Leave It to Beaver (1957) s01e01 Episode Script

1
("Leave it to Beaver" theme music)
[Announcer] Leave It To Beaver,
starring Barbara Billingsley, Hugh Beaumont, Tony Dow,
and Jerry Mathers as The Beaver.
[Hugh] When you were young,
you had your own set of values.
Values that nothing could change.
An ice cream cone
was a snow-capped mountain of sheer delight.
An autographed baseball was more precious than rubies,
and a note from the teacher meant only one thing, disaster.
And that's our story tonight on Leave It To Beaver.
Mother and Father went to the picnic.
Alice and I went with Mother and Father to the picnic.
Mother and Father had fun at the picnic.
Alice and I had fun at the picnic.
We all had fun at the picnic.
That's very good, Judy.
Now, can anyone tell us what a picnic is?
Harold.
A picnic is where go out in the country
and eat food off the dirt.
Oh, well, that's not bad.
What else do we know about picnics?
Theodore.
When we go on a picnic, we eat hot dogs and hamburglars.
Hamburglars?
He means hamburgers, Miss Canfield.
Beaver always talks that way.
Oh, thank you, Theodore.
Now
(bell ringing)
That's all for today, class.
(students chattering)
Oh, Theodore.
Theodore, I
My name's Beaver.
Beaver, is that your given name?
Yes, ma'am, my brother given it to me.
(audience laughing)
Well, in the classroom, I better call you Theodore.
[Beaver] Yes, Miss Canfield.
Theodore, I have a note here to your mother and father.
You'll be sure to give it to them, won't you?
Well, hadn't you better put that in one of your pockets?
Uh uh, they're full of dirt from my turtle.
Oh.
(students chattering)
What did she do to you, Beaver?
Didn't do nothing.
She just gave me a note to take home.
For your parents?
Sure, what's wrong with that?
You must've done something really awful.
I don't remember it.
How about the time you hid in the locker
during fire drill?
(audience laughing)
Jackie Pryor took a note home and was expelled.
(audience laughing)
I'll bet you're gonna get it.
They'll throw you right outta school.
(audience laughing)
Won't they throw him outta school?
(whimsical music)
(audience laughing)
Thank you, Dear.
[June] Mm hmm.
No dessert, Beaver?
No.
No, what?
No, I won't have any.
(audience laughing)
You have a new teacher, Miss Canfield.
What's she like?
Well, all right, I guess.
What happened at school today?
She called me Theodore.
(audience laughing)
Can I be excused?
Yeah, I guess so.
Well, Wally, ah, what about you?
How do you like Mr. Wilkerson?
Oh, he tells jokes in class.
[Ward] Funny jokes?
No.
(audience laughing)
May I be excused too?
Yeah.
I want you boys to take a bath tonight
before you go to bed.
Okay, Mom.
Don't forget.
[Wally] Okay!
(whimsical music)
(audience laughing)
Wally, weren't we suppose to take a bath
before we went to bed?
Oh, yeah.
Hey, Beav, ah, what happened to you in school today?
(water gurgling)
Well, they remembered to take their baths.
I'll get that.
You're gonna be expelled out of the second grade?
Who gave you that crazy idea?
Miss Canfield gave me a note to take home.
A note, well, what's in it?
I don't know.
It's a note all right.
There's a lot of writing in there.
Why didn't you give it to Mom?
I'm a scared of what's in it.
But you don't know what's in it!
That's why I'm a scared!
(audience laughing)
Wally.
Yeah?
Did you ever get a note from school?
Yeah, once.
[Beaver] What happened?
I had to go to summer school.
(audience laughing)
Wally?
What is it now?
Would they spell ya,
if you hid in a locker during fire drill?
[Wally] I don't think so.
One of the big kids from the third grade
said they just might suspender me.
(audience laughing)
Well, they did that to a couple of kids last year,
but they're not gonna throw you out
unless you done something really bad.
(audience laughing)
What else did ya do?
Well, me and Billy Andrews hid in the cloak room,
and jumped out at all the girls.
(audience laughing)
That's kids stuff.
They wouldn't expel you for that.
They wouldn't even suspend ya.
Hey, weren't you sitting in the cafeteria on Thursday?
Yes, but that wasn't my fault.
Larry Mondello pushed me,
and I bumped into Mr. Thompson's cocoa.
(audience laughing)
Maybe Miss Canfield just has a grudge against you.
If she's gonna be mean, mustn't she have a reason?
Of course not.
When you're an older person,
you don't have to have a reason to be mean.
(audience laughing)
Hey, you know something, Beaver?
What, Wally?
You'll be the first kid to ever be thrown out
of the second grade in the history of the school.
(audience laughing)
Wally, couldn't we open the note?
Of course not.
That would be dishonest.
(plug pops)
(audience laughing)
Hey, Beav, can I borrow some of your turtle dirt?
Sure, Wally.
It'll leave a ring.
(audience laughing)
[Judy] Bye, Miss Canfield!
Bye.
[Boy] Bye, Miss Canfield.
[Male Student] Bye.
Bye.
Theodore.
(audience laughing)
I found this under your desk at lunch hour.
Uh, somebody must've dropped it there.
Isn't this the note I asked you
to give to your parents last night?
(audience laughing)
I must've gots it.
Oh, you mean forgot it.
I must've forgots it.
(audience laughing)
Look, Theodore, you promised me you'd give it to them.
Well, I was gonna, but there was a fire.
(audience laughing)
What fire?
Our stove blew up.
(audience laughing)
Oh, dear, was anyone hurt?
Yeah, no, my big brother, Wally, quick put it out.
He grabbed the stinquisher.
It went shh.
Well, that's a shame,
but couldn't you have given your mother the note
after the fire was out?
She had to go bring back Dad.
He's in the hospital.
(audience laughing)
Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.
What's the trouble?
I think the doctor said he's got symptoms.
Can I go home now?
I have to help my mother.
Well, of course, I know how busy she is,
but do try and bring an answer back from her tomorrow, hmm?
Yes, Miss Canfield.
Isn't that the little Cleaver boy?
Having problem with the note, Mrs. Rayburn.
He forgot to give it to his parents.
Well, they have such important things
on their minds at that age.
Well, I know he's upset.
Seems they brought his father home
from the hospital last night.
Oh, what a shame.
He's on our Father's Committee.
I'll tell you what.
Before I drive you home, let me stop at the office.
I'll send him some flowers.
(audience laughing)
[Wally] Hello, Miss Canfield, Mrs. Rayburn.
Oh, Wally, quick thinking last night
with your father laid up.
Oh, yeah.
(audience laughing)
Well, that's funny.
He looked as though he didn't
know what I was talking about.
Well, he's in the eight grade.
It's a stage they go through.
This note you sent home with little Theodore,
he's not giving you trouble in class, is he?
Oh no, we're having our
fire prevention pageant next month.
I want him to play Smokey the Bear.
Oh.
(whimsical music)
(Ward whistling)
(June sighing)
Okay, what did you buy?
I didn't buy anything, silly.
It's what you did and right out of the blue.
Oh, darling, it overwhelmed me.
The new seat covers on the car?
(audience laughing)
No, silly, the flowers.
Oh.
They just came, come on.
Oh, Ward, they're lovely.
You haven't done this in years.
I still haven't done it.
I didn't send them.
Oh, well then, who did?
Maybe you have a secret admirer.
I don't, but you do.
Hope to see you back on your feet soon, Cornelia Rayburn.
(audience laughing)
Who's Cornelia Rayburn,
and when did she see you off your feet?
(audience laughing)
The only Rayburn I know is Mrs. Rayburn,
the grammar school principal.
Well, why would she send you flowers?
How should I know?
Maybe it's Arbor Day.
(audience laughing)
Hope to see you back on your feet again.
Well, she intended this for someone who was ill.
Well, I'll call her up tomorrow and let her know.
Ward?
[Ward] Mm hmm?
Why don't you ever send me flowers?
I'm the kind that says it with seat covers.
(audience laughing)
(typewriter keys pounding)
Hey, how could you have lost the note in the first place?
I don't know.
I didn't go anywhere.
It was in my shoe when I left school.
Then I went to the candy shop,
and then I watched some men change a tire on a bus.
And then I helped Johnnie Cooper
look for four leaf clovers.
I couldn't have lost it.
Somebody must've tooken it.
Boy, you're a mess.
If I don't bring an answer to Miss Canfield,
she's gonna send for Mom.
Miss Canfield might even hit me.
Only the coach can hit you.
(audience laughing)
Wally, they're gonna spell me sure.
If, what're we doing?
We're writing an answer to the note, and wipe your nose.
(audience laughing)
How can we write an answer to the note,
if we don't know what was in the note?
Look, it's from your teacher,
so it has to be something bad.
But I don't even know what bad I did.
I'm writing an answer
that'll cover anything bad you ever did.
(audience laughing)
That's a good idea.
Do you think it'll work?
Dear Miss Canfield,
I have received your note dated two days ago.
The one you sent home with Beaver.
She calls me Theodore.
(audience laughing)
E-O, dore.
I have whipped him.
His father has whipped him.
He is very sorry.
We are very sorry.
Your friend, Mrs. Ward Cleaver, The Beaver's mother.
(audience laughing)
She calls me Theodore.
(audience laughing)
(typewriter keys pounding)
I have whipped him.
His father has whipped him.
He is very sorry.
We are very sorry.
Your friend, Mrs. Ward Cleaver, Theodore's mother.
I know the household must be upset
with the fire and Mr. Cleaver in the hospital,
but why would they punish the little boy
simply because I want him to play Smokey the Bear?
Miss Canfield, this is your first time
with the second grade.
There's something you should know
about little boys and notes.
Yes, Mrs. Rayburn?
I think the best way to clear this situation
is to have Mrs. Cleaver come in tomorrow for a little talk.
I'll call her this evening.
(whimsical music)
Hurry up, boys, you're gonna be late for school!
Bye, Mom!
[June] Muah.
I'll be home right after school,
and tell Dad to bring home the fish food.
Beaver!
Bye, Mom!
[June] Mm.
I love you and I'll pick up my room later!
(audience laughing)
Mom, are you going someplace today?
Yes, Beaver, as a matter of fact I am.
I'm going down to your school.
Any idea why your principal would wanna talk to me?
Ah, maybe Wally done something bad, bye.
Bye.
(whimsical music)
Mr. Cleaver and I would be only too happy
to let The Beaver be in the pageant.
I'm sorry, he misunderstood about the note,
and I'm gonna speak to Wally about his part in it too.
Well, I hope Theodore isn't too upset,
and I hope he'll be back in school tomorrow.
Yes, well
(audience laughing)
Back in school tomorrow?
But he left home this morning.
Isn't he here now?
Well, I'm afraid not.
Miss Canfield reported him absent.
Gee, that was over two hours ago.
Where do you suppose he is?
I wouldn't worry.
They never go far.
(whimsical music)
(audience laughing)
(whimsical music)
Oh, Ward, do you really think he's run away?
[Wally] Beaver!
No, but I'd feel a lot better if we found him.
[Wally] Beaver, Beaver!
[Ward] Is he in there, Wally?
No, but he's been here.
Here's his lunchbox.
Oh, wouldn't you know.
He didn't eat his tomato again.
Now look, Wally, I want you to take us
every place you think he might be.
Okay.
Beaver, Beaver!
[June] Beaver, Beaver!
Well, he was around here the other evening.
Brought me a mason jar full of fireflies.
Don't believe I've seen him since.
These people lookin' for your brother
'cause he done something wrong?
We're looking for him because we're his parents.
His parents huh?
Mm, you sure don't look like he described ya.
(audience laughing)
(whimsical music)
Beaver, Beaver!
[Ward] Beaver, Beaver!
No, Wally, I ain't seen The Beaver in a couple of days.
He was in last Saturday to
borrow a can of grease off of me,
but I ain't seen him since.
Yeah, well, thanks a lot, Fats.
Yes, much obliged, ah, Fats.
(audience laughing)
Yeah, they were here.
Been lookin' all over for you.
What've you been up to?
You won't say anything, will you, Gus?
Of course not.
I'm running away 'cause I got spelled from school.
Oh.
I gotta go now.
You won't say anything?
Not a word.
Thanks, Gus.
Say, Beaver, that father of yours,
you sure he's the one
that run the whole Navy during the war?
(audience laughing)
(whimsical music)
I don't know where else he'd be, Dad.
Hey uh, have, have you fellas seen a little boy?
We just been playing.
We ain't seen anybody, mister.
Well, he's about eight years old.
He's my brother.
Your brother, huh?
What's he look like?
You know, he looks like a kid.
(audience laughing)
He was wearing jeans and a blue sweater.
[Boy] Does he have a baseball cap on, lady?
Well, yes.
Would that be him up there?
(whimsical music)
(audience laughing)
Beaver, what in the world are you doing up there?
Sittin' in a tree, Dad.
Well, come down, I
Ward, don't frighten him.
He might fall.
Ah, well, Beaver, come on down, boy, supper's ready.
Uh uh.
(audience laughing)
Beaver, please come down out of that tree.
I can't, you'll hit me.
He's been up there an hour, lady.
Well, we've been looking for him all day.
Beaver, come on down here.
What's the trouble?
There's a boy up there in that tree.
Oh, I thought it was a cat, come on, dear.
(audience laughing)
Hi, Wally!
Hi, Beav!
You squealed on me.
I had to.
You know how it is.
(audience laughing)
Theodore Cleaver, I demand you come down out of that tree
this minute and stop this foolishness.
[Beaver] I'm not coming down!
You'll hit me!
Well, you just better bet I
(audience laughing)
Why, Beaver, you know we'd never hit ya.
What about the time I spilled the ink on the rug?
(audience laughing)
Ah, never mind.
I don't think he's coming down.
He'll come down all right.
Beaver, you come on down out of that tree,
or I'm coming up there after you.
Uh uh, I'm gonna stay here until I die
and then you'll be sorry.
All right.
Well, all right, Beaver.
If you wanna stay up there,
I guess your father and Wally and I
will just have to go home and have supper.
You're gonna leave me here alone?
[June] Well, that's what you want.
But if it rains I'll get all wet.
Yes, I guess you will.
Maybe I better come home and get my raincoat,
and then come back up here.
(audience laughing)
You know, that's a good idea.
Boy, when they get him home, they'll really kill him.
(audience laughing)
I gave The Beaver a hot bath.
Was a little worse for wear.
(chuckles) I'm not in such good shape myself.
Ward.
Uh huh?
Do you think he would really
have stayed up there until he died?
Sure, I would have when I was a kid.
If you said you were going to, you did.
(audience laughing)
Ward.
Uh huh?
Oh, the note and The Beaver being scared and running away.
You think Miss Canfield will understand all that?
She might, I think there's a pretty good chance
she was a kid once herself.
(whimsical music)
Theodore, you can catch up
with the rest of the class tomorrow.
You know now what was in that note
I wrote to your mother and father, don't you?
Yeah, you wanted me to play Smokey the Bear.
[Miss Canfield] Well, that's right.
Why did you assume that what I wrote in the note
was something bad?
I don't know.
[Miss Canfield] Well, you must've had a reason.
Well.
[Miss Canfield] Well what?
I guess it was because you're a teacher.
(audience laughing)
Theodore, teachers aren't
the natural enemies of little boys.
You know, it's very hard to be a good teacher.
Well, someone once said
that a good teacher is like a candle.
Consumes itself to light the way for others.
Do you understand?
Kinda, sorta.
You know, this is your first year in the second grade,
and it's my first year too.
We could learn a lot from one another.
Would you help me?
I'll try, for one thing,
don't make the boys wear aprons when we're finger painting.
(audience laughing)
Well that's a very good suggestion.
I'll remember that, Theodore.
Miss Canfield, will you do me a favor?
[Miss Canfield] Sure.
Call me Beaver.
(audience laughing)
It's a deal, Beaver.
Can I go home now?
[Miss Canfield] Of course.
(whimsical music)
Hurry up, boys, you're gonna be late for school!
Bye, Mom, I'll be home right after school,
and tell Dad to bring home the fish food!
Beaver!
Bye, Mom, I love you and I'll clean up my room later!
(door thuds) (Beaver grunts)
Hey, what's this?
[Beaver] It's my shrunken head.
Oh, so it is.
Why are you taking it to school?
I thought Miss Canfield might like it.
You know, I think she might too, here.
Bye!
(whimsical music)
(dramatic orchestral music)