Roosters (2025) s01e01 Episode Script

1
Hi, everyone.
My name is Ivo, and I'm a sexist.
I'm Greg, and I'm a sexist too.
I'm Mike,
and apparently, I'm a sexist too.
I'm Danny, and…
Fuck. Sorry, I just
don't feel like doing this.
I'll see you in the bar. Sorry, but…
Give him some time.
You are here, that's what counts.
We are here today,
because all of you want to change.
You want to throw off
your shield of toxic masculinity.
And I'm going to help you with that.
TOXIC MASCULINITY
These times require a new kind of man.
A NEW ERA
A NEW MAN
How the hell did we end up here?
3 MONTHS EARLIER
Good morning, all.
Good morning.
-Joost, my man.
-Mike.
-To what do I owe this pleasure?
-Just a quick chat.
Okay. What's this? A new format?
A NEW ERA
A NEW MAN
A seminar I attended last weekend.
Really very interesting.
Or is that what you told your wife?
That weekend got me thinking.
And a good boss
knows when it's time to step aside.
It would be an honor, Joost.
You know I'm ready for it. I'd love to.
There's someone I'd like you to meet.
Nicole?
-Mike, Nicole.
-Really great to meet you.
-Yes, hi.
-Nicole is our new Head of Content.
Sorry, but I'll put my own team together.
I'm staying on as CEO.
I don't get it.
There's a need for new leadership,
a more feminine view.
Could you give us a moment, Nicole?
Thank you.
Just a moment.
You're firing me?
Mike, the Board demands action.
We have no women in our management.
And we can't have another fiasco
like Fuck Island.
Can't she take your job?
You're responsible for Fuck Island too.
No, no, I always had my doubts.
Joost, I…
I just bought a new house, man.
My monthly expenses are…
I'll get you a good deal.
I promise, as a friend.
Don't worry about it.
Oh, Mike? Here.
Take this. It was an eye-opener for me.
Yeah, I'll take this.
Along with my talent, Joost.
And I'm taking
the flip chart that I paid for myself.
Yes, take a good look, people.
Good luck on the sinking ship.
LOVE IN THE COUNTRYSIDE
There's someone in my house.
What do you mean, exactly?
A burglar or a homeless person,
I don't know.
In the bathroom.
To wipe his fingerprints? I don't know.
-Hi, Dad.
-Tess.
-What are you doing here?
-Show a little excitement.
Some dads
fight in court to see their kids.
Yeah, I get that,
but what does Mom think of this?
That woman is driving me crazy.
-Honey, you're 16, that's normal.
-I'm moving in with you. You're chill.
-Is that my shirt?
-Yes, I borrowed it.
Why is the shower running?
That's a complete waste of water.
Well…
Look at this.
It takes ages for that thing to get warm.
-Yoo-hoo, Ief, open up.
-Fuck.
-I forgot to turn off "Find My iPhone."
-Ief?
Ief, open up.
Hi, Dé. Don't panic.
I was worried sick.
She could've been hit by a car, you know?
Do you even realize
that she is completely out of control?
Calm down. It's all fine.
Mom, leave me alone! I'm staying with Dad.
Are you guys trying to kill me?
Sorry, the cleaning lady
put those flowerpots there.
-Since when do you have a cleaning lady?
-Once a month.
Damn it, Ief.
I want Tess to come down right now.
Dé, please calm down.
Can't we talk about this as adults?
Whoa. That woman is crazy.
See?
Mom, I'm 16, okay?
I can decide for myself where I live.
I'll call you.
Not.
No. Tess?
Ief! Ief, open up!
Ief?
Open up!
Seventeen minutes and 20 seconds.
Bathed and in bed. New record.
Thank you, goodbye.
Dad?
Dad?
Quiet. Time to go to sleep.
Dad?
Daddy?
What is this? Aren't you cold?
No, I'm really hot.
This is synthetic, it can be ruined.
Well, I'm ruined.
I walked the beat all day.
Did you work hard?
Why don't you lay down and relax?
What is this?
Greg?
Greg?
Oh, yes, keep going…
Unbelievable.
But… Hey, this is normal.
I walked all day.
And with my plantar fasciitis
It's not normal. We're 40 years old.
When was the last time we had sex?
-Two weeks ago?
-Five.
-Five weeks, that long?
-Five months, Greg!
Quiet, the kids.
Come on, our sex life is dead.
Yes, we are just dead.
With this pressure there's no spontaneity.
-You're not attracted to me anymore.
-That's not true.
Then why don't you do anything?
Why don't you ever initiate?
I mean, if you want it to be spontaneous,
why don't you do anything? Show it.
-What are you doing?
-Putting pajamas on, this is itchy.
I'm never buying at Zeeman again.
What's this?
I said I was going to yoga.
I can't come home without sore muscles.
Hey, Tien.
Look at this.
Dan, I'm already married, remember?
It's not for you. It's for Pam.
Yes, I'm proposing.
I never thought I would ever say this,
but I finally found a woman
that I want to grow old with.
You're not that young anymore.
Married people live longer.
Nonsense.
It just feels longer.
If you're so happy with Pam,
then what are we doing here?
This is different. It's purely physical.
And getting married means you start over.
A clean slate.
But you're right. We should end this.
I'm sorry.
I hope you don't mind too much.
By now I know exactly
when you're going to come.
And that's not my idea of an affair.
-Hey.
-Hi.
Hey, when are you going back home?
I'm not, I'm staying here.
Honey, you're going to miss Mom.
Believe me.
The only one missing Mom is you.
And why is that?
We had something special.
Yes, very special.
Like ketchup with mayonnaise.
-And just as unhealthy. Move on.
-What? I am moving on.
You're stagnating, it's time for you
to discover something new. Tinder.
No!
Yeah, the picture is lame,
but you have ten matches.
And they're pretty,
if you look at them from the right angle.
-Tess, you can't say that.
-Why not?
-That's sexist.
-Are only men allowed to say that?
I'm perfectly happy being single.
Not every man
is looking for meaningless sex.
Your browser history says otherwise.
"MILFS with big tits"?
Tess!
Look, Dad.
"To forget a previous lover,
the average man needs ten new bodies."
-You got that from Linda magazine?
-No, it's research by Tinder.
Ah, super reliable.
Your hair is lame,
you pee standing up again,
and you have bad breath.
You need a woman.
-And this is not sexist?
-No, it's simply the truth.
Nice. Yeah, stopping by
to see how it's done, ladies?
I don't have my calendar with me,
but I'll check.
You're late.
-How would you know that I'm free?
-Ief.
-An appointment.
-Ief.
With clients. But I have to go now.
-Desirée?
-Because I have an appraisal. Okay, bye.
It was Desirée.
Go on, laugh. She's driving me crazy.
-Don't ever get married.
-Or wait for the right person.
Says the guy
who slept with half the region.
Tess wants to live with me,
and Desirée is livid, like it was my idea.
-She wants to revise the arrangements.
-Get used to it.
Women are in charge nowadays.
If you have a dick, you're screwed.
-Who are you to complain?
-Everyone has their problems.
Yeah, like how long it takes
for your pool to heat up to 30 degrees?
Don't be cynical. Coming up with
a show like Fuck Island is hard work.
What? Mike, what--
-What are you doing?
-What the fuck?
VAN GAAL & SMI
FURNITURE
Hey, honey! Oh, I'm so happy.
I'm going to buy garden statues later
and I've got those lights…
Why are you home this early?
-I talked to Joost yesterday--
-Did you get promoted?
I resigned.
I wasn't even allowed to put
my own team together, so I declined.
-But--
-All of the responsibility, but no power?
-Count me out.
-We just bought a new house.
It'll be fine.
With my qualities,
I'll find something new in no time.
And the mortgage?
Should I go back to flying?
I loved not having jet lag.
We'll be fine.
Really, everything's under control.
I needed some time for myself, you know?
Just a reset.
You know what?
Let's open a nice bottle of wine.
Or champagne? Should we do that?
Hey, #TheGoodLife.
"While a child has no power of decision,
it will be assigned to the mother."
There you go.
"From the age of 16, the child
will have a say in where it will live."
Ha! Bam!
"A say." I have a say too.
Desirée, we can review the contract.
It's possible. But then Ivo can too.
Everything will be back on the table.
Alimony, who gets to live in the house.
-You want to kick me out of my house?
-I didn't say a thing.
For 15 years, I paid all the bills,
so you could get your architecture degree.
This is how you thank me?
And you? You just agree with this?
Sorry, I thought you'd be on my side.
I'm on Tess' side.
Tess, what do you want?
Dad.
You don't have to decide right away.
Think it over.
Dad.
You completely brainwashed her.
You dragged me to a shrewd lawyer--
-You wanted this appointment.
-Ivo can't take care of her.
Ivo is still a child himself.
What does he know about women?
About the mensuration,
about mood swings, the tantrums?
After 18 years with you…
Okay, Desirée, it is what it is.
Either we review the contract…
You are so vile.
…or we respect Tess' wishes.
So mean.
But just you wait until she tries
to manipulate you. You brat.
Oh, Pam? Do yourself a favor.
Don't ever have kids.
Seventeen minutes and 29 seconds.
Bathed, in bed, thank you, goodbye.
What?
Huh? What's this?
A spontaneous move.
What? How sweet.
What's in it?
-Oh, boy, why do people do this?
-Yeah, okay.
-Wait, I don't think it'll fit, darling.
-You need to relax.
-I am relaxing.
-You need to relax, or it won't work.
-Move back a bit. Yeah.
-Back?
Hey, what did I tell you? It works.
-Okay.
-It's in.
And?
It takes some getting used to, I think.
No, this is way too much!
Turn that thing off.
-I'm trying.
-Turn it off!
-It only has one button.
-Get it out.
-Sorry, relax or it won't work.
-I'm relaxing.
Mom?
What's up, honey?
What's going on? A nightmare?
I can't sleep.
-Just try again, okay?
-But we already did.
It's the same thing every night.
Chop-chop, to bed.
Yeah, go on.
No, not you. Mom has to put us to bed.
Yeah…
Yes, I'm coming.
-I hear the phone.
-I'll answer it in a bit.
In the soup?
-No, in the lava cake, her favorite.
-Does that belong there?
-No, chef.
-Go on.
The lava cake, okay?
Can't you just use that box?
Who's proposing, you or me?
You. Slim chance with that eye.
Just do it. Or should I bake it myself?
-Okay, fine. Get out of my kitchen.
-Make it nice.
-Get out.
-Go for it.
Here you go, man.
Hey, honey, you're finally here.
Sorry, all those meetings went on forever.
-How long has it been? Eighteen months?
-That's a new record for me.
When I met you,
I thought, "What a player."
It was love at first sight.
Dear Pam.
I'm the luckiest man on Earth,
because you are the sexiest
and smartest woman alive.
-Lava cake for the beautiful couple.
-Thanks.
Oh, I feel more like having ice cream.
Is that okay?
Wait, but lava cake is your favorite.
Yes, but a change can do you good.
And ice is good for your eye.
But we're out of ice cream.
Thank you, Sophie.
Daan…
Be honest.
Do I still turn you on
or are you already missing something?
I don't know what you're talking about.
What would I miss?
-We love each other, right?
-Absolutely.
-Yeah.
-Take a bite.
-It will go cold.
-I'd like to propose something crazy.
-I'm suddenly really nervous.
-No way.
-No.
-How about an open relationship?
Open relationship?
You mean, sleeping with other men?
You make it sound vulgar.
-Don't you ever desire other women?
-No.
No, why would I?
Monogamy doesn't work, Daan.
I see it every day.
Couples get bored
and they oppress each other.
They start fighting and lying,
and I don't want that.
-But aren't things great between us?
-Exactly.
I don't want to lose what we have.
You want to sleep with other men
so you won't lose me?
-You really are a good lawyer.
-You're not one to commit.
You need your freedom.
And I get that, because I'm like that too.
I want the happiness of a relationship,
but I also want adventure.
And I think that's possible.
But if you don't like it, then…
-Then?
-Then I don't know what our future is.
What? Are you serious?
Daan… I've seen too many cases
to believe in fairy tales.
I don't want us
to start lying to each other.
No.
-Can I think about it?
-Yes.
-Okay.
-Of course you can.
It's gone cold.
We connect our body and mind,
and we give thanks
for everything we have.
And I'm grateful for you,
my dear followers.
What is this?
I'm making a sunrise Insta Story.
I couldn't sleep.
Oh, seriously?
Yeah, Suus sometimes makes
2,000 euros per photo.
But Suus has half a million followers.
You have 500.
-I have to start somewhere.
-Start? With what?
Making money. I need an income.
Okay.
-Can you take a picture?
-Yes.
-Quickly.
-Yes.
Quick!
Vertical, or my feet won't be in it.
-Oh, like that.
-Yes. Go!
Yes, I'm…
Got it?
No, I took a selfie.
Oh, honey, you look terrible.
Honey, it'll be fine, we'll make it.
Of course.
When I asked the kids to bring a toy,
I had something else in mind.
That's a space ship.
How did it get here?
It was in the dishwasher.
Jason must have found it.
In the dishwasher?
Listen, I understand
that parents have toys.
But this is a safe learning environment,
so I would--
Sorry, what do you understand?
How old are you? 25, 26?
Thirty-two.
Are you married?
No.
Do you have children?
-No.
-That's why she looks so young.
Listen, missy, I'm sure that you can
teach children in second grade a lot.
But there are things
you don't know anything about.
Like what a passionless marriage is like.
Where, in between vacuuming and dishes,
you have a sad fuck with your husband,
who prefers his solar panel app over you.
That's not true.
Did you ever consider
that this rocket could be a last resort?
So don't look down on me.
It could be you
putting this thing up your ass one day.
Take it from me, it's no fun.
#Happiness, #SunnyDay,
#GoodLifeWithStevie.
-Why are you on your toes?
-Makes my legs look longer.
-Oh, right.
-See?
And do you have to wear yoga pants
in every picture?
When you talk like that,
you sound like my father.
A lot of people like my style, you know?
Did you see how many likes? 450.
485. 486.
-Okay.
-Yes, all right.
Honey, let's not tell them
about my job yet.
Great, that's true friendship.
Hey!
Hi.
-Impossible, so big.
-Beautiful, isn't it?
-Hi.
-Welcome.
How are you?
What a great house.
And the food is really delicious.
All organic.
Delicious. But will there be any meat?
Come on.
-Sorry, it's Tess.
-Is she settling in?
That's not what it's about.
She put me on Tinder.
Really?
Be happy.
Greg would rather put me on Marketplace.
-What?
-Of course not.
Guys, wait a minute.
Ief is dating again. It's unbelievable.
-Well…
-Show me.
-Yeah.
-No.
-Not bad.
-I wouldn't kick her out of my bed.
What adult man talks like that?
They aren't adults.
-Look.
-Ief, ask her to come round.
-Go easy…
-No, are you crazy? I don't even know her.
Come on, Ief, it would be really fun.
Show her what great friends you have.
Ivo on Tinder, how fun.
And you on Insta, hon.
-Excuse me?
-You didn't know?
Stevie is an influencer now.
-Content creator.
-Really?
I'm enjoying my life,
maybe others want to share in my joy.
-Want to see it?
-Yes!
-@GoodLifeWithStevie.
-Good use of your communications degree.
Would you rather discuss your promotion?
What? Did you get a promotion?
-That's great.
-Yeah, no.
Well, Carmen is on her way.
She's eager, Ief.
-This is perfect for you.
-What did you do?
-I sent a message. She's on her way.
-Guys, a toast.
Yes.
To Mike's promotion, of course.
And to Ivo,
who after ten years will finally get laid!
If only I were so lucky.
I'm going to the bathroom.
"Would love to, on my way."
Here, shared the address.
Danny, what did you…
-Are you okay?
-Yep.
Hey, Ief, it's exciting to date again.
Oh, man, the flirting,
feeling every fiber in your body.
Maybe a first kiss,
a first touch, wonderful.
Yes, wonderful.
But I think it's nice
to be in a stable relationship.
Boring.
Ivo, don't limit yourself
to the traditional model of monogamy.
Hey, and there's that word.
-What word?
-"Monogamy."
No, "traditional."
Everything is traditional these days.
Most of all, men.
Don't be pathetic.
It's just that you're
no longer in charge everywhere.
Oh, did you hear that, Dan?
-Yes.
-Our era is over.
-No.
-No, but do I detect some jealousy?
Why is it so bad that men
are simply better in some things?
Like what?
Merel?
Greg. Greg? Greg, come take a look.
Come and look.
-Come on.
-Yeah.
-Greg, come here.
-What's up?
Come, Greg. Come here.
-Look, it's bigger than our living room.
-Holy shit.
Take me. Please, take me.
-I need it so badly.
-Don't.
-No, honey, you don't have to climax.
-What?
Baby, get off me. No.
-Just a quickie. Come on, Greg.
-No, stop, get dressed.
We can do it here. Look.
-Have you lost your mind? No, get off.
-Yes, come on.
Come on, honey, don't be lame.
Pretend I'm Stevie.
-What?
-How nice.
No, stop. Come on, Merel.
Knock it off. You're drunk.
Put your panties on and come with me.
Or you'll lose them.
That's so lame. No, come on!
Greg, come on!
You are boring!
Why do female soccer players
earn less than men?
-That's the market.
-It's outdated.
I love women's soccer,
especially in the rain,
when it's all muddy…
-Jesus.
-It's true, he likes that.
That's not equality, that's being horny.
Being horny is also outdated. It's banned.
You have to listen.
And you can't talk about women
as sex objects.
But they can, on Insta.
We do indeed embrace our femininity
ourselves nowadays.
We don't need you for that anymore.
Times have changed, Mike.
And if you don't like it, well,
then that's too bad for you.
-Is he upset?
-No, it's fine.
We were just having a discussion.
Mike, what's up?
I got fired.
-What?
-Really.
I told Stevie that I was the one who left,
but I've been replaced.
By a woman.
-Oh, dear.
-Yes.
Yeah, I got crushed by the glass ceiling.
No, but she'll be here soon.
You can't just take my phone. I mean it.
What are you two doing?
Nothing. We are cleaning up.
Do you want dessert?
Seriously, Pam?
-Seriously, with my best friend?
-Babe…
-Is he your best friend?
-Well?
I could never hook up with Mike.
Fuck!
Honey, I just gave him a hug,
because he got fired.
-What?
-No.
-What?
-Okay, my husband is impotent!
-Merel, please…
-Shit. I'll go.
Fired?
-Hey.
-Ivo?
Carmen.
Nice place.
Yeah, it's not mine.
It's my friend's.
But I did do the appraisal.
Okay.
Now I get what you meant
by "open relationship."
For an affair with Mike? What the fuck?
You don't even tell me that you're fired.
What kind of relationship is this?
Would you like to come in?
I just want to fuck!
Honey, have an espresso.
It's not that much to ask.
Maybe another time?
Yeah, that would be better. Sorry, bye.
Bye.
I thought you'd quit?
Yeah. And then I started again.
-Dan, I'd never hook up with Pam.
-Yeah, right. Everyone would do Pam.
-Excuse me?
-So to speak.
Why don't you have sex with your wife?
You know.
Busy.
That's all.
Busy?
Yeah, with the kids, work.
I'm just not always in the mood.
If anyone wants to swim, now's the time.
Because I might not be able
to afford it next month.
Now that you mention it, come on, guys.
We only live once. Let's go.
-Really?
-Come on.
-Seriously?
-Let's go.
All right, then.
Fuck, it's fucking cold.
-Who wants another margarita?
-Nice.
Why isn't the pool heated?
What do you think that costs?
I just got fired, man.
ROOSTERS