It Gets Worse (2026) s01e01 Episode Script
Ethan
1
This programme contains
strong language and adult humour
Ethan had one of the easiest lives
in recorded human history.
There was much to feel grateful for.
He had recently received a blowjob
in a park.
His screen time was down
to six hours a day,
not including laptop or TV.
He loved to read.
He didn't read, but he could read.
And when he did,
which was never, he loved it.
Ethan's life was easy.
There was nothing to complain about.
And yet
So, this feeling of hopelessness,
is that something
that's been triggered
by something specific, or?
I think leaving the flat
is a big part of it.
Like, I genuinely think
all landlords should be shot
and then guillotined.
Wow.
Apart from my uncle, obviously.
He's nice.
That's a lot of blame. I actually
rent out a couple of apartments
All I wanted was to live in
a shit flat with my two best friends
and get drunk every night
and make memories
that would last a lifetime,
and just have,
I don't know, ten years of my life
where I wouldn't have to worry
about anything.
I mean, is that really
too much to ask?
Yeah.
But didn't you say
you'd found another flat?
Yeah, yeah, we found a new flat,
but we can't move in
for, like, three weeks,
so we'll have to crash
with this guy, Jesse.
Who's Jesse?
Well, he's like my boyfriend. OK.
Except we're not together
and I don't like him.
He's really hot, but he's awful,
which is maybe why he's hot.
You know, cos I wouldn't want
to fuck someone I respect.
TELEPHONE PINGS, ETHAN CHUCKLES
I wouldn't want to, like,
come in Gandhi.
TELEPHONE PINGS
Maybe when he was younger.
Younger than dead.
I mean You're on your phone.
Sorry, sorry.
Yeah. My father, he just freaks out
if I don't respond
to him immediately.
Daddy issues?
No. No, of course not. Sorry.
Yeah, me neither.
I don't want to be like Sorry.
Yeah, sorry.
Sorry. I'm not trying to be like,
"My life's so hard."
Like, "Woe is me."
You know, I I didn't live
through Aids or whatever.
Wow. How old do you think I am?
But sometimes it's like life is
hard. You know, life IS hard.
And maybe
maybe woe IS me.
Mm-hm.
It just feels like
everything's already over.
Listen, maybe the feeling
that you're experiencing isn't
a feeling that everything is over.
Maybe it's a feeling
that everything's not over.
Not over - maybe that's it.
I mean, you're what, 24?
24, yeah. Jesus. That's, um
That's young.
It's
You know, it's, uh
Sorry, I didn't
I've actually got a real client
in about 15 minutes.
So, do you want to do this?
Yeah, of course.
Yeah, yeah. Sorry, sorry. Yeah.
It's just when your
when your bio said "therapist",
with the waiting times and stuff,
I was like, "May as well."
I was just, like Shh-shh!
You know what you are? What?
You're You're just a hole.
You're just a hole for daddy.
Say that.
I'm just a hole for daddy.
Yeah, yeah.
Good boy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
And you know what?
You're fine, OK?
Just so you know,
you're fine mentally.
Great. You're valid. You're enough.
Now open your mouth,
you little slut. Open it wide.
You're just a hole.
Guys!
I think I broke the wall somehow!
Why would you use a drill, Ethan?
Drills are
I don't know what drills are for,
but they're definitely not
for removing a photo from the wall.
I don't know,
the drill felt powerful.
It felt like, "This is MY wall,"
you know?
But it's not your wall.
It's Susan's wall.
Oh, well, I'm sorry
that I wanted to memorialise
the night where I met
the two loves of my life
and everything changed forever.
LAUGHING: That's not even
the night we met!
What? That night you got
so drunk, you pissed on that car.
Yeah, and there were people in it,
and they called the police.
It's clearly just a shit wall.
You know, really,
we should be refusing to pay the
deposit because the wall's so shit.
But it's it's a deposit.
We've already paid it.
Well, then we should sue her!
Just fix it.
She's coming round tomorrow,
so we need to be done
and out by tonight.
Yeah. Some of us really need
that money.
We all really need that money.
No, but we need it for food,
not vodka tonics and Hinge+.
I don't have Hinge+ any more!
Ethan wasn't stupid.
He had never imagined
things would be easy,
but he had imagined
more interesting difficulties.
Who the fuck uses condoms?
So, pre's at 21:00,
and then 100 drinks,
two lines of coke
and we head to the club for 11?
No drugs until you fix
the wall, please.
OK! Hey, the new landlord
just emailed.
They said we can probably move in
by the 27th.
Oh, great!
Wait, 27th is like a month.
I thought you said three weeks.
Is that what you told Jesse?
Don't eat that!
I told Jesse two days,
but that'll be fine.
He'll be distracted by his own abs.
Oh, my God, that is vile!
Yeah, I told you.
Oh, also, we need proof of income
before we can sign anything.
Ab, have you got those payslips?
Yeah, yeah.
Sorry. Work are just slow doing it.
I'll, um
I'm going in later, so I'll ask.
Cool. Thanks. I thought we all took
the day off to finish packing!
Well, no, cos I've got my review
next week.
What exactly did you take
the day off of?
OK! It's not my fault
that I got fired
for being on my phone too much.
Yes, it is. Yeah, I think it is.
I'm just
I'm really, really glad
you finally got fucked.
Well, I didn't really get fucked.
It hurts!
Oh, my God, it hurts so much!
It stretches!
I don't know how people do it.
It's like It's like
being impaled. It's insane.
I've made my peace with it.
I'm never gonna get raw-dog slammed
by a huge monster cock.
Well, that's defeatist.
Have you told Jesse that
you're sleeping with other people?
What? No! I don't need him
to meticulously approve
every therapist
I suck off to completion.
We're not Amish, OK?
It's chill. We're casual.
I don't get your relationship.
I don't get your relationship
either.
But I don't judge you
for going out with Tom.
Yeah, you do. You do it all the
time. You call him an incel.
Well
Well, it's because he has
a low libido.
Abi What?! ..he's 32.
That's not healthy. Healthy?
You're about to go stay
with your ex-girlfriend, so
She's We're friends.
I could not be friends
with someone who cheated on me
because they'd be dead.
Because I'd have stabbed him
to death.
Wait, you guys think
that she cheated on me?
Does anyone know what caulk is?
Am I saying that right? Caulk?
Zara didn't cheat on me.
We were in an open relationship.
We
We were in an open relationship.
Were you? Or were you definitely not
in an open relationship?
No, no,
we were in an open relationship.
We just hadn't had
that specific conversation yet.
But it was subtext -
open relationship.
Mm-hm. Sure.
I can't believe she's training
to be a therapist now.
She's gonna be the worst therapist
of all time.
My last therapist rimmed me
THEY CHUCKLE
really well.
THEY LAUGH
Abi and Sam are very impressive
young women, aren't they?
Always seem to have
everything sorted.
What do you mean by that?
I just don't understand
why you don't come home.
I mean, I've got a huge amount
of your old stuff
I need you to sort through.
Yeah, that's partly why
I'm not coming home!
Ethan!
You said you'd be here an hour ago.
I know! Sorry! Hello!
Have you lost your shirt?
Gosh, look at you. I'm sorry.
I'm Sarah's mum, Ethan.
Er, Ethan's mum, Sarah.
I'm so pleased he finally has
a boyfriend.
Uh he's not my boyfriend.
What? What?
Ethan, it's not safe to live
with someone that you don't know!
Thank you. That's all right.
I mean, he could be, like, a scammer
or a mad axe murderer!
Look at him. Look at you.
Be realistic. Come on!
He's joking, Mum!
We're very serious.
We're practically engaged.
We're trying for a baby.
Oh, don't be disgusting, Ethan!
Sorry, that's not a
I mean, um, you'd have to adopt.
He'd have to adopt. You'd both have
to adopt, wouldn't you?
But do be careful,
because a friend of mine's daughter
got one that bites.
Right, well,
this is an electric group.
Should we start a podcast?
Well
Ethan, please, can we just take
this stuff upstairs?
I'm halfway through a self-tape
for the live-action Ratatouille.
Gosh. What, topless?
It's a reimagining.
Well, I'll, um
I'll leave you boys to it.
I suppose I have to let you make
your own mistakes.
I do wish there weren't thousands
of them all in a row.
Oh, call your father.
His rash has come back.
I mean, half his bottom
has flaked off!
OK, um
Why is everything in bin bags?
Oh, you know,
my life's trash, so
Hey, Ethan
don't talk about yourself
like that.
I was joking. Hey, can you take
the rest of the stuff upstairs?
Cos I've got to go back
and do some DIY shit.
No, I'm in the middle of a tape.
I can't.
Please! I'm so sorry.
I'll be back later.
I'll be drunk. Hey, look at me.
I love you.
Oh, please stop saying that!
I'm joking!
SARAH: Why is this such
a tight road?!
When Ethan's mother was 24,
she was already working her way
up the ranks
of one of London's most
prestigious law firms.
When Ethan's grandmother was 24,
she had just arrived in London
as a refugee
and was already raising
three young children.
When Ethan's great-grandmother
was 24,
she had already contracted the polio
that would later kill her.
The end times are upon us!
Yeah, no shit!
Repent! Repent!
Now, THAT was living!
Babe, it's OK. You're just trying
to find the right moment.
Stop being so hard on yourself.
I need to tell them today.
We have to send over, like, proof
of income and stuff this week.
They're gonna fucking hate me.
Sam's going to want to take space
from our friendship,
and Ethan's going to bleach
his hair again.
Oh, babe, listen,
I'm sure they've figured it out, OK?
They're smart people.
Annoying? Yes. Unbearable, even.
But they're smart.
Hey! Look around. We did it!
We finessed it.
We finessed life. Endgame!
THEY BOTH CHUCKLE SOFTLY
Oh, no, babe,
I'm late for bouldering.
We're learning a new grip.
Love you! Love you, Schmoop!
Have a fun night out.
And keep Find My Friends on!
DOOR CLOSES
I'll introduce you first.
You're gonna love it here.
Everybody, this is Sam.
Hi! Sam, everybody. Hi, guys!
She's crashing for a few weeks.
Hi, guys!
Sam! Zara's told me all about you.
I read your piece
about the political aesthetic
of the Kardashians.
I couldn't agree more - obviously.
You know, Kim Kardashian is
essentially a Blairite construction.
It's so fucking interesting.
Thank you so much.
I really appreciate that.
I showed them all your Substack
Proud ex.
ZARA CHUCKLES SOFTLY
Come on. So, in your analysis,
I noticed a glaring absence
of Kourtney,
which I thought was great,
cos I find her really
problematic, to be honest.
Yeah, right?! Definitely.
Oh, nice.
Yeah, I used to be in this room.
Oh, my God, I love it.
I'm, like, actually so obsessed
with exposed wood.
I tried to expose more wood
in my last flat.
Sam, I'm
I'm really grateful you're here.
This feels like
a really important moment for us,
as old loves and new friends and
and housemates.
And Leon will explain the anarchist
politics of the space to you.
Yeah, and I'll also chat to you
about payment deadlines and stuff.
Just cos this is, like
At its core of this space,
it's a liberationist environment.
In order to have that,
you just need to be keeping
an eye on Monzo requests,
Splitwise and that kind of thing.
OK.
OK.
This is my wall.
TELEPHONE SPEAKER: Step one -
we're gonna take our patch
and apply it to the wall.
Two - be as generous as you like
in this scenario.
For this job, we're going to need
some multipurpose Polyfilla.
You want to sand it down
until it's really smooth
and you should be able to paint
at that point.
TELEPHONE SPEAKER: If you're watching
this before September the 1st,
you're about to have
a lucky girl September.
They are really tailored.
Escucha las palabras de las brujas!
Escuch
TELEPHONE PINGS
SAM: Ethan, where the fuck are you?
ABI: Ethan, come on! What the fuck?
Oh, fuck.
Where are you? This was your idea!
ETHAN GASPS
Fuck!
Amazing outfit. You look really
I'll see you in there.
I just need to squeeze through.
Sorry, I'm playing.
Sorry, I'm DJing,
I'm DJing. It's my friend's
Oh, my God! Hi! Sorry!
Oh, my God, what the fuck?!
I'm sorry.
Where the fuck have you been?
This was your idea.
I know! You missed pre's.
We had baby Guinnesses
and now you're not in the Instagram.
But I caught up on the Tube.
I had, like, ten BuzzBallz
and now I feel electric!
Also, look what I found
in my wallet. Ethan!
I think it's cocaine. It's white.
Yeah, but, like, six people die
from every kilo of cocaine made,
you know? Yeah, but a kilo's, like,
a lot, right?
Everyone here is a gay guy.
You said it was gonna be diverse.
I thought you meant racially.
OK, well, it's not that either.
All right,
can we pick up the vibe, please?
I'm so ready to mourn our old flat
by throwing myself
at someone on steroids.
Please, please, please, please,
please!
When was the last time
we went out as a three?
Is it all right if Tom comes?
He said he's round the corner.
I didn't know there was
a squash court nearby.
Oh, pack it in!
I never thought I'd see Tom
at Slut Pig.
Slut Pig?!
It's really hot. It's really hot.
Am I gonna be OK getting in?
Because obviously,
I'm not gay, so
Everyone's a bit gay!
No, I'm not, and neither are you.
Sh!
Guys, we haven't moved!
It's one in, one out,
and it's �20 on the door. It's �20?!
Oh, my God,
that's why this crowd is like this.
Nobody's creative
or interesting here.
Neither are we.
Can we just go somewhere else?
No, guys! Seriously, this is one of
the coolest club nights in London,
I promise.
Charlie! Hey, it's Tom!
Looking ripped, man!
That's Charlie from bouldering.
He does compliance for HSBC.
No, please, we can't bail!
I've done coke
which people died to make!
There's nothing open.
Nothing open?! No.
Guys, this is pointless.
Let's just go back to Slut Pig.
Oh, my God! No!
That fucking place smelled
like gonorrhoea.
Yeah, I'm not contracting something
antibiotic-resistant this week.
Guys, shall we just
call it a night?
I've I'm so broke until we get
that deposit back, anyway.
We're not getting the deposit back,
obviously!
Why?
Oh, my God, Ethan,
did you not fix the hole?
I think I'm dyspraxic.
I could never catch a ball
and I don't know how to spell.
I'm sorry. I will pay you back.
Obviously I'll pay you back.
Are you fucking serious?!
I don't know how to fix a wall!
I'm not Bear Grylls!
You just use gauze
and you spray caulk all over it.
Fucking hell, you guys are entitled!
God, no wonder Abi doesn't want
to live with you any more.
WHISPERS: Tom
What?
TOM! What? I haven't
What, you haven't told them?
What? Oh, babe, come on!
She is sick to fucking death
of you pushing her around! OK?
Babe, you can tell them.
They're fucking adults.
What did you just call me?
Abi, we don't push you around.
Tell him we don't fucking
push you around!
I never said that.
I'll order us a cab, bab. What?
What, you're just gonna
live with Tom, then?
And what, get married
and drink flat whites
and eat tapas?!
And make a baby out of your cum
and your eggs?!
Well, you can't live
in your 20s forever.
You're fucking in them!
We're all fucking in our 20s!
When the fuck were you gonna
tell us this, Ab?
Huh?
We have to sign the contract
in a fucking week!
We can't do that without you.
We don't have proper jobs!
Whose fault's that?!
Excuse me,
people are trying to sleep!
Oh, my God,
it's Friday night in London!
Move back to Surrey and leave
the interesting people alone.
I'm so sorry.
So sorry. That's you. See her?
That's who you are now!
Whoa, whoa! Back off! That's who
you are! Back the fuck off!
Babe, you look nothing
like that, OK?
Nothing.
CAR HORN HONKS
OK, cab's here. Come on.
I'm sorry.
I want to live somewhere
where I can have people over
and we can have them
Negroni Sbagliato things.
And, you know, maybe I could do
a post about it on my Instagram.
And the girls who I went
to school with will see it,
and they'll go,
"Oh, wow, look at her go!"
"Abi's really living in London
and has this amazing life,"
"and we should all just give up!"
Well, that's fucking sad.
You want to pretend like
you're an adult?
Well, it's better than pretending
I'm a child.
Babe
CAR HORN HONKS Babe, come on!
I mean, the cab's here.
My Uber rating's important to me,
babe. All right!
I'm sorry!
Well, that's worse
than not fixing the wall.
Where are you going?!
I'm getting the fucking bus!
I hate the bus!
We'll start looking for two-beds.
I know the Brockley place was nice,
but I think we can
I can't believe
you didn't fix the hole.
I'm sorry, genuinely.
I wasn't being a cunt.
I just wasn't thinking
about anything.
A lot of the times,
it's the same thing.
What?
I'm gonna go back to the warehouse.
But I found a Spoons that's open!
Not tonight.
When Ethan's great-grandfather
was 24,
he had already helped
carpet-bomb Dresden.
When Ethan's grandfather was 24,
he had already married
the love of his life,
the only woman he had ever
or would ever kiss.
Jesse, can you wait up for me?
I think I left my keys.
I'm, like, rock hard on the bus.
I'm, like, horny as fuck.
So, like
stay awake, yeah?
When Ethan's father was 24,
he was out at a bar
when he, by chance,
caught eyes with the most
beautiful woman he'd ever seen.
Just a few short weeks later,
that woman introduced him
to Ethan's mother.
Fuck, you look good.
Where the fuck have you been?
I want you
to fuck me like I'm nothing.
Wait, I fuck YOU?
Now, THAT was living.
Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!
Ow, ow, ow! Are you OK?
Cos it's barely in.
Yeah, yeah, no, it feels amazing,
apart from the pain.
OK, yeah, I'm sort of
losing my boner here. Fuck!
Say something mean to me. Um
Uh, I don't think
you douched properly.
Not like that!
I don't know if you have!
It's fine. I haven't eaten all day
apart from, like, one kebab.
A kebab?! Yeah.
Uh, spit in my mouth.
Um OK. Spit in my mouth.
Like that? No!
Spit on my face! Like, spit on
Oh, Jesus fucking Christ, Jesse!
Pull out! What? I'm not even in!
Fucking blinded me!
Not in my fucking eye!
Fucking
Here! I can't see it!
Great!
Friendship changes
when you're older.
Things end, you know?
It sounds healthy to me.
"Healthy - that's healthy!
This is healthy!"
When did everyone become
a fucking doctor?
It's so hot in here, Jesse.
Where are you gonna live now, hmm?
Back with your parents?
Fuck, no. I'll just stay here
until me and Sam can find, like,
a penthouse or a bin or something.
I feel dizzy.
I feel like the coke lied to me
and it was ket the whole time.
Ethan, Ethan, Ethan,
Ethan, Ethan Yeah?
I feel like maybe we're not on
the same page about this situation.
This situation? Yeah, we are.
Mm-hm?
Yeah, you can still fuck people
in the bed.
Like, I don't care.
Like, you don't even need
to wash the sheets.
I don't have a sense of smell ever
since I walked into the glass door
of that doughnut place.
Sure, but I would wash the sheets,
cos they're linen.
Is that good or bad?
Find somewhere else to stay.
But you
You said I could
Ethan, I said you could stay
for a couple of nights.
But this energy you're bringing,
it's really, uh
Mm, yeah, it's really not my vibe.
OK, OK.
I'm under a lot of pressure
at the moment.
My nephew's in ICU,
and I just hit 30K
on Instagram, so
That's amazing.
We're not even together, Ethan.
Look, you can't live here.
Um, I'm sorry,
I just feel really, like
GURGLING
Ethan?
Fuck! Oh, for fuck's sake.
I I am I'm just
I'm just gonna I'm just gonna go.
I didn't mean leave now, Ethan!
Where shall I send your stuff?
DOOR CLOSES
By most standards,
Ethan had one of the easiest lives
in recorded human history.
But by his own standards,
Ethan was fucked.
He was fucked.
Everyone he knew was fucked.
The world itself - the whole world -
was irredeemably fucked.
DOOR CLOSES
Jesse kicked me out.
Let's
Let's just one thing at a time.
Yeah.
DOOR OPENS, CLOSES
All right, step aside,
I've got the proper stuff.
Someone in the warehouse
does woodworking.
Yeah, that makes a lot of sense.
It seemed inevitable
that things would only get
exponentially more fucked,
day after fucked day, until death.
And yet
Guys, I feel really guilty.
Yeah, me too.
OK, well,
that doesn't really help anything,
does it?
God, imagine if it did.
Then everything would be fine.
Everything IS fine
idiot.
And yet
Can I stay with one of you tonight?
You drive my car,
I drive your dick
And I don't care
if we fall off the cliff
You drive my car,
I drive your dick
And I don't care
if we fall off the cliff
When I moan in your car
I call that ASMR
You love it when I moan
in your car
I call that ASMR ♪
This programme contains
strong language and adult humour
Ethan had one of the easiest lives
in recorded human history.
There was much to feel grateful for.
He had recently received a blowjob
in a park.
His screen time was down
to six hours a day,
not including laptop or TV.
He loved to read.
He didn't read, but he could read.
And when he did,
which was never, he loved it.
Ethan's life was easy.
There was nothing to complain about.
And yet
So, this feeling of hopelessness,
is that something
that's been triggered
by something specific, or?
I think leaving the flat
is a big part of it.
Like, I genuinely think
all landlords should be shot
and then guillotined.
Wow.
Apart from my uncle, obviously.
He's nice.
That's a lot of blame. I actually
rent out a couple of apartments
All I wanted was to live in
a shit flat with my two best friends
and get drunk every night
and make memories
that would last a lifetime,
and just have,
I don't know, ten years of my life
where I wouldn't have to worry
about anything.
I mean, is that really
too much to ask?
Yeah.
But didn't you say
you'd found another flat?
Yeah, yeah, we found a new flat,
but we can't move in
for, like, three weeks,
so we'll have to crash
with this guy, Jesse.
Who's Jesse?
Well, he's like my boyfriend. OK.
Except we're not together
and I don't like him.
He's really hot, but he's awful,
which is maybe why he's hot.
You know, cos I wouldn't want
to fuck someone I respect.
TELEPHONE PINGS, ETHAN CHUCKLES
I wouldn't want to, like,
come in Gandhi.
TELEPHONE PINGS
Maybe when he was younger.
Younger than dead.
I mean You're on your phone.
Sorry, sorry.
Yeah. My father, he just freaks out
if I don't respond
to him immediately.
Daddy issues?
No. No, of course not. Sorry.
Yeah, me neither.
I don't want to be like Sorry.
Yeah, sorry.
Sorry. I'm not trying to be like,
"My life's so hard."
Like, "Woe is me."
You know, I I didn't live
through Aids or whatever.
Wow. How old do you think I am?
But sometimes it's like life is
hard. You know, life IS hard.
And maybe
maybe woe IS me.
Mm-hm.
It just feels like
everything's already over.
Listen, maybe the feeling
that you're experiencing isn't
a feeling that everything is over.
Maybe it's a feeling
that everything's not over.
Not over - maybe that's it.
I mean, you're what, 24?
24, yeah. Jesus. That's, um
That's young.
It's
You know, it's, uh
Sorry, I didn't
I've actually got a real client
in about 15 minutes.
So, do you want to do this?
Yeah, of course.
Yeah, yeah. Sorry, sorry. Yeah.
It's just when your
when your bio said "therapist",
with the waiting times and stuff,
I was like, "May as well."
I was just, like Shh-shh!
You know what you are? What?
You're You're just a hole.
You're just a hole for daddy.
Say that.
I'm just a hole for daddy.
Yeah, yeah.
Good boy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
And you know what?
You're fine, OK?
Just so you know,
you're fine mentally.
Great. You're valid. You're enough.
Now open your mouth,
you little slut. Open it wide.
You're just a hole.
Guys!
I think I broke the wall somehow!
Why would you use a drill, Ethan?
Drills are
I don't know what drills are for,
but they're definitely not
for removing a photo from the wall.
I don't know,
the drill felt powerful.
It felt like, "This is MY wall,"
you know?
But it's not your wall.
It's Susan's wall.
Oh, well, I'm sorry
that I wanted to memorialise
the night where I met
the two loves of my life
and everything changed forever.
LAUGHING: That's not even
the night we met!
What? That night you got
so drunk, you pissed on that car.
Yeah, and there were people in it,
and they called the police.
It's clearly just a shit wall.
You know, really,
we should be refusing to pay the
deposit because the wall's so shit.
But it's it's a deposit.
We've already paid it.
Well, then we should sue her!
Just fix it.
She's coming round tomorrow,
so we need to be done
and out by tonight.
Yeah. Some of us really need
that money.
We all really need that money.
No, but we need it for food,
not vodka tonics and Hinge+.
I don't have Hinge+ any more!
Ethan wasn't stupid.
He had never imagined
things would be easy,
but he had imagined
more interesting difficulties.
Who the fuck uses condoms?
So, pre's at 21:00,
and then 100 drinks,
two lines of coke
and we head to the club for 11?
No drugs until you fix
the wall, please.
OK! Hey, the new landlord
just emailed.
They said we can probably move in
by the 27th.
Oh, great!
Wait, 27th is like a month.
I thought you said three weeks.
Is that what you told Jesse?
Don't eat that!
I told Jesse two days,
but that'll be fine.
He'll be distracted by his own abs.
Oh, my God, that is vile!
Yeah, I told you.
Oh, also, we need proof of income
before we can sign anything.
Ab, have you got those payslips?
Yeah, yeah.
Sorry. Work are just slow doing it.
I'll, um
I'm going in later, so I'll ask.
Cool. Thanks. I thought we all took
the day off to finish packing!
Well, no, cos I've got my review
next week.
What exactly did you take
the day off of?
OK! It's not my fault
that I got fired
for being on my phone too much.
Yes, it is. Yeah, I think it is.
I'm just
I'm really, really glad
you finally got fucked.
Well, I didn't really get fucked.
It hurts!
Oh, my God, it hurts so much!
It stretches!
I don't know how people do it.
It's like It's like
being impaled. It's insane.
I've made my peace with it.
I'm never gonna get raw-dog slammed
by a huge monster cock.
Well, that's defeatist.
Have you told Jesse that
you're sleeping with other people?
What? No! I don't need him
to meticulously approve
every therapist
I suck off to completion.
We're not Amish, OK?
It's chill. We're casual.
I don't get your relationship.
I don't get your relationship
either.
But I don't judge you
for going out with Tom.
Yeah, you do. You do it all the
time. You call him an incel.
Well
Well, it's because he has
a low libido.
Abi What?! ..he's 32.
That's not healthy. Healthy?
You're about to go stay
with your ex-girlfriend, so
She's We're friends.
I could not be friends
with someone who cheated on me
because they'd be dead.
Because I'd have stabbed him
to death.
Wait, you guys think
that she cheated on me?
Does anyone know what caulk is?
Am I saying that right? Caulk?
Zara didn't cheat on me.
We were in an open relationship.
We
We were in an open relationship.
Were you? Or were you definitely not
in an open relationship?
No, no,
we were in an open relationship.
We just hadn't had
that specific conversation yet.
But it was subtext -
open relationship.
Mm-hm. Sure.
I can't believe she's training
to be a therapist now.
She's gonna be the worst therapist
of all time.
My last therapist rimmed me
THEY CHUCKLE
really well.
THEY LAUGH
Abi and Sam are very impressive
young women, aren't they?
Always seem to have
everything sorted.
What do you mean by that?
I just don't understand
why you don't come home.
I mean, I've got a huge amount
of your old stuff
I need you to sort through.
Yeah, that's partly why
I'm not coming home!
Ethan!
You said you'd be here an hour ago.
I know! Sorry! Hello!
Have you lost your shirt?
Gosh, look at you. I'm sorry.
I'm Sarah's mum, Ethan.
Er, Ethan's mum, Sarah.
I'm so pleased he finally has
a boyfriend.
Uh he's not my boyfriend.
What? What?
Ethan, it's not safe to live
with someone that you don't know!
Thank you. That's all right.
I mean, he could be, like, a scammer
or a mad axe murderer!
Look at him. Look at you.
Be realistic. Come on!
He's joking, Mum!
We're very serious.
We're practically engaged.
We're trying for a baby.
Oh, don't be disgusting, Ethan!
Sorry, that's not a
I mean, um, you'd have to adopt.
He'd have to adopt. You'd both have
to adopt, wouldn't you?
But do be careful,
because a friend of mine's daughter
got one that bites.
Right, well,
this is an electric group.
Should we start a podcast?
Well
Ethan, please, can we just take
this stuff upstairs?
I'm halfway through a self-tape
for the live-action Ratatouille.
Gosh. What, topless?
It's a reimagining.
Well, I'll, um
I'll leave you boys to it.
I suppose I have to let you make
your own mistakes.
I do wish there weren't thousands
of them all in a row.
Oh, call your father.
His rash has come back.
I mean, half his bottom
has flaked off!
OK, um
Why is everything in bin bags?
Oh, you know,
my life's trash, so
Hey, Ethan
don't talk about yourself
like that.
I was joking. Hey, can you take
the rest of the stuff upstairs?
Cos I've got to go back
and do some DIY shit.
No, I'm in the middle of a tape.
I can't.
Please! I'm so sorry.
I'll be back later.
I'll be drunk. Hey, look at me.
I love you.
Oh, please stop saying that!
I'm joking!
SARAH: Why is this such
a tight road?!
When Ethan's mother was 24,
she was already working her way
up the ranks
of one of London's most
prestigious law firms.
When Ethan's grandmother was 24,
she had just arrived in London
as a refugee
and was already raising
three young children.
When Ethan's great-grandmother
was 24,
she had already contracted the polio
that would later kill her.
The end times are upon us!
Yeah, no shit!
Repent! Repent!
Now, THAT was living!
Babe, it's OK. You're just trying
to find the right moment.
Stop being so hard on yourself.
I need to tell them today.
We have to send over, like, proof
of income and stuff this week.
They're gonna fucking hate me.
Sam's going to want to take space
from our friendship,
and Ethan's going to bleach
his hair again.
Oh, babe, listen,
I'm sure they've figured it out, OK?
They're smart people.
Annoying? Yes. Unbearable, even.
But they're smart.
Hey! Look around. We did it!
We finessed it.
We finessed life. Endgame!
THEY BOTH CHUCKLE SOFTLY
Oh, no, babe,
I'm late for bouldering.
We're learning a new grip.
Love you! Love you, Schmoop!
Have a fun night out.
And keep Find My Friends on!
DOOR CLOSES
I'll introduce you first.
You're gonna love it here.
Everybody, this is Sam.
Hi! Sam, everybody. Hi, guys!
She's crashing for a few weeks.
Hi, guys!
Sam! Zara's told me all about you.
I read your piece
about the political aesthetic
of the Kardashians.
I couldn't agree more - obviously.
You know, Kim Kardashian is
essentially a Blairite construction.
It's so fucking interesting.
Thank you so much.
I really appreciate that.
I showed them all your Substack
Proud ex.
ZARA CHUCKLES SOFTLY
Come on. So, in your analysis,
I noticed a glaring absence
of Kourtney,
which I thought was great,
cos I find her really
problematic, to be honest.
Yeah, right?! Definitely.
Oh, nice.
Yeah, I used to be in this room.
Oh, my God, I love it.
I'm, like, actually so obsessed
with exposed wood.
I tried to expose more wood
in my last flat.
Sam, I'm
I'm really grateful you're here.
This feels like
a really important moment for us,
as old loves and new friends and
and housemates.
And Leon will explain the anarchist
politics of the space to you.
Yeah, and I'll also chat to you
about payment deadlines and stuff.
Just cos this is, like
At its core of this space,
it's a liberationist environment.
In order to have that,
you just need to be keeping
an eye on Monzo requests,
Splitwise and that kind of thing.
OK.
OK.
This is my wall.
TELEPHONE SPEAKER: Step one -
we're gonna take our patch
and apply it to the wall.
Two - be as generous as you like
in this scenario.
For this job, we're going to need
some multipurpose Polyfilla.
You want to sand it down
until it's really smooth
and you should be able to paint
at that point.
TELEPHONE SPEAKER: If you're watching
this before September the 1st,
you're about to have
a lucky girl September.
They are really tailored.
Escucha las palabras de las brujas!
Escuch
TELEPHONE PINGS
SAM: Ethan, where the fuck are you?
ABI: Ethan, come on! What the fuck?
Oh, fuck.
Where are you? This was your idea!
ETHAN GASPS
Fuck!
Amazing outfit. You look really
I'll see you in there.
I just need to squeeze through.
Sorry, I'm playing.
Sorry, I'm DJing,
I'm DJing. It's my friend's
Oh, my God! Hi! Sorry!
Oh, my God, what the fuck?!
I'm sorry.
Where the fuck have you been?
This was your idea.
I know! You missed pre's.
We had baby Guinnesses
and now you're not in the Instagram.
But I caught up on the Tube.
I had, like, ten BuzzBallz
and now I feel electric!
Also, look what I found
in my wallet. Ethan!
I think it's cocaine. It's white.
Yeah, but, like, six people die
from every kilo of cocaine made,
you know? Yeah, but a kilo's, like,
a lot, right?
Everyone here is a gay guy.
You said it was gonna be diverse.
I thought you meant racially.
OK, well, it's not that either.
All right,
can we pick up the vibe, please?
I'm so ready to mourn our old flat
by throwing myself
at someone on steroids.
Please, please, please, please,
please!
When was the last time
we went out as a three?
Is it all right if Tom comes?
He said he's round the corner.
I didn't know there was
a squash court nearby.
Oh, pack it in!
I never thought I'd see Tom
at Slut Pig.
Slut Pig?!
It's really hot. It's really hot.
Am I gonna be OK getting in?
Because obviously,
I'm not gay, so
Everyone's a bit gay!
No, I'm not, and neither are you.
Sh!
Guys, we haven't moved!
It's one in, one out,
and it's �20 on the door. It's �20?!
Oh, my God,
that's why this crowd is like this.
Nobody's creative
or interesting here.
Neither are we.
Can we just go somewhere else?
No, guys! Seriously, this is one of
the coolest club nights in London,
I promise.
Charlie! Hey, it's Tom!
Looking ripped, man!
That's Charlie from bouldering.
He does compliance for HSBC.
No, please, we can't bail!
I've done coke
which people died to make!
There's nothing open.
Nothing open?! No.
Guys, this is pointless.
Let's just go back to Slut Pig.
Oh, my God! No!
That fucking place smelled
like gonorrhoea.
Yeah, I'm not contracting something
antibiotic-resistant this week.
Guys, shall we just
call it a night?
I've I'm so broke until we get
that deposit back, anyway.
We're not getting the deposit back,
obviously!
Why?
Oh, my God, Ethan,
did you not fix the hole?
I think I'm dyspraxic.
I could never catch a ball
and I don't know how to spell.
I'm sorry. I will pay you back.
Obviously I'll pay you back.
Are you fucking serious?!
I don't know how to fix a wall!
I'm not Bear Grylls!
You just use gauze
and you spray caulk all over it.
Fucking hell, you guys are entitled!
God, no wonder Abi doesn't want
to live with you any more.
WHISPERS: Tom
What?
TOM! What? I haven't
What, you haven't told them?
What? Oh, babe, come on!
She is sick to fucking death
of you pushing her around! OK?
Babe, you can tell them.
They're fucking adults.
What did you just call me?
Abi, we don't push you around.
Tell him we don't fucking
push you around!
I never said that.
I'll order us a cab, bab. What?
What, you're just gonna
live with Tom, then?
And what, get married
and drink flat whites
and eat tapas?!
And make a baby out of your cum
and your eggs?!
Well, you can't live
in your 20s forever.
You're fucking in them!
We're all fucking in our 20s!
When the fuck were you gonna
tell us this, Ab?
Huh?
We have to sign the contract
in a fucking week!
We can't do that without you.
We don't have proper jobs!
Whose fault's that?!
Excuse me,
people are trying to sleep!
Oh, my God,
it's Friday night in London!
Move back to Surrey and leave
the interesting people alone.
I'm so sorry.
So sorry. That's you. See her?
That's who you are now!
Whoa, whoa! Back off! That's who
you are! Back the fuck off!
Babe, you look nothing
like that, OK?
Nothing.
CAR HORN HONKS
OK, cab's here. Come on.
I'm sorry.
I want to live somewhere
where I can have people over
and we can have them
Negroni Sbagliato things.
And, you know, maybe I could do
a post about it on my Instagram.
And the girls who I went
to school with will see it,
and they'll go,
"Oh, wow, look at her go!"
"Abi's really living in London
and has this amazing life,"
"and we should all just give up!"
Well, that's fucking sad.
You want to pretend like
you're an adult?
Well, it's better than pretending
I'm a child.
Babe
CAR HORN HONKS Babe, come on!
I mean, the cab's here.
My Uber rating's important to me,
babe. All right!
I'm sorry!
Well, that's worse
than not fixing the wall.
Where are you going?!
I'm getting the fucking bus!
I hate the bus!
We'll start looking for two-beds.
I know the Brockley place was nice,
but I think we can
I can't believe
you didn't fix the hole.
I'm sorry, genuinely.
I wasn't being a cunt.
I just wasn't thinking
about anything.
A lot of the times,
it's the same thing.
What?
I'm gonna go back to the warehouse.
But I found a Spoons that's open!
Not tonight.
When Ethan's great-grandfather
was 24,
he had already helped
carpet-bomb Dresden.
When Ethan's grandfather was 24,
he had already married
the love of his life,
the only woman he had ever
or would ever kiss.
Jesse, can you wait up for me?
I think I left my keys.
I'm, like, rock hard on the bus.
I'm, like, horny as fuck.
So, like
stay awake, yeah?
When Ethan's father was 24,
he was out at a bar
when he, by chance,
caught eyes with the most
beautiful woman he'd ever seen.
Just a few short weeks later,
that woman introduced him
to Ethan's mother.
Fuck, you look good.
Where the fuck have you been?
I want you
to fuck me like I'm nothing.
Wait, I fuck YOU?
Now, THAT was living.
Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!
Ow, ow, ow! Are you OK?
Cos it's barely in.
Yeah, yeah, no, it feels amazing,
apart from the pain.
OK, yeah, I'm sort of
losing my boner here. Fuck!
Say something mean to me. Um
Uh, I don't think
you douched properly.
Not like that!
I don't know if you have!
It's fine. I haven't eaten all day
apart from, like, one kebab.
A kebab?! Yeah.
Uh, spit in my mouth.
Um OK. Spit in my mouth.
Like that? No!
Spit on my face! Like, spit on
Oh, Jesus fucking Christ, Jesse!
Pull out! What? I'm not even in!
Fucking blinded me!
Not in my fucking eye!
Fucking
Here! I can't see it!
Great!
Friendship changes
when you're older.
Things end, you know?
It sounds healthy to me.
"Healthy - that's healthy!
This is healthy!"
When did everyone become
a fucking doctor?
It's so hot in here, Jesse.
Where are you gonna live now, hmm?
Back with your parents?
Fuck, no. I'll just stay here
until me and Sam can find, like,
a penthouse or a bin or something.
I feel dizzy.
I feel like the coke lied to me
and it was ket the whole time.
Ethan, Ethan, Ethan,
Ethan, Ethan Yeah?
I feel like maybe we're not on
the same page about this situation.
This situation? Yeah, we are.
Mm-hm?
Yeah, you can still fuck people
in the bed.
Like, I don't care.
Like, you don't even need
to wash the sheets.
I don't have a sense of smell ever
since I walked into the glass door
of that doughnut place.
Sure, but I would wash the sheets,
cos they're linen.
Is that good or bad?
Find somewhere else to stay.
But you
You said I could
Ethan, I said you could stay
for a couple of nights.
But this energy you're bringing,
it's really, uh
Mm, yeah, it's really not my vibe.
OK, OK.
I'm under a lot of pressure
at the moment.
My nephew's in ICU,
and I just hit 30K
on Instagram, so
That's amazing.
We're not even together, Ethan.
Look, you can't live here.
Um, I'm sorry,
I just feel really, like
GURGLING
Ethan?
Fuck! Oh, for fuck's sake.
I I am I'm just
I'm just gonna I'm just gonna go.
I didn't mean leave now, Ethan!
Where shall I send your stuff?
DOOR CLOSES
By most standards,
Ethan had one of the easiest lives
in recorded human history.
But by his own standards,
Ethan was fucked.
He was fucked.
Everyone he knew was fucked.
The world itself - the whole world -
was irredeemably fucked.
DOOR CLOSES
Jesse kicked me out.
Let's
Let's just one thing at a time.
Yeah.
DOOR OPENS, CLOSES
All right, step aside,
I've got the proper stuff.
Someone in the warehouse
does woodworking.
Yeah, that makes a lot of sense.
It seemed inevitable
that things would only get
exponentially more fucked,
day after fucked day, until death.
And yet
Guys, I feel really guilty.
Yeah, me too.
OK, well,
that doesn't really help anything,
does it?
God, imagine if it did.
Then everything would be fine.
Everything IS fine
idiot.
And yet
Can I stay with one of you tonight?
You drive my car,
I drive your dick
And I don't care
if we fall off the cliff
You drive my car,
I drive your dick
And I don't care
if we fall off the cliff
When I moan in your car
I call that ASMR
You love it when I moan
in your car
I call that ASMR ♪