Elle (2026) s01e02 Episode Script

1
[DJ] Let's give it up one more time
for the birthday girl Elle Woods!
Previously on Elle
[guests cheering]
We have something important
we want to talk to you about.
Elle, we're moving to Seattle.
[crying]
[Elle] I know it's scary,
but this is just gonna be
our new home for a little while.
[indistinct chatter]
I'm Elle.
Did someone put you up to this?
[clanging]
- [groans]
- [gasps] Oh!
- Oh.
- Oh. [stammers]
Sorry. Are you okay?
Yeah.
Seattle isn't a costume,
and pink isn't a personality.
Did you make any friends?
[Elle] Does the school secretary count?
[Madison] It's a great jumping-off point.
[Elle] I don't feel like I really speak
the same language as anyone here.
Get fluent in Seattle.
[Elle] This is money going directly
into Donna's pocket and into the pocket
of dozens of other Donnas at this school.
- Thirty.
- [gasping, cheering]
[students] Donna! Donna!
- Donna!
- [Kimberly] Oh, you didn't hear?
Your little stunt yesterday
got Donna fired.
[R.E.M. plays "Shiny Happy People"]
Whoa, here we go ♪
[singer vocalizing]
Shiny, happy people holding hands ♪
- Shiny, happy people ♪
- Hi, Elle.
holding hands ♪
Shiny, happy ♪
Oh, I love your boots, Elle.
Thanks. They're waterproof.
Not that we have to worry about that here.
[Amber] Oh, my God, Elle.
You look so tan.
It is L.A. after all.
[girl] Hi, Elle!
[clears throat]
Hot Josh.
You're looking very
Hot?
Precisely.
There she is.
Oh, Elle, you make high school
look so easy.
[students shouting "Elle!"]
[Donna] Elle Woods!
[fading] Shiny, happy people
holding hands ♪
[ominous music playing]
Donna?
What are you doing in Bel Air?
- [panting]
- [rain falling]
- Oh.
- [thunder rumbling]
Seattle?
[Bruiser whimpering]
I wish we could wake up
from this nightmare, Bruiser.
I'm only happy when it rains ♪
[Garbage sings
"I'm Only Happy When It Rains"]
I'm only happy when it's complicated ♪
And though I know you can't ♪
appreciate it ♪
I'm only happy when it rains ♪
Pour your ♪
- misery down ♪
- Pour your misery ♪
- Pour your misery down on me ♪
- down, pour your misery ♪
- Pour your misery down ♪
- down, pour ♪
You can keep me company as long as ♪
you don't care ♪
I'm only happy when it rains ♪
You wanna hear about my new obsession? ♪
I'm riding high upon ♪
a deep depression ♪
I'm only happy when it rains ♪
Pour some misery down on me ♪
I'm only happy when it rains ♪
Pour some misery down on me ♪
- [growls softly]
- [Wyatt] Don't you
No. No, no, no, no,
- no, no, no, no, no, no.
- Wait, baby, wait!
- And that would be the third chair this week.
- [barks]
I'll have to toss it with the others.
I'm sorry, we're throwing out
our furniture?
Our furniture that we rented?
- Honey, you're, you're shaming him.
- [whimpering]
If anything, Bruiser's given us
a perfect excuse to redecorate.
[sighs]
Didn't he, Daddy?
- [barking]
- Grandfather? Where did we land with that?
- I-I'm not sure. But thanks, buddy.
- Aw.
If our little baby
won't tinkle outside in Seattle,
I'll just have to bring L.A. to him
like I did for Mama Elle's room.
I'm thinking real grass,
doggy pool, heat lamp.
I think they sell soil
at the farmers market co-op.
How many of those words are made-up?
[Wyatt] A co-op.
It's like a Bristol Farms under a tent.
Dad, you're home.
[gasps] People in Seattle
don't want nose jobs?
Turns out, people in Seattle
like all kinds of noses.
Even their own.
- Wow.
- Things'll pick up
once grunge runs its course.
[Eva] You sleep okay, sweetie?
You have a slight case of the Birkins.
Are you still upset
about that secretary getting let go?
Of course. It's awful.
Donna was such a kind person.
She didn't deserve this.
Well, wasn't she caught embezzling funds
and forging documents?
I mean, Al Capone was arrested for less.
But her heart was in the right place.
[Wyatt] The court of public opinion
wanted to hang
your old man not too long ago.
If you want to throw her a bone,
I'd be happy to put a call in
- to our crisis manager.
- The one
that convinced you to move
to the city God and Gucci forgot?
[hopeful music playing]
- [school bell ringing]
- [indistinct chatter]
Yeah. [chuckles]
Yeah, we'll be there.
[chuckles]
Good morning, Kimberly.
Happy Monday, Pink Slip.
Oh, this isn't a slip.
It's more of an alpaca tweed.
She doesn't get it.
Of course she doesn't.
Anyway,
per Donna's unjust termination,
I thought maybe we could rally the student
body and do something nice in her honor.
For example, when the Oscars
snubbed Anjelica Huston
for The Addams Family Values,
my friends and I collected money
for a chimp sanctuary.
I don't think she's kidding.
Elle, I'm sure
Anjelica Huston loved knowing
that you and your friends found a way
to make her awards season all about you.
- Oh. [stammers]
- But wouldn't the best way
to honor Donna have been
not getting her fired in the first place?
[Katie] Basically, no one wants to be seen
- with you.
- Yeah, she gets it, Katie.
Anyway, I'm gonna go honor Donna
by being really bummed,
and you can go do whatever you need to do
to make this all about you.
[wistful music playing]
[rain falling]
[line ringing]
[thunder rumbling]
[Madison] Elle?
I just got your emergency page.
One-eight-seven?
Does that mean bad haircut,
or are you being held at gunpoint?
I don't make everything about me, do I?
Of course not.
You're notoriously bad
at accepting a compliment.
It's one of your most endearing qualities.
Stop.
Wait,
why aren't you at school?
Oh, there was an earthquake this morning.
Oh, my God. You should've 187'd me.
It wasn't bad.
It just It messed
with our collective chi.
I miss earthquakes.
My dad's new girlfriend
is using it as an excuse
to have me chauffeur her around all day.
So now I'm waiting
outside the Polo Lounge
like some kind of
Pause.
I just found a way to get you home.
Cosmo's doing
a semester-long internship in L.A.
Oh, my God.
My parents would have to let me move back
for something like that.
- [chuckles]
- I'd be a shoo-in
- at CULA.
- You could live
in our pool house.
You know that singer that my dad thinks
is gonna be the next big thing?
She just moved out. Christina
Aguachile or something.
Okay. Tell me
how to win immediately.
Okay, I think you just need to choose
from a few
of these essay prompts. Um
Mm. Oh. Here.
"Cosmo girls get knocked down,
but they get up again.
When things get bad,
how would you stage your comeback?"
How do you stage a comeback?
I think
you just have kids or go on SNL.
But I'm a virgin,
and I can't wait until Saturday.
I could write about Donna's comeback.
I can help her get rehired.
She really deserves a second chance here.
Wait, but isn't that kind of hard?
You're Elle Woods.
I've seen you open six cans of Fanta
without breaking one acrylic nail.
I did do that.
[sighs] Okay, I can do this.
I'll get Donna her job back,
crush this essay,
and put Seattle in my rearview.
Let's get you home, Elle.
- [soft chatter]
- No.
I miss CarpetMart being uncool.
Once Layne Staley rolled through,
it was game over.
I'm sorry, Liz.
If I hear of anybody selling tickets,
I'll let you know.
I'd ask you what CarpetMart is,
but I assume you're mad at me, too.
I actually didn't even notice you.
Which, I don't know, is that worse?
Under normal circumstances, yes.
But with everyone hating me
'cause of the whole Donna thing,
invisibility is a welcome change.
The Donna "thing"?
Getting her fired.
But worry not.
This is just the origin story
of Donna's epic comeback.
I have ideas to get Donna rehired.
Not number three. She hates bowling.
Weird that she hates fun
for the whole family, but good to know.
And who is Judge Judy Sheindlin?
[gasps] Only the most brilliant
family court judge in Manhattan.
She just needs a better platform
to showcase her talents.
- [gasps] But you're right.
- [school bell rings]
She's probably busy.
[door shuts]
[Nichols] Okay. People, today
we are talking mice and we're talking men.
We are talking
Of Mice and Men.
[student] The book is boring.
Can we read something more
not boring?
[Nichols] Well, this
"boring" book was deemed a critical part
of your junior year curriculum
by the Washington State Board
of Education.
So if you really have an issue with it,
I don't know,
start a petition or something.
That's perfect.
Mr. Nichols.
- You're brilliant.
- [light snickering]
Thank you.
Okay.
Of Mice and Men.
Yet another example
of why California sucks.
You're supposed
to be learning things here.
When did you have time to do this?
Well, technically I didn't do it.
I gave one of the cheerleaders
all my liquid black eyeliner
to collect signatures from our classmates
because I needed
a proxy as a result
of no one liking me here.
Okay. And you think a few signatures
are gonna get Donna her job back?
These 117 signatures
embody our unified voice,
a testament to our unwavering resolve
that injustice will not be tolerated.
Sure Donna broke a few rules.
But it was all in the interest
of helping people.
She was caught stealing money.
Well, she bought a starving kid lunch
with petty cash.
Caleb i-is not starving.
His parents are going through a divorce,
and sometimes things like lunch money
get lost in the shuffle.
Well, thank goodness for Donna, then.
You recognize I'm an adult, right?
Did your last school
have any sense of authority?
- [chuckles]
- All sparkly clean.
I left your car in your spot.
And the detailing guy found this jacket
under your passenger seat.
Ah. Uh, thank you, Ms. Martindale.
Principal Anderson,
while I do love a bold citrus,
I'm not sure orange suede maximizes
the potential of your complexion.
It's my wife's.
Oh. You mean that stone-cold fox
pretending to like sports?
Not pretending.
Born and raised Mariners junkie.
And flattery is not gonna get
Donna her job back. Get to class.
Well, Principal Anderson,
Donna deserves a second chance here.
Even if I agreed with you, it's too late.
She's working at Pike Place Market now.
Donna already found a new job?
She's not coming back, Elle.
Get to class.
[intriguing music playing]
[indistinct chatter]
[woman over P.A.] Half-off special
for shellfish at the fish counter.
- [bell clangs]
- Order! Salmon!
Hey-ya!
[gasping, laughter]
- [bell clangs]
- Hey-ya!
- [woman] Whoo!
- [overlapping chatter]
Donna?
I know I'm probably the last person
you want to talk to
and that you have easy access
to a boning knife,
but I'm really, really sorry
you got fired.
Aw.
Thanks, Elle,
but there is nothing to be sorry about.
- [bell clangs]
- Do I wish you hadn't shared
my tricks of the trade
with the entire student body? Yes.
But they are my tricks,
and I got to own 'em.
This is exactly why I started a petition
in your honor arguing you were a victim
of injustice and deserve your job back.
You started a petition?
- Mm-hmm. 117 signatures strong.
- [bell clangs]
But Principal Anderson
was aggressively unmoved.
He's such a stickler.
Elle, you shouldn't be trying
to fix this with him.
[gasps] You're right.
We need to go higher,
like the school superintendent.
I have a Jackie O suit skirt
I have been dying to mobilize.
No. Elle, stop trying
to help me with anybody.
You don't want
to keep working here, do you?
Of course not.
I hate this place.
A raccoon followed me home last night.
- [man shouts]
- [bell clangs]
But I will be fine.
And you got enough going on
without worrying about me,
so take care of yourself.
Like, seriously.
- Now. Duck. Duck!
- [man] Order! Salmon!
[sighs]
[somber music playing]
[indistinct chatter]
Woods comma Elle?
Hi, I'm Shannon Walker.
Chair of the social committee.
Well, the only member
of the social committee.
Are you okay?
Sorry. I forgot what it was like
to receive eye contact.
[chuckles] Well, I'm here to officially
welcome you to Rainier West High
with this gift basket.
I would have given it to you last week,
but I was in the city visiting FIT.
As in the Fashion Institute of Technology?
Finally someone's heard of it.
I love Seattle, but our style's kind of
lacking.
Uh, anyway, I'm applying
for early admission.
Being a senior is so stressful.
[whispers] Are you real?
[giggles] You'll find
some super cute spirit wear,
some local beans,
and a book from a Seattle-based author.
I didn't even know
this school had spirit to wear.
I couldn't have curated this
better myself.
Full disclosure:
the Seattle-based author is my mom.
Zero presh to read.
- Anyway, well--
- I got Donna fired.
Oh, my God. I don't know why I said that.
I, I think I'm coming down
with a case of the Marlenas.
I love Days, too!
- Oh, my God, twinsies.
- [chuckles]
But you should have all the facts about me
before you decide how you feel.
I've actually already heard.
Donna was the best, but I don't blame you.
- You don't?
- No. I'm a feminist,
which means I support
women's rights and women's wrongs.
[school bell rings]
Oh. Anyway, got to head.
But the sun's never gone, Elle.
She's just pumping herself up
behind a cloud.
Byes.
Byes.
[optimistic music playing]
Hey. Let me help you with that.
Miles. Hi.
- Hey.
- Thanks.
Yeah.
So you don't hate me either?
Should I hate you?
Preferably not.
Okay, settled.
I will continue not hating you.
Thank you.
Next.
Uh, the vegetarian option, please.
- [chuckles]
- Right.
I know what you're thinking.
Of course the L.A. girl's a vegetarian.
But factory farming's a major contributor
to global warming.
Plus baby cows are really cute.
Agreed.
Uh, unfortunately,
my cross-country coach does not.
My last school didn't have
a cross-country team,
I don't think.
Is that the one where you ski
and then shoot a gun?
Uh
it-it's running.
You just run.
[chuckles softly]
Well, I don't run,
but I do walk with conviction.
Huh. [chuckles softly]
[chuckles]
What?
Uh, nothing.
Uh
Hey, are you going
to CarpetMart on Saturday?
Okay, what is CarpetMart?
[stammers] It's not actually about carpet.
Uh, I mean, it is, but it's not.
Okay, that-that really clears things up.
[student] Yo, Miles.
Over here.
Uh
Anyway, you were saying about Saturday
and inquiring
about my potential availability?
I'm sorry. I
I got to run.
Uh do it with conviction.
Enjoy your bun.
I will.
[energetic music playing]
[laughter]
[gasps] Shannon.
[chuckles softly]
- And Kimberly.
- [laughter]
Hey, guys.
[indistinct chatter]
Why, yes, you are
more than welcome to sit here.
- Thanks for asking.
- I don't understand.
Did I misread
Shannon Walker's celestial aura?
I didn't get a gift basket
when I started here.
She's kind, nonjudgmental,
fashion-forward.
She's everything I thought was missing
from this high school.
Thanks?
How could she be friends
with someone like Kimberly?
[all laugh]
Who is obviously relishing
my fall from grace.
I think you're overestimating
how much people liked you before this.
Besides, Kimberly's not mean
around Shannon.
She's the Picasso of being two-faced.
She's also Shannon's guard dog,
so good luck getting past her.
[all laugh]
[sighs]
See, now you're just staring.
Give me my book back.
Hmm.
[Eva] You got this.
Yes. Just look right there.
Right there. Two steps over.
[sighs]
I don't get it. He just stands there.
Come on, Bruiser. [gasps]
Glam-ma modeled this
after the Beverly Wilshire.
It's like you're in Pretty Woman.
- Except you kiss on the lips.
- [Bruiser whines]
[kissing]
[chuckles]
Oh.
The upstairs guest room
with the warmer daylight.
Thank you.
Wait, are you refurnishing
the entire house?
Well, at first I resisted
because it felt so permanent.
But isn't it already feeling more us?
And get this.
As I was power walking,
I spotted a fabulous gay couple
driving a Corvette
and a woman walking a border collie.
- And you know what that means.
- What?
Our neighborhood
is the perfect combination
of socially liberal
and fiscally conservative.
So we basically moved to cloudy Brentwood.
Yeah.
I'm thinking of hosting
a little housewarming party
to get to know the community.
Speaking of community-building,
my classmate's mom wrote a book
and she's having an event tonight.
- Oh, wow.
- Yeah.
Shannon's the first person
I've connected with here.
She basically radiates positivity.
And you've always told me optimism,
like bone structure,
- is genetic.
- Is genetic.
- We should go.
- Oh.
I don't know, Elle.
I don't love the color story
of that book cover.
But
you know who likes to go to book readings?
People who can't afford TVs?
People who like being invited
[singsongy] to housewarmings.
[chuckles]
[Robin] "And then it hit me.
I couldn't run from my past.
Instead,
like the mountains before me,
I had to traverse it.
Because sometimes the route to the top
isn't the most direct.
It zigs and it zags,
but the struggle made me who I am."
Thank you.
She has such a way with words.
Very evocative.
I felt like I was being wrongfully evicted
- right alongside her.
- Yes.
Wow. Let's go get our copies.
So nice to meet you, Sierra.
- You, too.
- [champagne cork pops]
And there's bubbles?
Elle, we should really
have books read to us more often.
- I know.
- [Shannon] Elle.
- Shannon. Hi.
- Come here.
Hi. Oh.
That was amazing.
Your mom rocks.
And climbs them, too, apparently.
I can't believe you came.
Nobody at school
ever comes to these kinds of things.
I mean, it's a book reading,
not CarpetMart, but still.
Are you going tomorrow?
Totally.
I definitely know what that is.
I love carpet.
I always thought rugs were phoning it in.
[laughs] Elle, you're so funny.
- And so stylish.
- Aw.
I wouldn't wear
those cute suede boots outside, though.
Oh, these are Ultrasuede.
Faux suede that is animal-
and cruelty-free. And waterproof.
Oh, thank God.
Because Seattle women don't wear suede.
Everyone knows you can't wear soft leather
in a city that rains 160 days a year.
Even I know that.
I'm not even from Seattle.
[gasps]
Principal Anderson's having an affair.
This way, this way.
Oh, my God. Ew. How do you know this?
So, yesterday I was in his office
and I commented on
an orange suede jacket
he claimed was his wife's.
And I thought, "That's a bad color match
for a redhead, but who am I to judge?"
And then he said
she had gone to every Mariners game
since she was a toddler, which means
she was born and raised in Seattle, and
- Seattle women don't wear suede.
- Seattle women don't wear suede.
The jacket must belong
to some other woman.
- Why else would he lie?
- Mm-hmm. Exactly.
Oh, this is perfect.
I can use this as leverage to get
Donna out of that job that she hates.
[chuckles] Oh, my God,
I love the way you talk.
You have to let me help.
Seriously? It won't be easy, though.
To be honest
I've never used
the word "leverage" before in my life.
Marlena and John
went up against a literal demon.
How hard could it be
to get Donna's job back?
True. Ah, you're so smart.
[both laugh]
"Live, laugh, love."
Oh. That's profound.
- Thank you.
- And speaking of profound,
this is my Elle.
Oh.
- [Elle] Hi.
- It is so nice
of you both to come.
L.A. women are so friendly.
You and Shannon must
come over for drinks sometime.
I make a killer cocktail. And mocktail.
Oh, it's true.
Her Heavy Petting on the Beach
is to die for.
We would love that.
Oh, mind if we head out?
I need your advice
on how to handle a juicy piece of intel.
Sure,
I just wanted to tell Robin,
your book reminded me so much
of my husband's botched nose job.
My book on systemic discrimination?
I'm sure you read about it.
The coverage was awful. The Post headline
was clever, but the article itself
lacked all journalistic integrity.
Anyway, there we were,
at rock bottom, faced with a choice.
We could crawl into a hole and die,
or
we could zig and zag
our way to a new city
with a fresh start, and here we are.
Surviving.
That sounds harrowing.
Robin, it was.
Hmm. Well, I'm glad
you enjoyed the book, Eva.
I loved it.
- [man clears throat]
- [Eva chuckles]
Mom, there's-there's
a line forming behind us.
Thanks.
- Bye, ladies.
- Bye.
- [Elle] Bye.
- Byes.
- [door opens]
- [entry bell jingles]
[Elle groaning]
- [knock on door]
- [Wyatt] Hey.
I want to suffocate myself.
Oh. I mean, the book was rough,
but that last third was so uplifting.
[sighs]
Mom compared your botched surgery
to Robin getting kicked out of her house.
Ah.
Well, in her defense,
I don't think your mom's known
many activists turned adventurers
turned spoken-word artists.
Wow. You really did read the book.
Again, a lot of free time here.
I love Mom,
but I wish I brought you instead.
So embarrassing.
I mean, everyone already thinks
I'm the self-centered L.A. girl, and now
the one person who was open
to getting to know me thinks it, too.
Well, it's not the first time
your mom's over-involved herself.
I think she's just looking
to connect with people.
[Elle] Yeah, well, it's hereditary.
And not in the "good cheekbones" way.
If I hadn't over-involved myself
by trying to connect
with people in that school auction,
I wouldn't be in this situation.
Perhaps, but maybe
there's some good news for you
about this terrible hereditary condition.
Doubtful.
Your mom never stays down for long,
and she has more friends
than anyone I've ever met.
And so do you.
Yeah.
Actually, I need your help with something.
[X-Ray Spex plays "I Am a Poseur"]
- [door opens]
- [entry bell jingles]
Hi.
Okay, are you stalking me?
'Cause this is starting
to feel like stalking.
You don't exactly make it hard to find you
when the only clothing you own is
Bad Vibrations paraphernalia.
That's called victim-blaming,
and it's not the only clothing I own.
Voyeurism is the game ♪
Stereoscopic ♪
Whatever.
Viewing time makes it grow ♪
Is this you?
I didn't know you were a musician.
- [Todd] She's not.
- Shut up, Todd.
She's only sold one copy.
Please shut up, Todd.
I sing. Sometimes.
My mom says
it looks good on a college application.
What are your top choices?
Oberlin?
Juilliard?
Berklee with an "E"?
Uh, Seattle Community College?
[gasps] That's great.
You know, Teri Hatcher
went to community college.
Okay, why are you here?
Um, so I actually found out
that CarpetMart is a carpet store
that inexplicably turns
into a music venue at night.
The carpets help with acoustics.
Obviously.
Because the idea of using a venue
originally designed for music
is a poser move. [gasps]
See? I'm getting this.
Anyway, I thought maybe
we could go together.
Okay, um [clears throat]
So, tonight is the kickoff show
for Bob's Your Uncle's
Pacific Northwest tour.
They're like the next big thing
in grunge. It's totally sold out.
Oh, nothing's ever really sold out.
Seriously.
I asked my dad to get us tickets.
He can do anything.
300 square feet of cut-and-loop Berber,
and that is my final offer. Hello? Hello?
[recorded message] If you'd
like to make a call
Honey?
Our floors are perfect now.
My rug guy took us
on that full texture journey.
I remember,
and I agree, it looks great.
I'm on a different mission.
Elle's asked me to help her
get into some sold-out concert.
Elle asked you to get her tickets?
She probably saw how busy you were
with the house
and didn't want to bother you.
You're being sweet.
I embarrassed her.
Well,
all I got her was a VIP pass
to a carpet convention in Tukwila.
Okay.
For music-related inquiries,
including tickets and events,
we call Simon LeDoux.
Got it. Simon LeDoux.
- Madison's dad.
- Mm-hmm.
He's produced more albums than Rick Rubin.
I may have been a little
checked out back at home,
- huh?
- A little.
Please bring me my Rolodex
and a dry martini.
Thank you. [clears throat]
[bouncer] Next.
So, just to be clear, once we're inside,
I will be ditching you.
Oh. Okay.
Well, I appreciate your cut-to-itiveness.
I'll just huddle with Shannon and
figure out how to get Donna her job back.
[bouncer] Next.
[The Halo Benders play
"Don't Touch My Bikini"]
Heavy breathing, hunting season
There's no reason we can't form a plan ♪
Don't touch my graffiti ♪
Smile if you dare, oily oinkers ♪
A trust system.
I'm sure this is fine.
[Liz] Uh, I thought Donna asked you
to stop pestering Anderson.
Oh, she was just looking out for me.
But once she sees
the terrifying blackmail note
I crafted using letters from
old Us Weeklies, she's gonna
Wait, how'd you know Donna
asked me to stop pestering Anderson?
Shannon, hi.
Oh, I can't talk.
Boyfriend's at will call.
Oh.
[Kimberly] What's up, Pink Slip?
Why are you here with the chick
who got your mom fired?
Wait, what?
I'm not.
What's wrong, Elle? You look like
you've seen a chipped manicure.
[chuckles] Burn.
Liz?
Excuse me, sorry. Liz?
Liz?
Hang on.
Hey, s-since when is Donna your mom?
Since birth.
Why didn't you tell me?
Because you never asked.
Well, that's not fair.
I haven't asked anyone
who their parents are in Seattle.
In L.A., I only know 'cause of E! News.
We live out of district, okay?
My mom just told me
that me going to our school
hinges on her working there, which means
I should have gotten kicked out
when she did, but Anderson was willing
to fudge the paperwork
to keep me enrolled.
He can, he can do that?
He did do that.
So if you start accusing him
of cheating via what I assume
is a sparkly pink ransom note
on my mom's behalf,
I'm pretty sure I'd get kicked out, too.
I-I don't want you to get kicked out.
Then please, just
give up.
[feedback whines]
["All Ages Show"]
[crowd cheering]
Knee-highs to the sky ♪
Gliding down the street
with the sun in her eye-eye-eyes ♪
Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh ♪
- Eye-eye-eye-eyes ♪
- Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh ♪
Eye-eye-eye-eyes ♪
You look like you're having fun.
Everything just feels backwards here.
You are from a city
that pays TV doctors more than real ones.
I mean, I try to be charitable,
but I just get people fired.
I try to get Donna her job back,
but that's just making things worse.
But Principal Anderson fudges paperwork
and cheats on his wife,
and he's a freaking hero.
Wait, what do you mean, fudges paperwork?
[sighs] I don't know.
I didn't exactly catch the details
amidst my existential crisis.
But he's doing something shady?
- [sighs]
- 'Cause I always thought there was
something deeper going on
with the underpaid support staff--
I want to give up!
I've never said that before.
Those words have never entered my mind.
What?
No. No, this place
will not change me.
Cosmo girls are down but not out.
Elle Woods doesn't give up.
She doesn't.
Okay.
What-what are you doing?
Getting you out of your head.
I'm in wedges!
[singer] One, two, three, go!
Knee-highs to the sky,
gliding down the street ♪
This doesn't seem sanitary.
Hair of gold, remote-controlled ♪
Wait, Dustin. Where are you going?
Rage, Elle!
Walking all around ♪
On a merry-go-round ♪
I dare you to have fun!
What you do to me ♪
It might be better than watching TV ♪
Drinking chai, oversized ♪
Sorry, was that too aggressive?
And I'm polarized ♪
Take it slow unless you're gonna go ♪
and then I'll see you later
at the all-ages show ♪
Walking all around ♪
On a merry-go-round ♪
Don't you wanna know where to go? ♪
I'm on the list for the ♪
[disorienting music playing]
[muffled rock music playing]
[echoing] Elle, are you okay?
[music plays clearly]
[siren whoops]
Okay, uh, height?
Five-three.
In kitten heels.
Miles, this is so nice, but you can go.
- Like seriously, please go.
- I can't, actually.
You could be concussed.
I'm fine.
On the drive over here, you claimed
your favorite color was "charcoal."
I did not say that. Did I say that?
[chuckles]
Just testing your short-term memory.
You passed.
Ow.
Let me see.
[Eva] Elle Woods. W-O-O-D-S.
- Buttery blonde--
- Mom, Mom, I'm here.
I'm here.
Oh, my God. Oh.
[whispers] I'm sorry.
I am fine.
Are you okay? Do you know who I am?
- Yes, yes.
- What's your middle name?
I am fine. It's just a bump.
Honey, what were you thinking?
Sweetie, people die
in mosh pits every day.
Well, here I am. Alive.
And who is
that handsome young gentleman who seems
very concerned about your well-being?
He's just a friend.
She's gonna make it.
Thanks.
And thank you for helping.
Oh, yeah. [stammers] See you later.
See you.
[Eva sighs]
The minute I heard
the venue was called CarpetMart,
I knew the night would end in the ER.
Wait, you got me the tickets?
Oh, sweetie.
Your dad may be spending
more time in the kitchen,
but that doesn't mean
he suddenly knows how to cook.
I'm glad you're here.
[contemplative music playing]
So, about my performance
at Robin's the other night, I
you know, I probably should've
just said I liked the book
instead of you know.
Comparing discrimination
to a bad nose job?
I get it.
You're just trying to connect with people.
[sighs] It's been really hard here.
I mean, I've never not been liked before.
I hate it.
Okay, let me let you in
on a little something.
High school is hard.
For everyone, no matter where you live.
But you
are going to win over
this entire city before you know it.
[indistinct chatter nearby]
[nurse] Let me grab those charts.
Ten percent off
any procedure at my husband's
plastic surgery practice if you
can get my daughter seen ASAP.
We don't take bribes here.
Of course not. And you shouldn't.
Just in case you change your mind.
He can do anything.
Was that necessary?
Yeah.
Long line, sweetie.
And she's gonna be back.
[typing]
I set out to help
an underserved community member
with her comeback
and discovered I was in need of my own.
But comebacks don't happen overnight.
They're hard.
There will be times where it will feel
like everything's against you
and you'll be tempted to give up,
but
you just can't.
Because Cosmo girls are strong,
and strong people fight.
[knock on door]
How's the noggin?
Oh, I'll live.
Wish I could say the same
for my family with dysentery.
I should've never forded the river.
Hmm. Did you ever find
that friend you were looking for?
[Bruiser whines]
I didn't.
But I may have potentially made a new one
in the process.
See? Seattle can't keep
Elle Woods down for long.
Oh, someone named Shannon's
- on the phone.
- Dad.
What?
Lead with that.
Oh.
[gasps]
Shannon. Hi.
Elle, I heard you took
a major one to the head. Are you okay?
Oh, yeah, I did.
It was pretty major.
But I'll survive.
Of course you will.
They make 'em tough in L.A.
Oh, um, so that Principal Anderson thing?
Turns out I got a bad tip.
I'm dropping it.
I think Donna prefers it that way, too.
Uh, probably for the best.
I will continue to picture Anderson
as a sexless Ken doll with no parts.
- [Kimberly] Shannon, let's go!
- Anyway, we're leaving.
Glad you're okay, Elle.
Byes!
- Byes.
- [dial tone]
[ominous music playing]
[typing]
[dramatic music playing]
[The Juliana Hatfield Three
plays "Spin the Bottle"]
[singer vocalizing]
He's a movie star ♪
- Only drives rented cars ♪
- [urinating]
Met him in a bar ♪
[sighs] Bruiser,
you did it. Outside.
Look who's getting
the hang of Seattle after all.
- Bottle's on the ground ♪
- [Bruiser grunts]
Are you ready now? ♪
When it comes to me,
I'm gonna be ready ♪
It's my turn in a minute ♪
- [both giggling]
- Gonna put my message in it ♪
Five minutes ♪
in the closet with you ♪
He's in a bunch of movies,
really stupid movies ♪
It's not entirely his fault,
he can't control it all ♪
I am not afraid, I can hardly wait ♪
Truth or dare, I don't care ♪
Tell the truth, I dare you ♪
Five minutes ♪
in the closet with you ♪
Oh, five minutes ♪
in the closet ♪
with you ♪
Spin it round again,
spin it round again ♪
Spin it round again ♪
Spin it round again,
spin it round again ♪