Small Prophets (2026) s01e01 Episode Script

1
# I know we're older now
# And lost again
# Down at the cul-de-sac
# You left, my friend
# Will you come back
# Come back again?
# Will you come back
# Come back again?
# I put the kettle on
# The wise man's song
# For you. #
Hello, Michael.
Morning Morning.
Yeah, I was just wondering about
your garden, actually, mate,
to be honest.
What about it?
Well, I mean, it's getting a bit
overgrown now, you know.
Starting to cut out a lot
of light, so
Right, well, I'll sort that, then.
Wicked. OK, you reckon
you'll get a chance?
Definitely. Awesome.
Did you get the letter from
the council?
Probably. I never open them.
Bloody council, eh?
Always after something.
Well, there might one about
the, erm
Doesn't matter.
You reckon you'll get a chance,
though?
Take it back a bit? Yep.
Yes. Awesome. Awesome.
All right. See you later, buddy.
Cheers, Cliff.
It's Clive.
See you soon!
Oi, oi!
Here he is then,
The Beard, The Legend!
WILD LAUGHTER
Michael! Michael!
Mike!
All right, Brigham?
WILD LAUGHTER
# Wow!
# She's got it
# Yeah, baby, she's got it #
TANNOY JINGLE
Can Kacey come to Sealants
and Grouting with a mop and bucket?
Trish, it's Gordon, what's this mop
for? Has something been spilled?
Speak to me, Trish.
TANNOY: Just a spillage in
Sealants and Grouting.
Use the comms, please, Trish.
What's been spilled?
TANNOY: Just trying to find out.
Use the comms, Trish, not
the tannoy.
TANNOY: Some sort of sealant.
Get a mop. Get it cleaned up.
Uh, no, you don't understand.
Why would we sell six screws in
a biodegradable paper bag,
when if we only sell them in
polyurethane tubs of 500,
the customer is forced into buying
much more of them?
Making us much, much more money.
I see.
Do you have a hand-drill?
INCREDULOUSLY: A hand-drill?
We stopped stocking
hand-drills in 1953.
What was 1953?
The Queen's Coronation.
Have you been on your break? Which
break - lunch break? Tea break.
No.
Vending machine needs stocking up.
Double Deckers. Double Deckers.
Got it.
And beef Discos, then go on your
break.
Double Deckers, beef Discos, break.
SHE MOUTHS
TANNOY: Could the owner of a small
child wearing yellow dungarees
please come to the power tools
section in aisle three.
Michael! Michael!
You out clubbing tonight?
WILD LAUGHTER
Absolute legend!
See you there.
Mine's a whisky and coke!
Hello, Hilary.
Oh, hello, love.
He's in the lounge. Thanks.
Has he been all right?
Yeah, I think so.
Building his contraptions.
Telling his stories, you know.
Keeping everyone amused.
See you later.
Oh.
Hello, Dad. Ah. You all right?
Hello, son.
You back from your travels?
I haven't been anywhere, Dad.
I must have nodded off.
You've been busy.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Does it work?
Erm, sometimes, yeah.
Here you are, then.
Oh? Have a go.
Where does it start?
On the book.
What here? Yes. Yeah.
CHUCKLING
CHIMING
CHUCKLING
That is fantastic, Dad!
Oh, well.
Utter waste of time.
Oh, I don't know.
It keeps your brain ticking over.
Who brings you the Brazil nuts?
You what? You've always got
a bowl of shelled Brazil nuts.
Oh, yeah, she gives 'em to me,
Gladys.
Her granddaughter brings them
for her,
but her dentures can't cope with
the nuts,
so she just sucks the chocolate off.
I never touch them.
So, er, what have you been up to?
You know, this and that.
Working at the DIY place.
Ah. How's Clea?
Is she well?
Clea went away, didn't she, Dad,
years ago now.
You remember? We don't know where
she went.
Oh, shit, I forgot.
Yeah. At Christmas-time.
Yes. Christmas Eve.
No news?
No answers? No.
Just questions.
Lots of questions.
I'm sorry, son.
It's all right.
I actually don't mind talking
about her.
Friends tend to avoid the subject.
Ow!
What is it?
A draughts piece? No, hang on
Pontefract cake.
Oh, I know who you are!
I know who's doing it!
SNORING
Bastards!
Hey, it's all right, Dad.
While I remember, would you post
my competitions for me?
Yeah, yeah. Of course I will.
Can't you get one of the staff here
to post them for you?
I don't trust them. They just chuck
them in the bin.
Dad, I'm sure they wouldn't,
but, yes, I'll take them for you.
What are you going to win?
Er, fishing equipment,
knitting machine,
and, er, this one's a hot tub.
Oh, nice, all very useful.
Here you go, dinner's up.
Shall I leave you to it?
All right, sunshine.
Will I see you tomorrow?
Yeah. I'll be here.
Maybe we can talk about her, then.
Who? Who's that?
Clea. Clea
Oh, Clea! Oh, lovely Clea.
Give her my love.
I love you, Dad.
PHONE RINGS
# And the tape rolls on
# Another year gone #
DOOR SHUTS
We don't encourage people to be
creative here.
We pretend we do.
Take the paint mixing service,
for example.
People think they're making
something unique, but really we're
only allowed to mix them in one of
a dozen different ways.
You see, we can't run the risk of
a customer
accidentally discovering a brand-new
colour, copyrighting it,
and then going on to make millions.
Like what happened in the United
States of America.
Somebody discovered a new colour?
Never seen before.
They're going to introduce it over
here next year, but we're going to
have to change all our printers
and tellies
so that they can deal with it.
Well, what's it called?
Frelliple. Frelliple?
Probably.
What's it look like?
Now you're asking!
It's kind of a very dark
sort of white.
With sort of It's gre If you
can imagine a kind of red and blue.
It's like stripes, it's almost
see through.
It's basically tartan.
It's impossible to describe.
One thing I do know is that,
as soon as I can,
I am treating myself to a shirt made
from the finest frelliple silk.
Have you taken your break?
I've only been here an hour!
Take your break now, because Andre's
in the warehouse this afternoon.
Now?
All right?
It's Kace Kacey? Yeah.
I didn't realise you were in today.
Yeah, I've been in here an hour
and a half. No-one's noticed. Oh.
Do you? Do you want a cup of tea
or are you not bothered?
Is that beard itchy?
Itchy? No.
Why would I have a beard if it
was itchy?
Looks itchy.
Looks like it would feel itchy.
Thank you. You're welcome.
Why do you have a beard?
Why do you wear a hat?
I'm not wearing a hat.
No, but if you were, that would be
my response to you.
Why do you have your ears pierced?
That's a better example.
Why do you have your ears pierced?
Just because. There you go.
It's It's just because.
Mm.
That were funny before when you
thought I was calling you a wanker.
Who were you calling a wanker,
Gordon?
Of course Gordon.
I mean, don't you think he's such
a wanker?
I haven't really thought about it.
Go on, have a think.
Yeah, I suppose he is a bit.
Yeah, you watch, now that
I've pointed it out,
you'll notice it all the time.
QUIETLY: Christ..
Are you on your break? Yep.
How long have you been on your
break? About ten minutes.
How long have you been on
your break?
Two minutes, you literally just sent
me on my break.
See?
Have you been here years, then?
Five years.
Can I? Yeah.
What did you do before this?
I was an underwater welder.
What does that mean?
Which part, underwater or welder?
Both, when you put them together.
Well, I welded things that were
underwater,
which meant that I had to go
underwater, too.
In like the diving gear
and everything?
Almost always.
What sort of things need welding
underwater?
Ships, oil rigs
Mainly ships and oil rigs.
But isn't welding like fire?
Yes. Oh, so how does that
work, then?
Would you like me to explain?
No, actually, you're all right.
Why'd you give it up?
It's a young man's game,
underwater welding.
You can't do it for too long.
Takes its toll.
And did you have the beard then,
or..?
No. I wouldn't have been able to get
a watertight seal
around me diving mask.
Oh, yeah, I was going to say.
Hi, Hilary, is he in?
Hello, love. He's in his room. OK.
Can I have a word?
It's a bit awkward.
Your dad's been taking the empty
water bottles
and hiding them in his room.
The water cooler bottles?
The thing is they collect the
empties on Wednesday.
What's he taking them for?
I don't know, he's saying it
wasn't him.
Well, are you sure it was him?
I've seen him taking them.
He keeps an eye out for when
they're nearly empty
and then smuggles them away
when he thinks no-one's looking.
All right, er, thanks, Hilary.
I'll see if I can work out
what's going on!
KNOCKING
Hello, Dad. Hello, son.
Come on in.
Shut the door. You all right?
What are you looking for?
Shut the door.
I remembered something.
Something that'd help with
your problem.
What problem was that?
What we talked about yesterday.
You know, I know where you can get
some answers.
I am sorry, Dad, I'm being dim.
What were we talking about?
Homunculi!
Come again?
Alchemy.
Can't talk about it here.
They'll be listening in.
Let's go for a walk.
Take a look in there.
What've you got these for, Dad?
Did I ever tell you about Egypt?
I think so, yes, when you were on
National Service?
That's right.
When I was there I met a man,
an old mystic, Italian, and he was
studying metaphysics
and alchemic lore. OK
Anyway, I became an apprentice,
really, so to speak.
I was the only one he trusted to
help him with his experiments.
OK
Eventually this brilliant man
managed to grow, and generate
homunculi, tiny prophets who lived
in great glass jars full of water.
Wait a minute, Dad. I remember this
story. You used to tell it to me
before bed. Little people in jars.
But, Dad, I don't think it actually
happened.
Oh, it did happen, I was there,
I saw them, there were six of them.
Yeah, I remember, there was
a king and a queen, a monk?
A knight, a peasant and a seraph,
exquisite little beings.
They could predict the future.
Yeah. They could answer any
question,
once they had reached
the State of Divination,
and they had to answer truthfully.
That was my favourite story, Dad.
Dad, are you sure that you
didn't get it from a book?
No, no, no.
I wrote it in a book. I wrote the
instructions all down in a journal.
But it's It's gone.
I can't find it.
Well, I've got a lot of your things,
remember, at my house.
I said I'd look after them for
you when you moved in here.
Well, that's where it'll be, then.
And it's all written down.
OK, Dad. Dad, Dad, listen, even if
I can find it,
you're not allowed to practise
alchemy in the Golden Years Garden.
No, no. It's up to you. You're
the one who wants the answers.
They'll be able to tell you
where Clea is.
Oh, Dad No, no.
The prophets will tell you where
she is, and you go find her
and bring her back.
I'll guide you.
That's what the bottles are for.
Take all the bottles, fill them with
rain water - got to be rain water.
You'll need some other ingredients
but the journal will take you
through all that. You've just got to
find the journal.
Come on.
Yeah, that's it.
He thinks I'm taking them out to
the car.
It's a long story. All right if
I leave them round the corner?
Yeah. All right, love, thanks.
He should be all right now.
See you tomorrow.
Michael!
All right, mate?
You're looking well.
Hello, Roy.
I went round the house earlier.
Yeah, no, I was here
visiting Dad.
I've been trying to call you.
Left a few messages.
Yeah, sometimes I
I forget to check.
I forget to turn it on.
I need to speak to you, Michael.
Yeah. Yeah, OK.
Shall we go back to the house? No.
There's a cafe around the corner.
Pickles.
Do you want something?
Oh, erm, sausage, egg and chips,
please.
Who's paying? I'm skint, mate.
Just a cup of tea, please.
Two, thanks. No problem.
How are you? Are you well?
Skint. I just told you.
I'm paying for three kids while
she's sat on her fat arse
eating crisps.
Are they still down south?
In Reading, yeah.
How often do you get to?
I don't, Michael. I'm living in
a shitty flat above a Costcutter
so they can't come to me.
And I'm not welcome down there,
so weeks, months go by
between visits.
Sorry.
Thank you. You're welcome.
This place is named after the dog
that found the World Cup.
Pickles.
I don't know what the connection is.
I don't think he was from
around here.
It's time to give back what's
mine, Michael.
What if she comes back?
Clea is not coming back.
What if she does?
Michael, they found her car on
the Severn Bridge.
Yes, and she wasn't in it.
Mate, I don't know whether I miss
her as much as you do,
I think about her every day.
She was my sister.
But there's nothing I could
have done.
And I've made my peace with that.
This Christmas it'll be seven years.
We can apply for a presumption
of death.
I want the house back, Michael.
It belongs to me.
What are you going to do, move in?
No, I'm going to sell it.
Well, I'll stay on until you find
a buyer.
No-one's going to buy it, the state
it's in.
Needs to be cleared out, there might
be structural damage,
there might be I've got to go.
For Christ's sake, Michael, I drove
past there this afternoon.
The guttering's hanging off,
the garden's impenetrable,
Christ knows what it's like inside.
It's time to take your head out of
the sand, mate.
She's not coming back!
Good evening, Olive, you all
right, love?
Hello, Michael.
What's that Fertiliser?
No, these plants are all plastic.
Don't need watering,
don't need fertilising.
Oh, right, so what is that you were
sprinkling?
Slug pellets.
Sorry, if the flowers are plastic,
what are the slugs eating?
The slug pellets.
Oh, right.
Cheerio, then.
Oh, I tell you who I saw here today.
Yeah. Who was that?
Your brother-in-law, Roy.
He was looking for you.
ARGUING
Well, I'd say let the robots
take over.
Hiya, Michael! Olive!
You all right? Yeah.
Hello, Michael.
Hello, Bev.
Best be off, Olive.
Cheerio, then, Mike.
We were never married.
What's that, love?
It's just you said brother-in-law,
but Clea and I,
well, we were never married.
Cheerio!
THUNDER RUMBLES
# I know we're older now
# And lost again
# Down at the cul-de-sac
# You left, my friend
# Will you come back?
# Come back again #
Elliot! Come in, lad.
# Will you come back?
# Come back again
# I put the kettle on
# The wise man's song
# For you
# I took a needle and thread
# To make amends with you
# And the tape rolls on
# Another year gone
# And I await your cue
# I put the kettle on
# The wise man's song
# For you. #