House of Stassi (2026) s01e02 Episode Script

1
[curious music]
- I'm a boss.
Yes.
This is my Taylor Swift moment!
- I'm very busy.
- I'm glad that we get
another opportunity.
Sassy Katie 2.0.
- 2.0.
- Uh, Georgi is moving in.
We also have
the Stranger Things premiere.
I am hosting
the Tell Me Lies podcast.
And we have Teddy and Georgia's
birthday also.
So yeah, lots going on,
and the work never ends.
- I'm doing
the best that I can.
- It's not good enough for me.
STASSI:
I'm gonna throw up.
Just stay tuned, okay?
[dramatic music]
♪
STASSI:
Do you like Bloody Marys?
- [softly]
No.
STASSI: You can reduce anything
to a cocktail.
So Beau's sister, Georgia,
is staying with us
for an extended period of time
from Italy.
GEORGIA:
Can you do a spritz for me?
- Let me just make
this first and then--
GEORGIA:
Yeah, no rush.
- I love Georgia,
but this has, like,
shifted everything
in our house.
When I wake up in the morning,
there's somebody there.
- Put on a shirt.
Oh, my God.
- Why?
STASSI: I looked at the
situation and I was like,
you know what this needs?
More sisters.
So Georgi's moving in today,
and now we're all gonna have
to live with that choice.
[dramatic choral vocalization]
♪
GEORGI: I don't know how
I'm gonna do this.
All right.
[whimsical music]
[doorbell rings]
BEAU:
Oh, no.
Don't ring
the [bleep] doorbell.
[dog barking]
Shh, shh, shh, shh.
- You're already
messing things up.
Messer's napping.
Strike one, but who's counting?
[chuckles]
Shh, she's gonna die.
GEORGI:
You think so?
BEAU:
Where are we putting that?
GEORGI: So there's, like,
gonna be a Madame Leota ball
right there for her
Haunted Mansion room.
STASSI:
Oh, my God.
GEORGI: She has her
pink heart bedroom.
GEORGIA: Did you made it?
GEORGI: Yeah.
- Wow.
- You made that?
GEORGI: Yeah.
- How?
- Beautiful art, beautiful
creations should equal money.
Like, figure out
a way to make money
doing this impressive shit
that I could never do.
Like, she has the skill,
this [bleep] talent.
And she has $3.
- Is everything in there?
Like--
- You have bags?
- In the trunk?
GEORGI:
I have a ton of stuff.
♪
- Oh, shit.
You do have a lot of stuff.
STASSI:
Trash bags?
Who travels in trash bags?
Where are her suitcases?
Why is there greenery?
This is diabolical,
the way you travel.
- Why?
BEAU:
You have a lot of stuff.
- Well, I am moving here.
BEAU: I'm just saying,
if you want me to help, like,
stack some stuff,
I have the garage.
STASSI: This conversation
is stressing me out,
so let's just--
I'm gonna choose
to just ignore it.
- Brilliant.
STASSI: Yeah.
Are you excited
about being in LA?
GEORGI:
I'm glad I'm here.
[chuckles] I was
a little stressed, but--
- Stressed about me?
GEORGI: Yeah. That's all.
I'm so glad Stassi
wants me here.
But there is a ton
of things I would like
to discuss with her still.
You know how to wrap
this up in a way
where I just feel like
the menace.
- And I'm not trying
to make you feel like that.
- I don't feel like
you've ever thought through
any of the choices
that you make.
- And so I'm going
into this house now
kind of walking on eggshells.
I'm not okay still.
- Did you talk to Rob?
- I said hey in the beginning
and said bye at the end, so--
Rob's an old friend of mine
I've known for a while.
He is my daughter's godfather.
He is my best friend.
But I haven't talked to him
in nine months because--
[bell dings]
[sighs]
During football season,
I didn't congratulate him
on his team's wins
on a couple of group chats.
And I clapped back.
And then here we are.
- This is not about
[bleep] football,
and I won't let either of them
convince the world that it is.
BEAU:
It's wild to me that, like,
nine months can go by,
and, like, I have zero--
STASSI: I get it.
That's how I felt about Katie.
I need Beau and Rob
to talk this out
because I freaking love Rob,
and he is so great
with our kids.
And also,
it's really inconvenient
when two cast members
stop speaking.
You're gonna see Rob at Teddy
and Georgia's birthday party.
- Yeah.
It's just I'm [bleep] stubborn.
- But, like,
life gets way easier
when you choose not to be.
- I know.
I just don't like
confrontation.
And I know that there's gonna
be some type of confrontation,
and I'm just not
looking forward to it.
Now I'm just gonna focus
on, like, fun things,
being my wife's plus-one to
the Stranger Things premiere.
You know the little
triangle thing?
This? What's that?
Greater than? Less than?
Stranger Things, Rob.
This gets the "greater than."
♪
- Are you excited?
I'm Teddy.
- Hi, Teddy.
- Nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you.
Congratulations.
- I'm Taylor.
- Hi, Taylor.
Congratulations
- It's nice to meet you.
Thank you.
- You too.
- I would be insane
not to be a little worried,
just, like,
given the history of people
on reality television shows
and relationships.
Like, Teddy and I
are so strong,
and I'm still
a little bit worried.
Like, oh, my God,
what if this, like--
what if this ended
our marriage?
And also,
she's pregnant and hormonal!
I'm a little bit nervous.
So, like, I kind of
wanna barf on myself.
- Come sit.
- Come and sit?
- Okay, where should Mommy sit?
And where should Daddy sit?
- Daddy.
TAYLOR:
Teddy and I have done
basically nothing
to prepare for this baby.
So while we're here in LA
for work stuff with Stassi
- I'm just so over where
my podcast is right now.
I think the answer to it
is to combine forces.
- I am game.
Teddy and I are gonna do
this lactation course
because she needs to learn
how to milk herself, right?
TARA: Breastfeeding
and chest feeding
is a beautiful way to bond.
- Oh.
TARA: Skin to skin is
a beautiful way to bond.
- Yes, I've seen that
on TikTok.
- Have you ever heard
of the first milk,
which is called colostrum?
TEDDY: Mm-mm.
TAYLOR:
No.
- So you can sort of massage a
little bit towards your armpit,
just like that.
- Oh.
TARA:
It's just gentle.
And then you're going to
take your fingers,
and line them up near
your areola, push back,
and I already see
colostrum coming.
- What?
- Yeah.
- Like, oil?
- [gasping]
TARA:
No, no, no, that's colostrum.
That's first milk.
You're gonna--oh,
you're gonna try it too?
[laughs]
That's good too.
It's really good for your--
- I wasn't supposed to do that?
- It's really good
for your immune system.
That's great.
- Teddy's colostrum
tastes like sugar water.
Ooh!
Once she has the baby,
I'm gonna make us
Teddy breast milk cocktails.
Mix it with a little bit
of Kahlua,
a little bit of whiskey.
- All right, you guys,
I'm gonna leave you
with those, okay?
- Thank you so much.
Thank you, thank you.
- Yeah. Oh, my God.
- You said you wanted to be,
like, a 20% parent.
- Yeah.
- Where are we at now?
- Right after
you have the baby,
I really wanna be up
on our roof in the hot tub,
laying out.
And, like, that will make me
really mad at the baby
if I, like,
don't have a good tan.
I also feel like I am
still a little bit worried
about feeling left out.
Even, like, when
we're all together,
like, you guys kind of
leave me out.
I don't know.
It's like, oh, she's kicking.
And then I, like, touch it,
and she's, like,
a raccoon in a spotlight.
- [laughs]
- Like, she does it.
It's, like, hurtful.
I am the queen of using humor
to deflect from my fears.
Like, I'm freaking out.
And I'm, like,
super nervous about how
this baby is going to affect
the way that I can work
because a lot of my work
is, like,
me doing what Stassi
needs me to do.
And now my wife's
gonna need me to, like,
do what she needs me to do.
And like,
am I gonna be able to?
- I think you're gonna be
much better than you think.
Um, my birthday's in two days.
I do have one request.
- Yes.
TEDDY: Can you guess?
- Drag queens.
- Drag queens.
- I'm working on something.
TEDDY: Really?
- Yes, I got you.
So it's Teddy's birthday,
and it's Georgia's birthday,
so we're doing a joint party.
But, like, Teddy always
makes me feel so special
on my birthday, so, like,
I feel a lot of pressure
to do that for her, but, like,
I suck at doing things.
But then you add Georgia to it,
and, like, I'm sweating this.
Can I ask one favor of you?
TEDDY: Mm-hmm.
- Can you please not kiss
the drag queens?
- I can't guarantee that.
- Oh.
- [chuckling]
[whimsical vocalization]
♪
LO: Wait, so what's
the look for this?
STASSI: Honestly, my hair
with the bun slicked back.
- Uh-huh.
- We didn't really
decide on makeup.
I just said, make it moodier.
LO:
'Cause Stranger Things.
- Yeah, moodier because
of Stranger Things.
LO:
Yeah.
- I'm in awe of, like, half
the things that I get to do.
I'm like, wow, I get to go to
the Stranger Things premiere.
If you would have told me that
this was gonna be my life,
I would have been like,
well, first of all, yeah,
I'm manifesting that.
My 10-year-old self
would be like, duh,
that's in my binder right now.
- Um, speaking of Netflix,
I got a kind of
crazy email yesterday.
- What?
[suspenseful music]
♪
[dramatic music]
- I got a kind of
crazy email yesterday.
- What?
- So Netflix is interested
in hosting
the video version of your
podcast on their platform.
- Are you joking?
- I'm not joking.
- So it's happening?
- Wait!
♪
I feel like I'm being
tricked right now.
I can't cheat on Hulu!
- Hulu is okay with it.
- Why did you wait?
- Because we wanted
to make sure that
we got your real reaction.
[bell dings]
If you wanna take it,
I have to get back to--
- I wanna [bleep] take it!
I can't believe that
this is even happening.
It really is a dream.
Anything Netflix is scary
because I'm Disney talent now.
But honestly,
I am game to do anything
I am legally allowed to do.
And, Beau, I hear
you wanna go back to work.
Come on.
You don't need to.
LO: You don't need to.
STASSI: You don't need to.
BEAU:
No, I wanna go back to work.
Silence.
[tense music]
- [sighs]
♪
It complicates things.
Like, if you're then
going to work every day,
I have to say no to a lot of
jobs that actually pay a lot.
BEAU:
It stinks a little bit.
You know, I wanna
go back to work.
Hello?
I've been talking to you
about going back to work
for a year and a half now.
- Do you really wanna
go back to casting?
- Yes, except the fact is--
- No, you don't.
- I will be gone from,
like, 9:30 to 6:00.
Why don't we try it out?
- No.
- Try it out
for a [bleep] month.
[dramatic music]
STASSI:
It disrupts our family life.
It disrupts everything
that I already am,
like, stressed about.
- I love taking care
of my home.
And as much as I love
being a father,
I didn't think
that I would be losing
all the other pieces
that made me, me.
- It's never gonna be 50/50,
but, like, I will pay you
not to go back to work.
BEAU: You know, I don't care
about the money for work.
It's not about that.
It's about me doing something
that I love,
that I've been doing
for a very long time.
And it gives me a sense of self
and of purpose
that I at least--
I'm doing something on my own.
I think she's just--
she's totally missed the point.
- That's pretty [bleep] fair.
Do you know what I mean?
I'm nervous about Beau
going back to work
because there's just,
like, so much unknown.
Yes, we have Sonia,
but Sonia watches Messer.
Like, Beau takes care of,
like, all of the little things
that I don't have time to do.
He cooks.
He cleans our house.
He, like, fixes our house.
He takes care of appointments,
schedules.
If he was gone,
who would do that?
That freaks me out.
STAFF:
Well, hell yeah. Cheers.
STASSI: Whoo!
STAFF: Cheers.
- Cheers.
STAFF: Yay.
[laughter]
[tense music]
♪
STASSI: Normally,
when we go to red carpets,
you're sleeping.
- I get tired.
I just have to take a nap.
- I hate when you do that.
- You know what?
You cook for the kids tomorrow.
[sighs]
- I mean, that's just rude.
I hate cooking.
It's not for me.
♪
I'm gonna need you
to take that back, sir.
[chuckles]
Walk that one back.
PERSON: Well, if it isn't my
favorite couple to third wheel.
STASSI:
Oh, cute!
PAPARAZZI: One more time,
Stassi, right here.
PAPARAZZI:
Stassi, right here on the end.
PAPARAZZI: Left shoulder.
PAPARAZZI: Stassi!
♪
[whimsical vocalization]
- Messer, can you not do that?
- Start, like, here.
PHOTOGRAPHER:
Beautiful.
♪
- Come on.
Who is that?
- [gasps]
Well, hey!
- Ransom, who is it?
Hi.
How are you?
- I'm all right.
How are you?
- Well, you sound fantastic.
- Yeah, I've been better,
honestly.
- Have you?
- Yeah.
So I don't have a lot
of friends here in LA
as of right now,
but thank God for Rob
because he's willing
to come and hang out with me
and talk some shit,
so saving grace.
[laughs]
You look good.
- Thank you very much.
- You look tan.
- You look nice too.
- Rob and I have known each
other since I,
I guess, have known Beau.
- My name's Rob Evors.
I'm from Philadelphia,
Pennsylvania.
Go, Birds.
- Everyone says you're
not allowed to date Rob.
Don't look at Rob.
Y'all are both flirts.
But I am not attracted to Rob.
What are you gonna get?
- There's this "More" coffee.
- Amore, love?
- Amore latte?
Georgi and I have
a really good friendship.
I think she finds me
attractive.
I find her attractive.
But she's always been
Stassi's sister.
- I thought about it one time
but never acted on it.
- We've never
crossed that line.
I'm not that guy.
- Okay, so I'm gonna invite
myself over and use your pool.
Please.
When can I?
- Georgi, I told you,
you come over anytime you want.
How are things going
at the house, by the way?
It's gotta be cramped.
- Yeah, it's a little cramped.
I moved here from
Portland, Oregon,
because I did
just get divorced.
I am a struggling artist
all the time.
[chuckles]
Everyone knows I have no money.
I'm broke as [bleep].
I am broke as [bleep].
And now I'm sharing a bed with
Georgia, very close quarters.
It is so--like, we are
literally on top of each other.
- I can't imagine you guys
being that--
- Do you wanna hear
the rules that I have?
- Whose rules?
- Georgia's rules.
- Shut up.
- So when we get out
of the bed in the morning,
she'll first put a pillow in
between us so we don't touch.
- Mm-hmm, okay.
- Then we have to wipe
the dead skin off.
For you.
GEORGIA: No, we have to open
the window before we do that.
- What?
- Otherwise,
we breathe all the skin--
- The unspoken house rules.
And then we open the window
because it has to air out.
Fresh-ass air.
Feel that?
And so we wipe that off.
Then we remake the bed.
And we don't charge
our phones near us.
They charge in the other room
because of the frequency.
I need my phone by my bed.
Like, how am I supposed
to fall asleep
without an hour or two
of doomscrolling?
ROB:
Oh, I'm sorry, darling.
GEORGI:
No, it's okay.
But yeah, Beau was, like,
frantic this morning because--
- Why?
- Stassi's been so busy.
Well, Stassi's been so busy.
So she just had, like,
the podcast and a whole bunch
of other things she has to do.
- So she's--
- So he's been working
double time.
- Can you put that away?
I didn't realize that
no one took these out.
So these are all clean.
If you could just, like--
some of their toys
are just randomly there.
- Yeah, we'll pick it all up.
- Also, you need to watch him.
- Yeah.
- Okay?
- Messer!
I feel like they expect me--
- To, like, be a nanny?
- Yes.
I don't have kids,
nor do I want them anymore.
[laughs]
That sounds so evil.
[laughs]
But no, it's not
what I signed up for.
I signed up to be closer
to the kids,
but also to put myself first.
I'm trying to get
a career in my art.
Like, I am my own
main character
of my own [bleep] life.
- You didn't tell me
what happened at the party.
I mean, I saw you
talking to Stassi
and reading the letter to her.
- Well, I read it to her
because I wanted her to hear
my tone,
which might have been worse,
but whatever.
I opened up to you
about my insecurities,
like divorce, where I'm at
in life, dating, and all of it.
And it hurt to feel like those
things were used against me
in moments of anger.
Like, I just really feel
like nobody sees me.
I'm just, like, I exist,
and I'm here to serve.
Why am I your little bitch?
- Right.
Look, it seems like
it is their world,
and we're in it.
You know what I mean? So--
- Yes, it does.
And it's already
so much, like--
- And if you ask them
for anything for your world,
you're gonna be told
to grow up.
- Yes.
- You know what I mean?
It's hard when people
have different stages
in life at different times.
And Beau and I
are going through
that "different stages
at different times"
part of our friendship.
But I feel like I've done
everything I can
to keep up with
where his life is going.
GEORGI: So now,
with that being said,
when are you gonna
talk to Beau?
ROB: Okay, listen, when I saw
him at the Halloween party,
I was giving him
a chance to talk to me
after he's the one that
[bleep] talked shit to me.
- Yeah. Yeah.
- Right?
But he never did.
Beau inviting me
to the Halloween party
felt like an olive branch.
It felt like him saying, hey,
we haven't talked in a bit.
This would be a good time
for us to just see each other,
and maybe we can just
kind of talk things out.
But it looked like
Beau was preoccupied with
whatever was going on with
Stassi and Katie at the time,
so didn't happen.
It's just frustrating.
That--that's frustrating.
Beau doesn't seem like
the old Beau
that he used to be,
the jovial,
"light up the room" Beau.
And I really wanna
get to the root of, like,
what it is that's causing
this rift between us.
Like, I wanna know
if there's something deeper,
if there's a resentment
or something there.
So, like,
at Georgia and Teddy's party,
I want him to [bleep] apologize
for how he spoke to me,
you know?
If he's gonna come at me
with, like, excuses,
and "you did that"--
and pointing the finger,
that's not gonna
fly with me at all.
- Yeah.
I totally get that Rob
wants to talk to Beau.
Like, that's very valid.
But also, I've been so excited
to party with these queens,
to hang out, to celebrate
Teddy and Georgia's birthday,
and, like, not have drama.
No? Nobody?
[chuckles]
- I match energies.
- Yeah.
- So if he comes at me
explosive,
I can be more explosive.
- It's gonna be a great party.
♪
[bright music]
- Am I so Kris Jenner?
BEAU: Hold on, hold on.
No, don't eat that.
No, no.
Hold on.
Guys, come on.
- [whining]
- [sighs]
- I mean, am I really
Kris Jenner right now?
I'm not there yet.
I'm on my way.
♪
Oh, my God.
I have my own podcast
that I am going
to be doing with
Taylor Strecker,
but then I'm also hosting
the Hulu official
Tell Me Lies podcast,
so lots of podcasts.
[gasps] Seeing you guys
in real life?
I'm Stassi.
- Hi!
- It's so nice to meet you--
- It's so nice to meet you.
- Alicia--
- I'm Sonia.
- Sonia.
- Nice to meet you.
- Tell Me Lies is one
of the greatest TV shows
in American history.
It's so surreal to be
hosting a podcast
of one of my favorite shows,
but it's also
great Disney synergy.
I feel like I know everything
about you, but it's not you.
- Right.
Yeah, yeah.
- And then I found out
that the star,
Grace Van Patten, modeled
her relationship on camera
off of me
and my ex-boyfriend, Jax.
[bell dings]
Like, I have PTSD every time
he comes on screen.
- Yeah.
- Welcome back to Hulu's
Tell Me Lies official podcast.
I'm your host,
Stassi Schroeder.
And watch the rest of this
podcast only on Hulu.
LO:
Half of the day down.
STASSI: Is it really half?
- Yeah. It's lunch.
- I'm just gonna shovel this
in my mouth.
I don't care about
what I look like.
- Can we go through some stuff
that's upcoming?
I have a laundry list.
- Work is a lot right now,
so I am really looking forward
to Teddy and Georgia's
drama-free birthday party.
[bell dings]
I want a nap.
- [chuckles]
♪
[knocking on door]
- Coming!
- Hello!
I got you something that's
a little "womb-derful."
- "Womb-derful"?
- "Womb-derful."
Look at this.
- That's horrible.
What a gift, Beau!
- I know Taylor is nervous
about having a baby,
so I'm gonna, you know,
give her some fatherly advice.
I brought the birthing doll
to help ease Taylor
in the birthing process
and just have some
real examples to show her.
- Cheers. Love you.
- Love you.
- Talk about,
you know, the birth.
It's a lot.
Like, I just heard the sounds.
Like--
- What does it sound like?
- [imitating squelching]
My mother told me
a long time ago
because I passed out
in health class
seeing one of those videos
of pregnancies
to just never look at it
coming out.
So I made sure
that I never did that.
I stood by Stassi's--
you know, her shoulder.
And Hartford came out,
lots of bloop sounds and
stuff falling on the ground,
and it just felt slippery.
So I'm nervous for Taylor.
You try. You try.
- Just push her through.
- Just put--just--just--God!
- This is a nightmare.
- Here, I'm just gonna li--
I'm gonna get it wet.
- Please don't.
- This is gross.
Well, I gotta get it out.
- Is this what it looks like?
- What, a vagina?
- Yeah.
- You're a lesbian.
Like, when you go down there,
like, you close your eyes,
and you're like--
- Yeah.
- Oh, there it is?
- I close my eyes,
and I get down to business.
I'm what you would call
a late-in-life lesbian.
So I was married to a man
for five years,
and then we got a divorce.
And then I met Tay,
and we fell in love.
And then I fell
into her vagina,
and it was wonderful.
Oh, my [bleep] God!
- He really likes it in there.
- Oh!
- Oh.
[laughter]
- [bleep].
You decapitated my baby!
And then I was like,
oh, my God, epiphany.
Like, I've been a lesbian
this whole time.
And, like, come to think of it,
when my friends would talk
about giving [bleep]
and, like, liking it,
I was like, no, you're lying.
Also, you're a perv.
I need to drink.
- [sighs]
- I need to drink.
Oh, vey.
BEAU:
How is everything?
- Mm, we're getting
down to the wire.
You know I'm not a doer, right?
- Yeah.
- Like, Tay does everything.
Do you know that planning
her side of the party
has nearly broke my soul?
- Yeah.
- Between the gift and the cake
and the [bleep] balloons.
BEAU:
Oh, you got balloons?
- And I got them
for Georgia too.
I did--
BEAU: Oh, thank you.
- I did a clump of rainbow,
but I got her
Italian color balloons.
So it's gonna be a big,
gay Italian birthday party.
- Yeah.
[chuckles]
- So what's up with you?
- Just the normal shit.
Having two kids is a lot.
It's the same schedule
every day.
But then,
now Stassi's working so much--
TAYLOR: Yep.
- And it's a lot.
I feel like I'm just numb.
- Yeah.
- And it's like,
not back at work.
- Yeah,
what's going on with that?
- Nothing, I mean,
she kind of just shut it down.
She was just like,
how much do you make a day?
I'll just pay you
what they're paying you,
just to stay home
and do what you're doing.
And I'm like,
that [bleep] is rude.
That sucks.
It's like--
TAYLOR: You're like, it's not--
- Like, it's not about--
TAYLOR: About the money.
- It's not about the thing.
I'm trying to, like,
balance wanting her
to, like, have her space
to be able to, like,
not stress out
when she's working.
- Right.
- But then, also, it's like,
I'm sitting here, I'm angry,
I'm resentful--
TAYLOR: Yeah.
- And I'm just
shoving it down.
I've just got so, like,
detached, in a sense,
from her where it's like,
we're roommates.
- I know.
I know, I know.
- Like, I just--
like, I don't feel, like
[soft music]
Worthy, kind of.
- It's okay.
- I think it's just easier
to talk to Taylor at the moment
because I'm trying not
to stress out Stass.
She's got the show going on.
She has her podcast.
She's got brand deals.
And hopefully, at some point,
I'll be able to find the words
to just have a chat with Stass
and let her know
how I've been feeling.
But first, I have to go to
a birthday party and see Rob.
If I didn't already have a call
time, I'd probably skip it.
♪
I don't know.
I'm just not really happy.
TAYLOR:
Okay.
Well, we're gonna fix that,
okay?
♪
[upbeat music]
♪
TAYLOR:
Okay, let's set everything.
The theme of today's birthday
is gay!
It's Teddy's birthday,
but it's also Georgia's too.
So the theme is,
we're here and we're queer
and Italian too.
I am so frazzled.
- Why don't you go get yourself
a cocktail?
- [laughs]
Ugh!
In the back of my head, I know
I have to talk to Stassi.
- Hi. Chic-y, chic.
- Oh, hi.
- And so I am just, like,
so anxious 'cause
I feel like I know something
she doesn't know,
which makes me feel
super uncomfortable.
And I really don't
wanna be the messenger.
GEORGI:
Hi! How can I help?
- The messenger
always gets killed.
And so I just wanna stay alive.
I have a baby on the way!
KATIE: Hi.
TAYLOR: Hello.
- Katie.
- Hi.
- Hello.
- How are you?
- Cheeky.
- How are you?
ROB: Walking into
Hamburger Mary's,
I don't know if Beau and I
are gonna say hi to each other
and kind of, like,
push things under the rug,
or if we're actually gonna
get into it today.
And it's kind of
nerve-wracking.
KATIE: Cute.
TAYLOR: Everybody helped.
Everybody helped.
- We're at Hamburger Mary's.
- What's up, buddy?
- Good to see ya.
- Good to see you.
[bell dinging]
- Hi.
- Hi.
- How are you?
- Good to see you.
- Good to see you too.
- Seeing Rob today
is just giving me
a little bit of anxiety.
I don't like conflict.
It's easy just to ghost.
STASSI: Beau doesn't
wanna face the outcome of--
of what it would mean
to confront Rob.
I think he wants to just,
like, keep it easy,
even though it's, like,
murky waters or whatever.
[dramatic music]
- Hi, guys.
- Hi!
- Happy birthday!
[cheering]
- Happy birthday!
- Oh, my God.
- Okay, you can either
do a sash or a boa.
And there's two crowns.
- And you gotta pick a crown.
GEORGIA:
I would pick this one.
- I--
[laughs]
ALL:
Oh!
- Hey.
[upbeat music]
[cheers and applause]
Sup, everybody?
- Should we do a shot
with you guys?
BEAU:
Yeah!
- All right, let's do it.
BEAU: Cheers, everybody.
- Cheers, guys.
- To Teddy and Georgia.
[cheering]
Teddy and Georgia.
- I'm gonna throw up.
Yes, Georgia!
- Watching Georgia dance
with these drag queens,
um, I think this party is
a little bit more for Teddy.
- Whoo!
That water's strong.
♪
- I'm just gonna be honest.
It's my fault.
I should have put
more brotherly love
into planning this,
but it was Teddy's birthday,
and-and-and Taylor started it.
And then I kind of--
oh, can I jump in?
And I'll bring flags.
If I went to Italy
for a birthday party there,
and she would have,
like, American flags
all over the place, I'd be
like, what the [bleep] is this?
[cheers and applause]
But hey, it looks like
she's having a great time.
ROB:
You need a drink?
Wanna come with me
to get one real quick?
This is the first time
that I'm gonna actually
pull Beau aside to have
a conversation with me.
I'm anxious to see
how it's gonna turn out.
BEAU: I'll have another
tequila soda,
splash of cranberry.
- I'll have another
Tito's soda.
♪
What's up, friend?
- Just surviving.
- Yeah.
I mean, I just wanted
to pull you aside,
and whatever's going on here,
I wanna, like,
get it over with.
And the last text that I got
from you hurt my feelings.
And the way you talked to me
kind of hurt my feelings.
I was waiting for, like, a week
later for you to be like,
sorry, dude,
I was going through shit,
I was busy, blah, blah, blah.
And then that never came.
And then as time went on,
I was like, [bleep].
He really doesn't care.
- It's not that I don't care.
I just--looking back at, like,
messages of me
not congratulating you,
I just felt like
it was very childish.
And so I--I was annoyed,
and I was like,
this is so [bleep] stupid.
So the last thing
that I texted you is, like,
I actually cannot believe
the dumb, childish things
that you're messaging me about.
I love football.
I love my team,
but I would never get upset
if someone didn't text me
and congratulate me on my team.
I wouldn't be messaging--
[in mocking voice] You didn't--
you didn't congratulate me.
Oh, I'm gonna cry
and just message everyone else.
[in normal voice]
Childish.
But 35-year-old Rob is
the same as 49-year-old Rob.
He's still dating the young
women, going out to the--
you know, the same bars.
- It's the exact opposite.
I barely leave my house because
I'm [bleep] 49, and I'm tired.
- And then you sidebar
and being like,
well, [bleep] your team.
I'm never gonna congratulate
you, but I still love you.
But I know
you're really happy for us.
I'm like, what the [bleep]
is this? Grow up.
- You don't tell
another man to grow up.
What do you--
do you think a grown-up
is somebody who has kids?
- No.
- That's not being a grown-up.
- I'm seeing it
in your actions.
Like, this is a childish--
- It's being emotionally
intelligent enough to have--
to communicate
what you're feeling,
not just telling somebody
to [bleep] grow up.
[tense music]
- What's happening?
- He has had--
Beau has had so much [bleep]
anxiety all yesterday
about how he was gonna
see Rob today.
And I'm like,
if you talk to him,
I'm like, you need to think
about what your goal is.
Is your goal to be right,
or is your goal to build
your friendship back?
- Wow.
Yeah.
♪
[dramatic music]
ROB: You don't tell
another man to grow up.
BEAU: I just think
we're in a different place.
You know what I mean?
It's like, you don't understand
the day-to-day grind
that I have with my children,
with my wife.
- It's been really hard
for a really long time
to watch Beau struggle
with this friendship.
I would love if Beau and Rob
could work things out
'cause then they could
go off, relax,
have cocktails, like,
distract Beau from wanting
to go back to work.
And, like, I need Beau
to be happy on this show.
Like, I need this to work out.
BEAU:
What you hold important
and what I hold important
are two completely--
ROB: But do you understand
that, like--
I just--
I feel like maybe myself,
because I'm not in
the same place you are in life,
might not be
as important to you.
- It's not that.
It's just Messer has grown.
- Yeah.
- He's harder to be with.
Stassi is working more.
I'm taking care of the house.
I'm cooking all the time.
I'm doing, [bleep],
like, everything.
- If you put that in the text,
the stupid football text
I sent, sans the "grow up"
and "what you're saying
is stupid,"
then I'd have been like,
I [bleep] get it.
You know that I love you.
You know that
I'm always gonna be here.
That's what--that's what
[bleep] Madden is to me.
That's when we get together
and play football
downstairs in the library.
That's where I get to cry
about my mom dying,
and you get to tell me
about your shit.
You know what I mean?
Like, that's what it is to me.
So it hurts when I get
kind of, like, dismissed,
no matter what it is.
I would love
to leave here today
knowing that we kind of are
back where we were before,
you know?
- I miss you.
- I miss you, too, a lot.
A lot.
Beau and I have been through
a lot in the last 15, 20 years.
And Stassi and Beau and the
kids have become my family.
So this--fixing this is
very, very important to me.
Come here.
I know you don't hug,
but give me a hug.
I love you, buddy.
BEAU: I love you too.
Hey, look at that.
We cleared the air.
Now it's like
we can hang out,
you know, start anew,
figure out our friendship
from where we're at right now.
That'll be fun.
TAYLOR: He's emotional
like I'm emotional.
You're more like Teddy,
and you're like, lack thereof.
And Beau and I are like
Pisces, you know, losers.
- [laughs]
Asshole.
I love Pisces.
- We're just so sensitive.
TAYLOR: By the way,
I met with Beau yesterday.
And--I don't know--
I kind of just feel like--
can we just, like,
go talk about it,
just quickly, the two of us?
And then come back and tell me
everything you talked about.
- Got it.
[laughter]
Obviously.
If the situation were reversed
and Teddy was feeling the way
that Beau was feeling,
and Stassi knew and didn't
tell me, I would be upset.
So I know I have
to fill Stassi in on this.
I didn't wanna, like,
have this conversation
in front of everybody.
I was gonna first ask you.
So he didn't tell you
about anything that
we talked about yesterday?
STASSI: I asked him.
I was like, hey,
how was Taylor's?
And he was like,
it was fun, you know?
And that was it.
[laughs]
- Right, okay.
If I'm being honest,
I do feel a little bad
even being the one
to say something.
So we were just talking
about the job stuff,
and, like,
I must have hit a nerve,
and I didn't realize I did.
And it's kind of what just
got him to, like, break.
He was crying.
I know.
Like, Stass,
he's really struggling.
- With what?
- He needs you to support him
going back to work.
That's what he needs.
He did bring up how you said,
well, don't go back to casting,
I'll just pay you the money.
- Why can't he tell me
these things?
Like, I feel, like, horrible.
TAYLOR: I know.
- Like, I--
TAYLOR:
I know, I know, I know, I know.
Stass, Stass, Stass.
[tense music]
- I just can't believe
that he would cry to you
when he hasn't even
brought it up to me.
As a couple,
there's a lot at stake
when you put your whole life
out there on reality TV.
But I know that I'm doing
everything that I can
for my family
to have a great life.
But it does cause strain
on my relationships,
and that just terrifies me.
TAYLOR:
So just give him a little,
um
just a little, like, empathy
with what he's going through,
even though I know
you don't quite get it.
He's just hurting.
- I need to have
a conversation with Beau.
♪
[stirring music]
♪
STASSI: When Taylor told me
Beau cried to her,
I was confused
because this hasn't been
brought to my attention
in a really long time.
♪
Then when I heard
he was unhappy, I was hurt.
And then I'm like,
try not to be hurt.
This isn't about you.
This is about him.
♪
- I am done.
Mm.
- Do you feel bad?
BEAU:
No.
- You look like you do, like,
mentally and emotionally.
I'm gonna change.
And then when I heard about,
like, the things that I said,
I was like, [bleep],
I feel horrible.
Like, I have contributed
to this
in ways I, like,
didn't realize.
I don't wanna, like, pile on
- [sighs]
- But Taylor told me that
when you went to her house,
you were crying to her.
Why?
- [sighs]
I just haven't been--I just,
like, haven't felt very good
about myself,
about, like, where I'm at.
I feel overwhelmed.
I feel that I'm just,
like, in a hamster wheel.
Like, I have, like, this
dark void in my, like, gut.
Most of the time,
I'm putting on a happy face.
- Okay, that's scary.
- Well, I'm happy.
- No, you're not.
- But I'm not happy.
- [laughs]
So [bleep].
- But it's, like--
it's, like, I'm not capital
letters happy, all caps.
I'm, like, a capital H with,
like, the rest lowercase.
- You're not even a capital.
- No, I'm a capital H.
- No.
You're, like, a Comic Sans
lowercase all happy.
- At least it's chic.
STASSI: It's not chic.
- It's not?
- It's cringe.
What is it that you want to do?
- Casting.
- [sighs] It's really,
really, really hard.
Like, it--it is.
Like, I wanna be open-minded,
and I want--
I want you to be happy.
Like, you have
so many opportunities.
You have, like, [bleep]--
BEAU: Do you think I like
doing Instagram ads?
- 700,000 Instagram followers.
But that's a whole audience.
Think about that.
- I've literally been doing
something for 17 years,
and I really,
really enjoyed it.
STASSI:
Okay.
- And I was really,
really good at it.
- I know.
BEAU: It made me happy.
- Okay.
I just want you
to dream bigger.
[whimsical music]
I'm trying to get you
brand deals.
Can we manifest a little bit
higher right now?
- Am I supposed to be, like,
super influencer Beau, at home,
working during the kids'
nap time and posting,
"Look at these pots and pans,
only $9.99.
[bell dinging]
I cook with them with my kids."
Yeah, I don't know.
What is "dream bigger"?
STASSI:
I'm in this relationship
over here thinking,
everything's great.
- I think it's because
you have all your needs met
because you do like
your alone time,
you're back on track with work,
and my love language
is physical touch.
And every time
I say physical touch,
you just think it's about--
- I know.
I know it's not physical.
- Having sex every other day.
- I know.
I know.
- It's about, like,
giving me a hug
when you wake up
in the morning.
I just literally just feel like
a 1950s housewife
where I have my apron on,
I'm cleaning everything,
I'm feeding the kids,
and then, like, you come over,
and it's like,
can I have a beer?
And, like, you sit down
in front of the TV
and put your hands down
your pants like Al Bundy.
[laughs]
You know what I mean?
It's, like,
that sometimes, like, this--
- I don't do that.
- I know you don't do that,
but sometimes
that's how I feel
because it's, like,
we don't have that, like,
connection all the time.
I feel just kind of, like,
I'm here by myself
with my roommate.
[tense music]
♪
- [crying]
BEAU: See, this is what
I didn't want you to feel.
And this is why I'm just like,
I wish I didn't say anything
because now I--
- No, I want you to say things.
I want you to--
I want you to say things.
The way that you tell me you
don't want things to build up,
I need to make
more of an effort.
When I hear him say
something like that, like,
I don't know
when this happened.
All I know is
him being with me
in the thick of it every day
for the last five years.
I became a mom, and he was
with me the whole entire time.
It's, like, my safety blanket
to have him near me
and helping me
and being a rock for me.
And so I'm trying to, like,
be calm and be as supportive
as I possibly can be.
- Yes, but we
already started it.
[scoffs]
And I've already been working
for years to get here.
I can't just stop now
because all of a sudden,
he waited till this very moment
to tell me that.
You just gotta work through it.
And if anyone can, I can.
Oh, my God,
you're gonna leave me
for someone younger whose love
language is physical touch.
- I hope you're joking.
- There's always that chance.
- Okay.
STASSI: There's always a little
bit of, like, but what if?
Nothing's impossible.
BEAU: But why would you even
say something like that?
I'm telling you my feelings.
I'm not trying to sit there--
- I know you're not trying
to make me feel bad.
You're not in charge of my
feelings, and I'm not mad.
- I'm not trying--
- I'm not mad.
I promise.
- [sighs]
♪
[stirring music]
- Being canceled,
that could have destroyed us.
Why didn't you
become resentful?
- You were pregnant.
- She's a dark
[bleep] passenger!
I'm gonna tiptoe around Stass
every chance I get.
But the fact
that you believe Georgia?
- You have consistently lied.
Get the [bleep] out of here
as soon as possible.
♪