Monkey Wrench (2022) s01e01 Episode Script

[tense music playing]
[male voice] Ooh-ooh!
[weapons blasting]
[grunting]
[gasping] Dah!
[panting]
[continues panting]
[yelps] Oh!
[whimpering]
[clears throat] Who, who, who, who put
you up to this?
It was D.H., wasn't it?
Well, he's too late.
I've already sent it to L.A.W. HQ.
-[whirring]
-[splutters] I'm not afraid of you.
[whimpers] Ah! Okay, actually, maybe I am.
Your master is a man of opportunity.
How… How about you both look
the other way and I, uh…
[coughs] Ahem! Mm?
Uh, here, have them.
[whimpering] Something else, maybe.
One of my casinos.
Please! Please!
Surely I can be
worth more to you alive! [screams]
[scream stops abruptly]
[distant alarm wailing]
[somber music playing]
[beeping]
-[beeping stops]
-[man] Hey, hey, hey!
Nice work as always, Miss Kara.
A shame we didn't catch Chester in time.
We're already putting together
a plan to retrieve the package,
but it'll take a while.
However, to pass the time,
-I have something else for ya.
-[beeps, whirs]
-[rock music playing]
-That bird. He's your next target.
You can deal
with his bodyguards as you see fit.
Have fun.
[rock music builds]
[shatters]
[rock music intensifies]
[male voice] Where are you going, money?
You're my money, my money. [gasps]
[trembling] I love you, money.
Money, my money.
[grunting]
-[beeps]
-¿Qué pasa? I'm up. I'm up.
Who is this, this is?
[man] Rise and shine, Shrike, my boy.
So, did I win the bet?
You're tangled
in the bedsheets again, right?
-No. No. No.
-Mm-hmm.
What is it, Beebs? I need my siesta.
You asked me to wake you up
when we got here, remember?
Get your lazy ass up to the bridge.
What? Here? Here where?
The J-O-B?
YAY-O-B… [mutters]
Oh! Right. Yeah. Yeah.
-I'll be there in a sec, amigo.
-[beeps]
[whirring]
[beeps]
[groaning] Eh! Ah! Ah!
The owner of the Thicc Chicc Casino
and one of the largest lobbyists
for the League of Aligned Worlds,
billionaire Chester McNevins,
was found dead
at Capella Station late last evening.
Authorities believe
it was another hired hit,
as it bears striking resemblance
to the previous three murders
of L.A.W. officials.
They believe that the mysterious assassin,
Kara, is behind them.
Want to see the body?
Yeesh, poor bastard.
Hey, it lives. Good sleep?
Sleep's good till you wake up, amigo.
What are you watching? Anything good?
Just the news. As miserable as ever.
Looks like that Kara character
struck down
another wealthy L.A.W. supporter.
Probably deserved it.
Supporting L.A.W. and all.
Oh, and speaking of miserable,
when we gonna get A.G. in here?
Running out of this stuff.
We'll get Artificial Gravity
when we can afford it.
Have you seen our position on the board?
We can't even think about
fixing up the Bucket yet.
Slogging through lesser jobs to get
to better-paying ones is part of the game.
It wasn't just me
starting this merc company.
You gotta pull your weight.
Yeah, yeah. I know, I know.
So, what's the plan?
You know, for the job?
The client said he'll meet up with us on
the planet surface at these coordinates.
Looks pretty remote.
Being so far out, my guess is
that he doesn't want too much attention.
Once we're down there,
he said he'll discuss the full terms.
That's what I can make out.
100k pixels, huh?
Not bad. Mm.
Looks like he just wants
a bodyguard or something. Mm.
All the way out here, though.
Eh, sounds super shady to me, amigo.
-Who writes like this?
-We'll find out when we get down there.
Not as if we can't handle ourselves
if things get rough.
[groans] Ah!
At least the pay is better
than our last job you got us.
I ain't never removing super ticks
off a jumbo space whale ever again
for a measly 25k!
[yelps]
Man, I need my pizza fix. And soon.
How about once this job's over,
and to make up for the last one,
we go hit up the nearest Pizzapocolypse?
You can get your favorite.
Oh, 15-cheese…
-Atomic Supreme.
-Atomic Supreme.
[rock music playing]
Uh?
This?
This is the guy? [laughing]
-I swear, if this is some sort of--
-Sh.
Let me handle it.
So, you're Nobert?
You don't look exactly like your profile.
[high-pitched] No, no profiling me!
[quizzical music playing]
It sounds like him.
You contacted us
about doing a job for you two days ago?
No. No, Nobert. Job ghost egg! Ghost egg!
Is… Is that a yes? Ghost egg?
No.
[in Spanish] This parrot is crazy!
[in English] You said you'd provide us
with the full job terms
when we got down here.
[screeching] Ghost egging me!
Ghost egg. What, what, what ghost egg?!
[trembling] Ghost egg.
-[screeching]
-Sh!
It's okay, calm down.
No one's gonna… ghost egg you?
-[whirring]
-Can I shoot him, please?
No. Gonna ghost egg me.
Beebs, please don't tell me
we came all this way,
a trip that took two full days
of blue space travel, mind you,
to some swamp-ass armpit of a solar system
to protect a neurotic lunatic
who thinks he's being haunted
by a phantom freaking egg!
Mate, we're already here. We're doing it.
[music ends]
All right, fine. How long do we gotta
put up with this little freak?
You.
It says he needs us to escort him
to Dock 57 on Oberon Station.
There, he can be… "free from ghost egg."
His words, not mine.
Wait, Oberon?
But that… that's at least
six days' trip from here. [chuckling]
You're saying I gotta put up with him
and his phantom huevos for six whole days?
[whimpering] Ay yai yai yai yai yai…
The money's right.
And besides, just look at him.
Poor guy could use a break.
Oh, he's dealing with a break, all right.
[sighs, whimpers]
All right, let's go, Eggman.
10k pixels say
this'll be boring as all hell.
-Huh?
-What the…
-Ghost egg!
-[Shrike] Huh?
[suspenseful rock music playing]
There's the bird, lads.
Get him for Queen Tyneen.
[Beebs] Hmm hmm hmm!
Hey, we didn't shake on it.
I owe you nothing!
[music builds]
[groans] Oh!
[both grunting]
[groaning] Oh!
[loud crash]
[sighs] Ah.
Here we go.
Ooh! [squawks]
[Shrike grunts]
Wait a sec. Is… Is that…
Sanchez? Is that you?
Ricket? Oh! What the hell
are you doing here, man?
Boss Queen Tyneen
sent us after the bird guy!
He's got quite the bounty on his head.
Don't tell me you're after it too.
No, man, this is a merc contract thing.
Wait…
Bounty?
[snickers]
He's got a bounty.
Beebs, he's got a bounty! [snickers]
Ahem! How much?
I think it was
something like 10 million pixels!
Wait, I… I shouldn't have told you that.
Ten mill… [splutters]
Beebs, please!
It's at least 100 times what we're gonna…
Oh, no. Not this time.
We're not breaking this contract.
Sorry to cut the tea party short, fellas.
We got a job to do.
Tell old Queenie we said hi.
-Huh? Oh, what's the…
-[whirring]
[music intensifies]
[squeals] Oh! Ah!
Bounty that big?
No wonder he wanted an escort.
You're still not getting that 10k,
by the way.
And you! How the hell
did you get a bounty that damn high?
[mutters]
Beebs, I wanna swap shoulders.
[coughing, spluttering]
Why didn't you hit them?
We… We don't have any eyes.
Oh. Oh, yeah.
Tyneen ain't gonna like this.
[funky music playing]
Yo, Ricket, you got the bird, yeah?
Bring mama some of that good news!
[Ricket] Sorry, mama. No good news.
That bird got
the Monkey Wrench guys's escorts
under some sort of merc contract thing.
From the sound of it,
they're taking him to Oberon.
Sanchez? They not after the bounty
the Potoos gave him?
Ha! Get your ass back up here, Ricket.
We're heading out.
-[clacking]
-[echoing] All right, listen up!
All sights on that idiot Sanchez.
When his ship escapes the atmosphere,
I want everyone ready to board
that heap of scrap.
We'll kick the crap out of him
and take the bird by force!
And once we have,
we'll force the Potoos
to quadruple the payout!
[sinister laughter]
I really want that money
for a new battle cruiser.
Spoops!
[Spoops] Yes, Mammy Jammy?
Be ready to target Sanchez's ship
and fire the grapple
the moment they get in range.
Aye, aye, Queenie Weenie.
Grapple wapple go zip-zoom-kaboom!
-[snickering]
-[whirring, beeping]
[pensive rock music playing]
Ready… aim…
[whirring]
[Beebs] Dude, they're already
getting a lock on us.
Don't worry, it's fine.
All we gotta do is jump out of here.
Like, right now.
You did make sure Nobert's comfortable
before we hit blue space, right?
Yep. I tucked him in nice and tight.
[moaning]
Hang on to your cheeks, amigo.
We're out of here!
Fire!
-Uh-oh, too late. Birdie go bye-bye.
-[Queen grunts]
Deep breath.
It's okay, Tyneen, girl.
Calm down. It doesn't matter.
We know where they're headed.
We'll just have to ambush them at Oberon.
Uh, actually, Your Toothiness,
if I may interject.
If we had just headed to Oberon
instead of attacking them just now,
then they wouldn't know we were coming,
and we could have had
the element of surprise.
[chuckles nervously]
[rock music playing]
[bellowing]
-[thuds]
-Oh!
[ethereal music swells, fades]
So, how do you think a… thing like Nobert
got a bounty of 10 million pi… pixels?
You know, besides him going…
[mimics Nobert] …all the time.
Beats me, but for that amount,
someone wants him dead.
I've been with him for, what, 30 minutes?
And I already want him dead.
-[whispers] What do.
-¡Dios mío! Ya!
Hey, give me a heart attack,
why don't ya?
Wait, how… how'd you get out? Hola!
[screeching] Oh, gosh sake! No!
Would you take him
back to his room? Gently.
[groans] Ah!
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Come here, you scraggly little… [grunting]
Gotcha!
[beeping rapidly]
What now?
[rock music playing]
Hey, if you can't tell, I'm busy here,
so call back later.
Hey, oh, unless this happens to be
that fine señorita from Antares 4.
Hey, squid head, my man,
my amigo, as you're so fond of saying.
How's it going?
Oh, hey. It's you… Scratch.
¿Qué tal, animal? [grunts]
Mm! So, I hear you're in possession
of a certain someone…
[gulps] …with a rather hefty bounty
on their wee, tender head. Hmm?
I don't know where you heard that.
[Scratch] Dude, he's right there.
I can clearly see him.
Besides, word's gotten out.
So, you guys are honoring his contract
instead of handing his head over
to the appropriate authorities?
Who are you?
That's not the Sanchez I know.
You would've jumped on that
like a fat kid on a cupcake.
What? Me? I, I, I would never!
It was Beebs' idea.
[gasps] And here I thought we were amigos.
How could you lie to me like that, man?
I'm hurt.
I think I, I, I…
Yeah, there it goes.
Oh no, I'm heartbroken.
Oh, shame.
After all I've done for you,
helped you set up your company,
got you a great deal on the Bucket.
The Bucket!
Aw! Por amor de Dios.
Tug at my heartstrings, why don't you? Aw.
What'll make you go away?
Well, a nice gesture a true amigo would do
would be to give us the bird.
I'm gonna need that bounty money
now more than ever
to replace the heart
for the one you just broke.
And, you know, for all the other things
you still owe me too.
The only thing I owe you
is a swift kick up the culo.
Fine.
If you want to be that way,
I'll have Scritch
blow you guys to smithereens
and take the bird that way.
Your call, amigo.
-He's got a lock on us.
-[yelps] Ya!
Fine! Whatever will make you
leave me the hell alone!
[sighs] Gonna need your coordinates
if you want me to send him over.
[gasps] Oh, goodie.
We're just at your
seven o'clock high… amigo.
[beeps]
[whirring]
What?
"Amigo" that, pendejo.
[Beebs] So now that's over,
you wanna take Nobert
back to his quarters?
If Tyneen and Scratch
know about his bounty,
then we sure as hell
got a lot more trouble coming.
Hey, I welcome anything that could
liven up this six-day-long babysit, amigo.
-Come here, you stupid…
-No, ghost egg. No!
This is gonna be a fun couple of days.
Time to buckle up.
[rock music playing]
-[no in-scene audio]
-[rock music continues]
[music ends]
[Shrike] Ah! Finally, we're here.
I can't wait to be rid of this guy.
I never want to hear a… [mimics Nobert]
…ever again.
The Bucket will be
a lot more quiet without him.
I think I might even miss him.
After this, it's onward to Pizzapocolypse!
And my 15-cheese Atomic Supreme, baby.
I don't know how you can eat that thing
and survive, man.
[screeches]
[mysterious music playing]
Beebs, is it just me,
or are we being followed?
I'm sure it's just you.
Come on, Nobert's gate is just down here.
So, uh, how much you wanna bet
Tyneen or Scratch
drop in at the last second?
Wha… Why would you wanna win that?
Okay, Mr. Nobert. Here you are.
We escorted you to Dock 57 on Oberon
as contract states.
-Just sign here and our business is done.
-Yay.
You'll be free from ghost eggs.
Aw, look at you,
all professional-like. Huh?
Ah! It's pizza time, baby!
Signing me.
[electric guitar riff plays]
[ominous music playing]
[music ends]
Oh, hey! Fancy seeing you guys here.
Did you come to see him off too?
I hope you brought tissues.
It's gonna be a touching farewell.
-[groaning]
-Shut it, Sanchez.
Hand over the bird
and you won't be hurt too badly. [laughs]
-Yeah, forfeit the fowl!
-[rock music playing]
Hey! The queen got here first, fur bag.
We have dibs.
What do you mean "dibs"?
The bird's bounty
rightfully belongs to me.
Mine, bonehead!
Aw, look at the fat little kitty now.
He's trying to play pirate.
Oh, you're asking for it now,
you dumb boner!
[music fades]
Look! It's the ghost egg!
-Ghost egg?
-Ghost egg? What?
-[rock music playing]
-[Shrike grunting] Ya! Ya!
Can't believe we fell for that.
-After him, ladies!
-Let's go, baby!
-[Nobert] No! No! No!
-[snickering]
-[all grunting]
-[Queen laughing]
[Queen grunting] Ah!
[music intensifies]
-Sign this, please.
-[Nobert screeches]
[screeching]
[groans]
[high-pitched ringing]
[Queen] Huh? Huh?
[both laugh]
[snickering]
Oh no. [grunts]
Could you not?
[grunts] Huh?
Oh!
[Scratch grunts]
[snarls]
[yells] Ah!
[Nobert squeals]
[grunts] Ah!
[all grunting]
[Shrike] Ya-ha!
[grunts]
Heh!
[Queen bellows]
[both grunt]
[howling]
-Ooh! Come to Ricket. Oh, God!
-[Scritch howling]
[Nobert screams]
[grunting]
-[rock music becomes muffled]
-[screams]
[grunts]
[Scratch chitters, yowls]
-[Beebs] Oh!
-[Nobert squealing]
[screeches]
-[squealing]
-[Shrike yells]
I got him, guys, I got him! Huh?
What's that?
[tense music playing]
No, no! No, no!
Hey, no binds, that's cheating.
No way! Is that Kara?
Kara. Kara. Wait.
Isn't she that elite assassin chick
that's been… Wait, assassin?
Oh, no, you don't. That bird is mine!
[grunting]
[snickering]
[screams]
[beeping rapidly]
[grunts]
[straining]
Hey, gatita. Hold it. Hold on.
Look, it's been a long six days.
And I've had next to no peace and quiet
thanks to him and his constant noes,
guys like you coming in
and busting my ass,
and as much as I'd like
to off the little weirdo myself,
I have a contract to uphold.
And I really, really want some pizza.
So, please, make this easy for me
and step away from him.
Now!
[eerie music playing]
-Ghost egg.
-Ghost egg?
[music fades]
[screeching]
-[farts]
-[Beebs and Shrike] Oh!
Queen Potoo?
[high-pitched] No, Mommy.
No run away, son.
No run away from responsibilities.
No way, dude.
Come home. Empire need you.
No.
Please.
-No.
-Please.
-No.
-Please.
-No.
-[roars] Please!
-Yes, Mother.
-[high-pitched chattering]
[chimes]
Well, there goes my new battle cruiser.
Miss Kara, sign my pecs!
[chuckles] If that don't beat all.
After all that, Beebs,
we… we didn't get paid.
[laughing hysterically]
My pizza!
What? But… Oh!
[guitar riff plays]
This is the thing
that people have been killed over?
Hmm.
Don't look that special to me.
Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa.
What if it's cursed? Maybe we're next.
Eh, whatever it is,
I ain't risking my life for it.
But Commander Tezzoree said to--
Nuts to her.
Let's just pawn it off to someone else.
Our shift's almost over anyways.
If you say so.
Let's go hit up Jay Fays.
[eerie music plays]
[rock music playing]
[music fades]