James May's Shed Load of Ideas (2025) s01e01 Episode Script

1
JAMES: Hello.
These days,
I spend more and more time
in my Wiltshire home
and the pub I own,
thinking about all the big problems
in the world
and some smaller ones that annoy me.
Luckily, there's a place
I can go to solve them all,
or at least try.
My shed.
Right.
It's here that I have the tools
Let's just saw some wood up.
the tea Mmm.
and a couple of other
highly competent blokes
Very good. Brace yourself.
who've agreed to help me
rid the world of problems
Is she getting a ticket out?
great
Dirty fly tippers. and small.
The cereal has gone soggy.
I'll also have to take on
other people's problems
What is wrong with Peter?
He used to make a sound,
and now he doesn't.
by which I mean
the locals at my pub
(GASPS)
Is it a train set?
So, join us
and our excitable crew
(LAUGHING) who will
That was epic.
Oh!
make That feels like
a terrible thing you've just done.
Not in my lifetime.
(GASPS)
(SCREAMING) Wow!
in my Shed Load Of Ideas.
What do you think?
This is just brilliant.
Ah, Wiltshire.
A peaceful haven
in the West Country of England.
Do not be deceived.
This is a nerve centre with horses,
where I plan to solve
the nation's biggest issues.
First on my list,
something guaranteed to inflame
the indignant passions of
Englishmen and women nationwide
(CROWING)
Well, that'll learn you.
the yellow square of shame.
Oh, it's the worst feeling
in the world.
This, viewers, is a parking ticket.
Last year alone,
14.5 million of these
were slapped on windscreens
up and down the country.
That's two every second.
But some parking tickets
are more frustrating than others,
as our sound man, Dan,
has just experienced.
This is awful.
It's the sense
that the system has beaten you,
the man has got you.
However, just out of interest, Dan,
how long had you paid to park?
I paid to park for an hour.
Five minutes after the time.
Ah! And there you go, you see.
What a lot of people don't realise
is that there is
a ten-minute grace period.
If you pay for parking
of half an hour or more,
there is ten minutes beyond that
in which a traffic warden
may not issue a ticket,
at least not legally.
And a lot of people don't realise
this, and more importantly,
a lot of traffic wardens
don't realise this.
So, what we're going to do
is devise a system
that warns traffic wardens
of this piece of legislation,
and make sure
they don't issue a parking ticket
when they are not permitted to.
The law is an ass.
Of the 93,000 people who challenged
a parking ticket in 2023,
nearly half were successful
and had their fine overturned.
But if thousands of tickets
are incorrectly issued
each year by traffic wardens,
something must be done.
And it's going to take three men
to find the solution in a shed.
Bringing the brains
Yay! (LAUGHS)
my engineering pal
of 20 years, Simmy.
We're gonna make it better, though.
Simmy can juggle
anything I throw at him.
Almost.
And my other mate is a handyman
who calls himself Tony the Tool.
That's a job for you, Tony.
He's good with wood
It's meant to be miles off,
so you can chisel in.
and game for just about anything.
Tell my children I love them.
As for me, I provide the shed
and the fantastic hair.
Gentlemen and crew, assemble.
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
We're all ready, as usual.
CREW: Yeah, sound's rolling.
Right, viewers, the fight back
against traffic wardens
who don't understand
the very legislation
they are there to enforce,
nothing else
starts here. And it's gonna
involve a bit of woodwork
and it's going to involve
some electronics and a timer,
and a sensor, and one of these,
a megaphone.
(SIREN WAILING)
Sounds quite loud.
We have in mind a rooftop traffic
warden warning system for my car,
where a sign pops up
That's a series 1 Panda
you've drawn, mine's a series 3.
and the legislation is read aloud
if the sensor detects
a ticket issued
within the ten-minute grace period.
Right, the exact wording
is quite tedious.
But, given that it's a law,
it probably needs
to be displayed in full.
So, I think we might as well make it
almost as big as the roof
of the car.
And then it will go (EXCLAIMS)
And then this will go
(OVER MEGAPHONE)
"I say, traffic warden,
full details of the law
are displayed in front of you
on the sign that just popped up.
Now (BLEEPS) off
until ten minutes are up."
Yeah.
Right, I will read it to you,
but you can see
just how verbose it is.
"The Secretary of State
in exercise of the powers
conferred by section 72
(DISTORTED) 73(3) and 89,
a division which was called A
but is now called 1.
No penalty charge is payable
for the contravention
where the vehicle has been left
beyond the permitted parking period
for a period
not exceeding ten minutes."
There it is, that's the law.
And it's signed by Eric Pickles.
I met Eric Pickles once,
he was tremendous.
Born 20th of April 1952,
parents Constance Joyce Pickles
and Jack Branston Pickles.
Branston Pickles?
LOTTIE: It's not, that's a joke.
(LAUGHING)
Right, shall we do some woodwork?
Let's go to the chop saw.
While Sim engineers a sensor
to detect a parking ticket
and a timer to set the grace period,
Tony and I tackle the frame.
Hands clear. Contact.
(SAW WHIRRING)
For our plan to work,
we need a sign that pops up
only when a ticket is detected
within that magic ten minutes
But let's get it to length first.
and is big enough
to display the letter of the law
to the letter.
Are you thinking
of just screwing that together?
For time, yes.
(DRILL WHIRRING)
Looks pretty good, actually.
So, that's the basic frame built.
Next, we need to give
our legalese some lift.
So, you're gonna hinge it here,
so when it's released
So, it pivots from there.
How do we wind it?
I don't know.
While super-brain Simmy
scratches his head
I take the opportunity to enjoy
a nice, relaxing cup of tea
under my favourite tree.
When I eventually
return to the shed,
Simmy has made what looks like
a sort of cat's cradle for blokes.
Now I need to tie those,
and that's gotta go through there.
And then we tie that.
However, they will need
to be the same length.
Simmy has decided to use something
designed for torsion weapons
before springs were invented.
Tourniquet.
A tourniquet.
But it has to be a precise length,
which requires tying a precise knot
in a precise place.
CREW: Were you in the Scouts,
anyone?
I wasn't.
(LAUGHING) No Scouts? No.
You'll have heard of the tourniquet
you might tie if, for example,
you've cut off your own leg
and are bleeding to death.
You pull that
all the way through there.
This tourniquet is how medieval
Boy Scouts used to fire projectiles.
A huge amount of string.
Before giant springs were invented,
trebuchets and crossbows
used tightly twisted rope,
which stores up energy.
When released, it's powerful enough
to launch whatever you want
at whoever you don't like.
So, we've both got a free end.
So, we could tie that through there,
and then tie it in the middle.
So, the string, being in
a continuous loop when twisted,
string becomes spring.
We hope that the power
stored in this tourniquet,
once we wind it up, will be enough
to lift our giant sign.
That's a terrible knot, Simmy.
Yeah, I know it is,
it's just a knot.
As they say in the navy, "If you
can't tie a knot, tie a lot."
Simmy, do you think this will work?
(INHALES)
(LAUGHS) Possibly.
Possibly, but if it doesn't work,
we're back to square one.
It's definitely working. Well
It's medieval science.
It is, but there's a lot of tension
going on around here.
It'll be fine.
And it could just all implode.
But I think we should wind it up,
and we will see.
Okay, well, why don't you two
wind it up?
Simmy and Tony,
using their immense strength,
have wound this
about as tightly as they can.
Just a few final tweaks with
our 14th-century angle grinder
and Simmy's antediluvian hammer.
Okay, stand back, everybody,
because I'm going to release
the vertical component
of the sign lifter.
No.
Everybody ready on cameras?
In three, two, one.
(GASPS)
Welcome back to Wiltshire,
and the war against
erroneous parking tickets.
We have built a rooftop frame
for my car,
onto which we'll fix
a giant printout of the legislation.
Now we're about to test
the tourniquet that lifts it up
once the camera crew
have sorted themselves out.
CREW: Is everyone happy?
Okay, so we need a build-up to this.
And action.
Simmy, do you think this will work?
(LAUGHS) Possibly.
By releasing
the tightly wound ropes,
we hope the stored energy
will be enough to raise the sign.
Everybody ready on cameras?
In three, two, one.
(GASPS) (CHEERING)
Huzzah!
As they say in medieval times.
Are you happy?
And it's historical as well,
it has historical context.
So, with some wood and some string,
the materials that were used
by our forebears,
by our great-great-great-great-
great-great-great grandfathers,
plus an impact driver
and an angle grinder,
we are ready to end
that dark period in history
that has come to be known
as the erroneous parking ticket
issued during
the ten-minute grace period,
in accordance with subsection B
of the Road Traffic Act
Amendment of 2015.
Very good, let's finish it off.
While Tony finishes the frame
and installs the sign
I'm off for a moment
of quiet reflection.
I'm very fortunate
to call Wiltshire my home.
I'm even more fortunate
to have my own pub. Morning!
But it's not all IPA and me time.
Sometimes, such as today,
I come to the pub
to have a quiet pint and
contemplate my good luck in life.
And somebody will come up
to me with some
knackered priceless
sentimental family heirloom
and say, "Ooh, James,
could you just mend this?"
Yes, the downside
of the locals knowing
you have a pub
and a penchant for tinkering
is they also know
where to ambush you.
And sure enough, no sooner had Sim
joined me in the garden
than local Roger turns up with
his grandfather's clockwork boat.
I first saw it when I was
about six, seven years old.
My grandfather said,
"I've got this for you.
When I get it working,
you shall have it."
17 years later, when he died
and I was clearing out his cupboard,
I found that
in the back of the drawer.
Not in my lifetime.
Have you had it in water?
I've put it in the water
and pushed it, but never
Right, okay.
Oh, we need to get that open
and have a look.
Shall I Well, as it happens,
my toolkit is always to hand.
What about my long
carburettor screwdriver,
which gives you good leverage?
Look at that,
that is a nice screwdriver.
That is a nice screwdriver.
No, no.
My grandfather was something
of a perfectionist.
And I felt, if I messed it up,
it'll be on my head,
and I shall regret it.
I can see it's clockwork,
I can see the square shaft
that the key goes in,
but you don't have the key
Never had the key.
No.
So, this is coming off for
the first time in at least 72 years.
Oh, look at that.
Can you see this, film crew?
That is a
So the Germans were
exceptionally good at
This is a wooden boat,
but they were good at tin toys,
clockwork, and so on,
in the 1920s and '30s.
In fact, they were probably the
world leaders at that sort of thing.
So, I'm expecting something
quite exquisite.
Yeah, the spring looks to be intact.
I think you've probably
bashed that prop
a few times, haven't you, Roger?
Because it looks
So, I think all we really
need to do with that, Simmy,
is take the motor out,
possibly strip it,
clean it, lube it,
straighten the prop a bit, do
a little bit of reshaping on this,
but without altering the patterner.
Put it back together
and there's your boat, sir.
What are you going to do with it?
Find a pond,
and take my grandchildren along
as a memento
of their great-great grandfather.
Great Yes,
great-great grandfather.
Reluctantly,
Simmy and I leave our pints
and head back to the shed
to see if we can bring Roger's
grandfather's boat back to life.
So, viewers,
we're going to make a key
but we do know it works,
because we wound it
with a pair of slip pilers.
Other problems are,
the rudder is not properly attached,
the propellor is misshapen.
But most importantly,
we need to take the motor out
and give it a jolly good clean.
And that's why
Ha-ha! Our new favourite thing.
First, we need to remove
that exquisite clockwork motor.
Ooh, that is turning,
Yeah.
Right, don't let me
let go of it, otherwise
Keep your fingers out, right?
(WHIRRING)
Whoa, look at that.
Good, isn't it? There's not much
wrong with that, to be honest.
This is my ultrasonic cleaner.
It's full of a cleansing fluid,
and, in essence,
it explodes a load of bubbles
on the surface of things,
and that knocks the dirt off.
It's going in.
(CLEANER WHIRRING)
Let's see what that does.
While the ultrasonic cleaner
cleans ultrasonically
# It's a little bit stiff #
we try and straighten the rudder.
Not bad. Right,
the ultrasonic cleaner's finished.
Ooh, that's clean.
That's much better.
Ten minutes to dry it off.
Right, whilst that's happening
Ooh, that did something.
"That'll do," comes the cry
of the perfectionist down the ages.
Time to refit the spotless motor.
Right,
you need these to come to you.
Yeah.
There you are, it's in.
The boat is back together
and greatly improved.
The brake now works,
the rudder is now straight
That's marvellous.
which is really nice, that hasn't
been like that for a very long time.
Yeah.
But then she's ready for sea trials.
Which will be a pond. Or a bath.
To make the key for Roger's
grandfather's clockwork boat,
we need the lathe.
CREW: And action.
(MACHINE WHIRRING)
I start by facing off the brass rod.
Then drilling a hole in the centre
to the required depth.
So, that's one, two, three.
So, we want seven-eights, don't we?
(SWITCH CLICKS) (CLEARS THROAT)
So, what I've done there, viewers,
is lathe work, page one.
I've faced off a piece of brass,
drilled a hole through it,
parted it off,
and faced off the other end.
That's the simplest thing
you can do on a lathe, isn't it?
There is a round hole
going through a piece of brass.
But Simmy is now going
to turn that into a square hole
using the skill of the craftsperson.
Whilst you work on that,
I'm going to open
my special broad-necked flask,
Very good.
I'm not going to show you what's
in here, 'cause it's a secret.
My favourite. Yes.
Very good.
Whilst I tuck into my secret lunch,
Simmy files the round hole
so it can fit a square peg.
James? Yeah?
I think I've done your key.
Well,
I could have been quicker, but
All right? That's beautiful, man.
Actually, what'd be quite nice
is to just put
a knurled knob on the top.
Because then it's very individual.
It is.
To successfully knurl a knob,
I need a special knurling tool.
Knurling is a crosshatched pattern
There you go.
Yes, that is knurling.
Okay, I'm going to go for it.
(MACHINE WHIRRING)
(MACHINE STOPS)
Next, I drill a hole in the centre
to accept the bit
we've already made.
Job well done. All that's left to do
is solder the two pieces together.
Keep going, keep going, keep going.
Has it gone?
Yeah.
Beautiful.
Ah! (LAUGHS)
That is still actually quite warm
when you've been holding it
for several seconds.
Yeah, that bit's
probably a little hotter. Yeah.
So, I'll say quickly, I think
we've achieved greatness,
and that looks fabulous,
and I hope Roger appreciates it.
Now, if there's one thing I love
more than my lathe, it's pubs.
I love them so much, I bought one.
Pubs are a very tough business,
that's why so many are closing.
So, those of us
with successful, surviving pubs
have to think constantly
about how to keep costs down
without compromising quality.
Today, I'm concerned
with the cost of producing chips,
a staple of pubs everywhere,
but with the potential
to ruin the whole business.
This is Mark, one of the chefs
at The Royal Oak, Swallowcliffe,
just off the A30 between
Shaftesbury and Salisbury.
And he makes chips,
he doesn't only make chips,
he makes all sorts
of delicious things.
But he does spend a lot of his time
making the chips.
How many potatoes do you think
you turn into chips in a week?
We do about five or six bags,
there's about 140 potatoes in a bag.
So, it's thousands of potatoes
that's turned into chips every week?
By hand. Wow.
Anyway, the pub would like me
to buy them a chip-making machine,
which, I think,
costs about 450 quid, isn't it?
That'd be great. Yeah.
But what if there's another way?
What if there is a money-saving,
engineering-based solution?
Sim and Tony
think they may have one.
Leaves frame in a tantalising way.
I wonder what they're cooking up.
And will their idea
be as good as mine?
It's a bit of overkill
for a potato, isn't it?
(ENGINE WHIRRING)
The British pub teeters
on the verge of extinction,
all because of chips.
It's either hours
of cutting them by hand,
or a prohibitively expensive
chip-making machine.
We are trying to save time
and cut costs whilst chopping chips.
So, Simmy and Tony think
the answer is a tennis bat.
This is a perfectly standard one.
It's not been replaced
with cheese wire or anything,
it's just normal nylon strings.
And the idea is that
you hit the potato,
and the potato comes out
of the other side as chips.
Underarm serve.
CREW: Can we just question
You're just thinking
this is gonna work? (LAUGHS)
That's the most ridiculous thing.
You've got a rock-hard potato
and quite a soft-string
tennis racquet.
The crew are very cynical
about the tennis racquet method.
I don't see why it wouldn't work.
I mean, it's no more remarkable than
cutting up a big piece of cheese
in a supermarket with (WHISTLES)
I know that's a wire and these
are nylon, but they're very taut.
You need to hit that
with some gusto, though.
I will serve it to you here. Right.
And if you hit it
with a forearm smash Okay.
Ooh! Hey. Yes!
Look. That's a perfect chip.
That's a chip, and that's a chip.
That one, look at that.
They're chips.
To whom shall I show these?
Right, our work here is done.
Can I just say that if I showed you
those in the kitchen
of my house, you'd say,
"Oh, James has made some chips."
No doubt about it whatsoever,
those are chips.
And everybody on this crew said,
"Eh, a tennis racquet won't work."
Well, it does.
They've got grass in them,
I accept that. But nevertheless
Collection of the chips
is a bit of an issue.
If I go in and say,
"I'd like steak and chips, please,"
somebody has to go
and walk around a field
for half an hour, picking chips up.
Is there a way
of making this more contained?
Hmm.
Can we attach something on the back
of the tennis racquet to catch them?
It'd slow the tennis racquet
down because of drag,
unless it was a net.
But is there a way
of fixing the tennis racquet
Yeah. Yeah, we could do that.
Yeah.
After a brief interlude
to gather some more equipment
we return with our potato chipper
version 2.0.
Which is a mounted tennis bat
and a cannon.
All we need now
is a method behind here
for collecting the chips
as they fly through.
So you just go bang, bang, bang.
Walk back to the pub
with a massive tub of chips. Easy.
That can simply sit there
and catch all the chips.
Ooh. For maximised ballistic effect,
we've cut the potatoes
to the same size
as the bore of the cannon.
Clever.
Cue the inevitable lecture
in health and safety.
It's a very high-speed cannon,
and a very heavy potato.
The crew of HMS Victory
didn't wear safety goggles.
Nelson would be alive
and well today if he had.
(LAUGHS)
The power behind
our supersized spud gun
is Simmy's air compressor, also
useful for inflating beach toys.
Simmy is loading,
Tony is firing, I'm aiming.
Glasses on. Glasses on.
That's four bar. Well tapped, Tony.
Ready? Yeah.
(EXCLAIMS) (LAUGHING)
Oh-ho-ho!
Chips, man.
Loads of chips.
That works, that is the beginnings
of a big bucket of chips.
That's a potato.
and our slow-mo camera.
(ORCHESTRAL MUSIC PLAYING)
I think you just killed the GoPro.
If the word gets out
that The Royal Oak
is producing chips in a novel way,
it will become even more busy
and popular than it already is.
And I don't think
that's very efficient.
But I suddenly remembered.
If you two wait there.
What's that?
What the
My high-power answer
to chipping potatoes
is a rather lovely
burnt-orange, two-tonne,
55-horsepower diesel woodchipper
(LAUGHS) capable of chipping
It's a bit of overkill
for a potato, isn't it?
and therefore a King Edward.
What do you think?
Will it fit in the kitchen?
(LAUGHS)
And this will make chips
on an industrial scale.
So, that goes roughly there.
(ENGINE STARTS)
Ready? Ready. Feed in the potatoes.
Move the bucket.
Hey?
Hmm.
That looks like when
you make a potato what's-it.
Rosti. Thank you.
That'd make a fantastic rosti, that.
This is field-to-fork, that is
quite literally off the field there.
I can pretty much guarantee that
when we take those into the kitchen
and give them to Mark,
he's going to have a small tantrum.
(CHUCKLES)
So, will Mark agree that we've
come up with a fantastic alternative
to the £450 chip-making machine?
They look like you've kicked them
around the car park.
We did, in a way, or around a field.
These are my chips,
those are pure tennis racquet chips.
These are Simmy's chips,
which are tennis racquet
and air cannon.
And these are Tony's chips
and potato mush.
Use as garnish. Eau naturelle.
I don't know what to say.
My daughter did something like this
when she was about two.
While Mark prepares our new
low-cost, no-chop chips
we reward our efforts
with a nice, refreshing pint
of lemonade.
I used to play this with my brother,
when I was, I don't know,
eight or nine,
and he was six or seven.
This is just plain lemonade.
And the game is to see who can put
their tongue in it for the longest.
(LAUGHS) Sure.
Is this what you used to play?
Yeah, maybe you were
more sensitive as a child,
but after about 15 or 20 seconds,
it starts to hurt,
believe it or not.
Yeah.
In three, two, one, go.
You might be forgiven for thinking
this is just three grown men
with their tongue stuck
in pints of lemonade.
(ALL GROANING)
We're actually testing
our endurance to carbonic acid,
which is what
gives the lemonade its fizz.
Ah. I don't like it.
(CHUCKLES) It hurts, doesn't it?
Oh, we have a winner.
(LAUGHS) Whoo!
That was so good.
Isn't that weird,
why does it hurt your tongue?
I don't know.
(LAUGHING)
So, Tony's best at sticking
his tongue in lemonade.
But now, back to chips.
Have we saved Chef Mark time
and The Royal Oak money?
That's Sim's.
Nice, thank you. With grass.
They look ace.
Oh, they're good.
These are nice, fluffy. Great.
Good news and bad news, viewers.
The good news is
(LAUGHS)
The bad news, however
Has a slight tennisy quality to it.
(LAUGHS) I don't like the grass.
I think I've got to buy
the chip-making machine,
if I'm really honest.
The chips were beautiful.
So, £450 lighter,
but with a happy chef,
it's time to return
to the bane of all our lives.
We've built a pop-up frame
for my car
(CHEERING)
Huzzah!
As they say in medieval times.
Next, the tech that triggers
the warning device.
Simmy has devised a system
using two timers.
The switch from the one-hour timer
could effectively be
Yes.
An electromagnet
Yes. I like an electromagnet.
and something called
a PIR sensor.
Passive Infrared. The sort of thing
that controls your security light
when somebody walks past.
Time to fit the rig onto my Panda.
If the PIR sensor
detects unauthorised movement
on the windscreen within
the ten-minute grace period
my rooftop contraption
will unleash legislative hell.
Right. I now have
to record the words.
I think I might
only have one shot at this.
Here we go, is everybody ready?
Now hear this, traffic warden,
Road Traffic England,
the Civil Enforcement
of Parking Contraventions
England General Amendment
Regulations 2015
And in the time it takes for me
to read the legislation in full,
that's five more parking tickets
that we could have saved.
And that is because
No penalty charge is payable
for the contravention
where the vehicle has been left
beyond the permitted parking period
for a period not exceeding
ten minutes. Got it?
That's from Eric Pickles,
Secretary of State,
Department of Communities
and Local Government.
Good. Right, let's go.
Simmy, Tony.
Come on, we're going shopping.
Ooh.
You can have an ice cream
if you want.
Road trip.
Are we there yet? (LAUGHS) Nearly.
So, how will the unsuspecting
locals react
when our parking-legislation-loaded
Panda rolls into town?
For legislation lovers everywhere,
the big day has arrived.
Exciting.
Yeah.
We're off to my local town, Tisbury,
where we will road-test
our traffic warden warning device.
Normally, you go to town
in the car and you think,
"I hope I don't get
a parking ticket."
But we hope
we do get a parking ticket.
Or at least a parking ticket
in the ten minutes
between the expiration
of the allotted parking time
and the ten-minute window that's
been inserted into the regulations,
in April 2015,
by Judge Eric Pickles.
Nice.
There.
(GRUNTS)
Awful bit of parking, James.
Yeah, I cocked that up, didn't I?
Trying to be clever.
Right, a quick reminder
of how this works.
Obviously, this is a prototype.
If it's ever included
as an option on new cars,
it'll be quite a bit more refined.
But, essentially, there are
two timers in this unit here.
And the display comes up here
with the time elapsed.
I'm gonna set this for one hour,
because that's how much parking
I'm about to pay for.
At the end of an hour,
it switches over to this circuit,
which displays a countdown
of ten minutes on there.
During that ten-minute period,
the PIR sensor is active.
And if anybody tries
to put a ticket on the car,
the message would crop up, my voice
will come out of the megaphone,
warning them that they're actually
on the wrong side of the law.
So, I'm just gonna finish
paying for the parking
for one hour.
And started, and turn the system on.
And we're off to the hardware shop.
My Panda is a ticking timebomb
of electromagnets,
tourniquets, and the law,
just waiting for a ticket-happy
traffic warden,
or a member of the production team
in a high-vis.
But, in the meantime
This is Coffee Angels,
where you get an excellent
bacon and egg roll.
The Chinese is good,
if you're in on your own
watching Where Eagles Dare.
Hardware's on the right.
Ooh, look. The thermos
with the little spoon in.
Everything you could possibly want.
It turns out, time flies when you're
three blokes looking at tools.
No, I like tape measures.
(LAUGHS) When the pub's shut,
they're clearing out
With just five minutes
until the Panda is armed
it's time to take our positions.
Right, let's have a nice,
refreshing cup of tea
and observe our car.
With our traffic warden/team member
lurking,
the time is upon us to see if our
prototype warning system works.
Ticket. (LAUGHS)
No way.
Yes.
(LAUGHING)
That's so good! It's like
(ON SPEAKER) Now hear this, traffic
warden. Road Traffic England,
the Civil Enforcement
of Parking Contraventions
England General Amendment
Regulations 2015
The regulations in full.
these regulations may be cited
for civil enforcement
of Parking Contraventions England
That's never happened before,
has it?
A great big sign that's erected
itself on the top of a car. (LAUGHS)
That looks fantastic.
The locals are out in their tens
to see Tisbury assume its rightful
place in the annals of history,
thanks to the launch of our
traffic warden warning device.
(LAUGHING)
It's quite elaborate.
But But it worked.
(ON SPEAKER)
No penalty charge is payable
for the contravention
where the vehicle has been left
beyond the permitted parking period
for a period
not exceeding ten minutes.
Got it? That's from Eric Pickles,
Secretary of State
Yes. Department of Communities
and Local Government.
(LAUGHING) Yes.
That's so good, that is so good.
(LAUGHS)
That is a victory for common sense,
it's a victory for the motorist,
it's a victory for the rule of law,
and it's a victory for our hero,
Eric Pickles.
Thank you, Sir.
We've still got to move in the next
six-and-a-half minutes.
So, we've seen off
one ticket-happy traffic warden.
Now I've got to see
a man about a boat.
You see,
there's only one thing better
than mending something
like a broken clockwork toy,
and that's reuniting it
with its owner,
Hello. Good afternoon, sir.
I'm fine, thank you.
Good to see you again.
Nice to see you.
Wow.
Would you like us
to tell you what we've done?
I'd love to know what you've done.
Removed, ultrasonically-cleaned,
serviced,
and relubricated the engine.
That looks a lot better. Yes.
A-ha.
Wow.
on that bar,
which it didn't do previously.
And you've never had a key for it?
I'm afraid I don't have a key, no.
Well you have now.
Fantastic.
But is Roger's
grandfather's toy boat
shipshape and pond-worthy?
What we thought we could do,
since you've never
been able to do this,
is you can wind it, set the rudder,
Simmy will row out in the little
boat to the middle of the lake.
You can send it to him,
and then he can rewind it
and send it back, so that it emerges
as if from your
incomplete childhood,
crewed by the spirits
of your forebears.
Only 72 years after it was
given to me, that is fantastic.
This boat is overdue,
but it is coming.
Okay, Simmy, off you go in the boat.
Go for the boat.
Hmm.
So, if you place it in the water
and simply push that
Push that across. and release,
(TRIUMPHANT MUSIC PLAYING)
Aim it at the boat.
(GASPS)
Wow.
(LAUGHS) Fantastic.
That's absolutely fantastic.
Oh, I think it's got weed
on the propellor.
Do you believe that?
That was so fantastic
for a few seconds.
It was It had I'm sorry.
It was obviously doing
what it was intended to do.
That's further
than it's ever been before.
(LAUGHS) In my
Since I've owned it.
Oh.
Right, Simmy will now send it back.
It has to avoid the weeds,
the duck, the swan,
and the weight of history.
Simmy, let her go.
There we go.
Slight right rudder, but
it's incredible.
Here she comes.
That lake is a whole ocean
to that little toy boat.
That's its longest voyage so far.
I hope your grandfather
is suitably pleased.
I'm sure he'll be
spinning in his grave
to know that, finally,
it's got on the water and works.
That's just incredible,
absolutely marvellous.
I'm I'm feeling slightly moved.
Thank you so much.
I'm absolutely thrilled, delighted.
And I think my grandchildren
are going to enjoy this very much.
Excellent. Well, thank you very much
for giving us
the opportunity to mend it.
So, that's a win for my pub-based
community-mending programme,
and one jolly Roger.
Sim? Are you gonna come back,
or are you just
gonna row around all day?
Might just row around all day.
It's quite nice.
Do you want a pork pie?
I've got one for you.
Love a pork pie.