Family Affair (1966) s01e02 Episode Script

1
Si, UN momento.
Señor Davis, we are at last through to
your New York call.
Hello.
Hello, Bill Davis.
Hello, this is Buffy.
Hi, Buffy.
How are you?
I'm fine, Uncle Bill.
When are you coming home?
Right away, honey.
I'm anxious to see you.
Mrs. Beasley finally had to put on
glasses.
Oh, that's fine, Buffy.
Let me speak to French, will you?
I'm calling long distance.
Is the phone for me?
Uncle Bill, talk to Jody.
Hi.
Oh, hi, Jody.
Jody, look, I'm going to be home real
soon, and we can spend a lot of time together.
Right now, I want to talk to French.
Can you hear me, Uncle Bill?
Yeah, I can hear you, Jody.
That's good.
Bye.
Don't hang up, Jody.
Bill, talk to Uncle Bill.
I wonder what he's going to say when he
finds out I've moved in, too.
Hello?
Kids, please.
Now, it took me two days to get this
connection.
I'm calling from Peru.
Mr. French!
It's Uncle Bill on the phone.
He's calling from Peru.
You have to talk loud.
Loud-ly.
Mr. Davis?
French here.
French?
Now, uh, we've got the project started finally,
so I'm gonna be able to get out of here tomorrow.
I'm gonna take the company plane to
Arequipa, and then I can get a commercial
to Lima, and from there I can get a jet to New
York, so, uh, I'll see you sometime tomorrow night.
Very good, sir.
French?
Who was that other voice there,
uh Sir, that was our third child, Cissy.
Cissy?
What's she doing there?
Sir, at the time of your departure,
we had the two.
We have since acquired Miss Cissy,
which seems to complete the set.
Well, now, French, don't worry.
I'll take care of that when I get home
tomorrow.
I'm gonna ring off here now.
So long.
Goodbye, Uncle Bill.
Three of them.
Hi.
Hi, Uncle Bill.
Hi, Buffy.
Did you miss me?
Yes, but Miss Beasley is my really and
truly friend.
So whenever I cried at night, she would
say, there, there, Buffy.
Say hello to Jody.
Hi, Jody.
And Cissy.
Cissy.
It's been a long time.
Sure has.
It's wonderful to see you again,
Uncle Bill.
I didn't know you were here when I called.
I realized that.
Oh, excuse me, sir.
First, you'll want to rest after your long
journey.
Have I still got a bedroom?
Oh, quite, sir, quite.
I activated the guest room for Buffy and
Cissy.
Master Jody has been sleeping in your
room, sir, but I've moved him into the den.
Uncle Bill, I don't like the den.
I'm scared of tigers.
Huh?
Oh, that's not a real tiger, Jody.
That's just a head mounted on the wall.
You know, stuffed.
He can't hurt you.
I shot him in Bengal.
What did you do with the rest of him?
Nothing.
I just brought home his head.
If I did that, I'd get spanked.
Oh.
Well, look, kids, I am exhausted, and I
haven't had much sleep, so I'm going to bed now.
Good night.
Good night.
Good night.
Now that I'm home, we'll have plenty of
time together, okay?
Good night.
Okay, good night.
You see, Cissy, he likes kids.
I hope he likes me.
There you are, Jody.
Real yammer.
Will they bite?
No, they're just hairy shoes.
And there's yours, Buffy.
Oh, here, Cissy.
That's for you.
I figured a pretty girl could always use
another one of those things.
It's beautiful.
It's good to see you again, Cissy.
Uncle Bill, I know you weren't expecting
me to move in on you like this.
Don't you worry about that.
Look, I have to go to the office.
I have to go to the office early tomorrow.
Why don't you come down about noon, and
then we can have lunch, and we'll talk, okay?
Fine.
And whatever you decide to do,
I'll understand.
You know, when your father and I were
kids, we used to do everything together.
We even had a pretty good double play
combination going, you know, baseball.
He meant a lot to me.
I mean, he was more than a brother.
We were good friends, too, you know.
He used to tell me about you, Uncle Bill.
We always used to say that we'd have to
see more of each other.
They were real busy raising a family, and
I was wandering around all over the world.
Well, I'm going to go to bed before I fall
over.
Good night, Cissy.
Good night, kids.
Good night.
Oof.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Good night.
Uncle Bill.
Uncle Bill.
Jody?
What's wrong?
I was dreaming.
When I woke up, the tiger was looking at
me real mean.
He has very sharp teeth.
He might come in here and bite you.
Jody, uh, I think at a rough estimate, I could safely
say I've had two hours sleep in the last two days.
But right now, I'm going back to sleep,
and you are going back to bed.
Which bed?
You can take your pick.
Anyone but this.
How about this?
How about Cissy's and Buffy's bed?
Great.
Why didn't you wake them up in the first
place?
I did last night.
I'm not allowed to do it again.
Mr. French says I have to be a little man.
Very good.
I'll see you in the morning.
Good night.
Good night.
Uncle Bill, if you're scared in the dark,
do you want me to keep you company?
I guess I am a little bit scared in the
dark.
Okay?
Okay.
Okay.
While.
I can understand your desire to reunite
the three children, I'm sorry,
but at this time, I feel that it will not
work out.
I am perfectly willing to keep the twins,
at least temporarily.
However, a 15-year-old girl is something
else again.
Cissy is a lovely girl.
However, I am not happy about the way you
just dumped her off, make that abandon,
abandon, I abandoned her on my doorstep
while I was in the wilds of Peru.
And therefore, I've decided, reluctantly decided,
to put Cissy on a plane and send her back to you.
Of course, I will continue to be personally
responsible for any of her expenses, regards.
You got that, Miss Lee?
Yes, sir.
Your niece just arrived, Mr. Davis.
And every Tuesday, Piglet spent the day
with his great friend, Christopher Robin.
And they were all together again.
There.
Did we like it?
Oh, I hope so, Jody.
Is that the end?
For today.
Now can we run in Yale?
You may run.
Mr. French, I'll trust you with Mrs.
Beasley.
Thank you.
She's my really and truly friend.
I'd better go with Jody.
He's just a little boy.
Let's go.
Of course, we got this project going in Peru now,
you know, and I have to fly back and forth from there.
But I'll stay here temporarily, at least
till I get, uh, until I get you kids settled.
Not one way or the other.
Uncle Bill, could I talk to you about
that?
Sure.
I've thought it over, and I want to go back
to Terre Haute and live with the Graysons.
You do?
You mean really?
Oh, yes.
You see, back there, I had my own room and nice
dresses, plenty of good healthy food, and a TV set.
Well, I suppose I miss my high school
friends.
The Graysons, they used to always let me go
to school dances and movies on the weekends.
They did?
Mm-hmm.
Eddie Parker was on the basketball team.
He's six feet four inches and weighs 145
pounds.
Center?
Guard.
Joe Whitfield is 6'6".
6'6"?
Well, Cissy, there are an awful lot of
problems here.
I know.
I might just as well leave tonight.
Would you wire Mrs. Grayson to expect me?
Well, sure.
I mean, if that's what you want,
I
You're not in any hurry, are you?
I mean, there's no big hurry to get back
there now, is there?
No.
Because you're in New York, so you might
as well enjoy it, don't you think?
I mean, you could go shopping or
something, get some real nice outfits,
you know, something that'll kind of put
the dazzle on Joe Parker there,
or is it Whitfield?
Patty Parker.
Patty Parker.
Okay.
Well, we might as well get going.
Just
Uncle Bill.
I'm glad we have it settled.
What?
When you're a child like Buffy or Jody, it's easy
to believe in the magic of people loving and caring.
He was kind of foolish at my age.
Cissy, what's that mean to you,
the magic of people loving and caring?
I'm not sure, Uncle Bill.
I guess that's why I came to New York,
to find out.
Miss Lee, cancel that letter.
Typical weather.
Quite.
Do you mind?
Not at all.
Thank you.
Still with that same, uh, engineer.
Engineer fellow, I presume?
To be sure.
Uh, still with that same tradesman,
I presume?
The owner of a large department store can
hardly be called a tradesman.
Matter of degree, old boy.
Reading, I see.
Winnie the Pooh.
Yes, fascinating.
Thank you.
Are you by any chance reading Winnie the
Pooh to this, um, doll?
Certainly.
Can't.
Jody has to wash his hands.
Well, then take him there.
I can't.
It's the boy.
Well, then wait outside.
He needs you.
He can unbutton, but he can't button.
All right, excuse me, old boy.
A matter of button.
Buffy, I return to you your really and
truly friend, Mrs. Beasley.
If I hadn't seen this, I would never have
believed it.
Someone's.
gonna give me a bath.
I don't wanna.
No, no, no.
That old lad seems to be putting up
a gallant struggle against his bath, sir.
I must say, it's rather difficult to distinguish
which are his screams and which is Mrs.
Sissy's music.
I'm gonna have to talk to her about that.
Yes, sir.
Oh, may I inquire, sir, what are the
sleeping arrangements for tonight?
Oh, let's put Jody in my room and I'll
sleep in the den.
And his turtle, sir?
Well, sure.
Yes, sir.
Later on, we could We could redo that
little storeroom and put his bed in there.
Later, sir?
Yeah, later.
Well, you realize we are keeping Buffy.
Yes, I suppose I do, sir.
Now, uh, we wouldn't want to split those
twins up again, would we?
Now, that brings us to Cissy.
Cissy is, uh
I look at it this way, French.
I figure
If we can handle two kids, we can handle
three, right?
Would you be requiring any more coffee,
sir?
No, no, no.
Would there be anything else tonight,
sir?
Nothing, nothing.
Very well, sir.
You.
didn't come in to say goodnight.
Mm, I was busy.
Packing?
Yes.
To go away?
Yes.
Oh.
When are you coming back?
I really couldn't say.
Mrs. Beasley doesn't want you to go away.
Buffy, go to bed.
Good night.
Yes, sir.
Good night, sir.
Will there be anything else this evening,
sir?
Oh, no, thanks.
Oh, did you make up the couch in the den?
Oh, that won't be necessary, sir.
You'll be much more comfortable taking
over my room, sir.
What do you mean, taking over your room?
Well, I'm afraid I won't be needing it
anymore, sir.
I regret
I regret to say, sir, that I'll be
departing your employment this evening.
You're going to This evening?
Yes, sir.
If t'were done when t'is done,
then t'were best t'were done quickly.
Now, let's not rush this, French.
Shakespeare, sir.
I know, it's Macbeth.
Now, we can work this out.
I realized that they didn't need a man
servant, sir, but a mother in residence.
A middle-aged, well-upholstered,
kindly and experienced housekeeper.
One must face facts boldly, sir.
I don't want a mother in residence.
I want to keep what we've got.
I'm sorry, sir.
I spoke to Buffy, but I wonder, sir, if you'd be good
enough to say goodbye to Jody and Cissy for me.
Can we talk this thing over?
There's nothing to talk over, I'm afraid,
sir.
Now?
French.
Thank you, sir.
Goodbye, sir.
Goodbye, sir.
That's all I could find.
I dressed myself, too.
Come and get it.
Breakfast is ready.
Oh, good morning.
Good morning.
Huh.
Oh, Cissy, it's nice of you to make
breakfast for us.
What are we going to have?
I'm trying to make your favorite.
Eggs Benedict, just the way Mr. French
does.
Coffee looks good.
Is something wrong?
No, it's great, honey.
I like it thick.
Oh, I let it boil too long.
I'm not very good at Eggs Benedict,
either.
Buffy, I'm hungry.
Be quiet, Jody, or Uncle Bill will make us
eat Sissy's cooking.
It's Mr. French!
He's back!
French!
French.
Good morning, sir.
Our children, we don't sit at the table
dressed like a pack of street urchins.
March.
He's back, all.
All right.
Yes, Mr. French?
Yeah, Buffy.
What was this doing in my luggage?
Mrs. Beasley is not a this.
She's a her.
Very well, then.
What was this her doing in my luggage?
Mrs. Beasley said she wanted to come with
you because you are a really interesting person.
She's a truly friend, and without her,
you would be all alone.
Buffy, a man's luggage is private
property.
And no one, but no one, must trespass on
private property.
No, sir.
And didn't I tell you to get properly
dressed for breakfast?
Yes, sir.
Well, then go.
Miss Lee, check signals.
Now, cancel that well-upholstered middle-aged
mother-in-residence and hold on to those Peruvian bankers.
I'll make the conference in time.
Right.
And call Miss Dawson.
I will lunch with her today and theater
tonight as planned.
Right.
Oh, I got it under control now.
It's gonna be sunshine and downhill all
the way.
Oh!
Oh!