Earle Meets World (2026) s01e02 Episode Script

-[dance pop music playing]
-In the groove ♪
Pick up, light up, come on through ♪
Get ready with me to go
to a Dancing with the Stars rehearsal.
I am doing the tour this weekend,
and I'm going to meet up today with Val
to practice and learn some dances.
Here's the glam, and we're off to dance.
Look at you ♪
Oh yeah, I wanna see that smile ♪
Hey, look at you ♪
Oh, you're so versatile ♪
-Val!
-What's up?
[Alix] Valerini.
[music fades]
Let's get to business.
Let's get to fucking business.
What's up, Al?
I'm so proud of you.
-Thanks.
-We didn't win the Mirrorball.
-No. [laughs]
-But you're winning in life, girl.
So I just finished Dancing with the Stars,
which was the show,
and now after that wraps, they do a tour,
and I am going to get to be
a part of a show in New York.
[both] Let's do it.
How many dances do I have to learn today?
[inhales] Um…
A few, actually. More than I thought.
Remember, I told you
you just have a couple hosting gigs?
Well, they gave me six costumes.
-Mm-hm.
-We're on stage now, right?
So we're at Radio City,
live, big stage, big audience.
Like, I remember the choreo of, like,
the things that are more like the…
Boop-boop-boop, boop-boop ♪
-Yeah. The side by side.
-But the…
-Like, the frame stuff.
-Like, the frame stuff.
I'm gonna really piss you off today,
I think. [laughs]
[chuckles] That's okay.
-I'm on your show now.
-Okay.
[Alix] Dancing with the Stars
was the best experience,
was the best time ever.
I just got to know myself so well.
I'm so excited.
I'm feeling good vibes today.
It forced me to be with myself,
and it really pushed me mentally.
I found out about my mom having cancer
about, like, halfway through
Dancing with the Stars.
-And then Braxton and I broke up.
-[poignant music playing]
We scheduled my mom's surgery
um, to get a double mastectomy
and remove her ovaries.
And we found out that my grandma
has terminal liver cancer,
like, all in the span of a week.
So I was just, like, emotionally a mess.
So it was a great distraction for me
to put my mind towards something fun,
um, while I've been
a little down in the dumps.
I can't imagine what it's like
to have your entire personal life
out there all the time.
Honestly, that's been
the weirdest thing too.
Like, if I talk to someone,
like, in a random corner in a party,
people are going to videotape it,
and it's, like, a problem.
If I want to, like, go on a date
with someone or something,
like, I can't, really.
-Unless-- Then it's everywhere, you know?
-Right.
I guess I have to hide in,
like, people's basements.
I don't know. [laughs]
-Jesus!
-I'm trying to just focus on myself.
But, like, have fun.
Okay, well, this is perfect, then.
This is perfect. I need to dance.
-Beat your ass up in the foxtrot.
-Perfect.
How much can I scream at you
on these cameras?
-Please scream.
-Okay.
I need people to see it.
No one got to see how mean you were.
-[laughs]
-Oh, shit.
[lively dance music playing]
Handle your business
I'm, "Oh my goodness"♪
Kinda my time is oh-so precious
Here's my witness ♪
-Choosing forgiveness… ♪
-[Val humming]
And one, two…
I'm one of a kind and I know it
Just a little time and I'll show it ♪
Minding my business… ♪
-Oh! [laughs]
-It's okay.
-[music fades]
-Well, that wasn't my fault.
-We're gonna have to change that.
-Okay.
-Hi!
-Hey!
-How are you?
-Hey, cutie.
[Val] She has big questions for you
in regards to your personal life.
-What is going on?
-[Alix laughs]
I don't know what's going on.
-No, no, no.
-I'm having fun.
[Alix laughs]
So it's, like, confirmed?
[lilting, mischievous music playing]
-What?
-What?
No, I'm just having fun.
-Al!
-A lot has changed since last time.
[Jenna] Love that for you.
-Thanks. [laughs]
-Yeah, like, work. [laughs]
-It's been good.
-Okay, but--
Like, how are you doing
after Braxton? Are you…
I'm good. [laughs]
Then you were like,
"Tom, come over, cutie."
-Jesus Christ. Let's get dancing.
-[Alix] Kick Jenna out.
She's done. Take the mic off of Jenna.
-[laughing]
-Okay, get to dancing. I love ya.
[Alix and Jenna laugh]
[Jenna] You're going to be amazing!
[music fades]
[upbeat dance music playing]
I just got a new lip combo
that I'm really, really loving.
Oh fuck!
Now I kind of look like I have a mustache.
Hey, it's your good friend.
[Alix] What's up?
Um, I was just calling to ask if you could
add pics to the shared album, please.
[Alix] Oh, for Snapchat?
For Snapchat.
Yes, I can.
Thank you so effing much.
-Love you.
-Love you.
-Does that bother you?
-No.
But, like, does it feel awkward
when you have to, like, yell at her?
-A bit.
-A bit? [laughs]
I mean, it's fine.
We've, like, gotten past
the point of awkward.
I would hate to be her employee. [laughs]
I love it.
You're such a liar. [laughs]
Sally was in Alix's grade in high school.
Now we live in the same city,
and we kind of do everything together.
We've really just become best friends.
I feel like we got close
our first Coachella.
-[Ashtin] Mm-hm.
-[Sally] We definitely talk every day.
We see each other every other day.
-[Ashtin] Travel together every weekend.
-[laughs] Every weekend.
There's not much time
that we have off from each other.
No. Mm-mm.
[Sally] Oh my God,
we'll have our matching rings.
-[gasps] Wow.
-Wow.
-[Sally] Oh my God.
-[Ashtin] Yours has a heart.
-These are so fun.
-[Sally] Wait, I really love them.
Wait, Alix is gonna be really mad.
She's gonna be so mad
that she doesn't have one.
I feel like Ashtin's my big sister,
even though
she's younger than me by two years.
[Ashtin] I do feel like we're sisters.
Alix likes to say
I stole Sally from her, but…
We're all one big happy family.
Exactly.
-[music crescendos, fades]
-[cell phone chimes]
[Sally] Oh! Ashtin? It's TJ.
"Hey, give me a call, re-Snap."
[Ashtin] Wait, my dad?
[Sally] Yeah.
[Ashtin] Uh-oh. Well, just call him.
[Sally] Is this real? No!
[Ashtin laughs]
[cell phone line dialing]
-[TJ] Hey, Sally.
-Hey.
You're still doing Snap, right?
Um, like, when Alix sends me
the content to post, yes.
But then, other than that…
Okay. We're, like, down
crazy numbers from last year.
[lively, inquisitive music playing]
[Sally] Nobody knows I work for Alix.
We kind of just wanted
to keep it quiet at first
because we didn't want people thinking
she was paying me to be around.
We've been best friends
since we were in high school.
I was looking for a job.
She needed to hire somebody.
But yeah, we've kept it quiet.
Now every comment, every search bar,
"What does Sally Carden do for work?"
People think I'm in medical sales.
I think last week I responded to one,
and I was like, "I'm with Polly Pocket."
People think I'm a nepo baby.
I'm not a nepo baby,
but I'm a nepo friend.
[TJ] So not really regularly?
-[music fades]
-Not as consistently as it had been.
-Okay.
-All right. Talk to you later.
-Bye.
-Bye. [groans]
I get so nervous
when your dad calls because I just…
Alix is my boss, I guess,
but, like, he's still like
the overhead of it all, so…
He's big teach.
I know, but he's also like…
We're so close with him other than that,
because you guys are like my sisters.
So when he calls me, I get so nervous.
-What even is your job with the Snapchat?
-We were always all together.
So I was getting the content, helping,
and then posting it on Snap.
But recently it's been
kind of hard to get the things.
I'll be like, "Hey, add them."
And then usually she doesn't.
She doesn't send you pictures
when she needs to?
Then I get nervous with posting,
'cause I don't want to post
anything that she doesn't like.
But that's also annoying for you.
You can only do so much.
If she's not sending you things to post,
like, you can't post.
But I could bother her more than I do.
But that's also why it's hard,
because you don't want to be
annoying your best friend for pictures.
I know.
[pensive music playing]
It's hard to work for Alix,
she's my best friend,
and it's hard for us to navigate.
Half the time
I'm spamming her to send me photos.
So I can't really work.
And, yeah, I don't know.
-It's always so awkward.
-I know.
-I feel so bad.
-[music fades]
Wait, it's okay. I can handle it.
I've got to get those numbers up.
I believe in you.
-As long as no one's mad at me.
-I know.
-[lively pop music playing]
-Coming in first, that thing they want ♪
[Alix] Spend a morning
with me in New Jersey.
We got up to do 8:00 a.m. hot yoga,
but we missed it 'cause I got pulled over.
Coming in first
That thing that they want, boy… ♪
I like Lenny. He's harmless.
-[Thomas] Dad?
-It's lace.
Let's go forward to go off.
There we go.
-[Thomas] Dad?
-[TJ] Yeah.
-[Thomas] Come here.
-Oh, I love that.
-I'll grab-- I can grab him.
-[music fades]
Did you know that, like,
we ascend from, like, apes?
What? I didn't.
I always thought
humans just spawned on Earth.
Just like spawned?
-Yeah. [laughs]
-Yeah. That makes a lot of sense as well.
Hello.
-[Izabel] Alix!
-[Penelope] Alix!
-Hi!
-Hi!
[Thomas] Alix!
Hey!
-[gasps, laughs]
-[Penelope laughs]
It was blended into you. Hi!
-[Thomas] Ashtin!
-[gasps] Perci-boy!
Hi, Perci-boy! Hi, Percy-boy! Hi! Hi!
-No! [screams] No!
-[Penelope laughs]
[Ashtin] I don't want it!
Penelope, seriously, get it away from me.
-I'm not kidding. I don't want it.
-[Penelope laughing]
[Ashley] Are you guys ready to babysit?
You haven't babysat in a really long time.
I feel like you're out of practice.
I'm so excited.
Are you really excited?
[Ashtin] I missed everyone.
[Alix] What's on your pajamas?
-[Izabel] Myself.
-Yourself?
[Izabel] Yeah, I put pajama pants
with myself on them.
Okay, well, you guys have fun at dinner.
-[Ashley] Okay. Hold down the fort.
-We've got it over here.
-All right. See you. Be good.
-Love you. Bye, be good.
[Izabel gasps] We can make brownies.
[Penelope] No, brownies are so boring.
It's already a premade recipe.
[Izabel] Penelope, your cookies
taste like baking soda.
Yeah, and you look like an alien.
-[Izabel] Oh. [laughs]
-Guys. [laughs]
Be nice. Wait, Penelope, get back here.
When was that time
you replaced the salt with sugar
and you almost
gave Dad a freakin' heart attack?
I… [laughs]
I added, like, this much salt.
-But it was strong salt.
-No. No. How did you mess up that bad?
There's no big container of salt.
-So this…
-What's your problem?
Like, who wears this to babysit? [laughs]
-I wanna get some good pictures.
-[dramatic pop music playing]
So come on, boy
Why don't you show me what you got… ♪
Can we have a Ketel martini,
super shaken, with a twist?
You think you're so bad
But I'm tougher than that… ♪
-[Todd] Cheers.
-Cheers.
Oh, jeez.
[indistinct chatter]
Tell me about the doctor.
You really liked him.
He was very personable.
He had a good bedside manner,
and sat down, real close,
and told me all the information.
So you'll have to screen once a year.
You can either do an MRI or endoscopy,
but he said that's very invasive.
So he doesn't like to do that
unless it's absolutely necessary.
All right, so good stuff.
-I've known Alisa for seven years.
-[upbeat music playing]
When we first started dating,
I obviously was coming off
of my own divorce myself.
I didn't know what I was doing,
you know, in terms of, like,
kind of getting into everything.
It was definitely not smooth sailing.
We'd be together for, let's say, you know,
a year, and then we'd break up.
Then we'd be together again
for six months, and then break up.
And then we probably broke up
about five times or so
during these seven years.
[Alisa] You know,
relationships are hard work,
so you have to put in the work.
And I was just walking away
at every, maybe, little bump in the road.
So you just appreciate
the good in each other,
and you really care about someone,
you have to put in a little effort.
[music stops]
-[Todd] Hey, what's going on?
-Hi!
-[Alisa] I love your coat.
-[TJ] What's going on?
[Todd] Good to see you. You look good.
Welcome to Gabriella's.
Happy Valentine's Day.
-[Ashley] Valentine's.
-[Todd] Thank you.
Any allergies or dietary restrictions
I should be aware of for anybody?
Nope, but we need a drink, I think, right?
That's the only… [laughs]
So do I. What can I get you?
I'll do a dirty martini, a little dirty.
[upbeat dance music playing]
[indistinct chatter]
[TJ] Wow.
-[music fades]
-Guys, this hot dog is…
[Ashley] Pop it in. Wait, what's the deal?
Are you guys moving in together,
like I've heard? Right?
I mean, he's there all the time.
-All the time. I'm never at my house.
-It's stupid that we have two houses.
But I don't want to…
I want to live where I am,
like, down by the beach.
Todd, do you have one flaw
about, like, living with you?
His flaw is definitely OCD.
I was gonna text you today,
"I'm ready to throw him out of the house."
The only person that could relate to me
right now was you. [laughs]
But I thought I'd bring it up tonight.
That's TJ's flaw.
My flaw is that I'm probably way too much…
I don't know, what's my flaw?
[TJ] I think for Valentine's Day,
I should say nothing, you have no flaws.
-[Ashley] Aww. See? Thank you.
-[Todd] Yeah.
[Alisa] TJ was very forthcoming
with his relationship with Ashley
from day one.
I was not a fan of him dating her,
and I took a while
for us to hang out together.
I didn't trust her, and I didn't think
she was good to be around my children.
And I didn't think
it was a good choice for him,
but he seemed to believe in her, so…
Yeah, we had an affair,
and it was not the right thing to do.
It definitely wasn't fair to Alisa.
But then again, you can't go back and say,
well, if this happened or that happened,
we wouldn't have what we have now,
three amazing kids.
I have two amazing step-kids,
and I can't go back and say,
what if things were different?
I'm very disappointed
that I did not handle myself better
as a person, as a man,
and that I let so many people down
to get to this point.
I could have gotten here
in a much more respectable way,
but I'm happy to be where I am today.
[Todd] As far as, like,
the bingo card stuff goes,
spending Valentine's Day
with you guys is probably not…
-That was not on my bingo card either.
-[laughs]
But as always,
it always works out the best.
[upbeat music playing]
We haven't had any deep conversations
about anything
that's happened in the past.
We just got to the point where we ended up
at the same places because of the kids
and just decided
that we'll get along
and tolerate each other.
And I think the tolerating each other
grew into more of, you know,
caring for each other's children,
and maybe it was accepting, you know,
appreciating being a good mother.
[music fades]
Next time you wear that outfit,
make sure you wear underwear.
[Alix and Izabel laugh]
Can see your camel toe from here.
Stop.
-Hey, Alix.
-[Alix] Hi.
-[Izabel gasps] Pickles!
-[Alix screams] Pickles!
Stop it. Stop it.
Pickles! Pickles! Pickles! Pickles!
Pickles! Pickles! Pickles! Pickles!
So, like, I have a question.
What?
Oh, you know.
[inquisitive music playing]
Oh, you know.
-I don't know.
-I know you know.
You lied to us.
-About what?
-St. Bart's.
-You little shits. You're gonna get it.
-[Izabel] Super Bowl party.
[Izabel and Penelope laughing]
Sisters are supposed to
stick up for each other.
Honey, I'm not sticking up
when you're doing bad actions.
-You know I'm right.
-[music stops]
-Be for real. You just like older people.
-[Izabel] Dad ratted you out.
-And that's totally okay. [laughs]
-[Alix and Izabel laugh]
-[Ashtin] Hey, Penelope.
-What, child?
-Do you have a Valentine?
-[Penelope] No.
-Oh, do you have-- Your Taco Bell date?
-Yeah, what happened to your boyfriend?
-Since you put me in the hot seat.
-[Izabel] What about your Taco Bell date?
-[Ashtin] You went on a Taco Bell date?
-[Izabel] He asked, but she rejected.
-I didn't reject. I was too tired.
-[Izabel] Cole asked her.
That was like-- That's like Alix's dream,
to go on a Taco Bell date.
[Izabel and Penelope laugh]
[TJ] Have you talked to Alix lately?
[Alisa] No, I wish…
You know, she's, like,
three hours different to me,
and she's always so on the go
that it's like,
I finally get to talk to her,
and I ask a couple questions,
and it's like,
either she's completely exhausted,
or she's stressed out,
and she's doing something else,
and she's like, "Yeah, uh-huh. Mm-hm."
I think she's just overworked
and exhausted.
-She keeps saying yes to everything.
-I know.
You're one person.
There's only so much you can take
for your own emotional well-being.
You don't want to miss the opportunities
that you have in front of you
with your career and your life right now,
but you don't want to pass up
the best thing in life either.
I think it's ever since
Dancing with the Stars,
like she just feels like in a funk.
Yeah, well, I think all of them
had fun at the Super Bowl. [laughs]
They definitely looked like
they had fun at the Super Bowl.
[Alisa and Todd laugh]
Do you ever get worried that she's, like,
being pushed into things
that she doesn't like doing?
Yes, well, you know, obviously,
like, you're her business manager,
like, I regret, like,
not like being on top of them,
from the beginning, because you do that,
you're good with business
and everything, but…
[electronic dance music playing]
I feel like
I've lost my connection with them.
Our whole life, you tell your children,
"Don't care what anyone thinks about you,
don't care what anyone says,"
but their whole life
is dictated on what people think of you.
[TJ] But I have to be honest…
And their whole career
is based off of what people think of them.
Yeah, and it really does harden them.
They take negative criticism
much better than we do.
I think we need a celebratory shot,
a very cold shot that we could sip.
We have so much to be thankful for.
-Love you, guys.
-Love you, guys.
-Cheers.
-Cheers.
All these city lights
Stars in my eyes ♪
Bring me to life, I need it… ♪
-[Alix] How's New York been, ladies?
-It's been great.
Is this what you do
every morning without me?
-Yeah.
-No.
-[Sally laughs]
-I've been a hermit.
[Alix] So how are you liking living here?
-I love your apartment.
-[music fades]
Thanks. Yeah.
I really am needing to decorate it.
-Are you loving it?
-But… Yeah.
Living alone is kind of dangerous for me,
though, because I never leave. [laughs]
-Me and Sally offlined yesterday. [laughs]
-What?
Because you were being a bitch.
You were being a bitch to me.
You were like, "Stop being so ungrateful,
you stupid little brat." Blah, blah, blah.
-Alix…
-[inhales]
-Get out.
-[Alix] Get me a paper towel.
-You're ungrateful. [laughs]
-[lilting music playing]
[Ashtin] Alix stays with me quite a bit.
She's always in and out of New York.
One time, I went to sit on Alix's bed
to, like, talk to her,
and I sat on something hard,
and I pulled back her covers,
and it's a full bowl of lentils. [laughs]
See, Sally is laughing,
because she knows
Alix does this shit all the time.
How do you make a mess like this?
-[laughing] Like, she's not real.
-[laughing]
-[music fades]
-[cell phone chimes]
Guess who's here.
-Who?
-Who?
-Spray tans! [squeals, laughs]
-[Sally] Mm.
-[yawns] Why am I tired?
-Oh, Ashtin…
-Alix.
-I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
[Ashtin] Fucking hate you.
[lilting electronic pop music playing]
[Alix] I'm ready to be bronzed.
-And then…
-[music stops]
-Are we gonna switch the camera angle?
-[man] Oh, yes.
[Alix] Unless you guys really want a show.
[laughing] Bam!
-Thank you.
-[tanner whirring]
It's a criminal offense
not to enter Jersey with a spray tan.
-[Ashtin] Alix.
-What?
[Ashtin] Do you know what you're gonna
wear yet for Dancing with the Stars?
[Alix] Um…
Yeah, I have to, like, also make it
family-friendly for TV, though.
I think I've lost all my sexual energy.
Like, the dances,
you have to be sexy, and I can't do it.
And I'm like, "Do I look awkward?
Like, do I look like this in bed?"
-Like, I can't, like, move.
-[laughs]
[Alix] How do I look?
-[Ashtin] Gorge-a!
-[Alix] Who's next?
-I-- Oh!
-[gasps, laughs]
Did you guys get that on camera?
-[Alix] We gotta get these balls out.
-[Ashtin laughing]
-We've gotta get these balls out of here!
-Get the balls out of here!
[dramatic electronic pop music playing]
We are gonna be on stage
at Radio City Music Hall today.
It's like the most magical place,
and I can't believe I'm gonna be there.
My family today,
all my best friends coming.
My schedule is
just sort of crazy right now.
[ululates softly]
[rockabilly music playing]
[Val] We're about to go and perform
in Radio City Music Hall.
How do you feel?
I'm actually very excited, not nervous.
She's got the moves
That I've never seen ♪
When the band kicks in
She's at it again… ♪
[Val] It's our last show together.
This might be
our last time dancing together.
-I just wanna say thank you so much.
-Don't say that.
She was shaking around
And around and around and around ♪
Whoo! I said you rock and roll
Rock and roll… ♪
Bye, guys.
-[music fades]
-[Alix] Hi!
You did so good!
-You guys look so amazing.
-Yay!
Dad, I could see
your big head in the audience.
-[laughing]
-[Alix] Yeah!
I was there filming everything.
-Hi!
-He has all the videos.
-Hey! Hi.
-You were so amazing, you're so beautiful.
-You looked so good.
-Thank you.
I saw your boob hanging out.
Yeah, Alix, was your boob out?
You could see my boob?
-[Ashley] Dad has a video.
-Yeah.
We were doing the last move in our dance,
and Val goes, "Your boob's out."
-And I was like…
-[laughing]
It was, like, cool,
and I felt a breeze the whole time.
I was like, you know when
you think you feel something,
but it's in your head?
I was like, it's definitely in my head.
Hopefully, you can't see it.
But there's a big, zoomed-in camera
on the screen.
-[Izabel laughs]
-[Ashtin] It looked so hot.
-[Ashley] How do you feel?
-[Alisa] Yeah, was it so fun?
-Um…
-[Alisa] Radio City Music Hall!
[Alix] I feel so much better.
It's a lot less jittery.
Be really easy on yourself.
You did amazing.
-Thank you.
-[Penelope] You did.
-We have a meet and greet in five minutes.
-[Alisa] Oh my goodness.
-[TJ] Let's go, girls.
-She's a hot, tough bitch ♪
[lively electronic dance music playing]
-[Ashley] Everybody, get out of the car.
-[TJ] Let's go, kids.
-[ice shaking]
-[Ashley] I like that sound.
Let's go, little man.
-[Alisa] It's very warm in here.
-[Ashley] Cheers.
-[Alisa groans] Oh my God.
-[Ashtin laughing]
I'm like, I'm patiently waiting
for everyone to sit down.
-[Alisa] Okay.
-Cheers to Alix. Congratulations.
-[Ashley] We wish you were here.
-We wish you were here.
-Kicked ass.
-She did great.
-Did amazing.
-Great job.
-Here you go, Alisa.
-[Alisa] Cheers, Izabel.
-[lively electronic dance music continues]
-[Izabel] I want pasta.
I feel Bolognese is the safest option.
-Yeah? What do I want?
-They're always the safest.
-Mom, can we have a bowl of olives?
-[Thomas] You want to see our newest pet?
-[Todd] What's his name?
-[Thomas] Mr. Pickles.
[Todd] Mr. Pickles.
Why'd you name him Mr. Pickles?
-Huh?
-It's a wiener dog.
-[laughing]
-[music fades]
Dad. I was with Sally the other day
when you called her about Snapchat.
-[TJ] Oh, yeah?
-[Ashtin] She was so scared.
[Ashley] What happened?
Dad called her, and he was like,
"Why are the numbers down on Snapchat?"
And she was like, "Uh…"
And Sally just gets anxious.
I thought she's not
working anymore, though.
I honestly thought
she wasn't doing it anymore either.
-She's still doing it though.
-I think she thought she wasn't anymore.
What does she do?
-That's a great question, Todd.
-[Ashtin] What does Sally do?
Alix is paying Sally to be her friend.
-That's the real truth.
-[TJ] Yeah.
It's a very awkward situation,
for me especially.
Well, I mean, the situation is,
Alix just isn't comfortable
working with her friends.
Also, don't tell Sally. Shh!
-Tell her what?
-Nothing.
-I was literally with Dad.
-Anything from this conversation.
Penelope.
-Pardon my reach.
-Thank you.
[Ashtin] I was saying today, though, how…
Remember when Alix wanted
Dad to pay for half of her boob job?
-[TJ] Which I did.
-Wait, wait, wait.
And she was like,
"It's an investment in my future."
-And it was.
-It was.
-She blew up after she got those boobs.
-Yeah.
It was right before Christmas,
this conversation happened.
So for Christmas,
which I'm sure sounds weird,
but in a box, I put two oranges.
I think I wrote on one, is like,
"You pay for this boob,
I'll pay for this boob."
And I gave it to her for Christmas,
and I paid for a boob.
My sense of humor
is probably a little bit more
than most people can appreciate.
So, yeah,
I frequently get myself in trouble
by, you know, saying things
I probably shouldn't be saying.
-Should I get a boob job?
-[Alisa] No.
Are boobs in?
-I don't know. Are they? You're a guy.
-[TJ] I feel big boobs are in again.
I feel like they're back in.
-Would I look funny with boobs?
-Yes.
Ashtin, you should not get a boob job,
because you want to be…
-You're all statuesque, model-esque.
-[Todd] Model-esque.
I just get embarrassed
because it's honestly really embarrassing
to be like, "I want to be a model."
-I'm a loser. "Look at me, I'm so pretty."
-[Ashley] Throw things out that you love.
What's the worst that could happen, right?
-Like, who cares?
-Yeah.
-That's why I just wanna go for it.
-That's why I say dating.
You just need to, like,
get out there and, not date,
but go have some fun.
It's hard when you constantly see guys
doing things that proves they're all shit.
-[TJ] Are they, though?
-Yeah.
[TJ] Guys suck that bad?
-Yes. [laughs]
-[Ashley] Yes.
They're horrible. They all cheat.
It's like a sport.
[lilting, inquisitive music playing]
[Ashtin] Oh my God.
Ashley saying all men cheat
while sitting next to my mom
is kind of just like…
Mm… I don't know.
[laughs nervously] Why would you say that?
We back on the dating thing?
You're exhausted hearing about it?
Imagine how I feel.
You wanted me to go on a dating show.
-That-- No.
-[music fades]
That is so not a great idea.
Didn't he want you to go
on The Golden Bachelor?
-Oh, fuck no.
-Todd, when you guys broke up…
TJ, do you remember? You were like,
"Mom needs to go on The Golden Bachelor."
Yeah, I know about that one.
I think I'm a little young for that.
Well, yeah, you'd be a young piece of ass
on The Golden Bachelor.
Okay, thanks.
What?
Alix was like,
"Mom should do The Golden Bachelor."
[Alisa] Why are you staring at me angrily?
I'll tell you later.
-[dramatic pop music playing]
-You make me wanna ♪
-You make me wanna ♪
-I'm sweet ♪
[Alix] Here's my Saturday morning
in New York.
At 8:30, I went to Pilates.
Then I put on this outfit of the day.
And then I sat down,
where I had a few hours of meetings.
And then I unboxed some packages
and did some other work for the day.
And now we're getting ready. Bye.
-Hi. How are you?
-[woman] Hi. How are you?
[Ashtin] Hi, how are you?
[Alix] I'm so bad at envisioning anything.
Oh, I like this.
[Ashtin] Super skinny.
Is this a shirt or a dress?
-A little mini dress.
-[Alix laughs]
-Look at you.
-[gasps, laughs]
[Ashtin] What's going on?
[Alix laughing]
-Alix.
-I don't know.
I'm confused.
-I haven't seen you be so giddy ever.
-[lilting, pensive music playing]
-I don't know what to feel.
-[Ashtin] It's okay.
Alix swore she was going to stay single
for at least a year.
Every breakup she's gone through,
she's always had someone
she had her eye on.
That she was like,
"Hm, maybe I could talk to them."
And then she's right on to them.
Sorry, I'm exposing her.
-[music fades]
-[cell phone buzzing]
[Alix] Oh, Dad.
-Hey, Dad.
-[TJ] Hi.
-[Ashtin] Hi, Dad.
-[Alix] We're shopping right now.
Well, what is this drunk text you sent me
about moving to Japan for six months?
[Ashtin] I think it'd be fun
to move to Japan.
-[Alix] She has to follow her bliss.
-Well--
My dreams.
So everything else good?
What about Sally?
-Well--
-[laughs] Are you gonna fire Sally?
So I had Sally moved off
of doing my Amazon.
And it's been doing a lot better.
A lot? A lot.
That is a massive understatement.
-It's not funny, Dad.
-You said this to me back in October.
I was like, "She's your friend,
so just be fair."
"Pay her through the end of the year.
She'll have plenty of time."
-I know. I panicked. I couldn't do it.
-I just found out last week.
You were like,
"I think I need to fire Sally."
I'm like, "I thought we already did that
three months ago."
The reason I wanted to work with Sally
is because I never wanted
to really give that trust to someone else.
Sally's been my best friend for so long,
like a sister to me.
So, like, out of anyone
and a random person in the world,
doing something on my behalf,
I would trust Sally.
I like to keep my circle really small
just because I know
it's the people that have been around,
that I can trust that, like,
don't just like me
for some external factor.
But I don't know.
Like, what if working with Sally
isn't the best choice anymore?
We need to figure that out.
All right, well,
we gotta do what we gotta do.
-I don't know. Braxton's calling me!
-[Ashtin gasps]
-"Braxton's calling me!"
-[FaceTime chimes]
Hello?
I'm just-- We're filming right now.
[FaceTime ends]
-[pensive music playing]
-[both laugh nervously]
[Alix] That didn't go well.
-Bro.
-I was panicking.
-Yeah. You go, "Braxton's calling."
-Bro.
[both laugh]
[music fades]
[Alix] Hi.
What was that about? Tom?
-[laughing]
-[dramatic electronic music playing]
[TJ laughing]
-Gotta go.
-Oh.
Everything you say ♪
Everything you say… ♪
-What are you doing?
-[Todd] I'm getting rid of stuff.
[Alisa groans, laughs]
Getting rid of?
-This?
-Getting rid of…
-Why? What's the matter with those?
-[music fades]
[Alisa] It's ugly. [laughs]
[Todd] I always feel so guilty,
like, throwing stuff out.
-[Alisa] You never wear anything.
-[Todd laughs]
-What'd you think of the dinner?
-Ashley said, "All men cheat."
And then nobody said anything.
[laughing] So I don't know.
I look across the table, and you…
I thought it was about,
when we were broken up,
that they wanted me
to be on The Golden Bachelor.
I was floored, you know,
when there was a comment
uncharacteristically by TJ that said
you'd be the hot piece of ass on the show.
-No.
-That's what he said.
-He said you'd be the young piece of ass.
-[pensive music playing]
No.
-Yes.
-Okay, whatever.
I was just happy someone called me young.
-[snickers]
-[Alisa laughs]
Let me get my compliments.
Uh, you-- You didn't take TJ's comment
as a compliment, did you?
Well, he said I was young.
That's not what I'm talking about.
The "piece of ass" comment
was the thing that pissed me off.
I was A, surprised that he said that,
B, surprised that he said it
in front of, like, everyone.
[woman] Is that normal rhetoric
in the Earle family?
-No.
-Uh, yeah.
No, it's not.
In the Earle family,
people would refer to you
as a young piece of ass?
Not that specific comment,
but that type of conversation,
joking with each other,
like, is very common.
Oh God, now everyone will be calling you
a hot piece of ass walking around.
I'll be getting in fights left and right.
They do already.
-[both laughing]
-[music fades]
I love you.
And no matter anyone
in my life who's around me,
A, I don't want them to be disrespected.
And so I found that
to be disrespectful to you.
But then also if it's in front of me,
I felt it was then
equally disrespectful to me.
So even if you're comfortable with it
or you felt it,
because you're, like, "used to it,"
um, I don't ever want that.
You know, next time I'm with him,
I definitely feel the need
to kind of like say something.
Can't wait for that.
[lively electronic dance music playing]
What I've… ♪
-Okay, guys, OOTD.
-[music fades]
This is from Abercrombie and Finch.
This top is from Garage,
and it's literally my favorite color ever.
And then…
-These necklaces are from Kendra Scott.
-You wanna go on my bed? Go on my bed?
Or are you just gonna sit here?
Yeah, you're just gonna sit here? Okay.
It's probably, like, my top three
favorite colors, literally ever.
Do you feel like Alix and Ashtin use you
for clout and to get their own followers?
Well, Alix told me
on our sisters sleepover
that she had to post with me
because her views were down.
Alix can't flop though,
because I'm the one clout chasing her.
So how is she going to clout chase me
if I'm flopping too,
and I'm trying to clout chase her,
but her views are down?
So who is everyone clout chasing?
So now we're all
just collectively flopping as a family.
At least you have a television show.
Let's hope that doesn't flop.
[laughs]
[laughs softly]
[music fades]
-Hey.
-Hi.
So have you given any thought to Sally?
[Alix] Mmm…
You guys have the best leftovers.
-I don't mean to barge in on your lunch.
-[chuckles]
-Sorry. Um…
-Um…
-It's a little awkward.
-Yeah.
And honestly, I do think it's a situation
we could probably resolve.
[lilting, pensive music playing]
The friendship there is more important
than the work relationship.
I remember the first person I had to fire.
It was fucking terrible.
And it wasn't even my friend.
This is like a growth lesson.
It's part of growing up,
it's part of growing up in business.
Incrementally, piece by piece,
she's gonna have more things she has to do
that she's uncomfortable with.
-Sally, Alix loves you, but you gotta go.
-[music fades]
-Tommy-boy.
-Thomas.
Let's pretend you're Sally.
-Hey, Sally.
-Hi, Alix.
Um, I just wanted to have
a conversation about Snapchat.
I already quit.
Oh! [laughs]
-Okay, cool. That was good.
-[TJ laughs] Okay.
You made that easy for me. Thanks, Sally.
[Thomas] Bye.
[TJ] Can you just send her a text message?
Be like, "It's not working. It's time."
"We'll have to move this
in a different direction."
I can't do that.
I don't want her to think
it's like anything to do with her.
And I also want her to be, like,
taken care of and supported,
which is how we got into this
in the first place.
[poignant music playing]
Sally has really been there for me
since the breakup,
like, every step of the way.
I've had to lean on her a lot for things
that I would used to, maybe,
lean on Braxton for,
like advice or sort of that, like,
grounding… voice for me.
So, yeah, it's just really hard.
-She's also very emotional and anxious.
-[music fades]
And I feel like if I say something to her,
she's gonna, like, take it personally.
I'm happy to do it with you,
but that might make you uncomfortable.
Mm-hm. Yeah.
Do you want to fire her for me?
I would do it,
but I would just blame it on you.
-Yeah, that's more awkward.
-It is what it is.
It's going to be very uncomfortable,
but this will do more damage
to your friendship in the long run
than having a nice, clean break.
How is the first person I'll ever fire
gonna be my best friend?
Yeah, it's not gonna be easy.
[lively electronic music playing]
First ten G's of life
But it's dead inside… ♪
We're going out!
Hi!
Don't mind me.
[music fades]
-Look at the Empire State Building.
-Oh my God, it's right there.
That's the Empire State Building?
-[Sally] Oh, Al… Are you serious?
-Alix.
-"Oh, Al. Oh, Al…"
-[Sally laughs]
Guys, my dad just sends me this and goes,
"Why did they use your photo?"
The New York Post just posted,
"Americans on the verge of 'sextinction'
as shocking numbers
are going without sex."
[Sally] It's a good picture of you.
I'm the face of sextinction.
I guess that's good.
Better than being a whore.
We used to have to confess,
when we would, like, get with a boy,
to the priest at school,
because we had to go to confession.
Wait, guys, I want to continue to do that.
Like, I feel like I should keep going.
What? Confession?
Pretty sure I went in college
and I confessed.
To what?
To abusing my chastity
because I, like, wanted to--
-[Payton] "Abusing my chastity?" Come on.
-To re-virginize?
I did. In college, I went and I did.
-[sultry R&B music playing]
-I confessed.
-[Payton] You what?
What does that mean,
you hooked up with people?
-[Ashtin] Yeah.
-Yes.
You abused it last weekend.
[Alix and Sally laughing]
-You need to confess. Yeah.
-[music fades]
Ashtin and I got friendship rings.
It doesn't look like she's wearing hers.
Wait, I have mine.
Mine's like a blood drop.
[indistinct chatter]
So you and Julia have best friend rings,
and you two have best friend rings.
We need a bestie item.
-I don't want a ring with any of you hoes.
-[Sally] I want one with you.
Alix, we share parents.
-[mouths]
-[Payton] Where we going this summer?
I don't think I'm going out for a month.
That's good.
-[Payton] Fine.
-Besides Aspen.
Oh, right, we're going out.
[Sally] So what's our--?
Oh, Aspen is next week.
-[Alix] Do you know that Braxton's going?
-[Sally] Confirmed.
I do actually feel very bad for him
seeing stuff online.
Like, I don't want him to see stuff.
-That's so effed to me.
-[Sally] It'll be fine next week.
It's definitely gonna be hard
seeing each other for the first time,
but there's a world in which
we won't really see him that much.
-Maybe you should be laying low, huh?
-Some nights are harder than others… ♪
Whatever.
-[poignant pop music playing]
-I'm doing my best to recover ♪
I think I need to bring you back to me ♪
Would you ever call him and be like…
Would you want to see each other
prior to being all together at one…? No.
-Okay.
-[Alix] He does not wanna hear from me.
-And respectfully so.
-[music fades]
Like, I don't need to bother him.
[electronic dance music playing]
[Ashley] Braxton!
[Alix groans]
Whoever let me text Braxton at 4:00 a.m.
will rue the day.
-[cell phone chimes]
-[gasps, screams] He answered!
[screaming]
[Alix] Ah! [screams] He answered!
I bring the chaos ♪
[electronic dance music continues]
I bring the chaos ♪
I bring the chaos ♪
I bring the chaos ♪
I bring the chaos ♪
I bring the, I bring the ♪
I bring the chaos ♪
I bring the chaos ♪
[music fades]