It Gets Worse (2026) s01e02 Episode Script
Abi
1
This programme contains strong
language and adult humour
SIREN WAILS IN DISTANCE
Unlike Ethan,
Abi knew what she wanted.
She wanted an impressive,
well-paid job.
She wanted a safe, comfortable home.
She wanted a fridge with a bit
on the front that does ice.
KEYBOARD TAPPING
It's important
to know what you want.
SIREN WAILS IN DISTANCE
If you don't know what you want,
then you never get what you want.
If you never get what you want,
then you'll never be happy.
Babe? I'm just going
for a quick run, yeah?
DOOR SLAMS
And if you're never happy
then you've failed.
SHE EXHALES
SHE WINCES
SHE GROANS
BANGS Fuck!
When you wake up
in the morning
What's the first thing
you reach for?
When your eyes hit the sky?
Nah, it ain't coffee
It ain't tea
SHE GASPS
It's me. ♪
SHE GASPS
Fuck!
Abi was not going to fail.
KNOCKING Babe, come on.
Sorry. You've been in the bathroom
all this time?
Yeah,
it was a really hard Wordle,
and I was practising
what I was going to say.
Well, you don't need to practise.
You're going to nail it.
This time next year, you're going
to be top sales rep at that place.
That third party data is literally
going to fly off the shelves. Mm.
You look so muscly at the minute.
LAUGHS AWKWARDLY
Listen, I haven't I haven't
showered or anything. I don't care.
Uh, do they like, miso gochujang
lamb with crispy smashed potatoes?
Because that is
what I am going to make tonight.
Er I think so.
Thank you for doing this.
Listen, they're not who
I'd personally choose
to have dinner with, but got
to celebrate the big promotion.
I haven't got it yet.
I just want to show them that
just because I live with you now
doesn't mean we won't spend
as much time together as a three.
LAUGHS AWKWARDLY
All right, but you're not.
You're not going to spend
as much time together as a three.
Oh, fuck. I think I had a wet dream.
Oh, no. It's just sweat.
False alarm!
Eew! Hey! Morning!
Good morning.
Can I borrow some clothes?
Because all my clothes are dirty.
Yes.
DOOR OPENS
Uh, hey. Fuck! Oh, fuck, sorry.
I thought this room was empty.
Uh, yeah. Sorry, it was. I
I just moved in here.
I'm Sam.
Uh, this is Ethan.
He doesn't live here.
He's just my best friend.
Oh, shit! The writer?
Yeah. Hey! Hey, I'm Aaron.
Nice to meet you.
It's so nice to meet you.
Sorry. I would give you a hug,
but I'm a bit sweaty.
I'm fine. Yes.
I'm, uh, I'm actually,
like, more of a tutor. A tutor,
like just a few kids at GCSE level.
All the parents are rich,
so if they fail,
it's well, social mobility.
Yeah, no, I also teach at a school.
Primary kids, two days a week.
I teach music.
Oh, like recorder? I once went
to a year six recorder recital.
It was literally the worst thing
that's ever happened to me.
And I've been sexually assaulted.
No, I
Percussion, mainly.
To kids with troubled upbringings.
Actually, a few of them have been
sexually assaulted.
I love your hair. Thanks.
Uh, I like yours too.
Very, very curly. Jewish.
Not in a bad way.
I don't think there is a bad way.
Well, then
you haven't met my cousins!
They're genocidal!
I I don't speak to them any more.
OK. It was it was really nice
to meet you guys.
So good to meet you, Aaron.
See you soon.
OK, gun to your head, do you think
that guy's in love with me?
AUDIOBOOK:
He wasn't just a billionaire.
He was a vampirios.
A vampire billionaire
with a throbbing shaft.
And he was about to fuck me raw.
Sorry
Your headphones aren't connected.
SHE GASPS
I'm so sorry. It's all right!
It's a good one, though, isn't it?
Yeah.
Well, this means
the absolute world to me.
So I'd love to hear more about
the role you see me fitting into.
And I'm really sorry to ask,
but in terms of pay?
You need to advocate for yourself.
OK?
Yeah.
Women need to stop apologising.
Especially at work. Like me,
I don't think I've said sorry
in four years. Instead of sorry,
you know what I say? I say,
"Oh, you're upset with me? That
sounds like a you problem, cunt."
You know? Yeah. No, absolutely.
Advocate for myself.
Sorry if I haven't been doing
that enough.
I'm gonna write that down.
Listen, Abi, I'm not going
to bullshit you. Mm-hm.
I would never bullshit you,
cos that's insulting.
I would never insult you,
cos I care about you.
You are not getting a raise.
I know, it's insane.
But it's this time in history.
OK. Yeah. Um, OK.
But it is still a promotion,
though, so? Abi? Baby?
This is huge. OK.
This is more than a promotion.
Do you know how few of our interns
we turn into permanent employees?
I mean, the last girl, it's like,
"OK, I hope you got back
to Prague safely,
"but I'm not going
to be paying for your visa, bitch."
Honestly, I'm legally responsible
for someone if I sponsor their visa.
I can't handle
This is why I don't have children.
Because I care too much.
Yeah, definitely.
Yeah. I mean
OK, so. Yeah.
I'm getting a promotion.
Thank you. Um, to what?
Abi better apologise tonight.
You can't just abandon us
and then expect us to,
like, suck it up. Like,
that's very, very like fuckboy,
Hinge date behaviour.
Yeah, a Hinge date that
I immediately fall in love with
and then change my whole personality
to impress.
So why the fuck would she be like,
"Can you please bring Pinot Noir?"
Like, just say wine, right?
Wine. Say wine.
So, are you going to get a job
today or not really?
Not really. I was thinking,
before I do anything else,
I should decide exactly
what I want my life to look like
and what I need and how to get it
and what my calling is.
And then from there,
I can just sort of,
like, vibe it out. Mm.
Well, have you maybe, like,
considered moving back in with your
parents until you find a flat?
Um Because the guys
here have been talking.
And if you do want to crash here,
then you're going to need
to be financially contributing
to the shared Mubi account.
I love these clothes you lent me.
I feel like Peter Pan.
Let's go! Love her. Bestie alert.
Can't wait to learn her name.
So you're going to be joining
the people team,
which is my personal concept.
Trademark.
It's a lot like HR,
only you don't need any training.
Because here's the thing,
is like, we are all people, right?
I mean, except for men.
I'm just kidding!
Literally all my friends are men.
Speaking of which,
who are you fucking?
Come on.
Any hot stud sticking you down?
I mean, unless it's a woman
and you're a lesbian.
In which case, we need
some of that around here.
Sorry, no. My boyfriend. Tom.
Tom. Yeah. And is he good?
I'm currently fucking
this little finance bro.
I mean, literally, he's very little,
and he wants me to eat ass.
Does Tom have you eat a lot of ass?
OK, so it's like, more
of a vanilla kind of pump and dump.
No! Wham bam, thank you, ma'am.
No, not at all.
I've, like,
wanked him off with my feet.
But, you know, to be honest, they
were a bit dry, so it wasn't great.
And that was like two years ago
and didn't really work.
KNOCKING
I'm sorry. That was really ina
Knock, knock, knock! I don't know
why I said that. Aye, aye, Captain.
Really weird. So I'm going to
pass you over to Louise.
She's going to get you settled.
Abi, we're all so proud of you.
Thank you. How about coffee later?
I'd love that.
Thank you so much, Greta.
For me, I mean, like, for me.
I'd love to have a latte around
three. Yep. Yep, definitely.
And Louise will tell you
how to make it.
CLATTERING
Oh! Oh!
Oh, my God.
Fucking hell. Are you OK?
Oh, thank God. Are you sure? Yeah?
Oh, shit. Aaron! Aaron!
Beat me to it.
Are you OK?
Yeah, I'm fine, thank you.
That's so weird.
We were just I just ran over
to see if she was
Where are you?
Oh, I'm off to work. Yeah.
Cool. Which, erm? The school.
This way. I'm going that way.
OK. Do you want to walk together?
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sure.
Welcome to the people team,
my love. Milady!
Pull up a pew. Oh, sorry.
I better get rid of that.
Sorry if it takes me a few days
to get my head around it.
I'm trained in media.
Not really a people person.
Oh, well, I mean, it's very simple.
Um, say, for example,
someone was violently assaulted,
or, God forbid,
was experiencing low self-esteem.
We're the lucky ladies
who get to say,
"Hang on a second, that's not on."
And give them a leaflet perhaps.
Or, in more serious circumstances,
a kind but innocent squeeze
on the upper arm.
We make people feel comfortable
and safe.
And we also fire them.
All's fair in love and war!
We need a people team
because we're people, aren't we?
For God's sakes, not robots.
I genuinely love it.
I teach this kid Tyler, right?
And he sucks at drums, like,
so bad, but he plays
with this amazing freedom. Mm-hm?
He doesn't give a shit
what anyone else thinks.
He just smashes them as hard
as he can, fuck everyone else.
And the other day I was thinking,
like, that is a pure artist.
Yeah, totally.
Or maybe
that's a clinical narcissist.
THEY LAUGH
I don't know. I feel bad for kids.
I don't know how you teach them.
Like, I feel so, so bad for them.
Like, this is the worst time ever
to be seven.
The worst time ever? Yeah.
Have you seen what's
I mean, maybe apart from the war
or like the plague, or
Well, quite a lot of other times,
I guess.
How are you going to live
if you don't have a job?
Oh, my mum left me some money.
Oh. Um
But my dad actually died
Oh, my God. No.
Oh, my God. No, she's not dead.
She's not dead.
No. It just sounds way better
than saying she gave it to me.
Fucking hell!
I'm so sorry about your dad.
Why did you say that? I need to stop
saying that. That's crazy.
No. She's alive.
She's annoying, but she's alive.
This is me, I gotta go. OK.
Um, I better go tell Tyler
he's a narcissist!
Oh, yeah. Break the news!
We should get a drink.
Yeah!
No, no. Not now. Cos I'm going
to work, and it's 11am,
but I'll text you or something.
Yeah. Text me, text me.
Yeah. Retro! Vintage. Vintage vibes.
Text me. OK. See ya.
Retro vibes. Sure. Why not say that?
Thanks for being so nice today.
Of course.
Fancy a little after-work tipple?
My treat.
Only fair, considering the pay gap.
Urgh! Elephant in the room.
Never understood
why people think that's a negative.
They're gorgeous creatures
and highly intelligent.
Um, well, I'm I'm having
my friends over for dinner. It's
It's like I-I feel bad.
Like, I basically ditched them
so I could live with my boyfriend,
so I'm, like, trying to
make it up to them.
Oh, you sound like a lovely friend.
Thank you.
I literally tell them
that constantly.
I'll be on my lonesome again,
I suppose.
No bother. Table for one, as always.
Bread and olives to start.
I mean, you could come, if you want.
Oh!
I just thought
you'd find it boring or
Boring? Never been bored in my life.
Medical marvel. Doctors hate her!
My last doctor did hate me, actually.
Essentially,
I submitted a urine sample
that was surplus to requirements.
We live and learn.
LAUGHING: Good! Great. All right.
Yeah. My boyfriend's cooking.
He's, like, a bit of a foodie,
so he's making miso lamb.
Miso? Miso.
It's a lovely name for a boy.
OK, well,
I'll put on my Sunday best.
You email me the deets.
Can't wait, Work Wife!
You're gonna start by scoring
I know it's not, like, exactly
the role that I wanted, but
Hey! No, this is huge.
I'm so proud of you, babe.
You've done so well.
Hey! Oh, babe, listen, I'm just
about to marinate this. So
is to gather everyone around,
carve up and
SHE LAUGHS What was that?
SHE LAUGHS LOUDER What?
My boss asked me today
SHE LAUGHS What?
Greta asked me if I've ever
QUIETLY: Eaten your arse.
SHE LAUGHS
Huh? One more time?
I mean, like, it was funny.
It was funny.
What did you say? No. Yeah.
I said no, obviously,
cos I haven't done that.
Yeah, no, you haven't.
COOKING VIDEO COMMENTARY CONTINUES
Do you want me to do that?
No!
NARRATOR: Abi's family
had a lot of traditions.
Traditional roasts on Sunday.
Traditional Boxing Day walk.
Traditional Catholic guilt
on her mum's side.
Traditional heart disease
on her dad's.
Hello, it's Lindsay.
I can't come to the phone
right now. Please call
Abi could have
followed the traditions.
She could have, like her sister,
decided not to move to London.
She could still,
as her mum often reminded her,
decide to move back.
But that wasn't what Abi wanted.
She wanted something more.
This is the story of ♪
Amazing flat.
Can't believe we haven't
been here before.
Yeah, it's kind of giving Airbnb.
Thank you.
Ooh, matching glasses! Come on!
Thriving era.
Oh, Chardonnay.
Oh, fuck. Is that not going to go
with the lamb? It's fine.
Guys, a few appetisers.
Nothing special.
Just fig, burrata, sourdough.
Sublime.
Help yourself. Thank you.
Or take the tray.
Thanks so much.
Do you want a chair?
No, no, no. I'm good. I'm good.
OK.
WINE POURS
Sure. OK. Here, babe. Thanks. Oh
White? Uh-huh.
Thanks, guys. That means a lot.
Thank you.
Lamb will be ready in 12.
OK, Jeremy Allen Beige.
HE LAUGHS
So, yeah, it's got, like,
great progression over the next
two years, I think. Thank you.
And I was, like, really front-footed
in the meeting.
I was, like, advocating for myself,
negotiating and stuff.
That's amazing. Mm. That's so great.
So good.
This is the story of my love ♪
I should have told yous
I was going to move in here.
Yeah, you should have.
I know. I'm sorry.
I made a Pinterest board
of decor ideas back in July,
but then I wanted to tell yous,
but every time I tried
to tell yous,
I'd just stress out
that yous were going to shout at me,
so then I'd just add
more and more shite
to this bloody Pinterest board.
It was like I was drowning in a sea
of mood lighting and spice racks.
You don't even like spice. I know!
But I'm trying to grow up.
Oh, Ab
Oh, you're so annoying. Thank you.
You're SO annoying. I know.
INTERCOM RINGS Oh, there's Louise.
-Hm?
The fuck is Louise? I thought the
whole point of this is it's just us.
I don't know. Maybe she's electric.
INTERCOM BUZZES
My favourite film
is Mr Popper's Penguins.
Or The Zone Of Interest.
Jaw-on-the-floor stuff. Honestly.
You are amazing. Ah!
Welcome to the group.
Yay! Thank you.
Never been part of a group before.
Oh, actually, tell a lie -
tour group of York Minster in 2015.
Though I lost most of the gang
to Covid, sadly. Oh.
So Whoo!
LOUISE: Ah!
Basically you just sear it off
in the pan to get that umami crust,
and then it's just a matter
of using a probe thermometer
to make sure you get
that rosy-pink tender roast.
It's grass-fed.
It's a serious piece of meat, this.
It's the most expensive part of
the lamb. Ooh! Oh. There you go.
Did anyone ask about that?
So what's the 411?
How did this dream team meet?
Just because you all seem, you know,
kind of quite different.
TOM: They all lived in the same
corridor in the first year at uni.
That's it.
So we met in freshers' week
on a pub crawl.
Don't. Yes! Please. No.
I'm talking to Ethan, basically,
and I'm thinking,
"OK, this is another very,
like, entitled, posh white boy.
"Like, everything
that's wrong with the world."
Yeah, but then she realised that,
actually, because I'm so stupid,
I have almost no effect
on the world whatsoever.
And we're on, like, the third pub
and Abi is half-naked on top of
the bar wearing the bouncer's cap.
No, no, don't listen to them. Ooh!
I was in the library.
Yeah, you were in the library,
wanking off that white guy
with dreads. Yes!
FRIDGE DOOR SLAMS Lou?!
-Yeah.- Remember him?
He's in prison now.
Ab? Babe? Sorry,
have you got that carving knife?
The Japanese one I got you?
Yeah, yeah,
it's in one of my boxes. Nice.
Japan makes the best knives.
Fuck. I was literally
about to ask you
what culture makes the best knives.
Really? Yeah.
NARRATOR: Abi could have followed
the traditions.
She could, at this very moment,
be married to her teenage boyfriend,
have put down a deposit on a flat,
and have a definitive,
realistic idea
of what her future would look like.
Abi could at this very moment,
be at her parents' house
her entire family around her,
celebrating the imminent arrival
of her new niece.
But that wasn't what Abi wanted.
She wanted something better.
Something more.
LID CLATTERS
♪S
Hello, sweetheart.
I was just wondering, do you happen
to have a Scholl blister pad at all?
It's just my Clarks are
bloody rubbing something awful.
Ah. That's fun.
What's that, would we say,
if we had to put a face to a name?
I thought she wanted to be in sales.
Yeah. Oh, she's working her way up.
Some people have to.
Um OK. But, like,
what the fuck is a people team?
Guys, do you know how hard it is
to stay on after an internship
at a small-to-medium start-up?
No.
Well, at least she's not a failure,
so Failure?!
I'm sorry, we're too young
to be failures.
In ten years,
THEN we'll have failed. OK.
Anyway, er Ab! To Abi. New flat.
Yay, new flat!
New job. Oh, my God.
New Oh.
Whose is that?
Oh.
QUIETLY: Squeeze past.
WHISPERING: Why are we
doing this now? Why not?
I fucking found this Because
we're in the middle of dinner.
It makes me feel like shit, Tom.
What is this?
Is this just
about fucking humiliating me?
No. I could talk about this
in front of me fucking nan,
if I found it right now.
Can this not wait
until after dinner?
What? After we've had our pudding?
Babe, it's it's no different
to having a vibrator.
It's an illogical
double standard, babe, OK?
I'm not having this fucking
conversation in front of them.
Yeah, I'm going to go.
No, sit down, Sam.
Hey, you can go.
No! Ethan's eating. Sit down. OK.
They're staying.
They're fucking staying.
Babe, you're being
a tiny bit insane.
Don't you dare call me insane.
I've been racking
my fucking head, going,
"Why doesn't Tom
want to have sex with me?"
And it's cos you're busy coming into
your fucking plastic fanny, yeah?
Watching your little gross videos
about bukkake and anal?
Well, anal isn't gross.
All right, Ethan! Sorry.
Go and stay at a friend's house,
Tom.
What friend?
FLESHLIGHT SQUELCHES
Oh, my God.
Ooh
You didn't even empty it!
TV: Well, the housing market
is in poor shape, but that means
It's such a shame,
because Tom's meat is delicious.
It's not the end of the world,
you know?
It's just a sex toy, right?
Everyone has a flesh light,
one way or another.
What are you ever talking about?
I'm just saying
it's not about a flesh light.
It's about the fact
that he can't talk about anything.
Yeah, well, that's his problem.
All right? You're perfect.
Yes. You are perfect. You're
literally on the people team, OK?
You're doing amazing.
TEARFULLY: No, I'm not.
I just feel like even if I dropped
off the face of the earth tomorrow,
they'd just hire
another HR assistant,
Tom would just fuck
his plastic vagina,
and nothing would change.
Everything would change. Mm. Oh
I know it seems like I'm in control
of everything, but I'm really not.
Oh, my God, Ab.
It has literally
never seemed like that.
Ever.
THEY LAUGH
Go on, have a bite. No!
Most expensive part of the lamb! ♪
THEY CACKLE
What a fucking loser.
Bizarre. Bizarre. Yeah.
Hey that guy, Aaron, asked me out.
Ethan, no, he didn't. Yeah, he did.
He's going to text me.
He doesn't have my number.
SAM SNORTS
Don't. Shut the fuck up.
SAM LAUGHS
Shut the fuck up! Fuck you.
Hey, Ab? Mm? Do you think you might
want to start looking with us again?
Looking? Oh, my God. Yeah, wait,
you can live with us again.
What? We haven't broken up.
You can stay here for a bit, though,
if you want, Ethan.
PHONE PINGS
NARRATOR: Abi wanted things.
And she was going to get them.
She was going to get them
once she figured out
exactly what they were.
Shall we have a threesome?
MUSIC: Sexy
by Jockstrap ft Babymorocco
This programme contains strong
language and adult humour
SIREN WAILS IN DISTANCE
Unlike Ethan,
Abi knew what she wanted.
She wanted an impressive,
well-paid job.
She wanted a safe, comfortable home.
She wanted a fridge with a bit
on the front that does ice.
KEYBOARD TAPPING
It's important
to know what you want.
SIREN WAILS IN DISTANCE
If you don't know what you want,
then you never get what you want.
If you never get what you want,
then you'll never be happy.
Babe? I'm just going
for a quick run, yeah?
DOOR SLAMS
And if you're never happy
then you've failed.
SHE EXHALES
SHE WINCES
SHE GROANS
BANGS Fuck!
When you wake up
in the morning
What's the first thing
you reach for?
When your eyes hit the sky?
Nah, it ain't coffee
It ain't tea
SHE GASPS
It's me. ♪
SHE GASPS
Fuck!
Abi was not going to fail.
KNOCKING Babe, come on.
Sorry. You've been in the bathroom
all this time?
Yeah,
it was a really hard Wordle,
and I was practising
what I was going to say.
Well, you don't need to practise.
You're going to nail it.
This time next year, you're going
to be top sales rep at that place.
That third party data is literally
going to fly off the shelves. Mm.
You look so muscly at the minute.
LAUGHS AWKWARDLY
Listen, I haven't I haven't
showered or anything. I don't care.
Uh, do they like, miso gochujang
lamb with crispy smashed potatoes?
Because that is
what I am going to make tonight.
Er I think so.
Thank you for doing this.
Listen, they're not who
I'd personally choose
to have dinner with, but got
to celebrate the big promotion.
I haven't got it yet.
I just want to show them that
just because I live with you now
doesn't mean we won't spend
as much time together as a three.
LAUGHS AWKWARDLY
All right, but you're not.
You're not going to spend
as much time together as a three.
Oh, fuck. I think I had a wet dream.
Oh, no. It's just sweat.
False alarm!
Eew! Hey! Morning!
Good morning.
Can I borrow some clothes?
Because all my clothes are dirty.
Yes.
DOOR OPENS
Uh, hey. Fuck! Oh, fuck, sorry.
I thought this room was empty.
Uh, yeah. Sorry, it was. I
I just moved in here.
I'm Sam.
Uh, this is Ethan.
He doesn't live here.
He's just my best friend.
Oh, shit! The writer?
Yeah. Hey! Hey, I'm Aaron.
Nice to meet you.
It's so nice to meet you.
Sorry. I would give you a hug,
but I'm a bit sweaty.
I'm fine. Yes.
I'm, uh, I'm actually,
like, more of a tutor. A tutor,
like just a few kids at GCSE level.
All the parents are rich,
so if they fail,
it's well, social mobility.
Yeah, no, I also teach at a school.
Primary kids, two days a week.
I teach music.
Oh, like recorder? I once went
to a year six recorder recital.
It was literally the worst thing
that's ever happened to me.
And I've been sexually assaulted.
No, I
Percussion, mainly.
To kids with troubled upbringings.
Actually, a few of them have been
sexually assaulted.
I love your hair. Thanks.
Uh, I like yours too.
Very, very curly. Jewish.
Not in a bad way.
I don't think there is a bad way.
Well, then
you haven't met my cousins!
They're genocidal!
I I don't speak to them any more.
OK. It was it was really nice
to meet you guys.
So good to meet you, Aaron.
See you soon.
OK, gun to your head, do you think
that guy's in love with me?
AUDIOBOOK:
He wasn't just a billionaire.
He was a vampirios.
A vampire billionaire
with a throbbing shaft.
And he was about to fuck me raw.
Sorry
Your headphones aren't connected.
SHE GASPS
I'm so sorry. It's all right!
It's a good one, though, isn't it?
Yeah.
Well, this means
the absolute world to me.
So I'd love to hear more about
the role you see me fitting into.
And I'm really sorry to ask,
but in terms of pay?
You need to advocate for yourself.
OK?
Yeah.
Women need to stop apologising.
Especially at work. Like me,
I don't think I've said sorry
in four years. Instead of sorry,
you know what I say? I say,
"Oh, you're upset with me? That
sounds like a you problem, cunt."
You know? Yeah. No, absolutely.
Advocate for myself.
Sorry if I haven't been doing
that enough.
I'm gonna write that down.
Listen, Abi, I'm not going
to bullshit you. Mm-hm.
I would never bullshit you,
cos that's insulting.
I would never insult you,
cos I care about you.
You are not getting a raise.
I know, it's insane.
But it's this time in history.
OK. Yeah. Um, OK.
But it is still a promotion,
though, so? Abi? Baby?
This is huge. OK.
This is more than a promotion.
Do you know how few of our interns
we turn into permanent employees?
I mean, the last girl, it's like,
"OK, I hope you got back
to Prague safely,
"but I'm not going
to be paying for your visa, bitch."
Honestly, I'm legally responsible
for someone if I sponsor their visa.
I can't handle
This is why I don't have children.
Because I care too much.
Yeah, definitely.
Yeah. I mean
OK, so. Yeah.
I'm getting a promotion.
Thank you. Um, to what?
Abi better apologise tonight.
You can't just abandon us
and then expect us to,
like, suck it up. Like,
that's very, very like fuckboy,
Hinge date behaviour.
Yeah, a Hinge date that
I immediately fall in love with
and then change my whole personality
to impress.
So why the fuck would she be like,
"Can you please bring Pinot Noir?"
Like, just say wine, right?
Wine. Say wine.
So, are you going to get a job
today or not really?
Not really. I was thinking,
before I do anything else,
I should decide exactly
what I want my life to look like
and what I need and how to get it
and what my calling is.
And then from there,
I can just sort of,
like, vibe it out. Mm.
Well, have you maybe, like,
considered moving back in with your
parents until you find a flat?
Um Because the guys
here have been talking.
And if you do want to crash here,
then you're going to need
to be financially contributing
to the shared Mubi account.
I love these clothes you lent me.
I feel like Peter Pan.
Let's go! Love her. Bestie alert.
Can't wait to learn her name.
So you're going to be joining
the people team,
which is my personal concept.
Trademark.
It's a lot like HR,
only you don't need any training.
Because here's the thing,
is like, we are all people, right?
I mean, except for men.
I'm just kidding!
Literally all my friends are men.
Speaking of which,
who are you fucking?
Come on.
Any hot stud sticking you down?
I mean, unless it's a woman
and you're a lesbian.
In which case, we need
some of that around here.
Sorry, no. My boyfriend. Tom.
Tom. Yeah. And is he good?
I'm currently fucking
this little finance bro.
I mean, literally, he's very little,
and he wants me to eat ass.
Does Tom have you eat a lot of ass?
OK, so it's like, more
of a vanilla kind of pump and dump.
No! Wham bam, thank you, ma'am.
No, not at all.
I've, like,
wanked him off with my feet.
But, you know, to be honest, they
were a bit dry, so it wasn't great.
And that was like two years ago
and didn't really work.
KNOCKING
I'm sorry. That was really ina
Knock, knock, knock! I don't know
why I said that. Aye, aye, Captain.
Really weird. So I'm going to
pass you over to Louise.
She's going to get you settled.
Abi, we're all so proud of you.
Thank you. How about coffee later?
I'd love that.
Thank you so much, Greta.
For me, I mean, like, for me.
I'd love to have a latte around
three. Yep. Yep, definitely.
And Louise will tell you
how to make it.
CLATTERING
Oh! Oh!
Oh, my God.
Fucking hell. Are you OK?
Oh, thank God. Are you sure? Yeah?
Oh, shit. Aaron! Aaron!
Beat me to it.
Are you OK?
Yeah, I'm fine, thank you.
That's so weird.
We were just I just ran over
to see if she was
Where are you?
Oh, I'm off to work. Yeah.
Cool. Which, erm? The school.
This way. I'm going that way.
OK. Do you want to walk together?
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sure.
Welcome to the people team,
my love. Milady!
Pull up a pew. Oh, sorry.
I better get rid of that.
Sorry if it takes me a few days
to get my head around it.
I'm trained in media.
Not really a people person.
Oh, well, I mean, it's very simple.
Um, say, for example,
someone was violently assaulted,
or, God forbid,
was experiencing low self-esteem.
We're the lucky ladies
who get to say,
"Hang on a second, that's not on."
And give them a leaflet perhaps.
Or, in more serious circumstances,
a kind but innocent squeeze
on the upper arm.
We make people feel comfortable
and safe.
And we also fire them.
All's fair in love and war!
We need a people team
because we're people, aren't we?
For God's sakes, not robots.
I genuinely love it.
I teach this kid Tyler, right?
And he sucks at drums, like,
so bad, but he plays
with this amazing freedom. Mm-hm?
He doesn't give a shit
what anyone else thinks.
He just smashes them as hard
as he can, fuck everyone else.
And the other day I was thinking,
like, that is a pure artist.
Yeah, totally.
Or maybe
that's a clinical narcissist.
THEY LAUGH
I don't know. I feel bad for kids.
I don't know how you teach them.
Like, I feel so, so bad for them.
Like, this is the worst time ever
to be seven.
The worst time ever? Yeah.
Have you seen what's
I mean, maybe apart from the war
or like the plague, or
Well, quite a lot of other times,
I guess.
How are you going to live
if you don't have a job?
Oh, my mum left me some money.
Oh. Um
But my dad actually died
Oh, my God. No.
Oh, my God. No, she's not dead.
She's not dead.
No. It just sounds way better
than saying she gave it to me.
Fucking hell!
I'm so sorry about your dad.
Why did you say that? I need to stop
saying that. That's crazy.
No. She's alive.
She's annoying, but she's alive.
This is me, I gotta go. OK.
Um, I better go tell Tyler
he's a narcissist!
Oh, yeah. Break the news!
We should get a drink.
Yeah!
No, no. Not now. Cos I'm going
to work, and it's 11am,
but I'll text you or something.
Yeah. Text me, text me.
Yeah. Retro! Vintage. Vintage vibes.
Text me. OK. See ya.
Retro vibes. Sure. Why not say that?
Thanks for being so nice today.
Of course.
Fancy a little after-work tipple?
My treat.
Only fair, considering the pay gap.
Urgh! Elephant in the room.
Never understood
why people think that's a negative.
They're gorgeous creatures
and highly intelligent.
Um, well, I'm I'm having
my friends over for dinner. It's
It's like I-I feel bad.
Like, I basically ditched them
so I could live with my boyfriend,
so I'm, like, trying to
make it up to them.
Oh, you sound like a lovely friend.
Thank you.
I literally tell them
that constantly.
I'll be on my lonesome again,
I suppose.
No bother. Table for one, as always.
Bread and olives to start.
I mean, you could come, if you want.
Oh!
I just thought
you'd find it boring or
Boring? Never been bored in my life.
Medical marvel. Doctors hate her!
My last doctor did hate me, actually.
Essentially,
I submitted a urine sample
that was surplus to requirements.
We live and learn.
LAUGHING: Good! Great. All right.
Yeah. My boyfriend's cooking.
He's, like, a bit of a foodie,
so he's making miso lamb.
Miso? Miso.
It's a lovely name for a boy.
OK, well,
I'll put on my Sunday best.
You email me the deets.
Can't wait, Work Wife!
You're gonna start by scoring
I know it's not, like, exactly
the role that I wanted, but
Hey! No, this is huge.
I'm so proud of you, babe.
You've done so well.
Hey! Oh, babe, listen, I'm just
about to marinate this. So
is to gather everyone around,
carve up and
SHE LAUGHS What was that?
SHE LAUGHS LOUDER What?
My boss asked me today
SHE LAUGHS What?
Greta asked me if I've ever
QUIETLY: Eaten your arse.
SHE LAUGHS
Huh? One more time?
I mean, like, it was funny.
It was funny.
What did you say? No. Yeah.
I said no, obviously,
cos I haven't done that.
Yeah, no, you haven't.
COOKING VIDEO COMMENTARY CONTINUES
Do you want me to do that?
No!
NARRATOR: Abi's family
had a lot of traditions.
Traditional roasts on Sunday.
Traditional Boxing Day walk.
Traditional Catholic guilt
on her mum's side.
Traditional heart disease
on her dad's.
Hello, it's Lindsay.
I can't come to the phone
right now. Please call
Abi could have
followed the traditions.
She could have, like her sister,
decided not to move to London.
She could still,
as her mum often reminded her,
decide to move back.
But that wasn't what Abi wanted.
She wanted something more.
This is the story of ♪
Amazing flat.
Can't believe we haven't
been here before.
Yeah, it's kind of giving Airbnb.
Thank you.
Ooh, matching glasses! Come on!
Thriving era.
Oh, Chardonnay.
Oh, fuck. Is that not going to go
with the lamb? It's fine.
Guys, a few appetisers.
Nothing special.
Just fig, burrata, sourdough.
Sublime.
Help yourself. Thank you.
Or take the tray.
Thanks so much.
Do you want a chair?
No, no, no. I'm good. I'm good.
OK.
WINE POURS
Sure. OK. Here, babe. Thanks. Oh
White? Uh-huh.
Thanks, guys. That means a lot.
Thank you.
Lamb will be ready in 12.
OK, Jeremy Allen Beige.
HE LAUGHS
So, yeah, it's got, like,
great progression over the next
two years, I think. Thank you.
And I was, like, really front-footed
in the meeting.
I was, like, advocating for myself,
negotiating and stuff.
That's amazing. Mm. That's so great.
So good.
This is the story of my love ♪
I should have told yous
I was going to move in here.
Yeah, you should have.
I know. I'm sorry.
I made a Pinterest board
of decor ideas back in July,
but then I wanted to tell yous,
but every time I tried
to tell yous,
I'd just stress out
that yous were going to shout at me,
so then I'd just add
more and more shite
to this bloody Pinterest board.
It was like I was drowning in a sea
of mood lighting and spice racks.
You don't even like spice. I know!
But I'm trying to grow up.
Oh, Ab
Oh, you're so annoying. Thank you.
You're SO annoying. I know.
INTERCOM RINGS Oh, there's Louise.
-Hm?
The fuck is Louise? I thought the
whole point of this is it's just us.
I don't know. Maybe she's electric.
INTERCOM BUZZES
My favourite film
is Mr Popper's Penguins.
Or The Zone Of Interest.
Jaw-on-the-floor stuff. Honestly.
You are amazing. Ah!
Welcome to the group.
Yay! Thank you.
Never been part of a group before.
Oh, actually, tell a lie -
tour group of York Minster in 2015.
Though I lost most of the gang
to Covid, sadly. Oh.
So Whoo!
LOUISE: Ah!
Basically you just sear it off
in the pan to get that umami crust,
and then it's just a matter
of using a probe thermometer
to make sure you get
that rosy-pink tender roast.
It's grass-fed.
It's a serious piece of meat, this.
It's the most expensive part of
the lamb. Ooh! Oh. There you go.
Did anyone ask about that?
So what's the 411?
How did this dream team meet?
Just because you all seem, you know,
kind of quite different.
TOM: They all lived in the same
corridor in the first year at uni.
That's it.
So we met in freshers' week
on a pub crawl.
Don't. Yes! Please. No.
I'm talking to Ethan, basically,
and I'm thinking,
"OK, this is another very,
like, entitled, posh white boy.
"Like, everything
that's wrong with the world."
Yeah, but then she realised that,
actually, because I'm so stupid,
I have almost no effect
on the world whatsoever.
And we're on, like, the third pub
and Abi is half-naked on top of
the bar wearing the bouncer's cap.
No, no, don't listen to them. Ooh!
I was in the library.
Yeah, you were in the library,
wanking off that white guy
with dreads. Yes!
FRIDGE DOOR SLAMS Lou?!
-Yeah.- Remember him?
He's in prison now.
Ab? Babe? Sorry,
have you got that carving knife?
The Japanese one I got you?
Yeah, yeah,
it's in one of my boxes. Nice.
Japan makes the best knives.
Fuck. I was literally
about to ask you
what culture makes the best knives.
Really? Yeah.
NARRATOR: Abi could have followed
the traditions.
She could, at this very moment,
be married to her teenage boyfriend,
have put down a deposit on a flat,
and have a definitive,
realistic idea
of what her future would look like.
Abi could at this very moment,
be at her parents' house
her entire family around her,
celebrating the imminent arrival
of her new niece.
But that wasn't what Abi wanted.
She wanted something better.
Something more.
LID CLATTERS
♪S
Hello, sweetheart.
I was just wondering, do you happen
to have a Scholl blister pad at all?
It's just my Clarks are
bloody rubbing something awful.
Ah. That's fun.
What's that, would we say,
if we had to put a face to a name?
I thought she wanted to be in sales.
Yeah. Oh, she's working her way up.
Some people have to.
Um OK. But, like,
what the fuck is a people team?
Guys, do you know how hard it is
to stay on after an internship
at a small-to-medium start-up?
No.
Well, at least she's not a failure,
so Failure?!
I'm sorry, we're too young
to be failures.
In ten years,
THEN we'll have failed. OK.
Anyway, er Ab! To Abi. New flat.
Yay, new flat!
New job. Oh, my God.
New Oh.
Whose is that?
Oh.
QUIETLY: Squeeze past.
WHISPERING: Why are we
doing this now? Why not?
I fucking found this Because
we're in the middle of dinner.
It makes me feel like shit, Tom.
What is this?
Is this just
about fucking humiliating me?
No. I could talk about this
in front of me fucking nan,
if I found it right now.
Can this not wait
until after dinner?
What? After we've had our pudding?
Babe, it's it's no different
to having a vibrator.
It's an illogical
double standard, babe, OK?
I'm not having this fucking
conversation in front of them.
Yeah, I'm going to go.
No, sit down, Sam.
Hey, you can go.
No! Ethan's eating. Sit down. OK.
They're staying.
They're fucking staying.
Babe, you're being
a tiny bit insane.
Don't you dare call me insane.
I've been racking
my fucking head, going,
"Why doesn't Tom
want to have sex with me?"
And it's cos you're busy coming into
your fucking plastic fanny, yeah?
Watching your little gross videos
about bukkake and anal?
Well, anal isn't gross.
All right, Ethan! Sorry.
Go and stay at a friend's house,
Tom.
What friend?
FLESHLIGHT SQUELCHES
Oh, my God.
Ooh
You didn't even empty it!
TV: Well, the housing market
is in poor shape, but that means
It's such a shame,
because Tom's meat is delicious.
It's not the end of the world,
you know?
It's just a sex toy, right?
Everyone has a flesh light,
one way or another.
What are you ever talking about?
I'm just saying
it's not about a flesh light.
It's about the fact
that he can't talk about anything.
Yeah, well, that's his problem.
All right? You're perfect.
Yes. You are perfect. You're
literally on the people team, OK?
You're doing amazing.
TEARFULLY: No, I'm not.
I just feel like even if I dropped
off the face of the earth tomorrow,
they'd just hire
another HR assistant,
Tom would just fuck
his plastic vagina,
and nothing would change.
Everything would change. Mm. Oh
I know it seems like I'm in control
of everything, but I'm really not.
Oh, my God, Ab.
It has literally
never seemed like that.
Ever.
THEY LAUGH
Go on, have a bite. No!
Most expensive part of the lamb! ♪
THEY CACKLE
What a fucking loser.
Bizarre. Bizarre. Yeah.
Hey that guy, Aaron, asked me out.
Ethan, no, he didn't. Yeah, he did.
He's going to text me.
He doesn't have my number.
SAM SNORTS
Don't. Shut the fuck up.
SAM LAUGHS
Shut the fuck up! Fuck you.
Hey, Ab? Mm? Do you think you might
want to start looking with us again?
Looking? Oh, my God. Yeah, wait,
you can live with us again.
What? We haven't broken up.
You can stay here for a bit, though,
if you want, Ethan.
PHONE PINGS
NARRATOR: Abi wanted things.
And she was going to get them.
She was going to get them
once she figured out
exactly what they were.
Shall we have a threesome?
MUSIC: Sexy
by Jockstrap ft Babymorocco