The Revenge Club (2025) s01e01 Episode Script

1
For the purposes
of the recording,
I'm showing Miss Hunter
a photograph.
Exhibit reference RH008.
Why won't you look?
Why do you think?
Guilt?
I've told you
everything that I know.
People are dead.
You wait too long to speak up,
you lose control
of what happens next.
Ems, what's going on?
What are you doing here?
Ems, it's 6:00 a.m.
He's having an affair!
That trip to New York?
Total fucking lie!
Come on.
Come on, sit down.
Sit down.
Calm.
Breathe.
Tell me what happened.
Okay, so
I was booking a surprise trip
for our fourth
wedding anniversary.
-Yeah?
-I went to check to see
if my passport
was in date and
right there, next to mine
was his.
The fuck?
Well, uh
I'm gonna say something
as your best friend.
But, well, maybe Dan
just wanted a little bit of
-me time.
-Me time?
Well, it's not like
he doesn't have form.
Remember when he told you
he was at his mum's,
but he was actually
on that bender with Ajay?
-Yeah, that was different.
-No.
He's probably with him
right now, this second.
Sometimes, we all just need
to push the pause button.
Dan's just pushing his.
And I think maybe
you should do the same.
-Take a pause from Dan?
-What?
No.
From work, you muppet.
You've not just been, you know,
you in ages.
Take a day off.
I can cover.
I got you.
Oh, fuck.
What the fuck am I doing here?
It's okay.
I'm so sorry.
-I'm so sorry.
-It's okay.
-Go back to bed, please.
-Are you sure?
Yes, please.
You can stay if you want.
No.
Let's never speak
this ever again.
-I'm so sorry.
-It's okay.
My God, your skin is so glowing.
Thank you.
-Thank you.
-Always.
-I love you.
-I love you.
Fuck it.
-What are you doing?
-Let's find out.
-Who are you calling?
-Dan.
Emes, wait!
Stop!
It's not what you think!
Please, just listen!
Emes!
Emes, wait!
Stop!
Fuck!
I'm so sorry, Ems.
This is so fucked up.
Will you shut the fuck up?
How
oh, my God.
Fuck.
Have you been do
How long have you
been doing fuck!
You told us
to hang out together.
-It's not our fault.
-Oh, it's my fault.
Of course it is.
Of course it's my fault.
-It's my fault.
-Look, we should've told you.
We should've told you.
We were waiting
for the right time.
Emily
tell us what happened.
It started with the group.
Oh, what the fuck am I doing?
-Oh, my God!
-Jesus bloody Christ!
-Where did you come from?
-What's your problem?
Well, maybe don't
sneak up on people.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Did my face hurt your umbrella?
I've already rung the bell.
-So you here for the, uh
-Nope.
Maybe.
Someone's on edge.
Brilliantly observed.
Gold star for you.
Pardon me, Mary Poppins.
Pain whispers.
It screams.
Tires you out.
Makes you angry.
Makes you wonder if you'll
ever feel happy again.
But pain, I promise you,
is where healing begins.
Sorry we're late.
Once more and you're out.
I'm kidding.
I'm kidding.
Or am I?
Come, please.
Welcome to
Divorce Support Circle.
I'm Malcolm, Sagittarius,
licensed therapist,
and divorce survivor.
Now, over the next
eight sessions,
we're here to figure out
how to stop being angry
and start moving on.
And as punishment
for being late,
why don't you kick us off?
What's your name
and what brings you here?
Emily.
Uh
Taurus.
PR direct
former PR director.
Okay.
Good, Emily.
What about you, madam?
-Me?
-Yeah.
Oh, um, hi.
Hello, everyone.
I'm
I'm Rachel Koffman.
And I'm just
really happy to be here.
It's really nice
to meet you all.
Well, what to say about me?
Well, I'm a mum to two gorgeous
children, Lula and Joshy.
And, well, I dog-sit
for my parents,
their three little pups.
There's Chandler and Monica
and Schnorbitz the Third.
Sorry, I'm babbling.
It's just because
I'm shitting it.
Oh, shit, sorry, sorry.
Are you allowed to swear here?
Oh, swearing is
obligatory, Rachel.
Oh, phew.
What about you, sir?
I'm Calum.
My ex, um
I could never do anything right.
And when the money ran out,
so did she.
I have a daughter, Bella.
It's the only thing that's
kept me going this last year.
And no matter
how messy it gets
she'll always know I'm there.
Thank you, Calum.
Thank you.
Steven.
Former Sergeant Major,
British Army.
26 years.
Mainly infantry.
Married to Sue for 20.
Look, I'll be honest with you.
I'm an imposter.
My old man said
that when women reach 40,
they all go mad.
And that's what's
happened to Sue.
She told me to come here,
so that's why I'm here.
And hopefully she'll get over
all this nonsense.
And yeah.
Good work, Steven.
Is it Steve or Steven?
Steven.
With a "V."
Very good.
Yo!
What about you, bro?
Um
I'm Tej.
Sorry, Tej.
Do you mind?
Been divorced
6 months 16 days.
Oh, my God, you're so young.
-Okay, thank you.
-Sorry, sorry.
You know, I think
about it sometimes.
Just making her go through
what I've gone through.
Okay, that's not quite
the kind of thing
we're aiming for, Tej.
Let's refocus, shall we?
Right, great intros,
everyone, thank you.
Now, I oh, oh.
I'm so sorry.
Please.
Rita, records clerk.
Nice to meet you all.
Oh, I'm, um
I'm here because
I'm here.
Thank you, Rita.
Right.
Let's see
if we can turn
all that chaos, yeah,
into clarity
with an exercise
Malcolm likes to call
the Pain-to-Power Pivot.
Pain-to-Power Pivot.
Oh!
-Good.
-Yes!
That's the kind
of energy we need.
Okay, everyone,
up on their feet.
Ready salted?
Really?
Backbone of the British crisp.
Undisputed king
of the salty snack.
Nah.
Salt and vinegar.
Top of the league.
Unbeatable.
Categorically and
statistically, you're both wrong.
Cheese and onion are the best.
Riveting conversation.
I bet all you eat is that posh
hand-cooked pish, Poppins.
No.
I think we're forgetting
our manners.
Thanks for the snacks, Karen.
Rita.
My wife would love this place.
She's got a thing for beams
and low ceilings.
Beams are lovely.
Wish I'd used one
to cave in my ex's brains.
Sorry.
Cheers to that!
Good morning.
Message for Emily Hunter.
It's Haverleigh Homes
estate agents here again.
We urgently need your key
for Ivy Cottage
as the completion is today.
Can you please return it
this morning?
Thank you.
No no, please, no.
-What the fuck?
-Please, look, Ems.
It wasn't selling
and we needed somewhere
-to live with the baby.
-You bought our fucking home?
You'll still get your money.
Daddy bought it for us.
How could you not tell me?
Come on, Ems, just don't start.
Oh, I'm sorry, Dan.
Am I making a scene?
Oh, I cannot deal with this.
-Baby.
-Wow.
You took my Dan,
my job, and my home.
Congratulations,
you conniving, evil,
fucking two-faced cow.
I did everything for you.
I found this house.
Like I found your wedding venue
and your honeymoon
and even your shoes.
You let me be your sidekick,
your shadow.
You're my best friend.
I loved you.
You loved me being small,
so you could feel big.
Come on, babe.
"I" is
for "isolation."
"V," "volatility."
"O" is for "over analysis."
"R," "resignation."
"C" is for "clarity."
Maybe this had to happen.
And finally, "E."
"Emergence."
And these are Malcolm's
Seven Stages of DIVORCE.
Wow.
Do we have to call it that?
Don't say the word, mate.
Just gives it power.
Like Voldemort.
It's not fear.
I just hate it.
It's an arsehole of a word.
Just say it.
"Divorce."
It's like sand.
It's all dry and scratchy
in your mouth.
No, it doesn't
have to be a bad thing.
Take me and Jack.
We uncoupled four months ago.
And, um
it's it's fine.
It's been fine.
You know, it doesn't
have to be a bad thing.
These things are
just meant to be.
You know, the important thing
to remember
is that divorce isn't a cliff.
No, no, no.
It's wide and open
like a corridor.
Oh, I couldn't
agree more, Malcolm.
I've actually read
all the books.
-Corridor.
-Lean In, Lean Out.
Divorce for Dummies
Who Married One.
The Art of Uncoupling.
Divorce Your Past,
Not Your Future.
-Books do not help.
-Divorce.
You can do anything you want
when you get the right tip here.
Hey.
So, I went to the house,
dropped the keys off,
and there they all were.
Turns out her parents
had bought them the house.
Dan's name might be
on the deeds,
but he hadn't even
bothered telling me.
What kind of people do that?
So your best friend
stole your husband?
And then she stole your company?
I couldn't face work
for months and then
her dad offered me peanuts
to buy it
just to keep the lights on
apparently but
I was too wrecked to care,
you know?
And now they're both
living in your house?
Put everything into that place.
Everything.
That is brutal.
You just want
to hurt them, don't you?
Scream at them.
Make them feel what you feel.
I've got a confession.
I'm not here by choice.
I was ordered by a court,
because I may have punched
Charlotte in the face.
What?
-What?
-No!
-All right.
-All right.
I faked a pest control license
so I could inspect
the TikTok tart's flat
and found his clothes in there.
-Shit.
-Ohh!
Well, I
I spent thousands
on Madame Selene's
mystic tarot readings.
And I I don't even
believe in that crap.
Don't believe in it.
I watched Mamma Mia!
17 times in a row.
Aww.
It's a lovely film.
I don't know why.
I just, I couldn't stop it.
I slept in my wedding suit for
a month after she dumped me.
I keep buying her favorite
biscuits out of habit.
I don't even like them.
I mean, why do they
just get to move on
and we just sit here?
Karma will get them.
Karma's a concept.
But revenge
That's real.
Maybe it's time
Dan and Charlotte
got a wee taste
of their own medicine.
-You're not serious.
-I'm sorry.
You can't treat people like that
and expect to get away with it.
Just, it's not right.
Just, you know what I'm saying?
Let's mess with them
a little bit, eh?
But what could I do?
Not "I."
'Cause you won't be alone.
An eye for an eye.
Yeah, okay.
I'm in.
Come on, Poppins.
If you could wish
for anything
anything
what would it be?
Get them
out of my house.
Damn right.
Damn right.
Right.
Operation Ivy Cottage.
We need to lay
the groundwork first.
We need to know her weak spots.
She's proper new age.
You know, crystals,
chakras and all
that woo-woo shit.
Wanker.
We can work with that.
Use it to rattle her,
drive her to the edge.
Watch the mandala,
it's an original.
Phase one.
Strip the life,
leave the bricks.
Dan, come here!
Remove the anchors.
Make the home feel hollow.
You need to find it!
Madam, you called and cancelled
-your removal this morning.
-What?
Oh, for fuck's sake!
What are you on about?
You were there, I watched you
pack up all my stuff.
You need to sort this right now.
There's nothing to sort.
It's logged right here.
-Phase two.
-Hi, my lovely.
To flush 'em out,
we flush ourselves in.
I'm actually the tarot reader.
I'm
I'm Esme Nocturne.
-I am.
-Yeah?
Into that sort of thing, yeah.
-Oh!
-Uh, come in.
Plant the seeds.
Little sign here.
Little warning there.
Past ain't finished with her.
The tarot suggests
sudden change.
Upheaval.
Resistance.
Like, you know, staying in
a place we're not meant to.
But we've only just moved in.
We're not going anywhere.
Oh!
I didn't necessarily
mean the house,
but interesting that your mind
went there first.
Ooh yeah.
The cards are saying
you can't outrun your shadow.
Phase three.
Sow doubt.
Feed a paranoia until she
can't trust her own shadow.
All done here.
Happy to report
no signs of rodent activity
and we sealed
all potential entry points.
That should keep the street
infestation out for now.
All my security cameras
are in position.
Watch this.
Ta-da.
And once we've
done that, phase four,
the tipping point,
something visceral,
her greatest fear,
the point of no return.
And then we strike,
tomorrow night.
-Sound good?
-Calum!
-Calum!
-Yo!
I've got the payload for you!
Come on up!
Stairs!
Why didn't you come up?
Uh, height's not for me.
Ah, that's fair.
You know, roofings in the
top ten most dangerous jobs.
Dick Van Dyke made it look easy.
Yeah, he was a chimney sweep,
Poppins, not a roofer.
Oh-ho-ho-ho!
Oh, you little beauties.
Thanks for dropping them off.
Can you imagine?
Dan and Charlotte,
romantic dinner.
Chill music playing.
Then all the lights go out.
I drop these babies
down the chimney.
And all you can hear
is these bad boys
scratching and scampering.
See, when Tej hits
the lights again,
and these wee guys are doing
the conga across the table,
well, by that point, I'd be
looking for a new postcode.
You do realize the whole thing
is insane, right?
Yeah.
Fun, though.
-What if it goes wrong?
-Ah, it won't.
Anyway, you won't be there,
so no-one can pin it on you.
Still can't believe you guys
are doing this for me.
Don't flatter yourself.
We're all selfish,
broken buggers.
We're doing it for ourselves.
But, honestly,
just say the word and it's off.
I think Steve will have
four simultaneous strokes
if I back out now.
Yeah, he's proper intense,
isn't he?
Mm-hm.
Are you scared of him?
A wee bit.
You?
Yeah, I mean, yeah.
Right.
6:30 tomorrow night.
It's a lot, isn't it?
Everything.
I just want it to stop.
You know, you're not at all
what I expected.
Same.
Dad, you're so extra.
Dad, you're so
It's my daughter.
I need to go.
She's lucky.
My dad didn't give a shit.
I thought maybe
this would cheer you up.
You're always
kind of sad.
Before you, I didn't even know
what happy was.
So if I ever seem sad,
it's just because I miss you.
Okay?
Oh!
Nearly forgot.
I, uh
made you these.
Wow.
-A not totally rubbish present.
-Mm-mm, no.
I put your name on them
so nobody can nick them.
That's so cool.
I'll use them tomorrow.
What's happening tomorrow?
You are coming, right?
Yeah, it's just, um
Yeah, your mum
I'm sure your mum said
it was next week.
I forgot that was tomorrow.
Um
It's just, you always say
you'll do stuff, but
I'll be there.
All right?
I swear.
Come in.
Mmm!
Why didn't you tell me
about the show?
You said it was next week.
And it's called
co-parenting, Calum.
You're supposed to know
this stuff without me.
It's here.
It starts tomorrow at 8:00.
8:00?
Okay, good.
All right, um
shall we go as a family?
Bella?
Come on, gonna be late.
-Bye, Dad.
-Bye, darling.
See you tomorrow.
-Oh, thank you.
-My lady.
You're too sweet.
Careful.
Not outside.
-Really?
-Yeah, really.
I'm still her husband.
Not where it counts.
All she wants
Too much?
Who are you trying to impress?
Everyone coming
has known us forever.
They know you, and they know
me, but this is the first time
they're coming to our home
and meeting us.
They are our friends.
They were her friends, too.
And this was her home, and
What?
We are good people.
All we're guilty of
is falling in love.
And I
love
us.
I love us, too.
The lights shine above
Right.
Listen up.
Timeline check.
1901 hours.
Tej, switch on
the wedding music.
1902 hours.
Kill the lights.
1903 hours.
Calum, rat drop.
1904 hours.
Lights back on.
All units clear by 1905 hours.
1945 hours.
Rendezvous at Emily's.
Roger.
And out.
-Okay, all right.
-Come on.
-You look nice.
-Sorry?
Nothing.
Shit.
My friends.
Can I get anybody
anything to drink?
Right.
Listen up, everyone.
No one mess up tonight, okay?
Thank God you said something,
because I was absolutely
planning on screwing this up.
Come on, lads, let's do this.
My heart is literally exploding.
Can you die of panic?
Actually die of panic?
-Refreshments?
-Hi.
Hi, it's Rita.
Yeah.
More guests arrived.
I'll give you the all clear
when everyone's inside.
-Copy.
-Sorry.
-Roger. Off.
-Copy.
Please confirm your position,
00-Calum.
Regretting every life choice
that led me to this moment.
-I'm ready as I'll ever be.
-Great.
-Right on schedule.
-Stand by, team.
Here we go.
Dad, you're so extra.
Dad, you're so extra.
Bex, you
-Calum?
-Shit.
Emily, what's he doing?
Calum?
-Sorry.
-Calum!
I'm sorry, guys.
-He's gone.
-Calum?
-He's gone.
-Calum?
Calum?
-Is he there?
-His mic's off.
Are you sure it's not tactical?
Yes, Emily, I'm sure.
He's turned it off.
He's offline.
What?
Rita, have you seen Calum?
Rita?
Her mic's off, too.
-Where you going?
-Rachel, hold the fort.
-Oh, shit.
-That can't be good.
Dad, where are you?
We're on next.
You promised me you were coming.
Mum was right about you.
Hello?
Hello?
Is anybody there?
Hello?
Fuck!
Fucked it!
Is anyone else for red?
You're my best friend.
I loved you.
I loved you.
What happened?
He just came out and drove off.
I tried.
Well, I can't go up on the roof.
-Vertigo.
-Knee replacement.
What if someone finds
the ladder?
The rats?
Fuck!
Maybe he's just gone for a wee.
Steve.
Yeah, it's a Code 3.
Hiya, this is Calum.
I'm not here right now.
-Shit.
-He's on his way.
Tell him not to bother.
Plan's off.
Help me get the things out of
there before someone finds it.
Oh, my God, Tej.
Code 3.
-Steve?
-The plan
is definitely not off.
Tej, time for some
wedding nostalgia.
On it.
Switching music.
Next.
You took my Dan,
my job, and my home.
Next.
Next!
Focus, you little shit.
How many cupcakes have you had?
You get the ladder.
I'll grab the rats.
Fuck!
You okay?
Next!
Next!
Next! Next! Next!
You conniving,
fucking two-faced cow.
-Charlotte?
-She all right?
Uh
Result.
Target has left the room.
-Holding the fort.
-Switching lights.
Oh, hello!
You all look a bit sad.
Why don't you come in here,
have a drink, and celebrate?
Are you taking the piss?
-No.
-Check it out.
Charlotte, calm down.
-Charlotte
-I can't, Dan!
She's haunting me!
Charlotte, you're exhausted.
No, you can't
outrun your shadow.
Listen to yourself.
You sound
Emily is not haunting us!
Dan, I'm not staying here!
No way!
Tomorrow, we start
looking for houses.
But tonight, a hotel.
Grab the baby.
Please, Charlotte,
you need to calm down.
No!
You need to listen!
This is karma!
We deserve this!
Times five.
Times 50.
-Times forever!
-"Times forever!"
No, Charlotte!
They've completely
lost their minds.
-Play it again.
-Here, have a drink.
Have a drink, babe.
Charlotte, calm down.
-Charlotte.
-I can't, Dan!
She's haunting me.
Charlotte, you're exhausted!
No, you can't
outrun your shadow!
Steve, you are a genius.
Now, I wouldn't go that far.
I'm not staying here!
No way! Tomorrow,
we start looking for houses.
But tonight, a hotel.
Grab the baby!
Oh, my God.
We did it.
Cheers.
We we fucking did it.
Dan, I'm not
staying here, no way!
Tomorrow, we start
looking for houses.
Go on.
Do the noise.
-Do it again.
-Okay, do it.
-Go on, it's so funny.
-Do it.
Aah!
I still can't believe
we actually did it.
Yeah, they so got
what they deserve.
She was brilliant.
But honestly,
you really got to her.
I loved it.
"You can't escape
your shadow."
What the fuck happened to you?
Sorry.
Bella
What the fuck happened to you?
Revenge.
Fuck?
-Look who it is.
-Hi.
-Ohh
-Hey.
Come and have a seat.
-It worked?
-Yes, it worked.
Didn't need the rats in the end.
Definitely worked.
You fuck.
Well, now we're all here
million-dollar question.
Whose ex is up next?
Oh wait.
What?
Can it be my ex?
Please.
She deserves a taste of this.
Y-You're kidding
right?
I mean, this was a one-off.
-A one-off, no?
-Although
it does feel a bit unfair.
You know, I mean,
I get my little revenge.
Shouldn't you all get yours?
Exactly.
Guys, we're supposed
to be healing.
Divorce Circle is
about us letting go
of our anger and resentment.
Move on with grace.
That's just words.
Pretty vowels
and consonants strung together
to tell us to roll over
while our exes win.
But anger
used in the right way,
that's power.
And it's also the only language
some fuckers understand.
Well, I hate to be
the bubble buster,
but we're basically
a pound shop Ocean's Eleven.
Mate, we don't have to be.
What are you thinking?
I'm thinking
we help each other out.
Strangers On a Train style.
-I love that film.
-I've got more cameras.
Wait.
You want us to kill
each other's exes?
No, mate, you've been
watching too much telly.
It's not murder on demand.
-Pity.
-What?
Kidding.
Although
if the six of us
pool all our resources
we could do some serious damage.
Mm-hmm.
You're all nuts.
This whole
weird assortment, we
we barely even know each other.
Exactly.
Exactly.
To revenge.
AKA, "how losers
become winners."
Okay, well,
if we're gonna do this,
you're gonna have to be
less of a wanker.
-No offense.
-None taken.
Do you know what?
All right.
'Cause hearts don't break,
they rebrand.
Revengers
To revenge.
Calum!
Calum?
Calum!
What are you doing here?
Thought you didn't like heights.
Yeah, um, I just
I just came up to say thank you.
What for?
I let you down.
But for Bella.
I get it.
-Are you okay?
-Mm-hmm.
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Easy.
We really gonna do this?
Do what?
Revenge.
I mean
it's just a bit of fun, right?
What harm could it do?
Nobody was supposed to get hurt.
Yeah, but they did.
Didn't they?
So tell me, Emily,
how exactly did
your little healing circle
turn you into a killer?
Is that what you think I am?
Divorce is no less painful
than the death of a person.
Are we just fucked now?
Are we just,
like, damaged goods?
Well, if you want someone
to behave like a dick
in public, anxiolytic.
Total disinhibitor.
-Somebody spiked him.
-Can't afford any loose ends.
We can't afford to get caught!
I want him to feel just an ounce
of what he's put me through.
You think these grieving people
suddenly became
master criminals?