Waiting For The Out (2026) s01e01 Episode Script
Episode 1
This programme contains
very strong language from the start.
Um, what about lunch?
Well, I mean, do you go out?
Is there, um,
is there a canteen, or?
Well, is there a Pret nearby?
There's not even a Pret?
Um
Off. Off. Off.
No, no, no. No, Jamie.
Um, no, I'm, I'm not nervous,
I just Well, I don't know,
it's a new job.
Well, I mean, you're used
to that place.
For me, it's Well, it's,
it's not new exactly
but it's, um Well, it's newish.
I'm totally fine. Yeah.
Yeah.
Oh, um, there is
one other thing I wanted to ask.
Um
..should I take
any precautions, or?
Well, I don't know, I mean it
isit's a prison, so
I suppose I'm just asking -
how safe is it?
Yeah, I'll take these.
OK.
Do you want to wear them out?
I can bin these if you want.
No, no, I'm, going on a date
later tonight, so
Right.
In these?
Yeah. No, um, bin those.
Ah.
Fuck me.
Is it the same girl that I met?
Yeah, yeah. Jess.
She's nice.
Wow, emotional.
I mean, I'm tearing up.
What is it, two months now?
It's long-term for you, innit?
Oh, God, look at him.
He's doing a shit.
Oh, God, I love that expression.
Look at it.
Like, the concentration.
How did you get that one, Lee?
Oh, yeah.
That's where the knife came out.
Oh, bloody hell!
It was a father and a son.
I owed 'em money.
I remember waking up in
this empty industrial kitchen.
I saw 'em and then I heard the sound
of the knife sharpening
Oh, my God!
..and then I thought, "Fuck."
Dad, he says, "Right, where
do you want to get stabbed?"
I'm like, "Well no-fucking-where."
And then he swings
the knife like that and he says,
"I said, where do you want
to get fucking stabbed?"
I said, "Well, my leg'"
What? You said the leg,
then he just fucking?
Yeah. He shoved it right up
to the handle.
No, it weren't too bad at first.
I looked down, I thought,
eh, it felt like getting punched.
But then the son,
he runs over and he kicks it.
Oh, Jesus! Oh, my God.
I, like, screamed my guts out.
They start panicking,
they're shouting
they're going to cut my throat
if I don't stop, but I can't.
I physically cannot stop
screaming, right?
Like, my face is saying, "Yeah, I
know, I'm sorry, it's mad, innit?"
But my mouth is like, "Argh"
Then what happened?
Then they dumped me on some estate.
And I pass out, and I wake up,
crawl and pass out, wake up, crawl.
And then one time I wake up
and I'm in hospital.
Don't know how you're still here.
Oh, he's the reason I'm
still here - little man.
Do you want to look at his poo?
Absolutely.
Wahey! Yeah.
Does it scare you? Being a dad?
Nah, I'm three years clean, Dan.
No, no, I don't mean that.
I mean, you know, our upbringing.
Nah. Way I see it, every generation
gets its chance to change.
You know, me and you, we're ours.
Hmm.
Can I ask YOU something?
Mm-hm.
Why'd you get
a fucking job in prison?
Well, it's just a job.
Was it cos of me?
No.
Dad?
Dad? No! Fuck, no.
No.
God, no.
Not seen him for 25 years.
If it was another 25,
that'd still be too soon.
Then, why?
Well
..I don't know.
Do you think I'd be a good dad?
You? Yeah, you'd be
a great dad. Why?
Just wondering.
That is not a good idea.
No, but if I could just,
widen the toecap.
See there'sthere's,
like, a steel bit here.
I'm just going to try and
..widen.
Dan. Dan.
That is going to go horribly wrong.
Oh, fuck.
Oh, I think I've bent the cap.
Fuck.
Feels like there's a blade in there.
Oh.
OK, this would really reflect
very well on you right now
if you resisted the temptation
to say
I told you so.
Yeah.
Hello.
Stop. What?
That.
I need to finish this.
Yeah, but if you give me sex,
then the prisoners might respect me.
Oh, I think your um, blade-y toecap
boots will achieve that, don't you?
Yeah.
You going to go into
the office today?
Uh, yeah. Yeah, I am in the morning.
Um, and then I'm I'm going
to the IVF clinic.
Oh, right.
OK.
Dan, I did tell you.
No, I know you did.
Like, on our first date.
It was, it was quite up front.
Yeah, you were.
No, I know you were.
You were I just thought
So who's the dad?
Donor, not dad.
I've never met him.
He's, um. He's mid-20s.
Got dark hair. Athletic, apparently.
Oh, an athlete? Oh, nice.
Are you jealous?
Of a man I've literally never met?
Yeah, still, I feel like, if I ever
met him, I'd have to
..beat the living shit out of him.
Hey
..so what about, like, me?
As the donor.
Jesus Christ. I could be a dad.
No, it's some
Dan It's something that
I've thought about a lot.
We've known each other
for eight weeks!
Well, I've thought about it lots
ever since you first mentioned it,
and II feel like maybe now
Maybe now, what?
Well, I don't know.
What, now some woman you've slept
with six times is trying to have
a baby, you've decided she's
the one? No, not, not THE one
Oh, NOT the one - just a one?
A one with a reproductive system.
Is this because your brother's
had a baby?
No, I. It's I just
Can't we just take some time
to think about it?
No!
No, the embryo's at blastocyst.
It's ready to go in, today.
What time's your appointment?
It's at 3:15 but I'm OK.
Call in sick, stay here,
think about it,
and if we both think it's worth
a go, then we can go to
the appointment together. This is
not a fucking game. No, I'm not
OK, Jess, honestly, ever since you
first told me about it,
I haven't been able to think
of anything else.
And I have wanted to mention it,
I just didn't know how.
I didn't know that it
wascoming up this quick.
I just know that you're going to
make an amazing mum.
So maybe we could do it together?
Try it together?
And if we don't work out, you can
just sue me for child support.
Now, see, I don't need to sue you
for child support, though, do I?
I was joking. Cos I make literally
five times your salary.
Yeah, OK. Yeah.
I get a little break
at lunch today at 12.
Can I call you then?
You'll call me?
Mm-hm, yeah.
Midday. I'll call.
Sorry, I have to make
quite an important call today at 12.
Well, you're down to
finish at 1:45, so
Oh, right.
I can't take my phone in?
What, in there? In that prison?
OK. Can I come back here?
I'd have to sign you out
and back in again.
Look, ask your duty officer
during your break.
Maybe they can arrange
an escort back.
It is It is quite an important
call Ask your duty officer, OK?
I did leave my phone
in the locker, didn't I?
I don't know. Did you leave
your phone in your locker?
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Good. I did. You don't want to
mess around with that.
A phone past here
is automatic prosecution.
Automatic.
Yeah.
No, I did, I did.
I put it in. I put it in.
I'm going to check.
Yeah. Yes. It was
What the fuck do you think
you're going to do with them?
What are you doing here?
These are men.
They won't get you, boy.
These are fucking men.
Dan?
Hey. LAUGHS: You coming in or what?!
Yeah.
Oh, fuck.
Are you OK?
Yeah, yeah. Just new shoes.
Oh, you poor love.
Oh, fuck off, Jamie. It hurts.
So, first day.
Yeah. It's going to be fine.
I think they're really
going to respond to you.
Now, I don't know how
many there'll be.
It could be four,
it could be 14 -
it depends what's happening
on landings -
but I looked over your lesson plan
and I think it's really good.
Cool. I took the liberty of
jotting some visual aids up here
for you to use.
No, no.
I want to change it, Jamie.
Make it easier.
These men, I want them to get me.
Quieten down. Free flow!
DOOR UNLOCKS
Psychology?
Um, no. Philosophy.
Er, maybe you could introduce
yourselves as you enter?
I'm Malik. Macca. No.
I already came in, boss. Shall I
go out and come back in again?
What we doing?
Introducing ourselves as we enter.
Hi. Zac, where you going?
We've to go out
and come back in again. Boss.
What? Sorry, no.
That's not what I
Once they're in,
please keep them in. Please.
OK.
Pleasure to make your acquaintance.
Junior.
Junior.
I'm an entrepreneur, yeah?
No more circus tricks, please.
Um
So, do we just start, or?
OK. I, um, would like to begin
with a problem
that's been around
for a very long time.
Umwhat makes you you?
Is the you from ten years ago the
same you that sits in this room now?
No, cos he ain't in fucking prison.
Traditionally there are
two schools of thought on this.
There's the Cartesians. Um
Cartesian just mean
Actually, don't
Don't worry about what Cartesian
means, it just means
..of the philosopher Descartes.
Rene Descartes - 1596.
It's soul.
HE SIGHS
The first answer to what
makes you you is your soul.
But that is not a It's not
a very satisfactory answer.
Um, what is a soul?
HE YAWNS
Do we even really have a soul?
I do.
And so the other answer
I've got a soul.
..is matter.
It's your How else would
I have a relationship with
Our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ?
..body. It's your material,
and that is called materialism.
Um, but bodies change.
You know, your cells replace
entirely every eight years,
and so materialism's
no good either, right?
But then, um, Locke
comes along and
John Locke, John Locke.
And his key insight was memory.
Your memory connects
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
That's no right.
Excuse me?
That is not what Locke said.
John Locke was talking about
consciousness. No fucking memory.
Which is a total load of bollocks,
if you ask me.
So say ten years ago
I stabbed someone, right?
And I've got a shitty brief
and I get a 14 stretch -
well, according to Locke,
the only reason this current me
is in prison is because
of some ephemeral thing
called consciousness,
which may or may not exist.
Well, how's that any different
from the Cartesians, ya cunt?
Fuck you, Locke.
I'll take materialism all day.
Materialism's real.
Materialism earns me my sentence.
That's if I stabbed someone
ten years ago.
Which I did.
I'd like us
to use this as a talking stick.
Um, a talking stick is
We know what a fucking
talking stick is.
See, I think we should be looking
at Rousseau, all right?
Rousseau tears Locke
a new arsehole on this stuff.
Have you read The Social Contract,
that first line?
"Man is born free,
yet everywhere he's in chains."
Now that's a fucking subject.
None of this fucking Lockean
self-wank over "who am I?" bollocks.
I mean, grow the fuck up, man!
OK. Um
Oh, here we go. You want to talk
about freedom? Aye.
Ah! Ha-ha! The Odyssey.
Now, there's a story, boys.
So, Odysseus has to cross
the Straight of Messina.
But on the rocks live the sirens -
terrifying half-bird creatures who
sing a song so beautiful that any
man who hears it becomes instantly
drunk with love and swims to them,
where the sirens feast on his flesh.
The sirens are crack.
Mate, they even live on rocks.
To cross, Odysseus orders his men
to put wax in their ears,
and he gets them to tie him
to the mast
so that he can say when it's safe.
They set sail.
Odysseus hears the song
and it reaches into his heart.
He begs to be untied,
but the crew carry on.
All except one man,
who sees the longing in Odysseus
and aches to know what it
feels like.
The man takes his wax out, jumps
overboard and is devoured alive.
So, there's the men with wax
in their ears, there's Odysseus
and there's the man who jumped.
Who is the most free?
The men with wax in their ears.
Why?
Cos they just got on with it.
It's like us, right?
I've got freedoms that
people on the out haven't.
Don't have to pay bills,
don't have to go shopping,
don't even have to find a dentist.
I'm totally free of choice.
But doesn't your lack of choice
mean that you're NOT free?
Two weeks ago, there was a lockdown.
23 hours a day bang-up,
one-hour sosh.
Know what I did with my hour?
Stayed in me pad,
sat on me bunk and read.
Jesus. Because I could.
That's depressing, man.
I'm not like yous,
always clowning around.
I focus. You focus on what?
The jizz crusts
clinging to your wall?
I focus on my daughter.
Hmm? I focus on being a dad.
Every day, I write her a letter.
One letter, every single day.
I want her to know that she's
got a da that loves her.
Yeah, that's nice, Wallace,
but you got to engage, man.
Freedom isn't hiding.
OK. So, Junior, right? Who do you
think is the most free?
Odysseus.
He's the king.
You know, people have no choice
but to do what he says, yeah.
Them man with the wax in their ears,
they're just foot soldiers.
Hear me? You have to rise and excel.
I agree with that, yeah.
Life's about being something,
not waiting.
You're not even a dad -
you don't know what life's about.
Yet. I'm not a dad, yet.
21-week scan.
My son.
Huh? I do know what life's about.
Junior borrowed me
some of his business books.
Fucking amazing!
I'm going to provide for my boy.
Free your mind,
free your circumstance,
then - free the cash.
Malik, though, that foetus is
on the outside and you're in here.
For now.
My brief says I've got a very good
chance of overturning sentencing.
I'll tell you all right now -
I'll be holding my boy as he takes
his first breath and, right there
and then, I'ma write him a cheque
for £10 million to be cashed
on his tenth birthday.
You haven't got a cheque book.
All right,
a fucking postal order, then.
Yeah, one could look at it from
a neuroscientific perspective,
you know. Quantum mechanics.
Zac, who do you think is most free?
Hey. Hey, hey, hey. Hold on.
I've got the talking fucking bag.
Sorry. Zac.
Easy. It's the man what jumped.
Yeah, but he was
under a spell, Zac.
Yeah, which he chose
to give in to.
See, all the rest have either got
wax in their ears or they're tied
to their sticks, yeah?
You think that's freedom? Nah.
The jumper takes one
look at the beautiful bird-women
and he says,
"Fuck the consequence, I want that."
So, in that moment, he is free.
It's no wonder you're in a cell.
You're in a fucking cell
as well, Wallace.
You ain't better than me.
He can't even decide
what his addiction is.
What is it, meth?
The crack? Or women?
It's cracks of women.
And crack.
THEY LAUGH
You madman!
I'm doing a five-year
remote learning course
on environmental construction.
Environmental?
Construction.
Me little girl, she did a paper
for her exams all about
how to build in sustainable ways.
Got the paper up on me wall.
Proper little environmentalist,
she is.
When I get out, I'm
going to help her.
You wouldn't believe the things
you can do with straw these days.
HE SNICKERS
And you. You chat about loving rock,
hmm? About loving pussy?
That's nowt compared to the love
that a da for his daughter.
Yeah, man. We all got
fucking daughters.
Fatherhood, that's real freedom.
But it's no fucking joke.
Can you go into Tesco's
and get a meal deal?
Well, you don't exactly
need Bitcoin to spend £3, mate.
How do you know
you've really got it, then?
How do you know you've got
the money in your account right now?
It's all digital. Yeah, but how do
you do it with Bitcoin, then?
It's not all about Bitcoin.
Boss, how long's this break
going to last?
You got to think Solana, you got to
think Ethereum, yeah. It lasts as
long as it lasts. You need multiple
accounts. You know this stuff
can get you each a Rolex in
the next six months. Guaranteed.
Where's your Rolex, then?
It's waiting for me
on the other side of endeavour.
Christ. I think
I just threw up in my mouth.
You're going to have to sit tight.
There's been an incident.
What, erm, sorry,
what kind of incident?
Some idiot got served his divorce
papers so he's jumped on the net.
We've got to wait
for the tornado team.
OK, but I I have to make
a phone call.
Oh, wow.
Well, why didn't you say?
An idiot on the net shuts us down.
Look, I'm sorry,
it's really important.
Wait here.
So what's it for? Philosophy?
Oh, well, philosophy is,
it's ancient Greek
No, but what can you do with it?
What job do you have?
Well, this one.
I want to get change.
So this money's
in the cloud
So who do you think is most free,
in the Sirens story?
None of them.
That's why it's called free-dumb.
Only an idiot would
believe in freedom.
Well? Are you coming?
Yes. Thank you.
I'm free!
And you can fuck off.
You cancelled my visit.
Get me wife on the phone!
Make this quick, yeah?
If the tornado team gets antsy,
you won't be able to get back in.
HE SIGHS
What you doing?
Sorry, the, um, the
The switch was on.
They just called through.
They're closing the landing.
You have to get back in there now.
Hi, it's Jess, leave a message.
Hey, Jess. It's me.
It's Dan.
Look, I'm sorry that I didn't
get to call earlier, there was
..there was someone on the net.
Look, I've, erm I've got to go
back in now. But, um
..don't do it.
The implantation.
Please. Call them up and cancel it
and do it with me instead. OK?
I'll meet you there at 3:15
and I'll do tests
and we can start
the process together.
OK, I know this sounds mad.
But I
I don't know, I mean this.
I'm serious about it.
OK.
Come on, come on, come on, come on!
What you doing?
Sorry. I had to do a thing.
Yeah.
Yes, Dan.
All right. Oh, you came back?
Round two, here we go.
Zeus wanted to punish Epimetheus
for giving fire to humans,
so he gave a beautiful box
to his wife, Pandora.
She opened it and
seven evils flew out.
Hatred, shame, greed, boredom,
laziness, delusionand pain.
But then a voice inside called out.
Pandora opened it once again,
and hope
..flew out.
If you could put one evil back
in the box, what would it be?
Hope.
Fuck the evils!
Put hope back in the box.
Yeah, put it in right now.
You all right, Malik?
Just called my brief.
I lost my right to appeal.
What? How?
They didn't submit
the paperwork on time.
But the date it had to be
in by was 8/5/25.
8th of May.
But hear what,
her new assistant's American.
These pricks read dates
backwards or something. Oh!
What's 8/5/25 in American, then?
5th of August.
Too late. The appeal's dead.
What, that's just it?
Date's gone, Dan.
That's not fair.
Fair? We are the dross.
Dan, that shit is standard.
I had like 12 minutes
with my brief before we go in, yeah.
He says my name wrong three times.
Mine went into the wrong courtroom.
I feel like II just want
tofucking kill someone, you know?
Like I just want to like beat
someone's fucking, fucking face in.
Last year, I had, um
I had a parole hearing.
And I'd done everything right.
Was on every programme,
kept my enhanced the whole stretch -
model con, I was.
It took six minutes.
"Nope."
So I went on hunger strike.
My hope was dead, see?
Then, after a couple of days,
two kids on my landing,
they noticed I hadn't eaten,
they brought a plate to my door.
And I started hoping again.
There's too many decent
people around to not hope.
Sit down. Malik. You're
still going to be a dad, OK?
They can't take that from you.
You're still going to be a dad.
Yeah? They did fucking
take it from me!
Sanitised.
You've sanitised it.
It reeks of Dettol, Dan,
and you know it.
That is not the myth of Pandora.
I'm not sure this is
the right time
The earliest, most accepted
version of the myth of Pandora
is found in Hesiod, who tells us
it's Prometheus who steals fire.
Not Epimetheus.
Look, I really don't think that
And it's not what Pandora releases
that's the punishment,
it's Pandora herself.
Pandora is the first woman
fashioned of clay by the gods.
Clay's actually a very
sustainable building material.
What the fuck has that got to
do with anything?
What Dan so assiduously omits
is that Pandora
is made of the self-same clay
that the jar is made of.
What jar?
The jar with the spirits in.
You said they were in a box.
Were they fuck in a box!
Right, well, no,
box is a mistranslation,
but people commonly refer
to it as, as
Boss, if it's a jar,
just say it's a jar.
The vessel doesn't matter, Junior.
It's what's inside that counts.
Only, the vessel does matter,
though, doesn't it, Dan?
Because a jar is made of clay,
and a box is not.
Very low on carbon
emissions, as well, clay.
Trounces concrete.
It ain't that kind of clay, Wallace!
Dan is deliberately choosing
to sell us the false version.
False. OK, right.
Why am I doing that, Keith?
Because of what the myth
is really saying.
The jar and Pandora are one
and the same, ergo it says woman
is the cause of all man's ills.
OK, you think I'm scared
to debate women with you?
I think you've been inculcated
by the mores of the current
political clime and, all due
respect, I think you're a coward.
You don't know anything about me.
Your fucking hair tells me
all I need to know about you, pal.
OK, all right.
So you think that woman are
responsible for the ills of society?
Well, take a look at these
boys here, hmm?
Do you think any of them's inside
because they weren't on some level
trying to impress a girl?
That cunt there wants to kill.
Did you not get the memo, Daniel?
We're all toxic.
We're a gender in retreat and
we in here, the most mannish of men,
we're the sharp end -
our relevance evaporating whilst
we shank each other in the showers.
And you want to come here and start
talking about spirits and ghosties?
I mean, you're wanking
while Rome burns, man.
You're fucking killing us!
What me, personally, or?
Well, I don't blame women.
They're taking what's theirs.
It's the likes of you.
With your oat milks
and your moisturised elbows,
waxing your arseholes, keeping
your balls all nice and shiny.
You deny your masculinity.
You're terrified of it.
Tell me, Dan - do you cover your
eyes when you take a piss?
Look, OK. All right. Look, Keith,
have I said something to upset you?
You are rippling with shame, man!
Appalled by that undeniable
hard-wired instinct deep within
your soul that just wants
you to roll around
in a big pile of fucking titties.
Now we are talking!
OK, you want to
talk about women? OK.
In ancient Greece, women couldn't
vote, they couldn't own land,
they couldn't inherit, they could
legally be murdered for infidelity.
And then that society has the gall
to create a myth blaming them
for all the world's ills. And that
society is where ours comes from.
So, yeah, Keith, undoing that,
I'm all for it.
Oh, lovely, Daniel. What
a wonderful human being you are.
I mean, give the man a pickle.
Turns out he's an expert
on Greek society,
yet he can't remember
that a box is a fucking jar!
You wanted a debate about women.
No, no, no, no. You did.
You're the one who brought in
Pandora, you brought in the sirens.
What are you trying to
force on us here, hmm?
The future has a vaginal tint?
We should all go and fucking kill
ourselves, is that it?
Cos that's all I hear these days.
"Don't be you.
"Don't be you.
Don't be you. Just
"..don't be you."
Well, what the fuck should I be?!
Eh?
Women have got us on the ropes, and
good luck to them, they deserve it.
But you see, when I get a battering,
I punch back.
WALLACE: Excellent insulation
properties as well, clay.
Excellent. And, of course,
the thing about insulation
This ain't about your
fucking daughter, Wallace!
Aye, it is! He's talking shit
about women, what the fuck
do you think my little girl's
going to grow into?
Grow into? She's already
a grown-arse woman.
That's what she already is!
She's already a grown-arse woman.
We all know that! "Little girl."
She hasn't been a little girl
in years.
We've all seen the essay
up on your wall, yeah?
It's been up there for donkeys.
A tatty fucking thing it is, yeah.
You write every day, big man, yeah?
He's writing to his little girl.
OK, um
You write it, she don't read it.
Zac. Not once has
she sent you anything back.
What is she, like 25 now? 28?
She wrote that for
her fucking GSCEs, Wallace!
She's forgot about that crap now!
Just like she forgot
about you rotting here.
Dead to her.
What? Don't you fucking dare!
Argh!
Fuckin' hell, man!
Fucking!
Argh!
Your boot's leaking, boss.
Is that blood? Is that blood?!
Is that blood?!
It's your blood, Daniel.
You've ripped off a toenail.
Are you serious? Yeah.
I can see the bone.
Oh, you're going to need stitches.
Oh, my God! Hmm.
OK, look, I, um,
I need to be somewhere.
A&E's where you need to be.
All right, circus is over.
Come on, the rest of you,
back to your cells.
Well, I have to say,
I really enjoyed that.
Same time next week.
Box is another word for fanny.
Pandora's fanny.
Nobody mentioned it, but that could
play into the whole female thing.
Come on, lads, let's have you.
What's the right answer?
Which one of the spirits
go back in the box?
Come on. There isn't a right answer.
Then what's the point
in asking the fucking question?!
Look, I do
I do really need to be somewhere.
You need stitches. I'm checking you
out, then I'm taking you to A&E.
Is that the boss' new boyfriend?!
Can't you just patch it up?
No, I cannot just patch it up.
All right, hang on a minute, wait.
Justjust hold on. I, um
OK, I need to be at an IVF clinic.
It's to donate semen. I think.
You think?
Yeah.
It's It's complicated.
I need I need to make
a phone call, and then
I don't know. Oh, fucking hell,
I don't know.
I'll tell you what,
I'll take you to your phone.
You make the call, hmm?
If you need to be at the clinic,
I'll take you there.
Once you've flung it out,
then I'll take you to A&E.
Then a psychiatrist.
Then a fucking life coach
or something, I don't know.
Son.
Dad, Daddy, Dad!
Aw, I've missed you!
Dan. Jess.
Hey, look, I'm really
sorry that we
..that we didn't get to speak.
It's, um
It's been a bit mad, to be honest.
It's OK.
No, honestly, Jess, I'm
I'm really sorry.
It's OK. Really.
No. It's not. That's not
what I'm apologising for.
I, um
I don't think I can be a dad.
I'm sorry.
I'm not ready.
You're not ready?
Yeah, um
Jess?
But you left a message.
You said to cancel the implantation.
You know they don't just put it back
in the freezer, right? Oh, fuck me.
You know cancelling is destroying?
Yeah. Look, um
Jess, I'm so sorry. I really haven't
meant to mess you around here.
I just think I think that, um
I think that maybe you're right.
You know, maybe it's got
something to do with my brother
or something like that, you know?
Um Yeah.
Jess, I'm so sorry.
You're fucking sorry.
I had the implantation.
What?
Yeah, there was a cancellation.
They called and said, if I was
in by ten, I could have the slot.
It was all done
and dusted by 10:20.
So it's in there now?
The athlete's?
It's not his, Dan - it's mine.
Can I just ask
..why didn't you want me?
It's not that I don't want you.
It's that I don't need you.
You coming?
Hey, you bleed in my fucking car
and I'm cutting open
that other foot. You hear me?
Thanks for being with me here today.
I really, I really appreciate
you doing this.
It's all right. I mean,
I couldn't let you come here alone.
Well, that's very,
that's very kind
No, no, I mean I COULDN'T let you
come here alone.
I'm not allowed to.
You bled in the prison,
I was the officer on scene,
it's my name on the accident report.
Sorry you're not going to be a dad.
Yeah. Probably for the best.
My dad was a nightmare.
I probably shouldn't pass that on.
Nightmare how?
A lot of time in prison, for one.
Really?! Mm.
So how comes you're like
..this?
A fucking philosopher, Dan.
Well, my mum left him
when I was nine,
she re-married and
..I got away from him.
Y'know, I got out.
Ended up doing this.
You were totally shit today.
You got the men all riled up,
didn't have any control that I could
see and then you bled on the floor.
I mean, you actually bled
on the floor.
But they liked what you did.
They liked the lesson.
They can't say that they did, but
..they did.
You don't need these, OK?
Next time, just wear trainers.
Do you still see your dad now?
No.
No, I don't see him any more.
very strong language from the start.
Um, what about lunch?
Well, I mean, do you go out?
Is there, um,
is there a canteen, or?
Well, is there a Pret nearby?
There's not even a Pret?
Um
Off. Off. Off.
No, no, no. No, Jamie.
Um, no, I'm, I'm not nervous,
I just Well, I don't know,
it's a new job.
Well, I mean, you're used
to that place.
For me, it's Well, it's,
it's not new exactly
but it's, um Well, it's newish.
I'm totally fine. Yeah.
Yeah.
Oh, um, there is
one other thing I wanted to ask.
Um
..should I take
any precautions, or?
Well, I don't know, I mean it
isit's a prison, so
I suppose I'm just asking -
how safe is it?
Yeah, I'll take these.
OK.
Do you want to wear them out?
I can bin these if you want.
No, no, I'm, going on a date
later tonight, so
Right.
In these?
Yeah. No, um, bin those.
Ah.
Fuck me.
Is it the same girl that I met?
Yeah, yeah. Jess.
She's nice.
Wow, emotional.
I mean, I'm tearing up.
What is it, two months now?
It's long-term for you, innit?
Oh, God, look at him.
He's doing a shit.
Oh, God, I love that expression.
Look at it.
Like, the concentration.
How did you get that one, Lee?
Oh, yeah.
That's where the knife came out.
Oh, bloody hell!
It was a father and a son.
I owed 'em money.
I remember waking up in
this empty industrial kitchen.
I saw 'em and then I heard the sound
of the knife sharpening
Oh, my God!
..and then I thought, "Fuck."
Dad, he says, "Right, where
do you want to get stabbed?"
I'm like, "Well no-fucking-where."
And then he swings
the knife like that and he says,
"I said, where do you want
to get fucking stabbed?"
I said, "Well, my leg'"
What? You said the leg,
then he just fucking?
Yeah. He shoved it right up
to the handle.
No, it weren't too bad at first.
I looked down, I thought,
eh, it felt like getting punched.
But then the son,
he runs over and he kicks it.
Oh, Jesus! Oh, my God.
I, like, screamed my guts out.
They start panicking,
they're shouting
they're going to cut my throat
if I don't stop, but I can't.
I physically cannot stop
screaming, right?
Like, my face is saying, "Yeah, I
know, I'm sorry, it's mad, innit?"
But my mouth is like, "Argh"
Then what happened?
Then they dumped me on some estate.
And I pass out, and I wake up,
crawl and pass out, wake up, crawl.
And then one time I wake up
and I'm in hospital.
Don't know how you're still here.
Oh, he's the reason I'm
still here - little man.
Do you want to look at his poo?
Absolutely.
Wahey! Yeah.
Does it scare you? Being a dad?
Nah, I'm three years clean, Dan.
No, no, I don't mean that.
I mean, you know, our upbringing.
Nah. Way I see it, every generation
gets its chance to change.
You know, me and you, we're ours.
Hmm.
Can I ask YOU something?
Mm-hm.
Why'd you get
a fucking job in prison?
Well, it's just a job.
Was it cos of me?
No.
Dad?
Dad? No! Fuck, no.
No.
God, no.
Not seen him for 25 years.
If it was another 25,
that'd still be too soon.
Then, why?
Well
..I don't know.
Do you think I'd be a good dad?
You? Yeah, you'd be
a great dad. Why?
Just wondering.
That is not a good idea.
No, but if I could just,
widen the toecap.
See there'sthere's,
like, a steel bit here.
I'm just going to try and
..widen.
Dan. Dan.
That is going to go horribly wrong.
Oh, fuck.
Oh, I think I've bent the cap.
Fuck.
Feels like there's a blade in there.
Oh.
OK, this would really reflect
very well on you right now
if you resisted the temptation
to say
I told you so.
Yeah.
Hello.
Stop. What?
That.
I need to finish this.
Yeah, but if you give me sex,
then the prisoners might respect me.
Oh, I think your um, blade-y toecap
boots will achieve that, don't you?
Yeah.
You going to go into
the office today?
Uh, yeah. Yeah, I am in the morning.
Um, and then I'm I'm going
to the IVF clinic.
Oh, right.
OK.
Dan, I did tell you.
No, I know you did.
Like, on our first date.
It was, it was quite up front.
Yeah, you were.
No, I know you were.
You were I just thought
So who's the dad?
Donor, not dad.
I've never met him.
He's, um. He's mid-20s.
Got dark hair. Athletic, apparently.
Oh, an athlete? Oh, nice.
Are you jealous?
Of a man I've literally never met?
Yeah, still, I feel like, if I ever
met him, I'd have to
..beat the living shit out of him.
Hey
..so what about, like, me?
As the donor.
Jesus Christ. I could be a dad.
No, it's some
Dan It's something that
I've thought about a lot.
We've known each other
for eight weeks!
Well, I've thought about it lots
ever since you first mentioned it,
and II feel like maybe now
Maybe now, what?
Well, I don't know.
What, now some woman you've slept
with six times is trying to have
a baby, you've decided she's
the one? No, not, not THE one
Oh, NOT the one - just a one?
A one with a reproductive system.
Is this because your brother's
had a baby?
No, I. It's I just
Can't we just take some time
to think about it?
No!
No, the embryo's at blastocyst.
It's ready to go in, today.
What time's your appointment?
It's at 3:15 but I'm OK.
Call in sick, stay here,
think about it,
and if we both think it's worth
a go, then we can go to
the appointment together. This is
not a fucking game. No, I'm not
OK, Jess, honestly, ever since you
first told me about it,
I haven't been able to think
of anything else.
And I have wanted to mention it,
I just didn't know how.
I didn't know that it
wascoming up this quick.
I just know that you're going to
make an amazing mum.
So maybe we could do it together?
Try it together?
And if we don't work out, you can
just sue me for child support.
Now, see, I don't need to sue you
for child support, though, do I?
I was joking. Cos I make literally
five times your salary.
Yeah, OK. Yeah.
I get a little break
at lunch today at 12.
Can I call you then?
You'll call me?
Mm-hm, yeah.
Midday. I'll call.
Sorry, I have to make
quite an important call today at 12.
Well, you're down to
finish at 1:45, so
Oh, right.
I can't take my phone in?
What, in there? In that prison?
OK. Can I come back here?
I'd have to sign you out
and back in again.
Look, ask your duty officer
during your break.
Maybe they can arrange
an escort back.
It is It is quite an important
call Ask your duty officer, OK?
I did leave my phone
in the locker, didn't I?
I don't know. Did you leave
your phone in your locker?
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Good. I did. You don't want to
mess around with that.
A phone past here
is automatic prosecution.
Automatic.
Yeah.
No, I did, I did.
I put it in. I put it in.
I'm going to check.
Yeah. Yes. It was
What the fuck do you think
you're going to do with them?
What are you doing here?
These are men.
They won't get you, boy.
These are fucking men.
Dan?
Hey. LAUGHS: You coming in or what?!
Yeah.
Oh, fuck.
Are you OK?
Yeah, yeah. Just new shoes.
Oh, you poor love.
Oh, fuck off, Jamie. It hurts.
So, first day.
Yeah. It's going to be fine.
I think they're really
going to respond to you.
Now, I don't know how
many there'll be.
It could be four,
it could be 14 -
it depends what's happening
on landings -
but I looked over your lesson plan
and I think it's really good.
Cool. I took the liberty of
jotting some visual aids up here
for you to use.
No, no.
I want to change it, Jamie.
Make it easier.
These men, I want them to get me.
Quieten down. Free flow!
DOOR UNLOCKS
Psychology?
Um, no. Philosophy.
Er, maybe you could introduce
yourselves as you enter?
I'm Malik. Macca. No.
I already came in, boss. Shall I
go out and come back in again?
What we doing?
Introducing ourselves as we enter.
Hi. Zac, where you going?
We've to go out
and come back in again. Boss.
What? Sorry, no.
That's not what I
Once they're in,
please keep them in. Please.
OK.
Pleasure to make your acquaintance.
Junior.
Junior.
I'm an entrepreneur, yeah?
No more circus tricks, please.
Um
So, do we just start, or?
OK. I, um, would like to begin
with a problem
that's been around
for a very long time.
Umwhat makes you you?
Is the you from ten years ago the
same you that sits in this room now?
No, cos he ain't in fucking prison.
Traditionally there are
two schools of thought on this.
There's the Cartesians. Um
Cartesian just mean
Actually, don't
Don't worry about what Cartesian
means, it just means
..of the philosopher Descartes.
Rene Descartes - 1596.
It's soul.
HE SIGHS
The first answer to what
makes you you is your soul.
But that is not a It's not
a very satisfactory answer.
Um, what is a soul?
HE YAWNS
Do we even really have a soul?
I do.
And so the other answer
I've got a soul.
..is matter.
It's your How else would
I have a relationship with
Our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ?
..body. It's your material,
and that is called materialism.
Um, but bodies change.
You know, your cells replace
entirely every eight years,
and so materialism's
no good either, right?
But then, um, Locke
comes along and
John Locke, John Locke.
And his key insight was memory.
Your memory connects
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
That's no right.
Excuse me?
That is not what Locke said.
John Locke was talking about
consciousness. No fucking memory.
Which is a total load of bollocks,
if you ask me.
So say ten years ago
I stabbed someone, right?
And I've got a shitty brief
and I get a 14 stretch -
well, according to Locke,
the only reason this current me
is in prison is because
of some ephemeral thing
called consciousness,
which may or may not exist.
Well, how's that any different
from the Cartesians, ya cunt?
Fuck you, Locke.
I'll take materialism all day.
Materialism's real.
Materialism earns me my sentence.
That's if I stabbed someone
ten years ago.
Which I did.
I'd like us
to use this as a talking stick.
Um, a talking stick is
We know what a fucking
talking stick is.
See, I think we should be looking
at Rousseau, all right?
Rousseau tears Locke
a new arsehole on this stuff.
Have you read The Social Contract,
that first line?
"Man is born free,
yet everywhere he's in chains."
Now that's a fucking subject.
None of this fucking Lockean
self-wank over "who am I?" bollocks.
I mean, grow the fuck up, man!
OK. Um
Oh, here we go. You want to talk
about freedom? Aye.
Ah! Ha-ha! The Odyssey.
Now, there's a story, boys.
So, Odysseus has to cross
the Straight of Messina.
But on the rocks live the sirens -
terrifying half-bird creatures who
sing a song so beautiful that any
man who hears it becomes instantly
drunk with love and swims to them,
where the sirens feast on his flesh.
The sirens are crack.
Mate, they even live on rocks.
To cross, Odysseus orders his men
to put wax in their ears,
and he gets them to tie him
to the mast
so that he can say when it's safe.
They set sail.
Odysseus hears the song
and it reaches into his heart.
He begs to be untied,
but the crew carry on.
All except one man,
who sees the longing in Odysseus
and aches to know what it
feels like.
The man takes his wax out, jumps
overboard and is devoured alive.
So, there's the men with wax
in their ears, there's Odysseus
and there's the man who jumped.
Who is the most free?
The men with wax in their ears.
Why?
Cos they just got on with it.
It's like us, right?
I've got freedoms that
people on the out haven't.
Don't have to pay bills,
don't have to go shopping,
don't even have to find a dentist.
I'm totally free of choice.
But doesn't your lack of choice
mean that you're NOT free?
Two weeks ago, there was a lockdown.
23 hours a day bang-up,
one-hour sosh.
Know what I did with my hour?
Stayed in me pad,
sat on me bunk and read.
Jesus. Because I could.
That's depressing, man.
I'm not like yous,
always clowning around.
I focus. You focus on what?
The jizz crusts
clinging to your wall?
I focus on my daughter.
Hmm? I focus on being a dad.
Every day, I write her a letter.
One letter, every single day.
I want her to know that she's
got a da that loves her.
Yeah, that's nice, Wallace,
but you got to engage, man.
Freedom isn't hiding.
OK. So, Junior, right? Who do you
think is the most free?
Odysseus.
He's the king.
You know, people have no choice
but to do what he says, yeah.
Them man with the wax in their ears,
they're just foot soldiers.
Hear me? You have to rise and excel.
I agree with that, yeah.
Life's about being something,
not waiting.
You're not even a dad -
you don't know what life's about.
Yet. I'm not a dad, yet.
21-week scan.
My son.
Huh? I do know what life's about.
Junior borrowed me
some of his business books.
Fucking amazing!
I'm going to provide for my boy.
Free your mind,
free your circumstance,
then - free the cash.
Malik, though, that foetus is
on the outside and you're in here.
For now.
My brief says I've got a very good
chance of overturning sentencing.
I'll tell you all right now -
I'll be holding my boy as he takes
his first breath and, right there
and then, I'ma write him a cheque
for £10 million to be cashed
on his tenth birthday.
You haven't got a cheque book.
All right,
a fucking postal order, then.
Yeah, one could look at it from
a neuroscientific perspective,
you know. Quantum mechanics.
Zac, who do you think is most free?
Hey. Hey, hey, hey. Hold on.
I've got the talking fucking bag.
Sorry. Zac.
Easy. It's the man what jumped.
Yeah, but he was
under a spell, Zac.
Yeah, which he chose
to give in to.
See, all the rest have either got
wax in their ears or they're tied
to their sticks, yeah?
You think that's freedom? Nah.
The jumper takes one
look at the beautiful bird-women
and he says,
"Fuck the consequence, I want that."
So, in that moment, he is free.
It's no wonder you're in a cell.
You're in a fucking cell
as well, Wallace.
You ain't better than me.
He can't even decide
what his addiction is.
What is it, meth?
The crack? Or women?
It's cracks of women.
And crack.
THEY LAUGH
You madman!
I'm doing a five-year
remote learning course
on environmental construction.
Environmental?
Construction.
Me little girl, she did a paper
for her exams all about
how to build in sustainable ways.
Got the paper up on me wall.
Proper little environmentalist,
she is.
When I get out, I'm
going to help her.
You wouldn't believe the things
you can do with straw these days.
HE SNICKERS
And you. You chat about loving rock,
hmm? About loving pussy?
That's nowt compared to the love
that a da for his daughter.
Yeah, man. We all got
fucking daughters.
Fatherhood, that's real freedom.
But it's no fucking joke.
Can you go into Tesco's
and get a meal deal?
Well, you don't exactly
need Bitcoin to spend £3, mate.
How do you know
you've really got it, then?
How do you know you've got
the money in your account right now?
It's all digital. Yeah, but how do
you do it with Bitcoin, then?
It's not all about Bitcoin.
Boss, how long's this break
going to last?
You got to think Solana, you got to
think Ethereum, yeah. It lasts as
long as it lasts. You need multiple
accounts. You know this stuff
can get you each a Rolex in
the next six months. Guaranteed.
Where's your Rolex, then?
It's waiting for me
on the other side of endeavour.
Christ. I think
I just threw up in my mouth.
You're going to have to sit tight.
There's been an incident.
What, erm, sorry,
what kind of incident?
Some idiot got served his divorce
papers so he's jumped on the net.
We've got to wait
for the tornado team.
OK, but I I have to make
a phone call.
Oh, wow.
Well, why didn't you say?
An idiot on the net shuts us down.
Look, I'm sorry,
it's really important.
Wait here.
So what's it for? Philosophy?
Oh, well, philosophy is,
it's ancient Greek
No, but what can you do with it?
What job do you have?
Well, this one.
I want to get change.
So this money's
in the cloud
So who do you think is most free,
in the Sirens story?
None of them.
That's why it's called free-dumb.
Only an idiot would
believe in freedom.
Well? Are you coming?
Yes. Thank you.
I'm free!
And you can fuck off.
You cancelled my visit.
Get me wife on the phone!
Make this quick, yeah?
If the tornado team gets antsy,
you won't be able to get back in.
HE SIGHS
What you doing?
Sorry, the, um, the
The switch was on.
They just called through.
They're closing the landing.
You have to get back in there now.
Hi, it's Jess, leave a message.
Hey, Jess. It's me.
It's Dan.
Look, I'm sorry that I didn't
get to call earlier, there was
..there was someone on the net.
Look, I've, erm I've got to go
back in now. But, um
..don't do it.
The implantation.
Please. Call them up and cancel it
and do it with me instead. OK?
I'll meet you there at 3:15
and I'll do tests
and we can start
the process together.
OK, I know this sounds mad.
But I
I don't know, I mean this.
I'm serious about it.
OK.
Come on, come on, come on, come on!
What you doing?
Sorry. I had to do a thing.
Yeah.
Yes, Dan.
All right. Oh, you came back?
Round two, here we go.
Zeus wanted to punish Epimetheus
for giving fire to humans,
so he gave a beautiful box
to his wife, Pandora.
She opened it and
seven evils flew out.
Hatred, shame, greed, boredom,
laziness, delusionand pain.
But then a voice inside called out.
Pandora opened it once again,
and hope
..flew out.
If you could put one evil back
in the box, what would it be?
Hope.
Fuck the evils!
Put hope back in the box.
Yeah, put it in right now.
You all right, Malik?
Just called my brief.
I lost my right to appeal.
What? How?
They didn't submit
the paperwork on time.
But the date it had to be
in by was 8/5/25.
8th of May.
But hear what,
her new assistant's American.
These pricks read dates
backwards or something. Oh!
What's 8/5/25 in American, then?
5th of August.
Too late. The appeal's dead.
What, that's just it?
Date's gone, Dan.
That's not fair.
Fair? We are the dross.
Dan, that shit is standard.
I had like 12 minutes
with my brief before we go in, yeah.
He says my name wrong three times.
Mine went into the wrong courtroom.
I feel like II just want
tofucking kill someone, you know?
Like I just want to like beat
someone's fucking, fucking face in.
Last year, I had, um
I had a parole hearing.
And I'd done everything right.
Was on every programme,
kept my enhanced the whole stretch -
model con, I was.
It took six minutes.
"Nope."
So I went on hunger strike.
My hope was dead, see?
Then, after a couple of days,
two kids on my landing,
they noticed I hadn't eaten,
they brought a plate to my door.
And I started hoping again.
There's too many decent
people around to not hope.
Sit down. Malik. You're
still going to be a dad, OK?
They can't take that from you.
You're still going to be a dad.
Yeah? They did fucking
take it from me!
Sanitised.
You've sanitised it.
It reeks of Dettol, Dan,
and you know it.
That is not the myth of Pandora.
I'm not sure this is
the right time
The earliest, most accepted
version of the myth of Pandora
is found in Hesiod, who tells us
it's Prometheus who steals fire.
Not Epimetheus.
Look, I really don't think that
And it's not what Pandora releases
that's the punishment,
it's Pandora herself.
Pandora is the first woman
fashioned of clay by the gods.
Clay's actually a very
sustainable building material.
What the fuck has that got to
do with anything?
What Dan so assiduously omits
is that Pandora
is made of the self-same clay
that the jar is made of.
What jar?
The jar with the spirits in.
You said they were in a box.
Were they fuck in a box!
Right, well, no,
box is a mistranslation,
but people commonly refer
to it as, as
Boss, if it's a jar,
just say it's a jar.
The vessel doesn't matter, Junior.
It's what's inside that counts.
Only, the vessel does matter,
though, doesn't it, Dan?
Because a jar is made of clay,
and a box is not.
Very low on carbon
emissions, as well, clay.
Trounces concrete.
It ain't that kind of clay, Wallace!
Dan is deliberately choosing
to sell us the false version.
False. OK, right.
Why am I doing that, Keith?
Because of what the myth
is really saying.
The jar and Pandora are one
and the same, ergo it says woman
is the cause of all man's ills.
OK, you think I'm scared
to debate women with you?
I think you've been inculcated
by the mores of the current
political clime and, all due
respect, I think you're a coward.
You don't know anything about me.
Your fucking hair tells me
all I need to know about you, pal.
OK, all right.
So you think that woman are
responsible for the ills of society?
Well, take a look at these
boys here, hmm?
Do you think any of them's inside
because they weren't on some level
trying to impress a girl?
That cunt there wants to kill.
Did you not get the memo, Daniel?
We're all toxic.
We're a gender in retreat and
we in here, the most mannish of men,
we're the sharp end -
our relevance evaporating whilst
we shank each other in the showers.
And you want to come here and start
talking about spirits and ghosties?
I mean, you're wanking
while Rome burns, man.
You're fucking killing us!
What me, personally, or?
Well, I don't blame women.
They're taking what's theirs.
It's the likes of you.
With your oat milks
and your moisturised elbows,
waxing your arseholes, keeping
your balls all nice and shiny.
You deny your masculinity.
You're terrified of it.
Tell me, Dan - do you cover your
eyes when you take a piss?
Look, OK. All right. Look, Keith,
have I said something to upset you?
You are rippling with shame, man!
Appalled by that undeniable
hard-wired instinct deep within
your soul that just wants
you to roll around
in a big pile of fucking titties.
Now we are talking!
OK, you want to
talk about women? OK.
In ancient Greece, women couldn't
vote, they couldn't own land,
they couldn't inherit, they could
legally be murdered for infidelity.
And then that society has the gall
to create a myth blaming them
for all the world's ills. And that
society is where ours comes from.
So, yeah, Keith, undoing that,
I'm all for it.
Oh, lovely, Daniel. What
a wonderful human being you are.
I mean, give the man a pickle.
Turns out he's an expert
on Greek society,
yet he can't remember
that a box is a fucking jar!
You wanted a debate about women.
No, no, no, no. You did.
You're the one who brought in
Pandora, you brought in the sirens.
What are you trying to
force on us here, hmm?
The future has a vaginal tint?
We should all go and fucking kill
ourselves, is that it?
Cos that's all I hear these days.
"Don't be you.
"Don't be you.
Don't be you. Just
"..don't be you."
Well, what the fuck should I be?!
Eh?
Women have got us on the ropes, and
good luck to them, they deserve it.
But you see, when I get a battering,
I punch back.
WALLACE: Excellent insulation
properties as well, clay.
Excellent. And, of course,
the thing about insulation
This ain't about your
fucking daughter, Wallace!
Aye, it is! He's talking shit
about women, what the fuck
do you think my little girl's
going to grow into?
Grow into? She's already
a grown-arse woman.
That's what she already is!
She's already a grown-arse woman.
We all know that! "Little girl."
She hasn't been a little girl
in years.
We've all seen the essay
up on your wall, yeah?
It's been up there for donkeys.
A tatty fucking thing it is, yeah.
You write every day, big man, yeah?
He's writing to his little girl.
OK, um
You write it, she don't read it.
Zac. Not once has
she sent you anything back.
What is she, like 25 now? 28?
She wrote that for
her fucking GSCEs, Wallace!
She's forgot about that crap now!
Just like she forgot
about you rotting here.
Dead to her.
What? Don't you fucking dare!
Argh!
Fuckin' hell, man!
Fucking!
Argh!
Your boot's leaking, boss.
Is that blood? Is that blood?!
Is that blood?!
It's your blood, Daniel.
You've ripped off a toenail.
Are you serious? Yeah.
I can see the bone.
Oh, you're going to need stitches.
Oh, my God! Hmm.
OK, look, I, um,
I need to be somewhere.
A&E's where you need to be.
All right, circus is over.
Come on, the rest of you,
back to your cells.
Well, I have to say,
I really enjoyed that.
Same time next week.
Box is another word for fanny.
Pandora's fanny.
Nobody mentioned it, but that could
play into the whole female thing.
Come on, lads, let's have you.
What's the right answer?
Which one of the spirits
go back in the box?
Come on. There isn't a right answer.
Then what's the point
in asking the fucking question?!
Look, I do
I do really need to be somewhere.
You need stitches. I'm checking you
out, then I'm taking you to A&E.
Is that the boss' new boyfriend?!
Can't you just patch it up?
No, I cannot just patch it up.
All right, hang on a minute, wait.
Justjust hold on. I, um
OK, I need to be at an IVF clinic.
It's to donate semen. I think.
You think?
Yeah.
It's It's complicated.
I need I need to make
a phone call, and then
I don't know. Oh, fucking hell,
I don't know.
I'll tell you what,
I'll take you to your phone.
You make the call, hmm?
If you need to be at the clinic,
I'll take you there.
Once you've flung it out,
then I'll take you to A&E.
Then a psychiatrist.
Then a fucking life coach
or something, I don't know.
Son.
Dad, Daddy, Dad!
Aw, I've missed you!
Dan. Jess.
Hey, look, I'm really
sorry that we
..that we didn't get to speak.
It's, um
It's been a bit mad, to be honest.
It's OK.
No, honestly, Jess, I'm
I'm really sorry.
It's OK. Really.
No. It's not. That's not
what I'm apologising for.
I, um
I don't think I can be a dad.
I'm sorry.
I'm not ready.
You're not ready?
Yeah, um
Jess?
But you left a message.
You said to cancel the implantation.
You know they don't just put it back
in the freezer, right? Oh, fuck me.
You know cancelling is destroying?
Yeah. Look, um
Jess, I'm so sorry. I really haven't
meant to mess you around here.
I just think I think that, um
I think that maybe you're right.
You know, maybe it's got
something to do with my brother
or something like that, you know?
Um Yeah.
Jess, I'm so sorry.
You're fucking sorry.
I had the implantation.
What?
Yeah, there was a cancellation.
They called and said, if I was
in by ten, I could have the slot.
It was all done
and dusted by 10:20.
So it's in there now?
The athlete's?
It's not his, Dan - it's mine.
Can I just ask
..why didn't you want me?
It's not that I don't want you.
It's that I don't need you.
You coming?
Hey, you bleed in my fucking car
and I'm cutting open
that other foot. You hear me?
Thanks for being with me here today.
I really, I really appreciate
you doing this.
It's all right. I mean,
I couldn't let you come here alone.
Well, that's very,
that's very kind
No, no, I mean I COULDN'T let you
come here alone.
I'm not allowed to.
You bled in the prison,
I was the officer on scene,
it's my name on the accident report.
Sorry you're not going to be a dad.
Yeah. Probably for the best.
My dad was a nightmare.
I probably shouldn't pass that on.
Nightmare how?
A lot of time in prison, for one.
Really?! Mm.
So how comes you're like
..this?
A fucking philosopher, Dan.
Well, my mum left him
when I was nine,
she re-married and
..I got away from him.
Y'know, I got out.
Ended up doing this.
You were totally shit today.
You got the men all riled up,
didn't have any control that I could
see and then you bled on the floor.
I mean, you actually bled
on the floor.
But they liked what you did.
They liked the lesson.
They can't say that they did, but
..they did.
You don't need these, OK?
Next time, just wear trainers.
Do you still see your dad now?
No.
No, I don't see him any more.