Kill Jackie (2026) s01e01 Episode Script

["The Girl From Ipanema"
by Antônio Carlos Jobim plays]
[whirring]
You again.
-[electronic voice] Doors opening.
-[ding]
[woman] Okay, stop. Stop.
That's not where we're starting.
Go back to the beginning, please.
I'm doing this properly.
That's more like it. Thank you.
[loud dance music plays]
[indistinct chatter,
loud music continues]
Some people are in the art world
for the art.
The rest are in it for the money.
You can probably guess
which side I play for.
[message sending
and received alerts chime]
-[music continues]
-[inaudible]
[phones chime]
[music fades]
Do you know what's really sexy?
I'm talking "weak at the knees",
"take me against the bread bin" sexy.
Export taxes.
This magic place is called a free port.
And it's got the sexiest taxes
on the planet,
because
there aren't any.
You can buy and sell
anything that's legal.
As long as it stays
right here in the free port.
Naturally, it attracts
a certain kind of person, right?
The kind who just hates
to pay the taxes on top.
No laws getting broken, yeah?
Just bent double.
By entrepreneurs like me.
[door closes]
[man] Hey!
Hey!
[loud clang]
It all works so well,
it feels like a magic trick.
But no one gets to see the magician.
And that suits me just fine.
Delicious local delicacies are provided
while you consider your bids.
Do feel free to indulge.
Boss, why do you always do a buffet?
Well, it's it's polite, isn't it?
Yeah, but why do you always watch them?
Would you do that? Wipe your nose with
your hand when serviettes are provided?
Done worse.
Somebody loves their coke.
Like a pig with asthma.
[woman] Is there a polite way
to do coke?
Do you know,
you learn a lot about people when
they don't know they're being watched.
Do you watch me?
You?
No.
Time's up, gentlemen.
Please record your bids
on the cards provided.
[whistles]
Is that the Yank's bid?
Yep. 60 mil.
Really wants it.
-[woman] No, boss.
-What?
We're not doing this again, are we?
-Doing what?
-Turning down 2 mil because of
what, table manners?
Or because you didn't like
their wife's eyebrows?
Or, my personal favourite,
they were a bit "thingy".
That guy was a bit thingy.
[woman 2] Boss, I think it's just
wrong, you know?
It took you eight years
to collect this set.
It's my money, Charlie.
Sell to the Indian gentleman
for 58 million.
Yes, boss.
[message sending
and received alerts chime]
["Ooh Wee" by Mark Ronson ft. Ghostface
Killah, Nate Dogg, Trife & Saigon plays]
[Jackie] The trouble with magic tricks,
once you've mastered them,
like, for 20 years till you can
do them in your sleep,
same tricks again and again,
well, they stop being magic.
["Ooh Wee" continues playing]
[song ends]
Hiya, it's me.
Did the funds clear on the triptych?
Yeah. Mumbai Bank's just closed.
It's done.
Brilliant.
All right, so what else
do we have to do in London, then?
You had a craving for the lapsang souchong
at the Dorchester.
Oh, yeah!
All right, well, I'll be in my apartment
in about ten minutes.
I'll have a quick freshen up
and I'll meet you there.
Oh, Charlie, did you sever all contact
with the bidders from last night?
'Course, boss.
Great.
All right, well,
I'll see you at the Dorchester.
And remember, hide your tatts.
My tits?
You heard what I said.
-[man] Move back, please.
-[indistinct chatter]
How much longer?
-I live here.
-I can't let you through. Sorry.
-Right? Uh Get on it.
-Yes, gov.
Uh, she's all right. Miss, uh, Price!
Officer.
DCI.
What the fuck is this, Leo?
[pedestrian] I need to get my stuff.
-Gov.
-Constable.
Uh
Miss, um, I'd like you
to brace yourself, please.
Why are you speaking like that?
There's been a murder
in your, uh, building.
Who?
The older gentleman
in the flat opposite yours.
Didi?
[Leo] He got two in the chest,
one in the head.
In that order.
And they were definitely after Didi?
Who knows? But they definitely got him.
[silenced gunshots]
Oh This opens up a lot of questions
for me, Leo.
I'm already making inquiries
on your behalf.
What else can I do?
I'm on the same floor.
What if they got the wrong apartment?
Pros don't make mistakes like that.
Until one day they do.
You think it's someone from your past?
Well, I suggest you find out, Leo.
Isn't that exactly why I pay you?
Can't be too careful, can I?
I just can't see how anyone
would mistake this bloke for you.
Not everything is about me,
but this feels like it is.
Maybe you just want it to be.
-What do you mean?
-I don't know.
-Lately, you've seemed a bit
-A bit what?
Bored.
Okay, not bored. Uh Unchallenged.
That's not true.
Nothing to be ashamed of, Jackie.
Chronic feelings of ennui
have been linked to a range
of mental and emotional disturbances
that plague our modern society.
I don't need a shrink, Leo.
You never really know what's going on
inside somebody else, do you?
[Leo] Ain't that the truth?
-Oh
-Don't worry, Jackie.
I'll sort this.
[thunder rumbles]
-Jackie P!
-Hiya, Billy.
Are you all right, love?
Oh, yeah, well, the hair?
Yeah, I lost it in a bet, didn't I?
Girls from my manscaping business.
We do a Yahtzee night.
Manscaping?
Yeah, I got a few shops.
Little gold mines, to be fair.
Nice.
I've, um, got some free vouchers for you
in here somewhere.
Hm.
Yeah. Mrs Ho and her team really aren't
afraid to dig deep into the crevices.
Mmm.
-Is there an expiry date on these?
-Well, not for you. [chuckles]
So what's up, kitty cat?
Did you hear about the murder yesterday?
What, around here?
In the apartment opposite mine.
Fuck!
What? The nice old fella in the tracksuit?
He used to bring us a cup of tea
while we fitted your security system.
Yeah. He was a prick.
Was he? Oh.
But not so you'd kill him.
Ah.
You heard any chat about it?
No.
Far as I've heard, everyone's happy.
Everyone's making money.
I mean, not working people, obviously.
I mean, actual working people
are all completely fucked.
-[laughs]
-Yeah.
Maybe somebody's sending
somebody else a message
and I'm just, like, near the phone.
What did Leo say?
-Well, he thinks I'm bored.
-Oh, are you?
No more than anyone else.
Well, most people take drugs for that.
Hmm.
Do I look bored to you?
Nah.
-Not bored, exactly.
-What do you mean?
-What?
-What do you mean?
Well Nothing.
Fuck What do I know?
I can't even hang on to my eyebrows.
Hmm.
That nice dead fella
Sorry, the prick, let me ask around.
Thanks, Billy.
You won't be in any trouble, Jackie.
Everyone thinks you're lovely.
Bollocks.
[gasps]
Ah!
[loud key tones]
-Uh I knew this was about me.
-[line rings]
[man with phone] Yes, definitely her.
[clicking]
[whispers] What are you doing?
It's jammed.
Yeah, yeah, it's, um
It's done. Nearly done.
Wait!
-It's my turn.
-There you go.
[beep]
["It's Not Unusual"
by Tom Jones plays loudly]
What is that?
It's not unusual to be loved by anyone ♪
It's not unusual to have fun
with anyone
[Jackie] Tom Jones.
Bloody legend.
[gunshot]
Coast is clear.
She's alive.
[whispers] Oh, my God. Boss?
Boss!
What the fuck? Have you been shot?
What happened?
[sings] Do, da, dee, da ♪
Dum, dum, dum ♪
Den, dee, do, dem ♪♪
Boss?
-[groans]
-Boss?
[continues singing tune vaguely]
Fuck.
[line rings]
Ruby.
Finally! You stopped that humming.
Is she concussed?
Ruby, dear Ruby.
You need another dose.
No, I don't want any more.
Okay. The doctor will be in shortly.
How long was I out for?
All night.
I feel like my brain's been cemented.
Well, now I know why you never
gave me keys to your apartment.
Yeah. Sorry you had to see that.
Cost a fortune.
Bloody worked, though, didn't it?
You don't owe me an explanation.
But I'd like one.
Well, you knew I wasn't always
in art, right?
Yeah, I guessed your money
came from somewhere else.
Yeah. Well, what I used to do
for a living was
pretty scuzzy.
Drugs.
Coke.
["Bad Girls" by M.I.A. Plays]
Big League.
I got really good at it.
The one thing harder than
getting good at it is getting out of it.
Your friends stop being so friendly.
But you did get out.
Oh, yeah, but it was messy.
Something I thought was far behind
looks like it found me.
Do you need any more explanation
than that?
Would you give me more?
Probably not right now.
-Yeah.
-Oh, I smell like a pig.
[sniffs]
Do me a favour, Charlie. Would you
go and get me some nice stuff?
Way ahead of you, boss.
Right, we've got
hyaluronics, exfoliating pads,
the nice knickers,
and burner phone. Yeah?
Would you go and make me
one of your proper teas?
The teas in the hospital
always taste like cat's piss.
On it.
Charlie.
Do me a favour.
Don't go home tonight.
Stay at a hotel.
Promise?
'Course, boss.
Good girl.
[dramatic music plays]
Ah!
[hums melody softly]
[sings notes in tune with key tones]
[line rings]
[phone rings]
Mr Lindon's office. Of course.
Mr Lindon isn't expecting
any visitors today.
And you definitely mentioned
the name Didi Fraser?
Yes, miss. I did.
Well, that's a shame,
cos I really need to speak to him.
I got cash.
-Do you want some cash?
-No.
Manscaping vouchers, perhaps?
You need to leave.
Fourth floor, isn't it?
You know what, love? I'll just go on up.
[receptionist] No, miss! You can't
Yeah. Security. There is a lady
coming up in the lift. Fourth floor.
-[electronic voice] Doors opening.
-[ding]
["Sabotage" by Beastie Boys plays]
[man screams indistinctly]
[music ends]
There's been a recent misunderstanding
involving some violence.
I would hardly call what happened just now
a misunderstanding.
Oh, no, no. Oh, no, no. Not that.
No, that was all me.
Please forward me
the medical bills for, um
-Erm, Oliver.
-Oliver!
Nice touch, knowing your employees' names.
I'm a man of the people.
No, I was actually
talking about yesterday,
when some gentlemen, likely to be
in the employ of one of your clients,
tried to kill me.
[chuckles] And how do you imagine
I'm involved in such a thing?
Probably a broker of sorts.
Middleman.
Has anybody even offered
Oi.
Put that down.
Mr. Linden, one of my recent visitors
made the questionable decision
to call your office directly.
Luckily, I overheard the call
while attempting not to die,
and memorised the number from
the key tones on the phone they used.
That's possible?
Do, da, dee, da, dum, dum, dum,
din, dee, do, din ♪♪
I want the name of the client
who tried to have me killed.
Even if the events you allege
allege did take place,
I am barred by by law from
discussing my clients' affairs, so
That attack has uprooted
the order of my universe.
I have spent the last 20 years
trying to distance myself from
Well, let's just call it a chequered past.
Until that order is restored,
there will be a vortex of destruction,
controlled by me,
aimed at you and all those you represent.
Uh, well, you make a compelling argument,
but, um, as I've said,
my clients have nothing to do with
your, um, predicament. [chuckles]
[both laugh]
Well, let's just see, right?
Because I'm not an unreasonable woman,
Mr. Linden.
Give me the name by tomorrow,
or deal with the consequences.
I'm curious, Ms. Price, as to how
you imagine you'll leave this building
without encountering the police.
Why on earth would I want to avoid them?
[indistinct chatter, phone ringing]
Is that his fucking ear?
It's mostly lobe.
Look, I need to get out of here.
Why are you dressed like that?
Come on, Jackie, what's happened?
Just fix this, Leo.
How can I explain that to my superiors?
Because I pay your mortgage.
Because I pay your kids'
bloody school fees, that's why.
Why were you even in that office?
Personal matter.
Jackie, it's me. You can say.
Just get me out of here.
Has this got something to do with
what we discussed at your apartment?
I thought you'd be able to tell me by now.
Okay, I'm just going to ignore that
and focus on the task at hand.
[inhales and exhales deeply]
How do we deal with
this colossal goat fuck?
[knocking] Gov, her lawyer's here.
The one with the hair?
Hey. Uh
Price.
Hello, Sam.
Okay, so here's what it is, okay?
This is clearly a case of
mistaken identity, I'm afraid, okay?
My client here, Jackie Price,
is an upstanding, law-abiding citizen.
She would nev
Okay.
An ear?
Okay, well, uh, look,
reading between the lines, I suspect,
in court, they'll say you attempted to
eat someone, so
Spat most of it out.
Tape doesn't lie, Sam.
Let's maybe not lead with that defence.
Listen, I'm your tax lawyer, Jackie.
I really shouldn't be the one to represent
you with these charges.
Look, I'll throw Leo a few hundred grand,
he'll find some issues with my arrest.
Ah! La, la, la, la, la, la!
I don't want to hear any of that, okay?
I don't want to hear or know any of that.
Jesus Christ.
Want to go for a drink?
-What?
-Drink.
A drink? No, I don't want to go
Look, Jackie, I
Okay, you're an incredibly valued client.
You know that.
You've been there from the beginning.
But at some point, you and I
are going to have to have
a frank and honest conversation
about the kind of public conduct I can
reasonably expect from my clients, okay?
And by "clients", I mean you.
Would this be a bad time to mention
that I'm a tiny bit in love with you?
What? Yes!
Now would be an incredibly bad time
for that, yes.
You're absolutely sure the something
we have between us isn't something real?
So, so sure.
Thank you, though, for making this
brief interaction entirely unbearable.
Thank you. Really.
Please, I'm going to walk this way, you
go that way.
Christ!
[phone buzzes]
Hello?
[deep voice] Tucker, it's me.
Must you insist on the theatrics, Price?
A man like you knows
I have my reasons.
Plus, the app's a bargain.
-How long have we worked together?
-Long enough.
Long enough to know you'd fuck me over
for the right price.
Or if you felt cornered.
It's not that I dislike the silly voice.
Your hoarse intonations actually remind me
of a dinner lady from my old school
who had a fondness for Cafe Creme Cigars.
She mothered me in ways no one else did.
Criminal, really.
I need you to set up some auctions.
I want to get liquid, fast.
How liquid? The whole collection?
Yeah, my whole collection,
to a single buyer.
And, hey, I don't want this broadcast.
Hmm. Singular buyer
is a challenge.
I'll up your fee to 15%.
You know, I float between
the criminal and legitimate worlds
with the grace of a butterfly.
My client list is voluminous.
Okay, 20. Goodbye, Tucker.
I have a small request before you go.
Can you say the words
"jam roll and custard tonight"?
Jam roll
[deep voice] and custard tonight.
Mmm
You've made my day.
[whispers] Fuck off.
[Jackie] Do you ever get that feeling
when things go bad
like there's something much worse
coming for you?
Like a huge stampede rushing closer,
and the earth starts to shake
under your feet?
-Hey, sister!
-[door closes]
-Ooh!
-Sorry it's cold.
I put the air con super low to stop smell.
I get these thugs out of here.
But you see, clean-up job,
part of package!
-I told you it'd work good, yes?
-Yeah! No, it really worked.
Yes. You get what you pay for, yes?
-Yes, yes.
-Yes. So what is plan now?
Well, I'm probably going to
make a cushion fort, have some soup.
This makes me very jealous of you, Jackie.
Oh, you're welcome to join, if you want.
In a minute.
Karenina, do you ever do
personal security?
I need someone, quick.
Nyet, cannot do. Would like to.
We have nice bond
from when I make gun for wall, yes?
But I already working
for new collaborators.
On probation period.
Oh. Can you say who?
[sighs]
What, was that, like, not cool?
Is Seven Demons.
Pretty fucking cool, right?
Wow!
Seven Demons, that's big league.
Yes, is best.
You want I see about
hire of Demons for you?
I mean, they are professional assassins.
It's probably massive overkill,
but I've always wanted to use them.
Our prices are much more reasonable
than people think.
Huh.
-I call them.
-All right.
Thank you.
[Karenina] Hello.
I have friend who needs some,
let's say, security.
Her name is Jackie Price.
Yes, big art dealer.
Understood.
Yes.
Yes, copy.
-Jackie?
-Yeah.
So, what do they say?
You are next contract.
Brilliant.
But I'll have to discuss some terms first.
No, no, no.
I don't say "possible employer".
You are the target.
You are target of next contract
for Seven Demons!
[laughs]
-Me?
-Yes.
This target?
Sorry, Miss Price, was not aware.
These guys aren't Demons,
otherwise I'd be dead.
Oh, no, these just regular street thugs.
Are you going to try and kill me now?
I no start yet.
It's literally not my job.
-Oh.
-My contract start midnight.
-Ah.
-Until then, we remain friends.
After, a more
professional standard applies.
I think you should go now, Miss Price.
-Be on safe side.
-Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's a good idea.
[Jackie] And, yes,
they are professional assassins.
Part of their mystique is that
they're all genuine psychopaths.
Like, they really enjoy the kill.
And they come at you one at a time.
The first rule of knowing
the Seven Demons are after you,
get your coat and walk out the door.
But it's a particular coat, right?
The one you keep for this occasion,
filled with passports, phones,
prepaid credit cards.
Seven Demons.
Who even does that?
Someone wants me dead and gone
and in the worst possible way.
[whistling]
Who the fuck are you?
Did you get lost on your way
to a fancy dress party?
[laughs]
Where is it you are from?
Wales.
-[imitates pronunciation] Wales?
-What's it to you?
HHH-Wales.
Way-els.
[laughs]
-[gunshot]
-Agh!
Oh, sweet Jesus!
[groans] What was that for?
Where is Jackie Price?
I don't know anything about where she is.
-We're just mates.
-You lie.
Look, she doesn't tell me everything.
Jackie's Jackie. She's got her secrets.
What secrets?
Well, I don't know, do I?
That's why they're fucking secrets,
you muppet!
No muppet.
You're the muppet.
I know a fucking muppet
when I see one.
Wales.
Way-els.
Are the Seven Demons really after you?
-Kind of.
-It's the Seven fucking Demons!
What happened to Invisible Jackie?
I've got kids, you know. Kids.
I mean, they don't like me
and I'm not that into them, but
I made some calls, okay?
They'll be taken care of.
And your ex-wife.
Oh Just the kids, all right?
She got more than enough in the divorce.
You're safe now, okay?
I'm sticking you on a plane tonight.
Where to?
Well, I got Vancouver if you wanted,
but you'll have to get a whole new face.
No.
-What about Iceland?
-No, too cold.
Brazil?
Uh!
Eh, a beach or two would be nice.
Well, Brazil it is, then.
Wow!
Oh. That's that. [laughs]
This is mental.
-It is, isn't it?
-The end! Done.
-Yeah.
-Wow.
What's it been? 15
20 years. Yeah, that's a long time.
Remember last Christmas
when you came over to my place?
Just the two of us. Lonely souls.
Turkey was huge, remember?
I always do a solid gravy.
You got there really early
to get everything right.
I think I was still sleeping.
When I cook, I cook.
You never gave me the keys back
to my apartment, did you?
What?
I can't I can't remember.
I remember.
Sorry, Jackie, uh What's this about?
Those attackers had to force Didi's door.
They didn't have to force mine.
You let them into my apartment
the other night, didn't you?
[Leo] Nah. No. There must be other keys.
-You've got this wrong.
-Have I?
Why, Leo?
Why? Why what?
Come on, love. This is us.
Yeah, that's what makes it so fucked up!
Jackie, please
Was it just for the money? Huh?
Tell me, was it for the money?
-Isn't it always?
-Oh, fuck it, Leo.
This is me, right?
Me.
Not some fucking lowlife
you can just burn.
Yeah, well
Once a dirty cop always a dirty cop.
You got that right.
I'm not getting on a plane, am I?
You still can.
Just don't mess this up, Leo.
It's too late, Jackie.
-I'm in too deep.
-Please, don't.
-Is that Leo?
-No, Leo got delayed.
Permanently.
Any word on Billy?
[Sam] Hey, what's going on?
Why did you say my life is at risk?
Where's your case?
Case? What case?
Is that all you're bringing?
You said to bring the bare essentials.
This is bare essentials.
In a briefcase?
Well, I
I don't
Jackie, what is happening?
Look, I need your help
to liquidate all my assets, fast.
I'm going to need a lot of cash
to survive this.
Survive what?
Oh, Charlie.
Will you fill him in on the latest, love?
-Hello, Sam.
-Hey, Charlie.
-You live at 118 Coldershaw Road.
-Surely do.
Well, about eight minutes ago,
this happened.
[breathes raspily] What the fuck?
Your office got torched, too.
And they already blew up
my lovely apartment.
No, no, no, no, no. This can't
This can't be happening.
That can't be real.
It's the Seven Demons, Sam.
-They're coming for me and anyone I know.
-Who are the Seven Demons?
[sighs] Can we talk about this
on the flight?
No, we can't talk about it.
I'm not getting on the flight.
I'm not going anywhere.
They're elite, ruthless assassins.
What?! Fuck off!
I didn't sign up for this.
She didn't sign up for this either.
It's not about you, Sam.
Oh, it's not about
Charlie's, like, 12 years old.
What does she have to worry about?
K-pop and K-holes.
I'm a grown man. I have a job.
I have a career here.
Okay? I have a lot going on.
I have, um, friends, a couple of fellas
come around Friday night, poker night.
Uh, well, it's my mum and Barbara,
her friend Barbara.
She's not well, okay?
So you can't just change plans like that.
Get on the plane, Sam.
[Jackie] How do I warn them about
the biblical horrors coming for us
without being needlessly dramatic?
I always thought Charlie
might be half ready for this.
Although, she certainly looks very young.
Sam
Oh, God, I've just blown
his little life apart.
So, what do I tell them?
Um
Mmm
Maybe don't use the word "biblical".
Or "horrors".
Okay, listen up, you two.
This is how it's gonna go down.
[Sam] Biblical horrors?
Did you actually just say there
were biblical horrors coming for us?
Trying to keep your head in the game.
Did you know about this?
You know, if you'd let me finish,
you'd know I have a plan.
A plan?
Good, I love a plan.
What's What's What's the plan?
I'll sell all my artwork,
we'll make a ton of money
-and we go on the run.
-What?
-Old-school?
-Old-school's the best school.
Just how biblical are we talking?
-See, do you know what I hate, Charlie?
-What?
Sitting on balconies with lovely views.
Criss-crossing the world
only to be bored somewhere else.
Well, you said everything associated
with you is about to be destroyed, boss.
You know, to be honest with you,
you know all this
gets me excited.
After 20 years, I get to do me again.
[Sam] Jackie! You haven't got a toilet
in there, have you? I'm bursting.
-You should have gone on the plane.
-I know, just
-[Sam groans]
-You okay, boss?
-Fucking shit!
-Boss!
[operatic-style "Ave Maria" plays]
[Jackie] Best day of my life.
["Burning Down The House"
by Talking Heads plays]
[dramatic choral music plays]
[music ends]