Yaga (2026) s01e01 Episode Script

1
Let's start with what you say.
You say I am old
old as the earth,
as wicked as the night,
and as wise and powerful
as the sea.
You say I live alone in the woods,
in a hut on chicken feet.
That I fly in a mortar and pestle,
eating naughty children.
Their fingers, guts
and best of all, their bones.
You say I am ugly
and lonely
no one will love me,
no one will fuck me,
for who could love such a beast,
as this witch that I am?
But the thing that really gets me
is this
-Hey! Give it back!
-My kid's reading this too.
She calls it "fairy smut".
Hey, Billy, can you believe
Carson's a fairy fucker?
Hey, Billy, can you believe Eckert
got someone to procreate with him?
That'll be him
right on time.
-So he's some kind of detective?
-A P.I. I think
Must be good, though
I mean, for the Parks to use him.
I tell you, if it was my kid,
all that money,
I'd send in the goddamn army.
I don't think
they need the army.
Doesn't matter what you think.
Parks are good to this town,
to this department.
They wanna send someone to poke around,
we give him a hand.
Certainly dresses
like he thinks he's a detective.
I think he looks pretty cool.
-Nobody saw me trip back there, right?
-Nah.
Staff Sergeant Eckert, Whittock County
Sheriff Department. Good to have ya!
Charlie Rapp. How are ya?
Good book?
What? No! I mean, I don't know, maybe.
It's hers slutty fairies.
Is there any other kind?
-Sergeant Carson.
-Detective Rapp.
-That's a firm grip.
-Sorry, is it "detective"?
Yeah, well, detective investigator
I mean, what you know
But not "police detective".
-Well, I didn't say "police detective".
-Hi, I'm Billy. Not a detective.
Anyway, you have
our humble department's cooperation.
I pulled my best guy off her desk
and she's at your beck and call.
She seems real pleased about that.
-Were you in the service?
-Me? No. No.
That's my gramps'.
They gave it to my gran
when he passed during duty.
You know,
back when men were men.
Well, we gotta head back
to the station, so.
-'Kay. Should we go with you or?
-Nah, she'll fill you in.
Nice meeting ya, Rapp.
Anything you need!
Could use a coffee, honestly.
-Yeah, Carson'll help you with that.
-Oh, Bobby!
-Billy.
-Sure.
Can you put some of these
up for me in town?
Oh, yeah, sure.
A missing poster?
I mean, we don't even know
if he's missing yet.
Well, everybody's missing.
Till you find 'em.
Totally.
Hey, can you grab his bags,
put them in my car, please?
-Oh, sure.
-Thanks, buddy.
-You got it?
-Oh, yeah. No problem.
-Good kid.
-Yeah.
So.
Catch me up
on the case, partner.
But we're not technically partners
and I don't think there is much of a case.
Well, how about you let me
be the judge of that?
Henry Park, 4th-year student
transferred to Whittock U
at the beginning of the school year,
reported missing by the mother,
Mrs. Dora Park
said he calls every day,
hasn't heard from him since the 21st,
three days ago.
-Last seen that night by the roommate
-Roommate? Henry doesn't have a roommate.
Well, he does. Apparently, he's home
that's why we're here.
Figured you'd wanna
talk to him first.
-Well, lead the way, partner.
-We're not partners.
Okay.
Also, Henry took out
$15,000 in cash
from the account he shares
with his parents about a week ago.
His mother said he's jetted off to Europe
with no notice before
So?
So, I think this is a rich kid
on a joyride,
paying with cash
so his parents can't track his card.
So you think the Parks
are wasting their money
by sending me up here
to poke around?
-I don't know how much you cost.
-Oh, believe me, I'm a bargain.
So, okay, so he's in Europe,
that's it, case closed.
That's your
police detective opinion?
Listen, I'm at your "beck and call",
like he said.
You and me,
we actually do the same thing,
except I have P.I. tactics
that you don't know about,
and I don't have to play
by your little cop rules.
-Okay. Lead the way, gumshoe.
-Ladies first.
-Please.
-After you.
Hey
Logan?
You're Henry's roommate?
Yeah.
Hey, bud, we're just here
to talk to you about your roommate.
Yeah, sorry,
you guys can come in.
-Is Henry okay? Did you find him?
-Not yet.
Damn.
Sorry, dude,
you look so much like Henry.
Yeah, we get that a lot.
No, but seriously, you look like
you could be related.
Yeah.
We're not though.
I know it's crazy, but I have brown eyes.
And glasses.
-How's your mom?
-She's fine, she's good.
Holy shit, dude.
Look at this house!
-How many people live here?
-Just us me and H.
I mean it's his parents' house,
but they're never here,
so, yeah, it's nuts.
So how did you guys meet?
We just kind of hit it off
at the start of the school year.
We look so alike,
we were like, "maybe it's fate,"
or "meant to be"?
I was living at home
I'm on scholarship,
and, yeah, he said, "Why don't you come
live here? I have all this extra room."
I help with his music for his parties.
I produce his podcasts
audio's sort of my thing.
-Podcasts, man the dream, right?
-Yeah.
Goddamn, bet you guys have some
epic parties in here, right?
Oh yeah. H loves parties,
and he loves costumes and masks
and, like, themes.
"Underwater mythology"
was one.
Once the theme
was just "floral".
-Insane.
-Insane.
Looks like you guys get
a little help with the clean-up, too.
Do you guys want something to drink?
Lucia can get it for you.
-No, we're good.
-Yeah, I could take a beer.
What?
Sorry, my room's really messy,
but that one's Henry's.
Cute.
You guys share clothes.
We have the same overalls.
Cool, dude.
I mean, this house
looking like lady killers,
and you guys must clean up.
You know it
So, Mrs. Park says Henry's done
this before, random travelling?
Yeah, he's been talking a lot
about Prague
he gets kinda obsessed
with a place.
Like, in the fall, he took Pam
to Paris to impress her.
Who's Pam? Could he have
taken her to Prague?
Pam Russell
no, it wouldn't be her.
They broke up last week
at Sandeson's.
The 21st?
Last Thursday?
-Yeah.
-How'd you know they broke up?
They were fighting, and she yelled,
"fuck you, it's over," and then left, so.
Girls are nuts.
Yeah.
I stayed for another hour.
Yeah, that was the last time
I saw him.
Any of his stuff missing?
Just his laptop,
backpack,
and carry-on aren't here.
How about the camera he used
to take all of these?
I mean, he would have
taken that with him, right?
-He could have just gotten another one.
-No, that's here.
Crazy, right?
You should see the ones his mom has.
Big watch family.
-Did he give you that one?
-This? No, no, no.
He just lets me
wear them sometimes.
-He doesn't keep these in a safe?
-No, he trusts me.
What about your epic parties?
We don't share space
with bad energy, so.
There's another one missing.
Yeah, he's been wearing that one
the André Miller, I think.
André Milleëre.
You got a picture of him wearing it?
Could help us find him.
Thanks.
-What's this?
-I dunno what that is.
-No?
-No. We don't do drugs.
Okay. And this?
This is a private joke.
-Are you guys done?
-Hey, man, we're just chatting
I know who you are, okay,
H told me all about you.
Yeah, what'd he say?
I think you guys
should leave now.
Cool.
Well, if you think of anything else,
that's my cell.
So how do you know Logan?
I helped his mom
with something years ago.
-A violent pest.
-Shitty, abusive dad?
Uncle.
He was a drunk, used to hit her.
Logan would try
to stand up to him, but
What's the deal with the dad?
As far as I know, there was
never a dad in the picture.
They do look so alike.
-Do you think
-Say cheese!
Did you
You can't take things.
Relax. I'm just borrowing it.
I gave it to him in the first place.
Sorry, how close are you
with the Parks?
Is this some small-town
Undercover Boss situation?
No, no. I've just worked for them
for a long time. I know the kid.
-Am I keeping you up?
-Does this Sanderson's place do coffee?
-Sandeson's.
-That's what I said.
What do you say? Let me buy you a cup?
We can talk about the 21st.
Sure.
-So you're not from around here, huh?
-No.
I came over from the department
on the mainland a few years ago.
-Do you ever get bored?
-We keep busy.
Fishing disputes,
domestic violence.
But it's the small, boring stuff
that gets big fast for real people.
-What about Henry Park?
-Billionaires aren't real people.
-A missing kid's a missing kid.
-If he's missing
So we're doubling down
on that?
I mean, if the Parks are so concerned,
why didn't they come here themselves?
They're in Japan, on business.
They just wanted someone they trust
to come and look into it.
-All right, what do you take?
-Just sweetener.
-That shit gives you MS.
-That's a conspiracy.
-And diabetes runs in my family, so.
-So you wanna add MS?
Don't you smoke?
Fuck no.
It's so bad for you.
Hi there.
Thanks for waiting.
What can I get for you?
I'll get two coffees to go,
and
two of these muffins
and, hey
Have you see this guy? He was in here
last Thursday night? Henry Park?
Thursday?
I wasn't here.
My mom was,
but she's off-island today.
Think I can leave
a couple of these here?
You can put them up on your bulletin board
there, and maybe in the window?
-I'd have to ask my mom.
-Sure. That's all right.
-Let me get two of these, too.
-No shit!
I made them!
No shit!
Well then, I'll have three,
because I support the emerging bead-artist
community of Whittock.
Well, you should probably
get four then.
Sold.
You drive a hard bargain.
This one's yours,
and I got you a muffin.
-No thanks, I'm not hungry.
-Yeah? Suit yourself.
This is milk and sugar.
You said sweetener.
It's fine, I'll drink it.
-I mean, that's probably better for you.
-I said, I'll drink it.
Oh, also, I got you
Sorry, can you just reach
in my pocket?
Whichever one you want.
They didn't have a "Best Partner",
so there's "Best Friend"
or "Lover".
-I'm wearing mine!
-Yeah, I'm not wearing that.
-Let's go talk to the crazy ex-girlfriend.
-She's not crazy.
All girls are crazy.
-So this is campus.
-Tough school to get into?
Not if your parents
build them a new library.
Pam's coach
said she trains out here.
Pam Russell?
Stop. Hey! Whittock PD,
we just need a second.
-You're fucking up my time!
-What are you, like a seven-minute mile?
6:30.
-You run?
-Well, I mean, I dabble.
Not like you.
Miss Russell, did you go to Paris
with Henry Park?
Yeah, last September,
when we first started dating.
When was the last time
you saw him?
I think last week.
You saw him and Logan Casey
at Sandeson's Thursday the 21st?
Probably.
Any idea why he'd take out
$15,000 in cash?
No. Why all the questions
about Henry?
Is he dead or something?
That's kind of a shitty joke to make
about a missing person, don't you think?
Well, I didn't know he was missing,
and shitty guys should be dead.
But you and Henry, you broke up
that night at Sandeson's, right?
Did Logan tell you that?
And sorry, am I, like,
a suspect?
Why'd you break up?
Are you going to arrest
everyone who hates their ex?
Nah, then we'd have to arrest me
and all my exes.
Pam, listen, I don't want to have to
make this hard on you, okay?
Oh, why not?
It could be fun.
But we could ask these questions
down at the station, if you would prefer.
For the record, I broke up with Henry
because he cheated.
I mean, we were open,
but even I have fucking limits.
-What do you mean?
-Like, there was just so many people.
Like townies, and students,
randoms at his parties,
his hot maid,
and the fucking Boner Beast.
-The
-Boner Beast.
She's so pathetic, it's not even
like a hot abuse of authority.
-This is a teacher?
-Yeah.
He interviewed her for his dumb podcast
and then got, like, obsessed with her.
I'm gonna get back to it.
-Oh, my God.
-Rapp.
-What?
-I wasn't ready. Go again.
Go again.
-What?
-You can't just flirt with people.
Oh, that wasn't flirting.
Trust me,
you'll know when I'm flirting.
It's just you're undermining
my authority.
I just I feel like
you're not even trying.
I'm evaluating evidence
because I am an actual cop.
This is my actual job,
and I have actual work to do.
Oh, really? Like what?
Settling fishing disputes,
drunk kids on campus,
the odd shitty uncle?
Okay, you,
you're a wanna-be novice P.I.
who probably can't wait to get into
his room and have a brooding whiskey
and put up a sad little
murder wall of suspects!
-Oh, suspects?
-Now we have suspects.
Now this is a real case to you.
You're the one who is
not taking this seriously, okay?
Henry Park is my fucking job,
and if Henry was in Europe,
he would have taken
one of his cars on the ferry,
or he would have taken the chopper,
and we would know about it.
So if you're such a great cop,
you might try putting your back into this,
even if you don't like me!
This case is a waste of my time
and my brainpower,
and probably even
a waste of yours!
Watch it!
What the hell was that?
It's over here.
It's still alive.
-What do you think it's doing out here?
-I don't know.
-I mean, why would the chicken
-Don't.
Should shoot it.
Put it out of its misery.
I can't use my gun for that.
All right.
Come on.
Okay, okay.
Skills of a misspent youth.
Listen, I know
I come on a little strong,
but that's because I care about
the people that I work for,
because despite being billionaires,
they are also real people.
They're good people, and so is their son,
and he's missing,
so I think they're worth helping,
and I know that's not the official police
detective opinion
of my only friend in town, but I'm hoping
I can change your mind.
How about you let me
buy you a drink?
You've got to know
a good spot, right?
It's not a date,
it's not a date, I promise.
I know a spot.
Yes!
-Okay!
-Okay.
Thank you, boss.
One second.
Let me get my stuff.
-Hi.
-Hi.
-Checking in?
-Yeah. Charlie Rapp.
Charlie Yeah.
Beautiful tattoo.
Thanks! I got most of them,
actually, done here in town.
I don't have any,
but I'm thinking about getting one.
Angel wings
just, like, on my back.
-Angel wings, really?
-Yeah.
-Wonder where you got that idea.
-I read it on your name tag.
Okay
$14 beer in Whittock.
Can't you just expense this?
Look, I know you have a chip
on your shoulder about billionaires,
and rightly so,
but Henry's one of the good ones.
Trust me, he is.
And then with Logan, like, you know,
he sees this poor kid on scholarship,
he invites him to live in his house.
I mean, that's very Henry.
Okay, enough
with the guilt trip.
We'll go talk
to Geena Sandeson tomorrow,
and Eckert's
already checking to see
if Henry slummed it on the ferry
to the mainland, okay?
Hey, nice.
But if I'm right and he's in Europe,
you owe me 50 bucks.
50? I'll give you a thousand.
Start your own lemonade stand.
So you've never fired
your service weapon, huh?
Of course.
Oh, just 'cause with the chicken,
I thought maybe you were a bit
-No, I just have to file a report.
-So you're scared of reports.
-Oh, my God, I'm not scared.
-Are you a chicken?
-You're a chicken.
-You're a chicken.
I'm a good shot.
Yeah?
How's your day going with Sherlock
Holmes? The Parks want an update.
Give me a sec.
I'll get another one.
Excuse me.
What was she drinking?
From the gentleman.
Yeah.
Thank you for the drink.
Detective Rapp.
Charlie.
You're welcome.
I'm not gonna lie to you,
it was a lot more expensive
than I thought it was going to be.
-That's usually a deterrent.
-Somehow I doubt that.
You should probably say
your name now, don't you think?
Because you bought it
with the drink?
Kidding.
I'm Katherine.
-Are you married, Katherine?
-No
-You seeing somebody?
-No
A widow?
Someone has to die
for me to be unmarried?
-I need to get back to this.
-And what is it that you do?
What an incredibly
boring question.
Okay.
-What brings you to Whittock?
-Again.
Pardon me.
What excites you?
Sex bones.
Both, I suppose.
Shit, you wrote a whole book.
Two actually.
So what's the sexiest thing
that you know about bones?
-How much time do you have?
-Oh, I got all night.
Well, did you know
that your spine
is designed for slow,
deliberate movements
bending, arching, rippling?
I did not.
I did not know that.
And your hands
your hands are expressive
because of bones and joints.
Wrists turn,
fingers flex,
knuckles articulate
a symphony of bone,
and your fingers
are the instruments.
And they say romance is dead.
And lastly
your ear bones vibrate to translate
sound into meaning.
A whisper,
a moan
a groan
Your bones listen.
Before your brain understands,
your bones say yes
before your mouth does.
I think your book's
gonna do fucking great.
Thank you.
That's an incredible watch.
My friend has the same one.
Is this an André Milleëre?
It is, but I doubt it. It's vintage.
It's very special. It was a gift.
I've never seen
anything like it.
Good.
Oh, you're buzzing.
Sorry.
Let me turn that off.
You know, you just
you just seem very distracted.
I'm not.
You're clearly very busy.
No, no. Hey, come on.
We were just gettin' started, right?
What was that?
-What the fuck?
-Put it out, put it out!
Shit!
-You okay?
-Yeah.
Shit.
You say I am ugly,
old and barren.
You say these things
as if I cannot hear them.
You say these things
as if there's nothing more.
You say these things
and now it's time to listen.
Are you listening?