Mr Loverman (2024) s01e01 Episode Script

1
This programme contains
some strong language
James Baldwin - writer,
drinker, thinker, a legend.
Rest his soul.
Hurt So Good by Susan Cadogan
Oh, don't you know
that it Hurts so good
Don't you know
that it Hurts so good
Don't you know
that it Hurts so good
It hurts so good ♪
Hold on now.
Denial - do you know this word?
Do YOU?
It's not I suffering from the
affliction known as teetotalism.
I can't deal with this
intoxication no more.
My memory's so bad, I
think Tuesday is Thursday,
and the bedroom, the bathroom.
You likely got early dementia,
and there's nothing you can do
about that except eat more oily fish.
And as for staying sober
Come on, man!
I is joking, man.
If you was losing your head,
I would be the first to tell you.
You're as sane as
you always was
..which ain't saying much.
You see? Shut up now, man.
Nobody can stay
depressed around me.
We veterans now.
We have to adjust.
The glass either
half full or half empty.
So let me make it half full.
Deal.
Nightcap?
No chance.
You're on your own tonight.
Coward!
Stand up now, man. Stand up!
Yeah, yeah, yeah! HE SIGHS
Hey, boss Mm-hm?
..it's that one.
Into the lion's den.
Gwan, Barry!
You is still a saga boy!
Uh-oh.
It's morning time
already, Barrington.
Statement not a question.
Well, you know how
time does pass, dear.
Does it?
Threat not a question.
Why don't you just
go back to sleep, dear?
Oh, I'll have plenty
of time to sleep
when the good Lord comes for me.
And that won't be long now
..I am sure.
And emotional blackmail,
pure and simple.
Bringing the stink of cigars
into my bedroom again.
I'm sorry.
And that rank rum nastiness!
When are you going
to mend your ways?
I am sorry.
I told you to get a
mobile phone years ago.
So the old gyal can track
me down day or night? No, sir!
Yes, my dear.
Me go get a mobile
phone if it make you happy.
I just heard today my
papi's had a second stroke
and is in hospital.
He's nearly 100 years old
..and I've not seen him
for nearly 30 of them.
He's asking for his little girl.
Why, him go get a mighty shock
when him see you then, my dear!
Listen to me good, Barrington.
I flying home to see
my father on Monday.
And when I return, things
is going change round here.
I am not putting up with you
putting your thing about with
those trampy cows no more!
Hand on heart
..I swear me have never slept
with any other woman but you. Hmm!
You is the only
cow I know who
God will damn you.
You and your nastiness!
Enough with the
slurping now, man. Hmm?
What happened to
your broughtupsy?
Morris, ask me
what's up now, man.
What's on your mind?
Nuttin'.
Why you ask?
These couple of
hours Carmel at church,
you're usually at your happiest.
She give you a
hard time last night?
That's more like it.
Hmm? Or rather, this morning.
She give me a hard
time every night.
You give her a hard
time too, don't forget.
No, she give me a
harder time than I give her.
It's like she don't realise her
man is one of the good ones.
All these years,
haven't I made sure
that she and the
girls were protected,
that them want for nuttin'?
Still she accuse
me of nastiness
..accuse me of being a cheat.
You ARE a cheat, Barry.
But not in the
way that she think.
There is honour
..a loyalty to it that she
can never understand.
Me can't either.
Morris, I'm serious.
There comes a time
when the mask haffi drop
and the charade haffi stop.
You the one who
chose this life, Barry!
I can't take it no more.
All right, all right, me done
- no more slurping. Mm?
No I don't mean
Look
..I have decided
to leave Carmel.
I decided last night.
Seriously.
What happened?
Something did just
shift between us.
And I can't keep on keeping on.
So
I finally come
around to your idea.
Barry.
Yes, my squire?
I've been thinking.
I think we should
move in together.
Move in together?
Mm-hm.
You're hearing me correctly.
My divorce is final.
Your children are
older. Place of our own.
Yeah.
Together.
No more sneaking around.
I made the wrong, wrong
choice all those years ago.
But I can make
the right one now.
You're admitting it finally?
Morris, we nearly 75 years old.
You can't believe that?
What do you say we spend the
fourth quarter of our cycle together?
Discreetly. But together.
And we can live
wherever we so choose.
How about Miami?
Miami? Mm-hm.
Me hear the place
is full of poofters.
Maybe we can live in a luxurious
bungalow with sprinklers on the lawn
and naked butlers serving
us our evening aperitif.
No, no, no! I'm not having
you mess me around!
Not again.
I used to the way my life is.
As soon as Carmel
is home from church,
I go sit her down
and tell her
..divorcing her.
Just watch, Morris.
Just watch.
Since the Lord saved me
I'm as happy as can be
My cup is full
and running over
Running over ♪
Running over, running over
Nice! Running over
Running over, running over
My cup is full
and running over ♪
Behold, the ice queen returneth.
My cup is full
and running over ♪
How many times I tell her not
to bring the 5,000 back after
..after church?
My cup is full
and running over
I am happy as can be
My cup is full ♪
Oh, Carmel, you think
there's safety in numbers?
But I still leavin' you.
Drinks, ladies?
Water, sarsaparilla, sorrel.
Me love some guinep
juice, if you have it.
Course you would.
Anything to be difficult.
Candaisy? Oh,
water's fine for me.
His sermon was powerful today.
His spirit went right through
me from the top of my head
to the bottom of my soul.
Amen. Powerful vibrations.
My sugar, sugar too sweet
Caught you looking at me
You wanna lick my ice cream
My sugar, sugar
too sweet Too sweet
My sugar, sugar too sweet ♪
There's no way I'm
listening to that crap.
What's crap, Mum, is
the drink you're currently
sucking into your system.
It's pure sugar, which I'm
sure you're well aware has long
been linked to a plethora of
ailments such as cancer, diabetes
and obesity, to name but a few.
Not to mention the negative
effect it's bound to already
have had on your
current emotional state.
Oh, just listen to
your damn song!
Fresh out the
shower Feels like a debut
You don't need to refuel
I like it when you leak I
don't like it when you chew
So sticky, you can't
move cos you're glued. ♪
That hurricane nearly wipe
out the whole of Antigua.
You know that old rum shop that
used to be on the corner, Boxes? Boxes?
Yeah. I hear it gone.
Boxes blow away.
Do you remember Boxes? Uh-huh.
Yes, I remember Boxes.
Completely.
How you feel about that?
Who, me? Yes, you. Yes, you.
I know of it. You don't remember
you gone with your girl, then?
Which girl? What
are you talking about?
I never went to Boxes. You
went to Boxes. How do you mean?
You went to Boxes with your
girls dem and your pinafore
that used to drop down by your
knee. What is he talking about?
Remember? That is not,
Morris They'd put on one calypso,
you come out with your
skirt so short it looked like
the tide just come in.
Morris, you're lying. You used to lime at Boxes
Who, me? ..like nobody lime at Boxes. Who, me?
Yes, you. Thank you, Carmel.
I never lime there in my life.
You lime there.
Walk in as Drusilla, walk out as
- Dru-Dru!
I don't know. You
are scandalous.
Scandalous! Dru-Dru! Not true?
Scandalous, Barry!
No, true. Lunch is ready.
Help yourselves. Scandalous!
Dru-Dru!
Ma, look like a bang good
Thank you. There you go.
One spoon is enough? You want
another one? No, I have two. OK.
Carmel, you did a good job here.
You put out a nice spread.
You must be looking forward
to some fresh fish waiting
for you back in Antigua, Barry.
And the plantain.
How sweet it going to taste.
So sweet.
You going to Antigua?
You know they have perfectly
good fresh fish and plantain
down at Ridley Road,
if that's what I want.
Goat?
Please.
And, Morris, no, I am
not going to Antigua.
So you're just going to abandon
your wife in her time of need
most crucial?
Him no fly well.
Mm-hm. Almost 75 years old,
still too scared to facing fear.
DOOR OPENS Dad!
Dear Lord, who is this now?
Oh, it's Donna and
Daniel. Mummy!
Donna!
Oh, baby!
Good to see you.
Oh, he's so handsome.
Good to see you.
Daniel, get
yourself a chair now.
Ah, my darlings.
Good to see you. You too.
Here you go, Mum.
The blue stool.
You can get the blue stool,
Daniel. Oh, thank you, son.
Thank you. That's nice.
I see Carmel must
have been on the phone
with Donna first thing.
You all right, Uncle? You good?
Hello, Grandfather.
Oh, it's Grandfather now?
How is school?
Er, OK.
OK?
For what I pay, it better
be more than OK, my boy.
OK?
You decided what you're
going to study at uni?
Daniel's going to study PPE
at Oxford, aren't you, darling?
Oxford?!
Well done, my darling!
Oh, Daniel!
Thanks, Granny, but
I haven't got in yet.
You will get in.
In the name of Jesus,
you will. OK, OK.
Daniel, you're going all the way to
Oxford to study physical education?
No, P Thank you, Mum. PPE.
Uncle, it stands for politics,
philosophy and economics.
I joking with you.
Or, as I like to call it,
poli-trickery, pontification,
and e-criminal-omics.
Well, if that doesn't
deserve God's praise.
Amen. Amen. Amen.
I'm proud of you.
You know, I went to
Oxford once, you know?
When? When? I went to Oxford.
Which Oxford did you go to?
Street!
Sorry, Morris!
Oxford Street, that's
as far as him go.
Maxine! Et voila! Maxine!
Hi. Hi.
Hello.
Oh, thank you. Hello, sis. Sis.
Mwah!
Auntie Dru.
That is an extraordinary
ting, you're wearing, love.
Yes. Well, one's clothes are
merely an extension of oneself,
so I have to be extraordinary.
Child, you don't
know vanity is a sin?
Yes, but so is envy, Auntie.
Darling. Hello, Daddy!
Good to see you.
Hello, trouble. Nice
jumper. Thank you.
Hey, Uncle Morris.
Eat something, Maxine. Mummy!
Here. You're lucky I could
find it. Thank you so much.
And whatever you take,
I want it back, Maxime.
Yes. Yes? Yes,
understood. Thank you.
Oh, life-saver.
All right. Go on.
Er, want what back?
What are you taking?
Er, none of your business.
So Ah! ..this is
what you're up to, is it?
Jesus shitting
Christ, Donna! What?
You thought I was going to allow
you just to walk up here and help
yourself to all of
Mum's best stuff?
Borrow. I am borrowing a
few bits and pieces for a shoot.
Whoa, mama!
No! Too late!
Yes, Mumsy!
Put it over your head.
No. What are you doing?
Stop it! Stop it!
Silly.
God!
Who knew she had it in her, eh?
I mean, it is probably how
you were conceived. Uh!
That's not funny.
OK, love! Bye,
everyone! Ciao. I'm off.
KITCHEN Wait, wait, wait.
You're not staying?
And have lunch with
the Bitches of Eastwick?
No, thank you. HE CHUCKLES
Daddy, as much as I love
you, life is far too short.
Oh, there she a go. DOOR CLOSES
Me own little Plato.
You know Melissa? She
got to have a hysterectomy.
Really? She got pickney?
No, Drusilla. She hasn't.
This is superb lunchtime
conversation you started up, dear.
Oh, well, once that womb
come out, no babies for her.
You can't cheat nature.
Woman should have babies by 25.
That way, they pop
out like golf balls.
You full o' noise, Drusilla.
50-year-old women can have
children these days. Mm-hm. I know.
I know, Merty, but then the
pickney comes out with two head
and ten legs, isn't it?
Yes, ladies. Slug it out!
Anyway, how we don't know that
Melissa hasn't had an abortion?
That's how those
career women carry on.
Make baby, kill baby,
make baby, kill baby.
Yes, but there's one person
who knows everything.
Maybe he's punishing her.
I hear from very good authority
on the grapevine that Melissa is also
one of those women
who lies down with women.
Oh, yes, yes, I think
I heard that, too.
Like I always said, if woman
was meant to lie down with woman,
then God would have
given woman a penis.
Well, that's as good a
mantra as any, Drusilla.
It is an abomination.
"First you must clean the
inside of the cup and the dish,
"and then the
outside will be clean."
Matthew 23:25.
With respect, Auntie,
God also said eating shellfish,
such as shrimp and lobster,
is an abomination.
And then there's all that nonsense
about not wearing material woven
of two types of cloth,
and that slavery is fine.
Mm-hm. Do you see my point?
Amen.
Maybe you're right, Donna.
Maybe it's not Melissa's fault.
After all, some women just can't
seem to find or keep hold of a man,
can they? Mm.
Some of us are just too busy
trying to raise them, Auntie.
Like loving, responsible
parents should.
So, Donna, if Daniel
was one of them,
an antiman, you'd
be happy with that?
"Mum, I'd like you to meet
Giles Smythe, my boyfriend."
Hey!
I don't know if Daniel is
one of them, as you put it.
And if he is, it's up to him.
That's not what I asked.
Would you approve?
Look at him.
He could become an antiman.
All his speaky-spokey and private
schooling that everyone knows is a
breeding ground for sodomites.
That's it.
Stop talking about
me like I'm not here.
Daniel. Mum, I'll be outside.
Wait, Daniel. Daniel!
Daniel. Danny boy.
Merty!
Why you do that?
You should be ashamed,
insinuating things.
How you think that make
him feel?! HE BANGS TABLE
And you see me daughter,
she don't have to justify
herself to anybody in this room.
Like any disease, Mr Walker,
it's best to catch it
and cut it out early,
less it spread, or, God
forbid, infect others.
Stupidness you saying now?
Cos, you see, your Bible, it's
supposed to be all about love,
love and forgiveness.
But all I'm hearing out of your sour
mouths is bitterness and damnation.
Why are you defending THEM?
I'm not defending.
The Lord says they must be
beaten so they may be better.
Somebody go' give you
beats one of these days.
Go on.
Go on with your crazy self, man.
What?!
Go on!
I thank God for
your life, Mr Walker.
And I bid you good afternoon.
Drusilla, wait. Don't leave.
The Lord will judge
you, Barrington!
I personally think that
we should live and let live.
It's not their
fault You're right.
We should pray for
their souls to be saved.
Now, what I object to, what boils
my blood is the kind of married man
who sticks his business in any old
smelly, venereal, baggy pussy that's
had more dingle-dangle
stuffed up it than hot dinners!
Those kind of men should be
publicly flogged in the town square.
Carmel, let me
help you with that.
How are you feeling, Barry?
You OK?
Truthfully, Morris
..I'm feeling a bit woozy.
Maybe some fresh air would help.
Don't worry about them, man.
No.
Barrington Jedidiah Walker!
Hey, tomorrow.
Tomorrow, I go do the ting.
Later. Later.
Carmel. Morris.
Barrington, as well you
know, these my friends.
Lifelong friends.
And I don't appreciate
you threatening them.
What them say to Daniel, what
them say to him After all this time,
you don't even
know them properly.
You treat them like monsters instead
of real people who've had a harder
life than you'll
ever understand.
Because you lacking in human
decency, sensitivity, compassion,
and good manners, besides.
Why, that's some list.
Soon as I get back from seeing my
daddy, we going get a new regime.
Oh, yes, we're going
get a new regime,
so don't worry about that.
You've been walking on the dark
side too long, Barrington, and now
I going drag you into the light.
What terminal are
you flying from?
South.
Who are you flying with?
Virgin.
Go on, Barry.
You know the truth
will set you free.
How long are you gone for?
What happened to us, Barry?
Life happened, Carmel.
What if I asked you nicely, if I
really needed you to be there
with me
..for me
..would you come?