Jesy Nelson: Life After Little Mix (2026) s01e01 Episode Script
Episode 1
I bust the windows out your car ♪
[Jesy Nelson] I just remember thinking,
"Jesy, this is a very, very big audition."
I bust the windows out your car ♪
"You need to nail this."
…mend my broken heart ♪
So I just practised in my room
for hours and hours on end
over and over and over again.
It just terrified the shit out of me.
'Cause I knew that this moment
could change my life forever.
And it did.
-[Jesy] Hello.
-[Kelly Rowland] Hello.
-What's your name?
-I'm Jesy.
But just not in the way that I hoped for.
[producer] Why do you wanna do
this documentary?
I'm just at a place in my life
where I feel like I'm ready
to, like, let people in again.
This is a whole new chapter of my life.
I feel like now I'm ready
to tell my side of the story.
-[crowd cheers]
-And here is Little Mix, everybody.
Felt like it went… [imitates explosion]
They may call themselves "Little,"
but they're huge.
They've sold
over 45 million records worldwide.
They have more than half a billion views.
Today, the special live… Little Mix.
…Little Mix!
[host] The biggest girl group
on the planet.
[Perrie] These girls are my best friends.
Long may it continue.
I love you guys so much.
You see 'em up on stage
and they're smiling.
How are we feeling?
[Jesy's sibling] And you've got no idea
what's going on behind closed doors.
From day one, she was just a target.
So many times she'd just say to me,
"I just want the pain to just go away."
[Jesy] I couldn't see another way.
It was like my body
was telling me, "Stop."
I can just see a calmness
and a happiness in her now.
[partner] Did you have to dance in that?
Oh, my gosh.
I just wore this and nothing else.
I'm joking.
[obstetrician] It will be two baby girls.
-Say hello.
-Hi.
[laughing]
What's the percentage
of them, like, surviving?
If we do nothing,
90 to 95% of the time, unfortunately,
-both babies don't make it.
-Yeah.
[Jesy's parent]
If something was to go wrong now,
I dread to think what it would be like.
Just gets harder. [cries]
My brain literally can't compute
not having these babies.
She's one of the most strongest
women that I know.
[monitor blaring]
She's had a bloody rough ride.
Jesy Nelson had to leave a performance
after suffering from a panic attack.
-I just feel a lot of pressure.
-Don't think of it. No.
Jesy Nelson's being accused
of so-called blackfishing.
[photographer] Jesy, you'll make it
look worse for yourself.
Jesy Nelson has quit
the girl group Little Mix.
[producer] So,
why did you leave Little Mix?
So I've never spoken about this.
[exhales deeply]
Just give me a minute.
So, about my grey hair,
I actually think this is the longest
-I've ever left my hair.
-I didn't realise how grey it was.
-Thanks, Chris.
-[laughs]
Bloody…
Only at the front,
the most important bit of 'em.
It's so frustrating because
I'm not allowed to dye my hair.
The doctors literally said…
[stammers] …I'm not allowed to do it…
[hair stylist] So annoying.
[Jesy] …because if the hair dye
got into my bloodstream
then it can affect the babies.
Also, I can't find anything that fits me.
So, actually, what I've been doing
is wearing pyjama bottoms
and styling it out
with, like, a baggy tee.
-What, outside?
-Yeah, I did yesterday.
-To the shops?
-I had a pair of Primark pyjamas on.
I got grey hairs so young though.
-Like, I think I got it at 25, 26.
-Yeah.
Aw… They're learning all our tricks now.
The cat's out the bag.
I'm just a haggard old mum
with grey hair now.
-[laughs]
-I'm not a pop star anymore.
You are human after all.
Look at the size of her knickers…
[chuckles] …that she's wearing.
Look at them bad boys. [chuckles]
-[producer] She's gonna love you for that.
-I know. [chuckles]
I really never, ever thought
she would have children, never,
but I've never actually seen her
so happy and content.
[parent]
When we knew she was making a documentary,
straight away, I was like,
"No, why? Why do you want
people in your home,
people given the opportunity
to make comments 'cause they're gonna?
Why, when you're so happy?"
And she said, "Mum, it's not about money.
It's not about anything like that."
And she goes, "People just know me
from horrible pictures,
horrible things they've heard.
They don't know the truth.
I just want the truth to be out there
and I want people to know me
as I really am."
[photographer] I love this.
[shutter clicking]
Yeah, really nice looking down as well.
-Should we try some hands on bellies, huh?
-Mm-hmm.
[shutter clicking]
[Jesy] This might be
a really stupid question,
but could you actually see
that I'm pregnant?
-[photographer] No, not really.
-[both laugh]
No, 'cause I don't know
what it looks like sitting down.
-Yeah, you look amazing.
-Okay.
[producer] Do you enjoy the feeling
of being pregnant?
Like I wouldn't say it's, like, easy,
but I really like feeling like a mum.
I'm so protective.
And it's so weird because before,
I always used to,
when my friends would be pregnant,
I'd be like, "Oh, my God."
The thought of someone… a baby kicking me
inside would really freak me out.
But I think you're never lonely,
and I love that feeling.
I just… Yeah, I love chatting to them.
[chuckling] That sounds a bit weird.
[photographer] Are they gonna be
boys or girls?
-Girls.
-No way.
-Did you have a preference?
-Yeah, I wanted girls.
Girls will never leave you, boys do.
Like, I'm with my mum 24-7…
-Yeah, true actually.
-…me and my sister, whereas boys
just, like, get to a certain age
and they sod off.
[photographer] This is really nice.
-This is cute as well.
-Yeah, I love that one.
Weirdly, I feel like
since I've been pregnant,
I care less about how I look.
I love, love, love that one.
-Oh, my God, my belly looks colossal.
-[both laugh]
Since becoming a mum
and being pregnant, I'm just…
I don't really give a shit anymore.
-[producer] That must be very freeing.
-[Jesy] It is. It's lovely.
I just don't care about me anymore.
Like, I just care about them.
All the other shit don't matter.
[reporter] Singer Jesy Nelson
has quit the girl group Little Mix
after she said constant pressure
had affected her mental health.
The singer who's been
in the group for nine years
said she found living up
to expectations very hard.
[Jesy] Before I got pregnant, I was lost.
I felt really lost.
I felt like I didn't have a purpose.
I was very, very depressed
when I was in the band,
so when I left, I immediately felt,
like, a little happier,
like a weight had been lifted
off my shoulders.
Wow.
They're really nice.
Bloody hell.
[Jesy] And then I met Zion.
And I'm not gonna say,
"Oh, I was just instantly happy,"
because Zion's been through
so much shit with me.
[photographer] Super cute.
[Jesy] I find it so hard
to be serious with you.
Whenever I'm with Zi,
I just wanna be silly.
I'm just not gonna look at you anymore
'cause I actually can't.
Because if I look at you,
I'm just gonna laugh.
But I feel like
now that we're having babies,
genuinely, like, hand on my heart,
this is, without a doubt,
the best thing that ever happened to me.
Just been trying to organise things.
She wants all these trainers packed away.
When you're a mum,
you wanna get all your house ready.
It's like a nesting thing, isn't it?
Missy Elliot boots.
She just loved Missy Elliot.
From about 12,
she was just obsessed with her,
always obsessed with that kind of music
and she's always loved hip-hop.
So there's a pair here…
This is when she did a video, "Boyz."
These are really nice,
but, sadly, we don't get them out
because of all the bad press around it
and it's… it's just sad.
But anyway, we don't touch those.
We leave those in there.
I think that was for
one of the performances they did.
They all had 'em with their names on it.
It's got "The X Factor" on there.
From really, really young,
like, as young as I can remember,
she's constantly singing,
constantly dancing around the house,
always happy and bubbly and funny
and always mucking around.
Jes, you look so pretty.
Oh, Tinker Bell, you look so lovely.
You're so pretty.
[Jesy] From really young, I feel like
I've always been, like, a drama queen.
And not in a sense of causing drama.
Hello.
I've just always wanted
to entertain people.
Like it's just in me.
-[Jan] Do you know any magic spell?
-Yeah.
-What are they?
-Abracadabra.
Go on then.
Abracadabra, may you have some merry.
[imitates spell]
[Jan] What's this?
She used to belong
to a little theatre school.
I think it was called…
yeah, Rhodes Theatre School.
So it's little shows
she was in from there.
[audience cheering, applauding]
[Jesy] The first time I sang ever
to anyone was when I was eight years old
and I went to, like, a little
part-time theatre school.
Maybe far away ♪
Or maybe real nearby ♪
But then as soon as I got up on stage
and saw everyone looking at me…
She may be straightening his tie ♪
…I just cracked.
Maybe in a house ♪
Literally, my voice broke,
and I remember
the whole audience going quiet
'cause they were like, "Aw, bless her."
Betcha they're good
Why shouldn't they be? ♪
That put the fear of God in me,
and from there, like,
I just could never get over that
that was never gonna happen again.
So maybe now it's time ♪
[applause]
But performing was always
like a thing that I knew I had to do.
And I didn't know what it was.
I didn't know if it was singing,
if it was dancing, if it was acting.
Oh, look, 'ere she comes, Nancy,
you rotten neighbour from hell.
-Oi, you! Enough of the cheek.
-[crowd laughs]
I just remember there was one lady
in the crowd and as she left,
she tapped me on the shoulder
and she went, um,
"I'm telling you,
she's gonna be successful."
-Can we watch it in peace?
-[laughing continues]
God.
I should be doing that job.
[camera whirring]
So this is when she was about 12,
when she first started dancing
at the shows.
[Jesy] In my teenage years,
I loved street dancing.
Loved clothes, trainers, jewellery.
Any time I got my wages,
I was straight to Camden Market
buying all the tut I could buy.
And I was just very carefree and happy.
[producer] Does it make you feel sad
when you think of that person?
Yeah, because the version of me
before X Factor, I'll never get that back.
And I loved that version of me.
It's like having a vase
and it gets smashed
and you put it back together,
but it will never be what it was
when it was first made.
And that was probably the most realest,
authentic version of Jesy
that there ever was.
Zion is obsessed with tea.
-[producer] Tea?
-Tea, yeah.
[Jesy] Loose leaf tea.
-[producer] Proper tea.
-Proper tea.
Tea is like more of a lifestyle thing,
I think, as I kind of--
-[Jesy] A lifestyle? It's a cup of tea.
-Yeah.
No, you sit down…
Especially when you have a pot,
it's just like a calming moment.
-You know what I mean?
-When we first met,
he used to… I mean, he still does it now.
I've never seen someone
drink tea so intensely.
He used to sit at the table
and everyone would be talking,
and he'd just sip his tea
and then he'd go…
and just close his eyes.
And he'd just sit at the table,
while everyone's talking, like this.
And I'd be like,
"Are you all right, Zion?"
No, because, basically,
when you drink tea,
you have to drink the tea
and actually appreciate the tea.
A pot of tea makes me feel better equipped
to just deal with life's challenges
'cause of the different flavours,
different textures, you go… [slurps]
I mean… [laughs] …it's a cup of tea.
[chuckles]
We are like chalk and cheese.
Zion is very, like, zen and chilled.
He meditates, he journals.
And I am, like, the erratic nutter.
So… But for some reason,
it absolutely works.
Yin and yang.
-There we go.
-It's a balance.
-Yeah.
-It is the balance.
[Jesy] When I fell pregnant,
it wasn't planned.
And I was like, "Oh, fuck,"
'cause you are still really young.
-I hope you don't mind me saying that.
-No, of course.
-It sounds patronising, but…
-Yeah, it's true.
Zion's 25, I'm 33 and…
I don't know, I still feel like 25
is quite a young age to have kids,
especially two.
[producer] So take me back to the moment
when you discovered you were pregnant.
Where were you?
Take me to the moment when you discovered
that you were going to be a dad.
Wow. Um…
Even when I took the test, I still
just thought it was gonna say "negative,"
so I was so shocked
when it did say "positive."
And I think Zion was at work,
and I called him and I said,
"Where are you? I need you to sit down.
Wherever you are, you need to sit down."
She said, "Who are you with?"
I said, "I'm alone,"
and she sounded
like she was really panicking.
-And I said…
-"You're scaring me, what's happened?"
And I was like, "Okay, are you ready?"
And he was like, "What? What's happened?"
-And I was like, "Um… I'm pregnant."
-"I'm pregnant."
-And I said, "Oh, my God."
-"Oh, my God."
And then he said,
"Okay, well, how do you feel about it?"
And I was like,
"Well, I feel happy about it,"
and he was like, "Okay, well…"
"This is something I've always wanted.
Like, this is the best news."
Then we went for the scan.
And he was scanning my belly
and he was like, "There's your baby."
And then he went…
"Oh…
I think you've got double trouble,"
and I wish, I so wish that we had
a camera to film Zion's face.
And I just didn't say anything.
-And she just kept saying, "Are you okay?"
-"Are you okay?"
And he's just like, "Yeah. Yeah."
I was like, "Are you happy?"
He was like, "Yeah."
Twins is not an easy road.
It's not the same as having one baby, but…
I'm ready.
I could not want
a better dad for my girls.
[chuckling]
Every time I've gone through shit,
he is the person that makes me feel
like everything is gonna be okay.
["Stand By Me" playing]
When the night has come ♪
[vocalising]
And the land is dark ♪
And the moon is the only light
We'll see ♪
-[vocalising] Oh.
-[thuds]
No, I won't be afraid ♪
-Can I go down here?
-Yeah.
I won't be afraid ♪
Just as long ♪
-As you stand ♪
-As you stand ♪
-Stand by me ♪
-Stand by me ♪
You know what's gonna be so interesting?
Seeing what, um, music the girls like.
When we play them our music,
they're gonna be like,
"Dang. Mum, Dad, get this off."
-Nah, no way.
-Aren't they?
Stand by me ♪
Do you think they'll think we're cool?
-Yeah.
-You do?
-[song stops]
-Bloody hell, kill the vibes.
-What are you putting on?
-I'm gonna surprise you.
Oh, God.
-I'm gonna play "Bust The Windows."
-No, you're not playing that.
Bloody hell.
I bust the windows out your car… ♪
-Oh, my God. Stop. You're so annoying.
-I put it on shuffle.
Get it off. Stop.
No, you're really pissing me off. Stop it.
-[Jesy] Hello.
-[Rowland] Hello.
-Hello.
-How are you?
I'm really good, thank you. Yourself?
Good, thank you. What's your name?
-I'm Jesy.
-Jesy.
-And how old are you, Jesy?
-I'm 20.
-So what are you gonna sing for us today?
-I'm gonna be singing "Bust Your Windows."
-All right. Well, let's hear it.
-[laughs]
Thank you.
This is the cosiest interview
I've ever done.
I get my snuggly socks,
I'm on my own sofa.
The X Factor at the time was literally
the biggest show on television.
-It was everyone's Saturday night TV.
-["Bust Your Windows" plays]
It was huge.
I bust the windows out your car ♪
Yeah… ♪
When I think back to that audition,
I really didn't like the feeling.
It is actually like you are standing there
naked in front of everyone to be judged.
But right now
I don't care about that part ♪
I bust the windows out your car ♪
Yeah ♪
[Tulisa] Even though she had this kind of
sweet air of innocence about her,
when she went into
the fight mode in the audition,
I was like, "Oh, yeah,
there's a little tiger in there."
'Cause you had to learn… ♪
[Jesy] Honestly,
when I watch back my audition,
I actually don't know how I got through,
because I'm just like, "That was awful."
That was awful.
I didn't know that I had
That much strength ♪
[crowd cheering]
How long have you been singing?
Not long at all.
Literally, I've only just started.
-Oh, yeah?
-Yeah.
So what did you do before then?
You have a job?
Yeah, I'm a barmaid.
I work behind a bar and I dance as well.
So what would winning X Factor
mean to you?
Knowing that I could wake up
doing something that I love
for the rest of my life for a living,
that's just the dream for me.
Like, that's all I wanna do.
I just wanna do music. It's my life.
I was gutted that Simon
wasn't there that year.
And Gary was meant to be,
like, the Simon that year
and he absolutely hated me.
I'm sorry, Jesy.
I didn't see that audition at all.
I found it lacked individuality.
-[crowd boos]
-I thought it was very generic.
From that minute
that he'd torn me to shit,
I just wanted to walk off stage.
I didn't care what anyone else had to say.
There's something
really special about you.
But I actually see you in a band.
I was just mortified.
And all I kept thinking was,
"I can't believe all my friends
are gonna see this.
I can't believe all these people I know
are gonna see this.
I'm so embarrassed."
-And I'm saying yes.
-The rest all said lovely comments.
-I'm gonna say yes.
-[Jesy] And I got through,
-but the one bad comment…
-I'm gonna say yes.
…which just sums me up
was the one that really got in my head.
-I'm sorry, Jesy. It's a no from me.
-[crowd boos]
I think there were very early signs
from my first audition
that I probably was gonna struggle.
I remember coming off stage,
I was really crying.
They were, like, literally
shoving the camera in my face.
"Jesy, could you just say to the camera,
'Gary, I'm gonna prove you wrong.'"
I was literally like,
"Please, I just wanna go."
My mum… bless her, she's so cute.
She could see how distraught I was.
And she was like, "Oh… Please,
do you mind just not filming her?"
They literally wouldn't leave me alone.
My mum was like,
"Please, just leave her alone."
After my first audition,
I didn't get through the next phase.
And I just remember sobbing
in the toilets to my mum.
And then, after that…
[producer] Jesy Nelson, Perrie Edwards,
Jade Thirlwall and Leigh-Anne Pinnock,
the judges have asked me to fetch you.
They'd like to see you on stage.
If you'd like to come back this way.
They all had a similar sweetness.
They were all relatable.
It just felt right.
And when I would look at
the four of them stood together,
I was like, "Yeah, this works."
[Rowland, softly] I like them together.
-They look fricking great together.
-Yes.
They look cute, though.
Hello, ladies.
You're probably wondering
what you're doing up there, huh?
We truly feel like the four of you
could bring something very special
to this competition.
Do you think you guys could work together?
Yeah.
[crowd cheering]
And that was when they formed Little Mix,
which was me, Jade, Leigh-Anne and Perrie.
And then that was it.
And I just instantly knew
this is what I'm meant to do.
I was meant to be in a group.
I felt not as naked. I didn't feel alone.
I felt more confident.
All eyes weren't on me,
and I just felt safe.
Gosh. I feel like I've been dragged
through a hedge backwards.
-Group hug?
-This is amazing.
-New group hug?
-Yeah, let's do it.
And that was when I felt like… [gasps]
…I belong.
Good luck, as yet unnamed band.
[all chuckling]
-Thank you so much.
-Bye then, girls.
Oh, gosh.
What is going on? Look at those lights…
[shrieking]
Yeah, it's just… it feels magical.
And then… very quickly, it isn't.
We need to do the video.
[Zion] Which video?
-Just about our situation with the babies.
-Oh, yeah.
I just wanna talk to you about it
because when we do this video,
we need to learn the name,
which I have been trying to do,
but I can't remember it.
Yeah. Can you do the thing on Google
-where it pronounces it for you?
-Where it says it out loud for you?
That's what I've been doing all day
but I can't remember it.
[robotic voice]
Monochorionic diamniotic twins.
[gasps]
Monochorionic "diaminotic" twins.
-Oh. You did that really well.
-Was that good?
-Go again.
-Monochorionic "diaminotic" twins.
Well, I'm just gonna talk to you
about something else
-and then I'm gonna go… Say it.
-Go on then.
So talk to me about your day.
What did you do today?
Monochorionic "diaminotic" twins.
No, you have to say…
Do a different conversation.
You can't just keep saying that.
-Bloody hell.
-Tell me about your day.
-I had a great day.
-Yeah? What did you do?
-I went to see my mum.
-Right.
-Are you going boxing tonight?
-Yeah.
-By the way, what twins are you having?
-Monochorionic "diaminotic" twins.
[cheers]
Okay, that's good.
[Zion] Okay.
Let's do this.
-Right, can you put the light on?
-Yeah.
[producer] Talk to me about
your relationship with social media.
Oh… It's a love-hate relationship.
I need it to stay in contact with my fans.
You know, they've supported me
and done so much for me
in terms of my career.
It would almost not feel right
to now just, like, cut people off.
-Can that go up higher?
-Yeah.
But I've always struggled
with social media,
from the minute I got told
I had to have it on X Factor.
They were like, "You girls,
you need to have a Twitter account
for people to, like,
get to know you as a band."
Then we were told
we had to have them individually
so people could get to know us.
And that, for me, was when
it just spiralled out of control.
Social media for me was like
the downfall of my mental health,
which made me end up
doing the things that I did.
God, why do I feel nervous?
[Zion] It's tough to talk about.
The type of identical twins we're having
-known as monochorionic diamniotic twins.
-Sorry.
I don't know why I've got the giggles
all of a sudden.
What is wrong with me? This is…
-Can you say mono--
-Oh, no, it's gonna make me laugh.
Oh, God. Why is this happening?
No, that's actually not funny
'cause this is a serious situation.
As soon as I've gotta be serious,
I can't do it.
Normally we're just being silly.
-You ready?
-Yeah.
So the type of twins we do have is mono…
This is not funny.
No, it's not funny at all.
I've just wet myself.
[laughing]
Guys.
Oh, no.
Oh, no.
Oh, no. This is bad.
Just get your shit together.
Okay, I'm ready. Let's do it.
So we are having identical twins,
which is so exciting,
but, unfortunately,
there are complications
that come with having identical twins.
-Yeah.
-We…
The type of twins we are having
are called mono-di twins.
Yeah.
Most twins would have two placentas
that they feed off of,
but when you have mono-di twins,
that means your twins
live off one placenta,
which can lead to lots of complications…
-Yeah.
-…one of them being, um…
really awful to say, but…
could lead to both babies dying.
But we are just hoping and praying
for the best, aren't we?
-Yeah.
-We feel so, like…
We just gotta pray
-that everything is gonna be good.
-Just gotta pray, yeah.
But it will. It will be good.
-So thank you guys for listening. [kisses]
-Yeah.
[Zion] It's up.
-[Jesy] It's up?
-Yeah.
What are they saying?
Someone said, "You're so brave for sharing
the complications
that you're going through whilst trying…"
Oh, God, they're really kicking.
"…whilst trying to do it
with raising awareness.
Praying for you both and your babies."
-I felt that.
-I know.
[producer] How does it feel
now it's… it's out there?
I don't know, I just feel sad.
[stammers] I just don't know.
I think it feels more real now…
which sounds really silly
because it's always been real,
but I don't know.
I feel like I'm losing that little bubble
and now it's like…
I don't know…
-It's always scary letting the world in.
-Yeah. [sniffles] Yeah.
Every time we've done videos,
we're just pissing around on TikTok.
We've just been like, "Whoo, twins," like…
Like… And no one actually knows
what really is going on.
Like, no one really knows that, actually,
I'll cry my eyes out every day.
I don't know.
I don't know.
-They're gonna be fine.
-Yeah.
So we are nearly 11 weeks.
-[Zion] How are you feeling?
-Like absolute shit.
[Zion] I love the…
I've never been so ill and sick
in my whole entire life.
But it's all worth it.
No, I just love them so much and I feel
like this was what was missing in my life.
So, in six days, we get to see the babies
and we get to know the gender.
And just… Yeah, hope everything's okay.
[line ringing]
[obstetrician] So, yeah,
it will be two baby girls.
-I knew it. I knew it.
-Thank you so much.
-Thank you. [laughing]
-It's a pleasure.
[sobbing] I'm so happy they're girls.
[thumping]
[thumping]
So this is Twin A's heartbeat.
[thumping]
And this is Twin B's heartbeat.
[thumping]
Good. And that's also fine.
-[Jesy] Look.
-[Jade] Aw…
-She's opening her mouth.
-[Jan] I know.
-And her little hand.
-[Jan chuckles]
[Zion] Bloody hell.
Think it looks more like me or Jes?
[Jesy, Jan laugh]
God, you can really see the little hand.
They're not pointing their fingers today.
She got pregnant, and did I think
it was a good idea at the time?
No, not at all.
You know, when you struggle in life,
what are you gonna be like with children?
But if she's this happy now
and they're not even here yet,
when they come,
I can't even imagine
what she's gonna feel like.
[obstetrician] So I think, um…
the fluid levels
have got a little bit more.
-[Jesy] Oh…
-But the blood flows are still normal.
-So that's the membrane around Twin A.
-[Jesy] Okay. Yeah.
And you can see that the fluid levels
around that baby
-are less than the other baby.
-Yep.
[obstetrician] So we just need to
keep an eye on things, okay?
Oh, God. It is worrying me though
that every time I've seen you, it's not…
All right, so just come and grab a seat.
I'm just gonna do the report.
Thank you.
[Zion] You okay?
As you know, these are identical twins
sharing a single placenta.
You can get a situation where
the blood vessels that are
connecting the two together
actually are only allowing blood
-to flow in one direction.
-Yeah.
So this condition is called
twin-to-twin transfusion syndrome.
What happens is that one baby
doesn't grow as well, so it's smaller.
[Jesy] Right.
And exactly the opposite
is happening to the other baby.
The other baby's got
too much blood flowing to it.
And the problem with this condition
is that as it gets worse,
the little one becomes more anaemic
and, unfortunately, that baby can die
because of the anaemia.
The opposite happens to the other baby.
The other baby's heart
can't cope with the excess fluid,
and that baby can die
because of heart failure.
What's the percentage
of them, like, surviving?
At the moment, one baby just has
significantly less fluid than the other.
But if things do get worse…
when this condition becomes significant,
unfortunately if we do nothing,
then in 90 to 95% of the time,
unfortunately,
-both babies don't make it.
-Okay.
-Okay?
-Yeah.
Every time I go to a scan,
it just progressively keeps getting worse.
I can't…
I literally can't… [stammers] …um…
Every time I talk about it, I get upset.
My brain literally can't compute, like,
not having these babies
because they're my children now
and I felt them kick.
When we see them on the scans,
they're proper formed little humans now.
Even just the thought
of one baby might survive,
every time I would look at our baby,
I would think,
"Your sister's supposed to be here."
I feel really shit
because I just feel like I can't…
I feel a bit helpless because
I'm like I can't even do anything.
It's not even a situation
where the doctor can be,
"Well, if you did this or if you do that
then maybe there's a chance
of it getting better,"
but it's one of them things
where you can't do anything about it.
And I'm just like… I feel helpless.
And I just feel like I hate that my body
is letting me down.
-No, it's not letting you down.
-But that's what it feels like. But…
[sighs] I don't know. We just…
There's nothing I can do,
and I just have to, like, pray
-that everything is gonna be all right.
-Yeah, and it will.
Yeah.
[Tulisa] Jesy just started to
break down on the stage.
I am going to lose my dream
because of something that my dad did.
Who gives a shit what people think?
[Dermot] Little Mix!
Jesy turns pain into power.
We just had a scan.
It hasn't been the greatest news.
[Jan] She keeps saying to me,
"If something happens to them,
I don't think I could cope with it."
[Jesy] I really struggled
keeping all of this in.
But now I'm ready
to tell my side of the story.
[Jesy Nelson] I just remember thinking,
"Jesy, this is a very, very big audition."
I bust the windows out your car ♪
"You need to nail this."
…mend my broken heart ♪
So I just practised in my room
for hours and hours on end
over and over and over again.
It just terrified the shit out of me.
'Cause I knew that this moment
could change my life forever.
And it did.
-[Jesy] Hello.
-[Kelly Rowland] Hello.
-What's your name?
-I'm Jesy.
But just not in the way that I hoped for.
[producer] Why do you wanna do
this documentary?
I'm just at a place in my life
where I feel like I'm ready
to, like, let people in again.
This is a whole new chapter of my life.
I feel like now I'm ready
to tell my side of the story.
-[crowd cheers]
-And here is Little Mix, everybody.
Felt like it went… [imitates explosion]
They may call themselves "Little,"
but they're huge.
They've sold
over 45 million records worldwide.
They have more than half a billion views.
Today, the special live… Little Mix.
…Little Mix!
[host] The biggest girl group
on the planet.
[Perrie] These girls are my best friends.
Long may it continue.
I love you guys so much.
You see 'em up on stage
and they're smiling.
How are we feeling?
[Jesy's sibling] And you've got no idea
what's going on behind closed doors.
From day one, she was just a target.
So many times she'd just say to me,
"I just want the pain to just go away."
[Jesy] I couldn't see another way.
It was like my body
was telling me, "Stop."
I can just see a calmness
and a happiness in her now.
[partner] Did you have to dance in that?
Oh, my gosh.
I just wore this and nothing else.
I'm joking.
[obstetrician] It will be two baby girls.
-Say hello.
-Hi.
[laughing]
What's the percentage
of them, like, surviving?
If we do nothing,
90 to 95% of the time, unfortunately,
-both babies don't make it.
-Yeah.
[Jesy's parent]
If something was to go wrong now,
I dread to think what it would be like.
Just gets harder. [cries]
My brain literally can't compute
not having these babies.
She's one of the most strongest
women that I know.
[monitor blaring]
She's had a bloody rough ride.
Jesy Nelson had to leave a performance
after suffering from a panic attack.
-I just feel a lot of pressure.
-Don't think of it. No.
Jesy Nelson's being accused
of so-called blackfishing.
[photographer] Jesy, you'll make it
look worse for yourself.
Jesy Nelson has quit
the girl group Little Mix.
[producer] So,
why did you leave Little Mix?
So I've never spoken about this.
[exhales deeply]
Just give me a minute.
So, about my grey hair,
I actually think this is the longest
-I've ever left my hair.
-I didn't realise how grey it was.
-Thanks, Chris.
-[laughs]
Bloody…
Only at the front,
the most important bit of 'em.
It's so frustrating because
I'm not allowed to dye my hair.
The doctors literally said…
[stammers] …I'm not allowed to do it…
[hair stylist] So annoying.
[Jesy] …because if the hair dye
got into my bloodstream
then it can affect the babies.
Also, I can't find anything that fits me.
So, actually, what I've been doing
is wearing pyjama bottoms
and styling it out
with, like, a baggy tee.
-What, outside?
-Yeah, I did yesterday.
-To the shops?
-I had a pair of Primark pyjamas on.
I got grey hairs so young though.
-Like, I think I got it at 25, 26.
-Yeah.
Aw… They're learning all our tricks now.
The cat's out the bag.
I'm just a haggard old mum
with grey hair now.
-[laughs]
-I'm not a pop star anymore.
You are human after all.
Look at the size of her knickers…
[chuckles] …that she's wearing.
Look at them bad boys. [chuckles]
-[producer] She's gonna love you for that.
-I know. [chuckles]
I really never, ever thought
she would have children, never,
but I've never actually seen her
so happy and content.
[parent]
When we knew she was making a documentary,
straight away, I was like,
"No, why? Why do you want
people in your home,
people given the opportunity
to make comments 'cause they're gonna?
Why, when you're so happy?"
And she said, "Mum, it's not about money.
It's not about anything like that."
And she goes, "People just know me
from horrible pictures,
horrible things they've heard.
They don't know the truth.
I just want the truth to be out there
and I want people to know me
as I really am."
[photographer] I love this.
[shutter clicking]
Yeah, really nice looking down as well.
-Should we try some hands on bellies, huh?
-Mm-hmm.
[shutter clicking]
[Jesy] This might be
a really stupid question,
but could you actually see
that I'm pregnant?
-[photographer] No, not really.
-[both laugh]
No, 'cause I don't know
what it looks like sitting down.
-Yeah, you look amazing.
-Okay.
[producer] Do you enjoy the feeling
of being pregnant?
Like I wouldn't say it's, like, easy,
but I really like feeling like a mum.
I'm so protective.
And it's so weird because before,
I always used to,
when my friends would be pregnant,
I'd be like, "Oh, my God."
The thought of someone… a baby kicking me
inside would really freak me out.
But I think you're never lonely,
and I love that feeling.
I just… Yeah, I love chatting to them.
[chuckling] That sounds a bit weird.
[photographer] Are they gonna be
boys or girls?
-Girls.
-No way.
-Did you have a preference?
-Yeah, I wanted girls.
Girls will never leave you, boys do.
Like, I'm with my mum 24-7…
-Yeah, true actually.
-…me and my sister, whereas boys
just, like, get to a certain age
and they sod off.
[photographer] This is really nice.
-This is cute as well.
-Yeah, I love that one.
Weirdly, I feel like
since I've been pregnant,
I care less about how I look.
I love, love, love that one.
-Oh, my God, my belly looks colossal.
-[both laugh]
Since becoming a mum
and being pregnant, I'm just…
I don't really give a shit anymore.
-[producer] That must be very freeing.
-[Jesy] It is. It's lovely.
I just don't care about me anymore.
Like, I just care about them.
All the other shit don't matter.
[reporter] Singer Jesy Nelson
has quit the girl group Little Mix
after she said constant pressure
had affected her mental health.
The singer who's been
in the group for nine years
said she found living up
to expectations very hard.
[Jesy] Before I got pregnant, I was lost.
I felt really lost.
I felt like I didn't have a purpose.
I was very, very depressed
when I was in the band,
so when I left, I immediately felt,
like, a little happier,
like a weight had been lifted
off my shoulders.
Wow.
They're really nice.
Bloody hell.
[Jesy] And then I met Zion.
And I'm not gonna say,
"Oh, I was just instantly happy,"
because Zion's been through
so much shit with me.
[photographer] Super cute.
[Jesy] I find it so hard
to be serious with you.
Whenever I'm with Zi,
I just wanna be silly.
I'm just not gonna look at you anymore
'cause I actually can't.
Because if I look at you,
I'm just gonna laugh.
But I feel like
now that we're having babies,
genuinely, like, hand on my heart,
this is, without a doubt,
the best thing that ever happened to me.
Just been trying to organise things.
She wants all these trainers packed away.
When you're a mum,
you wanna get all your house ready.
It's like a nesting thing, isn't it?
Missy Elliot boots.
She just loved Missy Elliot.
From about 12,
she was just obsessed with her,
always obsessed with that kind of music
and she's always loved hip-hop.
So there's a pair here…
This is when she did a video, "Boyz."
These are really nice,
but, sadly, we don't get them out
because of all the bad press around it
and it's… it's just sad.
But anyway, we don't touch those.
We leave those in there.
I think that was for
one of the performances they did.
They all had 'em with their names on it.
It's got "The X Factor" on there.
From really, really young,
like, as young as I can remember,
she's constantly singing,
constantly dancing around the house,
always happy and bubbly and funny
and always mucking around.
Jes, you look so pretty.
Oh, Tinker Bell, you look so lovely.
You're so pretty.
[Jesy] From really young, I feel like
I've always been, like, a drama queen.
And not in a sense of causing drama.
Hello.
I've just always wanted
to entertain people.
Like it's just in me.
-[Jan] Do you know any magic spell?
-Yeah.
-What are they?
-Abracadabra.
Go on then.
Abracadabra, may you have some merry.
[imitates spell]
[Jan] What's this?
She used to belong
to a little theatre school.
I think it was called…
yeah, Rhodes Theatre School.
So it's little shows
she was in from there.
[audience cheering, applauding]
[Jesy] The first time I sang ever
to anyone was when I was eight years old
and I went to, like, a little
part-time theatre school.
Maybe far away ♪
Or maybe real nearby ♪
But then as soon as I got up on stage
and saw everyone looking at me…
She may be straightening his tie ♪
…I just cracked.
Maybe in a house ♪
Literally, my voice broke,
and I remember
the whole audience going quiet
'cause they were like, "Aw, bless her."
Betcha they're good
Why shouldn't they be? ♪
That put the fear of God in me,
and from there, like,
I just could never get over that
that was never gonna happen again.
So maybe now it's time ♪
[applause]
But performing was always
like a thing that I knew I had to do.
And I didn't know what it was.
I didn't know if it was singing,
if it was dancing, if it was acting.
Oh, look, 'ere she comes, Nancy,
you rotten neighbour from hell.
-Oi, you! Enough of the cheek.
-[crowd laughs]
I just remember there was one lady
in the crowd and as she left,
she tapped me on the shoulder
and she went, um,
"I'm telling you,
she's gonna be successful."
-Can we watch it in peace?
-[laughing continues]
God.
I should be doing that job.
[camera whirring]
So this is when she was about 12,
when she first started dancing
at the shows.
[Jesy] In my teenage years,
I loved street dancing.
Loved clothes, trainers, jewellery.
Any time I got my wages,
I was straight to Camden Market
buying all the tut I could buy.
And I was just very carefree and happy.
[producer] Does it make you feel sad
when you think of that person?
Yeah, because the version of me
before X Factor, I'll never get that back.
And I loved that version of me.
It's like having a vase
and it gets smashed
and you put it back together,
but it will never be what it was
when it was first made.
And that was probably the most realest,
authentic version of Jesy
that there ever was.
Zion is obsessed with tea.
-[producer] Tea?
-Tea, yeah.
[Jesy] Loose leaf tea.
-[producer] Proper tea.
-Proper tea.
Tea is like more of a lifestyle thing,
I think, as I kind of--
-[Jesy] A lifestyle? It's a cup of tea.
-Yeah.
No, you sit down…
Especially when you have a pot,
it's just like a calming moment.
-You know what I mean?
-When we first met,
he used to… I mean, he still does it now.
I've never seen someone
drink tea so intensely.
He used to sit at the table
and everyone would be talking,
and he'd just sip his tea
and then he'd go…
and just close his eyes.
And he'd just sit at the table,
while everyone's talking, like this.
And I'd be like,
"Are you all right, Zion?"
No, because, basically,
when you drink tea,
you have to drink the tea
and actually appreciate the tea.
A pot of tea makes me feel better equipped
to just deal with life's challenges
'cause of the different flavours,
different textures, you go… [slurps]
I mean… [laughs] …it's a cup of tea.
[chuckles]
We are like chalk and cheese.
Zion is very, like, zen and chilled.
He meditates, he journals.
And I am, like, the erratic nutter.
So… But for some reason,
it absolutely works.
Yin and yang.
-There we go.
-It's a balance.
-Yeah.
-It is the balance.
[Jesy] When I fell pregnant,
it wasn't planned.
And I was like, "Oh, fuck,"
'cause you are still really young.
-I hope you don't mind me saying that.
-No, of course.
-It sounds patronising, but…
-Yeah, it's true.
Zion's 25, I'm 33 and…
I don't know, I still feel like 25
is quite a young age to have kids,
especially two.
[producer] So take me back to the moment
when you discovered you were pregnant.
Where were you?
Take me to the moment when you discovered
that you were going to be a dad.
Wow. Um…
Even when I took the test, I still
just thought it was gonna say "negative,"
so I was so shocked
when it did say "positive."
And I think Zion was at work,
and I called him and I said,
"Where are you? I need you to sit down.
Wherever you are, you need to sit down."
She said, "Who are you with?"
I said, "I'm alone,"
and she sounded
like she was really panicking.
-And I said…
-"You're scaring me, what's happened?"
And I was like, "Okay, are you ready?"
And he was like, "What? What's happened?"
-And I was like, "Um… I'm pregnant."
-"I'm pregnant."
-And I said, "Oh, my God."
-"Oh, my God."
And then he said,
"Okay, well, how do you feel about it?"
And I was like,
"Well, I feel happy about it,"
and he was like, "Okay, well…"
"This is something I've always wanted.
Like, this is the best news."
Then we went for the scan.
And he was scanning my belly
and he was like, "There's your baby."
And then he went…
"Oh…
I think you've got double trouble,"
and I wish, I so wish that we had
a camera to film Zion's face.
And I just didn't say anything.
-And she just kept saying, "Are you okay?"
-"Are you okay?"
And he's just like, "Yeah. Yeah."
I was like, "Are you happy?"
He was like, "Yeah."
Twins is not an easy road.
It's not the same as having one baby, but…
I'm ready.
I could not want
a better dad for my girls.
[chuckling]
Every time I've gone through shit,
he is the person that makes me feel
like everything is gonna be okay.
["Stand By Me" playing]
When the night has come ♪
[vocalising]
And the land is dark ♪
And the moon is the only light
We'll see ♪
-[vocalising] Oh.
-[thuds]
No, I won't be afraid ♪
-Can I go down here?
-Yeah.
I won't be afraid ♪
Just as long ♪
-As you stand ♪
-As you stand ♪
-Stand by me ♪
-Stand by me ♪
You know what's gonna be so interesting?
Seeing what, um, music the girls like.
When we play them our music,
they're gonna be like,
"Dang. Mum, Dad, get this off."
-Nah, no way.
-Aren't they?
Stand by me ♪
Do you think they'll think we're cool?
-Yeah.
-You do?
-[song stops]
-Bloody hell, kill the vibes.
-What are you putting on?
-I'm gonna surprise you.
Oh, God.
-I'm gonna play "Bust The Windows."
-No, you're not playing that.
Bloody hell.
I bust the windows out your car… ♪
-Oh, my God. Stop. You're so annoying.
-I put it on shuffle.
Get it off. Stop.
No, you're really pissing me off. Stop it.
-[Jesy] Hello.
-[Rowland] Hello.
-Hello.
-How are you?
I'm really good, thank you. Yourself?
Good, thank you. What's your name?
-I'm Jesy.
-Jesy.
-And how old are you, Jesy?
-I'm 20.
-So what are you gonna sing for us today?
-I'm gonna be singing "Bust Your Windows."
-All right. Well, let's hear it.
-[laughs]
Thank you.
This is the cosiest interview
I've ever done.
I get my snuggly socks,
I'm on my own sofa.
The X Factor at the time was literally
the biggest show on television.
-It was everyone's Saturday night TV.
-["Bust Your Windows" plays]
It was huge.
I bust the windows out your car ♪
Yeah… ♪
When I think back to that audition,
I really didn't like the feeling.
It is actually like you are standing there
naked in front of everyone to be judged.
But right now
I don't care about that part ♪
I bust the windows out your car ♪
Yeah ♪
[Tulisa] Even though she had this kind of
sweet air of innocence about her,
when she went into
the fight mode in the audition,
I was like, "Oh, yeah,
there's a little tiger in there."
'Cause you had to learn… ♪
[Jesy] Honestly,
when I watch back my audition,
I actually don't know how I got through,
because I'm just like, "That was awful."
That was awful.
I didn't know that I had
That much strength ♪
[crowd cheering]
How long have you been singing?
Not long at all.
Literally, I've only just started.
-Oh, yeah?
-Yeah.
So what did you do before then?
You have a job?
Yeah, I'm a barmaid.
I work behind a bar and I dance as well.
So what would winning X Factor
mean to you?
Knowing that I could wake up
doing something that I love
for the rest of my life for a living,
that's just the dream for me.
Like, that's all I wanna do.
I just wanna do music. It's my life.
I was gutted that Simon
wasn't there that year.
And Gary was meant to be,
like, the Simon that year
and he absolutely hated me.
I'm sorry, Jesy.
I didn't see that audition at all.
I found it lacked individuality.
-[crowd boos]
-I thought it was very generic.
From that minute
that he'd torn me to shit,
I just wanted to walk off stage.
I didn't care what anyone else had to say.
There's something
really special about you.
But I actually see you in a band.
I was just mortified.
And all I kept thinking was,
"I can't believe all my friends
are gonna see this.
I can't believe all these people I know
are gonna see this.
I'm so embarrassed."
-And I'm saying yes.
-The rest all said lovely comments.
-I'm gonna say yes.
-[Jesy] And I got through,
-but the one bad comment…
-I'm gonna say yes.
…which just sums me up
was the one that really got in my head.
-I'm sorry, Jesy. It's a no from me.
-[crowd boos]
I think there were very early signs
from my first audition
that I probably was gonna struggle.
I remember coming off stage,
I was really crying.
They were, like, literally
shoving the camera in my face.
"Jesy, could you just say to the camera,
'Gary, I'm gonna prove you wrong.'"
I was literally like,
"Please, I just wanna go."
My mum… bless her, she's so cute.
She could see how distraught I was.
And she was like, "Oh… Please,
do you mind just not filming her?"
They literally wouldn't leave me alone.
My mum was like,
"Please, just leave her alone."
After my first audition,
I didn't get through the next phase.
And I just remember sobbing
in the toilets to my mum.
And then, after that…
[producer] Jesy Nelson, Perrie Edwards,
Jade Thirlwall and Leigh-Anne Pinnock,
the judges have asked me to fetch you.
They'd like to see you on stage.
If you'd like to come back this way.
They all had a similar sweetness.
They were all relatable.
It just felt right.
And when I would look at
the four of them stood together,
I was like, "Yeah, this works."
[Rowland, softly] I like them together.
-They look fricking great together.
-Yes.
They look cute, though.
Hello, ladies.
You're probably wondering
what you're doing up there, huh?
We truly feel like the four of you
could bring something very special
to this competition.
Do you think you guys could work together?
Yeah.
[crowd cheering]
And that was when they formed Little Mix,
which was me, Jade, Leigh-Anne and Perrie.
And then that was it.
And I just instantly knew
this is what I'm meant to do.
I was meant to be in a group.
I felt not as naked. I didn't feel alone.
I felt more confident.
All eyes weren't on me,
and I just felt safe.
Gosh. I feel like I've been dragged
through a hedge backwards.
-Group hug?
-This is amazing.
-New group hug?
-Yeah, let's do it.
And that was when I felt like… [gasps]
…I belong.
Good luck, as yet unnamed band.
[all chuckling]
-Thank you so much.
-Bye then, girls.
Oh, gosh.
What is going on? Look at those lights…
[shrieking]
Yeah, it's just… it feels magical.
And then… very quickly, it isn't.
We need to do the video.
[Zion] Which video?
-Just about our situation with the babies.
-Oh, yeah.
I just wanna talk to you about it
because when we do this video,
we need to learn the name,
which I have been trying to do,
but I can't remember it.
Yeah. Can you do the thing on Google
-where it pronounces it for you?
-Where it says it out loud for you?
That's what I've been doing all day
but I can't remember it.
[robotic voice]
Monochorionic diamniotic twins.
[gasps]
Monochorionic "diaminotic" twins.
-Oh. You did that really well.
-Was that good?
-Go again.
-Monochorionic "diaminotic" twins.
Well, I'm just gonna talk to you
about something else
-and then I'm gonna go… Say it.
-Go on then.
So talk to me about your day.
What did you do today?
Monochorionic "diaminotic" twins.
No, you have to say…
Do a different conversation.
You can't just keep saying that.
-Bloody hell.
-Tell me about your day.
-I had a great day.
-Yeah? What did you do?
-I went to see my mum.
-Right.
-Are you going boxing tonight?
-Yeah.
-By the way, what twins are you having?
-Monochorionic "diaminotic" twins.
[cheers]
Okay, that's good.
[Zion] Okay.
Let's do this.
-Right, can you put the light on?
-Yeah.
[producer] Talk to me about
your relationship with social media.
Oh… It's a love-hate relationship.
I need it to stay in contact with my fans.
You know, they've supported me
and done so much for me
in terms of my career.
It would almost not feel right
to now just, like, cut people off.
-Can that go up higher?
-Yeah.
But I've always struggled
with social media,
from the minute I got told
I had to have it on X Factor.
They were like, "You girls,
you need to have a Twitter account
for people to, like,
get to know you as a band."
Then we were told
we had to have them individually
so people could get to know us.
And that, for me, was when
it just spiralled out of control.
Social media for me was like
the downfall of my mental health,
which made me end up
doing the things that I did.
God, why do I feel nervous?
[Zion] It's tough to talk about.
The type of identical twins we're having
-known as monochorionic diamniotic twins.
-Sorry.
I don't know why I've got the giggles
all of a sudden.
What is wrong with me? This is…
-Can you say mono--
-Oh, no, it's gonna make me laugh.
Oh, God. Why is this happening?
No, that's actually not funny
'cause this is a serious situation.
As soon as I've gotta be serious,
I can't do it.
Normally we're just being silly.
-You ready?
-Yeah.
So the type of twins we do have is mono…
This is not funny.
No, it's not funny at all.
I've just wet myself.
[laughing]
Guys.
Oh, no.
Oh, no.
Oh, no. This is bad.
Just get your shit together.
Okay, I'm ready. Let's do it.
So we are having identical twins,
which is so exciting,
but, unfortunately,
there are complications
that come with having identical twins.
-Yeah.
-We…
The type of twins we are having
are called mono-di twins.
Yeah.
Most twins would have two placentas
that they feed off of,
but when you have mono-di twins,
that means your twins
live off one placenta,
which can lead to lots of complications…
-Yeah.
-…one of them being, um…
really awful to say, but…
could lead to both babies dying.
But we are just hoping and praying
for the best, aren't we?
-Yeah.
-We feel so, like…
We just gotta pray
-that everything is gonna be good.
-Just gotta pray, yeah.
But it will. It will be good.
-So thank you guys for listening. [kisses]
-Yeah.
[Zion] It's up.
-[Jesy] It's up?
-Yeah.
What are they saying?
Someone said, "You're so brave for sharing
the complications
that you're going through whilst trying…"
Oh, God, they're really kicking.
"…whilst trying to do it
with raising awareness.
Praying for you both and your babies."
-I felt that.
-I know.
[producer] How does it feel
now it's… it's out there?
I don't know, I just feel sad.
[stammers] I just don't know.
I think it feels more real now…
which sounds really silly
because it's always been real,
but I don't know.
I feel like I'm losing that little bubble
and now it's like…
I don't know…
-It's always scary letting the world in.
-Yeah. [sniffles] Yeah.
Every time we've done videos,
we're just pissing around on TikTok.
We've just been like, "Whoo, twins," like…
Like… And no one actually knows
what really is going on.
Like, no one really knows that, actually,
I'll cry my eyes out every day.
I don't know.
I don't know.
-They're gonna be fine.
-Yeah.
So we are nearly 11 weeks.
-[Zion] How are you feeling?
-Like absolute shit.
[Zion] I love the…
I've never been so ill and sick
in my whole entire life.
But it's all worth it.
No, I just love them so much and I feel
like this was what was missing in my life.
So, in six days, we get to see the babies
and we get to know the gender.
And just… Yeah, hope everything's okay.
[line ringing]
[obstetrician] So, yeah,
it will be two baby girls.
-I knew it. I knew it.
-Thank you so much.
-Thank you. [laughing]
-It's a pleasure.
[sobbing] I'm so happy they're girls.
[thumping]
[thumping]
So this is Twin A's heartbeat.
[thumping]
And this is Twin B's heartbeat.
[thumping]
Good. And that's also fine.
-[Jesy] Look.
-[Jade] Aw…
-She's opening her mouth.
-[Jan] I know.
-And her little hand.
-[Jan chuckles]
[Zion] Bloody hell.
Think it looks more like me or Jes?
[Jesy, Jan laugh]
God, you can really see the little hand.
They're not pointing their fingers today.
She got pregnant, and did I think
it was a good idea at the time?
No, not at all.
You know, when you struggle in life,
what are you gonna be like with children?
But if she's this happy now
and they're not even here yet,
when they come,
I can't even imagine
what she's gonna feel like.
[obstetrician] So I think, um…
the fluid levels
have got a little bit more.
-[Jesy] Oh…
-But the blood flows are still normal.
-So that's the membrane around Twin A.
-[Jesy] Okay. Yeah.
And you can see that the fluid levels
around that baby
-are less than the other baby.
-Yep.
[obstetrician] So we just need to
keep an eye on things, okay?
Oh, God. It is worrying me though
that every time I've seen you, it's not…
All right, so just come and grab a seat.
I'm just gonna do the report.
Thank you.
[Zion] You okay?
As you know, these are identical twins
sharing a single placenta.
You can get a situation where
the blood vessels that are
connecting the two together
actually are only allowing blood
-to flow in one direction.
-Yeah.
So this condition is called
twin-to-twin transfusion syndrome.
What happens is that one baby
doesn't grow as well, so it's smaller.
[Jesy] Right.
And exactly the opposite
is happening to the other baby.
The other baby's got
too much blood flowing to it.
And the problem with this condition
is that as it gets worse,
the little one becomes more anaemic
and, unfortunately, that baby can die
because of the anaemia.
The opposite happens to the other baby.
The other baby's heart
can't cope with the excess fluid,
and that baby can die
because of heart failure.
What's the percentage
of them, like, surviving?
At the moment, one baby just has
significantly less fluid than the other.
But if things do get worse…
when this condition becomes significant,
unfortunately if we do nothing,
then in 90 to 95% of the time,
unfortunately,
-both babies don't make it.
-Okay.
-Okay?
-Yeah.
Every time I go to a scan,
it just progressively keeps getting worse.
I can't…
I literally can't… [stammers] …um…
Every time I talk about it, I get upset.
My brain literally can't compute, like,
not having these babies
because they're my children now
and I felt them kick.
When we see them on the scans,
they're proper formed little humans now.
Even just the thought
of one baby might survive,
every time I would look at our baby,
I would think,
"Your sister's supposed to be here."
I feel really shit
because I just feel like I can't…
I feel a bit helpless because
I'm like I can't even do anything.
It's not even a situation
where the doctor can be,
"Well, if you did this or if you do that
then maybe there's a chance
of it getting better,"
but it's one of them things
where you can't do anything about it.
And I'm just like… I feel helpless.
And I just feel like I hate that my body
is letting me down.
-No, it's not letting you down.
-But that's what it feels like. But…
[sighs] I don't know. We just…
There's nothing I can do,
and I just have to, like, pray
-that everything is gonna be all right.
-Yeah, and it will.
Yeah.
[Tulisa] Jesy just started to
break down on the stage.
I am going to lose my dream
because of something that my dad did.
Who gives a shit what people think?
[Dermot] Little Mix!
Jesy turns pain into power.
We just had a scan.
It hasn't been the greatest news.
[Jan] She keeps saying to me,
"If something happens to them,
I don't think I could cope with it."
[Jesy] I really struggled
keeping all of this in.
But now I'm ready
to tell my side of the story.