Leave It to Beaver (1957) s01e02 Episode Script
Captain Jack
1
[Intro voice] Leave It To Beaver.
(theme music)
Starring Barbara Billingsley, Hugh Beaumont,
Tony Dow, and Jerry Mathers as The Beaver.
[Narrator] Children and adults look at the
world through different eyes.
When you're young, a policeman stands ten feet tall.
(music)
And if you see it in print, it's supposed to be true.
(music)
The first time you fall in love,
it's not always with a girl.
(alligator noise) (audience laughs)
And that's our story tonight on Leave It To Beaver.
(upbeat music)
Cross picking again?
One marble, two pieces of candy, assorted peanut shells,
and what appears to be a Peruvian nickel.
Oh, have a caramel.
Ew, no, it's too fuzzy.
I'll get something to put all this in.
Nevermind.
One sock.
Well, we have a sizable amount of loot.
Where are the little pirates?
The boys?
They're upstairs in their room.
I think they're sending away for something again.
Cutting out box tops?
Well, they borrowed one envelope,
one three cent stamp and a pair of scissors.
Well, whatever they're doing,
it's probably childish, but harmless.
(upbeat music)
[Wally] Raise an Everglades alligator in your own home.
Express charges prepaid.
Live delivery guaranteed.
No CODs.
Wally, we could keep it in the bath tub.
(audience laughs)
Well, okay, let's send for it.
But an eight foot alligator for
only two dollars and a half,
there must be a catch to it.
But Wally, they wouldn't let them
print it in Robot Men On Mars unless it was the truth.
(audience laughs)
Yeah, I guess you're right.
Wally.
Yeah?
How long before our alligator comes?
About a week I suppose.
Oh, then I guess it's too early to fill up the bath tub.
(audience laughs)
(upbeat music)
Wally, he's come, he's come, he's at the express office.
I filled the bath tub so it'd be ready for our alligator.
Beaver, if we keep him in there,
we won't be able to take a bath.
Yeah, it's real good having an alligator.
(audience laughs)
For Theodore Cleaver.
Sign here.
(audience laughs)
Here you are.
Is this all there is?
Well, express prepaid from Florida, that's her.
Yes sir?
Maybe they expressed the food first.
If it was food, why would they put the holes in the box?
Maybe it's live food.
We better open it.
(audience laughs)
Maybe if you put him in water, he swells up.
(audience laughs)
Whoever heard of a dehydrated alligator?
(audience laughs)
Wally, have we been tooken?
(audience laughs)
Beaver, we've really been tooken.
(audience laughs)
Hey, supper will be ready in a few minutes.
Oh, where are the kids?
Well, they came home from school
and they went right up stairs with their books.
They must be sick.
I don't think so.
They came down twice for food.
(audience laughs)
Hey, you better tell them to wash up for supper.
All right.
(audience laughs)
Do you think he's happy Wally?
I don't know.
With an alligator, it's hard to tell.
(audience laughs)
It sure is.
Wally, you promised you'd help me with him.
What do we do now?
Well, we could ask dad, but I don't know
if he'd want us to have an alligator, even a little one.
Come on Wally.
Wash up for supper boys.
Okay.
Dad, could we have a pet?
What kind of a pet?
Any kind.
Now, look guys, we've been over all this before.
I have to tell you to wash up for supper.
Your mother has to tell you to clean up your room.
Now, when you show us that you can take care of yourselves
and your room, then we'll talk about a pet.
That a deal?
Okay.
Dad, do you know anything about alligators?
Beaver, why do you want to know about alligators?
I think he's studying up on them at school dad.
Yeah dad, I think I'm studying about them in school.
(audience laughs)
I see.
Well, let's see.
They're both amphibious and carnivorous.
Alligators are often mistakenly called crocodiles
or crocodiles are often mistakenly called alligators.
Their natural habitat is the damp, humid climate
of the Gulf states and they often die in captivity.
Now, will you wash up for supper?
What do we do now?
Well, I guess we just have to find somebody
that knows something about alligators.
(audience laughs)
(upbeat music)
Here at the alligator farm,
you will notice we have the creatures segregated
according to age.
This is not done solely for the
convenience of the visitors.
It is a necessary precaution
for the survival of the species.
The alligator is cannibalistic by nature
and has a very nasty appetite for other alligators.
You put them in together and
the big beggars will eat the little beggars.
(alligator sound)
(audience laughs)
Behave yourself Wendalyn or I'll kick your teeth in.
(alligator sound)
(audience laughs)
Now, you probably notice that some of our
scaly friends are minus an arm or a leg
or other vulnerable appendages.
If you was to fall in here among these beasts,
you probably believe they would bite off your arm,
after the fashion of the shark or the barracouata.
This is a fallacy.
The alligator would not bite off your arm,
he would saw it off.
(audience laughs)
Wally, where would he get the saw?
(audience laughs)
Yes sir, the alligator would remove your limb
from your body with a sawing motion of his powerful jaw.
This may take considerable time,
but the end result would be the same.
(audience laughs)
Now, ladies and gentlemen, we have
1500 assorted alligators here on the farm.
You may observe these creatures at your leisure.
Our courteous attendants will be glad
to answer any and every question.
I hope you come back again and please, tell your friends.
(upbeat music)
Captain Jack, we'd like to ask you something.
That's what I'm here for.
What do alligators eat besides arms and legs?
(audience laughs)
Now, that's a very good question young man.
Most of these gators will eat
over 20 pounds of horse meat every day.
We mean baby alligators.
You two fellas seem to be
pretty interested in these critters.
You got one at home?
Nope, right here.
(audience laughs)
Hey, you don't want to keep him in water too much,
his skin's beginning to crack.
He's a pretty good size though.
Our dad says they die in captivity.
We don't want him to conk out.
Now, no disrespect intended,
but sometimes dads don't know too much about alligators.
Sometimes they don't know too much about boys.
Anyway, whether this gator lives or not, it aint up to him.
It's up to you two fellas.
Up to us?
Yeah.
A lot of kids get these gators and they fuss over
them for a couple or three days
and then they forget about them.
Well, if you don't care,
pretty soon the alligator don't care.
When neither one of you care, there aint no reason
for him to hang around anymore.
He must be sick or something.
He won't even eat the flies we got him.
Let me give you a little tip.
You get you some warm milk and an eyedropper
and then you pry open his mouth
and you get it right down in his little gizzard.
Once it's on it's way down there,
there aint nothing else he can do but eat it.
(audience laughs)
Right?
Yes sir.
Yes sir.
And then you might try a little raw egg.
Here's something I don't tell everybody.
If he don't perk up when you fill that eye dropper,
put a little brandy in the milk.
Brandy?
Yep, not only makes for a healthy alligator,
it makes for a happy alligator.
(audience laughs)
All right?
Yes sir.
Yes sir.
Now, under normal circumstances,
his chances aint too good.
But, I'm counting more on you two boys
than I am on the gator.
You got a name for him?
No, not yet.
Yes we have.
We're going to call him Captain Jack.
(audience laughs)
(music)
(music)
Here darling.
Good morning.
Hello, good morning Minerva.
I told Minerva to come three times a week now
to help with the cleaning and the laundry.
Oh, that's fine with me.
Hey, what goes on?
Saturday morning, the boys are not down yet.
Haven't had breakfast, but I heard
water running in the bath tub.
Well, they had a bath the day before yesterday.
Two baths in three days, that's some kind of a record.
(audience laughs)
He looks a lot happier today.
Coochie coochie coo.
Oh.
He's a lot hungrier too.
(audience laughs)
He doesn't look like he's going to conk.
Beaver, will you leave my alligator alone?
What's that?
Beauty cream.
(audience laughs)
If we keep him oiled, his skin won't crack.
(audience laughs)
Ew, Wally, what's brandy made of?
Grapes.
People in France crush them with their feet.
(audience laughs).
I thought so.
(audience laughs)
Should we give him his egg now?
No, we'll give that to him later.
We'd better get down to breakfast.
All right Captain Jack, back into your aquarium.
(music)
(audience laughs)
Eight, nine, ten.
What's the matter?
I could've sworn there were
a dozen eggs in here yesterday.
(audience laughs)
Funny too.
It's happened before.
Hey, you know, now you mention it,
someone's been getting at that
bottle of brandy I got last Christmas.
(audience laughs)
It's gone down two inches in a week.
That's not all that's disappeared.
I'm missing a bottle of my beauty cream.
Brandy, beauty cream and raw eggs.
Well, it's nothing the boys could be interested in.
(audience laughs)
(music)
(audience laughs)
(music)
(audience laughs)
You will notice we have separated Captain Jack by himself.
(audience laughs)
This is a necessary precaution
for the survival of the species,
as these animals are cannibalistical by nature.
(audience laughs)
That means they eat people.
(audience laughs)
If you were to fall in the compound,
Captain Jack would not bite your arm off,
he would saw it off.
(audience laughs)
This concludes your tour.
We hope you will come back and please, tell your friends.
(audience laughs)
Thank you.
You're welcome.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
(audience laughs)
How much?
(audience laughs)
50 cents.
Remember, I get to give the speech tomorrow.
He's too big to conk out now.
He's almost too big for his aquarium.
We'll put him down in the old laundry tub.
Nobody uses it anymore.
(alligator sound)
(audience laughs)
Now it's half empty.
Who do you suppose has been getting at it?
And the eggs, we're losing about four a week.
And yesterday, another bottle of
my beauty cream disappeared.
Well, it's got me.
Beautiful dreamer, I'm dreaming of you ♪
Oh, Mrs. Cleaver, I'll have to hang these in the basement,
there's no sun out you know.
All right Minerva.
Beautiful dreamer, I'm dreaming of you ♪
Da de da da da de da ♪
June.
(audience laughs)
Doesn't Minerva seem unnecessarily gay this morning?
She's always been the cheerful type.
Uh-huh.
You know, I think we're getting somewhere.
Oh, it couldn't be Minerva.
Anyway, what about the raw eggs?
Oh, I've always heard they're a very popular antidote.
(audience laughs)
And the beauty cream?
Maybe after a few nips she begins to feel romantic.
(audience laughs)
Don't be silly.
After all, we've known her for months.
Help, help, help, there's a monster.
(audience laughs)
There's an alligator in the basement.
An alligator?
Are you sure?
Am I sure?
There he was looking up at me from the laundry tub.
He must've been at least five foot long.
(audience laughs)
I got the scare of my life.
Minerva, you needn't finish the wash today.
Well, I have no idea of going back into that cellar again.
Alligators.
(audience laughs)
You just get our hat and we can
discuss it on the way to the bus stop, come on.
Here.
But, my day isn't over yet.
Yes Minerva, I'm afraid it is.
Ward, maybe we could talk it over.
We'll talk it over when Minerva
feels more nearly herself again.
Now, come on.
Now Ward, please, something's frightened her.
Frightened her she says, I'll say it has.
You know, you're going to get in trouble
with the board of health keeping them alligators.
(audience laughs)
We've got pink elephants in the closet too.
(audience laughs)
But, they'll all be gone tomorrow, now come on.
Here we go, here we go.
(door bell)
Yes?
Are Wally and the Beaver home?
No, they're out somewhere.
Do I give you the dime to see Captain Jack?
Who?
No.
Are you sure you have the right house?
Oh yes, Captain Jack, the alligator
that Wally and the Beaver have.
(audience laughs)
Oh, the alligator that Wally and the Beaver have.
(upbeat music)
How do you like that Minerva?
She protested her innocence all the way to the bus stop.
What's the matter with you?
Well, as they say in soap operas,
darling, there's something you should know.
(audience laughs)
What?
While you were giving Minerva the sack,
I went down in the basement.
Well?
There's an alligator in the laundry tub.
(audience laughs)
Now June, come on.
Your sons have an alligator.
Go look for yourself.
(audience laughs)
All right.
All right, I'll go down in the basement
and look in the laundry tub for the alligator.
I'll be right back.
(audience laughs)
Introduce yourself.
His name is Captain Jack.
Ow. (Audience laughs)
Convinced?
I thought the thing was a toy.
I picked it up and it bit me. (Audience laughs)
(laughs)
Careful.
You know, the little fella didn't
actually bite me, he kind of sawed at me.
(audience laughs)
(music)
Wally.
Yeah?
What do you think he's going to do to us?
I don't know.
I still think we would've been a lot better off
if Captain Jack hadn't bit him.
(audience laughs)
You know, I can't help being kind of proud of those kids.
Do you realize it's practically impossible
to raise an alligator to that size?
Mhmm.
What happens now that he's
switched from raw eggs to people?
(audience laughs)
Not exactly an ideal household pet.
We'll just have to turn him over
to a zoo or an animal shelter.
Ward, that's going to break their hearts.
I know.
You better tell them first thing in the morning.
Oh, no you don't.
(audience laughs)
I apologized to Minerva and this is your job
and you better do it tonight, go on.
(audience laughs)
Beaver.
Yes Wally?
Here he comes.
(snoring)
(audience laughs)
That never fools him.
(audience laughs)
You awake boys?
We were just going to sleep dad.
I want to talk to you for a minute.
(audience laughs)
Boys, I'm proud of you.
You are?
You are?
(audience laughs)
Sure I am.
I can imagine the time and the effort
you put into raising Captain Jack.
We love Captain Jack.
We aint going to let him conk out.
No, of course not.
But, there's something you have to
understand about Captain Jack.
Take you fellas for instance.
Now, someday you're going to grow up
and go off and leave your mother and me.
You'll get married and have a
home and a family of your own.
Do you understand what I'm getting at?
Captain Jack's going to get married?
(audience laughs)
You're going to take him away from us, aren't you dad?
Dad, we made a deal.
You said if we could take care of a pet,
we could have a pet.
We love Captain Jack.
This isn't a punishment Beaver.
Like I told you, I think you did a great job with him.
But, you see, he's getting bigger.
I know you want him to be happy.
And alligators are just simply
not happy living with people,
anymore than people are happy living with alligators.
We're happy living with Captain Jack.
Look, I know you love him and I know
you want to go on taking care of him,
but you can't hang onto things you love forever Beaver.
You have to turn them loose, give them a chance.
Now, if he stays here, he's able to get sick or lonely
or wander out on the street and get run over.
Boys, he belongs where he's happy.
All right dad, we understand.
Yeah, we stand.
(audience laughs)
Okay boys.
(music)
Good night boys.
Mr and Mrs. Cleaver, you've got two mighty fine boys here.
They done a real good job raising this gator.
Well, thank you Mr Captain Jack.
Yep, when you get a little older,
you fellas can come and work for me anytime.
That's swell Captain Jack.
Any time you want to come and visit
your little friend here, you walk
right in like you own the place, admission's on me.
Thank you sir.
Well, I guess we'd better be getting on home boys.
Don't let him get his legs sawed off Captain Jack.
He's not used to being with strange alligators.
Now, don't you worry about a thing.
I'll take him around and introduce him personal.
(audience laughs)
Thank you then Captain Jack.
Come on boys.
(music)
You better get on up stairs boys and change your clothes.
Oh, couldn't we watch TV first dad?
Do what your father tells you to.
Come on, up you go.
I'm going to go and see Captain Jack every week.
Me too, I want to
(dog sound) (audience laughing)
(music)
(dog barking)
(music)
(theme music)
[Intro voice] Leave It To Beaver.
(theme music)
Starring Barbara Billingsley, Hugh Beaumont,
Tony Dow, and Jerry Mathers as The Beaver.
[Narrator] Children and adults look at the
world through different eyes.
When you're young, a policeman stands ten feet tall.
(music)
And if you see it in print, it's supposed to be true.
(music)
The first time you fall in love,
it's not always with a girl.
(alligator noise) (audience laughs)
And that's our story tonight on Leave It To Beaver.
(upbeat music)
Cross picking again?
One marble, two pieces of candy, assorted peanut shells,
and what appears to be a Peruvian nickel.
Oh, have a caramel.
Ew, no, it's too fuzzy.
I'll get something to put all this in.
Nevermind.
One sock.
Well, we have a sizable amount of loot.
Where are the little pirates?
The boys?
They're upstairs in their room.
I think they're sending away for something again.
Cutting out box tops?
Well, they borrowed one envelope,
one three cent stamp and a pair of scissors.
Well, whatever they're doing,
it's probably childish, but harmless.
(upbeat music)
[Wally] Raise an Everglades alligator in your own home.
Express charges prepaid.
Live delivery guaranteed.
No CODs.
Wally, we could keep it in the bath tub.
(audience laughs)
Well, okay, let's send for it.
But an eight foot alligator for
only two dollars and a half,
there must be a catch to it.
But Wally, they wouldn't let them
print it in Robot Men On Mars unless it was the truth.
(audience laughs)
Yeah, I guess you're right.
Wally.
Yeah?
How long before our alligator comes?
About a week I suppose.
Oh, then I guess it's too early to fill up the bath tub.
(audience laughs)
(upbeat music)
Wally, he's come, he's come, he's at the express office.
I filled the bath tub so it'd be ready for our alligator.
Beaver, if we keep him in there,
we won't be able to take a bath.
Yeah, it's real good having an alligator.
(audience laughs)
For Theodore Cleaver.
Sign here.
(audience laughs)
Here you are.
Is this all there is?
Well, express prepaid from Florida, that's her.
Yes sir?
Maybe they expressed the food first.
If it was food, why would they put the holes in the box?
Maybe it's live food.
We better open it.
(audience laughs)
Maybe if you put him in water, he swells up.
(audience laughs)
Whoever heard of a dehydrated alligator?
(audience laughs)
Wally, have we been tooken?
(audience laughs)
Beaver, we've really been tooken.
(audience laughs)
Hey, supper will be ready in a few minutes.
Oh, where are the kids?
Well, they came home from school
and they went right up stairs with their books.
They must be sick.
I don't think so.
They came down twice for food.
(audience laughs)
Hey, you better tell them to wash up for supper.
All right.
(audience laughs)
Do you think he's happy Wally?
I don't know.
With an alligator, it's hard to tell.
(audience laughs)
It sure is.
Wally, you promised you'd help me with him.
What do we do now?
Well, we could ask dad, but I don't know
if he'd want us to have an alligator, even a little one.
Come on Wally.
Wash up for supper boys.
Okay.
Dad, could we have a pet?
What kind of a pet?
Any kind.
Now, look guys, we've been over all this before.
I have to tell you to wash up for supper.
Your mother has to tell you to clean up your room.
Now, when you show us that you can take care of yourselves
and your room, then we'll talk about a pet.
That a deal?
Okay.
Dad, do you know anything about alligators?
Beaver, why do you want to know about alligators?
I think he's studying up on them at school dad.
Yeah dad, I think I'm studying about them in school.
(audience laughs)
I see.
Well, let's see.
They're both amphibious and carnivorous.
Alligators are often mistakenly called crocodiles
or crocodiles are often mistakenly called alligators.
Their natural habitat is the damp, humid climate
of the Gulf states and they often die in captivity.
Now, will you wash up for supper?
What do we do now?
Well, I guess we just have to find somebody
that knows something about alligators.
(audience laughs)
(upbeat music)
Here at the alligator farm,
you will notice we have the creatures segregated
according to age.
This is not done solely for the
convenience of the visitors.
It is a necessary precaution
for the survival of the species.
The alligator is cannibalistic by nature
and has a very nasty appetite for other alligators.
You put them in together and
the big beggars will eat the little beggars.
(alligator sound)
(audience laughs)
Behave yourself Wendalyn or I'll kick your teeth in.
(alligator sound)
(audience laughs)
Now, you probably notice that some of our
scaly friends are minus an arm or a leg
or other vulnerable appendages.
If you was to fall in here among these beasts,
you probably believe they would bite off your arm,
after the fashion of the shark or the barracouata.
This is a fallacy.
The alligator would not bite off your arm,
he would saw it off.
(audience laughs)
Wally, where would he get the saw?
(audience laughs)
Yes sir, the alligator would remove your limb
from your body with a sawing motion of his powerful jaw.
This may take considerable time,
but the end result would be the same.
(audience laughs)
Now, ladies and gentlemen, we have
1500 assorted alligators here on the farm.
You may observe these creatures at your leisure.
Our courteous attendants will be glad
to answer any and every question.
I hope you come back again and please, tell your friends.
(upbeat music)
Captain Jack, we'd like to ask you something.
That's what I'm here for.
What do alligators eat besides arms and legs?
(audience laughs)
Now, that's a very good question young man.
Most of these gators will eat
over 20 pounds of horse meat every day.
We mean baby alligators.
You two fellas seem to be
pretty interested in these critters.
You got one at home?
Nope, right here.
(audience laughs)
Hey, you don't want to keep him in water too much,
his skin's beginning to crack.
He's a pretty good size though.
Our dad says they die in captivity.
We don't want him to conk out.
Now, no disrespect intended,
but sometimes dads don't know too much about alligators.
Sometimes they don't know too much about boys.
Anyway, whether this gator lives or not, it aint up to him.
It's up to you two fellas.
Up to us?
Yeah.
A lot of kids get these gators and they fuss over
them for a couple or three days
and then they forget about them.
Well, if you don't care,
pretty soon the alligator don't care.
When neither one of you care, there aint no reason
for him to hang around anymore.
He must be sick or something.
He won't even eat the flies we got him.
Let me give you a little tip.
You get you some warm milk and an eyedropper
and then you pry open his mouth
and you get it right down in his little gizzard.
Once it's on it's way down there,
there aint nothing else he can do but eat it.
(audience laughs)
Right?
Yes sir.
Yes sir.
And then you might try a little raw egg.
Here's something I don't tell everybody.
If he don't perk up when you fill that eye dropper,
put a little brandy in the milk.
Brandy?
Yep, not only makes for a healthy alligator,
it makes for a happy alligator.
(audience laughs)
All right?
Yes sir.
Yes sir.
Now, under normal circumstances,
his chances aint too good.
But, I'm counting more on you two boys
than I am on the gator.
You got a name for him?
No, not yet.
Yes we have.
We're going to call him Captain Jack.
(audience laughs)
(music)
(music)
Here darling.
Good morning.
Hello, good morning Minerva.
I told Minerva to come three times a week now
to help with the cleaning and the laundry.
Oh, that's fine with me.
Hey, what goes on?
Saturday morning, the boys are not down yet.
Haven't had breakfast, but I heard
water running in the bath tub.
Well, they had a bath the day before yesterday.
Two baths in three days, that's some kind of a record.
(audience laughs)
He looks a lot happier today.
Coochie coochie coo.
Oh.
He's a lot hungrier too.
(audience laughs)
He doesn't look like he's going to conk.
Beaver, will you leave my alligator alone?
What's that?
Beauty cream.
(audience laughs)
If we keep him oiled, his skin won't crack.
(audience laughs)
Ew, Wally, what's brandy made of?
Grapes.
People in France crush them with their feet.
(audience laughs).
I thought so.
(audience laughs)
Should we give him his egg now?
No, we'll give that to him later.
We'd better get down to breakfast.
All right Captain Jack, back into your aquarium.
(music)
(audience laughs)
Eight, nine, ten.
What's the matter?
I could've sworn there were
a dozen eggs in here yesterday.
(audience laughs)
Funny too.
It's happened before.
Hey, you know, now you mention it,
someone's been getting at that
bottle of brandy I got last Christmas.
(audience laughs)
It's gone down two inches in a week.
That's not all that's disappeared.
I'm missing a bottle of my beauty cream.
Brandy, beauty cream and raw eggs.
Well, it's nothing the boys could be interested in.
(audience laughs)
(music)
(audience laughs)
(music)
(audience laughs)
You will notice we have separated Captain Jack by himself.
(audience laughs)
This is a necessary precaution
for the survival of the species,
as these animals are cannibalistical by nature.
(audience laughs)
That means they eat people.
(audience laughs)
If you were to fall in the compound,
Captain Jack would not bite your arm off,
he would saw it off.
(audience laughs)
This concludes your tour.
We hope you will come back and please, tell your friends.
(audience laughs)
Thank you.
You're welcome.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
(audience laughs)
How much?
(audience laughs)
50 cents.
Remember, I get to give the speech tomorrow.
He's too big to conk out now.
He's almost too big for his aquarium.
We'll put him down in the old laundry tub.
Nobody uses it anymore.
(alligator sound)
(audience laughs)
Now it's half empty.
Who do you suppose has been getting at it?
And the eggs, we're losing about four a week.
And yesterday, another bottle of
my beauty cream disappeared.
Well, it's got me.
Beautiful dreamer, I'm dreaming of you ♪
Oh, Mrs. Cleaver, I'll have to hang these in the basement,
there's no sun out you know.
All right Minerva.
Beautiful dreamer, I'm dreaming of you ♪
Da de da da da de da ♪
June.
(audience laughs)
Doesn't Minerva seem unnecessarily gay this morning?
She's always been the cheerful type.
Uh-huh.
You know, I think we're getting somewhere.
Oh, it couldn't be Minerva.
Anyway, what about the raw eggs?
Oh, I've always heard they're a very popular antidote.
(audience laughs)
And the beauty cream?
Maybe after a few nips she begins to feel romantic.
(audience laughs)
Don't be silly.
After all, we've known her for months.
Help, help, help, there's a monster.
(audience laughs)
There's an alligator in the basement.
An alligator?
Are you sure?
Am I sure?
There he was looking up at me from the laundry tub.
He must've been at least five foot long.
(audience laughs)
I got the scare of my life.
Minerva, you needn't finish the wash today.
Well, I have no idea of going back into that cellar again.
Alligators.
(audience laughs)
You just get our hat and we can
discuss it on the way to the bus stop, come on.
Here.
But, my day isn't over yet.
Yes Minerva, I'm afraid it is.
Ward, maybe we could talk it over.
We'll talk it over when Minerva
feels more nearly herself again.
Now, come on.
Now Ward, please, something's frightened her.
Frightened her she says, I'll say it has.
You know, you're going to get in trouble
with the board of health keeping them alligators.
(audience laughs)
We've got pink elephants in the closet too.
(audience laughs)
But, they'll all be gone tomorrow, now come on.
Here we go, here we go.
(door bell)
Yes?
Are Wally and the Beaver home?
No, they're out somewhere.
Do I give you the dime to see Captain Jack?
Who?
No.
Are you sure you have the right house?
Oh yes, Captain Jack, the alligator
that Wally and the Beaver have.
(audience laughs)
Oh, the alligator that Wally and the Beaver have.
(upbeat music)
How do you like that Minerva?
She protested her innocence all the way to the bus stop.
What's the matter with you?
Well, as they say in soap operas,
darling, there's something you should know.
(audience laughs)
What?
While you were giving Minerva the sack,
I went down in the basement.
Well?
There's an alligator in the laundry tub.
(audience laughs)
Now June, come on.
Your sons have an alligator.
Go look for yourself.
(audience laughs)
All right.
All right, I'll go down in the basement
and look in the laundry tub for the alligator.
I'll be right back.
(audience laughs)
Introduce yourself.
His name is Captain Jack.
Ow. (Audience laughs)
Convinced?
I thought the thing was a toy.
I picked it up and it bit me. (Audience laughs)
(laughs)
Careful.
You know, the little fella didn't
actually bite me, he kind of sawed at me.
(audience laughs)
(music)
Wally.
Yeah?
What do you think he's going to do to us?
I don't know.
I still think we would've been a lot better off
if Captain Jack hadn't bit him.
(audience laughs)
You know, I can't help being kind of proud of those kids.
Do you realize it's practically impossible
to raise an alligator to that size?
Mhmm.
What happens now that he's
switched from raw eggs to people?
(audience laughs)
Not exactly an ideal household pet.
We'll just have to turn him over
to a zoo or an animal shelter.
Ward, that's going to break their hearts.
I know.
You better tell them first thing in the morning.
Oh, no you don't.
(audience laughs)
I apologized to Minerva and this is your job
and you better do it tonight, go on.
(audience laughs)
Beaver.
Yes Wally?
Here he comes.
(snoring)
(audience laughs)
That never fools him.
(audience laughs)
You awake boys?
We were just going to sleep dad.
I want to talk to you for a minute.
(audience laughs)
Boys, I'm proud of you.
You are?
You are?
(audience laughs)
Sure I am.
I can imagine the time and the effort
you put into raising Captain Jack.
We love Captain Jack.
We aint going to let him conk out.
No, of course not.
But, there's something you have to
understand about Captain Jack.
Take you fellas for instance.
Now, someday you're going to grow up
and go off and leave your mother and me.
You'll get married and have a
home and a family of your own.
Do you understand what I'm getting at?
Captain Jack's going to get married?
(audience laughs)
You're going to take him away from us, aren't you dad?
Dad, we made a deal.
You said if we could take care of a pet,
we could have a pet.
We love Captain Jack.
This isn't a punishment Beaver.
Like I told you, I think you did a great job with him.
But, you see, he's getting bigger.
I know you want him to be happy.
And alligators are just simply
not happy living with people,
anymore than people are happy living with alligators.
We're happy living with Captain Jack.
Look, I know you love him and I know
you want to go on taking care of him,
but you can't hang onto things you love forever Beaver.
You have to turn them loose, give them a chance.
Now, if he stays here, he's able to get sick or lonely
or wander out on the street and get run over.
Boys, he belongs where he's happy.
All right dad, we understand.
Yeah, we stand.
(audience laughs)
Okay boys.
(music)
Good night boys.
Mr and Mrs. Cleaver, you've got two mighty fine boys here.
They done a real good job raising this gator.
Well, thank you Mr Captain Jack.
Yep, when you get a little older,
you fellas can come and work for me anytime.
That's swell Captain Jack.
Any time you want to come and visit
your little friend here, you walk
right in like you own the place, admission's on me.
Thank you sir.
Well, I guess we'd better be getting on home boys.
Don't let him get his legs sawed off Captain Jack.
He's not used to being with strange alligators.
Now, don't you worry about a thing.
I'll take him around and introduce him personal.
(audience laughs)
Thank you then Captain Jack.
Come on boys.
(music)
You better get on up stairs boys and change your clothes.
Oh, couldn't we watch TV first dad?
Do what your father tells you to.
Come on, up you go.
I'm going to go and see Captain Jack every week.
Me too, I want to
(dog sound) (audience laughing)
(music)
(dog barking)
(music)
(theme music)