Johnny Test (2005) s01e01 Episode Script

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
Johnny got a head
Of fiery hair ♪
And a turbo charged backpack ♪
His genius sisters ♪
Use him like a lab rat ♪
A neat freak dad at home ♪
A super busy mom ♪
The boy's best friend
Is a talking dog ♪
-Talking dog ♪
-That's right.
Three extreme teens
And an air breathing shark ♪
Mega action game controller
Skating in the park ♪
A pharabooster, Bling-Bling ♪
What do we make of this ♪
Johnny Test ♪
Johnny Test ♪
This is the life of a boy
Named Johnny Test ♪
Johnny Test ♪
Johnny Test ♪
This is the life of a boy ♪
Named Johnny Test ♪
-(FIREWORKS WHISTLE)
-(RAPID EXPLOSIONS)
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
NEWSCASTER:
And here's the news, Porkbelly.
Police are still trying
to catch the mysterious
underground bandits.
MAN:
There it is.
The most powerful, large, uh,
pointy thing missile!
It's a missile in the world!
Was that supposed to happen?
(HORNS HONKING)
Now don't think of it as an SUV.
Think of it
as an insult you drive.
NEWSCASTER:
Police are offering $500
to anyone who can help solve
these totally freaky
and bizarre crimes.
DUKEY:
For the last time, Johnny,
the underground bandits
are not mole people!
Then I'll prove it, Dukey Boy,
with the mole people bait,
that's you.
Then capture
the crime digitally,
-collect $500
-(CASH REGISTER RINGS)
-buy 20 video games
-(VIDEO GAME BEEPS)
and if you play along,
a steak.
-Come get me, mole people!
-(CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKING)
I'm full of macho,
leathery biker goodness!
Isn't that your dad's new camera
he told you, "Touch it and die?"
Yes, but notice
how I'm not actually
physically touching it.
(SHRIEKS) The camera! It's gone!
My butt! It's naked!
(BOTH SCREAM)
Naked butt!
(SUSAN AND MARY LAUGHING)
Mole people?
That's the most unscientific
thing I've ever heard.
You know,
it could be mole people.
You cannot be my super genius
prodigy twin sister!
-Ah!
-Ow!
SCANNER:
Sibling match positive.
I need the keys to the atomic
earth dozer before--
Johnny! Where's my new camera?
Uh, it was mole people, Dad.
Thieves of the Earth's crust,
pirates of the subterranean!
They took your camera.
We tried to stop them
-but--
-Fine. Okay!
Well, then get me my camera back
from "the mole people"
before dinner
or no video games,
no comic books,
and no, uh, Dukey
until you're 30!
Oh, and dinner's at 6:00.
-(TICKING)
-(BOTH SCREAM)
I'm making a meatloaf.
(ALL SCREAMING)
You can have the keys
to the dozer
if you do us one small, tiny,
scientific favor.
You want me to eat salt?
It's not salt.
They're microphysic
hottie body flakes.
They genetically adjust
your body
to maximum teenage hotness
that will attract
super cuties like--
Oh! Gil next door!
(BOTH EXHALE)
So I eat the salt,
then you help me
locate mole city,
and give me the dozer
so I can get back Dad's camera,
and defeat--
Yeah, sure, whatever.
-Come on, baby ♪
-(BOTH GASP)
(GROANS)
BOTH:
Too much female growth hormone.
What have you done?
He-she is hideous!
Relax, you talking hairball.
It's a micro dosage,
and only temporary.
(GRUNTING)
(CHUCKLES)
SUSAN:
A sonar scan
shows a hollow pocket here.
It's probably the sink hole
that sucked down the camera.
BOTH:
Or mole city!
Or a sink hole!
Ha! It is I, Bling-Bling Boy,
The world's youngest
and e-vilest mind!
What now, Eugene?
Bling-Bling Boy!
I have changed my name
to Bling-Bling Boy!
And unless you, Susan Test,
have dinner with me
on a date
Bleh!
I will destroy Porkbelly
with my-- Don't you touch--
Like I was saying, uh--
The Taser laser, whapper zapper,
and the zing ray.
But only use them
if the mole people
are aggressive.
SUSAN:
Sink hole!
It's going to take you a while
to get down there,
but don't go full speed,
or you'll damage the delicate
lithosphere.
(BOTH SHRIEKING)
NARRATOR:
(SHRIEKING CONTINUES)
NARRATOR:
How are you doing?
I've gotten used to it!
Hi, honey. How are the kids?
Oh, Johnny's looking
for my new camera,
and the girls haven't blown up
a thing all day.
That's great!
And dinner will be ready
in about a half hour.
I'm making a meatloaf.
(SCREAMS)
(TICKING)
So we jump out,
show the mole people
we mean no harm,
grab the camera,
and get home for dinner.
Right. We come in peace
and only want what's rightfully
your dad's.
Surrender, mole people!
Or face our wrath!
-Whoa.
-Didn't see that coming.
(CELL DOOR SLAMS SHUT)
Okay, Okay. Let's not freak out.
I mean, how dangerous
can mole people be?
Our security has been breached
by the surface dwellers!
(ALL MURMURING)
You know, the kid
and that mutt over there.
So we must speed up our attack
on the Earth's surface!
(ALARM BLARES)
Okay. We can freak out now!
And with our mole
booster rockets,
we can blow a hole
big enough in the surface
to unleash our mole army,
and nothing can stop us!
We've got to do something.
Okay, we catch a fishing boat
to Iceland,
moles hate bright light,
And we'll carve out a living
making elixirs for the locals.
Shouldn't we try to help Johnny?
He is our brother.
BLING-BLING BOY:
Susan Test!
I command you
to have dinner with me
or face my wrath!
SUSAN:
Do you still have your e-vile
surface smasher 9000
-you used to brag about?
- Oh, uh-huh. Yeah. Why?
Mole people, stand down,
for I am here to
surrender.
Please don't hurt me.
I bruise easy.
-(CELL DOOR SLAMS SHUT)
-(CHUCKLES)
When should we begin the attack
on the surface, sir?
Oh, I don't know. Five minutes?
I want to get a haircut.
I want to look great
when we take over the earth.
(GROANS) Bright light!
Bright light!
Hey, there's my dad's camera.
-Uh, Johnny, your sisters--
-His sisters?
Don't talk to me
about his sisters!
They use their only brother
as a personal test tube
and turned me
into a canine freak!
They told me
to give you this salt.
(SOBS) Yet I do love them so.
In just two minutes,
we will begin the phase
when moles rule the Earth,
and nobody can stop us!
You already said that.
I did? Really?
(SCOFFS) Well, it's true.
(ROARING)
Whoa!
Now it is you
who cannot stop us.
Correction. It is now back
to where we cannot stop you.
Um, run!
I told them nothing can stop me!
(LAUGHS)
Didn't I say that? I said it.
-He's right.
Nothing can stop them.
-(SHUDDERING)
I never pictured
it'd end this way.
A picture?
Come on, buddy,
one more for old time's sake.
-Oh, my eyes!
-It burns!
Oh, that's not good.
-Say cheese!
-(CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS)
(GRUNTS)
(CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKING)
-No!
-(BEEPING)
(CRACKLES)
Stop!
Stop the flashing weapon
of death!
I give up. I won't attack
the surface of the Earth!
Please!
(TICKING)
(DINGS)
Dinner time.
We'll never make it back
in time.
The dozer is too slow.
All it needs is a little boost.
And remember,
everyone on Earth has these
flashing weapons of death!
(ALL GASPING)
Flaming-headed Earth boy,
I will have revenge!
I will!
Maybe. I'll sleep on it.
Johnny, where's my camera?
(ALL SHRIEKING)
Here's your camera, Dad.
Hope we're not late.
And this is Eugene.
I guess Susan
invited him to dinner.
Bling-Bling Boy!
Uh (CLEARS THROAT) Sorry.
It's (STAMMERS) Bling-Bling Boy.
Oh, great!
'Cause I made a meatloaf.
(ALL SCREAMING)
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
Consider this pool of mud
my way of saying you can't fly!
Kids, don't try this at home.
Whoo-hoo-hoo!
Boy no fly, but my turn.
Um, what's with
your freaky sisters?
They're waiting for Gil.
BOTH:
Hi, Gil.
Whoo-hoo!
Hey, Johnny.
-(SQUEAKING, RATTLING)
-(BARKS)
BOTH:
Hi, Gil.
Hey, Johnny.
BOTH:
Hi!
Hey, Johnny.
I am tired of waiting for Gil
to notice us.
We're noticeable!
Yeah no.
In fact, I don't even think
a turbo love potion
would get him interested
in you not-hotties.
(BOTH LAUGH, SCREAM)
(WHIRRING, HISSING)
(WHISTLE BLOWS)
Bubble love gum.
It will mutate
Gil's attraction cells
and make him fall
in love with us.
(BOTH GRUNTS)
Um, didn't Dad say
no more DNA experiments
on the neighborhood kids?
Yes, but how will he find out?
He won't as long as you mutate
our DNA so we can fly,
give me five bucks,
and admit
you're both booger heads.
Are you blackmailing us?
-Yeah.
-Big-time.
DUKEY:
We went too far
with the blackmailing thing.
JOHNNY:
I know that!
BOTH:
Hi, Gil.
Hi, Susan, Mary.
There's something
I've always wanted to tell you.
BOTH:
Yes, Gil?
I love-- I love--
(SCREAMS)
(SCREECHES)
(METAL DOOR CLANKS)
So, if we give you
the power to fly,
you must capture Monkey Gil
and bring him back to the lab
So we can change him back
and not get busted by Dad.
Deal. But flying
is so three hours ago.
So make Dukey fly,
but give me shapeshifting
powers, hurricane hands,
and you still have to admit
you're booger heads.
BOTH:
Forget it!
I'm in downtown Porkbelly
where nothing can stop
mutant skater Monkey Boy.
The governor
has called in SWAT teams
to tranquilize
the dangerous skating primate
and ship him to a top secret
government lab
to do painful experiments
on him.
-Okay, we'll mutate you.
-And?
BOTH:
We're booger heads.
All right that,
but we want cool costumes, too.
From now on,
you are to address me
as "Johnny X"!
BOTH:
Never!
Uh, this isn't
gonna hurt us, right?
No, just you.
Hey, I'm flying!
I can go places
no dog has ever gone before.
(SNIFFING)
MARY:
Don't even think about it.
Shapeshifting powers, go!
(GROWLS)
Just get Gil.
Hey, I'm really gettin' the hang
of this flying thing.
The mutant Monkey Boy
is destroying our quaint,
rustic town!
Can't anything get him down?
Shapeshifting powers
go again!
(TRUMPETS)
It's time, Monkey Boy,
to end your reign
of apple-throwing terror.
The mutant talking elephant
is about to stop
the Monkey Boy!
-(SIREN WAILING)
-(TIRE SCREECHES)
-Well, says here we're supposed
to capture a mutant Monkey Boy.
-Must've been a typo.
Um, well,
this isn't according to plan.
No, but I'll catch Gil
once I bust out of here
with hurricane hands!
You know,
you could've just changed
into a snake and slithered out.
But I wouldn't have trapped
Monkey Boy!
(BOTH YELL)
We've got the mutant Monkey Boy.
We're bringing him in.
Don't lick yourself. Get him!
But I need more mutant powers.
BOTH:
Lower posterior energy bursts?
If we're going up
against the military,
we need to be able to blast out
of any situation.
(FARTS)
(FARTS)
(FARTS)
I'm not eating that.
But you have to admit
his accuracy is impressive.
Ow! Uh, I-- I mean (WHIMPERS)
Hi, sweethearts.
Johnny, you look ridiculous.
Whoo-hoo, cake!
Tastes funny.
TV NEWSCASTER:
And here's a Monkey Boy update.
We're taking
the Monkey Boy for intense
and probably painful testing.
(BOTH SHRIEK)
We wanna find out
how he could be used
for military purposes,
or for a reality TV series.
We're taking him to area 51.1,
a supersecret--
Don't say
where we're taking him!
-Don't hit me! That hurt!
-You mean like this?
(SCREECHING, CHATTERING)
He looks familiar.
Who does Monkey Boy
remind you of?
BOTH:
Nobody. Gotta go, Dad. Bye!
What is that flavor?
(CHATTERING)
All right,
who thought it was a good idea
to feed him apples for dinner?
Your flying stinks.
Oh, perhaps you'd rather
hitch a ride
on one of those
other flying dogs!
(WATCH BEEPING)
SUSAN:
We've uploaded the floor plan
of the facility.
Gil is being held
on the southeast corner,
Block 13.
And fly low
or you'll be picked up on radar.
Don't worry.
We're practically invisible.
(BUZZING)
We got a boy in a cool outfit
on a flying dog.
Hit the alarms!
(ALARM BLARING)
I'm gonna take that
as a bad sign.
Well, let's see
if they can take this!
Shapeshifting powers, go!
(BELLOWS)
Come with me if you want to live
and get back to normal
and not have painful experiments
done on you.
Back off!
I have super mutant powers.
That makes three of us.
Hey, you have
mutant powers, too?
That's right.
It's a top secret project
where they take--
Don't tell 'em the secret stuff!
We saw you use
your shapeshifting
and hurricane powers downtown,
and now they're neutralized.
But you didn't see
my newest power!
(FARTS)
-(TEETH CHATTERING)
-Flaming power poots!
We're still working
on that technology.
Back!
I'm not afraid to use this!
(FARTING)
I said I wasn't afraid
to use you.
Come with us, please.
Hang on to my-- (GROANS)
Home, Super Dukey,
and step on it!
I mean it! Step on it, now!
Mutant's locked, ready to fire.
-(SCREECHES)
-This is Dukey to Johnny.
We're going to need
a turbo boost
and make it a big one!
Over.
Whoa. Didn't see that coming.
Monkey boy is under control,
and there's no truth
to rumors that other mutants
freed Monkey Boy
or that we're lying
about mutants.
Oop! Oh. Look at that.
Where did that come from?
(CLEARS THROAT)
We've got to go. Bye.
Oh, thank goodness
we'll never see
that Monkey Boy ever again.
BOTH:
Hi, Gil!
Hey, Johnny.
Mutants. Don't ever let me catch
you girls messing with DNA.
(GASPS) Look, Johnny ate
his entire plate of beans.
BOTH:
All done. Gotta go. Bye!
DUKEY:
He's gonna blow!
DAD:
Girls!
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)