Tom Goes to the Mayor (2004) s01e01 Episode Script
Bear Traps
0
Jefferton alive
Hi. I'm the Mayor,
and my door is always open for you!
Jefferton alive
My name is Tom Peters,
and I'm full of ideas.
Community spirit!
Hi. How are you?
Shopping!
Food!
Free to be, being free ♪
Jefferton alive
Jefferton alive
Excuse me.
Hi. Hello.
I'm here to see the Mayor.
I've been waiting here a while.
I just wanted to check in on the
Well, he's in an important meeting right now.
He'll be with you in a bit.
Great.
Thank you very much.
My name is Mike Foxx
and I've lost 13
of my own children
four to wind poisoning
two to sand rash
five to deadly crickets
and at least 6
to a mysterious drifter
who looks and sounds like this guy.
This is the sound of my voice.
Oh, no.
One minute now.
Child safety has to be your number one priority.
Of course.
And remember parents,
only you and me
can scare children safe.
Oh, boy.
Hello?
Hello? Mayor's office.
How can I help you?
Well, my name is Tom Peters.
Hello, Tom.
Can I come in?
Come on in.
OK, well,
I'm an entrepreneur
and I just moved
to Jefferton county.
Great. Wonderful news, Tom.
Welcome.
Yeah, I just moved here from Springerton
with my wife Joy
and our three boys.
That's great.
Tom, my fingers are crossed here.
I'm really hoping you have some pictures of that beautiful family.
Sure.
Let me see here. Hold on.
Here we go.
Here's a shot of Jared, James
that's Matty,
and my better half Joy
at Life Challenges
Sunflower Camp.
That's about two years ago.
Tom, that looks like a lot of fun.
- And look at those boys.
- OK.
They look just like you.
Well, they're not actually mine.
They're from Joy's
previous marriage, but
You know, I
How do you
how do you mean?
Well, they're just my stepkids.
They're Joy's, not mine
but I treat them like my own in a lot of ways, you know?
- I just
- I see.
Well, great, Tom. Thanks for stopping in.
I really appreciate it.
I'm sorry. I'm actually here
I had just an idea
that I wanted to run past you
about our children's safety.
That's interesting, Tom.
I just had a meeting with my TV about that.
Let me hear your thoughts.
Well, child safety, right?
Thethe first and last step
is to establish
a high perimeter
surrounding our,
you know, parks and zoos
and nurseries
and daycare centers
Bear traps.
OK.
You're talking about using bear traps to surround these safe zones, right?
- I love it.
- Well, no
You sold me on this idea.
Oh, that
I'm going to show you an old Mayor's trick.
Do me a favor, Tom.
Use your arm to hold
that phone up to this ear.
- Like this?
- Sure.
- JB's Trap Shop.
- Trap Haus. Kyle speaking.
It's your Mayor.
- Mayor!
- Hello, Mayor.
As you know,
Jefferton is in a serious crisis
concerning child safety.
- OK.
- Right.
Do you know
the good doctor Tom Peters?
- No.
- Perfect.
We need you to install thousands
of bear traps all over town.
We're talking nursery schools,
children's hospitals, petting zoos.
Great. You know what, Mayor?
Frankly, I'm relieved.
And to tell you the truth
I'm a little bit amazed too,
because you're such a
- Hello?
- You know
to know
to call me for this.
- Mr. Mayor?
- Here's the breakdown.
We're going to need at least
10,000 of your finest traps.
Whatever it takes to keep those kids safe, OK?
- Sure.
- Can you handle that load?
Can I handle
Can I handle the load?
Let me think about
how to answer that properly.
Absolutely.
I'm looking at my stock right now.
No problem.
Great.
So we can start production
Can I just add one thing?
My traps are handmade,
custom designed
no snap-back,
thank you very much.
You know what? My C-13 Heisners are typically self-lubricated.
But I
Can I? Will I? Should I?
I tell you what.
I'll throw in the old JB double lube.
You're not going to need it,
but what the hell. No extra charge.
Wonderful. Dr. Tom Peters will be in touch with you about your performance.
Good luck to you.
- OK. Bye now.
- Good-bye!
- I heard your phone ring.
- Yeah, I just got a huge order.
Oh, really?
That's crazy. I did too.
Good for you, man.
God, that's
Well, it's about time.
I'm happy for you.
I'm happy for me,
but I am overwhelmed with joy for you.
No, no.
Well, it's nothing special for me,
but it's amazing for you.
Good for you, my friend.
You deserve it.
- No, it's great for you.
- I think it's so much better for you.
City Council will not like this one bit.
They've been buggers
about this in the past.
Here's what I want you to do.
I want you to present this idea
at our weekly Council Meeting
down at Gulliver's.
About this presentation
you want me to do. Do you want me
- I'm not really prepared
- Great.
Great.
Now, you can easily see,
how important this new Mayor's Hat is
to the entire township,
and to me.
Thank you very much.
Now I'd like to turn the floor
over to my good friend Tom Peters.
Tom's a real astronaut,
not like last week's imposter.
Ladies and gentlemen,
Mr. Tom Peters!
All right, thank you.
Could you turn the music
I'll wait for the music
Well, I just want to start with
I'm not an astronaut,
I'm sorry to say.
Great!
Right.
Well, if I could just start this presentation here.
Just make sure it's on.
You're not our dad ♪
I'm sorry about that.
That was the wrong file,
obviously.
Shoot.
OK, settle
OK, here we go.
Bear traps, all right?
Well, basically
I've done a lot of research
and we think that the best way to protect our youngest citizens
in Jefferton, here, is to
surround them
with bear traps.
Wonderful, Tom.
Wonderful.
It's basically for their protection
so I don't know why
you wouldn't want to do that.
Of course, obviously,
there's a little bit of risk, so
Actually, a lot,
a tremendous amount of risk.
II hate to say it,
but I will guarantee
that a number of kids
will be injured, or possibly
killed in the project.
Thank you.
Nice work, Tom.
All right.
I just feel really uncomfortable
about the whole idea in general.
I don't know
if it's something we want to
Can I just jump in here
with an idea?
..pick up at another date.
Absolutely. We're going to have to test it.
Maybe creating a test committee.
I don't think
it's going very well.
Tom, have you tried
Gulliver's spaghetti?
What?
You know, it's the red pasta
the Italians call spaghetti.
They serve it with marinara.
No. II should try it,
I guess. I just
Oh, no.
I don't think they're going for it.
We really have to win them over.
Tom, I have one more ace up my sleeve.
What's your background in theatrical arts?
Well, like plays and stuff?
Sure. I mean, I did
a little stuff in high school
some community theater work.
- I could direct.
- Perfect.
Traps all day
and traps all night ♪
Traps can snap
and rip and bite ♪
Put a bear trap here,
put a bear trap there
Traps can go
most everywhere ♪
Traps all day
and traps all night ♪
Me love traps
with all my might
You can set it and forget it ♪
But don't ever let it get you in the arm ♪
It happened long ago
Careful with that trap in tow
You know, traps are real and forged in steel
Pappy taught me
on the trapping wheel ♪
These bear traps
she be my master.
They clink and clank like a stab from a shank ♪
Suddenly,
there hence a stank
It was I ♪
What a disaster.
Child safety is our code
Put some bear traps
in the road
Never shall we fear or fight
We guarantee
they'll snap real tight ♪
Well, you must admit that it's a real man's trade
We'll admit
that it's a real man's trade ♪
OK, cue the balloons.
It's a real man's trade ♪
We'll admit
that it's a real man's trade ♪
Admit it's a fair trade
Hello? Hello? Focus!
Television set!
It's me, Mike Foxx.
Thanks to your courageous Mayor,
your children are no longer in danger.
Now please join me in welcoming him to the stage.
OK, Roy, thank you.
OK, Roy.
No, you don't have to shut it off.
Just turn the volume down a little bit.
Citizens of Jefferton,
we are blessed.
This is the dawn of a new and safer Jefferton.
With the help of the Bear Trap Brothers
we've placed
over 20,000 traps around town
making it the largest
concentration of traps in the region.
I have to say, none of you
would be here tonight
if it weren't for Jefferton's
own Tom Peters!
Thank you.
Tom, on behalf of the entire County
and surrounding township
it gives me great pleasure
in presenting you with the key to the city.
My stepson! No!
Mom! Mom!
Mama!
Thank you all for coming.
Mom, my leg!
Safe at last.
- Bull's-eye!
- Yeah!
Jefferton alive
Hi. I'm the Mayor,
and my door is always open for you!
Jefferton alive
My name is Tom Peters,
and I'm full of ideas.
Community spirit!
Hi. How are you?
Shopping!
Food!
Free to be, being free ♪
Jefferton alive
Jefferton alive
Excuse me.
Hi. Hello.
I'm here to see the Mayor.
I've been waiting here a while.
I just wanted to check in on the
Well, he's in an important meeting right now.
He'll be with you in a bit.
Great.
Thank you very much.
My name is Mike Foxx
and I've lost 13
of my own children
four to wind poisoning
two to sand rash
five to deadly crickets
and at least 6
to a mysterious drifter
who looks and sounds like this guy.
This is the sound of my voice.
Oh, no.
One minute now.
Child safety has to be your number one priority.
Of course.
And remember parents,
only you and me
can scare children safe.
Oh, boy.
Hello?
Hello? Mayor's office.
How can I help you?
Well, my name is Tom Peters.
Hello, Tom.
Can I come in?
Come on in.
OK, well,
I'm an entrepreneur
and I just moved
to Jefferton county.
Great. Wonderful news, Tom.
Welcome.
Yeah, I just moved here from Springerton
with my wife Joy
and our three boys.
That's great.
Tom, my fingers are crossed here.
I'm really hoping you have some pictures of that beautiful family.
Sure.
Let me see here. Hold on.
Here we go.
Here's a shot of Jared, James
that's Matty,
and my better half Joy
at Life Challenges
Sunflower Camp.
That's about two years ago.
Tom, that looks like a lot of fun.
- And look at those boys.
- OK.
They look just like you.
Well, they're not actually mine.
They're from Joy's
previous marriage, but
You know, I
How do you
how do you mean?
Well, they're just my stepkids.
They're Joy's, not mine
but I treat them like my own in a lot of ways, you know?
- I just
- I see.
Well, great, Tom. Thanks for stopping in.
I really appreciate it.
I'm sorry. I'm actually here
I had just an idea
that I wanted to run past you
about our children's safety.
That's interesting, Tom.
I just had a meeting with my TV about that.
Let me hear your thoughts.
Well, child safety, right?
Thethe first and last step
is to establish
a high perimeter
surrounding our,
you know, parks and zoos
and nurseries
and daycare centers
Bear traps.
OK.
You're talking about using bear traps to surround these safe zones, right?
- I love it.
- Well, no
You sold me on this idea.
Oh, that
I'm going to show you an old Mayor's trick.
Do me a favor, Tom.
Use your arm to hold
that phone up to this ear.
- Like this?
- Sure.
- JB's Trap Shop.
- Trap Haus. Kyle speaking.
It's your Mayor.
- Mayor!
- Hello, Mayor.
As you know,
Jefferton is in a serious crisis
concerning child safety.
- OK.
- Right.
Do you know
the good doctor Tom Peters?
- No.
- Perfect.
We need you to install thousands
of bear traps all over town.
We're talking nursery schools,
children's hospitals, petting zoos.
Great. You know what, Mayor?
Frankly, I'm relieved.
And to tell you the truth
I'm a little bit amazed too,
because you're such a
- Hello?
- You know
to know
to call me for this.
- Mr. Mayor?
- Here's the breakdown.
We're going to need at least
10,000 of your finest traps.
Whatever it takes to keep those kids safe, OK?
- Sure.
- Can you handle that load?
Can I handle
Can I handle the load?
Let me think about
how to answer that properly.
Absolutely.
I'm looking at my stock right now.
No problem.
Great.
So we can start production
Can I just add one thing?
My traps are handmade,
custom designed
no snap-back,
thank you very much.
You know what? My C-13 Heisners are typically self-lubricated.
But I
Can I? Will I? Should I?
I tell you what.
I'll throw in the old JB double lube.
You're not going to need it,
but what the hell. No extra charge.
Wonderful. Dr. Tom Peters will be in touch with you about your performance.
Good luck to you.
- OK. Bye now.
- Good-bye!
- I heard your phone ring.
- Yeah, I just got a huge order.
Oh, really?
That's crazy. I did too.
Good for you, man.
God, that's
Well, it's about time.
I'm happy for you.
I'm happy for me,
but I am overwhelmed with joy for you.
No, no.
Well, it's nothing special for me,
but it's amazing for you.
Good for you, my friend.
You deserve it.
- No, it's great for you.
- I think it's so much better for you.
City Council will not like this one bit.
They've been buggers
about this in the past.
Here's what I want you to do.
I want you to present this idea
at our weekly Council Meeting
down at Gulliver's.
About this presentation
you want me to do. Do you want me
- I'm not really prepared
- Great.
Great.
Now, you can easily see,
how important this new Mayor's Hat is
to the entire township,
and to me.
Thank you very much.
Now I'd like to turn the floor
over to my good friend Tom Peters.
Tom's a real astronaut,
not like last week's imposter.
Ladies and gentlemen,
Mr. Tom Peters!
All right, thank you.
Could you turn the music
I'll wait for the music
Well, I just want to start with
I'm not an astronaut,
I'm sorry to say.
Great!
Right.
Well, if I could just start this presentation here.
Just make sure it's on.
You're not our dad ♪
I'm sorry about that.
That was the wrong file,
obviously.
Shoot.
OK, settle
OK, here we go.
Bear traps, all right?
Well, basically
I've done a lot of research
and we think that the best way to protect our youngest citizens
in Jefferton, here, is to
surround them
with bear traps.
Wonderful, Tom.
Wonderful.
It's basically for their protection
so I don't know why
you wouldn't want to do that.
Of course, obviously,
there's a little bit of risk, so
Actually, a lot,
a tremendous amount of risk.
II hate to say it,
but I will guarantee
that a number of kids
will be injured, or possibly
killed in the project.
Thank you.
Nice work, Tom.
All right.
I just feel really uncomfortable
about the whole idea in general.
I don't know
if it's something we want to
Can I just jump in here
with an idea?
..pick up at another date.
Absolutely. We're going to have to test it.
Maybe creating a test committee.
I don't think
it's going very well.
Tom, have you tried
Gulliver's spaghetti?
What?
You know, it's the red pasta
the Italians call spaghetti.
They serve it with marinara.
No. II should try it,
I guess. I just
Oh, no.
I don't think they're going for it.
We really have to win them over.
Tom, I have one more ace up my sleeve.
What's your background in theatrical arts?
Well, like plays and stuff?
Sure. I mean, I did
a little stuff in high school
some community theater work.
- I could direct.
- Perfect.
Traps all day
and traps all night ♪
Traps can snap
and rip and bite ♪
Put a bear trap here,
put a bear trap there
Traps can go
most everywhere ♪
Traps all day
and traps all night ♪
Me love traps
with all my might
You can set it and forget it ♪
But don't ever let it get you in the arm ♪
It happened long ago
Careful with that trap in tow
You know, traps are real and forged in steel
Pappy taught me
on the trapping wheel ♪
These bear traps
she be my master.
They clink and clank like a stab from a shank ♪
Suddenly,
there hence a stank
It was I ♪
What a disaster.
Child safety is our code
Put some bear traps
in the road
Never shall we fear or fight
We guarantee
they'll snap real tight ♪
Well, you must admit that it's a real man's trade
We'll admit
that it's a real man's trade ♪
OK, cue the balloons.
It's a real man's trade ♪
We'll admit
that it's a real man's trade ♪
Admit it's a fair trade
Hello? Hello? Focus!
Television set!
It's me, Mike Foxx.
Thanks to your courageous Mayor,
your children are no longer in danger.
Now please join me in welcoming him to the stage.
OK, Roy, thank you.
OK, Roy.
No, you don't have to shut it off.
Just turn the volume down a little bit.
Citizens of Jefferton,
we are blessed.
This is the dawn of a new and safer Jefferton.
With the help of the Bear Trap Brothers
we've placed
over 20,000 traps around town
making it the largest
concentration of traps in the region.
I have to say, none of you
would be here tonight
if it weren't for Jefferton's
own Tom Peters!
Thank you.
Tom, on behalf of the entire County
and surrounding township
it gives me great pleasure
in presenting you with the key to the city.
My stepson! No!
Mom! Mom!
Mama!
Thank you all for coming.
Mom, my leg!
Safe at last.
- Bull's-eye!
- Yeah!