Chad Powers (2025) s01e02 Episode Script

1
[fly buzzing]
Fuck, this fuckin' fly.
Quit! You're gonna
unstick your cheek flaps.
Oh, this face.
It's so fucking annoying.
The more you wear it,
the more natural it'll feel.
You must become Chad Powers.
What does that even mean?
For you, right now,
it means stop being Russ.
What's wrong with Russ?
Russ has a lower Q Score than Bin Laden.
-You know he's still alive.
-I don't care.
[flies continue buzzing]
-Oh, here comes your guy.
-[sniffling]
Remember, the more you talk,
the more trouble you create for us.
-Be chill.
-[Russ] You fucking be chill.
Is Chad chill?
Hey, Dylan.
-What's up?
-Uh
-The fuck?
-Thanks for helping us out.
-You send the Bitcoin?
-[Southern accent] Yeah, bitch.
Uploaded to the blockchain,
Morpheus style.
Um, all the personal info's
in there for the ID stuff.
And you want dead ends
on the football career, right?
[Danny] Very dead. Nothing traceable.
Gotta have a home address.
Um
-Chad's staying with me right now.
-[clears throat]
Yeah.
[Dylan] Dude.
There's a fuckin' fly
coming out of your face.
-[fly buzzing]
-What? Is there a fly on my face?
-N-Not on your face, it's in your face.
-What? It's in my face?
Okay. Okay. Hey, Danny,
can you get the fly off my face?
-[chuckles nervously]
-Chad's a chill guy, remember?
I got it. Just take--
-Maybe get the fly off my face.
-What the fuck?
Okay, I feel, I f--
I-Is it, is it burrowing?
-Oh, my God.
-It's fine. It's fine. He's fine. No, no.
I feel, I feel it burrowing.
Ho-- Oh, my God.
-What the fuck?!
-It's fucking laying eggs.
He's fingering his own face!
Oh, my fucking God.
-Are you a bug man?
-Get outta my face.
-Get it outta Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
-Oh, my fucking God! Are you a bug man?
-Oh, my God, oh, my God.
-[Dylan shouting]
-Is it comin' out?! Is it comin' out
-Just please chill!
Oh, my fucking God, are you a bug man?!
I'm not a fucking bug man!
-[Dylan] Are you a bug man?!
-I'm not a fucking bug man!
[triumphant theme playing]
[Coach Hudson]
Gonna get at it today, boys!
-[players] Yes, sir!
-[Hudson] I'm hungry.
I wanna eat. Y'all wanna eat?
-[players] Yes, sir!
-Love it.
-Coach, here's your AM snack.
-What? Oh. It's, like, sauceless.
Don't they make, like, a,
a health ketchup sort of thing?
Sodium, Coach.
[gentle music playing]
Exaggerate that elbow. Get it up.
♪♪
It's Chad, right?
-Who are you?
-I'm Gerry Dugan.
I was scout team, then I was backup.
Then I was scout team again.
Then I was backup again.
[laughing] It's wild, right?
So, what-- You're--
You're a backup QB?
I'm just walking the path
God lays before me, brother.
Wow. Oh, your hands are really sweaty.
I get here about an hour or two
before practice to run sprints.
As, as, as punishment?
As a privilege. We're frickin' Catfish.
Come on. Let's go be
bonded as men forever.
[Gerry laughing]
That's Nishan Leonard.
He's our star receiver.
[Russ] Why is he looking at me so mean?
Well, he thinks it's ridiculous
you could be throwing to him.
He said, uh, oh,
he's a Ferrari and you're '87.
-As in the lowest gas?
-He likes me, though.
Yo, Gerry!
-That's our, uh, secret handshake.
-That's a pussy symbol.
Uh, he's saying I get a ton of action.
I love it.
-[Gerry chuckles]
-[Hudson] Hey, Chad.
-Hey, Coach.
-How you doing? Good?
-Good.
-Hey, Gerry, you wanna give us a second?
Yes, sir.
So, uh, I was going over your transcript.
Says that you were home-schooled
in West Virginia?
Mm-hm.•
You ever play in front of a crowd?
Well, that, that depended.
On what?
The wolves.
[both] Wolves.
There were a lot of wild wolves
in our area, and
sometimes they'd carry off the babes.
So, in feeding season,
folks might not show up for the games
for fear of having
their babes carried off.
Huh. Wow.
That's why it depended.
Well, I don't see
any wild wolves out here, so.
-Oh.
-Let's see what you got.
-I know. What a relief.
-Yeah.
Alright, everybody!
Going right with teams!
-[player] Let's go, let's go!
-[whistle blowing]
Jesus Christ.
-[Russ] On one.
-[players] Break!
[Russ]
Let's right longhorn on one, ready?
[players chattering]
[players continue shouting]
Wide 80 set.
[triumphant music playing]
The fuck was that, man? Chad!
-Next time!
-[Nishan] Next time, my ass.
[normal voice] Run a corner route, bitch.
Great effort, Chad. He's with you.
-[whistle blowing]
-Gerry, you're up!
[Southern accent] Gerry?
I'm so-- G-Gerry's going in?
I thought Gerry was the backup.
Yeah, y'all rotating ones. Let's go.
Oh, what?
[sighs] I'm-I'm-- I think I'm confused.
Hey, "Flowers for Algernon," this is
when you take the fucking clipboard
and get off the field. Let's go.
O-kay.
Alright. Fucking biscuits and mustard.
-[huffing]
-Why are you acting like that?
Like what?
Like you just lost
the national championship.
Oh, I [chuckles] I don't know.
Wh-- So-So, what, so what's
the deal with Gerry?
Coach Hudson loves
a little QB competition.
Thinks it'll bring out the best
in both of you.
-So, I'm not the starter?
-Are you the starting quarterback
less than a week after walking
onto the team?
No, you are not.
No, no, that's right.
That-That'd be crazy.
I'm not crazy. I'm not a loon, just
Very normal person thing to say.
I'm just me.
I'm just normal. Normal Chad.
Keep saying it.
Normal Chad.
Hell yeah, man, good shit.
Hey.
W-Wash 'em good.
The fuck?
[Hudson] Chad?
Personal hygiene isn't just
something we do for ourselves.
It's part of participating in a society.
I can't shower, Coach.
Why not?
I have a disorder.
My pee hole, it's really big.
It's far too big.
And, and, uh, if water gets up in there,
I could, I could fall ill.
Via my pee hole.
[sighs]
Chad?
Yeah?
Great players
don't just lead on the field.
I wish I could be in there, Coach.
I know you wish you could be in there too.
I don't wish that.
-But you couldn't have.
-No shit.
'Cause of Sandusky?
Chad, this week of practices,
I'll be evaluating you and Gerry
to determine who our starter is.
I need to see you step it up.
By showering with my teammates?
Try to decouple what I'm saying
from the showers.
-Yes, sir. I'm sorry.
-Okay. Okay.
Tomorrow is my annual barbecue
for the offense.
Now, that's a great chance
for you to show up
and be a leader off the field.
-Be a leader. I can do that.
-Alright.
-Okay.
-It's at my lake house.
Did you say lake house?
Yeah.
Sounds
-aquatic.
-Yep.
So, I guess, you know, tape your pee hole.
[Danny] Water will
obviously ruin the prosthetic.
Chad must fear the elements.
[normal voice]
Do you know how hard it is to avoid water?
It's like a mostly liquid world.
Your sleeping area certainly is,
with all those knocked-over bottles.
Okay, you're the one
who asked me to stay here.
I offered, temporarily.
Well, it'll definitely be temporary.
These fucking throw pillows
feel like seat cushions.
They are seat cushions.
-Why do you not have throw pillows?
-Because I'm poor.
I don't see how this is my problem.
Okay, I have the pee hole thing,
and whatever you said about wolves.
Any more brilliant improv?
The wolf thing was dope.
I mean, as I was saying it,
I was like, "Fuck, this could be a movie."
Okay, you realize this is all now part
of the Chad Powers canon?
These are the authentic facts
of an increasingly weird fucking life.
[Russ] What do you want from me?
Talk less. Invent less.
I'm gonna talk. I gotta talk
because I gotta go to this barbecue
and I gotta make this other
quarterback, Gerry, eat my shit.
Okay, no, the character we built for Chad
is sweet, possibly inbred folk hero.
He wouldn't make Gerry eat shit.
He would be his teammate and friend.
Coach told me he wanted me
to feed Gerry my shit.
He said that?
I mean, I'm paraphrasing, he was
Said he wanted me to act like a leader.
So, be a humble, quiet leader.
-[silverware clanging]
-That is some backup quarterback bullshit.
I'm trying to help you.
I don't want to do all this shit
just so I can hold a clipboard
for fuckin' Gerry.
This whole thing would be pointless.
No, what would be pointless
is getting busted
because you can't turn off Russ
when you turn on Chad.
-[plastic crinkling]
-Do you hear that?
The pillows are crunchy.
Fucking crunchy, crunchy fucking pillows.
Well, look on the bright side.
If you blow it at the barbecue,
you can go back to sleeping
in your dad's garage.
So fuckin' mean.
[Hudson]
What am I supposed to say, Wendy?
-Huh?
-[Wendy] [over phone] Jake, I'm sorry,
-I can't deal with this today.
-No, people expect the coach's wife
to be at this sort of thing.
-I'm sorry I can't
-Okay. Yeah. Okay, fine. Love you.
-Everything okay, Jake?
-Yeah, yeah.
I'm just, uh, I don't know,
chewing on this whole QB decision.
Mm-hm, mm-hm.
And what's that tasting like?
Um, you know, Powers' got
the arm of a 22nd-century rail gun.
We can't count out Gerry.
I mean, he's r-reliable.
Yeah, I trust him, you know.
You know what he's capable of.
It ain't much, but
And then, Chad, you know,
mechanics are promising,
but can he read a playbook?
Bro, I don't know if he can read.
So, we got two good choices, right?
Won't the boosters
have a POV on who starts?
Oh, I don't work
for the boosters, sweetheart.
Boosters work for me. [laughing]
Hi, Coach.
Tricia.
Uh, this is a team gathering.
Oh, and I'm part of the team.
Could I get some help bringing in
Boo Radley's air-conditioned bed?
Boo Radley?
-My dalmatian, remember?
-[whispering] No.
'Member, Wendy saw
that picture of me once,
called me Cruella de Vil,
which I took no offense to.
Where is your lovely wife, by the way?
Uh, she's not coming. Her sister's sick.
Oh! Oh, that's awful.
Sickness is a terrible thing.
I myself know many who are sick,
so now I'll just count
your sister-in-law among 'em.
I will.
Yeah, so could someone
help me bringing in Boo Radley?
Oh, yeah. Uh, Byrd,
Dobbs, you heard the woman.
Oh, yeah.
And then y'all can think to tell me
who we're startin' week one,
'cause I have some ideas.
Oh.
I love these shorts on you.
Um, see you later.
Why? Where, where are you going?
Everybody's just gettin' here.
I'm gonna fake an entrance.
I-I don't want people to know
I live with my dad,
-who's also my boss, so.
-Uh
Also, don't say "sweetheart"
in front of the guys, please.
Yeah.
Hon, the mantle, it's--
Looks like I killed the family.
[country music playing on car stereo]
There's something women like
about a pick-up man ♪
[music stops abruptly]
[mumbling] Hey, teammates.
[clearing throat] Hey, teammates.
[Southern accent] It's football time.
Did you just come from the woods?
We all come from the woods,
when you think about it.
[chuckles softly]
What?
I don't know, you just
say stuff funny sometimes.
Like, like the Joker?
Not at all like the Joker, no.
How you feeling about the QB competition?
Oh, I just want to be Gerry's teammate.
Friend.
I'd want him to eat shit.
Only if we ate it together,
at a team dinner.
Well, he's got you smoked on endurance.
He knows every single inch
of the playbook.
Your arm's a Howitzer,
which is cool, but it's not everything.
Ultimately, it's gonna come down
to intangibles.
Who would you pick?
Oh. [chuckles] I just fill the coolers.
[players chattering]
[tense music playing]
[tense music swelling]
-[music stops]
-Make room for the quarterback!
-Okay.
-[shouting] Room!
[water splashing]
My head almost hit the bottom!
Oh, if it isn't Chad Daddy.
I'ma just be real with you, man.
That practice was sort of ass.
-Ass.
-Straight booty cheeks.
-[laughter]
-I appreciate the constructive criticism.
-Well, you damn--
-I love that.
-Chad, you're such a great teammate.
-Man, shut the fuck up, Gerry.
-For sure.
-Be nice to Gerry, he's my,
he's my teammate, and friend.
Oh, wait, so y'all are boys?
No, we're, we're men.
But we're, like, boys together.
[laughing] Whoa, hold on, did I hear
y'all are men that like boys together?
Yeah!
No. I hate boys.
Okay, well, uh, I don't care
what freaky shit you do.
What I do know, one of y'all better gimme
that thousand-yard season.
I do know that.
[Rod]
At least Gerry's not afraid of water.
That is true.
I'm basically a catfish myself.
Well, yeah, I'm not, I'm not,
you know, I'm not afraid of water.
You sure? Come on
and hop in the water then, brother.
-[Rod] What you waiting on?
-I, I didn't bring a swimsuit.
[mocking] "I didn't bring a swimsuit."
-Hop your Shrek ass in the pool, man.
-Yeah, shit, what are you, a gremlin?
He's a straight up boom!
[laughing]
Straight up bona fide.
[Nishan laughing]
Showed up to the pool
with a sleeve on, come on now.
-[Rod] Got on jorts.
-He gon' cry in the car.
-[both laughing]
-[Rod] Oh, where you going?
-[Nishan] Boom.
-[both laughing]
[music playing distantly]
[text whooshes]
[phone dinging]
[normal voice] What the fuck?
-[dog barking]
-Oh, shit.
-[dog continues barking]
-What the fuck? Hey, hey!
-Hey, stop.
-No, no, no, no, Boo Radley. No, sir.
No, that is no way to treat
the famous Chad Powers.
He just-- He thinks
you're a rubber chew toy.
[Southern accent] Oh. [giggles]
I'm, I'm n-- I'm I'm not rubber.
I'm a man made of flesh.
Oh, you certainly are.
And I'm, I'm Tricia Yeager.
-Oh.
-I'm-I'm, I'm chair of the booster trust.
So, listen, Chad, now that I got you,
my people are having a duck-fuck of a time
finding old highlights of you.
Oh. Oh, you, you need those?
Well, [scoffs] well, yeah, we need those!
I mean, you wind up being the guy,
which I, I hope you are,
we need a media rollout, don't we?
Get your name, image, likeness out there.
But you, you are just scrub-a-dub-dub
from the web like,
like Hillary's emails.
Mm.
Well, we didn't have internet in my
hollow.
-[Boo Radley growling]
-Oh.
-Oh!
-[Boo Radley barking]
-Okay. [chuckles] Okay.
-Come on, Boo. No. No.
No, Boo Boo. Well, we can
make do with hard copies.
Well, we were on the oral tradition.
We just gathered at the end of the day.
-We talked about our highlights.
-Uh-huh.
Okay, so this is where
you learned organized football?
Mm-hm.
It's a highly technical game, Chad.
You can't just learn it
in the streets like, like fútbol.
Oh, Miss Tricia.
I just, I just remembered.
I'm not supposed to be alone
in a room with a woman.
What?
It's contaminating my, my purities, uh
-The elders would frown upon it.
-Oh, boy.
Well, I'll just see you outside then
at the Coach's big water balloon war.
-[tense music playing]
-Let's go, Mr. Radley.
[players chattering]
♪♪
Who's it gonna be? Who's it gonna be!
Fish!
Let's! Get! Wet!
-[whistle blowing]
-[Tricia cheering]
[tense music playing]
[whistle blowing]
-Oh, look at that.
-Ooh!
-[tense music continues]
-[whistle continues blowing]
Do y'all think that Chad
has a touch of the "seeti"?
"Seeti"?
CTE?
[players shouting]
Hey, you guys, let's all throw together!
-[players yelling]
-Let's go!
-[whistle blowing]
-Oh, I see you, Chad!
-Woo, go Gerry!
-Okay, guys!
Again, on my mark!
One, two
Fuck it.
["The Touch" by Stan Bush playing]
You got the touch ♪
You got the power ♪
Yeah ♪
♪♪
-[Russ shouting]
-After all is said and done ♪
You've never walked, you've never run ♪
You're a winner ♪
You're at your best
when the going gets rough ♪
You've been put to the test,
but it's never enough ♪
You got the touch ♪
-You got the power ♪
-Yeah!
-[Tricia cheering]
-[Russ shouting]
Hold my clipboard, bitch!
[players cheering]
You got the heart ♪
You've got the motion ♪
[shouting, chanting "Chad"]
Where you goin', man?
Oh, he's definitely got the "seeti."
It's all good.
Just push it out. [sighs]
Just squeeze it out. Oh, f-fuck.
Goddamn it.
[groaning] Ugh, gross.
-[knocking]
-[Ricky] Hey, Chad?
Yeah?
Coach Hudson wants to see you,
whenever, whenever you're done.
I wasn't, I wasn't I wasn't shitting.
I didn't think you were Until now.
Oh, I just thought-- I thought
I saw you doing a little sniff.
I was just breathing.
Oh.
He's out on the dock.
Okay.
[Ricky sniffing]
Hey, y'all. Pardon.
Chad.
-[Russ] Hey, Coach.
-How's the pee hole?
Deep and wide, like the love of the Lord.
Go ahead and have a seat.
[Russ sighs]
You know, last year,
I was in the tape room late,
and I had a, I had a, a real scare
with my ticker.
And, uh, I went to the doctor
and he told me
that I had to take better care of myself.
Actually, he told me before that.
A while before that, but whatever.
But, um, do you know what caused that?
COVID-19 vaccine?
No.
At least, I don't think so.
But no, it was, it was fear.
The fear of letting down
an entire fan base.
Everybody blaming me. Yeah.
Like
I can see that you have the arm
of a Yugoslav mortar launcher.
But I can also see fear.
Yeah, I hung, I hung back
at the, the, the balloon war initially,
-just to--
-Fear's a tricky thing.
It makes us believe that it is impossible,
it's untenable to lose,
and yet losses in this game
are inescapable.
Are you, are you saying
Are you saying
Gerry's gonna be the starter?
You'll back him up.
You have the unteachable stuff.
And I'm bettin' you can grow.
You're just not ready.
I am ready. I am ready, Coach.
I've been waiting forever for this.
I promise you, I can do this.
You're not hearing me, son.
I am saying I believe in you
and I know that you--
-Oh, s-sorry, I, I
-Are you crying?
-No, I'm not, I'm not crying.
-Chad.
Okay. Oh, oh, God. Okay.
Chad, where the hell are you going?
It's the wrong way.
Whatever.
["Bridge Over Troubled Water"
by Willie Nelson playing]
When you're weary ♪
And feeling small ♪
When tears are in ♪
Your eyes ♪
I will dry them all ♪
[sighs]
I'm on your side ♪
When times get rough ♪
And friends just can't ♪
Be found ♪
Like a bridge ♪
[automated voice in car]
Calculating shortest route to Los Angeles.
Over troubled water ♪
-I will lay me down ♪
-Cybertruck, call Dad.
[line ringing]
[phone buzzing]
-Russell?
-[Russ] [over phone] Hey, Dad.
Oh, my God. I thought you
might've killed yourself.
If you thought that,
then why would you not
call a ton or involve the police?
Well, I considered it,
but only because you stole
several thousand dollars' worth
of materials.
I-- [sighs]
Are you wondering when I'm comin' home?
[Mike] You can't change
who you are, kiddo.
I hope you're okay.
But at some point
the forgiveness runs out.
[slow, somber music playing]
Okay. Um, hey, uh
Sorry, it's, it's, um
I think we have,
I think we have a bad connection.
[Mike] I think you're right, Russell.
[phone beeps]
[Ricky sighs]
[Ricky] Why is that your lock screen?
'Cause it makes me really happy.
[Ricky chuckles]
Please change it.
It's a bad picture of me.
I love this picture.
-Hey!
-Yeah?
You know, Chad, like, ran off.
Like, weeping into the woods.
You think he's okay?
I don't know, I think, I think
he just really loves the woods.
I think he's of the woods.
Yeah.
[sighs] Whatever.
Oh, God, what a day.
How's Wendy's sister doing?
She's having issues.
-Sucks.
-Yeah.
Best of seven?
If you're scared of best of nine.
Bring it.
Volley for serve.
[gentle guitar music playing]
Take it easy, big guy.
-Ooh! [laughing]
-Oh!
♪♪
[normal voice]
What's up, motherfucker?
Throw pillows? Thanks.
Yeah, it's about time I started
gettin' a good night's sleep.
How'd it go at the barbecue?
Fuckin' awful.
Coach gave Gerry the starting position.
Oh.
But nobody found out
you're a different person
wearing a prosthetic mask?
-Not yet.
-Small victories, right?
[Southern accent] You know, maybe, uh
maybe the wolves, you know, maybe
the wolves just come and take Gerry away.
The Chad voice is coming along.
Yeah.
Chad's alright.
They laughed at me in New York City ♪
["Good At Losing"
by Charley Crockett playing]
Called me a fool in L.A. ♪
I doubt that Nashville saw me coming ♪
-Besides the bar folks working late ♪
-[Nishan] Gerry!
Played every room
in the state of Texas ♪
All the ones in California too ♪
-So many nights I can't remember ♪
-[Gerry] Set!
Maybe I've played a song for you ♪
-[Gerry] Ready, set!
-[all clap once]
I've seen the other side of Dallas ♪
Trying to climb up to the top ♪
One thing I know about that city ♪
Man, the hustle never stops ♪
That's how I got real good at losing ♪
And wasting precious time ♪
Most folks who talk about me ♪
Have never lived no life like mine ♪
They laughed at me in New York City ♪
Called me a fool in L.A. ♪
I doubt that Nashville
saw me coming ♪