The 'Burbs (2026) s01e01 Episode Script

1
I can't believe we have
a white picket fence.
And they're so charming and yet
so micro-aggressive at the same time.
And still somehow my
parents' fence ended up
looking like British teeth,
slightly discolored and
bizarrely misaligned.
We went from city loft to lawn so fast.
We did everything so fast.
But that's what you do when
you find the unicorn, babe.
You lock it the fuck down.
I think this place is gonna
grow on you, though.
Hinkley hills is a safe place to grow up.
I want that for miles.
I want everything for him.
I know living in my parents' house
wasn't exactly part of the
plan but it could be worse.
They could be here too.
You do know how to mow a lawn,
'cause I'm not handling none of that.
I got you.
God. I don't wanna get back to work.
You and miles aren't gonna have
too much fun without me, okay?
My maternity leave is
gonna be spent watching
the window like bravo
and learning the choreography to
What the?
I don't like that one bit.
Stroll's over.
Are you sure that house is empty?
Yeah, very.
No, no, no. No.
Shit, shit, shit.
Wait. Wait.
Stop! Stop!
Don't leave me with these diapers!
Hey there, bad hair.
I forgot.
Nice to see you.
Back on ashfield place?
Bud, you don't you
don't remember me?
Sorry. Never been good
at remembering faces.
It's all right.
You know, I've always liked this street.
You hear the thing about cul-de-sacs?
There's only one way out!
Have a great day, Robert.
Okay. Bye now.
Okay.
The things I'll do for you.
Like moving here.
Do you want me to stay?
I can call Nina, tell her
I need another week.
What are we watching?
How long has that house been empty?
Twenty years, give or take.
- You don't think that's weird?
- Not really.
I'm sure they got a good
reason for hanging onto it.
So there's a they. Who's the they?
You know, whoever owns it.
Okay, shrug knight.
So you never thought about it?
What no, not really.
Whatever. I know you gotta get to work.
Naveen and I are
catching the same train.
Trainpooling he's calling it.
- But say the word, and I'll stay.
- No, no, no.
Gotta rip the band-aid
off someway, somehow.
It'll be me, myself, and I, and miles
together alone for the first time.
No friends or family nearby
but that's why it's good.
Yeah, 'cause I'm not worried at all.
You're giving me some
very mixed signals here.
Nah, get on the train.
- I love you so much.
- I love you too.
And I love you too, little man.
And you can call me anytime, okay?
I'm the guy saved in
your phone as white bulb
with the black thumbs up emoji.
And it'll never change.
Try to get out the house today.
Stop! Can I help you?
I'm sorry?
Should he be listening to this?
Well, he can't understand the words.
Babies absorb these things.
Right.
You must be Rob Fisher's wife.
I heard you were, back here to live.
- Yeah.
- Well, this is fabulous.
I was wondering when
I would get to meet you.
I don't get out much.
I'm Lynn gardner.
I'm Samira and that's miles.
Aw. He looks just like his mama.
Samira. Such a pretty name.
Is it African?
Yes.
Fascinating. I just live catty-corner.
If you ever need anything.
And you must come to wine night.
It's just a bunch of friendly neighbors
gabbing and guzzling on my porch
and they are dying to meet you.
I'm breastfeeding unfortunately.
Pump and dump, my darling.
Welcome to ashfield place.
Hey.
Hey.
I got a very important
question for my big sis.
Mariah, Whitney, Janet,
or Beyoncé. One gotta go.
I'm not about to fight with you today.
- Well, that's not a fight.
- I miss you.
How's my apartment?
Well, if you're referring to the artist
currently known as my
new apartment, it's the bomb.
Little girl, your taste is impeccable, okay?
And these views, exquisite.
- How's my nephew?
- Cute as hell.
Aw. Yes, he is.
Because we're twins.
And see, that's why you're
going off on FaceTime.
And how was, hinkey mountain?
Hinkley hills is Caucasian.
It's the 'burbs, babes.
Am I a bad mom for bringing
- my melanated son out here?
- I don't know.
Are you a bad mother for accepting
a very nice house at a
very nice neighborhood
where there's practically
no crime, really nice schools?
I mean, make it make sense.
I just feel so isolated.
I mean, every day is the same thing.
I don't know what I'm doing,
and I don't have
anybody to teach me how.
Well, you know she looking after you.
That's what daddy say but
you can't teach somebody
how to swaddle a baby from heaven.
Amen to that.
How am I gonna get the maternity leave?
I mean, I thrive in
collaborative environments.
I need structure and tangible goals.
Bitch, I don't speak
resume. I speak housewife.
This is what you do, pick
up a little day drinking habit,
maybe a little Pinot habit or
something, something cute.
Yeah, hard to do when
you got a tit gremlin.
Yeah, you could've kept that one.
Well, baby, you just need some friends.
I have friends.
I mean, in a 10-mile radius.
None of your neighbors
ain't no potential there?
No.
It's a who's who of who's not it.
These people are crazy.
Well, I'm just spitballing, boo.
I know. I know. And I appreciate you.
And I love you.
And I'MMA come and
visit you soon, okay?
And I know you
would've chopped Mariah.
I don't know her.
Love you. Bye.
Naveen.
Look at us. Train buddies.
Commute comrades.
Megan filed for divorce.
- What?
- She was waiting for me
when I got home yesterday.
Suitcases at the bottom of the stairs,
like out of a bad movie.
- Shit.
- Said she's been unhappy
for a long time and wants to start over
while she still has her youth.
So she can't stand another
day of my moodiness.
I'm not even
I'm not even that moody, Rob.
She's fucking her dentist.
Dr. James.
The only one who takes my insurance.
So that's fucking
great. I should've known.
She was getting way too
much dental work done
for someone who has perfect teeth.
- She does have great teeth.
- Right?
Two cleanings in a week.
She said she needed to get a filling.
Fuck.
Remember what you
said at my bachelor party?
No. I was drunk and on
three different classes of drugs.
We were in Miami. My jaw was in Texas.
You grabbed my face and you said,
"never trust a Megan."
Nostradamus, motherfucker.
I should've listened.
I'm sorry, mate.
Anyway, let's talk about
you. Enough about me.
How's little man?
- God.
- He's the best. Perfect.
I mean, he doesn't sleep
and he shits like a trucker
but wouldn't change it for the world.
Nice. And Samira?
She keeps asking questions
about the house across the street.
- Really?
- Yeah.
What'd you tell her?
What is there to tell?
You know what, you are absolutely right.
I attempted to leave the house today.
During daylight hours?
Yes. And I met Lynn.
She's exactly as your mother described.
Nosy, and extremely abstract
sense of personal space?
Yeah, that's it.
And, she invited me for
drinks with the neighbors.
She did?
You should go. Little
man and I can get some qt.
I think I might.
I wanna see who all gonna be there.
Twenty years. So you
must've known them.
- Who, the grants?
- Aha!
- What?
- So you did know them.
- You're doing that thing.
- What thing?
That thing you do when
you get a little obsessed.
It's the lawyer in you. You lock in.
- Remember your ramen conspiracy?
- I know
it wasn't ideal to get
banned from the local bodega
but I still stand by my
theory that they were running
drugs with the instant
noodle cups. It was right there.
I mean, you were 100% onto something.
I mean, they didn't
even have a bodega cat.
What kind of bodega
doesn't have a bodega cat?
Babe, I'm not being obsessed,
okay? Just humor me.
Okay, so tell me what you
know about the creepy house.
- Yeah, please.
- Creepy house probably.
They lived across
the street from us but
Does anyone ever really
know their neighbors?
Yes, I knew my neighbor's
first and last name.
We was all up in each other's business.
- You did? Okay.
- Yeah.
Ooh, by the way,
speaking of being all up
in each other's business,
Megan left naveen.
So I guess I owe you 10 bucks.
You always call it.
Also even worse, shagging the dentist.
- What?
- Yes.
- My gosh.
- I know.
Never trust a Megan.
- That's what I said too.
- That's right.
Allegedly.
Babe, please never leave me.
Where am I gonna go?
Yeah. You're trapped now.
- Love you, honey.
- Love you too.
And if I cheat, it won't be the dentist.
Thanks, babe. That means a lot.
- Somebody we don't know.
- Wow.
The next time that beast uses my lawn
as its personal port a-potty,
I am gonna get out my glue gun.
Well, break out the crayons
and color me thrilled. It's Samira.
So close.
Come, come, come.
Sit, sit, sit.
This is Rob Fisher's wife.
- From across the street.
- Dana Richards is the name.
It's very nice to finally
make your acquaintance.
Likewise. Samira.
- Samira.
- I'm so bad with names.
We haven't seen you around before.
And we were starting to
think that Rob made you up.
No, no. I'm real.
Just a new reclusive
mom with leaking nipples.
Now, Dana is a retired marine.
- Very distinguished, lots of medals.
- Wow.
Also, I'm a real handy Andy.
I have noticed, not to be nosy,
but, you have some spots on your fence
that are pretty effed up
and I could fix those for you.
I'm here for it 'cause the only screwdriver
I'm familiar with contains fuck.
And here's Todd.
Hi.
Todd is a man of few syllables.
I don't think I've seen
you around here before.
You've been keeping tabs on us
through the window, Jimmy Stewart?
Which one of us is the murderer?
Your face.
I'm sorry.
It's okay. We all know that suburbia
has its spectators for it.
You have not seen me.
My home shares no
sight lines with yours
and I keep out ours.
What do you do?
This and that.
What do you and Rob do?
I'm a civil litigation attorney.
Wow. Hello she-e-o.
I don't know what that
is, but good for you.
- Yeah.
- Rob is, a book editor.
How did you meet him?
A kaytranada concert actually.
Kate ranada? I'm going to look her up.
Let me know what you find.
Rob seems like he's romantic.
He is. So, how long
have you guys lived here?
Well, for me, just a couple of years.
I wanted somethin' with nature,
but my wife's idea of outdoorsiness
is like a restaurant with a patio.
So, this was our compromise.
And then she got deployed.
She's in the military too?
Cannot confirm or deny.
Honestly, despite what two decades
of daytime television tell you,
there are a lot of people that don't care
for middle-aged lesbians.
But I felt welcomed for the most part.
I've been here eight
months and ten days.
That's precise.
She's been here for freakin' ever.
Not as long as some.
Marty and I moved here 15 years ago.
Marty. I can't wait to meet him.
Unfortunately, he passed.
- Lynn, I'm so sorry. I
- Thank you. Heart attack.
It's been almost half a year, but
I still feel his presence every day.
Here.
Anyway, these wine nights really help.
It's a bit like family.
That's right.
When you have neighbors,
you're never alone
even when you wanna be.
How'd you city kids end up here?
Well, Rob's parents,
I'm sure you guys know
they, retired to one of those timeshare
- cruise ships last month.
- That's a choice.
Not mine, but a choice.
Well, they had been
asking us to come out here.
We didn't wanna leave the city,
but our building got broken into.
We just felt like maybe we should
we should try it out, at least temporarily.
Well, thank goodness you're
safe and sound here with us.
So, what's the deal
with that victorian house?
Chainsaw massacres, Titanic cult,
jilted bride who severed the head
of her lost unfaithful lover.
It's haunted as shit.
The lights go on and off
all the time by themselves.
I've seen that.
It could just be faulty wiring.
A skeptic. I like it.
Lynn, you're the resident historian,
- catch her up.
- Well
It was a little before my time.
A family lived there.
- The grants?
- Yes.
- And they had a daughter who
- Died. -In the house?
There had been whispers
of mysterious circumstances
- surrounding her passing, maybe even
- Murder.
And then the parents moved away
and never sold the house.
So, it just sits there
rotting, pissin' off the hoa.
God, I would give my
left tit to go over there
and do a little ghost hunt.
Hi, everyone.
It's cookie time.
It's like she just knows
when my sugar drops.
Rory likes to prey on
vulnerable shard sippers.
Well, this is just much more lucrative
in this neighborhood than in mine.
The usual and keep the change, honey.
Hey, I saw a stroller at your door.
I am a great mother's helper,
if that's something
that might interest you.
- How old are you?
- Thirteen next month.
I have my cpr certification,
and badges in child development,
early literacy, and swaddling.
Swaddling? Okay Rory:
- Sunflower scouts.
- My business card.
Feel free to reach out anytime.
You are notary public?
It's like they heard us.
After all this time?
We'd love a plot twist.
You'd really like this book, I promise.
It's two guys talking about
medieval construction technique.
You are so boring.
You're so hot when you cook.
Thanks, babe.
- How are the neighbors?
- Good.
A bit weird.
Yeah. Well, this is a cul-de-sac.
What's wrong with cul-de-sacs?
The people are weird.
I didn't know people
are weird in cul-de-sacs.
Wait. Is it culs-de-sac?
Like attorneys general?
This is give and get out.
Yeah. I hear you.
Look, when my family first moved here,
some people didn't
know how to feel about us.
But it's a nice area
and people like to think
of themselves as nice.
So, they try to act nice
until they're actually nice.
That's nice.
Don't get me wrong. I
was still a sad little kid
until I found my people.
By his people, he means an awkward,
gangly with a funny accent,
who had just been
dragged across the pond
- for his dad's new job.
- Funny accent?
What are you talking about?
Dude, your accent pulled.
Still pulls, if we're being honest.
You know, the girls call him prince Rob.
I don't think that's true.
It's so true.
Did you know the victorian's for sale?
- Really?
- I'm assuming that's what
the for sale sign means.
Yeah. That would indicate that.
So, why didn't you tell me
somebody was murdered there?
What are you talking about?
The Grant girl.
Yeah, right. Alison wasn't murdered.
That's just small town gossip.
Alison.
So, what happened to Alison?
I honestly, like,
it was so long ago that I don't remember
- a lot from about that.
- But you did know her?
Yeah,
but in the same way that
everybody knows their neighbor.
Why wouldn't you tell me that?
'Cause I didn't think
it was relevant, babe.
It was like 20 years ago.
There's a reason they call Hinkley hills
the safest town in america.
Okay.
Well, is there anything else
you wanna tell me about this place?
No.
Completed in 1902,
Hinkley house was built
by Hinkley hills founder,
h. Horace Hinkley.
The mining magnate and
philanthropist purchased
25,000 acres of hillside forest in 1898
and developed it into the thriving suburb
that bears his name.
Today, Hinkley hills
is more than just an
idyllic bedroom community.
It is a shining example
of fellowship and family values.
Hinkley hills, the safest town in america.
Here we go.
Hello. How may I help you?
Do you have a periodical section,
collections of old
newspapers, microfiche maybe?
I'm doing okay. Thank you for asking.
I'm sorry.
I am a new mom and I'm practically feral.
I understand.
What a cute little mocha munchkin.
To answer your question,
yes, we have bound copies
of all the Hinkley hills
heralds dating back to 1946.
Is there a particular
date you're interested in?
March 15th, 2005.
One moment, please.
I'm afraid that march
volume has been checked out.
- Really?
- It's due back in a week.
You can come back for it then.
It's a date, Judy.
Bill. You missed a spot, dear.
Shit. She brought the dog.
It's not even her house.
What is she feeding that dog?
She gon' be mad when she
get cussed out, some folks.
My goodness.
You are not gonna believe this.
My gosh.
I know.
So, are we gonna go in?
Do white ladies love salads?
Hell yeah, we're goin' in.
Brb. I'm gonna go get Lynn.
Rob, honey, if you were awake,
I would've asked what
you thought, but well.
I just got a chill.
Did anybody else get a chill?
- I'll do it.
- I was I was gonna offer,
but it seems like you already offered.
It's stuck.
Well.
Okay. Everybody, be cool.
I cannot be less cool right now.
This place looks like a museum.
Or a mausoleum.
That's why the lights were on.
They were stagin' the house.
Hi, home buyers. How can I help you?
We are looking for an
enormous house for our niece.
We would love a tour.
Follow me.
The owners have instructed
that interior photography is not permitted.
This is the library.
Very tasteful.
We enjoy literacy.
All of the flooring is original
to the house, which was
built in the queen Anne's style.
As you can imagine, a little love
- and a professional sander
- will go a long way.
Feel free to show yourselves around.
Excuse me. Hello there. Welcome.
They discriminate against
older female buyers.
This always happens.
Please. Our niece?
You're a really bad liar.
Well, I had to get him to take the bait
or he might have thrown us out.
Well, it's an open
house, so by definition
I'm gonna peek around.
This is the ugliest kitchen I've ever seen.
No, no, no.
When did you get here?
Okay.
That's creepy.
Absolutely not.
Everything okay, ma'am?
Yes, I'm good. Great
house. Beautiful house.
Can you believe it?
After 20 years.
- End of an era.
- So, any intel
on our new neighbors to be?
It was an all-cash
deal. Quick escrow too.
They must have really wanted it.
He. Just he.
- Go on.
- A doctor.
- How'd you find that out?
- I have my ways.
He installed a security system
which in my expert opinion
is overkill for a private residence.
You'd only need a
security system that robust
if you are in danger
or you have something to hide or both.
I've never heard you say
so many words at once.
Well, I wish him luck
with the monster mansion
and I hope he has a good contractor.
And a good exorcist.
Babe, get up.
Did you hear that?
What?
What?
What time is it?
Something's not right out there.
Okay. That is so weird.
- Is that
- No.
Yeah.
Those are for the new neighbor.
But I'm sad and starving.
Too bad, I'm being nice.
Isn't this the kind of
place where the neighbors
act nice until they are nice?
- Yes, I did say that.
- Yes, you did.
Your mother's up to something.
What? I just wanna
know what his deal is.
- Don't you?
- Maybe he doesn't have a deal.
A guy moves into a
dilapidated haunted house
at 2:00 am. Come on.
He definitely has a deal.
That is weird, weird.
When did you pick that up?
Ninja.
I got him.
Five minutes on the left boob
and he was out like a light.
- That's great, babe.
- Great?
It's a miracle, okay?
If he can go to sleep
when it's dark outside
in a stationary position,
that is a game changer,
a life-affirming moment.
What are you looking at?
Your brownies are still there.
Wait, really?
Why won't he eat the
goddamn brownies?
Maybe he doesn't fuck with gluten.
Then throw 'em out and
give us the plate back.
- That's a good plate.
- It doesn't make sense.
Everyone likes brownies.
They're the Beyoncé of dessert.
- And if they don't
- they're just being contrary.
Jinx? Maybe he just
didn't see you put 'em there.
The camera was on, on.
Sorry.
I just love it when you get all lawyer-y.
- Order in the court.
- Counsel,
- please approach the bench.
- I object.
Is there anything else you've noticed?
Curtains opening and closing.
Could he be watching us?
Definitely could be.
I think we will
He always knows.
No, I got too cocky.
I flew too close to the sun
and now he's punishing me
like a tiny vengeful god.
It's all right. I'm gonna
go drive him around.
Okay.
I'm coming. I'm coming.
Thank you.
I'll be back in a sec.
- Love you.
- Love you.
Get some rest, baby.
Come on.
Fuck it.
I'm reclaiming my plate.
Who does he think he is?
Not eating my brownies?
I love my brownies. I
eat them my damn self.
He can keep the damn plate.
Shit!
Hey, is everything all right?
Hands where I could see 'em.
What's happenin'?
We got a call about a trespasser
at the old Grant house.
And guess who matches the description.
Hey.
What the hell is going on?
New owner said they saw a black person
skulking around the property.
This is a big misunderstanding.
Is it? Because apparently
it happened twice.
I was just dropping off brownies.
Hey. This is my wife
and our house where,
where we lived with our son.
Fuck off!
Robert Fisher?
Danny Daniels from high school.
I heard you moved back.
It's okay. Baby, it's okay.
- Mommy is right here.
- Sorry, man.
You know we gotta take the call.
This is nuts.
Consider this dropped, my good man.
Okay.
Aw. Yeah, don't worry about it.
They all kinda look like that at that age.
Robert Fisher, as I live and breathe.
You folks have a great evening.
Thank you.
Did you just thank the cops?
Shit.
The fuck is wrong with me?
I'm sorry, babe. I
we can't live across the
street from someone like that.
I mean, what would have happened
if I hadn't gotten there when I did?
What's up, man? This is some bullshit.
That freak narc will rue the day
he stepped foot in Hinkley hills.
Yeah, just used rue
the day in a sentence.
You're welcome.
- Hey.
- Hey.
Todd told me what happened.
I heard it on the police scanner.
The hell. What do you need, babe?
You need some wine?
How about some ice cream?
You want a hitman? I know people.
- I'm people. Say the word.
- Okay.
We can hold on the latter,
but I could use some wine.
Yeah, it's the cure-all for all.
Even racial profiling?
We share your rage.
He will not last long here.
Spoken like a true hater.
I love this energy, my dude.
Oop, there's the sommelier now.
Rob, this is lunacy of
outrageous proportions
and we won't stand for it.
Should I get some glasses?
Yes, please make yourself at home.
Come here.
Okay. Yeah. Shove over.
I think we should all sleep here tonight
safety in numbers, hunkered down.
Someone should
always be on watch, right?
Like in the marines?
Yes. I will I will be out front
- Good. Okay, good.
- The entire time.
And a lot of coffee so I will
I'll stay up all night. And
sleep out there like a
Todd, we gotta, like,
stick together right now
and form an alliance
right?
- I'm a lone wolf.
- As a united front.
I got some big ass flashlights.
I'm gonna bring over about 10 of them.
Do you have stuff that you
brought home from the marines?
I had a lot of stuff in the garage.
I just have to remember
the password for that case.
Wow.
Are those fireflies?
Yeah.
I always wanted to
see fireflies growing up
but you can't see 'em in the city.
It's like spotting a fairy in the wild.
It's not fair.
I was just starting to feel at home here.
There's space and the community.
I damn sure don't wanna drag no stroll
up four flights of stairs.
I think we should stay.
I want miles to have fireflies
and our family is not gonna be run out
by some racist, brownie-hating prick.
We're doing this.
Hell yeah, we doing this.
Comin' in?
In a minute.
I wanna smell the sweet suburban air.
Shit.