Murder Drones (2021) s01e01 Episode Script

1
[Suspenseful music plays]
[Uzi] We are Worker Drones.
Autonomous robots helping humans
mine exoplanets
for our interstellar parent company,
JC Jensen, in Spa-a-a-ace
Yeah, we were mistreated
in the name of Windex,
but it's not like we revolted
and killed all humans or anything.
Mostly because they handled that
just fine all by themselves.
[Ominous music playing]
With biological life
wiped from the planet,
we found it pretty easy
to pick up where they left off.
We finally had a future
All to ourselves.
Unfortunately
Our parent company didn't exactly love
the concept of runaway AI.
[Mechanical whirring, chirping]
[ominous music playing]
[laughs]
But what have our parents done
for the past forever
while those things build
a spire of corpses?!
[Device chirps]
Hide under the ice
behind three stupid doors?!
It's like we're waiting
for an inciting incident.
Anyway, that's why my project is
this sick-as-hell railgun!
- [Overlapping chatter]
- That's so not the vibe!
Easy, morons.
It doesn't work
Yet. It doesn't work yet.
Who said it doesn't work?!
Maybe it does!
- [Cackling]
- [gun whirring]
[sighs] Uzi, the homework
was a word problem
about buying watermelons.
Oh, and this magnetically amplified
photon converger doesn't count?
No.
Plus, repressed emotional baggage
was only worth two points
on the rubric.
- [Electricity crackling]
- And is it supposed to be that color?
[Gasps] Huh?
[Muffled boom]
[muffled coughing]
- [indistinct muffled chatter]
- [footsteps pattering]
[Lizzy] Oh, here.
No, wait, hold on-- shh.
Eww. [scoffs]
It didn't kill her.
Oh, my God, I'm so bad.
- Ugh.
- [Chad] All right!
[Thad laughs]
Classic toxic masculinity, Chad!
That's never gonna end up problematic.
Oh, wow, Uzi?
I heard you, uh--
I'm an angsty teen, Thad.
Bite me.
Also, how do you know my name?
- People willingly talk to you.
- [Chuckles]
Well, I'd say everyone
knows Khan's daughter, but, uh,
then you might blow
the other half of your face off.
[Pensive music plays]
Crippling daddy issues.
Hilarious.
What are you in for?
Testosterone too hard?
That can happen?!
Awesome.
Hey, those bandages
look pretty badass.
Oh.
E-Eww, gross.
I hate that you said that.
So, what's the, uh
Sick-as-hell railgun? [chuckles]
Sci-fi nonsense that super works.
I'm sneaking
to the Murder Drone lair tonight
to get the last spare part I need
to save the world with it
and earn my dad's respect,
and stuff.
Uh, but mostly the world part.
Oh.
But doesn't your dad
make awesome doors
so we don't have to, uh
Do that scary-sounding,
emotionally repressed stuff
you just said?
No more feedback
on my repression today!
Ow! I'm sorry.
I didn't think--
Bite me!
I'm not mad you, by the way,
just generally hormonal!
[Eerie wind blowing]
[alarm beeping]
- [alarm stops]
- [interface chirps softly]
[dramatic music plays]
[music stops]
[door creaks]
[dramatic music crescendos]
[mechanical parts whirring softly]
- [suspenseful music plays]
- [wind howling]
[fan blades scraping softly]
[clicks tongue] Ugh.
[Keypad chirping softly]
[gasps] Oh, Robo-Jesus!
And where might you be off to?
Mm, sneaking out to make out
with my boyfriend that I definitely have?
[Laughs] Seriously, though.
[Groans] Okay, okay. You caught me.
I need to measure the exterior
hydraulic mechanisms of door one,
because that's
The project I'm working on for
School?
A big old door!
[Laughs awkwardly]
Just like what my old man built.
[Laughs]
I wanna join the WDF
and hide behind doors like cowards
while playing cards and stuff.
[Chuckles]
Well, we don't just play cards.
[Man] Khan, can you grab a fresh pack?
We literally only play cards so much
that the numbers have faded.
Oh! Hey, Uzi.
[Chuckles weakly]
- [remote beeps]
- Well [chuckles]
When you build doors so good
Good door. Gooooood door.
There's no need to fight.
Uzi, this is great news!
Here, the wrench I used to tighten bolts
on my first door prototypes.
And to put your mother
out of her misery
when the Murder Drones got to her
with that nanite acid.
I want you to have it.
Neat. Therapy is fun.
[Khan] Guys! My daughter is into doors!
[All cheering]
- Aww, come on!
- Not my flush!
She's gonna be outside for a bit
to examine the exterior of door one.
Your door-specific destiny awaits!
Uh, wow. Okay.
Just gonna leave, then
Cause this worked so weirdly well.
Uh, go, doors! [laughs awkwardly]
[suspenseful music plays]
[sighs] They grow up so fast.
[Suspenseful music builds]
[inhales deeply and exhales]
[metal creaks]
[snow crunching]
[glass crunches]
[wind howling]
[music stops]
[gulps]
Ugh.
[Arm thuds softly]
- [mechanical whirring]
- [gasps]
[heavy thud]
- [metal crunches]
- [oil dripping]
[tense music plays]
[gun clacking]
[yelps]
[gun clatters]
[grunts]
Whoa. And they said pirating
all that anime was useless.
[Gasps]
Ugh! [wails]
[shouts]
[yelps]
[gasping]
[gun cocks]
[through speaker]
Bite me.
- [Gun clicks]
- [laser warbles]
[alarm beeps]
[electricity crackling]
[thud]
[gasps] Holy hell.
Suck on that, Dad!
- Huh?
- [Strange mechanical warbling]
[liquid metal sloshing]
- [alarm beeping]
- [panting]
[grunts]
[interface chirps]
Did you just slap me with that arm?
Holy crap, it talks.
Yeah, sorry. It's just my, uh,
head kinda hurts.
Hey, are you new to our squad?
You're a little, uh
[Interface chirping]
short for a Disassembly Drone.
[Rising tense music]
I'm serial designation N!
Nice to meet you.
I'm kind of the leader
of the squad in this city.
That's not true. Everyone tells me
I'm useless and terrible.
Wait, I'm not supposed
to tell you that part!
Biscuits. [sighs heavily]
Well, honesty is the best policy.
[Chuckles]
I also can't seem to remember
the past three hours of my life.
Ah, but I'm sure that'll sort itself out.
[Chuckles]
Uh-huh. I, uh, have to go.
- [Hisses through teeth]
- [winces]
- [groaning]
- Oof, stuck yourself?
Just pop it in your mouth.
Our saliva neutralizes the nanites.
Otherwise, I'd be constantly
disassembling myself.
Heh!
And by "our saliva," you mean
- Disassembly Drone?
- Disassembly Drone?
Right.
Hey, let's go in that
landing pod over there.
Sure! I love doing anything!
- Bleh.
- [Saliva dripping]
Sweet. Uh [chuckles]
I'm open to new things, I guess.
We are never talking about this.
Talking about what? [laughs]
Consider it, uh, repressed.
Uh, you mentioned
other members of your squad?
They coming back soon?
Oh, yeah. Two others.
Uh, they're out hunting for a bit,
but you'll love them.
First, there's V.
- [Grunts]
- [man] No, no!
Please, don't feed me my own entrails
in front of my family!
- [Clamoring]
- [girl] Daddy!
- [Man] Oh, my God!
- [All screaming]
- [squelching]
- [blades slicing]
[laughs]
And yet, I still feel nothing.
So, V, uh [chuckles nervously]
I heard this planet-wide toxic death storm
is supposed to be
especially inhospitable tonight.
[V] Oh, God! Who are you?
[Shock wave booms]
Uh, no worries! I'm N!
But a whole letter
is a lot to remember!
[Chuckles awkwardly]
So, obviously a lot
of mutual respect there.
But secretly, I actually
kind of have a crush on her.
You can't tell her, okay?! [chuckles]
Uh, then, there's J, our leader!
[J growls]
N, you're worthless and terrible.
- [N choking] Thank you.
- And if the company allowed it,
I would straight up kill you myself.
J's awesome.
Hey, let me give you the tour.
Outside of the corpse
Wall thingies.
In here are the buttons!
[Beeping]
This isn't just a landing pod.
This is a spaceship.
This could get us off the planet.
More of a one-use missile.
They never taught us how to land.
No, I-- uh--
Uh, the Worker Drones.
We could work with them to fix this.
Instead of all the murder!
Which, uh
Why are we doing that again?
Other than ingesting their
[Spooky voice]
warm, sweet
[Normal voice]
oil to avoid overheating and dying?
I guess I just want to be useful.
I was given a job,
and I always wanna try my best.
And look at all the respect
it's gotten you, N.
You really think the company
isn't going to dispose of you
once all the workers are dead?
Oh, my! You sure are rebellious.
It's kind of exciting.
Uh, but not as fun
as, uh, following the rules.
[Metallic thumping, banging]
Hey, they're back! You'll
Uh
[J muffled] Idiot, get out here!
[Panting]
[tense music plays]
[laughs]
Yo, we got a worker out there
I kinda wanna practice
balloon animal shapes with.
What happened here?
Synergistic liability here
must have tripped
and knocked himself offline.
[Interface warbles]
[J] Moron bot. Hello?
[Interface warbling, chirping]
You really think the company
isn't going to dispose of you
once all the workers are dead?
- Bite me.
- [Static crackles]
Oh.
[Dramatic music playing]
Ohhhhh!
[Stammering] You know, I left
an extremely dangerous weapo--
Uh, an excuse outside.
[Panting]
- [chuckles] I am out, boys.
- Oh, gosh darn it.
Wait until my loving wife
and kids hear about this.
- [Wind howling]
- [all chattering]
[Uzi] Ugh, bite me. Close it, close it!
[Metal creaking]
[suspenseful music playing]
[metal screeches]
[N] Hey, fellas!
Ooh, deal me in! I love Rummy!
Wait, no. [sighs]
I'm going to murder everyone.
Rain check!
[Yelps]
[door gears hiss]
- [indistinct chatter]
- Oh, God!
[Chuckles] Um, actually
it's Gin Rummy, so
[Dramatic music playing]
[gun beeps]
[hollers, grunts]
[panting] Hey, Uzi! I just realized that
no one has said my name aloud so far,
so I'm just letting you know, I'm R--
[Slurping]
[arm clicks]
[grunts]
[music stops]
[wind whistling]
- [Khan] Pretty nice hydraulics, huh?
- [Gasps]
[dark musical sting plays]
Wha-- What have you done?
[Dramatic music playing]
This time, I won't miss.
[N chuckles] I'm sorry.
I really enjoyed our time together.
But I can't have you
shooting V with that thing.
Bite me. Dad, get down.
Uzi, you led a Murder Drone here?!
[Tearfully] My beautiful doors!
Now is so not the time!
I messed up,
in the same way I'm about to fix it.
Move, Dad!
[Coughs and gasps]
Dad! Point and shoot!
Trust me! [panting]
[tense music playing]
Dad?
- [Remote beeps]
- [door thuds]
[distant alarm blaring]
[J] Whoa, N.
- [Grunts]
- [giggles]
- [yelps]
- Am I dreaming?
Or did you do something
not useless for once?
I've been trying to get past
those doors for months.
Nice work, N.
You me name remember?
These ventilation shafts can
easily get us around this last door.
Lowest body count eats a missile!
[Giggling]
[J] Way to go, stud.
- The company's gonna love this.
- [Chuckles] Ow.
With this colony wiped,
we'll make top team this quarter for sure.
[Sing-song]
You know what that means.
Branded pe-ens!
- Ooooh.
- [J chuckles]
[curious music plays]
Uh, you know, not that I can't wait
to keep murdering all these
Maybe not-so-actually-different
from us Worker Drones,
but just out of curiosity,
do we actually, uh
[Hisses through teeth]
know what the company plans
to do with us afterwards?
Excuse me?
Okay, so, a Worker earlier
might have suggested
that they could fix up our landing pod
to, uh, escape the planet, and stuff.
Which, whoa, hey!
That's against the rules!
But it is kind of making me question
why our pods were only-one way
in the first place.
Cause, you know,
I get the feeling
the company doesn't
actually love robots,
and, like, we might be robots?
I've made a terrible mistake.
It's cool how immediately I could tell.
Hmm. No way, buddy.
Questioning the company?
You just finally gave me
the excuse I needed.
- [Metallic thud]
- [grunts softly]
- [metal hissing]
- [device chirping]
Worker Drones are corrupted, N.
That's why the company sent us.
I hate to see you corrupted as well.
[Stuttering, glitched speech]
Thanks, J.
Always looking out for me.
- You're awesome.
- [Scoffs]
[melancholy music plays]
[glitched speech continues]
Ah, biscuits.
I'm sorry. I ruined your card game,
then made you have
an awkward moment with your dad.
And I made you rebel like an angsty teen,
which got you killed.
Though, you also tried to kill me,
so morality calls this a draw.
[Metal scrapes]
[grunts]
[groans and pants]
[groans]
For the record, that was
the lamest heel-face turn in history.
Was that supposed to be
you switching sides?
Being rebellious is a lot harder
than it looks.
Thanks for showing me the ropes.
Nuh-uh. No bonding thing.
You just killed a bunch of people, idiot.
That's super fair.
[Sighs] I screwed up.
[Clicks tongue, groans]
In the same way you're about to fix it.
[Intrepid music plays]
[laughs] I love doing anything.
[Thad screams and grunts]
- [coughs]
- [menacing laughter]
[blades ringing]
So, they found our evacuation spot.
But if we build a quick door
[Thad grunting]
[spits] Are you kidding me?
You're the WDF, right?
Defend!
[Suspenseful music playing]
- For real?
- [Laughing]
- Ack!
- [Grunts]
[yells]
- [grunts]
- [exclaims]
[laughing]
- [Uzi] Hey!
- Huh?
[Uzi] Put that conventionally
attractive male down.
[Dramatic music plays]
[groans] Oh, uh
J, you're sometimes
kind of mean to me,
and I wish you weren't.
Just some constructive criticism.
- Nice.
- Heh.
- [J growls]
- [yells]
[J] Noted, traitor.
We'll circle back after
I right-size your existence.
- Okay, which one do you want?
- J, please.
- Too bad. Good luck.
- [Pen clicks]
[grunts]
[screams]
[giggles]
[grunts]
[growls]
[energy booms]
[growls] Damn the well-made,
quality-assured durability
of JC Jensen products!
Huh?
- [Grunts]
- [screams]
[grunts]
[giggles]
[screams] My mind's in a weird place!
Don't read into this!
[N shrieks]
[growls and yelps]
[growls]
[cackling]
Yah! [laughs]
- [laughing]
- [both grunting]
[groaning]
[giggles]
Uzi!
I'm so, so sorry.
Have fun repressing this!
- Bleh
- Eww!
- What the hell?
- [Air whooshing]
[yelps and grunts]
[straining]
[J chuckles]
You've got a lot of guts
for a barely sentient toaster.
I've had prey fight back before,
but your edgy spirit is just so
- [Crunch]
- Painful?
[Screams] Fourth quarter profits!
Mother of company leadership retreats!
One more buzzword, and I'll do it.
[Gun whirring rapidly]
Equity partnersh--
[Grunts]
[spits]
- [all cheering]
- [applause]
Holy hell, Uzi. That was insane!
And you, too, uh
Huh? Oh, uh, N.
I'm an angsty, rebellious
Disassembly Drone now.
[Khan clears throat]
- [somber music plays]
- [wrench clatters]
[Uzi] I brought the Murder Drones
here accidentally.
You chose to leave me for dead
instead of just frickin' believing in me!
And that's not even an edgy teen hyperbole
like when I said it last week!
[Sniffles]
[interface chirps]
[sighs] I'll save you the trouble, Dad.
I banish myself!
Let's go, N.
Everyone here can bite me.
- [N] Nice to meet you, Mr. Uzi.
- [Uzi] Shut it.
- [Grunts]
- [yelps]
[slurps]
[suspenseful music plays]
[N] I'd join you
if the sun didn't kill me!
Hope you're having important
character growth or something, though!
Just can't wait
to murder all humans. Classic robot stuff.
I hope they're sitting pretty
there on Earth,
cause we're coming for them.
[Cackling]
[dramatic music plays]