Boyster (2014) s01e02 Episode Script

This is a story of an extraordinary oyster.
Born from a toxic spill, he was adopted by humans with his shell brother.
And now, he must hide his secret oyster powers.
Boyster! Where is Miss Radish anyway? You think something happened to her? I hope so.
I am crushing it at "Ninja Gnomes.
" Hey, Herman, how we looking? All clear.
Teachinator! Silence! I will be your math teacher today.
Miss Radish had a severe allergic reaction - to some seafood.
- Oh, no, what have I done? It's not you.
She's allergic to eating seafood, not teaching it.
I said silence! Two hours detention.
But, sir, it's my fault.
I made him laugh.
- Clam up, man.
- Four hours each.
- But I - Ten hours.
- But - 50! 100 hours for everybody! - But that's 6,000 minutes.
- That 360,000 seconds.
This class is rife with anarchy, and I intend to stamp it out! But I am a fair man.
I'm giving a test tomorrow.
- If you pass it, no detention.
- Sweet! We'll just study really hard.
But you won't pass it.
It's going to be impossible! And you can all thank Boyster! Boyster! There's gotta be some way to pass that test.
Too bad we can't just sneak into Teachinator's house and - steal the answers Whoo! - Boyster, nobody messes with the Teachinator.
Remember that kid he caught cheating, Kevin Deadweight? We never saw him again.
And the next day, the cafeteria meatloaf was extra chunky.
But here's the thing.
Kevin Deadweight wasn't part oyster.
Ha! Boyster, you clearly indicated we were going out for ice cream, not doing surveillance.
Ow! Sorry, Shelby.
Business first.
Ice cream later.
Boyster, come back.
It's dark down here.
- Oh a warm, friendly glow.
- I'm at target location.
The enemy's downstairs watching Countdown Abbey.
- Rafik, do you copy? - Use my codename.
OK, "Superatomic Tiger.
" All right, you have exactly 53 minutes for Operation Answer Sheet.
Good luck, Clam Chowder.
Why do I have to have such a lame codename? - Hey, I don't make up the names.
- Yes, you do.
Cut the chatter, Clam Chowder.
This mission is time-sensitive.
Clam Chowder to Atomic Tiger.
Infiltration successful.
Copy that, Clam Chowder.
Phase two: locate Teachinator's office.
Roger.
Night vision on.
Phew! Huh? Ninja Gnome cards? I thought only you collected these.
Those are mine.
You must have found the Confiscatorium.
So the legend is true.
- You gotta find my Vocamor.
- Oh, no! - What? - This is awful.
- Did you find Kevin Deadweight? - Worse.
Socks with sandals.
I'm ready to hack into the mainframe.
- Did you get the codes from Herman? - Got 'em right here.
OK, hold down control-alt-shift- E-R-9-Z.
Oh, darling, if we don't simplify those fractions to the lowest common denominator, we'll lose Countdown Abbey forever.
Fear not, my love, this is child's play for my calculator.
Oh, no, the battery has died.
What'll become of Countdown Abbey? B-space-escape-F7- Q-N-double click.
Yes, I'm in.
And sending to everybody.
Clam Chowder to Atomic Tiger.
Mission accomplished.
- Returning to base.
- Hold on.
You've gotta get my Vocamor from the Confiscatorium.
- There's no time.
- What are you saying? Think about all the great times we had with it.
Ho-ho-ho! Hello there, Ozzy.
This is Santa Claus.
You have been a very naughty boy.
I'm crossing you off my list.
But, Santa You're right.
Let's do this.
A-ha! Oh, Pythagoras, Daddy Marion is very upset.
- Marion? - Marion! You're going to write 100 times, "I will not go into Daddy Marion's office.
" Two-hundred times! Three-hundred! Eh? Clam Chowder to Superatomic Tiger.
Do you read me? Rafik, you're breaking up.
Sorry, dude, snack break.
Oh, man, these Anchovy Bites really bite.
- How can you eat these? - What are you talking about? - Anchovy Bites rule.
- No way.
Very Perry Pepperoni blows them out of the water.
OK, take it easy.
They're both good.
Clam Chowder? Man down! Oh Huh? Ozzy? Alicia? Rafik? Boyster? Greetings, Father.
Severity, rigor, excessive discipline.
Simulator powering up.
Powering up completed.
Commence simulation.
Level one: enforce courtesy and respect.
Hmm.
Level two: withstand full frontal assault.
Ha! Level three: confront total chaos and restore order.
Simulation complete, success rate 99 percent.
Hm? Success rate 100 percent.
Father, forgive me.
All I want is for you to be proud of me.
Hm? Hm never had one leak before.
Oh, this is worse than I thought.
Better rip out the motherboard.
Superatomic Tiger to Clam Chowder.
Do you read me? Hmm? My son.
Father, is that you? Yes, Marion, and I want you to know I'm totally proud of you.
- Really? - Yes, you're awesome, but you are way too hard on your students.
A 100 hours of detention? That is really uncool.
"Really uncool.
" That doesn't sound like you.
You just earned yourself an hour in the corner.
- Does that sound like me? - But, Father - Two hours.
- But - Three.
- Yes, Father.
And, Marion, never wear socks with sandals again.
- Come on, Shelby, let's go.
- We can't go now.
The Earl of Algebra is about to discover, that X equals Y.
You know, I've been thinking.
Superatomic Tiger is feeling a little weak.
How about Superatomic Flaming Tiger Dragon? Hmm? Boyster! Boyster! Boyster! Students, due to certain events that transpired last night, which may or may not have involved a visit from my father's ghost, I've come to realize that I have been too hard on you.
Detention is cancelled.
I'm also canceling the impossible to pass test.
Instead, you will be taking - a nearly impossible to pass test.
- Huh?! This isn't the test you stole.
Boyster? Hey Arthur, who said you can breath my air? I'm sorry, Ozzy.
I didn't know it was yours.
Here, I'll give it back.
Eww! Is that chocolate and cheese? Camembert brownies, to be precise.
You should try one.
- Oh, no, we gotta help Arthur.
- You've been living in a shell too long.
Dudes like us don't mess with dudes like Ozzy.
What's that? Come on, Arthur, you can tell us.
- Yeah, you can tell us.
- We won't razz you.
Well, OK, then.
It's an alien sensor.
It lets me know who's out there and when they're coming.
Cool, can I try it? Uh-oh, I'm picking up something.
I think an attack is imminent.
- Really? - Yep.
Arthur, you OK? You need ice, stitches? Mouth-to-mouth? - Please don't say mouth-to-mouth.
- Thanks, Boyster.
You really are a gentleman and a scholar.
Hey, wanna hang out after school? I'm making toast.
- I love toast.
- Hey, we gotta go.
We're late for our, um, ukulele lessons, actually, so - Ukulele lessons? - I was just trying to save your briny butt.
Arthur is a major-league weirdo.
I hear he looks at his boogers under a microscope.
- Maybe he's just curious.
- He took out his own tonsils.
Really? He ate a tapeworm as a science experiment - and now it's 60-feet long.
- Ugh! Thanks for the heads-up.
I was about to hang out with Arthur.
What a freak show.
Boyster, would you come out of there? I don't deserve to see the light of day.
Not after what I did to Arthur.
What about what you're doing to my delicate ecosystem? You haven't bathed in days.
You need to call up Arthur and tell him you've been a total bag of donuts.
I tried, but there's something wrong with my phone.
I think Arthur might have sent me a virus.
I know.
I'll post an apology on his blog.
He'll forgive me and be happy again.
Then I can be happy and life will be good! This planet is cold and doesn't sustain life.
So long, Earthlings.
What have I done?! I gotta fix this, but how?! How?! Ooh! Fudge brownies.
Can nothing go right today? Huh? The aliens! They're here! It worked! He's seen us! This is gonna make Arthur's year! That's really great, but let's bring her into port.
The Yodelympics are on, and I forgot to set the DVR.
Oh, just a couple more flybys.
I wanna give him a show to remember.
Almost forgot.
What's a UFO without the blinking lights? First contact! My eyes! Greetings, intergalactic traveler.
That was a pretty rough landing back there.
What? Where's Shelby?! I-I mean, my Shelbatron intergalactic cruiser.
Don't worry.
I've secured your ship at a safe location.
I must find the nearest exit.
Boyster could be in peril.
I'm sure Boyster's fine.
Could you unsecure him I mean it? I'm supposed to be back at the mother ship by 9:00.
No, you can't leave.
Today was completely sub-optimal.
But now that you're here, it's 5 1/2 stars out of 5.
Really? Well, I guess I can survive your atmosphere for a little longer.
Yes! Ahem.
I am Arthur of Earth.
What's your name? I am Bivalve-Dorak from the planet Clambakia.
Welcome.
I've been expecting this visit for a long time.
Hence, I have prepared a little orientation program.
I call it Earth's greatest hits.
Does it involve a giant cereal-eating tapeworm? No, but I like the way you think.
I present to you Earth's most glorious delicacy: chocolate brownies with a rich vein - of creamy camembert cheese.
- Ugh! Mm-hmm.
This is one of your greatest hits? - It's just a math game.
- Not exactly.
- I spiced things up with a few code hacks.
- Nice! I've been collecting them since I was five.
We call them toasters.
This one's my personal favorite.
Mmm! Toasty.
Wow, Arthur, hanging out with you is more fun than flying at warp 7 with your head out the window.
I wish you could tell that to my fellow humans.
They all think I'm just a dweeb.
Humans, what do they know? Am I right? Yeah.
Ooh, is that a proton blaster? Whoa, easy, Arthur, this sucker's not a toy.
Anyway, it's been a real honor, but I should blast off.
Where's my ship? Aww! Do you really have to go? I was just starting to feel OK again.
Emerging from the black hole of despair when no life can OK, OK, maybe I can hang out a little longer.
Arthur! My parents.
I'm not allowed to have aliens in my room.
Quick.
In here.
Arthur.
Oh, sleeping.
Curious, I could swear I heard him engaged in discourse.
Perhaps he was dialoguing with one of his extraterrestrial acquaintances.
Very amusing.
Little do they know that's factually correct.
Hey, how about letting me out now? Shh, not yet.
It's for your own protection.
This has been the greatest day of my life.
Arthur.
Arthur! Arthur! Bivalve-Dorak, we've got a code magenta! My parents cleaned out the garage! That's where I secured your ship! - Ow! - Shelby! Wait.
We can't let you be seen by the authorities.
I didn't know Loser-Con was in town.
- Who's this snotwad? - Stand down, Ozzy.
My alien friend has advanced weaponry, the likes of which our galaxy has never witnessed.
Well, my weaponry isn't very advanced, but it gets the job done.
Laser! - My face is melting! - Hey! Well, it could have been a laser.
- Shelby! - Help! Over here, surrounded by deadly bacteria undoubtedly getting a shell-eating virus! Your ship is secure.
But badly in need of decontamination.
Huh? Oh! Heeelp! Bivalve-Dorak! My first flight on an alien craft.
Whoo-hoo! You were the man back there, Arthur.
My people will name a moon after you.
You're leaving? You can't go.
You're my only friend.
That's hard to believe.
You're a great guy.
Anyone would be lucky to have you as a friend, - Earthling or alien.
- You think? Here, take this.
Oh, Clambakian orb! A symbol of our intergalactic bond.
Goodbye, traveler.
Hey, twerp, it's payback time.
Without your alien buddy, you're not so tough.
- Are you? - Alien buddy? I thought that was all poppycock and hogwash.
Glad to see you've come around, Oswald.
Grab him.
Dr.
Pain is getting ready to operate.
Arthur's toast.
And not the kind he likes.
Three against one.
I guess you guys won't be getting any medals for bravery.
Oh, ho-ho-ho, check out the new confident Arthur.
Don't worry.
I'll beat that out of you.
OK, but first, let me put in some nose plugs.
They have these things called showers.
You should look into them.
Ozzy, why don't you leave him alone? - Yeah, don't be a jerk.
- The people have spoken, Oswald.
You know what? I'm over this.
Come on, let's go break things.
- Arthur's the man! - Thanks, guys.
Tell them there are brownies for everyone! Hey, Arthur, I'm sorry about what I said yesterday.
I didn't mean it.
Still wanna grab some toast after school? Hey, Arthur, will you help us study for the math test? Sorry, Boyster, I'll have to take a rain check.
Certainly, ladies.
Logarithm is my middle name.
No, seriously, I don't know why my parents did that.