A Course Called Ireland (2026) s01e02 Episode Script

1
You see that guy there?
No, not that guy.
The fella on the backseat.
Yeah, that guy.
That's me, Jeff.
Last summer, I got a job
working on a TV show
with the legend Bill Murray
- Absolute pleasure to meet you.
- Jeff?
- Jeff.
while he travelled around Ireland
with his friend Tom, playing golf
Oh, smoked!
and exploring the country
of their ancestors.
I feel like these are my guys.
I feel at home.
My job was to look after Bill,
make cups of tea and what have you
and just try not to annoy anyone.
Seafood chowder, and then they
have a seasonal soup of the day.
I'll go with the chowder.
Now, I love golf,
but this isn't a show about golf
No! No, Lord.
or even about Bill Murray.
This episode was supposed to
be about Irish storytelling.
But as we're beginning to learn,
with Bill
Turn around, get behind me
and show that window way over there.
it's not always as simple as that.
Anyway, this show is a fun one
as yet another Hollywood star
joins the trip.
Oh, you bastard!
So just come along for the ride
and enjoy yourself -
pretty much all I did.
And here's the mad bit -
I actually got paid for it.
Bill and Tom were
right at the bottom of Ireland,
where Bill's ancestors came from.
I've drawn a helpful map
to show you.
Bill arrived in the country
with a set of golf clubs
and not much else.
So he needed help switching up
his fits
I think a vest is a good idea.
How about that logo?
Don't take any money off him?
OK.
I'll take money off him.
Helping him find the right gear,
that became one of my little jobs.
- Yeah.
- Like, that doesn't have
the club logo, so I bought that
just in case you want something
with the logo, you see.
They have other colours there,
if you want to have a look.
Er, no, it's OK
I think.
No, it's OK. You know what?
I wanted one with the thing on it.
Back when they founded
Cork Golf Club in 1888
LOUD EXPLOSION ECHOES
this whole place was
a limestone quarry,
with guys blasting chunks
out of the ground
to build the city of Cork.
EXPLOSION
Then somewhere along the line,
somebody took a look around
and thought, "Golf."
EXPLOSION
Since then, the club's
expanded into an 18-hole classic.
We got the place to ourselves.
Even better, we were being joined
by one of my all-time
favourite Irishmen,
Bill's friend, the actor and
comedian Chris O'Dowd. Wow!
- So, Chris, do you want to go
and introduce yourself to Bill?
- Yes.
Just, it might be good
just for TV to sort of say,
- get that meeting on camera.
- You got it.
- OK, off you go.
- All right.
Now, I'd never realised this before,
but in TV, loads of the
meet-and-greet stuff,
everyone's just pretending.
- Good morning, William.
- All right, here we go.
How are you? This is us, is it?
- This is us.
- This is exciting.
John. Pleasure.
- Tom.
- Tom, that's right.
And you're Jamie Dornan, aren't you?
LAUGHTER
It's OK, that's just
Irish gamesmanship.
After this one, they stopped
trying to stage meet and greets,
because it felt like Bill
didn't enjoy the pretending.
Which is ironic given he's an actor.
Anyway, time for the golf.
Nice shot.
Yes!
Oh, shit, I hit it over there.
God darn it.
Where the hell is it?
I can't promise we'll find it.
OK.
There we go. Why didn't I do that
before?
Chris and Bill know each other
from a while back.
They were in a film together called
St Vincent,
where Chris plays a priest
Jesus!
and Bill plays a heavy-drinking
old man
with a certain disregard
for rules.
Must have been tough.
Whoa!
I think it went in, did it?
The most flimsiest
- Did it go in?
- It hit the
- I didn't see it come down.
I don't know where it is!
- It must be in the hole
- It might still be rising.
That's nowhere near hard enough.
Oh, God.
BILL GROANS
I have to tell you this story.
We were in Toronto.
We'd spent the whole morning,
different hotel rooms,
- doing a press junket.
- Mm-hm.
And halfway through the morning,
you came in, knocked on my door,
and you said,
"Hey, do you want to go for pancakes
at lunch?"
And we were driving for 15, 20
minutes.
Eventually, we arrived at this
beautiful house, friends of Bill's.
I think they had - they were the
Roots guys, I think, right?
- That's right.
- And there was
an ice rink out the back
and there was pancake chefs
and all this stuff, and dozens
of people. It was beautiful.
And we were there
for an hour and a half,
there was a couple of champagnes
and all this,
and I said the Bill at some point,
"You know, it's great that the
producers let us come and do this,"
and Bill said, "Well, I didn't
tell them we were leaving."
LAUGHTER
And I think they may have joined us.
But I thought it was ballsy.
I have no problem believing that -
every bit of that story.
They were working us too hard.
And those - and the pancakes,
it's actually a French toast
that she makes.
That's what it was! French toast.
THAT'S what it was.
Cork Golf Club is
a beautiful hidden gem.
A stunning place to spend
the afternoon.
Yes! Yes! Oh!
Even when your luck's not in.
Oh, no, that's not it at all!
Ugh.
Why did I rush? Why did I rush?
It's cool to come to a place
like this is where, you know,
there's not six tour buses
full of people like myself
in the parking lot.
You know, genuinely Irish.
I mean, the golf course itself,
I think we're all pretty blown away.
Oh, sweet Georgia pie!
Look at that!
You know we're of a breed, you know,
but there are people that
There's There are
flowers that grow higher
than the others.
There are flowers that bloom earlier
and last longer than the others,
you know.
You know, he's a particularly
fertile one, right?
It's called a cliff shot.
Elevated maybe 40 yards.
Going to have to keep it
You can see Bill Murray over there -
I'm going to try and essentially
aim for his noggin.
I mean, just the lilt of him.
You know, he gets,
he hits some high notes.
I mean, his voice goes way up there
and you go
Oh, we've got a south by south-west
wind!
We should take another eight yards.
You know, that's like,
that's like pushing the clouds
around, that voice. Yeah.
Did Chris end up
up there? How?
I think he hit it up there.
THEY ALL EXCLAIM
- That was cool.
- Great shot.
- Thank you!
I've never seen someone end up
up there.
It's very straightforward stuff, really.
For a small island, we've turned out
an awful lot of funny people.
Dave Allen
Brendan Behan
- Sharon Horgan.
- WE'VE been invited?
- Me too?
- Yes.
Oh, God. Really?
And that's before you
get to the ones
that picked up American accents,
like George Carlin
Could I possibly
have been listening to that?
Conan O'Brien
CHEERING
and Bill.
I believe that we use humour really,
because if people knew how smart
we were, they wouldn't trust us.
So we have to cloak it in something
that's more palatable
less confrontational
and somehow more welcoming.
Which is something
I've always loved about Bill.
He has that humour.
Of course, his grandmother was
a very funny woman.
God, and what a dart player!
LAUGHTER
Nice!
BILL CONTINUES TO LAUGH
Everyone agreed
the scenery had been beautiful.
As usual, Tom made the whole thing
look annoyingly easy.
Oh, that is a beaut!
Chris was a bit rusty,
but full of promise.
- Hit it!
- Hit it!
- Oh!
And while the day had been
a frustrating one for Bill,
with golf, you can be
right on the edge of quitting
before you're reminded why you came.
- This is the shot.
- Ooh!
- Oh, yes!
- Get in.
- Yes! Yes!
THEY ALL EXCLAIM
THEY LAUGH
What a fuckin' hit! Did you get it?
-
- Did you get it?!
Thank you, Bill.
Some lovely stuff in there, pal.
Thanks very much
We finished up on the
18th and hit the road.
The plan was to go to County Kerry
over on the west coast,
where they'd be spending
the next few days.
After a few hours, the boys
pulled over for a toilet break
at a local pub - about here.
Let's take a leak.
Do you mind if I take a leak too?
Let's all take a leak.
Let's take a leak.
But as we were all beginning
to realise, with Bill,
you can stop for 30 seconds
to have a quick wee
SHOUTING AND CHEERING
and before you know it, the whole
town has turned out for a party.
We stopped to use the bathroom,
and now we're meeting
half of Ireland.
CHEERING AND CHATTER
Chris! Are you coming for a pint?
I've not been around
famous people much,
but as I watched him in that pub,
I did begin to wonder,
how long would all this be fun for?
A day? A week?
Imagine being as famous
as Bill for even an hour.
It looks exhausting.
Uh, did everyone get their piss?
LAUGHTER
That was a hit.
That was probably one of the
greatest hits I've had in memory.
That was really fun.
How do you deal with photos, Bill?
You know, I come from the era
where, like, I thought autographs
were the worst thing
that ever happened.
And I'd give anything
to have it back.
- Yeah.
- But, erm
You know, I've done all kinds of
things and tried to control it
and do it according to my terms.
- Yes.
- And I find that it's
an enormous waste of energy
to ever try to direct it.
- Yes.
- Now, I just jump in and go,
"Let's do this."
- I take the camera,
I take the picture.
- Yeah.
If you just say, "Give me your
phone," you just cut it by 75%.
The minute that somebody
tries to hand their phone
to another person, you've lost.
You're done. You are fucked. Yeah.
The Entertainer
It was late by the time they
arrived at the cottage in Dingle,
which, as luck would have it,
was full of musical instruments.
Although, of course, none of this
stuff really happens by accident.
CHEERING
OK, guys, have a go.
Oh, it's out of tune.
PLINKING CLASHES WITH ORGAN
Golf balls!
Golf balls! ♪
LAUGHTER DROWNS SPEECH
Do you know Ave Maria?
LAUGHTER
The next morning, the boys woke up
to views over the Dingle Peninsula,
the most westerly point in Ireland.
It's the kind of place that makes
you understand why so many songs,
poems and stories began here.
One of nine children, Bill
learned his comic craft at home
competing with his siblings
to see who could make the family
laugh the hardest.
You think of yourself
as a storyteller?
Well, I had to learn how to tell
a story to learn the craft
that I, such as it is, that I have.
Like, when I first tried
to be an actor, I couldn't do it.
I couldn't improvise.
I didn't know how to be on my feet
to be able to tell a story.
I often joke like, you know,
when you're trying to be funny
and no-one laughs at all,
I just say,
"Oh, my God, I'm so alone here.
I'm so alone here."
And you know, it can feel like that.
You know, the world
can feel like that,
like there's a whole horizon out
there and there's no sign of life.
Life is hard
and we can't do it alone.
We just can't do it alone.
And that's
I think you see it
in this landscape.
And there are a lot
of laughs over here.
I think it's a place
where you find laughs,
so it might be a place
where you feel less alone.
They are having a great time here,
and they're looking at you to say,
"Are we not having the time
of our lives over here?"
And it's I'm getting it
from all of them.
It's fun.
It's really fun being here.
- Oh, my God.
- Feck!
HORN HONKS
"Feck"?
Feck is a word that we use, right,
in a way that you can say
fuck without saying f
Like, my priest would have
said feck on the altar.
- Really? Really?
- Really?
- Yeah.
- "Feckin'"?
- And I tried to use it
in a TV show, pre-watershed,
and the broadcaster started
complaining about it, right?
So I unearthed this old legal case
between Bulmers cider
and the government.
They had come up with a
bus advert for their cider,
and it said, "Feck off, bees."
And they had formulated
the argument, legally,
that feck doesn't actually have
the sexual connotations of fuck,
and they won.
- No way.
- Yeah.
So Ah Feck
So, feck is used
to replace fuck,
but it actually has no
linguistic relationship to it.
That sounds like a little
bit of feckin' bullshit.
The lads decided to check out
a traditional rambling house,
a meeting spot for exchanging
stories and music.
- Off you go.
- Are we going in?
- Oh, yeah.
- Oh, we're going in.
Well, I guess, technically,
the production had
decided to check it out
and they'd agreed
not to argue about it.
Action.
Where do you get
an Irish coffee around here?
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
- You're very welcome.
- Thank you very much.
Very, very welcome
to Fionnuig.
You've reached the hub
of the universe now,
- so you have
- Lovely to
meet you. Thank you.
when you've reached Sheehan's
thatched cottage here in Fionnuig,
where the walls, 300 years old,
tell stories, and
plenty ghosts there as well.
Ooh, ghosts!
A few hundred years ago,
Bill, Tom and Chris's ancestors
might well have met up in
a cottage like this and sung songs,
told jokes or just gossiped
with their neighbours.
The idea is that everybody
can do something.
That's what we're trying to do
here with the rambling house -
we're bringing stories to life.
Do you know, the kingdom where
the stories were always here,
and that's what we're trying to do.
And so that's what
a rambling house is?
You just come in and tell tales?
You just come in, you tell stories,
songs and play music.
When you come to a rambling house,
everybody has something to say
or tell when they come in the door,
so if you'd like to
sing a song for us
or tell a yarn or whatever
you'd like to do.
From Kerry to Belfast
and old Donegal ♪
There was a time when just about
every village in Ireland
had a rambling house,
but by the 1970s, they all but
disappeared, replaced by television.
It's easier than causing a fuss. ♪
In his head, Mammy's words,
they were ringing
Oh, that dancing could well be a sin
As he ran out the door,
Tom was singing
"You're going out the
same way you came in."
LAUGHTER
Well, I would swim
the deepest ocean ♪
But they're on the rise again now,
and they'll welcome anyone.
I warn you, though -
you WILL be asked to join in.
But the sea is wide
And I cannot swim over
Nor have I
The wings to fly ♪
Chris's song was an absolute banger,
and Tom followed up
with a passage from his book.
"'What in the hell are you
doing out here with golf clubs?'
"It wasn't the time for
that particular question,
"but it was still
a pretty damn good one."
But Bill didn't seem into it.
Bill, would you like
to do something for us?
You look good anyway.
Yeah, you look good anyway.
When I was growing up and
I was looking for a man,
and I asked my mother
for a bit of advice,
"What should I look out for?"
and she told me,
"A fiddler between the sheets
"is better than an
orchestra under the bed."
LAUGHTER
So, lads, we have
a few fine men here,
three, so we might be in luck yet.
Everybody that comes
through the door,
we encourage them to do something,
and I'm so delighted you all did.
Bill, don't let down the tradition.
Do something for us,
anything at all.
OK.
In Banbridge town
in the County Down
One morning last July
From a boithrin green
came a sweet cailin
And she smiled as
she passed me by
She looked so sweet
from her two bare feet
To the sheen of
her nut-brown hair
Such a coaxin' elf
Sure, I shook myself
To see I was really there ♪
Meanwhile, I was
easing into the job.
Being a runner didn't seem to
involve much actual running,
but I was getting to chat about
movies with a Hollywood icon.
I watched, er, I watched
The Phonetic Scheme last month.
- What did you watch?
- The Phonetic Scheme.
Oh, OK.
You said "phonetic",
that's what confused me.
I think it's called
Phoenician Scheme.
Phonetic Scheme is funny, though.
Did you like The Phonetic Scheme?
I thought it was amazing.
He's my favourite director.
OK.
I'll tell him. He'll get
a kick out of "Phonetic Scheme".
And I was beginning
to relax a bit.
There was just one problem.
I'll tell you what I would like.
I'd like to know
where I can get some ink
for a Montblanc fountain pen.
Montblanc fountain pen. Probably
- Probably straight to there or
- Probably go into town in the car.
- Or, yeah
- Yeah.
Probably not at the clubhouse.
- No.
VOICE-OVER: Now, I'll be honest -
I sort of thought he was joking
- Don't worry. I'm sure we can,
er we can sort that.
- OK.
VOICE-OVER: ..and so
I didn't buy any ink.
And five days later
Jeff, Bill was asking about his ink.
I must admit, I shat my pants.
ENGINE STARTS
I spent the next 24 hours
sprinting around Dingle Peninsula,
desperately trying to find some ink,
meaning I didn't find out about
what happened next until later.
That evening, the production planned
to film Bill and Chris talking about
storytelling in the local pub,
but Bill announced he wanted
to go to a music recital
in a church instead.
That's where you'd
like to go tonight?
That's where I'm GOING
to go tonight.
Now, I can't imagine
anything more boring,
but Bill was bang into it.
Talk about having music.
This is going to be good music.
Get the music, you know?
It's THEIR show.
It's not the Bill Murray
fuckin' show.
It's THEIR show.
In the end, everyone decided it was
safest if we just kept our distance,
and we focused our efforts
on filming Tom and Chris
in the local pub.
Well, cheers, Chris.
- Cheers to you, my friend.
- Cheers, Tommy.
- Big fan of yours, obviously.
- Oh, shut up, Tom.
- No, I am, I am.
- I'm not talking about your acting.
- No, fair.
- I'm talking about your golf.
- Yeah!
I think, every once in a while,
you hit one so well,
it makes you feel like, "If I can do
that, why can't I do it every time?"
- Yes.
- Or at least
maybe the next time.
It's the same problem I have
in terms of lovemaking with my wife.
You know cos there
was that one great
And now, the expectation.
- But, you know, the conditions
are different.
- Right
- And the wind's blowing
- Yeah!
TOM LAUGHS
I don't know too many Irish people
that aren't at least
a little bit funny.
I do think that, pound for pound,
it's the funniest country
in the world.
I would agree.
I'm fascinated by the fact
that a country geographically
the size of Indiana, with, you know,
maybe 7 million people,
is cranking out, you know,
how many Nobel Prize winners?
How many actors? How many poets?
How many artists?
- How does that happen?
- Yeah, it's interesting, isn't it?
In the last century,
Sean Lemass, 1960s,
really pushed
all of the money,
going, like, "We're
going to educate our people
"until we can no longer
"be ruled by
anybody else."
And that was a huge change, I think.
- We're now the most educated
nation in the world.
- Yeah.
We just passed Switzerland
and Singapore last month.
We're the only country in the world
where half of the
people have a degree,
- which is extraordinary.
- That is amazing.
And I think that there's definitely
something in our use of language
that must translate to
the lack of our own.
The English language is
so extraordinarily basic,
and so I think Irish writers are
always searching for something else,
and that's why they're reaching
into the cobwebs of the corners
that other writers don't reach for,
because they're still searching,
they're yearning for something
that was probably taken from them.
So little left of
the Irish language.
We're going through a
massive resurgence of it,
- which is incredible
- Yes.
and I hope that
it'll spawn even more
extraordinary writing
and music and art.
When you get to a civilisation and
you're really pushing music and art,
you know that the rest of
the society's
generally going fairly well.
100%.
Something it lets you do as well,
I think, is not
take yourself so seriously.
Yes.
And you're good at that.
Bill's good at that too.
It's been great to travel
with the two of you
and to laugh with you guys.
It's been a real joy.
Ah, it's such a pleasure.
When the folk concert was over,
they all met up at Foxy John's
on the high street
- Here, Bill, I have a seat here
for you.
- I'm coming.
which is a hardware shop by day
and a pub by night.
We'd set out to make an
episode about storytelling,
and I suppose that's what we got
just not always
where we expected to find it.
Come on, get in here.
I'll hold that money for ya.
Just for the musicians.
I'm going to sort her out,
I'm going to sort her out.
As for Bill, we'd learned that
he might be one of the world's
most experienced performers,
but he's not a performing monkey.
The more you want him
to do something,
the less likely he is to do it.
CHEERING
Sure enough, the moment we
packed up the cameras and left
it was showtime.
In Banbridge town
in the County Down
One morning last July
From a boithrin green
came a sweet cailin
She smiled as she passed me by
She looked so sweet
from her two bare feet
To the sheen of her nut-brown hair
Such a coaxin' elf
Sure, I shook myself
For to see I was really there
From Bantry Bay up to Derry's Quay
And from Galway to Dublin town
No maid I've seen
like the fine cailin
I met in the County Down
As she onward sped,
sure, I scratched my head
And I looked with a feelin' rare
And I said, says I,
to a passer-by
"Who's the maid with
the nut-brown hair?" ♪
Each and every person in the
pub that night came out
with their own little
Bill Murray story to tell.
Just like me.
"Young Rosie McCann
from the banks of the Bann
"She's the star
of the County Down"
From Bantry Bay to Derry's Quay
From Galway to Dublin town
No maid I've seen
like the fair cailin
That I met in the County Down! ♪
CHEERING
By the way, I never did get his ink.
Someone else sorted that for me.