bunch
right after we graduated.
- Do you mind grabbing my phone?
- Yes. Yeah.
- It's just in my back pocket.
Gotta watch those nails.
There you go. Okay, just turn it.
Oh. Thank you. Okay, there you go.
Tallulah Stiel.
Yeah.
Wow!
Maia, girl!
Your friend has a Heaven campaign?
Yeah, it's so good, right?
She's the best. Like, we're so close.
We're like best friends.
How come she doesn't follow you?
That's so weird.
- Oh, you know what?
I should take this.
So sorry.
- But we'll keep talking.
- Okay.
- I'm gonna come back.
- Yeah.
- To talk about it.
- You'd better. Keep trying.
- Okay. I will.
- Okay?
God! Fuck.
Dylan, you will not believe
the fucking day that I just had.
- I tried to text you,
Oh, my God!
Surprise, you little bitch!
- Happy birthday!
- Tallulah!
- I know, I'm here!
- I cannot believe that you are here
in my house in LA.
Your hair!
It's so short.
- I love it.
- Thanks.
- Let me smell you.
- Oh, no.
Oh, my God!
- Oh, you smell the same.
- Oh, yes.
It's my favorite stink. Maia's stink!
Yeah, it's the best stink.
Hey, I'm gonna let you guys
get caught up and stuff.
- But I'm here if you need me.
Okay! Love you so much.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.
- Thank you.
- He's cute.
- Yeah.
Short, but really cute. Maia!
So basically, I'm, like,
Do you have anything stronger
than orange wine?
It's fine.
- 'Kay.
- And I'm like, wait, where is my purse?
I go to run back onto the plane,
and the guy at the gate is, like,
legitimately screaming at me.
Like yelling at me, like, insane.
So, I go to push past him
and he tackles me to the floor.
Like, I'm literally on the ground
in the airport, and I look up,
and I realize, it's Josh.
- Josh who?
- My high school boyfriend Josh,
- the one who wrote the song about me.
- Okay, right.
Yeah, "Pain in My Heart."
He, like, works for
the airport now, I guess.
- Wow.
- Yeah.
- And he got me my bag back.
- Well, thank God.
Why do I feel like I've been
in this apartment before?
Like, it's really, like,
weirdly kind of familiar.
I mean, this is the place
that we were gonna move in to together.
The Los Feliz place.
The two bedroom, $2,400 a month.
- I sent you the thing. Yeah.
- Oh, my God, wait, this is the place?!
- Yeah, it's the same place.
- Oh, my God, Maia!
And you're still here?
- Mm-hmm.
- That's so sweet, Mai.
- It's really cute. It is.
- Yeah, I love it.
It's, like, way smaller than the pictures,
but, like, the people that do the listings
- are such fucking scammers.
- I don't know.
I actually, like, love it here.
I feel like it's so cozy.
I feel like any bigger
would be weird, so.
No, totally.
Okay, Maia?
I almost forgot, I stole these.
- Birthday shots. Come here.
- Oh, no, no, no. I'm good.
- Tallulah. Tallulah.
- You're good. What?
I have to be up early tomorrow
to celebrate and stuff.
- Are you okay?
- Yeah, I'm great.
Your birthday is tonight. We're going out.
Alani didn't fly me out here for nothing.
- Okay?
- Alani flew you out?
Yeah, she said you missed me.
- That's so sweet of her.
- Yeah.
I'm good. I'm gonna stay in tonight.
There's a line.
That's fine.
What?
- Maybe we should go to Bar Seco.
- Oh, my God!
I feel like everybody here is, like, 19.
Ugh!
I want to dance.
You said there's dancing here.
There's, like, standing with music.
- Nobody really dances in LA.
- Oh, my God, that's so lame.
- I love dancing.
- Stop, Tallulah.
- Tallulah, stop.
- I want to dance with you.
- The 19-year-olds are looking at us.
- Yes.
- Stop it.
- They don't care.
You guys want to dance, right?
- No.
- No, they hate us.
They hate us.
God.
- You remember Mr. Purple?
- Yes.
You remember when I got roofied there?
- That night was insane.
- That was really fun.
They used to roofie people here,
but then they fixed it.
- Bummer.
- I know.
- Oh, my God.
- What?
Shaboozey is FaceTiming me.
He's obsessed.
Oh, I thought you were dating
that bar owner guy.
Oh, Igor?
I am.
he's traveling a lot right now,
so he's really busy.
But that's great for me,
because it gives me time
to do my own shit, you know?
- Like work and stuff. Yeah.
- Yeah.
Do you like your new manager?
Is it cool being with, like,
a big company?
I don't know.
Everyone's just kinda named Travis.
They do their shit, and I get paid.
- You know what I mean?
- Yeah.
Well, it feels like
you're in a really great place,
so it's probably for the best
that you didn't move here.
Yeah. I mean, don't you think?
Sounds like you're in a really
good spot at Allison 1-800.
Alyssa180?
- Oh, Alyssa180.
- Yeah, Alyssa180.
- Stupid.
- Yeah, it's an incredible opportunity,
and Alyssa is amazing.
She's technically my boss, but, like,
we're basically best friends,
and we pretty much co-run it.
- Wow.
- Yeah.
- Happy for you.
- She's, like, so connected, too.
- She's really connected?
- Yeah.
Go drop her name.
Get us in, if she's so connected.
Mm-hmm. I will.
Okay.
Hi.
I know you guys are, like,
super slammed tonight.
But I work at Alyssa180.
We do a lot of events.
Okay, real talk. I have IBS.
So, if my friend and I
could just sneak in,
use the bathroom really quick,
we'll get out of your hair.
Stand back, she's super sick.
Oh, no, I'm not sick.
I just have IBS.
A stomach thing.
It's just digestive.
You are literally saving us.
Oh, my God, Maia.
This is Jason. He's the owner.
- Oh, hi, it's nice to meet you.
- Yeah, he's literally
a living, breathing angel.
He's gonna let us put drinks on his tab.
- Oh, yay! A Gemini.
- Two Geminis.
- Can I smoke? Is that okay?
- Yeah, it's fine.
Oh, amazing. Yay!
Come on, Maia.
- Birthday shot.
- What?
Tallulah, I can't hear you.
- Let's take a shot.
- I'm good.
- We just had that one at home.
- Oh, my God.
You look too good to be so fucking boring.
Okay, we'll do one.
Oh, fuck.
- Tallulah.
- Yeah.
Forgot the door.
Oh, my God!
Fuck you, whores!
- Sorry.
- Maia.
- What? It's a driving city.
- Why would you apologize?
Drivers have the right of way in LA.
- Good morning.
- Hello. Good morning.
- Hi.
- Hi!
- Alani!
- Oh, my God.
- You look so cute.
- Wait, shut the fuck up.
- You do, are you kidding?
- I missed you.
- Hi, Charlie. Hey.
- Hey, how are you?
It's so nice to meet you.
- I've heard a lot.
- Same.
- Sorry that we're so late.
- From many different people.
You're fine. Did you guys have
so much fun last night?
You look relaxed and cozy.
Oof, what is that smell?
It's the salmon from the Courage Bagels
that I got everyone.
You know, I know you think
the New York bagels
these beat Tompkins
or whatever the fuck y'all are eating.
- I don't eat bagels.
- Oh, shit!
I would have gotten you
something else.
She loves them, right, Mai?
Yeah, I'm just kind of hungover today
- and, like, super bloated.
- Super bloated.
So, you're not gonna eat the bagels?
I mean, not right now.
Okay.
Okay, Tal, I love this bag.
- Thank you.
- It's so cute.
Balenciaga.
I need to break out my mom's old one.
Oh. Sorry.
I left it in the Palisades house.
- Oh, babe, I'm so sorry.
- Shit.
- Sorry, Alani.
- I love you.
I love you.
So, you guys went out last night?
Yeah.
I just thought today
was the big celebration.
Wow. Everyone's so strict here.
Whoa!
Okay, fun birthday plan for today.
Yes.
We'll do, like, Erewhon,
Aralda, then like, nails,
face masks before dinner.
Wait, hold on. Oh, my God.
How did your big meeting with Alyssa go?
It was great. Yeah.
- Okay!
- I mean, there's, like,
there's budget stuff,
but basically, she said, like,
Alyssa180 doesn't run without me.
- Wait, Maia, that is a big deal.
- She said that? Oh, my God!
- Yeah.
- Bitch.
We can't just go to a grocery store now.
- That's, like, that's huge.
- But Erewhon's not really
like a grocery store.
- Maia!
- It's like an experience.
- But, yeah.
- No, we need to celebrate.
- Let's go to the beach.
- No, that's a lot.
- That's a lot.
It's LA, let's go.
No, babe, you don't understand anything.
- Yeah.
- We have to leave at like 8 a.m.
- Yeah, it's like an hour.
Mai, it's your birthday. Let's go.
Well, you don't have a suit.
- So, shoot.
- Wait, what? No. Hold up.
Can I borrow one?
I have so many that
you could borrow. What?
- That's not an issue at all.
- Okay, so let's borrow
a bathing suit,
and we could go to the beach.
- I'm so fucking pissed right now.
- What the fuck
is going on with her?
I mean, first of all,
she was insane about the bagels.
- So crazy.
- Second of all,
- it's like, what is this shit?
- I don't know.
It's like a 40-fucking-500
fucking dollar bag.
Like, she owes you money,
- if I remember correctly, $1,200.
- You do.
Hasn't mentioned it once.
Of course. Well, did you ask her?
No, obviously, I haven't.
You should bring it up now
in front of everyone.
Guys, it's so cute to see
you guys having fun again.
- Alani, we're not having fun.
- This is a bad experience so far.
- Okay, I know you're trying
to be, like, peacemaker, and it's sweet,
but, like, I'm fucking pissed at her.
She's one of your karmic ties.
Like, do you realize that?
It's like my facialist was telling me
that, like, my mom in my past life
was my daughter.
So, our wombs are, like,
locked in this forever cycle,
and we always find each other.
Even if we're mad, we find each other.
I mean, come on.
Fuck, it's fabulous.
Okay, it's fine.
So, what time is dinner?
It's at 7:00 for four people.
Okay. Well, now it's five people,
and maybe we change it to 8 p.m.,
in case we get stuck in traffic?
- Is that a big deal?
- Yeah. No. It's fine.
- Fine.
- I'll change it. I'll change it.
- we don't have to change it.
- No, oh, my God, it's so easy.
- Obviously, I'll change it.
- I can make a call.
- No, I'll change it.
- Okay.
- Thank you.
- Oh, shoot. Oh, my God.
- What?
- Alyssa just texted me.
- What did she say?
- Just like a work emergency.
Not like a bad emergency.
Like a good emergency.
And she knows I can handle it.
So, I'm gonna deal with this.
You guys have fun.
I guess that's part of
- getting a promotion, Mai.
- Guys.
- Yup.
- Promotion!
- Okay.
- I'm proud of you.
Love you.
- Alright, bye.
- Okay, see you at dinner.
- Love you guys.
- What, are you leaving, too?
I can't sit in traffic for two hours.
- Have fun being tourists.
- Oh, my God.
- We will.
- Does no one wanna have fun?
Bye.
Forget it, forget it,
forget it, forget it.
- Forget it, forget it.
- What is wrong with them?
We're gonna have fun.
We're gonna have fun.
Hi! I'm calling to change a reservation.
Yep, would love to hold.
Are you fucking joking?
- Stop. Alani!
- Okay, dude.
- Are you kidding me?
- You have to get this. Ooh!
I already emailed Resy support.
Please, do not send me back
- to the front desk.
- Hey. Hey.
No. Neither.
- Neither?
- Neither.
The Bode shirt.
- The Bode shirt. The Bode shirt.
- The Bode shirt.
Hi. Hi. Yes, I'm still here.
No, I promise we'll be done in 45 minutes,
and one of us can sit on a bar stool.
Great, great.
- Sorry.
- Oh, oh! Sorry. Yeah, yeah.
Hi, we have a reservation
under Maia Simsbury.
Oh, you're here for the birthday party?
Yes. I'm Maia.
Great. You can follow me.
Where are we going?
- To the birthday party.
- Okay.
She makes me feel insane.
- Yeah.
- She just sucks up
all the oxygen in the room
- and makes everything about her.
- Yeah.
Like, she fully hijacked my day.
Yeah, I know. And baby,
it's because she's insecure.
- Really?
- Yes.
- You think so?
- Yeah, 100%.
I mean, you have a quiet confidence.
You know, you don't have to go
and tell people
about the moves you're gonna make,
'cause you just make 'em.
You fly under the radar.
- Do I?
- Yeah, you do.
You 100% do. And you know what?
On top of that, I can tell you that you,
you don't have to post about it
because you just are it.
And to top it all off, you do have
a pretty good boyfriend.
- I have an amazing boyfriend.
- Amazing boyfriend?
- Yeah.
- Okay.
- With a perfect dick.
- I like that.
I think our table's
actually at the dining room.
I'm Maia.
You mentioned that.
Surprise!
Oh, my God!
- Follow me in here.
- You look like a whore!
- I'm obsessed, look at you!
- Oh, my God! Maia!
Wait, what is going on?
- How do we have a suite?
- Tallulah! She had a vision.
No, she literally hooked it the fuck up.
- I'm obsessed with her.
- Stop.
Maia, she's you when
you were addicted to poppers.
Wait! Maia, come look.
Maia.
Oh, my God.
- Look at the room!
- Yeah. Wow.
- Here.
- Wait.
Guys, what about dinner?
- Are we gonna still make dinner?
- Ew, no, no, no, no.
The food here fucking sucks.
- This is better.
- This is so much better.
Wait. You guys!
- Look who I invited.
- You're gonna hate this.
It's your boss.
Why are Courtney and Alyssa here?
Because you said Alyssa was,
like, your best friend.
I listen to you.
Okay, wait, wait!
- Oh, my God!
- Happy birthday
To you
Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday, dear Maia
Now, Tallulah had to lie and say
that it was her birthday
'cause she's the famous one.
We just have to do,
like, one grid carousel
saying "Happy birthday, Tallulah,"
Like, really fast.
Wait, let's make a wish together.
- Ready?
- No, I'm good.
You can wish, since it's your birthday.
Maia!
Classic drama.
- Maia!
- Oh.
I think I should maybe go.
- No, my love. No, no, no, no.
- No. Do not go there.
- No?
- You're good here. You're good here.
Maia?
Do not come in, I'm shitting.
No, you're not.
I just wanna be alone for a second.
What is going on with you?
I didn't get the promotion, okay?
Why would you lie to me, then?
You told me that you got the promotion.
You've been being a bitch to me,
like, the whole weekend.
Oh, really?
Yeah, you've been being
a fucking bitch, really.
- Oh, my God.
- Tallulah.
- That is so weird.
You basically flew here
- Yes!
I literally got this room for you.
I don't want it, okay?
It's like, you've been here
for two seconds
and everything is just so easy for you.
It's like, oh, my God, you breathe.
Wow, we have a suite.
Oh, all we have to do
is just post about Tallulah
and pretend it's her fucking birthday.
- Oh, my God.
- LA is hard for a lot of people.
Like, I've been here,
it's really isolating,
and it sucks,
and you have to drive everywhere.
how you're doing so good without me,
and, like, I'm a fucking flop.
Like, you're rich and famous
and you're killing it,
and I'm an assistant.
- You think I'm rich?
- Yeah.
I'm broke.
- No, you're not.
- I don't have any money.
- What about the Heaven campaign?
- That was a year ago.
Okay, well, isn't, like, Igor rich?
Yeah, he is. But he dumped me.
- Really?
- Yeah.
After I caught him sending DMs
to girls asking for titty pictures.
- Ew! Are you serious?
- So gross.
- Yeah.
- I'm sorry. Google "boobs."
Google fucking "boobs."
- That is exactly what I said.
So, then I posted pictures
of him peeing sitting down
- on Reddit, which is funny.
- Yeah.
And when I went back home,
he literally kicked me out.
That is crazy.
Now, I'm, like,
living out of my bag, basically.
It's a really good bag.
Thanks.
I really miss you, Mai.
I do, and it's been really hard
for me since you left.
Okay, well, I tried to get you
Well, what if I just, like, stayed here
and I didn't go back,
and we finally did our plan?
What do you mean?
Like, what if I just
don't go back to New York
and I stay here,
and you finally manage me?
Would you really want that?
"You would want that?"
Yeah, obviously.
- Yeah?
- "Yeah."
- Stop doing that!
- "Yeah."
Oh, my God, fine.
I guess if you're gonna beg me.
- I love you.
- Oh, my God.
- I love you.
- Wait, are you excited?
- It's gonna be so fun.
- Oh, my God.
We're gonna fucking kill it.
We're gonna fucking kill it.
We're gonna fucking kill it!
What is going on?
- Oh, my God!
- Maia.
Wow.
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!
Alyssa, you look amazing.
Take all my money. Take it all!
You look fabulous.
What the fuck?
Maia! He asked who Maia was,
and you were shitting,
so I took your place.
Alyssa, she's my manager now,
so if you want me,
you have to promote her.
- Yes!
- Okay.
Alright, we'll talk Monday.
Okay.
Okay, it's Maia's turn.
Maia, Go!
Oh, my God!
Oh, shit! That's my girlfriend.
Oh, careful!
Maia, you look so hot.
- Wow. Wow.
- Wait, Tallulah.
I don't want to do this alone.
- No, you're fine.
- Come on!
- Tallulah! Tallulah!
- Get in there, get in there, get in there!
- Get in here!
- Let her in. Come on in.
Sir, where did you learn these moves?
Tallulah, I need to get a picture of you.
- No, alone? Maia!
- Yes, I need a pic of you.
- She's shy!
- I'm really shy.
- Yeah, you're so shy.
- Leave me alone.
I'm really shy.
Maia, did you get it?
Oh, my God. Oh!
Call me the birthday girl. Oh, my God.
- You're such a good birthday girl.
- Yeah, fuck.
Keep doing that. Oh, my God. Oh!
Fuck!
Oh, my God, you're fucking me so hard,
I'm like, shaking, baby. Oh, my God.
- Fuck!
- Wait, wait, wait, stop, stop, stop.
- Maia, that's not me.
- What?
That's not me.
That's an earthquake.
I think it's just a little one, baby.
- Earthquake.
- Fuck.
- Shake alert.
- Yeah, shake alert.
No, it's my seismology app.
Baby, can you just choke me,
like, really quick?
- Maia, Maia. Listen.
- I'm about to cum. What?
Shaking expected.
- Okay, it stopped. Right?
- Yeah.
Okay. Okay.
Oh, my God. Fuck!
- Oh, my God!
If we're gonna die, I just want to cum.
- Oh, fuck.
- Oh, my God!
- Fuck!
- Oh, my God!
You know, when she says that
in front of the whole room,
- it's just humiliating to me.
- Yeah.
You know, I'm supposed
Next time she does that,
you need to put her in her place.
Like, I'm sorry. She's an insecure bitch.
It's like, shut the fuck up
and do not talk to my boyfriend like that.
Well, she's 12,
and her parents are getting a divorce,
and she was just mad about
the homework I gave her, you know?
Whatever. We've all been through stuff.
Oh, my God.
I can't get another UTI.
The doctor said that if I get another,
I'm not allowed to Zoom in
for meds anymore.
He said that having this many
is, like, very troubling.
His attitude's troubling.
a normal amount.
It's totally fine.
Oh, my God.
- Ugh, wait.
- What?
Alyssa just posted the worst
photo of me to the work account.
Aw, you look like a baby.
What?
So, I look older now?
Well, no, no, no, I mean, it's just like,
I mean, you know, your hair,
it's totally different
- Yeah, but like, look at my face.
- Hm?
Like, it's smaller here.
My eyes are, like, hollow now.
The air in LA is so dry.
I feel like it's aging me faster.
No. No, no, no, it's not.
No, look, baby, are you older? Yes.
But you know what? That's a good thing,
because every year,
you become more and more yourself.
And you're skinnier now.
Which I know you love.
that that was two years ago,
and I'm still an assistant.
Like, I'm basically doing
the job of a junior manager.
Yeah, and you're helping out
with all the Grayson stuff.
Yes! He is basically my client.
His Chipotle bowl, that was all you.
I mean, it was me and Courtney together,
- but I came up with the caption.
- Yeah.
And people loved the caption.
I mean, it was so popular that afterwards,
they sold out of corn.
You should just go to Alyssa
and ask her for the promotion,
- and that's it.
I can't do that.
I need to, like, time it
and wait for the right moment.
Shoot! My bookmark fell out, damn it!
Okay.
I gotta go. Happy birthday.
Bye.
Do you mind just waiting right here?
We're just gonna do, like, one lap.
Thank you.
- Hi.
- Maia!
- Happy birthday, baby.
- Thank you.
- I love the haircut. What the fuck?
- Really?
- Yeah, I love it.
- You don't feel like it's too short?
No, I mean,
you have the face for that, so what?
- Thanks.
- Let me know if you need lists
- for Troy's party.
- Hey!
Seriously, I got you, boo-boo.
- Alright.
- Love you, love you.
- Hey.
- I have no idea who that guy is.
Literally, I've never met him in my life.
- Ooh, birthday hair!
- You like it?
- I love it!
- Thank you.
- Love.
- I know, I know, I know.
I remember now,
that guy's actually my accountant.
Charlie, you need an ugly guy
doing your taxes.
Wait, did you guys see
Tallulah's Heaven campaign?
Babe, that was months ago.
Well, why didn't you guys say anything?
You had her muted.
I did not wanna, like, disturb your peace.
- Yeah, but she posted it today.
- Yeah, I know.
She's, like, breadcrumbing the posts out
like it's her Midwestern wedding photos.
And I think she only got,
like, 10k a post.
- She got paid 10k a post?
- Yeah, like nothing.
- So, ignore it.
- Honestly, the whole Heaven project
is, like, washed anyway at this point.
Maia, have you, like,
I mean, like every three months
she'll send me
these long-ass voice memos.
God, voice memos are so narcissistic.
It's like, bitch, you're doing a podcast.
I know, and did I tell you
she still owes me $1,200?
Oh, love that.
And she didn't even wish me
a happy birthday.
- It's 8 a.m.
- Well, it's 11:00 in New York.
She should be up.
Honestly, just 'cause you're friends
with someone at 22,
does not mean you have to be friends
with them for the rest of your life.
You don't see me hanging out
with Avicii anymore, do you?
Yeah, Charlie, he died.
I'm just saying, like, just, like,
cut the negative energy out.
Hi! How are you, sweetheart?
He doesn't get it
- Don't stress. Yes.
No, but 27 is the start
of your Saturn return.
I know, it's supposed to be hell.
Yeah, so everything
that feels bad right now
is actually good.
Like my dad, he won his first Oscar at 28,
but when he was 27,
he was, like, making that movie,
and he was like, "This is really hard."
- Yeah.
- Come on.
You should block her.
- Charlie.
- Charlie, why would you even say that?
- I mean, I'll just mute again.
No, no, you can't keep dipping in and out.
- It's not fair to you.
- No, no, no, no, no.
Maia, a block invites,
like, negative karma.
Like bad-ass karma.
Block! Block! Block! Block! Block! Block!
- No, no, no, no, no.
- Block! Block!
- This is negative. Charlie!
- Block! Block!
- Fuck it, I don't care. I'm doing it.
- Oh, my God!
- Are you doing it?
- I did it.
- Yes! Whoo!
- What a ride.
- Fuck Tallulah.
- Fuck Tallulah.
- I've been saying!
- Fuck Tallulah.
- That's a strong way to go.
- Yes!
- No, fuck her.
- I'm not gonna sit around
and just do nothing
while she reaps the benefits
of my hard work.
Like, I made her successful,
- I can do it for other bitches.
- Period.
- Yes.
- Do you know what I'm gonna do today?
- What?
- I'm gonna ask Alyssa for my promotion.
- Nice, do it.
- Yes! Okay, because you're proud
of what you've done for Tallulah.
I mean, to spite her but yes.
It's more spite energy, but yes.
- Okay. I love you guys so much.
- Can we be positive?
- Love you.
- You guys are literally my family.
- Happy birthday.
- Happy birthday, bitch.
- I love you guys!
- Ooh!
- Look at that ass.
- Yeah.
- I needed this so bad.
- Oh, my gosh, hey!
Don't be scared of Alyssa.
Remember, she's intimidated
by how short you are.
- Stay positive.
- Love you, bitch.
- I love you.
- Love you guys.
Maia! They're basically impossible
to get on the phone until after Halloween.
Hey!
Good luck, Queen.
You have nothing to worry about, okay?
- Oh, I am not worried.
- Oh, good. Hey.
- Don't worry.
- I am not.
Okay. And remember,
- she wants us to succeed, okay?
- Okay, thanks.
- I'll put some Sprites on ice for us.
- Okay, sounds good.
- Sprite Zero.
- Okay, I'm doing it.
- Okay, bye.
- You got it, girl.
Come in.
Hi. Oh, I'm sorry.
- I can come back later, if you want.
- No, come in.
- Okay.
- Get in here.
- Maia.
- Yeah?
- It's your birthday!
- Yeah.
- Happy birthday!
- Thank you.
How old are you? Tell me.
I am 27.
27, oof.
That's tough.
- Really?
- Yeah. Better than 28, though.
28 through 33 is like, kill me.
And then 34.
- We hope that's good.
- Mm, mm-mm.
Oh, okay.
Do you have fun plans tonight?
I'm just keeping it low-key tonight,
but tomorrow I have dinner
with my friends in Beverly Hills.
Wanted something a little Republican.
Well, they do the best martinis.
- Yeah, totally.
- Mm.
So I was actually hoping to talk to you
about the title change that we discussed.
- Mm.
- I feel like we're all so happy
with Grayson's Chipotle bowl.
- You know.
- Ow!
They sold out of corn. It was a big hit.
- Stop saying "think."
- Stop it.
- Okay.
Say "I am."
- I am.
- I am!
I am more than ready
for the junior manager track.
Promotions.
Ugh, they're so tough.
- Yeah.
- It's, like, so tricky.
I mean, we're a scrappy
little startup, Mai,
- and I can't afford a single misstep.
- Yeah.
Right? As a woman trying
to do differently,
- there's a target on my back.
- Totally.
And I want to be by your side.
Or even behind you.
To block the target.
Yeah. I mean, you have to have experience
- as a manager to be a manager.
- Yeah.
Right? And it's such a big deal
to take someone's future
into your own hands.
And you've never done that before.
Well, actually,
I have had a client in the past, formerly.
Do you know Tallulah Stiel?
She's like a New York "it" girl.
She's very big on TikTok.
- Tallulah Stiel. Tallulah Stiel!
- Yeah.
She rode the subway
- in a bikini during COVID?
- Yes!
I filmed that. I filmed that.
Yeah, that was like, her first big video.
- Sneaky little girl!
- Yeah. Yeah.
We worked together a bunch
right after we graduated.
- Do you mind grabbing my phone?
- Yes. Yeah.
- It's just in my back pocket.
Gotta watch those nails.
There you go. Okay, just turn it.
Oh. Thank you. Okay, there you go.
Tallulah Stiel.
Yeah.
Wow!
Maia, girl!
Your friend has a Heaven campaign?
Yeah, it's so good, right?
She's the best. Like, we're so close.
We're like best friends.
How come she doesn't follow you?
That's so weird.
- Oh, you know what?
I should take this.
So sorry.
- But we'll keep talking.
- Okay.
- I'm gonna come back.
- Yeah.
- To talk about it.
- You'd better. Keep trying.
- Okay. I will.
- Okay?
God! Fuck.
Dylan, you will not believe
the fucking day that I just had.
- I tried to text you,
Oh, my God!
Surprise, you little bitch!
- Happy birthday!
- Tallulah!
- I know, I'm here!
- I cannot believe that you are here
in my house in LA.
Your hair!
It's so short.
- I love it.
- Thanks.
- Let me smell you.
- Oh, no.
Oh, my God!
- Oh, you smell the same.
- Oh, yes.
It's my favorite stink. Maia's stink!
Yeah, it's the best stink.
Hey, I'm gonna let you guys
get caught up and stuff.
- But I'm here if you need me.
Okay! Love you so much.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.
- Thank you.
- He's cute.
- Yeah.
Short, but really cute. Maia!
So basically, I'm, like,
Do you have anything stronger
than orange wine?
It's fine.
- 'Kay.
- And I'm like, wait, where is my purse?
I go to run back onto the plane,
and the guy at the gate is, like,
legitimately screaming at me.
Like yelling at me, like, insane.
So, I go to push past him
and he tackles me to the floor.
Like, I'm literally on the ground
in the airport, and I look up,
and I realize, it's Josh.
- Josh who?
- My high school boyfriend Josh,
- the one who wrote the song about me.
- Okay, right.
Yeah, "Pain in My Heart."
He, like, works for
the airport now, I guess.
- Wow.
- Yeah.
- And he got me my bag back.
- Well, thank God.
Why do I feel like I've been
in this apartment before?
Like, it's really, like,
weirdly kind of familiar.
I mean, this is the place
that we were gonna move in to together.
The Los Feliz place.
The two bedroom, $2,400 a month.
- I sent you the thing. Yeah.
- Oh, my God, wait, this is the place?!
- Yeah, it's the same place.
- Oh, my God, Maia!
And you're still here?
- Mm-hmm.
- That's so sweet, Mai.
- It's really cute. It is.
- Yeah, I love it.
It's, like, way smaller than the pictures,
but, like, the people that do the listings
- are such fucking scammers.
- I don't know.
I actually, like, love it here.
I feel like it's so cozy.
I feel like any bigger
would be weird, so.
No, totally.
Okay, Maia?
I almost forgot, I stole these.
- Birthday shots. Come here.
- Oh, no, no, no. I'm good.
- Tallulah. Tallulah.
- You're good. What?
I have to be up early tomorrow
to celebrate and stuff.
- Are you okay?
- Yeah, I'm great.
Your birthday is tonight. We're going out.
Alani didn't fly me out here for nothing.
- Okay?
- Alani flew you out?
Yeah, she said you missed me.
- That's so sweet of her.
- Yeah.
I'm good. I'm gonna stay in tonight.
There's a line.
That's fine.
What?
- Maybe we should go to Bar Seco.
- Oh, my God!
I feel like everybody here is, like, 19.
Ugh!
I want to dance.
You said there's dancing here.
There's, like, standing with music.
- Nobody really dances in LA.
- Oh, my God, that's so lame.
- I love dancing.
- Stop, Tallulah.
- Tallulah, stop.
- I want to dance with you.
- The 19-year-olds are looking at us.
- Yes.
- Stop it.
- They don't care.
You guys want to dance, right?
- No.
- No, they hate us.
They hate us.
God.
- You remember Mr. Purple?
- Yes.
You remember when I got roofied there?
- That night was insane.
- That was really fun.
They used to roofie people here,
but then they fixed it.
- Bummer.
- I know.
- Oh, my God.
- What?
Shaboozey is FaceTiming me.
He's obsessed.
Oh, I thought you were dating
that bar owner guy.
Oh, Igor?
I am.
he's traveling a lot right now,
so he's really busy.
But that's great for me,
because it gives me time
to do my own shit, you know?
- Like work and stuff. Yeah.
- Yeah.
Do you like your new manager?
Is it cool being with, like,
a big company?
I don't know.
Everyone's just kinda named Travis.
They do their shit, and I get paid.
- You know what I mean?
- Yeah.
Well, it feels like
you're in a really great place,
so it's probably for the best
that you didn't move here.
Yeah. I mean, don't you think?
Sounds like you're in a really
good spot at Allison 1-800.
Alyssa180?
- Oh, Alyssa180.
- Yeah, Alyssa180.
- Stupid.
- Yeah, it's an incredible opportunity,
and Alyssa is amazing.
She's technically my boss, but, like,
we're basically best friends,
and we pretty much co-run it.
- Wow.
- Yeah.
- Happy for you.
- She's, like, so connected, too.
- She's really connected?
- Yeah.
Go drop her name.
Get us in, if she's so connected.
Mm-hmm. I will.
Okay.
Hi.
I know you guys are, like,
super slammed tonight.
But I work at Alyssa180.
We do a lot of events.
Okay, real talk. I have IBS.
So, if my friend and I
could just sneak in,
use the bathroom really quick,
we'll get out of your hair.
Stand back, she's super sick.
Oh, no, I'm not sick.
I just have IBS.
A stomach thing.
It's just digestive.
You are literally saving us.
Oh, my God, Maia.
This is Jason. He's the owner.
- Oh, hi, it's nice to meet you.
- Yeah, he's literally
a living, breathing angel.
He's gonna let us put drinks on his tab.
- Oh, yay! A Gemini.
- Two Geminis.
- Can I smoke? Is that okay?
- Yeah, it's fine.
Oh, amazing. Yay!
Come on, Maia.
- Birthday shot.
- What?
Tallulah, I can't hear you.
- Let's take a shot.
- I'm good.
- We just had that one at home.
- Oh, my God.
You look too good to be so fucking boring.
Okay, we'll do one.
Oh, fuck.
- Tallulah.
- Yeah.
Forgot the door.
Oh, my God!
Fuck you, whores!
- Sorry.
- Maia.
- What? It's a driving city.
- Why would you apologize?
Drivers have the right of way in LA.
- Good morning.
- Hello. Good morning.
- Hi.
- Hi!
- Alani!
- Oh, my God.
- You look so cute.
- Wait, shut the fuck up.
- You do, are you kidding?
- I missed you.
- Hi, Charlie. Hey.
- Hey, how are you?
It's so nice to meet you.
- I've heard a lot.
- Same.
- Sorry that we're so late.
- From many different people.
You're fine. Did you guys have
so much fun last night?
You look relaxed and cozy.
Oof, what is that smell?
It's the salmon from the Courage Bagels
that I got everyone.
You know, I know you think
the New York bagels
these beat Tompkins
or whatever the fuck y'all are eating.
- I don't eat bagels.
- Oh, shit!
I would have gotten you
something else.
She loves them, right, Mai?
Yeah, I'm just kind of hungover today
- and, like, super bloated.
- Super bloated.
So, you're not gonna eat the bagels?
I mean, not right now.
Okay.
Okay, Tal, I love this bag.
- Thank you.
- It's so cute.
Balenciaga.
I need to break out my mom's old one.
Oh. Sorry.
I left it in the Palisades house.
- Oh, babe, I'm so sorry.
- Shit.
- Sorry, Alani.
- I love you.
I love you.
So, you guys went out last night?
Yeah.
I just thought today
was the big celebration.
Wow. Everyone's so strict here.
Whoa!
Okay, fun birthday plan for today.
Yes.
We'll do, like, Erewhon,
Aralda, then like, nails,
face masks before dinner.
Wait, hold on. Oh, my God.
How did your big meeting with Alyssa go?
It was great. Yeah.
- Okay!
- I mean, there's, like,
there's budget stuff,
but basically, she said, like,
Alyssa180 doesn't run without me.
- Wait, Maia, that is a big deal.
- She said that? Oh, my God!
- Yeah.
- Bitch.
We can't just go to a grocery store now.
- That's, like, that's huge.
- But Erewhon's not really
like a grocery store.
- Maia!
- It's like an experience.
- But, yeah.
- No, we need to celebrate.
- Let's go to the beach.
- No, that's a lot.
- That's a lot.
It's LA, let's go.
No, babe, you don't understand anything.
- Yeah.
- We have to leave at like 8 a.m.
- Yeah, it's like an hour.
Mai, it's your birthday. Let's go.
Well, you don't have a suit.
- So, shoot.
- Wait, what? No. Hold up.
Can I borrow one?
I have so many that
you could borrow. What?
- That's not an issue at all.
- Okay, so let's borrow
a bathing suit,
and we could go to the beach.
- I'm so fucking pissed right now.
- What the fuck
is going on with her?
I mean, first of all,
she was insane about the bagels.
- So crazy.
- Second of all,
- it's like, what is this shit?
- I don't know.
It's like a 40-fucking-500
fucking dollar bag.
Like, she owes you money,
- if I remember correctly, $1,200.
- You do.
Hasn't mentioned it once.
Of course. Well, did you ask her?
No, obviously, I haven't.
You should bring it up now
in front of everyone.
Guys, it's so cute to see
you guys having fun again.
- Alani, we're not having fun.
- This is a bad experience so far.
- Okay, I know you're trying
to be, like, peacemaker, and it's sweet,
but, like, I'm fucking pissed at her.
She's one of your karmic ties.
Like, do you realize that?
It's like my facialist was telling me
that, like, my mom in my past life
was my daughter.
So, our wombs are, like,
locked in this forever cycle,
and we always find each other.
Even if we're mad, we find each other.
I mean, come on.
Fuck, it's fabulous.
Okay, it's fine.
So, what time is dinner?
It's at 7:00 for four people.
Okay. Well, now it's five people,
and maybe we change it to 8 p.m.,
in case we get stuck in traffic?
- Is that a big deal?
- Yeah. No. It's fine.
- Fine.
- I'll change it. I'll change it.
- we don't have to change it.
- No, oh, my God, it's so easy.
- Obviously, I'll change it.
- I can make a call.
- No, I'll change it.
- Okay.
- Thank you.
- Oh, shoot. Oh, my God.
- What?
- Alyssa just texted me.
- What did she say?
- Just like a work emergency.
Not like a bad emergency.
Like a good emergency.
And she knows I can handle it.
So, I'm gonna deal with this.
You guys have fun.
I guess that's part of
- getting a promotion, Mai.
- Guys.
- Yup.
- Promotion!
- Okay.
- I'm proud of you.
Love you.
- Alright, bye.
- Okay, see you at dinner.
- Love you guys.
- What, are you leaving, too?
I can't sit in traffic for two hours.
- Have fun being tourists.
- Oh, my God.
- We will.
- Does no one wanna have fun?
Bye.
Forget it, forget it,
forget it, forget it.
- Forget it, forget it.
- What is wrong with them?
We're gonna have fun.
We're gonna have fun.
Hi! I'm calling to change a reservation.
Yep, would love to hold.
Are you fucking joking?
- Stop. Alani!
- Okay, dude.
- Are you kidding me?
- You have to get this. Ooh!
I already emailed Resy support.
Please, do not send me back
- to the front desk.
- Hey. Hey.
No. Neither.
- Neither?
- Neither.
The Bode shirt.
- The Bode shirt. The Bode shirt.
- The Bode shirt.
Hi. Hi. Yes, I'm still here.
No, I promise we'll be done in 45 minutes,
and one of us can sit on a bar stool.
Great, great.
- Sorry.
- Oh, oh! Sorry. Yeah, yeah.
Hi, we have a reservation
under Maia Simsbury.
Oh, you're here for the birthday party?
Yes. I'm Maia.
Great. You can follow me.
Where are we going?
- To the birthday party.
- Okay.
She makes me feel insane.
- Yeah.
- She just sucks up
all the oxygen in the room
- and makes everything about her.
- Yeah.
Like, she fully hijacked my day.
Yeah, I know. And baby,
it's because she's insecure.
- Really?
- Yes.
- You think so?
- Yeah, 100%.
I mean, you have a quiet confidence.
You know, you don't have to go
and tell people
about the moves you're gonna make,
'cause you just make 'em.
You fly under the radar.
- Do I?
- Yeah, you do.
You 100% do. And you know what?
On top of that, I can tell you that you,
you don't have to post about it
because you just are it.
And to top it all off, you do have
a pretty good boyfriend.
- I have an amazing boyfriend.
- Amazing boyfriend?
- Yeah.
- Okay.
- With a perfect dick.
- I like that.
I think our table's
actually at the dining room.
I'm Maia.
You mentioned that.
Surprise!
Oh, my God!
- Follow me in here.
- You look like a whore!
- I'm obsessed, look at you!
- Oh, my God! Maia!
Wait, what is going on?
- How do we have a suite?
- Tallulah! She had a vision.
No, she literally hooked it the fuck up.
- I'm obsessed with her.
- Stop.
Maia, she's you when
you were addicted to poppers.
Wait! Maia, come look.
Maia.
Oh, my God.
- Look at the room!
- Yeah. Wow.
- Here.
- Wait.
Guys, what about dinner?
- Are we gonna still make dinner?
- Ew, no, no, no, no.
The food here fucking sucks.
- This is better.
- This is so much better.
Wait. You guys!
- Look who I invited.
- You're gonna hate this.
It's your boss.
Why are Courtney and Alyssa here?
Because you said Alyssa was,
like, your best friend.
I listen to you.
Okay, wait, wait!
- Oh, my God!
- Happy birthday
To you
Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday, dear Maia
Now, Tallulah had to lie and say
that it was her birthday
'cause she's the famous one.
We just have to do,
like, one grid carousel
saying "Happy birthday, Tallulah,"
Like, really fast.
Wait, let's make a wish together.
- Ready?
- No, I'm good.
You can wish, since it's your birthday.
Maia!
Classic drama.
- Maia!
- Oh.
I think I should maybe go.
- No, my love. No, no, no, no.
- No. Do not go there.
- No?
- You're good here. You're good here.
Maia?
Do not come in, I'm shitting.
No, you're not.
I just wanna be alone for a second.
What is going on with you?
I didn't get the promotion, okay?
Why would you lie to me, then?
You told me that you got the promotion.
You've been being a bitch to me,
like, the whole weekend.
Oh, really?
Yeah, you've been being
a fucking bitch, really.
- Oh, my God.
- Tallulah.
- That is so weird.
You basically flew here
- Yes!
I literally got this room for you.
I don't want it, okay?
It's like, you've been here
for two seconds
and everything is just so easy for you.
It's like, oh, my God, you breathe.
Wow, we have a suite.
Oh, all we have to do
is just post about Tallulah
and pretend it's her fucking birthday.
- Oh, my God.
- LA is hard for a lot of people.
Like, I've been here,
it's really isolating,
and it sucks,
and you have to drive everywhere.
how you're doing so good without me,
and, like, I'm a fucking flop.
Like, you're rich and famous
and you're killing it,
and I'm an assistant.
- You think I'm rich?
- Yeah.
I'm broke.
- No, you're not.
- I don't have any money.
- What about the Heaven campaign?
- That was a year ago.
Okay, well, isn't, like, Igor rich?
Yeah, he is. But he dumped me.
- Really?
- Yeah.
After I caught him sending DMs
to girls asking for titty pictures.
- Ew! Are you serious?
- So gross.
- Yeah.
- I'm sorry. Google "boobs."
Google fucking "boobs."
- That is exactly what I said.
So, then I posted pictures
of him peeing sitting down
- on Reddit, which is funny.
- Yeah.
And when I went back home,
he literally kicked me out.
That is crazy.
Now, I'm, like,
living out of my bag, basically.
It's a really good bag.
Thanks.
I really miss you, Mai.
I do, and it's been really hard
for me since you left.
Okay, well, I tried to get you
Well, what if I just, like, stayed here
and I didn't go back,
and we finally did our plan?
What do you mean?
Like, what if I just
don't go back to New York
and I stay here,
and you finally manage me?
Would you really want that?
"You would want that?"
Yeah, obviously.
- Yeah?
- "Yeah."
- Stop doing that!
- "Yeah."
Oh, my God, fine.
I guess if you're gonna beg me.
- I love you.
- Oh, my God.
- I love you.
- Wait, are you excited?
- It's gonna be so fun.
- Oh, my God.
We're gonna fucking kill it.
We're gonna fucking kill it.
We're gonna fucking kill it!
What is going on?
- Oh, my God!
- Maia.
Wow.
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!
Alyssa, you look amazing.
Take all my money. Take it all!
You look fabulous.
What the fuck?
Maia! He asked who Maia was,
and you were shitting,
so I took your place.
Alyssa, she's my manager now,
so if you want me,
you have to promote her.
- Yes!
- Okay.
Alright, we'll talk Monday.
Okay.
Okay, it's Maia's turn.
Maia, Go!
Oh, my God!
Oh, shit! That's my girlfriend.
Oh, careful!
Maia, you look so hot.
- Wow. Wow.
- Wait, Tallulah.
I don't want to do this alone.
- No, you're fine.
- Come on!
- Tallulah! Tallulah!
- Get in there, get in there, get in there!
- Get in here!
- Let her in. Come on in.
Sir, where did you learn these moves?
Tallulah, I need to get a picture of you.
- No, alone? Maia!
- Yes, I need a pic of you.
- She's shy!
- I'm really shy.
- Yeah, you're so shy.
- Leave me alone.
I'm really shy.
Maia, did you get it?