L.A. Law (1986) s01e02 Episode Script
Those Lips, That Eye
1
Previously on L.A.
Law I hardly know what to say regarding
the untimely death of Norman Chaney.
I met Norman in a gay bar.
My name is not Georgia Buckner.
It's George.
She barged in without an appointment.
At this moment, my client, Celia Robinson, is at St.
Anthony's Hospital trying to check in for a CAT scan.
Only they won't let her because your insurance
company is still refusing to admit that she's got coverage.
So don't talk to me about appointments.
Come home with me.
I don't know what you're saying.
I don't say nothing.
Your Honor, I move to suppress admission of the blood sample
report on grounds the chain of custody has been broken.
That is to say that we have been denied
access to Mr. Gallagher's blood sample,
and since no other evidence has been
introduced by the DA to lay an appropriate
foundation for the claim that my client
was inebriated at the time this
unfortunate accident occurred, I move for dismissal.
I move for dismissal of all charges.
Your honor, while it's true that the blood
sample was in fact lost or broken,
the expert from SID will testify under
oath as to the matter in which he
conducted the test as well as to the results, and
his credibility, of course, can be assessed at that time.
Who is this lad?
Deputy Diego Sano.
That guy in love.
Take a number.
I see no choice but to dismiss.
Your honor, this is clearly relevant
evidence which under federal law would be
admissible, and this court knows, or ought to know
under Proposition 8 that this evidence should
also be admissible under California state law.
I would remind the deputy D.A.
that in spite of the fact she's running
for judgeship in District 7, she need not
lecture this court on the validity of
Proposition 8 as pertains to this matter.
And I might add as well that Proposition 8
is anything but clear on this point.
My ruling stands Your Honor,
with all due respect, you're
wrong, and we're going to take
this up to the appellate court.
Assuming you can find time between
campaign appearances, you're welcome to do so.
My aspirations to the bench
notwithstanding, the bottom line here is
this court is releasing back
onto the streets an habitual and
dangerous drunk driver who murdered an eight-year-old boy.
That's gratuitous and self-serving.
The bottom line is you haven't made your
case and you're trying to pass the buck to me.
Your Honor.
When and if you win election to the bench,
Ms. Van Owen, you may have the last word.
In my court, I get it.
Case dismissed.
20-minute recess.
Court will reconvene in 20 minutes.
Arturo, no.
Arturo, espérate.
Is it our turn now?
Right after recess.
Do you mind explaining this to me again?
You plead guilty to misdemeanor theft,
$500 fine, one year informal probation,
treatment by your private therapist.
If there are no further shoplifting arrests,
we can have you expunged from your life.
I wasn't stealing it.
I just wanted to see if the diamond had
any fire in the sunlight.
Put it down.
Don't give them the reason.
Take care of him.
Take care of him.
Please.
Right now!
Don't talk to the police.
If they process you, I'll see him.
You could have got me killed.
It's just a reaction.
You're a reflection.
Go away and act!
My eight-year-old son was murdered.
There was no justice in the courtroom.
I sympathize with your pain, Mr. Figueroa.
Still, it's a very serious thing you did.
Are you a father?
No.
Then don't tell me, because you can't know.
Mr. Justice, my boy's dead.
His killer's free, and I'm in jail.
Well, I should be able to do something
about that, at least.
Look, I think there are a lot of
extenuating circumstances here.
I think that I might be able to get you
off without any jail time.
Please, Mr. Sifuentes, you've got to get me out of here.
No more shooting.
I just want to go home to my wife and my baby.
You got yourself a lawyer, Arturo.
I'm going to try my best to get you out of here, and Mike.
Kuzak is going to file a wrongful
death case against Gallagher.
That'll get him where it hurts.
Muchas gracias.
Mi familia y yo se lo agradecemos por El
resto de nuestra vida.
Gracias.
No.
I'm scared.
Of what?
You.
You scare me, lady.
You could break my heart.
Oh, Arnie.
I would never do anything to hurt you.
Well, maybe just a little.
Come in.
Ann.
Hi.
Hi.
I, uh, I hope you liked them.
The, uh, they're for me.
They're beautiful.
Thanks.
Yeah.
Mm.
Did you get all my phone messages?
Until the tape ran out.
So I got a, got a little carried away, huh?
Look, Stuart, I'm kind of distracted right now.
This Celia Robinson thing.
Oh, yeah, sure, I understand.
How about a late dinner?
We can talk then.
I can't.
I can't spare the time.
It's gonna be pretty crazy for a couple of weeks at least.
Hey, I just talked to Celia.
I told her, oh, I'm sorry.
No, no, it's okay.
I, uh, I'll, uh, I'll, uh, I'll see you later.
Uh.
Nice flowers.
Yeah.
What about Celia Robinson?
What the hell are you doing interfering in my case?
Which?
Your one-eyed caterer?
Leland said it was my case.
So why is my client calling from the
hospital to tell me that Lester Messman is
waiving a $150,000 check in her face, an offer he
says was approved by her lawyer, Douglas Brackman?
Messman called me.
He thought I might be able to expedite the matter.
You mean sell her down the river?
The woman didn't die.
She lost an eye.
And she isn't Picasso.
She's a cook.
Under the circumstances, $150,000.
Doesn't sound like such a terrible river to me.
Under the circumstances, it isn't even worth discussing.
Your opinion is she should reject the offer?
I already told her to tear up the check and not
to accept any phone calls from Mestman or you.
Then you had better hope that you can pull
some very big rabbits out of your hat, Miss Kelsey.
Because if you can't, I seriously suggest
you start looking for another job.
Let us recap.
Petramco is proceeding apace.
A negotiated settlement is being explored
in good faith in the Celia Robinson case.
The Lewis tax audit is scheduled for the 19th.
18th.
I stand corrected.
And Mr. Sifuentes' recently acquired Figueroa
case should yield a primo wrongful death suit.
Nelson Gallagher is one of the wealthiest
real estate developers in California.
Mucho bucks.
A tip of the sombrero, Victor.
In consideration of which we're agreed we won't
charge Figueroa, for his criminal defense, as you wish.
Penultimately, the reading of Norman
Chaney's will, 5.30 P.M.
this afternoon.
Speaking of which, and as you've observed, I seem to
have inherited Ms. Brunschweiger from the Chaney estate.
And last item, summer law clerks,
our final determination as to which of you
shall be asked to join the firm will be
announced after tomorrow's partners meeting.
Very well, people.
I believe that brings us current with our agenda.
Uh, not quite.
I'd like to know what the significance of
Mr. Sifuentes joining the firm is.
I'm not sure I'd take your thrust, Mr. Taylor.
As pertains to my future.
If I understand your question correctly,
advancement within the firm is a function of performance.
No more, no less.
I'd take issue with that.
It's a function of style, of
relationships, cronyism, of color.
I don't think a staff meeting is the
proper venue for this debate, Andrew.
Why not?
Excuse the pun, but let's call a spade a spade.
I mean, you brought me on with promises of meaningful work.
Advancement.
I believed you.
But what did I get?
I got cocktail parties.
My, aren't we liberal.
Doesn't he look grand in a suit?
But when Kuzak here needs a body, does he look in house?
No, no.
He goes outside with your blessing to find his own boy.
I'm not anyone's boy.
And neither am I.
And I'm not gonna be your house nigger no more.
Now, I wouldn't tolerate that language about you, sir.
I won't tolerate it from you.
And you won't have to, sir.
I quit.
All.
Right, the professor
The professor posed this question.
If the house Later.
Was jointly owned by two
If you want to reconsider a decision made
hastily and in the heat of the moment
Well, it was heated, but it wasn't hasty.
I've got no partnership potential here.
Writing was on the wall.
If it was
I didn't see it.
You don't read graffiti.
Huh.
You're welcome to use the office till you
find another position.
You'll receive eight weeks severance
pay and I'll write a strong letter of reference.
Is that what it cost to buy off your guilt?
Your failure to succeed with this firm
belongs to both of us.
I may have been remiss in not paying
closer attention to your needs,
Andrew, but face it.
You didn't do the job.
You never let me.
Oh, grow up.
Nobody gives you power.
You have to take it.
Now, you've got a choice.
You can locate an area of the law that
excites you and you can work your butt off
to excel at it, or you can nurse your anger forever.
But it will not serve you in the long run.
As I
As I grow older, I have a tendency to pontificate.
I'll write the letter.
Use it.
Or not.
Good luck, Andrew.
Mr. Becker, may I steal a moment of your time?
This is about the associate position.
You know I'm not at Liberty.
No, it's nothing.
You're kidding!
I've left my husband.
This is the same husband who shared his
drink with your dress at the Mckenzie party.
Um, yesterday he picked up our
three-year-old from nursery school,
and he was drunk.
He got into an accident.
Was the child hurt?
No.
He was scared.
We got into a fight about his drinking,
and when I told him that I would leave him
if he didn't stop, he became abusive, and he threatened me.
He said that he would never let me take Eric.
And whether I'm asked to stay with the
firm or not, I would like you to represent me.
And I'll pay whatever it costs.
Whether you're asked to stay with the firm
or not, let's not worry about the fees.
Let's worry about getting an immediate
court date and an OIC.
I can't tell you how grateful I am.
Consider it a professional courtesy.
Thank you.
You'll owe me.
Okay.
Mr. Messman?
Huh.
I appreciate your seeing me without an appointment.
We have nothing to talk about, Mr. Messman.
I would think otherwise.
It would seem a quick and timely disposition of
this case would be to the benefit of all concerned.
My only interest, Mr. Messman, is Celia Robinson.
We are not without sensitivity to Mrs.
Robinson's circumstance.
Is that why you went to her behind my back
with that insulting low ball offer?
My direct offer to your client was not
intended as an insult to either one of you.
You are an extremely able and, if I
might say, also an extremely svelte person.
So, if you would be disobeyed,
if you would be disposed to accepting an
apology, we might move along to a more
meaningful dialogue, by which I mean we
that we could all avoid a costly and lengthy litigation.
$250,000.
I have a sign check right here in my breast pocket.
Abby, bad faith insurance cases, Globe Casualty v.
Kaufman, $8.2 million in favor of the
plaintiff, mutual indemnity of North.
America, versus Hernandez, $7.1 million in
favor of the plaintiff.
Massachusetts Fidelity and Life versus
Tagliatero, $3.4 million in favor of the plaintiff.
On appeal, the judgment was increased to $5 million.
Are you getting the drift, Mr. Messman?
What'll it take to settle this out?
$1 million on my desk by the end of business today.
I don't know.
That's very high.
I'll have to put this to my superiors.
Put this wherever you like, Mr. Messman.
But if the check isn't on my desk by 6 p
.m., the price goes up $100,000 per day.
You got a lot of hormones, lady.
Sorry I'm late.
You should have been there.
Your buddy Martin Weisbart gets up Excuse me.
Gets up to address the jury.
For 20 minutes, they smirk and titter,
until finally Judge Hanson mercifully
points out what everyone else in the courtroom has
already taken note of, that Weisbart's fly is wide open.
Whereupon Weisbart asks for a mistrial,
Hanson denies the motion, and he proceeds
to lecture the courtroom ad nauseam on the
pros and cons of judicial decorum.
Grace Van Owen.
Michael Kuzak.
Would you like a beer?
Love one.
Two.
Okay.
This is our best offer.
We drop the gun possession.
Figaro cops to one count felony assault.
He does a year and a day with time off for
being the perfect citizen.
He's out in seven months.
Not bad for shooting up a crowded hallway.
Come on, Gracie, this one's a wobbler.
You could go misdemeanor just as easy as felony.
People could have been killed.
Under the circumstances, this is a great
deal, which I fought like hell to bring you.
You want circumstances?
I got a client with an otherwise spotless
record who sits in a courtroom and watches
the drunk driver that ran over his little son
go free because of a screw-up by the cops.
In his grief and outrage, he takes a shot
at the guy and misses.
I can't wait to go to court.
I doubt if I'm gonna lose, but even if I do, you lose more.
I can just see the headlines now.
Distraught father convicted, killer of little boy, walks.
DDA Grace Van Owen says, quote,
I feel bad about Mr. Figueroa's family.
He's probably going on welfare while he does his time,
but he should have thought about that sooner, unquote.
What are you looking for?
Reduced to a miss, suspended sentence.
You gotta be kidding.
Okay, then let's go to court.
I know this is none of my business,
but what about six months on the
misdemeanor, which with time off reduces it to three?
I'd try to sell that to my boss.
Well, don't bother.
You never sell it to me.
What are you trying to get for this guy, sainthood?
Look, the man is not a man.
He's not a threat to society anymore.
What is the point in locking him up?
Give me four months probation with public service
and two months jail time to be served on weekends.
Come on, Gracie.
Think like the great judge that I know you're gonna be.
Justice tempered with mercy.
Nice meeting you, Mr. Kuzak.
You off his back, then.
And to Stuart Markowitz, my friend, my
trusted colleague, and my financial advisor.
Forgive me.
The traffic was a mess.
I bequeath my complete tax law library as
well as my non-binding but deeply felt
personal hope that this firm will recognize
his talents with a long overdue partnership.
To Arnold Becker, a man I have long admired, I
bequeath my entire collection of Indian and Chinese erotica.
To my good and loyal Hilda Brunschweiger,
I bequeath the sum of $50,000.
And to my most valued and unique friend,
Georgia Buckner, to whom I owe much,
and with the wish that she may find true peace
and happiness, I bequeath the sum of $200,000.
$250,000.
What?
This is an outrage.
Douglas, this is none of your business.
Yes, it is.
It's an insult.
A mockery of all of us in this firm.
I say we should contest this will.
This thing was obviously exercising undue influence.
Douglas.
Who knows what kind of perversion.
How dare you.
I've conducted myself with total love and honesty.
Honesty?
You're not even serious.
Straight enough to be a decent homo.
Oh!
Hi.
Excuse me.
Oh.
You all witnessed it.
Unprovoked assault.
This could be permanent neurological damage.
Hell hath no fury like a woman's scorn.
Hey, you, wait up.
Listen, I just don't want there to be any
bad blood between us.
I mean, guys like us, we shouldn't be in competition.
You mean interchangeable token men of color.
You think it was all thought out like that?
Trade black for brown?
Well, that's the way it worked out, isn't it?
Look, me, I've never gotten where I was
going by crawling over another body.
Now, if I'm responsible for you losing
your job in any way, then I'm out of here.
The truth?
You did me a favor.
You brought something to head.
I've been doing my damnedest to avoid.
I wish you a lot of luck.
I wish you luck, because these guys are
going to tell you anything going in.
What, they dangled you a class action, pro bono?
Andrew, I, uh, I don't know what to say.
Well, no, uh, no insult intended, but that's always
been the problem with the partners in this firm.
Good night.
Ann.
I'm almost afraid to ask.
The check come?
Nope.
Any word from Messman?
Nope.
Maybe it's on the way.
It'll stay around a little longer,
but I'm not holding my breath.
Call me if it comes in.
You'll be the first to know.
Good night, Stuart.
So, you make any dinner plans yet?
Uh, thanks, Stuart.
I've, um, got to work late.
Petramco stuff.
I'll order out.
Order for two.
I'll keep you company.
Look, Stuart.
What happened between us was one of those things
that occasionally just happens between two people.
Gee, I was kind of looking forward to it happening again.
I don't think it will.
You mind telling me why?
Stuart, you are a wonderful man and a wonderful lawyer.
But I'm not what you're looking for, is that it?
I'm not looking at all.
It's not that I don't want a relationship with you.
I'm not looking for a relationship with anyone.
Look, Ann, I don't want to push myself on
you, believe me, but I'm not a kid.
I have adult needs and adult feelings.
I'm standing here telling you that I love you.
Oh, Stuart.
No, no, really.
I, uh
I do.
Look, I'm not saying I can't live without you or anything.
I'm saying I'd rather not have to.
I don't know what to say.
No.
Think about it.
Think about me.
Would you do that, please?
Yes.
Good.
Are you gonna do it now, or?
Good night, Stuart.
Okay.
Mr. Kuzak, to what do I owe this pleasure?
Well, I was in the neighborhood.
I thought I'd drop by.
This used to be my office.
Really?
Look, uh, I don't know how you feel about
stuff like this, but if we promise not to
talk about work, would you like to get some dinner?
Mr. Kuzak, I have three rules, two of which being I
never date lawyers and I never date anyone I work with.
Well, what's number three?
You already disqualify on one and two.
Well, here's a hypothetical.
If you and I were to take separate cars
and meet up at Musso and Frank,
would that constitute a date?
Yes, definitely.
How about this?
You and I, separate cars, Musso and Frank, Dutch.
Is that a date?
A cheap date.
I go to Musso and Frank.
I grab a seat at the counter.
I'm sitting there eating my lamb chops when
you happen to fall by for a house salad to go.
Hey, nice to see you.
Sit down, take a load off.
Now, you can't tell me that that's a date.
No.
Not to the strict letter of the law.
So, got a date tonight?
No.
Gotta eat.
I thought maybe I'd grab a salad or
something at Musso and Frank.
Nice place.
I go there myself now and again.
So, you gonna tell me?
What?
Rule number three.
I never sleep with a man.
I never sleep with a man on the first date.
Good morning, Elizabeth.
Good morning, Michael.
Any calls?
Messages?
Messages.
Somewhere.
A Grace Van Owen by any chance?
No, no, doesn't sound familiar.
Would you try her for me, please?
She's in the DA's office down there.
Sure.
Morning, Michael.
Arnie, you wouldn't happen to know a good
florist, would you?
Only a basic 50 bucks.
Thanks for the referral basket call, Bennett.
Use my name.
Tell him the Julia Lippincott.
I think I need something a little more personal.
Well, the $75 potted cymbidium, that's the Linda Maslow.
Grace Van Owen, please.
Michael Kuzak calling.
Well, would you leave word, please?
Right.
Kuzak.
K-U-Z-A-K.
Thank you.
$150 worth of sterling roses, orchids, alstroemerias.
Tell Bennett it's the Christina Amorelli.
That should get your garden hosed.
Ann.
Ann.
Lester Messman's in reception.
Oh, hi.
The check is per your request.
Please have your client sign the enclosed
releases and messenger them back.
Thank you.
Mr. Messman, just a moment of your time, please.
I'm afraid there's a mistake.
The amount, Mr. Messman.
One million dollars.
No, the agreed amount was $1,100,000.
You said $1,000,000.
If you'll refresh your recollection,
I said $1,000,000 if received prior.
At 6 P.M.
yesterday, $1,100,000 today.
This isn't about your client.
It isn't even about winning.
It's just about busting my chops.
It'll be $1,200,000 if you wait until tomorrow.
You're dreaming.
See you in court, butch!
Your Honor, as the respondent husband has failed to appear,
I would request that the orders be entered at this time.
You're asking sole custody, extremely
limited visitation, and a restraining order?
The respondent husband is alcoholic and
violent, the most direct testimony of
which is, unfortunately evidenced by my
client's physical appearance today.
How did you acquire the injuries, Mrs. Perkins?
Last night, my husband came by the house.
He was drunk and upset.
He asked me not to go through with the divorce.
And when I said no, he
he grabbed me by the arm and he started twisting.
Then he choked me and he banged my head against the wall.
Screaming at me not to do it.
Eric came running in.
He was, he was scared to death.
Eric just stood there and cried as his
father kept hitting me.
Mr. Perkins?
Yes.
You're more than an hour late.
Abby, please.
Sit down, Mr. Perkins.
Abby, please don't get away from her.
Sit down, Mr. Perkins.
Or the bailiff will take you into custody.
Do you have a lawyer, Mr. Perkins?
First thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers.
Shakespeare, Henry VI, part two.
Mr. Perkins, are you capable of
understanding the serious nature of this hearing?
This kangaroo court?
The proposal before me is that you be
denied access to your son, except when
supervised by an attorney or police officer.
He's my son.
You can't do that.
You bitch.
That's enough.
Frankly, Mr. Perkins, your demeanor before this court would
strongly incline me toward granting your wife's motion.
However, this is an extremely serious matter.
Therefore, I will Grant you a one-week
continuance in which time I strongly
suggest that you sober up and find yourself a lawyer.
In the interim, this court orders that temporary
physical care and custody remain with Mrs.
Perkins.
No visitation rights in respondent, Father.
Further, Mr. Perkins is enjoined from
coming within 100 yards of either Mrs.
Perkins or the minor, Eric Perkins.
It's going to be next week, next Thursday.
Is that all right with your office?
I ordered this stationery.
It hasn't come in yet.
What am I supposed to do, mate?
Dammit, you said it was my case,
that I should run with it as I saw fit.
If a Mike Kuzak did what I did, you'd
call it aggressive hardball lawyering.
But if a woman does it, she's a steamroller and a
This has nothing to do with sexism, and you know it.
I made a judgment call that I had to back
up what I said to the insurance company or
they would never take me seriously the next time.
There's a hell of a difference between a
judgment call and negligence.
Your cavalier dismissal of a million-dollar settlement offer
could conceivably expose this firm to a malpractice suit.
I hardly think that's likely, Leland.
I had Celia Robinson's authorization.
I did what I considered to be in the best
interest of my client.
What?
What you did was indulge your ego at the
expense of your client.
They can drag this thing out five years
before you ever see the inside of a courtroom.
If you don't like the way I'm handling it,
you can take the appropriate steps.
It will be on the agenda of this
afternoon's partners meeting.
That's all.
Let's forget the reading of the minutes.
Sorry, I was in court.
Quite all right, Arnold.
In your absence, we voted that I be given
the chain of office.
Hey.
A jest, Arnold.
Gentlemen, we have a very full agenda.
The first item of which I would presume is Miss Kelsey's
unconscionable handling of the Celia Robinson matter.
After some thought, I've decided to let
that wait a week, see where the dust settles.
I say we sweep it out the door, give her four weeks'
notice, and We'll bring it up at the next meeting.
All right, summer clerks, discussion.
I don't think that there's much to discuss.
Bruce Pollack was an editor of the Harvard
Law Review, number three in his class,
a pleasing personal demeanor, no dependents,
and has done superlative work since he's been here.
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
I'd have to concur with Douglas on this.
Bruce is a very, uh, very impressive young man.
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
I'm honored, of course.
But I've decided to accept an offer from a
Wall Street firm.
Mr. Pollack, if that's the case,
might I inquire what you've been doing
here for the last three months, wasting our time and money?
Well, you were so pleasant and so
persuasive when you interviewed me.
And I had never been to L.A.
before.
I had a great summer.
Thanks.
All right, then.
Let's review the bidding.
Weston or Perkins?
Their academic records are approximately equivalent.
Arnold, you've been working most closely with Lisa Weston.
How would you evaluate her skills?
Arnold, I hate to say this because she's very bright.
I think the woman is some kind of nympho or something.
She's made repeated sexual overtures
toward me ever since she's been here.
It's been extremely embarrassing.
And quite honestly, I'm concerned about her
possibly compromising this firm's client relationship.
And quite honestly, I'm concerned about her
possibly compromising this firm's client relationship.
So, where does that leave us?
I can't believe it.
I'm in.
That's great.
That's really great.
I'm so happy for you, for both of us.
Thank you.
You have no idea how much this means to me.
I'm sure you ladies will be relieved to know
that this, just arrived by messenger, $1,100,000.
As I calculate, that's roughly $366,667 for us.
Take the rest of the day off, Miss Kelsey.
You've earned it.
Well, you might be interested to know that
your girlfriend and I worked up a deal.
Who?
Deputy D.A.
Grace Van Owen.
Anyway, Arturo copped to the miss, credit
for time served, two months of weekends.
He's on his way home to his wife and child
and everyone lives happily ever after.
Sounds good.
Let's hope so.
Excuse me.
Oh, no, you don't.
You really stink, Becker.
This mean dinner's off tonight?
If you think I'm gonna let you do this to me.
Do what exactly, Lisa?
You rat.
You told me I had a real chance at this
job if I played my cards right.
Look, honey.
Honey, this isn't a daycare center.
You came on to me.
No one promised you a thing.
You know I'm a lot smarter than that little twit.
The least you could have done was speak up for me.
I did.
I was overruled.
I'll bet.
Look, honey, I did you a giant favor.
You just don't know it yet.
You're smart.
You're attractive.
You're going to be a great attorney,
but there is no way you're going to sleep
your way into a job, not in this firm
anyway, and you should have known that.
Yeah, you should have told me.
Would you grow up, kid?
Oh, I feel older already.
Mentoring, Arnold.
A heavy burden.
Hey, uh, word on the vine is you kicked a
little butt on Celia Robinson.
Word further has it that even Douglas
Brackman was impressed.
Great.
So how come I'm so depressed?
Huh, well, uh, multiple choice.
A, because it's over.
B, because you cared more about winning
than you do about your client.
C, because winning's no fun unless you
have someone to share it with.
Or, uh, or a D, none of the above.
Pretty smart for a guy who spends his life
in a room going over the tax code.
Yeah, well, not so smart.
Anyway, uh, congratulations are in order, so how about a
celebratory dinner at the romantic
restaurant of your choosing?
I don't think so, Stuart.
Look, Ann, I hate to be a pest here,
but I want to pursue a relationship.
Now, look, hey, maybe it pans out,
maybe not, but I'm not afraid to try.
I think maybe I am.
All right, look, uh, I'll tell you what.
I'm gonna go to my office, and I'm gonna put on my coat.
Then I'm gonna count to 100, and I'm gonna leave.
Between now and then, I hope you change
your mind and join me.
If not, I, uh, I won't bother you anymore.
One.
Two.
Ah, three.
Congratulations.
You played hardball, and you won.
I was lucky.
You were right.
I was representing my needs at the expense of my clients.
Good lesson learned.
Some of us never learn it.
Stuart Markowitz just suggested that I care
more about winning than I do about the client.
I think that's a little harsh.
If Celia Robinson walked in here right
now, I wouldn't know who the hell she was.
I never even bothered to meet the woman.
Get the job done, nevertheless.
Sure as hell didn't give her a lot of
moral support along the way.
She probably had that from her family, her friends.
What she needed from you was your anger,
your expertise, and your courage.
And those she got.
And those she got.
In full measure.
A better lawyer would have given her both.
Stuart, hold the elevator.
99 and a half, 99 and three quarters.
How did you get into my car?
I worked my way through law school as a car thief.
Well, now that we know that you haven't
lost your touch, please get out.
I called you 37 times.
Seven times.
Why are you avoiding me?
I'm not avoiding you.
I just don't want to see you.
So if you don't mind Hold on.
We had dinner together, remember?
We shared a bottle of wine.
We talked until two in the morning.
Am I crazy?
We've got some kind of chemistry here.
Look, Mr. Kuzak, I Call me Michael.
Even Mickey.
Hello?
What?
I can't hear you.
Speak up.
I'm on the car phone.
Thanks.
Bad news?
Well, Mickey, it seems your client, Arturo
Figueroa, just murdered Nelson Gallagher.
At least let's admit it in the privacy of this table.
We're accessories to a murder.
Look, the man says he's sorry.
He swears he'll be a good boy.
What, do you want me to be a mind reader?
I thought we were cutting a humane deal.
Oh, right.
We all felt so guilty.
We were so overcome with the depth of our
moral outrage, we lost sight of the damn law.
Look, if you're going to bleed, don't do it all over me.
My job is to represent my client.
You start what-iffing yourself on every
deal, and you wind up paralyzed.
Well, maybe we should have what-if fed
ourselves on this one.
He did, but neither of us paid any attention to him.
You were angry that he wasn't backing your
play, and I was so busy playing politics.
We redressed one murder with another.
So what?
One more?
I'm going home.
After this fiasco, I'll probably be in
traffic court for the rest of my life.
I don't need a hangover to add to my list of woes.
Oh, speaking of which, I've had a little too much myself.
Could you give me a lift?
Victor can take you.
Mm.
I think I'm gonna stay a while.
Or, um, I'll take a cab home.
Or whatever.
Let's go.
You didn't need a lift.
You hardly had anything to drink.
You're right.
I just wanted to spend a little more time with you.
You're a very good driver.
This isn't going to work.
Why not?
Because that's why.
The thing is, I'm engaged.
I'm getting married in three weeks.
Who's the lucky fella?
His name is Kevin Crenshaw.
The media guy?
Mm-hmm.
Oh, I suppose he's gonna run your campaign.
As a matter of fact, yes.
Well, that doesn't mean you have to marry him.
Mr. Kuzak.
Do you love him?
Of course I do.
No, what I'm asking is, are you in love with him?
Mr. Kuzak, I've been in love more than once.
It has its charms, no doubt about it,
but it also has its downside, and frankly,
I'm getting too old for roller coasters.
How old are you?
Would you stop?
Just go away.
What about passion?
Not that it's any of your business,
but I enjoy his company very much.
Not exactly a ringing endorsement.
We have lots in common.
I care deeply for him.
But you're not in love with him.
Being in love with someone is only a stage you pass
through on your way toward feeling lovingly to that person.
Well, I guess you've got it all figured out, haven't you?
I think so, yes.
And honestly, I'd appreciate it if you got out of the
car, closed the door behind you, and left me alone.
But what about these feelings that we have?
It's the nice thing about being a grown-up, Mr. Kuzak.
Having them doesn't mean we have to act on them.
Good night.
Good night, Gracie.
Sweet dreams.
Good night.
Previously on L.A.
Law I hardly know what to say regarding
the untimely death of Norman Chaney.
I met Norman in a gay bar.
My name is not Georgia Buckner.
It's George.
She barged in without an appointment.
At this moment, my client, Celia Robinson, is at St.
Anthony's Hospital trying to check in for a CAT scan.
Only they won't let her because your insurance
company is still refusing to admit that she's got coverage.
So don't talk to me about appointments.
Come home with me.
I don't know what you're saying.
I don't say nothing.
Your Honor, I move to suppress admission of the blood sample
report on grounds the chain of custody has been broken.
That is to say that we have been denied
access to Mr. Gallagher's blood sample,
and since no other evidence has been
introduced by the DA to lay an appropriate
foundation for the claim that my client
was inebriated at the time this
unfortunate accident occurred, I move for dismissal.
I move for dismissal of all charges.
Your honor, while it's true that the blood
sample was in fact lost or broken,
the expert from SID will testify under
oath as to the matter in which he
conducted the test as well as to the results, and
his credibility, of course, can be assessed at that time.
Who is this lad?
Deputy Diego Sano.
That guy in love.
Take a number.
I see no choice but to dismiss.
Your honor, this is clearly relevant
evidence which under federal law would be
admissible, and this court knows, or ought to know
under Proposition 8 that this evidence should
also be admissible under California state law.
I would remind the deputy D.A.
that in spite of the fact she's running
for judgeship in District 7, she need not
lecture this court on the validity of
Proposition 8 as pertains to this matter.
And I might add as well that Proposition 8
is anything but clear on this point.
My ruling stands Your Honor,
with all due respect, you're
wrong, and we're going to take
this up to the appellate court.
Assuming you can find time between
campaign appearances, you're welcome to do so.
My aspirations to the bench
notwithstanding, the bottom line here is
this court is releasing back
onto the streets an habitual and
dangerous drunk driver who murdered an eight-year-old boy.
That's gratuitous and self-serving.
The bottom line is you haven't made your
case and you're trying to pass the buck to me.
Your Honor.
When and if you win election to the bench,
Ms. Van Owen, you may have the last word.
In my court, I get it.
Case dismissed.
20-minute recess.
Court will reconvene in 20 minutes.
Arturo, no.
Arturo, espérate.
Is it our turn now?
Right after recess.
Do you mind explaining this to me again?
You plead guilty to misdemeanor theft,
$500 fine, one year informal probation,
treatment by your private therapist.
If there are no further shoplifting arrests,
we can have you expunged from your life.
I wasn't stealing it.
I just wanted to see if the diamond had
any fire in the sunlight.
Put it down.
Don't give them the reason.
Take care of him.
Take care of him.
Please.
Right now!
Don't talk to the police.
If they process you, I'll see him.
You could have got me killed.
It's just a reaction.
You're a reflection.
Go away and act!
My eight-year-old son was murdered.
There was no justice in the courtroom.
I sympathize with your pain, Mr. Figueroa.
Still, it's a very serious thing you did.
Are you a father?
No.
Then don't tell me, because you can't know.
Mr. Justice, my boy's dead.
His killer's free, and I'm in jail.
Well, I should be able to do something
about that, at least.
Look, I think there are a lot of
extenuating circumstances here.
I think that I might be able to get you
off without any jail time.
Please, Mr. Sifuentes, you've got to get me out of here.
No more shooting.
I just want to go home to my wife and my baby.
You got yourself a lawyer, Arturo.
I'm going to try my best to get you out of here, and Mike.
Kuzak is going to file a wrongful
death case against Gallagher.
That'll get him where it hurts.
Muchas gracias.
Mi familia y yo se lo agradecemos por El
resto de nuestra vida.
Gracias.
No.
I'm scared.
Of what?
You.
You scare me, lady.
You could break my heart.
Oh, Arnie.
I would never do anything to hurt you.
Well, maybe just a little.
Come in.
Ann.
Hi.
Hi.
I, uh, I hope you liked them.
The, uh, they're for me.
They're beautiful.
Thanks.
Yeah.
Mm.
Did you get all my phone messages?
Until the tape ran out.
So I got a, got a little carried away, huh?
Look, Stuart, I'm kind of distracted right now.
This Celia Robinson thing.
Oh, yeah, sure, I understand.
How about a late dinner?
We can talk then.
I can't.
I can't spare the time.
It's gonna be pretty crazy for a couple of weeks at least.
Hey, I just talked to Celia.
I told her, oh, I'm sorry.
No, no, it's okay.
I, uh, I'll, uh, I'll, uh, I'll see you later.
Uh.
Nice flowers.
Yeah.
What about Celia Robinson?
What the hell are you doing interfering in my case?
Which?
Your one-eyed caterer?
Leland said it was my case.
So why is my client calling from the
hospital to tell me that Lester Messman is
waiving a $150,000 check in her face, an offer he
says was approved by her lawyer, Douglas Brackman?
Messman called me.
He thought I might be able to expedite the matter.
You mean sell her down the river?
The woman didn't die.
She lost an eye.
And she isn't Picasso.
She's a cook.
Under the circumstances, $150,000.
Doesn't sound like such a terrible river to me.
Under the circumstances, it isn't even worth discussing.
Your opinion is she should reject the offer?
I already told her to tear up the check and not
to accept any phone calls from Mestman or you.
Then you had better hope that you can pull
some very big rabbits out of your hat, Miss Kelsey.
Because if you can't, I seriously suggest
you start looking for another job.
Let us recap.
Petramco is proceeding apace.
A negotiated settlement is being explored
in good faith in the Celia Robinson case.
The Lewis tax audit is scheduled for the 19th.
18th.
I stand corrected.
And Mr. Sifuentes' recently acquired Figueroa
case should yield a primo wrongful death suit.
Nelson Gallagher is one of the wealthiest
real estate developers in California.
Mucho bucks.
A tip of the sombrero, Victor.
In consideration of which we're agreed we won't
charge Figueroa, for his criminal defense, as you wish.
Penultimately, the reading of Norman
Chaney's will, 5.30 P.M.
this afternoon.
Speaking of which, and as you've observed, I seem to
have inherited Ms. Brunschweiger from the Chaney estate.
And last item, summer law clerks,
our final determination as to which of you
shall be asked to join the firm will be
announced after tomorrow's partners meeting.
Very well, people.
I believe that brings us current with our agenda.
Uh, not quite.
I'd like to know what the significance of
Mr. Sifuentes joining the firm is.
I'm not sure I'd take your thrust, Mr. Taylor.
As pertains to my future.
If I understand your question correctly,
advancement within the firm is a function of performance.
No more, no less.
I'd take issue with that.
It's a function of style, of
relationships, cronyism, of color.
I don't think a staff meeting is the
proper venue for this debate, Andrew.
Why not?
Excuse the pun, but let's call a spade a spade.
I mean, you brought me on with promises of meaningful work.
Advancement.
I believed you.
But what did I get?
I got cocktail parties.
My, aren't we liberal.
Doesn't he look grand in a suit?
But when Kuzak here needs a body, does he look in house?
No, no.
He goes outside with your blessing to find his own boy.
I'm not anyone's boy.
And neither am I.
And I'm not gonna be your house nigger no more.
Now, I wouldn't tolerate that language about you, sir.
I won't tolerate it from you.
And you won't have to, sir.
I quit.
All.
Right, the professor
The professor posed this question.
If the house Later.
Was jointly owned by two
If you want to reconsider a decision made
hastily and in the heat of the moment
Well, it was heated, but it wasn't hasty.
I've got no partnership potential here.
Writing was on the wall.
If it was
I didn't see it.
You don't read graffiti.
Huh.
You're welcome to use the office till you
find another position.
You'll receive eight weeks severance
pay and I'll write a strong letter of reference.
Is that what it cost to buy off your guilt?
Your failure to succeed with this firm
belongs to both of us.
I may have been remiss in not paying
closer attention to your needs,
Andrew, but face it.
You didn't do the job.
You never let me.
Oh, grow up.
Nobody gives you power.
You have to take it.
Now, you've got a choice.
You can locate an area of the law that
excites you and you can work your butt off
to excel at it, or you can nurse your anger forever.
But it will not serve you in the long run.
As I
As I grow older, I have a tendency to pontificate.
I'll write the letter.
Use it.
Or not.
Good luck, Andrew.
Mr. Becker, may I steal a moment of your time?
This is about the associate position.
You know I'm not at Liberty.
No, it's nothing.
You're kidding!
I've left my husband.
This is the same husband who shared his
drink with your dress at the Mckenzie party.
Um, yesterday he picked up our
three-year-old from nursery school,
and he was drunk.
He got into an accident.
Was the child hurt?
No.
He was scared.
We got into a fight about his drinking,
and when I told him that I would leave him
if he didn't stop, he became abusive, and he threatened me.
He said that he would never let me take Eric.
And whether I'm asked to stay with the
firm or not, I would like you to represent me.
And I'll pay whatever it costs.
Whether you're asked to stay with the firm
or not, let's not worry about the fees.
Let's worry about getting an immediate
court date and an OIC.
I can't tell you how grateful I am.
Consider it a professional courtesy.
Thank you.
You'll owe me.
Okay.
Mr. Messman?
Huh.
I appreciate your seeing me without an appointment.
We have nothing to talk about, Mr. Messman.
I would think otherwise.
It would seem a quick and timely disposition of
this case would be to the benefit of all concerned.
My only interest, Mr. Messman, is Celia Robinson.
We are not without sensitivity to Mrs.
Robinson's circumstance.
Is that why you went to her behind my back
with that insulting low ball offer?
My direct offer to your client was not
intended as an insult to either one of you.
You are an extremely able and, if I
might say, also an extremely svelte person.
So, if you would be disobeyed,
if you would be disposed to accepting an
apology, we might move along to a more
meaningful dialogue, by which I mean we
that we could all avoid a costly and lengthy litigation.
$250,000.
I have a sign check right here in my breast pocket.
Abby, bad faith insurance cases, Globe Casualty v.
Kaufman, $8.2 million in favor of the
plaintiff, mutual indemnity of North.
America, versus Hernandez, $7.1 million in
favor of the plaintiff.
Massachusetts Fidelity and Life versus
Tagliatero, $3.4 million in favor of the plaintiff.
On appeal, the judgment was increased to $5 million.
Are you getting the drift, Mr. Messman?
What'll it take to settle this out?
$1 million on my desk by the end of business today.
I don't know.
That's very high.
I'll have to put this to my superiors.
Put this wherever you like, Mr. Messman.
But if the check isn't on my desk by 6 p
.m., the price goes up $100,000 per day.
You got a lot of hormones, lady.
Sorry I'm late.
You should have been there.
Your buddy Martin Weisbart gets up Excuse me.
Gets up to address the jury.
For 20 minutes, they smirk and titter,
until finally Judge Hanson mercifully
points out what everyone else in the courtroom has
already taken note of, that Weisbart's fly is wide open.
Whereupon Weisbart asks for a mistrial,
Hanson denies the motion, and he proceeds
to lecture the courtroom ad nauseam on the
pros and cons of judicial decorum.
Grace Van Owen.
Michael Kuzak.
Would you like a beer?
Love one.
Two.
Okay.
This is our best offer.
We drop the gun possession.
Figaro cops to one count felony assault.
He does a year and a day with time off for
being the perfect citizen.
He's out in seven months.
Not bad for shooting up a crowded hallway.
Come on, Gracie, this one's a wobbler.
You could go misdemeanor just as easy as felony.
People could have been killed.
Under the circumstances, this is a great
deal, which I fought like hell to bring you.
You want circumstances?
I got a client with an otherwise spotless
record who sits in a courtroom and watches
the drunk driver that ran over his little son
go free because of a screw-up by the cops.
In his grief and outrage, he takes a shot
at the guy and misses.
I can't wait to go to court.
I doubt if I'm gonna lose, but even if I do, you lose more.
I can just see the headlines now.
Distraught father convicted, killer of little boy, walks.
DDA Grace Van Owen says, quote,
I feel bad about Mr. Figueroa's family.
He's probably going on welfare while he does his time,
but he should have thought about that sooner, unquote.
What are you looking for?
Reduced to a miss, suspended sentence.
You gotta be kidding.
Okay, then let's go to court.
I know this is none of my business,
but what about six months on the
misdemeanor, which with time off reduces it to three?
I'd try to sell that to my boss.
Well, don't bother.
You never sell it to me.
What are you trying to get for this guy, sainthood?
Look, the man is not a man.
He's not a threat to society anymore.
What is the point in locking him up?
Give me four months probation with public service
and two months jail time to be served on weekends.
Come on, Gracie.
Think like the great judge that I know you're gonna be.
Justice tempered with mercy.
Nice meeting you, Mr. Kuzak.
You off his back, then.
And to Stuart Markowitz, my friend, my
trusted colleague, and my financial advisor.
Forgive me.
The traffic was a mess.
I bequeath my complete tax law library as
well as my non-binding but deeply felt
personal hope that this firm will recognize
his talents with a long overdue partnership.
To Arnold Becker, a man I have long admired, I
bequeath my entire collection of Indian and Chinese erotica.
To my good and loyal Hilda Brunschweiger,
I bequeath the sum of $50,000.
And to my most valued and unique friend,
Georgia Buckner, to whom I owe much,
and with the wish that she may find true peace
and happiness, I bequeath the sum of $200,000.
$250,000.
What?
This is an outrage.
Douglas, this is none of your business.
Yes, it is.
It's an insult.
A mockery of all of us in this firm.
I say we should contest this will.
This thing was obviously exercising undue influence.
Douglas.
Who knows what kind of perversion.
How dare you.
I've conducted myself with total love and honesty.
Honesty?
You're not even serious.
Straight enough to be a decent homo.
Oh!
Hi.
Excuse me.
Oh.
You all witnessed it.
Unprovoked assault.
This could be permanent neurological damage.
Hell hath no fury like a woman's scorn.
Hey, you, wait up.
Listen, I just don't want there to be any
bad blood between us.
I mean, guys like us, we shouldn't be in competition.
You mean interchangeable token men of color.
You think it was all thought out like that?
Trade black for brown?
Well, that's the way it worked out, isn't it?
Look, me, I've never gotten where I was
going by crawling over another body.
Now, if I'm responsible for you losing
your job in any way, then I'm out of here.
The truth?
You did me a favor.
You brought something to head.
I've been doing my damnedest to avoid.
I wish you a lot of luck.
I wish you luck, because these guys are
going to tell you anything going in.
What, they dangled you a class action, pro bono?
Andrew, I, uh, I don't know what to say.
Well, no, uh, no insult intended, but that's always
been the problem with the partners in this firm.
Good night.
Ann.
I'm almost afraid to ask.
The check come?
Nope.
Any word from Messman?
Nope.
Maybe it's on the way.
It'll stay around a little longer,
but I'm not holding my breath.
Call me if it comes in.
You'll be the first to know.
Good night, Stuart.
So, you make any dinner plans yet?
Uh, thanks, Stuart.
I've, um, got to work late.
Petramco stuff.
I'll order out.
Order for two.
I'll keep you company.
Look, Stuart.
What happened between us was one of those things
that occasionally just happens between two people.
Gee, I was kind of looking forward to it happening again.
I don't think it will.
You mind telling me why?
Stuart, you are a wonderful man and a wonderful lawyer.
But I'm not what you're looking for, is that it?
I'm not looking at all.
It's not that I don't want a relationship with you.
I'm not looking for a relationship with anyone.
Look, Ann, I don't want to push myself on
you, believe me, but I'm not a kid.
I have adult needs and adult feelings.
I'm standing here telling you that I love you.
Oh, Stuart.
No, no, really.
I, uh
I do.
Look, I'm not saying I can't live without you or anything.
I'm saying I'd rather not have to.
I don't know what to say.
No.
Think about it.
Think about me.
Would you do that, please?
Yes.
Good.
Are you gonna do it now, or?
Good night, Stuart.
Okay.
Mr. Kuzak, to what do I owe this pleasure?
Well, I was in the neighborhood.
I thought I'd drop by.
This used to be my office.
Really?
Look, uh, I don't know how you feel about
stuff like this, but if we promise not to
talk about work, would you like to get some dinner?
Mr. Kuzak, I have three rules, two of which being I
never date lawyers and I never date anyone I work with.
Well, what's number three?
You already disqualify on one and two.
Well, here's a hypothetical.
If you and I were to take separate cars
and meet up at Musso and Frank,
would that constitute a date?
Yes, definitely.
How about this?
You and I, separate cars, Musso and Frank, Dutch.
Is that a date?
A cheap date.
I go to Musso and Frank.
I grab a seat at the counter.
I'm sitting there eating my lamb chops when
you happen to fall by for a house salad to go.
Hey, nice to see you.
Sit down, take a load off.
Now, you can't tell me that that's a date.
No.
Not to the strict letter of the law.
So, got a date tonight?
No.
Gotta eat.
I thought maybe I'd grab a salad or
something at Musso and Frank.
Nice place.
I go there myself now and again.
So, you gonna tell me?
What?
Rule number three.
I never sleep with a man.
I never sleep with a man on the first date.
Good morning, Elizabeth.
Good morning, Michael.
Any calls?
Messages?
Messages.
Somewhere.
A Grace Van Owen by any chance?
No, no, doesn't sound familiar.
Would you try her for me, please?
She's in the DA's office down there.
Sure.
Morning, Michael.
Arnie, you wouldn't happen to know a good
florist, would you?
Only a basic 50 bucks.
Thanks for the referral basket call, Bennett.
Use my name.
Tell him the Julia Lippincott.
I think I need something a little more personal.
Well, the $75 potted cymbidium, that's the Linda Maslow.
Grace Van Owen, please.
Michael Kuzak calling.
Well, would you leave word, please?
Right.
Kuzak.
K-U-Z-A-K.
Thank you.
$150 worth of sterling roses, orchids, alstroemerias.
Tell Bennett it's the Christina Amorelli.
That should get your garden hosed.
Ann.
Ann.
Lester Messman's in reception.
Oh, hi.
The check is per your request.
Please have your client sign the enclosed
releases and messenger them back.
Thank you.
Mr. Messman, just a moment of your time, please.
I'm afraid there's a mistake.
The amount, Mr. Messman.
One million dollars.
No, the agreed amount was $1,100,000.
You said $1,000,000.
If you'll refresh your recollection,
I said $1,000,000 if received prior.
At 6 P.M.
yesterday, $1,100,000 today.
This isn't about your client.
It isn't even about winning.
It's just about busting my chops.
It'll be $1,200,000 if you wait until tomorrow.
You're dreaming.
See you in court, butch!
Your Honor, as the respondent husband has failed to appear,
I would request that the orders be entered at this time.
You're asking sole custody, extremely
limited visitation, and a restraining order?
The respondent husband is alcoholic and
violent, the most direct testimony of
which is, unfortunately evidenced by my
client's physical appearance today.
How did you acquire the injuries, Mrs. Perkins?
Last night, my husband came by the house.
He was drunk and upset.
He asked me not to go through with the divorce.
And when I said no, he
he grabbed me by the arm and he started twisting.
Then he choked me and he banged my head against the wall.
Screaming at me not to do it.
Eric came running in.
He was, he was scared to death.
Eric just stood there and cried as his
father kept hitting me.
Mr. Perkins?
Yes.
You're more than an hour late.
Abby, please.
Sit down, Mr. Perkins.
Abby, please don't get away from her.
Sit down, Mr. Perkins.
Or the bailiff will take you into custody.
Do you have a lawyer, Mr. Perkins?
First thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers.
Shakespeare, Henry VI, part two.
Mr. Perkins, are you capable of
understanding the serious nature of this hearing?
This kangaroo court?
The proposal before me is that you be
denied access to your son, except when
supervised by an attorney or police officer.
He's my son.
You can't do that.
You bitch.
That's enough.
Frankly, Mr. Perkins, your demeanor before this court would
strongly incline me toward granting your wife's motion.
However, this is an extremely serious matter.
Therefore, I will Grant you a one-week
continuance in which time I strongly
suggest that you sober up and find yourself a lawyer.
In the interim, this court orders that temporary
physical care and custody remain with Mrs.
Perkins.
No visitation rights in respondent, Father.
Further, Mr. Perkins is enjoined from
coming within 100 yards of either Mrs.
Perkins or the minor, Eric Perkins.
It's going to be next week, next Thursday.
Is that all right with your office?
I ordered this stationery.
It hasn't come in yet.
What am I supposed to do, mate?
Dammit, you said it was my case,
that I should run with it as I saw fit.
If a Mike Kuzak did what I did, you'd
call it aggressive hardball lawyering.
But if a woman does it, she's a steamroller and a
This has nothing to do with sexism, and you know it.
I made a judgment call that I had to back
up what I said to the insurance company or
they would never take me seriously the next time.
There's a hell of a difference between a
judgment call and negligence.
Your cavalier dismissal of a million-dollar settlement offer
could conceivably expose this firm to a malpractice suit.
I hardly think that's likely, Leland.
I had Celia Robinson's authorization.
I did what I considered to be in the best
interest of my client.
What?
What you did was indulge your ego at the
expense of your client.
They can drag this thing out five years
before you ever see the inside of a courtroom.
If you don't like the way I'm handling it,
you can take the appropriate steps.
It will be on the agenda of this
afternoon's partners meeting.
That's all.
Let's forget the reading of the minutes.
Sorry, I was in court.
Quite all right, Arnold.
In your absence, we voted that I be given
the chain of office.
Hey.
A jest, Arnold.
Gentlemen, we have a very full agenda.
The first item of which I would presume is Miss Kelsey's
unconscionable handling of the Celia Robinson matter.
After some thought, I've decided to let
that wait a week, see where the dust settles.
I say we sweep it out the door, give her four weeks'
notice, and We'll bring it up at the next meeting.
All right, summer clerks, discussion.
I don't think that there's much to discuss.
Bruce Pollack was an editor of the Harvard
Law Review, number three in his class,
a pleasing personal demeanor, no dependents,
and has done superlative work since he's been here.
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
I'd have to concur with Douglas on this.
Bruce is a very, uh, very impressive young man.
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
I'm honored, of course.
But I've decided to accept an offer from a
Wall Street firm.
Mr. Pollack, if that's the case,
might I inquire what you've been doing
here for the last three months, wasting our time and money?
Well, you were so pleasant and so
persuasive when you interviewed me.
And I had never been to L.A.
before.
I had a great summer.
Thanks.
All right, then.
Let's review the bidding.
Weston or Perkins?
Their academic records are approximately equivalent.
Arnold, you've been working most closely with Lisa Weston.
How would you evaluate her skills?
Arnold, I hate to say this because she's very bright.
I think the woman is some kind of nympho or something.
She's made repeated sexual overtures
toward me ever since she's been here.
It's been extremely embarrassing.
And quite honestly, I'm concerned about her
possibly compromising this firm's client relationship.
And quite honestly, I'm concerned about her
possibly compromising this firm's client relationship.
So, where does that leave us?
I can't believe it.
I'm in.
That's great.
That's really great.
I'm so happy for you, for both of us.
Thank you.
You have no idea how much this means to me.
I'm sure you ladies will be relieved to know
that this, just arrived by messenger, $1,100,000.
As I calculate, that's roughly $366,667 for us.
Take the rest of the day off, Miss Kelsey.
You've earned it.
Well, you might be interested to know that
your girlfriend and I worked up a deal.
Who?
Deputy D.A.
Grace Van Owen.
Anyway, Arturo copped to the miss, credit
for time served, two months of weekends.
He's on his way home to his wife and child
and everyone lives happily ever after.
Sounds good.
Let's hope so.
Excuse me.
Oh, no, you don't.
You really stink, Becker.
This mean dinner's off tonight?
If you think I'm gonna let you do this to me.
Do what exactly, Lisa?
You rat.
You told me I had a real chance at this
job if I played my cards right.
Look, honey.
Honey, this isn't a daycare center.
You came on to me.
No one promised you a thing.
You know I'm a lot smarter than that little twit.
The least you could have done was speak up for me.
I did.
I was overruled.
I'll bet.
Look, honey, I did you a giant favor.
You just don't know it yet.
You're smart.
You're attractive.
You're going to be a great attorney,
but there is no way you're going to sleep
your way into a job, not in this firm
anyway, and you should have known that.
Yeah, you should have told me.
Would you grow up, kid?
Oh, I feel older already.
Mentoring, Arnold.
A heavy burden.
Hey, uh, word on the vine is you kicked a
little butt on Celia Robinson.
Word further has it that even Douglas
Brackman was impressed.
Great.
So how come I'm so depressed?
Huh, well, uh, multiple choice.
A, because it's over.
B, because you cared more about winning
than you do about your client.
C, because winning's no fun unless you
have someone to share it with.
Or, uh, or a D, none of the above.
Pretty smart for a guy who spends his life
in a room going over the tax code.
Yeah, well, not so smart.
Anyway, uh, congratulations are in order, so how about a
celebratory dinner at the romantic
restaurant of your choosing?
I don't think so, Stuart.
Look, Ann, I hate to be a pest here,
but I want to pursue a relationship.
Now, look, hey, maybe it pans out,
maybe not, but I'm not afraid to try.
I think maybe I am.
All right, look, uh, I'll tell you what.
I'm gonna go to my office, and I'm gonna put on my coat.
Then I'm gonna count to 100, and I'm gonna leave.
Between now and then, I hope you change
your mind and join me.
If not, I, uh, I won't bother you anymore.
One.
Two.
Ah, three.
Congratulations.
You played hardball, and you won.
I was lucky.
You were right.
I was representing my needs at the expense of my clients.
Good lesson learned.
Some of us never learn it.
Stuart Markowitz just suggested that I care
more about winning than I do about the client.
I think that's a little harsh.
If Celia Robinson walked in here right
now, I wouldn't know who the hell she was.
I never even bothered to meet the woman.
Get the job done, nevertheless.
Sure as hell didn't give her a lot of
moral support along the way.
She probably had that from her family, her friends.
What she needed from you was your anger,
your expertise, and your courage.
And those she got.
And those she got.
In full measure.
A better lawyer would have given her both.
Stuart, hold the elevator.
99 and a half, 99 and three quarters.
How did you get into my car?
I worked my way through law school as a car thief.
Well, now that we know that you haven't
lost your touch, please get out.
I called you 37 times.
Seven times.
Why are you avoiding me?
I'm not avoiding you.
I just don't want to see you.
So if you don't mind Hold on.
We had dinner together, remember?
We shared a bottle of wine.
We talked until two in the morning.
Am I crazy?
We've got some kind of chemistry here.
Look, Mr. Kuzak, I Call me Michael.
Even Mickey.
Hello?
What?
I can't hear you.
Speak up.
I'm on the car phone.
Thanks.
Bad news?
Well, Mickey, it seems your client, Arturo
Figueroa, just murdered Nelson Gallagher.
At least let's admit it in the privacy of this table.
We're accessories to a murder.
Look, the man says he's sorry.
He swears he'll be a good boy.
What, do you want me to be a mind reader?
I thought we were cutting a humane deal.
Oh, right.
We all felt so guilty.
We were so overcome with the depth of our
moral outrage, we lost sight of the damn law.
Look, if you're going to bleed, don't do it all over me.
My job is to represent my client.
You start what-iffing yourself on every
deal, and you wind up paralyzed.
Well, maybe we should have what-if fed
ourselves on this one.
He did, but neither of us paid any attention to him.
You were angry that he wasn't backing your
play, and I was so busy playing politics.
We redressed one murder with another.
So what?
One more?
I'm going home.
After this fiasco, I'll probably be in
traffic court for the rest of my life.
I don't need a hangover to add to my list of woes.
Oh, speaking of which, I've had a little too much myself.
Could you give me a lift?
Victor can take you.
Mm.
I think I'm gonna stay a while.
Or, um, I'll take a cab home.
Or whatever.
Let's go.
You didn't need a lift.
You hardly had anything to drink.
You're right.
I just wanted to spend a little more time with you.
You're a very good driver.
This isn't going to work.
Why not?
Because that's why.
The thing is, I'm engaged.
I'm getting married in three weeks.
Who's the lucky fella?
His name is Kevin Crenshaw.
The media guy?
Mm-hmm.
Oh, I suppose he's gonna run your campaign.
As a matter of fact, yes.
Well, that doesn't mean you have to marry him.
Mr. Kuzak.
Do you love him?
Of course I do.
No, what I'm asking is, are you in love with him?
Mr. Kuzak, I've been in love more than once.
It has its charms, no doubt about it,
but it also has its downside, and frankly,
I'm getting too old for roller coasters.
How old are you?
Would you stop?
Just go away.
What about passion?
Not that it's any of your business,
but I enjoy his company very much.
Not exactly a ringing endorsement.
We have lots in common.
I care deeply for him.
But you're not in love with him.
Being in love with someone is only a stage you pass
through on your way toward feeling lovingly to that person.
Well, I guess you've got it all figured out, haven't you?
I think so, yes.
And honestly, I'd appreciate it if you got out of the
car, closed the door behind you, and left me alone.
But what about these feelings that we have?
It's the nice thing about being a grown-up, Mr. Kuzak.
Having them doesn't mean we have to act on them.
Good night.
Good night, Gracie.
Sweet dreams.
Good night.