Johnny Test (2005) s01e02 Episode Script

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
Johnny got a head
Of fiery hair ♪
And a turbo charged backpack ♪
His genius sisters ♪
Use him like a lab rat ♪
A neat freak dad at home ♪
A super busy mom ♪
The boy's best friend
Is a talking dog ♪
-Talking dog ♪
-That's right.
Three extreme teens
And an air breathing shark ♪
Mega action game controller
Skating in the park ♪
A pharabooster, Bling-Bling ♪
What do we make of this ♪
Johnny Test ♪
Johnny Test ♪
This is the life of a boy
Named Johnny Test ♪
Johnny Test ♪
Johnny Test ♪
This is the life of a boy ♪
Named Johnny Test ♪
-(FIREWORKS WHISTLE)
-(RAPID EXPLOSIONS)
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
PROFESSOR SLOPSINK:
So before we see your
experiments on molecular fusion,
I'd like to introduce
some new students.
Mr. Black and Mr. White.
No way.
They're government G-Dudes
sent to steal our experiments
for their secret
covert operations.
No, dude. We're here
for a righteous education
and to meet babes.
And Miss X and Miss Z.
No way.
Those are two cyborgs
sent by some evil dude
to steal our experiments
and take over the world.
If you shut up,
I'll go out with you.
They're cool.
Now, today's first experiment
comes from Susan and Mary Test.
The Alchemy 5,000:
Since the middle ages,
man and girls have tried
to alter the molecular structure
of ordinary metal
and transform it
into precious metal.
(CHUCKLES)
The Alchemy 5,000?
That is your project?
A pathetic medieval obsession
of trying to turn metal
into gold?
Um, yeah.
(LAUGHS)
[beeping]
Personal engraving is extra.
BOTH:
Hmm.
BOTH:
Heh.
It's just a milkshake.
-It has milk in it.
-And we shook it.
Don't do it!
Nothin' is worth it!
Will increase
your testosterone level
so you can grow a mustache.
Suh-weet.
-Okay, gimme the shake.
-(SIGHS)
(BURPS)
Shows muscle mass increased
by 800 percent
and a height differential
DAD:
Oh, girls!
-Okay, where is it?
Ooh, buff lamp.
-(BURPS)
How many times
have your mother and I told you
no precious metal changing
devices in this house?!
Professor Slopsink called
and said if this fell
into evil hands,
it could be used
for evil things.
Now get rid of it before dinner,
or no lab time for a month.
-One month!
-(DOOR SLAMS)
Okay, we gotta trash this thing.
Thanks, cuties.
-I blame you for this.
-(BLING-BLING BOY LAUGHING)
Susan and Mary Test,
the only two minds on Earth
almost as smart as mine own.
But not quite as e-vile.
And now that I have
your gold-making thingie--
Give it back, Eugene.
Never! And it's Bling-Bling Boy.
What's the evil plot this time?
Oh, I'm going to hook your
precious gold-making machine
to my super laser
and turn Porkbelly
into my personal treasure chest.
But I won't do it
if Susan goes out with me
and we're boyfriend-girlfriend.
What? Gross. No way.
You will be mine, Susan Test.
(CACKLES)
How can we get the Alchemy 5,000
back and destroy it by dinner?
(SLURPING)
Gimme extreme kung fu powers
and a baby pet triceratops
and we're in.
(GRUNTS)
Using these extreme
kung fu powers,
you must defeat
Eugene's ninja cyborgs,
grab the Alchemy 5,000,
and get back before dinner.
Yeah, great story.
Now load us up!
COMPUTER VOICE:
Begin kung fu power simulation.
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)
(SIGHS) Silly me.
Wrong program.
(BOTH SHRIEKING, GRUNTING)
I tracked Bling-Bling Boy
to his parents' private island
30 miles off the coast.
I've pre-set the coordinates
into the hydro-cruiser,
which you know comes complete
with nitro rope, phone
and licorice if you get hungry.
Here's a funny thing.
I've decided not to risk my life
over a chubby kid
obsessed with gold and Susan!
The island is full of tall,
fresh, never-been-peed-on trees.
Oh, yeah, okay.
Move over. I'm in.
BLING-BLING BOY:
Perhaps in test
of my e-vile powers,
I'll convince Susan Test
to accept my invitation.
Oswald?
Sir, we're not 100 percent sure
that the laser fits
through the--
Silence! Don't make me cranky.
(ALL YELLING)
BLING-BLING BOY:
It worked. (CACKLES)
-It worked!
-EUGENE'S MOM: Eugene!
What's going on up there?
You'd better not be
doing something
that will embarrass me!
(SHUDDERING) Nothing, Mom.
I'm studying.
DAD:
Girls!
Dinner will be ready in an hour!
Is that machine destroyed?
BOTH:
Almost.
And where's your brother?
He took Dukey for a walk.
He said he'd be home
before dinner.
He'd better be home
before dinner.
Ha ha ha! Wind is fun!
(ALARM BEEPING)
Small water craft approaching.
Destroy it.
(ALARM BEEPING)
Uh, do you know
what you're doing?
Yes, I'm pushing
colorful buttons.
(QUACKS)
Ah! We're a large sitting duck!
This looks promising.
Yet at the same time,
disturbing.
BOTH:
Whoa!
(BOTH GRUNT)
Dinner's almost done.
So let's do this.
I say we split up.
You go check out that large
menacing-looking fake volcano,
and I'll check out that forest
full of fresh trees.
-Copy that.
-(CHUCKLING)
(WATCH CHIMING)
Johnny, hurry.
Get the Alchemy 5000
and get home!
Don't worry, psycho sisters.
With my new ninja powers,
there's no way Bling-Bling Boy
can stop me.
Ah!
Whoa! Didn't see that coming.
Now that I have your brother
and a golden laser,
do we have a date?
Why don't you just
get some therapy
and come back to school?
Is Slopsink still sore
about my thesis eating his hand?
-Yeah.
-Then never!
(ECHOING)
Never, never, never, never!
And now I want more than a date.
I want a kiss.
And it had better be big
and smoochy.
No!
No!
No!
-I knew you'd come to rescue me.
-I really tried not to.
Oh, and I made
a phone call, too.
Okay, I'm out of here.
You may have won this round,
Johnny Test,
but you won't stop me from
turning Porkbelly into gold!
Gold!
EUGENE'S MOM: Eugene!
What's goin' on up there?
(EXHALES) I already told you,
I'm studying!
COMPUTER:
Porkbelly Target: Locked.
-Preparing golden laser blast.
-(BLOWS RASPBERRY)
Ah! Our kung fu powers
are useless.
Is there anything
that can stop him?
-(JOHNNY BELCHES)
-That might stop him.
Johnny Test ♪
Thanks to you, Bling-Bling Boy
will be punished
to the fullest extent of the law
for minors.
So he'll be out in about a week.
Eugene!
Plotting world domination again!
You are in such trouble, mister!
No, don't let her take me.
Send me away! I'm a bad boy!
Arrest me, please!
There's only one person
who can deliver a punishment
more painful
and tear-inducing than us.
Mom.
Now, we'd better get you home
before your mom does the same.
Where's Johnny?
(DOOR OPENS)
Sorry I'm late.
Dukey dropped a triple--
(CHUCKLES)
Thanks again for letting me
destroy that gold-making thing.
It was fun. I love you both.
So, did anything else exciting
happen today?
Yeah!
I taught Dukey a new trick.
(BOTH SIGHING)
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)
(MUSIC PLAYING)
(CHILDREN SHOUTING)
-(BAT HITS BALL)
-(CHILDREN CHEERING)
(SIGHING) Is there anything
better than kids playing
the game of baseball?
(BOTH GRUNT)
Hey! Great play out there!
Move in! No batter, no batter!
Just throw the ball!
Hit me home, Test,
and I won't hit you!
(GRUNTING)
You're out! Game over!
-(GROANS)
-(LAUGHING)
Better luck tomorrow, Test.
Well, you can't hit a thing,
-but you do create a nice,
refreshing breeze.
-(SCOFFS)
What?!
I'm trying to cheer you up.
(BOTH EXHALE) Gil.
I need to whack a baseball
so far that people will freak
and Sissy Blakely
will stop rankin' on me.
-Nice to see you, too, Johnny.
-What will it take?
It's our latest project
for Professor Slopsink.
It's a study
on hair replacement.
We need to test if it creates
any significant hair growth.
BOTH:
That would be a yes.
Look at all this hair!
Think of all the joy
it'll bring Slopsink
and bald men like him
all over the world!
BOTH:
Hmm.
Now, what do you need?
The game starts in an hour
and I still can't hit
a baseball!
The deal was that
I show them all I can hit!
Relax!
Because I will now throw you
the not-yet patented
extreme magno-tracking
laser-hide projectile.
Or the X.M.T.L.H. baseball.
It has a built-in homing system
to this bat.
I'd use the single setting.
A higher batting average
doesn't get the glory,
but contributes more
to the team's
winning percentage.
You just need to make contact.
A light or hard swing
won't make a difference.
Yeah, great story.
Throw the ball!
Awesome!
Not awesome.
Ah! He hit old man
Newman's house! Run!
You kids!
That's the eighth window
this week!
I'm calling your parents
and the police and Santa
and telling them
you're bad! Bad!
-ALL: Just throw the ball back,
you crotchety old--
-Never!
Okay, so you need to make me
another one of those
xmt-whatever baseballs.
Can't. We're out of plutonium.
The game is in an hour!
We have to go get that ball!
Who's with me?!
-Not me.
-Me neither.
I'm out of here.
Then I guess
I'll show Dad this photo
from your failed
mongrelfication experiment,
or this one
to the neighborhood dogs.
No fair! I was sleeping!
(TIRES SCREECHING)
-Where did you get the van?
-Found it.
(BEEPING)
The ball is in the living room.
Zip in, grab the ball, zip out,
and we're out of here. Move!
This is gonna be
like taking candy from a baby.
But replace the candy
with a baseball.
-And the baby
with a crotchety old man!
-(BOTH LAUGHING)
(GROWLING)
Johnny, the sonar scan
has picked up a large,
moving beast.
Good dog, good dog.
MARY:
Time for plan B.
(WHIMPERS)
(CHUCKLING)
Ha! You are no match
for our superior minds, old man!
Uh, that's the wrong ball.
(BEEPING)
BOTH:
Hey! That's our--
Oh, sorry.
Some old dude called and said
this was parked illegally.
Ha! You're no match
for my superior old mind!
Ho, ho, ho!
Somebody's on my naughty list.
They better give back
that baseball. Ho ho!
I need that baseball!
(BOTH GRUNT)
This guy is good.
Really good.
The game is in ten minutes.
I'm gonna be
a laughingstock again,
and you're not doing
anything to-- Ah!
Time for plan "H."
I think we're up to plan "I. "
(MUFFLED)
Actually, it's plan "J."
(DEEP VOICE)
Hi, Mr. Newman,
this is your pharmacist.
Your dentures
and, uh, laxatives are ready.
Never use them!
Uh Oh, I meant, uh,
we have a new gel
that will make you younger,
so please come down and get it.
(CAT YOWLS)
Cool.
Okay, let's put plan "J"
into action.
(NORMAL VOICE) Actually,
I recrunched the numbers,
and this is plan "K."
It's the perfect plan.
Ah! It doesn't fit!
Tell me something I don't know.
(BEEPING)
Go get it. Go get the ball, boy.
What? You talking to me? Why me?
Because you're part retriever,
and that's what they do.
And the dog beast is asleep.
So go!
(SNIFFING)
Well, what do you know?
I am part retriever.
(GROWLS)
Wait. You sleepy in yard.
-(SNORING)
-(GROWLS)
-(GROWLS)
-(SNORING)
Whoa. Didn't see that coming.
Johnny!
-(PANTING)
-(BARKING)
(GRUNTS) Hold on! Whoa!
(SCREAMS)
Time for plan "K."
-"L."
-Run!
(GRUNTS)
(GULPS)
(BOTH GROWLING)
We gotta do something.
Ah!
-Wait a minute.
-We don't have one.
(WHIRRS)
What are you doing?
You're supposed
to hit the evil dogs.
I just have to make contact.
Okay. I see where you're going
with this now.
(BOTH SNARLING)
Whoo-hoo! We made it!
We're gonna live.
We're gonna live!
Or not.
(BOTH YELLING)
(COUGHS)
There is no gel
that makes you younger.
I just want the ball back.
What do I have to do?
How about an apology
for breaking my window?
Fine. He's sorry
he broke your window.
Now the game's about to start.
And turn the diamond around
so my house
isn't a home run target!
Deal. And you don't have
to yell! Anything else?
And maybe I could coach
some games, sometimes?
Today, maybe?
-Sure.
-But no dog beasts.
They are evil!
They're not dog beasts.
They are my smoopy puppy
wuppies, Sheila and Betsy.
And they can be very sweet.
Let's go, Johnny!
Game over, everyone. Test is up.
Don't strike out this time!
Come on, Johnny!
A home run wins the game!
Oh, he'll be running home,
all right.
As in crying to his mommy,
right after I strike him
(BEEPING)
Out?
CROWD:
Yay!
We're such geniuses.
(GLASS BREAKS)
Ah! He hit the not as old as me,
but crazier than me man
Test house.
Johnny!
Johnny!
Run!
(KIDS SCREAMING)
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)