How NOT to Summon a Demon Lord (2018) s01e02 Episode Script

[birds chirping]
[DIABLO groans]
[TAKUMA]
And I'm still here,
I guess.
That means it wasn't a dream.
So, am I stuck in
the Cross Reverie itself?
Or is this a world that just
coincidentally looks exac--
Nah, you know what?
Never mind.
Gotta stay focused today
and figure this out.
[bed creaks]
[boing]
[TAKUMA]
Hold on.
Was I sleeping on
a bed of gelatin?
[TAKUMA]
It's a boob!
[panting]
Okay, breathe it out.
Stay calm. Stay cool.
Stay Lordly.
Gently remove hand.
It won't come off!
Stop it. I said stop it!
How dare you betray me after
so many nights alone,
left hand?
[straining]
I'm the Demon Lord,
and I control you!
My right hand's still sane,
isn't it?
No. No, it's not!
Whoa, what a difference.
This is a perfect little bud,
just begging to blossom,
and this one's an overfilled
balloon full of pudding
that's on
the verge of bursting.
So resilient!
[TAKUMA]
These things are amazing!
[gasps]
But this is not a good look!
If anyone were to
walk in right now,
it'd be
sudden social death!
[SHERA groans]
Everything okay?
[DIABLO screams]
[screams]
No, those are mine!
You're not allowed
to touch them.
[DIABLO stutters]
I mean, at least
not right now.
Maybe if you
would choose me
as your master, then--
Seriously, just pick me!
It'll be great!
[DIABLO]
If I choose her, I get an
all-you-can-squeeze guarantee?
[REM groans]
[sighs]
Why are mew two so loud
this early in the morning?
[gasps]
[TAKUMA gasps]
No, I've got this.
I got it, I-- Don't--
Don't be an idiot.
I just gotta
own it with dignity.
[REM whimpering]
[DIABLO]
Rem, sit up straight.
[whimpers]
[DIABLO]
They're very small, but perky.
--[whap]
--[REM screams]
[DIABLO]
What is it, Rem?
Are you still angry
about this morning?
I never said I was angry.
I'd just prefer to
stop talking about it.
You're totally mad right now.
[DIABLO]
We've got Dwarves.
Grasswalkers.
Pantherians.
More elves.
[DIABLO grunts]
[TAKUMA]
And of course, Demons.
But no humans,
even though they're the most
common race in the game.
I wonder why
there aren't any
humans out today.
[REM] Maybe 'cause this is
where demihumans live.
[giggling] They don't really
like each other that much.
[TAKUMA]
I see.
So there's a bigger divide
between those two groups
in this world than in the game.
I guess that's
what was up with
the drunk guy last night.
Him and his pansy-ass
level 30 Summon.
How do you gauge someone's
strength in this world?
It sounds like you're
using a leveling system.
Um, yeah.
Which sucks, 'cause
I don't know my level yet.
As a level 40 Summoner,
I can guarantee
you're below my ranking.
They can assess you
at the Adventurer's Guild.
When we get there,
just give them your information.
--Really?
--Oh, yeah!
I never registered
as an adventurer!
That's why
I don't have a level, yet!
Yes! So I've gotta be
at least a level 50 by now!
I guess that depends on
how they're measuring.
You might be 50
below average.
[SHERA whines]
Why are you so rude?
[REM]
Why are you dumb?!
--[SHERA] I'm not!
--[REM] Prove it.
--[SHERA] I can't!
--[TAKUMA] This entire area was
supposed to be around
a level 60 in the game.
It definitely doesn't feel
that advanced in this world.
Once we're all
registered with the Guild,
we'll be able to
accept quests together.
[REM] Just a warning,
they're gonna make you guys
earn your lodging.
[CROWD murmuring]
I saw you licking his mole!
Hell yeah, I did!
Right after I licked your mom!
[DWARF 1] No one
talks about my mom! [grunts]
[DWARF 2 grunting]
I'll talk about your mom!
[TAKUMA]
A live Dwarf Fight?
They're so scary.
I feel like I'm gonna get
jumped in this place.
It happens
all the time here.
You'll get
used to the smell.
Come on. We register
on the second floor.
[DIABLO grunts]
Good.
[SHERA]
Name? Um
I'm Shera L. Greenwood.
Place of birth?
[TAKUMA]
What the hell does this say?
--[DIABLO] Shera!
--[SHERA] Huh?
[DIABLO]
Since when do I have time
to fill out paperwork?
You do it!
Don't skip anything!
Can I really?
Yeah.
[SHERA]
Yay!
I guess that means I'm
kinda like the master, now, huh?
[REM groans]
--[knife clatters]
--Almost done, sir.
Except, we'll need your
blood seal at the bottom.
[TAKUMA]
Blood seal?!
It's just a little prick,
you're used to it.
[whines]
I don't like blood.
[DIABLO chuckles]
You'll never succeed
as an Adventurer
if you freak
at something like this.
[TAKUMA gulps]
I'm not scared.
I'm fine. Like getting a shot.
Go!
[BOTH scream]
[DIABLO]
I hit the bone!
[whimpers]
[BOTH whimper]
[SHERA]
What's that thing?
[REM] It's a mirror
that measures
the strength of your power.
[SHERA]
But there's no reflection in it?
[RECEPTIONIST]
Please touch the glass
and imagine that
you're filling it with magic.
[SHERA]
Okay.
Like this?
[SHERA grunting]
Wow, that's incredible!
You did it!
--Very good!
--[REM sighs]
[RECEPTIONIST]
It's clear enough
to count every
pore and eyelash,
and it goes down to your chest!
So your level is--
[SHERA] It's high,
I can feel it!
A solid 30!
Shut up!
That means Rem won.
It means you got a
much-needed reality check
if you thought you were better.
[SHERA growls]
That's fine.
Just enjoy it
while you can, Rem!
Once I pass you
[TAKUMA] A 30 in
this lower-level world
is actually a
pretty high evaluation.
[RECEPTIONIST] Um, can I
please help the next person?
--[SHERA] I swear you are
--Right.
[SHERA]
going to regret all of this!
[TAKUMA]
Focus magical powers.
How's that even work?
[DIABLO gasps]
[GROUP whimpering]
What was that?
Something scary!
[BOTH screaming]
[TAKUMA]
Yep. Yep, now I'm freaking out.
[SYLVIE]
What the hell just happened?
Guild master!
I-- Um-- Uh I
[TAKUMA]
Wait. She's the guildmaster?
Hi, there. I'm Sylvie,
the Guildmaster of
the Faltra City
adventurer's guild.
[SYLVIE]
Do you have a sec?
I'd like to talk
to each of you.
It's the first time the mirror's
ever reacted in such a way.
So, uh, I honestly don't think
we can handle you guys here.
Huh?
What do you mean by that?
The only thing I can
conclude from this test
is that someone is
of a very high level,
but I have no way of
knowing just how high.
[chuckles] And what am I
supposed to do
with that, ya know?
But for funsies,
let's say you did register.
If I don't know your level,
how can I assign
missions that make sense?
[DIABLO]
I see.
So you won't accept me
because I'm strong?
[SYLVIE] Hey, I am all about
registering strong members.
But you're stronger than me
and I would be
the one giving you orders.
You can't honestly say you'd be
okay with that, come on.
[DIABLO] As long as
you're paying out bounties
and rewards, why would
I care what your level is?
[SYLVIE]
Pfft.
[giggles] Well, I guess
if you put it like that!
Okay. Welcome aboard, Diablo!
Happy to have you!
[DIABLO]
Uh
Of course.
[papers rustling]
[SYLVIE]
See what I mean?
There just aren't gonna be
that many quests
that fit your
actual abilities in here.
Hm
Okay, I haven't seen
this one before.
Is there something wrong?
[SYLVIE] Hm. Yeah,
that's the point.
This one's kinda "tricky."
Think you're up for it?
[REM]
Interesting.
It's a quest to defeat
a Madara Snake
in the Man-Eating Woods.
It says they need
the eyeballs of the snake
for their experiments.
The client is
the Mage's Association.
[SHERA]
The Man-Eating Woods?
Isn't it filled with
ridiculously strong monsters?
[REM]
Yep.
Normally, we'd
never even be considered
to take on
a quest this dangerous,
but if someone requested it,
then I guess it's our job.
[DIABLO]
The Mage's Association?
That means Celes
must be involved.
[DIABLO]
You need not worry.
Just relax and leave
this one up to me.
Huh?
This place is still
several miles away, isn't it?
We should use Teleport instead.
Do you know if
there's a portal located
near the woods?
What's a portal?
Never heard of
"Teleport" in my life.
That's odd,
it's a basic spell
to take you any place
you want to visit.
We'll need a few objects,
but they should be fairly easy
to obtain in this area.
[SHERA snickers]
If that was a real thing,
everyone would be using it!
[REM] I'm already at my
ridiculous quota
with that fat elf.
[SHERA]
That is so mean!
--I am not fat!
--[DIABLO sighs]
[TAKUMA] Guess that's
another game-only feature.
Man, this sucks.
[SHERA] And you're just
jealous of them!
[TAKUMA] We'll just keep
walking then, I guess.
Jeez.
[screams]
[TAKUMA]
Five hours of hiking.
This game is just BS. Total BS!
[SHERA] Okay, so where
are we supposed to find
this Madara Snake?
[REM] They're over
20 meters long
and typically lurk
in the swamps.
Other pastimes include
attacking any prey
that may squat
within their reach.
[screams]
You should've
said that sooner!
[crickets chirping]
[GROUP grunting]
[TAKUMA]
These woods are creepier
in person than in
the game's graphics.
Plus, I usually have a map
displayed on screen.
Seems dangerous to
walk around here blindly.
So, is anyone else supposed
to be helping with this,
or is it just us three?
Um, what do you think?
Um, well, I'm wondering
right now if more people
go in and out of these
woods than I thought?
[REM]
Not unless they feel like
ending their lives early.
Did you see someone?
No, but I can sense them.
Over that way.
Is she making this up?
There's about ten of them
up in the trees.
It kinda seems like
they're waiting for something.
[sighs]
Have you always been dumb,
or is this something new?
Asking for a friend.
[SHERA]
What friend?
I'm starting to see
why Sylvie said
this quest was
gonna be "tricky."
[SHERA]
Huh? Why?
[DIABLO] Because we have been
"tricked" and trapped.
They're about to ambush us.
[SHERA]
What?!
[DIABLO]
Tell me where they are.
[gasps]
Up there, there, and there.
[DIABLO]
Burst Rain!
Aw, yeah.
[SHERA] That is some seriously
strong Elemental Magic!
I didn't realize your power
was that hardcore.
[ELVES shouting]
They're elves?!
[DIABLO]
Don't see that everyday.
[grunts]
That's a suspicious spell.
[SHERA] Celsior?
What are you doing here?
[CELSIOR] Shera! I have
hastened here to rescue you!
You'll be free soon!
[creaking]
Slave trader!
I command you to release
the noble princess
of Greenwood!
If you refuse,
I will take her back
to the kingdom by force!
[TAKUMA]
No way!
She's a princess?
Oh, Greenwood! Duh!
That's the name of
the Elven royal family!
I remember reading that
somewhere in the game lore.
[DIABLO] Now why would
Elves submit a quest
under the name of
the Mage's Association?
Also, I'm not sure
who briefed you,
but I am no slave trader!
Silence!
Those Enslavement Collars
are my proof!
I demand you
release Shera at once!
[TAKUMA] This is starting to
make some sense, now.
There is one person
in the Mage's Association
who rightfully holds
a grudge against me.
[SHERA] I don't care what
the royal family wants!
Everyone in the royal family
and kingdom
is worried about you!
[SHERA]
It's not everyone, it's Nii!
And he doesn't want me,
he wants an heir!
He won't be happy
until I have his baby!
[CELSIOR]
That is quite an honor!
How is it an honor to be
forced to marry someone
I don't love and give up on
everything I want in life?
I refuse!
I'm never going back there!
I'm my own person
and no one
will take that from me!
But you're enslaved
right now, aren't you?
Don't say that!
I will never be
anyone's slave!
The only one
I serve is me!
[sighs] This just got
too complicated.
You know you
don't have the skills
to survive
without us, right?
For your own good,
we will bring you back
even if it's against your will.
[sighs]
That was quite a nice speech.
I did not expect that
to come out of you.
It takes strength.
Leaving your country
to live on your own.
I have to admit,
I like that about you.
Thanks, Rem.
We have no other choice.
Let's go.
[DIABLO]
Just a moment, Elves.
[ELVES gasp]
You've already made three
mistakes without correction.
First of all,
I'm not a slave trader,
I'm a badass Sorcerer.
And second,
Shera is far from powerless.
I wouldn't lend
my aid to a weakling.
You mean that?
And your third
and most fatal mistake,
was making an enemy
out of someone like me!
--[creaking]
--Fire! [grunts]
[SHERA]
Diablo!
[CELSIOR gasps]
[DIABLO] I truly thought
you'd be better than this.
[TAKUMA] No way.
That's the graphic for
the basic lame arrows
in the shops.
Do you realize
these arrows will be of
no use to you in combat?
Unless this is supposed
to be a practice fight.
[CELSIOR]
Are you trying to insult us?
[DIABLO]
No, I'm just confused.
Do you use these on monsters
and demonic beings?
[CELSIOR]
No, of course we don't!
[TAKUMA]
Now I get it.
That's why this
world's levels are so low.
[CELSIOR]
You're a monster!
Ah.
Those are Tempest Arrows.
And how do you know that?
[TAKUMA]
Everyone uses those in the game.
[DIABLO]
Now that's better.
You might even
be able to injure me
with a weapon like that,
if you're lucky.
Yeah, I know!
These are treasures
given to us by His Highness!
Their supreme blades
can penetrate anything!
They'll pierce right through
every layer of your vile flesh!
They're really bad,
you have to run!
Shoot him!
[DIABLO grunts]
No! Diablo!
[gasps]
[DIABLO]
Hmph.
That just happened.
[SHERA giggles]
He's okay!
Holy trolls!
What the hell are you?
[DIABLO] I'm what will
keep that fear alive
in your hearts.
--[metal clangs]
--My name is Diablo,
a Demon Lord
from another world!
Freezia!
[CELSIOR grunts]
[whimpering]
[BOTH gasp]
[whimpering, yelping]
[GALLUK]
What's going on?!
You're supposed to be
Elite Elven Troops!
Not some sad
elven douche! [pants]
--[DIABLO] Plebeian!
--[GALLUK yelps]
Hello. So it was you
who put them up to this.
I thought so.
No, what are you talking about?
All I said was that
I saw the elf princess
hanging around here
the other night.
[DIABLO] They seemed
pretty convinced
I was a slave trader,
for some reason.
I can't help
how elves think!
Everyone knows
demihumans are stupid!
Don't find yourself
in my presence again.
Defy me and I'll show you
no mercy next time.
[GALLUK whimpers]
[REM] I wonder what Celes
would have to say about this.
What if she found out you
tried to trap us in her name?
And in the name of
the Mage's Association?
No but, she-- I--
Elves, what?
It wasn't me,
I didn't do anything!
[screams]
[yelps]
[DIABLO sighs]
[SHERA] Will you give Nii
a message for me?
Please say I have no plans
to return home.
And I don't belong
to him or anyone.
I'm happy here with
my new companions,
Diablo and Rem!
[gasps]
Are you ready
to go home?
I am so hungry!
Just a mome'.
Why did you just tell
a pack of elves
that we're companions?
Um, because we are?
You just told me you liked me
in the Man-Eating Woods!
[REM] I said I like how
you handled that situation.
No, look! You're blushing!
You totally like me!
[REM grunts]
You're so stupid,
Shera, shut up!
[TAKUMA] She said
I was her companion?
[SHERA]
Rem sure is out late.
--[DIABLO] Yeah.
--[SHERA] She just went to tell
Celes about
all the quest stuff
that went down today.
Shouldn't she
be back by now?
Yeah.
[TAKUMA] I can't have
a conversation
with a girl by myself!
I almost forgot!
Your magic is
really amazing, Diablo.
I've never seen
anything like it before.
[DIABLO]
There's something I've learned
about leveling today.
[SHERA]
Huh?
[DIABLO]
Every person in this world
wants to live as
peacefully as possible.
They're all
trying to avoid death.
[SHERA] Well, yeah,
isn't that normal?
[TAKUMA] There's no way
to revive a character,
or a "continue"
like in the game.
When you die, it's over.
Why would you
devote time to leveling up
when it risks the only life
you'll ever have?
[DIABLO] It's not
what I've come to know.
I'm from a world
where leveling up
as efficiently
as possible is prioritized,
even if it means
you must face death.
I don't get it.
That sounds like you
don't value your own life.
Of course I would never
go into battle carelessly.
It's just, if I were to
live in fear of death,
I wouldn't attempt
to defeat Krebskulm.
--[rustling]
--[SHERA] Be honest with me.
Are you choosing Rem?
[gasps]
Because she's
really focused on
defeating Krebskulm,
too, you know.
But, we have no idea
where or when she'll revive.
Uh
[SHERA]
I mean if that's your main goal,
then I guess it makes sense
for you two to join forces.
So it's true?
You're choosing Rem!
--[SHERA sobs]
--[DIABLO] Hey! [grunts]
[SHERA]
Don't you understand?
I need you, too, Diablo!
If it wasn't for you,
I would've been taken away
and forced to live
a life I hate!
Oh, yeah.
[whimpers]
I felt real happiness today.
I don't want this feeling to end
and it will if you choose her.
--Please, don't.
--[DIABLO screams]
--Stop!
--[thuds]
[groans]
[TAKUMA]
Oh, no! Look away! [groans]
All right, you!
I am the Demon Lord!
That means
I don't have to choose
any companions
if I don't want to!
[moans]
[DIABLO] And I didn't
say I choose Rem!
Oh, really?
[DIABLO]
Don't make me repeat it!
And don't think this means
that a Demon Lord
will ever obey either of you!
--'Kay?
--[SHERA whimpers]
[groans]
Uh, and because
I'm a Demon Lord,
I'm allowed to
[SHERA moans]
Stop, I don't like this,
because it makes me
feel kind of weird, but--
[TAKUMA]
Somethings bulging.
It's like I'm yearning
for something
and can't make it stop!
[DIABLO grunting]
[moans]
I'm so sorry.
I didn't mean to hurt you.
You didn't.
I was wondering,
do you happen to
have a thing for breasts?
You're always looking at mine.
[TAKUMA]
She totally caught me!
And you know what?
They're totally
bigger than Rem's.
[DIABLO]
Uh, I mean, heh, yeah.
[groans]
[TAKUMA] What is this
mini mountain of magic
poking out from her
soft angel pillows of life?
I want to touch.
[screams]
[moaning]
[screaming]
[SHERA pants]
Hey, Diablo?
Yeah? What is it?
--[door creaks]
--[gasps]
[DIABLO groaning]
[giggles]
Oh, hi, Rem!
[blows landing]
[REM]
I know mine are small!
Don't judge me!
[DIABLO] I command you,
release them both!
[EMILE]
I have enough power to defeat
any Demon Lord right now!
[GALLUK] You won't
get away with this,
Demon Trash!
I will save our world!