Off Campus (2026) s01e01 Episode Script

[faint cheering]
[faint chanting]
[crowd cheering]
-[whistle blows]
-[crowd noises abruptly end]
["Dancing with Myself"
by Billy Idol playing]
♪On the floors of Tokyo♪
♪Or down in London town to go, go♪
♪Well, I wait so long
for my love vibration♪
♪And I'm dancing with myself♪
♪Oh, oh, dancing with myself♪
♪Oh, oh, dancing with myself♪
♪When there's nothing to lose
and there's nothing to prove♪
♪Well, I'm dancing with myself♪
♪Oh, oh, oh♪
♪If I looked all over the world♪
♪And there's every type of girl♪
♪But your empty eyes seem to pass me by♪
♪Leave me dancing with myself♪
♪So let's sink another drink♪
♪'Cause it'll give me time to think♪
♪If I had the chance
I'd ask the world to dance♪
♪And I'd be dancing with myself, oh, oh♪
♪Oh, oh, oh♪
♪Oh, oh, oh♪
♪Oh, oh, oh♪
♪If I looked all over the world♪
♪And there's every type of girl♪
♪If I had the chance
I'd ask the world to dance♪
♪And I'd be dancing with myself, oh, oh♪
♪Dancing with myself, oh, oh♪
♪Dancing with myself♪
♪If I had the chance
I'd ask the world to dance♪
♪And if I had the chance
I'd ask the world to dance♪
You looking for someone?
Fuck. N-No, I…
S-Sorry.
[upbeat rock music playing]
[sighs]
[professor] In my class,
average actually means average.
That is why 70% of you got a C+ or lower.
It's a fucking jock class.
Like, why am I being forced to try?
-I probably failed.
-Oh, I definitely did.
[laughs]
You think we can still drop it, bro?
I can't. I need this for my major.
Relax. I'm sure your coach
will convince Tolbert
to get creative with their grading system.
Jocks. So pretty.
So entitled.
Aren't you above stereotypes?
Babe, I'm trying to be below
one of those stereotypes.
Maybe behind.
And none of you star athletes
should expect any special treatment.
You knew what
your practice schedule looked like
before you signed up for this class,
Mr. Maxwell.
Me? No, I was just curious
about extra credit opportunities
to, you know, learn more.
You can learn from your next assignment.
Oral presentations.
-[students groaning]
-Okay, yeah. Definitely dropping.
Thanks.
[Dexter] Perfect. Another D.
So, how'd you do?
Not good.
Girl, really?
Yeah, I wrote it in like an hour, so…
Fucking hell, you aced it?
I knew it. Show me.
-Do you mind?
-What?
Only you get to look at things
you shouldn't?
[professor]
Okay, now that we got that covered,
anybody want to hazard a guess
as to what we will be discussing today?
[inaudible]
[Dexter]
There goes your manic pixie dream boy.
[Hannah] Justin Kohl is not my anything.
-It's not too late.
-[chuckles]
It's not too late.
[Hannah] You are intolerable.
Did she do it?
Did she talk to Justin Kohl?
No, no, she's too busy
pining wistfully from afar.
He has literally no idea who I am, okay?
Am I supposed to just fling myself at him?
-[both] Yes.
-[Garrett] Mona!
I've said maybe two words to the guy,
and they weren't even good words.
Hannah, you love his music
and you've been crushing on him for weeks.
Sound check's at five. You're on at nine.
Okay, eight words ever.
-[chuckles]
-Hey, Mona.
Who-- Who's Mona?
I think you.
I-I'm not Mona.
It is an M, though, right?
Not even close.
What do you want, Garrett Graham?
Petals to walk on?
Maybe another fancy gym
that costs thousands of dollars,
even though the theater department
is literally falling apart.
So, uh, I failed that paper.
It sounds like a lot of people did.
And I was thinking it'd be great
if I didn't fail again.
So…
Was there a question in there?
A question, I don't think
I heard a question, no.
You guys are late for scene study.
Go, I'll see you at dinner.
-[laughs]
-Bye, Mona.
I need your help.
Wow.
What?
See, usually with questions,
voices kind of go up at the end.
And your voice didn't do that, so…
Okay, could you,
pretty please with sugar on top,
help me study
so that I don't fail spectacularly?
Better. But no.
[chuckles]
Come on. Do me a solid.
I mean, you kind of owe me
for that sneak peek.
-That was an honest mistake.
-Was it?
I mean, tons of girls would have paid
good money for the view you got, so…
I'm scarred for life.
If anything, you owe me.
[scoffs]
Well, I have to ace the oral presentation,
or I can't play.
Believe it or not, I have priorities
that have nothing to do with hockey.
Find another tutor, dude.
["Rich" by Bea and Her Business playing]
♪Turns out I'm still 20♪
♪When I'm acting middle-aged♪
♪Same old conversation♪
♪All the small talk that I hate♪
♪And I never thought I'd say it♪
♪But I'm sick of everyone♪
♪I need to sweat it out♪
♪I need to have some fun♪
♪Get the girls in the car
take the car to the club♪
♪Girls gonna dance
and the boys gonna love♪
♪This, licking their lips♪
♪Wishing they had
their big-boy hands all on my hips♪
♪Everybody's on some drugs,
everybody wants some love♪
♪I don't want shit
I don't need to chase that hit♪
♪Long as I got my boys and girls
I'm rich…♪
Shit.
[orchestra playing classical music]
[mouthing]
Hey. You wanted to talk to me?
If this is about being late,
I have a new idea for a shortcut.
Oh.
Oh, you have your bad news face.
It's your scholarship.
It's not happening this year.
-What?
-Budget cuts.
Don't even get me started.
No, we're three weeks into the semester.
How-- How can--
No. No, they can't. No.
We'll get you an appointment
with the financial aid office.
They can help.
They're just gonna give me
another work-study job.
I can barely do
all my schoolwork as it is.
Oh, my God.
Okay, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Don't stop breathing.
You need air to process and live.
Yeah, I also need money.
Is there another scholarship
I could apply for?
Another classical composition scholarship?
Well, I could switch concentrations.
Performance?
Girl, we both know you're a much
stronger composer than clarinetist,
and there's no money in classical.
Well, jazz. Jazz. I could write jazz.
Even less money, right?
What do I do?
Well, let's chat again on Monday after
you've had a few days to sit with this.
Hey, Hannah, we're gonna
get through it, okay?
I could write pop.
First place comes
with a scholarship, right?
Right, but--
You just said that I'm a stronger composer
than clarinetist moments ago.
And I wrote an outstanding piece
on pop harmonies in your
music theory class freshman year.
-I mean, your word, "outstanding."
-[laughs] It's true.
Not many people can write so eloquently
about the harmonic vocal identities
in the work of One Direction.
Yeah, see? Yeah, I can totally pop.
How hard can it be, really?
Famous last words,
because the competition,
it's pretty steep.
No, I can do this.
I will do this.
Okay.
Bring some ideas into class.
-And we'll talk.
-Okay.
[breathing heavily]
[Tucker] Dean!
[rock music playing]
Dean!
Where are you at?
Dean!
Do not give me the silent treatment.
He's taking the world's longest shower.
-Still?
-At least the door's shut this time.
Logan, drain's clogged again.
No shit. Finish your fucking shower,
I'll come fix it.
Dean, come help with the kegs.
I told you, I'll be right down.
Yeah, but when?
You want me to come down naked, Tucker?
Because I'll do it.
He sure will.
Never mind. Forget I asked.
Maybe Garrett will help.
Where the fuck is Garrett?
-Hmm.
-Guys?
-[Garrett] Hey, what's up, buddy?
-[man 1] What's up, G?
-[woman] Hi, Garrett.
-[man 2] Garrett!
-[woman 2] Hey!
-[Garrett] Hey.
[woman 3] Hi.
-Yo, Garrett. What up?
-What's up, bud?
Can't wait for the
Eastwood game tomorrow.
-Ladies.
-Hey.
Oh, it's Garrett.
Deanie.
-[indistinct chatter]
-[loud music blaring]
-Smells good, Tuck.
-Thank you.
Dean? Dean.
Dude, can't you see I'm cooking, man?
Same, bro.
[Logan] I just fixed the shower. Again.
Give you one guess.
Oh, jeez.
Well, that could be anyone.
Fuck, dude.
It's obviously yours, bud.
-Don't look at me.
-What?
Shower sex is hot.
So the next time a drain gets clogged
in this house, you get to fix it.
Yeah, like Dean's ever snaked a drain.
Have you ever snaked a drain?
I know what snaking a drain is.
I mean, that counts, right?
Hey, what are these dainty
fucking sandwiches you're making, Tuck?
It's a house party. We need dippables.
[Logan] I'm sorry, did you just--?
Yeah, he just said "dippables"?
-Dippables.
-Dippables!
Okay.
Dippables.
[overlapping chatter]
None for you, Logan,
if you're gonna make fun of my food.
Dude, it's beautiful, man.
They look great.
-[music blaring]
-What are we listening to?
[turns music off]
["Nothin' but a Good Time"
by Poison playing]
There we go.
Hey, can you play something
from this millennium, please?
This is a classic.
♪Now listen♪
♪Not a dime, I can't pay my rent♪
♪I can barely make it through the week♪
I would not have pegged you
for an oldies guy.
Kendall.
Graham.
I brought you a refill.
One's my max
night before a game.
So strict.
Are you also strict about
non-alcoholic kinds of fun?
Like what?
[band playing rock music]
♪I'm so into you I can barely breathe♪
♪And all I want to do
is to fall in deep♪
♪Close ain't close enough
til we cross the line…♪
Hey, so for your pop showcase
tour de force,
are we feeling vocal vibes or mayhem?
I don't know. I feel like I'm more
of a Taylor than a Gaga.
You haven't fallen in love
enough times to be a Taylor.
Yes, I have.
With who?
-Okay, fine.
-Exactly.
You never have crushes.
The fact that you are down bad
for Justin Kohl
is totally a sign that he's special.
So be Taylor and do something about it.
♪A little less conversation♪
♪And a little more touch my body♪
♪'Cause I'm so into you♪
♪Into you, into you…♪
Have you seen him?
He's so much easier
to look at than talk to.
Come on, just because he can
play the guitar and has tiny tattoos
doesn't make him
some untouchable rock god.
What are you afraid of?
I-I don't know.
Okay, maybe I talk to him,
and his accent makes me melt,
and it goes terribly.
Or he's just not interested,
and then I never feel this way
about anyone ever again.
Or maybe…
Or maybe?
I'm not you, Allie
I can't just find a husband
day one of college.
I can't talk to a guy
like it's no big deal.
I walked in on Garrett Graham
in the shower,
and I fell over a laundry cart.
-You did what?
-I don't want to talk about it.
You saw Garrett Graham naked?
-What did he look like?
-He looked naked.
And then I fell, which is my point.
I can't do this.
Oh, okay. I have an idea.
Literally everyone's going
to block party tomorrow,
including Justin, probably.
When's an easier time
to talk to a guy than a party?
Well, I don't like parties.
But you love music.
No, I need to work on my showcase song.
-That's an excuse, and you know it.
-No, it's not.
I want to present a demo
in my class next week.
So pull an all-nighter.
I think I'm spending the night
at Sean's anyway.
You'll have the place to yourself.
-But I--
-No, Hannah.
I'm not letting you
off the hook this time.
If you want to be a Taylor,
you have to take a risk.
♪I'm so into you♪
♪Into you, into you♪
♪I'm so into you♪
♪Into you, into you♪
♪I'm so into you♪
♪Into you, into you…♪
["Body on Me" by Nxidia playing]
♪I want you like the pills
behind the counter that hit♪
♪I want you so bad
my fingers shook with it♪
♪And we could have
all of the money in the world♪
♪But all the money the in world
couldn't buy us this♪
♪You're somebody else♪
[singing in Arabic]
♪They don't know, but we will♪
♪I change my hair,
you change your clothes♪
♪My cheap tattoos, they feel like home♪
♪Kiss me 'til my lips are bruised♪
♪I promise no one's watching you♪
♪Not just a body, you're somebody,
what a body♪
♪You're somebody to me♪
♪Not just a body, you're somebody,
what a body♪
♪Want your body on me♪
♪Not just a body, you're somebody,
what a body♪
♪You're somebody to me♪
♪Not just a body, you're somebody,
what a body♪
♪Want your body on me♪
♪It's ironic and it might take you
by surprise♪
♪My boxer shorts are super dry♪
♪I change my hair,
you change your clothes♪
♪My cheap tattoos, they feel like home♪
♪People talk but I don't care♪
♪So can you run your fingers
through my hair?♪
♪People talk, I know they do♪
♪Let's let them talk about me and you♪
♪Not a body, not a body♪
♪You're somebody to me♪
♪Not just a body, you're somebody♪
♪What a body, you're somebody to me♪
♪Not just a body, you're somebody♪
-♪What a body, you're somebody to me♪
-Oh!
Ugh! [sighs]
[breathing heavily]
[sighs]
I've missed you.
-[laughs]
-[cell phone chimes]
I've been busy at practice.
Yeah, no, it's-it's not a judgment.
I just missed you.
Hm.
Did you miss me?
Um… [chuckles]
Wow.
Okay, guess I misread this.
No.
Well, I mean, yeah, you kind of did.
But, you know, Kendall,
I've been very up-front.
My whole life is morning workouts,
class, practice, repeat.
The whole team has practice,
Garrett, okay?
-They still have lives.
-Yeah.
I mean, well, none of them
were drafted by the Bruins.
So you're special.
That's not…
No, I was just made captain.
So the Bruins are watching every game.
How I play, how I behave.
I can't lose focus.
So like I said before,
all I can offer is casual.
Yeah, well, I don't
want that anymore, okay?
I… I want to be your girlfriend.
Why?
Hey, I mean, like, what I mean is…
What's my favorite band?
My major?
How do I like my coffee?
What's my mother's name?
Look, I don't know
any of those answers about you either,
so maybe…
you just want to be with the guy
headed to the NHL,
or you've deluded yourself
into thinking that I'm someone
I never pretended to be.
But, um, either way,
you deserve better.
Fuck you, Garrett.
[door opening]
Yeah, fuck me.
[door closes]
[sighs]
["Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap"
by AC/DC playing]
[TV host 1] There's a lot of hype
around these young guys.
The Bruins are putting a lot of faith,
a lot of stock in Garrett Graham.
[TV host 2] He has the ability
and the potential
-to be a generational player.
-[TV host 1] Wow, really?
Garrett is the type of player
who has that tenacity,
but I'm betting
that Garrett Graham proves me right.
♪If you got a lady and you want her gone♪
♪But you ain't got the guts♪
♪She keeps nagging at you night and day♪
♪Enough to drive you nuts♪
♪For a fee, I'm happy to be♪
♪Your backdoor man♪
♪Whoo♪
♪Dirty deeds♪
♪Done dirt cheap♪
♪Dirty deeds♪
♪Done dirt cheap♪
♪Dirty deeds done dirt…♪
That was a good one, that was a good one.
Oh, I take it back!
♪Dirty deeds and they're done dirt cheap♪
Move! Move! Come on! Come on!
♪Oh♪
Go big, bro!
Bang, bang.
You know what I mean?
Come on!
Move! Move! Come on!
♪Dirty deeds♪
♪Dirty deeds♪
♪Dirty deeds done dirt cheap♪
♪Yeah♪
We weren't dating.
You kind of were.
Yeah, you and Kendall
have been hooking up all semester.
-House says…
-[all] Aye!
Nay.
-Nay.
-Okay, Dean agrees with you.
Which kind of just proves you're wrong.
-Fuck.
-You know,
I don't have to take this slander.
I am a responsible,
upstanding member of society.
[woman] Dean?
I'll be ready in 30 minutes.
Thirty minutes?
-[Dean] Maybe an hour?
-[Tucker] That's ambitious.
All right, he gets a half hour.
If he's any longer, we're leaving.
-[Logan] Thanks, Tuck.
-Yes, sir.
[Logan] Is it your dad?
Yeah.
[clears throat]
Yeah, he's got a new girlfriend.
Wants me to meet her.
Ah. That's inevitable, right?
Look, I know he can be a dick.
-Oh, he's more than a dick.
-Okay.
But he's still your dad.
All he cares about is hockey.
You know, I only matter
because I am him.
I'm just a mini fucking Phil Graham.
Yeah, man. I mean, all you'd have to do
is win a Stanley Cup,
a Norris Trophy or two,
spend more time on your hair
than a Kardashian,
and bam, yeah, just like him.
[laughs]
Hey.
Your dad was great.
Everybody knows it.
But no one is expecting you to be him.
He is.
All our parents have expectations, G.
Shit, I'd kill for my dad
to be into hockey,
let alone a damn legend.
All right?
But we're not doing this for them.
We're doing this because we love it.
Right?
-[horn blows]
-[crowd cheering]
Yeah.
Thanks, man.
-[glasses clink]
-Now take a shower. You smell like shit.
[sighs]
[playing piano notes]
-Hi.
-[both chuckle]
You're in here.
Yeah, I can't pull an all-nighter
in my room or I'll fall asleep.
Fair enough.
How's it going?
I have a melody. No lyrics, though.
Well, that's great.
That's like halfway done, right?
No, not really.
Lyrics are kind of a big thing in pop.
That's why classical is easier.
Dude, I have seen your sheet music.
Classical is not easier.
Definitely is.
Have you ever written a pop song before?
Not since high school.
It'll come back to you.
Like riding a bike.
Yeah, maybe. [sighs]
Hey.
Be nice to my friend Hannah.
You just started writing.
These things take time, right?
[sighs]
What if I can't, Al?
What if I write a terrible song
and I fail the pop showcase
and I can't afford
my tuition next semester?
Like, what if you're right?
If I don't fall in love,
I can't be a Taylor
that can write a perfect song
about love and life and heartbreak.
Hey, hey, you are setting the bar
way too high.
I mean, of course
you're gonna fall in love.
Someday.
Maybe it'll be with Justin.
Maybe someone else.
No, I've just been staring
at this blank page all night,
and I have literally no idea
what it should be about.
What did you write about in high school?
-What?
-You said you wrote in high school.
What did you write about?
[breathing heavily]
Hannah?
Uh… nothing.
It's dumb.
Well, something will come to you, okay?
-Just give it time.
-Yeah.
Hey, out of curiosity,
you weren't supposed to open
at Malone's today, right?
Shit!
[upbeat music playing]
[Della] There you are.
Sorry, Della.
[Della] It's about time.
I ain't as young as I fucking used to be.
I can't handle this
all on my own, you know?
I know. I'm sorry.
Hey.
[inaudible]
Uh, hello.
Hi.
Hi. Hi.
Picking up a takeaway order
for Justin Kohl.
Y-Yeah. No, I-I know who you are.
We've spoken kind of. Um…
Your-- Your band is really good.
Yeah, thanks.
I'm not like a creepy stalker fan
or anything.
I work here, so I've heard you.
Figured. The uniform.
Right. [laughs]
"I carried a watermelon."
-[laughing]
-What?
It's Dirty Dancing?
Um, Jennifer Grey has this really
awkward moment with Patrick Swayze
when, uh…
Sorry, never mind. Obviously, I work here.
[laughs]
Look, I'm kind of in a rush. Can I…?
Oh, my God, yeah. Yeah, sorry.
-Thank you.
-Yeah.
Bye.
Smooth.
"I carried a watermelon"?
Did anyone ever tell you
that eavesdropping is rude?
Did anyone ever tell you
that your references are dated?
It's a classic.
I just came over here to see
if I could place an order.
Or is it like a self-serve kind of day?
I'll be right with you.
You shouldn't fawn over him.
-What?
-That guy.
You're too available.
Like the girls throwing themselves
at you over there.
That's a different scenario.
I don't do girlfriends. They know that.
Okay, well, congratulations, Casanova.
But I don't need your help.
-Refill?
-Yeah, please.
What if I paid you?
To take your dating advice?
To tutor me, nerd.
You could just ask my name.
Usually, girls just tell me.
Come on. I'll pay you anything.
You're the only one who got an A.
So?
So, I need to play.
Why? Because you get off
on beating people up?
What?
Hockey is the only non-combat sport that
doesn't eject its players for fighting.
It celebrates it.
When a team is down in points,
an actual strategy
is to pick a fight for morale.
Sorry.
I'm sure you're not a bad guy.
I just don't like hockey.
Yeah.
Yeah.
[indistinct chatter]
[laughter]
[hip-hop music playing over radio]
Hey.
Just talk to him.
You'll be all right.
[keys jingle]
[Dean] Papa Graham.
Di Laurentis.
Great hit on McManus last week.
Bet that kid felt it in his bones.
Well, you know, got to keep them
off my boys' back.
I like it.
Tucker, you're looking good out there.
You're really finding
your rhythm with the line.
Thanks, Mr. Graham.
Will we see you in the stands
this afternoon?
Wouldn't miss it.
[Logan] Mr. Graham.
Logan.
[Phil] Looking handsome as ever.
You too, man. Good to see you.
[Phil] Oh.
[chuckles]
Saw that you made captain.
About time.
-I'm a junior.
-Well, better late than never.
Did you drive out here to congratulate me,
or make me feel like I fucked up somehow?
Look, I tried calling you earlier,
but you don't answer…
I'm not here to fight.
Can we just go inside?
No. No, thanks.
-Garrett.
-Dad.
Fine.
Cindy and I are getting married.
You've been dating for, like, two seconds.
-Six months.
-That's not any better.
Does she even fucking know you?
-Watch it.
-I don't have any time for this.
-We have a game today.
-I know.
Eastwood. Our biggest rivals.
-She wants to meet you.
-Your timing is fucking shit.
If you would just--
I didn't answer my phone
because I don't want to talk to you.
You told me your news. Congratulations.
I'll see you at the wedding.
♪Make you a man and make you an animal♪
-♪Boy♪
-♪For real♪
♪Boy♪
♪Starin' at fate,
I'm in the lead and I'm breaking away♪
[announcer]
Please welcome your very own
Briar U Hawks!
♪…playin' it safe♪
♪Surveillance the way
that they runnin' my tapes♪
♪Got hoes in a craze like the old B2K,
chaos whenever I touch down, no brakes♪
♪Me and HB, it's an instant slap
an instant plaque, a system crash♪
♪I pitched it black and risked the max
and anything less, I can't live with that♪
♪Hunger for more
and I still got the cravin'♪
♪What you know 'bout
when the walls get to cavin'?♪
♪What you know 'bout stayin' silent
and patient♪
♪And workin' out kinks before kinks
work their way in…♪
[TV host 2]
I think he has the potential, honestly,
to have a bigger impact
than Phil ever had.
[TV host 1] All right, I can't wait
to hear what Phil has to say about that.
♪Starin' at fate
I'm in the lead and I'm breaking away♪
♪If you not working
you takin' up space♪
♪I'm at the table, a thousand a plate♪
♪How you gon' tell me this isn't a date♪
♪Down the street from the Denzel estate♪
♪Right 'round the corner from Babyface
Not my dawg Babyface Ray, I mean--♪
♪I mean, swerve♪
♪I know money ain't everything, fuck it,
we still want it…♪
[TV host 2]
Garrett Graham is a bigger player.
I think he can play that mean,
physical, game.
But he needs to be consistent.
[Logan] Bring it home, G!
[crowd groans]
Hey, come on, bro. Get your head in it.
♪This ain't a tour, this a tournament♪
♪If I was stuck in a room
with your shit on repeat…♪
[TV host 1] His dad certainly taught him
everything he knows, right?
Phil Graham's physicality was brutal.
I mean, he's always on the warpath.
Making Daddy proud, Graham?
♪Take this shit where I wanna go…♪
Fuck!
♪Make you a million
and make you a hunnid more…♪
-[thudding]
-[grunting]
[slamming and crunching]
[whistle blows]
[referee]
Boarding, five minutes.
Let's go, Graham. Get in the box.
-[yelling]
-[crowd] Oh!
[TV host 1] I am curious to see what kind
of player Garrett Graham turns out to be.
♪Yeah, fuck you expect, bitch?♪
-He said that?
-You know Garrett,
he doesn't do the girlfriend thing.
He also doesn't do
the repeat hookups thing.
-You've been hooking up since summer.
-Whatever.
And honestly, he's playing like shit.
[man] Yo, Graham's playing like shit.
[Delaney]
I told you they're fucking losers.
Ha-ha. Let's hope they keep at it.
We'll destroy them.
Hell, yeah, let me get some of that,
Delaney.
Gotcha, bro.
[distorted audio playing]
[pulsing sound]
[gasps]
[dramatic music playing]
[overlapping chatter]
-[grunts]
-[all] Whoa.
Hey, Garrett!
-Hey, the game's not over!
-[door slams]
[sighs and sniffles]
["The Bitch Is Back"
by Elton John playing]
[inhales deeply and exhales]
[playing along with the song]
[music playing faintly]
♪I was justified when I was five♪
♪Raising Cain, I spit in your eye♪
♪Times are changing, now the poor get fat♪
♪But the fever's gonna catch you
when the bitch gets back♪
♪Oh-oh-oh♪
♪Eat meat on a Friday, that's all right♪
♪I even like steak on a Saturday night♪
♪Ooh, oh♪
♪I get high in the evening
sniffing pots of glue♪
♪Ooh-ooh-ooh♪
♪I'm a bitch, I'm a bitch♪
♪Oh, the bitch is back♪
♪Stone-cold sober, as a matter of fact♪
♪I can bitch, I can bitch,
'cause I'm better than you♪
-♪It's the way that I move♪
-Whoo!
♪It's the things that I do, oh-oh-oh♪
[crowd cheering]
♪Hey, hey, hey, hey♪
♪I entertain by picking brains♪
♪Sell my soul by dropping names♪
♪I don't like those, my God, what's that?♪
♪Oh, it's full of nasty habits
when the bitch gets back♪
♪Oh-oh-oh♪
[song cuts out]
[sighs]
♪I'm a bitch, I'm a bitch,
oh, the bitch is back♪
♪Stone-cold sober, as a matter of fact♪
♪I can bitch, I can bitch…♪
[Garrett] Thanks, Deanie!
Logan, Logan.
Here we go. Here we go.
-Hey, Tuck.
-♪Whoa♪
-♪Hey, hey, hey, hey♪
-Your sub!
Whoo!
-Yes!
-[crowd cheers]
♪Oh, oh, oh♪
Welcome back, man!
Yeah, I thought we lost you
for a minute there.
♪I'm a bitch, I'm a bitch,
oh, the bitch is back♪
♪Stone-cold sober, as a matter of fact♪
♪I can bitch, I can bitch,
'cause I'm better than you♪
♪It's the way that I move♪
-♪The things that I do, oh-oh-oh♪
-[buzzer sounding]
♪Hey, hey, yeah♪
Whoo!
♪Bitch, bitch♪
♪The bitch is back♪
♪Oh, hey, bitch, bitch♪
♪The bitch is back♪
♪Oh, bitch, bitch…♪
[players cheering]
[man on video]
It's not on the one. It's not the mambo.
It's a feeling. A heartbeat.
[imitating heartbeat]
Don't try so hard.
-[imitating heartbeat]
-[knock on door]
Close your eyes.
-What are you doing?
-Watching a movie.
I mean, why are you in bed?
-[knock on door]
-Because I'm watching a movie.
[Allie] But we talked about this.
You promised.
Sean, convince Hannah
to come out with us.
Sean, tell Allie I have zero interest.
Also, I've had a long day,
and I'm watching a movie.
No, you're watching Dirty Dancing,
which means you're burrowing.
Hi, babe. Good to see you too.
Whatever. Hi. I love you.
Now convince Hannah to come out.
It's block party, Hannah.
[Sean] If you don't give in now,
she'll just keep at it until you do.
And if you still don't,
she'll text you all night,
distracting you.
Well, the power of "do not disturb."
That doesn't matter. She's coming.
I don't--
What just happened?
Justin Kohl just happened.
-Uh, Dexter's already there.
-And so is Justin fucking Kohl.
And he's there alone,
which means Hannah's gonna slide right in.
-No, no, I have nothing to wear.
-[Allie] Okay.
Well, that's not even remotely true.
Come on, I'll pick out your outfit.
You just do your makeup.
But really try to look hot, Hannah.
Do I not normally?
You just look…
Sean, help me.
I plead the Fifth.
Fine, okay, I'll do your makeup too.
Just hustle before Justin leaves.
[upbeat rock music playing]
[crowd cheering]
[band playing "Soup" by Remi Wolf]
♪Stay, stick around♪
♪Please don't…♪
-Hey.
-Hey.
Oh! Ooh!
Yes, bitch!
That is what I'm talking about, honey.
Okay, don't look now,
but Justin is right--
I just said don't look now.
Now you have to go over there.
No, I talked to him earlier.
It was not good.
Just-- Just stop overthinking this.
You know, this is why we pregame.
Now put on your big-girl pants
and go talk to him.
I can get us more shots if you need them.
Liquid courage.
-No peer pressure.
-How is that--?
Hannah's friend from high school
that got roofied?
We are not pressuring Hannah
to drink in public.
We are only pressuring Hannah
to finally talk to Justin fucking Kohl.
Right?
Fine. But can we dance first?
[Allie] Hell yeah, we can.
♪Oh, oh♪
♪I don't want to live without you♪
♪Oh, oh♪
-♪I don't want to live without you♪
-Thank you so much.
[continues singing]
You know, if you pick your head
up three inches,
there's a party.
The waitress from Malone's,
what's her name?
It's Hannah.
[laughs] What?
Idiot.
Dude, she's waited on us
like 17,000 times.
Who, she has?
Yeah, you seriously haven't noticed her?
[laughs]
All right, we're doing shots.
We're doing shots, boys.
Come on.
Bro, I'm watching you spill it.
-Come on, buddy.
-Have some faith.
[Logan] Thank you very much.
-Take your tampon out and relax.
-Okay. Yep.
Got a little bit of luck goin' on.
[laughter]
You drinking tonight, G?
Uh, yeah. So it seems.
Okay.
Here's to me, here's to you.
Fuck the rest, we're Briar U.
-Yes, sir. Come on.
-Good one, Deanie.
-♪Hoping that I'm getting better♪
-Cheers, boys.
♪Till I'm♪
♪Doing business on the top of the roof♪
♪They told me to leave♪
♪But I don't want to leave without you♪
♪You're so patient with the animals too♪
♪If you give me your keys,
I'll go and pick up the soup♪
♪Oh, oh, oh, oh♪
♪Oh, oh, oh, oh♪
♪I don't want to live without you♪
♪Oh, oh, oh, oh♪
♪Oh, oh, oh♪
♪I don't want to live without♪
Thanks so much!
[all cheering]
[band playing laid-back percussive music]
Fuck yeah!
[band playing "Alone in Miami"
by Remi Wolf]
♪So good, the sound of crypto bros♪
♪Eat in Cubanos by myself♪
♪Met up with Maine, bought cocaine♪
♪Clothes in the lobby waiting for me♪
♪And I'm on the list with that girl…♪
[Allie] Um, hello?
♪We're on the rocks but now we're okay♪
♪Playin' DJ…♪
[Dean] All yours, princess.
♪…in the Escalade♪
♪Yeah, we're okay eatin' sushi
long as Playboy pays♪
♪Alone in Miami…♪
[faint singing]
[band continues playing]
♪Alone in Miami♪
♪Alone, alone♪
♪Alone in Miami♪
♪Alone, alone, alone♪
-[music ends]
-[crowd cheers]
Okay, you're ready.
-No, I'm not.
-Don't worry, we'll be watching.
Perfect.
Okay, give me your coat.
[band playing "Toro" by Remi Wolf]
-[Dexter] Mm-hmm!
-[Allie] Ooh!
-[Dexter] You got this.
-[Allie] You got it, go!
[sighs]
♪Dancing around and spilling wine♪
♪You look good…♪
-Yes.
-Fuck.
[crowd cheering]
♪Steam in the shower, singing Sly,
wash your bone♪
♪We're gonna need a little bit more soap…♪
[laughter]
[man 2]
Yeah, wet T-shirt contest.
Hey, you-- You okay?
Yeah, uh…
[Hannah clears throat]
[stammers]
Stupid shoes.
[both laugh]
I think we got off
on the wrong foot earlier.
I'm a musician too.
Writer, not performer.
Sick, yeah.
What kind of stuff do you write?
Uh, classical, mostly.
Classical.
Uh, but I'm trying out other styles too.
Like pop, folk, R&B.
Uh…
rock, electronic.
Uh, but mostly pop, though.
-And classical…
-[Garrett] Wellsy.
-Garrett?
-Babe.
I am always telling you to wear
your jacket. You never do.
Oh, no!
No, no, no. You come here.
What…?
Hey.
-I'm, uh…
-I know who you are, man.
Yeah, you were gnarly at Eastwood today.
-Yeah. Thanks, man.
-[Justin] No worries.
You're a hockey fan?
Uh, yeah. My dad played.
Nothing like Phil Graham
but, uh, yeah, we'd watch together.
You're Hannah, right?
-Yeah.
-Hannah Wells.
Right.
Yeah, well, it was nice
to meet you officially.
-Aww.
-Oh, okay.
[inaudible dialogue]
-See you around.
-[Garrett] Sweet.
Yeah.
What the hell was that?
And how do you suddenly know my name?
Don't worry about it. And you're welcome.
For?
Now Jacob knows you who are.
-Justin.
-[laughs] Whatever.
Look, guys like that only want
what someone else has,
especially when that someone
is a Briar U athlete.
You really have a healthy opinion
of yourself, don't you?
I actually thought that was pretty modest.
I could have said starting center,
team captain,
highest scorer for two seasons straight.
[laughs]
It worked, didn't it?
[romantic music playing]
Why do you care?
I haven't been particularly nice to you.
You're a music major, right?
I saw your Instagram.
You, uh…
You sort of disappear when you play.
I don't mean that in a bad way.
I mean, uh, you love it. I can tell.
Don't you love hockey like that?
I don't know.
It's just something…
I've always done…
to impress my dad.
And does it?
Nothing impresses him.
[laughs]
Not really.
What about your mom?
She, um…
uh, she died.
A while back.
Cancer.
Oh, I…
Look…
I don't believe in favors or shortcuts.
I don't want to pass this class
because somebody handed me the grade.
I want to earn it.
And I'm pretty sure you're the only one
that can help me do that.
So what? I help you study for the midterm,
and you play my fake boyfriend
to get Justin's attention?
Something like that.
Well, you'd still have to pay me.
Obviously.
Don't forget.
I'm not your girl, Graham.
"This is my dance space,
this is your dance space.
I don't go into yours,
you don't come into mine."
You've seen Dirty Dancing.
It was my mom's favorite movie.
Still a dated reference, though.
[laughs] Asshole!
See? Hey, this is why this is perfect.
You're not interested in me,
and I'm not interested in a relationship.
So this arrangement
is mutually beneficial?
Purely transactional.
So?
Deal.
["Dancing with Myself"
by The Donnas playing]
♪Oh, oh, dancing with myself♪
♪Dancing with myself♪
♪When there's nothing to lose
and there's nothing to prove♪
♪I'm dancing with myself♪
♪Oh, oh♪
♪Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh♪
[Garrett] For this plan to work,
we have to sell it.
If we're gonna be fake dating,
there needs to be real kissing.
Whoa, easy. I just met you.
[Garrett] What are we gonna do,
hold hands?
You seriously think that's gonna get
Justin's attention?
-Is he looking?
-No.
[clanking]
He's looking now.
[upbeat music]
This won't make your friendship
weird at all?
[Garrett] If we're gonna convince anyone
that we're hooking up
you can't blush
whenever I come near you.
Get over yourself, I don't blush.
[chuckles] Oh, yeah?
See? Nothing.
Not bad.
[cheering]
Me and you on the Bruins.
That's the dream, right?
Garrett Graham doesn't do girlfriends.
What's really going on?
Oh, my God. Justin's here.
Be cool. You're with me.
[Hannah] He is not just some random guy
I want to hook up with.
He is a talented musician
who I respect.
Why don't you tell me
what you think the song is about.
Like being in love with someone
who doesn't see you.
[Garrett] She's not my girlfriend.
But you clearly want her to be.
[upbeat music continues]
[cheering]
You're not taking us, this, seriously.
[Garrett] Watch the player, not the puck.
[Hannah]
What the hell does that mean?
[Garrett]
It means, trust me.
["Dancing with Myself"
by The Donnas continues]
♪If I looked all over the world♪
♪And there's every type of girl♪
♪But your empty eyes
seem to pass me by♪
♪I'm dancing with myself♪
♪So let's sink another drink♪
♪It'll give me time to think♪
♪If I had the chance
I'd ask the world to dance♪
♪I'm dancing with myself♪
♪Oh, oh, dancing with myself♪
♪Oh, oh, dancing with myself♪
♪If there's nothing to lose
and there's nothing to prove♪
♪I'm dancing with myself♪
-♪Oh, oh-oh♪
-♪Sweat! Sweat! Sweat!♪
-♪Oh, oh-oh♪
-♪Sweat! Sweat! Sweat!♪
-♪Oh, oh-oh♪
-♪Sweat! Sweat! Sweat!♪
-♪Oh, oh-oh♪
-♪Sweat! Sweat!♪
♪I've looked all over the world♪
♪And there's every type of girl♪
♪But your empty eyes
seem to pass me by♪
♪You left me dancing with myself♪
♪So let's sink another drink♪
♪It'll give me time to think♪
♪If I had the chance
I'd ask the world to dance♪
♪I'd be dancing! Dancing!♪
♪Dancing with myself♪
♪Oh, oh-oh, dancing with myself♪
♪If I had the chance
I'd ask the world to dance♪
♪If I had the chance
I'd ask the world to dance♪
♪If I had the chance
I'd ask the world to dance♪
♪Ooh, ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh♪
♪Ooh, ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh♪
♪Ooh, ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh♪
♪Ooh, ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh!♪