Make Some Noise (2022) s01e01 Episode Script

1
- [Sam] Tonight!
Creepy hands wrapping their way around
the door in a horror
movie, it's Josh Ruben!
Someone walking in on you in the bathroom,
it's Zac Oyama!
- Oh, sorry!
- [Sam] And opening a
door during a hurricane.
- No, no, no!
- [Sam] It's Brennan Lee Mulligan!
They're all here to
- [Together] Make some noise!
(upbeat music)
- This is "Make Some
Noise" the game so good
we spun it off, unchanged.
I am your host, Sam Reich.
If you've never seen this before,
here's how the show works.
I have a series of improvisational prompts
our players have never seen before.
Isn't that right, players?
- I've never seen them.
- I won't know if I haven't seen them
until I see them for the first time.
- I've never been on this
set before in my life.
- Our players must act out those prompts
to the best of their ability.
I will award them corresponding points
and one of them will walk home
with the coveted golden ear.
Which was severed from a
golden Vincent van Gogh.
- What?
- Josh!
- Ah!
- Batman doing Cameo.
- Which one, you know what I mean?
I'll go with, you know, Christian.
Hey, what's up?
Listen, thanks for paying the 58 bucks
to tell you, Jerry, to
have a bat-tastic birthday.
Stay good.
Wouldn't wanna have to
put your ass in Arkham.
- Fantastic.
I'll cut you off there.
We'll say one point for you, Josh.
Zac.
- Yes.
- A sommelier who's never tasted wine.
- So, what we have
today is a purplish red.
(snapping)
Oh, I broke it?
Does anyone have a fork?
You really have to grind out the cork.
And that's all gonna be in there
and that's good flavor.
(sniffing)
Ew! Whoa.
This was 90 dollars.
You let me know if that's
to your liking or not.
I'm not sure that we're gonna be able
to do anything about it.
But, um, it was cool hangin'.
- It was cool hangin'!
In the bible for any
Michelin star restaurant.
Very good, Zac.
We'll say one point for you.
Brennan.
An old-timey prospector who's
getting into crypto currency.
- You listen here.
I may have lost part of my
brain in a wolverine attack,
but I know one thing and
one thing's for sure.
That is the blockchain is
the future of currency.
You say, oh, fiat currency?
You want state backed dollars?
What could be better than a completely
unaccountable system of absolute strangers
and con artists assembled together
in a bizarre crypto-fascist commune?
We already know that these currencies
are being used to fund neo-Nazi
and far right organizations.
If you're legitimately
considering using these things
there's something fucking wrong with you!
- I'm gonna cut you off
before this becomes--
- No, there's something
fucking wrong with you!
- Where'd the prospector go?
- Bippity-bappity,
bippity-bappity, bippity!
How's about that?
- One and a half points for Brennan.
- Is that a calculator?
- Yeah, this is the latest
in calculator technology.
- Oh, okay.
- Josh.
- Uh.
- An assassin assembling
the world's most intricate sniper rifle.
- No problem.
(clearing throat)
- No problem.
(clicking)
- Beep, beep, beep, boop.
Welcome.
- Oh my god.
(squeaking)
- Welcome.
(clicking)
Ugh, okay.
Eyeball, eyeball.
Eyeball.
It's the eyeball part.
Please activate bullet part.
Doo, dee, dee.
Good, scan left thumbprint.
Brling.
Welcome.
Pull out fifth antenna part.
(clicking)
Helmet?
Beep.
(squeaking)
Okay, and find target.
Activate the left hand.
Left hand, I said.
Oh, you gotta go back.
Gotta do it all over.
So put it all back.
Put it all back.
(clicking)
- Uh, I'm gonna cut you off there, Josh.
The similarity between that sniper rifle
and my rice cooker is very remarkable.
Let's say nine points for Josh.
- Wow!
- Zac!
- Yes.
- That guy in a movie
who's definitely about
to be hit by a bus.
- Oh, we got it?
The deal went through?
Fuck yes, Terry!
God damn it, that's why we close.
We're on top of the world.
Nothing's gonna stop us at all.
(imitates whizzing car)
Fucker almost hit me with a car.
Anyways.
- I'll cut you off there, Zac.
It always is at the peak of one's life.
- Yeah.
- That one gets hit by a bus.
4.75 points for you.
- Oh.
- Brennan.
A carnival barker for the
free section of Craig's List.
- Step right up, step right up!
Ladies and gentlemen, to see the amazing
cum stained mattress!
Right here!
Folks, you won't believe your eyes
as you see this absolutely
free, infested bed bug paradise.
Every type of vermin on the planet
just waiting to leap from
this Serta Sealy mattress.
Straight onto your pets and loved ones.
And if that's not enough,
direct your attention over here
to a broken skateboard
that my old roommate left
when we parted on bad terms.
That's right, folks, he had to
get outta the city and quick!
There was weird family stuff going on.
- I'll cut ya off there, Brennan.
My god.
I'm gonna say 33 and a
third points for Brennan.
- Yes!
- Josh.
- Huh?
- From your TikTok to my prompts.
Jason Bateman giving an
inspiring locker room speech.
- Oh my god.
- Uh, okay, buddies.
Well, let's, let's all just
Let's really put a,
let's get a good bend in our knees
and just really think about, you know,
if you go out there
and you lose, uh, well,
you will not uh you will not get, uh.
You will not get, uh,
an ice cream.
And you know what, if you, if you win,
you'll uh you'll uh, you will get, uh.
You will get uh
Um
Ice cream.
- Hardly the motivation that any
of those high schoolers are looking for.
Let's say eleventy points for you.
- Ha! Okay.
- Zac.
- Yessh.
- A drive-thru order at
the restaurant Leftovers.
- Sorry, one second.
Do you want anything?
Could I get a styrofoam container
with two scoops of the
the fragrant shrimp?
And then
I want an open, uh,
an open La Croix.
It doesn't matter what flavor.
And
Well, we're gonna do two tinfoil balls.
And
And a coke.
Thank you.
- Zac having peered
directly into my fridge.
And we'll say 28 points for Zac.
Brennan, a monologue from HBO's
"Game of Rock Paper Scissors."
- You've done quite well for yourself.
Haven't you?
I remember you when you were
nothing more than a pebble.
Your father was an estimable warrior
and king in his time.
The Boulder of Rockland they called him.
Me, nothing more than a
humble sheet of paper.
(slurping)
Oh, I can't drink.
- It's absorbent.
- Outside, I have a
googolplex of soldiers.
Anyone that wants to
look up how much that is,
go ahead and do that right now.
While you've been gallivanting around,
falling in love with that
beautiful scissor princess,
I have been preparing for this day!
Years have lapsed.
My family cut to ribbons. Shredded.
Made into compost.
Nothing more than detritus and pulp.
Time will tell.
Even the most humble sheet of paper
can surround you when you least expect it.
I will see you on the battlefield.
(creasing)
(laughing)
- Yes!
Way to stick the landing, Brennan.
- What if you could fold
yourself into a little airplane?
- Oh my god.
- [Sam] What if you could?
- That's the strat.
- What if you could self origami?
Yeah, we'll say a googolplex
of points for Brennan.
- Yeah!
That's what's up!
- It's time for the minigame.
This is the minigame we
call Wrong Answers Only.
Basically, players, how this works
is I will give you a category
and you will make up
bullshit by buzzing in.
And me calling on you until I say stop.
The category is, advanced
ways to order your eggs.
Josh.
- Full on, kid.
- What is "full on, kid?"
- Pretty much it's everything.
It's literally everything
but you say, full on, kid.
And kid, I don't know if
many people know that,
but that's another word
for chef down here,
especially in this part of the state.
So they will know as
soon as you call 'em kid
that it's a respectful nickname.
And that they will know to load 'em up
with especially extra pepper.
Excuse me.
Especially extra peppers.
I'm not done.
Especially extra peppers
and a whole lot of cilantro
with as much heat as you possibly can,
especially cotija.
- Brennan!
- Extra aged.
- Extra aged being?
- Chicken.
- An A-plus joke for Brennan.
Zac.
- Shorted.
- Shorted being?
- You gotta short it and then we'll make
a lot of money when they run out of eggs.
- Nobody's ever shorted
the egg market before.
- Brennan.
- Gone.
- Being?
- They're gone.
- No eggs?
- If you're looking to
keep the cal count down,
the calorie count down, you get some eggs.
You say, let me get 'em gone.
- Yeah.
- So you just get a plate.
And then you can hang
out with your friends.
- Brennan accommodating
our social anxiety.
Josh.
(snapping)
Which is?
- Oh, it's pretty straight forward.
So the (snapping) it's get
the attention of the waiter.
Then it's right away.
And then egg and I'm grateful.
- So it's really just eggs?
- I think you misunderstand.
It's an advance way to order for my eggs.
It's no verbs, no adjectives or nouns
or letters or anything.
No use of vocalization.
You just.
(snapping)
- Zac.
- Omel-In.
- Being?
- So they give you beaten up eggs.
- Yes.
- You drink that.
Hot oil, you drink that.
Cooks the eggs into an
omelet in your stomach.
- I love that.
- And then you're okay, probably.
- It's an omelet only once
it's inside your body?
- Yeah.
- Brennan.
- All at once.
- Meaning?
- Meaning you take a day, you
set it aside in your calendar
and you order all of the
eggs you're ever gonna eat-
- You're ever gonna have in your life!
- Oh wow.
- You figure out what
restaurants you're gonna go to
and you just go, hey, 30 years from now,
I'm gonna be at your diner.
I would like a western omelet.
- And at that point your basically done
with all the eggs you have to eat in life.
- You order them all.
- From then on you can order them gone.
- And then you can get 'em gone.
Exactly.
(light music)
- That brings us to round two where
our players will now
fulfill my perversions
in teams of twos.
- Ah.
- [Sam] Zac.
- Huh?
- Slimer tries to convince the Genius Bar
his phone wasn't slimed.
- Uh, next up is Slimer?
(growling)
Is there a Slimer?
(gurgling)
Do you have an iPhone?
- Yeah, I do.
(squelching)
- Okay, um.
Wow. Heh, heh.
So, what seems to be the issue, is it?
- (gargling) No, no, no.
It's your issue, okay.
(gurgling)
- It does seem to have been slimed
but if you didn't do it, I would
- I didn't do it.
You did it, okay.
- This is the first time
I've ever touched slime.
So, I don't think I--
- I'll cut you off there.
Praying, Josh, that you could still do
the Slimer impression I saw,
maybe 15 years ago and never since.
- Ha, ha, ha! No idea if I was close.
But I hope it brought y'all back.
- We'll say five points for each of you.
Zac and Brennan.
An obviously stolen item
at "Antiques Roadshow."
- Hurry, hey, hurry.
- I don't
- Hurry, do it! Do it.
- Okay, uh.
- Do it, sir, hurry! Hurry!
- Uh, so you are on camera.
- Sure, yeah.
- Gotcha.
Hello, sir, uh.
- Fuck.
- Uh, so the
- Is it worth a lot?
It's gotta be worth a lot.
- Well, this is a bloody bag of money.
Um, how long has this bag of
money been in your family?
- Gosh, in my family?
Probably about, uh, probably
about like two minutes.
- Okay.
And any sort of family stories come to us?
- Well, my family's in a lot of trouble.
- Yeah, that is.
So, that is cocaine.
Now the interesting thing about the bag.
Um
- Yeah, I'm listening.
- Okay, is there someone at the door?
- [Josh] Police! (knocking)
- Go to hell!
- And I'll cut you off there.
Man, did that go action packed.
Uh, let's say nine points for each of you.
Brennan and Josh.
The mushrooms hit Samwise
and Frodo at the same time.
- All right, it's been awhile.
Since I've familiarized
myself with our mission,
but who knows which one I am.
Yet, here we go.
- Oi, Master Frodo, the
ring, you don't even remember
your own life and what
we're here trying to do!
- What we're trying to do?
We're just trying to have a good time.
- Remember we took the ring.
- Mm, oh!
- All the way to the fires of Mount Doom!
- Oh, right, the ring, the ring.
- [Together] The ring, the ring.
- The ring.
- Wait, put your face on my face
and say it at the same time.
- [Together] The ring.
- Are you? Are you
- [Together] Speaking in my voice?
- I might not be able to carry
the ring, but I can carry,
both of us.
- Okay.
- Using the power of my mind.
- Okay!
(humming)
- I'll cut you off there, you two!
- Oh, it's been a moment.
- [Sam] With a dosey doe!
- But I thought it was
very, very, very accurate.
- We'll say four and a fourth
points for each of you.
Zac and Brennan.
An astronaut trying to cover up to NASA
that they really fucked up.
- Colonel Smith, how's
it looking out there?
You seeing that bright, blue marble?
- Uh, Houston we are seeing
that bright, blue marble
and it is looking clear.
- Airlock is secure, you are go for entry
to the ISS on recovery mission--
- Copy that Houston, one second.
Uh, we got some interference.
Muting myself
Has anyone seen my box, my juice box?
- We're getting a moisture confirmation
in some of the air filtration systems.
- Yeah, so I, there's you know,
they have these juice
boxes that I was told
that we were allowed to bring up.
And a lot of them, a lot of them got out.
And a lot of them are floating around now.
And I pre-put all the straws in.
- You pre-put all of the straws?
- It's my least favorite
part of juice boxes.
And so I do it ahead of time
so I can reward myself later
for the good NASA job I did.
- Colonel Smith, who told you
you could bring pre-opened juice boxes?
- We get one personal item.
- No, you don't!
- I'm gonna cut you off there.
- Is it good to give a hard no
in an improv scene?
Is that what you're supposed to do?
- You can't do that!
- To say no, you are
not, you can't do that?
- Joshua.
(sighing)
And Brennan-ua.
Two sea captains competing
for who loves the sea more.
- Aye, she's a cruel mistress.
Fierce and tempestuous.
But, I would live no other life.
The sea chose me, in a way.
- Why it's funny ya say that
because um, I also feel that, um,
the sea calls to me.
(puffing)
One time, validating that point,
sort of reaffirming it.
- Yeah.
- I was out in the middle of the sea
after a vicious shipwreck.
Only me, floating on a
big piece of fuckin' wood.
But it was a whale with a woman's body.
- Sorry, wait a minute.
I know we're supposed to be
doing something else right now,
but I am gonna double back to,
a whale with a woman's body.
So like, what part of the woman
that you saw indicated that
it was in fact a whale?
- Okay, so perhaps you didn't understand
what I was saying--
- No, I really didn't.
And I am asking for clarification.
- Okay, so there are a
many mythological tales
about the sea, the Poseidon stuff.
But the sea manifests through
the physique of a pretty hot bodied woman
with a face of a fuckin' whale.
- Sorry, was the face proportional
to what a whale's face size would be?
- Oh, no! Come on, girl.
It was pretty small.
You know, like um, I don't
know like about a meter.
So, it rose--
- A three foot face?!
- So it told me I was its favorite.
- Okay, so you're out on the ocean,
a woman with a three foot long whale face,
and I guess, human hair on top, maybe?
- Oh, hell yeah!
Braids, like fuckin' barnacles.
- Now, she comes up to you and says,
I'm the sea and I'm in love with you?
- Well, no.
Excuse me, I wish, am I wrong?
No, the sea manifested itself
as a woman with a pretty bangin' body
and hair like the braids of seaweed.
And said, "You, Terry
Mennanecker, you are my favorite."
- I'll cut you off there with that whale.
- This is my favorite new character.
- Joshua.
- Ba.
- And Zachary.
- Muh.
- A scene from a nixed
version of "Castaway"
in which Wilson was a
talking, animated volleyball.
- Help!
Help! Get me off this island!
I have created fire!
How do I get outta here, Wilson?
- Uh, chill out.
Why don't we try to have a little fun?
- I don't think it's possible
for me to have any fun when my teeth
are falling out of my
face and making me crazy!
- Oh, you never needed those teeth.
I don't got any teeth and I think
I'm a pretty cool dude.
- All right, I've gotta be going crazy.
Do ya have like a phone
or anything like that?
Maybe I could call for help.
- Oh, phones?
Everybody these days are
in their phones, right?
- Oh, oh, you're literally
holding a cartoon--
(gulping)
Oh no, no!
We coulda called for help!
- Too bad.
- I'll cut you off there, the two of you.
- I just wanna get back to my wife.
- Easy to see why this version
did not pass the focus group.
- Yeah.
- 587 points.
- Split or each?
- Oh, split.
Don't get greedy, players.
- That's like 200 something.
Three, 200 something.
(light music)
- That brings us into round three
where our players will now hold hands
and jump into the abyss together.
Josh, Zac, Brennan.
Friends who don't know how to count
on New Year's Eve.
- I can't believe it.
- Oh!
- I can't believe that
we're all in the same spot,
physically together again.
- We're on different coasts and--
- Oh my god.
- Here we go!
- It's happening.
- It's happenin'.
- Ha, ha, ha!
- Great, do we do the?
- Yeah.
- Oh yeah.
- Hey, yeah!
- Whoa!
- Hey! Hey!
- Hey!
- [Together] Hey!
Hey!
Hey!
- Whoa!
- Hey!
- Paps!
- Whoa!
- Hey!
- Hey!
- Hey!
- Whoa!
For she's a jolly good fellow♪
- I will cut you off there.
Hey! Hey!
Hey!
Incredible.
Josh, Zac, and Brennan.
From the CD "Sounds to Help You Sleep"
jungle noises, plus Steve who got lost.
(cackling monkey)
(trilling insects)
(croaking frog)
(trilling)
(croaking)
(trilling)
(cackling monkey)
(grunting)
- Hello?
(grunting)
Guys?
(fluttering)
(squeaking)
Guys?
(squeaking)
Did everyone leave?
(growling cat)
Joke's over, guys.
Heh, heh.
Guys?
(fluttering)
Guys!
(buzzing mosquito)
Ow!
Guys?
(buzzing mosquito)
(ringing)
911?
I'm in a different country.
- Um, okay, there's not a whole lot
we're gonna do about that.
- I'll cut you off there.
- Immediate service.
- Yes, immediate service.
In a different country.
Fully on board.
- Taking the action to immediately say,
we're not gonna help.
- Oh my god, yeah, no, how could we?
- Josh, Zac, and Brennan.
Guys on the Titanic pumped for bro time
now that the women and children are gone.
- That band, dude!
That band is banging.
Dude, we got a band, dude.
What's that a five piece?
Yeah, play that violin, dawg!
(screeching)
- Oo! Oo!
Whoa!
- Dude.
- Whoa, look at that,
but also look at this.
- Oh! What the fuck, dude!
- It's still gonna be away,
though, you know what I mean?
(thudding)
- Oh shit, a fuckin' spar of wood fucking
clobbered Trandor in the head.
- Whoa.
- Trander, are you okay?
- I'm fuckin' good, where
is that fucker, though?
- Dude, dude, oh my god.
Oh, he's got bad blood, dude.
- Oh, dude.
Now we got bad blood♪
(chuckling)
Hey, it's fuckin' mad sideways, ya know?
- What's up?
- Mad sideways.
- I'll cut you off there.
That brings us to the end of our game.
Our winner tonight.
- Please be me, it better be me.
Please!
- Brennan Lee Mulligan.
- No!
- Ha!
- I did laugh a lot.
- Brennan, that means
that you are the recipient
of one coveted golden ear.
Thank you.
(light applause)
- Wow, thank you so much.
- That does it for us
here at "Make Some Noise."
Be sure to tune in next time for more
of the Game Samer.
I'm Sam Reich and that
sounds pretty good to me.
Goodnight.
(light music)